Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 665: Vulgarity for Charity Part 3

Episode Date: January 23, 2023

Thanks for supporting Modest Needs during Vulgarity for Charity!   Show Notes  

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago and. This is Cognitive Distance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political,

and there is no welcome at. This is episode 665. I feel like this whole episode, Tom, is just one big drum roll to next week. That's what I feel. It is. I feel like that's what it is. This is the edging episode.

This is the penultimate moment before Satan. Well, you know, we've been talking for a long time about wanting to do something special for 666. And we're just going to tease this. We are going to make a very, very special announcement. Very special announcement. For 666. 666.

It's going to be very, very special. Very great. So great. So special. Tom and Cecil NFTs? Oh, shit. Of me as this fucking astronaut on Mars. Holy shit.

I want Cecil. I want NFTs of us. Okay. We'll have to announce it next time around. We have to get into the blockchain. We gotta get into the blockchain. Can we mint our own COG disk coin? I think we probably can.

Sure. Let's figure it out. We gotta think of something for next week anyway. Let's just do this off the air. We'll figure it out. We'll have this conversation about whether or not we can, sure. Let's figure it out. We got to think of something for next week anyway. Let's just do this off the air. We'll figure it out. We'll have this conversation about whether or not we can do it. I'm sure we can launch it by next week. How hard is it to do NFTs by next week?

Come on. If that Sam Bankman Freed or whatever can do it, anybody can do it. You seen that guy? I'm surprised that guy wears clothes. Come on. Holy shit. I think we should definitely launch our own crypto exchange

and steal the money and move to the Bahamas. Absolutely. No, I think we should steal the money and give it to Modest Needs. Speaking of which, Bulgarity for Charity later on in the show. So stick around because the scathing guys are joining us for Vulgarity for Charity at the end of the show today. And it's a long segment where we're nearing the end of this.

We're nearing the completion. We had a great time recording with them. So check it out at the end of the show today. Where does that meat come from? Really? What does that meat come from? I guess it comes from a cow from a cow it doesn't even look like meat so cecil we want to talk about this story from vice news um

this is this is something. Republicans want to fix the completely made up issue of aborted fetal tissue in food, Cecil. Yeah. In food. The subheading, by the way, is- What is this, zygote cheese?

What is that? That's delicious. I can't believe it's not babies amazing oh so good oh shit all right uh food does not contain aborted fetuses yeah but that hasn't stopped texas republicans from trying to regulate it. This is a Republican state senator, Bob Hall, introduced a bill to mandate

that food containing human fetal tissue be clearly and conspicuously labeled, Cecil. Yeah. So it's really not so much that they're trying to ban. It's just got to be labeled. It's just got to be labeled. It's just got to be labeled. Are they going to label it like they do with cigarettes

where there's like a lung or whatever on it? You know when you buy cigarettes, there's a big gross lung. They label everything with like one of those fake pictures they show of fetuses that they stand outside of the Planned Parenthood with. And they're like, you could be eating this. Anyway, that'll be $6.99.

Oh, you got a BOGO? You could have a second one. There you go. I got an abortive. I got a punch card. I get the seventh fetus sandwich. Oh, no. Punch card is not what you want with an abortion.

No, come on now. That's a discount abortion. That's how you do them at home. It's so funny that they don't want to stop selling it. It's not a legal thing anyway. You can't make a law because it doesn't exist and they're

literally not going to name it or label anything because none of it has any aborted fetal tissue in it, nor did they use, like, in testing the food, they didn't use tissue. What would they use to test food? Like, you're in your kitchen, and you're making a new, like, macaroni product or whatever,

and you're like, I think this is good. You know what? Taste this. Can you tell me, like, does it need a little more salt? Maybe, like, a human embryo? I can't tell what it's missing. It's tell me, like, does it need a little more salt? Maybe like a human embryo? I can't tell what it's missing. It's just got, it's got that little,

although this does open up, Cecil, this does open up at the grocery store, at my grocery store, I'm sure the same for you. At my grocery store, there's an aisle

for Italian food. There's an aisle for like, you know, Jewish food, kosher food. Sure. Absolutely, Tom. This is our moment, Cecil, of representation because now there can be an aisle of atheist food. Atheist. Which is where they put all the babies that you eat. Just like Pepsi or whatever that they said had aborted fetal cells in it. Do you remember this? It was like five or six years

ago. I do remember this. Where they had this big, it's like a dumb ass conspiracy. In fact, I found a Reuters article that has this idiot on Twitter who tweeted this thing out. And it said, flavor enhancers made from aborted fetal tissue are being eaten without the knowledge of consumers. Amounts of these flavor enhancers in food products

are below a certain threshold. So they don't have to be reported to the FDA for safety testing. But my favorite part of this whole thing is that there's a, he's got this, this shitty article from a fake, like a crappy health website, right? It's like a shitty,

but the picture for it is so good, Tom, I'm going to send this to you. So, and I'm going to describe what this picture is. So the picture is. So the picture is a deep fried baby. It's like if you go to Long John Silver's and you order a chicken strip,

it looks like someone cut a fetus, like the classic fetus outline of a chicken strip. It's so good. It's so good. It's like a baby, it's like a baby, baby color. It's amazing. Cecil, years and years ago when Jurassic Park came out, I don't know which one, Jurassic Park, whatever. I was working at a Burger King and like, I remember that you could go to the store, you go to Burger King and you get chicken tenders and they had reshaped them into dinosaur shapes.

And I remember thinking, isn't that a huge fuck you to that chicken? It really is to that chicken. They didn't respect that chicken's body at all. If you killed me and were going to eat me, but first you wanted to shape me like something else entirely.

It made you into an effigy of the rock. And then they ate you and you'd be like, but I wasn't the rock. entirely. It made you into an effigy of The Rock. But I wasn't The Rock. If they could shape me into The Rock, I would be okay with it. If they shaped me into The Rock, that'd be fine. If they shaped me into Steve Gutenberg or something, I'd be a little offended.

Or Eli. I'd be that guy who turns into the dog from Ghostbusters. I'm that guy who turns into the dog from Ghostbusters. I'm that guy. Rick Moranis, is that his name? Rick Moranis, yeah. I'm that guy. Oh, my God.

