Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 652: The Redistribution of Candy

Episode Date: October 24, 2022

Show Notes

Today's show is brought to you by AdamandEve.com. Go to AdamandEve.com right now and you'll get 50% off just about any item. All you have to do is enter the code word GLORY, G-L-O-R-Y, at checkout. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond. It's a handsome prayer clock behind you. This, thank you, Cecil.

What time is it? Do you know? 420. 420 all the time. 420. Woot, woot. Smoke them if you got them, Jesus. This is Cognitive Dissonance. I'm going to slowly, while I edit this, zoom in.

So just keep going, but I'm going to slowly, right now, I'm going to slowly, while I edit this, zoom in. So just keep going, but I'm going to slowly, right now, I'm going to slowly start zooming in on Jesus. On Jesus? Yeah, go ahead. We, wait,

this is Cognitive Dissonance. I don't know anymore. Now we keep interrupting you so you have to keep doing the whole episode. I don't have it anymore. I don't even know anymore. It's a whole thing. It's a whole thing.

All right. Every week, we do some stories. What the fuck is the intro? Holy shit. Every episode. Every episode, we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news,

makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at this episode 652. And if you guys want to know how on autopilot my entire brain evidently is,

it is 100% autopilot. So good. So good. I'll tell you an autopilot story. My wife will sometimes ask me, she'll be like, she'll hand me something. She's like, put this somewhere so I don't lose it. And I'll say you an autopilot story. My wife will sometimes ask me, she'll be like, oh, she'll hand me something. She's like,

put this somewhere so I don't lose it. And I'll say, okay. There is a 0% chance I remember where I put that. What I do, Cecil, is I put things

in the place that knowing me, I would expect to find it. So you do find it eventually. I will find it. You'll find it. Because I will find it because I'll be like,

oh, where would I put that? Oh, I would put that here. It's never that I remember doing anything. You'll find it. Because I will find it because I'll be like, oh, where would I put that? Oh, I would put that here. It's never that I remember doing anything. I am. I have, I am a goldfish. Yeah.

The only reason I function in the world is because I am so habituated that I'm like, well, where does Tom put this kind of thing? Oh, I know Tom. He puts those things on this kind of shelf. And that's it. Here's the thing though. I'm trash.

Like you probably, I could probably guess some of that stuff. My wife is the one who just walks around. When we have company, like, she constantly just runs to the house and grabs anything that's out, and then she just throws it in, like, random places. So I'd be like,

where's my charger for the computer? And then she'd be like, oh, it's in the grill outside. I'd be like, oh, it's in the grill outside. I'd be like, what the fuck are you doing? Somebody might see it. She, my wife constantly, every moment of my life is making sure people don't think I live in my house.

That is the entirety of my life. She'll be like, people are coming over. We literally have to power wash every surface. And you're like, but we live here. Like to power wash every surface. But we live here. It's okay. People know we live here. And she's like, nope, I'm sorry.

And there are some things, there's some crazy you have to deal with with certain people. There's just some crazy you have to deal with. That's the crazy I have to deal with. I have to deal with that every, and I'm just like, I'm kind of, I'm not super clean.

I'm kind of a little messy. So she's just like constantly like ready to choke me. And that's fine. It's fine. We're like the odd couple. We're like fucking whatever those two guys were in that show. Felix and the other one. Felix and Edgar or something.

I'm going to say Oscar. I like Edgar better. I'd say Felix and Oscar. Edgar, Alan Poe. There you go. Yeah. But yeah. No, she's, but she does that all the time.

I love the whole like companies coming pretend like this is a hotel. Yeah. But yeah. No, she's, but she does that all the time. I love the whole like companies coming pretend like this is a hotel. Yeah, man. Well, what if somebody thought that we slept in our bed? Like, I don't know. Admittedly, our house is never more than like

25 minutes away from that normally because my wife's pretty. Yeah, she's a tidy. She's a very tidy person. Yeah. But it's, but the panic that goes through her eyes when she knows somebody's coming over

like by surprise. Right. It's like fucking, it's like a deer walking up to like one of those like watering holes where there's like fucking crocs around. She's like, what? There's a croc in there. Like that's, it's crazy.

It's insane. Wait, what? I was that way when I had my own place. I was that way. But once you've got like 150 kids or something, like at this point, it's like guests are coming over. Make sure there's no vomit anywhere someone can see it. You're just like, somebody flush a toilet.

And like, I think we're like guest ready. We have a friend who had a kid several, a couple of years ago, five years ago. And whenever I go see our buddy, I walk into his house and it is, I mean, it is just toys is, I mean, it is just toys as, I mean, every surface. They are load-bearing

toys. When I go sit down at his dining table, I have to move, like, stacks of toys off chairs. Like, it's just like, and it's just like, he's like, yeah, whatever. But before, when they were child-free, it was just like, you'd walk over and there'd be, like, a paper on a thing or something. Right, yeah. Like, that would be this this and they'd be like,

sorry, it's messy. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like once you have like a million, like kids, it's like the toys become load bearers. Yeah. You're like, I don't know,

it's a play school wall. That wall was made by little people. Yeah. We actually put the Barbies all the way up as a stud in all these. If you move a remote control car,

the ceiling will collapse. Welcome to the mouth. What's the purpose of your visit? Pleasure. How long do you plan to stay in the body? About a week. It says here you're a red blood cell. Yeah.

Then why are you green? I haven't been very well. What? I've reason to suspect you're a virus. But I'm not. I'm afraid we're going to have to kill you. No, I'm sorry. I'll just go.

Too late, I'm afraid. I promise I'll never come back. to kill you. No, I'm sorry. I'll just, I'll go. Too late, I'm afraid. I promise I'll never come back. You just follow these white blood cells, they'll take care of you. So this first one comes from sciencebasemedicine.org, which I think is actually a blog, but it is an excellent, excellent blog. The state of Florida spreads anti-vaccine

disinformation disguised as an epidemiological study. Yeah. So this is pretty fascinating. Very recently, the chief fucking medical officer or Surgeon General of Florida or whatever. Surgeon General. I think they might have. I think it's the Surgeon General of Florida. Yeah, they don't have their own Surgeon General.

