Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 826: Tesla Tanks and Plump Beavers

Episode Date: March 6, 2025

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Please gamble responsibly. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or someone close to you, please contact CONNECTS ONTARIO at 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This episode of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Glory Hole Studios in Chicago and beyond, this is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news,

makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat. Today is Thursday, still the 27th of February, but you're hearing this on the 6th of March and we record two in a row. So we're still in our brand new studio. I'm loving it Cecil. Yeah, I like I'm loving the vibe It's a little more comfortable It is more comfortable comfortable because we were in these office chairs forever

And one of the tough things about the office chairs, too Is that they're constantly squeaking and moving? Yeah, weekend and it's just a pain in the ass. And the fucking office chairs we had before, they had like the adjustable arm rests that were always in the wrong position for me no matter what. No matter what. No matter what. Always in the wrong one. Yeah. Yeah.

Was never fully comfortable. I wasn't a fan. I wasn't a fan. No. And I was using an office chair from like, God, it's one of the old timey ones that I had bought years ago. Yeah. That I was still using that is really uncomfortable. So for, yeah, for a lot.

My office chair was one I think I took from my office when the pandemic shut my office down. When the pandemic shut down? Nice. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Stealing office chairs?

We raided, when we shut that office down, I was my, I was the manager there. I was like, take everything you want. We had a guy take the big TV out of the conference room. Nice. Like we- Did it still have the Taco Bell menu on it? Or? We rated that place like pirates. That's amazing.

Pirates. When ours went, when we flipped to the pandemic, they let us take our computers home, but I was on a Mac that was at work and it's a huge, like instead of just like having like a small desktop that you could take, I had to take home, I was only able to take home my laptop. And I had to work off my laptop and the people,

all the other people were able to take like under your arm the PCs, cause they were all Dell's and relatively small. So they could take like actual PCs home and then a monitor and a bag and it wasn't a big deal. But for me, it was like, I was like, well, I can't do that at all. I'm fucked. So, and everything was sold out for months

after the pandemic first, when the pandemic first started, you couldn't get computer parts. You couldn't get Zoom, anything for Zoom. No cameras were available. No headsets were available. Nothing. Nothing was available. So I just had to work with what I had.

And they wouldn't let me take my big Mac home. I had a big nice. What? I had a big nice Mac. They wouldn't let you take it? No, they're like, you can't leave the building with that. You're not allowed to take that out. That's bullshit.

It was admittedly like four times as much as on our computers, so I get it. So. I I sublet that space because I knew we weren't going back so I sublet out my space and Like when I when I negotiated the lease for the sublet they were like, well, can we have the furniture and I said I'm giving Everybody whatever they want so you can have whatever furniture is left That place was strip mind. I mean, oh, strip mind. I told, I had 70 some employees, I sent them all home. They of course took their tech stuff home, like other computers, monitors and that stuff. And then like in

the offices, like every, like those desks were taken apart and you hauled out of there. Wow. The credenzas, the furniture, the nice chairs. Like the automatic fucking defibrillator was taken out of the fucking break room. Somebody wanted to take the- Invitedly, I always kind of wanted to shock on my own balls. That's how I wake myself up in the morning. So I wanted-

I'm gonna come. Somebody wanted the vending machine out of the break room and I'm like, we rent that. You can't take the vending machine. That would be amazing though.ending machine. She weighs like 900 pounds, man. Amazing is that they got the dollar changer on their shoulder and they're just carrying it out. The ATM machine would be awesome as to give them the vending machine, but not the key to it. So they get to perfect. They're constantly having to shake it. Just to try to get what they get out of them. Like they didn't call him to work. You do a wellness check.

They're pinned underneath it. Cheeto stained face. They're pinned underneath it. Do you know how much those things weigh? Those things weigh, I'm not kidding. Yeah, they weigh a lot. Hundreds and hundreds of pounds. I know they weigh a lot because I've had to push them sometimes.

And you're like, I'm at the top of this thing. And I can barely get it to move. You know they have to weigh a fucking shit ton. When they wheeled that thing in on like a dolly or whatever into my building, it was a brand new construction space and it pressed on the floor so hard it squoze the glue up from between the, it damaged the floor. Oh shit. Yeah. Just wheeling it across the floor. It's like a forklift. Yeah, it was fucking nuts. That's insane. These things are so heavy They're like two Americans today today Did they leave the security guard did they take him to somebody took him this kid just hauled a security

Take a little desk and they put it in the back and they're like you're coming with me You're coming with me. No one gets in this door. No one gets in. I want you to make sure you sign for every package Everyone how great would that be to have a doorman at your house? Just in your house just a doorman. Would you pay for that in a condo? That's insanely expensive in a condo Well, but they don't only have they do less work in your house. They just sign for your Amazon. Yeah, they just sit there Yeah, they don't do anything because I don't do Amazon anymore. Fuck Amazon. That's true. That's true. Fuck them in the face. I started going through all the different places that I'm not going anymore. It's fucking everywhere.

