Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 770: Rudy's Coffee, George Santos Fundraising Flop

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond. This is cognitive dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way, we bring critical thinking, skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big or makes us mad.

It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat. Today is Thursday, June the 6th. Then it is our funny show. It is a little levity show. It's a little levity. We're not being as serious on and the first one I got a call up Tom. The very first one.

Okay. Easy mistake to make Cecil this from the BBC and there's a picture. Easy mistake to make. Cecil, this is from the BBC and there's a picture, easy mistake to make. Airline keeps mistaking 101 year old woman for baby. Can I just say real quick, that is a great looking 101. That is a great looking 101. 101, if I'm a 101, I'm a puddle. I'm a literal, I'm a fucking, I'm a kebab. 101? I'll just be like the fucking thing that like, Bart Simpson conjures up just like hiccups kill me,

hiccup kill me, hiccup kill me. Like I can't, do you want to hit 101? I don't know. I mean, it depends on how together I am. If I am able to fly and be happy that they thought I was a baby because their fucking computer is like Y2K, then yeah, I guess that's fine.

I'd be fine with 101, but if I'm like how I think I would be, no, I don't wanna be. I just think I'm like, I'm 46, I wake up feeling like this. I'm like, 101? Yeah, 101 feels like a long time. No, man.

I'd just be like, you know what? I didn't have that great a time anyway. Yeah, I'm okay. I'm good. I'm good. It was fine. How was it? I was being like, it was fine.

It was fine, okay? It wasn't that great. So this is seriously a Y2K problem. It's a Y2K problem, yeah. I, do you remember the Y2K? We're old. I do, I do. The Y2K problem. It's a Y2K problem, yeah. I, do you remember the Y2K, we're old. I do, I do. The Y2K scare. I remember there was, there was like DVD videos out

about how you can- I had one. DVD proof, or Y2K proof your home. There was documentaries that were released about how it's gonna fucking, planes are gonna fall out of the fucking sky. It was, there was all these people who were just like, dude, Y2K bro, it's gonna be the worst thing

that has ever happened to humanity. And then. Literally nothing. I mean, from what I heard, there was like a push of people behind the scenes who did a lot of work to like make sure nothing happened, but we just handled it. Yeah, like it's funny because on the one side,

it's like, well, nothing happened. It's like, there's an enormous like team of thousands of IT people who were busily making sure nothing bad happened. And like, we're just like, nothing happened. And it's like, there's some fucking guys. It's like coded until my fingers blend. It's computer vaccines. Right. Yeah. We didn't know about it. And we didn't feel its effects. So we don't think it's effective. Didn't even happen. Didn't even happen, bro. God, I worked at Circuit City in 1999.

Which is a great place to work for Y2K. And like, we had all these, we had a whole section of Y2K DVDs, preparedness DVDs. Amazing. Because people come in and buy them up and like, you know, like, and so, but the best part was after. How much you make off a single DVD. I didn't make any DVDs and CDs weren't commissioned.

What? Yeah. No, no money. So I never went over there. Like if somebody was like, if somebody was like, I need help. That was the best. That was literally the best. He's like, if it doesn't make me a dollar, I'll never do it.

I don't even give a fuck. I will shit on the DVD. I will take it out. I'll put put on the ground and I will squat I'm not even calling someone else they would have people that worked in that department so be like hey can you help me no I can't help you I'm not getting paid an hourly rate I get paid it not an hourly rate yeah so if I don't sell something I'm not getting paid to be here. Did you ever barter with them? Be like, if you buy a subwoofer, I'll help you find that Shania Twain CD.

Paid, motherfucker! I'll tell you what, that Cypress Hill CD I help you find will sound amazing with this new subwoofer. Let's pop it in over here and let's hear how it's supposed to sound. Oh, does it sound like this at home? No? Put a couple hundred bucks in my pocket good But like I worked there so the day after y2k I came in and all that shit was on clearance for like Because I thought they were like nothing there was just like a quarter. It's like two days ago. They're like 20 bucks now They're like a quarter. They were like

After the so-called not apocalypse apocalypse I fucking love prepper shit dude, I Genuinely, did you ever watch the doomsday preppers? I never watch that show, no. I fucking love that show. There's something wrong with those people. There is! It's fascinating. The best part of that show, Cecil. Putting weird people on television isn't... It's not your thing.

It's not. I am fascinated with prepping. There's a part of me that's very sympathetic to prepping. And then there's the part of me that's like, but I don't want to live through it. There's like 80% of me that's like, I I don't want to live through it. I there's a, there's like 80% of me that's like, I should, I should get some canned goods. I should get, I should build a bunker. And I'm just like, but if it happens, I don't want my bunker full of stuff.

