Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 765: Brain Worms and Vulgarity for Charity

Episode Date: May 13, 2024

Show Notes

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way, we bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big or makes us mad.

It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. There are also no trials coming up. It is Thursday, by the way, May the 9th. And all the trials have belonged to delay. Man, man. You know, they're talking a long time ago. They were saying that Judge Cannon, there's a possibility that Judge Cannon would be doing things for Trump because she was put in there because of it. And if on another show that I do, Lawful Assembly,

we went into a big, we sort of researched Judge Cannon and that case a little, and we talk in detail about it. It's a couple episodes ago. But even still, at that point, we weren't quite sure that she was 100%, you know, cause sometimes you don't want to attribute to maliciousness incompetence, right? And in this case, it turns out, you know,

it feels like this is one of those things that you're pushing off very specifically cause it's helping Trump. Not cause of any other valid reason. Yeah, because she's just very much just delaying, making choices. I do have a question for you. Yeah, because she's just very much just delaying making choices. Yeah. I do have a question for you. Is eventually the story of this particular trial going to become Canon-Canon?

We turn to Canon-Canon, Canon-Canon. That's awesome. Yeah, I think so. I think we're going to have to call it. It's Canon-Canon. Yeah, exactly. Right? It's got to be. That's the story Yeah, I think so. I think we're going to have to call it. It's canon. Yeah, exactly. Right? It's got to be.

That's the story of this trial. Like if a lawyer named case law. Like if your name is Casey Law, you got to be like, I've got to get a job as an attorney. I am like I made for this. Case law, case law. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Like if she's like, you know, I do feel bad though, because if like she becomes like a

victim somehow in all this, she'd be cannon fodder. I'm naming my first born precedent. When she was born, she was actually canonized. That was how it was. All right, so let's start with RFK though. Let's talk about RFK and his giant worms. Tom, you predicted this 12 years ago. 12, 13 years ago is longer than that

because you wrote that poem like 20 years ago. Yeah, a long time ago. I wrote that poem, people sometimes ask, that poem was written not for... Except with a skeptic's creed, by the way. If you shut the show off after we're done, there's a poem that plays at the end, the skeptic's creed.

The nerdiest thing that I've ever done in my life, I did it for a handful of years, was I read poetry in Chicago. And every year as part of this sort of group or collective, whatever it was that I was a part of there, they had a poetry pentathlon. So you'd show up and if you wanted to play, you know, you'd enter,

you'd throw some money in the hat or whatever. It was literally a hat, you'd throw money in a hat. And that was your entrance fee. And then they would give you a timer and five prompts. And like some of them had to be like, this is a sonnet. This is a free form. This is a rant. This is whatever.

So you had to sit there. You had about a half hour, hour. I remember what the timeline was. And you had to sit there and write five poems. Oh, that's awesome. That's really tough. It was cool. And then you'd get up and perform.

Yeah. And that's great for you because you never edit after the fact. Everything's a fucking rough draft. I've never... See, so I got through an entire English degree being like, first thing's the thing I'm turning in. You've never edited a thing in your life? I've never edited a fucking thing in my life.

I might go through and do a quick reread for typos. That's it. I'm like, yeah, shit. That's awesome though for you though. And actually, to be honest, it's a reallyad for typos. That's it. I'm like, yeah. That's awesome though for you though. I mean, and actually to be honest, it's a really challenging thing to do. It was fun. It's a very challenging thing.

It was, it was fun and it was challenging. The first year I did it, it was homework. So the first year they did it. I see, yeah. Like you got your assignment like the, I don't know, a week before, whatever it was. So you had plenty of time. And then they changed it to like,

show up early and you'll get your assignments. Oh, that's great. So you had plenty of time. And then they changed it to like show up early and you'll get your assignments. So it's like the event. Right. So I had to write a rant poem. And so the rant poem, the Skeptic's Creed was actually called Doubting Thomas. And that was the rant poem that I wrote on the spot at Jack's Tap in Chicago for that event. So that's where that came from. And that's where Skeptic's Creed came from. We turned where Skeptic Scream came from. We turned it into Skeptic Scream because Tom was like, Tom and I were at the beginning of the recording of the show. We were like, hey, Tom's like,

why don't we put this poem at the end? I was like, what a great idea. And I just happen to have a Gregorian chant that I slid underneath it. And I played it for Tom once. And again, because we don't do edits after the fact, first drafts, best drafts, Tom's like, yeah, no, that's it.

That's perfect. Tom's like, that's great. And then from that point on, that was literally the skeptic screen. No notes after like 10 seconds of work. And it's been part of the thing. But if you're unfamiliar with the poem, there is a line, giant worms. Which actually refers to Mongolian death worms. We did a story many, like I read something or we did a story or something many, many years ago. Well, clearly in the poem you had to read it.

I had known about this ahead of time, because you had the poems before. So like, yeah, they're like, there were like expeditions, like scientific expeditions looking for Mongolian death worms. The ones that like shoot lightning. Shoot like acid and shit or whatever. They shoot lightning and fart thunder. And there were like legitimate 20th century expeditions looking for these

giant Mongolian death worms, which I thought was delightful. And one of them, one of them wound up in our case. One of them is in our case. The story is from the New York times. And this is a longer story than you could possibly imagine. RFK junior says doctors found a dead worm in his brain. The presidential candidates faced previously undisclosed health issues, including a parasite that he said ate part of his brain. It hit one of those little bumps of ivermectin

that was in there. You guys, the best part about this story, one is that he tells it. Yeah. And also that it is almost certainly not true. RFK Jr. is so full of bullshit that he is telling a story about a worm in his brain that ate part of his brain.

And in this article, they're talking to doctors. It's like, they're like, there's no worms in your brain that eat your brain. There's like worms that can live in your brain. They're like trichinosis, larva or whatever. And they can live in your brain, but they're about a third of an inch long and they survive on nutrients.

They don't actually eat your brain. But this guy is so fucking stupid and not from the worms. Yeah. He's so fucking stupid. He's such a self-diagnoser. Yeah. Right. This guy is such a fucking self-diagnoser.

He's a self-made scientist with fucking air quotes around scientists. They do address other health concerns. At one point, Cecil, they talk about how he ate so many tuna sandwiches Do you remember this that he had to have collation therapy? So many tuna sandwiches guys that his mercury levels in his blood were ten times higher than what we're saying when he walked in A warm room his head would get really red When he when he bleeds it just kind of like pulls on the floor and you can play with it. Actually actually if you shoot a hole through

a windshield he could slide through it like the Terminator he just goes right through the hole. RMP Judo just forks his hands into blades and shit cuts up his opponents like every time he takes his sword He's just following you around. I like a tuna sandwich, man. How much tuna do you have to eat? But also, here's the thing. We've known for so long that fucking fish along the food chain bio accumulate heavy metals including mercury.