Whose name, by the way, is Dr. Joseph Ladapo. And every time I read it, I read it as lapdog. And I'm right. And I'm right. You are right. You are right. I'm right. And every time I read it, I read it as lapdog, and I'm right. And I'm right. You are right. You are right. I'm right. You are absolutely right. Because this guy is DeSantis' lapdog.

The Surgeon General of Florida is a guy that none of his colleagues or peers recommended for the job. Yeah. Like, just to be very clear, this is not the most qualified candidate. This is a candidate

specifically and intentionally politically chosen by Ron DeSantis to be a mouthpiece for medical disinformation that happens to dovetail in exactly the same ways that DeSantis' economic agenda requires that he treats COVID. Yes. Right? So be very clear about this. Dr. fucking lapdog is exactly that.

He is a fucking lapdog bullshit doctor whose peers fairly universally rejected him for the position of Surgeon General as being

unqualified for this position. Yeah. They didn't think he could do it. They didn't think he'd be unbiased. Right.

Yeah. And turns out, they were fucking right. He's biased asased. Right, yeah. And turns out, they were fucking right. He's biased as fuck. So what he's been promoting is advice saying that males ages 18 to 39 should not get an mRNA COVID vaccine because this bullshit study, which we'll talk about. This bullshit study says that you are at greater risk of dying of cardiovascular disease if you receive it. So, that on its face, from somebody with the

title of Surgeon General, right, sounds pretty scary, right? It does. So, the science-based medicine article really kind of breaks this down and talks about the study. And there's so much wrong with this study. And I couldn't,

we can't possibly go into all of it. No. But like on its face at the very beginning, the authors are never noted. Yeah. So here's the study that the surgeon general of Florida, right? This guy who's like,

I am, I'm the guy who gives advice. Yeah. I am the chief medical fucking guru for the entire state of the Wang of Florida. Right? The whole way. The whole the wang of Florida. Right? The whole wang. The whole cock and balls

of Florida. That's it. The whole wang is hanging out here. Yeah. And the Surgeon General is like, well, here's a study.

We don't know who wrote it and it wasn't published in a single peer-reviewed journal. Wow. Let's use that study to literally contradict all of the other advice of every other medical professional. And every, like the vast consensus.

Yeah, the consensus. And not just nationally. Yeah. International consensus. Yeah. And this guy is basically peddling vaccine misinformation. Yep. And even in the way it's worded, right?

So it's a bullshit study, but even in the way it's worded, like I said earlier, he's wording it in such a way so that he's actually, even though in this bullshit study, there's this small group of people that might not be as effective

for the vaccine, which isn't true, but it's still, that's the way he's following this study. He words it in such a way so it's like no one should get the vaccine, especially isn't true, but it's still, that's the way he's following this study. He words it in such a way so it's like, no one should get the vaccine, especially these people.

That's how it's worded. And that's the thing is, you know, these people, they're very calculated when it comes to this stuff. And I don't understand, you know,

why DeSantis and why none of these Republicans have embraced the vaccine. Brother, I don't either. Because this is all the major research happened while Trump was in office. They could have easily branded this whole vaccine. You know, if you're a fucking, you think so? Because DeSantis is, I'm sorry, he is vying for Trump's job.

You know what? Now that you just said that, it just occurred to me. It just occurred to me right now. You know what? That's a great- He can't give Trump credit. That's a great point. Yeah, and it's interesting too,

because in one of these stories, and it might even be this one, I don't know, they said that DeSantis jumped up 10 points. 10 points, yeah. 10 points on Trump. And this might be one of the reasons why. Maybe he might want to be the type of person who, you know, goes in.

But, and Trump has also said, I think in private, that he doesn't like DeSantis. Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, I don't think he said it like out. They're fairly rival-rious. Rival-rous?

Rival-rous. Rival-rous. Rival-er-ous. Someone's going to correct you. So just say it every single way, and then you can just point to the one way that you said it. Rivalriated. Innocent.

That's the name of the episode. That would have named the episode whatever you just said. Good luck writing it. I know, right? So this study is fucking trash. It's a fucking, it's a giant trash fire again the author is not noted immediately should throw it away it's not been peer reviewed or submitted to a single journal for peer review should immediately throw it away right that's

how science works fucking anonymous studies that are not subject to peer review are automatically outside the purview of the fucking scientific method. This is not how we do any of this. But like, also, when they go through and they note like, all right, well, you know, we're trying to like account for how many people die of cardiac events. What they do is then they rely on death certificates. Yeah. Well, death certificates are a poor indicator, right? Death certificates are a public health record.

They are not necessarily the same as a medical record. And there is a difference that, but again, all of this is designed, I think very intentionally for, to create a news story, to create optics, to create. And here's what I understand to piggyback on your point. I do understand if you're DeSantis and you are running a state like Florida

and you are a self-interested economic monster of a human being. I do understand pushing back against stay-at-home orders. I understand pushing back even against masks. I guess fucking minor, I understand. Very little of me understands that. I guess what I'm saying is I understand trying to keep your economy open because your economy requires, it relies on travel and tourism and all that in order for Florida to thrive. But none of that excludes vaccines. You could have all of your economic cake and eat it too and embrace vaccines. The part of me that I am struggling to understand, even from the most cynical view, even the most cynical things that I think, I can't understand why you'd throw yourself,

why would you throw away vaccines? I think it's, now that I think about it, when you say it like that, part of me wonders if it's not trying to just breed distrust in anything governmental. Oh, my God. So it's part of a larger political picture. It's part of a larger libertarian standpoint that they like to tout, even though they never really do. Oh, God, you're right, probably.

You know what I mean? Like, that makes sense to me. It's like, when I'm trying to be really cynical, I just think like a libertarian. That's a good thing to do. You know what I mean? I just like, I immediately go, well, when I was young and be really cynical, I just think like a libertarian. Like it just- That's a good thing to do. You know what I mean? I just like, I immediately go, well, what would, when I was young and stupid, what would I think?

