Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 63: Traditional Amish Neckbeards

Episode Date: September 2, 2012

Pastor: We Successfully Prayed Hurricane Away from Tampa  Seventeen Afghan partygoers beheaded by Taliban  The music has died in northern Mali as Islamic extremists exert control  Breakaway Amish group accused of beard-cutting attacks  Father Benedict Groeschel, American Friar, Claims Teens Seduce Priests In Some Sex Abuse Cases  Thieves steal vial of late Pope John Paul II's blood from priest's backpack Republican Senate Candidate Says Daughter’s Out-of-Wedlock Pregnancy is ‘Similar’ to Rape It Is Infuriating That I Can't Vote For A Fiscal Conservative Without Also Supporting Religious Aggressives  Israeli rabbi calls for prayers for Iran's destruction  Visit our Website at for more info.

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. Hi, y'all. This is Hillbilly God in for another installment of God's Mailbag. Last week, I made up a hurricane. That hurricane was named after a young'un that Abraham was supposed to sacrifice. So for me, it was kind of a big deal.

Anywhoos, I set that wind to spinning, and it wasn't but a few minutes later, people started flooding my suggestion box with comments. Here's a couple that I got. God, you need to make sure that hurricane doesn't hit Tampa. As a Ron Paul supporter, I need to make my voice heard. Not at the ballot box, but by shout not a turn at the convention. Well, here's a note. Dear God, please make the hurricane miss the Republican National Convention. I have a whole

week of strip clubs and hookers lined up, and I would really hate to have to miss out on all the fun. Here's one more. Yahweh. Now that's a fancy name they call me once in a while. Please let Hurricane Isaac miss Florida. If you don't, there won't be any way we can shout USA, USA for hours and hours. So many people sent suggestions that I took your advice and moved it. I still can't figure out why they didn't just want me to stop the thing altogether. I mean, if you didn't want it, I could have just made it disappear. But I think that lots of people in Tampa just wanted to spread God's love all over New Orleans. And then like that Katrina one so much, they still haven't rebuilt from it. I think they do that just so they can remember it better. Okay, well thanks for joining me, and be sure to tune in

next week when we talk about my favorite kind of hound dog. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political.

And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 63 of Cognitive Dissonance. And I blame the children, Cecil. Blame them for what? We'll get to that. We will definitely get to that. Blame them for wearing those short, short skirts. Is that it?

Right. Very suggestive little pants. Those damn tempting, tempting children. Little Eric, are you trying to seduce me? Reverend Justin Peters is part of an effort to cover the party conventions in prayer, and she says there's been plenty of prayer about Isaac in the last few days. We have had lots and lots of people praying around the clock that it would move, and if you watch from the very beginning where they were saying it was coming

and now where they're saying it's going, then it has really moved out of the way for us. And we appreciate God doing that and moving it for us. So, Cecil, it was a big week this week. A lot of things going on. The Republican National Convention was in Florida. Mitt Romney officially got the nod. He is, you know, not that there was any possibility he was going anywhere else, but he officially

got the nod. And a hurricane, thankfully, was diverted away from Florida, away from the Republican National Convention, and toward that, you know, deserving city of New Orleans, which certainly needs more hurricanes. That place that is not prone to natural disasters. You know, the city that's below sea level. Yeah. The city that got fucking one-two punched before is going to get one-two punched again.

Thank you. Thanks for praying it over there, guys. You couldn't fucking pray it out to fucking sea the other way, huh? No, no, no. You got to go pray it out to fucking see the other way, huh? No, no, no. You got to go inland with it. That's the way to go. Don't pray it up the coast. You know what I mean?

Like, you don't pray it up the coast. And look at this. I mean, I love this image of this woman. What an empty-headed moron this woman is. I mean, you heard this person talk. They're just, like, all giddy about how it proved that, you know, God exists, basically, that they prayed the fucking hurricane away. That's what they're saying is that the hurricane blew past the Republican National Convention on its way to New Orleans instead. Because, you know, I mean, New Orleans needs it.

They need the rain? They need hurricanes. They're just like, they're thirsty for fucking hurricanes. Have you ever seen fucking Bourbon Street? It needs a washing. That's all I'm saying. It needs to get cleaned. That's a dirty fucking street, man.

Any street you could walk down and find, you know, like human semen, turds, and vomit all within like a fucking square centimeter of each other, you need to fucking wash that street. That's all I'm saying. Well, you know, and that's the thing. As hurricanes – and a lot of people don't know this, but this is a fact. I made it up. As hurricanes are God's power washer. And he just blasts that because that's what they – like, oh, there's going to be a gay pride parade. Just wash it away. But he steered it away.

Thankfully, he listened to the Republicans. They pray. And when Republicans pray, it means a little more. Absolutely. Absolutely. Remember like in the US Constitution, we used to have that three fifths thing? Yeah. It's like Democrats are like a three fifths when they pray. Yeah. You got to get a lot of them to really mean anything. And most of them, you know, so. But when Republicans pray, it's like 40. You need like four high ranking Republicans. Like that's it. Like four at the maximum. I don't know, Tom, I'm going to

dispute you here. I don't think that a hurricane is God's power washer. I actually think it's God's scrubbing bubble. That's what I think it is. Like he sprayed that like stuff on the, the Tilex or whatever it is. And it just like zoomed around, fucked up the earth for a little while and then took off. The idea that you would, that you would pray the hurricane to just divert, that's the best part of it. Oh, I know. You don't divert it out into the open ocean. Yeah, up the East Coast. You wouldn't do that, right?

No, you've got to divert it and kill a bunch of people. Right. Or just into the empty Atlantic, right? Like, oh, man, we've got a hurricane coming. Well, we can move it through the power of prayer. Yeah, we can. Can't we just defeat the hurricane? No, we're not strong enough. We're just people. Damn, where, we got a hurricane coming. Well, we can move it through the power of prayer. Yeah, we can. Can't we just defeat the hurricane? No, we're not strong enough.

We're just people. Damn. Where should we send it? New Orleans. Wait, what? That's the worst place. That is actually the worst place. That's like praying an earthquake to Haiti.

Yeah. Like, that's a fucking terror. Like, hey, let's redirect that tsunami to Indonesia. Right. You know, like, that's a fucking awful idea. They don't need that. They're busy. They have other things to do.

Like still rebuild from Katrina. What incredible hubris that these fucking idiots have to just take credit for the hurricane not hitting their convention. Well, and what would have happened if it would have hit? Would that have been a sign from God that they didn't, that they shouldn't have had that convention or that he didn't like Mitt Romney? You know, like you can – the thing is, is this is how interpreting things in the natural occurrences in the world as divine intervention. That's how this works is you just pick just pick something and it's either a benefit, right? You're saying, oh, we're being benefited. God is choosing us to avoid this portion. Never mind all the praying Christians in New Orleans. He's not listening to them. He's only

listening to the ones that want to go out and get strippers and blow after the RNC. He's only listening to the rich white ones. He's right. He's listening to the 3,000 richest white people in America. Like that's what he's listening to. Right. But that's not the case. That's how this works. If it would have hit, they would have said something like, oh, well, this proves that, you know, Mitt Romney shouldn't be president because he's a Mormon or, you know, they'll just spin it how they want to spin it. Yeah. I mean, that's exactly the point, right? Like when it hits and now what are they going to do?

