Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 650: Baby Eagles

Episode Date: October 10, 2022

Show Notes

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago and beyond this This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical.

It's political. And there is no welcome mat. This is episode 650 of Cognitive Dissonance. 650, baby. 650, my friend. It's starting to tick toward. It's coming close, man. That's 666 number.

I don't know what we're going to be able to do. We're going to have to kill a chicken live on air. Can we swirl it around? Isn't that it? Can we put our sins in it? That's not Satanist, though. That's Jewish or something. That's Jewish, I think.

What's the one where you put your sin in a chicken? Hey, now. I'm going to need a bigger chicken. Hey, now. I'm going to need a smaller chicken. I'll tell you what. That chicken will be finger-licking good. That's all I'm saying.

Well, I'll tell you this. That is a terrifying ritual. Look, I'm a terrifying ritual. I, look, I'm a meat eater, man. So I've killed hundreds, if not thousands of animals indirectly in my lifetime. Right.

But, but that is a little bit, that's a little, look, that's a little, that's a little, we've gone hunting. We've gone hunting.

We've gone bird hunting. We've gone deer hunting. Yeah. I'm okay with sort of removing that veil of separation and doing the dirty work myself. Sure. I'm fine with that. Yeah. But I am not like, yeah, I'm going to put all my fucking sad thoughts in a bird and then whip it around my head.

Whip it around your head. Yeah. And then like. That gets Jesus's attention. Right? When you Yahoo the bird. Dude, Jesus's attention. Right? And you, when you Yahoo the bird. Dude,

there's gotta be a moment when you're like, yeah, I put my sins in a chicken. You're like, oh, I hear me. Yeah. Oh,

fuck. You know what? You know what? I've been doing my whole life. Wouldn't it be funny like you put your sins in the chicken, chicken just explodes.

Just boom. Then I would believe that magic was real. The chicken looks at you and he's like, is that all you got bark gawk then it starts flirting

with you a little like it's into it the chicken like looks up it's like bark gawk gawk bark gawk it's like

flapping that little thing on your jaw it's wiggling it's waddle at you whatever it is fucking hell man 666 is coming though buddy it's coming though I don't know what we're gonna do you know it might be That little thing underneath its jaw. It's wiggling its waddle at you. Whatever it is. Fucking hell, man. 666 is coming, though, buddy. It's coming, though.

I don't know what we're going to do. You know, it might be. So this week we had our first meeting about Vulgarity for Charity. We did. And if you don't know what Vulgarity for Charity is, every year we team up with Scathing Atheist guys. And we do a charity roast where we select people, donate to modestneeds.org, which is, Modest Needs is a, it's one of these very specific charities that help people that are just sort of out of the range of help. Most help is for people who are much more worse off than

people in Modest Needs. The people in Modest Needs might've lost their job and then they can't pay their electric bill. And so Modest they can't pay their electric bill. And so modest needs will pay that electric bill. They'll cut out the middleman. They don't give the money to the people. They vet the sources and then they say, hey, yeah, we're gonna reach directly out to the electric company and pay your electric bill for you

once they collect the money. It's a genuinely beautiful organization run by one of the best people we've ever known. One of the best people. Yeah, absolutely, genuinely one of the best people we've ever known. One of the best people. Yeah, absolutely, genuinely one of the best people too. They're president. And so we have had success, much success over the many years.

We had our most recent conversation, what we're going to plan and undo. We're going to do pretty much what we did last year. And so it turns out that right around the time that we finish up our 666 episode will be about the time we finish up, or maybe about a month later or so, when we finish up the Belgator for Charity.

And so it might coincide. Oh, there might be some. There might be a live stream. Cecil. Show. A synergy. There could be. A synergy.

A corporate synergy. A synergy. Whenever you use synergy, you got to a synergy. A corporate synergy. A synergy. When you ever use synergy, you got to do the hand claspies. You got to do the hand claspies. Yeah, the hand claspies. But in any case, that could work out for us.

And so it might be, we're talking now about doing a live stream to wrap it up. And so it might be that, you know, a secondary live stream might be us doing a live stream

for 666. I know we talked about getting somebody on from the Satanic Temple and that hasn't. That hasn't happened. That hasn't happened. That hasn't happened. That hasn't happened. I just want to say that, you know,

like now that Trump's leaving office, I think it's important to remember that he was the president. So we should show some. Psych! Pussy clot! Fuck them Ross! Donald no one around but big boss man Biden! Fuck them Ross! So this story comes from Huffington Post.

President hot mic with Florida official, no one fucks with a Biden. I did read this story. So Biden is down in Florida and he's meeting with people after Hurricane Ian. God damn it, Ian. He's down there meeting with people after Hurricane Ian, and he's just caught on a hot mic, and there's no context around it at all. No. And I love that the news has picked this up because you know it's meaningless. Yeah.

You have no idea what it means, but he gets picked up saying no one fucks with a Biden. And then the mayor is like, goddamn right. Well, the mayor is a Democrat. Right. So they're, you know, they're clearly shaking hands with a guy who's in the same political party. They're doing their, I just saw you. We happen to know each other from these two political parties so we're doing our we're just talking sort of thing and they're like hey nobody fucks

in the biden right and he's like you're goddamn right they don't you know and so that was it you know it's just like and it's a nothing it's a literal nothing but the right again doesn't like it they know they hate it and this. And this is the best because- They don't want a president that brags. They don't want a president that swears. A braggadocious president. Oh, me, oh, my. Oh, me, oh, my.

Yeah, okay. I guess we can only say vulgar words, but they have to degrade women, too. So you'd be like, oh, grabbed by the pussy. I forgot. That's okay, but nobody fucks with Biden. Okay grabbed by the pussy. I forgot. That's okay. But nobody fucks with Biden. Okay, now they're crossing a line.

That's it. Outrageous. Crossing a line. I, you know, what I think people sometimes forget about Joe Biden, because Joe Biden, he's got this like,

I mean, he's a genuinely, I think, empathetic human being, right? So like he's stood up many times and throughout his entire career, he's been very consistent. Yeah. He's a genuinely empathetic human being. right? So like he's stood up many times and throughout his entire career, he's been very consistent. He's a genuinely empathetic human being. And I think he reaches out to the American people and to other humans and tries to say,

but the dude's also got a fucking set of brass balls. If you remember from when he was doing town hall meetings and somebody was challenging him on his physical fitness, he's like, let's drop and do pushups, bitch. Do you remember that? You know, what's funny though, is that he's also kind of like, he's got a little flex. He's also got a little bit of regular guy in there. Yeah. There's a lot of polished politicians out there that will, you know, be very, very proper all the time. When I think about a polished politician,

I think about Obama. I think about Buttigieg. Yeah. Buttigieg is another perfect example. Polished, bro. Very polished. But he's, and you know, like, look, don't get me wrong. I don't like people with no polish because our last president had zero polish on him. He was literally an id. You know why? Yeah. You can't polish a turd. Yeah, no.

It's a thing. There's a whole sentence about it. There's a whole sentence. Yeah, I mean, maybe if you had a drywall rasp, you could probably. But in any case, in any case, he's this, he's also kind of got that sort of regular Joe stuff that happens.

