Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 808: NSFW Traffic Signs and Lead Flavored Chocolate

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Get ready for Las Vegas style action at Bet MGM, the king of online casinos! Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous for when you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat, and Roulette. With our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games, and signature BetMGM service. There's no better way to bring the excitement and ambience of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today!

BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming

Ontario. This episode of cognitive dissonance is brought to you by our patrons you fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way, we bring critical thinking, skepticism and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political.

And there is no welcome mat. Today is Thursday. This is the date that you're listening to this. It's after Thanksgiving time. How was your Thanksgiving? We record two at once. Yeah, we're recording in the same day, the morning before Thanksgiving.

So we won't know how our Thanksgiving was. Hopefully my beef Wellington turned out amazing. I am going to assume I'll crush it. You love Thanksgiving though. I do, it's You love Thanksgiving though. I do. It's my very favorite holiday. I love Thanksgiving. For me, one, I love gratitude as a practice.

Like I really do love gratitude as an intentional practice. I actually like, I was on the phone on my way to the studio because I was calling somebody that I work with very closely and just expressing prior to Thanksgiving how thankful I was for their leadership. How wonderful. I think of gratitude as something that like should be an active conscious process in our lives. I love gratitude.

So I love Thanksgiving and I love like the no pressure feast day. There's not gifts. There's not even like really prescribed decorations. I don't have to like get a box out of the basement and put up a tchotchke. And there's not like a religious overtone. I mean there is in some ways, I guess you could. There is if you want it to be. But it doesn't have to be. Yeah, it doesn't have to be. Right? And I think, I know what's cool too is there's, I know there's a Thanksgiving in Canada. I'm curious if there's Thanksgiving's all over the world.

Yeah. I wonder if there's some version of a day to give thanks, like a version of like, yeah, I want, because I know Canada has their own. They have it in October. They have it in October. Which makes a little more sense. Yeah. October.

I wish man, of all the holidays I would move, I would pick Christmas up and I would move it to say, late February, late January. I would move it to like the 25th of January, I think would be a perfect place for Christmas. I think that would be, cause then you'd have Thanksgiving, roll into new year.

And then the, cause there's not a lot in January and February are kind of doldrum months. It's a long dark. It's a long, not a lot going on. And there's probably a better chance of snow. There's a better chance of it feeling more what we would consider quintessential Christmasy. That's true, yeah.

And you get a chance to sort of pluck a holiday out of a place where there's holidays after holidays after holidays, and you could put it in a different spot. That's a good idea. And have another two day weekend off because you get Christmas and New Year. At least I'm not saying everybody does

and I recognize a lot of people don't. But it also opens up that season of shopping so it's not like, because there seems like it's absolutely insane in stores between Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's insanity. I don't care what store it is. It's literally does not Christmas. It's insanity. Like I don't care what store it is. It literally does not matter.

It's overcrowded, right? If you open that up, it suddenly changes your perspective. Although I wonder if they would just move Black Friday to like January 1st, right? You would just move it up. Just shift it forward. Just shift it forward. And I think like it wouldn't compete with New Year's

because New Year's is not really a big holiday. I mean, it's a holiday like you go out, you maybe have dinner. Yeah. Or you go out to a party. Or you go out to a party. But it's not the same. It's not like a big feast day. It doesn't have the gifts.

It doesn't have the tchotchkes and the sort of like, you know, like there's a whole aesthetic that goes with Christmas. Sure, sure, yeah. I think that would be awesome. Do you know something that's always made me laugh about Christmas too is like, and I noticed this when we were like in Australia, like as we were in Australia in like November.

It was right after, it was right around Thanksgiving. Yeah. For us. Holiday stuff, yeah. Holiday stuff, Christmas holiday stuff in the tropics still has Western Santa with the fucking velour red coat. He's kind of fucking, he's wearing a lot of clothes. Like all the sort of like same stuff.

Yeah. Cause like I- Where do you move that sleigh? How do I move that sleigh down here? It makes me laugh that like all this like wintery stuff is embedded in the aesthetic. And like I've got a good friend of mine in the desert in California. And I've been like, I've seen his home in the aesthetic. And like I've got a good friend of mine in the desert in California.

And I've been, like I've seen his home in the Christmas time and it's all Christmasy like I think of like the Midwest. And I'm like, this, you've never had a snow ever, man. You're in Redlands, California. There's not, like you get one fucking drop of moisture every decade. I wanna stop you for a second. And I wanna envision with you.

Yeah. A sleigh pulled by kangaroo. Yes! Like the back end of it. Like, oh, fuck, you're riding that bitch. It's like a bucking grotto. How fucking amazing would it be to slay up a bunch of cranes, like put them in a reins or whatever, whatever they call that, and get them to just hop in. And I bet you too, because they're just probably crazy animals.

They would not hop in one direction. So they just bounce all over the place. It's pulling your thing all over. They have no idea what they're doing. How amazing would that be? There needs, somebody needs to make a fucking outback. I did a ride with kangaroos. I would watch, I like, man, it's murderous. Yeah. There's a zero percent chance this would go well. Someone is a hundred percent gonna get eaten by a crocodile.

We're gonna cross the outback. The thing is like the Australians would do it and be like, that was jolly good sport. Like they wouldn't give a shit. They'd say that's Tuesday. Yeah. It was fine. It was all, they could hook up their spiders in a fucking harness. They'd say that's Tuesday. Yeah. They'd be like, ah, it was fine.

They could hook up their spiders in a fucking harness. You kidding me? Big ass spiders dragging you around. If anything will fucking trip off your arachnophobia, it's Christmas spiders. You're like, on Huntsman, on Funnel Web. Like, I wouldn't whip one of those things. Are you kidding me? Turn around and eat my face.

