Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 693: Chonkasorus

Episode Date: June 1, 2023

https://www.insider.com/plump-snapping-turtle-chonkosaurus-in-the-chicago-river-video-2023-5

Hey, we've got a secret. This podcast is supported by Apples Never Fall, a chilling new mystery series from the author of Big Little Lies, starring Annette Bening, Sam Neill, Jake Lacey, and Alison Brie. It's sure to get people talking. What dark secrets lurk in this family? Tune in on March 21st to find out. Apples Never Fall, exclusively on W Network and Stack TV.

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glorio Studios in Chicago and beyond, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad.

It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome at. This is a bucket episode. We don't know what this is. What I mean is we are recording it in advance, stick it in a bucket so Cecil can go on vacation. I can go on vacation. I'm going to be gone for like three weeks.

And so we're not sure. So it's in a bucket. But we're putting stuff in a bucket. It will play almost certainly before I go on vacation. Right. But we're not sure if it's a patron show or if it's a other show. But here's what I think about that. If you are hearing this now, you're either a patron, in which case, thank you.

And if you're hearing this and you're not a patron, you could hear more of this if you were. If you were. It'd be easy. It'd be easy. If you like it, you know, if you like just the tip, there is more where that came from, baby. Not a lot. Not much more where that came from. But there's more.

There's a little more, but very often. All right. This story comes from Rolling Stone. Professor Flunks. I hate this story so much. All of his students after JetGPT falsely claims it wrote their papers. I'm so mad at this story. I hate this story so much. All of his students after chat GPT falsely claims it wrote their papers. I'm so mad at this story. I hate it so much and I'm going to tell you why

I hate it. Tell me. Tell me why. Because it's a fucking Reddit thread. It's a story of a fucking Reddit thread. I hate this shit. Such lazy journalism. Come on. Rolling Stone is a like it's a journalistic tradition in this country.

It is. That they had for years. It's gotten so bad. And it's so bad now where they're just like, hey, I read this thing in a Reddit thread that somebody says that Texas A&M did this thing. Right. And we reached out to them for comment and they said they're looking into it. And so there's literally no reason to believe this is true. You have no idea.

And that is an important distinction. And that's important for, there's a reason why we're doing it on The Silly Show. Right. Because it's. There literally no reason to believe this is true. You have no idea. And that is an important distinction. And that's important for the reason why we're doing it on The Silly Show. There's no reason to believe this is true. And I'm right there with you. I fucking hate that lazy clickbaity like, hey, I wrote an article based on an Am I the Asshole I read once. And you're just like,

and I get you just need content for the fucking churn. Oh, God. Jesus Christ. That's not an article. Yeah, yeah dude that's a summation of a forum we've turned into this and it's trash it is absolute trash it's fucking trash i can fucking read reddit if i want to read reddit i know leave me alone like how fucking stupid do you have to be that you're like i'm gonna read the reddit original it's not a fucking term paper i want to say you're trying to suss.

It's a Reddit thread. I want to say too, like I don't believe any of the threads I ever read on Reddit. Oh no. I don't believe a single thing I read. I'm like, everything is a lie. It has to prove itself to me first.

Everything I see is staged. A hundred percent. I don't believe it until I tell that it's not staged. I don't believe the video. I'm just like, no, that was staged. Unless it's like a car accident.

Then I'm like, okay, well, probably didn't stage that. That's probably not staged. That seems expensive. It seems like only Mr. Beast could stage that or whatever. The rest of it, I'm like, no. I don't believe Reddit so much to the point that if I posted a Reddit thread, I'd be like, that didn't happen. I didn't even do that.

I didn't even do that. That's bullshit. It's like you called the optometrist or whatever. You forgot about it. It's like that. It's like that. Yeah, he's an orthodontist. You can't prove it.

It's not in the calendar. It didn't happen. Never happened. Tom, you could have an unlimited number of sexual affairs if they didn't occur in your calendar. The thing is, I wouldn't remember them either. I'd be like, I don't know. Never even happened. I don't even know. I passed like I don't know never even happened I don't even know I passed the fucking

lie detector test not in the fucking calendar it's not dude fucking if I don't fucking put in the calendar that I'm working out

with pig, pet, and squee or whatever it didn't I you know we got a bunch of messages after that happened where people were like,

I fucking feel so seen by comments about putting shit in a calendar and not realizing it. And then like also not doing things that don't occur that aren't in your account. Like, no, never. Like,

I'm not going to do it if it's not in there. I can't. So many, like there's more people than just you that rely on that in a way. That's, that's, that's Mike. Yeah. If I lost my phone tomorrow, that rely on that in a way that's big. If I lost my phone tomorrow, I would just sit in a room.

I would be paralyzed. Paralyzed. It's like, Cecil, when we've traveled before, like I have no sense of direction. None at all. You have an unerring, homing pigeon-like sense of direction. Guys, it's spooky how good Cecil's sense of direction is. Cecil could go three quarters of the way

to a place one time and he'll be like, seven years later, he can get all the way to the original place he didn't even get to in the first time. It's unbelievable.

You only say that because I found that one place by your uncles where you could never find it. I never found it. And after we found it the first time, I was like, after that, I was like, by my uncle. By your uncle's where you could never find it. I never found it. And I was, and after we found it the first time,

I was like, after that, I was like, I got this. But guys, all right, so I got it. So here's the thing.

The place is not like my uncle's house, right? My uncle owns hunting land in Michigan and it is five hours from nowhere. So if you start at nowhere

and then you spin in a circle and you go for five hours in any direction, that's his land. It's close to the big city of Grand Rapids. Big Rapids. It's not even close to Grand Rapids. It's close to Big Rapids. It's Big Rapids.

And by close, it's a half an hour. It's a half an hour north of that. It's so far. Yeah. And my uncle's land is undeveloped, like hunting land. It's just undeveloped land. And so to get to the land, you have to go. So you go on a highway until you're bored

and there's nothing left to look at and everything is dead. Then you get off the highway and you drive down a fucking road and that road turns into a gravel road and then you're still not done being rural because the next thing you do is you turn at some undisclosed,

unmarked moment where there's a tiny break in the fucking trees and then there's a tiny break in the fucking trees. And then there's a two-track. Yeah, a little tiny. Yeah, it's not even a dirt road. It's not even a dirt road. A dirt road would be a massive upgrade.

