Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 859: Whippets and Surfing Dogs

Episode Date: August 14, 2025

This episode of Cognitive Dissinence is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Gloryhole Studios in Chicago and beyond. This is a cognitive distance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way, we bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence

to any topic that makes the news makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. and there is no welcome, Matt. Today is Thursday, August the 14th, when you're hearing this,

but the day we're recording it is the 7th. It's funny shit. It doesn't matter. It's funny show. We can all relax a little bit. Kick back. Watch the world unravel around us.

Tom, it's nice to just relax for a minute and think about something that's not this illustration. The worst. Yeah, it's nice. So let's talk about this story from SFGate, San Francisco Gate.

San Francisco police seize the unlikely drug of choice of grateful death. fans. So I love any article that uses this phrase, vendors selling nitrous oxide or ice cold fatties. Where are you bick when it's outside Grateful Dead concerts? Ice cold fats. Ice cold fatties. So years ago, I was at, uh, I've, I've been to a Grateful Dead parking lot one time. I think I know this. I went there one time to buy acid. So we were going to buy acid and we were walking around

and there are people there who just shout what they have. So one guy was looking for a very specific strain of pot or marijuana called nugs. Okay. And he was looking for it. So he was with us and he was screaming. Looking for nugs. Looking for nugs. And people

like, they'd be like, I got some nugs. And then they'd like go over there and then they'd like have a deal. And we're like, trips, trips. And there was a guy who's like, hey, I got some white blotter. We're like, sure. And then he walks up and he has a fucking sucre box. He opens it up and it's fucking full of liquid and paper

and he just pulls it out and he hands it to us and then we tore it with our fingers and it ate it. It's crazy, dude. But like throughout the whole place there's just a ton of people. It's like a drug flea market. It's like a drug flea market. There was a ton of people there. We didn't go to the concert because I'm like I'm just not a huge Grateful Dad fan. Like I know a couple of their songs like truckin and

Toucha Gray. It's mostly because they're bad. But I don't know anything. I don't know. I'm not a good or bad. I don't know. I literally don't know their catalog. Like, I only know the songs that were on the radio. And those ones, I wasn't on everybody. So I'm like, well, if that's an example of their catalog, it's not for me. This is kind of country to me.

So I'm just like, eh, it's not for me. But at that thing, there's a million people. They're all just doing, like, tons of drugs. And here, they're doing nitrous oxide, which is like Wippets and things like that. I was also at a party years ago in another acid story. I was up

in Madison, Wisconsin. And I didn't go to school there, but I had a friend who went to school there. I went to go visit him. And I was odd. I didn't actually, this was before I started college. So I was, I was as old as like a senior in college at the time. Okay. But I was, I wasn't in college yet. And I was there hanging out with him. He's like a senior. He has his own house with a whole bunch of other dudes there in it. And so we did some ass at that night. And for some reason, we decided to go to this party. We're all tripping fucking balls. And we decided to go to this party down the street. And it's Halloween weekend. And I walk in and immediately get paranoid because like

everybody yeah it's like crazy like drugs just do some weird shit to you so I'm kind of paranoid and I'm like trying to squeeze past some people just to go upstairs to kind of be in like a quiet place for a few yeah can I be in a quiet place for a few minutes and so I just start to squeeze past this guy and he's got a balloon and he's not holding it like away from me it's kind of by his chest and I'm starting to squeeze past and he watched a balloon and it was full of nature and I'm just like I'm just thinking dude just move your balloon away from me so I won't pop it like what is wrong why would you hold it next your body like it's like a thing like this is one of those drugs that never appealed to me either I've never tried it like the because it like kind of just shuts you down for a few minutes and I'm

like eh it's not for me like that's not a drug that ever appealed to me but like I guess it's a real popular drug that people do yeah I've never even had it at the dentist office like I've never had nitrous I had it at the dentist office and it really just dulls you it's just like a dulling sort of like knocks everything back it kind of just knocks everything down and it's just sort of like I had it the dentist one time I've tried so few drugs and like I will say this though like I was talking to Haley about this the other day so when I had my neck surgery they gave me like opiates right so I had some opiates before and then after my surgery they gave me oxycontin yeah and like I was nervous because it's oxycontin you know

and I'm like oh man like maybe I'll like this I don't want to like it you know I didn't I couldn't tell the difference yeah I've never been able to feel on opiates what some people describe But when I've taken them for a medic. I get sick. I don't feel anything. When I hurt my neck, I went to the ER. They gave me morphine. I had to ask them when it was supposed to kick in.

