Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 737: Rogan Fact Checked, Speaker's Purity Balls

Episode Date: January 1, 2024

Show Notes

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. recording live from glory hole studios in chicago and beyond. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. Today is Thursday,cember 28th cecil that's it for 2023 as of right now this is it dude new year's show man it's gonna fuck itself it's gonna release on new year's for the wide release so happy new year everybody happy today will be january 1st

and uh hopefully we can wash out some... I hope 2024 doesn't suck because there are some ways, Tom, in big ways it can really, really suck and I hope it doesn't. I am butt clenchingly terrified of 2024. Like 2023 was not a banner year

but it didn't... It was no 2020. Right? Like it was no 2016. 2020 was bad for so many people. Right. 2020 was bad for all the people of 2020, right? Like it was no 2016. 2020 was bad for so many people. 2020 was bad for all the people of earth, right? Like it was just horrible. 2016 was a fucking nightmare where there's like, there's a pretty predictable four year Trump cycle that like every four years now is like,

kind of like butthole diamond clenchingly terrifying. And 2024, we're going to be right there. And like, of course, all that shit's going to be November, right? 2024 we're gonna be right there and like of course all that shit's gonna be november right like we're just gonna be like yes it's a whole year it's a whole year and it's gonna be this whole year cecil of like weird terrifying political edging with all these fucking court cases and everything yep yeah it's just like, you're going to be constantly like, oh God, is it now? Nope.

Nope. Okay. Fuck. Just. Yes, mistress. Fuck. It's like, it's just ball torture.

This is like, it's a political ball torture. Yes, mistress. I also wanted to say, uh, goodbye to 2023. That is the hottest year on record. And hello to 2024. The new hottest year on record. And hello to 2024, the new hottest year on record.

I won't be wrong. I also want to say too, if you are listening to this, you are certainly not watching it. Tom and I are recording remotely today. I have a little bit of a bug, so we're recording separately today. And we'll also be recording separately for our Thursday show that we'll release. So this probably will release on YouTube, but it will probably just be a video with a still and then audio.

So if you're on YouTube, this will not turn into a picture at all. So just strap in. I've decided to put you on my own research team with some of the finest minds on the campus. This is only the second time I've ever given such an honor to a freshman. All right, Cecil, let's talk about this first story. This comes from vice.com. Scientists explain why doing your own research leads to believing conspiracies. This was a great article, actually. And it's, you know, we've talked a lot about this on our show

and we've written about this in our book. Yeah, in our book, yeah. Our book, what was the name of that book again, Cecil? And where can you buy it? Unified Theory of Bullshit on Amazon. What? On our website. You go to our website, you can buy a copy.

Amazing. You can also buy a copy of an audio copy, too. Who reads it? Tom reading it, too. Crazy. Tom reads it. Insane. But yeah, so we've talked a lot about this.

We've, we've written about this. The, the do your own research crowd is a poisonously problematic crowd, right? Because as we've discussed, they are unqualified to do their own research. Yeah. And, and then they did research funny enough into doing your own research. Yeah. And then they did research, funny enough, into doing your own research. And their research about doing your own research shows you don't know how to do your own fucking research. Yeah, man.

They're even unqualified to vet their own Google results. Right? It's not even that they're not research librarians. Right? It's not that they can't dig into a card catalog. Now,

kids, a card catalog is- We're going to have to do a decimal system. So either of the Library of Congress system or the Dewey, anyway. No, seriously, the level at which you actually do research is way more difficult than just looking at results in Google. is way more difficult than just looking at results in Google. But even still, they can't even vet their own Google results successfully to understand whether or not something is true. And that's super problematic. And it caused, in both of these studies that they talk about, they're just, it's really frightening to see that

this is not a thing that's going to go away without some kind of intervention. Yeah, and this is not a thing that's going to go away without some kind of intervention. Yeah, and this is not a small effect, right? So just doing nothing, just doing nothing actually results in less believing of bullshit than in mass, like an aggregate, than people going online to, quote, do their own research. When they go online to do their own research, to check the veracity of stories in this, in the, in the lab, 19% higher returned results of believing in bullshit, right? It's a, that's a big, that's a lot, man. That's a big effect. And they did several studies that all returned the same results. So this wasn't just like some one-off. They did multiple studies. The science is like, yeah, like the science here is really fucking clear, actually. They do your own research. And here's, here, let me break down some of the problems. So

one of the problems is people just don't know how to search for stuff very well, right? So one of the, one of the examples was like, they gave them the idea, like one of the things they had to check on or like decide whether they believed or whether it was misleading was something like you know there is a covid 19 uh related engineered famine right engineered famine and the problem is people go in and they just search these like basic key terms and then they just start fucking clicking around. Well, if you type in the thing that you're looking for, you return results based on the thing that you're looking for. This, that in no way creates results that are like accurate results, right? ChatGPT is a great example of this. ChatGPT will tell you anything you want to hear. ChatGPT always returns answers.

Google does the same shit. The problem is people don't like look and see where those results came from. They don't look and see like, hey, are my search terms accurate in order to get at the right information? Am I looking, am I digging down past just the basic fucking nouns that were in the story that I'm checking? Because, and we've talked about this before too, that stories use the same headlines and then they just get repeated and repeated and repeated and repeated and repeated. And like disinformation sites are every bit as likely to do this

repetition of misinformation that like the AP and Reuters and Yahoo do to one another as well. So if you look for like COVID engineered famine and you type that in, you're going to get results because Google's like, hey, they want to know about this. Here are all the places this shows up. And this is going to show up lots of places because there is now, and the internet is full of now, also more bad information than good. Good information is expensive. This is something that's's really important to just understand fundamentally, I think, about the information ecosystem. Good information is expensive, right?

It means that journalists that got paid money did work. Bad information is fucking free. What do you think there's going to be more of in total quantity? It's bad information so if you go searching for shit they'll likely you're you're like you're digging for fucking you know diamonds in a fucking giant silo full of manure and you're like well why do i keep turning up manure well yeah because the silo is full of maneuver and there's six diamonds in it you don't even know where the fuck they are that's's what, that's the internet. That is the internet.

You just have to assume that like most of the things on the internet are going to be bullshit. They're just going to be bullshit. But people don't critically look at what sources they're reading either. Yeah. And you know, the other thing that is, we talked about this when Kennedy was on Joe Rogan's show. And Kennedy told someone to look something up and he used very specific terms.

