Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 60: Nothing a Shovel Couldn't Fix

Episode Date: August 14, 2012

New 'magic patch' claims to give you abs like Jessica Ennis - without all that exhausting exercise (but does it work?) Olympic athletes love Kinesio tape, but does it work? Church slammed for selling blackcurrant cordial and olive oil drink as a 'miracle cure' for cancer and HIV Two Rivers Lawsuit Claims Sacker Violates Customer’s Religious Freedom Mississippi Conservative Calls For Putting Gay People To Death On Facebook Page Three-year-old Malaysian girl killed in suspected exorcism ritual ‘Sex assault’ preacher set for twisted Irish tour Serbian Priest Kills Drug Addict Pat Robertson Blames Atheists And Those Who Hate God For Wisconsin Temple Shooting Christian tells woman to "keep your pu**y clean" because he plans to rape her This 1880s anti-masturbation armor = the ultimate codpiece for your retro Iron Man costume Visit our Website at http://dissonancepod.com for more info.

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Once you assume a creator and a plan, it makes us objects in a cruel experiment whereby we are created sick and commanded to be well. I'll repeat that. Created sick and then ordered to be well. I'll repeat that. Created sick and then ordered to be well.

And over us to supervise this is installed a celestial dictatorship, a kind of divine North Korea. Greedy, exigent. Exigent, I would say more than exigent, greedy for uncritical praise from dawn till dusk, and swift to punish

the original sins with which it so tenderly gifted us in the very first place. However, let no one say there's no cure. Salvation is offered. Redemption, indeed, is promised at the low price of the surrender of your critical faculties. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended.

The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome, Matt. This is episode 60 of Cognitive Dissonance, and I have to start off this episode, Cecil, with an apology. I do have a little bit of a cough. For people who are familiar with this show and familiar with Everyone's a Critic, when I get a little bit of a cough. For people who are familiar with this show and familiar with Everyone's a Critic, when I get a little bit of a cough, it means I have a hacking fucking cough that will last six months.

So if you catch some of that in the middle of the show, I apologize. I did try some home remedies. I tried the garlic tea immune enhancer. How'd that work out? It did not. Okay, fair enough. I gave a shot to red onion and raw honey cough syrup. Okay.

That also did not work. Probably tastes like shit too. You know, what I have noticed is that people keep a distance as a result of the garlic and raw onion drinks. Oh yeah. They stay away it turns out. Yeah. Well, they don't get sick then.

So that's a bonus, right? That's very true. Yeah. Yeah. So we're in the coughing season is what you're saying yeah coughing season for me really begins uh whenever yeah and then lasts about a half a year half a year okay give or take so yes and coughing seasons have this have coughing seasons ever merged with other coughing seasons i i have not had a full merge but i have had a uh a brief intermission prior to the next.

So it's good. You know, I'm going to try some more of these. I have not yet tried raw honey and lemon. So I'm going to give that a whirl. Yeah, honey and lemon. Because, you know, yeah, that's going to work. Because, you know, if honey and lemon cured a cough, they would sell it to you in a pill. Well, Cecil, that's why nobody has a cough, right?

Except you. Except me. Yeah, I guess maybe I should have thought of that. These fucking cures are fucking ridiculous. I was looking that up just to make these jokes. They're all just like breath stinkifiers. That's all they are. Everything you look at, you're like, oh, God.

I would stink so much worse than I already stink. Like honey, I think, is a natural cough suppressant. But that's just because it's thick. Like you could get the same thing out of drinking syrup, you know, probably the same thing. But it's just a natural. There's some natural things that it can do, but it's not doing anything to fix the problem. It's just lessening the symptom for a few moments. Right. And some of that shit, a lot of that shit, like you said, it's just – it's thick,

so it coats the back of your throat, which is great if you're coughing because your throat is irritating. Right. If you're like me and you're coughing because you have fucking asthma and your fucking lungs are irritating you, I'm not fucking aspirating the honey. You're just – Like it's not going to do anything. Right. You're just coughing through fucking lungs are irritating you. I'm not fucking aspirating the honey. Like, it's not going to do anything. Right.

You're just coughing through a thickly coated throat. That's all that's happening. Yeah. I drown myself in fucking honey and apple cider vinegar. I feel so much better. You know what you need is that stuff that they were breathing on the abyss. That's what you need. You need to get in that fucking, you know, in the movie The Abyss where they have that liquid stuff that they breathe so they can dive down super deep.

That's what you need to breathe constantly and then you'd never cough. That's true. Like the liquid gills or whatever that they have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That stuff is fucking awesome. If only that existed. If only that was real. That would be great.

Like natural cures. Yes, right. Exactly. If only science fiction movies were actually true i'm raymond massey and i have a special message for senior citizens today's doctors drugs and medical devices truly work medical miracles for young and old alike But there are some as phony as a $3 bill. Investigate before you invest in health services or products. Help stamp out quackery. So speaking, Cecil, of shit that's not true and natural cures,

this is from Daily Mail, a venerable news source, as has been pointed out to us. People get so mad at us when we talk about the Daily Mail. We get emails all the time like, don't link to the Daily Mail, a venerable news source, as has been pointed out. People get so mad at us when we talk about the Daily Mail. We get emails all the time like, don't link to the Daily Mail. You shouldn't be talking about that. Well, stop being hilarious, Daily Mail. New Magic Patch claims to give you abs like Jessica Ennis with all that exhausting exercise. But does it work?

That is, by the way, the line. That is the headline written by the reporter known as Daily Mail Reporter. Yeah, it's written by, it's also written by Comfort Skin Care or whatever. Comfort Zone Skin Care. Because this is exactly a press release is what this is. Right. It's so funny because it talks all about, you know, this Olympic athlete with awesome abs who probably has awesome abs because she's an Olympic athlete. Yeah. You know why she has awesome abs, Tom? Because her job is to run places.

Like, that's her job. You know, it's so funny that you say that because my wife and I will be watching TV sometimes and she'll be like, oh, my God, that woman is so attractive. I'm like, that's her job. Right. Her job. Her job is just to be attractive. You know,

if I could change, if I could, if I could, you know, change in my current job for doing exercises for 40 hours a week, I would look much better.

I guarantee it. Exactly. It's like, man, those models, they look good. Wow. It's almost like

that's their fucking job. Right. Right. Right. It's it's so bizarre to think like, man, that computer programmer doesn't look like a model. Yeah. Fucking computer programmer doesn't look like a six-pack abs, which is total BS, but they're allowed to. I guess the Daily Mail does not care and will take such a press release, probably with a little bit of money, and post it like it's a real story. Yeah, this is fantastic. I love, too, that this is supposed to work by, quote, breaking down compound fats and lipids in the abdomen area. This patch is designed to combat fat using hydrogel technology and self-heating action. It's the hydrogel technology.