I've known this since at least 25 years. And the recommendation has always been, I think it's even on the cans now The recommendation has always been hey asshole once a week. Yeah. All right, don't get cute full of fucking mercury Who the fuck fills themselves so full of tuna so full of tuna that they've got to get their fucking blood cleaned With fucking collation therapy, which is dubious by the way at best But like to remove the heavy metals from his body. He also had to fucking ear candle him out and fucking use his fucking detox foot patches.

He's at the movie theater and instead of a bowl of popcorn, he's just got a big bag of canned tuna that he's touching. He's just eating like big chunks of canned tuna. And he's just drinking a big, like super big gulp of thermometer juice. Just... I'm just breaking them open. I'm worried about time.

This guy is such a fucking joke. And it's... Who's voting for this asshole? And the worst part is, is like, one of the, they don't say it exactly, right? So you gotta read this article, and the way the article comes out is basically they're saying he could be lying to get away

with paying less money to like his ex-wife or something. There's a settlement that's happening at the time that he says something about these worms in his brain in a deposition to try to get a lesser payment or something on some. And one of the things he tweets out is he tweets out after this, the story breaks. He says, I'll add five worms to my brain and I'll still beat those other two guys. Which is actually really funny.

Which is actually, I was like, you know what? That worm came up with a good joke. Do you ever watch Futurama? No, I don't know. There's an episode of Futurama, listeners that have seen the show might remember, where Fry, who's the dumbass in the show, he's the homer of that show, right? He's dumber than dog shit. And he gets infected with worms, like parasites, that make him brilliant.

I don't think that worked for RFK. I don't think it worked. I don't think that works for RFK. I'm just, I don't think it worked. I don't think that's, it's like the people are like, I'm going to eat a tapeworm to lose weight. It's like, no, that's not, it'll never work. This guy gets infected with, with parasites. He's going to climb the biggest blade of grass to get eaten by like a bird or whatever. Like those ants or whatever. That's the very best thing that could happen to him. But it's, it's, but again, this is, this is the, the parasitic wasps and shit. That's the very best thing that could happen to him. But again, this is the sort of grifter, you get a grifter smorgasbord if you want to choose

for president because one is currently on trial for paying hush money for trying to subvert the last election because they held the stories about Stormy Daniels and they made sure that that stuff didn't leak before the election. And then you have this guy who's clearly a grifter, has been grifted about all kinds of things throughout his career. And what you're left with is Biden. If you don't want somebody who's like a massive grifter, that's what you get. Like RFK Jr. is one of the 12 top spreaders of disinformation online. Like when we, when

studies have been done about like, where does all this disinformation come from? There's a top 12 and like it disseminates down, but it starts with this guy. It does. The idea that somebody's like, I got brain worms. Like, it's not like that story came out from someone about him, right? That's a story he told someone else. He told it about himself. Hit, right? Even Kristi Nohmer, like.

I know. They're like, they're giving each other memoir tips. All right, you say you shot a puppy. I'll say I got brain worms We'll see who America loves best and like America's like, okay There's a woodpecker like walking into the top of his skull to fish that shit out of there fucking a man God, we live in a simulation. It's a bad simulation. We live in a fucking simulation. Cecil, here, I know I've told this before,

but I'll say it again, because it's funny, and it relates to a book I'm reading. So like, in my bedroom, above my bed, I had a light fixture, and it was like, the light's in the center, and then it has these little prongs that go out from it. And God damn if it doesn't look exactly like a coronavirus model, like exactly.

And there were a handful of moments when I'm like, I'm probably in a coma. I'm in a coma just dreaming this. And I've been dreaming this nightmare for the last four years. And I'm now reading a book about nuclear war and I'm like, I shouldn't read this. I shouldn't read, it's a tiny, tiny, tiny part of me.

It's like, man. There's that little worm is in your ear. Yeah, right. Because everything's so stupid that part of me is like, there's no way it's not real. There's no way any of this is real is what I mean. Like there's no way, no way. And I'm pretty sure, I'm not a doctor,

but I'm pretty sure if the cancer dies, I mean, if you die, the cancer also dies at exactly the same time. So that to me is not a loss, that's a draw. That's an army. All right, this story's from USA Today. Congress voted against funding a cure for cancer to block a win for Biden.

It's a little, it's an exaggerated headline. It's not a cure for cancer, but it can lead to way better win for Biden. It's a little, it's an exaggerated headline. It's not a cure for cancer, but it can lead to way better treatments for cancer. And that kind of funding from the government can really help with people who are dying of cancer, people who have terminal cancer, or it's gonna be terminal eventually, the more research we do and the more we do now, the better off

chance they have of possibly living through it. And the fact is, is that they just don't want Biden to get a win. And that's, and I think that this is perfectly emblematic of our political system. Just pay attention to this sort of thing and see they don't care about people. They don't give a fuck about people. Not at all. This is like the moonshot for cancer program, right? And then it's just like,

and like I have read many articles that suggest that there'll never be a cure for cancer because cancer is categorical. It's not specific. So it's not really one thing. It doesn't function biologically always. So the idea that we're gonna solve it with one solution is probably not

accurate. But there are a lot of cancers that used to be real bad news if you got them and now have very successful treatments. And that only happens because we fund and do research to find out what those treatments are. So there's like no reason to believe that we won't, with the right amount of time and energy and funding, be able to expand the list of very, very treatable cancers from what we have now to a bigger list. And gosh, if I get one of those things, I really hope it's on the list of shit we can work with rather than shit that eats me alive. Right. And of all the fucking things that we spend money on, right. All this shitty stuff, we're sending 2000 fucking pound bombs to Israel

so they can drop them on Gaza, right? Your dollars go to them, my dollars go to that, everybody who listens who's in the United States, your dollars go to that. Every single time we drop bombs on some random place all over the country or all over the world, when we do it, right? Your dollars pay for that.

