Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 84: Face to Horrifying Face

Episode Date: January 28, 2013

  e Correction from last time: All the old episodes are up on our website.

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. We are radically transforming this country, and it's happening by the first black president, which brings me to another point. Today is Martin Luther King's birthday, and that's something to really celebrate. And I used to think about my black brothers and sisters, especially in Christ.

I think about the irony that the first black president that they are so excited about, and rightfully so, should usher in a time of godlessness. It's just amazing to me. Isn't that ironic? I mean, that is really one of the most twisted things, so that the black community has to choose between rejoicing that there's an African-American president for the first time in the nation's history, while understanding in their deep conscience that he's ushering in things that they live, their lives are the opposite of, their passions are the opposite of. It's a dilemma. I think the ironies of today are just not escaping any of us.

It's very hard, I would be lying if I said otherwise, to celebrate today. But I think it's very good for us to remember our history, what our founding fathers stood for, and there's nothing wrong with reminding each other and fighting to retain it, because today does not example that. When we have homosexual poet laureates and we have an evangelical pastor who said homosexuality was a sin, banned from the platform, and we have gay bands performing. Something is terribly wrong, and it's terribly wrong to see this man swear allegiance to the country

on the Bibles of men who went before him, who were men who understood faith and who God was. It's really ironic. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way.

We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, It's political. And there is no welcome, Matt. I feel like a guest on the show. I'm not going to lie about this. I feel like a goddamn guest on the show. We are actually recording this for the only time in, what, five, six years of podcasting? We started, Tom, we started in April of 2007, I think. Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah, because my little guy was like five months old. So 2007, April 2007. Right. We had never once been in the same area. Only one time, and we were in separate rooms. Separate rooms, yeah. Now I'm staring at you, and I'm regretting every moment of this.

Most people do. I feel that same way after I get out of the shower. Anytime there's a mirror. Anytime. Anytime I can feel shame. I press that real hard. I wish I'm kind of like a man who wishes he was a vampire.

Not because I want to live forever or drink the blood. I just don't want to see my own reflection. I don't mind the dying part. I just don't want to see me own reflection. I don't mind the dying part. I just don't want to see me. I don't need the immortality. I just need to not feel the sense of horrifying regret. But it's interesting. It's the first time we've had an opportunity, really,

to record in a situation where we're actually looking at each other. So this show may be weird this time. We're just fucking prophesying. It's weird every time, but it may be weirder this time. If it gets too uncomfortable, should put like an artificial barrier between us right here? I'm just going to turn around. I'm just going to turn around and stare at the wall.

That's what my wife does. Fine by me. Oh, by the way, this is episode 84. Yeah. This is going to be strange, man. So Cecil, that clip is from a story from rightwingwatch.org.

I can't say that at all. No. Rightwingwatch. You have to like pause between them. Sandy Rios mourns Obama's inauguration and equality for non-Christians.

You know, you read this or listenuration and equality for non-Christians. You know, you read this or listen to this fucking goober-ass woman and she's basically bemoaning the equal state. She's basically saying, like, America, that's for freedom and equality. I hate that. She's basically, what she's bemoaning is that

it's not a Christian theocracy. Right. I mean, like, that's what she's bemoaning. She's's not a Christian theocracy. That's what she's bemoaning. She's mad that we are allowing people who have different faith traditions or non-faith traditions equal rights. That's a ridiculous standpoint. How can you possibly even think that there's anything equal to be had then? Aren't we founded on equality? I don't understand how these people even think. I don't even understand how they process things.

It doesn't make any sense to me. We are a nation that's founded on the principles of justice and equality. Except for the atheists and the Muslims and the Buddhists because those people are all not godly and we need to make sure that we definitely discriminate

against all those people. It's a three-fifths law, right? Like she's saying like, well, you're sort of kind of a person-ish. Yeah. When it's convenient, sort of. Sure, yeah. And I like too that she kind of like lumps the Jews in with the Christians. But then she's bagging on this person for like visiting other denominations or other churches and what have you. And like, well, that's diversity.

Like that's a diversity of viewpoint. But it's even a slim diversity. It's a diversity within a, it's like saying like, well, you know, I bought a Chevy, but I test drove three Chevys. Okay, well, I mean, you're still loyal to the Chevy, right? Like you're still a Chevy guy. Exactly. That's what you are.

Maybe I think that's a bad call, but still. I like that these people expose themselves, the American Family Association or whatever the fuck they are. They expose themselves every few days as being people who don't understand the Constitution, who don't understand how this nation was founded, who don't understand what real liberty and real equality are. And if you listen to them, the only people that can listen to them are the people who fit within their mindset. Who else could be convinced by this? If you were on the fence, how could you possibly be convinced by somebody saying, we want to make sure that we are more equal than other people? Yeah, well, I want to be more equal. More equal means I get privilege, right?

And that's what they're saying. I don't have a privilege status. No. No. And you're bitching about it. It's not going to make people want to give you that. Yeah, nobody does. That's the problem.

So the first story we're going to cover is from usatoday.com. This is our daily mail. It really is. USA is that bad. This is what you get like right outside your hotel room. Free newspaper. You're like, oh, no, not really. I'll just leave it there.

It'll be fine. I'm going to use it as a doormat when I come in and out of my room. I'm out of toilet paper. USA Today. Hey. All right. Orthodox Jewish counselor gets 103 years for sex abuse. Yeah.

At least it's not a slap on the wrist. Right, right. 103 fucking years. Religious leader in New York City's ultra-Orthodox Jewish community was sentenced Tuesday to 103 years in prison for molesting a girl who came to him with questions about her faith. And really, the only thing that matters is, were those questions answered? Yeah, she lost her fucking faith. So, yeah, absolutely.

Hymen, not faith. Oh, shit. I love how in the middle of this story, I'm going to read here, Tom, directly from the article. It says, the girl and her family had been harassed and ostracized, reflecting long held beliefs that any conflict must be dealt with from within the community. During the trial, men were arrested on charges. They tried to bribe the girl and her now husband to drop the case. Others were accused of snapping photos of her on the witness stand and posting them online. What kind of fucking degenerate do you have to be to fucking post photos of someone who is clearly distressed and probably doesn't want to do this anyway, right?

I mean, she's fucking involved in this. She's doing it because of a sense of, you know, wanting justice in some way, and you're posting photos of her to demonize her. Because that's why you wouldn't do it. You're not doing it to fucking celebrate her. Right. That's for sure. Yeah, they didn't put up a fucking bronze statue.

Yeah, no kidding. They posted her fucking picture online. Yeah. It's, you know, the only advantage of that is the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community probably doesn't spend a lot of time online. Admittedly. You know, so it's like, I posted these online. What is online? Like, okay, well, time online. Admittedly. You know, so it's like, I posted these online. What is online?

Like, okay, well, fair enough. That worked out. Yeah, I mean, like, here's a girl who is incredibly brave, right? Yeah. She's a victim of horrific abuse. It's ongoing for years. They came to her at the hands of somebody who is, you know, a respected religious leader. There's a huge power dynamic involved.

She's going against the flow of the entire community. Instead of the community rallying around this young girl. If you can't rally around kids, if your community is built in such a way that you're like, who should we get behind here? How about that abused child? Do we have another pony to back?

Is there somebody else that maybe abused her that we could get behind? How about that old man who fucked her. That's who we gotta get. 103 years is fucking too little time. The only thing that would make this better is if we could extend his life out. To 103 more years. Yeah.

We send you to 103. Ha, joke's on you. I've only got 10 good years left. No, son. Motherfucker, I will cryogenically freeze you just so I can wake your ass up, show you the beautiful future, and then kill you. Look around, motherfucker. It looks great, doesn't it? Not for you.