I mean it's going to hit a bunch of black Democrats. Wow. God's sending a message. Yeah. No. There's just a hurricane and you have your convention in Florida. I know. During hurricane season.

You know, like hurricane season is like all the months. Right. It's most of the months. It's so funny that you say that because I remember, I think I was talking to you. Like we were looking up. I'm like, oh, when's hurricane season? I was thinking about taking a cruise and it's like. All of them.

It's all of them. It's all of them. You're just like, I would like to take a cruise, but not during hurricane. Oh, it's all the months. Yeah, man. You'd be spending most of the time fucking throwing up if you got caught in a hurricane on a cruise. Sure, you could eat all you want, but you're going to be fucking have a huge vomit pot at the end of the day. If I can eat all I want, it's still worth it.

If I can eat all I want. See, I look at that as a challenge. It's like the Rome cruise lines. You're just vomiting up all your food. It's like the Rome cruise lines. Just vomit up all your food. And just so you know, I don't think that vomitoriums are actual places. That was a joke.

We know that fucking they didn't actually fucking do that stuff, that it's a misconception. But it's just a joke. No, I'm taking that literally. I'm sending you an email myself. Get away. Step away from the keyboard. I'm sending you all the emails. Step away from the keyboard. You'm sending you all the emails. Please step away from the keyboard.

You are now receiving all the emails. An email telling me how wrong I am. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. This next story is from The Guardian. 17 Afghan partygoers beheaded by the Taliban. 15 men and 2 women killed as punishment for attending a mixed-sex party with music and dancing. Remember that time, Cecil, when music and dancing was illegal and punishable by getting your fucking head cut off?

Yeah, that was 2012 in Afghanistan. That was a rough go of it. Yeah. That's a rough go of it. Not like the 13s. Like just the 13s, you would think at some point. Like, ah, we're a little too progressive for this. I mean, it's just dancing.

You're misunderstanding this, Tom. It says for the Taliban, flirting and open displays of affection and the mixing of men and women are vehemently condemned and they vehemently condemn it by beheading you. That is vehement. That's pretty vehement. Like nobody can argue with their vehemence. Like at no point could you say like, you know i wasn't i just i wasn't sold i wasn't when they beheaded those people i wasn't kidding and do you think that they passed

any kind of formal judgment at all like any kind of you know i mean how does that go like you stand convicted of dancing wait what i was just. It's like children dance automatically when music plays. It's just fucking something the human animal does. Yeah, you're convicted of it. Oh, know, we have a crime that you can you can die from in the United States. And we technically think that's too many. Right. Yes. But there's one crime you can die from. The fact is, is that these guys have they must have like 50 or 60 crimes because this is pretty low level when you come right down to it. This isn't even a misdemeanor anywhere else. It's actively encouraged. Yeah. You know, like you can enroll your kids in dance class.

You can send your kids to a party in their teen years. Right. So they can flirt with girls and guys. You know, these rules obviously don't have any reality to them. They don't have any relationship to how we respond to each other sexually as people. You know, they don't have any relationship to who we are as people, like as human animals. Like they don't recognize, they don't seem to care at all. These ridiculous restrictions that, you you know like people are just

like they're just made of fucking biology like they're just made of fucking flesh and bone and they they attempt to create these i i have to wonder if these these rules are in place not because they want to protect any kind of uh sexual uh innocence but because somebody just likes fucking beheading people. Somebody's sitting around like, everybody's behaving. What can we make illegal? What can we make worthy of beheading? Well, I think you're absolutely right.

You know, Tom, this is interesting. The there is this feeling like they're going against biology in so many ways. It's like those people that put those fucking rings around their necks to stretch their necks out or the binding of the feet. You know what I mean? Like it's got this feeling like you need to do something really, really strange in order to sort of reject your natural inclinations. And I think your natural inclinations are to at, you know, at a young age, we're talking probably between, you know, after you hit puberty, what, 13 to like 25 is to fuck like rabbits. Like that's your natural inclination. And they have set up a way in which to make sure

that that doesn't happen. Or at least if it happens, the people die or they have to be in secret or you have to fucking commit some weird rape and then you could marry the person. They just have these weird like get out of jail free cards. But I really do feel like it's that rejection of your own humanity because it is human to want to have sex. Yeah, and why would a god create – like here's the thing that strikes me. would a god create you know like here's the thing that that strikes me this has always struck me is you know we don't have for a moment an idea that that a that a a masterful being that a god created a lion and is upset with it every time it kills an antelope or gazelle right you know there's no that's absurd that's silly that's ridiculous right or fucks right or or you know yeah exactly

like oh there's an elephant fucking. Oh, okay. Well, elephants fuck. I mean, they're just fucking animals. What are you going to do? But somehow I'm supposed to believe that there's this God who creates a system of rules that directly contradict the fact of myself and then wants me to be sorry that I didn't live up to an ostentatious set of rules that don't have any relationship with who I am as a biological creature. I mean, nobody would impose that on any other animal. You wouldn't pass judgment on a – like we said, you wouldn't pass judgment on a dog for fucking another dog. You'd just be like, well, dog's fucked. We're shitting on the carpet.

Right. We're like, oh, the dog ate the cat. Well, I didn, well, dog's fucked. We're shitting on the carpet. Right. You know, we're like, you know, the dog ate the cat. Well, you know, I didn't like the outcome. Yeah. But I, you know, you kind of can't blame the dog. He ate the cat. Like, okay, well, that dude was dancing with that girl. Dudes be willing to

dance with girls. Girls be willing to dance with dudes. That's, why would I possibly think that there was a God who was like, I made you. I made you want to do that. Don't do that. Well, Cecil, this is a story from PRI.org, Public Radio International, which I find amusing that I grabbed this story from Public Radio. I know.

The music has died in northern Mali as Islamic extremists exert control. Now, for those who don't remember, Mali was the country where some folk were beheaded for the crime of adultery recently, or stoned to death. I'm sorry. Stoned to death.

They weren't beheaded. They were stoned to death. Another barbaric way to murder people for non-crimes. I actually prefer the beheading. As long as it's a big enough weapon. Man, beheading over stoning all day, every day. Because the stoning sucks. You've got to wait to get hit in the fucking noggin hard enough to go out. The beheading, though.

Don't you wonder, like, how sharp is your beheaderizer? I just hope that they're doing it like fucking old school, old timey with the giant axe. You know, like where they're just like, they got the fucking guy with the hood, and they try to throw down that big axe and chop your head off in one blow. Because, man, without it, that's not a good way to go either. Cecil, if they ever pass an assisted suicide and I need to take advantage of it, that's not a good way to go either. Cecil, if they ever pass an assisted suicide and I need to take advantage of it, I hope one of my options is beheaded by an old-timey executioner. And you don't want to get hit just nicked because then you stand up and run around like a chicken, you know, and that's not good. You're just balking around.

You got your arms at your side. You're clucking as you're running around. We have totally wandered from Molly at this point. Oh, we got to talk about Molly. I'm sorry. That's all right. Talking about old-timey executioners. Old-timey.

