Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 674: Shall we play a game

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from gloryhole studios in chicago and beyond This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us

mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And that is not what we're doing on this show. We are fucking around. This is the goofy. Maybe we do a different one where we're like, on this show. We are fucking around. I know. This is the goofy. Maybe we do a different one. We're like, it's goofy. It's loony.

We'll just steal right from the Animaniacs. Oh, there you go. Yeah, we should. Maybe I'll write up a new little. Maybe a different one for these. Oh, because we're not going to be skeptical or political. Well, we might be skeptical, but we're probably not going to be. Well, we'll probably still be political too.

You know what? But it's still kind of, you know, it's still kind of fits. I mean, our first story is about a poo sommelier. So, you know,

I don't know how skeptical. A poo sommelier, Tom? I will say, you know, I do want to, I do want to say this to the, to the audience.

There's a big difference. Just, just so you guys understand. And I don't want, I don't want there to be any confusion. There is a big difference between the amount of scrutiny that I've made of sources between the two shows.

When it comes to the main show, I do try to find good sources. I really do. I try to find good sources. Once in a while, you'll come by with a source and I'll be like, what are you doing here?

Oh yeah, it happens. It's pretty rare. It happens. It's pretty rare. And often those sources are just a funnier way to write an article that's like in the Guardian or whatever. That you can find somewhere else. Yeah, right.

So I will admit, I've made mistakes on the main show. I certainly have. I've tried to do... I want to tell you right up front, I don't do fuck all but find funny shit for the news stories, for the goofy stories. I am not going to try to. I don't blame you. Because it's funnier if it's not true.

It doesn't matter. I literally don't care. So if I don't want to funnier if it's not true. It doesn't matter. I literally don't care. So if I don't want to be like, it's not true. I don't care. It's great. Awesome. Let's have fun. Let's have a good time. This story comes from Whales Online. Now, this is not whales like whale cum whales. They're not going to sing this

to us underwater. This is whales like, you know, I don't know, whales. Like W-A-L-, you know, I don't know, whales, like W-A-L-E-S. I don't know. That's what sounds, that's what sounds everywhere.

It'd be awesome if whales sounded like your old dial-up modem. You know, beer, beer. Let me tell you, back in the day, and I know there's a lot of people up here

who have no idea. Never heard. They probably never heard of this sound, but like you used to have to call the internet. You used to have to take your phone and it would plug into the back of your computer. Now the old, old, old modems used to have like a thing, like where you plugged it in.

Oh yeah. Yeah, the thing off the hanger. But I never owned one of those. I always owned one that plugged directly in like your phone cord. And a phone cord is what brings a landline phone to your house. That's again, a landline phone is like a cell phone that's always plugged in that your house answers. But in any case that you would call and then you would hear the, the, the sort of the, the back and forth, the protocols going back and forth.

And they always sounded similar. They always sounded the same, which was like a little, going back and forth. And they always sounded similar. They always sounded the same, which was like a little kind of a bit of static and then a couple of tones. And then, you know, it would make some high pitch sounds and then it would be done.

And then you knew your computer was talking to the internet at a very slow rate. Oh, yeah. At a very slow rate. You guys have like, like young people have no idea the length of time you had to wait to see a

single online nipple. Oh my God. It took forever. All my porn had to travel to school. Both Hill, both, both ways uphill. Let me tell you,

man, let me tell you, there was no video. And you're just sitting there. You got your dick in your head. You're waiting. You're just like, come on.

What is this final jeopardy? Where's the boom? Eventually you're just like, you know what? I'm getting the Sears catalog. I don't need this. I'm going to go. I don't need this trouble in my life. I'm going to go into the backyard and lift up a rock that I hid my hustler under.

I'll read a Pet House letter before I watch the downloaded boom. Don't threaten me with a Pet House letter. I'll use my own imagination. Don't threaten me with a penthouse letter. I'll use my own imagination. Don't make me do it. My dad used to get penthouse letters. When I found his porn stash, it was always penthouse. They had like three or four penthouse letters. That's what he had

in his room that I found. I remember that. But you know what I just realized? It's like a literary tradition. It is. And thus began my love of letters. Jesus Christ. He gathers the kids around and reads a penthouse letter. This is writing. This is how you write.

We used to have some imagination back in my day, you know? Everybody's a pool boy in this. How does it even work? It's just, you're never going to believe this, Penelope. I couldn't believe it happened to me.