And the thing is, this happens in all kinds of communities, especially all kinds of religious communities. There's a power dynamic there that just constantly this is what happens. It's like fucking planting seeds. The crop is going to grow every time, no matter what. The thing that makes this the most appalling is that people are trying to hide it, at least in some of the other communities.

We're talking about the Muslim community where they go out and go after the person who did this sort of thing. They ostracize him. They punish him. They do things. In this, they're saying they want to punish this guy. They want to keep it in the community, but they really don't punish the guy. So, you know, what are we going to do? You know, we've got to make sure that we follow laws,

and to leave it up vigilante style is just a bad idea anyway. There's a reason we have a government. Right, and what would the community do? Like, well, we'll keep this in-house. Well, you don't have any fucking authority. You can't jail him. You can't do a thing. Like, what, we'll keep this in-house. Well, you don't have any fucking authority. You can't jail him. You can't do a thing. Like, what are your fucking

retribution options? Like, well, we're going to handle this in-house. Your house is made of cards, motherfucker. You've got no authority. You've got nothing. Like, you're going to fire him for his job? If that's the worst thing that happens, like, I fucking raped a little girl. What happened? Got fired from my job. What did you do then? I got a different job.

I moved down to the other synagogue down the street. Right. That's not keeping it in-house. That's just not dealing with the fucking problem. Right. Yeah, it's just is from the Daily Mail. I know. The Daily Mail.

Muslim abuser who didn't know. I didn't know. Whoops. My bad. That was actually, this is the my bad defense. Yeah, absolutely. Didn't know that sex with a girl of 13 was illegal is spared jail. What the fuck is going on in the UK?

I'm sorry, but what the fuck is going on over there? This guy's educated in madrasa, which is to say he's uneducated. Right, sure. Right? Yeah. And he was taught that women are of no more value than a lollipop. What a strange analogy. Like a lollipop. What a strange analogy. Like a lollipop on the floor.

Lollipop. I'm thinking there's a phallic thing going on with a lollipop that doesn't go on with, say, a woman. Yeah, that's not. You're right. The imam is like, it's like a lollipop. Put your lollipops in your mouth, children. Now suck them very, very hard. Like, what's going on here?

This is not the education I'm not paying for. I'm surprised, you know, Justin Timberlake here, he looks he's he basically He's bringing sexy pictures. Oh, man. I feel like, you know, this is not a defense.

This is not a defense at all. You know, in the United States, in a civilized country, the United States, we make sure that ignorance is no protection against the law. Nicely done. Nicely done there. Now, in the United Kingdom, you know, the uncivilized, barbarous United Kingdom, they decide, well, hey, you know, if they don't know about the law, well, can I just come over to your country and just be completely ignorant of all your laws and break them all?

Oh, murder's not cool in the UK? I mean, what if I had a gun? Like, here's an example, right? I'm a product of Texas, damn it, and I go over to the UK and I have my, you know, semi-automatic AR-14, AR-15. Is there an AR-14?

I don't know. It's the junior version. It's a diet AR-15. It's what they give to the junior shooting team, not the adult shooting team. But it's a youth gun. But anyway, what would they say? They would be like, sorry,

you're going to jail or you're going to get deported or whatever it is that happens to you. You're breaking the law. You're breaking our laws. We are a nation without guns mostly. So you can't have one. Right. We should be a nation without rape. We should strive to be a nation that is rape free.

And if you break that law, you go to jail. Instead, it's like, well, you know, he's really just kind of a dumb kid. So, well, you know, dumb kids rape people. You can't hold him accountable for what he did. I mean, that would be reasonable and fair. And that would be based on a system of criminal justice that makes some fucking sense. It doesn't have a religious exemption of my bad. Like, this is part of that insulated community problem.

Right. You know, it's so endemic of all these religious cultures. You insulate the community. The community, maybe he really didn't know. Let's even put that out there. Sure. Maybe it never occurred to him that women were people. How you could have

missed that subtle fact, I don't know. But, you know, maybe he really thought this. Well, that's a problem with your religious community. That doesn't give you as a member of that community an out. You don't get to be like, well, I'm part of a shithead organization of shitheads, so I behave like a shithead.

This is not something that happens in a vacuum either, or this is not something that happens in isolation either because this happens, this has happened before. A similar thing has happened in the past where a judge over there decided, you know, these women haven't had a drink before, so they're allowed to kick the shit out of somebody. I remember that. Because they were drunk and they weren't used to being drunk. Right. What the fuck is wrong with your judges? Is a fucking white wig fucking constricting their brain?

Like what the fuck is happening? You can't let people off. And I think the problem is, and this is that fucking cultural relativism shit that needs to get thrown right out the window. The problem is, is that we are so fucking culturally sensitive. Oh, we don't want to upset anybody. We want to make sure that everybody's culture, we respect everybody's culture. Well, no! If your culture says it's

okay to rape people, or your culture says it's not okay to drink, and when you do, you get belligerent and beat the shit out of people, and we're not going to fucking charge you for that, that's bullshit. That's not how you act. That's not how you react to problems in your fucking country. And like, what message? Because the justice system is all about, it's not just rehabilitation and retribution, but

it's also about sending messages, right? I mean, you make laws and the obviousness of law is public and the police are not secret for a reason. Right. And that's because to maintain civil order, you want to always have this set of messages that you're sending. We're tough on crime. These are unacceptable standards for our society.

This is what we will allow and not allow. What is the message here? The message is, hey, if you come from an isolated community, this would tell me to isolate my community further. Right. Because it insulates us from trouble, from legal troubles. That's a horrifying message for your country

to send. Like, I didn't know it wasn't cool to blow up a suicide vest here. We do it all the time over in— Yeah, back where I'm from. Right. Yeah, I mean— That shit's fucking standard. I just set my little cousin up with the fucking—with the vest and the dynamite.

You know, I mean, come on. Like, I did that for like 60 people back home, and nobody cared. Hell, they gave me a fucking—they fucking had a dinner in my honor. Right. You know? And that's what I think what it really boils down to is they're afraid that there's going to be outrage. They're afraid because, like Danish cartoons, people get murdered, fucking shit gets lit on fire. You know, somebody makes a Muslim fucking video that's making fun of Mohammed and people go crazy all over the world.

They're afraid that if they convict this guy and, this guy and really go after him, like they fucking should. You know, this fucking neck bearded moron. You know, they should go after him. But instead they're like, well, we're too afraid that somebody is going to freak out about it. Well, you know, you can't live in fear of the mob. Right. When your society lives in fear of reprisal from a minority group within that society, you're fucking owned. Yeah.

Then you might as well just be that little group. Just open up your store at Abercrombie and Ball Bearers. Well, I thought that the point of the church was to worship God and the boy fucking was just incidental. No, it's just the other way around. The point of the church is the boy fucking. All the other stuff is just busy work. This story is from the New York Times. Files show how Los Angeles church leaders controlled damage.

Retired Cardinal Roger Mahoney and other top Roman Catholic archdiocese of Los Angeles officials maneuvered behind the scenes to shield molestered priests, provide damage control for the church, and keep parishioners in the dark, according to church personnel files. No surprises. I mean, honestly, like this is a story that you're just like, yeah, I guess we all have known this for a long time. Yeah. There's a part of this too, Tom, that it just turns my stomach.

It says Mahoney, and this guy's a cardinal. Okay. This guy's a fucking cardinal. This guy's a fucking cardinal. Mahoney was out of town but issued a statement Monday apologizing for his mistakes and saying that he had been quote unquote naive about the lasting impacts of abuse. He has since met with 90 abuse victims privately and keeps an index card with each family's name in his private chapel where he prays for them daily. The card also includes the name of the molesting priest. Lest I forget, real priests created this appalling harm.