I see. But when I go, like, old-timey executioner would not be bad. But he does have to be wearing black pants, be shirtless, black hood. And a pot belly, right? And a black hood. He's got to have a black hood. And he's got to spit on his hands before he actually, you know, he's got to get one of those like lumberjack spits on his hand.

He's like, too, too, and like smacks them together, gives it the old rub. And then. I want him to like sharpen his axe right in front of me. Yeah, with a fucking regular stone too. Not with like a sharp, it just has a regular stone in his hand. And then like drop a feather on it and like splits in half from just the weight of the feather. No, he plucks out one of his hairs. And he holds it up.

That's what he does. Cuts the hair in half. We have seen the same cartoon. Yeah, we have. That's what I'm saying. I saw Popeye 2 growing up. So in the desert region, the northern desert region of Mali, all music has been banned except for Quranic verses. All of it.

All the music. So humming to yourself while you're working, like if it's not a Quranic verse, fuck it. It's just – and these are laws I would take pretty fucking seriously considering that they just stoned some folk to death. No kidding. And that you could get beheaded in other countries for flirting with the opposite sex. Right. I would take the music band very, very, very seriously. I would be very—I wouldn't even whistle.

This is a joyless interpretation of your fucking religion, right? Oh, it is. Like, you know, I understand this fucking passed-around nonsense notion that like, oh, well, you know, religion makes the world a richer place, you know, a more culturally interesting place. And you have to respect the heritage of these great people. Fuck that noise. This is joyless. This is a bleak, joyless place with fucking top down Unitarian control of the people.

That shit is fucking evil It's exactly right, Tom, you're totally right Because people make that claim all the time Where they say, oh, well, you know Look at all the beauty that religion has created Well, look at all the beauty that religion is silencing now So, you know On the one hand, you can count all the beauty

That it's created I mean, I can go to a church and appreciate the church I can go sit in the pews And listen to church music And I, I mean, I can go to a church and appreciate the church. I can go sit in the pews and listen to church music. And I, you know, I can appreciate that. I can look at religious art and appreciate it. But the fact is, is that when you censor and try to control the populace and stop them from doing things that are non-religious, but music related, you're censoring all the music. So, you know, there's a scale here. And I think you're tipping it in one way.

Sure, you might have created something beautiful, but that doesn't necessarily mean that other things of beauty shouldn't be able to exist. Because one rose is pretty. Burn the rest of the world. Or the rose is your only flower. The rest of the fucking flowers. Get rid of them. I'm a man of the land.

I'm into discipline. Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores and you finish time then tonight, we're gonna party like it's 1699 I churn butter once or twice Living in an Amish paradise It's hard work and sacrifice Living in an Amish paradise We sell quilts at discount price Cecil, not a good time to be a stray Amish dude. Just throwing this out there. This is from TheGuardian.UK.

No. There's a trial going on in ohio against a uh group of amish extremists i know what you're thinking do they just do they raise barns in the middle of the night are they hot wheeling their uh horse and carriages through the town at all hours blasting their music from non-electrically powered sources. They're playing like they have one of those crank-up fucking radio phones. Like playing. The best they could do is loud calliope music.

Like ragtime. It's the best they can do. It's like one of those electric pianos with all the player pianos that do it on their own or whatever. They got a big Edison horn on the top, like blow it out. I know it's probably not called a fucking Edison horn, but like blowing out the music like to all the passersby. Well, there's a trial going on. Sixteen members of a breakaway Amish group are accused of attacking people to cut their hair.

Yeah. Specifically their beards. Beard cutting. That's right. Beard cutting, Cecil. No, I mean beard cutting is bad I guess for them because once they get married, they're supposed to grow their beard indefinitely. So you're supposed to physically grow your beard forever after that.

I'm going to read directly from the article here. This dummy, his name is Mullet, which is pretty awesome. physically grow your beard forever after that. I'm going to read directly from the article here. This dummy, his name is Mullet, which is pretty awesome. But this dummy says, he says, you have your own laws on the road in town. If somebody doesn't obey them, you punish them. But I'm not allowed to punish the church people. I just let them run all over me. If every family would just do as they pleased, what kind of church would we have? Well, you're not allowed to physically punish anyone, really, unless I think unless it's your kid. Like you're not allowed to physically punish your husband or wife. That's domestic violence.

You're not allowed to do that to anybody in our culture. So I don't even know where he's drawing the analogy, saying like, you guys punish people, why can't we punish people? Yeah, well, we also have a fucking arbiter who does it. It's not somebody who's involved in the process. There's an arbitrary person who sits on a fucking bench and decides whether or not that person gets sentenced

or a trial of your peers. You're not giving them a trial. You're just basically holding them down and nipping their beard off. Well, he also says that he allowed the beatings of those who disobeyed him. This is my favorite part. Had sex with married women to cleanse them. Oh, yeah. That's a good cleansing.

What do you got? Formula 409 in there? How are you cleansing them? Hey, they're the Amish. You don't know. You know, you just don't know. My semen is so pure. It actually makes you cleaner just to fucking put it in there.

You'll be translucent if I do this enough. Yeah, I love that. It's like by that logic that he said about the punishment thing, it'd be like somebody's speeding and and all of a sudden like just random neighbors come running out and beat them with clubs. That's not how we do shit. Well, they said they held them down. I'm going to read from the end of the article here. And it says, in one of the attacks, authorities say one couple acknowledged that their two sons and another man came into their house, held them down, and cut their father's beard and their mother's hair. They refused to press charges.

And what that tells me is that you really fucking believe in fairy tales if someone's punishment is to hold them down and cut their hair. Because they're not Samson. They're fucking Hezekiah the barn builder. There's a big difference. I've got the source of your power, Snip man it's your beard that's like we do that shit at great clips who cares like nobody nobody cares that's the man can get you know what would be awesome is if they did that and the guy who that they were you know cutting his beard just like a little more off the top. A little more just – or like the guy – like somebody is like waiting and it's like they're holding his buddy down.

Like, you want some of this? You're next. He's like, yeah, use a number three, sheer. And can you give me some of those wicked sideburns? You're just – I'm going to cut your fucking beard. How are you going to like that? You're not going to feel it. It won't matter.

It'll grow right back. Oh. What? Dude, it's totally not going to grow back for like a year. It's hair. Yeah. I love their beards, though. I really do think the Amish beard with no mustache is the coolest shit ever.

Like, that is a neck beard. Like, that is a neck beard. Like that is a neck beard. I mean I understand that like sexual attractiveness is very largely cultural. Right. But you look at these dudes and like you said, they got a beard dangling from their neck. Yeah, they look like lions. They have like big long bushy hair with a huge beard under. They look like they have the mane.

Could you imagine some woman being like, oh, man, I love your fucking neck beard. Man, I can't wait to – They're not allowed to grow the neck beard until they're married. So that's why they do it is to ward away all the women. So then I wonder if like young single women are thinking like, oh, I wonder what he's going to look like when his neck beard grows. I can't wait to run my fingers through his bristly pubic softness. I can't wait to get my hands stuck in there. Oh, man.

I can't wait to pick the crumbs out of that after dinner. Oh, man. I can't wait to pick the crumbs out of that after dinner. It's like his own little fucking, it's like his own little bib. You know what I mean? It's like the neck beard is totally like a hair bib. I would shape mine into the shape of a lobster. Or like a king crab claw.

