Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 681: JoDo

Episode Date: April 6, 2023

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The explicit tag is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political.

And there is no welcome mat. This is episode number, Ian inserts episode number here. 681. Time. That is the episode number, which I, of course, immediately got right. No mistakes. And did not need assistance. I'm going to guess. I'm going to say it's 82. What's your guess? Oh, course, immediately got right. No mistakes. No mistakes. And did not need assistance. I'm going to guess.

I'm going to say it's 82. What's your guess? Oh, that's—okay. Or 80—no, 82. Is Price is Right rules? I'm going 681. I'm saying 82. All right.

So this is our goofy show. Goofy show. It's a goofy show. Goofy news show. And what could be goofier than Steven fucking Seagal? I'll tell you, man. Way to start out. I want to put this on the big screen so people can see it.

But I want to say, like, Steven Seagal right now— How old is Steven Seagal. I'll tell you, man. Way to start out. I want to put this on the big screen so people can see it. But I want to say like, Steven Seagal right now, how old is Steven Seagal? Do you know? Dude, I have no idea. It's got to be like 60. Let me ask Siri and see what Siri says.

How old is Steven Seagal? Steven Seagal is 70 years old. Steven Seagal? For 70 years old? Yeah. This man has the blackest beard I've ever seen in my entire life. Like, I've never seen a man with that.

He seriously, he looks like the bad guy in Superman 2. Yeah, dude, it's amazing what shoe polish can do. It is amazing, Cecil. His hair is looking good for 70 years old, Tom. I'll tell you what, It's just for men. That's all I know. No, seriously. I will not look that good at 70.

No. He looks great at 70. He looks good. Also, he's a towering bear of a man. In comparison to Putin, who's like next to him is like a little guy. He looks- But Putin's small anyway, though. He is.

He's a little guy. He's a scrapper. He's not a big guy. He's a little guy. He's a scrapper. He's not a big guy. He's a little guy. He wears lifts or whatever. That's why he poisons people. But Steven Seagal is over there. What is the headline here for the people listening? Steven Seagal launches Akito

Center to train Russians for military service. And I put this in the goofy news. Yeah. Because it's actually good news, right? If you want the Russians to lose. Yeah, no, I mean, I think it's perfect training. It is. Yeah.

Teach them Aikido. Yeah. This is great. Yeah. This is awesome. They'll stand in front of the Ukrainians and they'll be like, and they'll do their fucking wrist locks

and fucking joint control and they will all be slaughtered to the man. It really is, so far, if you watch any of the things that have happened, you can see that they keep on trying to put the tank in a wrist lock, and then they get blown up. Right. That's not me. I shouldn't have. They're trying to grab a drone

that's dropping a bomb on them. They're like, I'm sorry. I thought I could dodge. The first thing we learn is how to fall, guys. The first thing we learn is how to fall. We learned it in our Johto, guys. We learned it in our JoDo, guys. We learned it in our JoDo. Steven Seagal is such trash. We covered him on Citation

Needed. If you haven't listened to that episode, it is an absolute blast of an episode. Go find the Citation Needed episode where we cover him. Because Eli, none of us really knew a lot about him. I had no idea. But he's kind of a giant piece of trash. Steven Seagal's a lot about him. I had no idea. But he's kind of a giant piece of trash. Steven Seagal's a giant trash human.

I thought you were talking about Eli for a second. And I wasn't going to disagree. I don't know. I mean, little column A, little column B. But it turns out that he's not only a shitty person, he's a giant fucking liar. And he's also like, you know, very pro like aggressive police officer. Oh, yeah.

Because he does that whole Steven Seagal lawman thing. Right. And they drive fucking tanks through people's houses and whatnot. Which they like gave that guy a fucking tank for a photo shoot to drive through a house. Yeah. So he could like be Steven Seagal driving a fucking assault vehicle into a fucking guy's house. He's a like, he's a total piece of shit. And I love that he's over there training their military on fake martial arts.

Yeah, no, it's all fake. It's all fake. Aikido's all junk. Well, that tells you, though— It's fucking chi science, dude. It's nothing. But that tells you, though, how desperate Putin is right now. Yes, right.

Because they have not been doing well. Yeah, he's feeling pretty under siege. I don't know another one to do anymore. That's the only one I knew. I don't know any more. I'm like, I really genuinely don't know any other movies. I don't know. But he's, at this point,

he's in it with this war. Yeah. And he can't back away. And Steven Seagal is there selling a dumb thing that doesn't work to him. Yeah. It's essentially, do you remember when they were selling these bomb siffer sniffers to the Iraq government that were like dowsing rods? Yeah, that's all. Yeah, they were dowsing rods with like a battery attached to it.

They were selling dowsing rods. dowsing rods? Yeah, that's all they, yeah, they were, dowsing rods are like a battery attached to it. They were selling dowsing rods. Man, when the fucking beeper goes off on that one,

you know, seriously, they were bomb sniffing dowsing rods that did nothing and they were selling them for like $5,000 a pop. That's what this smells like to me.

It smells like, it smells like somebody who's just like, I can easily pull one over and then also just get his name out there, right? Like this guy's a attention who's just like, I can easily pull one over and then also just get his name out there. Right. Like this guy's a tension whore, just like anybody else. And he's like ready to get his name out there and, and, you know, show how great his martial arts are as a, for that, that they're teaching it to a losing military. Yeah. I, all I know about Steven Seagal

is that in every movie he manages to sneak up behind you and break your neck. That's it. That does not seem like a— Remember all those great UFCs you watched where the Aikido guy wins? No? No. Oh, that's amazing, isn't it? Because I also remember none of those.

It reminds me of those fucking—those videos you see, the MMA video, where some guy will just be like, he'll just hold his hand out and do like a thing. And then the MMA guy just fucking knocks him out or breaks his jaw or breaks his nose within a second. Just immediately. Within a second, because there'll be like an MMA guy versus a guy who does like Tai Chi magic or something. And that magician just gets his fucking face rearranged in seconds. Dude, we knew a guy in college that did Aikido. Do you remember? I do. We knew a guy in college.

I do, yeah. And I remember talking to him about it one time. And I remember thinking, like, all he was, he was just like, oh, you got to learn these, like, roles and use their energy against them. And I'm just like, somebody's just going to grab you and not let go of you. Yeah. And that's it. And then the whole thing is over, man. Like it's all demonstration martial arts.