There is a two-track. It's such a bad road that at a certain point, we were trying to take a van back there full of all our stuff. And Tom can't maneuver it through there because it's so tight in there. And the van was almost flipped over at a certain point because there's no good way to drive back there. It had been like washed out. And I'm trying to like ride the edge of like what had been washed out.

And so the van is tipping at a higher and more precarious angle. And the guys in the car start like yelling. We're like, whoa, whoa, whoa. And you're like, you're not helping. It was amazing. It was very funny. So like, so this thing that Cecil's like, oh, you just, he remembered which tree to turn at.

There's no markers. All the trees are green. There's not a marker. I recognize the area. Area is just trees, Cecil. There's not a boulder. No, there's nothing Cecil. There's not a boulder. No, there's nothing, guys. There's nothing.

There is. So there's two houses that are right, like I guess that would be east of it, that are- How would you know if it's east? I don't know what direction that is. East of it. Fuck you. It would be east of it.

It would be east of it because we're going north and then we took a left, so we're going west. And so it's closer to that. We're in a car. Go on, Tom Tom. I didn't hear you. I was going to say, so there's a one house

that is very, it's got like, it's like a ranch type house and they had a bunch of like vehicles, like very strange vehicles. And I remember that house and it was still there. It was still there when we went back and I was like, oh, well, that's right around the corner strange vehicles. And I remember that house and it was still there. It was still there when we went back

and I was like, oh, well, that's right around the corner from here. And then there's another house that's very similar across the street. It's like a farm type, like with horses.

They all look the same. No, it looks different. These ones, these two look very different. Every house out there. We're going there tomorrow. I'll show you. We're going.

We're going to take a video. We're going to take a road trip for the fans. Everything looks like nothing up there. I'll show you. It looks different. It looks different. It looks different. That's so much.

My method of navigation relies exclusively on street names. On street names? I'm like, okay, I'm on like 196. I get off at the Ashton exit. I take a left. Now I'm on that road called whatever. And then I'm supposed to turn on the next road with a name. See.

If there's road is, there's no name. So there's people, there's people out there that are right now thinking like you. And then there's other people like me who spatially visualize the whole place, right? So when I think of like where 294 runs, I see a map. So my brain puts out a map and I'm like, okay, I know where 294 runs because I know where the map is of 294.

So I know where it goes throughout the city, how it goes around the city. I know how the Eisenhower hooks up to it and where it hooks up to it because in my brain that's voodoo I know where the

spatially I know where it all is that in my brain that's voodoo but like secondarily is the names of streets I'm like eh I'll figure it out I know where I'm at

I am I have no so like if Cecil Cecil wanted to get rid of me someday he could treat me like a dog he could just drive me to the woods I could just drive I know where I'm at. I am, I have no, so like if Cecil, Cecil wanted to get rid of me someday, he could treat me like a dog. He could just drive me to the woods. I could just drive, I could just,

I could seriously, and not far away either. No. I could go to, like I could drop him off like Blair Witch Problem, project, drop him off.

At this point, I'm very good with Illinois. I can, you, I'm good in Illinois. I am good in Illinois. But if you move over any border, Then you're like, I don't know where I'm at. I don't know where I'm at. I've driven enough in Illinois that I am good in Illinois. But if you move over any border, then you're like,

I don't know where I'm at. I don't know where I'm at. I've driven enough in Illinois that I feel pretty comfortable through most of Illinois. Through central Illinois, southern Illinois, I got pretty good.

I've driven a lot for work and other, I've driven a lot. So I'm like, all right, I could probably make, but if you drove over the border into Wisconsin,

I mean like, if you could still see the Illinois border. GPS makes you lazy too. It does. GPS makes your brain lazy. Makes you so fucking lazy. Yeah mean, like, if you could still see the Illinois border. GPS makes you lazy too. It does. GPS makes your brain lazy. Makes you so fucking lazy. Yeah.

Speaking of things making you lazy, let's get back to ChatGPT. Okay. So this whole story is a Reddit thread about ChatGPT. And this guy, basically,

if we're to believe this story, this teacher said to his class, I ran parts of each of your essays back into ChatGPT and asked it if you wrote this and it said yes, if ChatGPT wrote it

and it said yes. And so now you all get an F or whatever. But I think the best part about this and one of the reasons why I don't believe is because he's like a rodeo teacher or something. And I'm like, come on, man. What's the fucking final like in a rodeo class?

Dude, if rodeo is not an easy A, like if rodeo is, if you're like, are you majoring in rodeo? If you can't fucking hog tie an A in that class.

I can't believe you're clowning around in rodeo school. You're throwing a fucking lasso around shit, pulling it down. Oh God, get out of here. Only in fucking Texas can you take rodeo.

I'll tell you what, but this whole story. Dad, I failed rodeo. I feel like if you take a rodeo class and then you fail it, that's a beating. I feel like that's 100% a beating. Here's what I want, Cecil. I want to read someone's final rodeo class and then you fail it, that's a beating. I feel like that's a hundred percent a beating. Here's what I want, Cecil. I want to read someone's final rodeo paper.

For rodeo? You know what's so funny though? This guy like, like they took his, supposedly took this teacher's thesis and ran it into ChatGPT and asked if it rodeoed. Right.

And it was on like pig husbandry or something. Again, only in Texas can you marry a pig. The Guardian, U.S. driver pulled over for speeding, tried to switch places with dog. Motorist maneuvered inside car before getting out on the passenger side following police stop in Springfield, Colorado.

Did they say what kind of dog? They don't. They don't say what, Colorado. Did they say what kind of dog? They don't. They don't say what kind of dog. Okay. Now, what kind of dog? What kind of dog did he try to pretend? Oh, well. Because I think there's definitely funnier dogs.

What dog? Well, all right. So what dogs would drive really well? What's the most believable driving dog? That's definitely a German Shepherd. It's most believable. German Shepherd could, I think, do it. I feel like German Shepherd.

I feel like Golden Retrievers would definitely a German Shepherd. It's most believable. German Shepherd. Could I think, I feel like German Shepherd. I feel like, I feel like golden retrievers would be a distracted driver. I don't feel like they'd hang their head out. Yeah. I don't think they'd be. I feel like the ones that could concentrate. I also, I think it would be really funny if it was a really small dog that couldn't see. You just like trade your trade places with like a dachshund and you're like, I wasn't driving. It was the dachshund officer. Also, I just, I love the idea that the officer is going to be like, well, carry on then.