You know what I'm saying? From your face. You're dipping butter in it. Your beard smells like clarified butter. It's so oily soft. That's how they get it to stay straight, man. They just rub the clarified butter right through it. It awesome for god's sake mrs robson here we are you got me into your house you give me a drink you put on music now you start opening up your personal life to me and tell me your husband

won't be home for hours so mrs robinson you're trying to seduce me aren't you see so this next story is kind of all over the tubes but this is from huffington Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you? See, so this next story is kind of all over the tubes, but this is from HuffingtonPost.com. Father Benedict Groshel, Groshel? Groshel? Groshel. American friar claims teens seduce priests in some sex abuse cases.

This is clearly the comments of somebody who has sex with teenagers. Right. Like there is. Yeah. He's like, like he's digging himself a deeper hole as he goes on. Right. The FBI reads this as like,

well, break out the wiretaps boys. Put this guy on the watch list, huh? Right. I've got, I've got to read very briefly, at least one of the things.

Yeah. We're going to read several of these things, I think. So he said, Cecil, and I'm going to quote, Well, it's not so hard to see a kid looking for a father and didn't have his own, and they won't be planning to get into heavy-duty sex, but almost romantic, embracing, kissing, perhaps sleeping, but not having intercourse or anything like that. Perhaps sleeping, but not having intercourse or anything like that. Cecil, I don't have romantic embracing and kissing and sleeping with my dad. That's not something people do.

You don't have a very special relationship with your father. I mean, I love my dad. My dad's a great man. I loved my dad, too. I never fucked him. You know? Never fucked my dad, turned out. You know, and I don't think, you know, here's the thing. I don't think my dad had any inclination to fuck me, either.

Like, I don't think my dad was like, or, you know, touch me while I was naked or kiss me. You know what I mean? Like, my dad always gave me a peck on the cheek, but not, like, fucking full-tongue kiss me. You know what I mean? Like, like my dad always gave me a peck on the cheek, but not like fucking full tongue. Kiss me. I gotta be like, Hey dad, what's going on? You know,

calm down there, buddy. Here's your drink. But you know, like, like he's, he's talking about something that just isn't like, you could tell this guy,

um, is so out of touch with what it means. I think to have that kind of relationship because he's not a father, you know, he what it means, I think, to have that kind of relationship. Because he's not a father. You know, he's a brother, I think. But he's not like a real father, if he is a father, technically, you know, in the Catholic sense, the Christian sense. But this guy says a lot of weird shit.

Like there's a lot of stuff this guy has to say. He says, suppose you have a man having a nervous breakdown and a youngster comes after him. A lot of these cases, the youngster, 14, 15, 16 is the seducer. And you're like, okay, that's cool. Um, if that's the case, which is probably not, but let's pretend that it's the case for every single episode that's ever happened of impropriety with a priest and a young person, whether it's a boy or a girl. Right. Shouldn't you have enough responsibility to be like, you're very young. Like here's an analog.

I'm a married man. If a woman comes up to me and says, hey, Cecil, you want to jump in the sack? It's my responsibility to be like, I'm sorry while I am flattered and this would never happen in the real world. I am not going to get in the sack with you because I'm a married man. I have obligations to my wife and I just, I'm not going to have sex with you. Same thing with, you know, if a young person were to come to a single person, like a young girl, a young boy were to come to somebody who's single and much older and say, I want to have sex with you. It's their job.

It doesn't matter if 14, 16, or 18. You know, 18 is fucking fine, evidently. It doesn't matter if it's 18. But, you know, 14 and 16, you have to say, look, I'm not allowed to do that. I have obligations to the state, basically, to not go around diddling kids and you're still a kid i can't do it well and wouldn't you think that if you were a great moral authority that that is well you would know that yeah and that has joined an order that's based on celibacy yeah right like do you think that that that it's okay, I can't have regular, normal, natural sexual relations with a man or

woman. I can't do that. I've joined this. I've said no sex. And then all of a sudden, some kid comes on to you and you're like, well, I said no sex, but I mean, maybe it means no sex with grownups. But it's just a kid, right? So it doesn't matter. Yeah. And it says here too, it says, Groshel expressed a belief that most of these relationships are heterosexual in nature and that historically sexual relationships between men and boys have not been thought of as crimes. And you're like, no, they're not heterosexual in nature. They're they're pedophiliac in nature or at best they're a fibophilic in nature at the very best they're a fibophilic i mean this is a guy who is defending aggressively to the point where he even said that he doesn't think that the first offense should even be a crime he said i'm inclined to think that on a priest's first offense they should not go to jail because their intention was not committing a crime.

Really? Like raping people is not a crime? Like if – you know, I know I raped that little boy or girl. I know. Okay. But what I meant to do was just have sex with them when they were unable to consent. So you can see the difference. And should all sex offenders receive that same type of clemency?

Should they all receive that? No. You wouldn't say that about somebody else. You're only protecting the people that are in your order. It's a ridiculous idea. And this guy didn't backpedal on it either. Like, that's the weird thing. Like, he really wasn't he wasn't trying to

step away from it he just kept on saying shit that was dumber and dumber to try to reinforce it well see i have to say though that he does hit the nail on the head when he says that uh kids looking for father figures might be drawn to priests to fill an emotional hole i think he misunderstands emotional. No, I think he's talking about physical. One of the various holes. Listen, I just want to fill your emotional hole. Just the tip of your emotional.

That will plug up your emotional hole. What a lot of people don't know is that your emotions will actually escape out of your ass. Or your mouth. Any orifice. That's why. And it's,'s a you know i mean we're not porous you know but it's yeah just any orifice basically if you can fuck it yeah i guess is what i'm saying is that emotions escape from it like if it's a fucking hole right then emotions they could just slip right out of there they pop out of it that's why a lot of times you just see like sadness like laying on the floor.

That's somebody's emotions that just fell out. What I don't understand is why you lube the hole because I would imagine after you're done fucking, it just fall right out of there. Well, because anger dries it up. That's the. So does resentment. Resentment and disgust. So we're going to take a quick break, give you some information to contact us, and then we're going to come right back, so stick around.

Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website dissonancepod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at dissonance underscore pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now, too, so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com.

You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show, Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. Cecil, this next story is from the Daily Mail. Because it's so reliable. Here comes our is from the Daily Mail. Because it's so reliable. Here comes our email for the Daily Mail again.

Thieves steal vial of late Pope John Paul II's blood from a priest's backpack. Why you got Pope blood? What? Yeah, I know. You read that and you're just like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. You're carrying around pope blood. Yeah, I didn't read this right. Are you saying pope blood?

And did you say that the pope blood was in a backpack? Right. What was it? Is it in a biohazard container? Why not just FedEx that shit? If you're going to send your – if it absolutely positively has to get there. If you're Pope blood – You can't FedEx biohazards.

That's why. Right. This is so insane. I had no idea they were still doing relics. I really had no idea. I didn't know either. I knew that relics were like a big deal during like the Middle Ages and what have you. I knew people would travel all over the countryside to be close to one and lay hands on them and try to be healed by fucking garbage and charlatans and chunks of old bones and shit.