I re-up my Costco membership. Yeah. I used to go to Target constantly. Fuck Target now. Fuck Target. Yeah. I will never set foot in a McDonald's again for the rest of my life after the fucking hamburger and fries thing that they hold. Never again. I'll never eat another McDonald's. It's not like I was a mad fan of McDonald's, but it was my breakfast spice of choice. It was the place that I would be like,

I like their sausage muffin with egg, and I would get it whenever I was on the road and be like, oh, breakfast, let's get them. I'll never do that again. Not as long as I live, I'm done with them. Like I'm starting to name all these places. I'm like, you're off the list, you're off the list, and Amazon got thrown off the list.

I'm like, no, it's not. I'm not ordering from them if I can avoid it. And I haven't canceled my Prime membership yet. I'm waiting until after I purchased tickets for a trip. Like my wife and I are going on our 25th anniversary and we do it on a credit card so you can get protection. You know, the protections. And I don't want to cancel that credit card

until the trip is over. And it's an Amazon card. It's an Amazon card. So you don't want to fuck with that. I don't want to fuck with my trip yet, but I will. And then I'll be like, and I'm done with you. I will never ever use this card again. I'll never use your service again, if I can avoid it.

And it's one of those things like, if I can avoid it, because genuinely Amazon does everything. Amazon is so embedded. Amazon does everything. It's very, very difficult to be out of that infrastructure. And to not use their system, because it's so much, they have cornered the market on fast. Yeah.

And that is so convenient for so many people. But this last week I was like, oh, I need a couple of things. And I'm like, I'll just order them from a couple of different places. I'm like, it'll be fine. And they got here a couple of days after they would have. Sure, right. It's okay.

Everything's fine. It's literally waiting an extra day. It's nothing in comparison. You know, the thing that I was thinking about with Amazon the other day is I read, I read a fair amount. I read pretty, I read a lot. And I read on a Kindle or at least a Kindle app.

I usually read on my iPad and I use the Kindle app for it. And I tried going to my library and downloading like Hoopla and Libby for my, they suck. Like there's like nothing available. Everything is always digitally checked out. Everything I available. Everything is always digitally checked out everything I want to read is always digitally checked out. It's it's obnoxious So I read on my Kindle and I can't read paper books. My eyes aren't very good So I need to read on an e-reader because I need the backlight now

Like I try to read a paper book and Amazon's the only game in time. I don't know anyone else that I can buy ebooks Someone's gonna tell you someone Someone's going to tell you. Someone will email us and tell you where you can find them. Where can I get mass market ebooks that I can just like load and please. Have you ever tried a paper white? Like one of those paper whites? The candle paper white? I have a paper white.

Yeah. That's a really good e-reader. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I hate to say it, it's an excellent e-reader and the e-ink is really really nice. Yeah, so I know I know that like like there was good stuff they do but there's like he's a horrible He's a fucking terrible person. Yeah person. I'm not suggesting. Yeah, right all you're doing It's like the same thing when I go on Facebook. I'm like like now Facebook is a disaster. It's totally changed

It's so bad. It's like I Like now Facebook is a disaster. It's totally changed. It's so bad. It's like, I only go on there like once a week now to post my show and then that's it. And I'm like, I'm done because I'm still trying to grow this no Rogan. So it's like, I'm trying to grow it. I'm trying to post it. I might start posting for this show too.

Just to get people to like, you know, that that maybe might have fallen off and stopped listening for a while. Maybe they'll see it on my Facebook wall and be like, Oh, I haven't listened to Codgless in a while and listen. But it's like, that's the only thing I use it for is like promotion. I don't post anything on there. I never post anything. I never post pictures anymore.

I'm just like, I'm just done. And the feed is now trash. It's garbage. The feed is complete trash. It's all trash. And you can see one of the things that is really good about what's happening is Costco stock went through the roof and Target stock tanked.

Good. And not just Target, Tom, the first story this week. Yep. Tesla. This is great. Tesla is tanking. Tesla sales are tanking across the world. Blame the Musk effect, declining EV subsidies, or all of the above, but Tesla's global

sales are off to a very bad start for 2025. I've also seen, again, just anecdotally social media stuff that people are that own Teslas are absolutely shitting them into the used car market. They're getting rid of their Teslas. They don't want to be seen driving them. They're embarrassed to own them. So like it it's not just damaging, like, because once you, if you put enough of these things into the used car market, it devalues the new car, right? So if there's a giant flood of these things into the used car market.

Because nobody will buy a new one. They'll be like, well, why would I buy it? Why would I buy it? I'll buy it. And now I'm suspicious. Right. And now I'm suspicious. Now I'm like, oh, that's not a thing I want to own. One thing I have seen is people

defacing other people's cars. I don't I don't I don't that's something I don't I don't like that at all. Like it's like that's a person who bought that car and they might have bought it a while ago. Maybe they don't know what's happening or whatever. Don't go deface somebody's car. I think how mad you would be if you came out and somebody defaced your car. Well, and think about this too. You have no idea the day you deface that car, who's driving that car. I think of my son. My son borrows my car all the time. Like what if like I had, let's say I was a shitty person with shitty values and I had

a fucking cyber truck and my son borrowed my cyber truck and then he comes out and it's been defaced now he's driving around in it yeah and he's taking flack for for that it might not even be the owner yeah it's not it's not the other thing too yeah i mean like like i i think and there and there's some people who are like you know they're they're defacing tesla dealerships or whatever it's like it's easy to make their stock tank get rid of your tesla don't buy a new one don't shop there don. Don't promote their products. Be done with it. Yeah, there are other, there's other ways. Electric cars. And there's great electric cars out there. Yeah, there's like, we're finally at a place

where Tesla is not the only reasonably priced game in town for an electric car. Yep. You know, like Honda's got a prologue, which is an SUV, which is a beautiful looking car. Volkswagen has them. I know Volkswagen is a problematic company as well. There are other electric car manufacturers. Hyundai has a several of them now that are very reasonably priced. So like there are other options that are not stratospherically priced.