He said, look up leaky brain. Right. And then the person looked up leaky brain and then they found his site and then they quoted his site back to him

and Joe was like, wow. Because nobody knows how to do any research. Nobody was like, well, who said that? Was that the New York Times? No, it was fucking Robert Kennedy's site.

Of course, it was his own fucking site. And that's what happens is they use these very specific terms. If you search for vaccine injury, chances are you're going to find a ton of stuff about people who make claims about vaccine injury that aren't backed by science. But you might find one or two things in there

that are debunking that. The problem is, is if you don't have the thing that debunked it up there on those results, then chances are the people are just going to miss it and they're going to go to the first or second one and they're going to say, oh, here's one from Mercola.

They say that there's vaccine injury all the time. So it must be that there's vaccine. I found it on the internet. I did my own research. I did what you said. You had said earlier that what they allow them to do, what they did in the study was, if you told them, go to the internet and search for it,

they were more likely to return results that it convinced them that the wrong thing was true. They were more likely to do that, way more likely to do that. So when people argue with you online, it might not be to your best interest to say, go look it up because them looking it up is not, they're not going to find the same thing you are. They're going to find what they want to find. And then

they're going to, because they're going to type in the things, you know, just even typing things in Google, you can tell sort of, Google can tell where you're going to go, right? It's like, when did you stop beating your wife? Like when you start typing those things in, you can see that Google knows which way you want to go. And it's going to take you that way. We just, we are not, we have been given the fire hose of knowledge. And we, every time open it right in front of our face at full blast, and we have no idea how to parse it, right? We have no idea how to put something on it to be like, you know what? I'm just going to turn it on just the tiniest bit,

and I'm going to put this thing on the front that's only going to return the tiniest bit of knowledge that I think will be the most important. Instead, we're just like, open the fucking fire hose, and we just put our face in it, and then people wonder why we're just like, open the fucking fire hose. And we just put our face in it. And then people wonder why we're so fucked. And it's because nobody knows how to control that thing.

Yeah. And I know there are going to be people out there right now, out there thinking, well, my Google foo is great. And look, I don't doubt that there are some people, for sure, that have really mastered the art of doing online research. And also that doesn't matter. And I think that those are two really important things that are both true.

You can absolutely have mastered personally the art of doing online research. And also that still doesn't matter because like you, if you have mastered the art of Google Fu and you're really good at doing this research, you just have to recognize like, yeah, you don't count. You're the fucking anomaly. Yeah.

You are. You're an anecdote. Yeah. You live as a tiny N of one that just structurally doesn't actually matter. I mean, in the grand scheme of like the numbers here, like it's great. You know, it's like, okay, well, I would never fall for that. Neat. You would never fall for that. But more people fall for this, this than don't, right? Like this is a,

a broad effect over multiple studies that's been proven out several times now. So we just have to understand that like, and, and we do this in debates and you brought this up too. Like I've seen this so many times and it's something we got to stop doing where people are just like, I'm not doing your research for you. Look it up. You know, don't fucking do that. Like if you're going to go through the work of engaging with people online and you really genuinely want to persuade them and you don't want to just like get into a fucking like rhetorical arm wrestling match, don't tell people to go to the fucking internet and figure it out themselves. Like one, it's fucking lazy. And like, it's kind of a sign that you just have given up the argument,

but like two, the science now shows they're going to arrive at the wrong conclusion. Sure. They're, they're very likely going to arrive at the wrong conclusion. So like, if you choose to engage with people that way, I think you have to fully engage with people that way. And you have to like help them and show them how to like find and vet good sources. We've talked about this, you know, over the course of the years, a lot like learning how to find and vet good sources is one of the most important things you can do to try to avoid being misled. And I think the number two most important thing to do that you can try to do to avoid being misled is recognize that you are just as susceptible as everybody else. Don't put yourself in the unfoolable category.

Recognize like your personal likelihood to fallibility, your personal cognitive biases, your like laziness intellectually that sometimes will kick in because all of us are just people. craziness intellectually that sometimes will kick in because all of us are just people. All of us occasionally are just reading a little too fast. That's it. That's all it takes. I absolutely will raise my hand. I have been caught by this. And I try very hard to be a thoughtful consumer of information. And I have just been like, oh, fuck, I was just moving too fast. I was just moving too fast. And was just moving too fast and I misread it. And the tools of disinformation get better and better, right? So it's like, now there's like, you know, what they'll do is they'll like glue these names together. And this reminds me of

when I used to sell speakers. So like back in the day when I used to work at Circuit City, there would be these guys who drove around in these vans and they would drive around in a van and they would like tell people like in the parking lot, the story like, Hey buddy, come over here. You know, they're supposed to load five pairs of speakers into my truck, but they loaded 10 pairs of speakers into my truck. So before I get to the warehouse, I got to unload these five pairs of speakers. And like, here's this invoice. And inevitably all of these speakers would have a name of a company of two companies that were a mashup they were smooshed together and people would be like vaguely familiar with the sounds

of some of these would be like man these are these uh polk cambridges and people like oh man i i feel like that sounds like something i've heard of and like here's an invoice and these people seem so earnest and the packaging looks good and i can't tell you how many people would come in and be like, yeah, I bought these, you know, uh, you know, M and Q speakers or something like something like really close to the name of something like that's legit. And they would come in. I'd be like, I'm sorry, man. These are nothing. These are like, we take these apart. You know, I got a screwdriver. We'll take them apart. We take them apart. They're going to, there's just fucking garbage inside. They're basically stuff like fucking sawdust and anger.

Like, it's nothing in here. And the same is true of disinformation sites, right? They'll be like, you know, they'll come up with a name. It's like, like, you know, the Detroit Examiner. And it's like, oh, fuck, that sounds like something, you know? Or like, you know, the Pittsburgh Post. And you're like, oh, fuck. Because you've heard of the Washington Post, you know?

And like they mush this shit together. They create these really legitimate sounding things. So if you're not really careful and you're just moving too fast, you'll blow right past it every time. The red zone has always been for loading and unloading. There's never stopping in a white zone. Don't tell me which zone is for stopping and which zone is for voting. Listen, Betty, don't start up with your white zone shit again. So this one comes from Mediaite.