But it's fucking 2012. Yeah. This is just a pope. He's just a dude. He's just a dude. Yeah. He's not even beatified yet, is he? Did they beatify him? I don't know.

Is the blood golden yet? I don't know. Did they put it on like – does it take off tarnish off silver? Oh, man. It's great on your cereal. I love this. Do you think though, Tom, that it's still actually blood? Because he died fucking seven years ago.

Well, you know, if it's perfectly sealed, I think it would stay. Would it stay? I guess if it's hermetically sealed or whatever, it would be. You know, I don't know. I had Pope John II blood sausages. Yeah, were they right? And they were good but not great. You know, like, eh, I've had better.

You know how they're really good is if I've had better. You know how they're really good is if you crush the communion wafers and put them right on top and they're really good like that. Well, it's nice because it

kind of thickens them up a little bit. Yeah, well then they put that, you know, they make it in that red wine and blood of Christ sauce

which is great. It's just great. It's a great sauce that goes with it. Can you imagine the horror this poor guy felt like whoever was stuck being the

fucking blood courier? You know, it was like, oh, where did I put my backpack full of Pope blood? Oh, I am in so much trouble. That guy filled his pants. You know what I mean? Because that's a big deal when you lose the Pope blood. Oh, yeah. You're going to have to go.

You basically showed up to work and you're like, hey, man, where's the Pope blood? Yeah, about the pope blood. I kind of lost it. And don't you also wonder at what point they were like, all right, Pope John, we got to prep you. What? Am I having a procedure? No, no, no, no. We're just taking some of your blood out so we can store it as a holy relic after you die.

Oh, good. Yeah, proceed. Yeah, let's do it. Let's get a couple of pints here. You know what they should have done, Tom, is they should have put the vial of the pope blood in the pope mobile and sent it home. You know what I heard they did, actually? Now, this is a secret. A lot of people don't know it because I made it up.

But, you know, what I have heard is that they took a pint or so every week from – because you got to replenish that shit. Sure, yeah. Yeah, no problem. They took about a pint a week the whole time. Yeah, they paid him $25, too, every time. Right? This pope is selling his plasma. Yeah.

He's got super plasma. Yeah. But they're actually waiting for the next, like, big Catholic event. And then, like, scantily clad priests are going to come out with super soakers of it and just spray the crowd. It's like the Raven fucking Blade. You know what I mean? Where they're just shooting the fucking blood down from the ceiling. There's that music pumping in the back.

Raskier comes out with like a microphone. He's like, hello, Vatican. He just starts spraying the crowd with pope blood. And everybody's healed, which is good. Right. But sticky, which is bad. That seems like a tragic waste of pope blood in my opinion, but that's cool. And actually, sticky is the way a lot of priests leave people.

They like it, though, that way. Yeah. How would you tell a daughter or a granddaughter who, God forbid, would be the victim of a rape to keep the child against her own will? Is that something that you would – do you have a rape to keep the child against her own will. Is that something that you would... Do you have a way to explain that? I lived something similar to that with my own family. He chose life, and I commend her for that. She knew my views, but fortunately for me, I didn't have to...

She chose the way I thought. Now, don't get me wrong, It wasn't rape that she did. Similar how? Having a baby out of window. Is that similar to rape? No, no, no. Well, put yourself in a father's position, yes. I mean, it is similar.

All right, I'm back. But I'm back to the original. I'm pro-life, period. See, so this story is from gonker.com. The Republicans make it worse. So, so much worse. Republican Senate candidate says his daughter's out-of-wedlock pregnancy, similar to a rape. Yes, it's like a rape.

It's like a rape except for that nobody was raped. Yeah. You know, it's like a rape in the same way that a car is like a rape except for that nobody was raped. Yeah. You know? It's like a rape in the same way that a car is like a cloud. They are both things that you can say. Yeah. I mean, you know, in one case, you have sex without consent. And in the other case, you have sex with consent. So the sex was had, Tom.

I think there's a corollary here. Yeah. time. I think there's a corollary here. Yeah. Evidently, it is so awful for this prudish little shit that his daughter had the sexy times. He is so fucking appalled that he equates sexy times that his daughter was consensually defiled by her lustful behavior. He was so appalled, his fucking Victorian ridiculous nature was so offended that in his mind he can't, like he draws a fucking parallel to somebody raping his daughter.

Right. Yeah, I got the same feeling when I was reading this and if you read what he says here, he tries to backpedal throughout the whole thing. He says, I live something similar to that with my own family. She chose life, and I commended her for that. She knew my views, but fortunately for me, for you, she chose the way I thought. Now, don't get me wrong.

It wasn't great. She chose the way I thought? And, you know, what you want to say to him is like, okay, but isn't that how it's supposed to work, dude? Like you have a child. You instill in your child these views and values that you raise them to be what you would consider in your worldview a moral person. You make those decisions for your children. Now they go out in the big wide world, somebody knocks them up,

and then they have to make a choice. And you say it here. You specifically say it here. She chose. She chose. Well, shouldn't other people have that choice? No, no. I think he would have preferred that she was forced to be moral because that's

how we know morality is true, right? When it comes from a place that's not thoughtful or considered, but obligatory. Right. That's how we know that you've... So like when Finn, I've got a five-year-old, when he does right, I know it's because he had no other options. And that's when I'm most proud. But when he's got an option and he gets to pick and he does right, I'm still a little disappointed that he had the option. You know? A little heartbroken for him that he had the option. I should have put him in a situation where he had no choices because that's how you make moral people, Cecil. Yeah, that doesn't make any sense to me, right? Like, why would there be punishment or reward for these actions if it's obligatory?

Like, if my actions, I can't control whether or not I'm going to make that choice. Why would God reward me for it? Would he punish me then, Tom, if I thought, fuck, I wish I could get an abortion, but I can't? Is that the only opportunity that God has to punish me then? Right. At that point, it's just thought crimes. It's just thinking. Yeah. Right.

I didn't even do anything. I just thought, fuck, this is going to fucking ruin my life. Or fuck, I don't want to raise a fucking rapist child. Or damn, I don't want to have to wind up with this baby that my father impregnated me with. And I just think, oh, I wish I could get an abortion, and that's my damnation process? Why don't you just let these people damn themselves? If you're so worried about it, let them damn themselves. Don't put laws in place to stop them from doing it.

That's why God rewards people with heaven. You don't— Right? Don't you even know your own book? Look, Cecil, your theology is weak here. We were given free will so that our legislators could take it away. Yeah, exactly. Right. That's and that's how you know you've done right is you voted in the people to reduce your choices. There's a part of this, Tom, that I just don't understand, though. He's like they're saying,

you know, are you comparing the two? And he's like, no, I didn't say that. She went through a situation with – I said I went through a situation with a daughter. It's very, very difficult. But do I condone rape? Absolutely not. But I propose life. Yes, I do. I'm pro-life, period.

Who condones rape? I know. What politician on record is saying, you know what I really condone? You know, I'm, I'm a fan of NAFTA. I'm, you know, like he's saying all this other stuff that he's like, I'm for, uh, I hate the Occupy movement, whatever they're saying. And then he's like, and by the way, I condone rape. Yeah. What was the last, uh, politician who was elected on a pro-rape agenda, right? Pro-ra pro-rape agenda. He's just like, and I will make sure that rape is condemned. And there's two rapists at every pot. Right?

