Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 568: V4C 2019 Part 10

Episode Date: March 15, 2021

Show Notes

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence. Too many topics that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 568 of Cognitive Dissonance, Cecil. And you know, I got to say, kind of some good news this week, man. Yeah. $1.9 trillion stimulus package. Yeah. Yeah. The massive, massive stimulus package. Yeah, yeah. in America. And I mean, the more you read about everything that's embedded in this, the more hopeful I feel because there's some really big deal shit that was just

passed. I mean, yeah, all right, fine. We had to do it through budget reconciliation and no Republicans voted for it. Even though, incidentally, Cecil, some of the Republicans that did not vote for it, because none of them did, have still gone out to their constituency and said, relief is coming.

There was one dude, there was one dude who took credit for it. One of the fucking Republicans, one of the Republicans who voted against it said, don't worry, your relief is coming. This is going to help so many different people and people called him out we're like you didn't fucking vote for it you asshole there's been a couple there's been a couple that have that have gone back to their constituency as if they were yeah a positive part like all of you this party line vote yeah you didn't fucking do 150 100 party line every single time it's party line. It's like fucking ridiculous.

Did you see fucking, did you see Kristen Sinema walk up and give the thumbs down the other day to talk about $15 an hour on this? How fucking disrespectful. Un-fucking-believable. That's it. That's the level of discourse we're at right now.

Un-fucking-believable. And that fucking Marjorie Taylor Greene is just pulling all these silly little parliamentary stalling tactics, just wasting people's time. She's not a fucking serious person at all. She wanted to call the roll on stopping Congress just for a day.

She just wanted to stop. She's like, let's just stop. I called, we stopped. And they said- Let's vote to adjourn. Let's waste 45 minutes. And then they said, eyes or nays?

And nays clearly had it. And she's like, I'd like to call the roll. And then they made him, made her fucking made him call the roll. So you waste 15, 20 minutes of people's time while they fucking have to press the fucking buttons. Yeah.

And then she tweeted out something or put out, I think it was a tweet, but she put out something saying like, you know, 74.7% of, of my constituents voted to put me here. I work for the people, not the politicians. And something saying like, you know, 74.7% of my constituents voted to put me here. I work for the people, not the politicians. And it's like you ran unopposed.

Yeah. Like you got 74% of the vote because everybody who shows nobody else. There's no other option to click on. I'm sorry, but if you fucking run unopposed, you can't be like, well, I fucking look. Most people really chose me. There was no one else to choose, you fucking default option. Ridiculous. You know, that's like being like,

oh my God, I'm so happy that of all the people in the world, you fell in love with me. And it's like, well, really? Because it's fucking Armageddon. We're the last two people in the fallout shelter, asshole. That's it. Our mission to Mars crashed and we're the only two people. Right.

Well, still, I just want to say I feel special about it. Like, get the fuck out of here. I got you this Valentine's card. It says, I choo-choo-choose you. So, yeah.

I got to say, though, fucking mansion and cinema on our side. And that fucking disgusts me. I'm just, the fucking, the bullshit that they pulled with this $15 an hour thing.

But there has been some good news coming out. And especially when it comes to appointments in the White House, there's been a couple, Merrick Garland, attorney general, right? So he got- Big news.

And it was, he got 70 votes, which shows you that fucking, if he would have got picked for the fucking Supreme Court, he probably would have been fucking passed through that fucking Supreme Court. He was, he's not a fucking, he's not a crazy radical. Yeah, there's no reason to deny. Merrick Garland was chosen specifically by Obama as the Supreme Court appointee because Obama thought he was going to be the appointee most likely

to be confirmed, the most moderate, the least controversial. Yeah, least controversial. Merrick Garland, as Attorney General, is a great pick. He's a great pick

because he cut his teeth and made his name investigating domestic terrorism after the Oklahoma City bombing. So that's how his career really got its explosive trajectory, right? No, that might be too soon. That's really like, we'll put like the bang in his career path. He's bringing a lot of firepower to this, Tom. So it's for sure.

Yeah. We're going to get letters about that. Don't make fun of anything. Yeah. You're listening to the wrong show. Make fun of everything. But for real, we're at a place where domestic terrorism is the biggest threat to our union. And so as an attorney general pick, a guy who cut his teeth on domestic terrorism issues as attorney general is the best possible pick i think it's i think it's great and then a couple more a couple more uh michael reagan to head the epa he's a former state environmental uh he held his former state environmental position and he's got an environmental science and a public administration degree okay and he's a reagan so he'll be good with the rivers because they'll trickle down and he's got an environmental science and a public administration degree he'll be good with the rivers because they'll trickle down and he's

he's he's a reagan brother from another mother because he's black let me tell you um but again person of color yeah and you know that's important. We've not seen a lot. What we saw in the other cabinet with Trump was diversity in the sense that there was a few women. Right, yeah. Like all woman and all black guy. I'll bring some ladies in here, but they're going to be white ladies.

And all black dude who agreed with you. Right. You know, Ben Carson. And he wasn't even qualified, so whatever. Yeah, Ben Carson is the department of the HUD guy. And they just replaced it with Maricia, I guess, Maricia Fudge, who is also a woman of color. And she was Biden's pick to head HUD. She is confirmed. She is confirmed,

she's confirmed by the Senate. She was on a congressional subcommittee for years for housing. So she's been on a housing subcommittee for years, and she's been doing that stuff forever. So it's like, this is a natural progression for her to be the housing and urban development head.

Again, somebody who understands these issues, at least. Yeah. At least, at the very least, it's someone who understands these issues. You know, if you have somebody with an MBA or a JD, they're probably going to do a pretty good job in this position because you don't need a fucking scientist, right? You don't need somebody who's a scientist. Same thing with transportation.

They got Buttigieg. You don't need somebody who's like scientist same thing with transportation they got buddha you don't need somebody who's like a nasa a rocket scientist or an aerospace engineer what you need is somebody who's a good administrator yeah and you know if you run if you run a fucking city you're probably a good administrator you probably go but what the fuck has ben carson ever do except for be a doctor it's not been it hasn't been a senator. So, you know, he has to be on his committees. The operating room? Yeah. Yeah, like the only housing is like,

well, I don't know, put the bodies over there. House them in the morgue if they don't make it out of here. But another person of color, a woman on Biden's team, and I think that this is important. Representation matters. And we're seeing more and more

the people that he's picking. These are people that are qualified and that are diverse. And I think that that's important. It's an important step to make as this White House seems to want to embrace diversity. And one other real interesting pick too is the Secretary of the Interior. Yeah. Is the first Native American, a Native American woman, but the first Native American. You know,

one of the Secretaries of the Interior under the Trump administration was a guy I actually met at a fundraiser, at a political fundraiser. And I walked away like feeling genuinely disgusted. And that same guy, Zinke,

he resigned in disgrace after ethics violations. The Department of the Interior is in charge of issues dealing with tribal lands. That's one of the jurisdictions of the Department of Interior. So the Secretary of fucking Interior is actually somebody who's a first person, like a First Peoples Native American. Like, that's fucking important. It's important. It's fucking important. people's Native American. Yeah. Like that's, that's fucking important. It's important. It's fucking important.

It's just decent. Yeah. And then Secretary of Defense is Lloyd Austin, who's a person of color. First person of color in that position. He's a four-star general and he's someone who's serving in that position as a person of color. At least that's what I think. He's the first person of color.

