Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 814: Pit Diaper, Bubble Boy at Sea

Episode Date: January 9, 2025

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Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way, we bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat today for you is Thursday, January the ninth. But for us, it is not. It is Thursday, January the second. So if anything exciting happened. We don't know about it yet

But it wouldn't matter because this is our funny show this is the good this is the good stuff This is the now we just let's relax lay back relax and let it happen I know it's like only 11 days away from inauguration. All right, Tom. What's the first story? Hey, that wasn't helpful I don't know why you did that right there. That's a rug pull. Jesus. That, well, I was, I was in a good mood, but that's all right. I don't need to have feelings.

It's just, you just hurt me. All right. So this one comes from qz.com. Amazon doesn't even have space for everyone it ordered back to the office. The company originally planned to bring all employees back to the office five days a week starting January the 2nd, 2025. But certain locations are not yet prepared to accommodate the full workforce, according to Business Insider, which cites internal notifications.

Employees in cities like Atlanta, Houston, Nashville, and New York have received notifications they can continue with their hybrid work arrangements until their offices are ready. The delays could extend as far as May, though Amazon expects the majority of workplaces to be prepared by January." Cecil, when you guys all got sent home, they then, they like, they did a little take these backseats for you, right? They did a little hybrid action? Yeah, so we got sent home and then they decided that they were going to do, if you had a job that interacted with, in my department, if you had a job that interacted with students

directly, then you had to be on campus four days a week. And if you didn't, you could work from home until you had to come into the office. But they allowed people who didn't work from... who basically had to... Like, if that was your job, like you were the person who worked with students, you were like a coordinator who worked with students. Sorry, you can't do that from home. And there is some logic to that. It's like, yeah, the student is there, you're there, you have to see them.

It's like, yeah, the student is there, you're there, you have to see them. Certain departments dropped the entirety of all the shit that they had on campus. They went 100% remote and they had no intention whatsoever no matter what happened of going back. IT, 100% went remote. They never came back to the office. They basically liquidated everything and they're like, nope

These were like any of the stuff that was on like and we're talking about like like this is a server side stuff So it's not You know classroom tech where you get people come in and like fix your fucking monitor or whatever I'm talking about like the people who make sure everything runs Software wise for the university. They're the people who run the website and all that. Those guys never came back. They never came back. And they, they moved out of state.

Like as soon as they found out these people just moved out of state, they're like, we're done. And they just went somewhere else. And then they, they kept that whole department offline. So some departments had complete freedom. Some had to come back. It was really, because it's so crazy when you work at a university,

there's like little fiefdoms. So there's like all these tiny little fiefdoms that made their own decisions. I was gonna ask how the decision making process, so it's not top down, it's like very like. Yeah, I mean, our fucking president didn't like it. He didn't like it at all. But like there was nothing he could do,

his fucking hands were tied, which he couldn't even do. Oh really? Yeah, he didn't like it. So he can't, he didn't want everyone back. He didn't want anybody to work from home, but once you let that fucking cat out of the bag. It's out. Yeah, it's out.

We went home and on my side of the world, we went home in March of 20. And by August or September, I was like, this is it. And I like purposely, I sublet out our space. We had, I had a 12,000 square foot office and I was like, nope, I'm subletting that. I'm leasing this out. Yeah.

And I sublet it and then lease expired. And like with our company, like one thing that's interesting is once you save money, it's very, very difficult to put a new expense item on the back on the expense balance sheet and a 12,000 square foot office for my staff is like a quarter million dollars. So all of a sudden, like I'm work from home forever. I have an office space like that. I got assigned. I have like, like myself and a few other like senior managers or whatever.

We have space and my space is full of like old monitors and shit now, because it's just storage. I've never been in it. I've not gone in it even one time. When I have meetings and stuff, I just use a conference room. And then I leave immediately after my meetings. I've not, I have not worked a fucking eight hour day in my office since March of 20.

If I work, I like, if I have meetings, like I'll have meetings all day. Sure. But I'll sit in the conference room. Like fucking work from home is way better. Work from home is a million times. Like there's some things I miss. Don't get me wrong.

Like I miss like, I do sometimes miss the camaraderie of coworkers. Like just like the bullshitting and the, you know, like the work sometimes the. Yeah. Not even that so much. It's just like the, um, like there is, there is, you know, like the work sometimes the. Yeah. Not even that so much. It's just like the, um, like there is, there is, I will say like, it is a little easier to be a little more like creative in your problem solving when you see this people every day, rather than like scheduling a meeting, you know, like there's a, there's an informality to some of that problem solving that I think is

actually like a little better. Like it's a little like, Hey, we were just bitching about this. Oh yeah. You know what? I can actually fix that. Like that's something I wouldn't have known about otherwise. There's stuff like that that organically happens and that stuff has a lot of value. But you stack that up against, I don't ever have to drive to work and that thing can go fuck itself forever. Yeah. Because I don't ever have to drive to work. And that is a million times better. There's this weird like nanny state shit that happens with these companies.