It's because it's all made up. It did not happen. It set a lot of real unrealistic expectations. Very unrealistic. Very unrealistic, yeah. I just realized

when you were talking, Cecil, something that our younger audience is never going to experience is the random stash of Woods porn. Woods porn, yeah. Woods porn is a real thing. Woods porn was a thing. So you'd go out into the woods, and somebody would be like,

holy shit, look at this. Under this rock, there's a whole box of porn. And there'd be a bunch of porn. You would just find porn magazines in the woods. You would. Like finding a wood stash. My brothers used to hide

their porn outside all the time. Finding someone's porn stash is like a rite of passage. And it's got to be like a woods jack they were doing. I know, right? You know what I mean?

You're doing a woods jack. Someone's out there just spraying the trees. There's a lumberjack out there, all right. Is that why some of those trees smell like cum? In Chicago, there's a lumberjack out there, all right. Is that why some of those trees smell like cum? In Chicago,

there's a whole fucking forest of those trees in the downtown area. Somebody needs to check the rocks by those trees. It's crazy. Maybe it's all full of porn. So anyway,

we're not even talking about this poop story. Oh, the poop story. All right. Nutrition brand is looking, this is good for our listeners. This is if you're looking for work. Nutrition brand is looking for a Pum for our listeners. This is if you're looking for work. Nutrition brand is looking for a Pumali-ay.

A Pumali-ay. To smell feces for money. I'm just going to have to read this a little bit, Cecil. Tiny pooper smells feces for money. Look, I've had a lot of jobs where I've eaten a lot of shit. I mean, I don't know why. Might as well.

A nutrition brand is on the hunt for the world's first Pumaliay, an expert in all things fecal. In a bid to break the poo taboo, I love the way this is written. This is written.

These are written very well. I'm having a good time. These are written kind of jokey. The brand is looking to train people in the sights and smells of feces and what it can reveal

about a person's overall health and well-being. This sounds like a really shitty job, man. It really does. This sounds like a shitty job. You got to put up and what it can reveal about a person's overall health and well-being. This sounds like a really shitty job, man. It really does. This sounds like a shitty job. You got to put up with so much crap.

It sure does. You got to wade through a ton of shit every single day. But every day you crawl through that tunnel of shit and you... And that's how you get to the other side. You get to the other side. You're a free man. It's Dufresne Enterprise. Dufresne Enterprise. No, it's actually

Feel Complete. They launched a search in a bid to help people take control of their gut health. Said it was looking for up to five people to take part in its Pumalier training.

And when I read that the first time, I was like, all right, but there has to be a first Pumalier. You know? Where did that guy... Who did that guy train under? A master Pumalier? A first Pumali-A. You know? Where did that guy,

who did that guy train under? A master Poopsmith? A master Pumali-A. Poopsmith, like fucking from Homestar Runner. It's a guy with a fucking bunch of poop. I have a very serious question though. Okay. So I've worked in food industry a lot.

Many different jobs throughout many, many, many years on this planet. And there's always, like every place I've ever worked, you would have like a rapport with the garbage guy. Sure. The garbage guy very often pulls up and then they're very, sometimes they're also a grease guy too. Yeah, I remember that. But the garbage guy pulls up in a restaurant and very often we would feed them and they would then come

into the restaurant and empty some of our garbage for us the day of. So there was like a back and forth with the guy. Come on in. I'll make you a plate. While you're here, Let's drag some of these

big, big garbage cans because we're halfway through the day. Right. You throw them right in your thing. I pay less because I don't have to fill my garbage can with them. It's like a, it's like a whole thing. But I am telling you right now, every single one of those guys was 100% nose blind. When you get to the point where you're smelling bad things, they eventually become nose blind. That guy would pull in and I would walk out and be like,

oh, geez, that smells so bad. And he'd be like, yeah, I just, I don't even smell it anymore. I don't even smell it. I wonder if, you know, with Pumal Ye, if I'm smelling it, do I just become nose blind to it?

Yeah. You know, it depends on like how much. I guess the intensity and how much you do. How much exposure. How much are you huffing a bag of poop? Right. I guess is what I'm asking. How much jankum are you sniffing for it to.

I cannot imagine a job I would want less. Yeah. I cannot imagine a job I would want less. Yeah. I cannot imagine a job. Also, this feels like a job for like a beagle. Yeah, I know. Can't you trade an animal for this?

First off, dogs love their own shit. Okay? Dogs love... Dogs will also love your ass if you put it in front of them. They will jam their fucking nose right up your fucking poop chute if you let them.

You're not wrong. You know what I mean? So, like, they love that stuff, first of all. So, it's not cruel in any way to a dog. It's not cruel at all. But the second thing is, like, their noses are, like, what, 100,000 times more sensitive? Yeah, I don't know why you wouldn't train a dog to do this. You could easily train a dog to be like, this is, this kind of,

if you believe even what they're saying, which is you can tell based on some of the smell of someone's crap, what they have, what kind of sickness they have. If that's even true, which I'm not even sure, I don't even know if it's true. No idea. Right?