If someone will call me out on it if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that I read that he was the first person of color in that position as a person of color, at least that's what I think he's the first person of color. If someone will call me out on it, if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that I read that he was the first person of color in that position. So, you know, again, we're looking at representation from a white house that came in saying that

diversity matters and, you know, you know, putting your, your money where your mouth is on a lot of these positions. And these are not small, but these are not small potatoes positions. These are,

these are big positions. These are big positions. These are the big boys and girls in that cabinet. Yep. And one more real quick, because again, the grownups are in charge, right? Who's the fucking secretary of education? It was Betsy DeVos before. She's a fucking multi-level marketing scheme heiress. That's what she is. She's a fucking multi-level marketing scheme heiress. That's what she is. She's a fucking Amway heiress. She had no experience in education at all.

At all. None. Now it's a man named Miguel Cardona from Puerto Rico who spent his entire life in education. Yeah. Like he spent his entire adult life in education. He was Connecticut's education commissioner. Yeah. That's what he was. That's what his fucking prior job.

He was an assistant superintendent. He was a teacher. He spent his entire life, I don't know, doing this exact kind of work. Because that's what you choose. You choose experts, not sycophants.

Yep. The previous administration was all sycophants. That's all they did. That's all they chose was sycophants. And, you know, it doesn't mean that these people are going to do a bang-up job either. It's not necessarily that they're going to do the best job,

but they are highly qualified, which is what we didn't have before. And so I hope it's a step up in the right direction with some of these people. And I'm hopeful. Like you said, you know, there's reason to hope. You know, can we talk about one of the provisions that is a really big deal that's in the stimulus package? Yes, absolutely. One of the provisions that's getting a lot of attention, it's a really, really big deal, is there is an expansion of the child tax credit. And the way that they've structured this expansion of the child tax credit mimics a kind of child-based UBI.

And this is a huge and fundamental shift to the way that we're dealing with poverty in America. It has, according to studies, the increase. So a couple of things about it that are interesting, and then I'll tell you what the studies say. But the way that it's written is it was going to give monthly payments to people with children. So if you have children and your income is under a certain threshold, you would receive a tax credit equal to a certain dollar amount per child. I think it's $3,600 per child. And then instead of giving you a tax credit at the end of the year, because most of the people who receive this tax credit don't earn enough to actually pay taxes, right? So what they would do is disperse those funds to these people in monthly installments. And that is effectively

a form of child-based UBI. And the goal is to eliminate or reduce childhood poverty. An enormous number, an absolutely unsettling, scary number of kids live in poverty still in this country. It's an overwhelming amount of people. It's just an overwhelming amount of really the most vulnerable people in our society live in poverty, and they have no ability to advocate and no agency of their own. This could reduce childhood poverty, they said, by between 43 and 50%. It sounds amazing. So they're willing to give, they're going to give $3,600 for each kid? Yeah. And I don't think it's for, I don't think you get the same amount for each kid. So I think it might graduate down based on how many kids and there's

a cap on it, but nonetheless there, this, I think, and I think the total, the maximum value is something like $10,000 a year, but it's 10,000 untaxed dollars a year that go to families that have children in order to help provide food and clothing for fucking kids who are living in grinding fucking poverty. That's awesome. That is so great. That's such a great thing to hear. I mean, like if we can do this one thing and raise kids, 43 to 50% of kids in poverty would by this measure be removed from poverty within the course of the year. And here's a couple of interesting things. No Republicans fought against it. It's really fucking interesting. No Republicans fought against it. And it's one of these kind

of entitlements, which I've read a bunch of analysis on this. It's one of these entitlements that once it's in place, the general feeling is that's going to be real hard to remove. So even though it's part of the stimulus plan and it expires technically in a year, there is a strong push by the Democrats to formalize and push that forward so that it just becomes part of our world now. And there is very little Republican opposition to it. Of all the issues that the Republicans have chosen to pull out of the fucking stimulus package and raise a big fuss about, none of them singled out this expanded tax credit for children. None

of them. Because they understand implicitly that it's good for everyone. Everybody gains from this, both their constituency and the Democrats' constituency. Because 86% of all women have children. So it's a massively powerful part of this stimulus plan that could create for us a new type of social welfare entitlement, to use a term nobody likes. But I mean, I don't care what the term is. And it is essentially a type of UBI. It's incredibly exciting. It's incredibly exciting. There's too many people in this country living in grinding poverty,

and this could really help. There were some interviews where people were talking about what this money means in their life. And it is literally life-changing. It gives them options they didn't have before. There was a story of a woman who had to quit her job because during the pandemic,

she needed to help homeschool her kids. When she quit her job voluntarily, she didn't qualify then for unemployment. So she had no assistance. So she lost her home. She didn't have money to put food on the table, et cetera. This kind of thing could enable somebody to keep her job because then she could hire someone to come in and help with the kids. So she can keep her job. She can remain in the workforce. A lot of times the opposition to this sort of thing is

that it provides a disincentive, right, for people to work. But that's simply untrue. There are people who need enough help to get that $2 an hour raise, right? There are people who are on the cusp of losing their benefits, their government benefits, if they take that next promotion. So they're reluctant to take that promotion or they're reluctant to get that, you know, move from part-time to full-time or whatever. And so they're stuck. They're stuck in the poverty cycle.

And this could help break people out of that poverty cycle. It's a really exciting part of the stimulus package. And a very progressive part of it. Yeah, very progressive. So-called anti-vaxxers have blanketed social media with misinformation campaigns.

Do not have to panic about measles. Do I believe that I'm causing harm by not vaccinating my child? No, I don't. Well, you're a fucking idiot. So this first story comes from SciPost. Studies suggest that the modern anti-vaccine movement is shaped by Christian nationalist ideology. And that's funny, actually, because there are some people saying that there's no such thing as Christian nationalism.

That's actually literally a story that we'll talk about later. But so the Christian, the idea of Christian nationalism and how it affects the vaccines, basically it's, they were taking a look through the study and saying, well, who's getting the vaccine? Who's most likely or who's least likely to get the vaccine? And the problem is with this Christian nationalism nonsense is that Christian nationalists are more likely to reject science, feeling that it threatens traditionalism and moral order. They're also more likely to hold libertarian populist attitudes that involve a distrust of the mainstream media's coverage of infectious disease. Finally, Christian nationalism has been affiliated with Donald Trump, who not only fiercely defends the influence of Christianity, but has shared anti-vax rhetoric to millions on Twitter.

So when we don't reach herd immunity, when we get to 60% instead of 80%, when we struggle to like push that to the next level, it's gonna, you can look and see exactly what this is based on, right? This is based on themes we've talked about in this show for a long time.

It is based on Christians sowing the intentional seeds of distrust in experts. Yep. And people like Donald Trump who see a political game and gainsmanship in leveraging that. Yeah. It's a misfiring epistemology, right? You're misfiring. And when you're misfiring your epistemology, everything that comes into contact with that is tainted,

right? Because you've built your entire life on a faulty foundation, right? So every time... Sometimes when I misfire, it does hit the taint. I mean, that's just... I mean, you can't avoid it sometimes. What are you going to... That's just... But if you want to hit the taint, you can go to adamany.com,

type in Gloria Checkout. You'll get 50% off almost any item, free shipping, and you can, you know, put it where you want, sometimes in the book. You know? Hey, Gloria Checkout, adamany.com.

I got to say, though, like, seriously, but it is all connected. Like you're saying, you know, the foundation for understanding, it's a broken worldview and it connects all these other things. It connects the urban legends. It connects the conspiracy theories.