Joe Rogan brutally fact-checked on his own show for calling Biden mentally done over something actually said by Trump. So let me play this. This is a little bit of a long clip, but I want to play it so people can get an idea of what was said and the reactions. Well, you know, there's people that voted for Biden that are doing it now. They're like, what did I do? What did I choose? How is this guy? Yeah. You just can't listen to an interview where he's saying some of the stuff he says that just makes no sense at all. It's like, you can't listen to those interviews and feel like you made a good decision. I don't know how you Did you hear what he said yesterday or a couple of days ago? He's talking about the revolutionary

war. He's like, one of the reasons why we lost the revolutionary war, one of the problems with the revolutionary war was they didn't have enough airports. Have you seen that? I saw that. Like, what the hell? Like, pull him. It's crazy. If you were, if you had any other job and you were talking like that,

they would go, hey, you're done. If you talk like that to a doctor at your medical exam to fight, they'd be like, okay, like, obviously you're not fighting. You would also,

here's, you know, eight weeks of, of being helped out by a professional. Like you might not ever do anything. No. I also want to point out just really quickly. I want to jump in Tom and just be like, these guys can barely put together a sentence on their own and they're making fun of Biden. Biden has a stuttering problem. He has had it for years. And every time anybody makes fun of him, they're always talking about how he can't put a sentence together. And you think, dude, you are a professional fighter

who gets punched in the brain for a living. And you're telling the president of the United States he can't put a sentence together and you're floundering up there. It's so embarrassing. It is. I always think like,

you know, just write it down and read a transcript. Just write it down and read it. Because if I write it down and I read a transcript of what Biden actually says, perfectly, wonderfully coherent. Every time, no problems. There are no problems like at all. Does he sometimes sound a little off? Yeah, he has a fucking speech impediment. Sometimes that can be a mildly off-putting i don't actually find it like that's not it's not that he's not old he's old that's true he's old but like it is clearly not affecting his cognition because if i read what he says it's great like there's no problem i'll tell you what when i read what joe rogan says it's incoherent gibberish you know the truth like read what Trump says.

It's fucking nothing. It's like, it's shit about fucking toilets, not flushing with enough water, and fucking nonsense. And like racist dog whistles. I get a fucking transcript of Trump saying anything.

And the way he speaks, you immediately think this guy is, he's illiterate. Yeah. You would think he's illiterate by the way he speaks. The level of language that he speaks, you immediately think this guy is, he's illiterate. Yeah. You would think he's illiterate. By the way he speaks, the level of language that he uses,

you would think he's illiterate. It's one of the wildest things ever. It's insane. Yeah. The media gaslighting you. It's just people are so afraid of Trump being in office and Republicans being in office.

You know, that was a cut there. You know, it's just the media narrative. I mean, so many people were fed this lie that the Russia collusion. Was this the video

you're talking about? Let me see what this one says. So what's happening right now is Jamie is fact-checking them on the air. So Jamie's calling up a video of Biden and you'll get a chance

to hear Biden actually say the words that Joe was talking about here. I think it is. What? By the way, the same stable genius has said the biggest problem we had in the revolutionary war is we didn't have enough airports whoa yeah that's it whoa just for for the record is that fake okay so here's the thing it starts out by biden saying the same stable genius said we? Okay. So here's the thing. It starts out by Biden saying

the same stable genius said we didn't have enough airports in the revolution and both of them are still thinking Biden doesn't know what he's talking about.

You know why? Because they're so invested in the narrative that they didn't even hear what was actually said. Yeah. They're so invested. They're just like,

yep, I heard the sounds and they missed all the preface. So they didn't even hear it. Yeah. They're so invested. They're just like, yep, I heard the sounds and they missed all the preface. So they didn't even hear it. Yeah. The preface will tell you everything you need to know. Because if you hear the word stable genius and you've been around any news about Trump in the last four years, you will realize that people have used that as a moniker for him because he very specifically has called himself that in the past. Absolutely. And you know, it's that you know who he's talking about if you've been around the news at all. And even if you didn't, structurally, the sentence tells

you that he is talking about what someone else said. The sentence is the same stable genius said the biggest problem we had. He's not saying this himself. He's quoting someone else. But like these guys are so invested in like wanting something to be true that like they play an opposite truth back to themselves as evidence of their own claim. Now, listen to them in real time. Come to this realization and then watch what happened it's not fake

but he was referencing Trump saying that here's what Trump saying in 2019 Donald Trump said something about that he didn't say Jesus he said a stable genius and that's where the transcription let me hear what it says in June of 1775, the Continental

Congress created a unified army out of the revolutionary forces encamped around Boston and New York and named after the great George Washington, Commander-in-Chief. The Continental Army suffered a bitter winter of Valley Forge, found glory across the waters of the Delaware, and seized victory from Cornwallis of Yorktown. Our army manned the airport. It ran the ramparts. It took over the airports. It did everything it had to do.

Oh, okay. Yeah. So he fucked up. Yeah, he did. But I feel like you can tell, too. It sounds like a little different. He's like, you can tell he fucked up yeah he did but i feel like you can tell too it sounds like a little different he's like you can tell he like messed up his words but yeah yeah he's just i don't know to go with the airport well that's the thing about that's the thing about media these days it's like right you gotta look into it oh my god that's the thing you gotta look into it says the guys who

just i'm just right there, didn't look. What, you know, and here's what happens. The moment Trump starts talking, first off, listen to how Trump speaks and listen to the way he talks. He sounds so terrible when he's relaying that story. It sounds awful. And he's not good at a cadence.

He's just not good at speaking. And so it sounds terrible. And they're both smiling and, oh, this is great, isn't it? Isn't it great? And then he messes up and is like, oh, he's fine. If he messed up, he either made a mistake or he's kidding around. But when Biden messes up, literally our lives are on the line and it's the end of the world. And it's because they're invested in the narrative that they want to be real. Because they're invested in the narrative that they want to be real, they will fabricate something initially.

And then when it's fact-checking in real time, they will still stick to that narrative. Yeah, and it's fucking wild how they're just like, yeah, I'm going to blame this on the media. It's like, one, you are the media. Yeah. I'm floored when somebody like Joe Rogan, who has a $100 million Spotify deal and the largest podcast in the world, who has one of the largest audiences in the world, who is corporately sponsored, tries to pretend he's not the media. Yeah.