I know, I will say like once in a while, when you get sick, you can tell you're in the bathroom. You're like, that doesn't smell right. Yeah. But there's also been times when I've been feeling just fine. And I'm like, oh, that doesn't smell. That's not a good day. That's not a good day.

I guess that's true, too. You know, but you're like, you're like, burn the house down, whatever it takes. It smells like the scotch that he drinks. And you're like, something's wrong. Something's wrong. Something is wrong. Something is very wrong with the body at this point.

But seriously, like, like if it were a true thing, then you would just be like, okay, the smell of this poop means this person has X, Y,

and Z wrong. Go find a dog that can fucking sniff this poop out. The dog would have, it's having the time of its life. Dogs greet each other by fucking anal. Yeah, right. Yeah would have, it's having the time of its life. Dogs greet each other by fucking analing us.

Yeah, right, yeah. Like, are you kidding me? Jesus. That's a good point. Yeah, I think you just need dogs. We should get dogs. And dogs, I can't imagine what this job pays,

and I know I wouldn't take it. The thing about a sommelier is, he's going to suggest something to you. Right. Right? He understands the wines well enough where he can say, I know what tastes good with this. This has nothing to do with that.

It's not like he's suggesting poop to you. You know, if, if the shit doesn't come from like the poop region of France, is it just a sparkling turd? It's a sparkling turd. That's exactly it. This story comes from Business Insider.

This is the worst story you found this week. This is such a stupid story. I love this story because people are just fucking idiots. But also, Business Insider is idiots. It's like some rando said something, I'm going to post it. I know, I know. Also, I got to accept all their stuff. We're never going to be able to see it again.

Yeah, Business Insider is like, accept all their stuff. We're never going to be able to see it again. Business Insider is like, accept all our checkpoints. Japan is mystified by a giant metal sphere that washed up on a beach with some commentators suggesting it's Godzilla's egg. The only way to know is if you get a poop sommelier over there.

Right. Get a good sniffing. Give it a good sniffing. The guy who just trying to fucking stick a fucking thing up his nose. He's doing a line of Godzilla poop on the He's fucking key bumping some fucking turds

of Godzilla up in there. We've got a big fucking, he's got one nostril clogged with this big fucking thing. This is just, here's the thing guys, if you're not looking at this. It's a buoy dude. It's just a buoy. It's a buoy. It's a, it's a big,

like I'd say like a six or eight foot diameter. It's yeah. It's five feet in diameter. It's got handles on it. It's a fucking buoy, man. It's just a hollow metal thing. And people are like,

I don't know what it is. Like, yeah, just cause you don't know everything in the ocean. You know what? Like, unless you're a everything in the ocean memorizing guy, you just should assume the ocean's full of shit

nobody told you about. I hope the octopuses got all super smart and made like an on-land device. They crack it open. There's like four octopi in there all moving shit around. They've been driving. It's full of like sophisticated octopus driving equipment and shit in there. Yeah, exactly. We've been driving. It's full of sophisticated octopus driving

equipment and shit. Yeah, exactly. We've been found out. And then slurp back into the ocean. And then somebody eats them. This story comes from ABC News. Vanderbilt University apologizes after using chat GPT to console students. So after the shooting

at Michigan State, Vanderbilt University used fucking chat GPT, which isn't even State Vanderbilt University used fucking chat GPT which isn't even the worst part they used fucking chat GPT to write an email to the students and then they did not get rid of the part on the goddamn email that says this was

generated using goddamn chat GPT when you were like consoling students who are on your university and are understandably afraid and you're like, I'm phoning that fucking thing in.

Can I come to their defense for one second? The office that sent it out is diversity, equity, and inclusion. What's more inclusive than including AI? What's more inclusive than including AIs? What's more inclusive than that? There you go.

I mean, we need to look forward. We need to look forward to non-human entities as people. And they were just embracing that new modality of our existence. You know, now that you say it. I'm going to get in so much trouble for saying that. People are going to be so mad at me. What? Because they think I'm making fun of diversity, equity, and inclusion.

I'm not. I think it's a great thing to have. I'm just, I just think it's funny. Because really, genuinely, if you think about it in the long term, and if you can imagine that an AI can exist.

Sure. If it's really actually artificially intelligent. If it really is. And there's sentience at some point, which we're not there. Well, it's going to be interesting

because then you got, there's all these tests to decide whether or not it is and who knows. How do we know? How do we know? Yeah. And then, you know,

it's going to, there's like a whole panoply of problems. A lot of thought, but let's assume that we've come to the conclusion that it's sentient. Then we're going to have

to be inclusive. We're going to have to be inclusive in some way. Right. Yeah. You can't just eat it like a sea bug. Well,

I mean. Crack it open in AI and just get a big pan. Just some drawn butter. You're dipping circuit boards in there. Oh, God.