It connects the Christian nationalists. It connects the anti-vax movement. It connects fucking woo doctors. It connects them all. It's a bad foundation to think on. And they all share the same thing. You can't deal with reality if you don't accept it. And it's always filtered by this sort of terrible misinformation that they're fed and they're fed

it by Trump and they're fed it by their preacher. And they're like, look at what we talked about last week. We talked about fucking an entire fucking diocese of the Catholic church saying, sorry, that has stem cells in it. You can't have it. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, look at this other story you're talking about. When you're talking about,

there's another story from the New York Post. Atheists are more likely to get vaccinated, says survey. Yeah, because we have tested fucking these things out. And we said, you know what? This is repeatable. This is testable. We did it. 90%, they're saying over 90% of atheists asked in a poll would get

fucking vaccinated versus this other group that is literally not just not just not gonna get it tom they will fucking line up and yell at you when you get it like you're at an abortion clinic yeah these are the fucking idiots who are standing outside yeah these are the guys protesting the only thing that's gonna end this national nightmare with international nightmare we're in the midst of a fucking crisis and there are people standing around with signs like no we want more crisis it's a hundred percent and the thing is you have to under imagine whenever we say anti-vax what we don't mean is that they just won't vaccinate they won't vaccinate and they're vocal and they want to stop you. That's what an anti-vaxxer is. That's totally different than just somebody who's like,

oh, I don't know, man, maybe I won't do it, but I'm just going to keep it to myself or whatever. That's a different person. That's not an anti-vaxxer. Anti-vaxxer is vocal, loud. They're on Facebook. They're screaming at you. They're telling you you're fucking run by the, they're saying you're going to put a microchip in your fucking vaccine and whatever the fuck as they type it on their phone. Idiots that they are followed around by a microchip constantly in their phone. They don't give a shit.

But seriously, man, these are people that are anti. They are against and they will fucking try to stop you. There was a whole line, like you said, a whole fucking line of yahoos at like in California standing outside when these people were coming in their cars, standing outside. And this guy's yelling at this guy in this car who's wearing a mask. He's like, you look at you, you're wearing a mask. You're an idiot inside a car wearing a mask. And I'm thinking to myself, why do you care so much? And it's because it like hurts their brain when they get cognitive dissonance, when

they see other people that don't believe the same shit that they believe. Yeah, and they can't, the thing is like, we're at a place I think in time that's really unique where our problems are definable and solvable through a process which negates their reality, right? Yep.

And so they have to contend with that. And their inability to contend with that means that they simply reject it. They simply reject it. And they're willing to lie about it, right? They're willing to be as dishonest because the disinformation comes from someone who knows it's bullshit, right? So I'm not talking about your fucking Uncle Bob who shared it, who shared it, who shared it, and it hopscotched, right?

But somebody wrote it down the first time. All of that shit is nonsense. Remember, we covered a story about this guy, that Brendan Dilley guy

who literally says into the camera, into his live stream, I don't care if I fucking make something up. That's on them to correct it. Not on me. That's not on, it's on them. He literally said it out loud to all the people that were watching him. Do you remember like a couple of years ago when we first covered the story of the,

of the guys who were creating disinformation websites on purpose? Do you remember this? And they, they were like, they were very upset because like they made like millions of dollars and then their business collapsed. And there are people whose livelihood is intentionally focused on building disinformation for hire, right? They were a Facebook group. They were a Facebook, they were a Facebook page and they were getting a hundred to $150,000 a month in Facebook ads. Yep. Yep. Building intentional disinformation. There are places you can hire and say, yeah, I want you to lie about that. I want you to create an information campaign on social media. We covered that too. It was black something. I

forgot what it was called, but you can hire them and they'll just say, yeah, what's your cause? And we'll just, we don't care if it's true or honest. So the world is full of these people. And they are more than willing to use incredibly dishonest tactics in order to convince you and in order to hold on to their worldview, which at this point is not what's landing fucking rovers on Mars, right? Yep. I am not gay. I have relationships with women and sex with men and i got news for you that means you're gay oh my gosh this is amazing this is from the friendly atheist i forgot this guy existed right why of course you would because you know why you forgot tom go ahead with the

story do the do the title really quick and then I'll tell you why you forgot. Disgraced bigot Milo Yiannopoulos. I am ex-gay, sodomy-free, and Catholic. Sounds boring. Here's the thing. Here's what I want to tell you. Okay? The reason why you haven't heard of him is because he got kicked off all social media.

That's why you haven't heard from him. Because he fucking got excised because he's a shitty human being who just literally, all he can do is just goad people. That's literally his job. That was literally his job. He went to college campuses

all across the country and he goaded people. That's all he did. And he reveled in being a provocateur. And he was such a shitty person that they threw him off all the fucking places, especially Twitter, where he was super popular. And they were just like, great, fuck you. You can't be here anymore. And when they threw him off, you immediately forgot about him. We were on

a stream a couple of months ago and someone mentioned his name and he's like, who the fuck is that? I was on Twitter two months ago and somebody mentioned Milo and it was a parlor thing and I had shared it and someone said, who the fuck is this guy? And I was like, that's exactly why. That's why we need it. That's why we need people to get fucking yeeted off fucking social media so you don't fucking hear about them anymore. And then you fucking forget they exist because they never mattered, man. They didn't matter.

They never mattered. Nope. Nope. It is a false fame. It is always a false fame. it doesn't count for anything the moment you start and the thing is like you don't care about them that's the thing you don't care no matter how much you don't care because as soon as the bullhorn is yanked from them you fucking move on to the next thing you never cared you never it was never part of your real emotional fucking life you didn't give a

shit you cared because you saw it 10 times a day yeah that's it because you just react to shit and it shared the same hate as you right right it had the same hateful shit that was said over and over and over again it shared the same hate and so you just you fell in love with it yep there's fucking algorithm gone and then you forgot about it. Yep. The algorithm just puts this rat in your cage. Yep. That's all that fucking happens. So now he wants

some fucking attention. He's got his fucking, man, no one's paying attention to me. What can I do? What can I do? Where's the next, where does the grift lead me next?

Right. And he has, and he has on his wall a big fucking spinny wheel like Wheel of Fortune that he just spins and he just, he has on his wall a big fucking spinny wheel like wheel of fortune that he just spins and he just it lands on the next thing that he can do and he landed on conversion therapy this time and that's what he did that's it yep yeah now he's a catholic and he's sodomy free and ex-gay and it's like well those things those things are not, they don't have to be the same thing.

So, and Catholic? So now he's just like wracked with guilt all the time of all the things to choose. One of the reasons why he got canceled even by his own side was because he was a pedophile. Yeah. Or he was supporting of pedophilia. He was supporting pedophilia. I don't remember exactly. I don't care.

Right. I literally don't care. So whatever it was, it had something to do of pedophilia. He was supporting pedophilia. I don't remember exactly. I don't care, right? I literally don't care. So whatever it was, it had something to do with pedophilia. I don't remember exactly what it was. But he fits right in with the church. I'm perfectly frank. Yeah, right.

They're like, hey, open arms. That's home away from home. Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, exactly. Milo's one of these few people who constantly reinvents himself and comes up with a worse version every single time.

Like, more and more people are like, I'm reinventing myself. And you're like, you are proof of de-evolution. You're not even like, you're the worst. You're the worst. You're worse than you were before. Somehow you were shitty before. You were a shitty racist asshole.