Like what I want is like enough heroin to kill my family. Like that's what I actually want. You know? But like, so like my bunker would be like, yeah, there's enough black tar to kill the family, but we all go to sleep. But like, so like my bunker would be like, yeah, here's enough black tar to kill the family, but we all go to sleep. But I do kind of like, I'm super sympathetic to that,

like desire to be that level of independent. Now we talked about toxic independence on the last show. I like, there's something about that that's weirdly appealing to me and I kind of get it. But the craziest and most interesting part of that show was the beginning of the show, they'd be like, all right, this is the Jones family. And they afraid that there's going to be a super flu. And like everybody was afraid of a different apocalypse.

Oh, like, so there's like a person who doesn't want an EMP blast. Yes. There's a person who thinks there's going to be a bad solar flare. Every episode was different. And it was actually fascinating. They'd interview these people and some of them were off their nut. Some of them didn't feel off their nut and they'd be like, yeah, you know, like I did this reading and this thing and there's a high probability of this. Like it could be mutating. Is there someone who beloved them all though?

Is there one person who's like the super, the super believer, super prepper who thought, you know what? I'm going to have to not only be ready for this solar flare, but after the solar flare, I'll need to be ready for the EMP burst and then I'll need to be ready for the disease. Yeah, right. I think it's going to happen in the following order. It's like a fucking series of unfortunate events. It's like a Rube Goldberg apocalypse.

It's like the pestilence shoe kicks the fucking bowling ball of nuclear weapons that like runs and tips over the candle of pestilence or whatever. And then you fall into the bear trap of zombies. That was always the most fascinating part of that show for me. It was what the people were fixated on. Sure, sure. And then they'd be like, and there's all my stockpile of guns. You got a lot of guns, bro. But the other thing is different people too.

Some people would be like gun nuts. You're like, well, that's pretty typical. It's boring. And then people are be like gun nuts. You're like, well, that's pretty typical. It's boring. Right. People are bullet per vest nuts. Some people be like, yeah, like I swear to spend all of our time learning how to use like twigs and leaves to like make our own medicine and shit. And you're like, okay, I don't think that's going to work. First of all, like, oh, probably not.

I don't think you're fucking like Oak leaf tincture is going to do anything. But I'm also like, I kind of respect that. Like, it's like, they're just like, well, I just want to fix some shit. And I'm like, I like yours. I might come find you. The other guys will shoot me. I'm gonna come find you.

I don't want to go see the guys with all the guns. If I have to live through this, I'm going to the fucking hippies. Like I'm gonna find the hippies and not the right wingers. I want to say that the way this lady found out, this 101 year old lady found out, was because they put their name in the system, there's an error that says it's a one year old,

not 101 year old. And the airline sees it's a one year old, and they immediately think, oh, we're gonna need like a booster seat. So they have a little baby stroller type thing, they're gonna get ready to bring the baby from the out. And it's a walking 101. I wonder if she still took advantage of those things.

That would be awesome. You need to carry me in and then you need to burp me. I'm cuddling. And then you need to put me to sleep. Who is going to cuddle me on this flight? Oh my God, it's so amazing. Hold me. Just hold me the whole time in the middle Isn't that what you've earned at a high gas, you know, yeah

I don't want like I feel like we get to regress all the way back across Yeah, like we get whatever we want a hundred up after when you hit three digits You can do whatever I think you should be able to rob a bank I don't I think the laws should not apply to you at a hundred. What are you going to do? I don't know. Just do whatever you want. Whatever you want to do.

How much damage can you really get up to? Right? You can't go very high speeds. Right. That's what I mean. Like you're not going to like fuck shit up that bad. I just think you should be able to rob a bank like a Wells Fargo, not one that matters. This story comes from my son coast.com man snags $14,000 Cartier earrings for $14 after website price glitch report says they tried not to honor it.

Yeah. They, they initially send him a message and they said, how about a really nice bottle of champagne? And then he just, he had this sob story because he posted to Twitter afterward or TikTok afterward to basically say, oh man, nothing ever goes right in my life. And I think they got shamed into honoring the deal. And so he got two, because he ordered two when he saw that they were that cheap

and they were that big, that big a diamond or whatever. I think it's a diamond. Yeah, they were talking about carrots. So it must've been some sort of stone. And he said, well, I saw it that big. I immediately, they had left a couple of zeros off the thing. And so he immediately bought them and then he had them. They gave them to him.

So they did eventually honor it. And he got the two different types of earrings. And I think he was smart to only buy two. I think that if he had gone to court, he might have actually won. I think you have to honor prices. I don't think because it could be bait and switch type stuff. But I also think that if you were like, yeah, I bought a thousand of them, they'd be like, get the fuck.