Next car I get is going to be, I want wanna get like one of those ones that you suggested, the nearby electric hybrid, I can go away and go drive a long distance on gas if I want to, but it's hybrid nearby, like completely electric nearby, that's the kind of car I wanna get. Cause that's a perfect car for me. There's so many solutions now for people to switch over.

I would love, when I buy another car, which will be a few years from I would love when I buy another car, which will be a few years from now, but when I buy another car, I will definitely be getting a fully electric car. Yeah. Like a hundred percent. Like I'll just buy a fully electric. I want like now that manufacturers that are, I'm interested in are making them. I'm like, yeah, a hundred percent. I'll buy a fucking fully electric car. This story is from Forbes. AI generated video of Trump kissing Elon Musk's feet reportedly plays in the HUD building. HUD is housing and urban development. The video is fucking great.

And what I also love about this Cecil is they couldn't figure out how to stop it. So they had to go around and unplug all the TV's. I don't know if they're not showing the actual video here. It's just that the story I found doesn't have the video itself. Let me see if I can find the video real quick. Yeah, so let me in big and eight this New York Post. I gotta go here. Cause this is what, this is the one place that allows it.

So let me, let me, let me in big and eight this video so we can look at it. But one thing that's weird about AI is initially it was actually really tough to like get AI to use real people. Right. Yeah. Now they're like, whatever, who cares? We don't know. Yeah. All right. So let me play this so we can all watch it together and just marvel at how grotesque this is. It is fucked up, but somebody put it on every one of the housing and urban development things. And so it's just a picture.

It's a video of Elon Musk sitting there with big hobbit feet. And then here comes Trump. I wasn't expecting to see that this morning. Really really funny video, you know, like if you're if you're going to see that this morning. Really, really funny video. You know, like if you're, if you're going to make fun of them and he has two left feet. Oh, does he? I didn't notice. Let's see.

They showed a picture of it. So weird. They showed a picture of it. He does have. So weird, man. I'm surprised his feet don't have beards. What I love though is that they've, they've really, you know, they've opened up the flood gates on this.

And so you're right. It cuts both ways. Yeah. Like you did, you did this to you. Yeah. This is great. AI is a fucking dystopian nightmare. So like let's fuck with the people.

Like we can fuck with you back. You can post your video Trump of your fucking Gaza nightmare. Like your jerk off fucking dictatorial statue shit. And like, I don't even think they should call this pranksters. This is more than a prank. This is an act of civil disobedience. I think so too. You know, this is like, this is not just a prank. This is an act of civil disobedience. I think so too. You know, this is like

This is not just a prank. This is not silly Ha and there's also like a real message here, right? You know, everybody's been talking about President Musk I've been saying president must president must present and this is exactly what they're talking about this is the thing they're that they're talking about they're talking about the power dynamic that is in the White House is Very much a guy bought his way in and is controlling the president and exploit that however you can. Absolutely. If you could buy a fucking Super Bowl ad and put that on the television, do it.

Fucking do it. Because you know, like we need to like you suggest last episode, get these guys fighting. Get them fighting, man. These people hate each other. And you can already see that happening. I don't know if you saw it, did you see the Epstein things that happened? And this would be last week.

No. So evidently Trump declassified Epstein's files or something. Cash Patel handed out to right-wing influencers, Libs at TikTok, Mike Cernovich, and a couple others, handed out to right-wing influencers, Libza TikTok, Mike Cernovich, and a couple others, files with all the flight logs in it. Okay.

He gave them to influencers, but the AG hasn't gotten her copy yet. The attorney general doesn't have it? So she requested one very publicly today with a letter. So these people don't like each other. Yeah. There's a guarantee she don't like each other. Yeah. There's a guarantee she doesn't like Cash Patel. I guarantee Pam Bondi hates him.

So there's gonna be some friction and fighting between these people. You know, I guarantee, you know, at a certain point, some of these people are gonna start going after each other and going after each other's throats. It's gonna happen. And I think you just try to fan those flames as often as you can.

Make these people inept through their own hatred of each other. Yeah, man, because these guys are not bonded by a set of shared values. Yeah. Right? They are bonded by a desire to work for themselves for personal gain.

To be as powerful as they can be. Right. So that's actually the easiest type of person to exploit It really is because their motivations are so laid bare this from the Herald Cecil Hey, you're just saying if it's dystopian Tom and we can like create AI videos and things like that It's like it's dystopian Christmas. Let's just dress the tree dystopian Christmas, let's just dress the tree. It is, man. Let's just dress the tree.

Get out your fucking stupid tinsel. It's time to trim the tree. And here's the thing, man. This story is the dumbest thing I've read all year. Did you watch the video? I did not watch the video. Cecil, I watched the video. Let me read the headline for you guys.