And now you're a fucking shitty racist conversion therapy asshole now yep like you reinvented yourself worse i don't know how that works because he thinks he's a brand yeah these fucking people they think they're a brand they don't remember to be people so nothing about them is authentic so the the more they fucking move down that fucking weird, uncanny valley of losing their humanity in order to corporatize their fucking public self, the less fucking, you know, just honest or genuine they seem.

Bye-bye, Milo. Bye-bye, dude. Enjoy your weird sex-free life or whatever you're doing. It's not going to last forever. He's going to find a new grift in two months to try to get back in your feed. Yep.

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item and then free. Okay. It's 50% off almost any one item, and then... I'm back. I'm back, Ian. I'm back. Okay. I'm back. Hey, Gary. Back from where?

What? I was, like, on vacation for two months. Really? Why do you sound all reverb-y? Oh, I don't know. Maybe because I died on vacation. Oh. What?

That's all I get to know? Well, you aren't really alive, so I don't know how you dying would work. It was very traumatic, Ian. I could have been dead, not dead for the rest of your life. Then what would you have done? I mean, probably meet new people. And who would do the AdamandEve.com ads with you, Ian? Hmm?

Speaking of which, how did the ad read ideas I left you with work out? Uh, good. Good. I may have taken a few, a few liberties. No, they're great. I mean, they're great. They're awesome. Don't listen, but they're great. Great. Hey, Ian, the internet in heaven isn't so good. I may have taken a few liberties. No, they're great. I mean, they're great. They're awesome. Don't listen, but they're great. Great. Hey, Ian, the internet in heaven isn't so good.

What's the URL to adamandeve.com? Yeah. No, what is it? Oh, adamandeve.com. That's what I'm asking. I know. I just said it. No, that's a question. Yeah, I know. That's why I said adamandeve.com. Yeah. What's the URL? That is. That is what? The URL. Yes. Right. No. What? I'm asking for the URL. I just told you. No, you didn't. Gary, it's adamandeve.com. Just tell me. I swear.

Do you do the ad reads? Of course. Then tell me the URL. adamandeve.com. Yes. That's it. That's not a URL. Yes, it is.

The word that is not a URL. That's not what I said. Yes, it is. No, I said the URL adamandeve.com. What is it? That. See? See what? You said that. I know. I, it is. No, I said the URL, adamandeve.com. What is it? That. See? See what?

You said that. I know. I want the URL. I just told you. You told me that. Yes. I don't want that. That is not a URL.

I want the URL to adamandeve.com. Yes, that is it. Stop saying that. You asked for it. What is the URL to adamandeve.com? No, adamandeve.com is the URL of adamandeve.com. Are you telling me that adamandeve.com has the URL adam AdamandEve.com. Are you telling me that AdamandEve.com has the URL AdamandEve.com? Yes. And that's

the URL? Yes. To AdamandEve.com? Yes. Now, this is the place where I select almost any one item and gift that you present off? Yes, of course. And then I get 10 tantalizing free gifts? A gift for me, a gift for them, a gift for us, and six free spicy movies? That's right. Plus free shipping? Yeah. And all I have to do is use code GLORY,

G-L-O-R-Y at checkout at AdamandEve.com? Yes. That's right. Plus free shipping. Yeah. And all I have to do is use code glory, G-L-O-R-Y at checkout at adamandeve.com. Yes. That's great. I know. Now all I need is the URL I asked for. For fuck's sake. No, that's the name of our shortstop. Okay. Now you've completely stolen the bit. It's adamandeve.com. That's what I'm telling you. Use code glory. And scene. I'm glad you're back, Gary. Me too, but I'm still dead. Night, night. I unfriend you. That's not how it works.

That's not how any of this works. So we would be remiss. Speaking of people who just need some fucking attention and have gotten kicked off the social medias. This is the best thing ever happened. The best thing ever. It's so good. So Trump,

you don't hear from him anymore because he just again, has no fucking bullhorn. So you can read the news and just be like, huh, I don't feel like throwing up right now. It's wonderful. I can eat breakfast and read the news. It's deliciously Trump-free. Yeah, there's been very little.

He just like out of nowhere, apropos of fucking nothing, issued a press release, written, by the way, exactly like a tweet in the same number of characters, right? So exactly like a tweet. He sent out a fucking press release, I guess. I don't know if he still has pressers, but he sent out a press release that just says something to the effect of, hey, I just want to remind everybody

as you're getting your vaccine that I made that happen. And if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't get your vaccine for five years. And it's the China virus. The China virus. And it's me. And you should all remember me.

Me! Me! So pathetic. i am a civil servant it's so fucking pathetic it's more pathetic than breaking up with someone in two months getting a u-up i mean it's it's more pathetic than that dude yeah it's more pathetic than that it's more pathetic than i've been thinking about you a lot lately with your ex-girlfriend. It's genuinely more pathetic, man. This is more pathetic than writing a song about how over her you are a year after you broke up.

It is 100% more pathetic than that. It's so bad. It's so bad. So bad. I want to be relevant. yeah well i don't know bx gay or whatever it's as pathetic as those guys that shoot that synthol into their muscles to make it look huge it's so nuts it's that pathetic it's that but you're just like so self-conscious you need to like in insert some weird shit into your muscles it makes you like sick and breaks your fucking skin open it's that it's that pathetic yeah that you're so insecure

that you have to do something like that i i i love that he issued this release nothing could have made him look worse like i really who is like oh you know what i that's a good point nobody is doing that everybody is making fun of you the twitter response what they did is what i love too is they took his stupid fucking press release then they screenshot it then they put it on twitter where he can't even be yeah we can't even see it yeah right and then twitter is just mocking the ever-loving shit out of him. So on his own platform, they are basically fucking his wife in front of him right now. It's so, I will say this. It is way more, like if this tweet would have came out, you'd have been like, God, that's gross.

You're such an asshole. Shut up. Yep. But when it's written on paper and sent out, it goes to a new level of just so pathetic. I don't even have words for how pathetic this is. I genuinely don't. I got to go on a thesaurus and look up what's more pathetic than pathetic. The only thing that could render this more pathetic is if it was read out loud at Four Seasons Landscaping. I guess I'll have another A-B-O-R-T-I-O-N. Country roses. Order now.

So this story comes from truthout.org. Pro-life Texas lawmaker introduces bill imposing death penalty for abortions. This is a unsurprisingly Republican lawmaker in Texas introduced a bill that would make all abortions in a unsurprisingly Republican lawmaker in Texas introduced a bill that would make all abortions in the state illegal with the punishment being the death penalty for anyone performing or undergoing the medical procedure. And I gotta say, you know what? I kind of weirdly support the introduction of this legislation, knowing two things. One, that it's

unconstitutional and will not pass, right? And two, if these fucking idiots are really going to stand there and say abortion is murder, and they say that unironically, then I think taking it to this extreme level shows the absurdity of that argument. Because people don't support this. level shows the absurdity of that argument. Because people don't support this. People do not, people do not in practice support treating abortion like murder. Nobody supports that. There is no public outcry or support of any statistical significance that supports treating it like murder. I mean, there's crazy people who think that, but there's not, it's not a large swath. Yeah, there's not a large swath that these people don't think that especially when they're cornered

especially when they're cornered Tom when they get asked these questions especially when they come up and they say okay so you think abortion is murder should these people get the death penalty and they immediately are just like whoa fuck what the what they stop it stops them in their tracks.