Like, motherfucker, you are the media. If that word means anything, It means you, motherfucker. You're an institution at this point, right? Like, you are corporatized. You're not some, like, guy. He's not like some, he's not some funny bald guy who just got a microphone and just kind of saying my truth. No, fuck you, man. Like, you are corporatized, bro.

Like, it's a hundred million dollar plus operation. You're the fucking media. That's it. And like, they're blaming the media for disinformation while at the same time they're the source. They're literally the source in this instance of catching themselves in the midst of spreading disinformation. Yep. And if you're

getting a million, hundred million dollars, a million dollars, spend some of that money on fucking research assistance. Yeah, not Jamie with a fucking Google. They don't that money on fucking research assistants. Yeah, not Jamie with a fucking Google. They don't fucking cost a lot of money. And you know what you can do? Come prepared

because that's your fucking job, dude. Yeah, man. I don't get paid a scrap of what you get paid. But every single time I come to this microphone, I am prepared to be here. I am prepared. I spend hours during the day reading these stories, thinking about what I'm going to say,

researching other pieces of these stories. I spend time during the day making sure I am ready to talk into this fucking thing. If you just show up, smoke a fucking bong, eat your fucking brain food or whatever you're hawking this week and do your pre-workout before you get on the microphone, maybe

change that fucking routine a little bit. Maybe change your regimen. Maybe read something once in a while instead of just being like a fucking, somebody's weird older brother who lives in a van. Hey guys, it's me. Hi, Stimpy. Hey, listen, any of you guys seen my friend Stinky?

I don't think so. What's a Stinky? Yeah, what's he look like? Well, uh, he's kind of small, and he smells funny, and, oh, yeah, he came out of my butt. He came out of my butt. He came out of your butt? This story comes from Newsweek. Donald Trump's reported smell becomes target of attack ad.

So the Lincoln Project, of all things, has decided to go after Trump for a foul and mysterious odor that some of his opponents claim to have occasionally found upon his person's easel. This is where we're at in politics. Yeah, he says he smells like body odor and like makeup products or something like that or body refuse or whatever. But here's the thing, man. There are a million reasons not to vote for Trump. There's a million reasons why you shouldn't vote in the next election for Trump. He's proven time and time again that he's going to, he was trying to

institute authoritarian policies while he was in office and failed, but he has said that he will try to do so again on day one. This is the guy who's telling you he's going to be a dictator on day one. Dictators don't step down you he's going to be a dictator on day one. Dictators don't step down after day one and they don't relinquish their power after day one. Okay. So get it through your head that he, that you, if you vote for him, you're saying I'm cool with the dictator and that could be indefinite. So understand that those things are real. And that's just one aspect of his presidency. Not to mention the fuck ups, not to mention the foreign policy gas,

not to mention the economy garbage and the tax breaks that he was giving the wealth. There's so many reasons why he shouldn't vote for Trump. The idea that we're down to, he's a smelly guy, is the stupidest part of this entire fucking portion of the, you know, when we got knocked off our axis and we split worlds in 2016. This is, I hate this so much.

It makes me crazy that the Lincoln Project, who has had a couple of ads in the past that I thought were good and poignant, pointing out some of his policies, are fucking, they are resorting to something like this. Yeah. This is, this is just nonsense and it's so fucking schoolyard. And like, even if he like, let's like, let's grant the dumb fucking like fourth grade premise that he's a big stinky head. Right. Let's say, okay. Yeah. Trump's a big stinky

head. Who fucking cares? Who fucking cares? This is a guy who fomented an insurrection, right? Let's say, okay, yeah, Trump's a big stinky head. Who fucking cares? Who fucking cares? This is a guy who fomented an insurrection, right? Like that's the, of all the things that we can build an attack ad on, and we should be building attack ads ahead of the 24 election, right? So of all the things that we can spend our time and energy and attention on building attack ads on, calling him a duty head is not one of these things. Like this is, this honestly makes the Lincoln project look juvenile and, you know, kind of helpless. And I look at this and I'm like, yeah, fuck all of this nonsense. Like who cares? He's an old man who smells, who cares? Literally who could possibly care if there was an old man that smelled that could do

the job and fucking crush it, I'd love to vote for him. I'm not voting for somebody because I like the fucking cologne they wear. That's insane. Tom, I would hold my nose and vote for him. No, but I want to say though, there is one avenue. There is one avenue, right? That this may be effective in. Even if I fucking hate it, is that he has had his PR people respond to it, right? So there has been a back and forth with his PR people.

So my only thought of this being beneficial in some way is it's an ad hominem, completely useless factoid that you're attacking him with. But if it gets him off the microphones talking about how he's being persecuted by the U.S. government court system, and he has to be on this back foot constantly saying,

but I really don't smell. Right. My hands are a normal size and I don't smell. Maybe this is how you disarm him, right? You say these things. And so he has to start every speech with, but I really don't smell. Like I smell, I use deodorant and I shower

and I don't have an odor. I don't. And then suddenly anybody who was listening to before is going to turn him out. Is this what he's talking about again? I don't care. I would hope so. That's the only positive that I could see.

And it's, and it's so juvenile that it feels like it almost feels like not worth doing. It does. I don't think it's worth doing. I mean, this is a guy who bragged about drinking water with one hand when he got caught. Right.

Like this is like a weird, weird dude and his weird, weird adherence don't care. They don't care. No one is going to be swayed in like after all of the shit over the last eight years of fucking the nightmare of our political existence. If the thing that sways you is I heard once he smells bad, get the fuck out of here. I hear you about the time wasting thing, but I'm like, yeah, time wasting and getting them out of the, out of the spotlight. Because I think that people would spend less time if, if what he came armed with every time he came to the microphone was a list of reasons why I don't smell.

Suddenly they're not cutting to him in the middle of some, you know, oh, we break into this, you know, there's been another school shooting, but we're going to break away because Trump has something to say. You know, they won't do that as often because they'll be like, yeah,

it's just another manifesto about how he doesn't smell. Yeah. I mean, I- That would be the only thing. That would be the only thing. And actually I'll kind of go along with that. Cause now I'm thinking about it differently. I'll go along with that and say, you know, this is a guy who is easy to enrage.