They just feel like they need to watch you the whole time work. Like some sort of voyeuristic fucking fetish to watch you fucking sit at a desk for eight hours. Like, man, I never was more productive than when I was working from home. When I was at the office, I was constantly distracted. I was constantly being pulled in one direction or another. There wasn't any time for me to think about things.

It was always busy or always, and then you add to that fact that we had two different office locations and I had to travel between those office locations. You did, you had to bounce around a bit. Like a 30 minute ride on the L to go to an uptown office that I had to go to a meeting to because that's how it was done.

That shit was infuriating. It was a fucking waste. It's so much easier to just get on a Zoom call and talk to somebody. But that shit wasn't really, they didn't really even wanna use Zoom. Went back in the day when it was 30 minutes away, they're like, now we're, we're really like that.

Let's say now we're not there was kind of frowned upon. And it's like, now there's, there's a different culture. I think it's open things up, but as you see from this Amazon thing, there's a bunch of people who are just like, no, we're going to put you all people back in the office. I don't know what they're going to do. Maybe they'll put some desks in the back of some of these trucks that are driving around and get all the people back in office. Well, all they're going to do is increase their expenses.

Like as I'm reading this, I'm just like, okay, Amazon, just have more expenses for no reason. You're not going to get more out of it. You're not going to get anything, any, any big push out of it. And like, there's going to be plenty of attrition. I mean, like, I don't know about everybody's business, but like I have, I probably have 20% of my staff now is not local. Like there are, cause they're all work from home.

They were hired all over the country. Cause it also lets me recruit. I have a work from home job. I get to recruit the whole country. That's like as somebody wants to hire people, like I, before I had to recruit within like driving distance and find the best talent I could find within driving distance to my location. Now I can hire somebody and fucking squam squam Washington or whatever the fuck I want when they're not in their Sasquatch hunts.

They can like they can they can fucking log in. You got Sasquatch out there closing loads. This story comes from GB news. Bus drivers sacked after being caught singing and playing the piano in wine bar while off sick from work. While off sick from work wins his job back an Italian bus driver who was sacked for performing in a wine bar. Wilst. God, I hate that word Cecilil, Wilscht. That's not, Wilscht and Humscht can go fuck themselves. Those like, the Wilscht people and Humscht people

are not people. They are not people. They should not be spoken to or dealt with. That, fuck, I hate this. All right, I'm just gonna change it. I'm gonna change it. I'm gonna reread it as people are. An Italian bus driver who was sacked for performing in a wine bar while on sick leave for anxiety

has won his job back after judges ruled his musical activities helped his recovery. The Rome-based driver, who remains unnamed, was dismissed in 2019 by regional bus company Cuttrol after being discovered singing and playing piano during time off work for panic attacks. Italy's Supreme Court has now backed a lower court's decision that performing music while signed off with stress was permissible as it could have aided the driver's recuperation. Music cures your soul.

That's the message of this story, is that if you are feeling down, go get a job at a piano bar of this story is that if you are feeling down, go get a job at a piano bar. And sing to people from a microphone that smells like a beer or whatever. Yeah, no kidding, dude. I read this story and I was like,

yeah, fucking good for this guy. Yeah, good for this guy. You know what I mean? He's off work, he's having panic attacks, he's having a hard time. That doesn't mean that every hour of his life has to be a hell in order for him to like maintain his jet. We have this like weird thing where we're like,

well, because I gave you something, every waking hour of your life has to be spent in misery. Like if you ever smile even once during a tragic time or a sick time or a difficult time, if you laughed at a funeral, you don't care. You're the worst. Like this guy's at a bar, he's singing and laughing. Like that doesn't mean he doesn't have

like mental health problems just because sometimes he was happy once. What the fuck? Well, I think, you know, this rings true sort of when we talk about people on welfare, because this is like disability checks he's getting, right? He's getting a disability check. When we think about people on welfare and you think those people who see somebody's paying with an EBT card and they're like, what are you having there?

Hostess? What are you having your, you have Coca-Cola in there? What are you doing? You know, you should buy fresh fruits and vegetables. Like we want to judge the people who are an EBT to like buy the things that we want them to buy and then we want to take off things like sorry, I don't want them to get you know, anything that like make them feel good. I don't want to do that at all. This feels very much the same thing. Like I like this guy this guy, what is it? Like the judge is like, no, like people can sing.

That makes people happy. That's fine. Here, have your job back. Here in America, you could keep your job if you were on FMLA, but you wouldn't get paid. I don't know if this guy was getting paid, but like here in America, you're allowed to take like medical leave, but you don't get paid during it.

Like, we wouldn't like sick a private detective on you because we'd just be like, yeah, you can take time off, but you don't get paid for it. We wouldn't like sick a fucking private detective on you because we'd just be like, yeah, you can take time off, but you don't get paid for it. Yeah. I think that there was a, I think that that's probably what had happened is that he's on disability. He's like, no, I can't work. I'm, you know, and then they're like, well, we have to pay your disability because they're a civilized country. And they're like, you know, uh, I want to, I want to read this. Um, uh, There was a couple of other cases that they mentioned here that are just too good not to mention. In the country's northwest, a police officer named Alberto Merglia famously won his job

back after being filmed clocking into work in just an underwear before turning home to dress. What? into work in just an underwear before turning home to dress? I love this dude's like, fuck I'm gonna be late. And then he drives his fancy kid and then he clocks in. He's like, I'll be back when I change. And then he drives home and fucking gets dressed. So that's amazing. This other one too.

