Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 725: Stack of Dimes

Episode Date: November 2, 2023

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. We're recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. Today is Thursday, November. Let's call it the third, give or take.

It'll be the third. It'll be the third when you hear this. There you go. There you go. And when you're hearing this, it's the third. Today, it's not the third for us. Today is Thursday, October the 26th. But if it's the third,

that means Vulgarity for Charity is in full swing. That's fucking right, Cecil. So get on it. Hey, modestneeds.org. Donate some money. Help some people out. Take your receipt. Send it to vulgarityforcharity, the word, not the number, at gmail.com.

If you're $100 or more. He actually meant $50 or more for vulgarityforcharity. Also, today's November 2nd. Okay, unless you're a patron, which you'll get it November 1st and I have to publish it right now. Okay, bye. You'll be entered into a drawing to be

for us to pick a roast. So you tell us you want roasted. 100 random roasters for 100 bucks. Yep. Pretty good. Pretty good odds. And then of course, the top 100, they get roasts. Yeah, so the top money. So if you got some change, you want to blow on this,

there's a, you know, there's a, the people who spend the most will definitely get a roast. Spend the most, you get a roast. Spend the most, get a roast. I like it. And they're going to be sprinkled throughout now, between now and the end of the year. And so a few of these funny shows that are on Thursdays are going to be roasty roasties.

Probably will be Vulgarity for Charity only shows. So we're looking forward to recording them with the guys. We record with them every week on Citation Needed. If you don't know that show, you should check it out. Citation Needed is our show

where one of us writes a story about something they find on Wikipedia and then the rest of us make jokes about it. And it's a really good time. If you missed it and you never listened to it before, go check it out. Citation Needed.

That's Citation Needed or citationpod.com. You can listen to all the old back episodes. So we talked to them already, the guys from Scathing Atheist, once a week. But this is another opportunity to have fun

and enjoy their company and get some roasts out there. Absolutely. And it's a great cause. Like Modest Needs, we've worked with them for years and years. Could not be a better organization run by nicer people. It really is. So it's a place you can trust. And you have until the Thanksgiving. So midnight on Thanksgiving, Eastern time, I think,

is when you have until. So if you're waiting for your paycheck to come in, you're like, you know what, I'm going to wait and get a, you know, they don't need a hundred bucks in a couple of weeks. That's fine. But you got to have them in by a certain point. We have to have a cutoff. But within the next week or so, we're hoping that we're going to record one of these Vulgarity for Charity episodes. So early response to this, way better chance to get picked. Absolutely. Early response, great chance to get picked. That's very true. So if you're somebody who's, and that goes for people who are high dollar roasters too, and the high dollar

roasters, way, way, way, way, way better chance to get picked. The odds are ever in your favor. The odds are super in your favor if you donate more than a hundred bucks. If you give a little bit of extra cash there, chances are way in your favor right now. And we will be doing, I think on both shows, on both our show and on scathing, there will be a segment before the, we even close this whole thing. Absolutely. Yep. Yep. All right. So Cecil, this story comes from WMTV7, NBC15.com, whatever. City orders risque Halloween display to be taken down. You got to show this. So the risque holiday display is four, five chairs sitting around one pole. On the pole is a skeleton

and then there's a bunch of skeletons sitting around. A few of them have like fake dollar bills and it looks like a pole spinning thing that's going on. And this was to be taken down. This was to, were they worried

they were going to show too much skin? These are skeletons. These are skeletons. Yeah. Somebody was going to get a boner. Is that what was going to happen? No, I think the problem, here's the fucking thing

I don't understand. Okay. You go by somebody's house and it's genuinely grotesque. I know, right? Like there'll be guts hanging out. Somebody's fucking face hanging off. There's like a fucking,

like a saw thing where a guy has like his head crushed on a fucking bear trap or whatever. No problem. No problem. Who gives a shit? Whatever. We can show the goriest,

bloodiest shit you possibly can imagine. A fucking, completely fucking milquetoast, nothing of this, whatever this is. It's skeletons for Christ's sakes. Nothing is being shown. This is too risque. Dude, if this is something that like makes you clutch your pearls,

how do you even live in the world? I don't know, man. How do you even live? How do you walk around? I don't know, man. We have this like insane double standard where socially we have this really high threshold for acceptability for violence. But violence is definitionally non-consensual. Yeah.

And then we're super weird about sex, which can and should be consensual. Which should be consensual, yeah. And when it's not, it has violence attached to it. So we're so weird about that. Like we're so fucking weird about that. And even worse, we're crazy about something that could be consensual if it were depicted, which it's not, right? This is like the faintest whiff of,

I ran sex by a window outside that you didn't get to see right this is this is uh this is very very very hinting at that there could be a sexual situation but there isn't in this case and that's the thing that gets there was another one i saw somebody else had a uh two skeletons there's two big skeletons and one of them was on top of the other one, like sitting on it. And I was like, that's actually really funny. But again,

people complained and wanted it taken down. Well, did the one skeleton have a bone? I think one. I think he had 206 bones. But we're in this weird place where, you know, people want to, I mean, Jesus, we live in such a country of Karens.

I know. It's so pathetic. You're like, come on, man. People are just having fun. This is not risque. This is the least risque thing you could possibly imagine. This is not going to, like, make your kids ask weird questions, you know? Like, this is nothing.