Yeah. And like, it might be kind of fun to just like poke them into gaffes. Right. And so like, if you can just like keep at him with this, with a relentless and what I hope I see then, I guess, from the Lincoln Project is a relentless series of really petty personal attacks. I'm being serious right now. He has toenail fungus

or something. Just absolutely go after him in a relentless attack that is just petty and personal and juvenile and silly and make him waste his time. Fill his, like, truth social feed

up with nonsense so that like people get like kind of weirded out by it you know like why is grandpa yelling about his fucking toenails you know like that would actually be kind of great i really do i think i'm coming around to that idea if that's the strategy if this is a one and done and it works i'm not interested yeah but if that's the strategy i'm amused i'm still i still it, but I'll hate it begrudgingly. Yeah, I mean, you know me. I'm like, whatever gets the result. You and I are different there. I'm like, whatever.

Get them out of here. In 2024, if they announce anyone else as president, I'll be like, I'm glad we called him a duty head. You know? I'll be like, here we go. Yeah. I don't know that we can afford another... I feel like we called him a duty head. You know, here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Like just,

I don't know that we can afford another. I feel like we can't afford anything other than pragmatism anymore. You know, like everything is too dangerous. What about a telephone that you can actually smell through? Oh God. Speaking of here's, here's some bunker shit. This is from the Detroit news.

Trump recorded pressuring Wayne County canvassers not to certify the 2020 vote. This is on tape. This is on tape in Wayne County. Now, that's in Michigan. In Wayne County for the 2020 election on the 17th of November, Trump made a phone call. It involved Rona McDaniel and a couple of GOP Wayne County canvassers. And he told them that they would look terrible if they signed the documents after they first voted in opposition. He said, Trump said in the recordings, we got to fight for our country. We can't let these people take

our country away from us. McDaniel told the leader, told the canvassers, if you can go home tonight, don't sign it. We will get you attorneys. Trump added, we'll take care of that. They pressured, and this is worth something like 800,000 votes, by the way. This was not like a small county. And the 154,000 vote victory in Michigan. So this could have swayed the election. This could have swayed that state, maybe not the election, but this could have swayed the state. This could have swayed that state. Maybe not the election, but this could have swayed the state of Michigan. And they really were in concert pressuring really ground level local officials. Yeah, you know, the other thing that happened was

they had said to the January 6th commission. So these people who were, they were questioned by the January 6th commission, right these people who were, they were questioned by the January 6th commission, right? And they said, well, I don't recall the conversation. It was just him saying, you know, go ahead. You guys are going to be great. You know, you're doing a good job. Thanks for staying working late or something like that. I mean, it was really like a cursory nothing that they admitted to the January 6th commission. But then you get a chance, they got, these reporters

got a chance to hear the actual call and nothing like that was said at all. So they lied to the January 6th commission as well, which is again, like these people, they were plotting a takeover, man. Like this is, this is, this is not, this is not somebody forgot some shit. They had Trump call and tried to convince them and they agreed, like they wanted to do it too. And then the other thing that happened was as Trump immediately goes on his whatever, he wasn't on true social time, he's on Twitter at the time.

And he's talking about how it's a big fraud and the numbers don't match up. And I want to read how the numbers don't match up because I think this is really important, right? He used this narrative to make it seem like, oh, the numbers didn't match up because I think this is really important, right? He used this narrative to make it seem like, oh, the numbers didn't match up and everybody latched onto this, but here's how it worked.

A person who was Michigan's election director said in an affidavit that the overall difference citywide in absentee balance tabulated and names in polls in books in Detroit was 150. So the difference was 150. There were fewer ballots tabulated than names in poll books, he said. If ballots had been illegally counted, there would be substantially more, not significant, not slightly fewer ballots tabulated than names in poll books. So what Trump did was he heard the numbers were different. He's like, oh, the numbers are different. I

clearly won there. And instead what happened was is it clearly, one, he got more votes in 2020 than he got in 2016 in this county. And he also, the numbers were off in the wrong direction for somebody who was going to do a fraud. It just doesn't even make any sense. Yeah, no, dude, it's like so much of this is just patently bullshit. Like this was not like there was nothing good faith, right? And there never was. There's nothing good faith about any of this. And there's nothing good faith about these canvassers.

There's nothing good faith about these like on the ground actors. I used to really believe Cecil that like my heart, I don't know, my blame, I guess. I don't say my heart goes out to him, but like I really was assigning the majority of the blame to the guys at the top. I really was. And then I've really kind of come around on that because what I've come to understand is that, you know, while this was stopped at the grassroots level, this was also perpetuated at the grassroots level. And like, there was bad actors all over. I want to read to you about one of these guys from this article,

this Palmer fucker. Palmer acknowledged to the news that she and Hartman took the call from Trump in a vehicle and that other people entered the vehicle and could have heard the conversation. She said she could not, however, identify who entered the vehicle or might have heard the conversation. Palmer told the news repeatedly that she didn't remember what was said on the phone call with McDaniel and Trump. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. Yeah. How many times in your life have you gotten a fucking phone call from the motherfucking president? Right. And you don't, you're like, I don't know what was said. I was just, look, I know that I was just like a regular fucking ground level canvasser in Wayne County, Michigan. But like when I got a phone call from the motherfucking president of the United States,

I couldn't remember what was said on the call. I couldn't remember who was getting in and out of my car at the time. Fucking nonsense. Tom, I don't want to brag, but I do get text messages from Joe Biden all the time. I don't want to brag. I don't want to sound too braggy. Weird that he always wants five bucks. He's always like, hey, go to moveon.org and give us some money. It's weird. It's weird. It's weird. He never responds to my dinner party invites. He's always too busy.