And they're like, it should have kicked in. I'm like, I can't tell. Some stuff just doesn't metabolize well. So I've had very few drug experiences and I've had even fewer that I felt like I felt any effect from. I had the same thing with cocaine. Like I tried cocaine a few times. And I'm like, I don't get it. Yeah, it doesn't do anything for you.

This is not. Yeah. Like an Adderall is a little more popular. I've never had anything like that before but like I have tried a ton of different things and certain things are very like vividly remember enjoying like mushrooms I vividly remember enjoying mushrooms

I also vividly remember enjoying acid a couple like a couple times a couple times I didn't a couple times I did right I did like two in a row that were not great and I was like I'm not going to do that anymore I'm like that's a really long time to not be having fun And I'm just like, I'm going to pass on that. But, you know, so, like, I remember at a young age really enjoying, like, cannabis. I remember really enjoying it at a young age.

I can't do it anymore because I get panic attacks now. So, like, I tried it maybe three or four years ago. And I had a panic attack on it. I straight up panic attack. And I was like, I'll never do that again. I'm like, why induce a panic attack? No, fuck that. That's terrible.

I don't do that anymore. So it's like, but, but like, I have vivid memories of, like, really enjoying cannabis. Like the sort of like, like watching the TV show with your friends and laughing, like, I remember vividly enjoying it. I can't do it anymore. I'm just like, yeah. I wonder if it's like the world is too fuck now for me to enjoy drugs. Yeah. Like there might be a point where you're just like, yeah, I just, I got too much on my mind.

There's too much. Yeah, maybe it's true. I got too much on my mind. I don't know if this is the case. But maybe it's true that at a certain point in your life, you're just like, yeah, I'm going to smoke this. But then I'm going to be worried about my phone bill. Yeah, man. Right.

Yeah, right. Right. The whole time. And I'll fucking hyper focus on my phone bill. The whole time. All right. This story comes from Huffington Post. Elon Musk amplifies bizarre claim

that women are built to be traded. Okay. So I just want to preface this by saying like, even though if at some points he seems like he's fighting with the current administration, Elon Musk is a piece of fucking shit. Yes. So remember forever. Never forget that Elon Musk is a piece of shit.

And I want you to read out loud time the thing he said. Okay. This is what he said. So he retweeted this. So Elon Musk not only retweeted this, but also I want to read his reply to it. So this is what he retweeted. Somebody said, Dr. Insensitive, by the way, said, insightful, women are built to be traded to another tribe or captured and slide seamlessly into their new culture. That keeps them safe, even though they are physically weak.

Jesus Christ. 20 years after they are captured, they are the matriarchs who enforce that culture. That is why women conform to the dominant culture. and thereby amplify that culture. In my opinion, that is why Western women raised in anti-white culture are now amplifying anti-white culture even though they are white.

They think that keeps them safe, and they are correct, but only in the sort term. In the long term, they'll be forced to remember they are white. Better they are reminded of that by white men, because the alternative is not so gentle. This manages to be,

Elon Musk said, they've been programmed to do so by their teachers and the media. That's what this guy's responding to. So, Elon, he's responding to Elon Musk's original tweet. Oh, I misunderstood. Yes, that's how Twitter works. So let me tell you how Twitter works. Okay. I have not been on Twitter since 2016.