Or you're like, what? Or like arrest the dog. You just see the dog's paw come out and like adjusted sunglasses. The cop comes over, the dog's like, am I being detained?

Am I being detained? I'm a sovereign poodle. I just love the idea of this guy being like, maybe they won't notice. He's like sneaking away from. He's like done. The lights go out. He is here. Raro Shaggy.

Scoop. Like Zoinks, man. We got pulled over. Scoop. You got to scooch over, Scoop. It's the fuzz. I'm real fucking high, Scoob. I can't have another one.

I can't go back there, Scoob. I can't go back there, man. Look, when you pull over the mystery machine, this is what you get. All right? This is it. Just open it up. Fucking fog of fucking weed. It's open it up. Fucking fog. Fucking weed.

Just. Oh, man. How the fuck would you know? The dogs are sitting there. Big ass Marmaduke looking dog. I love the headline of this. It's from CNN. Please don't use guns to fish,

Kansas officials warn. And what I like is the please. I know, right? I love the please. Like, hey, can we not just like shoot at fish? Are they just like shooting invasive species and shit? Like fish that you can't really eat? I don't know. But if they're not in barrels,

I don't think it counts. On the one side, they got a whole monkey, a barrel full of monkeys and someone shooting. And they're like, no, no, no. What are you doing? What are you doing? That was fun. That's a fun barrel. Those monkeys don't even have a chance over there.

Shooting a fucking fish. Have you, have you ever like tried to do anything other than like use a, because there's like the spear fishing and then like they do noodling and they try to grab it and whatever. You can shoot with a clubbing. It's like all kinds of different ways to catch fish. Have you ever done anything other than just using a rod and reel? No,

I've never done anything with rod and reel. When I was camping many, many years ago at, years ago in Missouri, there was a bunch of people camping at the site next to where I was at, right by the lake. And they went out every day

in this boat and they had a bow with like a reel attachment to it and like arrows. No shit. And they shot these, I think they called them buffalo, but they're a fish.

They're a big fucking lake fish. And they just go out and just boop and they would shoot them buffalo but they're a fish they're a big fucking lake fish and they just go out and just boop and they would shoot them and then they just reel it in so it's like a reel attached to the bow really?

yeah you know what weirds me out about that is like the refraction of the water you have to learn the angle change like you've got to know what to do

to aim correctly because if you just shoot where it is where your brain says it is you'll miss it you're not going to hit it. Yeah. And I'll tell you a story.

Like when we were little kids, we're not little, little kids, but old enough to, old enough to go to the creek. Okay. Right? Sure. So like 10 to like, you know, 13 or something like that.

We used to take whatever we could get our hands on, sometimes golf clubs, sometimes bats, sometimes sticks, whatever it was. sometimes golf clubs sometimes bats sometimes sticks whatever it was and the fish in that area of the pot of the river there the river would sometimes get low and so you could see the fish oh yeah in that area swimming up the stream or down the stream and so you could see them and they're big they're carp right go out there try to hit them i don't think we hit a single one i don't think ever in the time that we did it, and we would do it for, you know,

hours at a time, you'd run up and down the creek trying to find him. Trying to smack a fish with a club. You swing and you miss every, because you're so slow in comparison. So fucking slow in comparison. They are like a fucking lightning bolt from heaven and you are like moving in the matrix.

You're just fucking so slow. It's outrageous. And so, yeah, like you would swing and you'd like moving in the matrix. You're just fucking so slow. It's outrageous. And so, yeah, like we would swing and you'd hit nothing. Yeah. I don't remember a single time any one of my friends or myself

ever connecting at all. Well, unless the fish is like right under the surface too. The water is immediately going to dull the power. It's just you just making yourself tired. You're splashing.

That's all it is. You're splashing. You're playing splash fight with a fish. You're playing splash and running up and down a creek. That's all it is. You're splashing. You're playing splash and running up and down a creek. That's all you're doing. But I've never tried to do anything else other than fishing, like regular fishing. I guess, and this is a terrible story, but I guess when I was a late teenager, mid to late teenager, me and my buddy Rick.

Rick would get these like M80s and quarter sticks. And we would roll them in glue, carpenter's glue, and then rolled them in copperhead BBs. And then we would light them and throw them in a lake. And we would, we'd be like, ah! And we'd call it fish hunting.

Yeah. And like, they would blow up and sometimes the fish would rise to like, some nearby fish would rise to the surface. And I'm certain that the BBs

actually didn't do anything. Yeah. No. It was just a concussion. It was a concussion. Yeah. They probably only knocked them out too.

Yeah. Yeah. I think it probably only knocked them out. And so, then we'd be like, because we're fucking teenagers, idiots. Yeah. Yeah probably only knocked him out too. Yeah. I think it probably only knocked him out. And so we'd be like, cause we're fucking teenagers. Yeah. Yeah.

It's just like me. Like I was swinging a bat at a cat, at a fish. There's no purpose to it. But when you're a little kid and you're like full of like starting to get testosterone and you like, there's a lot of weird shit and dumb shit you do. Well,

could I break something? Yeah. You're like, I just want to break a lot of stuff. That's what I, at least that's what I was as a kid. I'm not going to universalize that concept, but I was the same.

I was very much like, what can I break? You just run around like breaking stuff is great. What if something was one piece and you made it more pieces? Really not a very good child, but in any case, in any case, the,

uh, the shooting of it, how deep didn't they try to do like a thing on Mythbusters where it doesn't do anything? It's fucking nothing. Yeah. It's funny. They did this on Mythbusters.

They took like great big honking ass rifles. You shoot them in the water and like a handful of feet down, really just a handful of feet down. And the bullets like, and it's got like no juice. That much, huh? Yeah.

It's not a lot. Water's really, really fucking effective. Like at dispersing energy, dispersing force. So bullets are like kind of nothing underwater. I see. Like they don't go far. That's why I think they use

different types of projectiles underwater, like spears and shit. Yeah, yeah. So from times of Israel. Okay, Tom. I don't know. I feel real weird about talking about this story. Auschwitz Museum

criticizes tasteless ice cream stand near iconic Deathgate. And Cecil, here's the thing. I'm 100% on board with this criticism. If that ice cream is tasteless, they need a better vendor. Jesus Christ. Ice cream should be delicious

you pick these stories out so you can get your one one liner you're like I got this one liner I can say it all all week I wanted to say this doesn't matter

and here's the thing I'm never going to shit on you for writing a joke ahead of time because I think like no matter what you thought of it right so it's a great joke it's a great joke

I want to talk like very seriously though do you think that having ice cream near Auschwitz is a bad thing? I mean, I understand like maybe the, the, the drawings on the outside or something like,

or if it's like happy fun with a fucking funny ice cream cone going, Hey kids or something. Right. I get it. Right. But if it's just like a food vendor or something nearby, cause it's an attraction, I mean,

it is an attraction. Is there something there that is bad? Like, is there something there that we say, we can't do this here? Because I want to say real quick, when I die, I want you to eat an entire fucking half gallon ice cream. Yes.