Because, you know, he's Joe. He's a Joe. He's a Joe. He's a regular Joe. If he were a plumber, that'd be the only thing if he was,

if in a former life. But I do love that he's like this septuagenarian president just like, every once in a while, he'll fucking hard flex. He'll be like, let's drop and do some pushups, you motherfucker. He is been on a tear. Here's another story, Tom.

This one from the New York Times today, this afternoon. This blew up this afternoon. This afternoon, Biden pardons thousands of people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law. So it's a federal pardon. Right. And this is possession only, right? Yeah. Simple possession. Simple possession. But he went through and was basically like, there's thousands of people in the federal system right now. From 92 to 2021, he's like, look, I can't control the states. Yeah. But I control, right? So, because he can't, he can't. Illinois did this. And I will say, Illinois did this. And then they also expunged the records of everybody who had a prior conviction. That's amazing.

So when Illinois legalized marijuana, Illinois was also like, great. Also, you know what? If we convicted you, that was our bad, and that's gone. He's actually encouraging governors in the states to follow suit. And he's basically said, look, this is an absurdity to have a conviction, to have people rotting in jail, to have people living with these records, these records that are felony records, these records that make it harder for you to get a job, that make you seem to certain people less trustworthy for something that is now a silly recreational dalliance. And it's illegal in

multiple states, right? Many, many, many, many states. Is it at most at this point? I think at this point it's most. I thought there was 20 or so states that haven't followed suit, but many states have either decriminalized it or have made it completely legal. And, you know, there's also the range of legal

to, like, medical marijuana and things like that. I don't even know if that's a thing anymore, to be honest. But, you know, in our state, it's perfectly legal. And, you know, in many states around us, a couple of states around us, and then, you know, there's multiple states on the East Coast. And so it's getting more and more

so that it's just not a crime in certain places. And it would be, think about how weird it would be to have a federal alcohol possession crime when much of the states had alcohol. It's just a silly thing to do. And so it's a good thing. And clearly, I think Biden has paid attention to the polling of what's going on. And all of these things are very much calculated. This is all calculated. The timing is not accidental. And it's smart. It's a smart politician's thing to do. He came in, tried to get a bunch of stuff done, and then like a lot

of stuff couldn't get done or couldn't get, nobody was willing to pick it up. Nobody's willing to move it because of the filibuster, everything's locked down. So he's just starting to do stuff that he can. Yep. Yep. And I think you're exactly right. I think the timing is important here. It's, you know, if you look at Biden's overall record, he's got an enormous amount done. Like he's like, there's actually a tremendous amount

of accomplishment, but there's no politician in the world that is actually going to get done everything they say they're going to get done. It can't. It literally can't. And we never should imagine that it could happen.

And even though this is only for thousands of people, and that's not nothing, right? But all those people with state records, all that shit needs to happen. What this also signals, though, is that there is very unlikely to be any significant federal resources at the DEA level to raid dispensaries, which is shit that was still happening. You know, DEA, because this is still a federally class one drug right up there with heroin, and Biden has signaled an intention to move that out of that same classification system, the DEA occasionally, even in states that have legalized, the DEA has occasionally raided dispensaries, raided grow houses, giving people shit. If you own a marijuana business, you can't get a bank account. So like one of the reasons

that make, one of the things that makes these companies so vulnerable right now is let's say you own a dispensary. All your money comes in cash. You can't take credit cards. You can take debit cards, but not credit cards. And you can't open a bank account. So you get this enormous influx of cash. You can't go. You can put it in like a safety deposit box or something, but nothing else. You're running a cash life

in a cashless world. That is an inherently insecure position for you to be in. It also makes it harder for you to do things like prove your assets in order to get loans. It is a transactionally difficult place to be in, in the world. By getting rid of that nonsense, we will really

legitimize all of the businesses and then all of the businesses that sort of surround and support that industry. It's a great thing. And it's tax money that we can just keep collecting on and on. And it's smart. It's a great thing. And it's tax money that we can just keep collecting on and on. And it's smart. It's a smart thing to do. Hi, everyone. It's time for a review of the new Tropical Fuckstorm album, Deep States. This story comes from business insider Far Right Pundits, baselessly claim Hurricane

Ian was created by the Deep State to target governor Ron DeSantis and other red states. They're angry with us. Yeah. So we're going to play this. This is, uh, this is from right wing watch. This is Deanna Lorraine and she's talking to Lauren Wichke and, uh, they're just going to have a conversation. Now, if we remember Deanna Lorraine was on our show multiple times, she's a, you know, a-right conspiracy theorist but the person who was hanging out with milo for a little while is this other lady oh that's the milo lady and so she'll be the blonde who comes in later okay um but let's play this i love her fake backdrop yeah her fake backdrop looks pretty good it's not as good as alex jones's backdrop

because that's real that's real yeah so here we go we understand that the deep state they have weather manipulation technology they have DARPA they know how to manipulate and create big storms hurricanes tornadoes climate change etc now they think climate change is real good only because we can DARPA it into existence right Right. And, you know, guys, if you're not watching this, what she's got on the screen is, it says DARPA at the top of the page. Now, I have no idea if this is DARPA's actual website, but I just need you to think for a second

about the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency. Why would they even have a website? Like, they're creative. Like, that is insane. But if they had a website, it wouldn't be a website? Like they're created like that isn't it. But if they had a website, it wouldn't be a website where they're telling you their secrets. Cause that's not how secrets work for governmental organizations, but okay, fine.

Then she's got this thing and here's what it says. Creating breakthrough technologies and capabilities for national security. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, that's, that's your job. That is a that's... That's your job.

That is a smoking gun. That's your job. Nowhere does it say including hurricanes, bitch. Including hurricanes. I will shoot a hurricane at you. Love DARPA. And these huge hurricanes always seem to target

red states, red districts, and always... That's because that's the fucking southern United States. Like- Lady. Like, lady, do you know how positionally

how hurricanes work? Do you ever map? Like, do you- Like, here- Like, she's going to say more crazy shit that belies her total lack of understanding of both geography, climate, and like any meteorological-

Like, look. It's Alabama. It's Mississippi. it's mississippi it's louisiana it's texas it's florida all those yeah solidly right well why aren't they hitting california well because that's the pacific ocean it's colder they're not coming to fucking they're not coming to illinois right well it's like it's like you've you've no idea how hurricanes are formed, what conditions are required, how a map works. Also, New York has been hit by hurricanes. Yeah, very recently. Within the last, I would say maybe five, six years. Hurricane Sandy didn't just give a little passing glance to New York.