God, this stuff, though, Tom, is fucking so amazing that people, one, that people believe this, but then, two, this stuff just flies like wildfire, and it's because people hate the idea of abortion so much that they're willing to tack it onto other stuff. And this is like, you know how some people just have lifestyle choices? For some of these people,

being anti-abortion is their lifestyle choice. It literally directs every moment of their life. Yeah, man, it's their fucking identity. It is, yes. It is their identity. Exactly, exactly. And I think it's also fucking identity. It is. It is their identity. Exactly. And I think it's also the case that there are people who believe that abortion is so abhorrent that they think that if somebody could get an abortion or be okay with abortion, that there's no moral thing that they would not stoop to.

You know what I mean? So they're willing to their, to them, it would not beoop to you know what i mean so they're willing to their it to them it's it would not be a stretch if you're willing to lie if in their mind if you're willing to do this already terrible thing then of course you would eat a baby yeah right because it's like they've already vilified they've already cartoonishly vilified um the position of you know pro-choice yes they've already they've already made that such an outlandish concept. So in their minds, it's like, yeah, they'll fucking eat a baby.

Of course they will because they'll do this horrible shit and they'll do that horrible shit. You know, it's like, what won't those leftists do? Exactly. Exactly. You know, and it's like,

well, they sold embryo-shaped nuggets. I would buy the fuck out of them. I would buy these only. This would be all I would ever eat for the rest of my life. You know what kind of cheese you'd put on those? M-B-R-E-O. I want to touch on something you touched on real quick.

I just want to mention, they have been also painting this as a satanic ritual for a long time. And so they are doing this thing that they do in horror movies where somebody gets you to eat something and you turn into a demon or something. You know what I mean? Like it's that sort of like, they're going to scare you

because it's the Procter & Gamble thing, right? It's that Procter & Gamble thing all over again where you're buying satanic products and you don't know any better, but it doesn't matter because God's an asshole and he will throw you in hell for Tide. He will chuck you into the lake of everlasting fire if you bought bounce dryer sheets

and you didn't know it was satanic. He will take it out on you, and that's the thing is they think there's these evil companies that are tricking you by making you ingest this stuff, and they're making you unclean by ingesting this fake thing that they made up that is so absurd. It's QAnon absurd. Yes, it is.

It's adrenochrome absurd. Exactly. But I do have a question. All right. What dipping sauce? What dipping sauce would be the right dipping sauce? BBQ, BBQ. You know, I don't, personally, I don't eat the whole thing.

I just eat the baby back ribs. I want my baby back, baby back, baby back. I like my baby steaks aged 40 weeks. I like my baby steaks aged 40 weeks. This is so appalling. You'd have to dip it in something really egregious, though, like ranch. You know, just something horrible. Holy shit.

This is all collected. This explains why everything's gone fuck up. Everybody's been replaced by one of these. That's why no one recognized us. All right, so this next story, this is from Twitter. This is our friend Hank Kuhneman. He's got some theories.

He's got some thoughts. All right, so Tom, I'm going to play this for everybody. I'm going to play it in its entirety. So somebody just texted me a picture of the guy that they say is Biden. And I'm going to play it in its entirety. So somebody just texted me a picture of the guy that they say is Biden. And I'm going to be honest with you. It doesn't look, there's several pictures. It looks nothing like the guy that is Joe Biden. Now people say, oh, it's cosmetic surgery. I'm a cartoonist. I also, I also, and I'm being honest, I also am a portrait artist and I recognize features

and I can see features. And what is that? I'm telling you, this is very interesting because November 4th of 2020, God said 46 doesn't exist. I remember that. And I had a dream on November 4th. I was literally, I saw where they announced the election for this fake administration. And I saw what looked like the face of what we would call Joe Biden. And the voice of the devil spoke. In fact, his face changed. Remember I said, I don't know what's going on with his face, but it wasn't him. And little, listen, something's happening. I'm not, you say, well, that sounds like conspiracy. I don't listen to any of that stuff. I don't even listen to the news. I'm just looking at pictures that are sent to me. I went out and researched it myself, said, okay,

typed in what, and I'm like, come on, man, Come on, man. Come on, man. And so for one, the one Biden, all the years he had bluish green eyes. Now this new thing has brown eyes. So, you know, let's be honest. You know, I think we're being played. I love that somebody is just like coughing right in the middle of it. That's my favorite. The second half of this, he genuinely doesn't say anything no i listen to this i'm thinking what are you trying

to tell me and i i can't parse out what what is he trying to say i have i think he's trying to say that biden has been replaced and is a demon i think he's trying to say that Biden, who we think is Joe Biden, is no longer Joe Biden. That Joe Biden has been, does not exist, and has been replaced by a demon. And his evidence of this

is that he is a cartoonist and he knows, quote, knows features. Knows features? Because if you're not i guess if you're not a portrait artist or a cartoonist you don't know human features like i can't never you would never know i can't tell like a person from like a pillow i i can't or like a dog i can't what's the i can't tell i'm not a cartoonist I can't. What's the, I can't tell. I'm not a cartoonist. You know, I don't have that kind of expertise.

I can't tell you how many mannequins I've walked up to and try to get their phone number. You know, like try to like chat them up a little bit. For sure. Gary gives his phone number pretty easy. Actually. It's kind of. Pretty much anybody.

Yeah. Kind of everybody. Here's what I want to, I want to know the, the, the thought process on this. This is amazing. Cause he's basically like to know. The thought process on this is amazing because he's basically like,

yeah, so the greatest deceiver in the history of the universe is so bad at deceiving you that he can't remember what color Biden's eyes were before he replaced him. He's like, come on, man. We'll just kind of make him look like it. I don't know

if his face does one of those weird things where it's like, it's like a weird face. Wait, is that a weird face? I don't know. Because people are stupid and they're like, I don't need to put a lot of effort into this. I don't need to, like, I don't need to, I could phone this new Biden replacement in. It's not a big deal.

I'd put colored contacts in, but it always makes my eyes a little itchy. And I don't want, coming from hell, the sulfur in the air. Anyway, I don't want to put colored contacts. What? Wait, like,

your bit is, you've gone through all the effort of evidently killing and eating or whatever fucking Joe Biden. And then. Or feeding him enough fetal tissue so he becomes your slave. Whatever. One or the other.

