Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 715: 93 Ford Taurus

Episode Date: September 14, 2023

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from gloryhole studios in chicago and beyond. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and silliness to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes it across the ocean. I'm going to run across the ocean right now. It's skeptical. It's some bullshit. And there is no welcome at today is our silly show you're listening to this on thursday i think thursday would be the 14th if i'm not yeah the 14th it's not seven days from

now we're recording this on the 7th and cecil i gotta tell you i just want to set this aside i love this part of our new i do too like it Like this part brings like an irrepressible adolescent joy to me. Even finding the stories. Like Haley has, she's on a complete news moratorium. She's not watching any of it. She's fucking boycotting

anything serious because she just can't do it right now. But she will find these stories for me sometimes. Nice. She'll send me, she'll be like, I saw this crazy shit.

It'd be great for your silly news show. And she'll send this to me. Nice. Because it's just a joy. Yeah. It's just a fucking joy. I love it. This one in particular,

where the person is like, got a fucking hamster ball and they're trying to run across the ocean. This story comes from the Miami New Times. Florida extreme athletes, transatlantic hamster wheel expedition, thwarted by Coast Guard. Guys, not for the first time.

Not for the first time. More than one time. There's been more than one transatlantic hamster wheel expedition thwarted by the Coast Guard, Tom? Why, from this one guy. This guy keeps building fucking hamster wheels. This feels like a Mad Lib.

It genuinely feels like a Mad Lib. It feels like there was a lot of adjectives in front of something. Let's play Mad Libs. Okay. All right, Cecil. I'm going to need the name of, let me see, an animal.

Okay. And a shape. And a U.S. agency. Can you give me? Sure. A porcupine triangle.S. agency. Can you give me? Sure. A porcupine triangle Department of Justice. Florida Extreme Athletes

Transatlantic Porcupine Wheel Porcupine Expedition thwarted by Department of Justice. It's just as believable. It's not more nonsensical. It's just as believable. It's not more nonsensical.

I love it. I fucking love it, Cecil. It's super good, dude. Cecil, more nonsensical. It's just as believable. It's not more nonsensical. I love it. I fucking love it, Cecil. It's super good, dude. Cecil, let him go. You know what I mean? Did you see him in this thing? Did you watch the video? I didn't watch the video.

No. You know me. Look at this guy. This is day one. He looks good, by the way. Day one. Last night, I stayed here at Atlantic Ocean. I want to show you what's going on in Hydropark.

I want to show you what's going on in the hydro part. So this is my fishing gear. It's for survivors. You can see this is the link. So I don't understand. I wouldn't just sit there. Like, how does it roll? He's got a run in it. But I know but like and

then it's got like little like ruddery things like a like a he wants to guys you guys he wants to go from Miami to London. You couldn't get across a bathtub in that. Are you kidding me? What do you think this fucking machine tops out at? If you put this in a pool you

could swim circles around it before it got to the other side. All you have to do is be in front of it and go. Get the fuck out of here. Let him go. Come on. That thing's 100% full of coke. There's no way.

There is no way. This guy must be 100% full of coke. He wants to run across the ocean. The Coast Guard is like, look, this is aggressively dangerous. This is super unsafe. We're not allowing you to do this.

And every time they confront this guy, he's just like, look, I'll kill myself if you don't want to do it. He literally held knives to his own throat or whatever for hours because they said,

we're going to board and take you out of there. He said, no, you won't. And he like, he like held a knife to his own throat. This is why the Coast Guard is to a person populated with better people than me, right? Because if somebody's like, I'll kill myself if you don't let me kill myself, I'd be like, you know what, bro? Have the fuck out. I'll tow you a little further out to sea just so you can't walk back. You dumb motherfucker. Like we got to pop your fucking hamster wheel with your dumb knife. I am telling you, man,

this is one of those stories though. When I saw it, I thought, come on, this can't be real. Because there's some of these that happen where you see it and you're like, come on, that's not real. That's like an AI thing. There's no way somebody's running in the ocean like that. Can you imagine running around in a sea circle? Picture this. You're on a merchant marine ship and you're just doing your merchant marine loo-loo-loo merchant marining today.

Merchant marine stuff. Right? And then like you look out and you're like what ho across the starboard bow as one might say if one was a merchant marine. And you look and there's just some fucking exhausted Iranian moving at like a third of a mile an hour. A third of a mile an hour.

Every once in a while he just falls and spins with it for a second. He keeps going. I love it if like a whaling ship came up and chased him down. He's trying to furiously run away from him. And they're like shooting harpoons at him trying to get him through the hole. They're like, boom, boom. And to get it through the hole. Boom, boom. And he's just running as fast as he can. A couple of orcas start like batting him around like a beach ball.