Every time we build another wall and make somebody who spent a thousand miles to cross the Darien Gap, every time we turn one of those people away, we paid for people to tell them to go away, that's your money, right? All the times that these senators get in their jets and they fly all over the country

and they fly down over, specifically down to Eagle Pass on your dime to fucking grandstand. That's all your money. Of all the fucking money we waste on bullshit, this is money that doesn't feel like it's fucking wasted at all. And we fucking don't fund this. We don't fund it. And it's for like the most cynical possible reason. It's you can't come up with a worse reason like I don't want to save

people's lives because it might give a political enemy a win. I would rather like another way to phrase this is I would rather kill somebody because that's true. Like let's say this research this this research money eventually goes through and let's say that this research money because none of this is implausible. Research money eventually finds through. And let's say that this research money, because none of this is implausible, research money eventually finds, even if it's six years down the road, eventually finds some treatment protocol

which increases the survivability rating of some type of cancer from 40% to 80%. There will be people then who survive that would not have survived. But let's say it took an extra six, eight, 12 months for us to get there. There's all those people in that span of time who do not now benefit. Those people got killed by this decision. That's just mathematically true. When we delay doing this kind of work,

we are telling the people who are sick now or who will be sick in the immediate future that their lives don't matter as much as not giving Joe Biden a win. Yeah. And I'm flabbergasted that it's phrased even by the Republicans as I don't want to give you a win. Don't you not want to take this loss? How do you know so much about oops, I crap my pants. I'm wearing them and I just did. I'm wearing them and I just did And speaking of like the absurd right indy 100 real men wear diapers Trump supporters spotted in nappies at rallies. I there is a part of me dude that I'm like, I don't know that I can't believe it. I just I checked this story because I thought I thought I've never heard of Indy 100 I'm just gonna double- check this. It's legit.

It's legit. So Trump supporters at rallies are showing up wearing diapers and wearing t-shirts that say diapers over Dems. So here we go. Here's one on the big screen. I'm putting them up on the big screen. They're diapers over Dems. And then like, look at what she's wearing.

She's got like a little garbage bag, Huggies diaper thing. It says real men wear diapers and it's got Trump's face on her crotch. Yeah. And it looks like a pullover diaper that she's wearing over her... Over her jeans.

Over her jeans. Yeah, over her jeans. And then there's another picture of a bunch of people who have clearly quickly made t-shirts that say real men wear diapers. And then again, diapers that have printed on the diapers. Real men wear diapers. Real men wear diapers.

With Trump's dumb ugly head. And then they have Trump gear on, these people have Trump gear on. And then a guy has a shirt that says, diapers over Dems. So, I mean, like, this all, I mean, unless it's like fucking really good AI, but they all have the same number,

they have the right number of fingers. So, I don't think so. The idea, I guess, is that there's jokes that like, Trump is incontinent. Yeah. And that, you know, he's an like Trump is incontinent. And that, you know, he's an old, stinky, incontinent man. That's the insult that's being like hurled around specifically by like Michael Cohen about Trump.

Like calling him like a stinky face or some shit. Like big stinker, whatever. And so the right has latched on and said like, literally anything Trump does is great. Even if he shits himself, we will shit ourselves in solidarity. We will smear our own feces right into our fucking eyes. If that's what he does, we're not crazy. You're crazy.

There's times in your life. You think it's probably easier being a lemming and just throwing yourself off a cliff. What in the fuck is happening where people are... And what I don't understand is... Any of this? Well, no reasonable person on the left, I think, cares. I know I don't. I don't care. I don't care that you just look like assholes. If Trump... Well, no, I'm talking about Trump himself, right? Oh, oh, oh. So I'm talking about, you know, if Trump has problems

going to the bathroom once in a while, like a little pee comes out or if he laughs too hard, he poops his pants or what, I don't care. Like, like I'm not. I it the only thing I care about Trump about. Right. The only thing I care about is that if he were to get the job again or if he had the job before, is that he did a good job. Or if he did, if he gets the job again, I'm worried because I think he'd be a dictator, right?

So that's the only thing in my life that I care about. I don't care about it. I don't care. He could literally be just a brain in a bag. It doesn't matter to me what anything about him, like how he looks, what he does, any of that stuff, as long as it doesn't affect what his job is, right? And I think a lot of people would agree with me

that I don't care about Trump's personal life. I don't care about a lot of, unless it like clearly affects, you know, something with the government, but I don't care about the personal life or what he does or how he looks, or if once in a while he gets a little poopy in his pants. Like, I don't care about that.

Why embrace it so hard? Unless I think it really bothers you. Yeah, well, here's my theory on that. And I don't know anything, right? But here's my theory on that is that for such a long time, the right has looked at Trump and said, this man exudes a kind of masculine physical power. And if those things were true, like if he's incontinent, that would disrupt that for them.

So they have a choice only to embrace that. So it's either put shit in your pants in the masculinity column. Yeah, right. Or face the fact that he's not as masculine as you thought. Or that that never should have mattered in the first place, right? Cause the only thing to your point, the only thing, to your point,

the only thing that should matter about a politician is their decision making. What choices are they making? What are their decisions? Are they sharp? Are they, you know, what, when it comes time for them to make a choice, which is all that job is, just decision making,

are they doing that well? Are they able to make the right decisions? Are they able to make right choices? Are they able to move the room with their words to get done the things that need to get done? That's all that should matter. Like, I don't care if you're in a wheelchair, I don't care if you're on a continent, I don't care if you're blind, I don't care if you can do a push-up or no push-ups. Like, none of that means anything, right? None of it should. But I think the right is so like stuck on that idea of like the big proud, strong warrior Trump, like in this very like physically embodied way, even though, because like, it's all like an imagine Cecil, can I look at all the NFT stuff?

It really displays that. Sure. Yeah. related iconography, which is kind of what you have to call it at this point. And it all really like exudes this kind of false physicality, false physical strength. But he's not any of those things in person. Like the flesh of him is none of those things. So I think they're trying to say like the power of him must be made physically manifest in some way. You know what, when you say that, what I'm reminded of is that video that RFK put out with his shirt off doing pull-ups and like five push-ups. And I think he's trying to cater to the same audience.

He's trying to cater to that audience, which is that sort of masculine audience that says like, I'm a powerful leader because I'm a powerful person and not that I'm smart or that I can control things or that I can handle a bunch of stuff at the same time. It's, it's that I'm physically powerful and that should be the thing that makes you want to vote for me. And that's so weird, right? Because like, that's confusing what real power is. That's like, cause real power has nothing to do

with your physicality, not in the circles of politics. Like who gives a shit? You know, like Roosevelt, like FDR was an exceptionally powerful president. I mean, arguably one of the most powerful presidents in American history. And he was in a wheelchair, you know, his legs were damaged by polio.