What is the series of decisions that have gone and happened in your life? You know that guy is like, you know your boss is micromanaging your time card. Do you show up in your fucking skivvies to punch in your life. You know that guy is like, you know your boss is micromanaging your time card. You show up in your fucking skivvies to punch in. I hope his boss, he's a police officer, I hope his boss like banged his desk and is like, Mergagliotti, you're a loose kid.

I want your badge and gun. I hope he was wearing his underwear, but his gun belt too. He's got his shoulder ulcers. I wanna read this one too. Less fortunate was a teacher, they say the name here, and then they say, who was rightfully sacked after avoiding work for 20 years of her 24-year career. Dude, let me just say, they make a lot of saints in Italy. This is a saint.

This is a patron saint of work. That's who this is. You need to pray to this person. This is the only time I will allow an intercessory. This is it. This is the patron saint of labor. I would buy his relic. Like I would buy whatever fucking lazy relic.

Every luck trinket they own, I would have it. I love the idea. I feel like that Benny guy from fucking The Mummy who's going through every single one of their holy trinkets. I would do that for this person. I love that after 20 years of not working, he gets fired and he fights it. Like if I got fired after 20, this is like, I think this all the time when people like steal millions of dollars and then they get caught because they're still like around.

And I'm like, no, you leave. Like if you steal, you steal and leave, you flee. You keep missing the leave part. Like that's why you got caught. Cause you were still right there. Stupid. Like if I, I feel like if I got away with like not working for 20 years, You keep missing the leave part like that's why you got caught because you were still right there stupid Like if I feel like if I got away with like not working for 20 years, they're like, alright Tom All right

We got you. I'd be like, yeah, you got me and I'll laugh. You're not like I'm taking you to court Yeah, I would be like, well, see you in court. I want to not work for another 20 years Yeah, I would be like, wow, see you in court. I want to not work for another 20 years. Like the story comes from New York Post. Passenger blasted for bringing emotional support. Great day on an airplane. This is getting out of hand. That fucking dog is big.

This dog is so big. That's a big dog. That's a big dog. It's fucking enormous. That's a big. That's like a great day. It's like seriously like a small horse. Like it's a small horse. And not even that small. No!

This is a 140 to 170 pound animal. This is a huge fucking dog. I get that you love your dog. I'm right there with you. That's great. But like you can't bring 145 pound dog onto the airplane is your emotional support buddy or whatever.

Wait, how do you not buy him a seat? And they would have to, you would have to buy them at least one. You have to at least you probably need a whole row. Are you kidding me? This is an enormous animal. I also feel like, and I love dogs. At least you probably need a whole row. Are you kidding me? This is an enormous animal. I also feel like, and I love dogs. Like I love dogs, I love cats, but like,

I am allergic to cats. And there's plenty of people that are allergic to stuff. And like, you have no idea if you're gonna get the seat next to the Great Dane. God, you gotta scratch your face the whole time. Right, or like you didn't pack fucking Zyrtec or whatever cause you didn't think that you were going to get by somebody's emotional support horse or Shetland pony or fucking camel or whatever crazy. Like they talk to this thing about somebody trying

to have like an emotional support pecan. Like come the fuck on. Come the fuck, look, I don't buy it. I am not a fool. You just want to bring your pet on the plane and you get less rules and you get more like freedom from your pet and flying with a pet sucks. So like you get them named as an emotional support animal and then you can pretty much do whatever you want with them. And I'm like, I'm sympathetic, but also no, I'm not. Like there's people who have legitimate fears of animals

that are like rooted in traumatic experiences. Especially an animal this size. Like, yeah, man. Like there's a, like, look, I fucking, I love great Danes. They're fucking awesome animals. They're fucking awesome animals. My brother had a couple and they're sweet and they're big and they're floppy.

But man, you can get traumatized too. Like there can be a mean one. It could bite you and you could fucking scare you. And maybe this is the sweetest one in the world. But do you want to be that person who scared the whole time? Like it's like, right. Like there's a, there's a level of like, at what point is it past your nose? Right.

It's like, you know what I mean? What point do we, and I think you should be It's like, you know what I mean? At what point do we... And I think you should be able to take, you know, I have anxiety on flights. I understand that people wanna have something there to comfort, so it makes sense, and I understand it. But like, at a certain point, there's an animal size limit. I wonder if you could have like an emotional support moodang

where it's like a little hippo. It's like a little chubby hippo that just sits on your lap the whole time. And you'd have to keep it wet and slick, but it would still be like a chubby little hippo you could hold on to. No notes. No notes on the mudang.

That's just, that's a lot. It'd be awesome if he came in a carrier. He's got his own, but it's gotta be like a hippo-shaped carrier that he can sit on. Yes. Like yeah, it should be able to like fit in a carrier a person can carry with one hand. I think that should be like a good rule, right? Like if it's like, and not like fucking like Eddie Hall can carry it in one hand, right?