WWLD, what would a libertarian do? When I was stupid, I would think that it was a governmental plot. Right. Because- No, you're right, man. You're right. So I'd be like, yeah,

it's the government wants you to, government wants to fucking give you this thing because the government wants to control you or something. And so that's why it's- The other thing that, and again, because you're fucking government wants to control you or something. And so that's why it's... The other thing that, and again, because you're fucking exactly right.

You're exactly right. I think that this plays into the anti-government message that weirdly, government, career government officials... And they don't believe anyway. No.

Because whenever they want to give money to their friends, they fucking tap into the fucking government teat. They only want fucking tax cuts for the rich and they only want to give any kind of benefits to people who can fucking get them

farther down the road. Yeah. Here's the thing. Like, say this to yourself out loud. Does this career government politician really want to abolish government? Right. No.

Really? Of course not. Like, imagine you, like, imagine a world where you believe that and you weren't an asshole. All he wants to do. There's no world where you can believe that and not be an asshole. You? Of course not. Imagine you, like imagine a world where you believe that and you weren't an asshole. All he wants to do. There's no world where you can believe that

and not be an asshole. You're a giant asshole. All they want to do is abolish your protections. Right. All they want to do is abolish all the regular

citizen safety net. They don't give a fuck. They want government so they can take all your goddamn money and give it to anybody and cut all the taxes of all the rich people and then have them fucking grind you under their heel

with no fucking wage gain for decades. So, dude, fuck them. They've been planning this for decades. Fucking Reagan started tearing shit down when I was a kid and he fucked the whole country up. He did. He face-fucked this country.

30 years later, we're still swallowing his cock. 30 years later. 40 years later. 40. 40 years later. I do. God, that's a long time. Reagan was probably the worst thing

that's ever happened to him. I mean, not the, he was the precursor that made the worst things that have happened to America possible. He made it possible. Like,

you can't get there without him. Right? He's the fucking, he's the link that caused it all to happen. He started repealing shit that made it so like fucking the fairness doctrine and then the fucking

tax cuts for the rich. He fucking did it all. He did it all. He's the one. And it couldn't have happened fast under him. It was gradual and it took years to happen and this is the result. The result is a group of cynical shits who want to give as much

as they can to their friends and they will do whatever they can, including hiring somebody who will get your supporters killed. Killed. Killed. They will die because of this. Because you know who doesn't protest? Dead people. Yeah, fucking A. And they'll do anything they can because they don't give a fuck about you. They never

fucking cared about you. Well, and I mean, look at the people that the, I mean, let's just be demographically honest. Look at the people that COVID at this point is disproportionately affecting. Fucking A, man. Right? So it is people of color.

It is people living in poverty. And it is people who are on otherwise the margins of society. So in their mind, it's like, yeah, those people fuck them anyway. Who cares? They weren't going to help them anyway. Yeah, that's what I mean.

The Republicans are like, fuck them anyway. They weren't useful to me anyhow. These fuckers, it's so funny, this fucking, you're exactly right, man. You're using this to enhance the bullshit Reagan-esque era of small government. But when they do that, remember, all these guys want government. All of them want government. The difference is where they want to point the government at, right? Do they want to point the government at creating a broader social safety net that embraces us all? Or they want to point government as, you know what, turns out I will take my PPP

loans. Turns out I will take my infrastructure dollars. Turns out, yeah. Turns out I won't say I don't have some philosophical ideal that prevents me from taking any of this Democrat money. No, they'll fucking line their fucking coffers and bank accounts with all the shit that they fucking vote against. And then when it's their turn in charge, they'll say, you know what? Now that we've got our PPP dollars, we've got our infrastructure shit. our PPP dollars, we got our infrastructure shit. And, you know, we will also then deregulate the fucking,

deregulate Wall Street and deregulate the banks and line our pockets with all this other fucking nonsense, dark money bullshit. And then the moment that they do anything

that can help a normal person like student loan debt, immediately they try to get us to fight each other. They get the middle class fighting itself because that helps them so much get the middle class fighting itself because that helps them so much when the middle class

fights itself. They love that shit. They can't fucking eat it up. Even though your dollars, you're going to complain about your dollars going up, but you never complained when it fucking went to fucking Lehman Brothers. You didn't fucking complain back then. And that was a fucking fraction

of what's going on. When they bailed out all these big banks in 2008, oh, too big to fail, too big to fail, too big to fail. It's amazing to me that they cry foul that, oh, we've given away all this money to all these people to stay home. Most of it was under Trump. The first guy who gave away money to the individual taxpayer

as an economic stimulus was George W. Bush. George W. Bush. And it was a tiny amount of money. It was $300 a person. You remember that? Yeah. It's $300.

And I'll tell you, look at your fucking first stimulus check. If you got one, Trump's signature is on it. Yeah, man. He insisted his signature was on it.

And yet, weirdly, now that something, something, that's become embedded with these Democratic ideas, even though all that happened and was taken credit for by the Republicans that were in power. It's all nonsense. They're literally lying. They're being lied to. They're lying every day,

and they're changing the narrative every day. And just, if you are genuinely, and I mean this, if you're a fucking libertarian or Republican, ask yourself, what is their actual plan to help you? Yeah. What is the middle class plan?

Yeah. Like, that's most of, most of all of America, right, is middle and lower class. Like, economically.

I'm not calling people lower class. I know what you mean. I know what you mean. I just want to make sure. Lower, lower, lower economic,

lower income. So, like, that's, that's almost everybody. So, lower, lower economic, lower income. So like that's, that's almost everybody. So like ask yourself, what's the rights plan on that? Yeah.

They have no, they've never articulated a plan on how to help. And all they do is like, well, it's not this. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe get books out of the library.