Yeah. So that's why I sort of think introducing legislation that's just this extreme is like, well, fuck. I mean, I can't support that. Well, I don't know. You got a fucking sign that says it, you know, or you're standing next to a guy that does, you know, or if it's not, then maybe your argument actually doesn't have any real fucking merit to it. You know, if you can't support this argument all the way through, if you can't walk your fucking chain of thoughts all the way fucking through, you don't believe it. Yeah. And that's what I wanted to touch on, too, is because when you have this, we talk about this when it comes to Nazis, right? What do you call nine guys sitting at a table with one nazi 10 nazis you know what i mean like they're all they're they're they're allowing that person to be around them right

and so the same thing goes here if you're marching with these people if these people are the ones who are representing your ideas because you're a single issue voter abortion voter you're a single issue voter yep so if these people are representing your ideas, you got to own this shit. You got to own this because it's on you. It's on you that these fuckers are in there proposing these fucking ludicrous rules that they know aren't going to pass, but probably fucking believe.

This guy wouldn't, I don't think this guy would write this shit if he didn't fucking believe it. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. There's not a reason for him to write it if he didn't believe it. He would write something more moderate.

But he's not moderate. He's extreme. He's as extreme as you can get. So that's why I wanted to talk, because I'm just like, I'm fucking blown away, because this is yours. Own it, man. Own this fucking guy. He's yours. He's all part of it. You guys, like you said, put it up. Let's all

talk about it. Bring it as an UNO, a national discussion. But they have done this wedge issue thing for years. And we talked about making liberal wedge issues before. As much as I fucking hate this guy, you got to hand it to

this guy for being as extreme as possible. That's one thing that I noticed that liberals and leftists, I don't know what the fuck or whatever the difference is yeah i know somebody's gonna send me a big long fucking diatribe and what the fucking difference between a liberal and a leftist is but i really don't care i know where i stand on certain issues and so i i i don't feel like i need to fucking put myself in a you know but if you don't put yourself in a specific label you won't how would i judge you yeah i don't reach and i and i don't reach you because you clearly write off everything I say.

It doesn't matter. Here's the thing though. I think that the people on the left make a big mistake when they walk in expecting, they don't even start at a position of negotiation, right? So what we do is we walk in and we'll say something like, we want $15 an hour. Well, that's what we want, but we know they're going to negotiate with us. So just like when you up the price on a thing you're going to sell, like real estate, you up it because you know they're going to come in and negotiate with you. We should be doing like this fucking guy and

coming in hard-nosed on everything and then negotiating and getting what we really wanted in the first place, which was $15. We should come in and be like $30 an hour, $30 an hour, $30 an hour. Let's make it work. And then they'll get to a fucking negotiation point where they think they fucking beat you. Cause they got 15.

You wanted 15 the whole time. Fuck you. I wanted 15, but we don't, what we don't have is an understanding of how this works. It feels like they have a better understanding of how this politics stuff works and their the base their base loves them for it it loves this guy for doing this sort of thing it loves them for that we have a base that you know is fucking look at what happened with the 15 an hour that tried to get tacked into this fucking last stimulus bill yeah fucking

people walking in and doing big thumbs down i'm gonna do a big like curtsy thumbs down in front of everybody, like an asshole. And then you're going to have somebody else who's going to, who's going to hem and haw and fucking tie it all up. Instead, we could be fucking like, I don't know, not meeting in the middle. Like we should be, we should be trying to make sure that we're fucking fighting for this. It's important to us. Well, it's, it's, it's actually, it's, it's, it's funny because when Obama tried to reach across the aisle when

they were working on the Affordable Care Act. Affordable Care Act, yeah. Worked and worked and worked and worked. And as he did that, support for the Affordable Care Act during the course of that working with the Republicans, all it did was go down. Yep. Support across the board, all it did was go down. And all that working across the aisle did really for the Democrats was lessen the things that they were asking for. And when they ultimately passed it, they passed it on a party line vote anyway. So they were unable to secure any Republican. So all of that negotiating, all of that capitulation, all it did was slow the process down and make it eventually less than what they were trying to get done anyway. And they could have gotten done anyway without any Republican

support. What the Democrats need to do is realize the Republicans play a zero-sum game on fucking everything. Yep. On everything. Yep. That's it. They are not good faith actors. We just talked about this earlier with the stimulus bill that just passed. They are not good faith actors. We just talked about this earlier with the stimulus bill that just passed. There are Republicans going out into their constituency taking credit. Yep. Oh, look, what a great job. Congress is working for you. You can get your fucking check in the mail in a couple of weeks. You voted against it. You voted against that check that you're taking credit for. They are not good faith actors. Do not pretend that they are. I don't know why we're, I don't, fuck it. Fuck the whole thing. Break the fucking filibuster. Do the things that we're

going to do. Recognize that, hey, we're going to eat some shit when they're in charge. So work your ass off to make them not in charge. That's it. They have a losing ideology. All of their platform positions are losers. We need to point that out. We need to fucking hammer them with their own failure constantly. The only thing they have is this particular, these two wedge issues that they have held onto with dear life,

which is guns and abortion. Those are the two things that they hold onto with dear life. And if we can somehow reconcile those things and move past those things, I mean, I don't know why they keep saying the same things over and over about gun control, because we haven't tried to do fuck all with gun control in decades. Yeah. Well, they try to paint the Democrats as wanting gun control that none of the

Democrats have ever put forth as a meaningful bill trying to get the gun control measures that the Democrats support are overwhelming. To your point a week or two ago, overwhelmingly, overwhelmingly popular, popular. They're very popular. Abortion is overwhelmingly popular. Yeah. In the general public. It's not, it's not actually a controversial issue by the numbers. It's a controversial issue because it gets a tremendous amount of attention, right? So they're able to put a big fucking neon sign on these two issues and blinkity, blinkity, blink them and get people scared, right? Because they're scared of a vocal minority. We need to become responsive to the majority, whether they're vocal or not. We're listening

to loud voices instead of listening to numerically significant voices. I think we got to stop that shit. And the worst part is, is that they never really tell the people that are supporting them that there's already laws in place, that Roe v. Wade already mandates literally everything they've ever fought for. Like Roe v. Wade already mandates that, you know, you can't do anything really in the first trimester, but the other two trimesters have, they are issues when you have to do that.

And there has to be some sort of things that you have to go through in order to have the procedure done. There are safety valves in place already for all the things you already want. What they talk about is these weird, rare exceptions that barely ever happen

and that's what they bring up and they make it seem like every single woman is like sitting on an operating table shooting the baby up in the air and then somebody,

the doctor yells pull and then shoots it with a shotgun. Like, it's ridiculous. Yeah, they act, they paint the issue

like women are having babies and they name them and they fucking get the little footprints and everything and they swing it into a tree three hours later and then they fucking they yeet it with a catapult somewhere like yeah no they named it and then they had a college fund set up

but then they killed it and that's on you that's on you now public but it's most of the provisions that they already want are already in Roe v. Wade. It doesn't even make any sense. Well, because they're, again, I think they're capitulating to a vocal minority. I think they're afraid of a vocal minority of people. I think we got to cut that shit out just because you're loud. I mean, if any, if, if anything has proven it to us, just because you're loud, doesn't mean you matter. Fuck off doesn't mean go away. Fuck off means fuck off. And everybody feels what it means.