It fucked it up. There's people who lost their house and shit. But it's like, yeah, they're all going to be in the fucking Atlantic Basin. Like you ended just how hurricanes work. That's how they've always worked, man. It's like saying they've never not worked that way. It's like saying, yeah, they've

clearly turned up the temperature on the southern states. Yeah, right. You're a dummy. You're just a dumb person. Do you not know that it is warmer the further to the equator you are okay all right you don't actually you don't okay is it a convenient time typically right before elections nobody planned out the move move election day we look here's the thing we we put our election time in hurricane hurricane season was happening before people were a season hurricane

season has been we made that decision right we made that decision like in whenever we decided election day was gonna fucking what that's amazing uh or you know in this case possibly because ron desantis has been stepping out of line a lot and challenging fighting the deep state i don't know, Lauren, the timing is definitely interesting. The timing is suspect. The timing is literally to be expected. The timing is suspect,

Tom. It's right in the middle of hurricane season. That's suspect. Oh man. In the middle of the time when you would expect this to happen. This is what happened. Also, dude, every time fucking bad weather happens,

they've got to blame it on some ideological cause. Like, oh, my God, there was a gay pride parade in California and a hurricane hit Louisiana. And you're like, what? It's so exhausting, man. It's just like it's the same argument over and over, except for now they've shifted. So before it used to be the crazy spaghetti lady was like, yeah, I was sitting outside of my church and I just prayed and I prayed and I wished over the spaghetti

and God pushed the storm away from my congregation. But it went on down the street and it killed a hundred thousand people. But anyway, my congregation was fine. But like that lady who's talking about how God is doing this stuff. But now we've shifted. And now it's like a deep state has a technology.

Like before, at least you can be like, yeah, man, nobody knows what, like you guys don't even know your God's power. Like your God's power isn't even mapped out. But in this case, you're just like, come on, man. A fucking, if you had the power to change the weather patterns on the United States, you would have no reason to have global warming

because you could literally control the temperature of the entire world. If the deep state were run by a bunch of fucking Democratic operatives, why would there be fucking droughts in California? Right? I honestly, and I mean this, like,

this has got, when you, if you hear this message, I want to, like, exclude the messenger, right? Because I think the messengers are always dishonest. But if you hear this message and this resonates with you, how did you manage to not even accidentally become educated enough to see this as bullshit? I'm not saying formally educated, but even just by fucking proxy or like fucking osmotically you never managed to figure out that there's a hurricane season? Never.

The fucking, how fucking deep is your fucking hole that you have to live in? That you didn't even accidentally learn this? Yeah. Yeah. Could be a weather manipulated hurricane? Yeah, well, we know the technology does exist. In Indiana, they're literally trying to change people's DNA through vaccination. Of course, they would be willing to do something like this to target red states.

I have no doubt. I mean, the technology exists to manipulate weather. And, you know, this whole storm coming. I mean, I know that Florida is- The storm is coming. The storm is coming. The storm is coming. Prone to hurricanes. However, this developed into a cat four or cat five overnight. Cat four, not a cat five. And it does seem to be hitting

the conservative areas of the state. It's Florida. They're mostly conservative areas. It developed quickly because of climate change because the surface temperature in the ocean in the atlantic basin where this formed was 87 degrees cecil that's an enormous temperature it creates a huge amount of potential energy for the storm to go from a tropical storm to our none of this is unknown all of this is literally to be expected right what the fuck what what's crazy is is in order to believe this you have to believe i think you would have to believe i don't really know the depths of her conspiracy but what i do know is that you would have to believe that every weatherman out there is lying to you. Yes.

Every single one. All of them. Every single one. Because if not, then the deep state is tricking all of them too. Yeah. Also, how do they, I just want somebody one time ever to posit to me how these weather machines would work. how these weather machines would work because they have to be powerful enough to produce like trillions of joules of energy it's so much energy it's like you had to create a hurricane

and then to guide it like a fucking precision munition so so but nobody's ever seen this machine nobody's ever like what wouldn't it be enormous? Wouldn't the lights be like? Let's take, let's take the Death Star as, in the movie, they power this fucking moon up and this moon shoots Endor

and it explodes, right? It esplodonates. But like, think about how big that thing is. Right. And I know it's sci-fi it doesn't matter

it's bullshit anyway it's all bullshit but like at least in that movie the guy's just like yeah it's not like a box yes it's not just

a big ship it's a moon if if weather manipulation technology on this scale worked

it also you have to assume that it is also invisible. It's literally magic. Yes, right. The fuck? Oh, we know it exists. We know it is because we said it does.

And I don't, I'm not putting it past the elites to target something like this towards Florida. It's a satellite dish. It's a punishment for getting rid of vaccine mandates or getting rid of child grooming. They are angry with us and it wouldn't surprise me to find out. And yeah, the technology does exist, but you're not supposed to talk about that or know about that because that's controversial or a conspiracy theory. No, it is a conspiracy theory

because you're a crazy, literally conspiratorial. So you're, you're one of these bigots who loves to throw that grooming thing in because you hate gay people. You're an awful, terrible person and I only wish the worst things for you. I really do. I only wish the worst things for you. Water solves everything. If you're thirsty, just drink water. Trying to lose weight, just drink water. Trying to get clearer skin, just drink water. Have a best friend that stabbed you in the back, drown them with water. This is good news. This comes from

Ars Technica. Walmart and CVS face trial for putting sham homeopathic products next to real medicines. Yeah. I'm sure you've seen this. You go to the drugstore and you go to like the cold medicine or like, I got to take a shit or I'm shitting too much aisle or whatever. And it's full of like stuff that works. And then just like random jib jab, garbage nonsense. It's like filtered in. It's in the middle of all of it. And there's no differentiation.

Like there's no like, when you go to the CVS, at least, that's what I go to usually. It's one of the closest to my house. And like my work has an agreement with CVS through my insurance. So like that's where I have to go for stuff. When I go to CVS, typically like there's not like a great big dividing line that says works magic. Yeah, no. Yeah.

But there should be. Like, yeah, clinical, but not. Like studied and works versus like, cross your fingers. This is sugar water. Right. Yeah. So this is great. So they're basically suing,

both of them, they're basically identical lawsuits for both Walmart and CVS, two of the largest retailers. Yeah. Huge. Huge, huge, huge. Yeah.

And the hope is to just sue them until they pull the fucking magic garbage nonsense dragon spit or whatever off the shelves. You want to move this shit to on the far corner of the store by the nail polish. Cool. Fine. You want to put this stuff down the end of the kid aisle or the seasonal aisle or the soft drink aisle. Yep.

You do what you want. aisle or the soft drink aisle, you do what you want. But the moment it enters a fucking, the, the, the real medicine area where I'm looking for real medicine, get it out of there. Same thing with supplements, the supplements, there's a, there's a whole aisle of supplements in every one of these stores. It's probably, it takes up more space than met much of the medicine. Yeah. Well, it, at least in the supplements aisle, typically that aisle is labeled supplements. Yeah, it says it. So you can just be like, oh, that's not for me,

and just walk past it. The homeopathic shit should be in the same aisle if you're going to sell that nonsense. Yeah, and just be labeled as such. Right. It's funny because I think of Marshall McL McLuhan's phrase, right? The medium is the message. And so when you walk down an aisle full of medicine, the medium here is that aisle. And the message is, these are all medicines. They're effective. and trust and approval processes. If I go buy Tylenol, Tylenol's well-studied. I can read a million fucking PubMed articles on Tylenol

and figure out what it's good for and its toxicity and its toxicology effects. And I can figure out stuff about Tylenol. If I go and get fucking random Joe's super awesome snake oil juice, I get nothing. You literally can't even look that shit up. You can't get it. And then studies after study after study has shown shit like homeopathy is garbage. There's nothing in it.