What it is is it's two things. One, it's the loyalty thing that, that they play on your loyalty to them. And then I, you know, I, I think that the other thing is, is that they hurt people that you don't like. Yeah. And so it, you know, if you're, if you're kind of a bad person and you're like, I don't really like Mexicans, let's say. Yeah. And then, and then they, they say, close the border and you're like, fuck yeah, close the border. Close that goddamn thing. Fuck yeah. And as long as they can,

as long as, as long as they're constantly going after the subclasses of people that you don't like. Like anyone who comes from one of the Mexican countries. Yeah, sure. Literally any of those Mexicos. Right, any of the various Mexicos. There's like 35 Mexicos in South America. Is there a less pejorative word than Mexican?

Is there a hundred Mexicos? God. I don't even know. Fuck. All the other Mexicos. One of the Mexican countries. One of the million Mexican countries out there. So, you're doing a little

trick-or-treating. Ding-dong! Woo! I'm just taking my little sister around. That's nice. Whoa! I love the costume. Yeah. But what are you supposed to be?

A new kid on the block? For your information, he's a little leaguer. Whoa. Whoa. Yeah. Okay, Tom, I'm going to call it up on the big screen so you can see this amazing picture. I love this picture. This story comes from MSN.

No treats, only tricks. Republicans try to ruin Halloween with fake rainbow fentanyl threats. This is a fucking yearly occurrence. It's a yearly occurrence. I love this story, right? So there's so much wonderful shit you have to imagine to be true

in order for this to work. So, and we got to walk down this road. It's the. So, and I, we got to walk down this road. It's the dumbest shit, dude. We got to walk down this road and knock on doors. Absolutely. Let's do it. But Cecil, did you like Halloween? Do you like Halloween?

Man, I love Halloween. Do you, did you trick or treat? How, when did you stop trick or treating? Do you remember? I was like probably 13, 12, 13, something like that. You know, we were talking about this on Dear Old Dads. I remember trick oror-treating into middle of high school at some point.

I don't know exactly how far. I was probably freshman year, maybe, at the most. Just because I know who my friends were, friend was, that I trick-or-treated with. I know that at one point we trick-or-treated, maybe sophomore year, probably maybe the last year

that we did it and then but we didn't wear costumes and we just knocked on the door and was like oh you know what Dave's sister is sick so we're trick-or-treating for her and then they gave us more candy

and it was bullshit super clever it was I wouldn't give you any candy if you came to my door right nothing but like if you got like

a little sob story you get a little extra candy I would be that sucker to give you candy are you kidding me it was such bullshit it was so horrible. Saddest story I've ever heard. Like, oh, his little sister isn't feeling good

so we're trick-or-treating. Sick on Halloween. Sick on Halloween. Have my whole bowl. Right? It was so bad. It was such a shit thing to do. We were the worst. It's super good. We were the worst. It's super good. I loved Halloween. I loved Halloween too growing up. It was super fun. Now, when I was a little little kid, I went out

and this was, you know, this is still, this is early 80s, right? Yeah. Little, little kid. And I remember going out and my mom and dad never went with us. Same, man. Like, they would be like, go trick-or-treating.

Parents didn't trick-or-treat with kids when they were little. I never trick-or-treated with any of my parents at all, period. Yeah, my dad's never walked house to house with us. But they would be like, all right, go out. And then I was like, very young. And my brothers, my two brothers,

so my, I have two brothers. I have an, my other, my eldest brother's four years older than me. And then a two-year-old, one that's in the middle

that's two years older. So we went out trick-or-treating and I was dressed with my middle brother. The middle brother and I were dressed as pirates. And there's a photo of me where I'm a pirate and my brother

Lou is a baseball player. We went out and we went trick-or-treating. Was he a pirates player? No, he was. Because that would have been awesome. He hilariously wore his like uniform that he was already on a baseball team for. And I was like, you're the laziest. He's like,

I don't care. I'm getting candy. Fuck off. So we left and went out. And I remember coming back and we had fucking gobs of candy. We lived in a neighborhood in a suburb and we walked all around that suburb. We left at like three, came back after dark at like seven 30.

We hit every fucking house there was. And we got bags and bags and bags of candy and we dumped them out and my mom no shit went through every dude my dad did the same shit touching it looking at it she went through every my dad was a my it's the 80s right yeah man they thought there was gonna be razor blades and shit in there and i was like mom i just want to eat a snicker she's like i ain't gone through it yet and i'm like a snickers momickers mom my dad was like if you eat any of that candy before you get home and I check it

I'll throw it all in the trash oh my god and I was like and I believed him I was like he was like he'll know you know and so like yeah

as I got older I was like fuck that and he was like fuck that but like in the 80s absolutely they stopped 80s were the height of the scare so when I got to a certain age

my parents stopped caring about me so it was it was at a certain point, they never looked either. So they didn't care. But when you were a little kid. But when I was a little kid, they still liked me. And so they looked at my candy.

But after like, after I would say maybe, you know, maybe I was in middle school, the first year of middle school, they're like, God, are you still here? Why are you here?

Last year. You smell bad. You smell and you shouldn't live in this house still here? Dude, why are you here? Last year, you smell bad. You smell, and you shouldn't live in this house anymore. And I don't want you here. This is it. I just wish, this is your last year.

I wish I made better decisions. This is what my mom used to say. Your mom's like, if I, my mom would be like, I'm just going to call you bad decisions. Your mom's like,

how old are you? 12. If I had, if I could go back in time 13 years, 13, 13 and a half years, I old are you? 12. If I could go back in time 13 years, I'd have gotten a fucking tubal. 13 and a half years, I would kill myself. Okay, mine was a little softer.

A little softer. I know, it didn't like me. I'm kidding, of course. So this story, like this story is this nonsense Republican narrative that drug dealers, scary drug dealers, are given out brightly colored,

like candy-esque fentanyls. Why? And here's the thing. Why though? We've got to walk through this with you. Why, Tom? Yes, thank you. Help me out.

Because the Republican narrative is that the kids will go door to door. Okay. And they'll get candy disguised fentanyl, right? Then they will take this fentanyl and two things. No, three things in their mind four things have to happen four things have to happen the first

first is is that they will take this fentanyl so many things actually I put my fingers down why don't you stop it it was stop it for they will not die

right yeah so even though like a grain of fentanyl can fucking murder you right even though like if you happen to smell

a little bit of it. Right. Kids of all ages, sizes, weights, and liver, they will take fentanyl and they will not, none of them will die. What they will instead do.

