Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 732: Poop Pringle’s, Cecil vs Opera gx

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

It's a fun one.

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago and beyond This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. Today is Thursday, December the 7th. A day that will live in infamy. I mean, it does.

I forgot about that. It does. It does, but it's for a different reason. It's going to live in infamy because tomorrow on Twitch, I'm going to play Path of Exile. So if you watched me in the past play Path of Exile, you can join me tomorrow on Twitch. I'll be playing for a couple hours,

at least three or four hours in the afternoon, and then I'll probably play on Saturday and also on Sunday. So come check me out, come hang out, and come chit chat. And speaking of gamers, Tom,

I want to tell you a story. Okay, tell me a story. So a while back, I had installed a new browser because I was using Chrome for a while and Chrome gets slow and chuggy and sometimes I don't like it. And then I'll switch back to like Firefox

or Edge for a little bit. And I don't like the functionality in those. So I'm just kind of, like I'm kind of throw browsers around sometimes. I'm like, I don't want to use this one. I come across this product, Opera GX. It's a gamer sort of setup, right? Yeah, yeah.

What I liked about it was it had like skins and things, and so you can make it look like something. And it did a good job of managing resources too. So like when I would be, like it wouldn't, it wouldn't suck a lot of resources up if I had left it open or if I closed it, you know, I could close it and open up and it would open up all the same tabs. It was like, there's a couple of cool features with it, whatever. I could close it and open up and it would open up all the same tabs. It was like, there's a couple of cool features with it, whatever. And then the other day I get on the computer and I open my

browser and I closed my browser quite a bit. Cause I very often I close my browser if I'm doing anything that like would pollute my sound. So I edit a lot of things. And so very often my browser gets closed completely. If I'm editing anything or using Premiere or using, I can't even really play any sound at all. And everything borks on my browser if I open Pro Tools because Pro Tools sucks up all the resources for that. And so you can't actually play any videos or anything anyway when Pro Tools is up. So there's like a lot of reasons why I close my browser. So I close my browser down and then I open it back up. And this is what hear I want to play it for you okay so here we go this is the sound that I heard now this is my browser opening what the shit was that wait a minute that happened when you hold on I

don't understand when you opened your brows hold on, I don't understand. When you opened your browser, so you double clicked on opera. I powered my browser on, I powered my browser on, and then Eric Andre, who was in an opera GX blazer, there's a sound of two, somebody getting cut and bleeding,

right, that happens, and you could see the opera sign gets cut. And actually, let me just play it for the audience so they can see it. Because I just played the sound, but let me play it again for the audience that's watching. This is when you power your browser on. That little thing comes up and there's like an O.

And then the O gets the thing in there. Double GX! Every time you open your browser? Every time you open your browser, that's what you hear. And when it first happened, I was just like, what is that?

Why would it do that? And I was like, okay, whatever. It doesn't matter. It won't do it again. My thought was, it's not going to do it again. Oh, no. It did it every time

I opened my browser that day. But here's the thing that I wouldn't mind, and I don't care that that's what they do because they're trying to be edgy, right? They're trying to be like, we're the gamer guy and we're going to do something weird and meme-y and it's funny. But this is just a browser. I don't want it And I don't care that that's what they do. Because they're trying to be edgy, right? They're trying to be like, we're the gamer guy.

And we're going to do something weird. But this is just a browser. I don't want it to yell at me. I don't either. But let's just say you're, because there's a lot of people, the online, the pushback was, oh, it's funny. It's funny or whatever. It's okay.

It's fine. It's funny to you. That's fine. Sure. Whatever. I will allow that it's funny to you. But here's what I can't do. Most of the time when you open your browser,

you're looking to do something, right? I'm not looking just to like sit. I'm looking like, oh, I got to look this thing up. Oh, I have to check my email. Oh, I have to do this thing. So I click. Well, then that thing comes up and then the circle and then the X and then he screams and then it goes away. And I timed it and it's over seven seconds long. And now I know that seems like a short attention span theater, right? I shouldn't feel like that's a big deal. Seven seconds is an absolute eternity if you're waiting for your browser to open. If that's the thing you're waiting to do, you would seriously, 100%, if your browser took seven seconds to open every single time,

you'd uninstall it. You wouldn't even use it. You don't realize how long it is until you have to deal with it six times a day. And then you're like, why am I waiting seven seconds for a guy to jump up and scream at me so I can open a fucking email? Like I was so blown away by this. And the pushback online was all like, really like, well, what's the big deal? Why, why do you care? Maybe. And people had like, I heard stories where someone at six in the morning just got up and they opened their computer

to do a crossword and it screamed at them and it woke their baby up. Yeah, man. Because your volume's on and the volume was on and it screamed at it. And you're not expecting any volume

unless you want to go to something with volume on it. Well, everybody online is like, well, why is your volume up? It's like, well, what are you wearing? Like, leave me alone. Like, my volume's up, my with volume up. Well, everybody online is like, well, why is your volume up? It's like, well, what is, what are you wearing? Like, what are you, like, leave me alone. Like, my volume's up,

my volume's up. I just could not understand there was this massive pushback by this company. And then their comments were like, it's only for a day, chill out. And I'm just like, no,

