Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 82: God is Great? Eh - Could Be Better...

Episode Date: January 12, 2013

Foster called in,  - Places to pronounce:1.         Llanelli2.         Machynlleth3.         Aberdaugleddau4.         Castell-nedd5.         Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

Today's show is brought to you by Audible. Please visit audiblepodcast.com forward slash dissonance pod for your free audio book download. Hey, you're listening to Cognitive Dissonance, a show that's made up of preformed, uninformed opinion aimed at an audience intelligent enough to form their own. So if you're the type that's easily offended, what can I say but, hey, Sue, come out and pence. The ill is in the mind that thinks it. Yeah, we get pretty pissed off around here when we read the news.

So if you're the type to find schoolyard-level bad language more offensive than hearing about a priest leaving some little kid with a face like a bulldog getting cussed at, well, fuck you. Go listen to some other podcast that's set in whatever fairyland you come from. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political, and there is no welcome mat.

This is episode 82 of Cognitive Dissonance with a special intro, Cecil, by a bulldog eating custard. You'd be surprised their dexterity with a computer and editing software. It's pretty amazing. That was Matt, who does a lot of images for us, also made a quick intro for us. Remember that if you ever want to send us something and we like it, we'll play it. So if you want to do an intro or you want to do an outro or you just want to send us something, maybe call us on the phone. We'll play it if we like it. So remember that.

Hi there. I am stuck in a pair of handcuffs. I'm going to need help getting out before this becomes a medical emergency. What's the problem? I am stuck in a pair of handcuffs. You're stuck in a pair of handcuffs? Yes, playing with them. So I need some help getting out. Our first story is from KSDK.com, where, incidentally, Cecil, the news comes first.

So don't get any misapprehensions otherwise. It totally does, because every time you load this page, this cocksucker starts talking at you. Priest's 911 call after getting stuck in handcuffs goes viral. This shit is fucking perfect. Let me tell you about this story real quick. This priest basically Hannibal Lecter's himself. Totally does. Or he gets a buddy to Hannibal Lecter him.

But his buddy is a terrible buddy, if that's the case, because he gets stuck in the handcuffs and left to his own fucking devices. So much so he has to call 911. He had to call 911, Tom. But wasn't he handcuffed? He was. And my first thought is, how'd you dial? How did you dial?

Well, and my first response was, I'm sure he was still hard enough to dial at that point. The thing is, you hope he has a tablet. He's either got a tablet or a tiny wang. It's like banging away at the touchscreen with your dong. It keeps just, it's like I'm hitting all the numbers. What if it's one of those old Nokias with the buttons that are really hard to press in? You got to want it, man. It strikes me as unlikely that somebody this dumb would have a smartphone.

It's true. It's true. This guy probably had to dial it with his fucking nose. And the dispatcher is fucking incredulous. Of course. Wouldn't you be? He's like, you're stuck in handcuffs? I'm fucking stuck in handcuffs.

Still stuck in handcuffs here. Handcuffs. Still stuck in handcuffs here. I like – the first image that came to mind when I was thinking about this was the image from Pulp Fiction where it's like, go get the gimp. Right. There's a moment there where they're talking about the mask being a leather dominatrix type mask with a metal bar in his mouth. So he's got a call bit like a fucking horse. At some point, when you're playing fucking S&M bondage games, you've either got to have a trustworthy partner or the key to your fucking handcuffs nearby.

You know, what is your safe word when there's a bar in your mouth? Your safe word's got to be a whinny, I think, at that point. Like, hmm. How fucking awesomely humiliating. This guy can't work in this. I mean, how do you ever return to work? And, Tom, here's the thing. It wouldn't even be remotely a story, right? Because how many fucking dipshits walk in with a gerbil in their ass to the ER every day? Of course.

It's got to happen, you know, all the time. You know, people do, you know, I got my dick stuck in a vacuum cleaner. It doesn't matter. Whatever. You know, that shit happens. ERs are full of people who have stuck their private parts or things in their private parts like you wouldn't believe. It would not even be a story if the guy wasn't a public figure who is sworn to celibacy and anti-gay. Right, of course. And here is a guy whose part of his job is to preach about sexual morals. The priesthood invests a tremendous amount of time in preaching to people about sexual morals. Right. And this dude has fucking Hannibal Lecter'd himself to get off.

I think he's even, is he in the church when this happens? Yeah, he was. I thought he was in it because they were standing outside the church when they did the story. You've got to – imagine a comparable scenario, right, where this happens to you at work. Like everybody leaves the office. You're the only one there. You're like, you know, maybe it's time to break out the old metal bar gag and handcuff myself in this orange jumpsuit so I can, oh, shitty, shitty, shit, shit. Where are the damn?

I mean, this is a lack of planning that is monumental in scope. It really is. It really is. I love, I love the idea that you're somehow handcuffed, you know, because probably what happened is he had a, he had somebody there and the person maybe just wasn't interested anymore. And that's a real common thing with – when you're being the M part of the S&M that they will leave you. They'll leave you for a while and that's – maybe he just got sick of waiting for the person to come back. Or maybe he pissed him off.

Like maybe you're not in the power position here. You know, maybe be nice. You weren't submissive enough to me. So now I'm leaving. And now you'll be submissive to the 911 operator. I love the angry, resigned tone in his voice. You know, it's like, you're stuck in hang. Yes, I'm stuck in hang.

There had to be that moment before he picked up the phone where he's just berating himself mercilessly. In the name of Jesus, we speak that. Speak that. Oramana Shandakaraba. Lokoramene mele. Jere kere burushida. Kere birasa. Uka chaka. Uka chaka.

Uka chaka. Uka chaka. I'm hooked on a feeling. I'm high on believing. So this story is from Reuters. Pope says Catholic Church must stand firm against, quote, intolerant agnosticism, end quote. I can see the Pope railing against intolerant atheism. But agnosticism?

I don't know for sure. How dare you be so intolerant? I think maybe could be, maybe couldn't be. What? I find your position offensive, sir. What I thought was interesting in this article, like, you know, it's big popa. So he obviously, this 85-year-old dude sometimes says some weird shit. But one of the things he says that I think is rather telling, he says, anyone who lives and proclaims the faith of the church is on many points out of step with the prevalent way of thinking. The approval of the prevailing wisdom, however, is not the criterion to which we submit. however, is not the criterion to which we submit. And what that says to me is that they don't recognize that you can have an outdated sense of morality. That's a possibility. Ideas and about what is ethical, that sort of thing changes. It's not – morality isn't solid.