Yeah. Your kids are going to be like, skeletons. And they're going to be like, yeah, what are the skeletons doing? I don't know. They're just hanging out. Hanging out. Hanging out. Hanging out. That's what they're doing.

The end. You would have to tell them that this was sexual, right? You're right. You're genuinely right. So you would have to, as the adult, you would have to explain to them that this refers to a sexualized context and then be scandalized about it. This would take so much effort. Yeah.

This would take so much effort. Yeah. This would take so much effort. And it is also just the case that you can just, like, not like something and be okay with it. There's lots of things I've drive by, and I'm like, I don't like that. You know what I don't like? Yeah. When I'm driving down the road,

and I see a car or a truck, and it has a fucking Salt Life sticker, or, like, a Yeti sticker, or a Monster sticker, those fucking branded stickers all over everything. I think they're tacky. I don't know if I've ever seen one. Yeah, like, just people put like,

you know, like stickers on their cars. Decals and like bumper stickers on their cars. That's crazy. They just have like brands because they're just like, I like this brand.

I've never seen that. It's crazy. I think it's tacky. Sure. Do you know who I complain to about it? Nobody. Literally nobody. Because I'm just like,

yeah, just I don't like it. Sometimes I'll see somebody with bad hair and I'll be like, yeah, I just, I don't like it. Sometimes I'll see somebody with bad hair and I'll be like, that hair looks bad. I don't like. What the fuck? You know what I don't like?

We're driving down the road and somebody has bought every fucking single lawn ornament in the world and they stuck it on their lawn. Yes. And it's covered. Like there's no lawn anymore.

It's literally just like all flamingos and shit. And you're like, what are you doing? Like what? that looks terrible. But who cares? I don't knock on their door. I don't call the homeowners association. I just

judge them. That's what you're supposed to do. But you're supposed to do it silently. Just judge people silently, man. Mean girl with your wife about it. Mean girl. Like, you just gotta like drive past a Halloween display and be like, nah, they didn't really put the effort in. Just keep your snide comment.

You don't have to be like, they should take it down. Yeah. You can just dislike something. You can just be like, yeah, that's not for me. That could be the end of the whole thing. That's the end of the story. What the fuck? These are skeletons.

Yeah. You fuck it. It's a holiday made for fun. And you're like, what if I suck the fun out of it? What if it was, it's a Halloween. You know what, though? It's it was it's a halloween it's a candy i think that's why i think it's because they hate halloween it's not because it's fun it's because it has those weird connotations that weird religious people have to put on it like it's about satan i don't know if you knew but reese's pieces are about satan you're just like okay calm the fuck fuck down. On Halloween is the day that the veil

between the living and the dead grows thin. Back to church. Just stay in church. Just never leave. But those people though, that want to inflict their church on other people, they fucking do that all the time. All the time.

And whatever they can do, whatever fucking wedge that they can drive into Halloween, they will do. They will. You're right. You're absolutely right. You're absolutely right. This story comes from CNN. This is a perfect New York story. New York unveils statue commemorating alligator sewer myth. Okay. I want to zoom in on this picture, Tom. Let me open it up in a new window. So I want to show you what this picture looks like. Let's zoom in so we can talk about it. So what it is, is an alligator in a fucking sewer with a pop can and a McDonald's bag next to it. And I was just like, a hundred percent, any single alley, not an alley, a gutter

in New York city could have this alligator in it because it's swimming in garbage juice. Yeah. It's garbage juice all the way down. I saw this and thought this is the perfect encapsulation of New York City, right? Yeah.

It's like, it's a lot of shit in a sewer and you're proud of it. And I don't... That's so true. And you're defending it to the death. You're like, no, it's the best place ever.

Best city in the world. It's the best city in the world. Best city in the world. You bet it is. Here's the garbage that's in our sewer. Yeah. You may recognize it from also our streets. I wanted to mention,

so I just got back from New Orleans and I've been in New Orleans a couple times in the past. And this is my fourth time coming back. And I have to say, all the other times I went down there, it was on par with as filthy as New York City. I mean, just filthy, right? Where garbage juice and fucking,

there was one time I was walking by a garbage can there. And this garbage can was so covered with filth. And I mean, just like goop and grotesqueness and stuff. I held my garbage. I saw the garbage can and I was like, nope, I'll carry it to the next one, thanks. And I walked past the garbage can. It was so filthy.

This time, I was very impressed with how clean it was. And I don't know if I just caught it on the right week or whatever, but it was very, very clean. And I was very impressed. That's great. I was very impressed with how clean it was. And I don't know if I just caught it on the right week or whatever, but it was very, very clean. And I was very impressed. That's great. I was very impressed with it. I don't know if there's a new initiative or whatever. I also haven't been back to New York in...

It's been a while. It's been a while. Last time I was in New York was 2019 when we did our live show. So I haven't been back since, but it was still filthy then. So not like it wasn't filthy then. It was fucking filthy then. So if there wasn't filthy then. It was fucking filthy then. So, if there could be a statue

that smells like piss everywhere, that should also be. Yeah, definitely. Like, maybe somebody should piss on an alligator statue. There should be a statue

of a rat trying to carry a piece of pizza up the stairs. That's what there should be. God, garbage pile. There should be a garbage pile statue.

God, one of my favorite photos is I have my arm around Eli Bosnick and I took a selfie in front of a garbage pile that was as tall as him. I was like, it's as tall as you are. We're going to take a selfie in front of it. It was that big. Like, it's so filthy.