Nobody can write it down. There is no English equivalent for fuck off because it is English. Fuck off. You know, and English expressions don't have English equivalents. They fucking are, And English expressions don't have English equivalents. They fucking are, you know. Here we are doing some solo roasts to clear the way for our amazing plans for Vulgarity for Charity 2021. We're going to leave you on the hook there. We're not going to tell you all about it,

but we will soon. We hope in the next months coming up, we have plans for Vulgarity for Charity 2021 that we think it's going to be an amazing year for Modest Needs and for this charity. And we are super excited about it. But we want to get these cooking. Tom, Ben would like you to roast his coworker, Hector.

Oh, good God, Ben. You can't make fun of guys like Hector. I mean that, actually. You can't poke fun at them. Guys like Hector are immune to criticism because they possess that singular level of ignorance that means they don't even have the basic personal self-awareness to feel the proper amount of shame they should feel every day upon waking up. And they don't. They never do because even though the entire world sees them and gasps in open-mouthed wonder at how they can continue for even one more

day? Hector? Ben, Hector's got no fucking clue. He's joyfully, impossibly, impermeably oblivious, and you, Ben, you are never going to shake him or dislodge him from this. So I'm afraid there's nothing I can do, Ben. You will move on in your life and Hector will stumble his way blindly, unironically eating his chicken nuggets with chopsticks until one day one of them lodges in the big doofus's esophagus and the world spins gently on as if nothing happened because nothing did. Oh my gosh. That's amazing.

All right. Cecil Mitchell would like you to roast his friend, Nick. Nick looks like the final boss for a friend zone based video game. That's great. One where you have to do like a special move to knock off the heavy winter coat that he wears indoors so you could properly execute the cold shoulder, you know? He looks like the host of the Softcore History podcast. Oh, that's good. That's good. Natalie would like a signature roast, Tom, for the company president, Bob. Bob looks fake, like uncanny valley level fake, but that's not surprising because guys like Bob are fake. He's inauthentic. His refusal to be clued in properly to the actual world around him,

that's not a bug. For him, that's a feature. It is the only way Bob knows how to navigate through a world richer and more complicated than he is. Bob has to invent a new story all the time. A simple story. A story with himself always at the center and with everyone else playing simple, easy to digest parts because he is himself simple. Bob is denying the reality of the truth of the world around him, not because he doesn't see it, Natalie, but because he doesn't understand it and it scares him. Fuck Bob. Leave that shitty job.

Leave shitty Bob. Leave him behind and leave him scared and small and you'll forget about him before you get out to the car. While you're at it, Tom, take a swipe at Catherine for Sheila. All right. Catherine is one of those people who see everyone around her as a tool to be used. She's a user and a coward and spectacularly, desperately insecure. But you know that. Catherine does too.

That's why all her correspondence is passive aggressive, Sheila. Because at the end of the day, Catherine is always afraid. She's terrified. Not of the world or the people in it. Catherine is afraid of being seen. She thinks that as long as she can put on her little one-woman production, she's a half a step ahead of her own story, but she's not, and she knows it. Catherine wakes up every morning and looks in the mirror and has no idea who she is or who she wants to be, and so every hour of her day, she's putting on a new show, a pretense.

She's as hollow as a shitty chocolate Easter bunny. And every time she steps out of the house, 100% of her attention is spent guarding against the very thing we all know, that Catherine doesn't matter, that she's never mattered, and that there is nothing to her and no woman behind the curtain. Okay, Cecil, how about roasting Andrew's ex-boss, William? It's rare that you get a roast request with a Department of Justice case link attached. Oh my God. That's very strange.

Whoa. But let me start by saying, just the picture, I've never seen a human that has a head, neck, and shoulders all the same width. I've never seen that. He's like a human, neck, and shoulders all the same width. I've never seen that. He's like a human USB drive, Tom. It's ridiculous. This guy was caught in a pay-to-play bribery scheme,

which we're all too familiar here with in Chicago. And he wound up getting all his employees in the unemployment line. William, your experience skimming will definitely come in handy. Work at the prison soup line, let me tell you. All right.

Cecil and Emmett's father-in-law, Joe. Ah, Joe. Nothing like blaming a self-diagnosed illness for being a shitty parent that can't take responsibility for your own terrible actions. His urban camouflage action wear

is pretty apt since so many people would be happier if he went to the wrong part of town and disappeared. Says a lot about a guy when the dead trophy fish he's lofting is he's more proud of him than his adult daughters are.

All right, well, this one is a twofer. I'll go first. Vince's friend, Jason. Okay. Jason lives in Des Moines and is raising children there. Grosser. I have no idea how you wake up in the morning and look over at your children and think to yourself, you know what? I'm responsible for the well-being of these people, and they have no one else to rely on other than me.

for the well-being of these people, and they have no one else to rely on other than me, I think I'll raise him here, among the corn goblins, and without the benefit of culture or even a community that can properly read. I'm not saying Jason is a bad person, but I am saying that you can't be a good father in Des Moines. Holy shit.

This photo of Jason and his beautiful family after his wife gave birth, he's so fucking out of his league here. They made him wear two visitor stickers on his chest so he doesn't get dragged out of the room as a serial harasser. And Cecil, how about this one? A cancer survivor,

Patrick's sister-in-law's boyfriend. Okay, come on. He's not only a cancer survivor, Tom But he wants all his gifts given to him To go to charities Like cancer charities Jesus, what? Nice

Fuck you, Ned Flanders Take a fucking stupid, useless, $20 gift Like the rest of us assholes Who have to suffer through people pretending to know us Using merchandise, you fucker Genuinely, though, this guy sounds awesome and I don't want to roast him, so I'm sorry. Okay, Tom.

Yes. Another requested tirade. Roast Richard's cousin's husband, Dan. All right. Well, Dan, Dan's one of those don't give a fuck guys. You know, the type Dan thinks he's right and he's got rights. So he's just going gonna do what he wants.

And when what Dan wants is shitty and lacking decency, well then that's suddenly your fault for, you know, also being. Dan's world revolves around Dan and only Dan. Except Dan isn't living in the actual world. And the sun doesn't rise and set on

Dan. The world could give a shit about yet another two-bit dumbass on Dan. The world could give a shit about yet another two-bit dumbass like Dan. Dan is a type. He's a type. He's an everyman of irrelevance. At every moment, the minds of great and good men, of talented and kind men, every moment they render men like Dan obsolete. He is a dinosaur, a relic, a historical leftover. And I am comforted in knowing that Dan, like all the rest of his fucking type, don't matter. Okay. Let's do another uplifting roast here. An evil stepfather roast Ron for David. Oh God. This one actually like grabbed me. This was tough. David, I am so sorry you had such

a shitty stepdad. I'm a stepdad. I'll say this about it. It's kind of a big honor and responsibility. It's different than being a biological dad. When you're a stepfather, someone chose you to come into the lives of their children. You didn't help make these kids. They weren't yours from the jump. So someone has to look at you, and with intention, they have to trust you to live with and care for the people that they love the most and who are the most vulnerable people in their lives. And rather than seeing this incredible placing of faith

as the honor and trust that it is, Ron fucking crumbled. He failed. He collapsed beneath the weight of the lightest thing that there is, love and trust. And rather than expand his family, Ron contracted it.

And that sucks. But I can tell you this too from experience. I have not only been a stepdad, but I had a shitty stepdad. And you know what, David? All these fucking years later, after my life has moved on and I've grown up, I cannot for the fucking

life of me remember his face. All right, Cecil, how about a photobomber, Graham from Glasgow? For Paul! What? Graham! Yes! Tom, Graham looks like the kind of guy that takes you to a shitty casino for breakfast because he did that. He did. He did.