Like I don't know what to say, like the world's strongest man can carry, no, like a regular person can carry it, Like a 20 pound or less animal, right? Like something like of size, that is a reasonable thing. And it should be like a regular domestic animal. Like you can't have like, I'm unsympathetic to your emotional support iguana. Like I'm just not there, I'm not there. I've had an iguana. That thing didn't care if I lived or died.

It provided me no emotional support or satisfaction. It doesn't for you either. You're lying. It's that thing has a brain the size of a fucking pee. It doesn't know you. It doesn't care. I want to see the person like actually get on this thing and like ride it down the thing.

Or get to there, like ride it down the aisle. Or at least maybe just like it's carrying its bag like a pack animal, you know what I mean? Like you just gotta put it on it somehow. We're doing business differently here in Manitoba at the Stu Clark Graduate School. It's an energy, a feeling, a buzz. You feel it in our professional services,

on our work placements, in the connections you make with business leaders. It's unique, something you won't find anywhere else. This is the graduate experience at the Asper School of Business, where you can master your business career. You wouldn't have to bring your luggage, you just like strap it to your fucking

strap it to your pack animal and you take it with you. Jesus Christ. It's my emotional support oxen. What would be like the most fucking delightfully absurd? Like this is my emotional support sea urchin. You just feel like a fucking sloshing fucking water thing full of fucking salt water splurging everywhere. It's my emotional fucking sloshing fucking water thing full of fucking salt water splurging everywhere. It's my emotional support blue ring octopus.

This is my emotional support mantis shrimp. Yeah, exactly. Mantis shrimp. Every time I pet it, it cuts my finger off. This poor lady from this next story. This is great. This is from the CBS news. New York woman blames Star Trek license plates

for tens of thousands of dollars in accidental tickets. So this is like an old Long Island retiree and she had, she like, she loved Star Trek. So she had Star Trek license plates or old license plates were the same, like the call sign or call numbers, the Starship enterprise, NCC dash 1701. And like, I guess you can go and that was her legitimate license plates, like pretty

cool vanity plates. Yeah. It's pretty dope. And then she got like older and she turned in her plates and she retired and she didn't even drive. She didn't even own a car anymore. She didn't even drive or own a car. But people have put like novelty license plates on their cars with NCC 117 or whatever, and then they're driving around with novelty license plates, getting

fucking all these like red light cam tickets and everything. So bad. Also like shouldn't that be illegal? What are you, a sovereign citizen? Don't you need to see your plate at all times? You shouldn't have a novelty plate on your car. I was wondering the same thing, see, so I'm like, how do you get away with just that part?

Yeah. But then I guess you get away with it because nobody scanned your plate, I guess. Yeah, I mean, I guess you just get away with it. But the other thing too that is crazy is like, this is from like tollways and like speed cameras and things like that that they're catching her. Wouldn't you look at the thing and wouldn't there be some sort of check in the computer system to be like, yeah, she didn't own that car.

That plate wasn't attached to that car. Instead they're just like, well, that's the plate. Give her the ticket. There's like no check and balance to be like, oh, that was a fucking white Subaru. She drove a fucking Tahoe or whatever. Yeah, or a no car at all. Like she doesn't even own a car.

I know, like there should be a plate in there and be like, that plate doesn't exist anymore. But even still, even if that's the case, they they didn't bother to cross check it with the make a car No, and they didn't even like these are like license plates like she's it like she's in fucking, Long Island She's getting tickets from like all over the country all over the country. She's getting these fucking tickets like Hammered away is like I don't even know what you would do She's this poor lady's got to get an attorney and everything. She actually talked to the local politicians

because of her, probably, she didn't probably get any ground. She got a story in the news and that pushed the politicians to be like, we'll fix this for you. This is ridiculous. We'll fix this for you. In the meantime, she's like, I don't know what to do. I can't pay all these. Like, can you imagine?

She's like trying to like write a fucking check to pay all these fucking people's shitty tickets. It sucks so bad. The fucking red light cam system is just such a scam. It's, yeah. It's such a fucking scam. Cause like, it, like the red light ticket tickets the car owner, not the driver.

Yeah. So if you loan your car to somebody and they, they, they are the one who commits the infraction, they are the person who if they got pulled over by a person, the car doesn't get the ticket if a cop pulls you over for the same thing. But if a camera gives you the ticket, it goes back to the car. Like that's a weird system. We're accepting a really weird system. That's a weird system. We're accepting a really weird system.