We're going to watch the video. You guys, this is a real honest to God story. Tick-tockers dropping heavy objects onto feet in viral trend, risk lifetime of pain. All right. I'm going to have a lifetime of pain watching this. I guess I'll watch this one. Is this the video that we're talking about? That's the one I watched.

All right. So let's, let's put this on the big screen and let's watch it together. Every day. Jesus fucking Christ. We're so stupid. We're so stupid. He has a monitor in his hands. We're so stupid. We're so stupid. He has a monitor in his hands. We're so stupid. Admittedly, I fucking double dare you to do the monitor that I first had with my computer.

They will amputate your leg. They will amputate. You will have to get metal lifted somewhere if you drop a CRT fucking monitor on your toes. For real? Yeah, no. What's the stupidest thing you've ever done on a dare? Have you ever done a stupid thing on a dare? I ate a jalapeno pepper once. You are milk toast. It sucks because I didn't have any kind of like powers to prevent any damage and a jalapeno pepper.

If you're look, I know a bunch of people be like, oh man, you're such a pussy or whatever, but it's like, but you know, if you don't have it, have you ever built up any resistances at all or aren't used to that kind of heat? You're on fire. It's a lot of heat. It is, yeah. And it was very, but I did it for 20 bucks.

Okay, yeah. I'm trying to think if I did anything else. I'm sure I did, Tom, I just can't remember. My buddy Rick dared me to put my hand on the dart board while he threw darts at the dartboard. And I did. Tom? Yeah.

Why though? Because I was fucking stupid. Did he throw a dart at your hand? He threw darts at my hand. Did he hit your hand? He did not hit my hand. Looking for the ultimate online casino experience? Step into the BetMGM Casino app, where every deal, spin and goal brings Las Vegas excitement into the palm of your hand.

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Well, good for him. He grazed one finger and that's it. Admittedly, all entirely by accident. I would expect Rick to try to hit your hand. I think he was. Yeah. But he's not a good dart thrower. But he's not a good dart thrower.

Yeah, I don't know why I did this. So it's like a reverse William Tell. Yeah, he is, exactly. You know for sure he's going to miss your head entirely. So like even as I'm saying like we're so stupid, I wanna recognize that there is nothing stupider than a teenage boy. A teenage boy will do any stupid thing. Not every teenage boy, but the teenage boy as a classification, it's almost like you're

a different species of stupid. So not on a dare, and I might have told this story before on the air, but not on a dare, but this guy I was with, we were out drinking, a whole bunch of us are out drinking. We're out underneath this bridge in Lamont, Illinois. And we're all, it's like literally like five carloads of people. And we've all brought beer and we're all underage. We're all right out of high school. The year you get out of high school, right? So we're all, you know, not seniors anymore, right? Before people went off to college, that sort of thing. And we're

all, and actually it was cold out. So it was like, you know, people who didn't go to college, we're all a bunch of people who, you know, you know, we're just stayed home. We, you know, we, none of us went to college. And so there's a ton of us. And then there's like a bunch of girls and I can mean just like carloads of people. Right. We're all drinking. Well, the cops come and they break the party up. Well, the guy I'm with, he, everybody's kind of a little buzzed, right? It's not like the cops are showing up and being like, okay, guys, wait, wait it out. They're like, Hey, you guys got to go. And we're not busting you. We're not going to take y'all in, right? Get in your cars and go. And they're like, couple of us are

a little drunk, right? So I have to get in the car with this guy who has a Mustang, and he's got a lead foot, and we leave, and we're all going to Denny's, because everybody there all agrees, let's just go to Denny's and sober up. Like, let's just fucking go to Denny's and sober up. So we're like, let's get in our cars and we'll go. We head over there,

and I'm the only one in the car with Frankie who's drunk, and I'm a little drunk myself right? I'm not I'm not completely sober And he hits the he he comes pulling up next to a we're gonna turn like we're turning Where this where this goes and there's a Camaro comes and pulls up next to him. He's in a Mustang, right? Camaro revs his engine and he revs his engine and he's like looks like we're going straight and he turns his Rebs his engine and he revs his engine and he's like looks like we're going straight and he turns his Blinker off and he just guns it and he floors it past this guy and he blows the doors off this Camaro, right? Okay, so he's fast mustangs with a chip in it or whatever. I don't even know what it is. Sure. Yeah ship

Whatever that means you say that I heard this story. I need a whole bag of chips I don't even know I just but what I just like not a lot. I don't know what that means But I don't know what that means. I just, but what, I just like nod a lot. I don't even know. Oh yeah, it's got the chip in it. I don't know what that means. I don't know what that means either. He had a chip. Yeah, sure. His chip makes him go real fast. Yeah.

And we're going real fast. We blow this thing away and he, so he turns the corner and as he turns the corner, he again hits the gas, but now the guy's gone. So it doesn't matter, but he's. Right. But he's just fucking around now. Now his blood's up. Right, yeah.

So he's hitting the gas and he hits the gas's just fucking around now. Now his blood's up. Right, yeah. So he's hitting the gas, and he hits the gas, and he fucking floors it. And I screen it out, because I know the area, and I'm like, Frank, he stopped sign up ahead. So instead of hitting the brakes, he decides he's gonna blow the stop sign in this sort of back area by there's a bunch of business parks.

