Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 647: Pillowy Biscuits

Episode Date: September 19, 2022

Show Notes

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50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. L-O-R-Y at checkout. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from gloryhole studios in chicago and beyond this is cognitive dissonance every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical.

It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 647. This might be the scariest episode. Like, it's not even fucking Halloween right now. And I got to tell you, I was genuinely afraid to record this episode because Cecil, you guys,

Cecil got COVID. He finally got it after fucking 17 years of COVID floating around in the world or however long it's been. He finally got the fucking Rona. And I thought, holy shit, am I going to have to record this show with Ian?

And I nearly killed myself. What a terrifying... What a terrifying... Can you imagine a show with Ian? How fucking terrible would that be, Tom? What a train wreck, garbage fire, dumpster fucking diving bullshit show would it be? Tom? What a train wreck, garbage fire, dumpster fucking diving

bullshit show would it be? How can he, there's no way that he can Dance Dance Revolution his way into your hearts

on this show. There's no way it's going to work. There's no way it's going to, you just can't do it. There's not enough speed runs. He can't do enough speed runs

of Mario or whatever he does on his. Who the fuck's going to tune in to the Ian and Tom show? What the fuck is that? Who's going to tune in to the Ian and Tom show? What the fuck is that? Who's going to tune in to the Ian and anything else show? All I want...

The audio is not recording, so you better start again. Alright, I don't even know how you got on this right now. This is... Go back to doing fucking kickflips on your one wheel or whatever you fucking kids are doing. I'm leaving for real. Goodbye.

Bye, Ian. Bye, Ian. We love you. Kind of. Kind of? I didn't hear that before. I'll show you kind of. Like, you think I wouldn't kind of put an ad right here in the show.

When you go to adamandeve.com and use code glory, you can pick almost any one item and get 50% off. And then Adam and Eve loads on the free stuff. Three free gifts, a gift for you, a gift for them, and one you'll both enjoy, plus six free spicy movies and free shipping. Remember to use code glory at adamandeve.com. Will you kind of remember, Tom? Here, I'll just sprinkle my ad potion on this podcast and you kind of will do an ad read in a minute and 36 seconds. Kind of. Tom, I did get COVID and I want to tell you the worst part about this. Yeah. So the very worst part about COVID for me.

So I got it last week on Wednesday. I started feeling bad. And then Thursday, I tested positive last Thursday. Now, we had recorded early last week because we had Aaron Rabinowitz on to talk about a book and an article that we were interested in talking about.

And so we had already recorded on Monday. So we were done. You were away last week. Amazing timing, by the way. Yeah, perfect timing. This is literally perfect timing. Randomly amazing timing. Yeah, perfect timing. Thursday rolls around. I'm too sick to even get out of bed. But here's what's so upsetting.

So we moved away from Chicago last year. And Sarah and I are looking for things to do. Like, when we were in Chicago, there's a million things to do. You could do stuff all the time. Yeah, right. But we're out in the suburbs now, and we're trying to figure out exactly what to do.

And recently we came across an art center that we're nearby. And this art center has all kinds of stuff like little classes and things that you could take. So you pay money and then you go to those classes. Scheduled tomorrow. Now I still had tested for positive. I tested positive for COVID yesterday.

And so I'm still whatever. But scheduled tomorrow is my blacksmithing class that I'm going to have to miss. Dude, no. You're going to miss your blacksmithing class? I 100% have been looking forward to my nerdy blacksmithing class for like the past month.

And I've been like, man, I bought a leather apron. Of course you did. Of course you did. And now I can't even use it. I blacksmithing class. I mean, you can use it in the bedroom though. I course you did. Of course you did. And now I can't even use it. I blacksmith in class. I mean, you can use it in the bedroom though. I guess I could. It's got a tool rack in it. And if you want a leather

apron for your bedroom, you can head over to AdamandEve.com at our Gloria checkout. Oh, they clean up really nice. It's like a slicker. It's like wearing a rain slicker. I bought this apron, but it's seriously like, like it's a,

it's a two part class. I took both parts on the same day. It was going to be a first part of the class was in the morning. Oh man. And the second part in the afternoon, pack a lunch, sit around the forge and eat my lunch. I was like so excited for it.

And I can't do it. So I'm going to be at home. I am. Cause I, I am almost positive. I'll test positive tomorrow again. Cause I'm still coughing. So there's no way i'm not i'm still not contagious so many years ago i read a book called like how to build a toaster oh yeah yeah yeah yeah i know that book yeah it's a fun

book it's a fun book about a guy who tries to build a toaster literally from scratch so all of the materials, he's going to go make this simple appliance and he's going to literally from scratch make everything, not buy one thing, but everything from the earth up, right? And at one point, Cecil, this is a long way around this, at one point, he does have to smelt iron in his microwave. That's fucking amazing.

So he brings, he disables the fucking don't get too hot mechanism on his mom's microwave. Actually, he's a grad student when he wrote this book. And he brings it out to the porch and he smelts iron in a microwave. That's amazing. So Cecil, get your leather apron. Oh, yeah, right. Let's bring your microwave outside, buddy. I can do this work.

Let's smelt some fucking... Let's have some outdoor smelting. I'm going to have to like... And it's funny too, because we've already missed the first two classes of our... Sarah and I had also decided to take a ceramics class where we're spinning pottery. We had always wanted to take a pottery class.

So you could reenact the ghost thing. Yeah, I was going to do it with the instructor. I don't know who she was going to do it with. But in any case, I wanted to take a pottery class. So you could reenact the ghost thing. Yeah, I was going to do it with the instructor. I don't know who she was going to do it with. But in any case, I wanted to like, we wanted to always try to take a pottery class together. And we've already missed the first two outings of that because COVID

hit the day of and then again, we tested positive yesterday morning. So hopefully by next week, we'll be able to attend the first pottery class. But that's multiple days. This fucking blacksmith class, though. I'm like, motherfucker. So I'm going to have to take it again. I'll probably take to attend the first pottery class, but that's multiple days. This fucking blacksmith class, though, I'm like, motherfucker, so I'm going to have to take it again. I'll probably take it in the winter, I guess. I'll see if it opens. I was going to say, you got to wait for the whole

fucking semester or whatever to roll around again. Yeah, you got to wait for the semester to roll around. Stupid. Why can't I just hire a blacksmith? Like, what's happening? I love the idea that, like, the ceramics class is, like, every week for a certain amount of classes, and, like, the stakes here are fairly low right like yeah i got some clay i molded some mud into a bowl yeah blacksmithing is like i got an i got a hammer and i'm basically gonna hit fire with a hammer

until a sword for like a half an hour yeah and i And I'm going to do that in an afternoon. That's a one day class. Well, the thing is, they have multiple classes, but like you have to have this prerequisite in order to open up the rest. But they have like a knife forging one. They have all kinds of cool ones. And I'm like so excited,

but I got to get past this prerequisite. And I, I was sick. So anyway, I'm bummed out, but I'll take it eventually. So I feel about blacksmithing the same way I feel about it. Like when I think about it, the same way I feel about a 3D printer, it sounds super exciting. And I think I'd come up with one thing to make. And then I'd be like, yeah, right. Like I would, like you said,

like a knife. I would smith myself a really cool knife and I'd be like, neat. And then I'd be looking around my house like, I'm good.