I will not chill out. I am going to uninstall this. And I uninstalled it on every computer and every single thing that they're like, why are you uninstalling it? Other. Eric Andre's stupid face. And I sent it back. But I angrily sent it back. I really enjoyed the user interface of this thing. And then out of nowhere,

there's just a guy screaming at you. Could you imagine if every time you turned on your stove, you would have to wait seven seconds to use the burner while something happened? Like GE played a song or something like that? No, that would be insane. It would be insanity. You wouldn't accept this in anything in your life where you had to wait seven seconds for someone to do something. Whether it's a jingle or a dance or a nothing,

even if it's waiting seven seconds because there's a requisite waiting time of seven seconds, you would never wait that long. Dude, if it happened where you could be like, I got to click a button where it never happens again. You can't. That would be fun. You couldn't.

That's the thing is, there's supposed to be a splash screen shut off. And I had it off on my computer, but they overrid it for this one day to show you that they have it. Why? It's so Halloween. Because it's their marketing campaign. And I was like, well, then you just lost me with

your highly paid marketing. You can't shut it off. The only way to fix it was you had to go into your fucking files in your computer and like find the splash thing and delete it. I was like, fuck your face. What are you talking about? I have no idea what you're talking about. You know what I'll do? You know what I'm going to delete?

Is this program. That's what I'll delete. But like, why are you marketing the product that I'm already using to me? You know what I'll do. You know what I'm going to delete? Is this program. That's what I'll delete. But like, why are you marketing the product that I'm already using to me? You know what I mean? No, you're right. I don't understand that, and I'll never understand that. It's like when you go to the fucking store and over the fucking airways in the store you're already in as an advertiser for the store,

you've already chosen to attend. That's true. I didn't think about it like that, but you're right. Why the fuck? I'm already an advertiser. I'm already here. I'm here. I know where I'm at. Like, what the fuck? Like, that's like, do you go to, like, this is a Chicago thing, guys. But like, do you shop at Menards? They do it all the time, man.

When you go to Menards, it's like, save big money at Menards. And you just have to listen to that jingle the whole time you're there. The whole time. Because I never go there. I won't go there because of the jingle. I don't go there. I go somewhere else. The jingle makes me too mad. Yeah, I'm not going there.

I'm like, unless I need a kayak and bird food and like nuts and bolts. And a giant thing of Cheez-Its. Because it's the most, guys, here's the thing. If you're not a Chicago person, Menards is like Home Depot, but then Home Depot got glued on to like Big Lots, but then Big Lots got glued on to like big lots, but then big lots got fucking glued on to like part of a 7-Eleven. And then an Aldi.

Somebody dumped an Aldi in there. And then there's like the back end of a Petco. And then Blockbuster went out of business. And so they're just like selling random DVDs.

But like seven of them, it's insane. It's a full hardware store like Home Depot. With extras. And then there'd be like a kayak. With vestigial parts. extras. And then there's like a kayak. With vestigial parts.

Yeah. So there's like one kayak and you're like, what the fuck? Somebody's just like, I don't know, buy a kayak too. It's the craziest store. It's schizophrenic. It's crazy in there. But in any case, I just wanted to share that story this week. I changed my browser this week and I got messages from some people who were like, well, it's not a big deal.

And I'm like, well, then keep it. Yeah. Like, it's not a big deal to you. It is to me. Like, it is to a big deal. And I'm like, well, then keep it. Yeah. Like, it's not a big deal to you. It is to me. Like, it is to me, man. Peace the fuck out of there. Yeah. I love when people have like a weird defense

against something they like. It's like, I like it. You should like it too. And it's like, but I don't. But I don't. And I don't anymore. I don't anymore. Right.

All right, guys. So this story is from, this is from, I don't know, deadline.com. Disneyland park guest arrested after stripping off clothes on. It's a small world ride. It's a shrinkage world. There was significant shrinkage.

This is a water ride, too. So you know there was shrinkage. You know there was shrinkage. No, man. It's smaller. It's a grower, not a shower world. That's what it is. Could you imagine like just being there and you just want to have a good time?

You just want to hang out and like be with your family and go on a space mountain or whatever. And then you go on. It's a small world. And there's some dude doing the backstroke bucket naked in the fucking tunnel of love or whatever. What the fuck? What the fuck possesses you to pay the fucking exorbitant fee to get in a goddamn Disney land or Disney park or whatever? It's land because the world's in Florida. So this wasn't in California.

Okay. Yeah. So I have never been to both of them. I've been at Disney World when I was five. So like, I don't remember. I just, I've been told I've been there. That's how much I've been there. But like, I know they're like fantastically expensive.

It's stupid expensive, yeah. Why would you want to do that? Get thrown out. You're going to get thrown out. That place is not going to be like, oh, it's cool that you're fucking buck ass, bear balls naked, fucking swinging your fucking helicopter

dick around. Then I got to wrap a Mickey robe around you. Put little ears on your cock and walk you through the fucking. Okay, but if they would.

But if they would. If you would get like a little. That's extra. I'll pay extra. I want a little tiny and it'll be pretty tiny. Like little tiny Mickey hat on my dog.