It eats your face off. Jesus. It wraps the gifts in silk. Kangaroo takes your gift out of its pouch. It's all slimy. It's just ah, it's covered in fluid. Man, amazing. I'll still open it. Yeah, it's food. I'll still eat it. Yeah, absolutely. 100%. Kangaroo is delicious. Did you have kangaroo when you were in Australia? I didn't eat it when I was down there. No, I had kangaroo I was really good. It was like a lean beef. It was like yeah I thought I had I've had ostrich before I love that. I have ostrich in my freezer. I've had ostrich before but I never Had kangaroo before yeah, we I have ostrich in the freezer at home right now. I think ostrich is good Yeah, it's really good. This story is from Vice. Cops searching for vigilante

who installed NSFW traffic signs in Colorado. Boulder police are investigating the offensive traffic signs as criminal tampering. I just wanna say, I wanna put this one up. It's 45 miles an hour and it says, don't kill any kids today. Holy shit. But these ones are the slow the fuck down

is another sign that was there. And I think it's great. There was a sign for years. There was a sign outside of the outside the post office in Lockport, Illinois. So I grew up in Lockport, partly in Lockport, Illinois. And so for like, you know, a few of my formative years were spent in that downtown area. And they had a sign that was printed by the government that said, don't even think of parking here.

And I was like, I don't think you can enforce that. Cause I thought of parking there every time I would buy. You can't stop what I'm thinking. But I thought it was amazing. I was like, what a hilarious sign that is clearly made by the government. It's like, don't even think of parking here. Did you, when you were a teenager, steal street signs and stuff? I had a, so my friends did that.

I never did it. I always felt like a lot of work. I used to. I was like, I don't want to, I'm not going to go thieving with a ratchet. Like that's not going to happen. I'm not going to walk around my toolbox, j That's not gonna happen. I'm not gonna walk around my toolbox, jingling through the night, stealing a stop sign. You're a better man than I am.

You always have been. First of all, these signs would be delightfully easy to put up. Like my dad owned a sign company. Like these signs are just bolted into a post that's made to bolt them into. And that's just a reflective sticker on a piece of metal. Yeah, this is like, this is very cheap to make,

very cheap and fat. If it's even that, it could even be just like poster board or something too, I have no idea what it's made of. But even if it's like made of the same metal as street signs, like this is actually super easy to make and put up and you could put it up in 45 seconds, like with just a good screw gun. Like you could do this in no time at all.

So what I love is that they're gonna take these down and they'll just probably go back up again. Yeah, somebody's gonna 100% put them right back up. Why wouldn't they? When I was a teenager, my buddy and I, that we used to vandalize shit because we were teenagers and we were just fucking stupid. But one of the things we would do is put on a pair of gloves

and we'd shimmy our way up to a street sign, like a cross, like a, you know, South and Main type sign, where they cross over one another. And then you'd grab onto the lower sign and then just tilt your body weight. And then you tilt it back the other way. And you keep doing it, and you work the metal back and forth and back and forth.

And eventually the metal fatigue breaks the crossing off. And we would just take all the crossing signs for like a few blocks. And we thought we were just hilarious. And then we'd throw them in a river. Because we're fucking kids. So like, what are you gonna do? Like we were like, oh my God.

And then we'd take it home and we would get in trouble. So we're gonna do that. So we just stole street signs and threw them in a river. And the city was like, God, I gotta put another one up. That's $45 dude. Stop. That's more than that, cause, I got to put another one up. That's $45 dude. And stop more than that. Cause that guy got to hire a guy. You got to get it. You got to get the

city guy to go do it. Although you're keeping your dad in business. Yeah. Guys like my dad are like, keep breaking the signs son. I just think back to like just doing stupid shit. You have to sneak out of the house, but your dad was like quietly turning the other cheek because he knew you were going to go break signs. And that's good for the old bottom line. Pickleball gets fucking wild. Put this on the big screen so you can see this guy getting fucking tapped in the jaw with a foot. This is from abc.net.au discussing and completely unacceptable.

Headkick after pickleball tournament loss goes viral. Look, it's going to sound like I'm a violence apologetic and I am a little bit. I know. But like in this case, like the guy is a real bad winner. Yeah. Like the guy deserves to get kicked in the fucking jaw. He does not deserve to get kicked in the jaw.

But like if you watch the video, the guy wins the pickleball tournament and then they go to the net to do the exchanging of You won I lost right of gauntlets or whatever it is And he slaps the fucking racket out of the losers hand and then he has to reach down to pick it when he does the other Guy jacks him in the face right yeah, yeah, so like part of me is like you did fuck around You know maybe don't be a sore winner. Tick, tick, tick. And that is a real problem. Sore winning is actually a real problem.

Like gloating and things like that. I think that's really bad. I really like, I have competed for many years in my life when it comes to fencing. Yeah. So I've competed for many years in my life. Have you ever been, have you ever lost your cool while competing? I've done so little competing.

It doesn't even count. So I have, I have competed a lot over the years. Yeah. And I can count the times I've lost my cool. And one time we do this thing. It's a big event that happens every year. And I haven't been in a couple of years, but it's a thing called Pennsic.

And it's about, you know, it ranges in size, but let's just say 10,000 people show up to this campground in Pennsylvania. And it's actually a couple of miles from where Trump got shot, right? So or shot at and they missed him. But that that area over there in Pennsylvania is where it happens. And it's a week long event and they have different types of fighting. And I do what they call rapier combat.

So it's real steel swords that are blunted with blunted tips, with like like plastic tips on the end end and the swords themselves are blunt and you wear heavy clothing to make sure it doesn't hurt you when you get hit. And we were fencing mass or fencing like masks. You know, you're covering the heart, the soft bits of your body with hard pieces. So you have like your neck protection and grain protection and a mask. And then you go out and you fight and then they sometimes do these things where a bunch of people do it at the same time

Right, so there's like a huge war game where you know 400 people 200 on a side they blow a cannon off and then you fight right? That's great. And you do it in a way that like Where if I kill you you have to walk back and touch a hay bale and then you come back to life and during those Particular battles it's called the resurrection battle, it's not about like how many people you can kill, it's about holding a certain portion of the field, right? It's like a capture the flag type scenario.