That is crazy. Him and Doc Biden are too busy. They're out doing other stuff. Now, Hunter, on the other hand, Hunter will come over. Hunter will. Yeah, I know. And you don't want to know what he'll do for a scallop dinner, let me tell you. It's so fucking dumb. Like I remember, I can, I remember

clear as day, much less important phone calls in my life. Right. Sure. So like, I've never been called by the goddamn president of the United States, good or evil. Right. I've never had anyone at that level call me, but I can tell you like exactly where I was standing when the guy who is now my boss, when I was interviewing for that job, called me to give me that job because that call was fucking important. Right. So like it sticks out in your mind. Yeah. Same thing with me. Like if you wanted me to recount what happened to me over the summer when I lost my job, I could tell you everything about that call. call. I had hundreds of Zoom calls over the years

while I worked at the university. I probably couldn't recount most of them, right? I wouldn't be able to tell you about most of them, but I could certainly recount that one. Sure. Because it's an important call. It's a super important call. If your brain doesn't work that way,

bullshit, it doesn't. Oh, I don't remember who was in the car. You don't remember who was getting in and out of the car at the time that the motherfucking president of the United States rang up your goddamn cell phone. Get the fuck out of here. Get the fuck out of here. I don't believe

these guys because they're liars. And you know they're liars because what were they trying to do? Subvert the election. Fucking lie about it. And they were all like, well, what about if we Cahootsees lied about it? Get the fuck out of here, man. It's my fault. When it comes to reading maps, I sure can't be an old flibbertigibbet. This is good news. This is very good news. This is from CNN. Wisconsin Supreme Court, now under liberal control, overturns Republican

favored legislative maps. This is a big deal. The legislative maps in Wisconsin have been so fantastically unfairly gerrymandered for such a long period of time that even though Wisconsin by populace skews blue, that state has had no chance of being anything other than a red state, thus like absolutely disenfranchising literally the majority of Wisconsinites. And I think, too, we do have some reason to hope if this, because it's going to get kicked up to the big court. And we do have some reason to hope there because this court has not looked fondly on gerrymandering in other places, right?

So North Carolina and Alabama both had cases kicked up to the Supreme Court and they've returned six, three verdicts back that have said, no, you can't gerrymander. That's not right. What you're doing isn't right in two different instances. Now, I don't know if the background or the arguments in this case might change the minds of some of those people

who are voting on the side of not gerrymandering. It may be that this is not a court case about gerrymandering so much as it's a court case about the Supreme Court there fucking with the legislature to make them do something, right? That may be the approach that they have, but I'm hopeful for this Supreme Court, fingers crossed. Yeah. What we really need is a constitutional amendment about the drawing of these districts.

And I think it's really weird that we don't have one. I really do. I was thinking about this earlier today. I think it's really weird that we mandate the structure of the government and then we don't mandate how we structure that structure. That's a strange thing to do. We just need a constitutional amendment that basically says something along the lines of districts, for the purposes of of you know creating these various districts those districts will be uh created and drawn by impartial third parties or you know an impartial governing body or some such similar bullshit right you have to gussy it up but like you just need a law that is like incontrovertible and federal. And it just says like, hey, no cheating, because that's all that means.

All that means is no cheating. Maybe we just don't cheat because everything else is cheating. I just don't really know if I'll like ever really feel anything again, you know? Ma'am, this is a Wendy. Yeah. This story's from Business Insider. Trump wishes electric car supporters rot in hell in truth social Christmas message. I have got to read this Christmas fucking message. All right, guys, so here's what he fucking truthed out or whatever.

Merry Christmas to all, including crooked Joe Biden's only hope, deranged Jack Smith, the out-of-control lunatic who just hired outside attorneys fresh from the swamp, unprecedented, to help him with his poorly executed witch hunt against Trump and MAGA. Included also are world leaders,

both good and bad, but none of which are as evil and sick as the thugs we have inside our country, who, with their open borders, inflation, Afghanistan, surrender, green new scam, high taxes, no energy independence, woke military, Russia, Ukraine, Israel, Iran, all electric car lunacy, and so much more more are looking to destroy our once great USA may they rot in hell again Merry Christmas this is dehumanizing language so like

understand what he's doing here this is dehumanizing language to say that like even your God who is the you know benevolent

sees good in all things is going to throw everybody that he just mentioned in hell. So you can do whatever you want to them, right? You can help Trump out in any way. This is a coded message to say, like, I don't care what happens to these people. I mean, this is obvious. It feels obvious to me at this point

that this is what he's doing. And, you know, a couple of things in here, I just scratched my head when he's like, Afghanistan surrender. Like, you're, one, a couple of things in here, I just, I just scratched my head when he's like Afghanistan surrender. Like you're the one who fucking negotiated that. Like you're the one who did all that work. Biden just followed through on what you wrote up. Like, I don't even understand why you're saying that. And then the other stuff where he's like Russia, Ukraine, Israel, Iran, like what is that? He's just saying conflicts. That's just all he's doing. And that's actually pretty smart, right? Because if he just mentions the conflict, if you are pro-Russia,

you'll read that one way. If you're pro-Ukraine, you can read that another way. That is actually clever. What makes me crazy is that's not a full sentence, by the way. It's really long, though, Tom. I can't. It's a lot of words. It's a lot of words. But this is a weird thing. Listen to this sentence again, just structurally. I know I'm being an asshole, but like,

included also are world leaders, both good and bad, but none of which are as evil and sick as the thugs. And then he just lists a bunch of stuff. So you can actually stop there. None of which,

so included also our world leaders is how he opens his sentence. Then he ends it with, and so much more, and so many more, are looking to destroy our once great USA. What? What is happening? This is not how sentences are.

You can't words like this, man. You just want to, you just want to take his phone away and have somebody spritz him with a fucking spray bottle to be like, go lay down. Don't get up on the counter again. Don't get up on the counter near your phone.

You're not allowed on the counter. You know what? You haven't earned your thumbs. Give me your thumbs back. Yeah. Those are, you can't have their thumbs. If you're going to write this incomprehensible gibberish.

Genius. Tom, you know what you do is you put him in gloves that can't control his phone. So he's constantly trying to move shit. And he's like, that doesn't work. And then he keeps on trying to take the gloves off, but his fingers are too short because he's got little hands. And so he's got his, the best part is, is that he's got little hands and the glove ends

are all floppy. They're like a flaccid Freddy Cougar. You know what I mean? He's just like flopping all over and he's trying to move things and he can't do it. I imagine like tying a string to a cat's tail. He just starts running around like crazy.

Just trying to pull him off and he can't. He knocks his Diet Coke and the ketchup flies against the wall. Like a whole fucking series of events happens because of it. This is fucking outstanding. His, okay, this is a guy,

and like, by the way, these are adherents, right? Because these are not, these are not like a political party. These are adherents to a cult. So like his cult adherents who follow this, they read a message like this,

and then these are the same people who have the fucking audacity to criticize Joe Biden as being inarticulate or dementia. This, he fucking had no excuse. He wrote this down. You have an opportunity to fucking edit. You know,

this isn't an off the cuff riff. This isn't like what you and I are doing. He's not in front of the fucking microphone, just like spouting off the first words that pop into the old riff. This isn't like what you and I are doing. He's not in front of the fucking microphone, just like spouting off the first words that pop into the old bean. He fucking wrote that down. He looked at this. He was like, that's good. That's good.