And then I want you to walk over to my grave and I want you to pour the driblins out for your fallen homie. That's what I want. I got you. I don't, I want you to eat as much ice cream as you possibly want at my funeral. Well, you know, like if they ask you to speak, I want you to have a mouthful. I don't care. I don't care. I want you to have a drumstick in one hand, a push-up pop in the other, a bomb pop underneath your arm. Can I have a good humor guy outside playing the calliope music?

I don't care. Like in the other arm, you've wedged some Ben and Jerry's, your favorite kind, a Maricone Dream or whatever it is that you want. Here we go. Yeah, just put it in there. Chubby Hubby.

I don't know which one you like, but there's a whole bunch of them. Just eat as much ice cream as you can like it's gonna go for everybody you're never there's gonna be a time where you're not gonna eat any more ice cream yeah so eat as much as ice cream as you can while you still fucking can dude that's where i sit and i see this and i'm like why i understand it's a sound place. And I'm not saying like, like take your shirt off and rub ice cream on your nipples. Right. I'm saying like, if there's a stand there,

what is the big deal? Yeah. And I don't know that I disagree. I, first of all, like this is a place where like a lot of people starved. Yeah. And died.

No, I mean, genuinely, right? And so like, it seems, like I have weird feelings about this as an attraction anyway. I just do. I don't know how to articulate them properly, but I have weird feelings. I had an opportunity to go

to two different places, and we decided not to. I would not go. It's not because I'm here having fun or whatever. I've been to solemn places before, but I chose not to go to those places. And I do recognize the need for them. Because there is a part of me that's like,

there needs to be a remembrance of this. There needs to be something there. There needs to be a remembrance. If that turns into an attraction, then it turns into an attraction. And I don't think that that's a bad thing. That helps spread the message of how bad things are. So I get it. But I also recognize that there's going to be people who don't want to go, don't want to do that, don't want to participate in that.

I get that too. But I also feel like if you're going to make an attraction, it's like there's this game that you can play where you make like an amusement park. It's like a, like a Sims, but it's like a tycoon. Yeah. It's like a tycoon game. And you can just like take all the washrooms out of it. People are walking around, like they don't know what to do. And then they're mad. And then there's a bunch of complaints about you. Cause you don't have washrooms. You could put like at the end of like one area, like a tiny little place you could put food and then anywhere else. And it's like really badly made, et cetera. But like,

you know, attractions, the point I'm trying to make is even in that game, they recognize attractions need certain things in order for them to be attractions. They have to have

three or four amenities in order for them to be actual attractions. You can't expect someone to go all the way there and then be like, yeah, you're really far away from place

and then there's also nowhere to eat here. There's nothing you can like even nibble on or whatever. Because then like, we have friends who like carry snacks with them. What would happen to them? They'd be like, that would be like a big deal if like there's no food around and then they just like open up of their thing of Cheetos.

And then like, ngah, ngah, ngah. Yeah, I guess I feel like if we're going to have places like this and I think for all the reasons you articulated, we are, right?

Yeah. And we probably should. Yeah. So if we're going to have places like this, I think it's like, like I'm sure there's public bathrooms at Auschwitz.

Yeah. Right? I'm sure there's places, there are places where we just like recognize it like we're just meat machines. Yeah. And like we got to eat.

Like I think. They probably have benches. Right. Right where you could sit down. I've never been there. But Cecil, I'll bet there's a place where you can like, I probably wouldn't call it a gift shop, but I bet there's a gift shop. Yeah, maybe. It might be a place where like remembrances of some kind are sold. That's kind of what I'm saying. Like I don't know that it would be,

and I don't know, is it as garish as a gift shop? But like there's a reality to it costs money to keep these places up. saying. Like, I don't know that it would be, and I don't know, is it as garish as a gift shop? But like, there's a reality to it costs money to keep these places up. Yeah. Like, none of this is free. So like, it doesn't,

as long as it's like not some garish, awful like thing. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, if it's like, if it's on bad taste. Yeah. Yeah.

And again, if it's on bad taste, better vendor. You need to get the Ben and Jerry's guy out there. Look. Yeah. Look, if there's Ch and Jerry's guy out there. Look. Yeah.

Look, if there's churre for churros available for me. I haven't had it. Because that's an amazing. I haven't had it. Cecil. I'll look for it. You can't get it at a store. You turn me out of that tiramisu and I have to turn my head when I walk away.

It's so good. Because it's so fucking good. I'm just like, I can't get another fucking quarter. I actually told, I had to tell Haley the other day. I was like, I got on the scale. I need you to stop buying me ice cream. I know you're showing me how much you love me, but I'm loved too much right now.

I need too much. Did not eat ice cream for a little while. Especially that fucking tiramisu. I could eat that whole thing. God, it's so good. I could eat that. And the funny thing is, is like, I'll normally go out and be the adventurous one.

I'll be like, oh, I'm going to try this one. And Sarah will be like, I'm going to get the tiramisu again. And I think, okay, well you get the tiramisu, but I'm going to try this one. And Sarah will be like, I'm going to get the tiramisu again. And I think, okay, well, you get the tiramisu, but I'm going to try this one. And I'll eat a couple of spoonfuls of mine. I'm like, eh. And then Sarah, she'll be eating hers. And then I'll be like, are you done with that?

She'll say, sure. And then I'll just eat the fucking rest of it. I'll eat the fucking rest of it, man. Because it's so good. If there's a Ben & Jerry's store near you, they do hand-packed pints and have flavors that aren't available in the store. Oh, wow.

Like at the grocery store. I don't know. Is there one around flavors that aren't available in the store. Oh, wow. Or like at the grocery store. I don't know. Is there one around? There's one in Naperville. Oh, okay. Yeah. So that's, so like I've door dashed it before. From Naperville?