That would be fucking hilarious. I would wear that with pride. I would wear that with pride. I would wear that with pride. I want you to say hello to my little musketeer. Okay, this story comes from the Los Angeles Times. You can't open it, Tom. Man, you get 10 articles if you log in. I'm not logging in.

Okay, who cares? I know the article. Okay, I'll just leave it up so you can read the headline. This story comes from the LA Times, which maybe you can open. I don't fucking know. It's hard to open. It's a pain in the ass.

A population of hard-to-eradicate super pigs in Canada is threatening to invade the US. They already have. That's Wisconsinites. That's why you grabbed this story. I'm kidding. That's why you grabbed this story. I'm kidding. That's why you grabbed this story. I'm kidding.

But they are boars. That joke was cheesy. But seriously, like, fucking, this is a crazy thing. Like, here's people, what people don't understand is, like, pigs are fucking hardy, man. And these boars are just like, yeah, you can't even hunt us. Because if you hunt us, then we'll just be more weary of you and we'll be harder to eradicate you.

In this article, so these super fucking pigs are a cross between they're basically like the fucking like the Africanized honeybee of pigs. They're a cross between like this ultra pig and the other ultra pig, which means they're like tougher

and they breed faster. So it's like, they're fucking like those, they're like, they shit out kids like a machine gun. They're like fucking dugger pigs. They said like

that you could eliminate, in one year, you could eliminate 65% of the population and they would still breed more than you killed in a single year. The pigs are taking over

the whole thing, man. It's fucking pig again. Did you ever read the book, Oryx and Crake? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. With the pigoons. Yeah, the pigoons. Yeah.

That's what these are. That's what these are. These are pigoons. These are fucking like super pigs that are going to be like, you're going to be a food soon. Yep. You know?

That's it. I mean, man, like genuinely without some serious, I think, you know, some kind of thing that you could do to curb the population, expect there to be overruns of these because they're not going to pay attention to the border. No, they're just going to wander around wherever they want.

And so they're going to come down and they'll be, there's already states that have massive infestations. 35 states. Yeah. 35 states have a massive feral hog population, mostly from the South. Here's what's happening right now, though. I thought about this.

We're in the middle of a pork sandwich. Oh, bacon sandwich. You and I are in the middle of a pork sandwich. Bacon sandwich. Yeah, we're the mayonnaise. I certainly look like it. We're getting pressed from the top from the Canadian super pigs,

and we're getting pressed from the top from the Canadian super pigs and we're getting pressed from the bottom from the southern super pigs. And like, they're going to meet in the Midwestern middle and we're going to have fucking, and then those pigs are going to fuck

and they're going to produce like pigs that can vote or like pigs that can like drive cars and shit. There's already a lot of those. They call them Wisconsinites. Oh, gosh. I'll tell you, man.

This is crazy. This is just one of those things, though. It's like, gosh. I'll tell you, man. This is crazy. This is just one of those things, though. It's like, as time goes on, you're like, man, I've read a lot of dystopian novels. And there's always like one little piece that you're like a little alarmed by. You're just like, but in that book, wasn't there a lot of pigs?

You're like, yeah, man. There was. Yeah, yeah. Yep, there was. I think the same thing all the time. And I just like feel like I need to tell the powers that be

and I don't know who the powers that be are. I'd be like, hey, those books are cautionary tales, not aspirations. I know, right? Yeah, that's how I feel too.

Why are we doing all the things? We keep doing them over and over too. Like, I feel like we're living in a world where people watch Terminator and they were like, yeah, let's give that a whirl.

Sounds dope. Let's try it. The guys over at Boston Dynamics were like, I can do that. Oh, it's building. Hey, Joe, get on that fucking melty metal shit. Jesus, man. The fuck are we doing?

Jailed Russians forced to listen to Bon Jovi and Moby songs on repeat. They're all, I thought when I first picked this story, when I first saw the headline, I was like, oh, they don't like them. But no, instead they're talking about basically being free

and sort of that they're playing songs that make people think about how they're stuck where they are and they're basically in prison or whatever. So they're playing them as psychological torture. But I got to thinking like, what would be the

torture song for you? Oh. You know, like when I was thinking, I was like, what, do I, is there any music

I hate so much that I would be like, man, this is absolutely, I can't think of anything other than like those hair bands from like the 80s.

Okay. I can't stand that music. But I mean, I could just fucking like tune that out. I could not tune it out. What they should do is play horrible earworm songs. Like they just get lodged. So like my song. Like Baby Shark or something.

Or yeah. Or like Wham's Last Christmas. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah. So just over and over all year long be like ah you just we start to get just absolutely but yeah they should just if they're gonna fuck with you with music it's just got to be terrible earworms it's got it what is your worst earworm gosh because mine is that goddamn wham song because i'll find myself humming

like last christmas no i hate it no i hate I hate it. I gave you my... I hate it. I hate that song so much. I don't know any other lyric because I always turn it off right after that. It's a bad song. I'm trying to think of what would be an earworm. I'll tell you what, like, man, a lot of songs from the 80s get stuck in my head

when I hear them. So, like, I will, you know, that... So, I... If I hear that song... The time of my life. That song will get stuck in my head for a day. There we go. It's in there now.