So like your power in politics has nothing to do, nothing whatsoever to do with your physicality. But these guys can't separate that. They have that power confusion. Yeah, I think it's because a lot of those people are pretty simple, right? And for them, that's a real simple answer. It's a simple answer to get the guy who matches their idea of what they think powerful is.

And if you fit that, if you come in and you say all the right things, then you fit it. And then you're gonna be the one who they're gonna pick. It's people. Soylent green is made out of people. Silent green is made out of people. Listen to me, Hatcher. You got to tell them silent green is people. Companies that have made strides in cultivated meat technology said Florida's law stifles

innovation in a space that is becoming competitive globally. So you can make meat without having an animal involved. It's pretty incredible. What I think is so awesome is that they're using these vats full of different types of amino acids that are like cell cultures from those animals and they just reproduce and create this meat and it's muscle tissue and it's actual, I mean, it's literally the meat. It is meat. And it's nothing ever suffered.

Nothing had to die. Nothing had to live in a small pen. Nothing had to get forced up a line and get like fucking shot in the face and then bled out on a floor somewhere. None of that shit had to happen. It's all just made, and then people can enjoy the proteins of meat

if they enjoy those proteins, and then that's it. Yeah, and look, the other thing too, is that there's no environmental repercussions, and there's no disease propagation. We're in the middle right now of a H5N1 watch, right? So H5N1 has started to like kind of move into populations of mammals that had not previously moved into before.

Something like 39 herds in the United States of beef cattle are now infected with H5N1. And like, maybe that'll turn into something for people. Maybe it won't. There's a lot that would still have to happen, but like disease propagates from these big farms, these big high concentration, like CAFO farms, it propagates out of those farms and into the human population and cause serious problems. This could eventually be a way to solve for some of that. Right now, it's not scalable in a way that makes it financially viable, but like

most technologies start off that way, right? That's how it works. We have to start small, proof of concept, build efficiencies and economies of scale. You can't do this if we just stifle it because the fucking cattle lobby goes to the governor of Florida or whatever and is like, hey, you know what them liberals are doing? Making meat and vats. Meat and vats isn't as good as meat. We look in the eye and slaughter wholesale ourselves.

And like, what the fuck? And make no mistake, even if there is lab grown meat and they make this perfect and it's able to be put out there in the world, there are still going to be people who want to I killed it myself or somebody killed it for me cow. That's the rolling. That's never going to go away. That's not going to, it's always going to, now it'll probably be a much, much smaller market because the moment they say to me lab grown meat is environmentally better. Lab grown meat is, is able to be made on en masse and able, and we and able to get it.

And it's safe for consumption, meaning it's not gonna hurt you at all. There's no, we didn't like engineer it and it fucks you up, it like turns you into a fucking cow or something after you eat it. All the, if those three things are true, I literally would never, ever, ever eat a cow again. I would 100% only eat lab-grown stuff.

There was no reason to. There was no reason to any of that. There's no reason to. There's literally no reason to. As long as when I go to the store, it's within my reach financially. Yeah, exactly. I would never. 100%.

And my hope would be, after a while, that all the lobbies that got all that money throughout years and years and years of lobbying, through the beef lobby and all the milk out, they would be able to give some of that money to the people who are now doing this work to change how we consume. And like, honestly, like if you're the cattle industry or the chickening industry or whatever, wouldn't you want to invest in this as the next step?

So that you're not left out. That there's like, there's a way forward, I guess is what I'm saying, where nobody has to lose everything. And I understand that transitions always mean that there will be people who are left behind when that transition takes place, and that super sucks. And we should be honest about that, and we should have ways to sort of catch those people.

Because it's through no fault of their own that society or technology or culture moves away from how they make their livelihood. So like, I do think we need to have better support systems that catch those people so that we can move on without having this like constant regressive push. We get these big regressive pushes with coal, with cattle, with so many other parts of our need to change the world

into a greener world, in part and understandably, because people are like, I don't wanna lose my job. I've been doing this for 30 years. That's what I've trained to do. This is all I've trained to do. My parents trained to do this. I'm really actually very sympathetic to that. That's hard for people.

And I don't wanna leave those people behind. But part of the way that we do that is we create a social safety net to retrain those people, to catch them. And then they won't push back against that, the fear of failing and the fear of not being able to feed their families. I do think it's a problem that we're just like, well, if we can do it, we do it, we transition and whatever gets left behind, fuck it. We can't do that. There's a way to do it thoughtfully. But ultimately, if we can make this to where it's not chewing up as much energy,

it's not shitting methane into the atmosphere, it's not causing pain and suffering, it's not propagating disease, there's a lot of reasons to move away from meat. And there is, and the pathogens that are in the meat too. Oh my God. The stuff that, you know, you just talked about E. coli and other stuff. That's not just like, it's not a, a bird flu or something.

It's just happens to be, you know, the germs and also the germs of them being together, right? Yeah. of them being together, right? We're creating like herds of animals that are becoming immune or resistant to antibiotics because we're keeping them in places where the antibiotics don't work anymore because they're getting super bugs and they're fucking tuning each other up

and then they're blowing past any antibiotic sort of treatments that we have that can keep them in check. That's dangerous for the human race. That's super dangerous. If we can move that stuff along, great. If you can't, then, you know, we're going to be looking at a hundred years down the road with super bugs that we can't do anything about.

Oh yeah. If it even takes a hundred years. I know it could be shorter time. Those sorts of things are things we need to look forward. And I also look back at these three states, right? And Florida is one of them. But you know, way to make yourself irrelevant when it comes to tech, right? Way to make, way to put a big sign on you that says we're not interested in this. Well, what about other stuff that might be cutting edge that isn't this? Will you choose Florida now?

Because what happens if you set up shop in Florida and then suddenly they're like, you know what? We actually don't want to do the big thing that you're doing either. We don't want to move forward with that technology or that technology. If they're cutting down one, what's the next one, right? You're not going to be an investor who's looking around

and saying, well, Florida's where I'm going. No, yeah, well, I mean, clearly Governor DeSantis' vision for Florida is to build a regressive wonderland. Oh yeah, absolutely. Like he wants to like turn the entirety of Florida into like the Republican magic kingdom. Yeah, yeah. That's absolutely what he's trying to build. ["I Shut My Murphy Bed"]

I shut my Murphy bed. So the story's about Kristi Noem's memoir and another shocking passage that's now being removed. There's a passage in this memoir, guys, that she wrote herself about how bad of an ass, in fact, I'm gonna read it. It's about her being a badass with North Korean dictator. So here's what is in a passage,

this is not gonna be in future editions, but it was in a passage of her memoir. She says, quote, I remember when I met with the North Korean dictator, Kim Jong-un, I'm sure he underestimated me, having no clue about my experience staring down little tyrants. I'd been a children's pastor after all. Tee hee ha ha. And then someone came to her staff and said, did she really meet with Kim Jong-un? And're like, probably not.