Like all the metal stuff I have is already made of metal. Like I don't know what else to do now. I'm not creative enough. Yeah. It sounds like it'd be

an absolute blast to do. And I've actually known people who've done it in a medieval group that I belong to. But yeah, so it's been tough. I tell you, missing the blacksmith class has been the roughest part of COVID so far. Well, hey, if the worst thing that happens to you from COVID

is you miss the class, I don't want you to miss anything you love, buddy. I think I'm out of the woods for the sickness. I was very sick, but I'm out of the woods, I think, for most of the sickness. But yeah, it's been interesting. I will say this, man. If you can avoid it, do it. Don't get it.

It's not fun. I'm vaxxed and boosted, and I've been coughing like crazy. And I had a fever for several days, sore throat for several days. It was unpleasant. So I would not suggest getting it to anybody. I would avoid that if i could a riot is an ugly thing but i think that it is just about time that we had one all right let's talk about some stories. This story comes from Business Insider.

Texas GOP Representative Lou Gohmert. Lou Gohmert. Lou Gohmert. Lou and Katie Gohmert. Lou gave an American flag that flew over the Capitol as a gift to a January 6th rioter after her release from federal prison. That's a sentence I just read.

I just want to say, like, if you're looking at this photo and so the people who are looking at it, Oh, God, guys. I want to show you this. Here's what I want to say. There used to be a character that Jim Carrey used to do

on, I want to, I don't remember what it was, but he used to, like, dry his teeth and then he would roll his lip, his upper lip up. Yes.

So he would dry his, Fire Marshal Bill from MTV, right? And then he would roll his, that's what, up. Yes. So he would drive. Fire Marshal Bill from MTV, right? And they would roll his lip. That's what, doesn't he look like Fire Marshal Bill's mouth? Like he looks like, his smile looks like Jim Carrey goofing on someone. That's what it looks like. Yes, he does. Yeah.

It looks amazing. So this is, that's that insane sentence that cannot exist in a world more inane than the one that we're less inane than the one that we fucking find ourselves in, that sentence is essentially it. But it is actually a little bit worse because the woman that was released from prison wasn't just any random January 6th conspiracy theorist, lunatic, lawbreaker, insurrectionist. Oh, no. No.

Oh, no. Not just that. Not just that, guys. It's fucking Dr. Simone Gold. Dr. Simone Gold is the founder of America's Frontline Doctors. America's Frontline Doctors is the fucking conspiracy theory disinformation campaign bullshit group that basically like went on the Joe Rogan show and everywhere else. And they were like,

Oh, you know, what's really good is Ivermectin. They were the Ivermectin pushers. She's the fucking Ivermectin lady. She's the Ivermectin pusher. Yeah. And, you know, what's crazy to me is this is, What's crazy to me is this is, it's such a slap in the face to all the people there that got trauma because of this, right?

All these people, I mean, these are people who are just like going to work during the day and then suddenly the Capitol is under siege. Yeah, man. These are people who are like just, I mean, these are just fucking people who are just going to work for the day. They did not sign up for this shit.

But they didn't sign up for it. You're absolutely right, Tom. They didn't sign up for it. And here's this woman who's getting the flag that flew that day. And if that's not a slap in the face to all the law enforcement people, and these are people, and look, look, man,

here's the thing. I don't care about this, but these guys performatively care about this stuff all the time. They are constantly trying to start this performance where they're like, oh, we love law enforcement, blah, blah, blah. But then like law enforcement, people are getting beat up, getting squished in doors like a fucking, like they're a fucking accordion. And then they give the flag, not to one of the law enforcement people that was trying to stop people from entering the building. They gave the flag to a person who entered the building illegally. Yeah.

And his bullshit like nonsense about this is like, oh, she was a political prisoner. All she did was peacefully enter the building. You can't watch the video. Nobody peacefully entered the building. The building was guarded by cops. The only way to enter that building is to storm the building by force or to tack yourself onto the heels of brute force. Right? Like, Cecil, if you and I are going to rob a house, right?

So let's say you and I are going to rob a house. Just me and Cecil. Tom and Cecil show we're robbing a house. We're robbing a house. And you run up to the front door and you fucking kick that fucking door down. And then the homeowner is standing there and you fucking drop elbows into that fucking.

And then I drop. And then what I do is I walk behind you. Now I didn't kick the door open and I didn't fucking throw elbows. Did I peacefully enter that fucking guy's house? I guess so, politically. That's insane.

Yeah, you did it in a way that's... Like, we collectively robbed that house. I know, man. The mob collectively stormed the Capitol as insurrect... Like, shit is fucking... None of those people, none of those people were trespassers.

None of those motherfuckers were like, I was peacefully showing up. You can't break my fucking door down. And then just because you're the second guy in line, you're not like, oh, I didn't actually kick the door. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here.

That shit is silly. It makes them sound like, Tom, that they were waiting patiently outside behind like a velvet rope. And then a Secret Service guy like gets on his thing and he's like, oh, hold on a second.

And then he walks over, unhooks the velvet rope for a half a second. Someone walks in and they're just, he's sending them in one at a time. Oh, you with the two girls? Okay, girls can come on in.

Come on in. Oh, yeah, here we go. It's ladies night at the Capitol. It's direction riot. Here you go. And then he closes up. These people shove, there's a guy with a fucking,

took one of the riot shields and then beat a window open. That is not, like, I mean, if she's squeezing through a window or somebody's opening a door or something like that to get in your, this is, this is, it's absolutely ludicrous that they got this flag. It's, it's a door that was previously guarded by a fucking cop who fought until he lost for you to not go through that door. Like what they're doing with these,

and it's making me fucking so mad, what they're doing with these prosecutions and these fucking narratives, the right is doing this. And the fucking judges seem to be weirdly complicit, is they are disengaging the individual from the mob and they are evaluating their actions as if they're somehow individuated from their

participation as a whole in this mob. But none of that's true. Like, if I am, if I join the army, like another great analogy, if I join the army and my job in the army is to fix the fucking tank, right? So I'm the mechanic. I'm the tank mechanic and then the fucking tank battalion rolls into town and fucking destroys the town and takes over i am part of that conquest i am a member of that conquest that's how that works yeah all members of the mob

who stormed the capital and i'm not saying everybody who showed up that day no but if you walked in the building yeah your ass is part of that fucking you can't breach the front line and pretend you didn't breach the front line fuck you just fuck you all day sideways. Fuck you. If that's the case, then like all those people who were just like in a room when somebody got killed, right? Now think about all those people, right?

Those people, they get charged with murder. Yeah, they get charged with murder. So I don't- Yeah, aiding it. Like I just drove the car. I was the lookout. I didn't actually fucking shoot anybody.