I just want to say though, fentanyl is for kids of all ages. Go on. Yeah, go ahead. Go ahead. Kid tested, mother approved. Go ahead. Fentanyl.

Fentanyl. Then the kids will be hooked on fentanyl. Fentanyl. Then the kids will be hooked on fentanyl. Yeah, sure. Like phonics. Right? Yeah. It's just the same thing.

It's essentially the same thing. What are you talking about? What are they going to do then? This is my favorite part. What are they going to have to do? They're going to work at like a shirt factory to make enough money?

Like where? What is happening? Kids, but it's even, let's take, you're actually a step ahead. You're a step ahead. I'm a step ahead you're right

because then the kids would have to remember who gave them the goddamn fentanyl the one piece of candy that is in their bag because if they don't remember it they have to go house to house

do you have a do you have fentanyl hey buddy it turns out I'm fucking I'm like 11 and I'm jonesing they're like that

they're like that image you know that meme with uh there's that meme with... There's a meme with Dave Chappelle where he's got like a coke line underneath it. He's like, y'all got any more of that? And then they'll normally say something. They'll be like, y'all got any more of that fentanyl?

Right. Y'all got any more of that fentanyl? Yeah, that's the way. Yeah, they're walking around completely strung out from one hit of fentanyl that they didn't die from. That they didn't die from. And that they remember.

Yeah, that they remember. I don't. No, this is, I see this. You know what? Initially, I was dubious of the drug-laced candy. But now that you explained it, I think that this is exactly how this works out. This is how reality plays out.

Then, evidently, the fucking economics of drug dealing requires you to get money from the people with the least money possible. Yeah, sure. Yeah. Fucking kids. And you have to seed that money. Right. So I have to go into debt to see that money out and hope that that money comes back to me.

Right. This is a loss leader. What is happening? You're creating baby addicts. And then you're like, God, I hope they remember where they got the good shit leader. What is happening? This is a huge loss leader. You're creating baby addicts. And then you're like, God, I hope they remember where they got the good shit from. What?

You better hang your rainbow fentanyl flag out in front of your house. This is the stupidest thing in the world. Every single year, there is this fucking crazy thing that takes over people that want to try to... They don't like this holiday. They don't like this holiday.

They don't like this holiday because one, it's got spooky spookies. No, man. Fucking Republicans don't want anybody to give anything to anybody. That's the fucking... That's the bare bones of this. They don't want anybody to give anything to anybody. We are not redistributing wealth.

We are not redistributing smarties. What are you talking about? Get in the fucking basement for the rest of the year. Nobody gives things away. What kind of America do you want to live in? A hundred grand, Barr. Do you know how many hours I got to work for a hundred

grand? Is that a full size snicker someone gave you? I will beat it out of you. So yeah, that's essentially, that's a Republican household. Tootsie roll, I don't like the song.

I don't like the candy. But anyway, so that's like essentially Republicans hate fun. And so every year, and they hate the redistribution of sweets. of sweet tarts.

And so they, what they do is every year, they think of a reason why this holiday is dangerous. It's scary. Why it's dangerous. It's not that it's just like they just don't like it.

They've got to find a way every year to lie about something to make it dangerous so other people don't participate in it and enjoy it for what it is, which is an absolute hoot

where little kids get candy and older people get to see people in revealing costumes. Right. That is the best part about Halloween. Revealing costumes for adults, candy for children. And candy for kids. And I think everybody wins.

I think the whole world wins. It's like the Republicans are all like, uh, moral panic, something, something, demons, what have you, drug dealers. And you're like, all right, man, you know what really happens? Like in the suburbs, at least out here, now the municipalities, this wasn't the same way when we were kids. No, no, it's different now. It's different now. Now all the municipalities publish like, okay, trick-or-treating hours are from four to seven. Yeah, it's an hour.

You only get like a small amount of time. Yeah, it's three hours. You got to be like, you got to be a really fit kid to run to all the houses. Yeah, and if you're getting all, eating all that candy, you're in all that fit.

Yeah. So like. I had one trick-or-treater last year. That's it for real? One trick-or-treater. Did you just dump the whole bowl? I fucking gave that kid so much candy. He came,

he came late in the day and it's my next door neighbor and he's like four. Oh, that's money, dude. And it's like a grandkid of the people who live next door. Right. And so they walked over

and they said, hi, how you doing? And I said, oh, good. I'm like, you know, it looks like it's going to be running out soon. I was like, and his name's Mason. And I said, hey, Mason,

how you doing, buddy? And he's like, doesn't really talk. Right. And so he kind of waved at me and he had like a mask on. He's like, ah. And I was like,

oh, that's, you scared some candy out of me. And I fucking, I just fucking like, oh, that's, you scared some candy out of me. And I fucking, I just fucking poured candy in this kid's, because I just had a whole big thing of candy. We expected a bunch of people.

We had one. That's, I've, I've taught my stepdaughter that the trick to Halloween is the first and third hour. You go out the first hour, everyone's still excited.

So you get good candy. You're hitting the houses. You're still fresh. Really smart. You come back, you take a break. Hours? Second hour, you take still excited. So you get good candy. You're hitting the houses. You're still fresh. Really smart. You come back. You take a break. Hours? Second hour.

Second hour is a trash hour. You go to the spa and get them to massage your legs because you could run into that final hour. Right. Right? Hour three.

Yeah. Everyone's tired of this shit and they're just like, take all the rest of my candy so I can turn my light off. You know what you are? You know what you're training them to do? You're training them to do the marathon

where they run the first mile, get in a taxi, and then get out at the last mile and run. That's how you get a good time on a marathon. Both of us went 26 months. Right.

Yeah. Except for my legs. I got a fucking leg rabbed over whatever. I'm all right. I can do this next week. I can do this next week. Ha ha ha ha! Uh.