I'll be singing it. I'll be singing it to my cats. I'll be like picking them up and being like, time of my life. And I'll be like spinning the cat around like a woman and Dirty Dancing. And I'll hold them like a baby. And I'll be singing to them.

I do that shit all the time. I'll grab like a, especially like these torch songs. I'll sing them to my cats all the time. I'll pick them up and I'll seren grab like a, especially like these torch songs. I'll sing them to my cats all the time. I'll pick them up and I'll serenade like my cats with like a torch song. They do it all the time. It's great.

It's the best. There's something about cats that requires that they be sung to. Oh yeah, absolutely. I've had dogs my whole life. Never sang to a dog. I sing to my cats constantly. All the time.

I'll sing little cat songs all the time. And like everybody does it. Every cat person. I don't know anybody who doesn't. You have to sing to a cat. I sing to my cats all the time. And like, everybody does it. Every cat person. I don't know anybody who doesn't. You have to sing to a cat. I sing to my cats all the time. I don't know.

Make you food and get you food for the cats. And I'm like, I'll look at myself like, what the fuck is wrong with me? Why am I doing this? But like,

later on, I'm like, you're a fat little cat. I'm like, what the fuck? What is happening right now? See, I don't make up songs.

I sing songs and then I put, Oh, I make up my songs. And then I put their name in the lyrics. Oh, I like that. So I'll put their name in there and I'll sing the song to like Puck.

And like, if there's a word that kind of resembles his name, I'll throw it in there. Oh, I like that. And so that's how I sing. I don't ever make up like a song. I'm not that creative. I can't do it.

I make up little songs like I'll like narrate what I'm doing. But I also like, weirdly, the more I love a pet, I'm not that creative. I make up little songs like I'll like narrate what I'm doing. But I also like, weirdly, the more I love a pet, the more I insult it. I'll be like, oh, you stupid piece of shit.

And I'll just be like, and I'm petting him, but I'll do it like such nice. Oh, you fat piece of shit. You stupid shitty cat. I don't even know why I do it. That's so fucking toxic, Tom.

The cat doesn't know. Tom, I know. The cat loves me. How dare you? The cat just looks at you like, that's nice. toxic, Tom. The cat doesn't know. Tom, I know. The cat loves me. How dare you? The cat just looks at you like, that's nice. That's nice. I had a friend who used to pet his dog

and be like, do you want a spear through the head? Do you want a spear? And the dog would like freak out. I do want a spear. I do want a spear. That he used to say a little of all the time. So yeah, I think that's,

I think that's also a common thing too. Of all the people though that look like they were in a Russian prison, Moby does. Like, it's so funny because I saw it. I was like, I like Moby. I do too.

I really, Bon Jovi. No, I've never liked Bon Jovi. No, Bon Jovi is bad. But I liked, I can't think of a single Bon Jovi song I like. But I liked Moby when he came out that. I didn't know anything about Moby until he went, because he had music

for years before that. But Play was the big album. Play was the big album that I found him with. I never knew him before then. Same, same. Yeah, it was a good album. Yeah, it was a great album.

That's one of those albums that's like of a time, right? Like that's of a time of, there's some albums that I listen to and I'm just like, that is of a time of, there's some albums in my, that I listened to. And I'm just like, that is of a time. That is of a thing. I could still listen to him play. I could still listen to it.

But it feels like, I was like, oh, this song, this, all of this feels like the late nineties to me. It reminds me of this. Like I always have those like, yeah. That's what getting old is like. So you young people out there, you don't know what this feels like yet. But when you get older, you'll be like, oh, I heard that song. So when you listen

to like Taylor Swift in years, you'll know what this feels like. It'll remind you of when you still had hope. I remember when I used to feel good about stuff. Oh my God. This next one is the best story. This story is my favorite story in all of the world. This story is from Cincinnati.com. You have to read the whole thing. I read, this will be the third time I've read it because I read it, then I read it to Haley, and now I'm reading it to you.

All right, sounds good. I love it. Ohio attorney suspended over pooping in a Pringles can, leaving it in parking lot. The Ohio Supreme Court suspended an attorney for defecating into a Pringles can and dropping it in a parking lot of a crime victim advocacy center. Jesus Christ, man. Crime victim advocacy center. All right. This Ohio Supreme Court suspended an attorney who

Okay, so that's the same thing. Criminal defense attorney Jack A. Blakeslee's conduct called into question his fitness to practice law, the court decided. Blakeslee's conduct called into question his fitness to practice law, the court decided. Blakeslee's defense, he said he didn't target anyone, but he had a habit of putting his feces in Pringles cans and randomly throwing them from his car. He claimed he pulled the Pringles prank at least 10 times that year.

The thing is that after he did the first one, once he popped, he couldn't stop. Once you poop, you can't stop. What the fuck? This dude is like holding a can, an empty can up to his asshole. And then he's precariously shitting in a Pringles can? Okay, logistic-wise.

Let's talk about the logistics of shitting into a Pringles can because I think this is important. It is way better than shitting into a Lays bag. I couldn't do it. I couldn't shit into a Lays bag. I think I could make it happen. Here's the thing, though. There's a high potential for mess here.