You know, here's what you need to do. There's a couple things you need to do. One, naivete of a crime is the same thing as ignorance of a crime. It's not a fucking defense. You fucking shuffled these people around. You knowingly shuffled these people around. And you read later on in this article, it talks about how he responded to these people around, you knowingly shuffled these people around, and you read later on in this article it talks about how he responded to these people that were clearly fucking guilty, how he responded

to them with letters basically saying, I'll pray for you. Like, you know, I mean, it was like, it was almost like a chipper sort of uplifting way to end a letter. Like, not, you're fucking fired, which is what it should say. Enjoy prison, dude. You know, that's what your letter should say. Your letter should say, I'm going to enjoy working with the community that is out to get priests like you because you're a despicable scumbag who deserves every bit of ire that everyone has for you.

Instead, you're sitting in there praying for them. You know, like, what the fuck is praying for them doing? Why don't you send those people some money or something? Figure something out. Money or something. Fucking mention it. Get rid of the priest in question. All the things that you could do to stop this

cycle from continuing. Because you know what? It's not like it stopped. It's still fucking happening. Doesn't this demonstrate further the ineffectiveness of prayer? Yeah. Right? I'll pray for you. That doesn't do any good! He still raped a bunch of kids! Sure! His dick didn't fall off! Not like, I prayed for you. Oh, and I stopped doing this thing. It's like, I pray for you. That doesn't do any good. He still raped a bunch of kids. His dick didn't fall off.

Not like, I prayed for you. Oh, and I stopped doing this thing. It's like, I prayed for you. That had no fucking effect whatsoever. Right. Can you start doing a different thing, such as an actual thing? Do a thing. Why is this not failure to report a crime?

I'm not a law-talking guy. I know. Fucking A, man. But at what point? You're not a law-talking guy. I know. Fucking A, man. But at what point... You're not a law-talking... That's why you're the judge, and I'm the law-talking guy. But at what point, like,

if I saw you beat up a lady and steal her purse, and I was just like, huh, I'm gonna pray for that guy. First of all, I'm praying for the wrong guy. I should be praying for the lady who got beat up and her purse stolen. Not like, oh man, God, you got to change the heart of that guy.

Because I'll tell you what, we put him in a position of power. Imagine this, Tom. You're driving down the road at 70 miles an hour. You see someone veer off and hit a tree. And you don't stop. You just look at him. I'll pray for that guy.

Yeah, wow. He needs a prayer. Gosh, does that guy need a prayer? He needs a neck prayer. He needs a scooping your brain off the dashboard prayer. Yeah, right. That actually should be every Catholic hospital. It should be like, whoa, whoa.

We got a trum on room one that was run over. should be like, whoa, whoa, we got a trauma in room one. They run over like, quick, we need prayer stat. I'm actually having a fucking seizure. Yeah, you got to stop doing that. It's knocking over the Bible. They're like tapping his arm and they got a giant crucifix. They're trying to shove through it. They're just injecting him with like IV solutions of holy water.

We need 20 solutions of holy water. Stat, stat, stat. We rub these relics on his balls, but he's still fine. His fucking intestines are hanging out or some shit. It's like, oh, man, I don't know what else to do. We've done everything we can. We've reached the limits of our religious technology. Right, right.

All they can do is just pray. And it's funny because there was a video a while back with the homeopathy doctor, the homeopathy emergency room. I don't know if you saw this. Yeah, basically. It's exactly the same thing. It's like hoping that somebody is going to get well. But, yeah, I mean, when you're praying for somebody when you're not doing anything about it. And then, I mean, this is clearly, this is years and years of people had been abused

and it gets swept under the rug. And you're complicit in that. And you're going to have to live with that for the rest of your life. And whether or not your little daily meditations of making yourself feel better by praying for someone makes you actually feel better, I kind of hope it doesn't.

I hope you fucking recognize and realize every day of your life that you're a scumbag and that you helped other scumbags diddle kids because you facilitated it. You were the one who facilitated it. Not you, Tom. No, I'm okay with myself. I sleep very well at night. Mahoney did that.

You're not a Cardinal as far as I know. I graduated from North Central. We're the Cardinals. I don't know. I feel bad. I could be. Oh, fuck. We're going to take a quick break and know. I feel bad. I could be. Oh, fuck. And we're going to take

a quick break and give you information to contact us and stuff. And then we'll be back for more of the show and emails. And then we're going to end the show.

That's how we do it. That's normally how it works. We're a beginning, middle, end sort of process. But this is another step in that direction. Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance?

Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at theitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website DissonancePod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at Dissonance underscore pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now too,

so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at Dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show,

Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. See, so this story is from the delicious SeattlePie.com. Seattle Pie is delicious. Everything is on page 3.1. It's full of hair bands. Oh, and I accidentally clicked on a goddamn banner ad. Fuck you, Seattle Pie.

Oh, no. That fucking, at least it has a Chromebook, so Chromebook's on a goddamn banner ad. Fuck you, Seattle Pies. Oh, no. At least it has a Chromebook, so Chromebook's like, eh, whatever. Yeah, I'm not going to open that shit. Pennsylvania ex-pastor convicted of murdering his second wife. But it gets better because he also murdered his first wife. What do they call him, the sinister minister? The sinister minister. That's awesome.

I call him the pastor of disaster. Pastor of disaster, which I liked quite a bit. That's good, yeah. This guy, look, dude, they're not dominoes. You don't have to knock them all down. Keep some of them upright, motherfucker. I want to read from this article. It says, and this is from directly from Seattle Pie.

Arthur A.B. Schirmer. Schirmier. Schirmier. Scribner. Scribner.B. Schirmer, Schirmer, Schirmer, Schirmer, whatever. Arthur, 64, was called the sinister minister by a prosecutor who said he clubbed Betty, whatever the fuck his last name is, on the head with a crowbar, then loaded her into a car and staged a low-speed accident in an effort to conceal the crime. Motherfucker, that shit doesn't work on CSI. Like, that doesn't work on CSI. Like, they do that shit every week.

Like, somebody's like, no, she really did fall down the stairs. And then the guy takes his glasses off real quick and stares at him and is like, no, what really happened? And then they break under pressure. Like, this is exactly, I mean, this is fucking CSI. It's ridiculous.

And then they found, like, blood in his garage. Like, did you really think you were going to get away with that? Minor details. See, so they're all minor details. I love, too, that he's trying to sell this idea that a low-speed accident fucking bludgeoned his wife to death. He's all right. He's like, hey, that bitch should have worn a goddamn seatbelt. I shouldn't have left the crowbar in the back seat.

That was the problem. I left it on the back windowsill, and then as I was going, it flew off and clunked her right on the noggin. He puts it right on the airbag, so it just shoots crowbars at you. He replaces the airbag with a bag full of crowbars. He replaces the airbag with a bag full of crowbars. But I'll tell you, the thing is, like you have here earlier on, he kills his wife. It says his wife of more than 30 years fell down in the basement stairs while vacuuming. He said that he found her with the cord of the victim, the cord racked around the victim's ankle. The cord racked around the victim's ankle.

And it says, the Monroe County First Assistant District Attorney said, that's staging 101. Like, you know, it's wrapped around. Right. The idea is that he got away with that, though. Right. You know what I mean? Like, for many years. It's staging 101. Motherfucker, you should have taken criminality 101 because you fucking, you bought it.

Yeah. Like, you lost. Like, you need to take investigation 096, motherfucker. 096. Some fucking remedial ass bullshit. It's for no credit. It's for no credit at all. In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.