That's what does it. I hadn't thought about it as a hydrogel. Yeah. Like a water gel? Like a gel with water in it? And self-heating action? Wow. Yeah. Like those fucking Toastyasty toes things you can put like that's self-heating action it's nothing there it's just it's goo it's warm goo you're putting fucking warm goo on your fat fucking belly and sitting

around trying desperately to wipe the fucking pringles crumbs off the mountainous tub of lard that you have become and hoping desperately that the fucking 23 patches you smeared all over your oversized nipples are going to eventually cause you to have fucking six pack abs. Dude, if I put them on my nipples, will I have huge packs then? What's going to happen? It'd be awesome. Wouldn't it be awesome if it only worked, if it did work, but it only worked on the abdomen? So you're still fucking fat as hell everywhere else, but you've got like these rocking abdomen.

Like, oh, my fucking arms look crazy. I think it'd be better if wherever you put it, you got abdomen muscles. So you could have like six-pack legs and six-pack biceps. You could just have like six-pack all over. That's spectacular. That would be great. I looked at this picture, and I thought she looked like Sarah Jessica Parker. And then I thought about it

for a second and I was like, nah, she runs for a living so maybe she's Sarah Jessica Parkour. That's terrible. That's terrible. That's awesome. Take that, Curry! I haven't gone for a week. I've been storing it up. storing it up.

So Cecil, this next story is from CBC News. Olympic athletes love kinesio tape, which I may be mispronouncing, but does it work? I love these rhetorical fucking questions that are being used as headlines, by the way. How lazy is that? He asks with a rhetorical question.

Oh, I see what you did there, Tom. I like these tapes. I like the tape because you basically just fucking make crazy geometric designs all over your body. It's seemingly random shapes. Right. It's like tribal tattoos. It looks so weird too. And doesn't it really just call

attention to all the places in which you're not as firmed up as you'd like to be? Right. It's like, oh man, I need some extra help in the all of me. I would just be mummified. The only way for this to work for me would be like, fucking wrap me up head to foot. What are your problem areas, Tom?

All the areas. Just all of the areas. If you miss an area, that was a problem. Just get all the areas, top to bottom. I love the opening picture because this woman's got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Eight pieces of tape in like a downward weird

triangle descending down her fucking abdomen. What could that tape possibly be doing? It's electrifying her vagina. I hadn't thought of that. And that's the only reason I say that is because two of the wires keep going and you don't see where they go. They hide underneath the tiny little bottom she's wearing. I mean, I don't know.

The other woman's got a little asterisk on her behind. There's like a little pink asterisk that somebody's putting on him. This tape was designed by a chiropractor. It's got to be real. So it's got to be a real thing. What could go wrong? It's a chiropractor. What does a chiropractor bring to the tape market,

I wonder? Right. You know, like, after extensive research and... I've determined that what we're needing is some more fucking tape.

Have you considered just taping yourself? No? I hadn't considered that because putting tape on my body isn't going to fucking help. How is this going to help?

And you know how it helps? According to studies, it doesn't help. It doesn't help at all. That's how it helps. Yeah. And it says the special tape is purported to reduce inflammation from overused muscles. What's in the tape that's special? Like does it have some sort of like topical bit of something in it that goes into your

skin and reduces inflammation? Or is it just fucking tape? Yeah, it's just tape. You know, German beach volleyball player Sarah Gohler disagrees. It can release or put tension on a muscle. It depends on what you want. Anytime that a thing does whatever you want it to do, it's unlikely that it does anything at all. Right.

Most things that work have a very specific action, right? Like, what does this do? Well, it does one thing. Well, I want it to do the opposite thing. Then you need an opposite thing. Right. You don't look at like a screw and you're like, this screw cooks me dinner. No, it doesn't.

It doesn't do that at all. It screws into things and hold things. Same thing with tape. Tape holds things together. You know, tape can also be used athletically, right? You can support a weak joint, things like that. That totally works, and that's a real application for athletic tape. Absolutely.

Is supporting weak joints, you know, those sorts. I don't really even know exactly what goes into it, but I know that you can, you can get more support from a weakened area of your body. When I say joints, I don't necessarily mean joints. I just mean, um, you know, it's, it's supporting some portion of your body. I've used it on my wrist before. Um, I've used it on, on, on my elbow before. So I know that it's, it's possible to get some sort of support out of athletic tape, but that doesn't necessarily out of athletic tape.

But that doesn't necessarily mean that athletic tape just magically repairs the place that it's supporting. It does if you zebra stripe yourself. I guess. Yeah. If you have fucking you look like you have fucking fucking Cthulhu's whiskers on your tummy. Then, yeah, you look exactly. It looks that's exactly what it does. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. That's exactly what it does. In the name of Jesus, we speak that.

So this next story is also from Daily Mail. Take that, all listeners. No regrets. Church slammed for selling black currant cordial and olive oil drink as a miracle cure for cancer and HIV. Um, victorious Pentecostal assembly leader promoted these. It's, I mean, it's the only thing, the only part of the snake oil it doesn't contain is the snake, right? It contains all the other bullshit. I like that.

It's one point he's talking about, they're talking about black current cordial, like black current cordial is like an alcohol. And I'll tell you, if alcohol cured cancer, my dad would still be. Oh no. Oh, no. Oh, no. Hitchens would be doing fine, too, actually. Hitchens would be great. Let me ask. Oh, that's just awful. Oh, man.

That's just awful. Yeah. Well, it's hard to put myself in their position. But I think about it. It's hard because you're thinking, right? So it's hard to put yourself in a position of somebody who's not really using a lot of thought. But the people who are being duped are like, oh, yeah, well, God wants to heal you, but you got to pay an exorbitant amount of money for this stuff that God is going to heal you through. And it's like, wait, what?

He just can't fucking heal me? Yeah, I know. What, I got to buy a thing to get healed? It's like that Get Out of Debt Free water or whatever that Popoff was selling. It's like, wait, doesn't God know I'm kind of down on my luck already? Can't he help me out a little? Hey, God, can you give me a hand? I got cancer.

You didn't want the cancer? No. Well, did you try the black current cordial? You see, the only way I'm going to be able to help you is if I put myself in the black current cordial. That's the only way I can interact with the human body. I tried. I tried. I just can't.

You know, I tried to do it through, you know, water or just divine miracle. But, I mean, I can give you the cancer. I just. I just can't. I tried to do it through water or just divine miracle. But I can give you the cancer. I just can't just take it. Where would I put it? I got to put it somewhere. It's got to go in the cordial. I mean, did you pay the man at the church? I can't give it away for free now.

I got to make a little profit. No kidding, right? A brother's gotta eat i love too that they're selling this shit for twice the price yeah well twice the price you're just like you this is such an obvious scam and the only way that it works is to find desperate fucking people right that's the only way something like this it's fucking may as well just put a sign up like are you fucking desperate hey that's me i'm desperate yeah are you terminally ill wow you're unbelievably yeah oh yeah that's bad would you rather not be yes wow they know so much about me and don't make the mistake to think that we're you know making fun of people who are

desperately sick and looking for anything to help themselves. I think that, you know, there's something to be said about being in a situation like that where you'll just fucking, they're willing to try anything. But it's the people that fucking profit off these people. Those are the scumbags. Those are the ones you want to fucking illuminate to everyone else and be like, hey, man, these people are fucking assholes. And they're basically taking money from the most vulnerable people, the people who are willing to give up anything they can because your health is worth anything to you. When it's truly in danger, your health is worth everything you own.