They can take him places all around. They like start migrating with him. They're pulling him all over the place. It'd be the best. This is the funniest shit I saw a week. I couldn't believe this. I have been trying my whole life to get off the fucking hamster wheel. You know what I mean?

And this guy is working so hard to get in the goddamn thing. You feel like such a fucking Black Mirror episode. God. Okay. Okay. This story's just adorable. I don't know, man.

What's not adorable about this? It feels ableist. Go ahead. All right. So the worst part of this story is not probably what you think. I know the worst part of this story. You probably do you think. I know the worst part of this story. You probably do.

USA Today. Watch as three-legged bear named Tripod busts into mini fridge in Florida. Come on. Downs white claws. This, by the way, was a black bear drinking white claws. Gross. That's the worst part of the story is the white claw. By far.

There was a meme the other day that I saw and it was talking, it showed something like Xennials and their, what is it? Alcoholic seltzer or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then it showed a Zima bottle and it showed the guy's face from Lord of the Rings. He said, I was there 2,000 years ago. Did you drink Zima? You ever have one? I've had some Zimas. Yeah. It tasted like, remember the soda Fresca? Yeah. It tasted like boozy Fresca. Yeah. It was slightly boozy. So I turned, when I turned 21, Zimas just hit the

market. Right. And I was like a stoner kid or whatever. Like, you know, like I was just a, you know, long haired, goofy kid, but I, And I drank a lot of beer and other shit when we were kids. So whatever you get a hold of when you're a kid is what you get. That's what you get, right? So it doesn't- You're not drinking your drink of preference. You're not discerning at all.

You just see a thing and you're just like, whatever it is, I'm just going to hoover it down. So if it's Boone's Farm, it's Boone's Farm. If somebody happened to have a fucking 40 ounce of Mickey's or whatever in a plastic bag, you're going to drink that. It doesn't matter what it is. And so I remember growing up and going through phases where people would sort of pitch their money in and you would either get the cheapest beer or the cheapest malt liquor or whatever it was. Right. But once I turned 21, I had a choice because I didn't have to just rely on somebody

else to get the thing. For me, I could buy it for myself. And for my 21st birthday, my brother took me to Las Vegas. Oh, wow. So we went to Las Vegas. That's a great trip. Yeah, it was paid,

but I paid for myself. Yeah, still, that's cool. It was great. And we went walking around Las Vegas, hanging out, and went to the casino and drank a bunch of stuff. They didn't have Zima's because I liked Zima, right? Because it tastes good.

It tasted good. It didn't taste bad. It tasted, it had a sweet flavor. It's like a wine cooler. Like, it's like a wine cooler. Like, if you like wine coolers, you probably like a Zima. Look, I would drink a wine cooler right now.

Yeah, wine coolers are great. My dad used to occasionally have a wine cooler. I like wine coolers. I don't think there's anything wrong with it. I don't, it's, I like cider. In my opinion, I like cider better. Cider is better. I like cider better.

But I recognize, you know, the draw of those other things that are, you know, the margarine in a can or whatever it is. They have a lot more choice nowadays than they did when we were younger. And better choices, yeah. Like they only had, you know, a couple of different things that were relatively sweet.

Some of them were horrifying. Boone's Farm's terrible. That's not a good- I don't think I've ever had Boone's Farm. That's not a good wine. It's just a really sweet, overly sweet wine. Mad Dog 2020 is the same thing. It's very, very sweet sort of wine.

You drink it, you're gonna throw up and you're gonna get hung over like crazy from it. But I remember the Zimas, drinking a lot of these Zimas, they were like $20 a piece back in the day. They were expensive. And I wanted one when we went to the casino because you're at the casino. Yeah.

And back then, I don't know how, I don't go to Vegas, so I don't know. And I don't, I certainly don't spend any time in a casino if I'm there. So the times I've been,

I haven't hung out in the casino. So I don't know if they still bring you drinks. I don't either. Cause I don't, I like Vegas a lot. I don't go to the casinos, but in any case, I wound up like there and being like, okay, well, you know, they come by cause you're playing roulette or whatever you're playing. And they would say, can I get you a drink? And then you would order, but they didn't have anything like that. They really just had like four beers that you could order. And then maybe like a gin and tonic or something. And I wasn't drinking mixed drinks back then. So I would have never picked anything like that. So the whole time I was like, well, I guess I'll just buy a Zima because I didn't want the free Bud Light or whatever. I didn't want the free Bud Light.

But yeah, I have not tried any of the alcoholic seltzers. All right. So I've tried a few. I have not tried any of the alcoholic seltzers. All right, so I've tried a few. High Noon is okay. I like seltzer, by the way. I do too. I do too. So like I'm down. I like seltzers.