Like, it's just so filthy. And I know from time to time, the refuse workers, the sanitation workers will go on strike. He's out for a little while. And I know from time to time, the refuse workers, the sanitation workers will go on strike. They just fucking peace out for a little while. And I can't imagine how hard it would be to live in that city. Like if the garbage were not collected, the garbage has to be collected at least six times a day. There's so much of it.

There's so much trash. It's an enormous city with like millions of people. I get it, right? They don't have room for alleys. Like I get it. I do. I get it right they don't have room for alleys like i get it i do i get it but also like ew fuck what yeah like whatever those guys are getting paid if they're like we want triple to pay you're like great you got triple to pay yeah what your arm is twisted behind your back your city is a mountain of trash why don't we just hire all the alligators in the sewer to eat the garbage?

Yeah. The funny part, the best part of this story is the last part where they say rumors about alligators in the sewers seem to date back to at least the 1930s when New York Times reported youths in Harlem had discovered an alligator in the sewer and promptly beat it to death. That's the best line. It's a throwaway line at the end. It's the best line. I love that they promptly beat it to death. It's like, hey,

hey, you utes. You want to take care of this fucking alligator? These two tes over here. So fucking funny, dude. Jesus Christ. God. Tom, that tortoise. I don't know if it's the same one. I don't know if it's the same one.

I don't know if it's the same one, but this is a great story. Yeah. This is a great story. This story is from UPI.com. Runaway tortoise found five miles from home three and a half years later. I think you just got to read this story.

It's very short. Sheriff's deputies in Florida captured a loose African sulcata tortoise and the reptile was later found to have escaped its home three and a half years earlier. Jesus Christ. Florida's wildest...

It was chipped. It's microchipped. They just put it on... They just fucking take a nail and put it on its shelf. The fucking slow speed chase. Florida's Wildest Animal Rescue, a nonprofit exotic animal refuge in Putnam County,

said local sheriff's deputies brought in a sulcata tortoise they found wandering and interlocking. He's definitely someone's tortoise, as he likes people and head pats. The sheriff's office said in a Facebook post. I love that so much that he loves head pads. Here's what I love about that, is that, look at this picture of this

tortoise for a second. What if he didn't like head pads? I'll tell you what, he'd like your finger. Right? Fucking A. You gotta find out. One of our friends has a turtle or a tortoise, and it's as old as she is. It's as old as she is. It's like friends has a turtle or a tortoise. Yeah. And it's as old as she is. Oh, yeah. Like, it's as old as she is.

It's like a 40-year-old tortoise. Right. And it's in her, she has it in like an aquarium in her house. And she feeds it like hot dogs and carrots. And those are finger shapes. Oh, yeah. And I keep telling her,

I'm like, that's the wrong shape. Feed it another thing. Don't feed it naked. Don't feed it a finger shape because I put my finger up by the fucking cage once and that thing was like, it was like,

I get it. It was as a piece of glass between us, but it didn't matter. It was like, that's a carrot shape or a hot dog. Actually,

it was more hot dog shape than carrot shape, but it was like, and it went after it. I was like, no, man, fuck that. I don't want to fight.

You'll lose a finger to one of these things. In a second. And like, this fucking thing is huge. This was like, no, man, fuck that. I don't want to fight. You'll lose a finger to one of these things. In a second. And like this fucking thing is huge. This thing is big. This thing is fucking huge. So I love that there's like three and a half years. The Refuge also posted about the tortoise on social media

and soon received a flood of tips from members of the public about a cicada tortoise that had been reported missing in the same area in April of 2020. She was missing. I was like, was there a cicada tortoise missing? Do you remember? Everybody's got their

cup of coffee talking to their wife in the morning. Do you remember a couple years ago? So, a bit ago. Do you remember the Johnsons had a tortoise?

A cicada tortoise? An African cicada tortoise? Did it like head pats? Speedy, right? Speedy the tortoise? No. Not so much. She was missing for three and a half years

and found five miles away from where she originally escaped. The tortoise was returned to her surprised and grateful owners. She's in a little bit of rough shape from spending so many cold winters here without heat, but she'll be okay and we recommend a trip to the vet, the refuge said. Also, I read that and I'm like, So heartwarming.

What vet knows anything about African sulcanatoris? Have you ever gone to the vet and there's been like a weird animal there? No. Yeah. So there's like a couple of vets

that have to be exotic vets. Okay. And so like, if like certain places around here are like for like specific exotic animals. So if you go in, sometimes somebody

will have like a fucking iguana in their lap or whatever. Like show up like a fucking meerkat or some shit. And you i don't know yeah i i i'm not an expert on all the animals it's i wonder that's the other thing that's an interesting thing i wonder how many animals you have to be like like certified to know yeah i would imagine right. Off the top of my head, it's got to be like birds. General birds. Yeah.

General birds. General birds. So general birdery. General birdery. General cattery. Cattery and doggery. And general doggery. What about like horsery? Yeah.

Like do they have to know like all the livestock? Yeah. Oh yeah. I guess I forgot about the livestock. Cause like horses. I figured you'd eat those. I figured you'd eat those when you go. Like, really? I just get to eat that.