It's fluid and the reason why is because – and there's proof because all you have to do is look back and be like, OK, well, we no longer have slaves. That was allowed. We used to hit our children more. We don't. That's sort of shunned. I think there's a possibility that in the future we may shun people who eat meat, who kill animals for food. I think as time goes on, our morality in certain things shifts. And if you don't pay attention to that and if you don't think about that, you are still prescribing to a bygone way of thinking.

And I think that that's – you know, he's explaining his position perfectly here. Well, you know, what strikes me about that is what's so dangerous there for him to admit, you know, is that if, as you say, and I agree with you, if morality is not static, but is fluid, then that argument that we get our moral teachings from God, that only works. Like that whole argument, that whole, you know, this is why we all have a conscience. Like it comes from this innate center imbued in us by our creator. That only works if that center is static. If we can show, and we can show, if that begins to morph and change with times and

with culture and with advances in what we come to understand about us as human and social animals, if those things change, well, holy shit. I mean, how could that be imbued by a perfect creator if it morphs and changes. It's a dangerous idea. Absolutely it is. And I think one of the things that I don't want to say is there are certain things that we don't think are correct. And when you look at the things that I talked about, when you look at slavery, when you look at sort of the beating your kids, the homosexuality is being more accepted. All of those things are actually us being more moral, right? That's us being – that's us paying more attention to our fellow person.

It's us being empathetic. It's not – what he wants us to do is be less moral, I think. He is looking for us to do is be less moral I think. He is looking for us to shun homosexuals. He is looking at this in a totally different way. And so I think that if somebody were to say, well, you think morality is fluid, I do think it's fluid. I do think that there's some of it that it's just impossible to change. It's too deep in the fluid. But I think as time goes on, you're going to see us become more empathetic and I think, in my opinion, more moral.

Cecil, this story is awesome because of two things. First of all, it's from myfoxphilly.com, which is just fucking weird. Foxphilly? It's like foxhorse.com. Philly. It's like Foxhorse dot com. It's so weird. And when I first read that I thought it was my Fox be hilly. You know.

I was like is that some backward hillbilly bullshit spelling? It is. It works for Fox. Grieving family shocked to learn of second service they never planned for uncle. This is a great story. Dude dies. Family has a service for him.

They had a full-on fucking funeral. Fucking buried this guy. And his local church decided, man, that wasn't profitable enough. That's exactly it, right? And it's funny too because this guy was active in his church. The family had a service that was a private paper, a, another obituary, a bigger obituary than the original one with a photo. And they say, come on down.

We're going to have a memorial service for him in lieu of flowers. Feel free to donate to our church youth group. And they have like a collection plate on the altar for him. And they have on the – basically they have a little wreath on the dais there with a hat and like his picture on it. And then a collection plate underneath it basically just to come on down and donate to him uh so that basically they could take the money i think it's i think it's you know first off i would be insulted if this was my family if somebody did this to my family i would be so insulted i'd be like how dare you take it upon yourself to do this we already buried dear old grandpa yeah he's already dead we've

already we're already moved past that um but uh but it's sort of – there's an interview in this video. And if you go to this – go to our website, dissonancepod.com and click on the link there, you'll see the video. And in the video, the pastor is just like, oh, well, it's not about the money. You're like, okay, well, if it's not about the money, then why is the collection played out there? It's not about the money. Also, please give me the money. You know, it's like me going to work on the 15th of the month and being like, thank you for the paycheck.

It's not about the money. But if you stop giving me these, I'm not coming to work anymore. Yeah, right. It's about the fucking money. That's what it's about. This is awesome. Like, I read this and it's like, second verse, same as the first.

Just keep on. It's like the memorial, the sequel. This time it's impersonal. No, what they really needed to do was exhume him and then bury him again. That's what they really needed to do. They weren't in it to win it, I don't think. The priest should just stand up there

as whole eulogy. He should just be like, Mendoza! That should be the whole thing. It's so fucking stupid. I also see, so I have to point out, that some crazy shit must be happening where

Fox Philly reports. Because just looking at the local news bar on the right, man found sleeping on woman's couch chased with machete. Delaware Road flagger robbed near high school. Officer loses gun in parking lot. It's like, what the fuck is going on over there? You know, as much as I want one of their sandwiches, I'm never going there.

It's chaos. It's madness in the streets. You can bury fucking people twice. It doesn't matter. There's no body the second time. It's just a hat. As a man who wears a hat, I would be a little offended. This story is from

Wout. from Wout.com. Wout. The six news, the people you know, the news you trust. Iowa Church blesses Missouri River. Whole fucking river's blessed now. Yeah, well, I don't know. You can't do that. You can only bless a certain portion of it.

The worst part about blessing just a certain portion is it eventually goes downstream. It's just got to stand there and perpetually bless it. Bless me the river. Bless me the river. Bless me the river. I'm still missing some of the river. Bless me the river. I'm so tired.

It really sucks when there's a fast current because then you need need that micro-machines guy who talks really fast. Or like an auctioneer. Yeah, it's like, I think people are buying cattle, blessing rivers. They don't know what the fuck they're doing. Bystanders are befuddled. Somebody walks away with a key to a storage unit. It's like, hey, this is a scam too.

What the fuck? Yeah, how do you bless the river when the river be flowing? You're blessing the river so it doesn't flood. Was the river cursed previously? And the water moves out. That shit's over and done. You got new water coming. If it it floods tomorrow you can't even be

pissed off about it you didn't bless that part you didn't bless that part the thing I don't think they understand is that blessings don't actually penetrate more than two feet in the water so you can bless part of it but you're not going to bless the whole thing

what you need is a diver in scuba gear to go down and bless the banks of the, you know, in the actual water bed, you know, the river bed underneath the water. The blessing is like shooting a BB gun into an apple. It's like, oh, that was anticlimactic. What the fuck? You know, water, God is powerless against water. I mean, you know, look at what happened during the 40 days and 40 nights. Completely powerless. I wish I could stop it, but my hands are tied.