And you get the eye color wrong. And you don't swing over and just buy some fucking $30 color clear contacts and chuck them in his old orbs. Somebody mentions it later. Yeah. You're like, oh, shit. You know what? His eyes are different. I didn't notice

that when I was putting it together. I gave him demon eyes. I didn't know if maybe he originally had demon eyes. I wonder if it's like the challenge for the devil where the devil just sees the devil can only look at a picture of Biden for like a minute and

then he's got to turn the portrait upside down and paint it upside down really quickly and then that sometimes it's close but it's not 100% you know alright I'm the devil and I have the power to create doppelgangers

out of demons but I also have to do it in a one of these things is not like the other format it's a sort of these things is not like the other format uh it's uh it's a sort of a demonic highlights magazine exactly we have to play what highlights magazine it's like oh no i see what the difference between but his eye color is oh you got it all right what's the difference between these two pictures?

Oh, man. Oh, and the toilet Biden is sitting on. One is a pull and one is a push lever. So that's how I get it. Yeah, right. That's how they're different. Yeah.

In one, Biden's holding a baby fritter. Yeah. And the other one, Biden's holding a... Yeah. Amazing. The toilet roll paper

with the toilet roll is backwards in one. It's forwards in the other. Can you spot the differences? Can you spot the differences? This guy is such an idiot. I love to, I love that this guy is just like,

they said there wasn't going to be a 46 president. So guys, there hasn't been. Everybody in the audience is like, oh. No, man, there's a 46 president. Even in your weird fucking idea, he's the demon. But he's a 46 president. Right. Yeah, like he's still governing.

Like he's still fucking signing bills into law. Like, you know, there's not, no matter how many times you listen to the Schoolhouse Rock video, there is not a carve out for if the president was replaced with a wrong eye demon. I'm just a demon. I'm just a demon looking to pass a law. God, what a fucking stupid human being Hank Kuhneman is. God. This guy is so dumb.

As dumb as Hank Kuhneman is, and for real, epically stupid, his audience is dumber than that. Because, right? Imagine that. Imagine that his? They are. Like, imagine that. Imagine that his audience has to be dumb enough

because he knows these things didn't happen, right? He knows he's making it up. Oh, he's making it up. He's literally making up as he goes along. He can't even tell the story because he hasn't made it up yet.

Right. So you can tell that he's fumble-fucking around for what the next piece of his bullshit narrative is going to be but his audience is dumber than that yeah man they don't even they just like are these people this is why there can't be that many of them right tom i want you to i want you to reassure me here and say there can't be that many of them, right? I would love, but I can't. I can't.

And I think back, Cecil, to when you suggested that like leaders of this country come from like a national lottery system. You've chosen it random. And I think, man, it's like the dipshits on a goddamn jury. You know, you ever, you ever listen? I listen. I don't think you do. I listen to true crime. I don't think you listen to a true crime podcast. I don't, I listen to some true crime podcast. And every once in a while they will, I listened to the ones where like they exonerate people a lot. Like, so, um, I listened to one called proof not that long ago and I was listening to, or maybe it was a different, I don't remember. Anyway, I was listening to a true crime podcast, and they interviewed some of the people on the jury, Cecil.

And it's like, your jaw will hit the floor when these people start talking about what convinced them. And you're like, oh, we need a different system. We can't do that. We can't keep doing this. I feel like the jury system should have been like immediately thrown away after the first juror was like interviewed ever. Like 1776 and a half. Right. Like we do.

We seat our first jury. They make their decision, then the fucking Pittsburgh Gazette or whatever shows up and they're like, all right, you know, tell us why you made this choice. And then immediately after that interview, we're like, all right, no jury. That's obviously a bad idea. We made it.

That's terrible. Hold on though. I'm going to push back here. We elected Trump. And do you think Trump is dumber than anybody you listen to on that podcast? I don't think he is. I think he is.

I think he's just as dumb, if not dumber, than some of those people who are like, this is a guy who didn't even sit to listen through and accuse the fucking Central Park Five, right? So he's clearly a stupid person. Yeah, you're absolutely right. So, you know, what are you getting?

What's the benefit? What's the, we already elected people. We elected George W. Bush. If that guy can tie his shoes, I would be blown away. I would be blown away. He seriously is a howdy-doody puppet with no brain. I cannot believe. That is an excellent counterpoint.

He is. And this is what, Tom? Two of the last leaders of the last four. Yeah. All right. So look, that's an excellent counterpoint. I've got literally nothing.

I've got literally nothing. I mean, you will fucking, and I was talking about it for the Senate. I wasn't talking about it for the presidency. I was talking about it

for the Senate. You'll just be like, fuck it, let's go random because it's better than just trolls for a living to just have somebody be like, you know what? It's fucking Joe down the street's turn. He's going to be in here for six months. He has to do like, he gets sequestered and he's got to do six months worth of reading legal bills

for six months and either he votes for it or he doesn't. It's not, it's no different. It's not like Marjorie Taylor Greene understands what she's reading either, right? It's not like that anyway. You're not wrong. You're not wrong. So that's why I'm saying,

I don't, I think it's, I was saying it with hyperbole. It's a joke more than anything else. But in some way, I'm like, you know what, man, I'd be willing to give it a shot at this point. I guess I just like, you know what? Man, I'd be willing to give it a shot at this point. I guess I just like, I listen to Hank and I just think like, as dumb as the grifters are,

the grifties have to be dumb. The grifties are, oh, and you could get a grifty. You could easily get a grifty. I mean, we talked about how much people believe in QAnon in this country, right? How much do they believe in QAnon? You could, there's like a 40% chance you'll get a QAnon in this country, right? How much do they believe in QAnon? You could, there's like a 40% chance you'll get a QAnon-er.

But how is that different from 50% of the government right now being QAnon-ers? I don't know. But I just want it to be. You know what I mean? I just need it to be. I need it to be.

I don't know how we... I know how you change it, man. I don't know how we... Yeah. I know you change it, man. I don't know what you do. I think the only way to do it is to have some sort of test for office that is more than just you got somebody to sign your fucking petition at Juul

because we had a Nazi on the ballot here in Illinois because of that. I know, I know. Only can we stand outside of supermarkets and have somebody sign it? And he never told them who he was. He would just stand outside and they're like, oh, here's some doddering old dude who's,

I'm sure he's fine. I'll just sign this thing. Who cares? And he's a Nazi. I know, fuck. See, and I think that that is it, right? And we talked about that idea on the show before too. Like the antidote needs to be like rigorous qualifications for office. The qualifications for office now are essentially set to the lowest possible level. And that's intentional. It's very intentional that it should be the sort of everyman. And I think that when the Constitution was written, the everyman concept

made more sense than it does in a complex world like we have now. The world that we live in now is just way more complicated, way more complex. And the decisions that can be made by any one country can ripple across the world in a way that they couldn't before. And we just need to recognize that and be like, all right, look, we're not going to get the best and the brightest if we don't control for the not best and the brightest. Yeah, man.