You knew and you were cheating the system. So I think buying one or two is actually the smart move. So if I ever see this, I'm going one or two. Yeah, one or two. That Cartier shit. Like, you get Cartier anything. Like I looked online one time, because I don't know, I followed a link. Like you get like a gold bracelet that doesn't even have a stone in it. And it could be like six or seven grand, eight grand. It's just a gold bracelet, man. It's because it says Cartier on it. Yeah. I just want to say like the reason why those are that expensive is not because of what they're made out of

we all just agree that that stuff is expensive but it's not it's not it's not and then we like add extra to some we take them it's not actually that expensive we're like it's extra it's not only the most precious thing it's also extra precious because I put my name because it came in a box if it came in a box That's super nice. Then it's like uber triply expensive double plus Yeah, I I feel lucky because my wife loves costume jewelry and I'm like, that's great. That's great. It's like it does It's not anything dude. Holy shit. Have you are you familiar with the luxury brand Balenciaga? I know of them because they rap about them all the time. So they're

straight just trolling rich people now. That stuff looks so ugly dude. Have you seen the it looks so ugly. Have you seen the tape bracelet the adhesive tape the packing tape bracelet. I haven't seen it. Do me a favor I want you to google Balenciaga tapeelet packing tape bracelet, and I want you to see this 4,400 dollar Balenciaga tape bracelet It's fucking actual packing tape see so for real that just says Balenciaga inside it and it's $4,400 They're just truly rich hundred. Oh 33 knocks. I. Oh $3300. They knocked the price down Tom. Next week it's going to be $2200.

Oh, well, you can't afford nuts. It's on clearance. You'll get it for $1100. This shit is fucking bonkers. They've got like. Yeah, man. That's just a troll thing at this point. Cause if you look at the stuff that, cause a lot of NBA guys and a lot of rap

songs I have it in there yeah but you know I watched the NBA and I listen to rap so I know about the brand but I've never the only time I've ever seen it is because when people are on the side of the court they're wearing a Balenciaga like hoodie or maybe a sweatshirt and it's torn up and it looks terrible terrible I I mean, legitimately terrible. Don't get me wrong, styles change all the time. And I'm a fuddy duddy old man. I don't know what's hot and what's not, right? But for my eyes, it just doesn't look like anything.

It looks like, if it reminds me of Kanye West's brand, which is also stuff that just looks like, it's like a white t-shirt and it's just a Yeezy t-shirt that's, you know, hundreds of thousands of dollars. Balenciaga is my new favorite brand in the world because I have come to the conclusion that they've got to just be trolling rich people. They have a bag, a Cecil, like a designer bag that looks exactly like a black plastic garbage bag. I saw this. Yeah. And it's called the garbage bag. I saw this.

Yeah, it looks like a black plastic garbage bag. And it's called the garbage bag. They've got bags that look like Aldi grocery bags. It looks exactly like an Aldi grocery bag with berries on it and shit. Like the reusable Aldi bag. But then it's just this blonde siagga and it's thousands of dollars. I kind of think there's somebody over there is like, let's see what these idiots will buy.

No, I don't disagree. And I love it. I love them for it. The story comes from whdh.com. This is Boston channel. Vehicle drives through Fenway Park gate crashes into forklift. You can't put that fucking thing on Harvard Yard. Okay.

What I love is that this, this is real life Grand Theft Auto. For real. This is what this is. This person is driving around Fenway multiple times, got in multiple accidents. Police are chasing them on foot, running around because Fenway is in the middle of the city and so they're driving around it. They finally see their opening and they were going to go onto the field at Fenway park. And as they're going, the cops said, stop them. And this guy in,

you know, some dock worker on a, on a, on a fork truck backs the car up, backs the fork truck right up into them. And you are not moving. A fork lift? Not moving at all. Like the amount of weight in those things, you're not moving. I basically pinned it up against the wall and then I eventually lifted it up off the ground. I know that's the best part. They lifted the car.

They just lifted the car. They poked it and lifted it. That's the best. It's such a great story. That's so, like they just drove around bumper cars and around Boston, which having driven through Boston is probably the safest way to drive in Boston. I drove through Boston twice on my way out to Maine. We flew into Boston and got a car, and then we went to Maine, and then we came back and stayed in Boston for a couple of days, and I dropped the car off. And we just sort of walked around Boston,

because Boston's a very walkable city. It's very small. But that city is very, it's that there's a lot of weird underground stuff going on. And unless you really have a pretty good idea where you're going, out of towners, I think probably struggle there pretty badly. It's like getting stuck on lower Whacker in Chicago, where you just, you don't have GPS and you can't know what's happening.

And even with GPS, sometimes you don't know what's happening. It's very confusing. Lower Whacker has been disbanded. If you're using your phone, you can't know what's happening. And even with GPS, sometimes you don't know what's happening. It's very confusing. Lower Whacker is being disbanded. If you're using your phone, you can lose signal. Yeah. And you could just miss your turn and just travel. Super easy. And Lower Whacker is somebody who doesn't drive it often,

that's me, is like, whenever I see the directions, like, I ain't going to Lower Whacker, I'm like, fuck my life. Yeah, I always, even as a Chicagoan, I lived blocks from the entryway to Lower Whacker, I almost never used it. I fucking hate it. Yeah, I didn, even as a Chicagoan, I lived blocks from the entryway to Lower Wacker. I almost never used it. I fucking hate it. Yeah, I didn't like it.