There's nothing in it. It's literally, it's the stupidest ideas sold to gullible people. That's literally what it is. The water has some sort of weird resonance memory in it. It's the dumbest shit in the world. It makes no sense. And it's never once ever been tested to have any kind of effectiveness.

Not once. Even though it has been tested. And tested multiple times. So many times. Across the world. There's been study after study to show you it's not effective, period. It should not be

in the same aisle as Tylenol. Yeah. I don't even know that it should be in the same store. It just should. Yeah, you're right.

I feel like if you want to go to your fucking local fruitful yield or whatever and you want to go to the fucking supplements and juju aisle,

fine. Like, I don't care, but it shouldn't be in an aisle or in a store that is there to sell. I shouldn't be able to pick up at my pharmacy something that works and is studied and I can understand, and then also fucking magic potions. This is magic potion. It is. It's a magic potion. The only way it works is by wishing at it. Yeah, it's a magic potion. It absolutely is. It'd be like walking into your doctor's office and on your way out,

you go to see a guy who burnt some sage and rubbed it on your face. This is thoughts and prayers for $13.49 a box. Exactly. $14 a dollar, $14 a bottle or whatever. And then it's always, it is always like a buy one, get one free that you don't qualify for.

Yep. Every single, every single fucking thing in there, I look at it and it's like false advertising because you either have to have like a special card or it's this one and then these four over here that you didn't see. And it's the worst. If you, CVS does that shit all the time. Like it's's like buy one get one of equal or lesser value of qualifying products assuming you bought 17 qualifying products in this category list only and you're like what i'd have to fill my cart with like all kinds of weird random monopoly shit like okay i got connecticut avenue right and marvin gardens and and i own all the railroads

right okay so now do i get buy one get oneamello's. Do I get a house or no? No house? Okay. No, but like the worst part is, is that the biggest number and the one in yellow is the one you don't get. Right.

Right. So like, it's not like it's just a, it's just a number on there. It's the biggest one on there. It'll say like $8. And you go to the thing, they're like, yeah, it's $55. Like why?

I thought it says $8. Oh, that's only club price if you buy 60 other things. Right, yeah. You have to buy stock in the store. You have to work here for 45 days. And you have to give me a handy. And fucking look me in the eye

while you're doing it. Look me in the eye, yeah. this story is uh it's actually from reddit uh So we can listen to this guy. This is the Utah governor, Spencer Cox. Spencer Cox. Wow. This is real. Here we go, man. All right, Spencer.

What you got for us? I've already asked all Utahns to consider. Utahns? Utahns. That's the first time I've ever heard that. If you cut them open, you can hide in them in the winter. It's a Utah. I don't know what I expected, Utahnon Utah. That's the first time I've ever heard that. If you cut them open, you can hide in them in the winter. It's a Utah. I don't know what I expected.

Utah-nonians doesn't really work. Utah-nians. Utah-nites. Utah-nites. Yeah. I don't know. It's all awkward. Kind of like everyone from Utah.

Unitarian? No, that's different. No, very much not. That's not different. Yeah. Serve water by avoiding long showers. I love that he's at gov cox i also love his gov cox i love too that he said that he phrases it as avoiding long showers rather

than not taking long showers just avoid them you're just like holy shit is that a long shower and you dodge you like jump out of the waying leaky faucets and planting water-wise landscapes. But I fear those efforts alone won't be enough to protect us. Because they're not anywhere near enough. Because essentially, fuck it, it's probably corporations that are the ones that are using most of the water anyway. I was going to say, you know, it's so funny how like all the onus for conservation always falls on the everyday person that accounts for like 35% of water usage. I think back to when I was, I used to make beer as a hobby.

So I was, I made, the amount of water that goes into something like domestic beer production, for example, is immense. It's absolutely immense. It's enormous. There's so many industrial processes that just don't have to happen in Utah, man. They could just happen somewhere else. Yeah. And the thing is, there's so many different places that are taking water for, and you're right, they are companies that just suck this water right up. And there's never this, it's always so funny because when you hear this,

it's the same thing when it comes to emissions. Yeah. You know, the emissions are spent mostly in this planet by companies. Companies do like the vast majority of emissions. You know, regular people do too, but it's such a tiny amount in comparison, but they're always talking about,

well, you need to drive less. Yeah. Well, you need to do this. You need to wash your darks with your lights or whatever it is that they're telling you this week that you need to change. And don't get me wrong. I think in some ways, conservation is also about awareness in general, right? So when you're doing it, you're aware of it. And then you're talking about it and you're there's there is a necessity to it's like wearing a ribbon when you're a when you're conserving water you're thinking about it you're like oh yes i should do this because it's the right thing to do it's helping other people out making sure we have water for tomorrow and the next day and the next day and so i think that there's a use in it but i don't think it is getting more water. No, man. You know what I mean? I think it's about changing how we

think about things so that we can finally hold the corporations responsible. And also, you're the fucking governor, man. You can change your fucking zoning laws. There's a lot you could do as a governor. You're asking people to not take a long shower, but at the same time, I happen to know because I was reading

about the drying of Salt Lake City. And so, like, you could restrict zoning in and around certain areas so that you don't build enormous amounts of housing and industry in areas that are fucking water scarce.

But instead of, like, taking real pragmatic action in ways that, it's just like, you know what, maybe just wash your ass in your pits and get the hell out.

Yeah, just wash it a little less. You know? He does have an ace up his sleeve, though. He does, I'm sorry. He does have an ace up his sleeve. I'm being too critical.

You know, because there is, the governor can make laws, right, we figured that out, the governor can make laws, and the governor can, the governor can ask people to help. Right.

And he can also do this, which is a big deal. This is huge. Big deal. We need more rain and we need it now. We need some divine intervention. That's why I'm asking Utahns of all faiths to join me in a weekend of prayer. I love this.

June 4th through the 6th. June 4th through the 6th. By praying collaboratively and collectively. It doesn't rain, Tom. Asking God or whatever higher power you believe in for more rain. We may be able to. What? I have so much to say.

You go first. Here's what I want to say. I hope a troll group out there starts praying not for rain. That's what I hope. I hope the Satanists start saying we're going to sacrifice a sin chicken so that there is no rain or whatever. First of all, I love this because Utah needs

snow, actually. The majority of the water that they get comes from melted snow packs. So what they actually need is fucking snow, not rain, but fine. I'll give you your fucking rain. But I love when he's like, yeah, I don't care what God will do it. It's fine. At this point, I'm cashing all my chips. I don't know what you believe in. It's sort of like, yeah, I don't care what God will do it. I was like, it's fine. At this point,

I'm cashing all my chips. It's just, yeah, I don't know what you believe in. It's sort of like, you know what? I I'm looking for this restaurant. I don't know if it's on DoorDash or Uber eats or Grubhub.

Yeah. I'm going to look wherever I can look. Um, I really want that chicken. So whatever the fuck, I don't care who gives it. I don't give a shit. Baphomet.