It's not often that somebody from South Dakota, South Dakota has a need to meet with the North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un. Their original pushback was something like, Oh, I think she mistook him for somebody else. And I'm like, Oh, that's right. Oh, that, yeah. Oh, she's like, she's like saying racist shit to the dry cleaner or something. Just to me. You're like, okay. But, but really they pushed back on it and there's a whole clip here.

I'm not going to play it. It's two minutes of her just basically saying the same thing, but they push back on her and they say, did you ever meet with Kim Jong-un? And she said, well, it's not in the book now. We took it out of the book when it came to my attention that it was in the book. And I'm like, we came to your attention that it was in the book. And I'm like, when it came to your attention, like you wrote the book. Guys, she wrote it and there's an audio book she narrates of the prior edition. So she wrote it. Then she read it out loud back to you saying,

I remember when I met with Kim Jong-un. And then are like you never met with him and she's like, you know what? I don't remember that. I want to say this feels like someone trying Trump's playbook and failing. Oh right. 100%. You know she tried to do the I'm a tough guy guy thing with the dog, right? And that blew up in her face as long as the dog, also the dog's face, but her face too. And then she tries, then she tried this, very specifically tried this.

And everybody's just like, yeah, no, that didn't happen. But with Trump, he could probably say literally anything and it doesn't matter. He just pushes forward. The thing is is is that she blinked right Trump never blinks Trump never blinks They'll come to him and they'll say that wasn't true that she met with him He's like I met with a lot of people and then that would be the end of a lot of people great people Don't worry about who I met with the people I met with are important. I meet with them all the time I don't need to answer your questions about who I meet with him a very busy man And people are just like none of that was anything. But it doesn't matter. But she blinked.

Yeah. Like the thing was coming at her and she decided to you know, put her foot on the brake and swerve a little. Yeah. And that's enough for people to say, oh you actually know you fucked up. Because that's normal. Yeah. Like that's a return. Like here's what's the thing that like is just occurring to me, is that we are astonished at some semblance of a return

to something approaching normalcy. It is normal and right that when a politician gets caught shooting a puppy, that that should be career ending or lying about meeting with a fucking dictator of a foreign country. Like these should be a big deal. I think we just sort of lost our shit for a minute there where we're like, we're not sure what big deals are anymore. We don't know what should matter. And like, cause like there are some politicians who did run the playbook. Well, Marjorie Taylor green

runs the playbook. Yeah, I think so. She runs that playbook and she runs it like pretty hard. And there are others on the right who don't run it as often, but they run it. And so like that's become known that that sometimes works. So there's a lot of people trying that out now, trying that whole like diffuse by deflection, like the double down bullshit, like all of it. So yeah, I, it's crazy to me that it doesn't work though. You know, like it seems like something that should work. It seems like, especially if she doesn't blink, if she just leans into it and if she, even if she just lied and

said, no, I'm out with them. Yeah. I'm out with them. And then they say, no, you didn't be like, no, I did. Yeah. You don't have my whole calendar. I met with them. I met with them. I, you don't know what you're talking about. And then you go to an insult, right? If you're going to do the Trump, then you go there. You're very ugly. You're a very ugly person. These are with him. You don't know what you're talking about. And then you go to an insult, right? If you're gonna do the Trump, then you go, that you're very ugly. You're a very ugly person. These are terrible questions. You're a vicious, mean-spirited person.

I don't wanna have time for you anymore. I don't have time for you. I met with who I met with. I know what I do. I don't have time for you. This is why the media is terrible. Everything's the worst. You know, like that kind of bullshit.

Like you just go on the attack. That's the Trump playbook, really. That stuff is what, and that has proven to work. And I do think like MTG or Marjorie Taylor Greene has done a pretty good job of that. She's just done her dog shit. So it's starting to all backfire on her because she's just making crazy person decisions.

Yeah, this lady, this lady, that dog thing really hurt her though. Oh yeah it did. Very much. Oh my God, yeah it did. Certified lover boy, certified pedophiles. Wap, wap, wap, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop,

Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop, Wop So stories from Salon, you remind me of my daughter. Stormy Daniels testifies that Trump compared her to Ivanka. This has sort of been all over the news this week. And this isn't the first time I think in America politics that, you know, we've, we've seen these sort of salacious things. I remember the Bill Clinton blowjob stuff that was happening when they were questioning him.

The blow job, the cigar, the dress, the whole thing. So it's not the first time in American politics where this sort of thing him. Oh, the blow job, the cigar, the dress, the whole thing. Yeah, the whole thing. So it's not the first time in American politics where this sort of thing happens, but the one thing that I think sucks about this is that a lot of people now are focusing on the sex acts that happened, the sort of, this sort of thing, this sort of salaciousness about this.

I think that there is a creepy power dynamic that happened between the two of them. It's very obvious when you hear the story, it sounds really gross. Like the way he very much took advantage of her. Like you can hear it in the story. It sounds gross and disgusting. But I think what it does is it turns this into a sort of like a sex scandal more than an election scandal. It pulls away from the election scandal like a sex scandal more than an election scandal. It pulls away from the election scandal. The sex scandal itself is ancillary.

It's not the thing that we really should be focusing on. I think in the media and other places, they should be talking about how this is the thing that actually was the bombshell that could have maybe de-railed his campaign. And that's what should be focused on. But instead they're sort of talking about what he was wearing and how he cornered her

and all this stuff. And we lied to her. They went into a position they were in when they had sex and all that sort of stuff. And that sort of salacious stuff is what's coming out in the news and it's useless information in my opinion. Yeah, I get it in the sense that like the reporters are gonna report everything that was said.

And I also kind of get that you've got to establish what he was trying to hide. Sure. You know, in order for him to lay that out. It's like, all right, well, what is the story he didn't want to have get out? And I think telling the story about his wife at the time, he's telling her that they don't sleep together,

they don't hang out. They don't sleep in the same room. Same room, et cetera, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, that's important. That's an important bedrock piece, but there's- But there's too much focus on it, right? There really is too much focus, and we're forgetting what the real meat of this is,

that it's election interference. Yeah, it is. That's what the case is all about. I think, too, that one thought I had is, in a normal world, all of this gross behavior, like, hey, sleeping with somebody who's, he's like, hey, you look like my daughter. He's talking about how he and his wife, who just had a baby, aren't sleeping in the same room. I don't know, maybe so he can get some sleep, you know, or maybe like, a lot of people, when babies are brand new, don't sleep in the same room.