So the thing that they almost always respond to is underneath. So they're responding to the thing. It's basically, I'm responding to the thing below. Here it is. So what he originally said was this. And then this guy vomited out. This crazy shit. And then Musk retweeted it.

Yeah, Musk retweeted it. Yes, yeah. So that manages to be hatefully misogynist and hatefully racist. Yeah, it really does dip into both jokes pretty easily. There's no controversy that that's hatefully racist and massacist. I love that somehow these people have convinced themselves that America at some point was anti-white. That's the best thing to me. That is so funny.

They think it is right now. You're like, dude, are you? fucking high way point to the doll where it fucking hurts you or whatever because you're like I want to see the time in history where America was anti-white for a second for one minute for one

minute where was it anti-white and they'll be like Obama and you'll be like holy shit are you crazy are you insane yeah it's they think that the world right now is anti-white yeah they believe there is an increasing number of people who believe that white men

are under attack sure and it's It's like, well, I mean, like, no, heterodoxy is under attack because it's shit. And, you know, white male hegemony is being actually propped up by all major systems of institutional power. Exactly. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, like, point to the part where they have lost the tiniest sliver of power. Yeah, no. Show me it.

Show me one place. Like, yeah, on occasion, does a woman win a Senate seat? Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think that that's, like, part of the argument I think that they might make. Like a lot of this I really do think. Like I just say, like what I really think is that a lot of this stems from a tremendous amount of sexual and relational frustration that men have. Yes.

I think that it boils down to that for the most part. I think you're probably not wrong. I really believe that what really happened is that for most of American history, women have been so economically and institutionally disenfranchised that the only way for women to stay safe and be economically safe was for them to find a man to take care of them. We built that system intentionally to make sure that women relied on men. When we broke that system, now all of a sudden women are like, well, what value do you add? And there's a huge number of dudes who are like, none and I'm mad about it. And when you read that again, and you think about how women have been treated in our culture, how well does it match what they're suggesting? Right.

You know, it's like they're part of this culture. There's a lot of pick-me women out there who will stand and scream about traditional relationships, tradwife stuff, talk about taking away their own right to vote. It's crazy. You know what I mean? Like they will do this sort of thing. I belong in the home. You shouldn't listen to me because I don't have an opinion. I shouldn't, you know, et cetera, et cetera.

Look at the read this tweet again and think about it in that sense. And you're like, wow, he's pretty much just telling on us. Yeah. He's telling on it. He's telling on our system. Right. By blaming somebody else. He's projecting onto somebody else what was already happening.

What was already happening in our system. Yeah, I mean, this is really a, remember the good old days when women were chattel property. That's exactly it. Yeah. And you're like, those weren't good old days, man. And Elon Musk is retweeting. And Elon Musk is retweeting it. Elon Musk is the worst.

He's a piece of shit. He's a genuine piece of shit. Yeah. You know, there's people who you're rooting for their democracy. in any way that you can, that it happens. It can happen in many myriad of different ways. And that is a man who I'm rooting for his demise. Literally, there are some people where it's like, if they die of a heart attack, I'd be like, oh, God, the world is better.

I'd be like, yeah, man. The world is so much better. High five. Falls into a giant paper shredder. I'm like, yeah, awesome. The world is better. Stumble into the end of Terminator and get lowered into a fucking molten lead. Amazing.

Yeah, the world just got that could have happened to everybody. I giggled out loud when I read this from Variety. Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver fighting in marriage story is being used by the USDA to scare off wolves and save cattle. They need to know humans are bad. What's great is that this is a story where there's wolves and the way that we're solving the wolf problem now is we fly quadcopters around and we yell at the wolves. Or we don't, but Adam Driver and Scarlet Johansson. at the wolves and scare the wolves around. Like, there's a technology confluence right now between nature and technology where we're just like,

what's your job, man? Oh, I'm a drone pilot, actually. I'm a man. And what do you do with the drone? Well, I fly around and I look for wolves. And then Adam Driver yells about his bad marriage at them. And that's how we keep the cows safe. The cows are safe.