I hate it. It's great. And during rush hour, because everybody's up top. Sure. But it sucks every other time of the day. But like Boston also having, because we have a very good friend. I flew out to Boston. He bought a car.

I flew to Boston and met him in Boston. He bought a car and then we road tripped home. So I road tripped home with him and his wife. It was a really fun, like long weekend. And so he drove through Boston. And the other thing we noticed is everybody double or even sometimes triple parks. Triple, how does anybody ever leave Boston?

Everybody's blocked in everywhere you go. I gotta say though, one of my favorite cities I visited. I loved it. I thought it was amazing. I was only there overnight, so I didn't get much time. I was there for like four days and I fucking loved it. I thought it was great. Great food. Really walkable city. Really beautiful downtown.

We saw a ton of shit while we were there. Went on a bunch of different types of attractions and museums and whatnot. And just had an absolute blast. And the people there were nice and the food was great. Better pizza than, than New York. I can see why New York's jealous of Boston. Why they don't like Boston. I can see why they're jealous. How was the trash situation? The trash, you know what? It was clean. It was clean. I didn't see any trash on the streets. What about the molasses situation? Molasses situation on certain streets, probably pretty sticky.

All right guys, this story comes from international business times. Self-driving Tesla nearly hits oncoming train, raises new concern on car safety. There's more than one story of the fucking Teslas in full self-driving mode. Do you want to watch it almost hit the train? Oh yeah, there's the video. I didn't see the video. So here we go. Dude, that's terrifying. This is scary to watch. Okay, so as we look at this, I believe that the sound is, there is no sound, because this is a Tesla car. So it's a camera that has no sound. It looks like it's a hazy morning or a hazy night. And so there's fog.

So I'm going to play this. You see the car coming around. It's on full self-driving mode. There is a train. Plenty of time to stop if you're a human being. But the person has to grab the wheel at the last second and turn the car off the road. It breaks through the gate and it lands on the gravel next to the train. Fucking hell, man.

But it's moving quickly. It's moving at the speed at which the car would normally go on that road. But if you're a human and you could see, there's plenty of time to stop. Even with the mist, there's plenty of time to stop. Even with the mist, there's plenty of time to stop. I hate that they have this thing called full self-driving that we talked about before. It's different than autopilot, right? Full self-driving is the upgraded version.

And even they say it's not full self-driving. And you say, well, then why did you fucking name it that, man? Call it something else. Tesla keeps comingdriving and you say, well, then why did you fucking name it that man? Call it something else. Tesla, Tesla keeps coming out and being like, well, you know, it's not supposed to be, they hedge all this shit, but like it matters what you name things. If you named it like close your eyes and take a nap drive mode. And then you're like, but you're supposed to be awake with your hands on the wheel. But why did you name it the other thing that self-evidently describes something it doesn't

do? It's so stupid. It's so stupid. Fuck. This is, this is a, you know, we're, we're seeing stories like this and, and genuinely this person, you know, I would never trust the thing to do that. No, never, no, never, never. But, and, and, but the person let their car basically drive and then they probably were, maybe they were booking somewhere else

or not paying attention. And then. You engage this mode so you don't have to pay as much attention. That's why you would engage this mode. Until the technology is way more perfect than it is, I would never even engage it. Whether you're looking to build a website

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and I don't like using it on anything other than the expressway. In really good weather. Like if the weather's perfect, I'll turn on on the expressway. I know other people have the same car and they'll turn it on on side streets. Like, and no way, it breaks way too hard,

way too close to the other cars. I fucking hate it. It scares me. Like they don't start breaking. That car doesn't start breaking until way closer than I would hate it. It scares me like they don't start breaking that that car doesn't start breaking until Way closer than I would be breaking I break smooth way ahead of time come to a gentle rolling stop like Feels terrible. It's scary. I tried it once or twice. I'm like no that just never That's I would never use it at a slow speed

I think and the and the good ones have the ability to make your space cushion bigger. Yeah, mine does that. I can choose my space cushion. And so that's great. I love that. I like to keep that nice big space cushion, so just in case. But I've done that on some rental cars that I've had. I don't have it on my car. I just have only like old school cruise control. But I've done on some rental cars and it actually is really awesome, I think, to have that available to you. But you know it's is really awesome. I think to have that available to you, but you know, it's just the machine and you are still in control and your hands are still there.