Babies are very disruptive to sleep. Like, but he's like, is it grilling her about like, what STDs she's had, all this sort of stuff. All this kind of stuff would, in a normal world, speak to his character. Sure. Right, it would be, this would be damning material to Trump's character.

But we're just living in a world where it's like, well yeah, but we already know he's a poor moral character. We already know he's a genuinely bad person. And if you haven't been moved by the so many examples now of his poor moral character, this doesn't add one to that. But this information would have come out in 2015. So like I'm also reminded too, that like this story that's being told right now

on the stand is the story that would have come out in 2015 when the world maybe made a little more sense. Would it have sunk him? I don't know. I think this combined with the Access Hollywood story, one right after the other, might have done some damage. Again, thinking back to a world that made more sense politically,

in 2013, 14, 15, politicians careers were lost over a lot less than cheating on their wives with a porn star. Politicians careers were lost for a whole lot less than that. Like, you know, the there's a lot of argument about the Bill Clinton Monica Lewinsky sex acts that took place and whether or not the power dynamic there was appropriate. It was not appropriate. So there's conversation about it, but like let me just say it was not appropriate. It's inappropriate.

So, but like, let me just say it was not appropriate. It's inappropriate. Yeah, it's inappropriate sexual conduct. But like, that guy didn't lose his job. That guy did not get impeached. Like Bill Clinton did not successfully get impeached through the Senate. He kept his job. This seems a lot worse than that to me. If we're gonna talk about like moral character,

like this feels like, I mean, he's like, his wife just had a baby, like a brand new baby. And he's off like fucking a porn star and saying, you look like my daughter. Like it's just like, that's like the grossest. It's super gross. I character thing. And, and for it not to be able to come out beforehand. I, the thing is, I don't think this would have messed with him at all. Like I think, I think the guy was already think that die was already cast at that point? Yeah, I think that at that point, he'd already done stuff that I thought would have sunk him immediately, right?

Yeah, multiple times over. He's already done stuff that I thought, no way. This doesn't feel to me like this would have sunk him. But the fact that he thought it would, the fact that he paid to make sure it wouldn't get out, that's all you need. It doesn't matter. Nobody can go back in time and know whether or not that was actually going to fucking sink his campaign. We don't know. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that he thought it would. And you can tell by the way he wrote the payments out. You

know that that's what, that he wanted this to be hidden. He wanted this to be hush hush. And he wrote those payments out very specifically to make sure that it stayed that way. Oh, a hundred percent, yeah. And like, I do want to comment again on the, looks like my daughter thing, just because this has come up like a few times.

Like he's made, he's on tape making comments about like how beautiful he thinks Ivanka is and how he'd sleep with her if she wasn't his daughter. He's like said it out loud and everything. This is a gross person. It's disgusting. I'm again fucking floored that we're living in a world where 70 some million people are like, that's my god. Yeah, I know. He's a fucking gross person just as a human. This

is a bad example of humanity. He's so gross of a human. If he was your neighbor, you'd be like, fuck, that guy cannot come over for the barbecue. I don't want him around my kids. I don't want my wife. I don't want him around his kids. That's right. I don't want him around his kids. And how do you feel if you're Ivanka and you read this? Dude, she's gotta be so grossed out by her own dad all the time. All the time, man. Like how nasty is that?

Gross. Ugh. It's time to bring back the scathing atheist and his two sidekicks, Noah, Heath, and Eli. Roasty replies. Hey, I'm a back kick if anything. Roast the shit out of this or something. I don't know. This is what happens when you ask my co-hosts to improvise everybody. We fall to shambles.

Got a color coded script over us scathing dammit. All right, well before we jump in, I want to thank our favorite kind of donor, the ones who give money to a great charity and ask us for nothing in return. Starting with Thomas J who gave us $1173 and asked for nothing. And ending with Scott D who gave us $1133.32 out of the goodness of their extremely good heart. As Sarah says, you fucking rock. Alright, let's dive in know this one's for you D

Dave and Jacob all kicked in for a roast of Vivek Ramaswamy. How about oh, wow Okay, so Vivek Ramaswamy is a Hindu Christian nationalist and a brown white supremacist his That man's entire political career is just him standing in front of a crowd of people that hate him going, me, am I right? All right, Heath, this next one gets real specific. It's a roast of the conservative wing of the US Supreme Court. So for legal reasons, we have to give this one to you. So Colin would like a roast involving Lucinda and her varmint hammer. Okay.

I'm supposed to do this legally as opposed to whoever else, I guess, is what that meant. As opposed to Eli. Okay, so, we'll see what I can do. I'm hoping about everything I might say. It's a hope, it's a want, I'm not suggesting an action or a behavior. So, the conservative wing of the Supreme Court, it looks like a country club where somebody brought their one black friend as like a novelty and it's the fucking worst. You'd be like, oh, hey, Neil, Brett, John, I'd like you to meet Clarienche. I know him. I know Clarienche.

So Harlan Crowe's country club in real life. Right. Exactly. And most days I'll be honest, I do picture all of those people getting killed by a vigilante superhero. And yes, it's usually Lucinda with a comically oversized varmint gavel, which is thematic, you know, like Mjolnir, but with a lightning flying from this guy. But it's a gavel. You know, like Mjolnir, but with a lightning flying from this guy, but it's a gavel. And she usually does a tagline at the end, like a wordplay thing, like, now that's activist justice or something like that. You know, you didn't do the voice, but otherwise 10 stars. All right. You do it. Yeah. All right.

Eli. This is what happens. You try to get Eli to improvise. He's a shit coward. Wow. Eli, you coward. Erica would to improvise? Piece of shit. Coward. Wow. All right, Eli, you coward. Erika would like a roast for ex-boss Julie. Entire breakup of their podcast right now. Oh, all right.

Julie looks like the first crack at AI porn got to be designed by an assistant DA for the tattoo reality competition, Inc. And not one of the good seasons. Ow. She looks like aliens came down and brined the last manager of the last hot topic and a police sketch of hepatitis C. That's the greatest thing ever. Holy shit.