To me, it's pretty simple. A person either believes that God created this process or believes that it was an accident and that it just happened all on its own. See, so this story is from Slate.com, from the bad astronomy section, portion. Blog section. Blogulation. And these are the people making laws in Louisiana. This refers to a set of hearings

or conversations that were taking place. I'm not really sure exactly what the context was that would entail reading the article. Yeah. Which, no, that's not. There's pictures. I just looked at the pictures. That's all I ever do is look at the pictures. There's a double facepalm of Picard and his first lieutenant, whoever that guy's name is.

Picard? No. No. What was the first? First guy's name, Trekker? Riker? Riker. Riker. That's a Trekker. His name is? Picard? No. No. What was the first? First guy's name, Trekker? Riker? Riker. Riker. That's a Trekker. His name is Trekker. Welcome to Star Trek. I'm Trekker.

This is Trekker. Where did that come from? We are way off topic here. We've never even introduced what this story is about. It doesn't even matter what it's about. What it's about is Louisiana is a state that you should not live in yeah you should move out of if you live there

if you're in Louisiana just go they have a creationist bill a bill that is basically oozing its way into Colorado according to his according to Bad Astronomy but it says

it's in Louisiana. There were some hearings and things that were talking about. But basically these senators were listening to people dispute it, trying to decide whether or not this bill should go into law. And they're talking to a bunch of people and at one point, one of these senators

starts talking to this woman and she's explaining how fucking evolution works. There's experiments that can help you understand it and help children understand it, and she's explaining how fucking evolution works. Like there's experiments that can help you understand it and help children understand it. And she's like, well, you take E. coli and you do this thing and you go through all these processes to figure out whether the E. coli evolved. And he's like, does it evolve into a human being? They should have just said yes. They're like, you are clearly the lower end of the spectrum.

Like it does. And sometimes we fucking elect them to Senate in Louisiana. And you smell like E. coli, sir. But what you say is eventually. How much time do you have? Sure. When's this hearing end? If you've got a couple billion years, we will get it.

I'll let you know. There'll be something. At the end of that couple billion years, there'll be something. And the thing is you is like, you can see it on small stages as it is, because the generations of E. coli, you know, there's generations. They turn over very fast. Yeah, they turn over very quickly. So you can see the changes

that happen generation to generation. The evolution that takes place. But people don't want to call that anything. They call it microevolution. Which they just made up. It's not a thing. Macro and micro, they don't mean anything, right? It's a way to minimize the fact of evolution.

Absolutely right. That's absolutely it. And that's what they do. They find these little things, these little ways, little tiny bits to try to wheedle their fucking nonsense about fucking Noah's Ark

and God and Ten Commandments and fucking Solomon and all the rest of the bullshit that goes with it, right? It's all the bullshit that goes with believing in a God and thinking that that's how we need to train students, teach children. And it's ridiculous. And the thing is, is like, nothing is stopping these people from teaching their kids at home that evolution is a lie.

Nothing is stopping them because they could easily teach their kids U.S. history is a lie. Yeah. You know, world history is a lie. Whatever they want to do, they could teach their kids all this stuff. Just because somebody is a Holocaust denier and they live their life as a Holocaust denier doesn't mean that we should accommodate those Holocaust deniers in public education. Just because somebody is a racist at home doesn't mean we should accommodate those racists in public education.

You wouldn't, and nobody's arguing that, right, Tom? Nobody's saying that, you know, well, you know, we should, you know, we really should teach eugenics, you know, because some people believe it. Hey, why not? You know, it's a bad idea, so let's do it. Some people believe it. So we should teach it. Hey, why not? It's a bad idea. Some people believe it.

We should teach it. No, nobody's saying that. The thing is, we shouldn't teach what a belief is. We should teach what the facts are. That's how you teach things. We don't teach in math class, well, if you think 2 plus 2 is 5, well, maybe it is. Good for you, Charlie.

Here's your fucking t-shirt and your trophy and you get an A this year because you thought. It's all a touchdown. Everything's a touchdown. Well, you know what? When you look at these sorts of things and you see exactly what you're saying, right? There is nobody stopping them from learning about creationism in charge, about creationism at home, about how evolution is an evil lie perpetrated by the devil or whatever, like some senator said not too long ago. A senator on the science committee.

Do you remember that? Right, right. Yeah, yeah. We talked about this. But what this means really is that they're afraid that these ideas will be taught in the school. They know they're going to lose the war of ideas. Right.

And that's an important thing to remember. They know they're going to lose. If their kids are taught things that make sense, things that are verifiable, things that are scientific in nature, they know, holy shit, this is dangerous to my worldview. This is antithetical to my way of thinking. I can't counter this at home. There's no way for me to have them learn this evolution stuff and then have me say, yeah, I know that all seems true because it's true. And you can see it and touch it and smell it. And yeah.

Yeah. Never mind what all your senses are screaming at you about. You know, all of that's bullshit. Let's open this book written by a bunch of fucking itinerant goat herds 2,000 fucking years ago. That's really how the world works, son. Yeah. Well, and then you're also, you've got to think about it this way.

Like, when I watch these people get flustered and upset, and that's what those, there's two examples of these people getting flustered and upset, right? Right. Clearly dumb people. Yes.

Clearly, either they're dumb or they're playing dumb. There's only two options here. Sure, right. Because dumb is in the equation. Yeah, because dumb is there somewhere. It's either fucking squared or it's the square root. But somewhere it's dumb and it's in there.

Because, you know, this woman is arguing that creationism should be taught. This guy is saying, you know, do humans pop out of a fucking test tube at school when you figure out whether a coli evolve? I feel like they're, you know, when I watch these people do it and I watch, you see this every time, I can't help but think like, just take away what they're arguing for now and replace it with like the tooth fairy. Sure. You would, how ridiculous would you look if you were saying, how dare you teach my kid that there's no tooth fairy? How dare you teach my kid that there's no Santa Claus? Yeah. You know, that's what you're saying.

You know, leave your faith out of this, this whole equation. You don't even have to bring your, your faith never has to touch school. It never has to touch it at all because they'll go to school and they'll learn about evolution. And let's say you're a fucking Flintstones fucking creationist nutter. And let's say you're at home, and you're sitting in your fucking down-in-bedrock with Dino by the door. You got your little fucking leopard print and your tie on, and you walk in in your bare feet.

And your kid is sitting there, Bam Bam's sitting there on the couch, and you say to Bam Bam, how was your day at school? And after he says Bam Bam and hits something with a club, he looks at you, and he says to you, oh, you know, I learned about evolution today. And then you're like, well, let's talk about evolution for a minute. If I talk, I mean I'm going to beat you now. I'm going to tell you that it doesn't happen.

Right, yeah. In the privacy of your own home, who cares? Right. You know? You want your kid to be a dummy. Yeah. Good. Then your kid can be a dummy. You know? Well, and that's the thing. You want your kid to be a dummy. Yeah. Yeah, you want your kid. Good.

Then your kid can be a dummy. You know? Great. Your kid's going to grow up to be a dummy. He's not going to question things. He's just going to be, you know, your dumb kid. Okay, your dumb, ugly kid is going to grow up. I like that he's ugly now.

He's ugly now, by the way. He is from Louisiana. Those webbed hands don't do anything. It's because he's eating all those shrimp that got out of the golf shrimp. No, but, you know, there's nothing stopping. There's nothing stopping them. There's nothing stopping them from doing it, from treating it at home. And, you know, the more you make a big deal out of it, the more you bring attention to it,

I think the more your children are going to push back and seek out those other answers. Even if you do mandate this as a law, creationist law in your state, you are going to make your children seek this out. Yeah. Well, your ideas are either strong enough to win or they're not. Yeah. Yeah, they're clearly not. Everybody else is bowing down with the old, I got you going to love it. Did you see that?