It's all stuff that's like cool to watch if you do it all in slow motion and the other person like goes along with it. Well, and that's the thing is like, I have been practicing a Western martial art for many years of rapier combat, fencing, right? It's basically period rapier combat. We use period sword simulators.

We don't use like a pace or anything. They're big, heavy swords. And I've learned from a multitude of different people, some qualified and some not qualified at all. And the not qualified people are almost always doing what he does, which is, okay, now commit to this particular speed, hitting people with, you know, maybe 15 to 20 pounds worth of pressure. You there, those moments don't happen. They just don't have, because nobody is like, comes at you with the knife like this, right? Like it just doesn't make any sense. And, you know, and just as well, you're like, when we train rapier, nobody does the fucking full lunge and then stays

out there and lets you do something to them while you then repost. It just doesn't work like that. And so like, I've seen so many people say, like, they come up to give you a pointer and they're like, oh, what you're doing is this. And then they'll show you and be like, yeah, but that's not how fights work. Right. That's not how any of this works because it's all happening within a second. It's, it's more jab than it is, you know, like going in and like full on

and these, like watch these guys. It's literally all just, okay, now come at me down with the knife, down with the knife, down with the knife.

You got to stab in a downward direction and if you, and then they just like move you off to the side. You're like, yeah, I mean,

if you attack like an imbecile and then you let them throw you, I guess it works. I remember watching, yes, I remember watching years ago. I watched, like, I would watch these, like, martial arts videos. This is when I was a younger, younger guy. I'd watch these, like, martial arts videos. And I would watch these people, like, would do this, like, knife fighting training, right?

And they get these, like, knives, these, like, rubber knives that had, like like red chalk on them. So you could mark where you're like hurting somebody without, you know, actually knife fighting. And like, there were like all these like different techniques on how to hold the knife and the fucking schmoo moves and the this and that. And then like there,

I watched this, like, and I stopped watching him because I watched this one video of a guy who's like, he's like, all that's nonsense. I've been to prison. Here's how it works.

One guy's got a knife. He runs at you and it's in your belly 12 times before you blink. Before you even do, all that's nonsense. I've been to prison. Here's how it works. One guy's got a knife. He runs at you and it's in your belly 12 times before you blink. Before you even do anything. That's it. Nobody has their knife and you have your knife and you're set up and you're doing this fucking West Side Story dance bull. All of that, it like supposes nonsense from the start.

And I love Steven Seagal's Aikido. Fucking train it to the Russians. Teach them how to die faster in Ukraine. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. That's it. I fucking love it.

The story is from today and it's titled, Can You Really Get Free Refills on Chicken Buckets at KFC? No. No. Story's done. That's it.

No, you can't. It would be awesome though if you walked up to KFC and they had like, you know, they have the fountain drink thing. Yes. And you just press it.

Thank you. I was thinking that. And you could do like a suicide where you could get all the different stuff. Oh, mix them up. Tell me how bad. So the story is that you go to KFC. Yeah.

And you order a bucket. An eight piece. An eight piece. And then you fucking wolf it down as fast as you can. And you walk back up and you say, can I get a refill? And then they're supposed to refill it. Tell me the stomach ache you think you would have if you ate

more than two pieces of this chicken quickly. Tell me the stomach ache you think. If I eat an eight piece of KFC and then I'm like, I'm still hungry for more KFC. I couldn't imagine. I mean like. My entire body is grease at this point. If you've ever eaten

just too much oil and acidity. Yeah, man. That's what I'm saying. And you're just like, and your body's just like, you need to stop. Yeah.

You need to go, go chug vinegar. Right. We need to balance this out. I could put a wick in my cheeks on a candle. Yeah, man. That's it.

There's been times in my life where I've been like, oh man, I made my own egg rolls. And then you're like, two egg rolls in, you're like, I ate too much it. There's been times in my life where I've been like, oh man, I made my own egg rolls and then you're like, two egg rolls and you're like, I ate too much grease.

And then you're just like, I'm so full of grease. And like everything you touch and you're like, every part of you is just grease. It's like wicking out oil out of your body.

Yes. If you would turn into a chicken leg if you ate seven chicken legs at KFC, are you kidding me? I would fucking, I don't even know

what I would do if this was real. Part of me would feel compelled to go. Yeah. Part of me would. You would try it, right? I would be like,

I can get a free read. This would be the most American thing ever. It really would. I'd like to walk in and see that one Japanese competitive eater wiggling while he's eating it.

Oh, yeah. Kobayashi Shuffle, yeah. The guy would like, he'd like eat a hot, he'd like fucking deep throw a. Kobayashi shuffle. Yeah. The guy would like, he would cheat. He'd like eat a hot, he'd like fucking deep throat a fucking hot dog. He'd take it out and be like, whoa.

And he'd put it in and be like, and then he'd, he'd do a wiggle. Yeah. He'd like wiggle his body. And then he'd eat another hot, and then the, those fucking hot dog eating contests

are the grossest thing in the world. Cause the dude's just like dipping his hot dog in water. And then he's eating it. I'm like, I'm going to fucking vomit. I'm going to vomit if I watch this. I hate those so much.

That, the eating competitions and then the wasting of the food when they do that on like the TikTok, I want to just grab everybody's head that's doing that

and clunk it together. It makes me so mad. And then the ones that'll take like, there's this new trend. I watched one recently where this lady's like, she takes fucking a can of peaches and pours it on a waffle iron.

And then she just pours flour on top. And then she cracks two eggs and they literally just fall right off. But she's making a mess. Like it's not, she's not trying to cook anything, man. She's not, this isn't like anybody who's like debunking. That's not a debunk. She's not trying to cook anything. You. She's not, this isn't like anybody who's like debunking. That's not a debunk. She's not trying to cook anything.

You, it's impossible for her to cook something. She finally gets to the end and then she closes the thing and it's like, and it opens up and it's disgusting and nasty. And then she puts whipped cream on it and tastes it. And she's like, oh, it's delicious. It's a peach pie or whatever. But it was like grotesque. Like it's all gross, nasty shit

that she just like slammed together. It's like all base ingredients that never were mixed and just gets slammed into a fucking waffle iron. Yeah. And then it's gross. It's overcooked,

burnt, and disgusting. And you're like, wow, that's nasty. Probably ruined your waffle iron and it's gross. And then she's basically just making a mess.