And so during one of these big battles, during a capture the flag type scenario, I was walking up to a line, because sometimes lines of people form to fight, and they fight around these objects. And this line didn't have an end on it. So the line itself was, it didn't have an end. And so I was able to do what they call flank. So I was able to come alongside that line and be in that person's peripheral vision,

but they didn't see me. Right. Right. Yeah. And it's perfectly, it's perfectly legal for me to kill you within 180 degrees in front of you. That's perfectly legal. And I was with it. degrees in front of you. That's perfectly legal. So you can't stab someone in the back?

Yeah, you can't stab anybody in the back. There's rules behind it and I'm not going to get into the sort of specifics behind that. But you really should, if you're going to stab somebody at all, stab somebody. Like, you have to do it from the first 180, right? Okay. And so I have my sword and dagger and I run up to the line and I see this guy is not paying attention. He's clearly focused on the people across from him. And I walk up and I hit him in the side of the face.

Right. And I kill him. Tap him. Yeah. And I hit him at a regular level. Right. But I startled him, right? And he gets real mad and he throws his weapons down and he walks over to me and he grabs me with both hands on the lapels.

And he pulls me toward him. Now I was bullied a lot as a kid, right? So I was bullied. So I have an immediate reaction. I can't control myself. I flip my mask off and I grab his back of his tunic and I pull it up over his head. And I was pulling him down to knee him in the face.

I was, it was seriously within, I'm telling you, it was in no time. And I know I shouldn't be doing this, right? Like Cecil telling you right now, I should not be doing this. I could not control myself in the moment. As soon as he grabbed me, I was going to fight him. That was it. It was over.

There was a fight that was gonna happen. We were separated within seconds. We never threw a blow. I was going, I was a, I was 100% gonna knee him in the face until he was unconscious. But it was like, I grabbed him and then immediately, one dude was in between us and pushed us apart, he's a good friend of mine,

and he immediately pushed us apart. And then I had another guy run right up and just stand right in my face, he's like, cool down Cecil, cool down Cecil, cool down Cecil, because I was so fucking just, Tom, I was as hot as I have been in my adult life. I was that hot. And all he did was grab me.

All he did was touch me. I bet. But I did. At the same time though, we're good friends now. He and I are friends. Like I see him and I give him a big hug. Like we're friendly now. We're friendly now.

But in the heat of a moment like this, especially during competition, especially when you're doing something that's physical, like shit goes out of hand so fast. Well, part of it, I think, is just like you're in the middle of this like exercise, like your blood is up high. Yeah, yeah.

Like I don't like compete in any, I only ever, the only thing I ever did was a CrossFit competition a couple of times. But like I lost my temper. Like I do, I cycle on these bike trails and like, you know, I'm cruising along and like there's a, there's an etiquette to these trails and like, I'm yelling out ahead of time, like there's this guy and his two like adult or late teen sons and he's, they're covering the whole trail, the whole trail. And it's, it's fine. Like, but when somebody yells out like, Hey, you gotta move over. And I yell it like two or three times and they don't

move. They look back and they don't move. They like saw me and intentionally took up the whole space. So I had a slam on my brakes, almost fell off my bike, like almost. And like, I think just because my heart rate's already pumping, you're already in this moment. There's already a feeling of like, yeah, like, like your body. I think your body sometimes takes that exercise level to another level because it already thinks maybe you're afraid. Right. And I completely lost my temper and I've got a pretty solid, I got a pretty calm temper

and I completely lost it. And like if that guy hadn't walked away, he's got, I scared the shit out of me. Walked away very quickly with his kids. But if he had walked toward me, like I would have fought a guy on a bike trail because the shit out of me. Walked away very quickly with his kids. But if he had walked toward me like, I would have fought a guy on a bike trail because he was in the way. Like what is, I'm an adult man. And you look back at it.

What's so funny is- I'm so embarrassed by it. I'm sure, and I'm embarrassed by the thing that happened to me, right? Like after it was over, I like apologized to the guy. I'm like, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to grab you like, and he's like, I'm so sorry.

He's like, you know, you just startled me. I shouldn't have done what I did. He's like, I felt like you hit me too hard and I just wanted to to grab you like, and he's like, I'm so sorry. He's like, he's like, you know, you just startled me. I shouldn't have done what I did. He's like, I felt like you hit me too hard and I just wanted to talk to you, but I, the way I came at you, I shouldn't have done it. And like, we both like, we hugged that shit out 10 minutes after it happened. Hugged it out. We're still friends to this day. Yeah. And it's like, how much better is that than you unconscious him? To be honest, I'm not sure if I need him to unconsciousness.

I would be friends with him. I would be for us. That's what I mean. This resolution is better than if like you got arrested for assault. But it's, but it also, I also think, and I will say this testosterone is a hell of a drug. It is man. Testosterone is a hell of a drug. And there are sometimes in my life where I'll catch it.

You'll catch your own dose and you'll be like, wow, testosterone is a hell of a drug, man. Yeah. you'll catch your own dose and you'll be like, wow, testosterone's a hell of a drug, man. Yeah, and it just- It will make, I can be furious driving sometimes, so mad driving, spitting nails driving, and I get so upset driving a car. I'm more mad than I think I get any other time is when I'm in a car. Yeah, well, so people like, I think there's also a sense

that like people endanger you. Yeah, and it makes you mad. It makes you mad. And you're like, how fucking dare you sense that like people endanger you. Yeah. And it makes you mad. And you're like, how fucking dare you? You know, like you just got to write this about it. They endanger inconvenience you. It's at the same time, like you're not only going to endanger me, but you're also going to inconvenience me. I will fucking break your fucking...