I like sodas. Like I like that kind of stuff. Like I like carbonated. And I'll just drink like an unsweetened seltzer very happily. So I like seltzers. I just think White Claw tastes bad. It's just like it's kind of got like a shitty

bitter mean spirited sort of flavor to it it tastes like it tastes like sucking on a trailer park yeah it's just gross man

it's ugh ugh no it's bad it's bad for this bear can I just say there's a three-legged bear that's named Tripod

and that's adorable I fucking love it that's super adorable it's so cute that's super adorable it's so cute and the mini fridge by the way that the bear ripped apart is a kegerator. Yeah.

Is it a keg of? That's a keg in there. Is it a keg of White Claw? No, they just had some cans of White Claw probably stacked around the kegerator. But I love, because we've had a couple of these stories now where the bears are like, I know where the booze is. Bears be boozing. That's what I've learned. Bears be boozing. That's what I've learned.

Bears be boozing. I would have never guessed that that would be the case, right? That they would go after, but it makes sense. It's calories. It's a lot of calories. It's calories.

I have seen like viral video of like when bears eat berries that become fermented. Oh, yeah. And they'll get all drunk and they stagger around. It's like, I'm a drunk bear.

And you're like, yeah. Do they fight each other drunk and they stagger around. They're just like, I'm a drunk bear. And you're like, yeah. Do they fight each other with their shirt off? It is Florida. That happens to bears here in Chicago. That's only if Green Bay bears are also in the same area. Okay, Tom, this got sent to us by 60 different people. So we have to talk. We have to.

We have to talk about it. So I got personal message this like three times this week. All right. This story comes from everywhere there's news. Anywhere you've ever seen. Atlanta flight forced to come back

after flyer has diarrhea, quote, all the way through the plane. That's a lot of diarrhea. Pilot says. That's a lot of diarrhea. That's a lot of diarrhea. This is a bad day.

This really is. This is skid marks on the ramp. You know what this is? This is one of those Starbucks Aliados. Skid marks on the ramp. Have you seen that Aliado drink? Is that the one with the olive oil? Olive oil.

Where you shit yourself while you're drinking it? There's no way. Okay, this is the only time I'm going to ask. Here's what we do. Let's do a day where we put ourselves on camera and we drink these until one of us shits. I will win.

First one to shit loses. I will lose. What we'll do is we'll hire a guy to put two toilets that have to face each other. Do you remember like those weird fraternity houses where they have no doors? You just have to stare at your friend while you shit. It's like one of those. It's a bonding moment.

You bond around the commode. It sure is. Thank God I never did that. Oh man, I remember walking into one of those places and I walked in and I was with a friend of ours. Yeah. And we were on the other side. It was like whatever university is by Iowa's border,

but still inside. It's like Galesburg or something. It's like a big university. And so we went there and there was a frat that his friend was in. I've seen the same room. And so we were hanging out and I said, well, I gotta piss. And he's like, it's upstairs. And I walk in and I'm like,

this is the wrong room. It was just toilets that just faced each other and they tore all the stalls out. So there's no privacy. And I was like, what in the sweet fuck are you doing? This is fucking Guantanamo Bay level torture.

I would shit the shower every day. Cecil, I was constipated for six weeks after seeing that bathroom. I saw that bathroom. I clenched up like a fucking diamond. Diamonds, my friend. You had a big boy in there waiting to go. It's so funny. Visiting that same friend.

That was the first and really the only experience I had, like spending a weekend hanging out with frat guys. And I was like, there's no amount of money. Oh, I know. I would fail college with a smile on my face if I had to go there. It was the worst weekend. I know, it's terrible.

It's terrible. I don't understand the appeal of that experience. There was a friend of ours, another friend of ours, who went to a small school here in Illinois. And he was sort of in our friend group. So I visited him multiple times with different people. Yeah. Right. So I visited him with Jacob. I visited him with Mike. And this friend of ours name was Derek. And Derek was down in the middle of the state. That's what I was thinking. He was in the middle of the state. And so I visited him several times and he was in one of these like hee haw fucking jock frats. Yeah, man.