He can't cross running water, right? We established last week that he can't come into your house without asking. He can't cross running water. He's basically the headless horseman. What is a headless horseman? The god of Ichabod Crane. running water. He's basically the headless horseman. What is a headless horseman? The god of Ichabod Crane. He's like throwing flaming pumpkin

heads at everybody. It's the worst power ever. This deity sucks. There's all these people that always talk about God's plan, God's plan. Don't you think he planned this river out too? He didn't count on the Missouri River. He just, who put that there? What the fuck? If only somebody

would bless it, then I could prevent it from flooding. Somebody put a river here. Where did that river come from? Is that on my map? Oh, I got an old atlas. That's what I got. I got me an old atlas. Someone needs to put a bridge up because I can't cross the running water.

Oh, y'all didn't want a flood? Y'all didn't want your homes destroyed? Oh, man, why didn't you bless that river? Idiots. Fucking idiots. Bless the river. Yeah. You've got a one or two and they're like, oh, I got it.

Finally, a solution to our flooding problem. What is it? And not sandbags. No. Should we build our house on sticks? Should we not have riverfront property knowing that there is a historical 100% chance likelihood that eventually the goddamn river is going to flood like it does time and time and time again in memorial? No.

We'll just bless the river. This show is brought to you by Audible. Audible is the Internet's leading provider of spoken word entertainment with more than 100,000 titles available. You can get a free audio book download by going to audible podcast slash dissonance pod. And you can download damn near anything that you'd like to listen to, including Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point, which Cecil, you and I have both listened to. Yeah, Tipping Point is a very interesting book. One of the things that I thought was interesting about it, and this is sort of a shift off of – because we've been listening to either skeptic books and most recently philosophy books. I think that this book is very interesting. I think it talks about, in specific, how word of mouth really works, word of mouth advertising really truly works. And then it also talks about several ways in which really simple, tiny things have changed, have had some major impacts in society as a whole.

And one of my favorite stories in this is about the New York subway system and how they changed things there using what they called the broken windows policy, where they tried to clean up the subway. And by cleaning up the subway, it started to affect the passengers. And it's a really interesting book. One of the things that I really thought a lot about was how to get something like that going on with gun control, and he does talk about the massive shootings we have in the epilogue of this book. So I thought it was a really

interesting read and sort of timely too. You can get your free copy right now. I have to go to our website, dissonancepod.com. There's an Audible link right there. You can click on it and it'll take you to the requisite page, or you can go to audiblepodcast.com forward slash DissonancePod.com. There's an Audible link right there. You can click on it, and it will take you to the requisite page. Or you can go to AudiblePodcast.com forward slash DissonancePod. If you're not a subscriber, subscribe today. It helps the show out. This story is from Hindustan Times. Asaram Bapu adds to shame, says victim is at fault too.

This story is just horrible. This story is in reference to the gang rape and murder of a young woman in Delhi. And this religious asshole comes out and basically blames the victim, blames the victim of a murderous gang rape. Yeah. Of a murderous gang rape, how much more despicable a human being can get is – I think he has actually set a bar at this point for religious commentary. This is Westboro Baptist hateful. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think – I agree wholeheartedly, Tom. I think this is a common tactic that the religious will use. I'm going to read directly from this article. I'm going to mispronounce his name. Ass Ram is what I'm going to call him because he's an ass ram.

The girl should have taken God's name and could have held the hand of one of the men and said, I consider you my brother. And the other two should have said, brothers, I am helpless. You are my brothers, my religious brothers. Then the misconduct wouldn't have happened. And I can't help when I read this, Tom, be reminded of the email stories. I remember back when the internet was still pretty young, there was those forward stories that you would get all the time, email forward stories. And I'm reminded of one of a woman who walks down an alley and she prays because there's a guy walking behind her and she goes home. And the next day she finds out that another woman walked down the same alley and was raped in the alley. And when they asked the rapist why didn't you rape the girl, he said, well, she was walking with a big, strong guy and I didn't rape her.

And she said she was alone and the guy is an angel. And what it really says is that the second girl didn't believe in God or pray hard enough, so therefore she was raped. And what this is saying is you weren't faithful enough. You didn't rely on your faith to save you, so that's why you got it. That's why you got fucked with a metal bar. Yeah, and never mind the culture that enables this kind of shit to happen. That's not the problem. Let's not address any of those issues because those are difficult, you know, and those are

complicated and those involve a total reexamination of the gender disparity and power disparities that exist within the culture. Let's throw that out. Let's just say, well, you know, he says this could not have happened. He basically says it takes two to tango. He says in a recent sermon that no mistake could be committed just by one side. Well, that's not true when six dudes attack you and beat the guy you're with with an iron bar. This isn't a, hey, you know, she's kind of at fault too for what being

on a bus being a woman not not believing enough not holding the hand of somebody who's beating and raping you and saying i consider you my brother you know i it is unimaginable to me that somebody really thinks that that somebody with power would really stand up in front of their religious supplicants and spread this kind of a message it is so unbelievably abhorrent to say that this guy should be i mean he should be dragged out into the street and mocked and humiliated and removed from any position of power or authority because he's clearly a hateful fucker. Yeah. There's a part of this article too where he says that the guy basically quickly stepped in to explain what her guru meant was that incidents like rape could be averted by chanting hymns and taking God's name.

And they're actually going to change their slogan to this religion to pray harder so he's limper. Prayer. It's the anti-Viagra. Nothing kills a boner like prayer. Yeah. Man, I was totally going to rape you until you started talking about God. Yeah, man.

It's definitely a date stopper. I don't think it's a rape stopper. I feel like this is a perfect example of religious grandstanding to make people afraid so that they follow you. Make people afraid so that they follow you. You're inserting fear into this and basically offering people a get out of rape free card by saying this stuff. You're providing a solution. First, it's that old thing that Hitchens says. You're basically – you're born sick and then we give you the cure. This is exactly it. It's like they're finding things and they do this all the time. They find things in the world that make

you afraid and they say, well, you don't have to be afraid of those things if you follow this thing that we all follow. And don't forget your checkbook. And what kind of God is this? This God either stands by and does nothing while this woman is raped and murdered and is what may be going to later punish the –

Yeah, there was a – Step in. Yeah, there was a thing on the atheist – Matt Del Honte's show, the Atheist Experience this week, where somebody said exactly that. this week where somebody said exactly that. This woman said, this guy was talking about, he's like child rapist. She's like, at least I'm better than your God in that I would stop a child rapist if I could. Either he doesn't care or he's going to allow them to shut the door and he'll punish them later. And she's like, I'm better than your God in this case. And the guy said, well, you know, that's presuming the girl is without sin. And Dillahunty immediately called him a shithead Christian and fucking dumped him off the air. Good for Dillahunty.