Oh, I guess you're right next door. I'm real close to Naperville. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm real close. You know what? So I was going to say that the first time I had ever seen an actual storefront was when we were in Boston and we walked by and it was closed. And I was like, oh, I kind of wanted to go in here. Like, this is kind of like, like, I know there's people who

travel all over for certain things like pilgrimages and like Spain or whatever. This is mine. This is mine. Yeah. I, I wake up, I pray five times a day. I face for months. Facing Ben and Jerry's. facing Ben and Jerry's? I have to ask people which way is Vermont? And I lay, instead of laying a nap, I think that I just tuck a napkin in

under here and then I'm like, here we go. I have a prayer mat made out of interwoven pint containers and lids and shit. It's got its own

little fork container and I just pull it out. Here we go. We're going to town. I actually, I ordered Ben and Jerry's by order of DoorDash because they have those flavors

that aren't available to store. They include that churros flavor, which I will buy and bring you. Okay. It's fucking delicious. Yeah. And I ordered it. I ordered two pints of ice cream.

I ordered one for myself and I ordered one for Haley. She gets this like non-dairy strawberry ice cream, right? And so I was like, hey, do you want yours? She's like, no, I'll put it in the freezer.

And I look in the bag and there's, I'm not even kidding, I started laughing, I was like, six spoons. I was like, nothing makes you hate yourself more

than when you order fucking takeout and you order what you think you're going to eat and they bring you like four spoons and you're like, I know what you're like.

Oh, no. You think four? I just, I just ordered like four spoons. I know what you're like. Oh no. You think four? I just, I just ordered like six things. There were so many. I was like, what do you, like there's things happening here.

There's not six pints of ice cream, motherfucker. Here's the thing. I wouldn't share this with six people I love. Are you kidding me? I really won't. Like I was, I had ice cream a week or two ago

and Don was like, I was ago and Donovan was like, I was telling him, I was like, oh yeah, it's like this Netflix and chilled. It's a peanut butter ice cream with like coated pretzels in it. Okay, I'm going to try that. I saw it at the store. I didn't try it. And so the next day, Donovan's like, hey, can I try some of your ice cream? I was like, no. It was gone.

It was yesterday's ice cream. Why would there be ice cream still today? What are you talking about? You're the best summer. What? That's so good. Like, I would.

That's so amazing. You gotta ask me. That's 100% me too, though. I'm not, there's no shade. There's no shade. I'm not throwing shade, bro. I take the lid off and I throw it right in the garbage. Because I'm not putting that lid back on.

You're like the guy, you're like the fucking, you're like the Spanish who burnt their ship when they landed. They're like, no, we're not going back. There's no retreat. We're burning the ship. I'm going to burn the ship to the ground and I'm eating this whole fucking thing of ice cream right now. There was a few weeks ago

that I just had a pint of ice cream for dinner. That was my dinner. Good for you. Good for you. You're an adult. I need to start working out again. Oh, dude. Oh, man.

I will say though, I have such fond memories. So I used to work at this plumbing supply house and I had a second shift job. And if you've ever worked second shift, and I know you have, right? Because you worked retail, which is technically second shift.

And my wife's worked retail too because the other day she's like, I never worked worked second shift job. I'm like, yeah, you did. He worked retail. Retail is like, you know, you close at 10 and like, that's a, that's a second shift job. Um, but, um, all right. I didn't have a lot of people that I really knew outside of work because everybody at that point, like when you work second shift and it same thing happens when you work retail, when you work as a chef, when you work, you know, in a kitchen, basically what happens is, is you're off in the morning and everyone else is at work. And then you go to work and everybody else is off and then you get off work and you're ready to do something, but everybody else is going to bed. Right. And so

you are at the worst place to actually interact with the humans. Third shift's better because third shift, at least you go to bed at like in the morning or whatever, and you're kind of both out of work at the same time. So you could go out and catch a movie with your friend or your girlfriend at like seven and then go to work. Right. There's like, I game with these guys on Tuesday and there's a dude who, you know, occasionally he'll get switched to third shift, but he'll still game with us because he just, all he did was sleep all day. And instead of going home at night and sleeping at night,

he just slept all day. And now he's going to go straight to work after the game. And so he just gets up early and goes to, you know, whatever. Yeah. In his mind, he's gaming in the morning. Gaming in the morning instead. And so, but second shift is the worst. Second shift is really isolating. And I, at the same time I had the second shift job,

I discovered Mystery Science Theater 3000. And so I would come home and I would watch the entirety of the Mystery Science Theater that was on. Cause I would get off right as it started on Comedy Central. So I would get off and I would walk in the door and maybe 20 minutes later, Mystery Science Theater would start. So I would watch it. And I, you know, I had my own room with my own TV. And so I'm watching it. And I used to, I made it a thing where I would just stop at the gas station on the way home and I'd pick up a pint of Ben and Jerry's. Very often it was Cherry Garcia. That's because that's wonderful. And I would eat the whole thing and watch the thing and then go to

sleep afterwards. And I did it for about a year and a half, you know, every day. I'm sure my body didn't like that, but I did it all the time. But you were young and working a physically demanding job. Oh yeah. I didn't gain any weight from it. It wasn't like that was a type of thing, but I would say like, you know, it's good for your body because you're not putting good things. It's okay for once in a while, but it's not a thing you want to eat every day. No, the nutritional profile of Cherry Garcia is not robust. But I will say the memories I have of, of eating that ice cream and watching that, that was like a comfort for me to not only find something I really enjoyed and really loved, which is mystery science theater, which I really loved.

And then also finding this ice cream that I very much enjoyed as well at that time when there was very isolating. It was cool. It was cool. Those are good memories. Those are good memories because it was a kind of shitty part of my life. You know what I mean? Where you're not really involved with other people's lives. Yeah. So. And you got Cherry Garcia

to keep you company, buddy. I don't know that I, I did do the Heath Bar once in a while because the Heath Bar is pretty dope too. There's so much Heath Bar in there.

Heath in ice cream is outstanding. Yeah, it's really good. Heath Bar in ice cream is outstanding. Heath Bar, delicious. Yeah. It's so good.

And then I did the Chubby Hubby and the, so these are the older flavors because they really have a lot back then. I've never been at Chubby Hubby. No? No. It's not good. And then I did the Chubby Hubby. So these are the older flavors because they really have a lot back then. I've never had Chubby Hubby. No? It's not bad. It's like a peanut butter pretzel

and then like vanilla with some fudge swirls in there. There's no going wrong. It's outstanding. It's delicious. There's no going wrong. Yeah, it's delicious. Yeah. See, it's like grab the story

because this is just like a local Chicago story. This is a local Chicago story. This comes from WDRB, which I've never heard of. Suspicious Chef Boyardee can on wheels lead Chicago cops to shut down street. And when, I'm going to put this on the big screen.