We don't let anybody do this in other circumstances. No, never happens. You can't actually fucking shoot anybody. We don't let anybody do this in other circumstances. You can't disengage and individuate. Are there any women here today? Very well. By virtue of the authority vested in me. Oh, we haven't started yet. Come on. Who threw that? Who threw started yet. Come on. Who threw that? Who threw that stone? Come on. She did! She did!

Sorry, I thought we started. Go to the back. Oh, dear. Always one, isn't there? Now, where were we? This story's from Rolling Stone. Mike Pence says stripping women of rights more important than midterm

gains I will say Cecil the one thing and this should not be confused with a compliment the one thing I will say is that at least in this circumstance Mike Pence is consistently awful

he's bad all around. He is, there's no mistaking him for a good person. No matter what you do, you can't mistake him for a good person. Right. Yeah. He is fucking Mike Pence to the core. Unlike a lot of these other fuckers we'll talk about. Yeah.

So Mike Pence, here's what he said. And this is a follow-up to the proposed legislation that Lindsey Graham brought to the table the other day to implement a national abortion ban after 15 weeks. So with respect to Mike Pence, he says that he believes implementing a national abortion ban is profoundly more important than any short term politics. So he is acknowledging the reality that this is like a fucking third rail issue that the Republicans are losing on right now. They're losing on badly in every poll. And he's like,

yeah, look, all right. I was a fucking monster then and i'm a monster now this is why bees or fucking flies or whatever hang out on my head this is why i'm covered like weirdly extended periods of time exactly you know because i'm a giant pile of shit yeah no the the the thing is is that you're absolutely right tom This is a third rail issue for many of the Republicans. In fact, Republicans across the board in many different states and in a lot of different races have stopped talking completely about this topic. This is a topic they don't even want to bring up. When it's brought up, they have scrubbed their record in the past.

They've removed stuff from the website that has been, because they finally, and we talked about this when it happened, this is the dog that finally caught the car and it doesn't know what to do. 100%. There's a lot of people in the Republican Party

that are on the side of the Republican Party that have had this as a goal on their vision board for decades. But they never wanted to achieve it because they knew they could motivate their entire base based on it. Now that it's a thing, all the people

who got it don't care. And all the people that it's oppressing turns out to be part of their party too. And that's a big deal. And it's a big problem for them. But Mike Pence, asshole that he is, is like, we don't care. This is the most important thing. And, you know, Lindsey Graham, we're going to talk about in a second. These people, they were never about states' rights. They've talked about it being a states' rights

issue forever. It's never been about state rights. We said the moment it was passed down from the Supreme Court, watch this space. They will try to ban this nationally. Yeah, 100%. The goal was always to widen the net, right? Because none of these guys believe anything they say ever. They're always lying to you, except that they also will look you right in the eye and tell you exactly what to fucking expect when they, when they're lying, they're lying strategically. Right. Yeah. So a guy like Mike Pence, he is exactly the person you fucking think he is. Right. Like Mike Pence offers no surprises to the world. Mike Pence is a fucking garbage pile, piece of shit, overly coiffed Indiana, hyper evangelical weirdo who is not allowed to eat a meal with a fucking person with

a vagina because his weird mother wife won't let him do it. Yeah. That's who he is. That's who he's always been. The idea that like we should be surprised in some way that this guy is like you know what i don't really care as much about politics as i do about uh the patriarchy turns out as uh the father of all the patriarchy yeah i'm totes into the patriarchy who fucking is surprised by this shouldn't be nobody should be surprised by this. Shouldn't be. Nobody should be surprised by this. Shouldn't be. You shouldn't be at all. And let's talk about Lindsey Graham, Tom. Lindsey Graham,

when this first came out, there was a comment from him that basically said, look, we're going to leave this up to the states. And now he wants to change it. So what happens is, is that there's a 15-week ban

all across the country. Anything after 15 weeks, even if your state, because these are states' rights 15 weeks, even if your state, because these are states' rights, guys, even if your state says it's okay to go past that, not anymore. The states will cap it.

All the states will be capped at 15. But if you're under that, that's okay. Totally fine. That's perfectly fine. If you want to ban it completely, perfectly fine. But 15 weeks is going to be

the maximum amount. And 15 weeks is a little over, it's two weeks over the first trimester, right? It is. Yeah. The intention of this, and this is such a fucking sneaky bullshit bill, because if you don't follow politics, and most people don't, right? So most of the world doesn't really follow politics all that carefully. don't, right? So most of the world doesn't really follow politics all that carefully. This is fucking sneaky as shit because what it on the surface strategically suggests is that nationally we will all agree to 15 weeks. And look, we had Roe and Roe was like 20 or 23 weeks. I forgot what it was. But nationally, what we'll do is we'll create this new conversation.

We'll agree on 15 weeks. But that's a bullshit agreement. What that does is it, to your point, it only limits the states, which are blue states. It does not kick the six-week bans or the total bans up to 15 weeks. It doesn't say it's 15. What it does is says the most is 15. That's what it does. It's a, this is bullshit from that, but it makes, it makes it seem like the Republicans are moderate on the issue. Yeah. That is the strategic goal is to say, look, Hey, we're, we're suggesting is a 15 week ban after 15, but you got 15 weeks. But they're not suggesting that because in Texas,

you still wouldn't have 15 fucking weeks. In all the garbage states that have passed, in fucking Ohio, you wouldn't have 15 weeks. In your standard Indiana, in your standard red state garbage dystopian hellscapes, you would not have 15 weeks. What this, all this does is it curtails the rights even further of all of the women who are,

by the way, the numerical majority of humans living in America, right? It curtails their ability to procure medical care in the states that have said, we're not monstrous. Yeah, we're not going to- That's all that it does. We're not going to limit that. And you know what it is, is this is just the extension

of their philosophy of the tyranny of the minority, right? Yes. They are not happy with the places on the map that they've carved out that we've already said, look, all those people, all those

poor people who live in these red states, right? And there's plenty of blue people in red states. There's plenty of blue people down there. There's plenty of people in Texas. We talk about Texas being purple. There's plenty of blue people down there. Absolutely. And they have to be stuck with the tyranny of this state. And there's a tyranny of the minority in this country that has been pushing because the Senate itself is a weighted institution towards the Republicans. It is, it is. The way these things work,

the electoral college weighted towards the Republicans. So we know that they've already got systemic ways to keep power, but what they want to do is they want to shove that power because it's just not enough just to have it on those states. They want to shove it on the other states. And what they're finding out when they ask these questions to the people in their districts, even in these deep red districts, even people that were Republicans, what they're finding out is that the Republicans and these people who were,

you know, pro-life, quote unquote pro-life, they all kind of liked Roe. The problem is that they've demonized Roe for so long that they forgot that it had a lot of restrictions in it. There was restrictions

built into Roe versus Wade that allowed people to have abortion up to a certain point, but the government stepped in after, after a certain number of weeks and was like, no, there's, there's going to be restrictions on the second trimester and then the third trimester. So like first trimester was okay, but up till 20, like there's some, there's some issues there. And so they would be, they would, their government government was stepping in in all those places. And people are finding out that, you know what?