And then like, what about like your various like piss rats? Like the whole family of piss rats. There's a million little rats too. So like, what about like chinchillas and hamsters and sugar gliders? Yeah, just the whole piss rat phenomenon. There's also a part of me too that wonders like, if your rat is sick, do you take it to the vet? Or do you just like, well, that's the rat. Well, people love the rats.

I know, I'm not saying they don't love their rats, but like they're very like, they're not like an animal that you have for a long time. No, they live like five years. Because actually I thought about getting rats because they're supposed to be really social and really smart. And they can make like really good pets,

but they live like five years. And I'm like, I don't know, man. Disposable pets for me. I'll get attached and then it'll die and I'll be like, now I'll never want to have one of those again.

Yeah, that's going to be sad. That's going to be a sad day. No, I'm not saying that you can't get and that are not a- No, I know what I'm agreeing with you. But I wonder like at a certain point too

if it's a five, like if it only has a lifespan of five years, let's say. If it gets sick in its fourth year, do you take it to the vet? You know what I mean?

Because you're like, it's probably, is it just dying now? Give it pizza and let it walk up the stairs, the great stairway to heaven. The great stairway in New York sky. You let it climb the time stair. Do they have to know about like, what else can you buy at like a shitty pet store?

Like rabbits, fish? What about fish? Yeah, what about fish? Do people take their fish to the vats? Somebody's a vet in our audience. Yeah, what the fuck do you know? How many pets do you know? Like, do you know like a little bit about a lot of pets?

Are you a jack of all trades? Or do you specialize in a single pet? Right. Now I'm very curious. And like if somebody brings in a pet. Reptiles? Yeah, like what if somebody, I had an iguana. Yeah.

Those things will live for fucking ever. What about the bugs? Because they have like. Oh, like people have like, I had an iguana. Yeah. Those things will live for fucking ever. What about the bugs? Because they have like, Oh, like people have like, Tarantulas and shit. Scorpions, tarantulas, all kinds of things like that. Like if you're just a regular,

Do you take your cockroach in if it's sick? Are you like, You're like, come on now. What can you do? Can you hear his heartbeat? He's got, He's got an exoskeleton. I can't hear anything in there.

When they euthanize, they just use the heel of a shoe. A shoe. A hunk. A hunk. They just raid the cage. It checked in, but it can't check out. Oh, no. All right.

Yeah, tell us what you know. List the animals. List the animals you know, veterinarian. Because at some point, aren't you just like, oh, no, maybe this? You know? Like somebody comes in. How do bet someone comes in their animals i don't know maybe this i don't know have you tried shaking it i don't know that work

why'd you even get one of these get a dog why don't you just have a dog tom i don't know if we talked about biden getting true social. I didn't know this until I saw this. So Biden jumps on true social. Delicious. And like he comes on and he uses his social media team, uses his dark branded picture with his eyes. So they're using the dark branded picture. Oh, I fucking love it.

And they come on. And one of his first social truths that he truths out is Trump doesn't know what's true. Here's him talking about how you should stick like disinfected in your face during COVID. And they post a video of him being like, we're on sunlight or whatever. And then you see how many people, the best part was is like people could like it or whatever. And there's so many people, the best part was, is like people could like it

or whatever. And there's so few likes, but there was like maybe, let's say there was like 500 likes. Let's say 500 likes. There was 142,000 replies. Troll level achieved. So many people were so mad.

They were just like, like fucking, they were, you know that they were flexing their phone. They were typing so hard. They're just like, go, go, were, you know that they were flexing their phone. They were typing so hard. They were just like, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

They were just so angry. But he just came on and was just like, ah, fuck your face. And then he's like, and like the best part is, is this is, this is an absolute troll job.

Oh yeah. It's shitting in someone's house when they invite you over for dinner. This is an upper decker. This is, that's what it is. Like you're at a dinner party of your worst enemy and you're dropping an upper decker. And I thought, yeah, and in this they say that his,

he was followed more than Trump. Yeah. Trump's got 21,500 followers on his fucking stupid social and fucking Dark Brandon's rocking 25,000 and change. So he's actually got more followers than Trump. And he owns the network. He owns the platform.

I'm surprised he's not on the phone like Musk be like, I need more followers. Just generate more followers. Why does he just call the secretary of state fucking Raffensperger and be like, I need 11,000 followers. I know we got them. 11,780 followers. What's so funny is 25,000 people. That's all that's on there. I know it's them. 11,780 followers. That's all I need. What's so funny is 25,000 people,

that's all that's on there. I know, there's fucking nobody over there. What a tiny little fucking echo chamber that is. Do you even know anybody who's over there? No, I don't know anybody. Here's the thing. I wouldn't know somebody that's over there. Like if I met somebody and they're like,

yeah, I'm only on Truth Social, I'd be like, oh, cool. So obviously we will never speak again. We never will have a conversation. Clearly, this is the last of our conversations forever. Fare thee well. Or not well. Actually, fare thee not well.

You know, it's like, I kind of feel the same way if somebody's like, oh, head over to my fucking, you know, 4chan or fucking, you know, Telegram. I'd be like, oh no, I'm not a white supremacist. So I don't actually, I don't want to burn any crosses. I will say that I am,

I think this is an absolute master play by him. Great. Because if he gets kicked off, then it's not about free speech, right? If he gets kicked off, but he can just stay there and literally troll him. Delicious. Constantly.