So he's like, I'm just gonna blow, in his mind, I'm just gonna blow the stop sign. But he doesn't realize it tees and there's a bunch of business parks. So he's like, I'm just gonna blow in his mind I'm just gonna blow the boat stops, right? But he doesn't realize it tees and there's a pond so he uses he floors it and we fucking dukes a hazard Through the air Land in the middle of this pond and it's like 15 feet deep and then the car starts to that's what they do And so I'm just like even with the chip in it even with the chip the chip did not Turn into a inflatable raft And allow us to float is so still but so you're just both looking at each other and I lean over I turn off the radio the first thing I did turn off the radio and then I look and I was like and I and so I start to open the

Door cuz I'm drunk. Yeah, right door doesn't open clearly and by the time I turn back and look over at Frankie, Frankie has already rolled down his window, which are electric by the way, and he's sitting on the side like a scuba dive. And I was like, Hey man, the door won't open. He's like, roll on the window dude. And then he does this and he falls backwards into the water and he just swims to shore. Well, I was like, fuck. So I, what a great friend, man. He was really worried about your well being. I start to roll down the window and the window gets about this far and then it shorts out. And I was like, fuck. And now water's pouring in.

And so I got to squeeze through this fucking window and I wiggle myself free and I go down with the car and I either broke the window or I knocked it off its track while I was struggling and I got out of the car and I'm in a flannel in combat boots because that's the style of the time time. That is the flannel in combat boots because that's the style of the time time. That is the hardest thing in the world to swim in. And I swim and it's the water's 33 degrees. It's not ice, but it's as close as it could get. Right. I'm, I'm Joe Rogan and his cold plunge. I'm like, my nipples, my nipples are touching the bottom of the pond at that point. They're so sharp. So that's how how you got out. You cut glass with your lips, man.

I just cut my way out like a laser. And I just swam to this. But you know, like you were saying, teenage boys are stupid. Yes, we're the stupidest. We're the stupidest. So stupid, man. The stupidest. And like none of that had to happen, but it happened because he's stupid. Right? Right. And that's why it happened. Yeah. All right. We're going to watch this. I'm sorry, I got a big long story, but here we go. So here's the TikToker, let's watch him. Oh, this is us, slow. A kid dropped a thing on his foot.

Here's what happened. A coin doesn't hurt. What did he drop? A toaster! A toaster! A toaster! Ah! Fuck! Oh!

An air fryer Why well just I'm gonna start with a dog! I'm gonna rate it like 1 out of 10. Obviously guys, that was a bit of a joke, so we're gonna do something serious now. Number 2, a toaster. A dick. Jesus Christ. What? What? What the fuck?

What the fuck? The first guy The first guy starts dropping shit on his foot And it hurts And then the other guy's like I also should drop You're not even setting a trend man You're just dropping the same shit on your foot

Why? I don't know, man. Dude, the internet has made us fucking insane. We're like, hey, if people watch it, I should probably shit in this cup with this other girl. I just have to say, like, there are days that I'm like, oh man, I'm glad I'm connected to certain people. And then there's other days I'm like, burn all the servers.

Just burn it all. Burn them all. Burn it all. Yeah. And then execute the people who know what I turn it back on. Like just take them and be like, no, we can't allow, or just put them all in a box. Yep. Right?

Just ship them all away. One of these days, my biggest fear Cecil is one of these days I'm going to finally get up the courage to read Walden and then I'm just going to walk into the woods and never come back. I'm going to be like, that made a lot of sense that I'm out and everyone's going to be like, Hey, where's Tom? We need him to eat food. And I'm going to be like, I live in the woods and I don't know my name anymore. My goal is when I go, I want to get a horse and I want to ride that horse into the ocean That's what I want to do. Ride the horse into the ocean and at a certain point we'll get separated and the horse will make it back and I won't

Right. And it'll be good. Yeah, I think that'll be fun. As long as the horse doesn't get an online account The horse is Instagramming my death. The horse is dropping shit on his hooves. Okay this video too, this is from the AP, Colombian police catch a man smuggling cocaine under his toupee and they've got a video of this guy with like a fucking bad rug on his head and the cops are cutting it off. Look at how much coke, it's so funny, he like has shaved his head and then he has a bad, like what looks like genuinely a shag carpet on his head.

And then he's just got tons of, he's got tons of these little bricks of coke on his head. He's got like kind of a lot of coke under his fucking rug. I like, I know they get creative. They get so creative. I admire the creativity. I did a citation needed on this. I admire the creativity of smuggling in general.

Like there's just something about it that I'm like, yeah, it's kind of awesome. That's a great like the narco submarines. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they's kind of awesome. That's a great, like the Narco submarines that they've got. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just, they're building submarines in the middle of the jungle and then hauling a submarine into the ocean that can cross the whole fucking ocean. I love that shit. It's baller.

And then they'll make the whole thing, like the whole thing in the jungle. Yeah. That's insane where they're just like, I don't know, what if we put a bunch of air in it to see if Actually if it can actually hold the air like I think that's amazing. It's crazy. It's awesome Like they don't get me wrong like I mean there's I know there's like lots of problems associated with cartels and all of that stuff But just the human ingenuity of like oh you said I can't do that

But I can well this one's not super ingenue. There's not a lot of ingenuity behind this particular one. What I like about this one is the, there's a scene from Casino where the wife, Joe Pesci's wife hides it in her bun, all these diamonds. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then she's shaking her hair out. And I can't help but think like this guy shaking his head out and there's like big clumps of like what looks

like urinal cakes falling out of his head. Like they're landing. Can you imagine if these things like busted and you just look like he had the worst dandruff ever? Just like unbelievable, unstoppable, but very excitable dandruff. Just somebody else.