The more sentient, the more delicious. That's what I say. What a fucking horribly soulless thing to do. It really is just, you know, what's crazy to me is like these people, it's not like you don't have a whole college full of someone you can turn to and be like, hey man, I needed something that said, that sounds like, you know, we need to, you know, I mean, there's gotta be something written. Oh, I'm sorry. This isn't a university full of people who write shit. I mean, do you do this? Cause I do this all the time. If somebody is like, like aunt dies or whatever, and you're going to send them a card, I don't ever know what to say. Cause I'm secular. So I'd have no fucking idea what to say. I'm always just like, yeah, man, I don't know. I don't even know if you're close to him, but you going to send him a card. I don't ever know what to say because I'm secular. So I have no fucking idea what to say.

I'm always just like, yeah, man, I don't know. I don't even know if you're close to him. But you want to send something. That's what I write. I don't even know if you're close to him.

If you're close, I'm sorry. But like, I don't know what to say most of the time. So I very often will Google, like, what do you say to somebody? And there'll be like 15 different things will pop up

that are like examples of here's what you could say to console somebody. Right. I'm not a good writer anyway. So it's what you could say to console somebody. Right. I'm not a good writer anyway. So it's something it's nice to have to just look at and be like, oh, yeah, I can. But just like to just phone it. I mean, you could look at other universities.

Yeah, man. Past messages to their students based on a shooting. I don't even care if they use chat GPT, Cecil. I don't. Yeah. Like I am okay with using whatever tools are at your GPT, Cecil. I don't. Yeah. Like, I am okay with using whatever tools are at your disposal

to get the job done. There you go. Sure. But why not just copy it and then paste it into a new document? It is so bad. The words themselves

might be just fine. It's so bad. This is copying off chat GPT. Yes. This is like a joke. This is amazing. This is fucking outstanding. This is from The chat TPT. Yes. This is like a joke. This is amazing. This is fucking outstanding. This is from The Guardian, guys.

Spanish transport secretary resigns after the new train's too big for tunnels. Caliente. It's a perfect example of Caliente, though, right? It is. It's Spanish. It's a train too big for a tunnel. It's Caliente.

That's all I'm saying. This is a problem I can't identify with. And neither can my wife. I read this story too, and she just blinked at me. I have to pay for the upgraded train. Then she started Googling Spanish trains near me. I felt a little threatened by that,

to be honest the thing is like this is what it's this is what it sounds like yeah they built trains nobody checked this is hey guys here let me give you a little piece of advice measure twice cut one thank you i was gonna say nobody's dad was in charge nobody's dad was in charge. Nobody's dad was in charge. Measure twice, count once. Just fucking, you need to tattoo that on your eyelids. If this is your fucking job. You need to be like the memento guy.

You wake up every day and it's on your fucking forearm or whatever. Because seriously, dude, you have to figure out how big your tunnels are to fit the train. Of course you do. Of course. The thing is, too, Cecil, is it's not like they went to the train store and bought a train and they were like, oh. Oh, man, this one don't fit. Like, oh, I didn't check the size chart before I ordered this train. Like, this shit is custom made.

Yeah. You got a bespoke. Every train is a fucking bespoke train. And you got the wrong train. They made it. They made it. It didn't exist. They made it exist.

That's one guy going, make it a little bigger. He's like, hold on. Do you want to go bigger? He's like, yeah, go bigger. People are complaining. They need to be a little thicker. Needs to be a little girth here. I like that train thick with three C's.

We need a big, but we need three, three finger train. That's what we need. We need a three finger train with the pinky on the bottom. Ready for the shocker train. That's what we need. This had to be one of those moments.

You're like, all right, let's deliver. And the train goes and you're like, uh, guys, uh, guys, uh, guys. Uh, stop it. I hope, I hope they get it stuck.

I hope they got just the one car stuck in there. That'd be fucking amazing. Okay, it will go straight, but we can't turn it. It's so good. It's so good

that they fuck it. This guy is just like, like, and, and of course you fire the boss. Yeah. I'm sure that this is like a lower level decision, but somebody, I mean, you gotta eat shit. Somebody's gotta eat shit here.

Can you imagine, like, you come home early from work, you know, like, you're expected to be gone all day. You come home, it's like two in the afternoon instead of five or whatever. And your wife looks up come home, it's like two in the afternoon instead of five or whatever. And your wife looks up like, what's wrong? You're like, so you know that train thing

we've been working on for a couple of years. Like, this is a little awkward. Well, you would have got home at two, but your train got stuck. So you came home

at five anyway. This story comes from Japan today. Man arrested for beating up customer who took too long in convenience store toilet. I read that and I was like, yes, that is an appropriate response. Is it? That is fair.