And my foot is literally right next to where it needs to be to break all the time, the entire time I'm driving. You've got like these, these cars are not, they're not driving themselves yet. They're just not doing it. Not yet. This story comes from ABC action news.com United States Postal Service suspends mail delivery to citrus County neighborhood with sand pit streets This is what our parents warned us about when they talked about like quicksand This is what they were warning us. This is like we lived our whole lives in fear of like that the sand and the downed power line

It's like we lived our whole lives in fear of like the sand and the downed power lines. You don't want to get stuck in this town because you probably do have downed power lines and it's all sand. Evidently, this whole city never really made roads and then the roads that they had just sort of dug up and dug up and eventually it's just all sand and it's just now they're literally undrivable. Yeah, like the postal service is like neither rain nor snow nor dark of night, but fuck that. Sand trap. Manchurian County, fuck you.

They said like, basically they built this town and they didn't do any erosion control whatsoever. So they built the town, it's on a sandy soil with no erosion control. And so like everything eroded. And so now you're just living in a sand hell hole. That's where you're at. You're just, you're basically like,

you have our houses on the beach surrounded by more beach. We'll call this up. I'll put this in, I'm gonna open this up. Look at that Cecil. That's building a house on a fucking sand dune. I wanna put this in the big screen. It's hard to, I can't really zoom in on it. So you'll just have to, but look at that fucking house.

You're in the middle. You genuinely are on a sand dune. It's like you're on a sand dune. I would, can you imagine how fucking furious you would be? What do you, how do you get anywhere? I get mad. I get mad when I have to go to the store and there is three inches of snow on the ground.

Could you imagine if there's nine inches of sand? Dude, that would be in your ass crack all the time your whole life would be sandy I am NOT a beach guy. Me either. I like the ocean Like I like to go someplace where the ocean is visible and I like to be in a pool looking at it That's how I like the ocean the ocean is something I like to look at from something chlorinated and unsandied. That's my favorite I'm like look at that ocean. Look at it over there. Great looking ocean. That's a beautiful looking ocean.

That is a great looking ocean. Hey, can you turn the bubbles on in here? I would like more bubbles on my back. And I'll take another my time. Thank you very much. Hey, does anything in here bite or sting? No? Awesome.

Great, amazing. Awesome, how much sand is here? Can you bring your Bluetooth speaker over here for me? Perfect. Perfect. The ocean is for looking at. I'm not gonna want to sit on the beach and get sand in my fucking dick hole or whatever. Kind of fun vacation nonsense people are trying to pretend they have. Poor Tom's spending half his vacation trying to get the sand out of his dick.

Hahaha! Give me a flosser! I hate this! Now I'm going to use the pick part. Jesus Christ. I thought I was going to love the ocean. I thought I was going to love sandy beaches. It looks amazing. It is.

It looks so great. And then like as an adult, I was like, oh man, I've been in the ocean since I was like a little kid and I went to the ocean. I'm like, I don't like this. It's not for me. Every time I, so I've been to the ocean many times, but in Chicago, they import sand, and then they pour that sand along our coastline

from Lake Michigan, right? So in Chicago, there's multiple beaches that have to import sand every year. They also import some palm trees that die every year. They put palm trees up? Big ass ones too, big, big, big palm trees. I didn't know this. Yeah, they bring in big palm trees and they put them up.

They die every year, cause you can't, you know, maybe they might wrap them up and put them in like a sauna for this winter, I don't know, but I don't think so. That would be so fucking funny. But they're big, but I don't think so. I think- That would be so fucking funny. But they're big, man. There's a big like full ass grown fucking palm trees that I've seen there before.

But in any case, they dump a bunch of sand from somewhere else there. And there's a lake there that you can go swimming in with a sand beach. And I've been in that lake a couple of times. The difficulty is that it's Lake Michigan. And Lake Michigan is cold as fuck until about maybe the middle of July, right? It gets cold as fuck. But the lake

does this weird thing where I guess the water turns over in some weird way. So it gets colder as the year goes on. So the cold water, I don't know why there's some sort of current that makes some cold water come up. And then, so it never really gets, it's always the Polar Bear Club. Every time you jump in the water there, it's fucking 15 degrees. It feels like you're frozen. And every single time I've been swimming,

every single time I've gotten sick. I've gotten like sick, sick where I've left and I've felt ill afterwards and I just didn't want to do it. To be sick for three or four days afterwards. That's not hard pass. Plus like Lake Michigan is so huge that there's rip currents and shit.

Yeah, you don't want to swim down too far there. And I remember, and they'll like, cause I remember when I was a kid, I was living in Chicago. We went to the park district day camp and we would take these field trips and once a week or once every other week, they would drive into the Oak Street Beach,

and we'd go to the Oak Street Beach, and so I'm in like, you know, second, third, fourth grade, something like that, and like a big bus full of us assholes. We show up, and there's chaperones and lifeguards and all that shit, and like, you go out on the beach, and the water is fucking, if it's, if that water's 65 degrees, you're in, that's a great day.