That was, there's a rap not see the Avengers. Avengers must read. Did you see that? That was – there's a rap not see the Avengers must read or must see for spiritual warfare. So Cecil, this is a op doc. Op doc. Op doc. Op doc. From the New York Times called Gospel of Intolerance. And this refers to the exporting of bad ideas, horrifying ideas, Christian fundamentalist nut job ideas to Uganda. And the terrible effects that's having on the Ugandan people, specifically gay Ugandan people. Yeah, because recently we talked about this on a previous show, Tom, where they're actually taking people, putting them in prison.

And if you had a second offense, it was like... Death. Second offense was death. Yeah. It was capital crime. So they're exporting this stuff. But the best part of this video, I think, is when they're interviewing the pastors.

And Angle, Lou Angle, the guy who thinks the Hulk is the greatest thing ever, or whatever, the fucking Hulk guy. He doesn't seem crazy. No, not at all. Not at all. But he's talking about how gays are, pardon me,

he's talking about how Africa is, he's on fire for it, and how this is a hotbed of, you know, Christian faith. And you could just tell like this guy is happy that he's manipulating these people. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. And there's a striking portion of this video that I saw and I could not get the imagery out of my mind. It's a beautiful shot of a, you know, an African kid just staring ahead.

And there's a woman right on his ear and she's just talking to him while they're all praying and she's right up close to his ear. And the imagery of that, like that sort of pouring my poison into your ear is so striking in this video. And when you watch it, you can't help but look at her face and see her as a malevolent force. You know what I mean? Like see her as a force of evil, somebody who is trying to manipulate these people into being what she thinks is holy, which is backwards and 2,000 years ago holy. Right. Well, this is religious colonialism.

Right. That's what this is. You look at this and you're like, you know that you're not going to take over this continent by force, by military, but you're trying to take over this continent by ideas. You're trying to take over this continent through your religious indoctrination. And the way to do

that is through the children. And you can see it's fucking evident all the time. We've covered so many stories and they're so sad. You see these ideas presented to a, you know, these ideas are losing in places where education is stronger and more part of everybody's daily life. These ideas are losing where people have access to resources. These ideas are losing where technology and the Internet is daily and pervasive in the lives of everybody. The only place these ideas have left to live is in places that are less technologically well-developed,

more desperate in terms of resources. And this is a way for these paternalistic religious asshats to export their power and control. And this is a way for them to earn money. This is a money grab. It's a power grab for money out of that continent. It's another way. You just see this. It's like, can we stop raping Africa?

Yeah. Can we please stop doing that? This is not a continent that needs it. Yeah. Just stop it. I don't have their best interests at heart. You're totally right. I love the part of this video, too, where they get the little kids going out to go solicit to get money for this.

And they go into a family and they have all these pictures of all these African kids sitting out. And as they're talking to the family, they're like, and, you know, once you give us money, you can just take these pictures and you have the pictures of these people. You can just start praying for them right now. Like you're paying someone to pray. People are paying you to pray for someone. So not only are they giving their money, which you're probably taking half of, maybe more, and then giving some of it to them. Because, you know, you don't have to give them all.

You have to pay administration costs, blah, blah, blah. There's a lot of overhead to being kind. So you're taking a shit ton of money. And then what are they getting out of it? At least if I give money to Doctors Without Borders, I know that that money's going to go to a good. And a lot

of it, 89 cents on the dollar is going to go to the good. If I give money to UNICEF, 91 cents on the dollar is going to go to the good. This is the good that they do in the world. But when I give money to this fucking thing, what do I get? I get an Africa where it's okay to kill homosexuals and I get to pray for somebody.

You could pray for anyone you want now for free. You don't have to pay an entrance. It's not fucking six flags. You have to wait in line like, is it my turn to pray for somebody. You could pray for anyone you want now for free. You don't have to pay an entrance. It's not fucking six flags. You have to wait in line like, is it my turn to pray yet? Is it my turn? No. Is it my turn to be prayed for? That's what it is. It's like they got to get in line to take the picture. You know, can't, okay, let's

just say that God is all powerful. Let's just say it. Okay, go ahead and say it. Alright, God is all powerful. I like it. Sounds good. It sounds like it. I like the sound of it. Sure, holy mighty one. There you go. It sounds perfect. So, God is all-powerful. I like it. Sounds good. It sounds like it. I like the sound of it so far. Sure. Holy mighty one. There you go. It sounds perfect. So God is all-powerful.

Can't I just say, hey, God, I'm going to pray for somebody in Africa. I'll trust your judgment who needs it most. How about this? If you're all-powerful, I'll just pray for all of them. I don't need – do I have to name them specifically? Yeah. Do I need a picture so you know who I'm talking about? Oh, it's fucking, oh, this is Tequima.

I got to make sure I go after this guy only. I can't go after his brother because he wasn't there on photo shoot day. I don't see his picture. Y'all got a yearbook or something I can refer to? If it's black and white, I can't do it. It's got to be a full color glossy picture. That's why they had to cut off all them soldiers limbs in the Civil War. That shit was sepia.

I can't pray for no sepia. And I can't pray for your limits. It's off screen. It's off the film. I can't tell you. That's why it's dangerous to get your head cut off. Oh, gosh. You want to make sure.

Then don't photobomb. Whatever you do. You know, and it's not, the thing is, too, it's not extra money. For a lot, for most. I'm not saying everybody in Africa is impoverished. I'm not painting that broad a brush. But much of Africa is deeply impoverished. For you and I, it's extra money.

You know, it's like, I'll cut back on a minor inconvenient thing. It's not like I'm saying like, oh man, I'm going to skip all my meals this month. To help someone else out, yeah. It's extra money for us. It's not extra money when you don't have any money. It's like, you're stealing

money from the most at risk. From the most in need. There's nothing meaner and more cynical. Yeah, yeah, no, I agree wholeheartedly. Abortions for all. Very well. No abortions for anyone. Abortions for some.

Miniature American flags for others. This story is from thinkprogress.org. New Mexico bill would imprison rape victims who receive abortions. Because in New Mexico, which is not a crazy state, by the way. That's not, New Mexico is not one of the crazy states. Could be worse. Rape victims, if you get pregnant from a rape, this bill would mean that you'd have to carry your pregnancy to term because the child is evidence of that assault. Yeah, they have other laws, though.

I don't know if you knew, but they have some other laws that also encourage this sort of thing. If your car gets broken into and they break your window, you have to basically not replace that window for the entire time until the person goes to jail. If you get stabbed, you have to keep the knife in your flesh. In the wound? Oh, God. When's the trial date? It hurts so much. If somebody kills you, they have to let your body lay there

until the trial's over. They can't move you. They can't do anything because it's evidence, Tom. It's evidence. It's evidence. We have better ways of gathering evidence. Somebody needs to call New Mexico and be like, this is not necessary. This is incredible.

Like, even if the idea was that you needed the DNA evidence that this child was. Fucking abort it. You still get the, it's not like, it's like you abort the fetus and then it's DNA. It's just like, I'm all gone. DNA is not formed yet. It's all RNA. What the fuck? This is unacceptable.

This isn't splice. I mean, what the fuck? Here's the thing that is the scariest part of this entire bill, though, Tom, is this is not going to encourage people to report rape. That's exactly it. You know, that's the thing that's going to happen. You know, your pro-life views are then forcing people, you know, victims

I hadn't thought of this. Now I'm thinking about this. To stop and report it. They're not going to report it. Why would they? There's no incentive anymore because most rape cases in general don't get reported anyway, right? So a very few rape cases in general don't get reported anyway. So a very few rape cases in general get reported. Those rape cases that do now, there's this liability of I have to keep this baby alive because any doctor –

no doctor is going to touch you because they can go to jail. You're going to have to do some back alley shit if you're going to have to have anything done. And then you could go to jail if they find out that you were pregnant. So what is the incentive of the person who probably because, you know, the chances they're already thinking they're not going to get this guy prosecuted anyway. They're just going to be humiliated. Now I've got to keep this baby full term. Why would you make it that hard to stop an evil act?