Fine. If it's a fucking Mormon, fucking have seven wives, God, fine. I don't give a, a shit. Baphomet, fine. If it's a fucking Mormon fucking have seven wives God, fine. I don't give a fuck. Just give me some rain. And what the best part about this is this guy is looking deadpan, dead ass into the camera and being like, I literally don't care. I am fucking, I'm ready to fucking just,

I'm ready to handshake anybody who can make a fantasy happen. I know, man. This is wishing in the general direction. This is hoping. How is this not terrifying when your leaders are like, so we were thinking that like magic spells might be the only way out of this. Can we do magic?

Is magic allowed? Holy shit, man. I'm all out of ideas. Well, let's see. Does he, let's see if he continues. To escape the deadliest aspects of the continuing drought, please join me and Utahns, regardless of religious affiliation,

in a weekend of humble prayer for rain. That is the dumbest shit. It's not going to work, bro. That's not how anything, what you need to do is pray to the deep state for them to send their weather machine. Maybe they'll give you a hurricane up in Utah. There's just,

there's just some guy on a fucking, on a, on an aircraft carrier with a big gun. He's just shooting. Like a, like a t-shirt cannon. But he shoots it. And then you just see category one,

category two, category two. And this just keeps going. Some are saying that you're bipolar. I'm bi-winning. I win here and I win there. Now what? This story is from Newsweek and this is fucking awful. This is fucking yikes, bro. It's really bad. Dana Loesch. I don't know if I'm pronouncing that right. Loesch. Sounds right. Do I care? Sure. No. Dana Loesch doesn't care if Herschel Walker paid his skank for abortion there let me just read let me just read the actual this is what this fucking horrible

you can just play it you want to play oh that's true I forgot there's a better audio let's just play it let's play it so here we go this is god this is awful now she used to be the NRA chairman or whatever right yeah yeah and then she stepped down or was kicked out. I don't remember. But she started her own show. And so now she has her own show. Now she's awful independently. So does this change anything?

I mean, do you want my opinion? Are you listening? No. Not a damn thing. How many times have I said four very important words? These four words. Winning is a virtue. How many times have I said four very important words? These four words. Winning is a virtue.

What I'm about to say is in no means a contradiction or a compromise of a principle. No, you're right. Because you have no principles. Please keep in mind that I am concerned about one thing and one thing only at this point. So I don't care if Marshall Walker paid to abort endangered baby eagles.

I want control of the Senate. Are endangered baby eagles like worse, aborting them worse than babies for them? What's on the level of... That's a great point. I didn't think about that.

On the level of, you know, human atrocity to some fucking right winger, is a baby eagle worth more than a human fetus? That is a... That is... Yeah. Like, how's your calculus on that?

I don't know. Because it seems like it's worse for her. I think that's what she's saying. I think she's saying, like, if she found out something... Like, she's mad about abortion, but she'd be really mad about eagle abortion. Right. Yeah. Yeah, if you have a fucking eagle omelet, like, if she found out something, like she's mad about abortion, but she'd be really mad about Eagle abortion. Right?

Yeah. Yeah. If you have a fucking Eagle omelet, like that's a problem. That's a problem for her. I keep thinking about the Eagle Man commercials that we used to have here. Oh, I miss Eagle Man.

So we used to have this. Look at my low rates. These commercials. And it was Eagle Insurance was the name of the company. And they would be the worst. They're the worst commercials. And there'd be a girl on a low cut top

and there'd be a sound and she'd be like, what was that? And she'd get out of her car. Eagle man. And there'd be a guy in like a fucking eagle mascot suit. He's sitting on top of the thing. And she's like, eagle man. And he's like, brr, brr, brr.

And then he shits out an egg. And then he handed to man. It's not coming out of anything else with the ass. So he hands it to a man that, it's not coming out of anything else with the ass. So he hands it to her and then she's like, look at those low rates and then she normally

has the eggs like right in front of her chest. So they look like boobs and then she's like, look at these low rates and she'd like shake her. It was classy.

It was classy. It was classy Chicago. It was a local Chicago commercial called Eagle Man and I don't know. Can you find it? Maybe. Why don't we see if we can watch it? Let's see if we can watch it, Tom. It was classy Chicago. It was a local Chicago commercial called Eagle Man. And I don't know. Can you find it? Maybe. Why don't we see if we can watch it?

Let's see if we can watch it, Tom. All right, here we go. Oh, the original. What's that? Do you have insurance on this car? No. It must be Eagle Man. I've got something for you.

That's so weird. Whoa. I forgot about that. Oh, look at those low rates. Yeah, the later commercials. The later ones, they held it in front of their chest. They did the boobies,

but that's the first one. That is the original Eagle Man commercial. So he just aborted on that car. Hold on, Tom. It's the Daily Beat. Hold on. Now, this is only for people watching it.

If you want to see this, you have to go to about 45 seconds into this particular clip, but I want you to watch her eyes, Tom, when she says this eagle statement. Okay. Only at this point. So I don't care if Herschel Walker paid

to abort endangered baby eagles. I want control of the Senate. Here. She kind of does this thing where she looks at the camera like, what do you think of that? What do you think of that? Controversial provocative statement The story is true

You're telling me Walker used his money To reportedly pay Some skank for an abortion And Warnock Wants to use all of our monies To pay a whole bunch of skanks for abortions. Holy shit.

So first of all, the federal government isn't in the abortion business. The federal government doesn't fund that stuff. It's already been part of our law in this country for decades that they don't fund. Federal funds, even federal funds that have gone to Planned Parenthood are specifically accepted from use for abortion they can't use it so federal funds never go to it so it's a stupid argument anyway to say that that somehow rafael warnock who we helped get elected we did indeed you all did you guys everybody did you know we everybody who listened and who donated it did but uh but yeah we, this is a,

it's a bullshit argument. It is a lie. And like, what the fuck is with throwing shade with the skank stuff? Also like, she didn't get pregnant

fucking like on her own. Right. So what is he? She's a skank, but like Herschel Walker who impregnated her is somehow.

He's a senator, motherfucker. Fine. Yeah, right. He's a senator, motherfucker. Fine? Yeah, right. He's a senator. Warnock is ahead by 12 points in polls. And you hear, this is,

I don't know that this is going to sink him. I'm not sure this is going to sink him. But it may be enough to pull some people off of him because there is a strong anti-abortion streak in this country in certain places. And in this race in certain places.

And in this race, especially. In Georgia, 100%. Yeah. What a fucking awful fucking problem. I know. I don't know what the term is, but like when women throw that fucking misogynist shit around, you know, like it's just like she's selling this to a male audience, right? Yeah. No, it's 100%. This is this kind of language, just to call it for what it is.

to a male audience, right? No, it's 100%. This is this kind of language, just to call it for what it is, like this kind of language is specifically capitalized for a male audience. That's what this is for. And yes,

when they're used predominantly over 99% of birth control and it's my taxpayer dollars, you have invited me up in your business and I will- Neither of those things are true. None of that is true. Neither of those are true,

you fucking idiot. They're like rarely used for that. Neither of those things are true. None of that is true. Neither of those are true, you fucking idiot. They're like rarely used for that and it's not your money. Like you don't even know what you're talking about. None of, every word was nonsense and lies. It's a fucking lie.

Everything she says is just lies. You're a fucking liar. We'll use whatever descript I would like to. Thank you. So, it doesn't change anything for me. Yeah, because you're a giant fucking hypocrite. That's why it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change anything.