And that makes me crazy when I see these. I hate them. They make me nuts. I'm just like, it's gross. And then she's basically just making a mess. And that makes me crazy when I see these. I hate them. They make me nuts. I'm just like, it's such a waste of time. And I'm like, how does this get a view? How does somebody stop and watch this whole thing? Every time I see somebody, the first thing to do is like dump a bunch of peaches on a waffle iron. I'm scrolling past as fast as I can. Are you kidding me? Cecil's throwing his phone out the window to get away from it. God, so annoying. It makes me crazy.

It's terrible. That shit is obnoxious. And like, I don't know, I don't know why that gets views. I don't know that anybody is like, oh, I'm going to try that. I don't know what that's all for. It's just spectacle.

Right, it is. It's absolutely just fucking spectacle. But I do know, Cecil, that in your world where there's just like a drink dispenser, as long as I can walk up to one and choose like legs, thighs. Thighs. And then just stay on thighs.

Yeah, just stay on thighs. Just stay on thighs. Thighs are the best. Thighs are the best piece of chicken. Thighs are the best piece of chicken. It's not even close. Thighs are the best piece of chicken, hands down. Tomorrow, and this is not releasing after, so it'll be already released.

I'm releasing a chicken jardiniere on season. And for the recipe, you take the chicken, the thighs, and you pull the skin off. And then I have a sort of a side recipe on how to make cracklins with it. Oh, yeah. Because it's the best. It is the fucking best.

A good chicken skin that's been lightly salted pepper and then press it between two sheet pans and put it in the oven for a while. It's awesome. It's just awesome. Properly made chicken skin is better than bacon. It's very good. It's very good.

I would contend it's better than bacon. It's certainly up there. It is awesome. It's certainly up there. My wife loves them. Like every time I make them, she's just like, she's like,

like I'll be making them. I don't even tell her. And then as soon as they come out of them and I just like her head appears right here. It's like, because I'll be making them. I won't even tell her. And then as soon as they come out of them and I just like her head appears right here. It's like, because they're just so amazing. It's like an amazing pork skin. The scent of it like lures her in.

Like she like wafts in like a scent cloud, like the dog, the cartoon. At the farmer's market when we were downtown, they sold pork skins that tasted like that. That good? I'm not kidding. They tasted like,

they were amazing. They were like $5 a bag. I don't care. Like a little tiny bag. Do not care. But we they were amazing they were like five dollars a bag I don't care for like a little tiny bag do not care but we used to go there and Sarah would get a couple bags of them

and I'd be like nah man those are worth it those are worth it they are worth they take cause you know like you go to the

go to the store and you'll get a pork skin or whatever and it's like greasy and weird and they taste like sawdust yeah these tasted amazing

and they were they had that clean taste not a like a not just a fucking heavy grease taste heavy grease taste didn't a like a... Not just a fucking heavy grease taste. Heavy grease taste. Didn't taste like KFC bucket, eight buckets.

Yeah, man. I think KFC should do it though. I think so too. You know what I mean? Get that guy in there. Get Steven Seagal in there. You can get a lot of publicity. So speaking of Steven Seagal,

the story comes from Yahoo News. Wheel of Fortune host, Pat Sajak, tackles contestant in bizarre moment that has fans puzzled. He like goes full Steven Seagal on some fucking contestant. The guy was a pro wrestler and they had it planned out ahead of time. I think it's great. It is like Pat Sajak is not a young man.

I have been watching. Hold on. Okay. How old is Pat Sajak? How old is Pat Sajak? How old is Pat Sajak? Pat Sajak is 76 years old. 76 years old, Cecil. 76 years young, Tom.

Wait, how old is Vanna White? She's got to be in her 60s. How old is Vanna White? Vanna White is 66 years old. Goddamn. She looks great for 66. Goddamn. Well, Pat is 66 years old. God damn. She looks great for 66. God damn. Well, Pat Sajak looks great for 76.

And he's still kicking ass. And he's still doing like some Lee Major shit out there. I love it. He's doing like the $9 million man or whatever it is. With inflation, I guess he's probably the $14 million man. Yeah, you got to bump that. He was the six, now he's the seven. It's at least 14. It's at least 14. It's at least 14.

If that TV show is still running, it's a lot more. Definitely a lot more. Into the billions at this point. Did you watch Wheel of Fortune when you were a kid? I did. My parents used to watch Wheel of Fortune. My dad watched Jeopardy every day.

Okay. And we would watch Wheel of Fortune sometimes in the evening. I think a lot of times in the evening. Pat Sajak really carved himself out as a TV host and did it for how many years? My whole life. That's the thing.

I was like, holy shit, Pat Sajak is still... I remember living with my dad as a young man, watching Wheel of Fortune. Wheel of Fortune back in the day, back in the day in the day, they didn't spin the wheel and get money. They'd spin the wheel and then they'd go into like this room full of prizes. And then they'd pick.

And they'd pick prizes. And they would always have like crazy weird shit like a big plastered dog statue and like all kinds of, do you remember this? Yeah. And then they'd have to spend the money at a certain point so they'd be out.

He's like, okay, well that leaves you with $86. He's like, well, I'll take the fucking dog statue. Take the fucking plastered dog statue. Yeah. I liked it better, first of all, when they walked around and randomly went shopping in the middle of the show.

Yeah, I love that. I love it. I love it, too. Yeah, that was great. But I've been watching fucking Wheel of Fortune my entire adult life, and I'm not a young man. Yeah.

Pat Sajak, holy shit, and he's still fucking, he's playing full-on bouncer on Wheel of Fortune. This guy who came on is like, said he was a pro wrestler and I guess he and Pat

had a play ahead of time where they just figured out that they're going to do a thing where Pat comes up from behind him and grabs him and the dude's like, yeah, I'll go with it.

Yeah, sure. I'll get the shit you taught me by Pat Sajak. Sounds awesome. Sounds fucking great. And so he's like an amateur pro wrestler. I don't know what that is.

I don't know how that works. A pro-am wrestler? I don't know. I don't think that works. Backyard wrestler. In any case. Backyard wrestler. You have backyard wrestling stories.