Someone's just writing a prescription like, no, man, you need the real medical stuff for this. The head and shoulders is not it. I'm sorry. You need that fucking selsun blue or whatever. Also, real quick, go to the headline, because I want to get the dollar amount for how much coke he's carrying. He's got a wig full of coke. So it's not like that's not a, uh, like a wig full of coke.

So it's, it's not, I mean, it's not like, it's not like that's not a whole, it's not, I mean, it's not about, it didn't look like that much. 10,000 euros, 10,000, 10, that's $10,000 of coke. That's a lot. That's a lot, man. Yeah. Like I don't do coke. Like I don't know how expensive that shit is 220 grams so if it's 220 grams a

thousand grams is two pounds 2.2 pounds okay, so it's whatever a fifth of that would be so that's like what point four pounds So quarter pound quarter pound quarter pounder you You can do a quarter quarter pound of coke Feel like that'd be a great weekend. That's like you can fit that all in one of those styrofoam things They give you a McDonald's they probably could have you ever done coke never tastes Terrible never done it. I've done it when it's like so bad

So like they used to mix it with a lot of stuff when I was a kid Yeah, when I was a kid and you'd do like, sometimes they'd do it with pot, they called it Cocoa Puffs and like other stuff. So I have had it, but like in like a very muted form. So I've never like did it. When you're smoking it, changes the way it interacts with your system too.

I was just like, I never done a line of Coke. It's never happened. I have a friend of mine, I've hung out with him a couple of times and like twice I've done a few lines of coke with him and it is I don't get it It is a drug that I do not understand the appeal of like literally at all. Yeah, I did not Find it like euphoric at all. I found myself It's basically like a strong cup of coffee with the world's worst aftertaste Yeah, I...

Terrible. I hated it. I only did like... I did like a lot of... pot, marijuana, whatever they call it. Whatever the kids call it these days. The reefers, I believe. The reefers, whatever they call it. I don't do it anymore, but I used to when I was a kid. I did it a lot.

And I enjoyed the shit out of it. I really liked it. Yeah. But... But at a certain point I was like, ah, it's not shit out of it. I really liked it. Sure, yeah. But at a certain point I was like, it's not for me anymore and I stopped doing it. And then I hadn't done it for a long time. I tried it in my adult life. I didn't enjoy it. I kind of had like a panic attack, didn't enjoy it.

So I was like, no, I'm not gonna do that anymore. Like what? I'm not gonna give myself a panic attack. That seems stupid. So it's like, I decided not to do it anymore. But like the only other stuff I did, like went out of my way to like actually do was, I did psychedelics when I was a kid.

So I did a bunch of different kinds of psychedelics. And those were hit or miss. They were fun or not, depending on your situation, they were fun or not. They were like, when they were good, they were amazing. Like some psychedelics, when they're good, they're amazing. Like I said some second hooks are when they're good They're amazing. But when they're like bad, it's like a fucking 14 hour panic attack Yeah, that sucks. Like that one wasn't fun. But this other time was amazing

So it's just you know, you got to take the good you take the bad take them both and there you have the life The stories from the Detroit free press burst pipe causes flooding, submerges, then freezes cars on Detroit streets. Cecil nothing sadder than seeing cars unable to leave Detroit. We'll put this on the big screen. We'll play it. You got to, you got to take a look at this. Look at how fucking, dude, look at how much water, dude.

That's so much. Look at how much water, dude. What I love, my favorite part of this whole thing is there's a car. This car is fucking frozen up to the top of its fucking hood, but someone has taken the time before they went in to pull the wipers up so they wouldn't stick. And it's not just this car, Tom, it's the next one too. So two different cars. You literally could not get into these cars, but someone was like, before I go in tonight,

I want to make sure that my window is easy to scrape when I come back to the car. God. Oh, but it sucks so bad. That sucks so hard. See, so that's so terrible. You ever total a car? I've never totaled a car. No, no, I have.

I had a car rolled over one time. These drunk kids flipped my car overed a car. No, no, you have. I have, I had a car rolled over one time. These drunk kids flipped my car over at a party. I was in the party and I came out to get my coat and my car. Like the fucking local football team that was drunk at the party next door literally turned my car on its head. It was a little Gio. So they picked the smallest car and they flipped my car on its head.

But, and I've also like, I told the story earlier that I was in a car that was like, dove in the water. That'll total it. That totaled the car too. So like I've been, I've been in accidents where the car has been totaled, but God, like when they totaled my car out, like that's, they just like, they come out and they look at it like, yep, that's fucked.