The religious right that I was part of is fundamentally anti-American. They hate this country. They wrap themselves in the flag, but they hate America as it is. The America that embraces gay people is multicultural, is a homogenous society that seeks to incorporate all races and ethnic creeds into its culture. The America they love is the, quote, Christian America that they keep harping back to, that people like Rick Perry, Michele Bachmann, Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, etc., all want to take us back to that people like Rick Perry, Michelle Bachman, Sarah Palin, George W. Bush, etc., all want to take us back to. But it's an America that never existed and certainly doesn't now.

Cecil, this story is from businessinsider.com, and the title of it, I think, is kind of perfect. It is infuriating that I can't vote for a fiscal conservative without also supporting religious aggressives. This is an editorial piece from Business Insider, but I think this mirrors a lot of things that Cecil, you and I have said on the show. Oh yeah, absolutely. I feel like very often, Tom, when we talk about real true conservatism, we're talking about conservatism that goes back at this point almost 40 years. that goes back at this point almost 40 years. When you get into – you start getting into the Reagan era and other presidencies, the Bushes, things like that, you're talking about a religious right conservatism.

You're talking about a group of people that instill – try to instill their moral values into the party, which really was more about small government, which is not, it's not about small government at all. And I mean, listen to Rick Santorum talk, and you can tell that guy is not for small. I mean, he even comes right out and says, yeah, he does. But there's this, there's this part I want to read. He says, he says, and I want to make sure this is one part I kind of want to criticize him for just a little, because this article is very well written. It echoes some of my sentiments and some of your maybe a few of your sentiments, Tom.

But it says, at some point, I would actually like to vote for a presidential candidate who has the balls to really tackle our budget problem. Because as a country, we really do have hard choices to make. And now is the time to have leaders who are actually willing to lead, read, hear, make unpopular decisions. Instead of spineless yes-men who quake at the thought of saying or doing things that most people don't want to hear. And while I agree with that to some extent, you can't get anything done in our country with the Congress that you have. If you're thinking that the president is going to be the one to make these decisions, you're just wrong. That's not how this works.

It's got to be, you've got to get a union of two parties, or two, not two parties, you've got to get a union of two branches of government here. You know, you've got to make sure that the House and the Senate have a majority of the president's political office in power, as well as having that president in power. And we saw that that really didn't even do anything even when Obama had it. Well, yeah, but I mean part of that is because the Democrats are so spectacularly disorganized that even when they are as a party in control, they lack any unifying force of substance to rally behind and get anything fucking done.

They're like the party of ineffectiveness. But one thing I appreciated a lot about this is this phrase here. Thanks to the radicalization of today's Republican Party. And I think that's very true for a lot of people. Like you, I'm disappointed. Not because I think that I would probably vote Republican. I don't know. But I'm disappointed that I don't have a choice. And I feel like I have, when I walk up to the ballot box for major decisions, you know, for congressional decisions,

for presidential decisions, and I cast my vote. First, I live in the Chicagoland area, so it's meaningless. But nonetheless, I don't have any real options, I don't think, because the Republican Party has become so incredibly radicalized because they have pandered for so long and so successfully to a religious base in this country that you now have a group that is backing and supporting and propping up this radicalized party that is unable to separate itself from the religious nutcases who I think will destroy this country by destroying our presence and success in science and science education, first and foremost. I think that's, you know, you're not going to get anywhere as a nation without science, technology. Growth in those sectors are the only sectors. We don't have manufacturing anymore. That is the place we have to compete with the rest of the world. You destroy that, we've got nothing.

Yeah. We've got nothing. The party's become so radicalized. It's it's like a it's like a machine that just perpetuates itself in terms of getting elected, but doesn't seem able to accomplish any goals or good outside of that. running on for years and years is this tax cut nonsense. Cut taxes, cut taxes. Well, you're not cutting any spending. That has to be going, you know, like you're going in two directions here. There's a lot of spending and there's not a lot of taxes right now. So you have to do two things, you know, just like a, it's just like dieting, right? If I want to diet, I can work out more or I can eat less. Those are my two options. If I do both, work out and eat less, I could start losing weight pretty quickly. Same thing here. If I work out, meaning I get more taxes in, and I eat less, meaning less spending, I can move that middle, move to that middle area much quicker. But no president is wanting to do that. All the presidents seem to be saying,

well, what we really need to do is infuse a lot of money into the economy. And then once we do that, we're also going to cut all your taxes. And it's like, okay, well, great. I understand you're trying to stimulate the economy. But at a certain point, the deficit is going to be so great that the economy is not going to matter anymore. The economy is just going to be swallowed up. We're going to have massive inflation. There's a lot of bad things that can happen here. And I'm not an economist, so I don't want to get fucking emails from people like, oh, you fucking got it all wrong.

I know. I'm not a smart guy. I don't care, okay? But the fact is that there's a lot of people with not a lot of answers. And everybody's answer on both sides of the aisle seems to be the same thing. One group wants to cut taxes to one side. One group wants to cut taxes to the other side. I know where I stand because I feel like we're the bulk of the nation. First off, we're the bulk of the nation. We're the bulk of the spending population. So we have more money to

spend. If you give us more money or don't take as much money away from us, we will spend more money. That's just the way it works. A rich person already has everything they're going to spend. So you're not going to ask them to spend. And nobody creates jobs. People only create jobs for profit. They don't just create jobs. Just be like, well, you know, a good thing the government gave me that tax break.

Now I can go create a job. Nobody says that. Nobody's ever said that. But I want to read one more thing here. gave me that tax break. Now I can go create a job. Nobody says that. Nobody's ever said that ever. But I want to read one more thing here, and this is about abortion, and this is something we just talked about. And I love this person's view on it. Even if I personally do not – he's talking about basically if – here's the thing. I would – he's like, I have pro-choice.

I am pro-choice. I believe that life begins at conception. When else would it begin? And he says, if I were ever in a situation in which I had to make a personal decision about abortion, I would have a verypping other Americans of that choice, especially in cases of rape and incest. Because although I believe that life begins at conception, I understand that some people don't believe that and that some people might, given under this, given certain circumstances, choose to terminate that early life, at which point when it is not even remotely human. That is a person who I could absolutely look at and say, you have thought about this issue. You've thought about this issue. Yeah. You know, you think that life begins at conception. That doesn't necessarily mean that everybody thinks that life begins at conception. We get to make our own decisions. You made yours. Other people get to make theirs. Everybody's happy. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth.

You think I'm entitled to it? You want answers! I want the truth! You can't handle the truth! Well, Cecil, this story is from Kiev Post. Kiev? Kiev? Kiev? I don't know.

There's a Y in there. Kwaiv? Kwaiv? Kwaiv? Kwaiv? Post. I don't know. I got Post.

Yeah. I got.com out of that. Israeli rabbi calls for prayers for Iran's destruction. The very first thing I have to point out is this fucking awesome picture. But Israeli rabbi calls for prayers for Iran's destruction. The very first thing I have to point out is this fucking awesome picture. It is great, isn't it? This picture could not be better. This looks like some, like, crazy, like, montage.