Can you imagine the wolf, like, with its fucking. clicker is just like, I've seen this one before. I just want to, can we watch something else? Like, I want to watch another thing. I know it's a good movie, but I'm just never in the mood for it. You know, it's just, it's heavy and I'm just never in the mood for it. I will never see this movie or any movie in these, this is this type of genre. Anybody who's like, hey, I got a real sad story.

I'm like, that's cool. I'll be over here. Yeah, man. I don't need your sad story, man. The world is sad enough. I don't need to experience through empathy, this. saddest moment in your life, I've already got a collection of my own. Dude, for real, I feel like, I feel like, like, there's a series of movies that I'm like,

that's a great movie. I hope I never see it again. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, I'm not like, chomping at the bell. Oh, it's Thursday. Time to rewatch Requiem for a Dream. Yeah, yeah. Said nobody.

I've never seen that movie. Yeah. People have said it's the saddest thing. I'm like, that sounds great for you. That sounds amazing that you had that time. I am super not interested in it. Not watch it. 100 million percent not interested

I have to be in such a unique mood to watch something that heavy Yeah And I just like the last 10 years I'm just like Nah, nah, I'm good All right I'm all right

I don't need it Hey you want to watch that sad thing I'm like no No I could wake up I'd rather watch telotopy season I could just wake up and look around Yeah His stories from KY jelly

No KY 3 Recall issued after some Celsius energy drinks were inadvertently filled with high noon vodka seltar. Evadilly, they didn't go out as Celsius drinks. They went out in the high noon category, like in the

high noon cases. Right. But their inside was the wrong label. And so like if you bought an eight pack of this stuff and brought her home, you'd be like, this is a Celsius energy drink. But no, it was a high noon. It's a high noon. Yeah. And after three high noons, you wake up at 2.30.

So, yeah, it's not a thing. Like, it's always crazy to me. Like, do you think, you know 100% the dude who did this got fired, right? Like, you know the guy who's like, well, I forgot to turn the machine, like, labeling system around. I'm looking for a job this morning. Yeah, man. I know you guys are using the same aluminum can, like this shape and everything.

But this seems like a problem that is easy to not have. Maybe you do it. And then you're like, fuck, I don't. did it because I caught it. Right. But like, shouldn't there be some systems in place? There's just some guy who has to randomly drink a high noon or a Celsius. So he's fucking on uppers and downers all day.

He's fucking valley of the dollsing himself for a living. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, it's a high. Sleep, you know. Celsius. Quality control. Quality control. Just doing one shot after another. vacillating, just swinging like a hammock back and forth.

It's like me on too much caffeine. His fucking blood pressure's up. We can't see properly anymore. I can't see. Is this say hi, No. Dude, I don't even know. This is from the AP. Scientists in South Africa are making rhino horns radioactive to fight poaching.

Now, they're making them radioactive in the way that they're inserting a certain isotope in them. That doesn't hurt the animal, supposedly. Risotope. They call it a rhizotope, which is amazing in the article. But they insert it into the rhino horn. and then if it's in like a container, this certain detector will go off. So like one of those big ass containers.

Yeah. If I guess you're fucking prison pocketing a fucking rhino horn or whatever, they have a detector that can tell that. I read that and I was like, okay, but at that point the horn's already off the rhino. Yeah, you're just going to catch the person. You're catching a guy.

And I guess if you catch enough guys, maybe you reduce the amount of guys who want to do this. Yeah. I do remember that for a while, they were just getting rid of the horns. They were just cutting them off themselves, I thought. Because the way that the poachers do it is they kill the animal. So there were people who were managing the population by being like,

we already took it up, we didn't kill, we tranquilized him, we cut off the fucking horn. He's a rhino, he'll probably be fine. Yeah. You know, the horn is just... He does have a big face that he can run his things into. He's fine. Have you ever seen the video, Cecil, of the rhino tossing a car around? There was, I've seen that, and I've also seen one where they're like, like, going after