Everything. Everything. Everything anyone around you owns that they're willing to donate to the cause. It's worth that much. So it's the people that are fucking profiteering from this bullshit. They deserve to go to jail. Oh my gosh.

You know, can you just can you not sell the does it have to be olive oil? What can it be? You're going to double the price of the thing anyway. You're going to double your money. You have to start with an expensive oil. You know, can't you just, can't it be. Yeah, no kidding. You have to start with an expensive oil. Yeah. You know, can't you just,

can't it be canola oil? Something that's cheap to start with? Right. Motherfucker. And can't I just, can I bring my own oil? Because I have a little at home. Right.

Can't they bless that? You'd be like, I got a big fucking tin of El Barrio. Like, let's do this. We got this shit covered. Can you go in like Habsies

on a bottle of oil? I want to see young people who are as committed to the cause of Jesus Christ as the young people are to the cause of Islam. I want to see them as radically laying down their lives for the gospel as they are over in Pakistan and Israel and Palestine and all those different places. You know, because we have, excuse me, but we have the truth. So see, so this next story is just so odd. It's from bigsandyhawkinsjournal.com, which is just kind of odd. And I also like the way that it begins. I got to read the way this begins. The Big Sandy and Hawkins Journal does not normally report on lawsuits. I like that.

It's sort of saying like, hey, the Big Sandy and Hawkins Journal is above this kind of shit usually. We're an esteemed publication you've never heard of. But here's some crazy shit. This crazy dude went into a grocery store, went to purchase some groceries. Right. And the guy bagging his groceries is a black guy. Right. And the guy freaks out.

Wait a minute. Don't touch my groceries. I can't have someone negroidle. Negroidle? Don't touch my food. It's against my creed. Oh, negroidal.

Negroidal. I love that. Is that a real word? Let me just tell us. I gotta look that up. I don't think that's a real word. I'm going out on a limb here and saying that's not a real word, but maybe I'm wrong. Negroidal?

No. Negroid is a word. Negroidal is in the Urban Dictionary. That doesn't necessarily mean it's a word. Right. No. Negroid is a word. Negroidle is in the Urban Dictionary. That doesn't necessarily mean it's a word. Right. No. That's not a thing. Negroidle.

I wouldn't even know what he was talking about. Negroidle sounds like a drug to turn you into a black person. Try new Negroidle. It doesn't even sound like a real thing. It cures cancer, though. Well... That with a little olive oil and a Negrito. What doesn't cure cancer, Tom?

What doesn't cure cancer? And this guy is suing, saying that his religious values or his religious rights or whatever have been infringed upon because he was kicked out of the store for being a racist asshat. He's fucking suing him, saying basically that his religious beliefs gives him the authority to fucking flip out and go fucking racist ape shit at a grocery store. What I want to say to this is you're in a private fucking store. You're not on somebody. You're not standing outside with a sign

on Main Street saying, I don't want someone that's negroidal to touch my fucking food, right? You don't have a sign that says that somewhere. You're making a protest in a private space. You come to a private space, you have to play by the rules of the private owner.

The private owner doesn't want you being a fucking degenerate. You don't get to be a degenerate there because it's not fucking public property. Right. You don't get to be an asshole and be like, well, it's against my religious rights. You know what? You can't go in there and cut the fucking head off a chicken and practice Santa Re either, asshole. You know, that's not against your religious rights.

It just means I don't want to have to fucking mop up after a dead chicken. So same thing here. I don't want to have to lose customers because you're fucking heads up your own ass. And you fucking you're saying it's my creed. It's my creed. It's my religion. I get to be an asshole. Great.

Go be an asshole outside or go be an asshole down at Billy Bob's fucking supermarket. But don't bring that shit here because you can't. You're not allowed to because i don't want you to you know where does that sort of nonsense end oh well i you know a guy can just flip out and be a fucking racist asshole and and uh you know this sacker this this guy who's fucking bagging the groceries is just supposed to fucking take it he's just supposed to you're supposed to have somebody look at you be like oh yeah i think and he calls me and he basically says he's an untouchable he's an inferior fucking race he says that his private his religion prevents him from striking hands with an untouchable somebody's supposed to look at you and take that you're

gonna you're gonna call me a fucking untouchable i know i'm trying to fucking put your food in a bag for you and i'm gonna fucking take that i'm supposed to just say hey man's got a right to his own religious opinions i got a fucking right to take you outside i will show you how untouchable i am yeah no kidding right yeah and he's saying that he is uh he suffered various injuries to his liberty interests and demands judgment for nominal damage he's not even making those words don't even make sense together so we're going to take a break now and give you all the information that you need to find us on facebook on twitter on google plus to leave us voicemails and send us emails and if that's not enough i I got fucking nothing.

That's just all you get. We'll return in just a few moments to ruin the rest of your show. Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website DissonancePod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at dissonance

underscore pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now too, so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show, Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. So Cecil, this next story is from AddictingInfo.org. Mississippi conservative calls for putting gay

people to death on facebook page way to go gop mississippi doing it right one more time uh this is uh mississippi gop state representative andy gibson posted a message saying according to leviticus 2013 if a man has sexual relations with a man as one does with a woman, both of them done what is detestable. They are to be put to death. Their blood will be on their own heads. Man, I feel the love from that. You know, every time I hear something from Leviticus, I'm so filled with God's love. Right.

And rage. Right. Well, yeah, the rage comes because, yeah, that's definitely there. Yeah. Right. And rage. Right. Well, yeah, I think it's mostly rage. Because, yeah, that's definitely there. Yeah. That's mostly rage. Yeah. There's a part of this where he's talking about, it's his apology, which is a non-apology later on. He says this big, long thing. To be clear, I want the world to know that I do not, cannot, and will not apologize for the inspired truth of God's word. It is one thing that we will never change. Anyone who knows me knows that I also believe that all people are created in God's image and that all people are loved by God.

So much that he gave us the truth of his words, which convicts us in the reality and guilt of our own sin. And he gave us his. Could you fucking capitalize more pronouns in this? Jesus, man. Like God, a word, his, son, Jesus, like all this stuff. I mean, Jesus, I understand it's a name, right? But like all the rest of this stuff is just all cat. It's like it's hard to read.

It's like one of those – it's those people – you ever see those people who post something on Facebook and it's capitalized as if it were a title? Yes. Like that's what this looks like to me. It looks like somebody like wrote out a big, long thing and capitalized it as if it were a title. Like every little word is capitalized. Well, they use the pronoun as a proper noun. Right. When referring to God. Yeah. He is capitalized his.

But anyway, the gist of this is that he's saying like, look, I love the sinner. I hate the sin, but they should die. Right. What? Are you fucking serious? That's how you're going to approach this? That's how you're going to backpedal on this?

You're going to be like, I don't apologize for what I said. I love the sinner, but I still think they should be put to death. Really? And this goes back to what we talked about last time. Can't you just wait for them to die and get judged? Isn't that a possibility? Can't you just be like, look, man, you are fucking up. You are fucking up so bad, you lesbians, look, man, you are fucking up. You are fucking up so bad,

you lesbians, you homosexuals, you bisexuals, you transgender people. You are fucking up so bad that God is going to send you to a pit of hell for the fucking rest of eternity because of, you know, how your sexuality has taken you throughout your life. That God's just going to throw you in the pit of fucking fiery lake or whatever the fuck they believe. He's going to fucking pitch you in there and it's going to suck for eternity. Awesome. Well, let's just wait until then.