That is a weird system. You're absolutely right. This story comes from KFOX TV. New pleather mosh pit diaper sells out after viral restroom incident at concerts. So I'm just gonna have to read this. If you're looking for a last minute gift ahead of the holiday season,

you have to think of something other than the pit diaper as the item is sold out. That's according to liquid death I got a stamp. Let me just say pit diaper Clever wordplay. That's all I'm saying. It's a clever word play. I like it would actually also be a great band name Ironically, I run it diaper. That's amazing band name. Amazing band name. Ironically, Pit Diaper, that's a great band name. Amazing band name. That's a great... like you're never gonna play any big venues as Pit Diaper, like I will say that, like you are always gonna be a Dive Bar band, but you're gonna be the best

fucking Dive Bar band. You're 100% gonna be in that bar in Dust Till Dawn. That's where you... that's a titty bar in Dust Till Dawn. that bar and dust till dawn. That's where you, that's a titty bar and dust till dawn. It apparently sold out following a viral restroom incident at a recent concert in California. The San Francisco Chronicle on Monday reported that a woman was filmed allegedly urinating in the middle of the crowd during a Sabrina Carpenter show

at the Chase Center. Footage appears to show the woman squatting to relieve herself. The crowd reacted with a mix of shock and disbelief with some attendees sharing their surprise on social media, posting photos with makeshift signs that read, I got peed on in the pit to see Sabrina. The media outlet reported also,

speculating that the pit diaper might have come in handy in this case. The product is a $75 faux leather diaper. It was designed especially for music fans to wear while rocking out in a mosh pit. The goal is to relieve yourself without missing a beat or dealing with long lines and nasty bathrooms. Amazing. Amazing.

I love this. I used to be a big mosh pit guy. I love mosh pits at those big rock shows and shit. Sure. Yeah. I love mosh pits. Did you mosh pit guy. I love Mosh Pits. They're big fucking rock shows and shit. Sure, yeah, yeah. I love Mosh. Did you, were you Mosh Pit guy? Absolutely, yeah, absolutely. Love Mosh.

It was a very 90s thing to do. 80s and 90s thing, like late 80s, early 90s. And all the way till now, I'm sure they're still doing it. But like, you know, like that was the thing, is like you go to one of these shows and then there would just be like the people in the crush at the very front. Yep, and then behind them The pit normally started maybe four or five people back Right, and then it was like that was that was fucking ground zero and then like certain pits were more dangerous than others

Uh, dude, that was definitely true. I will tell you, like, I've done a lot of concerts. Punk shows? Punk shows. Terrible dangerous pits. Punk shows, man. Punk shows, the way they emboss you at a punk show is like, there's like this like arms up, like knees up thing. Kicking out?

Kicking? Yeah. That is like, you are trying to get hurt and hurt people in a punk show. Yeah. I never had that issue at like, I had, I fell in a Pantera pit once and I came up with a watch stuck to my face in the mud. Nice.

And I was like, I remember as a kid, I was like, free watch, you know? Like, I was like, this is awesome. I got dive tackled by a guy for no reason at a Metallica pit. Some guy just like locked eyes for me from across this pit at this Metallica pit. And he like ran and just dive tackled me for no reason. And then he just jumped up and like ran off

back into the pit like- Was it CM Punk? No. It was not CM Punk. But I used to fucking love that shit. And I remember Cecil in my like late 20s I went to a Primus show at the Aragon Ballroom. Oh the Brawl Room. The Brawl Room. People are familiar that had a pretty particularly nasty pit at the Aragon Ballroom called the Brawl Room. Yep.

And I used to love Primus. I still love Primus. I'm not kidding. Primus is great. So I've been to like, I don't know, a half a dozen Primus shows at this point in my life. Pretty good pit in a Primus show. You get a pretty good pit in a Primus show. I'm in my late 20s. I go, I'm all excited. And I have not been in a Mosh pit at this point in years.

And I work my way up to the pit and I'm about to get in and I'm like, yeah, I don't need to do this. I'm okay. I was like, I own a house. I don't need to do this anymore. I was like, no, this smells like violence. Like I was like, this smells like a kind of testosterone I don't have anymore. Whatever it is, I got old man testosterone now. I'm not going in there. I'm totally good. Yeah. I, I, when I was a young buck, I used to go to jump in all the pits as much as possible, but there was a certain period in my life

where I was like, nah, I'm done with that. I'm not doing that anymore. Interesting, I was on the floor, what they called like the pit for a nine inch nail show. I want to say it was at UIC, and there really wasn't a ton of moshing going on. There was a lot of people really just enjoying the show, like watching the show and enjoying the show.

I think there was smallish pits that broke out in this little mosh area. I had bought pit tickets. But what occurred was just not, I don't recall it being a very violent lot of moshing sort of thing happening in that area. So I'll tell you a funny Nine Inch Nails. I, as a young man, like I was a huge Nine Inch Nails fan as a young man in the 90s, and the only time I got to see him as a young guy was when they were doing the tour with David Bowie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I hated that tour. I hated that tour. As a young guy, I didn't appreciate it at all. I didn't like Bowie's collab with Nine Inch Nails. I did not like it. It's probably great, and I was just an idiot. I just did not like it.

Yeah, I couldn't tell you. I don't really know it. Fucking, for me, it was a zero out of 10 when Bowie was up there, right? I did not like it. So I got to the concerts of the World Music Theater, which is now, I think, the Tweeter Center. It's an outdoor venue.