That's how these people should be responded to. Like, no room for this in polite society. There's just no room for it. I just pray over this equipment. We speak over the PowerPoint presentations, all of the video projectors. And we say, devil, we know what you love to do in meetings like this, and we say you will not, in Jesus' name, you

will not prevent this message from going out. No microphone problems in Jesus' name. This story is from CNN.com. Florida I don't know why I'm laughing a little. I'm a mean motherfucker. This is a tragic kind of story, man. It is. It's terrible. Florida plane crash survivor. This is a tragic kind of story, man. It is. It's terrible.

Florida plane crash survivor. God is good. God is good. It could be better. Yeah, well, you know, here's what happened in this story. I'm going to take this one here. Well, you know, here's what happened in this story. I'm going to take this one here.

It says, basically, this woman is in her house and a four-seater plane crashes into it, killing the three occupants dead. And she gets out alive. And her statement is, God is good. He really is. I got out without a scratch on me, a little bruise from taking a tumble through the window. But other than that, I'm fine. I'm blessed. Truly, God was with me.

And the thing is, Tom, I think she's right. This bitch was bogarting God that day. You know, she was totally – if she would have used a little less God, maybe she would have broke her ankle and the other guys would have been in serious and critical condition but at least alive. But instead, this bitch is like, no, I just want a fucking bruise out of this deal. I don't care. Like, I'm not going to get a cut. I'm not going to get a broken ankle.

I'm not going to get a broken leg. I'm not going to get wind up underneath some wreckage. No, no. I'm using all the God I have and taking all your God away. All the God points. Well, you know, the problem is, and a lot of people don't know this because I'm making it up, but God is land bound, you know? So as soon as you take off, as soon as you're in the air,

he's just like, fucking nothing I can do. That shit's magic as far as I'm concerned. I don't know how those things stay up there. Look, I don't fly. The angels fly. He's like, Bernoulli, what? I don't got what? Airlifts and air currents.

You're making my head spin. Y'all are on your own up there. I don't got one. Airlifts and air currents. You're making my head spin. Y'all are on your own up there. God is good. Can you imagine how insulted you'd feel if your family died in a plane crash and somebody's, like, standing outside the smoking rubble? And the dead bodies of your family are Like, hey, God sure is good. It's like, wait, God's good. Like, they didn't get a fucking lottery ticket.

They crashed. They plummeted from the fucking sky like a human meteorite. Yeah. Burning everything. And then, of course, you know, the parts where she's like, oh, my daughter was home, but she went to school back early and she would have been dead. And I left my son at daycare that day or my grandson, and he would have died because he would have been standing in front of the television. Yeah, you're making up a lot of things. You're basically saying the places where those people – I put them in my imagination, they would have died. Well, you got out just fine.

What if you were all congregating in the exact same spot? Right. They would have been fine. What if the kid was outside and wouldn't have been hurt? What if the girlfriend was at the fucking grocery store? I was going to say, what if you guys just weren't – none of you were home. You wouldn't have even had the bruise. You could have gotten out of this thing scot-fucking-free.

All you had to do was just not be home for a minute. You know, how long did this event take? I have to admit, when I saw this, I thought of one of those mayhem commercials. Oh, man, the guy. That would be awesome because the guy would be coming down. He would have his crazy hair, and his arms would be outstretched flying like a plane as he smashed into the building. I pictured his head out the window like a dog, like laughing at the wind. Protected from mayhem like me.

That's awesome. So we're going to take a quick break, give you information on how to contact us and such. I want to remind our listeners that whenever you go to our website, if you ever go to our website, DissonancePod.com, there's a huge subscribe button right in the center. If you haven't subscribed yet to our podcast, we urge you to subscribe to our podcast. It helps with our numbers and it helps us reach you every week. So if you haven't ever subscribed, go to our website, dissonancepod.com, click on the big subscribe to our feed button. It's right dead center in the middle. It's an orange button in the dead center in the middle of the page. But we're going to give you some

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Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. So Cecil, this story is from Fox News. We're giving Fox a lot of press. A lot of press today for Fox. Marriage of 90-year-old Saudi man, 15-year-old girl sparks controversy. This is not actually Hugh Hefner's story. It's close. But it is not actually Hugh hugh hefner story um 90 year old saudi dude pays 17 500 to

this 15 year old girl's family that's the dowry that he pays and then he basically buys this girl and she is appropriately terrified cecil? Because she married the fucking cryptkeeper. Wouldn't you be afraid? I'm afraid just reading this story. No kidding. Like fucking liver spotted with his walker, like chasing this little 15-year-old girl around the house. Fucking hell. Oh.

This guy's still interested, man. Did you mention the dowry size? Yeah, 17,500 bones. That's cheap to buy a woman. It really is pretty cheap. And, you know, the thing I think that's the most important part about this story is— Although at 90 you're renting. Yeah, at that point it's like a reverse mortgage.

You know what I mean? It's like a reverse mortgage. You know what I mean? You're willing to basically give away all your – because you're going to basically give away all your money to this girl in like six and a half months. for human rights member Suhullah Zain Al-Abbadaba said – urged authorities to get involved according to Al-Abbadaba. It says Abedin said marriage in Islam must be based on mutual consent and the girl's behavior indicates that she was not satisfied with the arrangement. Wouldn't mutual consent mean that no money changes hands? Yeah. How they could possibly have imagined that consent occurred when you buy a woman from her parents? Right. And then she's so afraid on her wedding night that she locks herself in the room for two straight days before fleeing the house.

Consent doesn't happen after the fact, right? It's not consent when you're like, I did a thing. Do you agree that I did it? Like, yes, I agree that you did it. But that's not consent. Like, that's just a restatement of facts. Right. Yeah, that's a creepy thing, though.

90 years old, the guy's got to—you know, I mean, you've got to have so much skin around your pecker at that point. How do you even find it? This is a guy who at 90 years old is still like, I need me a fresh one. Oh, my God. 15-year-old. Bring me someone who can't drive. Well, I guess none of them can drive. Yeah, I guess none of the women can drive. Bring me one of that. drive. Well, I guess none of them can drive. Yeah, I guess none of the

women can drive. Bring me one of that. They're all in headscarves. It's a fucking sophomore in high school. I know. Like, that's the thing is like, I I'm, I've seen girls that are 18, 19, you know, anything and younger and I still think they're like, man, they're young. Right.