All they're going to do, what they're going to do then is just say, well, I won't report it. I'll just get the abortion. You're making them choose between justice for the rapist or an abortion, and that's an awful thing to do. This bill simply

can't pass. It simply cannot pass. This is such a tremendous step backward for women. This is a step backward not even for women, it is, but for anybody who is the victim of a crime, of any kind of crime. Like when your society says, let's further victimize people who are survivors of abuse or victims of any kind of a crime, we're just doing everything backwards at that point.

We're doing every part of this puzzle like, well, let's look at this and see how we can further hurt them. Maybe that's not how we should structure our society. You know, here's the other thing, too, is like in every other bit of criminal proceedings, you are never entrusted with the evidence. Like they never entrust you with the evidence. They're like, well, we're just going to give this evidence to you,

the victim, to hold onto until the trial. That never happens, right? It's just not a thing that happens. We have a police station with fucking an evidence room. Are you just going to clear that out? Hang on to this for me. Hang on to these drugs.

What is going to happen? How do be like, well, you know. Hang on to this for me. Yeah, hang on to these drugs that we fucking, you know, like what is going to happen? How do you even handle that sort of thing? We don't do it that way. You know, that would be just as absurd. The idea of you holding on to the women holding on to this baby to term is just as absurd as putting an aborted fetus in the evidence room. Like having an abortion in the evidence room be like, oh, okay, well, you got raped, come on in, and they get the vacuum out, and then they take it, and then they put it in the evidence room. Like, that's just, and not

preserve it in the evidence room for DNA, just leave it in a box in the evidence room. Like a cardboard box full of fetuses. That's the worst. The evidence room guy's like, this job used to be a lot better. What the fuck? He's gotta have, like, this job used to be a lot better. What the fuck? He's got to have like Vaseline or whatever, that stuff under his nose.

Fixed maple rubs scrapped up his nose. Yeah. No, it's just ridiculous. We don't entrust evidence to victims. And the idea of this is just silly. I think that this, again, though, is they bounce back and forth with this. But the personhood thing is just silly. It's just a silly way to look at the way a human comes to be.

I mean, you know, we have the abortion and sexual reproduction rights for women has opened up women to participate in society in a way that they've never been able to participate in the history of mankind. Why are we fucking looking to knock that back? Why are women looking to knock that back? That's the thing about this article that I was baffled by. I mean, it's like don't you know you're losing here? Yeah.

Without control of your sexual reproductive rights, like you said, you can't participate in society in the same way. No. You simply can't because at any moment

you could be impregnated. Right. At any moment. That's not actually accurate. They're walking down the street with their legs clenched together. Like, no, I don't want to be pregnant, damn it.

I love my career. But it's necessary. And societies with women who get to engage this society fully as complete members of that society, the whole society benefits. The whole, everybody. It's like,

you know, we'd like to have some more brain thinkers here. We'd like to take advantage of the other 51 fucking percent of the goddamn population. You know, instead of being like, oh, man, I hope she doesn't have any good ideas. God darn far knocked her up. Yeah.

What? I can't hear you in the kitchen. I done fucked all the ideas right out of her head. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth!

We have to end on this story. This is the best story. This is from the telegraph.co.uk. You guys can't even get dot com'd. Lego accused of racism with Star Wars set. Lego has been accused of racism by the Turkish community over a Star Wars model that supposedly resembles one of Istanbul's most revered mosques. The anger

was provoked by the Jabba's Palace model, which I have to put this out there. I've built a lot of Legos recently. A horrifying amount of Legos. Very recently. And let me just say,

it doesn't matter what it looks like when you build it. It's only built for three minutes. You spend two and a half hours building the fucking Hagia Sophia Jabba's Palace thing that they've got here, and your kid destroys it fucking immediately. Yeah, of course.

You could build a fucking man in blackface sitting on a porch eating watermelon. It wouldn't fucking be racist because it would just be Lego bricks within three minutes. Right, it doesn't matter. There's like a five-minute rule. Like, it's like when you drop food on the ground.

It can be as racist as you want for five minutes. And then after that, you know, the thing that bothers me about this is I had no idea the sand people would be so upset about this. I had no idea the sand people would be so upset about this I had no idea you know it's so funny too because fucking Star Wars is like one of the

most racist things if you watch it and this is what we're going to get worked up about it's super racist I mean watch the episode one when they have oh the Japanese we got the Jedi coming here you know like fucking are you serious I know it's terrible Chinese, oh, we got the Jedi coming here. Oh, no.

You know, like, fucking are you serious? I know, it's terrible. Like, that's not going to upset anybody? Or, you know, the sand people, the war-like sand people, you know, that are out in the middle of the desert? Right, wearing fucking, like, brown cloth. I know. Yeah, exactly. Those people are, you know, just the empire is all Brits.

You know what I mean? Like, the empire is all Brits. You know what I mean? Like the empire is all fucking British people. And the fucking Republicans, they're all got American accents. And then you get, you know, you get the fucking Jar Jar Binks and they're from fucking the Caribbean or whatever, you know? Right. Like he's basically taking. This is a ruined movie. Actually, it did not ruin the movie.

The movie was so bad anyway. The movie was so bad, yeah. It doesn't matter. There's nothing that's going to ruin that movie. Actually, it did not ruin the movie. The movie was so bad anyway. It doesn't matter. There's nothing that's going to ruin that movie. You look at all these different stereotypes that fall in and out of these movies, and there's dozens of them. This is the one you're going to be upset by because

some artist decided to model Jabba's Palace. The thing is, it's Jabba's Palace. Do you identify with Jabba the Hutt in some way? Other than you live in a desert too? Actually, if you're asking me, I do identify with Jabba the Hutt. In a lot of ways.

I had frog legs the other night for dinner. And they were good. I ate a lot of them. The only thing I don't, I don't have a bikini dancer that dances for me on occasion. Well, you should get one. You're great. You're missing out. I need to put her on a chain and pull her back to me. I need a rancor

monster, too, that can eat people on demand. You can get one that's 13 as long as you don't know what's wrong. As long as you don't know what's wrong, you can rape the shit out of her. Oh my god! This is another thing where we're getting upset over nothing. There's no reason to be mad about this.

But we have this. For some reason, we feel entitled to be mad. This is why the judge decided to go in favor of the rapist. Because they're upset about Legos, man. I know. I know. It's cartoons. It's Legos.

It's any excuse. Yeah. It's anyos. It's like, it's any excuse. Yeah. It's any excuse. It's, you know, the hornet's nest is already buzzing. Like, you just threw a Lego at it. Yeah. That's all you did. And Lego's the most innocuous of toys.

Yeah. It's not okay to be, why are you upset with Lego? Be upset with Star Wars. Yeah, they're the ones who did it. Lego's just like, here's the thing that looks like the thing that we're licensed to make things that look like. Yeah. Well, you didn't come up with the idea? No.

Oh. They're mad about the X-Wing, too, because it looks a lot like a drone. So they're like, no, we don't like the drone strikes. That's bad. It looks way too much like the drone. That's a Predator X-Wing. Yeah, that's a Predator. The movie Predator is just out.

It's just entirely out. We can't watch that at all. I'm telling you, though, the sand people, man. Yeah, it's crazy. I hadn't thought of that. Yeah, and they go dirka, dirka, dirka all the time. So they're totally, it's the same thing. And the funny thing is, the new movies are more racist than the old ones.