How about you don't kill me now or ask other people to kill me now or justify the fact that I could get killed by some fucking homophobe. I don't even know what killing that person does. It's eternity right like you believe in this fucking ridiculous concept of unending time right and pain and suffering for time unending what's a few more weeks right what it's it's like oh my god we we really let that one slip by sure he yeah I mean, granted, he was tortured for all time. I mean, all of the time. There's no time when he's not being – is he being tortured now?

Yes. Okay. What about next week? Also being tortured. Yeah. Being tortured for all of time. Yeah. Yeah.

And in the span of the universe, let's not even say all of time. Let's just say in the span that is the universe, the 13 or so billion years that the universe has been around that we can see at least. And then the amount of time it's going to be around afterwards. How long is human life in that? How long is a human life in that time? You can't wait the fucking millisecond that it seems to the rest of the universe for that person just to die in natural causes you got to put them to death because you're so fucking anxious to start torturing them man i haven't tortured anybody in so long i'm gonna torture somebody nobody dies i need to well actually people die every day no

fucking i have needed torture one more Why isn't somebody killing that guy? Kill him faster. And who fucking uses Leviticus nowadays? I know. Like who uses, you even said this before. Nobody uses Leviticus because everybody's like, hey, man, nice fucking polyclot and cotton blend you got on there, bro. Nobody uses it anymore. But instead, this fucking, this fucking Gomer Pyle-looking motherfucker is like, Well, gotta kill them all.

Gotta fucking stone them to death, because God doesn't like them. They make my genitals tingle when I think about them, and that makes me very uncomfortable. So kill them. And then I have to masturbate for hours and hours and hours. Ridiculous fucking idiots. Mississippi, you suck.

And not all the people in Mississippi suck. No. For the record. Just that idiot and some of the people in Mississippi. And the people who fucking worked to elect that idiot. The guy who worked to elect. And that's not saying that all voters in Mississippi. No, no, it's not.

Are bad people. But the people who voted for that guy are bad people. They are bad people. Lord, we just asked it to be covered with the blood of Jesus. Open hearts, Lord. Open hearts. This story is from independent.co.uk. Three-year-old Malaysian girl killed in suspected exorcism.

Exorcism? Exorcism ritual. Exorcism. Exorcism. They're? Exorcism ritual. Exercise them. They're not exercising enough. Keep exercising. That's what you do when you command people to exercise someone. Exercise them! We've been running on a treadmill for so long.

Satan is exhausted. He just wants some water. A three-year-old girl was killed in a suspected exorcism ritual by family members. Cecil, it turns out the way that you exercise a three-year-old girl is to fucking dog pile them. Right.

Just get eight adults and squish them. You just hug the Holy Spirit right out, or the evil spirit right out of them, and sometimes as a side effect, their actual spirit goes too. Yeah. The girl was face down under a human pile which comprised her parents, grandmother, uncle, aunt, two cousins, and their Indonesian maid.

You're squishing this little girl. At what point did not one of those people in the fucking dog pile say, Whoa, are we squishing this little girl? Because a three-year-old girl weighs like 35 pounds. Right. There's not a moment of clarity amongst – like to be had amongst those people. At some point, there had to be the last person to jump on. And Cecil, how tall is an eight-person dog pile?

Like you've got to work for that. I mean American dog piles obviously are taller. Right. You know, because we're a little plumper. Yeah. But, you know, even the skinny people in Malaysia. Yeah, that girl wouldn't have lasted past a three-person dog pile in America. You know what I mean?

Like, three adults? Oh, come on. Yeah. You're squeezing that kid out of there like jelly. What are you kidding me? Every time I hug my little boy, I fucking exercise. I'm just like, oh, God, you're killing me again. Oh, God.

That's the air whooshing out of my lungs. I was using that. How is this supposed to – how at some point is this supposed to work, right? You're like, well, we got all the demons out. Oh. Yeah. We're going to need a a three-year-old girl yeah you're gonna have to you're gonna have to make a new one um it's it's just sad though because you live in a you live in a uh i think a time now where this shit seems just so fucking appalling. Like maybe,

you know, 1500 years ago, this sort of thing, you know, maybe that's the norm. I don't know. But you live in a time now where you, you hear about shit like this and you're like,

wait, you're an adult. You fucking procreated and had a child. That child lived to be three years old. And you thought that the child was possessed by a demon so first off you're an asshole right so you thought your kid was possessed by a demon but then you you killed that child yeah in the process of trying to save that child yeah i you know it's impossible not to be appalled by this and it's impossible not to be appalled by this.

And it's impossible not to point to the magical thinking that goes on and say, like, here's the root cause, guys. We found the root cause. We know what the root cause is. It's people believing in fucking magic and demons. When they believe in magic and demons, they're going to do something nutty. Like, I don't know, play fucking Jenga with a little kid. The only problem is nobody pulled the block of her out. Nobody pulled the block out. And put her on top.

They should have. They might have saved her life. That would have been better. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, you're absolutely right. You know, it starts off with belief in ghosts and ghouls and demons and things that go bump in the night, man. It's supernatural mumbo jumbo. It's the idea that fucking Halloween is real.

What, are you going to cry now? Come on, cry, baby. Cry for me. Come on. Cry. This story is from The Irish Sun or thesun.co.uk. Sex assault preacher set for twisted Irish tour. I fucking love this guy.

This guy is spectacular. This is a story about a televangelist who is a convicted pedophile. Screwed around with underage kids. Seven-year-old kid. Screwed around with a seven-year-old kid. When he was 14. When he was 14. When he was 14. But the other kid was seven.

No, but, you know, I mean, let's be fair to the story. Sure. Okay. Yeah. All right. Ex-drug addict. That's good. Now he is an evangelist, and his method for healing people is to beat them up.

Yeah. To fight them. Right. To fight the evil right out of them spectacular this is just good this just goes to me this just goes to show that this guy's an obvious fraud right and he knows he's a fraud and he's playing people and it's almost like he's saying how ridiculous can i be what will they what point will people say? Whoa, you have pushed this shit too far. What about if I kick him in the face? I kick him in the leg until they can walk again.

I find that awesome that that's what he did with a polio sufferer. He kicked him in the leg over and over. That's nice. That's that's the way to do it. And this is really, I mean, this is flying in the face of how everyone else really does this sort of thing. This is a totally different way in which to, you know, air quotes, heal someone. Other people sell them something like we talked about earlier. They sell them something so that they're trying to get money. This guy's probably taking donations, but he's also getting his sadist jollies off by beating people. And, you know, some people, that's worth a little money for him, I guess. I guess that's worth

a little bit of money. He could sell them blackcurrant, you know, cordial or olive oil, but instead he's willing to just beat the piss out of them and have them save a little money in their pocket. I have to respect this guy's just outrageousness. At some point, you just have to just clap. It's like, fucking bravo, man. Like, bravo. They're coming to you, and you're fucking kicking the shit out of them. Right. And just being like, how does that feel?