Could you imagine being 90 years old and meeting a 15-year-old? They're not having intellectual conversations, I don't think. You're 75. She's not. She's not anything. She's not even zygote yet. You're 75 years old.

Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. That's fucking horrible. You were born in the 20s. Bring me one of those flapper chicks. Oh my gosh. I gotta have a sprightly young thing to do the Charleston with. Oh my gosh. You're totally born in the 20s.

That's awesome. And she was born in the 90s. That's awesome. And she was born in the 90s. Late 90s. Late 90s, man. Late 90s. What year did Kurt Cobain die? Like, I think she's born post-Kurt Cobain. Yeah, she's like a post-Cobain.

That's horrible. God, that's funny. Well, we wouldn't want this to be a non-consensual marriage. Yeah. How do the vows work? Like, do you, ancient relic of a man? Wake him up again. Wake him up.

Yeah. Did you properly pay for and purchase this woman? Did the parents sign over the title to her? They totally did. You got to register it with the abusive women vehicles. You gotta get your city sticker. You're an atheist. Give me a fucking break, Michael.

Alright, you know what? We need to start going to church every week. This story is from the Friendly Atheist blog. The 700 Club. Once atheists have kids, they'll start believing in God. Once more, the 700 Club. I mean, just, these guys are just terrific. Gordon Robertson, Pat's son, and Christy Watts are discussing how all of the nuns,

so the nuns are big news. The nuns are part of the millennial generation that is in increasing numbers coming out and saying that they have no religious affiliation. Obviously, this scares the hell out of the fundies and evangelical wackadoos. So they're talking about it. And basically, they're ace in the hole. Their trump card that they're playing is wait until they turn 23. Bum, bum, bum. When they have kids though.

That's the thing is when they have 23 and they have kids. Or if they have 23 kids. I got to say two here, Tom. Before we move on, Robertson's son is a pale comparison to the old man. I got to say he is the least electric person I've ever seen. It's like watching Droopy give a fucking newscast. He's just like, you know, I don't want to do a thing.

Like, he was so bad at this. I could not believe how awful he was at it. He didn't even sound like he was even remotely interested in what he was talking about. But the woman he's talking to, the bobblehead that he's talking to, because she says even here, you see me nodding my head?

I'm just about nodding my head off. I saw, I love that. Yeah, the bobblehead he's talking to agrees with him. Basically what he's saying is that you need the Bible to raise children because if you're an atheist and you don't have God, how do you raise them? How do you raise your children? It just – it escapes his tiny fucking grape-sized mind that people can actually be moral without

a supreme being. You're telling them to put their fucking Legos away the same way you do if you have God. Except for this time you don't threaten them with hell. Right. It's just like, how are you going to have kids? Well, you have kids, it's going to be hard. You're going to have kids, it's going to be hard. Well, you guys make it harder on yourselves by making kids fearful and anxious, by having

to do these fucking verbal and intellectual backflips required to at once explain to a child that there is a benevolent God, but this all-loving benevolent God will fry you in the frying pan of hell for all time if you touch your pee-pee too much. They are incongruent. There's a little bit of cognitive dissonance. Just a little. Just a little bit of cognitive dissonance one must – Just a little. Just a little.

Reconcile there. As an atheist, you just skip all that. You're like, touch yourself when you're alone. Problem solved. It's like you don't have to – it's a short conversation. God damn. And the thing is that I think you can easily raise more moral and more empathetic. Like we were talking earlier about empathy, right?

I think you can raise people that are moving forward and more forward thinking without God because you don't have to explain to them that being gay is wrong and that, you know. I mean how do you sit down with your son and say, well, yeah, they allowed slavery in the Bible, but we don't anymore. Well, why? Well, because, well, the Bible didn't change. People changed. So you sit down with the Bible. There's all these inconsistencies.

I would much rather teach my child ethics from a standpoint of humanism than have to tiptoe the minefield that is the Bible. Yeah, I mean I totally agree with you. It is easier. the impression that they cannot conceive of a way to understand a world, understand a moral worldview that isn't from on high, that isn't a top-down worldview. And that just means like, well, you've clearly, you've never had to give this any thought. You've never had to stop and consider, well, what is right and wrong? And how do I know what's right and wrong? And is it always the same in every circumstance? And what does it mean to be one of the good guys? You know, like, how do I live a life of integrity? Like, those are questions that a man or a woman should ask of themselves. And clearly, I mean, they are incapable of formulating even the barest

conception of a world where that is possible. It's not that they can't even get to the idea of the questions, much less the answers. I don't practice Santeria. I ain't got no crystal ball. I had a million dollars, but I'd spend it all if I could. This story is from MiamiHerald.com. South Beach, Santa Ria. Decapitated animals wash up near condo. Horrify residents.

Maybe a new diet in the works. The South Beach Diet. Now with more decapitated goat. The South Beach Diet. Now with more decapitated goat. The South Beach Diet is whatever you can find that has been decapitated on the beach. The problem is goat heads are very fatty. Well, and then what happens when you find a bum?

If it's decapitated, it's fair game. Anything decapitated. Oh, my God. I'm so over my Weight Watchers points this week. I ate a whole bum. I've been entering decapitated bum into MyFitnessPal. And it's coming up with something. It's not working out. Do you know how many calories are in a decapitated bum?

You basically have to work out for like 36 hours straight. My Dutch oven isn't big enough for this. How am I going to brace all this bum? I had to butcher this bum down into little pieces and freeze part of it.

I went to my butcher. What are the primals on a bum? Do you have bum tenderloin? Bumderloin. It's a chuck roast because it's chuck. It's chuck. The eye of round is really the eye.

Oh, no. This is terrible. Oh, man. We know too many cuts of meat. Yeah. Yeah. It tells the audience how fat we are. We're just like, we know all the pieces.

Oh, my God. Oh, man. Bum brisket. Bum brisket. Bum briskets. Corned bum. If it's a Jewish bum, it's kosher. Kosher bum. It's terrible.

The thing is that a bum wasn't found. It's terrible. The thing is that a bum wasn't found. We have sufficiently jettisoned this story. What story? I want to talk about Sanaria before we move on, though. What the fuck is going on with that shit? I love this animal sacrifice.

And then they're just like, why are the bodies washing up on the beach? You sacrifice the animal, and then you throw it in the ocean? Like, okay, you've got a dead chicken. Eat the chicken! That's the first thing I'm thinking. It's like, I got a dead chicken. Clearly, I have no problem with killing chickens. Right.