I know. I know. How did that come to be? I can kind of say, like, okay, it's 30-some years ago. You know, it's a fucking different world back then. But some sensitivity training at fucking LucasWorld or whatever. Yeah, LucasFilms. They're making three new ones, three new Star Wars.

They just, Disney bought them up or Pixar bought them up or somebody bought the rights to LucasFilm. So they're making, Disney is now staffing to make them. I think Abrams is the one who signed on to do the first one. So it's going to be an Abrams movie, which will be awful, right? It'll be awful. It'll be better than it was.

Maybe, maybe. I don't know. Anyway, they're signing on to do that. I heard that Han Solo is going to be in blackface in that one. They won't hide that he shoots first then. They'll be like, ah! Trayvon Martin'd him.

Trayvon! Luke stood his ground. So we got a couple voicemails. We got some from Steve and Esme. They were a little long, and specifically Steve is talking about some stuff that happened on older shows. So we're not going to play those voicemails. We want to thank you guys, both Esme and Steve, for sending in your voicemails.

Remember, if you want your voicemail played on the show, be concise, be fast. Those are the two ways to make sure your voicemail gets played on the show. We do want to talk about one other voicemail I'm going to play for you now. Hey, what's up guys? I don't know if you can hear me very well since I'm outside at work and just listening to the podcast, Cognitive Distance on my sweet iTunes just got installed so I can listen to you guys specifically. But, yeah, everything's been great. I wanted to ask you guys about something, because I really don't know what type of music you guys listen to.

And I doubt that you guys listen to any sort of death metal or anything. But I wanted you guys to check out this one band called The Faceless. There's two words, The Faceless. They are tech death metal, and they just came out with an album last year called Autotheism.

And it is an atheistic-themed album, and it is absolutely brilliant. I mean, maybe you wouldn't enjoy the music. Maybe you'd enjoy some of the binata screaming, but the lyrics, I know you can absolutely appreciate. So maybe if you wanted to just go on iTunes and just look at some of their stuff or go on some lyric website and just look up the faceless autotheism, and I think you would enjoy it because it's really showing how people are really starting to come out of their shell and showing how there's a huge movement of science and skepticism and atheism as a whole.

So I just want to bring that to your attention. You guys are awesome. One request, more Hillbilly God. Later, guys. This one is a person. I don't know the person that made the name, the unnamed. But he talked about this band called The Faceless. And I listened to the music.

I went out and found the music. It's terrible. I used to listen to death metal when I was a kid, if you could believe that. I used to listen to death metal and heavy metal. And then I started listening to other stuff afterwards. I graduated from that stuff. So I used to listen to death metal and heavy metal, and then I started listening to other stuff afterwards. I graduated from that stuff. So I used to listen to this type of music.

I just can't listen to it anymore. But I did check out some of their lyrics, and it was great. So The Faceless is the name of the band. They came out with an album that talks about being an atheist. So if you want to check them out, The Faceless, that's what this guy is talking about on his email. Thanks for – or on his voicemail. Thanks for calling us up. Getting back to, though,

things that are relevant. I want to talk about Everyone's a Critic. Our old show. Not relevant. Not relevant at all. And I want people to know that currently, if you go to our website, dissonancepod.com, there's a tab at the very top of the page where you can go click on it and then you can go to a Google Drive folder.

And that Google Drive folder has a link to every episode that we had on our hard drive. I think one and two are gone. I don't know where they're at. That's okay. You did not. Yeah, you didn't miss anything. We start with three. I think it's Shawshank Redemption or something is the first one we did or something.

So go check them out if you want. Here's the disclaimer. Don't send us email that you disagree with us about our fucking movie review on Godfather 2. You disagree with us on our stance on something that we talked about five or six years ago. We don't remember those things. I don't remember episode 82. I don't remember five episodes back. So the limit on telling us whether or not you agree or disagree

with us is five episodes. If you want to call us back within five episodes, we're okay. We'll talk about it. But after that, I don't remember what I said. We talk for an hour and a half, sometimes up to two hours each time. Some stuff gets cut from the show. So there's a specific chance that we won't ever

actually remember what we're actually talking about in that episode. I'll go further. There's a guarantee. There's a fucking ironclad money-back goddamn guarantee. I have no idea what we've already recorded about today. I'm unaware. You forgot already. I get it. I understand. But you know, the fact

is that we love that people are interested in listening to these Everyone's a Critics. We did some movie reviews. There were some news items in there. They're all out of date. They're all from a long time ago. If you want to go listen to them, they're there to listen to. Enjoy them.

I will say this. If you're enjoying them, now this is 80 hours free entertainment. Yeah. 80 plus hours. 80 plus. Free entertainment. If you like them and enjoy them, give five or ten bucks to your local food depository in replace of some sort of payment of some kind. Right.

That would be a great idea. You know, just give somebody a little bit of money for this free entertainment that you're getting from us. Just find somebody else and pay it forward. We never actually did review pay it forward, but pay it forward. I will review it right now. Zero. Zero. We never actually did review Pay It Forward, but Pay It Forward.

I will review it right now. Zero. Zero. So go ahead and maybe give somebody else some money. If you're interested in supporting the show, and this comes up here, Tom. We're talking recently. Christine sends us an email. Tom says, I love the show.

I'd love to support it. Doesn't have an iPhone and needs an app. Then she suggests that we maybe do one kind of show on iTunes that people could buy. What we say is if you're interested in giving somebody money for the things that we do, you're welcome to donate it to a source that can help alleviate poverty in some way out there, something that you respect, local food depository or Doctors Without Borders, whatever you want to do to donate money. Feel free to donate money if you feel like you're giving us money. If you want to support the show, there's two specific ways.

You can buy the app, which is both for iPhones and for Android. Well, there's really three ways, right? Because they can also buy a t-shirt. Yeah, that's another way. Okay, there's actually three ways. The t-shirt, you can buy a t-shirt through our website. They're $20 and the girls' t-shirts a little more. We see about $6 of that, so that's a much better way to support the show.

And the final way to support the show is go, if you're not an Audible subscriber, go to our link on our webpage or go to audiblepodcast.com forward slash dissonancepod and sign up for a free audio book on Audible. Audible keeps coming back to us the more people that do that. So the Audible will pay us for you. All you have to do is just basically go subscribe and download a book. And if you don't like the service,

don't, you know, cancel it off. Just cancel off the service. But that's a way to support the show. But if you want to give somebody money, you don't have to give us money. Yeah, we're good. You can give somebody else money who needs money.

Yep. But thank you for saying that, Christine. We got an email from Kate, Tom. And Kate says that she listens to our show every Monday night at work, and we always leave her wanting more. Yeah. Right. That's the first time any woman's ever said that to me, so.

I was going to say, that shit's fucking standard, right? Well, actually, it's more like, oh, I'm glad that's over. Yeah. Wow. That was worse than expected. Yeah. So, so thank you,

Kate, for listening to the show. We appreciate it. We got an email from Sonaris who, who, who sent us an email last time and I just like this line here.

So, I listened to last week's podcast and had some thoughts about how atheists are like gays. See, I'm an atheist and I'm gay. I'm a gaytheist.

Gaytheist. I love gaytheist. That's got to be a thing. Gaytheist is now a thing. Thank you, Sonoris, for sending in your email. We laughed at reading it, so thank you. We got an email from Ripken, who's a big fan of the show. He's 15.

He thinks we're brilliant. That's only because you're 15, dude. You'll get over that. You'll get over it real soon. That's a lot like acne, right? That's an affliction. Thank you, Ripken, though, for listening to the show. We appreciate it.

We got an email from Eric who says, he says, what's the Islamic chant that you play between news stories? That is the Islamic call to prayer, the Allahu Akbar song that they, I don't know, Allah snack bar, whatever it is. But it's what they use to call to prayer. So it's the song they play, I think, when they go to pray or when they pray.