Right. That were just a nightmare. And I remember going down there and they would have these big parties. And I just went down there to hang out with, with Derek and we would just shit bullshit because we were both philosophy majors. Right. And so we just talk about like what we were doing in school. And I was, I was traveling down there with other people who were philosophy majors. And so we just talk about like what we were doing in school and I was I was traveling down there with other people who were philosophy majors. So like there was a lot of

you know bullshit talking that was going on. There was a lot of bunch of bunch of just bullshit talking that we were doing and we did it face to face

and we hung out and it was a lot of fun but whenever we'd go back to this fucking frat house it was like dude on a fucking chandelier and he's fucking another guy's pissing

in another guy's mouth. Crazy shit. What is happening? What is happening? I remember asking the same guy was like, why are you here? You're like a thousand times better than all of us. It was the worst. And I'm not saying that all frats are bad. I'm just saying the ones that I visited. Horrible. I can't imagine. Yeah. I guess there was another one. Cause my ex brother-in-law was in a frat down in Peoria and I like went into their frat house and I was like, I would,

I didn't want to touch anything. Yeah, no. Like I was just like, this is disgusting. If you put a bunch of just out of adolescent boys in a house, it's going to be disgusting. It was fun.

It's going to be disgusting anyway, right? Like you go to a frat house, it's probably going to be gross because they're dudes and they probably just don't know how to clean up after themselves. They just don't do it. They haven't done it

and they don't clean up after themselves. And they're just like, okay, well, now it's all shit. Right. And the whole house is- Everything is just coated in like- Full of garbage. Yeah, like sticky cum.

But here's the thing though, like I visited other people who were in college too and there, they were as a bunch of like dudes in a house that wasn't a frat. It was just like, they're just friends. And it was filthy too. I mean, it was like beer cans all over the place. Ash trays falling all over, full of cigarettes.

There's, you know, shit and garbage everywhere. And it's just like, it's filthy. And you're just like, dude, why do you live like this? Why do you live in squalor? And the thing is, is like, like I kind of recognize why they do is because if one person does it, then they're always, because no one else will do it.

Right. And so you're stuck being the guy and nobody wants to do it. And then there's this weird like machismo thing where you're like, oh, I'm not going to do it because you're stupid.

You don't ever do it. And then they fight about it. You guys have to clean up. I'm not cleaning up. And then they fight about it. And so like, that's probably why it turns like that is because all guys

have to like dick measure all the time. All the time. Constantly. When they're that age, they're like fit, like fit. But's because all guys have to, like, dick measure all the time when they're that age. They're like, but any case. And if you're sitting on a commode facing someone, it's easier to do. It is easier. Let's get back to speed shitting here. So we were talking about this plane. Yep.

So the story, it's something that most flyers probably believe would be unimaginable, but a Delta flight from Atlanta had a turnaround Friday night after a person on board soiled themselves. Delta confirmed the flight DL-194 from Atlanta to Barcelona. They were going to go to Barcelona. If this happened over the Atlantic, oh my God, had to turn back because a passenger on board was having a medical issue. The flight was about two hours out when it had to turn back. So they have four hours, two hours there and two hours back?

That's four extra hours? Four hours. Plus now they got to clean the plane and then you got to, oh. Four hours just nasally drinking someone's shit. If I'm two hours in at that point. Get me to Barcelona. I'll just cut off my nose to spite my trip. In an audio transmission from the flight deck,

posted on Twitter by an aviation enthusiast, the pilot said, this is a biohazard issue. We've had a passenger who's had diarrhea all the way through the plane, so they want us to come back to Atlanta. What are they doing? What, are you running around?

They're just bending over like a fucking, like the center in football or whatever, getting ready to shoot it everywhere. What is happening? Look, I feel so bad for this guy, right? Or this gal, whoever it was. Like, it's gotta be, you're like, oh shit, for real shit.

And like you go and you try and you don't make it. And now you're just like trailing shit on your way back. Yeah, it'd be rough. That's a bad day. But like now everyone on that plane knows you ruined their vacation. You know, you ruined their business trip. You ruined their trip back home to see their family.

And the whole time you're sitting there. You're the guy sitting there. You gotta sit in your own dookie, dude. For a couple hours. I would have gone in the bathroom. I would have that door i'd have been like we're landing the plane i'm in this bathroom i'd have flushed myself down the toilet no you know what you know the the the thing is is like when i fly i don't drink liquids for 24 hours before i fly wait what i just don't i'm kidding i don't know but I don't, but like.

You go full camel. Maybe, you know, I certainly, like if I'm, let's say I'm leaving in like one in the afternoon. By like 11, I don't drink anything else. I'm done drinking. For real, I don't drink anything. Because I don't, I hate having to get up on the plane to like fight my way across because I'm always, I'm always smashed. Yeah. I'm always like, and in order to just get up and move, it's always a fucking hassle to be like, I got to get up.