like hippos and like other animals too like they're sort of going after each other this is crazy shit these are strong ass animals and they're crazy strong they're neck like you like a doctor would have to get like the crow bar to pull it out they had vertebrae stuff it's like it's like when you jack your car up and you need that big long thing they're gonna get in there they need one of those big pry bar things to get in there but like they're big fucking strong they're crazy strong they got a big neck killer reach that's a fucking enormous animal is part heart like it's literally their torso it's just do you kidding it it's just like neck and head

yeah you're just like yeah no you look exactly like alignment like you're like yeah no that's that's what alignment looks like you can't really discern between most of the spine it's just like a muscle blob with legs and these these things are like what's crazy to me is they show this person this is clearly

one that's out and they've covered its eyes with a nice little eye blinder thing I'm put it on they do they covered its eyes and then they're gonna damn it right thing and then they're going to put a it's clearly I'm almost certainly out I would imagine or at least drugged at this point

and then they're going to put some shit in its horn which doesn't hurt it right and I guess maybe like my thought would be Tom that that they've probably tried that sort of thing that you're suggesting that cutting the thing off and maybe that changed their quality of life enough where they're saying maybe they're more vulnerable to predators

or something maybe that horn got infected or whatever and that was just not good enough but man it's like it's like can we just do like some sort of education structure to talk to people and be like please don't do this anymore yeah it doesn't make your dick better it doesn't do anything for you can just take a fucking cealis dude here's some raw milk right drink this raw milk isn't it crazy that we have really good effective medicines yeah and people are like that work right and people are instead like yeah i'd rather fucking eat some snort some fucking rhino horn and i keep

wondering, I'm like, how did you find out, and I know it doesn't work, but like, how do you think you found out that rhino horn worked? Like, how did that come about? Because what it came about was like years and years and years ago, like someone probably killed a fucking rhino. Right. And then

grounded up and was like, man, my dick be super hard now. Yeah, that's it, man. Or somebody was like, that's Phelic. I bet people buy this from me. You know, that's hard and comes to a point. Yeah, yeah. It's a dick. But like, why not every other horn right like if well they i think that there's there's a market for other horn types for that same reason

though i do remember there being like there's some fucking voodoo bullshit like that for like tusks see what i want but you gotta have a real bend in there well that's what i was gonna say it was like i was like i'd much prefer to have the antler one because then if it's going to have a whole bunch of heads oh yeah and it could do a whole bunch of stuff do i need to come 40 times that's the tickler that's like it's like a garden sprayer Hey, they'll paint the whole wall. I need the whole box of Kleenex. It's a Jackson Pollock in here.

I need the whole thing. Get a tarp. Just get a tart. You're wearing like a fucking, you're wearing one of those like fucking things they eat lobster, those bibs. Sorry, it goes all over. It's a thing. It's a whole thing. Four injured after a tractor trailer crash spills thousands of hot dogs on I-83 in York

County. Cecil, the first thing I thought of was that meme of that girl with the hot dogs being thrown

at her face. It's like an airbag. There's like a million of them getting crushed. That's a lot of goddamn hot dogs. That's a shit ton of hot dogs.

What was the last time you had a hot dog? It's been a while? I on occasion like Sarah and I might have them at home like as a quick meal once in a great while.

So like maybe every couple years. That's how I'm like every, Every couple of years, someone's like, hey, let's have a hot dog. It was easy thing tonight. We'll grab the hot dogs and the buns. I think, like, throughout the years, my taste in hot dogs has changed to, I don't drink, I don't eat the pork ones anymore.

I only eat all beef ones. Yeah. And I normally gravitate towards a certain brand that I like. And so, like, I just eat those. That's normally, like, what we do. And then afterwards, I'm almost always, like, like, that was probably not a good idea. I feel about hot dogs, the same way I feel about Chinese food. I don't want it very often.

I have it every few years. And I'm like, I wish I hadn't eaten that. I forgot. I don't like this, yeah. Like, I'll eat it. I actually kind of, I like a Chicago style dog. Sure. I grew up around here.