Yeah. It should be harder to get into the U.S. Senate than it is to get into Harvard. I just really think- It should be harder- I think so too. Yeah. You should be like, holy shit.

It should be some like Pete Buttigieg Rhodes Scholar level shit where you speak six languages and you got three degrees and you can run a fucking Tough Mudder in 12 minutes. That'll never happen though. I know. Because what they'll say is they'll be like, no, then they learned a bunch of stuff at these liberal colleges and now they're coming in here and they're going to turn our country liberal

because they want every man. They want a guy who's an every man. And that's the problem is that they're going to say, and here's the thing, I don't think there's anything wrong with an every man if he's accomplished, right? If he has the chops to be somebody who understands and contends with this stuff.

I'll tell you right now, most of those people in there, I mean, they're passing bills in some of these newer bills. These people don't understand what they're doing. They don't get it. And again, we talked about it earlier with this fetal tissue. This is a performative bill. It has no bearing on reality. It's 100% performative.

So like they're just wasting our tax. That's literally a waste of tax dollars. That guy is getting paid to waste our, and that's not my money, it's Texas's money, but it's their money. It's somebody in Texas's money. They paid that money so that guy could sit in a fucking air conditioned office

and write up a stupid fucking made up fairy tale and then pass it on the house floor. Like that's a waste of our resources. When we could be doing things to better society in general, we're spending time in a weird, dumb. And this is, you know, what I would consider like a culture war item. Right. And that's based on their ideas. Right. Of what they think a culture war item, right? And that's based on their ideas, right? Of what they think a culture war thing is. Yeah. I don't anymore believe that we will arrive at any of

the solutions we need to arrive at because of exactly what you articulated, right? Because we're going to spend our time passing or trying to pass nonsense laws, or we're going to spend our time like passing or trying to pass nonsense laws, or we're going to spend our time cock blocking the other team from getting a victory on like basic government governing, like, you know, raising the debt ceiling, right? We're going to, we're going to, this is how we're going to spend our time. We're going to spend our time. And we are in a moment of, I think we are in a moment of real existential crisis as a world and as a nation. And we are in a moment of, I think, we are in a moment of real existential crisis as a world and as a nation. And we have to do real important shit right now. This is real important shit to do time that we're living in.

And every day we don't do it, our window to do that shit closes or narrows and narrows and narrows. And there will come a time when it closes. And once it closes, it won't matter what we do anymore everything it'll just be a matter of degrees literally Well, that music can mean only one thing. It's time to welcome back to the show Eli and two guys who tolerate Eli, Heath and Noah. Yeah, our moms are all friends. They make us hang out with them. Right.

But, like, I don't even have a Super Nintendo. I'm that kid, but I'm using your Super Nintendo. That's the... Right. Super Nintendo. Right. And demanding that you get a turn and then telling us that, you know, you're only losing because our left controller is glitchy.

I don't want to switch. I don't want to switch now. All right. Let's start off with some thanks. We want to give a shout out to all those people who gave money and didn't want to switch. I don't want to switch now. All right, let's start off with some thanks. We want to give a shout out to all those people who gave money and didn't want anything in return. You are the real heroes. Yes, you are.

So big thanks to Celeste, Ty, Orion, Henry K, Jay, Christopher, Kathy S, and April. And another round of thanks to Michael A, Thomas, Blake, who is also described as Heath's puppet master's somewhat older brother. Also, A., Aaron S., and Chase. And we'd also like to thank those people who threw in a ton of cash without a roast request. Huge thanks to Sarah M., Mary D., Troy, and Elvis Mason and Sharon Hogan. Thank you guys so much. And another round of major donors.

Mark Z, Andy L, Michael M, and I think, therefore, I gam, Radon N, and Jeannie. All right, let's kick this whole thing off. Eli, Andrew C specifically asked you to roast the concept of monogamy. Yeah. So, you know when you have a delicious meal and you think to yourself man i want to eat this and only this meal exactly every day every meal for the rest of my life ever i want all food i ever eat in my whole life ever to be this and nothing but this and if

I even think about eating another meal I want the chef of that meal to just cry hysterically and sob for six straight days and vomit and they go to their mom's house and then they take me to court

and then they take half my money and my children away. Also, you're all having midnight snacks. All of you. You're all midnight snacking it up and I want you to know we see you're fucking lying.

What if you really can only make one meal though? You're not qualified to make any other meal. This is a solid counterpoint. Some of us are monogamous against her, with Cecil. I'm an in-mon. They're all in-mons, Cecil.

All right, Heath. Citizen Gold requested you to roast all the people who want you to roast their dogs. God, so boring. Learn how fucking comedy works. This is so boring. Heath, I want you to perform a rap song including the N-word,

and then right after that, roast the free speech problem in the country. What the fuck is wrong with you? That was my request. Okay, Noah, here's one. I would like for you to roast every bigot who says he's acting on behalf of white cishet men. Yes, yes. Those brave many finally giving voice to the voiceful. Speaking up for the fucking, I don't know, the fucking uptrodden souls that are forever trapped in a cycle of affluence.

Look, nothing betrays the lie behind white supremacy like the terror white supremacists express at the thought of a level playing field, right? Cishet white guys have been in charge for at least the last 400 years and look how bad they fucked it up. History itself is telling you to sit down and shut up. charged for at least the last 400 years and look how bad they fucked it up history itself is telling you to sit down and shut up so sit down and shut up all right hey hey tom i have one for you here a little close to home eric j would like you to

roast your mayor aurora illinois's own richard irvin richard irvin is the worst kind of shill a spineless coward whose political career is marked not even by the convictions of evil but by the expedient agreement with those managing his image who richard irvin is changes with the wind he is a bandwagon on its way to nowhere an unprincipled craven loser whose ambition is the only thing he truly believes in so i guess in other words he's republican yeah it's just pldr gop wow okay so i'm looking through Cecil. I don't see any requests for you. Okay, all right. So anyway, this person here didn't specify, so that's probably the same.

That'll do. Yeah, that's the same thing. It's like asking me by name. Go ahead. That'd be weird if they said not Cecil. I can't imagine that's what happened. That would be crazy. Maybe next year a bunch of people will say not Cecil,

but like I never heard this year. I mean, thank you. Shelly H didn't say not Cecil, and she would like someone to roast. Anybody who believes introverts would be happier if they became extroverts. Thank you so much. Oh my God.