Yeah. And this is one of those outrage moments, right? And that's why, you know, Trump got all that media is because of outrage outrage moments, right? And that's why Trump got all that media is because of outrage. He's getting the same media, but from the other side because of outrage. And so it's exactly- It's hilarious. And him just playing them like a fiddle is exactly what needs to happen. This story comes from the Miami New Times. Feds, man tortured, waterboarded by kidnappers at plantation Airbnb.

That is 100% a chat GPT headline. It does not sound real, but I also want to point out, these are brothers, but they look like a before and after picture. They really do. Because they have the same beard, right? So they have the exact same beard, and like one of them looks like a before, like one guy was before, and then after he grew a little little hair and he got a ton of tattoos on his face.

It's like the after is like if he paid for the Rogaine by letting people practice tattooing his face. The fucking face tattoos on this guy. They're so insane and so weird and random looking. It looks like somebody just typed wingdings on his face. Tom, now this is a shortish article. Tom's going to read the whole thing because I think there's just a lot of gold in this. There is.

And there is a part of this article that I was, when you first put this article in, in our notes, Cecil, I thought, oh, yikes, that's a tough one. And then I got to a line and I laughed out loud. I set my phone. It was so good. Three South Florida men are facing federal kidnapping charges

after they allegedly abducted the wrong man and then proceeded to waterboard him inside of an Airbnb. Federal prosecutors claimed that on the evening of October the 13th, brothers Jeffrey and Jonathan Arista and Raymond Gomez snatched the man as he was leaving his Fort Lauderdale home. The trio forced him into a white Dodge Charger with sham police lights,

blindfolded him, and transported him to a rental unit and plantation to shake him down for cash they claimed to be owed, according to the arrest affidavit.

One of the kidnappers was disguised as a police officer wearing a gold badge and a tactical vest. Shortly after arriving... It wasn't the guy with the tattoos.

It wasn't the face tattoo guy. It was not this guy. It was the other guy. The fucking guy with a hundred face tattoos. I don't believe you're an officer. You know what? No. Not unless it's like... Not unless you have like the American flag with the blue line on it or whatever. I don't

believe it. If you have a face tattoo with the American flag with a blue line on it, I don't believe you're a police officer. I'll allow it. Can you tase a black guy? Or if you've tattooed the Punisher skull over your own face, then maybe I'll believe you're the police officer. But other than that, no. It won't. Shortly after arriving at the

Airbnb, the kidnappers realized they'd mistakenly kidnapped their intended target's co-worker. Yeah. What's that? Air W&B watering board. Rather than freeing the man. So they got the wrong fucking guy. They got the wrong guy. And they know.

They know they got the wrong guy. They know it. They know it. They tortured him by pointing guns at his head, placing a power drill to his skin, and threatening to kill him. They allegedly waterboard him, covering his face with four or five black masks

and pouring bucketfuls of water on him in the Airbnb's bathroom. All of this is horrible. By the way, waterboarding, horrible, genuinely horrible. My favorite stories about that are the people who never said that waterboarding is torture. And then the moment they get waterboarded, they're like, that is 100% torture. Which is everybody that gets waterboarded. Everybody that, and everybody who said it wasn't that gets waterboarded, 100% is now an anti-waterboarded person.

They're seriously, the conversion rate is 100%. It's 100%, man. Do you remember when Mancow got waterboarded? Mancow got waterboarded. Mancow was, like, that's not torture. That's not torture. The moment it happened to him,

he's like, don't torture! That's torture! I really dislike this. I tapped out as quick as possible. Yeah, immediately. And there was somebody else who was saying it wasn't torture. And Jesse Ventura said,

if you give me a bucket of water in a towel, I'll make him confess to the sheer tape murder. This is what he had said. And I was like, yeah. All it takes is a few minutes. All it takes is a few minutes. It's absolutely torture. 100% torture.

It is absolutely torture. There's no question. Both Arista's siblings, Aunt Gomez, have been charged with kidnapping, conspiracy to kidnap. Each faces a torture. There's no question. Both Arista's siblings, and Gomez, have been charged with kidnapping and conspiracy to kidnap. Each faces a maximum sentence of life in prison.

Upon learning that their intended target was at a business in Pompano Beach, Gomez drove the group there in a black Porsche and directed the victim to lure the man out so they could arrange to kidnap him instead.

NBC identified the business as Booby Trap. Instead, NBC identified the business as Booby Trap. They set a trap at Booby Trap. It's a popular strip club, which I like. That is the line. It's so good. It's so good.

I also want to point out too that this guy did a really smart thing. He goes in and then he called in a bomb threat. Yeah. And he didn't say there's guys outside that want to like kidnap somebody or something like that to the police. He called in a bomb threat. Yeah. And he didn't say there's guys outside that want to like kidnap somebody or something like that to the police. He called in a bomb threat

so the police would get there as quickly as possible. And they did. They showed up right away. They showed up right away. They showed up right away and then they arrested these guys. And the best part is,

here's another piece right here. One of the guys runs away. He hides behind a bush and then he made his way toward a bus station, eluding officers for several hours. After police apprehended him, he allegedly told investigators that he and

his brothers devised the kidnapping scheme to collect a debt from another individual who Gomez claimed not to know. They didn't even know they were trying to like, what the fuck is happening? Like, these are the least competent. These are the scariest criminals.

Yeah. These are the scariest criminals because, like, they don't know what they're doing or why they're doing it or who they're doing it for or what the goal is. All they know how to do is pour water on your face and get you to the booby trap.