It's so cold. It's as cold as when you just fill up your pool for the summer. Yeah, it's like if this was your bathtub, you wouldn't get in it. Yeah, you would never get in it. But I was a little kid, so little kids don't care about the cold water, like it's exciting.

So I would go in and I remember one time, I'm in the water and I'm a little kid, I'm like eight, nine years old, and I'm a little kid, I'm like, you know, eight, nine years old and I feel like the current on my feet. And every time I try to like lift my feet up, like it feels like I'm gonna get my foot swept out. So I felt like I was stuck, like I couldn't move. And then the lifeguard like blows this thing,

everybody out of the water. Cause there's like a current, they put up like a flag. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I couldn't move. And the fucking lifeguard had to like boat his little rowboat over me. Yeah, his little rowboat. And pick me up out of the water. Cause I was, he's like, you, but I couldn't move and the fucking lifeguard had to like boat his little robot I had a little robot and pick me up out of the water cuz I was he's like you gotta get out of the water I'm like I can't move and he's like alright

And he like boat his little rowboat over to me and just like scoop my fucking like eight-year-old ass into the box You didn't get the Pamela Anderson one I know you know what I mean like of all the ones of all the lifeguards to get very not Baywatch Ah, very not blue. Oh, I have a quick Baywatch story, too on our TV at home we have like a Samsung TV or whatever and Like whenever we turn the TV on it automatically goes to whether whatever you wanted to it automatically goes to Baywatch There's a Baywatch channel that only plays Baywatch and for some reason it's the default channel when you turn the TV on. So every time

you turn the TV on it's Baywatch. Do you have a young boy in your house? We have a lot of young boys in the house. So maybe there's a reason why it goes to the Baywatch channel. There's a reason why I used to take the GC penny catalog. You know, if I squint at the scramble channel, just right, I think I can see a, I see a booby in there. Is that a booby or maybe it's a crisis. I can't, I can't tell. This story comes from a AP news. George Santos ends comeback bid for Congress after raising no money.

Not a dollar guys, too bad bro. Not a dollar. Well the best part is you know he lost money. He lost money because he had to put in his own money in order to like do an email campaign and maybe some other stuff. So he lost money on this. His sweet sweet cameo money. So good. own money in order to like do an email campaign and maybe some other stuff. So he lost money on this.

His sweet, sweet cameo money. So good. Oh, oh, his cameo money is even better. So here's, here's another story time. Yeah. This is from radar online. George Santos reviving drag persona Katara revache to hawk videos for $350 a pop of him dressed as a woman.

There we go. I'm going to share the picture of Katara. Let's see if they have that picture here somewhere. There's a video of George Santos as a drag queen. As a drag queen. Which he denied doing when he was in Congress. What I will say though is $350 or whatever, it's expensive for you to get this.

I will say, this is at least a came. It's, it's, it's expensive for you to get this. I will say this is at least a cameo that's worth it. Cause you're going to make them do something other than just look in the camera and say happy birthday or whatever. At least this person's got to get dressed. They've got to, they've got to get, they've got to get dressed up here. I will say though, that's a, that's a, that's the only, it's, it's a worthwhile endeavor. At least the person has to go get on an outfit. They got to put on makeup. They've got to, they got to do something.

You go get Rudy Giuliani to give you, he's just going to be, you know, sitting there at his birthday party with, you know, the shit leaking out of his head or whatever. Get a hair grease dripping in his eyes. He's going to say, happy birthday. And then he's going to do a shitty job and then you're gonna pay a thousand dollars for it or whatever. I know. Like the only good thing about that is that the ladies in Georgia get that money.

It's true. Maybe we should all fund his fucking cameo bullshit. Everybody just gives him the cameo stuff so they can all go to like Ruby. So Ruby Freeman can get some money. Speaking of Rudy, I gotta put this one on the big screen too. From the independent America runs on Rudy. Rudy is the runs. Bankrupt mayor launches bizarre coffee venture as he's crippled by $148 million debt.

So it's Rudy Giuliani and coffee, who cares what he's talking. He's gonna hawk whatever he can to make some money. But I just wanna show the picture of this, right? The only reason I wanna show this is so I could show you the pictures because this reminds me of those Trump NFTs. It, this is all the same. I was reading these stories and I was talking to Haley

and I'm like, all these assholes are just selling grift shit now. They're just slapping their dumb faces with the same exact iconography on whatever they think gullible chuckleheads will buy. Whether it's sneakers or Bibles or coffee, like holy shit, holy shit. We're also to a place, like I just watched this like P-Diddy documentary the other day, where I kind of have the opinion

that if somebody launches a shoe line, we should look sideways at them. We should definitely do an investigation, call the FBI. You launch a shoe line, it's like, I'm not saying for sure, but I'm saying like, you can't come over to my house. You can't come over anymore. Anyone with their own shoe line, I'm like, I don't trust you, man.