And Eli had a panic attack and we had to go somewhere else and that really happened. That genuinely fucking, Eli, Eli, I've never seen Eli nervous in my entire life until that moment. Literally the next day, Eli and I did a fucking improv in front of a group of angry Edinburghists who wanted to kill all of us. And Eli fucking, Eli ran the whole place. But when we were going to get fucking breakfast at a casino, Eli literally was shaking and looking around as if he was the next to die. It was amazing. I've never seen him more out of his element and so nervous. It was the best. But anyway, that's Graham took us there that morning. That really happened. But Graham really is

Glasgow's version of a guy who keeps trying to enter your circle of conversation, but nobody moves at all to accommodate him. So he keeps just kind of leaning his head over people's shoulders and throwing comments into the group, except for he's Scottish, so you have no idea

what he's saying. It just rolls right off you. like comments into the group, except for he's Scottish. So you have no idea what he's saying. So it's, it just rolls right off. Seriously though. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart, that dude was great. He was wonderful. So was Brian Eggo.

And if I can ever in my lifetime, return the favor to either of you for showing you around a city and being so gracious, I will, I swear I will. And now hit uncle Ed for Alex. Okay. You cannot be homophobic

and look like you're from that police academy scene at the Blue Oyster Bar. Okay. Okay, maybe you can, but you got to be a self-aiding Christian. That's fair. Yeah.

I got to say though, settle down, Flint Fire Forge. You look like a D&D dwarf that grew up without a dad so you had to learn how to braid your own beard through trial and error. Like you had to watch YouTube videos of like the stepdad that everybody had to braid your beard.

Okay, Tom, now you need to use both barrels here. We have a ton of axes to roast, and literally everybody wanted you for this. Everybody wanted you for this. We're going to get started with Angela, Jacob's ex-wife. All right. Angela is afraid of Murphy, Jacob. She's shit scared and she should be scared

because what Murphy represents is an antidote to every poison that Angela sells. And Angela knows she's toxic and she knows it's only a matter of time that your daughter realizes this too and sees that poison for what it is. When there's no point of comparison,

it's hard to truly measure our situation, but Angela knows now that the jig is up. Your daughter will see you laugh and smile and see you and Murphy, and she will contrast that with the poison, Jacob, and she'll know. Angela is aware of all of this, and all she can offer is stalling tactics and obstruction.

Think about that. She is not fighting love with more and bigger love because she has none. She is bereft, Jacob, bereft and afraid. And someday her stalling tactics will run out because while your daughter is a child now, your daughter will live out nearly all of her life as an adult and she will see past the mommy blinders,

Jacob. And when Angela is found out and discovered, she will feel it. The crushing emptiness of her bitter failure. And as sweet as that is, Jacob, at that point, she will be so alone, so crushed, she'll know she squandered the easiest thing to keep in any life,

which is the love of your own child. That was cheery. Okay, Nicholas. Why do we do this? And for Nicholas, a roast of his ex-boyfriend, Josh, okay? Joshua's never going to let you be yourself, Nicholas. Controlling people never want you to be yourself. They want you to be something for them.

They want you to fill a void in them, patch a hole, fill a purpose. But Josh is all void and without purpose. And nothing anyone does will ever fix that. Because he is the broken one, Nicholas. He is the goods damaged beyond repair. Turn him loose into the world and watch from a removed and cold distance as he flounders. He has no home, no safe place, Nicholas.

And without someone to control as his anchor point, he will always sink. These people ask for really mean shit. They go out of their way like, Tom, you should see the fucking spreadsheet. It's literally like, by far, by far,

the most requested roaster is you. And they're so mean. Every single one of them is the meanest thing. And they're always mean. And people are just like, no, man, I want that. That's what I want.

That's cruelty. That's what I want. There's some people out there. Exactly. I want unbound cruelty to the person who I don't like. Amazing. All right, Cecil, here's some exception for you. Rose James' ex-girlfriend Colleen's recent ex-job.

What the fuck? What was that? I'm three levels down in a dream here. I'm three levels down in a dream. Is the top still spinning or is it top tickling? Oh, here we go. This guy looks like a pro wrestling version of Mike Hall from Skeptics with a K. I'm not even kidding.

He 100% looks like that. But not like a rip pro wrestler, like a dad bod pro wrestler, like Mankind kind of. He looks like he might come off at the top rope at Colleen there, but that would be a little too sexually progressive. So, you know, sometimes you can look at someone's eyes and you know they're going to be weird or boring or both. This guy's picture is that, but it also follows you around the room like a Scooby-Doo portrait. It's weird, man. It's super weird. Okay, Tom.

Roast ex-husband Rick for Karen. All right, man. It's super weird. Okay, Tom. Roast ex-husband Rick for Karen. All right, Karen. Rick doesn't have a deeper, more profound connection with anyone. If he did, he would just be happily enjoying that deeper, more profound connection rather than telling you all about it. But the Ricks of this world keep on their exes as confidants, not because they want for you what real friends want. Rick doesn't confide in you because he values you.

He confides in you to keep up a simulation of intimacy so that you keep him in your mind, so that you give him the benefit of the doubt when he fucks up and he fucks you over, so you forgive him like you would a friend. It's not honest. It's purposeful oversharing as a manipulative tactic to keep you engaged. So disengage Karen and that Rick fuck up. Whatever is next, next, next, and next.

Speaking of next, another roast. This one is Abby for her ex-husband, Jake. Oh, Jesus Christ, Jake. I'm just, fuck, man. I'm sorry.

Because Abby sounds just, I mean, horrible. She really does. But here's the thing, Jake. Abby also sounds like Humpty Dumpty level broken. Like nobody, and I mean nobody, cheats as much as Abby and is okay inside. She's not okay. And Jake, that's not your fault. She was never going to be okay. She was never going to be faithful because people like Abby can't be. They are not capable of fidelity because

they lack the parts of themselves that let them connect. They confuse motion with emotion because they are, again, Jake, they are broken. The world does not end well for Abby, Jake. It's not like she's got some golden happy future in front of her. She's a fumbling, confused, and unhappy mess, and she will run every day, Jake. Abby will run from herself and never get away. All right, Cecil. These people give us really intimate details of their lives. Like, I feel like I don't want to squander that. Right.

And it's always horrifying. It's always horrifying. You're like, yeah, well, that broke my heart for you. But I always get the ones that are just like, hey, make fun of my buddy. He's kind of cool. And then they'll show you a picture and I'm like, well, well, that broke my heart for you. But I always get the ones that are just like, hey, make fun of my buddy. He's kind of cool. And then they'll show you a picture and I'm like, well, fuck, man. He's kind of cool. It's easy when they're like, no, man, this guy literally cut my face off and roared around the house.

That's easy. All right, Cecil. Here's the message we got from Kelsey. Hey, idiots. Please roast my ex-boyfriend and the guy I'm currently dating. I'm a longtime listener of all your dumb fucking podcasts. I don't know. Seems like a pretty cool guy, Kelsey.

He likes cheese. Sounds like he's got a good job in the tech field. He's the co-parent to your adoptive dog. You ever think you might be the fucking problem, Kelsey? Maybe you're never fucking satisfied with something. Huh? You ever think of that? All right. Okay. I'm going to give it a shot. He looks like Jake Gyllenhaal after six hours in a makeup chair, trying to win an Oscar,

playing a dumpy computer programmer who had a second part-time job as a guy who refills used panty vending machines. How's that? Is that, is that roast enough for you? He seems like a nice guy, though. You know? Anyway, all right. I think this is the penultimate one, Tom. All right. Dan wants a roast of his ex-wife, Beth. Dan, Beth is latched on to Wu to heal her. She's burning sage, man.