All right, Cecil, I've got an odd one for you here. Jessica would like a roast of data privacy attorney. These are the terms of service people. More people have read our book, The Grand Unified Theory of Bullshit, available on Amazon, than have read what you've written in your entire career. More people have read Heath's old Bumble profile. Come on, guys. I was too scared to make them. do like you they require five pictures, and I was like no No, he held his phone which contains one photo of a piece of pizza, and he was like I literally yes Exactly what Eli just said as a joke is what happened one photo four police sketches is the best I could do this one five times

Look data privacy attorneys your job is basically to make something as annoying as blister packaging, but digitally. All right, Tom, Gail would like a roast of imposter syndrome. None of us are anyone. We're all lying. All of us. I'm lying and you're lying and Bertrand Russell was lying and your mom and dad, they're still lying.

We are all overgrown children in poorly made meat suits pretending we know who we are and why we are here. And so it's no surprise that when we're invested with some authority or responsibility, there's a nagging voice in the back of our minds that knows we can't possibly be it. We cannot possibly be the adults in the room, that we cannot be the shoulders that the weight of the world rests upon because we know the fragility of these shoulders. We know that inside, where we live in our real selves, that we are embarrassingly small. Imposter syndrome sucks not because it isn't real, but because of an expression of our

own fragile humanity and humility. We can be cured of this fragility not by honesty then but by hubris, by lies rather than real introspective truths, so I say fuck it. Embrace that you and I and everyone that you've ever loved is lying. It's not the liars we should be worried about. The real imposters are the ones who believe their own shit. Amen, brother. All right.

I supposed to say on the, Eli wrote All right. I supposed to say on the Eli wrote this was say excellent. Sorry, I changed you out for me. Thank you. I was going to say I didn't have a schizophrenic brain. It was supposed to be me saying excellent. I'll say excellent time. Let me do it. Let me do it. Let me do it. Excellent. And then now you're up. Go, go. Excellent. Go.

That was your back up. Oh, man. Excellent. Go. That was fucking excellent. Oh, man. Was that excellent? I felt like that was excellent. Someone said so. At last. I was not scripted to say excellent. All right, Eli.

And you crushed it. Absolutely crushed it. First time's a charm. Wait for everybody to say it. Thank you. You really improv better than a lot of people pretend that you do when you think about it. All right, Eli, you're back up. How about a roast of true crime podcasts for Peter? Oh, hey, everybody. Welcome back to the Bloodcast, a podcast dedicated to re-traumatizing victims

and family members by praising the victimizers as brilliant masterminds for their failure to grasp the most basic principle of man or beast, no herdy. Look, if this was some awful little niche of the dark web, I'd get it. After all, there's like child porn and zip-lining Facebook groups on the internet. But why is this mainstream? Every third title on Netflix is a black and white, blood-spattered icon of a real human being. A real one.

Is your life so free of excitement? Is your human experience so lackluster that you just have to dwell on human sewage, romanticizing and aggrandizing and duplicating them in the process? What if instead you went outside and touched some grass? And while you're doing it, you better hope no sicko hoping to star in a podcast finds you unsuspecting. Star in a podcast. That's hilarious.

I don't know what you would call what I do, but I have and will on my Bumble profile. Improv. All right, got a dog roast for you here, Noah. Lynn would like a roast of her dog, Pippin. Lynn says Pippin is quote, the most autistic being on the planet, end quote, and insists it's okay for me to make fun of that because Lynn is autistic and all our friends that agree about the dog are also autistic.

I don't think that's how it works. But wait, let me get my son. Let me get my son. I agree with Len. Yeah, he can make it make it. The black guys in the room, then you can say it's one of the. Right. Right. No, exactly. Exactly.

As long as you get his permission for no. But so Pippen is one of those rare, visually roastable dogs, though. Like he's cute. Don't get me wrong. But I don't know. Maybe this is a little too niche. There are these Mario bad guys called Fuzzy's. There are these little black spiky circles that travel along the edges of the platform

that you've got to run under or whatever. So Pippin looks like one of those, but a dog. He just looks like you snuck up on the color black and yelled boo All right, Cecil Christy would like a roast of the people who protested Planned Parenthood Here's what I don't understand. How do you pull yourself away from your other important activities? I mean right now someone out there needs to know that white lives matter, too Your truck needs a let's Go Brandon decal. There's definitely a BOGO sale on blue lives matter Punisher tank tops at Walmart.

Your goatee needs some expert trimming to shape out your chin because your face is doing a terrible job right now. A person on welfare needs you to judge their groceries as necessary and unnecessary. Okay? So as you jump in your lift-kitted F-250, throw on your Oakley eyebrows and head over to Planned Parenthood, realize there are ten other ways you can be a nuisance boomer right now. Now go lay down or I'm going to smack you with this rolled up copy of the New Yorker.

Okay? Don't say how much torque your torque has. Now go lay down or I'm gonna smack you with this rolled up copy of the New Yorker, okay? Don't say how much torque your truck has. Alright Heath, this next one is for you. Hayden wants you to roast food poison. Okay. So, there's only two times in my entire life when I shat and vomited at the exact same time. One.

I don't believe you. One. Shut up. Shut up. For this story it's two. One. Shut up. Shut up. For this story, it's two. One of the two. Shut up. One of the two was at Action Park. I've told this story once before on the air when my friend Pete came down a water slide behind me and torpedoed directly into my stomach and I shat and vomited in public at Action Park. The other time was food poisoning. It was while running through a very famous toy store in New York City,

trying to get to the bathroom. I was working there at the time. And when I say running, I mean, you know, that thing where you're trying to move your legs, but also trying to definitely not move your legs at the same time. Yeah, I got in the bathroom, but the process had begun at that point. I later had to leave that toy store somehow and then commute home through New York City somehow.

That was my experience with food poisoning, except it's not actually over at that point. Seems like it would be, but it's not, because fuck you. You're gonna spend the next like two to five years feeling like everything I just described is almost gonna happen at any given moment all the time. Yep, yep. I can't look at Egg Foo Young. No, I just need it. I can't look at it.

I'm like, nope, not near me. I can't eat cast-ation sushi anymore. It's fucked up. Woof. Woof. Again, lying. Woof. Alright. I've seen it. Tom, as the last one of us who has to wear pants to work, this one is for you. Jonathan would like a roast of personality test based business consulting. Whoa, specific. Personality testing in business. It actually makes all the sense in the world. Nothing about personality testing is rooted in science or reason.