I want to see you look. Somebody's watching me. And I get no problem. See? What the fuck? Ow! Gary, what are you doing? What? Oh, just dabbing you with shaving. You stop hitting me.

Okay, move over then. No, no, Gary, don't you doing? What? Oh, just dabbing you with savings. You stop hitting me. Okay, move over then. No, no, Gary, don't get in the shower. Wait, did you bring the good mics in the shower? Mm-hmm. What even is that? Oh, well, that's a very large penis. No, not that. What are those?

What are those? Never mind, Boomer. They're the three free gifts. Gary. Oh, would you prefer I slap you with six free spicy movies? Where did you even pull those from? Would. It.

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For a price. And this time, I don't want your car. I want you. Oh, Catherine, that's disgusting. You're my sister. Only by blood. Oh, God. What is wrong with this family?

This is another super weird, super weird religious people talking about weird sex stuff they shouldn't be talking about. It comes from Alternet. No secular argument against adult incest. Dennis Prager plays down the dangers of inbreeding. All right, we're going to play it. This is Prager. This guy is something else. So let me, hold on. This is a share thing. I forgot who Dennis Prager was, but he met him on the show before. PragerU is what he runs. That's right. And PragerU is like, it's like a place where people think, like it's just a conservative sort of think tank, I guess. Yeah, it's an online think tank that pretends it's a, it's branded as if it were a university, but it's not.

Yeah, so here we go. So this is Dennis. Ultimate Issues Hour. I'm covering one verse in Deuteronomy. My explanation of Deuteronomy is published today. It's a big day. It doesn't happen often. There's only five volumes.

It's a 10-year project. What? Numbers, I guess, will come out. Maybe. I don't know if it'll come out next year. Oh, my God. You're the worst. Maybe 2024.

Is he seriously talking to himself about like when he's going to release it? He didn't write anything down ahead of time. Look, you know- What is happening, man? He is just like dealing with his Outlook calendar out loud as like entertainment for his show. Just as pure content.

He's just feeling it. That's a fucking dead air time. So when are we going to release the... Have some email after this and do some show. Knowledge Vice should come on. Let's just ban. Let's just...

What the fuck? You wouldn't do that. Just have a plan. Even Ian would edit that out. Even Ian. 50% chance. Okay, you're right. It's a big deal.

I try to explain everything. And I can, because I'm brilliant. Just this one verse that men should not wear women's clothing or women men's clothing. So let's go to my motto, preferring clarity to agreement.

Either the Bible's right or the left is right. Well, in this case, the left is right. I guess I think we figured this out, that the left is right. Boom, slam dunk, end of story. Here's the thing, man. Here's the thing. If you're a small government person,

the left is right. Yeah, right. The thing is, it's like, normally the left isn't like that, but in this case, in a lot of cases, in all social issues, the left is- The left has to be but in this case, in a lot of cases, in all social issues, the left is, the left is farther.

It's, it's way more into personal liberty. A hundred percent. Way more into it. Absolutely. Yeah. Well, men shouldn't wear ladies clothes and ladies shouldn't wear men's clothes.

Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. I don't even know what that means. Yeah. I don't even know what that means. I genuinely don't know what that means.

Yeah. Like it's like fucking like, like, like what, what if it's a pantsuit? Yeah. Well, I think these guys are like, Hey, pants aren't for ladies. Oh, like it's like fucking like like like what what if it's a pantsuit yeah well i think these guys are like hey pants aren't for ladies oh you're right but like here's the thing here's why that's all bullshit because they're looking at the bible where everybody wear like tunics and shit you got a big so i just like it's not even real like it's just a big fucking thing of cloth i gotta wrap around myself it's all fucking nonsense it's all just this big

long they're looking at the bible and they apply the bible to the norms and standards of today and then they retch none of it it's all pieced together cobbled bullshit they don't believe their own shit yeah because then you'd be like yeah great we all have to wear fucking tunics and what happens and like back then in order to get into it they had to wrap themselves around and then you could just pole start. And they just spin on down like a fucking dreidel down the road. What is the difference

between a male tunic and a ladies tunic? There's not a difference. Guys and girls used to wear what they called a chemise, which is like a long, it's like a long undershirt

that had like open bottoms. Like it's like a, you know, and that's what little kids wore. Little kids wore the same thing. They wore like, there was no distinction between. Because fucking kids are dirty

and they're hard to clean. And he was like, I don't want to fucking, like if they're going to fucking, I want them to like piss and shit and have it fall down. Just right out the hole. I don't want it to be like,

fucking, I don't want to clean that up. And so, and they used to swaddle kids. Like it's all bullshit. It's all nonsense. It's all modern. It's all nonsense. It's all modern. It's all literally

a modern invention. Yep. They can't both be right. Yep. That's why you're wrong. You're serious. Yep. How many fucking pop filters

do you need, dude? This guy's got pop filters on his pop filters. God, I wish your parents wore a pop filter before they had you. Also, I love that when your dad pops, he pops right into the filter. They actually got to call condoms as pop filters. God, I wish your parents wore a pop filter before they had you. Also, I love that when your dad pops,

he pops right into the filter. They actually got to call condoms as pop filters. Yeah, pop filters. Oh my God. They got to call condoms pop filters. Just roll in.

It's like, you got any of those pop filters? Let me get a couple of those shirts. I need some of those extra sensitive. I need an SM7B.

You know what I mean? Sure. When you want to be sure. A leftist. You can be a liberal, you can be a conservative, but you can't be a leftist. What are you talking about? He doesn't know. Just on this issue alone.

Okay. You just would have to say the Bible's wrong. Yeah, it is. Sold, done. And you're right. Nailed it. You're wrong. Wow.

That's fairly straightforward to do. Cool. So we're done then?'re wrong. Wow. That's fairly straightforward to do. Cool. So we're done then? I'll get t-shirts printed. Are we done? The public nudity calls are interesting. He's terrible. Anyway, none of you have a secular argument against it and I don't blame you for that because

there isn't any. He's talking about incest. No, he's going to talk about it now. against adult incest. No, he's going to talk about it now. Adult incest. Yeah. Brother and sister want to make love.