The goal is to get back into prison to fill out their face tattoos. This is greatest from Business Insider. A student was excited to move to Florida for college and she realized she had applied

to Miami University in Ohio. Which is worse though. Oh, I would rather live in Ohio than Florida. Yeah, I would too. I mean, I like Miami. Miami's kind of a cool city.

Don't get me wrong. I think Miami's a cool city. But like, Florida's the fucking dripping wang of America. Florida's a bad place to live. It's a bad place to live. I wouldn't want to live in Florida.

I can't imagine, like, I really genuinely feel like I would pick, I'd pick Ohio. I'd pick Ohio. And I hate Ohio. I hate Ohio.

Well, it's Ohio. I hate Ohio. Nobody would like Ohio. But, it's fucking, I love this. So, it's an international student. She's from Ohio. But it's fucking, I love this. It's an international student.

She's from Vietnam. She thought she was going to Miami, Florida. It's understandable. Yeah. It's a crazy name. Got accepted to University of Miami. University of Miami. Sounds like you're going to Miami. It does.

It is not there. You are going to Miami. Yeah. You are 100% going to Miami. Miami, Ohio. Yeah. It is rude of Ohio to have a Miami. That's just rude.

You know? Also, this is why you do a campus tour. Yeah. If you're going to move. Admittedly, admittedly, it's tough to do from, it's tough to do from Vietnam. Do a virtual tour. You know? Well, if it was summer, you don't know.

Do it! We do it during the summer because that's when a lot of campus tours happen or it's during the summertime. Google it. You know, I'm like, stop tours happen or it's during the summertime. Google it. You know, I'm like, stop just saying. I get it, but also Google it. She did a viral TikTok and she said, yeah, it was after I was already accepted and I was like, yeah, I guess I'll just go there.

But she got a lot of student aid and whatnot, which is why that she went. You know, she's like, yeah, I'm going to go. But genuinely, what a page turn. I, so what a thing to find out. One of my, my brother, when his daughter was in high school, opened his home to his foreign exchange student. So he put his name on a list for foreign exchange student.

And a young lady from Italy came and stayed with him. And when she picked a place on the map, she picked a place, specifically picked a place where she was going to go because she thought it was close to Chicago. And on a map of the United States, Champaign is close to Chicago. Oh my God. In reality, Champaign is not close to Chicago. Champaign is as close to Chicago as like South Bend is to Chicago. Yeah, it's far. It's far away.

It's a couple hour drive. And so, but she didn't realize that when she looked at a map, she just picked, and so she picked literally the most boring place in the world to live. That is so-

Which is the middle of the state. You know, she had a great time and she fell in love with my family. Yeah. Right? So like, she actually- Because your brother's like, well, she came,

she actually, your brother's great. She can't, well, she came to visit my wife and I, cause we, when we went down there, we got to know her and got to meet her. And she came to visit my wife and I,

when we were living in the city and she flew out and she was going to go meet up with my brother and his family. But she stayed with us for a few days in, in downtown Chicago. And then, and then took a, another flight or a train down to visit my brother.

But she was, she stayed with, so like, you know, she got to know my family and she fell in love with my family, but like genuinely she had, you know, she went there expecting Chicago. Expecting to have a much more metropolitan experience. Yeah, and then you wind up in Miami, Ohio. And you wind up in Miami, Ohio.

And don't get me wrong, like Lou, Ohio. And you wind up in Miami, Ohio. And don't get me wrong, like Lou, like my brother Lou took her to Chicago several times. Yeah. But you know, like at the same point, like you can't go there every week. And if you lived, if it was Naperville, you could. Right. Because Naperville is a suburb that is far away from Chicago.

It's like 25 miles from Chicago. But there is a train line that goes. So you could just jump on a train and get there. The one, the train that goes to Chicago from like Champaign is like a three and a half hour train. You just don't do it. So it's like, it's impossible. It's not, it's just not probable to do.

You know what I mean? It's impractical. It's impractical. And that's the thing is like, you see this thing and you think, oh, it's going to be amazing. And then you wind up there and you're like, but I'm like across the world from it essentially. Man, can you imagine, oh, it's going to be amazing. And then you wind up there and you're like, but I'm like across the world from it, essentially.

Man, can you imagine you think you're going to go from Vietnam and you're going to live in Miami on the coast by the ocean? Like you've got a whole. And especially Miami, which is like a really, you know, just like it's got its own thing. It's got a vibe. Yeah, it's got its own like club thing going on. It's got its own like club thing going on. So this is from WDBO. Landscaping crew mows around dead body,

assuming it's a Halloween prop. All right, Tom, go ahead. The dead body of a North Carolina man was ignored for several days. Jesus Christ. Because it was mistaken for a Halloween decoration. Earlier this month, police found the body of 34-year-old Robert Owens lying face down in the grass near a home in China Groveve north carolina but it turned out that a lawn care

worker had encountered the body a day earlier and mowed around it assuming it was a half this feels like have you ever seen those pictures of like the guys that are like painting the lines down the center of the road and then there's like an obstruction they just paint like a bubble around around it yeah yeah this is some guy just like mowing he's like yeah mow around so like like if somebody's mowing your lawn and then they're like a big area like that lens like the outline of a body is just sitting there and it's got like longer grass around it wouldn't you be like hey man what the fuck? Why did you leave this big patch of non-fucking grass over there?