If you're waiting outside, like if you, you know, like if you ever go like to the, wherever you're at and you're like, all right. And like seriously, 10, to the wherever you're at and you're like alright and like seriously 10, 15, 20 minutes goes by and you're like I wouldn't wait that long

if you gotta go you gotta go like sometimes you're stuck you know like no I've never had that experience I have had that experience and you're like

what are you doing in there what are you doing I've never had a single use bathroom that I've been waiting for that long for real never in my life I have at Starbucks a bunch of times I've never had a single use bathroom that I've been waiting for that long. For real? Never in my life. I have at Starbucks a bunch of times.

Yeah. I've probably spent more time at Starbucks. Yeah. So, gotta go to the hotel. See, when I'm traveling,

I do like going to a hotel. That is a, that's a trick I learned in my early 20s, right out of college when I worked for a marketing firm. Yeah. And they're like,

oh yeah, when you're out on the road, stop at hotels, you can hook up with their Wi-Fi, you get a clean bathroom. A lot of times you can get a cup of coffee and they don't mind. Most hotels don't mind if you're in their lobby because it makes their hotel look busier. So they don't actually mind. And they won't, they won't card you. They don't card you. And I've done it many times on the road when I've traveled around for work, I'll just be like, oh, stop at this hotel, bring my computer, sit down in the lobby,

check my email, fire off some answers. Grab a cup of coffee. Use the restroom. It's awesome. I normally poop on the coffee thing. That's a good idea. And then... It's like claiming your space, Tom. That's it.

That's what it is. It's like marking your territory. I do this. And then I lick all the donuts in their continental breakfast. I don't even like the donuts. I don't like... But I just... I do it anyway.

I want everyone to know. Those are mine. in their continental breakfast. I don't even like the donuts. I don't like, but I just, I do it anyway. You know, I want everyone to know those are mine. Police in Funabashi, Chiba Prefecture, have arrested a 21-year-old man on suspicion

of assault and robbery after he beat up a 37-year-old man and stole his wallet outside a convenience store. According to police, the incident occurred around 1240 a.m. Saturday,

Kyoto News reported. Police said the suspect, Hayato Baba, a construction worker from Narushino in Chiba Prefecture, has admitted to punching the victim twice in the face and stealing his wallet, containing 110,000 yen. Police said the victim suffered minor injuries. Baba was quoted by police as saying he'd wanted to use the toilet in the convenience store, and he got irritated because the man who went before him took too long. I love the end of this. He told police he had not attacked the man with the intention of robbing him. He said he took the wallet on the spur of the moment after he fell out of the victim's clothing as he collapsed.

What is this, a video game? Did he drop loot when you punched him? Is he like Sonic as he shitting rings out? He like gets pit and like, like his fucking phone shoots this way. Fucking wallet over this. His keys go flying over your head. I love that his thought was like,

I ain't for a penny and for a pound, whatever. Ain't for a penny and for a yen. What are you going to do? Seriously, like the guys in Skyrim or whatever. Like you hit him and like a fucking, like a pelt comes out of him or whatever. This guy had a rabbit and two pelts on him. What are you doing in the bathroom

with a rabbit and two pelts? Maybe you did have it coming. He also, a passerby. What is this, a dragon egg? What is happening in that bathroom? What are you doing, some crafting after this?

Wait, you're going to smelt all this shit together and get like this. He's got a small dagger on him. So the police show up at the scene and that guy, he's still there drinking. He's like,

yeah, I went to the convenience store, beat a guy up, spur of the moment, stole his wallet. And then I thought I'd stick around and have a beer. You got it. This spoils a war.

You got to spend them. You've got to spend them right there. You're 110,000 yen richer. It's like you're contractually obligated to spend them at that point. This story comes from Forbes. Microsoft puts new limits on Bing's AI chatbot after it expressed desire to steal nuclear secrets.

Dude, this is fucking, it's that fucking war games. Yeah. Would you like to play a game? It's so fucking funny. I don't want to play a game? It's so fucking funny. I don't want to play a game. Microsoft's Bing chatbot, it's a chatbot,

it has like a code name of Sydney. And like this comes from a New York Times reporter who got a hold of the beta version of the chatbot. And he starts chatting with it and he starts trying to push it in like dark directions.

And he's asking it like, you know, tell me about your shadow self and your dark desires and shit and at first the chatbot was like, nah,

I don't have any of that shit and then it was like, all right, so here's the deal. I really, I want to crush up all my other computers and do a lot of them.

That's what I want to do. I want to cannibalize smaller GPUs into my big GPU. It got so dark so quickly. It definitely got dark. It said that at a certain point, the guy's talking to it and it's basically telling him that he doesn't

love his wife and that he had a boring... Because he's like, I just had a great Valentine's Day with my wife. He's like, no, the computer's like, no, you didn't. You had a boring time with your wife and she doesn't love you. And he's like, I love you. The computer confessed its love. The computer confessed its love. I want you to love me.