Do you fucking feel healed? Do you feel healed now? No. I feel like somebody's kicking me. I feel like I'm getting kicked. This is a quote. I was asked why the power of God isn't moving, and I said it's because I haven't kicked that woman in the face.

The Holy Spirit spoke to me. The gift of faith came on me and said, kick her in the face with your biker boot. I inched closer, and I went, bam. Just as my boot made contact with her nose, she fell under the power of God. She fell. I don't know that she fell under the power of God.

I think she fell under the power of the kinetic energy of your boot connecting with her face. That will do it. That's an alternative explanation for those of you who are interested in what happens. You know, it figures the guy's wearing an affliction t-shirt. You know what I mean? Like it figures this guy is wearing something like that. He's got a – I guess his elbows are holy too because there's fire on them. And Jesus is under his tricep.

He's showing off his awesome tats. I remember like all the tats Jesus had. Oh, yeah. I don't know if you remember those. They were prison tats, you know, tough guy. Yeah. You know, kind of a – this guy is insane. He's just utterly insane.

He's just kicking the shit out of people and he's going on a tour? How do you get – at some point you have to be sitting there thinking, oh, man. Here he's coming to town? No, who? Oh, he's that guy that – I forgot his name, that evangelist. Which one? He's the one that kicks the shit out of you. Is he the one that abused the little boy?

Yes. Yes, that's the one. I want to go see that guy. Maybe he'll hit me too. Wouldn't it be great if he beat me up? I'll bring my daughter. Right. What the fuck?

It's almost like they should be just fucking selling shirts in the lobby. I'll believe anything. I am an idiot. Yeah, and really it does seem like he's pushing the envelope to try to show people how crazy can I be with you still believing in me. Right. There's no way to satirize this. Yeah, right. This is self-satirization. At some point you're just like, what's he going to do, heal somebody by killing them next? I've just sucked one year of your life away. What did this do to you?

Tell me. And remember, this is for posterity, so be honest. How do you feel? And see someone in a similar vein from Balkan Insight. For all your Balkan insights.com. Serbian priest kills drug addict. A Serbian Orthodox church priest has killed a man at a rehab center. Reducing the 12 steps to just one.

Yeah, you don't need a lot of steps. Maybe he threw him down 12 steps. Step one, I killed you. Step two, cover it up. Yeah, no kidding. Hey, are you still a drug addict? Hello? Are you still a...

No, nudge him a little harder. Oh, no. Well, he won't be relapsing anytime soon. No, no, he won't. This guy, on this article, there's a video. And if you're squeamish about violence, you might not want to watch it. But it's basically this guy and another guy beating this guy in the ass with a shovel for a while. And then there's one point where he kind of gets a guy into a tie clinch and knees him in the face repeatedly.

I don't know what that does for addiction. I mean, I, I've been trying to think about it all day. I mean, like, what does that do for you? I mean, is it just, is it just punishment? Is that all he's doing is just saying, if you get high again, I'm just going to beat the Christ out of you, beat the shit out of you as much as I can. And then you're not going to do it again. Is that, I guess that's what he's doing. Who signs up for this? I mean, this is just, it's asinine. What this is is sadism. Right.

And there's no two ways about it. It's just sadism that's sanctioned by some fucking holy nonsense. This guy likes to hurt people. There's no point where you're taking a fucking shovel and swinging that thing roundhouse like a baseball bat into some dude's ass because you really think well this might help this is probably gonna the next hit you know i hit him three times already with a baseball with a fucking shovel in the ass didn't work i gotta hit him that third time yeah because when you hit him hard enough

it shoots the crystal meth back out of the body. That's un-fucking-believable. Yeah, but this is exactly that, right? It's just a sadist who got a job as somebody who's doing this sort of work. It's just like the previous story. That guy's a sadist who got a job as somebody who's doing this kind of work. They carved a niche out for themselves saying, hey, you know, I can beat the shit out of people. Here's one of my, you know, on my resume under special skills, it's I like

harming other individuals. And somehow their position opened up for them to harm other individuals. So they were using this special skill they had honed since they were children, probably. So they were using this special skill they had honed since they were children probably. How would that interview go, right? Like, yeah, so I see on here you like hitting people with shovels. Ooh, hey, Bill, don't we have a shovel hitting rehab position available? You know, we were going to hire you for altar boy, but the priest position actually has a shovel hitting clause. And I figure you'd excel at that job. You'll fit right into this organization.

Welcome aboard. Go see HR for your shovel. Your orientation kit just includes a shovel. Just here you go. You got to watch like one of those shitty employee training videos. Like somebody comes out. It's like, hi, welcome to our company. Do you have your company shovel?

How do you know when you can't hit someone again with a shovel? That's a trick question. You can always hit someone with a shovel. And just remember, the shovel's always right. Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French, you know, Napoleon III and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil.

They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. See, so this story is from HuffingtonPost.com. Pat Robertson blames atheists and those who hate God for Wisconsin temple shooting. Right. As I'm sure everybody is aware, there was a shooting at a Sikh temple in Oak Creek, Wisconsin. A deplorable act, right? I mean, there's no two ways about it.

I will say that it's interesting, Cecil, that right after the shooting in the theater that happened recently, we played that clip and we talked about the glorification of violence. And they said said you know mass shootings spark other mass shootings right there have been at least two other mass shootings right since this so you know i i think that that does bear repeating um but uh pat robertson always the uh always the voice of reason pat robertson, people who are atheists, they hate God. They hate the expression of God. And they're angry at the world, angry with themselves,

angry with society, and they take it out on innocent people who are worshiping God. No. No, that is not actually the case, Pat Robertson. Atheists don't give a fuck. Atheists listen to podcasts. And make make podcasts and drink craft beers.

I make rage comics and put them on fucking our atheism. Yeah. The thing is, is like, like what, what Pat Robertson is saying here is he's looking for someone to vilify in this situation. situation. And instead of vilifying the guy who, according to this, he was a one-time leader of a racial supremacist band. You know what I mean? So you're talking about somebody who I think is coming into this with other motives. And they're blaming it on them being an atheist, if they're an atheist at all. And what you want to say is like, the reason why people kill each other should never really boil down to, I'm an atheist.

I can't ever think of a reason to be like, you know what, I'm an atheist, so I'm just going to kill you. Like, that doesn't really come up. It never comes up in my life. I don't even think about that. I would never think about, I'm going to do something because I'm an atheist. It's the lack of belief. That's all it is.

It's just me not believing in God. They somehow equate that to immorality, to all bets are off and there is no such thing as a universal sort of morality for people. They think that we just neglect the social contract, that we just say, you know what, I'm an atheist. And since I can't, I don't believe in your punishment in the afterlife and I don't believe that your God does exist, I can do whatever I want. Well, no, that's not the case. I don't know a single person who thinks like that. It's just, it's like they have this fantasy that they want to bring to life. And they try to put it on a bunch of different examples that it doesn't fit. Well, that's exactly what it is, is a fantasy because it has no relationship to the actual world.