Every time I'm forced to be around a crowd of you, I have to sequester myself for like three days just to recuperate, man. After hanging out with all of you i have to sequester myself for like three days just to recuperate man after hanging out with all you i have to get in a dealing with all your non-sensory deprivation tank let me tell you man telling introverts they would enjoy life more if they were extroverts is like telling a gay person they might like being straight if all they have to do is just try it out all right eli another special request dustin w would like you to roast the worst magic act you've ever seen, likely excluding your own.

Ooh. Just brutal. Hard fall. All right, so I've talked before on our shows about Ed Ripley's Cups and Balls. You can YouTube it. It's a magical hate crime where he does a hip hop rap. No, no, no, no.

But it is not the worst magic act I've ever seen. Instead, I would like to tell you the story of the time I saw The Cheat. So I'm not going to say this guy's real name, but he is blind and does very complicated long gambling routines. Tim Robertson.

He's also an evangelical Christian, so you don't have to feel too bad for him. He deserves to be blamed, really. Not Tim Robertson. He showed up late and didn't bring his poker table with him, and the table they gave him was a little too small. So I watched him deal cards off the end of a table onto the floor for one

Christian hour without any adjustments. Doesn't he have supersonic hearing to be able to tell? Yeah. And then he'd be like four aces. And we'd be like, all the cards are on the ground, man. And he'd be like,

that reminds me of another story it's the craziest thing that's ever happened to me jesus christ all right heath this one is a double up request both kdp and brandon h would like you to roast carrie lake oh such a good pick all right quick little backstory on carrie. She was a Republican until 2006 and then became an independent. Then she registered as a Democrat exactly one day after Obama won the Iowa caucuses in 2008. Oh, my God. She said that she left the GOP because of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. She did that in 2006, to be clear.

But then she switched back to the Republican Party again in 2012. Like, I was with the Axis in 39, but then the Allies in 41. Then the Axis in 42, 43, 44. But no, no, no, definitely, totally totes allies in 45 all the way it's like that but dumber because she forgot to stop supporting fucking hitler trump last year and she lost the election for arizona governor she's a republican in the dumbest possible way and that is hard to do also it looks like she's always trying to return sushi at customer service with no receipt. All the time.

All right, Tom, this is a great one. Another special request. Excellent pick by Dylan. Roast modern law enforcement. Yeah, modern law enforcement is beset by a problem it cannot overcome. It believes in a world of good guys and bad guys. And if you think in these terms, this kind of childlike binary, you cannot be the solution, but only the problem. Get stuck talking to a cop for any length of time and you'll hear this

nonsense repeated over and over. But here's the thing, even they don't believe it. Modern law enforcement is the formalization and weaponization of racist yeehawism. It's adrenaline junkie monster energy culture with a V8 engine and a cudgel. The same dumb fuck losers with inferiority complexes you hated in high school.

The can't be wrong, push your buttons to watch you react types. The ones who need to control everyone and everything around them to calm the insistent voice nibbling away in the back of their minds, reminding them that they are not good enough. These are the fools bounding about town

with guns on their hips. And here's how you know their stories about who they are, are chest-thumping self-aggrandizement and lies. To a one, they are afraid, pants-shittingly afraid of one thing a camera because the harsh lens of reality is the one thing they can't falsify in their next report and the one thing that shows their tiny napoleonic shrinking dicks for all the world to see film the cops everywhere

always all right noah here's a great request how about you take on joe rogan oh for megan and uh so i was running a little bit behind uh can you guys just copy and paste in the stuff i said about speaking in on behalf of cishet white guys again but no but so okay but jo, Joe, the job is put face near microphone, speak in a language, any language. That's the whole entire job. We know between the five of us, we got a half century's experience added on this panel and then some. You're playing a child version of who wants to be a millionaire with grown up size prizes and you have infinite phone of friends and you're still constantly losing i'm not smart i don't know shit i get to choose the subject and google it beforehand and then look at my fucking notes the whole time i'm talking it's an open book test where the only question is what

book is that and you keep failing at it just stop oh so good oh man all right here's another good one cecil james c is asking for a roast of andrew tate andrew tate tells all his followers that dude should be tough independent and alpha but then they all pay him for a scam university every month so he can be their sugar baby. It's like really confusing, man. Also, he looks like Pure Flix Morpheus. Like if you watch him, 100%. It's like if Ben Shapiro's wife's

dry vagina came to life, man. He looks like AI art that someone made with the parameters VD and weak chin. Alright, Noah, how about a roast of Southern Baptism for Caldwell? Oh, thank you, Caldwell. Okay, so yeah, so you know why we have Southern Baptism

as distinct from just regular Baptist, right? It's because in 1845, the Baptist church split over a dispute about slavery. Southern Baptist was created because they needed a place to put the people who were too racist for regular Baptist. In 1845.

Okay. And there is literally no doctrinal difference at the core of Southern Baptism that distinguishes it from the other forms of Protestant other than we're more racist though. And it's America's largestant denomination by more than double over the fucking methodists that tracks i'm so sorry could you just actually paste

in my white supremacy bit here too we can just get a three for embeds all right eli real easy one for you here roast nurses who refuse the covet 19 Okay, so I just want to say on the outset, we all agree, probably no profession more overworked or underappreciated than nurses. You are heroes. You're the third best lover of all the professions. We're very grateful. You're going to have to circle

back for one or two after this. That does not change that you're basically medicine butlers, okay? Just look. What? You went to night school. Take the shot. I'll tell you when Mr. Kroganberger needs another sponge bath, okay?

But look, look, look. I don't blame them, okay? Because if I was as good at finding the vein as most of the nurses I've met, I'd be afraid of needles too. They'd be like, oh no. You're not stabbing me with that thing 150 times. What are one and two most fuckable professions? I refuse to say.

Interesting. It's podcasting. Podcaster is number one, obviously. And assistant podcaster. Fiddle player. Cigar store. Indian. All right, Heath. How about a roast of kyle rittenhouse for

holly and their co-workers oh excellent yeah kyle rittenhouse he's the answer that kanji brown jackson could have given when ted cruz asked her about the existence of a racist baby he's he like he seriously he looks like i typed racist baby into dolly that's exactly, he looks like I typed racist baby into Dali. That's exactly what he looks like. It's like Melania Trump did a Nazi spell on Plato and it came to life somehow. He's Clay, Clay, Claymation. Oh, Captain, my Captain. Amazing.