I have backyard wrestling stories. Yeah. Wasn't a famous guy? Yeah. Do you know CM Punk? Have you heard of CM Punk? Yeah, yeah. So I wrestled CM Punk at one point

in the backyard of some girl named Missy's house. So- Was he good? Yeah, he was. Like, well, I wasn't into wrestling, but my buddies were into it. And so, and I was into hanging out with my friends. So they would take us,

like we'd go to this girl Missy's like farm parties. I remember they used to put these flyers all over the same, we went to the same junior college. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they put these flyers over. Did you ever go to one of these? What was the name of it? It was- LWF. LWF is what it junior college. Yeah, yeah. And so they put these flyers over. Did you ever go to one of these? What was the name of it?

LWF. LWF is what it was called. Yeah, LWF. And I remember, I never went to a single one of these, never once. They were dumber than dog shit.

But like, we'd go to this girl's house. But I knew it was like a pro wrestling thing. Yeah, and so like, they had a ring in her backyard and her like, because her parents

had like farm land. And so like, there was a big ring outside. Somebody built like a whole canvas ring? Oh, a whole ring, dude, with the three ropes, the whole thing. Did it have like the thing where they bounced and shit? Yeah, the turnbuckles. No kidding. I like, there was a big ring outside. Somebody built like a whole canvas ring? Oh, a whole ring, dude, with the three ropes, the whole thing.

Did it have like the thing where they bounced and shit? Yeah, the turnbuckles. I mean, it was like amateurly constructed, but yeah, they had ropes and turnbuckles. No fucking shit.

They jumped from it and they put on, they all had characters and costumes and they put on a whole show. To be honest, I kind of got to, you got to admire the fucking hustle.

They worked their asses off, dude. You're like, you know, I admire that hustle. I think that's a, that's kind of baller. You know what I mean? These guys went out of their way to be like, I'm going to make my own wrestling fucking federation. These guys were a bunch of chuckleheads,

but this they did right. But only CM Punk made it big. Well, yeah. And so like one of the guys that did it was this guy called himself CM Punk. And there was all these, like his brother was there and like these guys would do this show.

You went to high school with CM Punk? Yeah. No kidding. Well, he was, he wasn't the same year that I was. He went to the same high school I went to.

Was he younger than you? I don't remember. I don't remember. I didn't know him. He's gotta be. And I will say, I never liked him. Yeah.

And he never liked me either. But I've had several, several like encounters with him. You got the shit kicked out of him in MMA, so you should feel good about that. Yeah, what did he do? When he transitioned over MMA,

he didn't do very well. So, but back in the the day at the end of the show everybody that we wanted to could pay five bucks and you could get in the ring and last man standing in the ring like no punching or anything but you could wrestle and they had a big battle royale and then they throw you over the top ropes whoever yeah last one standing gets the pot oh and so i went a couple of times and i'll be like yeah i'll get i'll put five bucks in and wrestle and so i put five bucks in and i'd wrestle around and i never won and i get fucking hurled out of there you know at some point by usually more than one person so the way it would work back like when i did it like the way it was like they kind of find a couple of the bigger guys like some of the guys who do this but they grab two or three guys who grab you right away and throw you out yeah and then And then, so you're just like,

all right, I'm out. So I always got thrown out. Sure. But the CM Punk guy was like fucking tough and wiry and he'd almost always be like one of the last guys in there. And so I've wrestled in a ring with CM Punk. And then like years later,

I ran into him because it turned out he was friends of a friend of somebody else because he's from the same hometown. So yeah, like I actually have wrestled. And you ran into him? He wouldn't remember me because it was just a backyard thing.. So yeah, like I actually have wrestled. He wouldn't remember me because it's just a backyard thing. Yeah, like I wrestled. That's crazy that they had that, that they had set all

that up, that they did all that extensive work. I think it's pretty great. It is. And then they did a whole... Did anybody get like really, really hurt? I think, I don't remember. I wasn't super close to these guys, but they would fuck themselves up. Man, let me tell you. They'd hit each other with chairs, shave each other's hair, and like hit each other with like barbed wire up. Man, let me tell you. They'd hit each other with chairs, shave each other's hair,

and like hit each other with like barbed wire shit. Let me tell you, man. They'd fuck each other up. That stuff like, like even just like jumping, I'm an old guy now, but even just jumping off

like a five foot thing onto a ring that doesn't bend and you fuck your knee up or something, like you can seriously fuck yourself up. Oh, for sure.

But do you remember when you were 20? Yeah, no. You could do whatever. You could do whatever you wanted to your body. I was more bendy, for sure. When you you remember when you were 20? Yeah. You could do whatever. You could do whatever you wanted to your body. I was more bendy, for sure. When you're 20. I'm an old man now.

Look at that. I'm like, I ain't jumping off that. Yeah, I'm an old man now. Like, now I'm like, my latex pillow's too hard. You know? I'm like, are you kidding me? I would slither. They'd hit me and I'd slither out of there.

I'm going to the concession stand and eating a bucket of chicken. If I finish the whole bucket, I get another bucket. I'm going in the bucket. I just think this is great.

This is from the CBC. All right. So, experienced Regina apologizes after criticism over new slogan sexualizing the city. Regina. What I love is that, you know, So experience Regina apologizes after criticism over new slogan, sexualizing Regina.

What I love is that, you know, like when you read this article, yeah, you understand the pronunciation. You understand the pronunciation immediately of Regina. Regina. Oh, what is it?

Ottawa? Where is it? It's somewhere in fucking Canada. Ottawa is a city. Maybe it's Ontario somewhere. It's not a state. It's somewhere in fucking Canada. Ottawa's a city. Maybe it's in Ontario somewhere. It's not a state. Ottawa's a city. It's in Ottawa, Ottawa. Regina, Ottawa? It's in Regina, Chicago.

I know my Canadian geographies. It's in the up north. It's up in the up north area. I want somebody to make me sure this is Regina, Ottawa. Regina. I'm sorry. I said Regina. Regina. It's not Regina. They try to like play with the

name and they have like experienced Regina. That's a great one. That one's okay, but like my favorites of the slogans that they picked is Regina, the city that rhymes with fun. Let me tell you. That's great. Let me tell you. That's great.