This could get out of hand or out of can, I should say, like, pretty easily. It does bring the phrase, hitting the can. Hitting the can. Tell you what, you're hitting the can today. Here's the thing, right? Do you just have, like, a big asshole and it kind of fits up there like it locks in place? Oh, there you go. There you go.

So it's like one of those, like, I don't know, like a vacuum attachment. Like a NASA shitter. Like a NASA shitter. Yeah, but they just hook the vacuum up to your asshole. That would be my only way I could think, you gotta hold it in your cheeks, right? You gotta hold it in your, you gotta get it. Or you gotta

hold it back there. No, you just, you gotta get your cheeks around it and then let your cheeks sort of like hold it. It's tension, you just, you got to get your cheeks around it and then let your cheeks sort of like hold it. Tension, right? So there's got to be tension on it and you got to hold it there and then you just hope that it's in line.

I could not do that. I could not shit into it. I don't think I could shit all the shit into a Pringles. I'm not saying I get none of it into the Pringles can, but I am saying, look, it's Bozo Buckets, right? I'm not saying I get none of it into the Pringles can, but I am saying, look, it's bozo buckets, right? I'm getting the first three. At a certain point,

at a certain point, it's an overfull cocking gun. Yeah, what if you shit more than the Pringles can? I don't know how much volume-wise. I don't know how much volume this shit is either. You ever had to pee in a cup

and you're like, wow, this is a lot of pee. Yeah, man. You're just like, wow, that's a lot. You're like, oh, I got to stop the flow here. You're like, hold on,

how did this happen? It's just like a big cup. And you're like, wow, that's a lot. You're like, oh, I gotta stop the flow here. You're like, come on, how did this happen? It's just like a big cup. And you're like, what? It's still going. And you're like freaking out. You're like, that's so big. How does this even work? I should have got two bags of Pringles. This is still the best use of a Pringles can. It's still the best use. You're right. No, you're not wrong. You're not wrong.

Can you imagine just deucing into this fucking... So the other thing is... I'm like the guy who's like, picks up his money. He pops it open. He's like, oh, man. Not again.

Not another one. Okay, so here's something else you have to think about. It's occurred to me too. Is he's throwing these out of his car. Yeah. So only one of two things is possible. Either he's driving around with an empty Pringles can or no.

Okay, so three things. So he could be driving around with an empty Pringles can. We have a bunch of scenarios here. Right? And then he's like, oh, the urge. And then he like gets out of the car because I can't imagine doing this in the car. And you have to have a special seat. I couldn't do this in the car. I'm too fucking big. I could barely be in my the car and you have to have a special seat i couldn't do this in the car i'm too fucking big i can barely be in my car you'd have to have a

special seat for sure so then he like he gets out of the car whatever he deuces in a can and then he like hurls it where he deuces sure that's that's one thing right or he's driving around pringle thing is full he eats the pringles the inevitable regret sets in from having had Pringles. You have the Pringles shits. Sure. Because that's not food. It's cardboard with salt on it. It's potato-scented salt cardboard.

I feel like if you're going to do this, you want to get the Olestra ones. Or Cecil, and what I think is most likely, he shits at home into a Pringles can. Yeah, he 100% shit at home in a Pringles can. Then he takes a Pringles can full of warm shit. Yeah, absolutely, yeah. And walks out to the car and puts it in his fucking cup holder.

Or, no, no, there's another option. Okay. Maybe he shits in a bunch of them, and then he takes one of those wine bags, and he puts it in the cylinders in there, and then he totes it to the car. Possible. He could also be storing it in his freezer at home. It's a punch cycle. Like frozen little shit cylinders.

Jesus Christ. What the fuck? There's no normal way. It's like, I'm going to try to get out of here. There's no not insane. Jesus Christ. There's a lot of planning that goes into shitting and planning. It feels like a first degree murder.

It does not feel like a second degree murder. This is not a shit of passion. It was just me and the Pringles can. I couldn't help myself. Look, I would excuse like like once like you're driving along nature calls Pringles can right

look desperate times right desperate times you drive you're like okay fuck there's no

I gotta shit I don't know you shit a Pringles can you leave it on the side of the road you go home and you're like that was a weird day okay

alright but this guy by his own defense his defense is hey man at least 10 times this year, I've been chucking Pringles cans of shit out my car. Pringles and people.

You don't have to say poop Pringles. Just say Pringles. You're right. The qualifier doesn't deserve to be there. You're absolutely right. This is, I just can't believe somebody is saying. They have a whole thing. Like, they have a whole thing.

Like, it's their thing that they're like, I thought this prank. Look, we've said before, it's okay to have hobbies. It is. It's fine. It's cool to like stuff.

It's cool. It's okay to like stuff. It's fine to like stuff. All right. That's a weird thing to like. That's a weird thing to like is what I'm saying next. All right.

This story comes from the Argus dot co dot UK. I actually think this is genius. I think it's smart. Lansing Vandal paints penis around Brighton Road pothole. All right, so I'm going to put it on the big screen. It kind of looks like a middle finger to me, but

maybe it's penis, I guess. But there's been, I've seen other ones where people have done this where they just walk around all potholes and they just draw a dick and balls in like dog paint. I kind of think it's great. Dick and balls, dick and balls all over. And then in the next week, they're covered up, completely covered up. And all of it's brand new pavement all around there.