And then I normally, like when I'm at home, I just go to the bathroom all the time. So like, I'm sitting there and I'm at my computer. I'm like, I kind of go to the bathroom and I'll just go to the bathroom. So I just don't have the, uh, the sort of camel like ability that I used to have, which was like, I'd be at work and then you'd work for like three hours and be like, I kind of had to pee three hours ago. I should probably go. I forgot about that. Right. But now I don't. Cause I'm just like, Oh, I'm at home. I could just walk over and go to the bathroom. And so I don't think about it. Right. And so when I travel, I'm always like, like now I'm stopping more often when I'm traveling for like two hours,

I'll have to stop to go to the bathroom somewhere. And so my thought is, is like, I don't want to get up every hour and have to go to the bathroom like I do when I'm at home. So I just don't drink. I like basically dehydrate myself

when I go on a plane and when they come around with the water, I'm like, yeah, I don't want anything. I'm just going to, I'm just gonna be okay. And then I normally just put myself to sleep. I normally just put myself to sleep. So I'm just like, I'll just sleep through anything. I'm just going to be okay. And then I normally just put myself to sleep. I normally just put myself to sleep. So I'm just like, I'll just sleep through it.

You got the fucking travel mallet. And so I'll just go to sleep. But I genuinely don't, I don't take a drink when they come by. I normally take a food when they come by. I'm like, no, I'm good. I'm just going to go to sleep. Because I don't want to have to deal with the problem

because airplanes are hard to go to the bathroom. They're super hard. Like I am a like regular, it's like I'm not like a big tall guy, with the problem because airplanes are hard to go to the bathroom in. They're super hard. Like, I am a, like, regular, like, I'm not like a big tall guy,

but I'm like a reasonably broad, like, like as a, you try to like walk into the, you got to walk in like sideways, hopping on one leg. I don't fit in there. Yeah.

Like, it's like, you got to squeeze in. You got to squeeze in. I can't imagine being any bigger. Yeah. Like, I look at like some friends I have mine that are like bigger, bigger. And I'm some friends I have that are bigger, bigger.

I'm like, how do you go anywhere? They built the airplane for tiny thirds of people. You could zip your body in half and send half your body to the bathroom. It's kind of a perfect size for my wife. My wife is kind of the perfect size. She's short

and she's thin. It's not like there's nothing, it's not like there's a, like when she sits in the seat, she sits in the seat. Right. But when I sit in the seat, I fill the seat

and a little bit of the side. Right. Oh yeah. I fill the seat and a little bit more. And planes are just a pain in the ass to be on anyway. Yeah.

And then trying to now manipulate because there's three rows. So either I'm on the aisle and if I'm on the aisle, I'll drink something because I can just get up whenever the fuck I want. So it doesn't matter. But if I'm'm on the aisle and if I'm on the aisle, I'll drink something because I can just get up whenever the fuck I want. So it doesn't matter.

But if I'm not on the aisle, if I'm inside, nah, man, I ain't doing that. I ain't fighting with this guy every two seconds I got to go to the bathroom because I'm going to have to go

every two minutes. When you're picking seats, do you pick? What do you choose? I hate the aisle because I like to lean and go to sleep. Okay, yeah, right.

And I just wish that every plane had a two-seater. Two-seaters on every, like make them two across where there's like lanes or something or whatever. Instead of doing three seats with one lane, do two in the lane and then two in the middle or something

and that would be better. Three is a weird configuration because you're never traveling with a third person. I know, it's so weird. Like everybody's traveling with like either singles or couples. Couple singers or couples. Yeah.

You're very rarely three of you traveling. Yeah. Very, very rare is that the configuration that you're choosing. So like double makes sense just socially.

Yeah. And triple you're like, cool, man. I remember when you and I flew to QED. Yeah. We went to Manchester. And you had the window

and I had the center. I had the middle. And then there was a lady on the outside. And like, in order to like not take up any room, I'd like pull my shoulders in and just like sit. Yeah. And like, we got out and I was like, oh, and I stretched and both of my shoulders just locked up.

Like I had like cramps in both of my shoulders. Because you had to totally the whole time. Oh God, it was horrible. It was terrible. That was such a rough flight. That was a genuinely rough flight those were tough flights yeah

there's also a like a strategy that single travelers do to pick like the middle seat in different places so that no one picks around them that's smart but

planes are always full so people do and then they want to trade with them so then they get their choice of which seat they want they'll like how they feel all the day. So there's like a strategy to being a single traveler

to like pick that middle seat. But what if like you're between a couple that don't like each other? What happens then? What do you do? You just got to deal with it. In the statement from Delta, a spokesperson said, our teams worked as quickly and safely as possible

to thoroughly clean the airplane to get our customers to their final destination. We sincerely apologize to our customers for the delay and inconvenience to their travel plans. The flight ended up being delayed about eight hours

before taking off again for Barcelona. Eight hours, Cecil. This was the person, though? No, it's a different picture. I don't know why that picture is there. It's related news. It makes you think

that they had to carry this person off. I was like, this person hurt their neck shitting? I was like, what is happening? It's probably somebody that slipped and fell in it. I was like,

whoa, no, but yeah, I couldn't imagine being on this flight, but I really genuinely feel like if this is you, you just got to walk

into the distance. I know. I wouldn't get on the flight to go to Barcelona. Oh no, I'd be like, no, I'm going home.