It doesn't even look like a real thing. This picture is so heavily, I don't know, man, like sculpted or something. The shadows, the repeating image behind this guy of the backdrop. It's just, it looks fake. I love it. You know you've made it big when you could take the stage next to a giant picture

of your own head. Right. Like, you know you've hit the big time. Because that always turns out well. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's good. And, you know, this other thing, too, is that this guy kind of looks like

an old Jewish Flava Flav. All he needs is, like, is, like, a big giant Torah on a gold chain around his neck. Like, that's all he needs. But he totally looks like, I mean, he looks like somebody... Jewish Flava Flav!

Flava... But he totally looks like, I mean, he looks like somebody. He's doing Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav would make more sense than this guy. You know, to be honest, I think you're right. I think he would. Flavor Flav. I'll tell you this. When I get a posse, and I will have a posse. Oh, yeah, absolutely. When I get a posse, they all have to wear awesome hats like this, too.

They do. Those hats are the best hats ever. You see the one guy without a hat behind Rabbi Babushka or whatever this guy's name is? Rabbi Babushka. The one guy without a hat is just like, fuck, I forgot my hat at home. Is it picture day? Totally forgot my hat. It's not picture day, is it? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Well, he's got Christopher Reeves in the back

over here on the right. Christopher Reeves in his, you know, why aren't they wearing like the traditional Jewish tuxedo that they wear? Like the Orthodox tuxedo that they're forced to wear? Like they should have to wear that thing. All I'm saying is if I were an influential Jewish leader, I would walk exclusively on wine glasses that I would crush underfoot. Exclusively. You'd walk around to Hava Nagila? Just, like, constantly playing your theme song? I'd be fucking muzzle-toffing as far as the eye could see.

It would just be... That'd be awesome. You know that guy's 91 years old. This guy, he's basically, like, saying that... He says, I'm going to quote here. He says, When we ask God to bring an end to our enemies, we should be thinking about Iran,

those evil ones who threaten Israel. May the Lord destroy them. And he was quoted as saying, This guy's 91 years old. Yeah. Like, this guy shook hands with Jesus. Like, he might have been. He did, but he didn't believe it.

No, he was one of those people who told the Romans. Hey, buddy. That guy over there, get him. Yeah. Yeah, this is outrageous. The idea that after for so long, you know, I mean, all these nutbags and all these countries surrounding Israel forever have basically been saying the same thing, right? Like, oh, death to Israel. We must destroy Israel. When can we blow up Israel?

Is it time to eat Israel yet? Like, they're just constantly like, it's a fucking mantra. They're like, Israel must die. Israel must die. You know? And it's condemned, right? The Israelis, oh, you can't talk like that. You can't say that.

There's innocent men, women, and children here. Right. But stoop to their level. That's what you need to do. But you know what we'd like? Because we'd like to destroy Iran. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think your chariots of iron are going to help you in this one. Stoop stoop to their level because that fucking solves everything. And, you know, here's a guy at 91 years old that should remember a six million cleansing of the Jews. Right. You know, lived through a situation that was horrifying, lived through the creation of Israel. And you would think that he'd be like, you know what? I don't I don't support genocide. that was horrifying lived through the creation of Israel. And you would think that he would be like, you know what? I don't support genocide.

That never is good. That's never a good. Wouldn't that be like if there's only one takeaway? Wouldn't that be a good takeaway? Hey, we're in Israel. Yeah, well, why is there in Israel? Well, funny you should ask. Let me tell you how we took Palestine. Yeah, well, why is there in Israel? Well, funny you should ask. Let me tell you how we took Palestine. Yeah, exactly. And, you know, this other thing too,

he says, and I'm going to quote directly from the article here. It says, in the past, this guy, Baghdad born Yosef, has stirred controversy by likening Palestinians to snakes, calling for Palestinian president Mahmoud Abida, Abibas, Abibas, I don't know how to not pronounce Yes, that seems— That's how you make fucking friends and influence people. That's what you do there, old-timer. That's actually chapter nine of that book, it turns out. Seriously, like this guy is just some old crotchety old dude that everybody's listening to. Right, right. It's not right when they say it about Israel. It's not right when you say it about not Israel. You've got to, like the idea that he can't draw this core, like,

yeah, I don't know. It seems to be some connection here. Anyway, all non-Jews are born to serve us, so I don't know why those guys don't like me. Everybody seems to think I'm just a hateful, spiteful, evil little creature. Look, if I'm serving you, you've got to leave a tip, bro. That's all I'm saying. And none of this 10% crap, you 90-year-old Jew, okay? Oh, no.

Oh, no. Oh, I am very uncomfortable. I got to edit that out. I think you do. That can't stay. That was awesome, but that cannot stay. It might stay. We'll see. Oh, I'm very uncomfortable right now.

So we got two voicemails. We got one from Bowles and one from Donovan. I'm going to play him now, and then Tom's going to read Donovan's. Oh, grave cherubs of reason, I gave you a challenge recently, and you kindly responded with nay, not just Twinkies, but we shall sustain from all hostess treats. And I, for one, commend you on it. Such a noble act. Now, I was originally planning to challenge you both to one episode of Cognitive Dismant with no naughty swear words. However,

not only do I think that this challenge could not be accomplished by you two, it would also be extremely fucking boring. So there you go. Here, I have lived up to my end of the deal and donated to Apocalypse Without Borders. Good on you, mates. Balls from Brisbane. Yeah, this is Donovan in Little Bay, Ohio, Alabama. I just want to make another comment

about the whole legitimate rape thing. To me, a lot of what I think I was hearing out of Edkin and others who use things like legitimate rape is trying to say that, oh, she wasn't really raped. She's just saying she was raped so she can get sympathy or that she changed her mind afterwards. These are the kind of guys who basically want to do everything they can to avoid admitting that somebody might actually get raped.

Keep up the good work and it's a great show. And don't worry about censoring yourself because I'm going to do a lot of it anyway. So Tom, what does Google Voice Translate think Donovan said? Yeah, this is Donna. That it will say, ooh, I don't know. Yeah, I just want to make another. I'm going to have a whole lives and everything. Hey, a lot of what I think, I was there. You have.

Hey, Kevin. That is the used end of the generator. I love that line. I love that line. I love that line. It's trying to say that, ooh, she wasn't really race. Jesus. Saying she was ring so she can get down, so she can down get sympathy. Nice.

She changed her mind. Afterwards, hey, this is how you guys soon. Hey, sweetie, want to do everything? I can see. Avoid. And they had so I, my. Actually right. Hey, bud, they're working.

Ratio. Hey, don't worry about the status of that has a lot of anyone. Google Voice got none of that right. None of that right. Thank you, Donovan, for calling in. I also want to mention to Balls, next time we're hoping,

if Tom and I remember, we're going to buy some Twinkies and then eat them, their nasty little Twinkies on the air. But we want to thank you for sending in the money. And now that the two weeks will be over, I think, tomorrow, I have not partaken in any hostess treats.

Tom, have you? No, no. Although I will say I think the game was rigged because I don't like them. Oh, well, you're going to have to fucking eat one. I know. It's going to be awesome. That's the problem. Cecil, I also want to mention real quick that it's kind of a big week. We broke $1,000 this week. That's going to be awesome. That's the problem. Cecil, I also want to mention real quick that it's kind of a big week.