Yeah. Because, you know, recognize that I think she is telling the truth. That she is not going back on her principles. Her principles have always been whatever it takes for me to be in charge. Yeah. Whatever it takes for me to have power and control is what I want. Yeah. I think that there is an honesty there where she's looking at the camera and saying,

yeah, look, I've always had no principles. Yeah. I've never actually been somebody who's cared about bigger issues. I am actually morally bankrupt. You know, it's funny too, because if you think about this in any other way, right? Like if there's, look at how many people have stepped down

in the Democrat side when something has come out about them in this case. Right. I mean, Al Franken is a perfect example. Like he took a photo with somebody who didn't know

he was there. He recognized it was wrong. He stepped down himself. Yep. He did it on his own. He was pressured, but he did it on his own. But I think both of those elements are important, right?

Because his party held him to account with pressure, and then he bowed to that pressure. What doesn't happen on the Republican side is the Republican Party does not hold their own to account. No. And then rather than holding their people to account, they always back their people. They always deny the claims.

And then the people that are embroiled in these scandals instead just deny, deny, deny with the backing of all their buddies. And they just get to lie. And people know it. Like, look, this is all set up right now where it's a Daily Beast article. And what we have is him denying it

and then a couple people saying it's true. I know it's just the Daily Beast, though. I think a lot of people have, you know, they're staying away from this in the sense that they're saying the Daily Beast article says this. And so I think we need to say that too. It's like, this is what the Daily Beast article says. Now people are asking questions about the Daily Beast article and he's just, all he's doing is denying it. But, you know, the Daily Beast article. And he's just, all he's doing is denying it.

But, you know, look, he has never once, I think, come across as a person who is truthful, right? Like the entire time. The entire time he's done this. And their party is known for lying. So make me believe you. Show me your receipts.

Right. Show me your receipts. Show me that it's a lie. Yeah. The Daily Beast is saying in their article, in their reporting, that they have copies of the check. So they're not just saying like it's a he said.

They're saying, look, we have vetted this information. Now, that information hasn't been vetted by any other source. Yes. Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised if it were. Daily Beast probably, to their credit, I would do the same thing. They want to own the story as a scoop

and as an exclusive for a little while, and then they'll vet it out. But I think it's important to be careful around it too. True. You know what I mean? Because all we have right now is one news organization

that's saying this is true. Absolutely. All the other news organizations are saying they say it's true. Yep. And so it's important to point out, but so far, all he's done is say it's a non-story

and they're like, yeah, but there's, what about the proof that's there that they've shown? And he says, yeah, well, and he just like, he immediately stops talking. There's film of him talking and he's getting asked these questions by MSNBC

and he just, he's like, he like says, it's not true. And then they keep going and he's like, I'm going to go to a different question. He like keeps on trying to get away from it. They won't stop. And I mean, and his own son has come out and been like, my dad's a piece of shit.

Yeah, man. My dad's just a piece of shit. Ask them questions about that. And he's like, I always love my family. And he just like onto the next thing. And you're just like, okay, well, and it's clear. All he wants is to get elected. What I really wish is that there was a moment

that they could ask him a single policy question. I know, because this guy is dumb as a box of rocks. Just ask him anything about any law, about anything ever. Ask him about

a procedural question. This guy genuinely seems like a weird sacrificial lamb for a seat they knew they were never going to take back. It's unbelievable. And the amount of fucking airtime this gets across the country. It's huge. And the amount of fucking airtime this gets across the country.

It's huge. Warnock, I hope wins this. I hope he wins this. This is one of those places that they're pointing to to say, this is a battleground for the whole country. Right, yeah. It might be one of those bellwethers.

Yeah. Yeah. Hello, I'm a piece of garbage. This story comes from LGBTQ Nation. GOP candidate accused 30 schools of accommodating furries. The schools are calling her out. So this is Heidi Ganahl. I don't know how her last name is pronounced

because I've just read it. I've never heard it. But she came out and said this crazy nonsense the other day about how, you know, these schools are being forced to accommodate kids who are identifying as cats and dogs and they're eating out of dog bowls and they're dressing as cats and dogs. Going in the cat box. Right.

They're like shitting and pissing in cat boxes, and schools are having to accommodate this. Oh, my God. And this is just a, what this is is transphobia. Yeah, that's all it is. It's just transphobia. This is a hyperbolic, ridiculous metaphor for transphobia. It's like, oh, look how far the world's gone. It's now kids are showing up in their cats

and the teacher has to be like, meow, meow, meow, and give them a saucer of milk. And the schools that she names, all of the schools is like, the fuck are you talking about? I'll deny it because it's not true. Because it's not true.

That doesn't happen. But you're right. It's all about alarmism, right? If you can get these, and what they're trying to do is, whenever, a very popular way to argue against a point is to make a point that is absurd, right?

Right. So to compare it to something that is absurd. They're going the extra step by saying, something absurd is happening, so therefore this thing is bad. And so they're doing, they're just making up step by saying something absurd is happening so therefore this thing is bad right and so they're doing they're just they're just making up a lie yeah so that they can bolster their argument which is i want to be transphobic like it's so funny because like that's literally the note that i have is that they are they've taken this metaphor to prove a point and then they've just declared that metaphor to also be

reality and it's like holy shit you dumb motherfuckers do you not know this is like verifiable yeah they're like we live in a world where you can check the veracity of this information like that's a thing that's a that's a knowable right oh this is this thing is happening where over here we went there and it's not happening. Well, but here's the thing. It doesn't matter if it's not happening because look at the voter fraud thing. Yeah, man. They said voter fraud was happening.

Everybody's like, look, it's not happening. Here we are. It's not happening. Like, it's happening. Yeah, man. And this is the same thing. It's like, there's cat boxes. Okay, but it's not happening.

Go ahead and have a look around. Be like, but it's happening. And it's what I want to believe versus what is real. That's true, man. And that's essentially, she's just playing into what I want to believe. And what they want to believe is that trans people are bad, gay people are groomers,

and they want to literally dehumanize every single person that is not, basically, that a not a, what is it? A cishat person. Right. That's essentially what they, that's essentially what they want. They don't want any, any kind of deviation whatsoever from that. Yeah. No, no identity or sexual diversity whatsoever.

None whatsoever. It's funny because you're a hundred percent right. And I, I feel like I should have known better, right? Like I shouldn't have even made that because it's like the point of the comment is the volume and repetition of the comment. Yes. Yeah. The point of the comment is never the veracity of the comment. It never, and it hasn't been now for

five, seven years. For a long time. Yeah. Five years at least. Yeah. Now you rewrite seven, I think, because seven is about where it's at. About 2015, things broke down. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking hell, man. Goddamn. Oh, hi. Thanks for checking in. I'm still a piece of garbage.