And wouldn't it be easier to see now? Also like, I have a lawn service and they move my shit out of the way. Like if I leave like a lawn chair in the lawn, they pick up my lawn chair and move it.

They don't just go around it. They don't just mow around it. So like part of me is like, did they like walk up to the body and it was all heavy? And they're like, well, I'm not moving that. What a hilarious thing though

to be like, yeah, Halloween has gotten so out of control. People are just like in their lots. They're just like, hey man, just pretend there's a big ass dead body and throw a dead ass body over there. Is it just like, hey man, just pretend there's a big ass dead body and just throw a dead ass body over there. Is it just like,

is Halloween basically just like an inch away from the purge? Right? Where you can just like kill people and like leave them in the grass

and like throw some fucking Sour Patch kids on their face and it'll be fine? Oh, this is the best. This is so funny. God,

it's so great that somebody's just like, no man, I ain't moaning around that. He's like weed whacking around the party. Oh, so's so great that somebody's just like, no, man, I ain't mowing around that. He's like weed whacking around the place. Oh, so, eh, whatever. They like trench around it a little bit.

They think it's like an actual one of those little islands you have in your yard with all, they put like that nice like mulch around it. Right. Dude, if I fucking die in my fall

face down, face first to my lawn and the fucking lawn service comes like all around me. Actually, no,

that's fine. That is okay. I'm okay with that. Yeah. I hope if I'm not found, I hope that's fine. Yeah, just mulch me.

Just mulch me up. But don't bag me. It's going to be a little messy, but still. But still. Okay. This storych me up. Just mulch me right in there. But don't bag me. It's going to be a little messy, but still. But still. Okay. This story, there's part of this story that's incredible, too. This is from 6ABC.

Theft of two million diamonds from truckload of coins. Thank you. That would be a lot more. Two million diamonds is a lot. That's a lot of goddamn diamonds. Although the resale on diamonds isn't as good as dimes. Theft of two million dimes from truckload of coins from the U.S. Mint leaves four facing federal charges. Federal authorities have released more details and unsealed charges in the theft of more than two million dimes earlier this year from a tractor trailer that had picked up the coins from the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia.

And I have so many questions at this start. So many. The truck driver was bound for Miami when he pulled into a parking lot to sleep on April the 13th. What? What? We have overnight truckloads of cash

driving around the United States? But I gotta get through this next sentence. Well, I mean, like, that you have the impunity to stop at a truck stop with? Cecil, how do the thieves know it's full of dimes? Is there like a big

truck that says U.S. Mint? I wonder if it just has like big dollar signs on the outside. You know like the bags that you get when you rob a bank

and it's got the big dollar sign on it? I wonder if the truck itself just has like one big dollar sign Is the Hamburglar driving this thing? They open it up and they're like, oh, baby, here it comes.

And they're like, here comes the bills. And they open it up and it's all dimes. Dimes? Oh, brutal. If you steal dimes and you get sentenced to 10 years, are you doing a dime for dimes? I'm doing a dime for dimes. So this next sentence blows my mind.

So this next sentence blows my mind. During the night, thieves made off with a portion of its cargo of $750,000 in dimes, a shipment weighing about six tons. What? Authorities had said earlier. What? So you're in your truck sleeping.

Okay. I sleep pretty hard. Sure. I don't think I sleep so hard that somebody could break into the truck that i'm sleeping and remove a pallet from it and take six tons of diamonds the pictures in this are a thousand words there's fucking it's dime again there's dimes everywhere scattered as far as the eye can see It's fucking sea shanties of dimes. Also, like, let's say you have six tons of dimes.

How many of those things at the grocery store that counts change do you have to hit? Yeah, right? You got like a coin star. It's like you're buying Sudafed for meth and you got to go across the state because they have your name in all of them because all the coin stars,

you've run all the coin stars dry near you because you just keep on, you come in with like big sacks with money symbols on it of dimes that you're dumping in there. So many questions. So you've got to know, first of all, that the truck is full of money.

Yeah. Then you got to know it's full of dimes. I don't know that they know the truck's full of money because you could just break into any truck. So if you, okay, so let's just presume. Yeah. Then you got to know it's full of dimes. I don't know that they know the truck's full of money because you could just break into any truck. So if you, okay, so let's just presume they didn't know.

That's actually even better. Let's presume they didn't know. So you break into a truck and you realize the truck is full of money, but then you realize, fuck, it's full of dimes. And then you're like,

all right, I guess I'm stealing bags of dimes. Like genuinely, think about a pack of dimes. Let's say there's a fucking box of dimes. Yeah. Right? Which weighs like, let's say 200 of dimes. Let's say there's a fucking box of dimes, right?

Which weighs like, let's say 200 pounds. Yeah. Wouldn't you want to just have like a VCR or something? VCR, you can't sell VCR anymore. What the fuck are you going to do with a VCR? You can't sell VCR anymore. Take it to the past. VCR is an old person thing that I said.

Forget I said VCR. But let's say, wouldn't you want a thing, an electronics or something? Yeah, like a Betamax or something. VCR. But let's say, wouldn't you want a thing in electronics or something? Yeah, like a Betamax or something. VCR. Alright, so you got your 78s, right? So let's say you got a turntable. So you got your Victrola.