I'm going to rent a car and shit in that. How was your trip? Shitty. It was a shitty trip. It was a shitty trip. It was a shitty, shitty trip.

Shitty all around. So I got to show, I got to put this on the big screen. Go ahead and read it. Go ahead and read it. This comes from fox59.com.

Court documents, said a real man spread some love by waving at passing cars while fully nude. What was he waving though? And here's the best part about this. So, you know, he was airplaning.

The story is a story, whatever, maybe he's doing a propeller, who knows what he was doing. He was waving at cars while he was nude. And then they ask him, there's some funny dialogue back and forth,

but they didn't put a shirt on him to take his mugshot. They just took it right without it. And he doesn't seem, he doesn't seem affected. Although the best part is, is that like at a certain point, he's sitting there

and while he's talking to the officer, the officer's like asking him questions and he just goes, Jeep, Jeep. And the officer looks the officer's like asking him questions and he just goes, jeep, jeep. And the officer looks and there's no jeep. He just said, jeep, jeep. And then they found meth in his wallet. And that makes sense. It all makes sense.

The meth is the explanatory power for the entire thing. It all makes sense when they found the meth in his wallet. I love when they go to this guy's house to confront him. He's got the door open and the windows open and the drapes pulled and he's fucking nude as the day has long. And the officer's like, yeah, hey, can you talk? And he's like, yeah, do you want me to put some clothes on?

And the officer's like, yeah, I'd prefer that you put some clothes on. Yeah, we're going to arrest you. So you might want some drawers. You know, you're 100% going to jail now. He puts on a shirt and comes out like Winnie the Pooh. That would be so fucking great, Cecil. he's in a midriff red shirt he just comes out like he's got a fucking pale honey walking around like a naked ass bear

it would be great if he just puts on this shirt and comes out, are you comfortable now? His wife is Eeyore. She's like, Eeyore. What do you tie the little ribbons on? This guy had a good day okay so this this one again was so much for the

so much for the for the big screen today this is something else this is Haley sent me this one this story comes from WZZM13

13 is on your side by the way police stop Nebraska man for bucking the law with a bull riding shotgun in his car. Guys, if you're just listening to this show, you got to go to the show notes. You got to go to the show notes. This guy's got like a Ford Taurus.

You know, he's got like a 97 Ford Taurus. Like that's what it looks like, right? This is like Taurus. Like that's what it looks like, right? This is like- Is it Taurus the bull? I didn't even think of that. It is. It is. Ford Taurus.

Please be a Ford Taurus. Please be a Ford Taurus. Cause that just fits. That's the fucking ball on everything if it's a Ford Taurus. So this guy's got a fucking, just like he does. He has a regular just Ford of some if it's a Ford Taurus. So this guy's got a fucking, just like,

he does have a regular just Ford of some kind. It's a Taurus. We've decided. It's a Taurus. And he's got the passenger seat that he's like busted out. Then he put like a cattle gate

on the passenger side. And then he's got a goddamn enormous steer. A fucking like 1,200 pound. It's not a small steer. Giant horned. I'm going to play a little bit of this video. It's not a small steer. Giant horned. I'm going to play a little bit of this video. It's a fucking auroch.

Now, people who aren't watching, you won't be able to see exactly what's happening. But it's a guy driving down the road. And when I say this animal is easily as big as the part of the car it's in, I'm not kidding. I'm not exaggerating. This isn't hyperbole for effect. This is literally an animal

that if it was standing next to the car, it would literally take up the space that it is sitting in in that car. Cecil, I think it is every bit as wide as the car because if I'm looking at it, you should have a wide load sign. Yeah. Like, I'm not even kidding.

You should tie a red flag to one of his fucking horns. Both of his horns. Because it's overlapping by three feet, the passenger side of the car. It's fucking huge. And the passenger side

of the car is all fucking weighed down. One thing I don't understand, what does it say on the back here? So he drives by. And as he drives by, does that say lice?

It does say lice. What is it? And it says it on the side of the car. What is that? And then it says dial nine. Oh, police. It's an old police car.

It's an old police car. So it's a Ford Crown Vic. So he took it off. He just made it say lice. He just made it say lice instead of police. Well, that's not better. That's kind of hilarious, actually. That's not better.