I'll tell you. It's one of these moments that you see this and you're like, okay, you didn't run this past anybody, did you? This is not past the 14-year-old boy test. You didn't even turn around to the admin sitting next to you and just say, okay, so I'm thinking of this. Absolutely not. I disagree. Like, I know that they're just like in the article, they're like, hey, I don't think we should have a slogan for our city that like a seven-year-old living here can't explain.

Okay, fine, Killjoy. But like, I want your t-shirt. Like, I want a shirt. There is a shirt. There is a shirt that says experience Regina. I want the shirt that is a shirt there is a shirt that says experience Regina I want the shirt that says Regina the city that rhymes with fun that's a fucking

great shirt I would the thing is like it's like that city in Pennsylvania like fucking Pennsylvania where people go to buy shirts

sure like there's nothing there it's Pennsylvania Pennsylvania can't have anything you want in it just definitionally. Yeah.

And if it's there, they have to throw it into the fires of Centralia. Yeah. But it's still like its own tourist attraction because of its kitschiness. I love it. I think it's great. Oh, you know, there are a bunch of these towns, though. There was one in the Cayman Islands. I think it's Hell in the Cayman Islands. Maybe think it's hell in the Cayman Islands.

Maybe I'm misremembering. One of them is hell. There might be a hell somewhere in Australia too. Probably. Most of Australia. I think there's a fucking Australia too. Yeah. So that's what I mean.

Like those towns, that shit's gold. Yeah. Like embrace the Regina is what I'm saying. Enjoy the Regina. Dig deep, dive deep into the Regina. Spend time in Regina. Don't rush Regina. There's just one really important spot right near the top.

You got to get to the crest of Regina. I don't think it exists, actually. This is, wow. This is... Wow. This story comes from Japan today. Fukushima... The end of this... I'm going to read this whole article

because the last line is everything. Some of these are pretty good. This one's good. Fukushima man arrested for defecating on another person's bicycle seat. All right. The problem with using bicycles is a common form of...

I love this is where they start off. Has this ever happened to you? There's got to be a better way. It's a Seinfeld episode. The problem with bicycles... The problem with using bicycles is a common form of transportation is that they're often parked outside,

open to the environment, accidents, or even theft. These are risks everyone is aware of and takes into consideration any time a bike is left unattended. What took place on December 15th last year, however, is quite possibly the last thing anyone

would expect to happen to a bicycle. Really, it's very... These articles that you find, Tom, are written in such a way as to be, like, suspenseful. There's so much drama in here. So much shit on a bicycle seat. Like it's not,

like come on, man. I need 500 words. I want the Reuters versus the Reuters. At about 7.30 a.m. on the day in question, a teenager approached her bicycle,

which was parked outside a station in Soma City, Fukushima Prefecture. However, sitting atop the seat was human fecal matter. She immediately notified the police

and an investigation was launched. Wow. I love you, Japan, right now so much. Who wants to be the guy with the magnifying glass looking at the people? Well, it does appear to be. But they,

as a result, also, Cecil, maybe this is just me. Maybe it's just America versus Japan. But if I went out to my bicycle and there was a fucking dookie on my bike seat, I wouldn't call the cops. No, it wouldn't even occur to me. That in a million years wouldn't occur to me. I'd probably call that company that cleans up after people who die.

Yeah, I don't know. To wash my bike off. Whatever it is. What I would do. I would be like, hey, you know what? I'm going to go down to Home Depot and run a power washer.

Right. And then power wash my bike and then light it on fire. Like I'm suddenly thinking like as I, as like as the season begins to warm up and I'm like,

I'm going to go biking again. Should I bring Clorox wipes or something? I wonder if somebody like they took, they crapped in a bag and then lit it on fire and put it on her. Then they knock on the door.

They ring the bell. As a result, a 28 year old man who lives in neighboring Miyagi Prefecture was arrested on suspicion of vandalism. The suspect is accused of defecating on the bicycle seats sometime between 5 PM on December 14th and 7 3030 a.m. the following day. Somebody's got a fucking like a little thermometer in the poop. Right.

There's like this is so Japan to me. Right. There's a guy who's got like a whole chart on how poop decays. Yeah. Right. Somebody's like, OK, you can tell based on the insects and the temperature. I will say the time of defecation was sometime between 5pm on the 14th and 7.30am

on the 15th. There's no way it was later than that because there's definitely dew marks on the picture. We've never investigated anything in America this thoroughly. Man, let me tell you something. Never. Never. It appears to be we are looking for someone who had corn within the last 24

hours. Did I ever tell you, like, I know I told you this story. When I was downtown, I had my bike stolen when I was downtown. I remember this now. And they were doing this thing where these guys walk around and I had one of these expensive locks on,

but I only had one lock on it, right? It was a lock that locked to the back of the bike. And evidently, they have this thing where they just walk up and they have like a grinding wheel in their back. Oh, my God. And so the guy will walk up with a grinding wheel, pull his bag out, make it look like he's getting his keys, and then he just cuts my lock completely off,

takes the lock with him, puts it in the bag, and then just drives off with my bike. Well, I had only had one lock. It went through the frame, but if you can cut through it, you cut through it. That's the way it works.

Well, I was like, oh, great. Well, they fucking stole my bike. Well, I remember trying to find out, find a way to report it stolen. It's almost, it's such a labyrinthian process in the United States to even just report your bike stolen. Is it really? I had to call like

three different numbers. And then in the end, they're like, do you have any evidence? And I'm like, no, I mean, like I had a bike and now I don't. So I don't have any evidence to show you that I don't have a bike. And they're like, they're like, well, we really can't help you. They were just like, if you don't have any kind of leads or anything, they're just like, fuck, we don't know. They don't do anything.

Evidence of like that. It got stolen. No, but like, like a lead, any, anything to help because they won't, there's nothing that I mean,

the Chicago police, I don't blame them. There's nothing they can do. It's a city of millions of people. There's nothing they can do. And so it's just like, it was impossible for me to even report. But the other thing too is,

hilariously, after that happened, I called the lock company because supposedly the lock company insures your bike for a certain amount. Okay. But they had said that since I didn't have like a photo

of how I locked the bike up. What the fuck? They wouldn't allow, they wouldn't replace the bike or whatever because they said their locks are unpickable or whatever.

And they're like, if you don't have the lock to show me that the lock was cut, was cut, then we won't, like, because they take the lock with them.