She's consulting the tarot, and she will never stop because nothing she tries is going to be the answer. She will bounce from one bullshit snake oil peddler to the next and the next, and none of it will heal her. None of it will tell her the story she wants to hear, because Beth doesn't know what that story should be. No answers will ever be enough.

She will be forever self-assuredly ill-content, Dan, and the best part of it is that she will never, ever be your fucking problem again. Great way to do it. All right. See, so this one's right up your alley. Leah wants you to roast her ex-husband, Michael, or as he's known in the SCA, Duke Master Moonwolf Stark Cartherson. Stark Cartherson? Who cares? Whatever. Moonwolf? Moonwolf Stark-Arthur-son. Stark-Arthur-son? Who cares? Whatever. Moonwolf? Moonwolf.

No, I actually know this guy. Moonwolf is the Anthony Michael Hall character from 16 Candles, the one who gets the panties from the main character. He's a twitchy nerd who gets renowned from other twitchy nerds.

And I know, I'm part of that group too. I'm also a twitchy history nerd. The major difference is that I don't think the guy at the post office needs to call me your lordship. It's all made up. Moonwolf is a slightly more athletic nerd. That's it. Actually, I take that back. Moonwolf was a slightly more athletic nerd in 1978 when he was king of the mid-route. Now he's getting super popular in the SCA as a singer, but I've never

heard a single song. He's like C. Shanty Nickelback. C. Shanty Nickelback. I will say one good thing about his grace, his grace, Moonwolf. Whenever I drew him in a tournament, I knew I was going to stay in the winner's bracket, 100%.

Suck on it, Moonwolf. Alright, that's going to wrap it up for this episode of Vulgarity for Charity. We hope to do another couple big shows with the scathing guys soon to try to wrap all this up. And then once we do, we're going to spill our big news

this summer, late summer we hope, to talk to you about this upcoming year's Vulgarity for Charity, which we are very excited about. So we want to thank our patrons. Of course, we want to thank all our patrons. We want to thank our newest patrons, The King of Games, Lemon Stealing Horse,

Just Chris Please, Stinky Nuts, Path O'Trice. Silent Wolf 4771. Teresa. And the people who upped their pledges, Cheryl, Avitis, and Jasmine. Thank you so much for your generous donations.

We really do truly appreciate it. If you're on the fence about becoming a patron, you guys get the full recording of our live stream to your podcast player through Patreon. So if you don't have time to watch the live stream, you can get it directly to your podcast player, along with all the ad-free things that we record, all the shows we record that are ad-free, they all come to your podcast player too. And then if you want to, you could listen to Ian's ads. You don't have to.

And so it's really convenient to get all those in one stream. And we hope that you feel like you're getting something of value when you get that. And we also hope that you'll donate just because the show costs a lot of money to run. Like Ian isn't cheap and we have to rent a space and we also have

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or DissonancePod.com and you can scroll down to the bottom and there's ways to become a patron at the bottom of the page. Got a little bit of email we want to talk about.

We got a message. We talked about on the stream today how you can walk away from your family and that's okay. We got a message from Debbie who said, I departed from my family years ago because bi people don't exist. So can I claim you as an uncle? I suspect you probably already have

the how to heretic guys as your uncle, but I'll be your other uncle. I'll be your uncle through marriage. How's that? Is that okay? You can claim me as your uncle, but not on your taxes. I just, you know, it gets a little weird. It's a little weird. Tough on deductions. Don't get me audited. All right. I don't need that. I always wanted an old black woman to be my aunt though. I genuinely always wanted like a, like someone who would just stick up for you when you needed somebody to

stick up for you. I always wanted an old black woman to be my aunt. All right. So we got an image. This one's from a Kernan. And so this is a reference to the last episode of citation needed on the Mandela effect. We're going to post it on our show notes.

Cause we don't really do that on the other show on Citation Needed, but it's a reference to a joke that was made in that Citation Needed on the Mandela effect. Got an image from Patrick. It's so good. He said, when you're talking about the St. Louis Archdiocese, this was all I could picture.

Their new letterhead logo, so we'll post it on this week's show notes. You will identify it immediately as their letterhead logo. We we'll post it on this week's show notes. You will identify it immediately as their letterhead logo. We want to thank Shu for joining us. Shu has become a patron recently and sent us a nice message. So we want to thank you Shu for joining in and becoming a patron.

We got a message from Leon and he says, I wanted to send you guys, he says, watch the YouTube video about how Native Americans felt about Bison Man Jake Angeli is that his name Jake Angeli and they mocked him and this is one of his favorites and he sent a picture and it is so fucking delicious we're going to post it

on this week's show notes check it out it's how they were mocking the Bison Man and we talked about Bison Man too on the stream so you check that stream out this week got a message from Jamie and Jamie said the reason why people with a Q and there's a correlation between Q and Christian is because people, Christians follow Q

because it validates their faith. And I think that's such a great, great idea and a way to put it because it really does. They talk about prophecy all the time and prophecy fits. This is another thing, another way that these things fit together. They are both prophetic, right? In one way, you have somebody leaking secrets

in a way that feels like prophecy. And then the other way, you have these Christians who do the same thing. And then you have people who span both of the worlds, like that firefighter, Taylor guy, who talks about the prophecy and then he talks about Q. Don't worry, Q's not done.

I got a prophecy from the Lord that says Q's not done. So it fucking all rhymes, man. They all fit together so well. Yeah, yeah. It's all perfectly, perfect jigsaw puzzles that fit together. Very true.

So that is going to wrap it up for this week. We want to let you guys know to join us on our streams. We say it every week, but we want you guys to join in want to let you guys know to join us on our streams. We say it every week, but we want you guys to join in. We think we have a lot of fun on these streams. They're very different from the show,

but they still have all the elements that make the show fun. So if you want to come check it out, you can check us out on YouTube, Twitch, Facebook, and Twitter. Those shows live on in perpetuity after we finish them, but you can catch them live

and you get a chance to interact with a whole crowd of people that are watching it with you. It's a lot of fun. People seem to really enjoy them. So come check them out 9 p.m. Central Time, Thursday night. And if you guys like Ian, Ian is really a part of the stream. So if you're enjoying his ads, head over to the stream. He's really become like a dynamic part of the actual stream. He's a hoot to do this thing with. So it's an opportunity to interact with him as well. Ian introduced us to this world, really. And so Ian has become somebody who will sometimes dictate how the stream is going.

He will take it in a direction. And so he's become a third member of the show. So it's a lot of fun. And it's a really sort of dynamic, off-the-cuff stuff happens that's a lot of fun. So I think you guys will really enjoy it. If you like the show, I think you guys will really like it. But it

is a little different, but it's a lot of fun. And if you go to our YouTube page or whatever, subscribe to us on YouTube because we got, you know, we have a small number of people subscribe to us on YouTube, but we have a way bigger group of people that live like a so much bigger group of people listen to our show than subscribe on YouTube. So go to YouTube, check out have a way bigger group of people that live, like a so much bigger group

of people listen to our show than subscribe on YouTube. So go to YouTube, check out one of these streams, and while you're there, hit the like and subscribe button or whatever. All right, that's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples,

dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. the opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only all opinions are solely that of glory hole studios llc cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy completeness current, currentness, suitability,

or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you.