And this big outdoor venue, yeah. And I was super pumped to go. I'd not seen a nail show before. I got there, like there's pits, and like every time I got in the pit, security is grabbing people and throwing them out of it. Grabbing people and throwing them out. They were breaking the pit up.

Really? So like you'd get in the pit, and they'd grab you by your shirt and just throw you out of the pit. And at the world, like, there's a pretty good slope. So you just get thrown, and you kind of like lose your balance. It just, it was real easy for them to break the pit up.

So there was no pit at the nail show. Then Bowie comes out, which everybody's excited about, but me, and fucking ruins the concert as far as I was concerned. So I was super bummed. I was like, fuck this. In my brain, I'm like, I never saw a nine inch nails. Like I just, I just discounted the whole thing.

Like, ah, favorite band. I never saw them. Then like. Like I just, I just discounted the whole thing. Like my favorite band. I never saw them. Then like maybe six years, seven years ago, not that long ago, I saw a nine inch nails at the United center or UIC pavilion or somewhere like that. And it was all old bastards like me, dude. And there was no pit and it was all guys with like a 401k. And like we knew, everybody knew every word. And it was just fucking guys with like a 401k. Yeah.

Like we knew everybody knew every word and it was just, we were all standing in our seats and we all have like nice watches now. Yeah. I saw, I saw, we suck. I saw nails a couple of times and there was a violent pit at Rosemont. So there was a violent pit when I went to see him at Rosemont, but when I was at like UIC, it was a smaller pit when I went to see him at Rosemont, but when I was at like UIC, it was a smaller venue and there just wasn't anything there

that was like big or- That's my favorite venues, UIC Pavilion. Yeah. I love, it's just big enough. Yeah, it's not a big venue, but it's, the sound is great. Yeah, yeah. The toughest pit I was ever in before we move on,

the one that hurt the most. Dead Milkman. Oh, I don't doubt it, dude. Dead Milkman, man. And it was like, I got fucking kicked in the shin by this little girl. Her like a motherfucker. She had Doc Martens on.

She looked like a mech in those Doc Martens. She seriously had Doc Martens on that were bigger than her lower body. And she was swinging them like a hammer. It was like Lucinda with two varmint hammers on her feet. And she kicked me super hard in the shit. I was like, Motherfucker! Goddamn it! So angry. But yeah, it's the way they do it. It's so insane.

I had the same experience at a Rancid. I wasn't really a big punk guy, but I liked Rancid. I went to a Rancid show and I was like, oh, pit. And I worked my way up to the pit. I go to the pit and I'm trying to like mosh like it's a metal show and that doesn't work because there's a way to do it. Like it's a good dance.

It is a kind of like primal dance thing. So I'm like trying to do the thing where you're like kind of running in a circle. Yeah. And sort of shoving people. You know, you kind of got your elbows out and stuff. And these guys are like, they've got this fucking arms and legs thing going on. And you're just like getting like punched in the back

of the fucking head kicked and shit. And I'm like, what the shit is this? A hard pass. And there was like, not the sort of circular motion. There was more of a chaos to it. Yeah, it's super chaotic. It's like, yeah. And I was like, I don't like this.

Like, I'm fucking Ruben Sohlo out of here. I went to the crush. Like, as soon as I got kicked, I was like, I'm done. And I like walk up to the front, I'm out of here. And then the the guys like partying and I'm like looking at him my point Adam and I was in the very front row Is they were good for you? Here's the thing though Super easy to push out of the way the people who were who were watching dead milkman They did not stand a chance I was able to move myself to the front of that crowd like I was fucking Moses and

There was nothing in my there wasn't a single person I couldn't move as far as I wanted to oh I just no doubt about it at all I just basically walked I just went from and I walked right up to the front and they're all kind of crushed I just kind of pushed him aside and just stood in front of them It's cuz they all weigh 17 yeah, I mean all like little, they got like that little hair, little piece of hair up here. They're covered in chains and things. Like they're covered in like chains and spikes and shit.

You brought your spikes to the fucking game. What's wrong with you? It's fucking punk stegosaurus in them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fucking metal guys are all like kind of heavy. Yeah.

Like fucking just like, it's like, yeah, it's kind of like. Metal guys are all like Ram of heavy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's how, yeah. Metal guys are all like Ram Man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is so fucking stupid. What a stupid thing to do.

This is from The Guardian. This is fucking unhinged. I kept waiting for the story not to be true somehow. NBA's Hornets sorry after giving child PS5 before taking it back off camera. They did a thing where they did like a game, like a, like an in-game skit where like a young kid goes up and like the cheerleader gives this kid a PS5. Now the Hornets were like, I guess they told the dad ahead of time, hey, we're not really gonna give him a PS5.