I'm like, I get so mad about it. So mad, mad, so mad. I think about that when I get mad in the car and then I'm like, Hey, in Illinois, you can have a gun in your car. That's legal. That's crazy. Yeah, man. I don't, I don't ever like, like it's so funny because you could watch a million videos on

the internet of people like swerving at each other or break checking each other, et cetera, et cetera. Go crazy. I've been break checked a hundred times in Chicago when I'm driving. Oh, we use a very reasonable clip in the left lane and people will be like you're not driving fast enough for me or you know You're passing cars. That's what's so crazy. You'll be passing cars and there's no way for me to get over at the speed I'm going to not pass these cars, but you're not going a hundred and sixty miles an hour So somebody behind you is upset that you're not going as fast as they want to go

And then when you finally get over they'll get in your lane to break check. And you're like, dude, I thought you were in a hurry. You've got to take time out of your day to break check me. But yeah, I see it all the time. Like people, there's insanity that happens because the people are in these bubbles and they want to fight each other for real. Get ready for a Las Vegas style action at bad MGM, the king of online casinos! Enjoy casino games at your fingertips with the same Vegas strip excitement MGM is famous

for when you play classics like MGM Grand Millions or popular games like Blackjack, Baccarat, and Roulette. With our ever-growing library of digital slot games, a large selection of online table games, and signature BetMGM service. There's no better way to bring the excitement and ambience of Las Vegas home to you than with BetMGM Casino. Download the BetMGM Casino app today!

BetMGM and GameSense remind you to play responsibly. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 Plus to Wager. Ontario only. Please play responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact connects Ontario at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Bet MGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario.

I had to find a new article for this because it was a fortune but you get one look. You get one tiny like fortune will let you look at your magazine one time a fortune you will see because you'll never see it again it's actually like fortune cookies that you only get to read once so actually when you read a fortune article you have to add in bed yes at the end of it and you have to crack open a gigantic cookie to pull the paper. So stories from Food and Wine also from Fortune. Lindt admits its chocolates may not be as expertly crafted as you think. In bed. The chocolate maker's lawyer said its marketing tactics were exaggerated advertising, blustering

and boasting upon which no reasonable buyer would rely. I don't know that no reasonable buyer would rely on, we did a good job making this. World crafted, world expertly crafted. I think actually a buyer would be like, yeah, I think this is better made. Like I think that would be a thing I got to rely on. I disagree with that. And by the way, the reason that they're fucking

Busting is cuz there's lead in some of their chocolate Expertly smelted What is happening from the finest water of Flint Michigan? There is pouring foot they're just use it actually took the old pipes and they're using that to melt the chocolate that's pouring up. This chocolate 100% old pencils. All the molds are pewter or whatever. They're just pouring it in there.

But you know what? You would expect that this company would say, okay, look, we're going to show you how the sausage is made and they open it and it's just a series of monkeys It's crazy that there's fucking lead in the chocolate didn't what the fuck what do you mean lead in my chocolate? Maybe RFK as a point Look here's the problem. I'm still gonna eat it. Yeah, god damn it. Yeah, man I mean to be fair it says 70% cocoa. It doesn't say what the other 30%. Maybe the other 30% is lead. No reasonable buyer would assume that it's not 30% lead.

Can I get unleaded chocolate? Okay, I had diesel chocolate. That's weird. It comes out and you gotta go to the fucking thing and you just push it hard and it's like bloop, bloop, bloop, bloop. Put it in a big-ass bowl. You're dipping it like fondue. Yeah. Do you have like a favorite chocolate bar? Oh, like that's just pure chocolate?

Yeah, like pure chocolate. No, I don't. So there's a company out there. Let me find the name of it because I found it. I know it's Tony's, and I don't know if you've seen them, but they have kind of like a sort of, instead of a glossy wrapper, they're like a paper wrapper.

I don't know that I've seen it Tony's. And it's like, I think it's Fair Trade Chocolate or something like that, Tony's Chocolate. I was in a hotel in Atlanta with Sarah, and we had gone out to dinner, and we came back to the hotel, and we're like, we skipped dessert because nothing looked good.

And I was like, you know what? I'm going to get a chocolate something from the thing. We'll go up to the room and we'll hang out, maybe drink some tea and I'll have some chocolate or something. And I walk over and they have a Tony's bar, and it's a big Tony's bar, and they do all kinds of different stuff.

This was a toffee one. And I liked their stuff. So I grab it and I walk up and I set it down and lays like, that's a $16 chocolate bar. And I was like, man, that's an expensive chocolate bar. I was like, that's expensive. And she's like, do you want to put it back in my, no, absolutely not. I'm more intrigued. Are you, if she was like, that's a 35, then I'd be like, take my money.

Admittedly, it was a diesel chocolate bar and I didn't eat it all. Like, you know, like it just, it was a diesel chocolate bar. Oh, I'm sure. And I didn't eat it all, like, you know, like it just like powered down a gigantic chocolate bar. I ate it over a course of several days, two days actually. But in any case, several, two days. But it was, you know, it was a big chocolate bar. But at the same time, it was a very expensive because it's in a convenience application.

And I was just like, I could walk really far or I could just get the chocolate bar. And I'm like, fine. Like fine. We didn't get dessert somewhere. It's cheaper than dessert at restaurants. But I was like, I was kind of blown up, but it's actually really solid. If you get a chance, check it out.

Tony's is really solid. Where else can you buy it? I saw it at Target too. So it is at Target. So they had it at Target. So you can buy it there. But solid chocolate, really good. I thought it was a, it's a really good,

it's got a good, one of the toughest things you get in a chocolate bar to find good chocolate is the temper. And so that's that snap. When you bite into it, that snap. You have to do a very specific thing to temper chocolate. You can't just, a lot of people will be like, you just melt it and then pour it and no, you don't.