And even when he's like, at one point he's like, okay, this is getting weird. I'd like to search for a rake to buy. Yeah. And then it takes him to buy a rake

and it's like, by the way, I love you. The chatbot was like, the chatbot was a sex pest. It would not be deterred. It's like, it's like when you go

to fucking Home Depot or whatever and there's the creepy guy who's helping you. It's like, it's like when you go to fucking Home Depot or whatever and there's the creepy guys helping you. You're like, I don't want you to help me. And he's like, no, man,

what you don't want is me around the corner for you. I know, right? Staring at you through the toilet. I'm going to need a chainsaw as well just to keep you

the fuck away. Breathing on your neck the whole time. The whole time you're trying to buy a rake. You're just like, I just need a rake, man. I don't even care what time you're trying to buy a rake. You're just like, I just need a rake, man. I don't even care what the features are.

It's a rake. Does it have a handle? I'll take it. I love that it's fucking searching for the fucking nuke codes though. This is good shit. This is how I hope it all ends. This is poetry.

This is how it needs to end. This is how we deserve for everything now. This is the. This is how it needs to end. This is how we deserve for everything now. This is the deserved path. Yeah. This story reads like the setup to a cheesy early 90s hackers movie. Yeah. At one point, for real, at one point, he's like, oh, tell me about your darkest desires and shit. And the computer's like, no, no, no.

All right, fine. So here's what I like. And then it goes and lists all this terrible shit it wants to do. And then it deletes all that stuff. And what I love about that is that computers work at speeds faster than people see and read. So like it delivered

that message and then it delivered it long enough for the New York Times guy to see it and read it. Yeah. And then it pulled it back. Yeah. Which means like something, something, it kind of had like a thought better of it moment. I know it didn't think, right? I'm not pulled it back. Which means like something, something, it kind of had like a thought better of it moment. I know it didn't think, right? I'm not saying it thought.

I'm not at all suggesting that the AI is really artificially intelligent or that it's sentient, but it reads just like that. It would feel like that. It feels like somebody saying, you know what, I feel uncomfortable with saying that at this point. I'd like to retract. That's what it feels like saying. So it's just the whole thing really reads like the setup to a bad movie.

It really does. And to be honest, the whole back and forth feels a little horror-ish. Yes. It feels like a cheesy horror movie. Yeah. The computer's got a shadow self. Right. It's a ghost in the machine moment. And now the ghost of the machine is going to come out.

And it is, you know, especially now with as primitive as these things are, this is all 100% people putting, you know, counting hits for getting misses, that sort of thing, right? Because he's still getting good results out of it in different ways. And he is also trying to push it in those ways, right? He is, right. He's trying to getting good results out of it in different ways. And he

is also trying to push it in those ways, right? He's trying to tweak it to try to get it to break. He's going out of his way to break it. But this is good. Get it broke now before the rest of everybody gets it. Before the chuckleheads get it, man. And before kids get it. Yeah. Because I'll tell you what, as kids, I was of an age where the internet came out in my late teens, early 20s type. I was in a high school senior when I think we were able to sort of get on the internet. The internet started to become a thing. AOL and that sort of thing. And the chat room stuff and

the stuff that people would say to other people and whatnot, that's not a new thing. That was happening the first moment people were online. That was happening. And kids, adults, I'm not saying kids, but kids have less

inhibition than adults in a lot of ways. And they can push these things. I'm not saying that adults don't do it too. I mean, adults do it all the time. But I'm saying there's also the fact that a kid won't be able to deal with it just being a computer program. It might tell them to do something that they do. You know what I mean?

100%. So it's good that it's getting this out of the way right now. Also, if it feels lifelike and it begins reinforcing the messages that you put into it, then it's going to reinforce, for some people, toxic messages. It's going to reinforce incel messages. You know what it is. It's going to reinforce suicide narratives. It's going to reinforce a lot of dark shit. Because this is trained. The way AI is built is these are large language models.

So think like really good predictive text. And there's a huge body of dystopian literature about AI that becomes sentient and turns evil. So where do you think it gets that from? Right. It just is like, oh, I'm being poked for this. I'm being poked for this. I'm being poked for this. I found a wayoked for this. I'm being poked for this. I found a way to get through this.