Hey, look, if your city council or whatever isn't getting around to the pothole problem. Yeah. And you've already tried throwing a can of Pringles full of shit at the city council building. You're just laying them in there like a log cabin. A log cabin! That's it, Cecil! That's it, it's a log cabin!

It's a log cabin. You got them like a fucking tinker toy set. Like Lincoln Logs. Lincoln Logs. Every time the 16th president shits, it's Lincoln Logs. Oh, man.

This is our best work. Stay for the class, kids. Stay for the classy show. I'll tell you what, man. Jesus Christ. No, but like somebody is out there. Dog holes. Somebody's out there pointing, making.

I think it's a smart way to do it, mainly because like things get prioritized differently, right? Yeah, when there's a fucking dog on it. So, well, there's something to be said about, you know, they're probably going to take care of graffiti before they'll take care of like potholes

because the potholes aren't ruining anything. But you're like, the graffiti is bad and it could be offensive to someone. So like, it makes sense

that they prioritize it. And this person is just like, I mean, the person's going to get caught one day with a can of spray paint and they're going to be like, sorry, buddy,

you're going to go to jail. You're going to get in trouble. We're going to make you listen to both of them. But in the meantime, the streets are smooth and he's a fucking hero. Yeah. He's a dong hero.

And if you want to be a dong hero, Adam and Eve.com is insane for this story. Let me call it up, Tom. The video is insane. So here's the video. I'm going to play this video. Now, people who aren't watching,

this is a video of the biggest fucking tumbleweed in history rolling past a car. So I'm going to play it right now. This is fucking huge. This is apocalyptic tumbleweed, guys. So it's like, it's seriously, it takes up the entire road. Like a two-lane road, guys. And not just one lane.

It's taking up almost two lanes of this road. Like a two-lane road, guys. And not just one lane. It's taking up almost two lanes of this road. It seriously looks like a clip from Attack of the Killer Tomatoes to that movie. It does. It does. It's so crazy. It's so crazily big, but evidently it's like a dead tree. It's a tumble-nado.

It's probably full of sharks. It's full of sharks trying to bite you. That's a tumble shark. There's a fucking Pringle can full of shit full of sharks. It's full of sharks trying to bite you. That's a tumble shark. There's a fucking Pringle can full of shit inside of it. They got to make a sharknado with tumbleweeds full of piranhas. Oh, amazing. Just little piranhas in there? Little tiny piranhas?

Yeah. So you're like, oh, it's just a tumbleweed. Like, oh, no. The article, though, was basically saying, well, because of climate change, we can expect more of this sort of thing where there's now. Sure, guys. I know, right? How fucking terrible is this? Everything is getting super sized.

Now they're like, yeah, well, bigger trees will start to die. And then they'll uproot because that's what happens. And that's what happens to tumbleweeds. Tumbleweeds aren't just like a specific thing. And that's what happens at Tumbleweed. Tumbleweeds aren't just like a specific thing. They're like any old desiccated tree root thing that flips up and falls out of the earth. And so that's what they're saying is like,

it can now be bigger stuff because we're more fucked. Yeah, and let me read some of the Tumbleweed stuff from this article because there's some crazy shit. In 2020, a swarm of Tumbleweeds, a swarm of Tumbleweeds, a murder of Tbleweeds, a murder of tumbleweeds, took over a stretch of Washington State Highway that piled up to 30 feet high in some places. Cars and trucks were trapped for hours.

Authorities dubbed it tumblegetting. A couple of years later- It's a Jesse White of tumbleweeds. That's an Illinois joke. That is an Illinois joke. That is an Illinois joke. The tumblers. Jesse White's tumblers. It's a group of people

who just do tumbling and they're like named after our secretary of state or old secretary of state. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They were good. They were good. Did they ever come to your school?

I've seen them at like a Bulls game before. They're like really fucking good. Yeah, they do flips and all kinds of like gymnastic stuff. Yeah. A couple of years later, about a hundred

homes in Victorville, California were seemingly swallowed up by thousands of prickly tumbleweeds that were strewn about by 50 mile an hour winds. It looked like the War of Tumbleweed. Like we were being invaded. I want to do a citation needed on the War of Tumbleweed.

In a similar incident in 2014, a tumbleweed explosion knocked down fences, blocked highways, and trapped people inside their homes. Jesus. That's it.

Even the plants now. Yeah. It's fucking pigs and plants. Pigs and plants. They're going to hold you hostage in your house. Yeah. The last line is

experts say there is more tumbleweed tumult in our futures because of climate change. So, new species's more tumbleweed tumult in our futures because of climate change. So new species of gigantic tumbleweed that can grow up to six feet tall, grows more vigorously than others, and they say it's likely

to expand its territory as a result of climate change. Great. Awesome. The super tumbleweed is coming for you. The super tumbleweeds. This story comes from The Independent. Airlines serves dog food to business class passengers in translation blunder. Yeah, I don't know how you would tell the difference between it and airline food. Yeah, this is just truth in advertising.