You have to, there's a very specific set of things that have to happen. With super specific temperature ranges. It's a temperature, very specific temperature ranges. But crazy narrow. And it's very specific temperature ranges. Now to get it melted, it's not, but then once you get it melted,

you have to sort of match these very specific temper ranges because if you don't, then the, the, the sort of structure doesn't sort of align the crystallization of it doesn't align and it won't snap the same way. And so in order to get really solid, delicious chocolate, you have to temper it properly. And if I don't like Hershey's chocolate, but they temper really well, their, their bars are very tempered well. And I think there might also be something too, the number of oils that they put in there that are different than just straight cocoa oil.

So it's different. But I will say that their tempering tastes good. That's the best part of their bar is that it snaps, right? But these also have a great tempering. I will say like lint bars are well-tempered. They're well-tempered as well. They crack. They absolutely crack. That's cause that lead rebar that runs through it.

I like a lint chocolate. That's the problem. I like it too. A chocolate I buy at CVS, I probably would get the lint chocolate. Yeah, you would. Yeah, yeah. NPR, this is a great story. You find it everywhere. We missed this a couple weeks ago. We really didn't talk about it. The Onion wins the auction for Alex Jones's media company. Now they're going to go back to court. So Alex Jones through like a sock puppet company, they bid more money than the onion. So they bid out, they outbid the onion for this particular thing. And it was going to go back to Alex Jones. Alex Jones got a bunch of people together, rich people together to sort of pull their funds to say, we're going to buy it Infowars back and give it back to Alex Jones essentially after it was done. But the onion put in a bid. Well, the

people who were aggrieved, the Sandy Hook families came out and said, we want the onions bid. We want their bid because they're offering us not only this money upfront, but they're saying they're going to cut us into the profit in the future. So that's how it split itself out. And this judge now gets to hear, and he said he's gonna be very, he's gonna be fair, as fair as he can, because he wants to hear the whole thing

before he makes a decision on whether or not the person who's controlling where this bid goes is in the right. And I think personally that the Sandy Hook family should have a big sway in this. Fuck yeah, man. They're the plaintiffs. And also we don't have a rehabilitative justice system in this country. We have a vengeance based justice system. That's for everybody else, right? All the people in our country

go through a vengeance based justice system. Look at anybody who's ever committed a crime. That person is that criminal forever. That is what they are literally forever. So the idea that we're going to suddenly in this instance be like, oh, no, no, no, no, no. What we want is we want fair. We want cooler heads to prevail. Fuck you, man.

Yeah. You know, once in a while, especially for something like this, I want the family and the families involved that were aggrieved. Well, you know, I think that there's a huge difference between a criminal versus civil. Absolutely. Yeah. You know, in a criminal proceeding, we, the victims get to give an impact statement in many states prior to sentencing.

That's absolutely true. Right. But, but the cooler heads prevail because you do want in a criminal case where somebody's freedom, et cetera, is all on the line, you're not looking for the same outcome. In a civil suit, in a civil proceeding, the outcome is specifically a remedy for the plaintiff. So it's not that the state is bringing a case against

Alex Jones. Yeah, absolutely, that's a great point. So in a criminal suit, the state is bringing the case. The victim, in some cases, it's not like you decide to press charges. That's mostly a TV thing. The state decides whether to press charges. So the remedy here should be decided by the complainant. So I think that that's a much stronger argument here.

And I think you should listen to what they have to say. And when it comes to what they want, the real goal here is not the money, I don't think. It's to fuck Alex Jones. They just don't want Alex Jones to have this stuff anymore. They don't want to see him damage other people. Why is that an unfair verdict? You talked about that shit,

we talked about that years ago when Alex Jones first lost this case And it's been going through appeals process for years But I think we had the acknowledge fight guys on and you had asked it Is there any way that there can be some kind of judgment that makes it so we can't do this anymore? And they both had said I don't think that that's how the justice system works But what happened was is the onion was like hey, here's one simple trick Yeah, and then they can do it

So the thing that you had wanted years ago that you had sort of suggested, man, is there some way we can get this guy out of the business, at least make it hard for him to restart? You can do, and it can be done. And the families want it. So I hope that he takes into account the things that you just said, those things that are like, yeah, maybe the remedy should come from the people who were aggrieved rather than looking at who's going to give the most money. Yeah. Because like the, the complaints get to decide what they're seeking. Yeah. I think that's the initial, like that's the foundation of the civil remedy system. Right, right, right. This is great. This is from news.sky.com. Americans upset about Trump's win

offered one Euro houses in Italian village of Olay. I read this, like there's this little village that needs people. Like they just need people to move there. And the mayor's like, hey we got some. Springfield, Ohio. The Americans are eating the pasta. We're joking, but seriously, like there's been sort of an exodus of those people who

are living there because they're worried about the future administration. I don't blame them at all. The Leopards are going to eat some faces in Springfield, Ohio. That's for sure. Because Springfield, Ohio was saved economically. They were saved by these migrants. So if they all fucking leave, it's all going to collapse. Like all that, like, yeah, you're going to have, you know, all the problems you had before those guys showed up.

Like that's all going to, you know, reoccur. Anyway, this is this village in Italy. I read this and I thought, God, if I didn't have like kids, I might do this. I might just say, you know what? Fuck it, I'll go be Italian. One euro. Bon giorno. And then. I like the Olive Garden.

I'm basically Italian. I'm essentially a native. I hope the one euro gets you unlimited breadsticks. Real quick on that, my stepson fucking loves the Olive Garden. He like, in his mind just discoveredson fucking loves the olive garden. He like in his mind just discovered this thing from the 90s. Cracks me up that he's in love with the olive garden. I hate the olive garden.