I kind of like the system we had where if you were going to get an abortion, you were going to have to do it early. But then after that, there's all these things that are opening up where you have to have some sort of regulation on it. They're finding out that they're based like that. And now they're fucked because they basically put in there a fucking clown car full of hyper-right Christian

evangelicals and Christian Catholics that are in the fucking in the Supreme Court that essentially turned it into this whatever it is now, which is now to kick it back to the states, but now Lindsey Graham wants to make it so that it's, you know,

all states are now even less than the protections than what Roe had. Man, Lindsey Graham never wanted this to be a state. None of these guys ever really wanted this to be a states' rights issue. What they thought, I think, was one, they would never accomplish this, right? And it would continue to be their wedge issue. And now they've lost their wedge. That's a huge problem for these fuckers, right? And it would continue to be their wedge issue. And now they've lost their wedge. That's a huge problem for these fuckers, right? It's a big deal. They've lost the wedge and now they've handed the left their same wedge issue. Yeah. You dumb assholes. Yeah.

So they lost this huge strategic bargaining chip that it turns out the vast, I mean, the polling is not small on this. The vast majority of Americans support some amount of relatively liberal access to abortion as a medical service. Yeah. So this is not like something, what I do think is interesting, and I want to address this because we talked about this, I think, on the live stream, and I've come around from my own position. I want to come back on it.

We covered a guy, and I've since seen a woman from South Carolina do the same thing. We talked about a guy on the stream, live stream, maybe four or five weeks back, who was one of the guys that voted and was staunchly anti-abortion. And after they enacted an abortion ban in, I think, South Carolina or North Carolina, he came out and very, I think, emotionally said, holy shit, I didn't think this through. And it's really resulting in these terrible circumstances

that we really didn't carve out any exceptions for. And I was deeply, deeply unsympathetic to that viewpoint. I've since thought about this. And there was a woman in South Carolina, a lawmaker in South Carolina, who came out and said something very similar. And so I want to, because I've thought about this, I don't want to throw away allies because they were wrong once and they've rethought their position. throw away allies because they were wrong once and they've rethought their position. I want to recognize that these people had a hand in creating this problem, for sure. They had a hand in creating this problem. But if we are going to move forward from the horrible place that we find ourselves in now, we need to embrace allies that are imperfect in our quest to move forward.

And I think that one of the things that is happening post the destruction of Roe is that people are coming to their fucking senses. They've caught the car and now they're realizing they've fucking lost all their teeth and their mouth is all bloody and they don't know what the fuck to do because they never really imagined this world as fully because they didn't listen. Yeah. You know, I want to say that too. They didn't listen. Right.

But okay, they didn't listen. But now here they are coming and saying, wow, I was wrong. And I want to say like grace for that. I want to give grace for that. When we are wrong and we rethink our positions and we come back to a place where we can be allies with causes that are good causes, that are right and just causes,

we should not throw those people away. And I do think that we are seeing more and more people realizing, holy shit, you know what it turns out, I've lived my whole life thinking abortion was this one thing. And I had a narrative in my mind about who gets an abortion and under what circumstances. And I was wrong. And now I see why I was wrong. And I want to say, like, for me, I want to embrace those people and say, you were wrong.

Welcome. Let's move forward because we have to move forward now. We've got to get past this. We've got to make some progress. And so I was terribly unkind and I have thought about that sense. And I have watched this woman from South Carolina since recant her position. And I thought at first I was mad, you know, like, fuck you, you helped do this. And I thought at first I was mad, you know, like, fuck you. You helped do this. But it's also like, all right.

A lot of us have been wrong about things that were important and we've come around. Come around. Come around while you're still in power. Let's fix this. If these guys can come around, others can come around too. And I think that that's something important to acknowledge. I think that that's a great way to think. And I think we should always try to make sure that we do have grace for people who change their mind.

I will say, fuck them for not paying attention ahead of time. Like- I know, man. All this data is available, right? You know, back before they changed the laws to Roe v. Wade, there were women dying from coat hanger abortions. That sort of thing is not like, this is not history you need

to fucking find somebody in the fucking Newberry Library to fucking uncover a manuscript for. This is history that has happened within the lifetime of people who are still alive. And so to reject all that and to be so hardheaded as to not pay attention to history is really appalling.

And you should be ashamed of yourself that you didn't take the time or the effort to learn about any of this stuff before you cast a very important vote, which changed the lives of 50% of the population in the United States or in your area or whatever. You didn't think of this ahead. So you should be very ashamed of yourself. I welcome you, but I want you to understand that you need to be better about the things that you're thinking about moving forward. You got to think about these things. This is a big burden on you. You didn't just do this because it's like, you know, like that's the problem is these people don't take these positions seriously enough. This is a serious issue and it has affected many people and they didn't think it through

and you should be ashamed of yourself for doing that. I'm right there with you. I want to give them grace, but I also want to at least waggle my finger at them a little. Yeah, man. Shame on you. You need to be better at this. This is your job.

People in your area hired you to protect them, and you didn't do it. Yeah, I feel that impulse really, really strongly. I agree with you. I think, but I think like when someone comes to us and they are ashamed, then I want to say, you know what? It's like, I remember you telling me, you taught me this lesson in part.

Remember that? I don't remember who it was. But do you remember that lawmaker? There's a lawmaker that was a KKK supporter. Yeah, yeah, I know. Yeah. And I think about that. And Haley made me rethink this position, too.

And I thought about your comments when you and I talked about that KKK member. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, man, if we are going to ask people to reform, then when they do reform, we have to say, okay. I agree. I agree. You know? And so I just want to make that like, because I, and I think we'll see more of that. I think we have to see more of that. I think there's a reason that the right right now is trying and flailing desperately

at any political tool they can because the Mike Pence's of this world, that's not, that's a fucking fringe position. And this guy is lost. You're never, here's the thing. You're never going to have a moment like Mike Pence is never going to sit there and look into the camera and have a moment like that guy had that we watched on the live stream. And if you didn't watch the live stream, here's what happened. This guy, Tom's talking about a moment that happened on the live stream. This guy who's from

South Carolina or something voted in a state vote to ban abortion for people who, you know, at a certain point or altogether. And he was confronted by someone who was a young girl who lost the pregnancy,

but now cannot get the body evacuated from her body. Right. And is in a position where she can get sepsis. She might lose the ability to have children ever again, because all because they have to essentially wait for it to come out of her body because no one can go in there because they essentially banned the procedure even though this this baby even i don't know if the baby was dead or if it's 100 not viable it's just not gonna live i don't remember

and so he's in this position where he's he's cast a vote for something that he now he's like i didn't realize that that can happen now i'm gonna be going to be the person to say, you should have realized. You should have known. But I'm with you, Tom. I am with you. We should say, okay, now you were fucking stupid. Come over here. We're going to hopefully, everybody's going to get together and we're going to change this for the better.