What's your argument? That they're going to produce mentally retarded offspring? Yikes. Nonsense. Well. It takes many generations of inbreeding to do that. Yeah. Already throwing out the R word. Well, Ant, I mean, you are aeding to do that. Yeah. Already throwing out the R word. Well, and I mean, you are a perfect example. Actually,

that's an insult to inbred people. Like the entire Royal family is like, Hey, Hey, wait a minute. That's we're not, it's bad over here, but it's not,

it's not. Okay. I'm going to walk away with my backwards folding knees. All the Amish are like, look, we've got a whole community of this. Yeah, we've got a whole community of it. What are you talking about? There's entire diseases which are endemic only to the Amish for this reason, actually. Really?

Yeah, there's genetic disorders that are endemic only to the Amish. No kidding. Because there's not a big breeding pool. Not a big enough pool of genetic variability. There is no secular argument against adult consensual incest. What a weird idea. As a religious argument.

No, there is a secular argument. Look, there are secular arguments to things because we have an agreed upon social contract where we get to decide what our generally agreed upon social mores and values are. You don't have to have a fucking five-point PowerPoint of like, well, secular-wise,

there are lots of things that you can say, look, socially, we all find this distasteful enough that there are social taboos against it. That's it. There's many things in our culture that we have a social taboo against. I'll bring us to culinary stuff. In parts of the world, people eat bugs. We don't eat bugs here. In parts, in certain cultures,

they don't eat pork. They think it's the same thing as bugs. They are just as grossed out by us eating a pig as we might be of someone eating a cricket sandwich. It's the same, but there's a social contract and you grow up socially understanding all of these different things that we approve of and we disapprove of. Right, yeah. That's just how it works. That's it.

You don't have to have anything more complicated than that in order for you to create a social temper. You don't need a God. This stuff happens independent of you believing in any of your different deities or no deity at all. And here's why you know that that's true,

is that the incest taboo socially exists before the Bible and across all cultures. Across a lot of cultures. I don't know if it's all cultures, but probably most of them. I imagine it's most cultures. So I should never say all. I don't know. I don't know if it's all cultures, but probably most of them. I imagine it's most cultures. So I should never say all.

I don't know. I don't know. So I can't. I don't know. So I can't say yes. Across most cultures and across most religions. Yeah.

It's a taboo. So you're like, okay, great. Also, that's socially a taboo without religion. Right. It's their family life. It's a big taboo. See, people think that we could live without the greatest source of wisdom and morality in the history of the world, the Bible.

Oh, lots of people do. Yeah, we do all the time. Even some secular conservatives think that. They don't realize they're living on the fumes of the Judeo-Christian value system. But if you ultimately... No, no. God, he's terrible. You're living on the fumes of the social contract.

It's the opposite. It's exactly the opposite, you idiot. Like, for most of all of human history, there wasn't Christianity. Yeah. Like, that's the thing that they don't seem to, like, fucking fully grasp is that, well, maybe they're 6,000-year creationists. But, like, unless you're a fucking insane person, but you're for most of all of the world, Christianity did not touch the world for most of history. Yeah. And that, and that's the thing is like, he's, they've, they're always benefiting from an underlying social contract that has been

around forever. And that doesn't require everyone to believe the exact same thing yes they've been benefiting it from from ever and they've been blaming their god and their book for it 100 forever yep and that's and that's just the fucking truth and he's sitting here doing the exact same thing that every single fucking holy man and fucking prophet and and even just some jackass who reads the Bible and pretends he has a university says. It's pretty much the same thing throughout history. Also, like, isn't kind of what he's saying here is the only

reason I don't want to fuck my sister because the Bible won't let me? I'll tell you what, man. It's not that it's like I'm kind of grossed out by it. It's like, oh, no. I mean, if God wasn't around, I mean, when God goes behind that cloud, I'm going to fucking Roger my sister. Right.

Like there's a party that's like, hey man, like it's okay for things to just be wrong. Yeah. Without having to have,

again, a fucking five point power presentation about something. You don't need it. ...extract those flowers from the soil

that nurtured them. Those flowers will wither and die. Oh, what a belabored metaphor. I don't want to see that happen. That's why I'm working so hard on this commentary. Very hard. Oh, are you really working all that hard?

Caliente hard time. Right? Yeah. Never trust somebody with perfectly clear lens glasses. Also, Keith is so mad at this segment. Can't fuck your sister? He's so mad. What is he going to do?

His entire search history. It's literally his identity. I don't know how you sleep at night, sir. I believe that corporations like Globadine pervert the American dream. They leverage our future so the super rich get richer. You are a disgrace. Ralph, I don't

know where you're getting your statistics. I can only say that in my estimation, Glovodyne is completely transparent. And we've been more than willing to share any and all documentation. So from the insider, the National Archives slapped down Trump's claim that Obama and Bush mishandled government records after leaving office. So this has been delightful to watch. Like Trump has been truthing out all kinds of mistruths, right? Yeah, just lies.

Just lies. Just shit he's made up, which is like, you know, at first he was like, ah, I don't have any records. And like, yeah, here's the records. And he's like, ah, you planted those records. And also they're declassified. And also I declassified them with a thought. And then you know what else?

Also, I never had them, but Obama did it too. And then Bush did it also. And like the National Archives is like, no, man, there there's a fucking process and they all followed the process yeah the governmental records that are being moved to different storage locations in order to create presidential libraries have been handled entirely and exclusively by the national archives yeah in strict compliance with the rules of the national archives there's just literally no truth to it at all. Yeah. It's just like he's throwing excuses against a wall

to see what'll stick. Yeah. He's just, he's, and he's been doing this since the beginning of this entire thing, because this is what he does. This is what he's been doing since the beginning. He lies as much as he can,

and he gets as much just noise out there. Noise, man. Exactly right. And the thing is, is these people that follow him, they will pick it out, and they will grab one of them or two of them, and they'll run with them, and they'll say him, and other people will say him. And I guarantee you walk over to anybody who's a fan of this guy, and you ask him about this National Archives thing,

they've got one of his lies that they've caught on to. Embedded in there. And it doesn't have to be the same one as their husband even. Right, yeah. It could be a different one. Yeah, man. That's a great point. It's, it's, there's this like shotgun of bullshit approach. Yeah. That is Gish Gallop, I think they call it. Yeah.