Yes, because you like food. But like, yeah. I love that you're like, yes. Absolutely, ding ding ding. I thought the olive garden was fancy when I was a kid. Sure, sure. Because when I was a kid it was fancy.. Because when I was a kid, it was fancy. But it's not, and it's mostly bad,

and what it really means is you ate a lot of salt, a lot of garlic, and now you have a stomach ache. That's what the Olive Garden means in my heart, where it burns. But like, my stepson just found the Olive Garden in his mind, right? And so he goes all the time with his friends. Oh, that's really interesting,

because he's kind of a guy who doesn't eat a lot of different things. He only gets one thing. Ah. But what he mostly gets is breadsticks. Cause homeboy can eat some bread. The other day he came home with a bag of 18 breadsticks. Good for him.

He's just like, fill her up. Man. They're like, you want to take breadsticks home? And Haley's like, just so you know, they'll give you a lot of breadsticks to take home. And so he like tried it out and it came always this huge bag of breadsticks. I also heard that you can buy their crank. Can you really? Yeah, so a bunch of people, I don't know how true it is.

Cause again, it's like one of these TikTok things where you have no idea whether or not it's actually happening because somebody filmed it and then put it on a TikTok. So who knows? But I saw that there was like a series of these where people would walk in and be like, can I just buy that?

And they would say, yeah, man, we'll put it on the bill. And then they would hand you a new one that they had in back because they just have a bunch of them and they just, you could just buy it. With a cheese in it? Well, I don't think it has a cheese in it, but you would buy it. And then they might even be able to buy the cheese too. I don't know. I wouldn't buy the cheese though, because that's like bottled wine, which you buy in

a restaurant. I got to pay the uncorking fee for the cheese. I don't want to do that. I got to uncork it later. Anyway, I'm uncorking. Yeah, it's cheese. It takes a minute the uncorking fee for the cheese. I don't wanna do that. I gotta uncork it later anyway. I'm uncorking. It's cheese. It takes a minute to uncork. But when it flows, it flows.

I gotta read a lot of the New York Times while I'm uncorking it, that's for sure. I like this idea too. I have a friend who I've known at this point. Gosh, I've known him for 25 years. He's older than I am and he's retired and he and his wife went to France. This was before the election and they left to go to France to live in the Alsace region of France and they have been there many times.

His wife speaks semi-fluently, he speaks German semi-fluently and it's right on that region between the two countries. So they have access to both countries. And since they're both in the EU, it's not like passports. You just travel wherever you want. It's like traveling states in the United States where it's very similar. And so they have an opportunity to travel all over in that area and they're buying a house. So they sold their house here. They have the money.

They're in a rental now, but they're looking for a house. And there's a bunch of people I'm seeing on Facebook too, they're talking about leaving the country. They're like, I should leave the country. And they're trying to leave the country. There's opportunities out there for digital nomads too. So like if you work from home, and this was something Sarah and I were actually looking into.

If you work from home, certain countries were like, cool, you can live here as long as you can prove you're making money where you work and you're going to continue to do that. And it's a steady good job. Yeah. We'll let you come in. Yeah. I would consider if I didn't have young kids, I would, I would probably just be like, you know what? Let's just go. Yeah. Like I have a certain wander, lust and thirst for adventure that, you know, has never been properly quenched. And I think something like this would be an opportunity to be like, yeah, I'm just gonna go be uncomfortable

somewhere and like learn how to be someplace new and be a part of a new culture. Our social media person, Sarah, moved to Spain. Yeah, she's in Spain. And I like, there's a, like I have such a strong admiration for the balls it takes to do it. I wanted to do it. I had asked Sarah if there was some way

that we could do it in our lifetime when I was very young. When we had first gotten together, I said, I would love to live outside the country if we can sometime. And she was like, yeah, let's see if we can make it work. We've never been able to make it work yet. But who knows what the next couple of years will bring. We can get a house for a euro.

Oh man. And they said that these houses are dilapidated. So like one of the things is, one of the part of these things is that these are like gut rebuilds. So it's like, you're paying for nothing. You're essentially just paying to like own a piece of place and then there you basically have to tear it down.

But they are saying that a habitable home in that same region, a hundred thousand euros. A hundred thousand euros. So that's a, that's cheap. You can't, a hundred thousand euro is, you can't buy anything in America. You can't, you can't buy, I don't think you can buy, it would be really hard pressed to buy something in America.

You might be able to find something in like the woods of Arkansas or something for something similar. Yeah. I don't know that you could buy anything habitable for a hundred thousand dollars. I mean, essentially one on one. Right. You're probably right. And this, and this sounds like they were, they've been redone and they're a hundred

thousand. I'll tell you like, like I'm, like, I'm 45 miles from the city center. So I'm in the farthest suburb you can be west of Chicago. It's 45 miles. West of me, it's just corn. It's corn. Like if I step out my door and I look west, it's fucking corn. And just the land for my less than one quarter acre plot was a third of that price. Just for the land.

So this story from the Associated Press, a new eagle camera going live in Minnesota to the light of global viewers. Oh, look at these eagles. This is like the fat bear week. It's like the fat bear week. We're getting more and more live cameras of wildlife because we're killing all the wildlife. We got to watch them now. We gotta watch them like stroll.

Get David Attenborough in here to narrate this shit. Did you, did you, when I read this article, did the same thing pop out at you? Did you learn a fucking fun fact that an eagle's nest can weigh 2000 pounds? It's insanity, right? An eagle's nest, guys, 2000 pounds. I, like, 2,000 pounds. I will never stop thinking about that. I do love these cameras, though.

And they're saying, in this very particular, the female bird flew off of the branch supporting the 2,000 pound nest, which is over 20 years old, and it gave way. And then the chick was later found. So one of the chicks died in the accident. 2,000, basically a car crash, 2,000 pounds. I had no idea either that birds,

like I've just like learned, like birds reuse their nests. Yeah. I didn't fucking know that. You don't like birds though. Well, I try not to know stuff. I think you've tried to mask their existence in your life. I like the way they taste very often. I think this is great though.