But then they give him a PS5 in front of a fucking cheerleader, in front of everybody at the game. Give him a PS5 and then off stage, give me back the PS5 and then give him a fucking jersey. Yeah. Why? Why would, it's a few hundred dollars different? That's the thing that bothers me is like first off a Jersey is like a hundred dollars at least maybe maybe

$150 for a Jersey if you're gonna go to a game and you buy a Jersey Mark that up by a lot more right cuz yeah I don't know if you've bought concert t-shirts at a fucking concert. Dude, they're a million dollars now. They're like, fucking like, you gotta mortgage your house to get a concert t-shirt at a fucking concert. Same thing is true if you want to buy any sports memorabilia stuff at the game, you walk up and they're like, yeah, man, it's like fucking $45 for a hat. Like, it's $45. That's what you pay. And so the idea that like, it's not as expensive. Yeah, it's not as expensive, but it's still it's expensive

Right and they're gonna give it to him anyway And you're like why not just give him the fucking Jersey like what is wrong? They want to make it look like they're given a magnanimous and giving him this thing and it's like well either be Magnanimous or fucking don't but don't lie to your fans like that like why would they do that? It's such a weird who wrote a skit called. Let's give a kid a toy and then take it back Yeah, like what is happening? What kind of insane person? Writes that skit is like they're gonna love it. This will not be a PR disaster The thing is is like a lot of these

places like if you go to like, and it happens a lot at NBA games. At NBA games all across the country, there's a lot of fake shit that happens that they put on camera. So someone will, someone will propose and they'll get turned down in front of everybody. And it's fake. They set it all up ahead of time. So there could be some sort of thing that happens that keeps the crowd and it's drama

and keeps them involved. So there's these things happen all the time. The kiss cam, someone will, you know, like there's something that'll happen with that. I've seen several of these. At a certain point, if I see something happening in a crowd now on a TV, on like any kind of video, I don't believe it's real until you can prove to me that it's not scripted, right? I need to, I need people now to prove to me that this is it because I presume that they're

all scripted. But like, who's the idiot who scripts this out? Like who's the guy who's like, yeah, man, no, we're going to give him and then we're just going to fucking yank. Like I'm going to use a fucking-timey vaudeville hook to PS5 back from this kid would like a why do it to a kid? Like a kid of all the people to play a mean Joke on and I just looked it up because I don't know these things like I can get a fucking PS5 for like

$500 yeah, it's not that much more money. Do I think the Hornets can't afford five? Like I'm sure like a good seat at that game is $500. It's insulting that they wouldn't give that kid a PS5 if that's the case. What did insane things do? And then they're like, oh yeah, that backfired. Here's your PS5. Whoops. Yeah.

They should have been like, here's your PS5 and tickets to the rest of the season's games. We're assholes. Tom. This is, this story, didn't we cover something like this before? Wasn't there a bubble person in the middle of the ocean somewhere else that we covered? Uh, Cecil, you are not misremembering. There was a guy who was going to Transatlantic bubble walk and the coast guards picked him up multiple times and been like, you can't do that. What is wrong with you, hamster man?

And then they haul him back because you can't do that. What's wrong with you, hamster man? But this story, I don't know like how crazy, I just gotta read the whole story because this story is so fucking bonkers and there's like all this like nuggets that I think are sort of tucked in here that like need our attention see, so they need it.

All right. Moment boy floating in middle of sea inside bubble found on Christmas Eve, which is a very strange title. A boy was found out at sea inside a large bubble by an alarmed sailor who was with his family in a boat. Rafael Graco de Prado, 32, was on a boat trip with his children when he saw the bizarre object

floating in the water. As reported by The Mirror, the discovery was made off Luzardo Beach in Uba-duba-ba-bu, São Paulo, Brazil. I mispronounced that. On December the 24th, and footage shows the transparent bubble in the sea with the young boy, aged around eight inside. That's a little kid dude.

That's like a third grader, right? That's a second or third grader. Yeah, that's a little dude. It's understood the youngster was playing with his parents on the beach inside the bubble, which was held by a rope to stop it from blowing away. However, the rope had snapped and the boy drifted out to sea. So now we just have to take a minute

and imagine the beach. And on the beach, evidently, there are tethered bubbles full of babies and stuff. And you just are like, I want to enjoy the beach, but I don't want to watch my kid. What should I do? Stick them in a tethered bubble on the beach. Bubble confinement. It's, I figured it out.

You know, we were worried about us jumping into universes or whatever, but I figured it out. With these bubble children, this is the Matrix. We're in the Matrix. And they tethered up these bubble kids, and they're just there to create power for the robots. I think that's what it is. They've got all these fucking cords and shit sticking out of them. The bubbles are full of fucking amniotic fluid or whatever fucking juice that shit is. What fucking... They're breathing it like that guy in fucking Abyss or whatever.

Yeah. What fucking crazy beach where you like, you rent like a cabana and like a baby bubble. Would you ever put your kid in a fucking bubble? I would never be like, hey, you want to go to the beach? You won't enjoy it. You'll be in a bubble. Not interacting with the beach at all. I would rather just like parent instead or like, I would just not go to the beach.