And let's be real. Neither is business. The personality tests aren't predictive of anything either because your personality isn't proscriptive so much as it is descriptive. The business world knows this, but really all the veneer of these tests is part of the ongoing effort to do literally anything else other than build meaningful and satisfying workplaces for employees. Instead, here he goes, we'll just weed out candidates who don't fit our horrifying toxic culture before we hire them so we can avoid awkward meetings with HR and their attorneys.

And now of course that whole endeavor is built and judged and evaluated by soulless machines who will eventually fire and replace the very people that they tested into that hiring. Anyway, best of luck on your future endeavors. All right, Cecil, another one for you here. Angela W. would like a roast of the Curtin-McConkie law firm that represents the Mormon Corporation. And if I mispronounce that, I don't care. Not even a little. All right.

There's definitely something your law firm and the Mormons have in common. You both obsess over briefs. Seriously, though, how much of your job is permission slips for parents of child brides? I mean, in some way it's kind of cheating because you're basically repurposing the same legal documents someone would use for a daycare except for cutting out all the protections for the kids.

Sure, yeah. Whoa. All right, Eli, Steve Christian would like you to roast monogamy. I mean Tom, we already have a whole podcast where I do that. I feel like it's well Steve, I guess we'd like you to do it here on my podcast. Okay, very well. Very well. Guys, guys, you know me naked.

You know me, my body and naked. Listen to how much I love you, man. You know, sex, you know You know sex? That super awesome thing that the vast majority of people define as one of the best human experiences? Well, I love my wife so much that I want her to only have sex with me till she dies. I know. I know. What can I say? I love my wife so much that I think the only sexual partner she should have for the rest of her life Should be me

No matter how old I get no matter how I look I just love my wife so much that she gets to have sex with me and only me forever or else I'll divorce her and destroy our family because I love her so much you see that's why that's why. All right you're bad at sex you need to outsource and I've got it okay. I mean that's that is the short version. I just was summed it up. It's economics work.

Concise. You know this. Thank you. All right, Heath. This next one is for you. Olivia would like a roast of sloppy developers and coders. Okay. Yeah, this is super annoying.

So hey, sloppy developers and coders. For loops never end if you don't tell them to end. They're loops. They would need to end or else they keep looping. Write a fucking break condition, you piece of shit. It obviously won't end. Let me put this in words you can understand. If you start a for loop, it has to end somewhere else you're're a fucking idiot, but don't worry.

Don't worry. You're not going to have your job much longer. At this very moment, you're either already fired or your boss is right now working out the final details of firing you and replacing you with AI that was written by somebody who wrote a never ending for loop that's creating Ultron. So I guess a little irony in there for you. All right, Noah, tricky one for you here. Lydia P would like a roast of multiple sclerosis

of the disease, not the people with it. Well, thanks for at least that, woof. All right, hey, MS, pick a fucking sclerosis, okay? Thank you. One would be bad enough, you have multiple sclerosis. Thank you. One would be bad enough. You have multiple sclerosis. Fuck you. You're like if not being able to decide where you wanted to eat was a disease. You can't even pick a consistent set of symptoms.

You waffling ass mystery symptom malady. You're the fucking you've been rebranded so much you're the fucking Ted Cruz of diseases Wow So wait, no, I'm sorry. Yeah, that was too far. That was too far. I am I apologize to multiple sclerosis You're not that bad, but you're still pretty fucking bad Does anybody have like one sclerosome or whatever it is it where it's just like a rose? It's just like I have one I bet when I'm in the bodies. Yeah, no, yeah, that's that's right.

The plaque underneath, we will say. OK, Tom, last one, Kate would like a roast of entitled customers. Hey, look, unless you are ordering your own jumbo jack custom built with your fucking face on it as an individual customer, you don't fucking matter. You don't, you are not going to make or break that business. You really think that the thing that a business is success today is riding on

is whether or not you woke up and went shopping exactly there for exactly what you are buying that day. Do you really think that? Do you imagine that your dollars, your purchase are really all that is standing in the way of this company and their imminent financial fucking collapse? Like, do you think the value of the dollars in your wallet are really that powerful? Or is it instead that in every other part of your small and worthless life, you feel the limp dick impotence of your impact on the world? If you feel the limp dick impotence of your impact on the world, isn't it instead that you have no power, no sway, no importance that no one is interested or cares that no matter how loudly you scream into the void of your shattered life, not even an echo

can be bothered to return your feeble cries. And maybe just maybe in that tiny desperation, you imagine not that your dollars are important that but maybe those paltry and insignificant as they are can for a brief and fleeting moment make you not be, but perhaps at least seem to someone like you matter. The smallness of it all, the feckless immateriality of your existence made for a moment less painfully manifest by some wielding of imaginary power doesn't make you bigger but shines instead a spotlight on inept trifling insignificance of yourself.

So stamp your feet and shake your fist that managers and gods all you like. But as soon as you leave, you become a punchline and a warning to everyone of who not to become. Excellent, Tom. Excellent. Excellent. So many people are like, OK, I complain sometimes, but it's legit. No, it's not. You suck. Oh, see, I know it's not legit when I complain. I'm like, I'm sorry. Room temperature means I can put my finger in the tomato juice and I don't notice.

And I'm noticing that. That should be allowed. At Starbucks. Now my finger was in this one so I want to be one. Oh my God. You're already dead. Thanks for joining us guys. Thanks for having us.

Hey, thanks for having us, man. ["The Star-Spangled Banner"] guys. Thanks for having us. Hey, thanks for having us, man. So I want to thank Noah, Heath, and Eli. Thank you so much for joining us for Vulgarity for Charity. There'll be another one or two more of these coming out soon. I don't know exactly when, but there's still some roasts that need to be done. So if you haven't heard yours yet, don't worry. We're still getting to some of them that are, uh, that have been on the backlog. So don't worry, we're going to get to them all, but we have a couple more roast shows to go. All right. That's going to wrap it up for this week. We're going to have a long form show this Thursday coming out. And if you're a patron, Tom was going to read

three full articles this Tuesday. Those should be available for patrons, but we're going to have a long form on Thursday. Come back then and we'll catch you next Monday. We're gonna leave you like we always do with the Skeptics Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble,

pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, Stereogram, Pyramidal, Free Energy, Healing, Water, Downward, Spiral, Brain Dead, Pan, Sales Pitch, Late Night Info, Docutainment, Leo Pisces, Cancer Cures, Detox, Reflex, Foot Massage, Death in Towers, Tarot Cards, Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, Nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata, nonsense. The opinions and information provided on this podcast are intended for entertainment purposes only.

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