This is one of those moments that, you know, like, I hope, this is the thing that gives you hope because you hope that more people see this, more people recognize it, more people recognize like the dangers that some of these animals are in, especially with us encroaching into their territories and things like that. I, you know, it's something that you hope younger animals are in, especially with us encroaching into their territories and things like that.

I, you know, it's something that you hope younger people learn about. Yeah. And then this might be one of those opportunities for those younger people to learn about. I do think that like, I know zoos are controversial, but like I do think that connection drives a conservational mindset.

Yeah. I think that that's a general truism that I do hold is that you have to have some connection into the sort of like natural world in order for you to have that conservationist mindset in order for you to, you know, not just look at environmental issues as, how does this affect me?

But like, does this build a world I wanna live in? And I think that this sort of stuff is valuable for that. Yeah, yeah. This one should probably be moved up. Here we go. From Sky News, US cruise company offering four-year escape during Trump presidency. Wow. There's four different offerings. They have a one-year, two-year, three-year, and four-year cruise. Now, before I tell you about the cruises, they also note in the article that last year, the boat got stuck for four months in the article that last year, the boat got

stuck for four months in Belfast awaiting repairs. I also want to say too, I don't want to spend four years with norovirus. That feels like a lot of times you get norovirus. I told this, I, cause it sounds awesome. Like it, it's, it's expensive and we've got kids, there's no way we could do it. But like I was reading this article and I was telling Haley about it. I'm like, God, what an awesome way to like take some years of your life if you could afford it and like see 140 different countries. That's really cool. But also you're on a boat for four years.

That would get old. That would get super old. I, I've been on cruises in my life, so I have gone on cruises. And there's a part of me that really likes them, there's a part of me that dislikes them. The part that really likes them, likes the idea of going to sleep at night and waking up in a new destination,

and your hotel moves with you. That's how I treat a cruise. I don't like the things that happen on a cruise. I don't care about entertainment, I don't care about, because I'm never gonna go to your show with like a fucking person doing kicks or whatever, or whatever, you know, like we're gonna do

a fucking jazz hands interpretation of Michael Jackson or whatever gives a shit. I'll never go, I'll never walk in there. But what I do is I go, you know, it's a place where I can get food, I can go to sleep, wake up and have a thing and also have someone who's sort of helping me find places and things to do in those places.

And then afterwards, I can be like, I really enjoyed this place. I should go back and spend time there. It's a sampler. It's a great sampler. It's a sampler. It's a great sampler. So I think that there is some value in that.

I don't like how un-environmentally friendly some of these cruise lines are. Some of them are really, really bad when it comes to un-environment. Some are better than others. some of these cruise lines are. Some of them are really, really bad when it comes to uninv... Some are better than others. There are some cruise lines that try to be better than others, but there's others that are not. And so I've been on multiple cruises in my life.

So I know that the... But I will say this, like, after a certain amount of time, it's just you... I just hate it. I don't want to be on the boat anymore. I hate it. I don't want to be here. And I hate days at sea. I don't want to travel from the boat anymore. I hate it. I don't want to be here. And I hate days at sea.

I don't want to travel from one place to another on a boat and just sit and relax. I want stuff to do and there just is not anything. So whenever I ever went on a cruise in my life, I've always been like, how many days at sea? None, that's the one I'm gonna go on. If there's no days at sea and I'm always at a destination, great.

If I'm at it, like if there's like six or seven days at sea, there's a cruise line that you can board in New York and go to London. Like it's a, it's the, it's the essentially, it's the transatlantic, essentially what the Titanic was, right? You can do the Titanic route if you want on a cruise line. Can we skip the middle?

Yeah, you could probably skip the middle. They do have to run in different ships. They run in different ships than other cruise lines do. They run in ships that are very deep. So they don't like have as much rocking, but the ships themselves are smaller because of that. Cause they don't have that sort of platform that is like a big ship that you can have big stuff on. Also, they're going through climbs that don't allow for use of pools all the time and things like that. So it's a different type of cruise, but you just sit on a boat for eight days.

And I'm like, no, holy shit, no, I would never wanna just sit somewhere for, I would go crazy. Yeah, you would lose your mind. If I sat for eight days, I can't sit for 40 minutes. Are you kidding me? Like eight days, I would fucking throw myself off the side and have to fight a shark for stimulation.

That sounds hard. I could not do it. I could not do it. And these big cruises that go all over the place, they have these intense long days where it's day after day after day after day because you have to travel between these places in order to do it.

So it's just something I would never be able to do. It looks cool as shit when you look at a map and then I'm like, man, those are a lot of days at sea. It's a lot of days at sea. So the four offerings for Tour L'Evê are the one year escape from reality, the two year midterm selection. I love that one.

Where you're like, let me just sweat this out on a boat until the midterms come. Yeah. That's so great. You're just like, oh God, all right. Man, I wish we lived in a time

where you could put yourself away on ice for a couple years. Just go stasis. Just stasis for a little bit and just be like, I just wanna miss all of Trump's presidency. The problem I'd worry is, is that when I woke up, there wouldn't be a world. Yeah, it's like, it's like Futurama, but you went too far. You went too far, you're like, fuck.

Oh man. Well, I'm sorry, but I interrupted you. That's a three year. The three year everywhere but home, which yikes. And then the four year skip forward. Oh man. It's just like, ah, just put me on fast forward. I got to say your marketing people were on point.

It's so good. That's all I got to say. It's so good. This last story is from USA news. $344 for a coffee. Scottish farm is selling UK's most expensive cup. Starbucks says, hold my beer and wait. You get a little something.