That's powerful. I'm going to send him out. His tiny little hand patted himself on the back. That's what happened. Tiny little hand. This is what you do with your tiny hands at 1.40 in the afternoon on Christmas day. It's fucking 1 38 PM on Christmas day. You don't have family near you that you like got a kid. You're bouncing on your knee gramps. Like, are you kidding me? You instead on Christmas day,

you wrote a message called the following people can rot in hell you made a list of the people to rot in hell. He did like four bumps with his son and then just got charged up and wrote that out. What is fucking happening? To contrast that also, by the way, Joe Biden and Jill Biden read Twas the Night Before Christmas. That was their Christmas message. They just read Twas the Night Before Christmas. That was their Christmas message.

They just read Twas the Night Before Christmas. Does that end with May you rot in hell? There was no May you rot in hell. Twas the Night Before Christmas. Maybe next year. Maybe next year. Obviously, the relationship didn't work out. But in this case, that's a good thing, since that's her brother.

And that is disgusting. This story comes from ABC News. Speaker Mike Johnson and his daughter were profiled attending Purity Ball in 2015, German TV news segment. So again, in case anybody was lost in a tunnel somewhere for the last, I don't know, eight or ten years, for the last, I don't know, eight or ten years. A purity ball is a weird religious ceremony, hyper-sexualized

Christian religious ceremony where dad basically marries his daughter and she promises not to fuck anybody else, including dad, presumably, until she gets married. So, that is a purity. Then they all dance and they pretend that that wasn't weird and creepy

and like some shit from like Pornhub. And she wears a ring. She gets a ring. She gets a purity ring. Yeah, she gets a promise ring to promise that she'll be not like whatever, like fucking around or whatever. And the one thing, you know, it's one thing, I think, to micromanage your child, right?

To micromanage your child's sex life. But think about it this way. He's micromanaging the life of someone he presumably loves. Right. So think of how badly he would, with so little feeling, he will micromanage other women's lives who he doesn't even know. Very true, man. You know, this is a person who he, I mean, you would, you would assume he has to have even a tiniest little it's his best bit of respect for. He doesn't have to have respect for anybody else,

but this is his daughter. So you would assume, and I don't know, right. I don't know anything about him. I don't know anything about his life. You would assume though, you know, his wife shit this kid out and then he has to like raise this kid. So I would imagine at a certain point, there has to be some connection between him and this child. There clearly is enough of a connection for him to make her pledge her virginity

or whatever until marriage. So there's clearly that much of a connection, but there has to be some other sort of respect connection, I would imagine. Think of what he's going to do to your daughter. Think of how he's going to treat your daughter when it comes to these issues. Think of how he's going to treat your wife

when it comes to these issues. This guy doesn't give a fuck about his own daughter's right, about of her own bodily autonomy. Yeah. There's no reason to think that this guy would not be absolutely obsessed with the uteruses of strangers if he's this obsessed with the hymen of his daughter. Yeah, right. Like, for fuck's

sake. Also, man, like, these Christian fucking wacko weirdos, they equate sex with purity. That's fucking gross. right? Because like, like not having sex is pure in their mind, right? Which means of course that like having sex then is something that makes you dirty or impure. That's a fucking disgusting, wildly problematic take. It's so bad actually that, that, like, in this article, he or someone else,

it doesn't even matter who, right, one of these fucking religious wackaloons says something like, yeah, I'm not going to teach my kids about contraception. I'm just going to have them, like, pledge their purity to me as their dad,

and that'll fucking take care of that. Done and dusted on that thing. These guys also, like, so they're all misogynists, right? Because if you equate the sexual activity of women to purity or impurity, to being clean or unclean, like, you're obviously just, like, a fucking rampant goddamn misogynist.

You're just an abhorrent person. You're also, like, weirdly obsessed, like you mentioned, of policing women's bodies. And then also, these are people who as parents confuse pledges and promises with the act of parenting someone through their adolescence. Now, how are we going to navigate these tricky waters of sex and sexual relationships and consent and, you know, boyfriends and girlfriends? Well, I'm just going to make them promise not to do any of it. And then I don't have to fucking parent my way through any of that.

I can just be a lazy fuck. And I don't have to deal with, like, my kids as, like, human beings, as fully-fledged actual people. I can just be like, yeah, you know, fucking just, you know, remember, daughter, if you have sexual urges, which are entirely normal and appropriate, I just won't love you. Or, I mean, I will, but Jesus won't. You'll go to hell. So, I mean, you know, minor thing. Fucking what the shit? I also, you know, they're also poisoning the well for her future relationship, right? 100%.

So, you know, you're taking this person who is, you know, they have these balls when these girls are very young, right? So these girls are, you know, just maybe 12 or 13. They're very young. This is probably like when the little kids start to date. This is like, I remember, I think my first kiss was when I was 13. So I remember at that age being certainly very interested in girls. And then for the rest of my high school, going through high school, I was trying to date girls and I went out with a few girls when I was in high school too. So I know that at least for me, that was a very real thing at that age to be like, well, I'm going to be dating. I'm going to be with somebody for a little bit, that sort of thing. There's going to be a relationship that you're building. Think of how poison, how toxic you're making that relationship off the bat.

If you come in as the dad and you're like, here's the ground rules for dating my daughter. Yeah, right. Here's these ground, and like, not like good ground rules. Like there can be ground rules for dating the daughter, but it's got to be like, have a healthy relationship, treat each other with respect. Like those are good ground rules, right? These are like toxic, shitty ground rules like that are controlling and awful and, and taint her idea about what a relationship is and probably taint the idea of what that boy's relation, idea of relationships are. And you get a chance to

fuck up a brand new generation of people. And then one of them might not even be your kid. I know, man. And like, how much does this speak to the distrust of the motivations of people to be interested in anything other than sex, right? Like, because this is a sex obsessed culture, like, and I'm talking about like the broader culture that we live in. I'm talking about the fundamentalist religious culture is a sex-obsessed culture. Yeah.