What I love is Rudy Giuliani's one on the left, the bold coffee in the morning, because this is a 50 year photo, 50 year old photo. Oh yeah. 45 year old photo. He hasn't looked like that. He hasn't looked like any of these pictures. He hasn't had hair in that long.

You know, this is him as the up and coming DA or whatever, He hasn't looked like that. He hasn't looked like any of these pictures. He hasn't had hair in that long. That's true. You know, this is him as the up and coming DA or whatever, or prosecuting attorney for all the Rico cases. And he found this old photo of him. And it's, you know, what it is is, them trying to get money off their brand in any way that they can. Oh yeah. They're just trying to milk that brand

for whatever they can. They're milking right wingers, right? Who want to support all the stop the steal guys. The other picture that I think is worth looking at is the middle one. Because it has Rudy sitting on a beach and it says enjoying life. And I read that and I'm like, are you Rudy?

Are you? Because it looks like you're selling coffee. Yeah, which condo are you selling on that photo? Because it looks like you're a hundred and fifty million dollars in debt selling fucking coffee online. And I just want to say all the bad shit that happens through to Giuliani, good. Yes. Fuck that guy. The stuff that he said when he was talking about those two election workers in Georgia, the shit that that man said about those women, that obviously racist stuff that he had to say was grotesque and awful and was taken up by all those shitty racist people that follow him that

eat that shit up. And they use that as a way to make their lives hell. So fuck every anything that happens to him is too good for him. Absolutely. Look, I want to be clear so that I don't get anybody knocking on my door. I do not suggest that anybody sick a baboon on Rudy Giuliani. That would be wrong. Sure.

But I am saying that if Rudy Giuliani, if somehow he ran into a baboon and it ate his fucking face in slow motion, I would chuckle off to that video. Baboons are, this tastes like bold roasts. This is delicious. Is this mayor? Are you a mayor?

Were you a DA? You have an earthy DA flavor. It's more Rudy. There's always Rudy town. This is a great, this is from the intelligence or Rudy Giuliani forgets to turn off microphone while going to the bathroom. Do you remember when he dialed like the press? Yeah.

Remember when he like, he's like, Oh, you know, I'm a cybersecurity expert. Really good. Cybersecurity is kind of my thing. I but dialed the press and had a whole conversation. You guys got to listen in on. Then he like, he's on a fucking zoom call or whatever for an arraignment, his own arraignment. He doesn't turn off the call and he starts pissing.

Pissing. And he's making a sound like, aw. Like it's like a kidney stone sound. He's old man pissing. Right where his prostate's all swollen, he's trying to get out a drop. I also, I always think that this needs to be said. He also mistook the Four Seasons

for Four Seasons total landscaping. Where he... He... He... He... He... He... I think it's important to always mention

that Rudy Giuliani was standing at a podium outside of Four Seasons Total Landscaping as if it wasn't a mistake. Like he's just, he's standing there with a whole eclair on the side of his face and then they ask him about it and he says no I put that on this morning when I left the house. This is purposeful.

This is a purposeful eclair on the side of my face. Next to the adult bookstore and the crematorium. Call it up. Let's look at it again. Okay, no, you're not wrong. We need to look at Rudy Giuliani out in front of the forest. I love that he fucking made that mistake and he's like, lean into it, boys.

Let's not reschedule let's lean into it like a bag of assholes And nobody's like this isn't the This is it oh God The staffer who fucking got it is probably just sitting in the back with the whole head and hands. Just fuck, I fucked this up so bad. Oh my god. I love that not only did they lean into it, right?

Not only did Four Seasons, not only did like Rudy, but Four Seasons Total Landscaping also leaned into it. Yes. Right? So Four Se four seasons total landscaping. And what I love to my favorite part is, you know, what they did was they posted all these Trump posters on the, on the fucking door. So there's a garage door where they posted alternating blue and red Trump posters. And then they put a podium and they were hoping for a tight shot. so a tight shot of Rudy with a bust would just get the

posters but everybody's like wide angle click so they could show this terrible wall all these people could you imagine being the security guy and just looking around and thinking why am I fucking Four Seasons total landscape

in November we might hire the guy who hired this guy right we might be like yeah remember that remember how great that was remember how great it was to have somebody so incompetent that he picked a fucking landscape to give a speech do Do you remember this? God, if it wasn't so dangerous, it would be hilarious. God, it's so fucking- it makes me want to press my head until I get to the other universe. Like, I want to be like, take me to the other universe.