Tom's not, Tom's not exaggerating with that title. That's literally a Chef Boyardee can on what looks like an erector set with like maybe skateboarding wheels. That looks like skateboard. That's exactly what it looks like. It looks like skateboarding wheels and there's just the chef.

Nobody opened it up. That's the best thing to do with Chef Boyardee. It's a full can of Chef Boyardee. That is the best use. I'm not a fan of Chef Boyardee. The best use of Chef Boyardee is to put it on wheels and send it down the street. I'm not a fan of Chef Boyardee. I don't like that stuff. Do you? It's so bad. So when I was a little kid, my mom used

to buy the, the meat ravioli, which is not, I don't know that it's meat. I can't be sure. I feel like it's like silent, Soylent Green is made from people type stuff where you're just like, like those Spaghetti-O meatballs. I wouldn't eat any of that. I never liked that. Those are bouncy balls. That's like a quarter machine. I only liked the, the meat ravioli one that they did when I was a kid. That was the only one. My mom would get SpaghettiOs and be like, that is not a food. I refuse.

I categorically refuse to eat SpaghettiOs. I used to be super jealous. So like my dad never bought Chef Boyardee or SpaghettiOs or any of that like canned stuff. Once in a great while, my mom would get it. My dad bought a lot of canned stuff, but he didn't buy that stuff. And so like I was was always kind of jealous. I wanted to try Manwich and SpaghettiOs

and Chef Boyardee. And I started I made friends with this guy, Rick, and his mom bought all that shit. And so I was super fucking pumped. I was like, I'm going to have Manwich at my buddy Rick's house. I'd never had Manwich. I'd seen the commercials. And I was like, oh, it's just sloppy Joe with a lot of sugar in it. It's really, really sweet. And like I was babysitting at his house like he had a bunch of brothers and

sisters man which in my entire life it's it's like not a single time I've ever very sweet sloppy joe mix but it's so sweet see so it's not even bad actually it's a little like you have to kind of almost expect more of like a weak barbecue sauce sloppy joe like it's like it's that sweet i said like mostly ketchup yeah yeah um but then he also had like spaghettios and those chef boyardee raviolis yeah and i opened up the spaghettios and meatballs thing and i cooked it up in the microwave and i was like i always wanted to try it that is so bad it's really it's like those little meatballs yeah they're really gross really really extravagantly bad. The Chef Boyardee stuff was so slimy.

I remember just being like, it's just so slimy. Yeah, it's nasty. It's just the texture was just so much. It's nasty. I will say like when I was a kid, I used to eat the, I would not eat it now. Like if you served me now, I would not eat it now. I'd be like, no, I'm okay. I'm good.

But yeah. As a kid, it didn't. I was a teenager. I feel like though, you know, pasta is one of those things that is real easy to cook. And so like, you shouldn't be eating pasta from a can if you can avoid it. I don't like

to shame a lot of things, right? But pasta is one of those things like for a can of Chef Boyardee, you could just buy the thing of Prego or whatever. And you're not spending more money. And also get a thing of pasta and have way more food. And it'd be better. And it'd be so much better.

And it'd be better. So much better. Pasta in a can, just it has a, it has an overcooked flavor that you can't get out of it. It's already overcooked. It turns the noodles into boogers. Yeah, it's already overcooked.

It's so bad. They're already overcooked. And I think that's why. I saw this week, and I had never seen it before. You know you can get like loaves of bread in a can? Excuse me, what? Yeah. Did you get one?

No, I didn't get one, but I saw it. I saw it. I'm going to try it. Look it up real quick. A loaf of bread in a can? Yeah, look it up real quick. Let me show you. I've seen whole chickens in a can before.

I've seen that too, and it looks really gross. I like canned chicken. Well, canned chicken is a staple, but dude, holy shit. You're not kidding. I'm not kidding. I want to try it. Bread in a can.

Original 16 ounce bread in a can. What? Yeah, let's see what it looks like. Is there an image? Oh, is that unpleasant looking? Bread, bread. Why would I pay $10? Is it $10?

Now this is on Amazon. For a 16, for one 16 ounce can of bread? You get, you get a bread. I wonder what it costs at a store. Cause that seems outrageous. Why would you, Why would that exist? The regular loaf of bread here that's like gluten-free and grain bread

is $7.29. Right. Like super specialty, cat's gluten-free, whole grain, fruit and nut bread is two bucks cheaper. What are your ingredients on this?

So water, whole wheat, molasses, dextrose. It looks like bread. Buttermilk. That's just a bread rusk. It looks like soda. It doesn't look like it's yeasted. It's like a quick bread. Remove both ends of can if necessary.

Gently push loaf out of one end with spoon. Slice to desired thickness. We have to try this. It says heating and serving suggestions to toast it. Placed it under a to thickness. We have to try this. It says, heating and serving suggestions to toast it, placed it under a toaster. Okay, that's fair. To bake it,

wrap it in aluminum foil and heat it for 30 minutes in a 350 degree oven or 300 degree Fahrenheit oven. You can microwave it in a wet cloth or paper, pardon me, wrap in a cloth or paper towel

and microwave it. And for sandwiches, spread with cream cheese, peanut butter, and jam. All three? Or flavored cheese. That's just what to do with bread, Cecil. Oh, I see. So it's the comma threw me off

because I was like, are we including cream cheese in that? No, I guess not. So you could spread it with cream cheese, peanut butter, and jam, or flavored cheese spreads with luncheon meat. So you're making a sandwich. Just like ingredients. I love that

they tell you how to toast it and then how to make a sandwich. Maybe if you're the kind of person who buys bread in a can, you need sandwich directions. There's eight servings in a can. The fuck there is. I don't know that there's one serving in a can, Tom. I'm looking

at this. I'm trying this I have got to try bread in a can I feel like we need to do this on a silly show or maybe we'll do it when our live stream comes back bread in a can because we're talking about our live stream coming back sometime in maybe in July because I'm going on that trip it's after my trip so sometime in July

maybe July or August when the live stream comes back we'll do bread in a can bread in a can should we, should we read the ingredients and make a sandwich or just try it on its own? What if I get confused on how sandwiches are made? I'll read the directions from Amazon and actually follow them. All right.