Amazing. All right, Tom, here's a fun one for you roast billionaires for carrie boo and metal adam carrie boo what's up all right look a billion is a crazy it's a crazy number that number doesn't even make sense when we're talking about money look imagine if you had a hundred million dollars that that seems like a lot of money, right? And it is, it is an unbelievable amount of money. And it is nothing. If you are a billionaire, if you had a billion dollars and you put it today in a fucking savings account, you would make 37 and a half million dollars a year just in your savings account from a savings account. Nobody needs a billion dollars for anything. It is actually impossible to need a billion dollars. It can't actually do anything

for you anymore that literally a 10th of that same amount of money can't do. I mean, there's nowhere you can't go and nothing you can't have with a 10th of $1 billion. Having a billion dollars makes you a dragon. That is what it makes you. And it makes you a monster, a hoarder of resources. To have a billion dollars means that you know you live in a world where you are not satisfied to be just unimaginably, impossibly wealthy while others suffer and die. But you also want to make sure you have the best possible seats to watch as they do.

To be a billionaire is to stand on the backs of better men, even as their spines crack and to masturbate with their tears. I would say we should eat the rich, but I am convinced that they are too rotten to eat. say we should eat the rich, but I am convinced that they are too rotten to eat. Instead, we should cast them before us in the public square to be torn apart by the masses until their blood paints the cobblestones in Minecraft. Nice. Alright, Cecil, can you roast hoarding for Rachel R.? Look, look, I get it.

When you grow up poor, you tend to keep things longer than you should. It's a nice Subaru. Okay, wait. But you don't need that person-high stack of little styrofoam trays that ground beef comes on at the supermarket, right? I mean, what's the end game here? You're not going to serve food on it. I mean, everyone knows it's a ground beef tray you're giving gonna serve food on it i mean everyone knows it's a ground beef tray you're

giving them with food on it and are you thinking like after the apocalypse there's gonna be a staggering lack of ground meat holders that you're gonna just have to have are you making zombie production scale mail out of meat foam i mean because it doesn't sound practical that's all i'm saying man just let someone throw those away. And that cat box that hasn't been changed since the late 90s. Throw that away, too. Well, you know what that sound means. It's time for our Spikening

Round. And we once again return to dysfunctional families. For this roast, I would like you to tell us what this shitty family member is arguing with you about over a holiday meal. All right, first up, Noah, what is Wendy O's brother Scott all worked up about? Oh, hold on. Let me check the blaze and see what he thinks about current events. He's apparently going to be arguing about how true freedom has always been defined by access to gas stoves and

he'll be citing some very convincing memes in his defense all right eli how about captain fantastic's ex-stepdad tony oh tony tony looks like joe rogan's post chemo mugshot right i have to assume the argument would be yes there is a picture of me that exists captain fantastic had to take a screenshot of a screenshot to get a single photo of this miserable useless excuse for a human being and captain fantastic don't worry about that argument because you and i both can't wait till the glorious day when you log into his facebook after he dies don't worry the password is password and delete the last remaining evidence of his existence from this earth like a satisfying tiktok cleaning video all right see so what about kaylee's dad chip is that right his name is chip it's dad, Chip? Is that right? His name is Chip? It's Chip.

It says Chip. What? Okay, all right. That's your dad. I thought it was a close-up of a hematoma. Didn't know. Okay. He looks like an allergic reaction you should definitely go to the emergency room for. He's probably arguing with Kaylee that the most oppressed people in this country are

old white guys that look like medical-grade swelling. I think that's what he said. Tom, you're up next. What are the other Mike's parents, Dave and Leanne, shouting about? Dave and Leanne are just shouting. It doesn't matter why. The point of them now is just this. It is the shout, the bellow, the endless belligerence.

And they are so tragically unselfaware. They don't even know that they are shouting in a fucking void, shouting themselves, in fact, into the past. They are shouting into the muffled blank space in their own chest where their hearts used to be. And nobody is listening. All right, to close out the spiting round,

Heath, what is Robin H's dad, Eric, arguing with them about? Okay, I've never been more certain based on a photo. Moments ago, this man was 100% definitely complaining like, I went to this Disney movie by myself and I got kicked out. It was fucking ridiculous. And over the pants should not count. That's technically illegal.

No. God. not count that's technically legal no god okay before we move completely away from families tom how about you fulfill a special request roast for jenna w and roast their mother renee renee is a catholic in 2023 this is a feat of moral cognitive dissonance so severe it seems entirely possible that that is in fact what caused her stroke. I mean, she believes in the holy water and the sanctity of church and sin and confession. And I just, I don't even know anymore how people like this get out of bed in the modern world. I don't. Renee's life is filled with like magic spells and incantations that her priest said totally came true and all

she has to do now is to die and forfeit the one life she actually has so she can reap the reward of having had you know tap water sprinkled on her face after magic words were recited nearby look let her have the delusion it's a fantasy it doesn't matter that it's nonsense that it's untrue that she is in fact larping away the precious moments of her life minute by minute indeed when the hypocrisy and judgment seem too much to bear from her realize how sad she must be to prefer the fantasy of her death over the reality of her life wow all right now we move into big dollar donors everyone could take a crack at these roasties nick s donated morning show noises for like right after tom's done like a fart noise or like a horn like

yeah there's always an awkward silence it really is it really is tom you can really squeeze them out of us i I'll send you the... That's good comedy. Awkward silence is good comedy. Awkward silence. Half our show, Tom. I'll send you the Is That My Daughter In There clip.