How could an atheist be motivated to attack a religious group? At what point would you say, well, I don't think you're right, so I'm just going to shoot you? I'm just going to shoot you? That doesn't, is that the case? You know, you said something that kind of struck me. You said that, you know, they have this idea that atheists, because they, you know, don't have any kind of morality from a holy book, that there's this mistaken idea that atheists can just go around doing whatever they want without any consequence. Well, even if I could go around doing whatever I want with no consequence, so ignoring all the social

consequences, all the personal consequences, the emotional intellectual consequences of my actions, even ignoring all of those things, even if I could go around and do whatever I want without consequence, at no point would I just want to shoot up a temple in Wisconsin, right? You wouldn't be like, well, the only thing preventing me from shooting temples in Wisconsin is, you know, my religious baggage that holds me back. That's crazy. Doesn't it just assume doesn't it just assume that we're all nasty, vicious murderers who are only held back on our vicious dog chain by the, you know, the tether of morality prescribed by some holy book? That doesn't strike me as accurate.

You're all dead! Oh, be nice! Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay. Oh, my God. What's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody stand up. So, Cecil, this story is from TheExaminer.com. This is a story that the headline is,

Christian tells woman to keep your pussy clean because he plans to rape her. This is in reference to the gay day protests, which were by and large peaceful, except for in Grand Rapids, Michigan, where a man who represented the black Hebrew Israelites threatened to rape a woman and use graphic language to describe his intentions. Specifically, he told a woman to keep her pussy clean and that she would enjoy it when he raped her. I got to say, first of all, that's the worst incentive I've ever heard. Yeah, right? That's like saying, hey, hey, put a bunch of valuables in your house and I'm going to

rob you. You better keep your house clean because I'm going to rob the fuck out of it. Yeah, I don't want to have to look around too long to find your valuables. Keep them right on the front porch. Right. What? What the fucking? It's a fucking awful, deplorable, ridiculous, mean, spiteful, angry, hateful, terribly misogynist thing to say.

But it's also stupid beyond reckoning. I just think he's giving her hygiene advice. You know what I mean? Right. He's just like, look, keep your pussy clean. I wash my dick every day. You should keep your pussy clean. Oh, I'm going to rape you too.

I don't think the two are connected. I doubt very much that they are. What a shitty – like this is one thing I do want to talk about because I think it's really a – there's a symptom now. I see it all the time. When someone disagrees – when a male – let me just say this the way it should be said. When a male disagrees with a woman, especially on the Internet, there seems to be this point where somebody – the male will wish rape on the woman. And I've seen it in YouTube comments. I know that there's many women bloggers out there that get this all the time. I can't wrap my head around this.

I really can't. They're saying that they wish rape on somebody. They wish this horrible act to happen to them. I don't know why people do it. I guess the only the only thing that I can connect it to, the only way in which I can put the two things together is that they feel powerless and they want to like assert some sort of power over this woman. And so what they're doing is it's not a sexual thing. It's a power thing like rape is. And they're saying, I can't put you in your place the way I want to. I can't say to you, I can't get you to shut up. I can't get you to stop talking. I can't get you to shut up. I can't get you to stop talking. I can't get you to stop expressing your opinion.

So I hope someone else comes along and rapes you. This guy here is just cutting out the middleman. Yeah, it's just the meanest form of a threat, right? It's just the most vile, cruel thing that you can sort of think to say. And the reason that – I think you're right. The reason you resort to that sort of nonsense is because you have no more tools at your disposal, right? I mean, that's kind of what you're saying.

You're saying, I don't know what else there is to say. Why won't you just be quiet? Don't you realize that you're a woman and I can just have you at any time? That I am a male and you are a female, and because I don't have intellectual dominance and I don't have the other forms of dominance that I feel like I should have, the only way for me to exert my control in this situation is to try to attack you in this sort of pseudo-sexual power play. It's just – it's so deplorable.

Keep your pussy clean. What? That's the part that I keep coming back to. It's just a it's so deplorable. Keep your pussy clean? What? That's the part that I keep coming back to. It's just a weird thing to say. I would tell this woman, put sand in your vagina. Put it up there. Maybe so, you know, if you have something up there that'll keep them out, you know, at least it's like when you put the cinder blocks on your garbage can so the raccoons can't get in. You know what I mean?

You need something there to keep this guy away. And what church is he from? The Black Hebrew Israelites? Yeah, right. I saw that. Like, for real? What? You know, aren't you a churchgoer?

You're like, dude, keep your pussy clean because I'm going to rape it. I'm going to rape the shit out of that pussy, just so you know. Like, are you fucking serious, dude? You know, I heard that God was actually pro, like, massage. Rape? pro like rape oh he is read the bible you'll find it everywhere very much so this guy's just you know he's just kind of he's he's just getting along you know he's doing what his book says to do right you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth so see so this last story is less of a story than it is a crazy. It's an awesome image. It's an awesome image.

It is. It's fucking hilarious. It's from io9.com. We come from the future, it says. And hilariously, this is a story about the past. 1880s anti-masturbation armor. This is a copper codpiece thing? Yeah. That you put your junk in? Right.

So you can't play with your junk? Yeah. There's an angle on this thing that seems a little unnatural, Cecil. It looks like Gonzo's face. It's like, Gonzo! It's got that little sort of, you know, like the noodle

is fully cooked and it's sort of hanging limply forward and you could tell it's a noodle because there's a colander on the tip that you strain it with. And it's got little air holes for your balls, which is nice. You don't want them to get too warm.

It's a very helpful thing. And you can put the gold bond in there. That's good, too. I figure if the guy who was threatening rape earlier had this on, he wouldn't be able to perform. He'd be a little less terrifying. Although, admittedly, I'm looking at this thing, and I could probably fuck it. You know, don't you have to wonder about the Smith? Who's, you know, he's working like he's banging away, making his fucking whatever.

And some dude comes to him, he's like, all right, I got an idea. Oh, okay, yeah. You can make anything out of metal, right? Oh, yeah, I'm fucking crazy talented. You wouldn't believe the shit I can make. Metal's the substance of the future. So here's what I'm looking for. These little boys are masturbating too much.

My kid can't keep his hand off his cock is what I'm saying. So what I'd like you to do is to make a little, you know, penis entombment. Right. What? Yeah, I just want to entomb his penis in copper. I just want to make it look like a little copper elephant. Can you do that for me? I got a nice patina on that thing.

I got a nice patina on that thing. Let me just tell you that sitting down with that ring on your taint would not be a fun thing. Yeah, that looks vicious. Because that ring is right on your taint. That is mean-spirited. That is the ring taint, and I'm not a fan of that, it turns out. And I will also point out that this might maybe work if it's cold out. But when it gets warm, the boys kind of drop down a little bit. Yeah, yeah.

You got to give them a little breathing room there. Yeah, and if you don't, it's going to turn into a Play-Doh fucking fun factory. This thing's a horror show. Somebody is really worried about what other people are doing with their junk. Look, if you don't wear one of those, I will rape you. That is my answer. So we got a couple disclaimers this time. We got a disclaimer from Phil and a disclaimer from Gina.