Just eat the chicken. Just be like, define my future. And my future says this skin will be brown and crispy. No kidding, right? This goat will be delicious with a mint sauce. Santeria is one of those like Crazy mixed up Like it's the sort of like Mix it together Potpourri religion

It totally is a potpourri of religion It's awesome And it involves you know characteristics Of a number of faith Traditions and you know Pagan and other practices And you know pagan and catholic And you know, pagan and other practices and, you know, pagan and Catholic and, you know, all kinds of shit kind of fucking mish-moshed together.

And I guess at the end of the day, it results in dead animals. I don't really know. Yeah. Like, step one, cut off goat head. Step two, stand around bewildered while you cut off the goat's head. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth.

You can't handle the truth. This story is from ABC News. Indonesian town bans women straddling motorbikes, saying it is improper and against Islam. I don't think motorbikes were invented. Like what Mohammed wasn't like, what do we have to say about motorbikes? We haven't invented them yet. I don't know.

Nothing. Write something on page 10 about it. Fucking nothing to say about that. I like this too, because it says, women in the town of a town I could not even remotely pronounce. I can't even.

It's L-H-O-K-S-E-U-M-A-W-E. I have no idea. I mean, they need to buy a vowel at the beginning or shift some of the vowels at the end to the beginning because I can't even start to pronounce that. Lakshmowe. Lakshmowe. Lakshmowe. You sound awesome when you say this. Anyway, in this town I can't pronounce, we'll be told from Monday they cannot straddle a motorcycle or a scooter, especially when sitting behind a man, and instead must ride side saddle. You know, they also probably should be like, well, you can't wear a helmet because that gets away with a hijab.

So you can't wear a helmet either. So, you know, basically religion first, then safety. That's basically what they're saying. Because, I mean, how fucking hard is it to ride side saddle? Basically, the point of a motorcycle is that it's balanced. It's okay to ride side saddle on a horse because a horse, you know, you're not super balanced up there as big wide ass you get to sit on. Totally different than a little skinny motorcycle seat. You ride side saddle on that thing. Can you imagine what would happen to you? Yes, I can imagine very easily. You fall off a motorcycle. Clearly it is not against Islam to

get fucking road rash. Like road rash is definitely proper for women. Like falling off a motorcycle and getting chewed up by the pavement. A number one plus. They're worried. You know, I like too that they don't want to be sitting behind a man. Right. Okay. If the dude's sitting behind her, maybe there could be some action going on.

Yeah, no kidding, right? Something could actually happen. She's sitting behind him. What, is he going to flip his dick back around like a flip-top dick? How does that... I'm baffled by why this is a problem

because it might... I mean, is it they're just worried about too much power between her legs? Yeah, I mean, I think their next step is they're going to ban motorcycles from vibrating. We're going to have to cease all engine vibration. Engine vibration is against Islam. It's against Islam. The Sibian machine.

They can't have cucumbers in their salad. The women can't handle cucumbers, right? I remember that. When they had that story where they're like, the man has to cut any phallic vegetables in the kitchen. where they're like, the man has to cut any phallic vegetables in the kitchen. Now they don't want anything that vibrates. They're basically just taking away all pleasure from women.

That's basically what they're doing. The Sibian machine will actually go back in time and kill Muhammad. That's how against Islam. They have to ride their Sibian side saddle too, Tom. This is pointless. This really isn't doing anything Howard Stern's just disappointed he's just like yeah he's just like oh god the worst guest I've had in the studio why did I even buy this thing what a waste of money so we got a couple voicemails I want to play for you,

one from Brian in East Texas and then another person talking about relics. Hi, guys. It's Brian again from East Texas. Just listening to the latest episode and thought I'd pitch my two cents in about the victim blaming that the church put out in that Christmas mass or whatever the hell that thing is called. Anyway, it's kind of funny that it's coming from a priest. You know, you've got to take where it's coming from. You know, when they blame it, say, well, it's provoking everyone by the clothes that they're wearing.

You've got to remember that these are priests saying that, and the priests are so far removed from the normal human beings that they probably do think like that. They probably are turned on and infatuated with every piece of skin that gets shown in their church, too. You know, so you've got to wonder the hell they do. Anyway, it's

kind of a rambling voice now, but you guys are awesome. See you later. Hey, guys. A correction on the relic thing from this week's episode. As a person who went to a Catholic school a few blocks away from the largest emporium of relics outside of the Vatican, that's St. Anthony's in Pittsburgh, PA, I am well-versed in the horseshit. There's three classes.

The first class is Jesus' belongings and saints' body parts. Second class is something worn or used by a saint. Third class is something that has touched a first or second class relic. Yes, ridiculous, I understand. Thank you, guys. Love the show. Can't wait to hear how Google Plus improves my rambling. Thanks. Paul.

So first I want to say again thanks to Brian from East Texas. He called in talking about priests and their wants and desires. I got to say this to Brian straight away. You should get a podcast. Your fucking voice is awesome, dude. He has like this deep, booming, awesome voice. You should be in podcasts, bro. You should start one. The relics correction, I got corrected on many fronts this week about relics.

I knew specifically that relics, that one, I guess one type of relic needed to be a human part, but I guess I didn't know that you could have like wiped your ass with something and that would be a relic too or something. I didn't realize that. So thank you for all the corrections on the relics. I did want to mention, uh, someone called in last week and we didn't wind up using the email because we had already addressed, uh, the, the thing on the show, but if someone by the name of Foster called in and his website is foster disbelief.wordpress.com, uh, he called in, uh, specifically with a comment that was directed at another caller, but we had already handled it, so we didn't really want to start anything or play the voicemail. So Foster, feel free to call in in the future, and we're going to link to your blog this

time on our podcast. So if you want to find Foster's blog, go to our show notes, dissonancepod.com, and you can find Foster's blog there. There'll be a link to it. We got an email, Tom, from James. James says, love the show. I just listened to episode 80. Please never stop mispronouncing names.

It's a great laugh. I've selected five names in my country for you to have a go at. So now, these are funny. The last one is the funniest, and I'll tell you why the last one is the funniest, Tom. I want you to copy and paste this right now, okay? All right.

I want you to copy and paste this, and then okay? I want you to copy and paste this, and then I want you to paste it into Google. Holy fuck, that's really a thing! Holy shit! And then, now here's what I want you to do. Go to the Wikipedia site, and I want you to listen. Now, for you at home, I'm going to record this and play the name of this place for you.