We use it at every moment that's over on our shows. All right. Let's everyone take a crack at these roasties. Nick S. donated 500 bucks for us to roast people who think it is okay

to walk a dog without a leash. Yeah. I'm sure your dog is very sweet, but he can't stop jumping on me when I'm trying to just jog by. He's gotten more mud on me than there's left on the trail itself, and he smells like someone wiped their ass with a rotting sea turtle. How does he smell like that? Hey, leashless dog people, don't leash your dog for my protection. Do it for your dog's protection. Because I have a two-year-old and I don't want him to be the explain the scar guy for the

rest of his life. So if I see a dog off a leash, I'm smooshing it like a spider. Your dog's friendly. I'm not. Keep your dog over there. Keep it over there. I'll squish it. Okay, I reject all the leash dog stuff, but if we're doing leash laws, I feel like we should be a lot more focused on boyfriends and husbands like they're bothering people at bars

and restaurants who never asked to talk to them they're trying to establish dominance with weird posturing all the fucking time barking at black people from their porch. Anyone who ever owned an Ed Hardy shirt needs to get Cesar Milland all the time. Just like pinch thing. All right. Corin C would like us to rip the US immigration system. Ah, yes. A system that allowed every single 9-11 hijacker,

but not a boat full of people escaping literal war. You don't have a system system you have a fence-based genocide and true the u.s immigration system is intentionally broken it's designed to create migrant workers who are forced to live in fear underpaid and under the table exploited because we never really abolished slavery we just rebranded it packaged it to make it more palatable for more supposedly refined white tastes migrant workers work harder in a single stretch of the late part of any given afternoon than most of us ever have and america does not deserve them yeah it's true you're here no that's exactly it right because the question

at the heart of our immigration service has always been, how can we exploit you while still excluding you? Yes. We're terrified of fucking 900 problems that a humane immigration system would fix, but we're just as terrified of pressing one for English, I guess. And so we perpetuate this. Our immigration system is like our justice system for people who don't live here. That's what it is. our immigration system is like our justice system for people who don't live here a jim and mark donated 712 dollars for us to roast dinesh de souza cool yeah i should give six more weeks a winner thanks obama that right there that's your entire fucking career in seven

words because you look like punxsutawney goddamn Phil. Amazing. But there's not six more weeks of winter. Right, yeah, right, right, yeah, exactly. He says it in August. Yeah, so Dinesh D'Souza lost his job as the president of King's College when he got caught having an affair because, and I swear this is true, he took his mistress to a Christian convention

and introduced her to everybody as his fiancee while he was married and google existed dinesh d'Souza is jerry falwell jr without the panache not quite as smooth like years ago i remember seeing debates with dinesh d'Souza back when i used to watch those things and i remember at the time thinking who and now when his name comes up i just think why both valid questions slaves who fought for the south in the civil war talk shit about dinesh d'Souza. They're like, okay. This guy.

Dinesh D'Souza sounds like an entree at a hipster restaurant where they serve some uninspired slop, but it's super avant-garde because the bowl they serve it in is a French horn. D'Souza. Nice. D'Souza.

Thank you, Heath. Scott S. Sends $750 for us to go after Jenna Ellis. The most convincing argument her legal team made was when Rudy Giuliani audibly ripped a fart while talking to the judge. A fart, mind you, so loud, it was caught on the podium, Mike,

and he was sitting down. Again, National Archives. Really crazy loud fart. Right there. mic and he was sitting down again national archives yeah really crazy right there okay you kind of need a picture of her up to notice this but jenna's hair look at all the pictures of her hair all of her hair looks like she lets her stylist know she won't be tipping exactly halfway through every blowout it It just stops. It stops. So Jenna Ellis started her legal career as a deputy district attorney in Weld County, Colorado,

where her duties included and were limited to handling misdemeanor crimes like traffic shit. And after six months of making egregious mistakes at the very simplest level of attorneying, she was fired for gross incompetence she managed to go from that more than a humble beginning to being fired by the president for gross incompetence that is an impressive career arc and faye 713 gave the same for a rose to the dictator of our choice vladimir putin shirtless on a horse it's so silly it's the silliest possible choice he chose this for a photo op and it's so

fucking stupid he looks like a dying centaur doing an ad for skin tag liniment by old spicer and he chose that oh god my favorite dictators are the uh bolsonaro and trump's of the last year like the dumb shit populist cretin losers whose attempt to strangle the respective democracies ended in failures so catastrophic that when all the other evil dictators get together at their like history's greatest monsters conventions trump and bolsonaro are at home crying their fucking dictator fomo eyes out all right um asaius efwerki somehow manages to have a cult of personality without having a personality which is almost impressive so the the eritrean dictator has a long list of crimes against humanity at this point.

And while I'm sure it's not on the top of the list, his mustache is certainly on there somewhere. Right? It looks like the car exhaust was a fungus. Yep. Yeah. If Kim Jong-un gets any fatter, his country's going to get confused

and half-heartedly launch him into the South Korean ocean. So be careful, my guy. All right. Moving up to the $1,000 gold platinum diamond level members. Jamie M wants a roast of Florida. The last time I was there, I got to watch the Jaguars in one of the greatest comebacks in NFL history. So Florida has heard a temporary pass. Yeah, that's fair.

Okay, there are many reasons to which cartoons are real, but the most important reason is that Bugs Bunny would have used a handsaw to hack off Florida and let it float into the Gulf. That's the most important reason. Florida's the dangling shit that Georgia just can't pinch off no matter how hard they try. You just want to

wipe it away, but then that would ruin your perfectly good taint full of swamp ass and you don't want to do that either. And Alabama has its own problem, so you don't want to make it worse for them. Florida is the state people flock to die in like a sick cat

crawling under the stairs. Jesus Christ. It's a state so undesirable that its modern history is replete with land frauds based on selling actual land in Florida. Like, that's true. There is a long history of scams where people buy land in Floridaida from a grifter thinking they had bought something valuable only to discover that they had actually just bought land in florida here's here's how shitty florida is the best people in florida the best people in florida are old jews yes yelling at people to shower before they get into the pool

jews that's your best and brightest florida old ones all right cecil this one's for you how about a roast of comcast for liam also anyone else that may want to pile in here as well okay i'm old so i remember when you had to dial up the phone to call the internet it'd make this like weird sound and then you'd get connected but then like mid-game someone in your house would just pick up the phone and that sound would totally fuck your internet up and things would freeze up having comcast is the exact same kind of internet except now the guy on the phone has to walk you through a 38-step flowchart

to tell you that he has no idea which phone is off the fucking hanger. Comcast is perfect proof that we need to try turning civilization off and then back on again. You know, but wait. Let's wait 15 seconds. Or just off again.

Okay, a little different kind of rose for this 1200 donors scott l would like us to say the nicest things about the knowledge fight guys but make it sound like a roast since neither of them can handle compliments okay the knowledge fight guys are the best yeah seriously the best of them if tom and cecil magically merged with Bert and Ernie and then and then two entirely different guys from Chicago started a successful podcast that's Jordan and Dan yeah I

gotta say I'm impressed Dan and Jordan are funny for the entire 11 hour run of each of their podcast episodes they they remain funny for longer than I could remain sleeping without

urinating at this point. I just want to point out, Dan's beard is a masterpiece and the very least squalid thing about him. Okay? The very least squalid thing. Dan and Jordan, they really are. They're such talented, smart, funny guys that even podcasting

live from the set of this year's Hoarders doesn't hurt their show a bit. All right, to wrap it up, a dealer's choice for JC donated $1,750 for us to roast whoever or whatever we want. Oh, I have such a fun one for this.