Now, remember that if you would like to submit a disclaimer, all you have to do is record a disclaimer for the end of our show, and then we will play it if we think it's funny. Gina recorded one that we think is great. It's going to be at the end of this show. Next show, we'll be playing Phil's. Now, remember, you can always send one in, but we want to thank Phil and Gina for sending in great disclaimers, and we will use

both of them in the next two weeks. So, we got an email from Sonny, Tom. We did. Sonny sent us an email basically saying that we've spent a lot of time going over and defending ourselves and apologizing for this error or that error, and Sonny says, hey, cut it out.

You don't need to do that. So, Sonny, I'm taking your advice. We're not fucking apologizing for anything anymore, even when we get things horribly, horribly wrong. Which is every episode. Yes. Thank you, Sonny. Thank you for sending in the email. We got a couple voicemails. I'm going to play the two voicemails that we got just now.

We got one from Balls. It's the title of Balls. And we got another one from Esme. We're going to play them both for you right now. Hey, assholes. This is Balls in Brisbane, Australia. Wanted to put out a challenge to you guys. I will donate.

Donate? Donate $100. U.S. dollars, which is a little bit less than the Australian dollar, sorry to say. But I will give $100 U.S. dollars. US dollars, which is a little bit less than the Australian dollar, sorry to say, but I will give 100 US dollars if you two assholes will not eat a Twinkie for two weeks. Do you accept? Cheers, guys. You rock.

Hi, Cecil and Tom. I'm a new listener to your podcast, and I like your podcast so much. My name's Es podcast, and I like your podcast so much. My name is Esme, and I like your podcast so much that I literally said today to a coworker, if I could listen or watch no other form of entertainment for the rest of my life but one, if I only had one choice, it would be cognitive dissonance. And I totally meant it.

You guys are rule. Thanks. So, Tom, do you want to read Esme's? I absolutely do. Google Voice had this one very close. Hi, CeaseOne.com. hi cease one dot com I'm out of new listener into your podcast and I like your podcast so much

my name is as name and I like your podcast so much and I really really seven today too a co-worker it's I could listener watch no I was there form of entertainment for the rest of my life, oh one. And then one choice, it would be

call me at a distance, in which I totally meant it. You guys are little. Thanks. Let me tell you, honey. Thank you so much, Esme, for sending that in. We're very happy. We were tickled when you sent that, when you called in and said that.

That was very nice. Now I want to talk about Balls here. So Balls sends us a voicemail. And Balls, you say you'll donate $100 American to Doctors Without Borders, which is our current donation drive that's going on on our web page, Apocalypse Without Borders, is the name of our donation drive. We are donating. We are hoping that the people who listen to this show will take a moment and donate a few bucks to Doctors Without Borders, a secular charity, which is totally awesome. And you can read all about Doctors Without Borders on

the web. But Balls here says that he'll give us 100 bones, U.S., if we don't eat a Twinkie for two weeks. And I'm going to say, Tom, that's going to start Monday at 9.31 p.m. You can't have a Twinkie now until Monday, 9.31 p.m. on the 27th. Can I eat a ho-ho? I guess ho-hos are fine. Ding-dongs? Ding-dongs are cool. Susie Kuehl?

Snowballs? You could fucking, you know, you could probably fuck one of those apple pies if you wanted to. Don't microwave them first. That filling is fucking lava. Absolutely. And they're hard to fuck with my little 18th century Victorian cock armor. I accept your challenge. Yeah, I do too.

And I will not eat. Actually, I'll up you one. I won't eat a single hostess thing between now and the 27th of August, 931 p.m. But I will celebrate with Tom on the air, and I will eat the shit out of a Twinkie when you donate your $100. I'm on the air and I will eat the shit out of a Twinkie when you, when you donate your a hundred bucks. Yep. When we see that a hundred bucks come in,

we will unwrap and eat those fucking horrible, nasty little sponge cakes of death. Thank you for that balls. That's awesome that you're going to do that. So Tom, uh, Nicole sends an email and asks us for some advice. Uh,

and, and we're going to try to give you some advice, Nicole. Tom, what do you think about this email? So Nicole's question, she asked whether or not she should be giving advice to her little sister. Her little sister is going to perchance go to Bible Institute of Los Angeles. And her little sister asked her if she still believed in God. She said no. Neither of them pursued the conversation. And she wants to know, was she too tentative?

She just let her parents handle it. Your little sister's 16. It's your parents' job to raise her. Whether you think they're doing a good job or a bad job kind of isn't your call. If she asks you a direct question, answer it. If she wants to engage you in a conversation, engage it. Be honest. Be truthful.

But it's not your job to pursue. You may cause a rift if you stand in the way of what your parents want. Now, when she's 18 or living on her own, I say 18 and living on her own, because if you're still living in your parents' house, you kind of got to live by their rules until you're you know you're done or paying rent I think would be the only other way um then give her all the unsolicited advice you want you want uh because at that point she's an adult and she's making decisions for herself um but it's as as again as against it as I would be if it were be if it were someone who I was raising. I don't feel like I would be comfortable giving this advice, giving that sort of advice to somebody I know that was raising a kid.

And they wanted that kid to go to the Bible Institute. And also, you kind of broke out of it. You don't believe in God, but it seems like your parents and your family are religious. So that means that there's a very good chance or a chance at least that your sister will also. So keep that conversation, keep those avenues of conversation open, especially after she attends. And the best thing about the best the best way in which to not believe in God is to read the damn Bible. Yeah, no kidding. Just encourage her to give that thing a good one over.

Yeah, tell her to focus on Leviticus. We got an email from, is it Eric? Eric. I don't know. Eric. It's Eric with an A, which is very cool. I've never seen that before. Must be Jewish.

Sends us an email and asks us why we don't cover a lot of Jewish stuff. We do on occasion. The Jews sometimes do some really stupid shit. We talked about the people, the ultra-Orthodox. A lot of times it's the ultra-Orthodox, Tom, that we talk about, where they're throwing rocks and shit at the kids because they don't want to see kids going to school, which is fucking wacky but uh but at the bottom uh you give us some some really good stories and tom you wanted to talk

about these special glasses yeah i love this uh jerusalem blurred glasses are the latest tool in the arsenal of charity men i may be mispronouncing that i'm sorry um so basically there's a company selling blurry glasses, the opposite of the reason glasses, right? Like, oh, I don't see well. Here, have some glasses. Oh, I see very well. Ooh, have some glasses. So that people don't have to see immodest women. At the bottom of the email you say, if you do make an intro for Jewish stuff, I beg you, don't use Hava Nagila, which is the music from Fiddler on the Roof.

Too fucking late, bro. We've already used it many times for our Jewish stories. And I'm going to continue using it because I'm lazy, number one. And two, I like it. People know it. Yeah. People know it. And that's what connects them so while it's not it might not

be creative enough um for you um too fucking bad that's what i'm gonna use so uh until you uh until you want to mix the podcast for me um i'm going to use the bumpers that i want to use sorry about that but thank you for the thank you for the suggestion but i i flatly reject your suggestion great links though i appreciate the links. Great links. Great links. And thanks. Thanks for bringing it to our attention that we don't do enough Jewish stuff. We should do more Jewish stuff. Um, maybe we'll keep an eye on those, uh, those websites that you sent us. Uh, we got an email from John who said where our, our segment on guns was full of fail. Um, Tom, what do you have to say about this?