Yeah. It's incredibly, it's incredibly effective. Yeah. It works. It's effective online. I will say this. Whenever you get into an argument with somebody online and they write an entire paragraph, like that's like, you know, big, long Kantian paragraph, right? We're talking with like a whole small novella

worth of a paragraph. You get exhausted just even trying to, because they've made so many points that are false. You can't work your way through the whole thing. Intentionally. And they do it intentionally so you just don't,

they put, they just vomit shit out and then you're just like, well, I'm not going to fight that. I don't care. Like, I don't care enough. I'm not going to spend four hours

like debating each point. That's not, I'm not doing that. And like, for people that have been like, university, I'm not, I'm going to be a little shitty here, but like people that have been, in my for people that have been like university, I'm going to be a little shitty here,

but like people that have been, in my opinion, that have been like university educated, where you start with your thesis, then you support your thesis, and then you provide backup details, and everything, and then your conclusion refers back to, all of that methodological way of thinking is completely like just gone haywire with this stuff. And it's very

difficult. I have tried online. I have tried so hard many times to be like, I need to pause. We're going to restate your points. Tell me if I'm wrong. Like I've tried, like it doesn't work because none of it is, it's all intentionally dishonest. None of it is right. So you can't break it down. I've tried to do it where I'm like, all right, I think I've sussed out your points. I'm going to put them over here.

I want to address them one by one. And then, and none of it works. None, you can't even, even if you're not exhausted by it, you can't do it because these guys,

Trump intentionally feeds so many different fucking Hydra heads that you slice off one and two more appear. I'm reminded of when I first realized that discourse was dying. It was when Facebook just started to really take off. And then you were sort of indiscriminate with who you friended, right? So like you just friended a bunch of your people that you knew, you know, someone, someone else knew, or, you know, some people that you knew. Yeah, someone else knew. Or some people that you might

very much ideologically disagree with. And it was when Obama was just trying to pass his legislation for Obamacare. And they didn't know what it was. They literally didn't know what it was. I remember arguing with them and they're saying, they essentially thought it was single payer healthcare. Right, yeah, I remember that.

They thought it was gonna be single payer. And you're like, no, that's not what it is. You don't even know what it is. And you're arguing a point that you're trying to make and you don't even know what you're talking about. And I remember thinking to myself like, oh, number one, I'm gonna limit my reach to some of these people

and not have them involved in my life. But then number two is, this is the death of discourse. Absolutely. Because now you're giving a microphone to people who have no idea which end to talk into. Yeah, that's right. It's exactly, yeah, yeah.

It's like, I mean, it's that canard about like playing chess with a pigeon. Yeah, man, yeah. You know? And you try to play chess with pigeons. The thing is like, guys like Trump realize,

they've seized upon, if there's any brilliance to Trump, The thing is, guys like Trump realize, they've seized upon it. If there's any brilliance to Trump, if there is any brilliance to Trump, is that he very astutely understands the imperfections and the weaknesses that allow him to sort of blast out the world with a thousand demands, a thousand bullshit claims, and all of them compete for attention at the same time. And because you can't possibly pay attention to all of them, there's no way that anyone has a flashlight as multifaceted as the bullshit that he spreads,

that some of it will continue, right? You can stomp out six cockroaches, but if they're all pregnant and one of them gets through, you're fine. You know, he has, I think, when I think about his brilliance, I think about the same brilliance that a rat that figured out in one of these bottles is cocaine, right? He's seen what works throughout his life. He's seen it work time and time and time again. And so he just does it. I don't think that he sat down and came up with a master stroke of a plan.

No, I don't either. But I do think that for his whole life, he's been able to shit vomit like a word salad out and a bunch of lies. And what people will do is they will latch on, especially in the last several years when he's become this sort of cultural icon of the right, they've latched onto

these one or two little things. And they've said, this is the explanation I needed. This is the only, and in this case, the explanation that they need is this explanation that Obama and Bush did the same thing. And it's been a lie and he's told this lie multiple times. And now the National Archives is just like, you are literally lying. Let us set you straight, but it's not going to matter because the retraction's always on page four. Yeah, and now the National Archives is deep state, right?

The problem too is that when you have a conspiracy that definitionally embraces all possibilities, every road, no matter how less traveled it may be, every road, no matter how less traveled it may be, every road always leads back to bullshit Rome with this conspiracy theory shit.

It's true, it's true. It's a real shame, but he's, and it's crazy that he's still able to get this message out there like that. So thanks for joining us. We appreciate you hanging out with us. We last week recorded a... Was it last week?

Two weeks ago? I don't know. Two weeks ago, the day you get this. I don't know exactly when it happened. At some point in the past or the double future present. We watched the January 6th thing.

We missed a week of live stream, but this upcoming week, we will be a week of, of, of live stream, but this upcoming week we will be recording or we'll be doing a live stream on YouTube, hopefully YouTube, Twitch,

and Facebook, but last time it didn't work out. Restream fucked us. Restream fucked up, so, but we want to thank everybody who joins us

for those. Come, come hang out. Come, come check those out. We're not going to read email this week because it's being recorded

in the future or in the past or something. We're not sure. At some point, Bill and Ted know, but we're not sure. Yeah, at some point,

I'm going to feed a letter into a mailbox that's an Ouroboros and it's going to read it back to me or something. I think I've got to tattoo this thing on my arm and read it backwards now.

I'm not even sure. I stare in the, every morning, I look at my new tattoos. It's just a whole thing. It's like 11 o'clock. It's like a whole thing. It's like 11 to 5 o'clock, guys. It's like a whole thing. So anyway, thanks for joining us.

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