I want you to click the listen button. Llanfair pwllgwyngyll goger chwyrndrobwll lantysylio gogogo. name of this place for you. I want you to click the listen button. So we're going to try to pronounce these for you right now. We want to thank you for sending all these in. Tom, I'm going to go first with this one. Lalini. Yeah.

Lalini. I. Lalini. Lalini. I'm going to go. All right. I'm going to go Machinlef. Machinlef. It sounded like you spit something out. Aberdogledo. Aberdogledo.

Castle Ned. Castle Ned. You leave me with the hard one Boston Well played sir Well played Man I'm gonna Write this down and put this

In the show notes I'm gonna copy this word It's like how many characters is it It's gotta be like 30 characters long This name of this thing It's crazy but you heard 30 characters long, the name of this thing. It's ridiculous. It's crazy. But you heard how it's pronounced, I guess. I can't imagine that's how somebody can pronounce this. Because there's long parts of this.

There's a part where it's like C-H-W-Y-R-N-D-R. All in one. How do you say that? There's no vowels in there. There's a sometimes vowel in there. It's like it's like it's like hamburglar speak it's like robble robble robble that's exactly what it looks you try to you try to say that it's like the those letter combinations don't do a thing no they don't they look like a three-year-old smacking against the keyboard i can't get me

it totally does i thought i thought he was kidding around. The first thing I saw, I was like, oh, that's pretty funny. And I was like, just for kicks, I fucking Googled it. That is absurd. And the fucking first thing, it's a place, man. That's fucking awesome. I want to live there. I want to go to the high market.

You can't get any mail there. There's no envelope that you can write that on. Everything's on legal size envelopes. You wouldn't get any junk mail. It would cost too much ink to address that shit. It would. They'd be like, sorry, man. You don't get any here.

We got an email from Steve. Steve said he just found our podcast through the Conspiracy Skeptic. That's Carl Maymer's podcast. He runs a show through The Conspiracy Skeptic. That's Carl Maymer's podcast. He runs a show called The Conspiracy Skeptic. You can find it by Googling it. It's a great show, and we're happy that you found us through there. Thanks for listening. Tom, we got a comment from Sarah, and I'm going to read this.

It says, first, for you, sometimes it's hard to tell whether you're feigning ignorance or whether it's part of your charm. I love that part of this. I think that's great. Sarah, it is part of my charm. These things are not mutually exclusive. Ignorance is my charm. Yeah, that is exactly it. It says, but the Duke of Edinburgh is currently the queen's husband and as such is quite well known within the Commonwealth.

The queen has a husband? I didn't know that either. I literally had no idea. I thought she was like a widower because she's like 105 or something. I don't understand. I'm not even going to pretend. I don't understand how the queen's husband isn't the king. I don't understand at all.

I don't either. I'm like, well, that's the king, right? I won't do that. That's what you call a king. I have no idea. But anyway, she says that while his death may not have well, that's the king, right? My brain won't do that. That's what you call a king. I have no idea. But anyway, she says that while his death may not have political repercussions like the death of his wife will, it was still a momentous occasion with a state funeral. OK. I had no idea who that was.

I thought it was a made-up person. It sounds like the King Arthur's court shit. It doesn't sound real. It totally does. It totally does. It totally does. Duke of Edinburgh. Like he's going to be jousting next weekend. Get his own herald wherever he walks.

Oh, yay. So we got an email and I'm going to try to pronounce the name here. She actually says it's pronounced like Maria. So it's Valia is the name of the person. She sent an email about service dogs. And there's some interesting information here, Tom. Yeah, I appreciate her sending this email. And she did want us to relay some of this information. That's quite a long email, so we're not going to read the whole thing. But to summarize it, you know, she says basically that a service dog is allowed to attend any place that a person would be reasonably expected or allowed to attend. So if the general

public can walk into your bar or your restaurant or your, you know, store, if you're open to the general public, then you must make allowance to be open to a person with a service dog. And that a lot of people, disabled people, are challenged or are made to feel uncomfortable or have their rights taken away from them by people who are ignorant of these things. And certainly we would not want to continue to foster that ignorance. Disabled people with service animals certainly should have a right and do have a right through the Americans with Disabilities Act to go anywhere that a general public member might be able to attend. or they're unable – or pardon me, when they're unable to maintain control of the dog, so like a dog can't stop barking or something or when the dog is a threat to someone's safety

or a threat to like another dog or something like that. So they're only able to be asked to leave on those notes. So the church that we talked about with this – with the problem with the service dog said that it would be too distracting. with the problem with the service dog, said that it would be too distracting. It really doesn't fall under the reason why you should be asking a service dog to leave because if it's distracting the students, it's not the dog's fault. And he also says that you should never pet a service dog. I think everybody I think inherently knows that even though they're super awesome looking.

You shouldn't be petting service dogs. So just if you didn't know that, don't do it yeah i don't pet just workers you know you gotta figure like the dog oh i do oh i do i pet bums too you just like i pet the bums just to see how much meat they have on their bones in case they wind up on shore keep eating keep eat oh you're not eating at all actually that's why you're a bum. Downtown Chicago is like a farmer's market. Oh, no. A farmer's market. You just walk up to somebody, like, pick your finger and lick it. Yeah.

Delicious. You're almost ripe, sir. We got a comment on our blog from Jenny, and Jenny's talking about how she had the placenta cut up into chunks and ate it because her midwife said that she can do it. And that there is some, that there are some studies doing some studies that say that it helps with like postpartum depression and things. That's fine and all, but like Tom and I said, it's just disgusting. It's like, like if somebody said that, you know, I could lose 10 pounds by eating a handful of my own cum, I wouldn't do it.

I'd be like, OK, cool. Well, I guess I'll just be fat. Yeah, if the science is there, then the science is there. And clearly you can't mock it as being a fad or an unscientific approach to a problem solving. I personally – it feels too much like cannibalism to me. Like eating human organs is unappealing. But then again, I'm not about, you know, I'm not suffering from postpartum depression. I think there might be something to it. I don't know. You know, I mean, and I'm not going to do any of the studies, you know, that's if you want to do it, great. If you want to look

into it, great. But but I definitely I I personally think it's disgusting and that's my only beef with it. If there is some science to back it up, awesome. But I certainly don't think that it's a thing that I would encourage someone to do. It just seems weird too. It's like it's the only thing we do that to, right? It's not like you have a broken bone, so eat your toenails. What are you doing? Just eating finger skin? Just eating some finger skin. Yeah, I'm impotent, so I've been eating pubic hair all week, you know, just...