I deserve to be in the other universe. Dude, it makes me want to press my head until my hands meet. And if it was Rudy, that'd be no problem because it's soft. I mean, it's just so soft. You'd be able to just be like, Rudy, let me just give you a hug, and you could hug him, and you could just, your arms could just meet. I guarantee it. No resistance. He's like one of those things, like those rooms that are made out of cake, like Rudy's made out of cake. Like Rudy, if you walked up to him and cut part, you would not be surprised at all that Rudy Giuliani made out of cake like Rudy's made out of cake. Like Rudy, if you walked up to him and cut part, you would not be surprised at all that

Rudy Giuliani made out of cake. You'd be like, nope, that's a hundred percent tracks. Maybe he was leaking fondant. He's leaking chocolate, it's like a clear filling on the inside. Oh God. It's from the Washington Post. DeSantis is freedom summer means no rainbow lights for Florida bridges. He is blocking cities from using rainbow lighting on bridges for pride month and other events.

They have to be red, white and blue only. This is where your hard earned tax dollars are going to in Florida. If you're a Florida state resident, you're paying for your legislature to come to session to make a law so this guy could sign it into fucking law that makes it so they can't have colorful bridges. Well, they can have it's a freedom. It's freedom month or fucking freedom time or freedom tower, whatever the fuck freedom bald eagle bullshit. They can have red, white, blue. That's it. They can have red, white, and blue. That's it.

They can have red, white, and blue and it's gotta scream like an American eagle. It's gotta call or whatever. American eagles have a funny little chirp sound by the way. Like I just learned this a few weeks ago. They don't make like unintimidating. No, that's like a raptor sound or something. It's like a red tailed hawk.

Red tailed hawks are like, ah! And like bald eagles are like, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp. Like they have like a red-tailed hawk. Red-tailed hawks are like, GAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH And like, like bald eagles are like, Chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp, chirp. Like they have like a cute little happy sound. You know what I have to, it's like the really big guy at the gym they call Timonite with the high voice. Right, yeah. That can bench press your house and you're just like,

Yeah, no, don't be fucked with, nobody fucks with Tiny. Right, yep. Nobody fucks with Tiny. Jesus fucking shit. I can't believe we live in, and this is, Freedom Summer. What's crazy is he knows that this doesn't play anywhere else. Fucks with tiny Jesus fucking shit. I can't believe we live in and this is freedom What's crazy is he knows that this doesn't play anywhere else. He knows that this lost him The the chance of the presidency was this woke war. Yeah. Oh, yeah

This is this the thing is like all of the craziest crazies seem to have congregated in this sweltering humid fucking taint of America, which is Florida. And I kind of feel like, good, put them all in one place. Put them in a place that's one spot full of hurricanes. I am down. Cecil, I support the intentional, nobody should do this to you, but the intentional congregating of right-wing lunatics in a state known for like disease and malaria and hurricanes. And anacondas.

Right. And you know what? Like you guys don't wear masks. I don't want any of you guys wearing masks. It's a great idea. It's bowling for crazies basically. It is. It's fucking, it's like,

I think it makes you crazy to be in Florida. This is. Like you just, you got fucking encephalitis all the time This is this is so it's it's just so petty It's just so childish and petty and what it shows is is that you don't want to be the type of person who rules over Who governs over all people and treats all people equally you're you want to marginalize a group? That's already marginalized. That's what you want to do. And you want to make sure that everybody recognizes that the hardships that they go through, because

make no mistake, Pride Month is not about being proud of being gay, right? Nobody's proud of how their sexuality turned out because you didn't have any choice in how that works. So nobody's proud of that. They're proud of the hardships they have to go through to be gay in a world that doesn't appreciate that people can be different. It's really a lot about visibility.

Like Pride Month is very much about visibility and demanding to be recognized as fully human. I gotta read from this article because this is just so, like you read this stuff and it's so just like the opposite of reality that it makes you feel like a fucking crazy person. As Floridians prepare for freedom summer, Florida's bridges will follow suit eliminating in red, white and blue from Memorial Day through Labor Day. Thanks to the leadership of Governor Ron DeSantis, Florida continues to be the freest state in the nation.

How the fuck are you the freest state when you are like regulating the colors of things? You're free to only do one thing. You're super free. You can only do the thing that we tell you to do. That's the freest. It's so funny because that is a hundred percent big government reaching into deciding whether or not you know because because this is deciding whether or not, you know, because, because this is deciding whether or not communities make this decision for their guys in their area. These are communities that could be full of gay and lesbian and transsexual. And they certainly are. Yeah. And they want to appreciate that those people go through a struggle and they want to put those lights up to, to let those, the citizens in their community, they, you know, the state

is in its own thing. It's a whole bunch of communities that make the state, just like a whole bunch of states make the union, right? They don't appreciate that. They want to make sure that the whole state does what this guy wants. And then nobody outside this, he's making a little fiefdom. Yep, that's exactly right. ["The Sceptic's Creed"]

All right, let's get a wrap it up for our funny show. Be back Monday with a full show. We're gonna leave you like we always do with The Sceptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble,

pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram pyramidal, free energy healing, water downward spiral, brain deadpan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment. Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on!

Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on!

Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! Let's get nuts! Come on! giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, nuts, shaman healers,

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