Actually, to be hilarious, like fucking turntables are way more common nowadays than a VCR would be. VCR is fucking hilarious. Let's just say it's not a VCR. Let's say it's another very popular and hip brand new modern technology. Like the iPod.

Let's just say it's like a cordless knife or something. A cordless knife. It's a rechargeable spoon. But in any case, I still haven't made my point. Yeah, but you still haven't made my point.

All right, so you wish it was full of VCRs. So let's just say we go back in time and there's a VCR that's worth $100. Or you have a 2,000 pound fucking box of dimes. What are you leaving with? Like, you're going to take one. You would literally open this. You would see rows and rows of dimes.

You'd be like, nah, man. You close the fucking thing and you go find another truck, man. I don't even care. If it's filled with pigs, it's worth more and easier to transport. At least the pigs don't walk themselves. Cec's filled with pigs. It's worth more and easier to transport. At least the pigs don't walk themselves. Cecil, Cecil, Cecil. Like the police are on the lookout for like thieves with fucking busted discs and hernias.

And it looks like they got long shongs because they stuck a pack of dimes down there. Long and thin, just like the ladies love. Like a pack of dimes down there. Long and thin, just like the ladies love. Long and thin like a pack of dimes, baby. Okay. It's not girthy and it's not long. Oh, God. Please, you're like a roll of dimes. Ironically, these dimes are a quarter of what you're looking for.

So, how many getaway cars do you need for 12,000 pounds worth of dimes, Cecil? Can you imagine how your cars all, like, fucking weighed down? The best part is there's, like, a guy who backs his pickup truck out, and then they're just throwing fucking handfuls of dimes. They had to be. Because guys, there's fucking dimes scattered everywhere. And this fucking truck driver sleeps through the whole thing. He had earplugs in.

He's cranking classical music in there. He's watching a VCR. Can you imagine you get out of your truck in the morning you stretch your legs like ah another day for the road

and you get out and look and you just see like a sea of dimes and you're like god they could have made way with dozens of dollars

oh man it's a lot of money worth of dimes it is so they stole a few hundred thousand dollars worth of dimes again

genuinely how many getaway cars? Do you remember that time we took my truck and we went shooting? We loaded my shitty light duty, like at a Nissan Frontier. And we loaded up full of like ammo and clay targets. And remember, it broke the springs of my truck. Yeah. It wasn't that much weight. No.

To break the springs of my truck. Six tons. You would need like one of those like rolling coal trucks in order to even come close to it. You'd need a couple of F-350s. You would have to have a trailer on the back. You'd have to have a trailer.

You'd have to be prepared to steal this much shit. Maybe they thought they were going to get a whole truckload of VCRs. So I want to read how they liquidated this cash too because it isn't that far from the Coinstar thing. So also, this is how they stole it. They just fucking, the surveillance video showed six men dressed in gray hoodies and armed with bolt cutters approaching a truck in the middle of the night, breaking into it, then loading the coins into smaller bags and into a waiting truck.

Yeah. So just a truck. A truck. The indictment unsealed alleges that after the theft, thousands of dimes were converted into cash at coin machines in Maryland and through deposits to at least four different suburban Philadelphia banks. So they just, they did just take this shit to Coinstar, dude. They took it to Coinstar and then they took it to like, like the banks. But like, that's what I was saying is, at a certain point,

just like if you go in to buy too much fucking Sudafed, your name's going to go on a list. For real. Same thing happened here. They got a little too crazy with the dimes. They went a little too nuts. They came back to the same bank too many times. My dad

for years and years and years and years, he had a Hinckley and Schmidt water, five gallon water thing, and he would take his pocket change after work. How heavy do those things get? Dude, he never filled it. So I want to tell you that. Like my dad, since I lived with him when I was six till after I wasn't living with him anymore, still had the same jar. And granted, I stole a lot of quarters from it over the years when I was a kid, right? My brother and I both would tip it and start doing the quarters. But

even so, and we stopped doing that like by the time we were 14 or so, and he still had this thing for another 20 years afterwards. Never filled it. But I remember, and we stopped doing that by the time we were 14 or so, and he still had this thing for another 20 years afterwards. Never filled it. But I remember he was moving from one house to another house, and he's like, oh, yeah, I got to move my jar of change. And I was like, Dad, you'll never pick that up. What you have is a glass bottle that cannot support the weight you've put in it. If you go to pick it up, it's just going to shatter the bottom of the glass. I was like, the only thing you can do is tip it over, pour it out, put it into bags and take it to the bank. And he's like,

nah, I think we can lift it. I was like, there is no way dad, you can lift it. It's a giant five gallon thing made of metal now. And he was like, weirdly convinced. My dad's a smart guy, but he was weirdly convinced he could do it. What happened, Tom? He called me and he's like, go ahead and tip the thing over and fill it full of bags. Like, he couldn't do it. And I remember being like, Dad, of course you did. Yeah. If you could lift it,

which you cannot lift it, but if you could lift it. It had to be a couple hundred pounds, right? It would just bust through the bottom of the glass. That glass is made to hold 40 pounds of water, man. I know, yeah.

That's it. And those structural engineers didn't fucking put more extra glass in there to hold in more weight. It was just, I'm sorry, remember just how heavy that thing was? And now trying to like steal tonnages? Tell you what, these guys, they didn't skip leg day, that's for sure.

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Temples. Dragons. Giant worms. Atlantis. Dolphins. Truthers. Birthers. Witches.

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