Is it working? No, but I don't need to floss, so I'm good. Yeah. Tom, we got a blog comment from Tim. We did. Tim says, among other things, you state that rape is not a crime of sex, but rather a violence in power. This is a regular statement of feminist rhetoric, and I've heard it many times before. What has always eluded me is that even what that even means. For my mind, that means something along the lines of a human does not seek sexual gratification by raping or rape has no reproductive purpose. And he feels this is nonsensical or misleading as the fluffy language purported by scam proponents. I would disagree strongly with you, Tim. And for a couple of

reasons, I don't think that this is a non-critical statement. First of all, you kind of call us out for this being a non-critical statement and just a rehashing of feminist rhetoric. Rape doesn't make sense as a crime of sexual gratification as its primary motivation. There are ways, R.I. Exactly. There's prostitution, which is so much further down the legal and social rung of unacceptable behaviors that the idea that you would commit rape in order to achieve sexual gratification, it just feels false to me. It seems like the costs are vastly too large. feels false to me. It seems like the costs are vastly too large. And the other thing that strikes me as just horrifically untrue about that is in order for you to, I don't even want to say for you, in order for a person to rape another person, you have to be interested and willing to have sex with an unwilling partner, which is inherently, definitionally a violent act of control. You can't have sex with an unwilling person without being turned on or at least maintain an erection while having sex with somebody who is blatantly unwilling to have sex with you, coercively, violently, however that sexual act occurs.

So there is an element of violence, control, and domination that is necessary for the act of rape to be definitionally accurate. So I think that it is a reasonable thing to say that it is not a crime of sex. think that it is a reasonable thing to say that it is not a crime of sex. Sexual gratification is much more easily achieved and the costs are much lower from a social standpoint. It is, I think, an act of violence and power first. Certainly it has a sexual component. It has a sexual component. And I think, you know, when I think about that, I think, well, why do people rape others in prison then? I mean, if you're in prison, if you're in a same-sex prison, you know, obviously, you know, all prisons are, there's no co-op prison. So if you're in a prison, you're with all guys that are the same. I mean, do you,

and I'm going to ask a straight guy right now, you know, Tom, you're a straight guy. Would you, if you were sexually frustrated, would you rape a dude or would you jerk off? And I already know the answer, right? You're going to jerk off. I mean because there's nothing – there is nothing appealing to me about having sex with a dude. I don't think I could physically do it. I don't think I could achieve and maintain the erection necessary to perform the act. So there might be something to rapists also in the sense that there is something – that that's their kink, right? Like that's the thing that gets them off.

So that is where they get their sexual gratification so that they can't have sexual gratification or their sexual gratification isn't strong enough unless they're doing something like that. But I think it plays into that power dynamic. There is something about power there. And to neglect that I think is missing the point of what rape is all about. And to back that up just a little bit, studies of rapists in prison do back that up, that when they ask rapists in prison what motivated them, it wasn't sexual gratification. It was anger, violence, domination. Those were the recurring psychological themes that the prisoners by and large answer with. But thank you for the comment.

Absolutely, yeah. So we want to read an email from One-Armed Don. Hey, guys. Don from Alabama here. Go Roy Moore. We Alabamians are so proud of him. Alabamians. Alab Roy Moore. We Alabama Alabamians Alabimians are so proud of him. Alabimians!

He loves Alabimians is the best. Sloppiest pronounced show. He loves the Jesus. I love your show. I have one complaint. I am an amputee. Right arm middle of the elbow. That's not the big deal. It's been 34 years and until until listening to your show, I was living in a joyful bliss.

Since I have been listening to your show, I have had an awakening. God hates me. Not only does he hate me, but it was his will for me to stick my arm in that industrial machine that had chopped into a thousand tiny pieces. It had nothing to do with a lack of safety on the company's part. It was God. So God hates me. Shit, that hurts. The truth?

God loves everyone in my family but me. I am so screwed. I hope you can see from my above testimony that you boys have some responsibility for my rude awakening to God's hate. I was hoping you and your fellow atheists could pray for me to grow my arm back. All I need is half an elbow, forearm, and a hand with five fingers. With enough prayers, I know I can win God's love. So I wanted to say that I wanted to congratulate the Arden Atheist podcast and also congratulate the Reasonable Doubts podcast. All three of us were nominated for the podcast awards.

We did not win. Arden Atheist won yesterday. They were there at the podcast awards to accept the award. I got a chance to see George Trabb open up a show there. I'd never met him in person. I got a chance to have a nice long conversation with him. He's a wonderful guy. So I've had a great time here at the podcast convention. And again, we want to

congratulate Arden Atheist. It's our hope that in a week, I'm not sure exactly, a week or so, they might be on our show. We've asked them to come on our show. So we'd be happy to have them on. And we have a date set. So it's our hope that everything goes through and we're able to interview them. And if you haven't checked out their podcast, it's called The Ardent Atheist, and you can find it by Googling it. The show is coming out a little early this week. We're going to be on Incredulous this week with Andy Wilson and also Mike Marsh from the Merseyside Skeptics Society. So be sure to pay attention when that episode comes out. We'll let you know, but we're going to be recording it this upcoming Sunday.

And that's about it for this time. So thanks for listening and stick around for the Skeptics' Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Late night info docutainment. Leo Pisces.

Cancer cures. Detox. Reflex. Foot massage. Death in towers. Tarot cards. Psychic healing. Crystal balls.

Bigfoot. Yeti. Aliens. Churches. Mosques and synagogues. Temples. Dragons. Giant worms.

Atlantis. Dolphins. Truthers. Birthers. Witches. Wizards. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers.

Evangelists. Conspiracy. Double speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives,

employers, friends, families, one. I'm on. So am I. Well, that intro comes from... You gotta do the, this is cognitive dissonance. I still have to do that. Whatever. Dude, I'll fucking kill you. Tom!

If I interrupt you mid-speech with anything, you'll automatically go to the next thing. 82 times. That's awesome. That's fucking great. All right, we've got to stop anyway because I have a bloody nose. This is a disaster. This is the best podcast we've ever done. Hold on.

Oh, and it's fucking, it's a gusher too.