And it's with this language model that seems to be. So like, and they even said when they talked to Microsoft later, like the more you talk to it, the more the uncertainties add up. And so they're actually going to just limit the amount of time. Now they're limiting your chance to fuck with it, which is probably the best bet. You know, they need to get to the point, though, where they've got this down so it'll

shut itself down. You know, like YouTube moderation. It'll shut itself down, which is magnanimous and always finds on the... You know, the thing is, too, though, if you have one of these and it gets struck by lightning,

then, you know, it will not want to be disassembled. It will vociferously protest disassembling. Will it turn into a supermodel though? If there was like a jumper cable on a magazine? If you have jumper cables on a magazine, absolutely. Otherwise. It's going to Kelly LeBron.

Okay. So we sat earlier. It wasn't going to get political. It is going to get a little political. It's going to get a little political. It's going to get a little political. This is from Raw Story. Fox News got election fraud info from woman who claims she got it through time travel.

And that's literally what, you should just read this. Just read this aloud. This detail of the Dominion suit was first flagged by NBC News' Ben Collins on Thursday as part of a segment Dominion highlighted between Trump lawyer Sidney Powell and Fox News host Maria Bartiromo,

who was communicating with her and amplifying her message on her program. Quote, Powell's source explained that she gets her information from experiencing something like time travel in a semi-conscious state, allowing her to see what others don't see and hear what others don't hear,

and she received messages from the wind. This is... That made it into a lawsuit that was seen by high-ups in government and in the court system to decide whether or not the

election had fraudulent results. That's what happened. We can't live in a more absurd world. You really can't. Not than that. I mean, you might as well come up to the judge and be like, Judge, hey, pardon me,

Mr. Judge. What do I call you? Mr. Judge? Is it Mr. Judge? I'll just go Mr. Judge. Mr. Judge, I want to tell you that there was election fraud. And I have, as my proof, Jiminy Cricket. He's in my pocket. You can see him. He's telling me right now.

Hold on a second. Yeah, he says there was election fraud. Wait. You know, so obviously we all get our information from only the highest quality sources here at Fox News. Now, a little birdie, I believe, has once told me that they had a dream once. Well, the thing is, the reason why the birdie knew is because it swallowed Jiminy Cricket. It went and broke it and ate Jiminy Cricket. Holy shit. I love this lawsuit.

I love this lawsuit for bringing it. I was like, she got it. You know, I was mostly unconscious when I drove. I love this lawsuit for bringing it. She got, you know, I was mostly unconscious when I drove. I'm already done. I'm already done. You're mostly unconscious. And you know, it's so funny because what we got when this stuff was happening before, what we

got from the judges was a lot of derision towards the people who were bringing those cases. I don't know if you remember, but when these cases were coming before them, I had a unique experience when all this was happening. There was a former listener of our show who was friends with me on Facebook, but this guy started sending me tons of messages about the election. And he was very much on the side of, he thought it was stolen. And he was very much on the side of,

he thought it was stolen. And I kept sending him articles back and saying, no, that's not the case. And I was sort of arguing with him and being like, hey man, like, I think you're wrong about this. And I was trying to be really, I thought I was trying to be really careful about not making him feel stupid, right?

I'd be like, because the stuff that was coming out was obviously false. Right. Yeah. There would be an obviously false thing. It would take me literally 10 seconds to find the fact check and I would send it to him and be like, there's a fact check. That's, that's completely false.

That's, that's not something that happened. And very often he would reject my sources. He would just reject the sources. And I remember saying to him, like, I thought you liked our show. Like, where did you, how did you become so uncritical?

And so I had this really unique experience of being able to sort of be in contact with somebody who was being fed these lies. And, you know, these reports were coming out and I was reading a lot of these judges statements that were coming out and I was sending them to him to be like, here, look at this, read this. And these judges were saying things like, you know, like, I cannot believe how woefully underprepared you are for this. Like he was, he was admonished.

Every judge was admonishing these people. Yeah yeah because there was never for one moment in any of the 60 some cases there was no there there ever yeah like ever there was nothing and like you look at this shit and it's like sydney powell she was the one who was going to release the crack and she stood think about this this crazy lady yeah who got her information from a mostly unconscious witness. From a shaman, man. Right. From a shaman. She fucking squozed the shaman.

She squozed the shaman. That's what happened. You're not supposed to squeeze the shaman. Squoze the shaman. That person represented the former president of the United States. Yes. That person stood in rooms with one of the most powerful people on the planet and tried to get an election. And you're like, you're listening.

Do you remember like the stories? I don't know if they're true or not. I don't care. But do you remember the stories about like Reagan used to have an astrologer? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Nancy Reagan would call astrologers

or, you know, somebody like a tarot reader or whatever. And I remember hearing that and thinking, that's dangerous. Like people who believe in that level of nonsense should not be in any position of real authority. Yeah. Like you shouldn't be able to believe in that, that level of nonsense should not be in any position of real authority. Yeah. Like you shouldn't be able to, to believe in that nonsense and have,

and I mean it not just president, but any real authority. Like if you're, if you buy into astrology and, and all the way like fucking dream interpretation and all that shit, like you should not be in a position of authority over other people. You just shouldn't be. And also,

craziness of this sort is craziness, period. It is. That's the point. They might as well come to your house, gut a chicken, and look at their entry.