Listen to me, Republicans. Listen. You are the people in history. The war is not about the war. This story comes from KVUE.com. It's an ABC affiliate. Report, Texas maternal death rate study delayed until next year. The delay means lawmakers likely won't be able to use the data until 2025. So, shockingly, this is coming from the Houston Chronicle, the primary report.

Shockingly, the state's first major updated count of pregnancy-related deaths in nearly a decade will be delayed. Huh. pregnancy-related deaths in nearly a decade will be delayed immediately following the near total or total abortion ban in Texas. It's because there was none, right? Is that why? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, everything turned out good.

Everything? No changes. And they all live happily ever after. The end. Anyway, it's not like 45, 60 days till the midterms. Let's make sure that we don't go ahead and put this data out right before a fucking

major election. It's clear. You know, the thing is, we don't have to guess at any of this. You literally don't have to guess. The data is in historically. We can look at historical American analogs. You can look at international analogs.

The maternal death rate goes the fuck up when women don't have access to medical care. Yep, yep, yep. Imagine, imagine such a fucking crazy, bonkers sentence. Women die when they cannot access medical care. Period. The end. When anybody but the patient and their doctor is involved in making decisions about medical care. Anybody is involved, whether that's lawmakers or insurance companies.

Yeah, man. The result is a lesser result. Yeah. That's it. We know this. There are studies and studies and data and metrics. This isn't complex shit. The only people that should be involved in these decisions

are doctors and patients. Yep. When you throw in lawmakers, they fuck it up. Yep. And they make it worse. And when you restrict women's access to fucking lawmakers, they fuck it up and they make it worse. And when you restrict women's access to fucking care, they die. The end.

And very importantly, we had Dr. Jessica on the show and she even said, pregnancy is more risky than getting an abortion. If you're talking about danger, having a pregnancy is more dangerous than getting an abortion. And you're essentially saying to all the women in Texas, you're saying, cool, we're going to make life

more dangerous for you if you get pregnant, period. That's it. Just period. We're just making life more dangerous. Essentially, we're going to reach in

and we're going to unclip your seatbelt for all the women who get pregnant. Yeah, right. We're going to unclip your seatbelt and fucking put a cigarette in your mouth.

Yeah, there you go. You just, here you go. Let us know how those statistics work out. Yeah. Shocking that they don't want this released right before the fucking election cycle. This is the same thing as with the Santa Santas with the fucking hiding the numbers of COVID

and all that bullshit. These people know what they're doing. They know that if this study comes out or these things, these numbers come out, there's going to be an attack ad with it in there and they just want to try

to head it off at the pass. Here's the thing, man. The attack ads write themselves already. So you're not saving anybody from this anyway. People already know this stuff and they're going to just cite out numbers to you

even if it's not your data that you use. But this is clearly politically motivated. It is. And the thing is that the right, with the restriction of data availability, restriction of information, they're acting as reality police. Yep.

They do it all the time. Like in Saudi Arabia, they've got those fucking morality police that like run around the rooftops to make sure nobody's a witch or whatever fucking crazy shit they do. Or a woman drives a stick shift or something like some crazy shit. But like the Republicans right now, I mean, DeSantis and this, like they, what they try to do is they try to say, well, that study will not be available. We don't want to look at the data. We

don't want objective reality to get in the way of a good story. Yeah, man. That's what they're fucking saying. They're scared. That's exactly what they do. And that's what they've been doing with this big lie. I mean, like, look at what happens. I mean, like, like they have been bending reality, projecting to try to say that that's what the Democrats do.

But when every time the Democrats are like, well, here's the data. And they're just like, oh, la, la, la, la, la. And they just cover their ears. My favorite example of that is when the Republicans hired the incompetent fucking cyber ninjas or whatever to go to Arizona and do a recount. And even with all of the flaws

of the methodology of a fucking obviously partisan hackery group and they're just like uh turns out your guy didn't win and they were still like nah guy still won uh sorry according to this eight-bit shuriken uh he did not win yeah i miss her so much the last thing i actually said to her was babe can you pick me up some popeyes before you come back and she never came back guys i need to say a proper goodbye guys so tonight we're gonna talk to her on the ouija board guys we're doing the ouija board challenge on my dead girlfriend all right this story comes from nbcnews.com Satanic panic is making a comeback fueled by QAnon believers

and GOP influencers. Crazy, yo. And dude, I grabbed this because QAnon was always the satanic panic. Yeah, it's always been that. It was never for one. Like if you ever thought

for one minute that there was a meaningful distinction other than like some minor rhetorical adjustments no you're right you're a crazy person but but come on man when we first heard q anon did we really think did we think did we think that this was going to come into anything else did we think we're like like did we think that there was going to be people at the capital with q anon signs did we think they'd be like hundreds,

if not thousands of people waiting for John John in Dallas or whatever? Did you think there was going to be a QAnon queen of Canada who was going to travel around in a fucking RV and just like draw crowds? The more you say crazy things, the more I just want to kill myself. Seriously though, it's fucking. No,

this was like Liz Croken and Anne Vandersteel crazy bullshit. This is crazy. We were covering crazy people. We're covering people who were seriously saying anything they could to get views. And we mocked them mercilessly for it. And what happened is, is QAnon went mainstream. And the thing is, is QAnon's mainstream enough where now even like Trump isn't fucking,

isn't denying QAnon stuff. Like he's like even, and so we're in this position now where there's enough people and there's enough people who believe in QAnon on the Republican side to make it a viable way

to gain office in our country. And of course you would tack the satanic panic onto this because look, you're fueling into one of the biggest, like I want to say like it's one of the ways in which you can attach yourself to another form of crazy. And religion in its own way is another form of crazy. It is, yep. And these people that are really hyper-religious,

they are absolutely terrified of Satan and all of Satan's minions and the battle between God and angels and Satan and all that. And if you start talking about that stuff, I mean, all this stuff is already blood God shit anyway, but it fits so well. It's fucking peanut butter and chocolate, man. It fits really well together.

This is it. Like, to make the shift from QAnon to a satanic panic requires, like, such a dearth of imagination that it is almost a beggar's belief. Yeah, exactly. I mean, what was the satanic panic? The satanic panic was that there is a cabal of ultra-powerful Satanists committing heinous child rape and murder. Yeah. And what is QAnon? Well, there's a cabal. It's the same thing.

It's the same thing. It's just redone. There's a mild—this is a rebranding, man. This isn't even like the difference between Coke and New Coke. This is just like, hey, the can looks a little different. We fucking adjusted the C on Coke so it has like a fucking sans serif font or whatever. Sure. That's it.