So I don't, I don't have any proof. And I was like, well, I don't have any proof. And they're like, well, we,

we sympathize. We'll send you a new lock in the mail. And I was like, okay, fine. I don't have a bike, but you can send the lock and I'll go buy a new bike in the mail. And I was like, okay, fine. I don't have a bike, but you can send a lock

and I'll go buy a new bike. Yeah, I'll lock up my mailbox. Fucking, so at my old condo, they used to just throw packages in the lobby. Well, while somebody's moving, one of these guys that's moving them just reaches over and grabs my package and walks on with it.

Did they steal your bike lock? They stole my bike lock. They stole your bike lock? They stole my bike lock. They stole your bike and then they stole the bike lock? And the thing is, is like, I knew who did it. I had video evidence. Holy shit. And it was like a, it was like a 90 or a hundred dollar lock. So I called the police office.

I was like, fuck this guy, man. This guy should at least have somebody talk to him. Right. And so I called the company that hired the mover, the moving company. I called them on the phone and I told them that their guy stole it. They said, do you have proof? I said, absolutely, I have proof. And they're like, well, if we don't, we didn't see it.

And I'm like, I can show it to you. Like, yeah, we're okay. And they kind of like hung up. They basically just were like, whatever. I don't want to see the video. I just don't want to see it. And then I called the cops and the cops were like,

yeah, man, we're not going to do anything about this. We are literally not going to do anything. Are you serious? Yeah, they were just like, no, we're not going to do anything about this. We are literally not going to do anything. Are you serious? Yeah, they were just like, no, we're not going to do it. It's $100? Like, no, absolutely not. Because when they asked me the value,

like, yeah, we're probably not going to do anything about this. Goddamn. I knew exactly who the guy was. They would have been able to go to the company and been like, does this guy work here? Holy shit.

They could have easily done. But again, you're in the middle of Chicago. Yeah, they got priorities, right? They got priorities. They don't care about somebody who stole a lock from somewhere. But it's so funny,

the difference between here, where somebody stole multiple things to me and nobody cared. Right. There, somebody took a shit on a bike seat. And immediately, there's a guy sliding down a pole at the fire station.

Although details surrounding the incident are few and far between, the police were specific that the seat had been defecated upon rather than the feces having been placed or smeared in another way. Okay, that really does require a level of detail of staring at feces that I'm not willing to put in my job. How do you know that somebody shat on the bike seat? Also, just logistically, Cecil.

It really feels like you want it. I don't know that I possess the leg and core and balance strength. Yeah. And just the sheer concentration to stand positioned, poised over the seat.

Not sitting on the seat. No. If you're sitting on the seat, you're smearing shit all over it. Just squish it. Yeah, you made a fucking, what is that? Play-Doh fun fact. Yeah. And then you're just, you're like, okay, I've got to lie.

And you're looking around. You know, you don't want to get caught. I will say the one thing that they have in Japan and in a lot of the East Asian countries is they have a squatting tradition where they like to squat a lot. That's true. They almost always, if you see them, they're sitting,

they, they, they squat. It's just a culturally, it's just a thing. That's probably true. And I think that lends you shit on a bike. And I feel like,

I feel like they have a leg. Literally. A motive was also initially unknown about until about a day later when the suspect reportedly admitted that he was attracted to the victim and specifically targeted her bike. Cecil, I've been attracted to people in my life. Sure. And at no point have I thought, aha, I've got it. Is this what women mean when they say, I've seen some shit?

Still better than an unsolicited dick pic. Admittedly. Still better than an unsolicited dick pic. You get a Mr. Hankey. Can you imagine when he's like, all right, I just picturing like this, like this interrogation room and the lights and you got these like two cops and one of them has been the good guy and the other has been the bad guy and you're sweating and you're like, oh, right.

I did it. You got me. I took a smash all over it because I love her. I feel like Wright's are naming it. Roses are red. This pile is poo. I'm just saying the birthday candle was a little much. Write a poem, man.

Oh, God. Let me tell you. I got to put this on the big screen. Tom, it's a jack-o'-lantern. I got to put this on the big screen. Tom, it's a jack-o'-lantern calf. This story comes from abc.net.au. Holstein calf with smiling face markings.

Land's role is farm lawnmower for life. I'm telling you right now, if you have, this looks so fake. It does. This looks fake as fuck. Did you see, I should have put it in the notes. Did you see the absolutely fucking enormous cow?

The like 14,000 pounds? There's this goddamn cow. What is that? What is happening? You guys. It's a ginormous cow. There's this fucking cow. Cecil's going to pull it up.

I'm going to pull it up on the screen. This fucking thing is so goddamn big. Should I just spell it ginormous cow? I showed this to Haley and I just typed in enormous goddamn cow or something and it came up. Yeah, seriously. Is that real? It's fucking real, man. Is that real?

Yeah, it's Nickers the cow. Come on. I don't believe it. There's a fucking Guardian article about this fucking thing. We're going to find a real article. The Guardian, right there. Okay, we're going to- Nickers the cow.

We're going to find it. Here we go. Look at that fucking thing. That is an right there. Nickers the cow. We're going to find it. Here we go. Look at that fucking thing. That is an absolute unit. Look at that. Holy shit. We're going to zoom in. Is that real? You guys, this goddamn cow weighs 1,400 kilograms.

That's a big mother. That's like 3,000 pounds, man. That's a big bitch. Like, that's a goddamn... The cow is 6' four at the shoulder. At the shoulder. It's a neutered male. This is just shy of the world record? What?

How big is the world record? Jesus, man. The world record is 2.02 meters. Nickers, a Holstein Fresian, I don't know what that is, weighs 1,400 kilograms or 220 stone, if you wanted to know that was in stone. Nobody cares what it is in stone. That's not a real thing. This line from the Guardian article annoys me.

This line right here. And for some reason, Nickers and his sizable existence are the talk of the internet, making news. What do you mean for some reason? There's a 3,000 pound fucking cow standing in a field of other cows looking insane. He looks like he's going to eat one. Like it seriously looks like,

it looks like, it looks like the kid who should have graduated like six years ago. Yes. He's like a sixth, seventh year senior in fucking high school.

Right? Like all the other high school kids like, ah, mom going away to college. And he's like a sixth, seventh year senior in fucking high school. Right? Like all the other high school kids. Like, ah, mom going away to college. And he's like, hey, pass me another palm oil. Are you kidding me? He's like, he's got a 401k or whatever. This goddamn thing is fucking enormous. And this other guy from this other story is like a fucking Holstein calf.