They're like, here's your check. Here you go. That's the whole thing. And no, it's not going to cover your entire loan. No, unless you get like gap stuff or whatever. Gap coverage or whatever. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I wasn't rich enough for that. You know, you know, when this happened, there was some poor motherfucker who called work and was like, yeah, my car's frozen solid in the street. And somebody was like, all right, no, that's not going to cut it, man. You got to get in here. Your shift starts in an hour. We're going to need you here. Dude, that sucks so bad. That's so crazy. I just want to read the headline of this so much. Plump Beaver is Chicago's newest viral sensation. I feel like we've always liked Plump Beaver in Chicago. It's the Midwest.

We are the home of Plump Beaver. Yeah, so we had for a while, we had an alligator that was called Chance the Snapper, which is fucking amazing. Oh yeah, forgot about that alligator in Chicago. And then there was a couple of other things that were happening, the little animals that people really enjoy. And Chicago loves its animal mascots. So this is the new one it got shown and it's a little plump little beaver that's walking

around, really excited little beaver. And it's just people are just talking about they showed it on the news and it's all over the place, but they're trying to come up with names. And I really liked damn Ryan and Sigourney beaver. Both of them. Those are so good. Those are so good. Those are so good. I think people are like they're going for You know that they're using

Beaver as the last name. I think he's beaver is the first name and just name his last name cream pie Chunky beavers it is a chunky beaver. So yeah, but I love this stuff I love it when when when a a whole area just is like, yeah, we're gonna embrace this weird little animal that's become like our default mascot for the year. Cecil in a politically divided climate like this. We can't agree on anything. We can't agree whether we should feed children food.

Damn, Ryan. But we can agree that we all in Chicago like a plump beaver. We like a plump beaver. Big fans. Okay. The fuck? This story comes from the Assai Shimburm. I don't know what that is. Chips prefer peeing together. 600 hours of study shows. They're the one primate that does, because I do not enjoy peeing. Peeing. Peeing next to someone. I don't like peeing next to people. That's the worst.

That's the worst. That's why like, I hate the trough. Where? I hate the trough. I'd rather just not drink ever. I'll just hold it. Hate the trough. I also don't like it when I have to go to pee somewhere

and there's no divider even. Yeah, that's weird. How much can a divider cost guys? And then there's like, there's a chance that that guy's pee is going to hit me. Yes. And I'm like, why would you do that to me? Look, if my own pee hits me, I'm like, ew. Yeah.

But if somebody else's pee hits me. It's like I got to walk around smelling like a sparing assault. I don't know where you've been, Lou. They drank, they ate beets the day before and they're just peeing red and you're like, what is happening over there? I hope you had beets. I don't know where you've been. What is happening? They drank they ate beats the day before and they're just peeing red And you're like what is happening over there? I hope you had beats. I don't know I'll tell you I hate that shit so much and I like I especially hate it too when there's like a huge line for the Bathroom and there's like 50 people in line and you got a wait to go Yeah, then you got to hurry up and go cuz there's a million people that are waiting. Yeah, it's like it's the worst

I hate it. It's terrible. I hate it. It's terrible. I hate it. It's terrible. I can't imagine being like, I like peeing with a group of people. I am going to get my friends and we are going to pee together. That is a thing. Ladies do that. They go to the bathroom. Yeah, but they have stalls.

They got a whole stall. They got a whole stall. That's the difference, right? The stall in the men's room is a fucking biohazard. It's not usable. There's only one and someone has shit on the seat. I don't know why. Someone has, someone has's only one and someone has shit on the seat. I don't know why.

Someone has decided that they were gonna stand across the room and try to shoot for two. They're like, no, you know what, I'm going for three. There we go. I'm going for three. I know it's number two, but I'm going for three. What emergency nightmare scenario, cause it's always that way.

Like what is happening? You're running to the, you make it into the bathroom, you make it into the stall and you're like, I didn't get to sit down. I just, I had a shit right on the porcelain. Everybody's like, you know what? I don't want to touch it because someone may have shit on it. So I'm going to shit. I mean like the next day is like, well, that's clearly where we should.

I just got a shit on there. Yeah. Can we just pause real quick on the chimpanzee portion of the program? Yeah. Yeah. If we're going to study something about chimpanzees, can we study maybe how to make them not rip people's fucking faces off? Not how they like to be interrupting their giant pee break.

They're like P or G where they get together or they're fucking weird cross cross streams This is a great story for my witness news Family finds five hundred and twenty five pound bear in crawlspace underneath home that survived the Eaton fire I'm gonna play I'm gonna play the video while we talk so people can see how fucking big Boys a big boy He got out of it though got a fire. the fire. Yeah. That's, that's why it's a good story. Like he survived that fire. Let's see if I can find more images of the bear. Here's the bear. They put a little camera under there because they knew the bear would come there. Yeah. And then the bear was like, yeah, man, fuck that. I ain't going

to be out there. Although I don't know. I mean, look, it's a bear. He doesn't really know, but I'm just letting you know that that's wood that you're under right now. He's not smoky. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He doesn't know. He only, what he knows is only you can prevent forest fires. That's all he knows.

All the time he's pissed off. I told you, you are the one. God damn it. It's not me. Jesus. I don't even have, I don't even have fucking opposable thumbs. Guy, can you imagine coming back to your house that survives the fire and you're like, all I even have fucking opposable thought Guy can you imagine coming back to your house that survives the fire and you're like, alright, but it's full of bears I don't know if that's better. Yeah, do you light it on fire?