We broke $1,000 this week. That's great. In our Doctors or Apocalypse Without Borders charity drive. So I was very excited. We broke $1,000. You and I haven't kicked our money in yet. Right, yeah. We're still going to do that.

We still owe $200 to the kitty at this point. And we're still in the race right now for somebody with the most is going to get the shirt. Now, a lot of people have donated $100. I haven't looked through recently to see if anybody else has kicked in a little extra donation to knock themselves up over the 100 mark, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people are tied at this point. I'll probably be reading off first names of a bunch of people in the next few episodes to make sure that people know who's in the lead and is at this point going to be getting the shirt. And if it's tied for a bunch, you guys got to make a decision because I'm not buying shirts for all of you. It's fucking not going to happen. It's just not going to happen.

Someone's going to donate $101. Somebody's going to just donate an extra buck and you're good, right? You know, it's like the price is right. You know, you got to donate a little bit and a little bit and maybe I won't even tell you. Maybe it'd be like, well, you don't know who's in number one. You just have to see. It's at least $100.

It's at least $100. So we got an email, Tom, from a Southern atheist by the name of Anonymous. I love Anonymous. Nice person. Man or woman. Unsure which.

The reason I like this is this is an individual who is a farmer, and they drive around on their tractor listening to us. That mental image made me giddy. Yeah. The idea of some southern farmer rolling around on his tractor listening to my dumb ass just – I mean it makes me giddy. Especially the idea – I have this idea that's very furtive. Like I don't really want anyone to see. I like the idea that people in parts of their country have to hide listening to an atheist show. I know. Isn't that crazy?

Like masturbating. You know, like you have to sneak off into the bathroom and put your iPod in a sock. Put it in a sock. What do you got there? What do you got? Nothing? I ain't got nothing. What do you got in your hand there, boy?

That's just. Is that your iPod again? I'm in the bathroom, mom. I'm going to give you a whooping. You don't understand me, Paul. Shut the door. Shut the door, shut the door! Are you listening to Atheist Podcasts in there? So we got another email.

We got an email from, well, this person didn't leave their name, from Hotmail. Hotmail sent us an email. How awesome. Hotmail's just like, hey, bro, what's up? You guys want to come over? How's Google working out for you? Much better than Hotmail. Hotmail says, how timely.

Steven is right that profanity being offensive is silly. This last Sunday, I was removed from a bar in a sports arena because a few infantile old fucks were in earshot when I used a few saucy words. Talk about cognitive dissonance. Yeah, that's fucking ridiculous. Threaten beating because somebody swore? Yeah. Don't do this thing I don't like or I'll beat you. Wait, what? That's wrong. Where are we?

Like, that's a more wrong, right? It's as if somebody is like, I'm going to do a wrong number four. Hey, if you do that, I'll do a wrong number nine. Wait, that's more wrong. How are you – you're adding more wrong to the equation. You're like exponentially more wrong. Even if I believed in this, like we started with four but now we've got 13. Yeah. I don't even believe in the it's wrong to begin

with. Okay. So we got an email from Donald and Donald says that they have a lot of experience and they wanted to see, they were wondering if it would be possible to join us as a guest on a future episode. Donald, we normally when we have guests, not that we

wouldn't love to have people on that listen to the show, but there's a great way for you to contribute to the show. You can call our voicemail and leave a short message, and we'll play it on the air. We do that with almost everybody that if we like your message, if we can make sense of it or we can hear it, most of the time we'll play it. If it's too long, we cut it. If it's three minutes, it's gone. But there's plenty of ways for you to right now, if you want to lend your voice to the show, you're welcome to call us. If we like your voicemail, we'll put it on. But when we have guests, we normally have guests for purely selfish reasons. We want to reach out to more audience. That's kind of like what we do.

We try to reach out to people to see if they're going to like the show, mainly so we can get complaints. That's mainly why we try to reach larger audiences so we can get more complaints. But what we do is if we reach out to larger audiences, we put people on that have blogs or that are writers or that have podcasts, established podcasts with audience. And then we normally have them on our show and we try to be on their show too so we can reach these larger audiences. So we normally don't have just listeners on. We actually don't at all have listeners that are just listeners on the show. We want people that are established in some sort of community of their own that want to

come on our show. Yeah, it's all part of an incestuous masturbatory circle. So we'd love to have you join us. Yeah, here's how you join us. Start a podcast, gain a listener base, talk to us in a year. Right. We got an email, and this is from someone who didn't leave their name. This email talks a lot about Akins, and there's a part of this email where the person says,

I think there is a better explanation. The pain and suffering of women is not relevant. I'm talking about Aiken and their views on rape. They are only concerned about the zygote and their own needs. The hardship that women must endure is just part of God's plan for them. They are mere vehicles for the production of more babies. I know that a lot of people think that. So thank you for sending that in.

We really appreciate that. At the bottom, the person says, thanks to the podcast. It does appear that you two are toning down the vulgarity and my 55-year-old mindset thanks you for that. You know, some episodes have more F-bombs than others, but you should be ready, I think, to withstand a barrage of them.

And if you don't want to listen to that, if that's not something that you're down with, we get not listening. But, you know, we're totally down with with people not listening because they just can't stand the language. That's a barrier for them. That's fine. But but we don't think that that is that is what the focus of the show is. The show is not just swearing. It's us being outraged. So next week, it's our hope to be on the Incredulous podcast, which is a skeptical little game show that's put on by the Merseyside Skeptics. The person who runs the show, Andy, Andy is going to be on our show, uh, hopefully if all things go right next week.

So we will have Andy on to talk about his show, uh, incredulous. And then we will be, uh, I guess a guest panel, Tom, on that show. We'll two of us will be joining to, uh, to make fools of ourself on that show. Yeah. It should be great to ruin somebody else's show. You know, people who are not familiar with Incredulous, it's like a skeptical wait, wait, don't tell me. Or I guess he describes it as have I got news for you?

But that sounds British, so I don't think it's real. Yeah, I don't even know what he's saying. Yeah. He just made that up. He doesn't even know we don't know anything about British culture. He's just like he's making up fucking shows. He's just like I just made it up. He doesn't even know we don't know anything about British culture. He's just like, he's making up fucking shows. He's just like, I just made it up. That's not a real thing.

All the questions that were just going to be British questions, it's going to be silence, radio silence for an hour. So that wraps up another episode of Cognitive Dissonance. We're going to leave you as usual with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issueno babylon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox Thank you. giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.

Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. G'day, Bruce from Australia here. I was just wandering past and I noticed you're listening to Cecil and Tom from the Cognitive Dissonance podcast. I'd just like to point out that the views expressed by these two galahs are not necessarily those of their employers, families, friends or the local sheep shearing association. Apparently these two came out with this festering pile of rotting dingoes bollocks all by themselves.

It's true. It baffles me why anyone would listen to these two drongos anyway. Seems they've got a few kangaroos loose in the top paddock, if you know what I mean. I reckon they've been down the local watering hole drinking like lizards. Anyway, just thought I'd like to point that out. Now I've got to go see a man about a wallaby and I might crack a tube put a prawn on the barbie and drop this ridiculous Australian stereotype cheers