So this story comes from The Independent. Liz Cheney is the sole Republican voice calling Trump out for his racist attack on Mitch McConnell's wife, Elaine Chao. Alright, so is the tweet in here? So, I'm actually going to use the one from Yahoo here, Tom, because I think it's a

little easier to get to, but I want to read the tweet. Now, this isn't a tweet. It's a truth. It's a truth. It's a truth from President Trump. And here's what he says. This is on his platform Truth Social. This is what Trump said about Mitch McConnell. Is McConnell approving all these trillions of dollars with the Democrat-sponsored bills without even the slightest bit of negotiation because he hates Donald J. Trump and I'm a giant narcissist and I can't get through a whole sentence without mentioning myself.

And he knows I, I ad-lib that part. That's not actually in it. And he knows I am strongly opposed to them or is he doing it because he believes in the fake and highly destructive Green New Deal and is willing to take the country down with him. In any event, either reason

is unacceptable and he has a death wish. Must immediately seek help and advice and it's advise, from his loving wife, Coco Chow. From his China loving wife. Oh, pardon me. You're right. I missed China on there. I don't know why that's genuinely the most insulting thing.

Must immediately seek help and advise from his China-loving wife, Coco Chao, end quote. Holy shit. This is unhinged, narcissistic, racist, misogynist nonsense. It's also a threat. It is. It is. It's also a threat. It is. It is. It's also a threat. Yeah, it is.

Like, let's not pretend that the president hasn't already used his words to whip up several crowds in the past and make them behave violently. So this is a threat. It's like, you know when somebody comes in

and they are all bluster and they don't do anything and they're bluster for a hundred days straight, you'd be like, okay, well, if they come in and they're bluster, they're probably do anything and they, and they're bluster for a hundred days straight, you can be like, okay, well, if they come in and they're bluster,

they're, they're probably not going to do any, the chances are they're not going to do anything. But if every single day they're bluster and they punch you in the face, it's not bluster. It's not bluster anymore. Now it's a physical attack. And here's the thing is he's proven that he can motivate these people with his

words. And that is to say he has a death wish and then put it all in caps. These are people looking for the tiniest scrap. They're like, he said the word 17, that's cute. I mean, these are people trying to put anything they can together. Yeah. And he doesn't say he has a political death wish, right? He doesn't couch this as, he doesn't ever want to get reelected again. You know, instead he has a death wish. He's like, is death wish on there? This is, this is unhinged. This is a, this is an unhinged fucking insane person

who thinks he's still in charge. That's the other thing. He says, you read this, you don't have to read between the lines. You're not in the government anymore, man. People aren't making decisions because of you. People aren't making decisions because of your approval or lack of approval or whether or not you hate something or oppose it. You're

not the boss, motherfucker. You're retired dipshit. You're busy defending your fucking legal woes down in your goddamn social club in the middle of Florida. That's you now. That's all you are. You don't have a job here anymore. You't work here you don't get to come in and look in your inbox right you don't get to do that anymore that's it yeah

god it's so fucking awful and it's and it's so funny that it turns out it's only Cheney right it's only Cheney that's calling this out

that's calling this out and all the rest of them Tom all the rest of these people are quiet and you're just like he is saying you know the guy who basically got you three justices in a row in one fucking term,

he's saying that guy has a death wish because he's now pushing against him. How are you guys not all just saying, how is the right? You're not saying, okay, I think that's the line. I think that's the one. How are you not like, I'm next? that's the line. I think that's the one. Right. How are you not like, I'm next? Look, people have to line yourself up behind somebody else. This motherfucker's out of power now. He's divisive. The middle of America hates him. The independent voter hates him. He is poison. Everybody who has entered his fucking inner circle has been fucking lit on fire

and thrown in the trash without any exceptions at all. Yeah. Look at, I mean, his boy Mike Pence, fucking thrown in the trash at the last minute. Mitch McConnell, his fucking eager lapdog. Bill Barr, his eagerest lapdog. So many people.

They all get thrown. Fucking that fucking Cohen guy. Flynn. You can just keep naming people until you get tired. They all get thrown. Fucking that fucking Cohen guy. Flynn. You can just keep naming people until you get tired. They all get fucking thrown in the trash and their careers burnt and their houses fucking raised down upon them. And these guys are still like, but maybe he'll love me.

Maybe he'll love me. It's the sway he has over the populace. It's the sway he has over a group of people that they have counted out long ago that they thought were never going to put a thing in their ballot box. And the reason why that is

is because they were never able to reach him before Trump. They weren't able to reach those people mostly before Trump. And so what they have now is a tie to people who can win them elections and they don't want to sever it. They're doing whatever they can to keep that block of people who would be 100% disinterested in politics and not vote if it wasn't for him. And so what they're doing is they're trying to cultivate that relationship through him.

And there's a few people out there trying to take it, not take it from him, but at least trying to follow his lead. But nobody is as brazen and nobody is able to capture as many people as he is. And so they still want him around and they still recognize that if they wrong him, it can be the end of their political career. And Liz Cheney is a fucking shining example of that. She wronged him.

She lost her shit. And now, did it end her political career completely? No. is a fucking shining example of that. She lost her shit. And she is, now, did it end her political career completely? No, not necessarily, but it definitely ended her political career as a house member in Wyoming. It did.

It absolutely did. And I know that you're right. And I recognize that as true, but it's also, I don't know. It seems like such a short-term strategy. No, I agree. It feels so fucking short seems like such a short-term strategy. No, I agree. It feels so fucking short-sighted and short-term.

And I don't think that they've got the right itself motivated. I think they've got this weird fucking tiger by its tail, fucking rabid dog, whatever metaphor you want to use. It's so dangerous. The people they are sort of riding on are such dangerous, crazy people. Yeah. They're crazy people.

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We really do truly appreciate it. Remember, if you want to support the show, you can always buy our book, which you can find on our website. What's that book called? It's called The Grand Unified Theory of Bullshit. You can either buy it from Amazon, which is where you buy the electronic and print versions,

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honest to God, American book. A full on audio book, eight hours worth of reading. When you open it up, it just sounds like bald eagles screeching at you. It's that. It's good.

Just screeching. So we're going to go through a little bit of email today. We got a message. This is from Shelly, and Shelly says that we talked about people who date right out of high school and things like that and finding your soulmate. And they said, I have a little terrifying

story to tell you. Way back in the days before color TV, my parents' high school literally auctioned the girls off to the boys for a fundraiser. It was supposed to be for a date, I think, but my father bought my mother at an auction. And then when she was in the 10th grade, they never dated anyone else and just married the first guy who bought her is what she said. I, Tom, went to high school and they had a very similar thing happen at my high school. It was a day near the end of the year,

like during one of these spirit weeks or whatever. And all the really attractive people at my school, it was pretty much all, they were like, nobody auctioned themselves off that wasn't going to get money for it. There were no Napoleon Dynamites. There was no me's. It wasn't me up there. Same Z. There were no Napoleon Dynamites. There was no me's.

It wasn't me up there. It was the attractive people were up. And those people like stood on a table in the middle of the lunchroom. And then there was an auction, a literal auction for the person. And I wound up buying- Did they check their teeth? That's fucking grotesque. There was a girl in my class. I didn't have a crush on her or anything. I just thought she was cute

or whatever, but there was nobody bidding on her. Right. And I was like, I had like 10 bucks in my pocket, so I bid $10 and I won her. And like other people would like humiliate the people that they bought and I just like, she's like, what do you want me to do? And I was like, I don't know. You can carry my book for me to the class

or something. Right. Like I didn't know what to do. I was just like, I don't know. But like, I remember them doing this in my high school. That's insane. I cannot imagine. Did they only auction off girls? No, there was dudes too. So some dudes got bought. And then it was mostly, I would say 85% of it was the cheerleading squad.