So Tom, I got to play this video. Okay. Cause this is another local story. Cause this is another source. It's called Chonkasaurus Plump Chicago Snapping Turtle. Captured on video goes viral. I want to tell you this. Listener, when you hear this person, this is how lots of

people in Chicago talk. This is how my dad talked. This is literally, I mean, when I heard this, I was like, that sounds like my dad. Wow, really? It sounds like my dad. My dad grew up in the south side of Chicago. He said, couple to tree. I mean, like that's, he said tree. Like he would be like, yeah, no, you got a couple to tree guys over there. That's my dad. Like that's a hundred percent my dad.

So like, listen to this guy talk. Sounds like my dad. All right. So this is also, I just want to point out to the video. And now the people who are listening, you won't be able to see this, but what you see is a trestle and like a bunch of rotting wood in the middle of a canal. This is the shipping canal that goes from,

it probably is the shipping canal that goes from like Michigan to the Mississippi. And this guy's kayaking this? He's kayaking. I wouldn't kayak in this. You pull up, you pull back a fucking stick, not an oar. Are you kidding me?

All right, so here we go. So this is, this is, this is the Chonkasaurus. So they're talking about a turtle. By the way, this is a giant turtle that they're talking about. It's a big-ass snapping turtle. It's a big, giant snapping turtle. So if you miss this, if you don't see it, I mean, it's a turtle that's literally spilling out of its shell.

Look at this guy. Look at this. We got a picture of his most beautiful side look at the size of that oh my god that's a massive turtle is that a snapper he's a snapper i love the rhetorical question and answer look at that beast hey how you doing guy you look good it's 100% chicago oh it is jesus christ it is oh it's so chicago it's the% Chicago oh it is Jesus Christ it is oh it's so Chicago it's fucking

this is the Ditka guys it is when those guys made fun of the the super fans or whatever the Bears the Bears guys

they crushed it people don't realize how well they did like they genuinely crushed it if you go into a bar on the north side there's six of those

fucking guys there but then that's the thing about that hard Chicago accent is it's really local. Most people in Chicago do not sound like that. But if you grew up in certain neighborhoods in and around Chicago, particularly if you're of Polish, Italian, and Irish descent on the south side of the city. Or north side now. Or north side now, yeah. That accent is like just,

because like I grew up in the clearing neighborhood, like 63rd and Mayfield, right by the airport. And there were tons of people that sounded like that. Tons of people. Tons of people that sounded like that. My dad, for whatever reason, he grew up there his whole life. He didn't have that accent.

He didn't grab it, huh? He didn't have that accent for whatever reason. My dad drove a truck. And so he was surrounded by not only as he was growing up, but also as a working adult. Right. He's constantly surrounded by guys from Chicago who drove a truck that sounded like this.

Right, yeah, yeah. And so all his friends sounded like this. Everybody. Now, my uncles never sounded like this. I don't remember any of my uncles sounding like this. That's so funny, isn't it? But my dad very much. I mean, this literally sounds just like him being this. They're so funny, isn't it? But my dad, very much, that's,

I mean, like, this is literally sounds just like him being like, hey, how you doing there, guy? How's things, huh? But you don't sound like that

and neither do your brothers. I don't sound like that. Oh, no, it's funny. Once in a while, I'll get into what the fuck are you doing, guy kind of sound

where like that'll happen. But yeah, it's only because I'm mocking it. Right, yeah. You're healthy. Shit. Okay. So I want to just clue in the people who aren't watching.

It feels like there was either a train going by and it scared him or something happened where the fucking kayak ran into something while he was engrossed in filming this turtle. And he's like, oh, fuck. And he fucking dropped his phone. And now it started back up again and he's back on the turtle. Oh, no. Jesus Christ.

Where'd the other guy go? Look at that guy. Look at the size of this fucking thing. Holy hell. You look good. I'm real proud of you. You've been eating healthy. You ever heard of liquid salad?

We've been doing that. Al does that. You know, he's thick but strong. Are you happy to have spring? Damn, that's a scene if there ever was one. He's just hanging out on the rusty chains.

We should take him out to eat. This is the best story ever. I fucking love this guy. I fucking love these guys so much. They are so Chicago. And, and genuinely, when you look at this, what is in the water is a break point that they put throughout the entire

Chicago river. They take these, these giant telephone poles and they strap them with these big chains, huge chains, and they drop them in so that there's these bumpers so that a, a ship or a barge can't just smash in as easily. They sort of set them up in the current, in the turning places of the river so that someone can't, cause there has been in the past. In fact, one of these years ago, one of these big fucking, uh, pylons that he dropped in actually broke the ceiling over like

so there's actual tunnels that go under that river and one of them broke the fucking oh shit and so it flooded the entire downtown section i remember is that what happened when there was the great the great chicago flood in the 80s i guess it was 80s or 90s i don't remember i think it was 80s, I guess it was 80s or 90s. I don't remember. I think it was 80s. It had to be 80s. There was this, they broke, these guys were putting in a brand new pylon. They dropped it and it wound up breaking. And then it just kept breaking and breaking and breaking. And there was a huge swirl of water going down there. It flooded tons of places all across the loop that had these like lower tunnels in them. And the loop is the main business district right next to where this river is downtown. And there's tons of businesses

just had all this flooding in their basement. And these were all old tunnels that no one used anymore. And it just flooded up. I do remember this. I do remember this, yeah. But it was because of one of these things. Really? And this guy, this turtle is sitting on,

basically one of these things started rotted so much that the chains they use to hold this thing have floated. The thing has sort of floated its bottom up. Right. And the chains are now parallel to the top of the water. And so it's sitting on top of these chains, just sunning itself. I never knew what those things were. I've seen them my whole life. I never knew that that's what those things were for. Yeah. They're for, they're like bumpers for like, they put them in corners. So you'll see them in the corners of places where they put them just so like, you know, there's a less chance

that they'll run into something for, but you know what I mean? I never knew what those were for. But that's that chain that's in there. That's a fucking gigantic chain. And the turtle is sitting, this is a fucking thick ass chain, guys. Dude, this turtle. But this turtle is sitting over four strands of that chain. That's how big the turtle is sitting, this is a fucking thick-ass chain, guys. This chain. But this turtle

is sitting over four strands of that chain. That's how big this turtle is. This turtle's fucking chunk, chunk, chunkalicious. That turtle's gotta be three feet wide. This turtle is goddamn enormous. It's spilling out of its shell. It is. It is so big. It could not hide. Its shell is a fucking decorative item. It really is. It's like a hat.