I am going to roast the unknown better on DraftKings.com that lost $1.4 million betting against my Jaguars last Saturday. What? Okay, so it's even worse than you think. DraftKings lets you keep betting through the game, and there's this running tally of what the bet will pay out. So this dude checks in 27 minutes into the game when the Chargers are up 27 to nothing, and the Jags would need to pull off the third biggest comeback in NFL postseason history to win.

And he sees that there still is an anemic payout of 0.8% of the amount wagered. Oh, no. Yes. So this is amazing. Thinking that he had just out-statisticed a computer and discovered the secret to free fucking money. He wagered $1.4 million that they would continue on to win the game for a potential payout

of $11,200. Right? It's a small amount as a percentage of $1.4 million, but still, it's a lot of fucking money. It's more money than I've ever won on a bet. But it turns out that the reason that DraftKings offers that is because they're better at math than this asshole. And they realize that 99.2% is a lower number than 100%.

And the Jaguars did pull off the greatest comeback in franchise history. And the guy who doubted them the most lost a million and a half fucking dollars. Oh, your loss brings me almost as much joy as the Jaguars win. And I was at the fucking game, bro. Amazing. Anything we want. Fantastic. Hey, developers

who made Miles Morales. Great game. First of all, great game. I can web sling around New York in perfect high def. i can beat up evil criminals with my ninja acrobatics and amazing gadgets with impossible cool nanotech loving it just one quick note um where's the regular person walking like i can't be the only player who told you i want to grind that delightful momentum to a screeching halt and be a journalist who walks for 30 minutes at a time as part of the game.

Oh, wait. Hold on. I'm playing right now. Never mind. I found it. Oh, shit. I'm walking as not Spider-Man right now. This is the best. Oh, I can crouch, too. You can crouch. Well, not with a button. It just happens like you crouch if you stop.

But still, great stuff. No notes. Sorry. Withdrawn from earlier. You know what I can't fucking stand right now? Top secret documents. I don't fucking believe in them anymore. They're not real. They're not. There's no such thing. Oh, you're top secret? You're classified?

No. That's nonsense. That is all made up. How fucking top secret can anything be if nobody seems to know where they are when they walk the fuck off set? All the secrets of our spies and our nuclear shit and whatever that you always like thought

was under lock and key and behind like a endless series of get smart doors. Nope. No. No. Some old man's garage or tucked away in like a no girls allowed clubhouse or whatever that's where that shit is a fucking pair of doddering septuagenarians can evidently just like fold up a list of foreign assets like a note pass between classes and tuck it away with their old man pocket square and somehow like alarms and

klaxons and shit don't go off because none of that's real none of it i am now convinced that spies spies are just guys who like when asked to return secret shit just refuse to make eye contact like they're avoiding other passengers on a Southwest flight boarding. Okay. Hey, people who say you can't use enough garlic. Yes, you fucking can. You want to know how I know? You ever sit down with a big bag of peeled garlic cloves and chomp some down while you're watching the game?

No? Would that be too much garlic? Yeah. You can add too much garlic yeah you can add too much garlic you fucking bore you know what your food is when you triple and quadruple the level of garlic and everything you make your food is a distressed metal live laugh love sign it's boring it's monotonous it's one note it's predictable it's fucking basic learn about balance learn about enhancing flavor how learn about other flavors it's a fucking aromatic it's not a lifestyle all it takes man to be a thousand percent better cook is to throw away your

security blanket of way too much garlic it's either that or you can spend the rest of your life as a terrible cook where all you do is cover your failures by burying them in heaps of garlic like one of Tony Soprano's dead relatives. All right. And I will take patreon.com. That's right.

The very means by which I feed my baby. Don't get me wrong, Patreon. I love your Escher-esque user interface and heroin addict who borrowed money from you payment schedule. But if you send me one more fucking email, ask me to participate in

another survey about whether the newest desperate cash grab your consultants convinced you to try is a good idea, I'm gonna take your office hostage. You're the fucking rake, Patreon. All you have to do is keep being the

rake. You don't have to play cards. You just have to be the rake. I don't need you to be YouTube. I don't need you to be Twitch. I don't need you to be fucking FitPod. Just put the things that I make you money on on the internet

and then spend my money, you hipster loons. Also, nobody wants to start on their patron page. Why would someone check their patron page more than their creator page? You absolute idiot. Jesus, why would you do that? So stupid. You absolutely idiot. Jesus. Why would you do that?

So stupid. I see you support nothing. Would you like to start here every time? God, you're the worst. I'll kill all of you. I'll kill all of you with a hatchet if I could get away with it. All right. Well, with that, we're going to wrap up for today. Jesus Christ.

Did you always let it go on one sentence too long? Wow, just one sentence too long. Awesome. Thanks for joining us, guys. Thanks so much, guys. We're the Hatchet! So, I'd like to thank our patrons. Of course, I'd like to thank all our patrons. I'd like to thank our newest patrons,

Stephan, or Stephen, Kathy Soul, and the people who upped their pledges, Tom and Justin. Thank you so much for your generous donations. We want to thank everybody who participated in our patron survey. Next week, we're going to have some special announcements based on that.

So be sure to tune in. We are also for a couple of weeks going to suspend our live stream schedule so we can do our planning stuff that we are planning to do. So we won't be live streaming for the next couple of weeks, but we will let you guys know when we start back up again. But we are going to take a short break from live streaming because we have a couple of things that we're going to announce and a couple of things that we're going to do.

So we want to make sure that you know that we're not going to be live streaming. We will let you know when we start that back up again, though. We will announce it on the show when it's going to start back up, but don't expect one next week or the following week. And remember, 666, really big announcements. I want to thank, of course, the Scaling Atheist guys, Heath, Noah, and Eli for coming on,

for inviting us into Vulgarity for Charity to start out, and for joining us on this week's episode so we could do Vulgarity for Charity to start out, and for joining us on this week's episode so we could do Vulgarity for Charity as a blast to hang out with them, as always. Alright, that is going to wrap it up for this week. We'll catch you next week. Big announcement. 666, guys. And we'll catch you then. But we're going to leave you like we always do

with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Pan sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage,

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