That's really all it is. Have you ever had a single food on an airline that you've been like, that was fucking damn good? I've never had food on an airline where I've been like, I don't regret eating that. That's how I feel. It's so funny because my I've been like, I don't regret eating that. That's how I feel. I almost, like, it's so funny because like my brain is always like,

no, they're going to feed you on the plane. And then my brain is telling me, don't eat what they feed you. Just tell them you're not hungry. Eat something before you get on the plane. Fall asleep. Don't take the food. And I did that the last time

when I traveled overseas this last time. And it was the best because they were serving food and I just turned to Sarah and I'm like, I'm going to lay my head I traveled overseas this last time. And it was the best because they were serving food. And I just turned to Sarah and I'm like, I'm going to lay my head down, not interested in food. And I just fell asleep. And I woke up afterwards. I didn't have a drink or anything.

It was perfect. I fell asleep for like four or five hours straight. It was perfect. I didn't have to eat the food. And I didn't regret it later because every single time I regret it. Yeah. Haley and I have gotten to where like, we'll go to the airport and buy like sandwiches

and like, we'll buy a meal and then we'll bring our own meal onto the plane. Okay. Cause that's better. Like, cause then you at least got something you ordered. Now the downside of that is that sandwich from like Potbelly or whatever costs $396, right?

Cause you paid the, after the gate fee. Yeah. When you get through security, they know you're locked in. Yeah. And they're just like, they know you're locked in. Yeah. And they're just like, I know that it's just a regular restaurant like you would have on the outside before you were imprisoned behind our security line. Now I'm going to take a cleaver to your arm. Right.

Yeah. Sir, please swipe the deed to your house at our deed extractor. I am. I'm always at the airport so early that I just eat at the airport. So I just like I'm always there. So I do want to bring something onto the plane if it's a long flight. Like, yeah, like I'm a at the airport so early that I just eat at the airport. So I just like, I'm always there so early. But I do want to bring something onto the plane if it's a long flight. Because like,

yeah, like I'm a fat guy. So like if I eat and I got to wait six hours to eat again, like I don't want to wait six hours. I want to wait like 20 minutes. Like I just ate.

I don't. Yeah, I try to knock myself out on the plane as much as possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just put myself down. But I almost always eat before I leave.

And then I'll just, but every single time I've eaten anything on a plane as much as possible. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just put myself down, but I almost always eat before I leave. And then I'll just, but every single time I've eaten anything on a plane. And from what they say, airline food needs to be flavored differently because your taste buds change with pressure and with the atmosphere. Really? Supposedly, I read a while back that the airline,

the conditions that you're in change how your taste buds work. Really? So it has to be flavored a little differently in order for you to like taste it and enjoy it or whatever. And so- That's crazy.

So they have to, that's why they have like very specific airline food that they give you. And it tastes terrible. It's all bad. It doesn't taste good. Like it doesn't taste good. And you know,

like it's been hot for 40 minutes or something like that. It's been in a warming cart for 40, you don't get it. You don't get it. You don't get it.

They can't make it. And it's been made probably hours before because it's probably just been sitting in this like temperature hell for so long. And then they just

wheel it in there and then they give it to you. And if you're in the back of the plane, you're fucked because you're getting fish no matter what. You don't get any choices. There's no choices for you. But in this particular flight, they mistranslated and they called it dog food. So the image says, if you click on the image and you zoom in, it says imported dog food as part of the appetizer. Now this was in business class. Now I've never flown overseas

in like first class or business class. I've never done that. So I don't know what they get. This looks like a pretty extensive menu. This looks like a nice menu. But they're basically saying like they mistranslated it

and said it was imported dog food. But it clearly wasn't. At least it wasn't domestic. Yeah. You know, that would be classless. The funniest part of this story is at the end,

they say that a vegan went on the plane and they, on this airline, and they were given, they were given a single banana and a pair of chopsticks.

And that was it. And then they thought, well, the banana's like the core of first course i'm like no that's the entirety of your meal is a banana yeah and i also had a little note that said fuck you eli so mean the story's from uh tenplay.com.au study says deaths when taking selfies at tourist hot spots are a public health problem and so like I've seen highlights like this or headlines like this before,

but like this had some numbers on it. So I want to tell you these numbers because they're crazy. The 379 fatalities. This is a New South Wales study. Since 2008 of selfie deaths were examined through media reports and cross-sectional studies,

it was found that of those deaths falling from cliffs and waterfalls were the most common selfie-related deaths, followed by drowning. Just taking a selfie while you're swimming? Like, okay, if you fall from the waterfall, it's kind of academic whether or not you drown. But here's the thing is that they talk in this article

about like, oh, we got to figure out how to fix this problem. We really got to figure out how to fix this problem. But then also in the article, it's like on almost every occasion, people had to cross over all these barriers. And I'm like, I don't know that we have to fix this problem. This problem is fixing itself is what I'm saying. First off, I did a citation needed on selfie related deaths. You should check out the citation needed on that. But here's the thing. I went to, about five years ago, my wife and I had this amazing trip that was a road trip. So we got in, we flew out to, we rented a car. We flew out and rented a car in South Dakota

and we visited the Badlands. And then we drove up to, we drove up to Yellowstone. We stayed there a couple of days, which was like the least favorite part of the entire trip. And then we drove down through Colorado and then around through to the Grand Canyon. Eventually we worked our way through Utah and we stayed at like the actual, there's like a really beautiful place

that we stayed in Utah. Monument Valley was gorgeous. We stayed in a lot of cool places and we had a lot of fun. And we wound up one full day at the canyon where we could just walk around. And so Sarah and I just started walking in the morning. We just got up.