It's more accurate. They're both fucking pests. His license plate says boy and dog, but he doesn't have a dog. He's got a 1,200 pound steer named Howdy Doody, by the way. And this fucking animal is huge. And its

horns are enormous. Enormous. And on the front of the car, he has a set of horns. And I wonder if he's trying to send a message to the bull. He seriously got a set of horns that are of a cow on the front. And then there's this giant horned animal that's sort of looking at him nervously. So, like, I want to read some of this stuff from this article directly.

Videos of Lee Meyer driving Howdy Doody around can be found online from 2017 and 2019. Rhonda Meyer told US92 that, quote, Lee thinks he's a movie star after the video of his traffic stop went viral, but that he's also a little shy. Meyer said Howdy Doody is like a member of the family now, but she wasn't always

wild about how much money her husband spent on the bull over the years. The amount of money he spent on this whole darn project between the car and the bull, I could have had myself a brand new kitchen. It's literally just to drive a bull around? Just to bullshit around. God, that's ridiculous. How do you get the bull in, Cecil?

It's got to want it. It's got to want to get in. What do you get the bull in, Cecil? It's got to want it. It's got to want to get in. What do you lead a bull like with hay? I don't know. If it's like a dog, you put treats there. Is there like treats for a bull? I don't know. How do you get the bull in the car the first time?

Imagine doing all that work. You give him like a carrot or something? Or a stick? Or a stick. It's one or the other. It's either one. Yeah. There's got to be a moment

where that bull had never been in the car and then you finish building out the car. And then the bull's like... And you're like, I hope this works or I'm going to feel stupid.

I wonder if he enjoys it even because you take dogs and dogs really like being in the car and like sticking their head out the side. Yeah. And he's got his whole body

out the side. Yeah, what's he thinking? I wonder if he likes it or not. I don't know. I always wonder about shit like this. I certainly wouldn't want him to freak out in the middle

of like a fucking, like a traffic jam or something. What if it like, that's like a, yeah. Yeah. What if literally anything goes wrong?

That's a, you have 1200 pounds of angry, have you ever seen the movie Tommy Boy where that deer gets in that car? I, maybe,

I don't know. Yeah. It's an old movie, but like there's a scene where like they get there, they hit this deer and they think it's dead and they put in the car and the deer wakes up and the deer just like fucks the car up because it's a wild animal that's panicking in this car. Yeah. If you've got a 1200 pound steer that just like, and it's tied down, but the rope looks so weak. It looks so like just perfunctory.

I always wondered too, with like people do this shit with like animals, like their brains cannot possibly process what's happening. I know. You know, like they didn't evolve to understand what a fucking Ford crown Victoria was. They have no idea. Like they don't have any idea.

Like they're on the expressway and just like, I was supposed to be in a field somewhere. I'm supposed to. They have no idea. Like, they don't have any idea. They have no idea. They're on the expressway and just like, I'm supposed to be in a field somewhere. I'm supposed to be in a field somewhere. What is happening? What the fuck is that? Bugs are hitting it in the eyes and shit. Yeah, it's all pissed off.

Right. It's slowly getting madder and madder as more and more bugs fly up its nose. What the shit is this? As it's going down the road. It doesn't even have a helmet on. It's ridiculous. It's dangerous.

It doesn't have a seatbelt. It's in the front seat of the car, too. It should have a five-point harness. That little rope's not going to stop it. I'm going to Bullvine University. It's a fucking badass-looking bull, though. Those horns are something else. It is fucking something, man.

That is something else. This story is the apocalypse. This is from the Daily Beast. I grabbed this story because this is just... I don't remember. I remember we read Revelation and I don't know which one this is.

But this has to be one of them. It's not locusts in armor. It's radioactive pigs. Why highly radioactive wild pigs wreak havoc in Germany? Tom, what do you call,

what's the name? What would you call your radioactive pig? I already have a name. I don't know. Niels Bohr. Ah, what's the name? What would you call your radioactive pig? I already have a name. I don't know. Neil's boar. Ah, it's good. Oh, that's good.

All right, so here's the deal. There are wild boars fucking shit up in the wilds of Germany. Sure. And they are highly radioactive because the food that they eat, they eat like truffles and shit. And I guess truffles they eat like truffles and shit. And I guess truffles

just like truffles themselves accumulate radioactive material. So like when there's like bomb testing, then you know that radioactive material goes up into the atmosphere and then it disperses. It falls down. But some organisms, for whatever reason, just hold on to it. They hang on to it.

And that happens to be like a primary food source for these goddamn wild boars. So like at some point they're going to gore somebody Cecil and that person's going to get boar powers. That's how this works. We're going to be watching across the boar-averse movies.