That's what I like, I like, I like all the fixings on it. Like, don't leave anything off, but the whole garden on the whole thing. I like it. I don't like that fucking neon green fucking relish. That to me is a gross. That grosses me. Love it. Love it on a hot dog.

It's not for me. It's not for me. Sport peppers, the whole thing. I think it's great. Because it's all the things I like, which is like it's salty, it's a little sweet. It's got a little spice to it. Like, I'm down for the whole thing. But like after I eat a hot dog, I'm like, oh, yeah.

Oh, boy, I ate a hot dog. Like, I don't feel good ever. Like, when I order Chinese food, I'm like, I like general sows chicken. Sure. And then I'll eat it. And like an hour later, I'm like, well, I wish I hadn't eaten that. Like, it's just something. I'm too stupid to remember.

So every three or four years of my certain stuff. Maybe I like a hot dog. That's not bad. It's a bad call. I hope that never happens to me with pizza. Oh, I just wouldn't wake up anymore. I literally had pizza yesterday. I wouldn't even wait.

Why would I get up in the morning? I am always amazed at how many of these things they fit inside of a thing. Like whenever like you see this stuff on the side of. No, no, she's not. No, she's not. No, she's like, hot dog. This is a hallway. No, but like, uh,

I'm always amazed that they put, they're able to get so much food inside these trucks because when they explode, they're like a party popper and it goes, it's like a whole, like look at the side of this. When you look at the side of this road, there's fucking hot dogs

all the way down the side of the road that some asshole had to sweep up onto the sun. What a fucking horrible job in this summer to be sweeping up just, just putrefying hot dog roads. Hot dogs? Why not I just hire like five raccoons? Now the real pisser with this is this hot dog truck crashed. So to balance it out, they had to crash one in three quarter trucks of buns because the numbers

never works out right. It never works out. Yeah. And then you got to get the sprayer with the mustard. No ketchup. No catch up. No catch up. Jesus Christ. Eye witness news, Houston pastor convicted in $3.6 million fraud case returns to Mega Church after prison release. And everybody's like, dude. Welcome back. He's like fucking norm from cheers when he comes back. It's so crazy. The story, they're like, oh, we're so glad to have our pastor back.

He, what does he have to do? Wire frauded people. And enough to get put in prison for, right? Because often, like, wire fraud shit, that's like rich person crime. Right. So most of the time you don't go to jail for it. Right. Yeah.

He made full restitution, which means he had over $3.6 million laying around. Right. Liquid. So he's just like, yeah, I just fucking pay it back. You can throw me in the clink for like a minute. I'll come out. And then the rest of these gullible dipshits will fucking embrace me. And then I'm going to make more money. They're going to, I'm going to come back and they'll be like, sure, you're back on the payroll. What kind of like moral leader do you look to if this guy is like your guy? Right. You're like, oh, who's our big moral community leader? Oh, this guy's, he's a convicted felon now. Yeah. He can be president or pastor. good either way. I always think like, I'm willing to forgive people if they do the, or at least I'm not, I can't forgive anybody for a crime that they didn't commit against me. But what I'm saying is like, I'm willing to say, okay, there was a debt. You did a thing. Now you're done. And we've all decided as a country that we've hired a person who will look at you and say, you got to do these things because this is your life penance for doing it. Right. You robbed a bank. Now you got to spend 10 years in jail, et cetera, or whatever.

And at the end of that, that should be it. Right. Like, that's the contract. You paid your debt. You paid your debt or whatever. But at a certain point, you got to be like, okay, but like, he's in there for stealing money. And they got released from stealing money.

And you're going to be like, that's cool. You want to sit in this room with a bunch of money. I know. Like, I mean, I get it. Like, we should be like, hey, you know, you did your thing. But at a certain point, you got to be like, yeah, but that stuff that you did, we're not going to put you in front of that anymore. I do feel like there's a special category that people ask to be put in, which is a category of like people who are in positions of power and authority.