Yeah. That's it. It's the same fucking flavor. It's like every movie is a fucking Jesus story or whatever. It's the same thing. It's like it's stealing the same trope over and over and over again. And it's just reusing it. 100%. But man, these people are just, what's crazy about this is it's starting to sting some of the people who have, I think probably either Tom, they've benefited off of it or they've ignored it in the past so that they, and just sort of worked their way around it and been like, yeah, maybe my followers

are a little crazy about QAnon. I don't think, I don't believe that stuff. And then suddenly now they're having to defend themselves because just like we found out, you know, when the firefighter prophet is fighting against this other guy, if everybody says they talk to the guy who's in charge, nobody, everybody, and everybody's lying, they can make up literally anything they want. Yes, that's exactly. The thing is that none of

this narrative is tethered in anything approaching reality. Right. None of it. None of this has foundational beliefs that are immutable in any way. None of this is tethered to any sort of demonstrable fact pattern. So if you get in the way of this, or you sort of become a part of this movement of train wreck insanity, there's no reason to think that at some point you won't be singled out and go down with the ship. Look at how many people on the right have gone down with this fucking ship. Think about, just pause for a second

and think about if you were in the orbit of the insanity of the right over the course of the last five years how many of those fucking people's lives have been ruined yeah so many of those people's lives have been ruined so many of those people have been taken down and destroyed and they've lost their jobs and careers why would this be different yeah the reason that that worked is because all of that was completely unhinged, batshit crazy, untethered from reality, data-less, evidence-less bullshit. So like all you have to do to make the next accusation stick is simply to make the accusation. Once the accusation is made, the problem with all

this shit is that the accusation itself becomes de facto evidence of itself. It's a fucking Ouroboros of nonsense. Yeah, man. Yeah. That's the real reason. And that's how they get to manipulate people, but it also bites you in the ass, right? It's easy to manipulate people, but then anybody can use it against you. And so you're essentially fucked. And man, I seriously think one of the ways to get out of this is just to have trolls infiltrate and start accusing all these big leaders of being part of this QAnon thing from the beginning. So you start using Q as a way to say, no, Trump trump isn't the guy he's the guy who's been you know what i mean like and so you you just use q to attack them all and then you just have them

fighting each other constantly just in a big fucking like like they look like that that fucking uh the the tasmanian devil's like that guy that spins around just have them like that's what they look like they just look like a fucking million assholes all fucking chasing each other. And then you have them fight each other until they just go away. It's like a bad guy fight.

You're like, good. All the bad guys fight and nobody cares. That's, I think like that's probably going to be the way that this gets taken down is that enough people

just keep going after each other. And this guy in this, in this story is basically like, I'm not a pedophile. I'm not a Satanist. It's crazy, man.

I read this story and it's like, I don't care. There's stories like these guys, their lives get ruined, but their lives get ruined because they're fucking toxic adjacent. Yeah, you rode this fucking tiger already. Yeah.

It's like they fucking get on a surfboard and they fucking paddle out into a toxic fucking sludge. And then they're like, oh, hey, if I fall into the fucking sludge, I'm really screwed. And every once in a while, they fall into the fucking sludge. You're like, you're surfing on sludge,

you stupid asshole. You thought this wave was going to carry you, but this wave doesn't give a shit. The wave is simply the wave. The wave is fucking agnostic to all of you motherfuckers. It doesn't care who it chews up. No, man.

And I love that it chews these guys up. I love it. It's fucking, it's chef's kiss delicious. Yeah, get it. And I hope more people get chewed up by it. I hope it just keeps's chef's kiss delicious. Yeah, get it. And I hope more people get chewed up by it.

I hope it just keeps on chewing more people up. More of these people need to go. And there's plenty of these people who have weaponized QAnon time and time again. And I'd love to see it weaponized against them

because it's very easy to harness. It's super easy to convince. These people are ultra-convincible. Like, why haven't you fucked Myra yet? Well, we can't because of pillow pants. The fuck's pillow pants? Pillow pants is a little troll who lives in her pussy.

Pillow pants is her pussy troll? Duh. This story comes from Rolling Stone Amazing Trump is very upset Pillow guy Mike Lindell Got his phone seized At a Hardee's drive-thru

Tom, the best part about this The best part about this Is Hardee's tweet After the fact When they're like Hey, now that you know who we are Try our pillowy biscuits You win You win hey, now that you know who we are, try our pillowy biscuits.

You win the social medias forever by fucking dunking on this guy. So great. It's amazing. It's fucking amazing. I saw another tweet. I think it was from Hardee's. I think it was real. I didn't go to Twitter to double check it.

So it was a screen grab. But it was a tweet from Hardee's that said like, hey, if you've still got your phone, download the Hardee's app and you get a free biscuit. Amazing. Or whatever it was. Fucking amazing. Oh, it's so good.

This is the greatest, like, sir, this is a Wendy's. I know it's exactly sir, this is a Wendy's. Sir, this is a Hardee's. He's there. And the best part Hardee's. He's there. And the best part is I watch this guy's clip. There's a clip of him. So Lindell is flipping out. And he's fucking, this guy, I know he's just so scatterbrained.

He can't even finish a sentence, but he's moving. As he's talking, Tom, he's moving a whole bunch of papers around on his desk and he's talking and he says, yeah, they took my phone and I don't have a computer

and all my business is on my phone. And so, and they said, oh, don't talk about it. And he holds up a paper that says he's not allowed to talk about it or something. I don't know what,

it's a piece of paper that says FBI. I have no idea what it says on it. But, but he holds up. This is Hardy's receipt. Exactly. This is fbi i have no idea what it says on it but um but this is hardy's receipt exactly this is hard this is like two double cheeseburgers and fucking curly pillowy biscuit bitch that fucking guy though and and evidently trump was upset about this too trump was saying that like and and these guys are saying all the same things right so trump now

his tune is you are weaponizing the FBI and the DOJ to come after your political enemies. And it's so funny because literally that's what every single Republican has ever done since the beginning of time. And they suddenly are getting investigated for, it's not like Joe Biden is tenting his fingers looking for things to send them. They're like, hey, man, can we have our documents back? And then he doesn't give them back at all. And then they have to go break his doors down. It's, you know, look, man, just follow the rules. But instead, they're using this as a way to convince all the yokels that believe them that they are being unfairly targeted by the justice system in the United States

which is an absolute lie. People just wanted their documents back. That didn't, it's a top secret document. You literally can't think of a reason why they would have it.

Yeah, this is, there was, there was something like, and I don't, I may get the number wrong, but I don't think it's way off. There was something like

nine Benghazi investigations that spanned the course of like half a decade. And they found literally nothing. They found nothing of any serious substance at all. So it's not like the Republicans are like, hey, we're a living life. But even if, and I don't want to do a too quokkway argument. The thing is that the Republicans in this case have been acting egregiously illegally. Sure. That's it.

The FBI, the director of the FBI is not a Democrat. He's a Trump-appointed Republican. That's who the director of the FBI is right now, today. Biden didn't show up

and kick the old FBI director out. Like, Biden doesn't call up the FBI and say, hey man, here's what I want you to, that's not how any of this shit works. That's how Trump tried to do it though. It's literally structured. Right.

But that's, but that's the thing is, Trump thinks that's how it works because that's how he wanted it to work. Right. Do you remember when he like cornered, I think it was Comey. It was Comey.

When he cornered Comey and was like, I need you to be loyal. I need you to pledge that you're fucking loyal. And Comey's like, I'd rather was Comey. It was Comey. When he cornered Comey and was like, I need you to be loyal. I need you to pledge that you're fucking loyal. And Comey's like, I'd rather quit my job. That's, you're fucking nuts.