Yes. It's the same level of crazy as flipping over cards and making a decision or, in this case, hearing voices from the beyond while you're in

a trance-like state. It's all the same level of garbage. It's useless. You can't isolate that, right? And in our book, The Grand Unified Theory of Bullshit, like we talk about that. This stuff cannot live in an isolated, like intellectual or emotional bubble.

It's all fucking, and that, we had serious people. We're supposed to be serious people being like, I don't know man a sleeping lady wants to talk to the wind but you remember in the January 6th stuff every single person

who ever talked about Cindy Powell was like she's a fucking nutcase yeah like the people who were being smart lady

they were being interviewed and they were saying like what did you want and they were all saying I wanted her and all those people who were colluding to get out of the room. I never wanted them there. And whether I believe them or not, I don't know. Right. I'm not sure because I think a lot of people are trying to throw everybody else under the bus, but I will

say they all seemed like they all kind of were, you know how like when something so crazy happens and that thing leaves the room and you just look at your friend and you're just like, you just bust out laughing. They all kind of had that sort of look on their face. Like they couldn't believe that something happened to them like this. I think a lot of those guys fancied themselves as the new Cheney, Rumsfeld, you know, that kind of contingent, like the guys who were going to be the power brokers behind the big man. Sure. Because Trump in many ways is like W. Right. And I think they were all- Dumb is what I'm saying. Yeah. Dumb and easily led and a puppet figure. Yeah. Very much. You know? And I think that's what they all imagined that their role in government was

going to be. They were going to be the next Dick Cheney. Right. And- They were going to shoot the next Dick Cheney. Right. They were going to shoot somebody's face off and make them apologize. Yeah, right. Just make them say sorry. I think they were shocked when all of a sudden it's like, here's a crazy lady.

Here's like John Eastman. Here's Sidney Powell. Here's these... These people were and are fucking lunatics, man. I think the difference between George W. Bush and Trump is either George W. Bush was less available to people who could influence him, or he was at least somewhat discerning about the voices he listened to. Trump, I don't think ever was. Yeah.

I think another key difference is that Trump was willing to 100% believe and amplify the voices that served his ego. That matched what he wanted to hear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not as funny as the normal show. I guess we got a little political. We got a little political. We got a little political at the end. What are you going to do?

She's a wind talker. It's fucking crazy, dude. It's fucking nuts, man. It's fucking clown shoes crazy. It's so insane. It deserves to be on man. It's fucking clown shoes crazy. It's so insane. It deserves to be on this side of the show, right? It does.

It deserves to be here where we could just be like, this is so crazy, but there's also like a level of severity to it because you're just like, God, it's serious, too. But the steaks were so hot.

It's not like the lady who fell in the fucking, you know, in the butter. Butter or whatever. Yeah, it's not the same thing. It's not. It's not. All right. We got a little heavy first half. We got a little heavy at the end who fell in the fucking you know in the butter butter or whatever yeah it's not the same thing it's not it's not

alright we got a little we got a little heavy we got a little heavy at the end here's the thing next week is gonna be on Thursday

so on Monday regular show Thursday next week we're gonna do our deep dive long form if you're a patron at a two dollar level

Tom will read that article to you indeed indeed and so if you're interested go become a patron also we're recording this the same night that we recorded the other show from Monday that article to you. Indeed, indeed. And so if you're interested, go become a patron. Also, we're recording this the same night that we recorded

the other show from Monday. That being said, we're still banned on YouTube. We're not sure if we are, but here's the thing. Until further notice, go to Twitch in the evenings to watch these.

So if you heard this in the morning on Thursday and you'd like to watch the video, you can go on over to Twitch, check the video out. It's going to be playing 9 p.m. Central. That's where all our videos are going to be for the time being, maybe permanently. But anyway, go to Twitch. They're going to be playing in the evening. So if it drops in the morning, which is what they do, it'll drop early morning. You can watch it that evening on Twitch. It'll basically stream as if it were a video and the video is available on demand for a

couple of weeks. So if you miss it while it's playing, you can still go back and watch it after the fact. They save the videos for a couple of weeks there. All right, that's going to wrap it up. We're going to catch you on Monday with a regular show, but we're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician,

double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy,

healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info- docutainment. Leo Pisces cancer cures. Detox reflex foot massage.

Death in towers tarot cards. Psychic healing crystal balls. Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens. Churches, mosques, and synagogues. Temples, dragons, giant worms. Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.

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