They absolutely are the ones who are pointing out at the larger world and saying, the larger world is, it's too much sex. It's too much sex. It's too much sex. It's in our face. They are the most sex-obsessed people I have ever heard and heard of. They are the ones constantly bringing it of. They are the ones constantly bringing it up. They are the ones constantly policing it. They are the ones who live in daily fear of sex

and sexuality. The rest of us are just like, yeah, whatever titties and like, no, everybody moves the fuck on and doesn't, you know, like, yeah, I like sex, but like, it's not like the subject of my entire day in life. These people are obsessed with it. They're holding weird group fucking quasi marriage purity ball things that they can all get together in a room. A bunch of fucking grown ass men and their fucking pubescent daughters can get together in a room and they can all talk about their pubescent daughters sex lives and make promises about their hymens. That's the weirdest shit ever, man. That's so fucking weird.

That's your Speaker of the House, folks. Speaker of the House, folks. That's the Speaker of the House of the United States of America. Water, fire, air, earth. Fucking magnets. How do they work? And I don't want to talk to a scientist. Y'all motherfuckers flying and getting me pissed.

All right, so this story comes from Salon. And this is appropriate given the release date of the show. These are the most unhinged right-wing conspiracy theories of 2023. I really quick, Cecil, want to share one of my treasured gifts from Christmas this year. I got the conspiracy magnet kit your like the conspiracy magnet kit that you put on your refrigerator. Oh, nice. You know, the poetry magnets,

but it's all conspiracy theory shit. I've been having a blast with that all weekend. Oh, I bet. It's been fun. So Cecil, did you have a favorite conspiracy from 2023? I do. So this is near the bottom of the article. It says, I didn't hear about this,

what this was happening, right? So I had no idea that this happened. My only introduction to it was when I was reading this article today and I was like, oh my God, I can't believe I missed this. And this is the greatest thing. Etsy is dubbed the new Wayfair

in the latest far-right conspiracy. Far-right figures are spreading a conspiracy theory that claims listings on Etsy selling downloads of pizza photos for thousands of dollars are merely a cover for promoting child pornography. This false claim echoes a baseless accusation from 2020 that targeted the online furniture and home goods retailer Wayfair. Some right-wing figures are dubbing Etsy the new Wayfair, and the conspiracy theory is spreading across various platforms including on twitter formerly x gaining millions of views the claim is that the term pizza

serves as code for pedophilia oh my god and it played a key role in debunked pizzacate theory conspiracy theory the suggested it which suggested democrats were harboring child sex slaves. We talked about Pizzagate a million times. A QAnon promoting account on Twitter, on Axe, formerly Twitter, that had discovered pizza-related products selling on Axie for thousands of dollars, asserting these products were suspicious. Don't let them gaslight you anymore, he says. The other accounts continue to push the conspiracy theory

until other right-wing figures with larger followings on X caught on. And so then a bunch of people who I don't know, but they clearly have large followings did it. Etsy has refuted this as well. But what I love about these conspiracies with this, Tom, my favorite part, you can't just get illicit material. You can't sort of like clandestine, work your way with other people and, and behind the scenes, get illicit material. You have to, like, you're a fucking at a deli. You have to fucking scream out to add the fucking two pounds of ground chuck or whatever. And you got to be the guy who's be like, I'm the guy who has the ground chuck.

I'm that guy. I'm the guy. I'm the guy. You have to announce this deviant behavior to the world or else it just doesn't work for you. Like your fucking penis doesn't work unless you scream, somehow secretly scream out to the world

that this is what you're doing. Dude, this is amazing. My favorite part of this is where they call it the new Wayfair. The Wayfair thing was debunked. They're like, hey, it's like shit is the new bullshit. Like what?

It was all shit. It's just a different flavor. It's been bullshit all the way down front. Right. That cracked me up as the new wafer the wafer thing was nothing you abandoned the wafer thing because the wafer thing if you guys remember if i remember was that like wafer you could go on wafer and order like you know a new desk and a file cabinet a chair and like sometimes like they'd stuff like a little guatemalan boy or something in there for you to fuck it.

I think that was what the Wayfair thing was. Like you get like a couch and like it's like full of like, you know, polyester foam and like, you know, some fucking kid from Nepal or some shit. Like they were just like shipping kids around along with their various like furniture goods. Wasn't that the Wayfair thing? If that furniture has to travel for any distance, that furniture is not going to smell very good. I'm just saying. It's not going to smell very good. It's not like your furniture has a walk-in bathroom.

Like if somebody's got to go, they're going to go. I love, what I love is the Hunter Biden shit. Because like the backflips, and I find it fascinating too, Cecil, And I, and I, I find it fascinating to Cecil that I hadn't seen, I had not seen the Etsy thing until this article. And I had not seen some of this Hunter Biden stuff because one of the conspiracies around the Hunter Biden thing is that the Hunter Biden indictment is actually part of a conspiracy to get Hunter Biden out of trouble. I'm not fucking kidding.

That's what some of these guys are saying. Who did a what now? Yeah. So the indictment of Hunter. So here, let me read a couple of these. So some of these fucking lunatics, and like some of the lunatics, by the way, are on Fox News, right? Like this is like Maria Bartolomo or whatever.

She says, and I mispronounced her name and I do not care. She says, I see this as a very convenient time for the FBI and the DOJ to roll this out to once again give cover to Hunter Biden. The cover she's talking about is his indictment on fucking criminal charges. Is it indictment though? Isn't? Is it an indictment though? Isn't that convenient? That's a bad thing. That he was arrested just as he was about to get arrested. How do you get to flip that around?

Fucking what? And then like Fox business host Larry Kudlow also says on the fucking, that the Biden White House helped orchestrate charges against Hunter Biden so he could avoid testifying before the House. Yeah, so he's going to go to jail so that he doesn't get in trouble.

That's the fucking backflip nonsense that these goddamn lunatics have to go through. I love it. I fucking love it. Who listens to this and is like, I am a fucking nod my head along with Who listens to this and is like, oh yeah, I'm going to fucking

nod my head along with that one. That does seem like a... Tom, here is to a whole new year of conspiracy theories, buddy. Here we go, buddy. Cheers.

Cheers, buddy. All right, that's going to wrap it up for our New Year's Day episode. We will be back this upcoming Thursday with a funny release, but we's going to wrap it up for our New Year's Day episode. We will be back this upcoming Thursday with a funny release, but we are going to leave you this brand new year, this very good brand new year that's going to turn out amazing.

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