What do you do you call the bear patrol? I mean only all they did was have to just like they just like I put a little treat out and they came right out They got it. Yeah, they would Scratch something they like come on. Right. a... Yeah, they would... They scratch something. They're like, come on. Come on, buddy. Come on. Here we go.

You do the leg slap. Come on. Come on, buddy. Come on. Here we go. Let's go. The bears are... It's like a single whistle that nobody can hear but the bear.

You get one of those clickers. Yeah. You clicker train the bear. I saw the fucking cutest video this week of this guy gets like a puppy and it looks like a golden retriever puppy And he's just staring at him and he's holding it like this and it's just like looking up at him and just like in love And I was just like that is the cutest fucking video I've seen and dude in I want to I want a dog like really bad But I don't want to take care of a dog. Yeah, like I really want a dog

But I just don't want to do the work. I know. There's so much work. There's so much work. And I'm like, I can't do that kind of work. But like a golden retriever puppy is the cutest thing that is made. I mean, that is something else. They're crazy cute, man. They are something else.

They're stupid how cute they are. I really want like one of the things that I would like to have, and I think one day when I don't have to work anymore, that would be something I might want to do as a project. But as it stands right now, it's like I can't dedicate how much time do you have to dedicate to have a good dog, have a good dog every day. All the time. Look, I do things with sound. Yeah, so it'd be impossible not to have a good dog.

You would have to have a good dog. Yeah, you can't just not have a good dog. The dog has to be quiet when it's told. The dog has to, you know, I don't live in a place where we have fences. Right. So I can't have a, I kind of walk it. Right. It's got to be good on it. Like all the things you would have to do for a dog to like make it a good dog. I would have to spend, it's like, it's like a full time job. I have a friend that has a truly good dog, like a great dog, and I've dog sat that dog a number of times, and I love this dog.

It's a great dog, so because the dog is so well behaved, you know, she knows like 12 or 15 different like tricks on command, but she also, you'd be like, hey, you know, Rosie, go lay down and you point, and she'll go lay down right where you're pointing. She won't like cross like a barrier between carpet and like tile unless she's told to cross it. She won't cross a barrier between carpet and tile

unless she's told to cross it. She's such a good dog. Every time I've dogsat, I'm like, I can't wait for them to pick up this dog. Because to keep the dog being a good dog, you have to accept the responsibility of like, it's not like the dog's at grandma's house and it just treats and you gotta do all the dog stuff.

So I gotta take it out for walks at the scheduled times I've got to make sure to like do a certain number of like tricks and stuff to keep reinforcing It's like training and behaviors and you can't let him up on this thing and you got it's like a full-time fucking job I got like pick up your dog. I love this dog. It's great super snugly sweetest dog in the world. Absolutely great Please take your dog. I I I would dog. I would love to own an animal. I've been around so many people who have just bad dogs. Yeah, I've had two. They're just bad dogs.

Yeah. You actually had a great dog. Bromo was a great dog. Bromo was a great dog. He was just an old dog. Yeah. And he was awesome. He was just like, yeah, just chill.

I'm just super chill. I just want to sit. All I want to do is sit. I love dogs like that. And I think the way to transition from what I have into nothing like from a dog is to get an old dog Yeah, I think that's what you do. You just go to the shelter and you're like, what's the oldest dog you got? Right, give me the oldest one you got and then you take that one, you know Especially if you know, you got to know it's trained right at least partially trained enough to know but most of the time

They're so they're out of their piss and vinegar phase. They're like, I just want to sleep like a cat all day. That's a perfect dog to have to start, because I had dogs as a kid, but they were all bad dogs. They're all like bad. As soon as somebody comes over, they're jumping literally as high as their eyeballs. So like the whole time they're jumping on them

and they're getting them dirty. And they're like, they're bad at like, when you let them out, they run and bark and freak out. And you're just like the whole time and they're jumping on them and they're getting them dirty and they're like, they're bad at like, when you let them out, they run and bark and freak out. And you're just like the whole time, like everything about it is like not the vid, the movie version of the dog that you see. Yeah, right. It's all the like worst qualities, the total wild qualities of a dog that I'm like, I don't want that. I want that. I want the golden retriever that walks literally right next to me, never tugs on the leash, and all I have to do is hold it very, very lightly in my hand the whole time.

And then I go inside and then it lays down and it doesn't bother me until I want to play with it. That's the dog I want. And that's not a dog I'll ever... I'm smart enough to know that dog doesn't exist, but I love the idea of that. I have like dog porn. Dude. dog doesn't exist. But I love the idea of that. I have like dog porn, dude. Like it's like dog ownership porn. It's like completely unrealistic. I want that same idea so much. I've had dogs with the idea that that's what I was going to have and then did not put that time and energy into it and had a very different experience.

And I learned that lesson, but I was like, I wanted the same thing. I wanted a dog that like could, that held its own leash and would walk it like walk next to you holding its leash. Just like, I'm a happy boy just to be by you. Love eyes. And instead I'm like, I had dogs that were like, I'm excited all the time and I can't stop. Vibrate.

And it's like, all right, that's too much. It's fucking too much. All right. It's fucking too much. ["Skeptics Creed Theme Song"] All right, that's gonna be it for this funny show. We'll be back on Monday with a full show, and we're gonna leave you like we always do with the Skeptics Creed.

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