I don't know. Fucking I don't know. It's the song they use for religious purposes. It was probably Googled. Yeah, it was Googled. I'm going to guess that that was Googled. I did. I Googled Allahu Akbar.

Akbar. And that's what came up. And that's why the government now knows who you are. That's fine. Like you got black came up. And that's why the government now knows who you are. That's fine. Like you got black helicopters outside. Who googled Al Ackbar? I have a black helicopter suppository right now. Suppository.

But anyway, he says, I'm assuming that it is of actual meaning, but when I listen to it, my juvenile ears can't help but hearing long wank men. I'll listen for that next time. Fair enough. Yeah. So we got an email from Thomas. Why don't you read part of this? This is a thing. I don't know.

It's a lyric from a program Grotesco on Swedish TV. It's about masturbation. Now, these were run through Google Translator, I think. We think they're kind of funny. So, Tom, if you could read a portion of this for us.

This is You should never jerk bun with the Lord Jesus Christ. Because Jesus is our Lord and he will never assist. What a dick. He wanted to give you a reach around that asshole. So says, was apostle and was an evangelist. you should never jerk bun with the Lord Jesus Christ.

Jerk bun. When Satan jacking bun with the Lord Jesus Christ, he cheated as usual and used his cunning. That's what he used. A clothespin he attached to our Lord Jesus penis, but it blew off and the bun was Satan-eat. The bun was Satan-eat. The bun was Satan-eat? The bun was Satan-eat. Nom, nom. Aw.

That's awesome. Thank you for sending that in, Thomas. Good advice. I will not jerk bun with the Lord Jesus Christ. I avoid it whenever I can to jerk bun. I don't know. I just prefer a lotion. We got a comment on our blog this week about Satanism from Jeremy.

He says, your views on Satanism was funny to listen to. Satanists are atheists. It's funny, the book talks about people who give their opinion on something they know nothing about. Fail. Come on, guys. Look, it's free to read. Yeah, it's also stupid to read. I'm not going to read that. I'm not going to read that. And here's the other thing.

You know what they call atheists other than atheists? No. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. That's not right. Satanists aren't atheists because they use Satan to identify with. Right.

A specific Christian mythology. It's not like, oh, I'm an atheist. I'm a Thor-theist. I'm a Thor-theist. I'm a Thor-theist. I'm a Thor-theist. I'm a Thor-theist. I'm a Thor-theist. I'm a Zeus-theist. I'm a Zeus-theist. I'm a fucking Mars-theist.

You know, we don't think of any other made-up fucking religion to identify with. Right. We just don't identify with a religion. So the idea that, you know, Satanists are atheists. Maybe they're hedonists who don't believe in a higher power. But that's not an atheist. An atheist, clearly, all you do is just don't believe in a higher power, but that's not an atheist. An atheist, clearly all you do is just don't believe in a God. That's it.

Yeah, it's not a worldview about which your life revolves. It's the lack of a worldview. Right. Yeah. So they could feasibly fit into the atheist spectrum in that they don't believe in a God, but then why use a fucking demigod as your name? Yeah, I'm going to be a Poseidonist. But it's like, by being a Poseidonist, you necessarily

have to have some sort of reverence for Poseidon. Right. And the same thing applies here. It's like, I don't have any reverence for Satan. I don't have any reverence for God. So who cares? They're made up. It's like, I'm a tooth fairy. I know. And as was pointed out by our listeners, that's

not the only version of Satanism. Satanism, as was pointed out, our listeners that's not the only version of Satanism like Satanism as was pointed out is not a monolithic sort of single idea one size fits all sort of a thing and so you can't say well Satanism or this well I mean maybe that one is that group is but

I also think it just doesn't feel like it's fucking authentic at all because you're basically saying, I'm a Satanist, but that's really just being an atheist. Well, just call yourself an atheist, you fucking pussy. What the fuck is wrong with you? Yeah. So anyway, thanks for sending it in. Just call yourself a Christian. Just because it is. It's a subsect

of Christianity. Right. We got a correction from last time. Speaking of Satanists, we got a correction last time that the Satanist story we reported on, the one that got so much fucking comments, was actually a mockumentary. The person was – they weren't actually – they were making fun of this entire situation going down to – they were a pretend group of Satanists. So that entire story is just a joke. I was also fooled by best in show.

It doesn't matter. But thank you. I think it was Carl. Carl Mamers put that on our Facebook page, so thank you, Carl. And I like how he put it on there without being a dick about it. Yeah, it's just like, yeah, there you go. And we said last time,

we were like, well, what the hell? Maybe it's a fucking... We don't know. We thought somebody was trolling somebody. So it turns out we were right. We got a bunch of email about politics in Australia. I can't mention all the people who did it, but thank you everybody who sent us email or commented. We understand a little better now that she's in a position where she can't go up against these people that are basically getting her elected. Thank you very much for sending it, and we're very appreciative that such a thing,

that people were willing to tell us how things work down there. It's so hard that they have all their sessions at Congress upside down. It's difficult. It's very difficult. They've got to strap themselves into the fucking chair. They just sit in kangaroo pouches.

They just snug them up. The koalas don't hang upside down. They actually hang right side up. It's just that we're looking at it from a different vantage point. We were on Incredulous recently, Tom. We were, and we won! I don't know how that happened. Because Andy is a liar.

He felt bad for us. That's what happened. But we were on, and we played against Mike Marsh and Mike Hall, and Andy was on, and we played against Mike Marsh and Mike Hall, and Andy was on, clearly rooting for them. As was I, to be fair. But it was fun, and they were, those guys, Skeptics with a K, if you haven't checked them out, Skeptics with a K is a great show.

It is. If you haven't checked it out, Incredulous is a fun show, and it's only fun because we're on it. No, but it's a fun show. We're on one-ninth of their episodes. Yeah, one-ninth of them. No, but it's genuinely a fun show and it's only fun because we're on it. No, but it's a fun show. We're on one ninth of their episodes. Yeah, one ninth of them. No, but it's genuinely

a funny show and Andy does a lot of work with that editing. He does. He does a great job. Because there was a lot of fucking stuff that I remember

that we talked about that did not make it in. So Andy does a lot of work with that and he kept all the funny in. As I remembered in my head, there was parts that totally flopped, and he cut some of those out, although he kept that fucking

game at the end, which is not funny. It's not funny. It's not funny. But I think Mike Hall's version was funny enough to keep in, because he did the fucking every time, so that was funny. But we were not good at that. We were terrible at it. Very terrible. But it was fun. It was fun to be on their show, and we thank them for it.

Check out Incredulous. Also, check out Skeptics with a K. They're a very funny show. A couple of really smart guys. There's another guy who's also part of it who didn't participate, but both Mike Hall and Mike Marsh are both really smart guys, and they put on a very good show, so check it out if you get a chance. Well, Tom,

this ends our first ever in-person show. It wasn't as weird after we started doing it. Mainly because I stare at my computer screen most of the time.

That's what most people do whenever they're presented with my visage. It's like, oh my God, look at something else. Look at something else. Avert your eyes.

No, it was actually kind of awesome. Yeah, it was good. It was pretty good. We might do this again in the future, especially if we have an important guest. Well, that's never going to happen. That's not going to happen. And that tells us that all the other guests have been unimportant.

So we leave you as always with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, Detox. Reflex. Foot massage. Death in towers.

Tarot cards. Psychic healing. Crystal balls. Bigfoot. Yeti. Aliens. Churches. Mosques and synagogues.

Temples. Dragons. Giant worms. Atlantis. Dolphins. Truthers. Birthers. Witches.

Wizards. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers. Evangelists. Conspiracy. Double speak stigmata, nonsense. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands.

Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music