It has. That is the cutest damn thing. It has a smiley face. It has a jack-o'-lantern smiley face on it. It looks like a is the cutest damn thing. It has a smiley face. It has a jack-o'-lantern smiley face on it. It looks like a fucking Minecraft smiley face. It does, you're right. It looks like a fucking weird eight-bit smiley face. I love this shit.

I love this shit. I wouldn't want anybody to carve that into it, though. For both... Like a jack-o'-lantern. It's hard to put the candle inside. It really just ruins the whole thing. I love, too, that for both of these goddamn things, we're just like, you know, we're not eating this one.

There's some that'll just get passed. They just get passed. They're like, okay, no, we're not going to eat this one. You know why they're not eating that 3,000-pound fucker? Like, in the article, it says it's too fucking big to send to the slaughterhouse. It won't fit in the car. The slaughterhouse is like, it'll break the chains and shit that we use.

The guys are not, like, the farmers are not sentimental about this fucking cow, but they're like, they're like, the abattoir is like, it'll break the chains and shit that we use. They're like, we just, like, the guys are not, like, the farmers are not sentimental about this fucking cow. But they're like, they're like, the abattoir is like, yeah, we don't, like, this is all mechanized. Don't you still have to fucking feed it? Yeah, they're just going to keep it. What? They just, like, this fucking thing. They're just going to keep it. They're just like, yeah, it's like, people come out and see it for novelty.

We'll charge money for people to come see it. I would fucking, if that was my cow, I'd be like, yeah, you could fucking come over and get a selfie with it for 10 bucks or whatever. Fucking right, dude. I'd ride that fucker to work. Are you serious? You're like that guy in fucking Blazing Saddles comes in on the boat. You're that fucking guy. That's fucking amazing. That fucking cow

is a fucking monster, though. Look at that thing. Jesus Christ, man. Nickers is a great name. Look at that thing. All the other cows are like, whatever, dude. They should fly it to some fucking basketball mascot. Oh, shit.

Make it be like a basketball mascot of some kind. I don't think there is a... Is there a cow? It could be a bull. It could be. Yeah, it could be a Chicago bull. Chicago can take that fucking thing.

It could take that thing. Look at that goddamn cow. You could put it on the floor. It's probably better than what we got out there now. Can you imagine the size of the rug you could make out of that thing holy shit you make like a whole tent amazing this is the least enticing uh war propaganda i've ever heard this story comes from kiev post

stop masturbating and go to the front. Russian mercenary group Wagner launches porn site recruitment drive. And I guess in Russian, it just basically says, hey man, stop whacking it. Start whacking people instead.

Yeah. Like the video ad, the video ad says, we are the fucking greatest private military company in the world. Stop masturbating and go to the front. That's your, that's your fucking war propaganda. Like there's somebody like jerking off at this moment, at this moment, they got their dick in their hand. Someone's like, you know, you could be getting killed in a foreign country right now. And you're like, yeah, or I could jerk off. Is he doing the,

this is my weapon, this is my gun? There are many dicks, but this one is yours. This one is mine. Wait, well, I can't think of any less enticing thing

to interrupt me while I'm doing and offer me the chance to go die in a foreign country. Be like if there was like a pop-up for an eight-piece bucket of chicken.

Right now. Or in the middle of it. I'd be like, no, I'm okay. I'd say less enticing. I like thighs. Whatever. I'm a thigh guy.

What do you want? Thighs and breasts. Here we go. Thighs, skin. I'm a big skin guy. I like skin on things. Yeah, man. This is fucked up.

I, you know, what do you think about like, you know, we get a touch serious. How long do you, what kind of legs do you think that war has? What happens? Like what's the end game?

Years as far as legs are concerned. I think just years. I think it'll just fucking grind, dude. The, oh, God. Is it like they're Vietnam? You know what I mean? I think this just goes. It just goes until they just decide,

well, we won and they didn't win. Yeah, probably. I think at some point, we might, the problem from everything that I read and think about is like, it's hard to imagine a opportunity to force the moment to crisis in order to create any kind of like big shift or change. Sure. Without escalating into, you know, the sort of like red lines, you know, nuclear war scenarios.

Yeah, some kind of really bad scenario. Yeah. you know, nuclear war scenarios. Yeah, some kind of really bad scenario, yeah. But you've got essentially like the Ukrainians as human, like collateral on the one side and then the entire like financial might and military of the Western alliances. Yeah. And they're facing off against Russia, which has eight times the population of Ukraine,

a much, much larger economy. Yeah. And like, yeah, like Russia's losing, but like Ukraine's losing too. And the Ukraine has so many less people. It's just a grind. I don't know how this works. Yeah.

Well, you know, like, and the one thing that could slow it down is the press in your country being against it. But in Russia, that's real hard to do. Because anybody who comes out, you know, you get a little fucking poison snifter to leave a place. And, you know, so they have

a lockdown and a control over what people can say and what people can do. And, you know, even look at the protests that were coming out afterwards. They were beating people up and dragging people. I mean, it's not... Disappearing people, man. We do this all the time. Yeah.

Like we take, hell, during Trump's presidency, they were driving a fucking black van around Portland, sucking people up and taking them to black sites. It's fucking insane. Don't get me wrong. Like, it's not like I'm saying that they're like some kind of crazy, crazy anomaly country. Like we do that shit too.

But it's a very strange situation because they can't there's there's no real pushback from their people that can get really really big right uh-huh and so you're in a weird spot there and then putin of course is a giant piece of shit i mean like one of the things that you can hope for is like maybe his health goes yeah it. I mean, it really does like in my mind, like it comes down to maybe something like that. I mean, Putin and, uh, Xi Jinping just met this week or last week.

They seem to be buddying up more and more. They seem to be forming more and more of a, uh, anti-Western alliance. Yeah. I, I think, I think this drags on possibly for many years like possibly for many

many years i don't know i don't know i i hate to say that yeah like could this be in afghanistan i will say when this first started though nobody expected it to last more than five days yeah this this was and and it's like that's been amazing and like there's been parts of this where you're just like yeah fuck yeah like and i do feel that way like amazing. And like, there's been parts of this where you're just like, yeah, fuck yeah. Like, and I do feel that way. Like, fuck yeah, man. Like, I'm glad that the Ukrainians are battling. I'm glad that they're pushing back.