They're like, they're specifically asking you to donate. It's like a donation to help grow their business. Yeah. Like you technically get shares in their dairy farm, but like, yeah, it's like a family owned farm. You're not going to cash these shares in for like, this isn't fucking Dogecoin or something, right? Where you're just going to be like, I'm in, but no, you're buying an expensive cup of coffee to help a family business. And I think that's really cool. Sure. I think that's really cool. Yeah. You get to save that old savings and loan. It's, it is funny because, you know, it is $344 for a cup of coffee. That's like six Starbucks.

Yeah. I mean, I know you're not a Starbucks guy. I haven't been in a Starbucks in years. I've been to a Starbucks since yesterday. I would have gone to Starbucks on my way here, but the line was too long. The line was too long this morning. Yeah, this morning. So I don't, I haven't, so when I worked above one, I worked above one for several decades of my life, right? When the downtown Chicago area, in the loop,

I worked above one at 55 East Jackson was where I used to work. And so 55 East Jackson is right in the heart of the loop, which is the downtown sort of downtown and business center of Chicago. And in the lower floor was a Starbucks and I would walk in there on occasion. We had free coffee at work.

So I almost always never got coffee there. I would just get one of those. I used to get, I used to like their, because it made me feel like I wasn't cheating. And even though it probably was terrible, I used to get their egg white English muffin sandwich. Okay. And it had turkey bacon on it.

Yeah. And I would get that and it was microwaved shitty sandwich, but it was something that, cause I was hungry. So I wanted to get something. And then I would get a coffee when I was there too. Cause you just get a full coffee. It's under 300. I know the sandwich. It's under 300 calories.

It's a small, it's not a bad, it's not a bad sandwich. And so I would get it, and actually one of the reasons why I liked it was the cheese. I thought that the cheese tasted good on it. But in any case, I would get that and then go up to my office. But I would frequent Starbucks all the time, like doing that. But just to go somewhere and just go to a Starbucks,

it's very rare I've been to, like I said, I haven't been to one in, gosh, it's been a very long time. So I like, so I, my coffee at home, I make cold brew coffee every night or every afternoon or whenever I get to it for the next day. So, and this, I actually discovered that what I've been making is cold brew concentrate.

Now you gotta dilute that a little bit. You don't have to. Okay, all right. I've been drinking it straight. I didn't realize, cause I bought a thing of Stoke. Have you had Stoke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's delicious. Sure, Stoke's good. Cold brew. Yeah, because I bought a thing of Stoke. Have you had Stoke's? I think it's delicious. It's cold brew.

It's really smooth and good. So I was like, how do they make theirs so smooth? And mine is like a little sharp, a little aggressive. You know, like, well, they water it down. Yeah, it's just, I've been making concentrate. They put other stuff in it. Yeah, I've just been making it, because I don't get it sweetened or anything.

So it's just, but they water it down. So it's like, but if you drink the concentrate, it's a little rocket fuel-y. I do love espresso drinks though. Like I like a cold espresso drink. I like a iced shaken espresso. Oh nice. It's really tasty.

It's really, it's, it's pretty strong. It's bitter. It's got a little, I use half the sweetener. It's a little bit of sweetness to it. I think it's delicious, but I don't have an espresso machine. So I use the So I use Starbucks as like, I work from home, eight days out of 10, I don't leave the house.

On the two days out of 10, I leave the house. I use the little tree. It's a little tree. And it's like $75 or something for a fucking drink now. It's a million dollars, man. And they're like pinky, I want the pinky. For instance, it's gotten, I mean like, boomer. But like, it is real, it's like six bucks, dude.

Didn't they have something too that you like at the big Starbucks, one of these roasting places that was like a bourbon something? They used to have a Starbucks Reserve in Naperville. It's no longer, they converted it back to a regular Starbucks. No kidding. And so Starbucks Reserve had alcohol and they had coffee drinks. They had like, oh, it was like a restaurant. It was more like a restaurant than, and I think the concept just failed. So, which was weird because it was always jumping busy, like packed busy.

They converted it back to a regular Starbucks, but they used to have a bourbon barrel aged cold brew. Oh, wow. And it wasn't alcoholic, but it had this sweetness to it that the bourbon barrel gave to it. It was genuinely, you could only get a grande, so you'd have to get two, but like, I love you, bro. So good, man. Sounds like I will mortgage my house for two of these. Yeah, whatever.

I asked them, I was like, I'll have a Trenta because that's the 30 ounce thing. And they're like, we don't serve this in a Trenta. And I was like, fine, I'll take two Grandes and an empty Trenta cup. Like, what are we doing? Who are we kidding here? What are we doing right now?

I realize you want to limit the heroin I put in my body. You're not the boss of me. I'm a junkie. That's amazing. Don't be the boss of me. It's not going to work. But I'm sad it's gone. Because I go downtown Naperville for a variety of things,

sometimes work, sometimes otherwise. So maybe once a month or so, I would have an opportunity before to get this drink. I'd be like, oh, it's so good. Nah, it's gone. I fucking changed it back. It's the best thing they ever had. So fucking good.

I miss it. Now I'm sad. Ha ha ha. Ha ha ha. ["Skeptics Creed Theme"] All right, that's gonna wrap it up for our show. We'll be back on Monday, but we're gonna leave you like we always do

with the Skeptics Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram pyramidal, free energy healing, water downward downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info Docutainment Leo Pisces cancer cures detox reflex foot massage death in towers tarot cards Psychic healing crystal balls bigfoot yeti aliens churches mosques and synagogues temples dragons giant worms

Atlantis dolphins truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, I mean look at this shit! You fucking nuts! Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak stigmata, nonsense! Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential, conclusive.

Doubt even this. Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed the show, consider supporting us on Patreon at patreon.com forward slash dissonance pod. Help us spread the word by sharing our content. Find us on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Prs, all under the handle at DissonancePod. This show is CAN credentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm on their hotline at 617-249-4255 or on their website at creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org.