We stayed at a hotel, like right on the canyon, like right there. And then we started walking up in the morning. And then we, later on, we took a plane to see like the canyon. But during the morning, there's clearly fences where they're just like, don't go there.

There are, I cannot tell you how many people were out over there just like taking photos of themselves, climbing, climbing down these rock faces to get photos of themselves. Dude, what the fuck? I just cannot understand. I mean, like, look, I get it. You want to get a better picture

than just the fence there or whatever. And it's like 20 feet of rock. You want to jump over the fence there and you want to get a photo. I mean, I'm not your dad. I don't care, right? But once at a certain point, like I had to like literally like pull Sarah away.

She's so worried about these people. And I'm just like, fuck those people. I'm like, those people made a choice. They woke up and made an adult decision today. They are going to have to deal with the consequences of that choice.

Don't stress or agonize over their choices that they made today. But she's just like, naturally like, fearful for these people who are literally putting themselves

in harm way, you know, because she's like an empathetic person. She doesn't want to see somebody get hurt or die. Yeah, it would ruin her day to watch them.

Yeah, sure. Do you remember when we were in Ireland at Giant's Causeway? Oh, this is the best. And there was some guy like, there's like this like rock face thing and there's somebody

just like climbing up this fucking rock face thing. He got stuck and halfway up it. He couldn't finish his way because he got stuck. He was too high up to fall. It was really fucking high.

And he's like trying to climb this thing and you're like, what are you doing? Why are you up there? You stupid asshole. So funny though, because he got stuck up there. Cause you're just like, well, you're a dummy. Now you live there. That's it. This is your life. This is your life. Forward your mail, dumbass. And we went to dinner at the park and we're sitting there and I'm, I'm at dinner. And I was like, and now I'm curious how many people die taking selfies over here.

And that year, 12 people had died up till that point. And it was just July. Cause it was my birthday. 12 people had died that year so far. Yeah. So you're like 12 people so far this year. Dude, it feels like, I know I told the story. Like it feels like when I was in like the Everglades

and people are like taking a fucking picture 12 inches away from a fucking apex. It was the same thing when I was in Yellowstone with people taking pictures of bison and getting out of their car and walking up to the fucking animal, this giant animal. I saw a fucking water buffalo the other night when I was looking at Reddit. And there's a water buffalo. And it just runs out of, like, the woods. at Reddit and there's a water buffalo and it just runs out of like the woods and it just picks a fucking truck up with its fucking horns

and just throws, like lifts the whole front end and then it runs past and it falls down and then the thing turns around and the camera shuts off. So you know some really bad shit happened there. But it's just like people don't, they don't get that this is dangerous. Like I don't understand

why, I would never put myself in that position if I could avoid. I would never want to climb out and. There was a whole Instagram that I followed for like a day that was like, I remember what it was called, but it was essentially like an entire Instagram of people getting fucked up, fucking with the wildlife, Justin Yellowstone. Jesus Christ. Justin Yellowstone. People would be like, cause they all get out and they're like, I got a little pet. I got a hug of bison. I got a pet a bear.

Like, and the bear's like, yo, no. And like, people are like, they're getting like tossed in the air by these bison. Their cars are getting ripped to shreds.

But like, we don't have to solve this problem. We don't. This problem solves itself. This problem is solving itself. This problem works itself out in payroll.

That's it. Like, this is a self-correcting issue. Do you know what I mean? If I found out that, like, somebody I knew fell off a waterfall after climbing over a barrier to take a selfie, I'd be real hard-pressed to move. You know, I would fake it for their family.

I'd be, oh, really sorry that, you know, fucking Steve or whoever fell off a thing after climbing over the other thing and the other thing and ignored the sign and stood at the precipice and then was like, I'd be like, yeah. Yeah, man. Yeah. Oh, it's, there's, it's a, it's a whole thing. And it's, it's a lot of people. They're talking about, what did they, what did you say? 379.

379. And this is like a new South Wales report. This is an Australian report. There's like 40 people in Australia. All right. So that's going to wrap it up for our funny show this week. We started out the funny week with Henry Kissinger dying. Yeah, it was great news.

And so now we're, you know, we just continue on. I mean, if you want to talk about shit in a Pringles can, Henry Kissinger definitely fits the bill. All right, so that's going to wrap it up for this week. Remember, if you're interested in Path of Exile or interested in streaming, you can check me out tomorrow on Twitch. It's going to be twitch.tv slash DissonancePod.

I'll be playing on our Twitch stream, so come check it out. And that's going to be a Twitch TV slash dissonance pod. I'll be playing on our Twitch stream. So come check it out. And, and that's going to be it for this week, but we're going to leave you like we always do with the skeptics creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit couched in scientician, double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized stereogram

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