I'm glad that they're going on the, if I am, like, I think this is an egregious, morally reprehensible invasion, but I'm just like, fuck, it's going to be hard to win. It's going to be a long- Winning is such a big condition. It's going to be a long time. Yeah, man. So this be hard to win. Winning is such a big condition. It's going to be a long time. Yeah, man.

This story comes from live.com. Michigan boy, six, spends $1,000 on Grubhub. The doorbell just kept ringing. Cars kept coming. This is amazing. Chesterfield Township, Michigan. The doorbell just kept ringing, and the cars just kept coming. A six-year-old Michigan boy went on a wild

$1,000 spending spree like he was on a game show using his father's Grubhub account, ordering large amounts of food from numerous area restaurants. The food piled up quickly for Ken Stonehouse of Chesterfield Township in Metro Detroit on Sunday night while he was home alone with

his son Mason, with his wife Kristen away at the movies with friends. We're talking five large orders of jumbo shrimp, salads, shawarma and chicken pita sandwiches, chili cheese fries, ice cream, grape leaves, rice. And that's just some of what was ordered. Can you imagine? And so like, there's like a lot of stuff in this

that gets listed to all the things and then he can't return it, right? Because like you ordered it and like he actually ordered it he did order it like it's on your app like you ordered it and this kid

what would you do to your kid if you found out a thousand dollars and grew up the thing is like he's so little he's six

so that's the part that's like so insane it's like when kids are that little they don't really understand. Like when Haley and I were first dating, so this would be like, yeah, this would be like six years ago or so. Donovan was about nine or 10 and he got into her Amazon account and didn't really, like he's only nine or 10.

It's older than this kid. And he ordered like three or $400 worth of fidget spinners. Oh my God. Yeah. She's, she's, she was actually in Chicago hanging out with me. The kids are back in New York with whoever was watching them. I think the grandparents and like all of a sudden her phone's like Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon, Amazon.

And he's ordering like expedited delivery and all that. Cause he just doesn't really get it. Sure. He doesn't, you know, like kids don't really understand like how much money is money at that point. Like they just don't get it. I would fucking lose my mind, but I would be laughing. I would be laughing my ass off.

I would be dying. Like, but maybe that's just cause I'm super fucking privileged. I got the shit kicked out of me as a kid at six. Yeah. A kindergartner. Sure. Oh, rough. That's rough. I believe you. I believe you, but that of me as a kid. At six? Yeah. A kindergartner? Sure. Oh, rough.

That's rough. Come on. I believe you. I believe you, but that is still rough. Yeah. Yeah, man. Oof. I believe you, but that sucks.

Yeah. I would be super pissed. I would be, but also like, I would be hard pressed not to laugh. Yeah, I mean, at a certain point, I mean, like you just got to be like, what are you going to do? What are you going to do? Yeah, right. You know, I'd eat,, you just gotta be like, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Yeah, right. You know, I, you know, I, there's just.

I'd eat, dude. I'd fucking eat. You know, there's some, there's some moments in your life where you just gotta fucking say whatever, right? Yeah, right. I mean, like, years ago, when I first met my wife, you know, we were dating for several months and there was a party at her house.

And I went, like, back to her place. We were at, like, we were hanging out by, like, a fire. And then we went out to my car I wanted to get my coat and we walk over and like there was a chucklehead party across the street where there were a bunch of kids like these are all high school kids

and they went over and they literally took my Geo Metro I was the only car that they did this to and they flipped it over on its head like they basically

just flipped it on its roof this is just some random kids just fucking these are like teenagers and I'm a I'm at that point, I'm 23 maybe, I think at the time.

And you know, I'm driving a car and the car is totaled. It's literally totaled. Totaled, yeah. And I remember her brother and her other brother came over

right after it happened because she called him. Her parents were away. She was having a bonfire. But then she called her brothers like, oh my God, somebody flipped, you know, Cecil's car over and they came over and over there like, you're really calm. I'm like,

who am I going to get mad at? At a certain point, and that's how I think you feel. It's like, who are you going to get mad at? Who can I get mad at? Some random kid, some corn fed, random chucklehead who's probably on the wrestling team or the football team or some other high testosterone team, walked by with his friends and said, wouldn't it be funny if we flip this car over? Right. And then they did. Yep. And then they got in their car and they drove away.

And then someone else is there to pick up the pieces. But who do you get mad? How do you yell? What do you do? Right. You don't do anything. You're just like, well, I guess I'm out of car now. Right.

That's the end of that story. I've got to figure that out. I got to figure all that out now. And I bet you that this guy probably looked at it too. He was just like, well, I'm out of thousand dollars now. I better free some of this. That's it. Yeah, right.

I hope he ordered Ziplocs. You know, he could have saved a lot of money if he'd just ordered one bucket of chicken, Tom. Oh, right. Then he just could have eaten it and gotten free refills. Got free refills of chicken the whole time. See, this is why you can't trust fucking six-year-olds. Get your free refills of chicken, Tom. Oh, right. Then you just could have eaten it and gotten free refills. Got free refills of chicken the whole time. See, this is why you can't trust

fucking six-year-olds. Guys, get your free refills of chicken if you don't pat Say Jack O'Russell. And if you want to avoid that, maybe learn a little Aikido from the Russians with Steven Seagal.

And stop jerking off. Yes. All right, that's going to wrap it up for this week. Thanks for joining us, everybody, for a fun, goofy news segment. We're going to catch you guys on Monday with a regular show, but we're going to wrap it up for this week. Thanks for joining us, everybody, for a fun, goofy news segment. We're going to catch you guys on Monday with a regular show,

but we're going to leave you like you always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative alternative acupunctuating pressurized Stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain deadpan sales pitch late-night info doc attainment Leo Pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death and towers tarot cards

psychic healing crystal balls Bigfoot Yeti, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. Consence. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential.

Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only. All opinions are solely that of Glory Hole Studios, LLC. Cognitive dissonance makes no representations as to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability, or validity of any information and will not be liable for any errors, damages, or butthurt arising from consumption. All information is provided on an as-is basis. No refunds. Produced in association with the local dairy council and viewers like you. you