Right. Okay. Getting auctioned off. But then there was also like the basketball, because we had a basketball and a football team at my school. This was high school? It was high school.

So I remember there was like one basketball guy who went. So there's been, there was a couple people that were dudes, but it was mostly women. Man, did,

there's so much like weird teenage high school commodification of like sex symbol. Yeah. Like, like did you guys have like the fundraiser bikini carwash shit? I don't remember anything like that. Man, they did that. Like the,

like the, uh, I don't know the dancers, what would they call it? Like the rhythm nights or something. I went to school. They were like the dancing crew. Like,

I think they were called the rhythm nights. I don't know what it was a part of, but they did the dancing stuff they would do these fundraiser car washes so it was like these teenage girls standing there with signs in bikini tops

we'll wash your car and they wash your car in a bikini top and it's like they're all 16 I drive past those things they still have them now I will drive past one every once in a while. And I'm like, that's so wrong and weird and uncomfortable. Weird.

That's so weird. You should look fucking sideways at anyone who goes through that car wash. Super strange. Unless you're like the dad of one of them or something. And if that's the case, just send home candy that they're going to eat anyway. And then they'll buy the candy. Right. I would be like, all right, here's money.

Don't take your fucking top off for strangers. How many of those candy bars did you eat? Oh, I have a story about that. So I was a young man with little self-control in sixth grade, fifth grade, sixth grade. I still don't have any self-control. So like when I was little or little, it was like world's finest chocolate.

And then I remember in like fifth or sixth grade, it was like Reese's and Kit Kats. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was like chocolate you wanted. And it was like boxes of 30. And I just ate the whole box. I ate like all 30 of the things of like, and then I realized I like- I gotta buy this. I was like, I owe $30 to the school.

What did you do with your $30? And I'm like, 12, I don't have $30. It's like 1992, $30 is like $100. It's like a lot of money now. Well, my dad used to have this like five gallon Hinkley and Schmidt jar. Here's the thing. I'm compounding.

This is getting worse by the second. Now you have to do an Ocean's Eleven thieving project on your dad's- So every day my dad would come home and he'd empty his change into this like five gallon Hinkley and Schmidt jar. Sure. And my brother and I would routinely raid this jar for change. Like, so my dad worked and he'd come home and say, so we just, this jar had like, you

know, a foot of change in it. Like a foot of change. And then he'd come home and there's like six inches of change. So we would tip it over and we were always like, well, don't steal the quarters. He'll know if you steal the quarters. He wouldn't know if you stole the quarters. So we would only steal dimes and nickels, my brother and I. So I remember having, I stole $30 of dimes and nickels

from my dad's Hinkley and Schmidt job. And you turned that in. Well, and then I had to figure out, I had to turn in all the money. So I put in a Ziploc bag. It still is money. Eh, not really. That's fake money. This isn't fucking England where you can just walk around with coins like it bag. It still is money. Eh, not really. It's fake money. This isn't fucking England

where you can just walk around with coins like it matters. Flip coins at people. So I had a savings account at the bank. So I filled this fucking Ziploc bag full of dimes and nickels. And I'm like 12 years old. I rode my bike and I'm like,

can you give me real money for this? And then I turned it into money. And then I shamefully was like, I donate all the candy. I sold all this candy to me. I know. That's amazing. I eat 30 fucking Reese's things, man.

Whatever, dude. I'd eat 30 Reese's tomorrow. I would eat them right now. Just yesterday, just today, I was at the store. I was at CVS getting prescriptions and I walked through the candy aisle and I saw they had like bags,

not just like the bags of caramelos. Oh my God. And I was like, well, I definitely need a bag. I'm like, I need a half a pound of caramello. Are you kidding me? What the fuck?

I need a half a pound of caramello like I need a hole in my head. Like I need fucking diabetes. We all get that too. That comes in. Yeah. That's not, that's a coming a half pound bag though.

Right? Yeah. All right, Tom, we got this message. This is from B. B says, we all get that too that comes in yeah that's a coming a half pound bag though right yeah alright Tom we got this message this is from B B says the whole being duped into a religious event thing reminded me of something

that happened in my high school during the late 90s either during lunch or after school I wasn't one to linger after class and so missed it someone set up

all this cool shit bouncy castle games etc and then after about a half an hour maybe less they locked the doors bouncy castle got deflated and the preaching And then after about a half an hour, maybe less, they locked the doors, bouncy castle got deflated and the preaching started.

It's all set up by the local Baptist church. Oh, that's the bait and switch right there. That's the bouncing switch. That's what that is. I love that. They give you like, they fucking bounce.

Bouncing switch is funny. I just wanted to say that again. That's a flaccid castle. Flaccid castle. That's the flaccid castle. Flaccid castle. That's the story of my life. All right. We got a voicemail. We can play this.

Tom and Cecil. My name is Michael. This is the 2nd of October. And four years ago on this date, I had lost my spouse, best friend, and partner 20 years. I live in Alabama

and trying to get through the tough times that I have in such a religious area is just overwhelming sometimes. I don't believe, and none of these people can understand why, this podcast such as yours, and of course, podcasts, other podcasts such as Citation Needed and the others from The Puzzle and the Thunderstorm, gentlemen, that have really helped me in some really tough times. I want to say thank you. And I want you guys to keep the good work going. I hope you all are healthy and continue this for many years to come, despite what Ian may

do to sabotage you guys. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, Michael. That's a very sweet message. That was very nice, Michael. Glad we could help. We got this image a million times, Tom. We did. When these circulate, they really make the rounds. Someone has

probably digitally altered this, but we're going to post it on this week's show notes. It is a glory sign. So if you're going to be around next Thursday night, that's the 13th, this Thursday night, I guess it would be, because Monday, this

upcoming Thursday, on the 13th, we're going to be covering January 6th trial. They're going to be having one at 1. I will record it, edit it, then come back and we will watch a somewhat abbreviated version starting around between 7.30 and 8 o'clock

on our YouTube channel and Twitch. So it might be good to show up a little earlier, set a notification. You can go to get a notification for YouTube if you click the bell when you subscribe to us. And you can do the same thing through Twitch. If you subscribe to us or follow us, I think,

it will automatically set you up for an email that you'll get. So you could just keep an eye on your email that night. And then when we go live, you'll know we're going live. We won't watch it right away. We'll wait about five minutes for people to show up. So come join us next week. We had a lot of fun doing these ahead. We've done all of them so far.

I think we've covered every one of the January 6th hearings. We're going to cover this one coming up on Thursday. Swing on over. Cecil does a great job of editing out the procedural bullshit without omitting any of the meat or any of the juice to it. So swing on over, hang out, chat with the chat. It's a great crowd, and it's always a good time. So come check us out next week, though,

because it'll be a lot of fun, and we've had a lot of fun so far. All right, that is going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave it like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch,

late night info-docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Expose your signs.

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