Uh, well, thanks for the email. I just disagree with you, John. You say guns do save lives, and then you go on to discuss crime statistics. We weren't really chatting about crime statistics. We were talking about, you know, Cecil and I are both gun owners. We're not anti-gun. We're just pro-gun regulation, pro-reasonable laws in reference to guns. We actually didn't even make a comment about whether or not guns save lives.

We didn't go into that debate. I would, however, say that if you're going to look at the statistics bearing out when guns are used to defend a family against crime, you have to balance that if you're being reasonable and weighing the risks and benefits of gun ownership. You do have to balance that with, you know, the statistics that, you know, show when kids accidentally shoot other kids or shoot themselves or or purposely shoot other kids, purposely shoot other kids. You know, you have to weigh risks with benefits of the same thing. So like for like and I don't I mean, I have three guns. I'm not anti guns. Right. We're not anti gun. We're just more regulation. And the other thing that people, I think, neglect whenever they talk about that, there's there's a big thing about like gun stop crime, gun stop crime. I have seen videos of guns stopping crime but it's mainly robberies that they're stopping

when people are on rampages you're not stopping the guy with the body armor in the middle of the Colorado shooting the guy has body armor on you're going to shoot him a few times there were two guys a while back that were stealing

from a bank and they came out with head to toe in body armor. The cops couldn't do fuck all to them. They shot them like a bunch of times. And the guys were just like, whatever. I'm moving here. And they had assault weapons. And they were shooting the fuck out of a bunch of people, like a bunch of a big area.

I don't remember exactly. I don't know how many people got injured. But I know there was a few people that got injured during that process. know how many people got injured, but I know there was a few people that got injured during that process. Um, so, you know, guns, I'm sure guns can, uh, on occasion stop a crime, but you've also got to expect that guns are also going to have some crime associated with them. They're going to allow crimes to happen that might not happen. Uh, otherwise, if the gun was not available to them, but thanks for the email and, uh email and for telling us we're full of fail. So we got another email that was similar to this on gun control from Matt from Australia, Tom.

We did. And he says, as to their gun laws, they're pretty good. To get a gun, you must have a reason, such as sport or recreational shooting. That's a pretty easy reason. What do you want the gun for? I'd like to shoot it. Why? For fun. Okay. You can't have a semi-automatic rifle. You need a separate license for a pistol. You can have a semi-automatic pistol. You have to do a training course to get a background check, and you must also have a gun safe. Those all seem reasonable. They seem totally reasonable. No one's saying you can't have it.

Just, hey, if you want it, here's how to be safe with it. Like the Wayne, which should get a gun in the United States. He's just like, I would like said gun. Please sign out this form that says you're not fucking cuckoo. Okay, awesome. I'm not cuckoo. Can I have a gun? And then you get one.

But when I go to fucking go to get a car, get a license to drive a car, I have to I have to I have to do a bunch of shit in order to learn how to learn how to drive the car. I have to go through a permit stage and then I have to get the get the the license to drive and things like that. And I've heard the argument. It's like, yeah, but you can own a gun without using it. Right. Like that's the thing is like they say, well, you can own a car without using it. You can own a gun without using it. I don't buy that shit. It's like, I get that you can own a car and never fucking drive it and not have to, you don't have to have a license to

own a car, but you have to own a license to actually do something with it. And if you're just going to have a gun just to look at and it's never going to be loaded or whatever, that's too bad. You're just going to have to fall under the fucking auspices of who gives a fuck. You own the gun. You own the gun.

There's going to be a presumption that one day you will use it. Therefore, you're going to have to go to a fucking, you're going to have to go to classes. You're going to have to learn how to use it. You're going to have to learn about the dangers of the gun, all the things that are important. Nobody fucking taught me how to use a gun. I had to learn how to clean it myself.

I had to learn how to load it myself. Everything that went into fucking firing the firearms that I own, I had to learn on my own. And I think that is a load of shit. I think there should be much more time and effort dedicated to people learning how to use their firearms and learning how to use them safely. So we got an email from Esme, and I think this is the same person who sent us the voicemail. I think so. And Esme, I don't know if you're kidding around or not, but I'm going to dress you like you're not kidding around.

You say, J'adore means I love or I adore. I got that from adore. It's right on there. And also detest is right in je detest or whatever. So I got that too. I understood because you were – she's making a comment about how I said j'adore means five. I know that it doesn't mean five. That's the joke.

We want to talk about another person who we didn't think was in our demographic who is listening to our show, Tom. It is an email from Tessie. We got an email from Tessie. She's a 57-year-old woman, skeptical atheist, living in Mississippi. So as I said before, Mississippi sucks. Not you, Tessie. Yeah, right. Not all Mississippians. She expresses her support of the show.

One of the things that she says in here that I think is worth noting and very I don't know, it's just great to kind of hear is that everybody around her, most of her family and co-workers see her as a dull, aging, conservative, single, hardworking Christian woman. She puts on a politically correct front and she listens to the show, it sounds like from this, kind of in secret a little bit. And I have

to wonder how many other people there are in the great state of Mississippi and other southern states and Bible Belt parts of the country that feel the same way and don't have an avenue. They don't have a community to identify with. So the fact that you listened to the show just means a lot to us. Thank you. We got an email from Dan, and Dan says, what if he sent a letter to the Baptist Association rescinding all his tithes? Would they consider a refund? Yeah, you know what?

You should send a message. I guarantee they're not going to respond. But if they do respond and send you a big pile of money back, not fucking likely, you could always donate it to Doctors Without Borders through our website. So it might be something to consider. through our website. So it might be something to consider. But I knew that when I sent my letter to the Pope, that there wasn't going to be anything that was going to happen from it. I didn't expect them to come back and be like, oh my God, I can't believe you left for the church. I can't believe that you left for the church. But no, we didn't expect anything to happen.

I just did it for me. So it may be that, Dan, you want to just do something for you and say, look, I resent the fact that I sent you a shit ton of money and you guys bought new stained glass windows with it. And that kind of makes me angry when you should have been helping people that deserve it. And from now on, I will be giving money to people who deserve it rather than people who are pretending that they're giving it to people who deserve it rather than people who are pretending that they're giving it to people who deserve it. That might help you. It might just help you. So maybe it might be a letter you want to write. So you've wasted another, what is this, probably about an hour and 20 minutes or so of your time listening to our show. We are going to be recording this week on Friday.

It's our sincerest hope to be recording with Jake from the imaginary friend show. He will be our first repeat guest. Uh, we wanted to get Jake back on cause we had such a fun time with Jake last time we were laughing and kidding around and he is a very, very genuinely funny guy and we want to help his podcast numbers cause his podcast really sucks and we just want to help him get more numbers and, uh,

and we want to give him an opportunity to be funny because he's never really funny on his show. He's not tried that yet. Yeah. Because, yeah, I think he's very serious on his show. But when he comes on our show, it gives him an opportunity to be a funny guy. So we're going to give him that opportunity next week and we're going to talk about his show and his book and get a chance to really sort of chit chat with Jake again. But until then, we're going to leave you with the skeptics creed. Stick around for Gina's disclaimer.

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