Like, that shit is like bonkers town bullshit. These guys have, if you show up, Cecil, and you say, Tom, give me your phone. I'll be like, oogie doogie.

And here's my phone. You don't have to fucking accost me at the fucking Hardee's drive through because it's, it's not like the first time they asked this fucker for his phone was when they fucking showed up at Hardee's, you know, like these guys get all these fuckers. They get time and time and time and time and chance and chance and chance

and chance to fucking cooperate with an investigation. If you want to investigate me for fucking how many top secret classified fucking documents does Tom have in his house or on his phone? I'd be like, dude, come to my house. Look around for top secret shit. I don't steal things, asshole. You grab my phone. The worst you're going to see is like pics that are going to make you feel uncomfortable. Not me. You're looking over their shoulder

like, no, scroll back to that one. No, go back. I want you to go back. No, that's a good pic. Don't you fucking delete that shit. I'll back my shit up to the cloud. I'm not losing that. I want you to go back.

I used a whole stick of butter. A whole stick of butter. Yeah, man. These guys are absolute projectionists, though. And that's the thing is they think everybody's doing the things that they're doing. And so when Trump says they've weaponized the DOJ, it's because that's what he wanted to do. Even if he wasn't able to do it, that's what he wanted to do. You know, you think about all the times that Trump got in trouble while he was in office.

These are all reasonable ways that a person should, should, you shouldn't be doing. Think about all the times that a Democrat's been trouble in office. You're like, oh yeah, he got a blow job. Yeah, I know. It's like, like Obama was free of scandal, completely free of scandal. There was, there's no scandal for the Obama presidency. The worst that you had was the secretary of state. Hillary Clinton was investigated 86 million times for fucking un an attack on the U.S. consulate in Benghazi. Yeah. And the email thing. And the email server, right? But in both cases, the investigations by her opponents really ended up yielding nothing of significance or substance, right? George W. Bush, however, invaded a sovereign country on false pretenses,

pretenses he knew. We find out later we knew that he knew the intelligence was bad. Yes, you're right. He invaded. He fucking illegally entered a war with another country. This scale of comparison here is insane. Billinton got a fucking blowy from an intern and lied about it bad times right shouldn't have done that okay great does that compare in any way to murdered a hundred thousand civilians or the iran contra thing right i mean these people have been these people have been with their arms up their own ass to the elbows the entire time. They've been fucking up like crazy.

And every time they get investigated, they blame it on, on the other side. They're like, Oh no, you guys, you guys are the ones who are doing the witch hunt. I mean,

it was a witch hunt during Reagan, dude. Yup. It was. Yeah. Reagan, deeply problematic. George Herbert Walker Bush. I don't think there was any scandal. I can't remember a scandal. He invaded Iraq. I don't know. I don't know if there's anything around that because I wasn't super politically active at the time. And I don't I don't recall anything. But W was a fucking

nightmare. And Trump Trump was I I mean like Trump's like fucking call was Zelensky I mean how bad does that look in retrospect yeah right holy shit hey I'm gonna withhold military aid

unless you give me fucking dirt on my fucking political opponent holy shit yeah that's existentially required aid

by the way I was scheduled because I had I got COVID and I wasn't able to do it, but I was scheduled to be on the God awful movies where they reviewed that My Son Hunter movie, the movie with Gina Carano. I don't know if you saw this. Gina Carano is in a movie called My Son Hunter. I was sick Wednesday night and I watched it and I think it gave me COVID.

I think that's what gave me COVID Maybe you just had a fucking bad movie hangover It's so bad I watched that whole movie It's literally the worst movie But it's all, again, it's all this projecting It's the right trying to project How bad they are

Onto other people That's essentially what this is And that's all Trump's doing. Hey, honey, what you got there? Popcorn from Dairy Queen. Want to try? Sure. Hey, wait a second.

This isn't popcorn, you idiot. It's popcorn shrimp. Oh, I know there was something familiar about it hold on where are the kids the dq popcorn shrimp basket so good shrimp would eat them so fast food is really an important part of our fucking national media landscape this story comes from wearecentralpa.com armed Pennsylvania man in wig trying to restore Trump as president arrested at the Dairy Queen. What color was the wig?

I want to say, please say please say it was like the little girl from Frozen wig. That would be the best because it's Dairy Queen right? So it's got to be like a blizzard type wig I think. There's a fucking blizzard of controversy surrounding this it was a rainbow wig is that what it was it says it says in the

article that it was a rainbow wig cecil if you are going to be a crazy nut job assassin maybe wearing a fucking rainbow wig would not be the way to blend in. How many fucking assassin movies have you watched in your life? Any of them wear fucking rainbow wigs? I think Aeon Flux did, but I can't remember. Yeah, man, this is fucked up, but it's crazy because now suddenly across the food courts of America, the Hardies and the fucking the fucking dairy queens like like you said earlier sir this is a wendy's is going to be an actual

political discourse from now on when people show up and this guy the thing is is like there's so many people that are just kind of just they're like at the end of their wits at this point. Yeah, they can't even. And this guy is, this guy, you're right. This guy can't even. He's got, he's a few M&Ms short of a blizzard. That's for sure. I got to read a couple of parts of this because they're so delicious.

They're sweet, Cecil. They are just absolutely sweet. They're drizzled with a salted caramel. They're so delicious. This guy's name is Stelwovi. What's your go-to blizzard, by the way? Go-to blizzard. Oh, hold on. Do you like blizzards? I do. I love them.

I love that kind of ice cream. See, I like the Culver's one. They're called the concrete mix. That's my preferred type of thing. But anyway, I would eat a blizzard as well. What's your go-to? Peanut butter cup, extra peanut butter cup. Okay. Mine is an Oreo cookie. I want a lot of as well. What's your go-to? Peanut butter cup, extra peanut butter cup. Okay. Mine is an Oreo cookie. I want a lot of crunching.

Oreo cookies. Oreo cookie is mine. Oreo is so good. Oreo is so good. Oreo is just where it's at. And I've tried a bunch of different ones. I do like Butterfinger as well. Butterfinger is a very good one.

That's a delicious one. M&M is good. And you're right. Peanut butter cup is outstanding as well. Very good. All good. Peanut butter cup. Solid choices. Do you're right. Peanut Butter Cup is outstanding as well. Very good. All good. Solid choices. Do you know which one should be better?

And I've gotten it more times than I'm willing to admit. And I want it to be delayed. But Snickers, not good. Really? It's so, those like noogity bits, they freeze and they become impenetrably angry. Well, and then you bite into them and then you stick. So you bite and then it sticks. I hate that. Now your mouth

is fused together until it can undo that like a crocodile or whatever, like someone's holding your snout. You just have to wait for your face to dissolve. That's it. You're glued together for life. I've never had any of the fruit ones. Like I know that they do fruit ones, but I'm just always like,

why on earth would I... I would not pollute ice cream. I could put candy in there. What? I could put candy. What are you thinking? I would not do this. So...