A hundred percent. What is your power? Like you just create a bunch of kids? Like what's your power? You root around in garbage? Like you're just awesome at finding kids like what's your power you root around in garbage like we're just awesome finding truffles which make you radioactive to be honest though that's not a bad power i didn't realize i didn't realize truffles no i had no idea that that's what happens with truffles i didn't it didn't occur i never i never heard that before and so i wonder if eating truffles is even good for you yeah i i I seriously, I read this and I was like.

Do they inordinately eat? I mean, granted, when you order truffles in a restaurant. You're eating almost nothing. You're getting the tiniest weffa thin bit of truffle. They're shaving it. There's a specific machine made for, it's like a mandolin, but made for truffles to be as thin as possible, right? It's a specifically- We're getting micron level truffles.

Yeah, you're getting, you know, it's like a fucking scalpel in there. It's surgical steel to try to cut it as thin as possible because one, because it's overpowering. It's an overpowering, very pungent- Too much truffles immediately disgusting. It's terrible. But it's an overpowering type of food.

And it's also exceedingly expensive. So they don't want to give you a lot. You also don't need a lot. Right. And so they can charge you a lot for a little and they're going to do it. And so they'll give you the tiniest little bit of waffle thin truffle

and you'll get it on your plate or in your oils or whatever it is. So maybe it's that we just don't take a bite out of truffles. Maybe it's that we just like, you know, it's like, you know, fucking Goldschlager where, yeah, you drank some gold, but it's the tiniest, it's such a tiny

amount of gold, it's fucking infinitesimal. But like these pigs are walking around like eating x-ray machines, you know? They're like those guys who found that fucking MRI machine in Brazil or whatever. They started running around rolling in the ces Brazil or whatever. I started running around rolling in the cesium

or whatever. They were like painting themselves with it. What was the name of that? The G, didn't it? The Guyana experiment or whatever it was. Guyana, that's what it was. I remember now. That was one of the first

citation needed we ever did where somebody finds a, just some kind of machine, like some sort of medical machine, some sort of x-ray or some sort of machine. And they take the cesium out of there and they started painting things with it because they thought it was the glow in the dark

and it was cool. And I mean, granted. I'm sure it was. It was sure it was cool. And they didn't fucking know. But unfortunately it was also hot. It was also super fucking. And I also wonder too,

like not only is this stuff, but you're in Europe and so there's fallout from not only the tests that went on in Europe, right? And in Asia, right? And then also Chernobyl. So there's fallout. I'm sure there's got to be something from that.

Although I know that they tried to do their best to contain it. I don't know exactly how much got out, but some of it I'm sure did. I don't know exactly how much got out, but some of it I'm sure did. I don't know how much got out either, but now I'm like, yeah, but we didn't drop nuclear bombs anywhere in Germany. No.

And yet the radioactive fallout has concentrated enough to create highly radioactive wild boar. So it's got to be. It's got to be. The fuck? Yeah, I wonder about the reporting on this. I'm sure it's probably shit reporting. When they say highly radioactive, like if an animal is actually highly, it dies.

Yeah. Right. Like it just, it would die. Its DNA would start to fucking break down. Like so highly radioactive is I'm sure very relative term, right? It's probably highly radioactive compared to things that are not. It might also be that they can control too. Well, like get more of it than we can or something too.

There's a possibility there too. Very possible too. But you know, you just don't know how much is out there. But I don't know. And I will look up to see if it is concentrated in truffle now because I don't know if that's the case. Like that's an interesting- I don't want to eat a PET scan or whatever.

Like fuck that. Eat a truffle and it's just like showing your skeleton from the inside. We're going to get banned from YouTube because they think we're talking about medical misinformation now. Okay, well, all right. So we had fun this week. It's late.

We got the giggles, but we're going to have a regular show on Monday and then a live stream this next Thursday. So the 21st, it's the 14th today. The 21st, stream this next Thursday. So the 21st, it's the 14th today, the 21st come back next Thursday, 9pm Central. You can come hang out with us. We're going to be doing a fun

show that'll be live and we'll have people there that we're interacting with. Last time we had a great time talking to chat. We hadn't talked to chat in a long time, so we're going to talk to chat and hang out. So come hang out with us and enjoy the evening. This upcoming Thursday, the 21st, 9 p.m. Central, Facebook. And I think it's Facebook. I don't know. Don't they? And actually, it might not be Facebook anymore. It definitely is YouTube and Twitch, though. I know

that for sure. So come to those places and you'll be able to hang out with us. All right. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment.

Leo, Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms,lantis dolphins

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