Yeah. Like if I was that worried, I'd be like, oh yeah, it's too stressful. I'm not going to the beach. I can forgive somebody wanting to get a little shut eye, putting their baby out, setting the baby out for a little while. What I can't forgive is that the thing broke

and then it drifted and they did nothing in the meantime. That's what I can't forgive. Thank you. There's no part, I'll read the rest of the story, but guys, there's no part of the story where like, officials were looking for this kid who had blown out to sea. How strong are the winds that like,

you've got a bubble with a third grader in it, and evidently the wind is so strong that it grabs the bubble, breaks the rope, and shoves the kid into the ocean, skips him like a stone out in the middle of the ocean. Hey, let's have a family vacation at Typhoon Park. We'll put our kid in a plastic bubble. It's like a fucking Christmas ornament.

The fucking pictures of this too are so fucking sad because this poor kid, he's just like sitting in the bubble like fuck. So I'll keep reading because it's fucking nuts. Raphael explained that his main concern was whether or not there was enough oxygen inside the ball. She said, I was worried about whether he was able to breathe or not because those balls can be dangerous.

There's a certain amount of time that you can breathe inside it. I calmed him down. And that was when my daughter started filming. So, so, so. He's so. Hey, you guys want to vacuum seal our kid? And don't you fucking.

What? I love, well Cecil, I gotta tell you, like the God's honest truth here. That's not one of the concerns I would have had. Yeah. I would have been like, oh my God, you could have lived on the ocean forever. I would not, it would even occur to me that you'd run out of fucking oxygen in your weird hermetically sealed fucking ocean beach bubble thing.

His parents essentially sous vided him. I would be like, hey, my biggest concern is you're in the ocean. Yeah, you're in the middle of the ocean right now. The ocean does not care about you. It'd be better if they just drove by really fast on the boat and lassoed him and then kept going. Well, they almost do. Yeah, I know. This is the way they rescue him. He was very scared

alone in the middle of the sea and I asked him if he was breathing well and he gave me a thumbs up. People rent them and leave them here on the shore holding them by a rope. However the rope came loose and a strong wind came which blew the bubble away. In fact it had already hit the rocks and was punctured and leaking. Raphael who who runs a tourism boating business, said at first he spoke to the boy to keep him calm and he called over another boat and they used a rope to bring the plastic bubble back to shore. We put a rope through the bubble

and dragged it as fast as we could because we couldn't go too fast or we would hurt the boy. Why did you not get the kid out of the bubble? You guys, they fucking tow the bubble with the baby in it or the kid in it back to the fucking shore. And they're not doing video of this. I just want to say you can look at the wake, even if you don't play the video. This is like water skiing behind him.

He is skipping across the water. Jesus Christ. Just get him in your boat. Do you like your can shaken or stirred? What an insane rescue. You rescued the bubble. You rescued the bubble. You rescued the bubble, boy. He's just like, I don't want anything to do with that kid.

I'm not touching him. I'm just going to tie a rope to that fucking bubble. A rope already broke once. You know, I feel like there's other rescue opportunities for bubbles. Could you imagine if you're on the side of a mountain and somebody just put you in a bubble and then rolled you down to like a beach ball? Dude, have you seen, Cecil, there is a viral video. You know what a zorb is? Uh, no.

A zorb is like, you can like go places and get in. So imagine like a giant- Big hamster ball. Inflatable hamster ball. They're huge. You can get in them. Sometimes they'll put water in them and you slide around while it rolls, right? There's a video of this dude in a Zorb and he's supposed to go down this part of this mountain that's set up for Zorbs to go down. But the thing takes a fucking weird bounce and goes ba-doo, just off the side of the mountain. So he's like, he's this tourist, he's like,

yeah, ba-doo-doo-da, ba-ka-roop, and it like takes a fucking hard left, and he just mountains. He just is gone, dude. It's just like, ba-ka-roop. Did he land in the ocean and these guys pull him to shore? He just drag him, vz-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z-z- They hook it up to one of those cigarette boats and do about 120. And now I'm suspenseful. Does he survive? He does not.

No, he fucking zorbs his way down the mountain, but he's fucking homogenized. So I don't want to look up this video is what you're telling me. But it's like a viral video. I've seen it pop up like more than once. Like places like Reddit, whatever, you know, the likes. Yeah, just like it like supposed to go this way. And instead of like takes a weird bounce, it just goes away. The guy who ran him the Zorb's like,

he signed the fucking waiver. Oh, wow. Yeah, right? I gotta get the Zorb and hose out the inside now. God, dude. I was not a part of me that would want to do that, but there was probably a part of me when I was younger that would want to do that.

Yeah, 100% when I was younger, I would have been like, yeah, fucking Zorb me up. Now I'll break my hip. Like, now I'm like, fuck that. I'm like fucking as fragile as Nancy Pelosi. Are you kidding me? Like, I'm fucking, I'm like, I'm like one step above Mitch McConnell.

Like, I'm going to turn black any moment. Just freeze? I'm going to freeze, and then I'm like, my body's going to be taken over by some sort of weird blackness. It starts to creep up in here. All right, that's gonna be it for this episode. We'll be back on Monday with another episode, but we're gonna leave you like we we always do, with the skeptics created.

Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram pyramidal free energy healing, water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch, Pressurized Stereogram Pyramidal Free Energy Healing Water Downward Spiral Brain Dead Pan Sales Pitch Late Night Info Docutainment Leo Pisces Cancer Cures

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