Do you have an Andy's near you? Andy's frozen custard? That's another frozen custard chain? Possibly. I don't know. They have a seasonal, and they have it every year, key lime pie. Do you like key lime pie? Yeah, I like key lime pie. Solid.

Yeah. It's fucking delicious. It tastes like just... What's the crust? They put pie crust. Oh, that's awesome. See, now that's outstanding. So good. That's so good. It's so good that I won't... I drive past it because I'm like, no, no, no, no. Don't do it. Don't. I can't. It's so good that like, I won't, I drive past it because I'm like, no, no, no, no. Don't do it.

Don't. I can't. Because you'll eat a whole one. You'll eat a whole one. I'll eat the whole, I'll get a big one, dude. I'll get myself sick. One of the things that I would love to try if they did a good job would be like a chocolate eclair one.

That sounds good to me. That sounds really good. That sounds good, right? But I don't know if anybody could pull it off. But when you say they put dough in there, I wonder if you could do pottishu. I don't know what that would taste like frozen. I have had frozen eclairs.

I've had frozen eclairs. They hold up. And they hold up. So I wonder if you could do pottishu like that. So it's interesting to, like, there's, the thing is, though, is I am such a creature habit that when I show up to one of these places, I barely even look at the menu. I'm always just always just like yeah give me the cookies and cream all the cookies

and cream because it's so fucking good every time dude it's so i i usually do the same thing with peanut butter cup again extra peanut butter cup i don't want to be stingy no i don't blame you get in there yeah get in there yeah until like i said the other day i drove like maybe five six weeks ago i drove up to one and they had these signs and they're like, we got key lime pie. It's back. Sounds good. Sounds amazing. I got fucking perfect.

You know, there's going to be people who are going to send us and say they had a banana runts one or whatever. Because we got emails from people that said that the fake banana flavor is an acceptable thing to consume. No, it's not. It's not an acceptable flavor. It's not a good flavor. flavor is an acceptable thing to consume. No, it's not. It's not an acceptable flavor. It's not a good flavor. If you are in a bunker

waiting out the end of the world and the only thing that is left is banana Laffy Taffy and banana Runts, you check your magazine to see how many bullets are in it because it's time to die. You're like the guy at the end of the mist. You're like, okay, we're all going to put

each a bullet in somebody. Here we go. We're going to do this. We're no luck because you might as well just reach into the bottom of your garbage can and take the banana peel out of there. That's juicy from the garbage and just ring that out, ring that out and then put that in a glass and do a shooter of that. Cause that's what banana runs tastes like. And you're wrong. If you like them. That's all I'm saying. You're just wrong. You're just objectively wrong if you like them. No good person eats a banana run. If you ate a banana run, it's because like things have gone

so bad in your life. Your life is, you will essentially have a rainbow wig on and you're holding up a Dairy Queen. Yeah. So I got it. Okay. So asking for Trump to be put back in power. That's where your life is right now. Just, just too quick.

I just got it. Cause this is obviously a crazy person. Right. So, um, but that too, too quick pieces of this. I got to read.

So we'll be reportedly claimed. He knew the Dairy Queen workers and they would vouch for him. This is the best dude. The manager told police that he was in the store earlier that day. So good. He just put $120 on the counter and said it was a tip for the non-democrats. Other than that, yeah. And then this is the most America thing ever. So think about the stability that this person is evidencing in their daily life, right?

The guy went to fucking Dairy Queen with $120 and instead of just buying more fucking blizzards and bringing them home to eat later, he gave a huge tip to non-Democrats. That's a crazy person thing to do. A search of his car turned up two more loaded handguns, a 9mm and.22 caliber

along with 62 rounds of ammunition. He did not have a concealed carry permit. Only in America can you be this fucking nuts. And by just, I just have however many guns you want. Here's the thing. He didn't have the concealed carry permit in Pennsylvania.

That's only because he didn't fill out their like tiny form for it or whatever. I'm sure. I'm sure he didn't just like walk into the right office and be like, juggle the guns he wanted to carry around concealed. Can I have these? And the guy behind the counter looked up for his phone quick enough to nod. That's how hard it is to get in some places in the United States. So that's probably what, I don't know.

I don't know how deep it is in Pennsylvania, but. I love, I was thinking about this just a second ago too. how deep it is in Pennsylvania. I love, I was thinking about this just a second ago too. I love that we like differentiate concealed carry

from like other types of carry and like we make it like, oh, can I have a gun? Well, a gun, you don't just want to walk. Well,

I'll hide it. Yeah, I'll hide it. I'll have a sneaky gun. Yeah. Like we're, we're weirdly better if you have a sneaky gun than if you have what the fuck

is wrong with america that we're like all right all right now hang on a minute hold on now you could have a gun you can't just walk around sneaky you can't just walk around there with your pistol you got to put that pistol down the front of your drawers and cover it up with your shirt i want you to hide it from me. Also, all those concealed carry fucking things are all like

in your waistband shit. So uncomfortable. It's so uncomfortable, man. It's just super duper uncomfortable. Like, I don't understand why. I wore it at, I had to wear it that one day

when we got it or whatever because we had to buy those holsters. We had to have holsters to show that we had holsters or whatever. And I remember wearing it that one day and being like, I'll literally never wear this. There's no way in my life that I would be like, I need to put this on my body and walk around. It's so uncomfortable. It's like wearing a jock because you don't need to. Yeah, man. It's like there's, if you have any belly at all, like, and I don't mean like a big belly, but any belly at all wearing a gun is tragically uncomfortable.

It's like jamming a gun into your stomach all day. All day. That's what it feels like. You can't sit down comfortably at all. You might be able to like position it in a standing position. That's okay. But then when you walk it shifts around it's and then the whole time cecil didn't you feel real fucking weird having a gun

it was it was it had the safety on and there wasn't one in the chamber and i was like i was still nervous yeah man because you're not insane that's why yeah i'm so crazy and that's the thing is like like when i see that twat Crowder or whatever, I think he's got the best of it with that shoulder holster, right? He looks like an old detective in one of those like Barney Miller TV shows.

That looks more comfortable. That looks more comfortable at least. Yeah, granted, it's a fucking stupid place to carry a gun, but it's at least not jamming your dick all day or whatever. Right. You know, like that seems,

I don't get these gun guys, man. You just like, like even if it's just comfort level, are you that fucking like, how could you, how could you be that afraid that you don't want to be comfortable ever? So we,

we didn't get a ton of email this week. We want to thank, of course, all our patrons. We'll read all our patrons next week. We promise we'll ton of email this week. We want to thank, of course, all our patrons. We'll read all our patrons next week. We promise we'll read them all next week. We want to thank everybody for joining us. We want to, of course, let everybody know

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We love all our patrons. We again, we'll mention your names next week. Hopefully I am COVID negative by then, and Tom's back in studio. If not, then this will be the same thing that happens next week. Hopefully, we'll keep our fingers crossed. But we are going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed.

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