It is like, yeah. And it's like one of the small hats that the women wear on Sunday or whatever. It's like a tiny little hat. It really is. It's like a hat. It is like, and it's like one of the small hats that the women wear on Sunday or whatever. It's like a tiny little hat. It's a fascinator shell. It's like a little baby hat. It's like a Red Hat Society hat. Like it's,

this story comes from the Times of India. Gang of four held in Chennai for selling fake glasses that showed people naked. And I read this story and I was just jealous because I waited six to eight weeks

after sending off for mine in the back of the catalog. In the back of the catalog for your x-ray vision? And they never came! Yeah, one day someone will not kick sand in my face too, Tom. It's going to happen, I promise you. Do you ever get any sea monkeys or anything from the back of the catalog? Oh, dude, I have a sea monkey. I don't think I got them from the back of the catalog,

but when I was in fourth grade, and I only knew it was fourth grade so i remember the teacher i remember he was pissed i got sea monkeys and i brought him to school and the teacher was really cool his name is mr rivers and he let us like spawn or whatever the sea monkeys like you there's eggs or brine shrimp right and like so we had these sea monkeys in my classroom and like they show you these sea monkeys are gonna like dance with the light and do all this shit there's brine shrimp right and like so we had these sea monkeys in my classroom and like they show you these sea monkeys are gonna like dance with the light and do all this shit there's brine shrimp they float around they be shrimps like they eat stuff once in a while yeah well we didn't like like we had them in the class and i had this little tank of brine shrimp or whatever in there and i was like oh it's so cool and i sat next to my sea monkeys and everything well then it was christmas break and everybody went to christmas. And then we came back and the classroom stunk to high heaven.

Cecil, the smell. They died, bro. They died. They died. And then they were rotten shrimp for like a week in this rotten shrimp pest water. And like my teacher made me bring it down to the incinerator in the basement. He's like, you need to get rid of that. And I was like, okay. And he wasn't mad about it, but he was like, that's for you, Dom. That's yours, sea monkeys. And so I had to like take the little thing of sea monkeys down to the fucking janitor. Maybe fucking Mr. Garrity

should have fucking remembered that something's going to die after two weeks. I know, right? Looking back, it's like fuck you, asshole. You should have fucking known better. I was eight, dude. You're just like a little kid. He could eat a bag of dicks. I was eight or nine years old jones or whatever the fuck your name is what was his name mr rivers fuck you mr rivers you piece of shit he's probably dead fuck you jackass you should take that shit down you should eat it he should

make you eat it i should pour it as fucking dick i'm mad for you now. Fuck that guy. It smells so bad. Fuck that guy forever. He should have to fucking like bathe in that shit. He's a fucking one of them. Like you dumb ass didn't know they were going to die after two weeks. What the fuck lives after two weeks? Well, not brine shrimp. Not brine shrimp. Turns out. That chonkasaurus be fine.

Chonkasaurus be all right. Chonkasaurus got a couple years in it. No worries. It's going to be good. I love that there's people out there. So the scam here, I want to read what the scam is. So the gang of four people were selling glasses that showed naked people.

What they did was they hired a couple of women models and they gave these guys glasses and they're like, hey, and then the women basically came in nude. Right. And they're like, wow, these glasses work. See how great they work? And then these people paid like money for them. Like exorbitant amounts of money, like real money.

What I think is funny though, like could you imagine going to the cops and saying like, I bought these glasses. I bought these glasses and they don't show boobies. How much of an asshole would you feel like when you're like, I'm such a horn dog that I wanted to just look at women and see all those bits. But I paid a lot of money for it and I'm not getting it now. There's an episode of Cops years ago where this woman calls the cops.

She says, she stole my $20. And he says, well, what did she steal your $20 for? And she said, well, she just stole it. And then they go back and forth and finally the lady says, well, I was going to buy crack from her, but she took my money. They like arrest both of them.

And he's like, all it took was a cop just to Barney fife that shit out of him. Like, oh man. And this, this reminds me of that where there's just this moment

where somebody's got to call them. And then I, I just, I wanted to do something very illegal. Dude. And basically I rape people or whatever. Right. Yeah. This is like a really gross impulse that motivates this.

Yeah. So I love that they got scammed. And I actually think like, if you get scammed and your impulse, like, it's like, it's like, look, if you're trying to buy fucking nudie glasses and you get scammed, the police should give the guys who sold those to you a medal. They should just get, they should, what they should do is slap the guy that got scammed.

Take your ATM card and give it to the scammers. Fuck you. Who cares? And then they should, they should take the guy who got scammed and they should break his real glasses. Stop on a fucking van. Get out of here. Get out of here, you hornball.

You're a fucking bad person and you're a dumb person. Oh, man. You really think there's glasses that only can look through just clothes? What I don't get to is like, do you not know the internet exists? You can see naked people all day. You can see so many boobies. You could see any number of boobies. And any kind of boobie that you like.

I mean, they can be from, you know, A to G, you know, whatever type of tightness or whatever you like. Whatever you want. Whatever you like, you can see it. 100% see it. You could read Total Recall and see three in a row. Three in a row. Whatever you want. And the same goes for dogs.

Like if you want to see a bunch of dogs, you could see all kinds of different dogs. Soft dogs, hard dogs. Big dogs, little dogs, little dogs that try on socks. Chocosaurus dogs.

You could see whatever you want. You could see it all. It requires no glasses and no exorbitant feet. Right. The only reason you would want this is because you're a creep. It's because you're a fucking creep.

Yeah. So like, good, scam them. Nobody should be arrested. You should be given the keys to the city for scamming creeps. I really think that if you scam creeps,

you should get prizes. Yeah. Like, it's like scam baiting to some degree. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, right. If you like,

make a guy put a fish on his head because he's got a scam. Fuck you, stupid. You got a fish on your head. You don't get to call the cops. Also, I'm still waiting by my mailbox. It's been more than six to eight weeks. All right, that's going to wrap it up.

I'm going to finish this up like a Chicago guy. How's that? All right. All right, so that's going to wrap it up here. Forget about it. We're going to wrap it up, and we're going to leave you like we always do with that skepticics creed. pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing,

water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.

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