Sure. And I feel like if you abuse your power and authority, you don't get to do it. You do your penance and that's fine, but you don't get a do over as a new leader in power and authority. You know, like if I'm a cop and I go out and I beat the shit out of a bunch of people and I go to jail for it, I should not be able to go be a cop again, right? Because I abused my position of power and authority. I did my time, cool, but you can't be a cop anymore, right? I feel like there's a special category of people who have to work really hard to raise their hand and say, let me have this power, this authority, this position of trust in society. That's not your average guy. So most people aren't that. But you don't get to do those pieces. You don't get to work in those

fields anymore. Sure. I do think we should like set up like a trusted officials category. And if you fuck that up, you can't be a trusted official anymore because we don't trust you. God, how many people in the Trump cabinet would have to go to the radio? All of them. That's why it's a good idea. Do you think Matt Gates is kicking himself in the ass for stepping down?

Oh, absolutely. Do you think he's kicked? Because he could have easily just skated right past everything. He could, he could have just been like, yeah, I'm just going to double it. It doesn't matter. Whatever you find doesn't. And they wouldn't have. have found anything. They would have just been like, yeah, there's

nothing. They're going to purposely not find it. They're purposely not finding it. Yeah, they're not looking. You don't, you don't find what you don't look for. I wonder if he runs next time. Oh, God. I love this. I got to put this on this. I love this. It's from the AP. Who's the top dog? Wave riding canines compete in the world

dog surfing championships. Okay, so if you're not watching this, I'm going to put, I'm going to go through the each one of these. So the first one is coconut. This is coconut the dog. Love it. On a, on a surfboard surfing. There's a small dog. Looks like maybe a French bull dog.

Yeah, a pit bull. This is a faith. The surfing pit bull is on this one. In an adorable green, lime green board with a lime green life jacket. Life jacket. Looks super cute. This dog totally wiped out. This one is Carson, the surf dog.

He jumps off of his wave after catching a wave. And then there is, let's see, those are the person's names. Eza, the surf dog. is on this one and then my favorite is Charlie and yeah I gotta go back to Robert Duval in Apocalypse now

and tell him that Charlie does surf so Charlie does actually surf but here's Charlie don't Charlie's adorable on this thing and then there's one more this is Eza again Eza and coconut on the same board

how many people out there have a problem getting their dog to stop barking or going outside or something. It's like, I just want my dog to stop barking or begging for food. And these people are like, yeah, my dog surfs. That's the thing. It's like, like a dog is capable of just such an incredible amount of stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like having been a dog owner, I'm like, I would like my dog not to jump on the actual table. Like, I want my dog to not eat the food that is on my actual dinner table. Unsuccess. I want my dog to not leap at people. as they come in my house and just sit and just be quiet for a second. And then there's other people who are like, yeah, my dog does math. You know, like my dog, my dog is actually like a grand champion in chess.

And you're like, what the fuck do we get the week? Are we having the same experience with animals? Could you imagine the amount of training you have to do? And a couple of these people said, a couple of these people said, yeah, I just put them on the surfboard like a couple times and they're like totally into it. And I'm like, I couldn't imagine the intense amount of work you have to do to go through this. And I'm like, these are people whose dog is their, like, that's their job. Yeah, it can't be anything else.

It can't be. This has got to be like an Instagram dog influencer. Yeah. Or something. That dog already, that dog is a dog that they just put him on the fucking surfboard and he surfs. That dog already does all the stuff, right? That dog already like walks off leash right next to you. Yeah.

And even when a bunny is there, it doesn't chase it. Like, that dog is already better than your dog. Right? Like, whoever you are, you don't have that dog. That's the dog. growing up, I always thought and dreamed I would have. Like the dog that could like ride in the car next to you in the passenger seat

and like, you could just be like, hey, buddy. Or you could get in one of those motorcycles when it had a side car and it can wear the goggles. Little goggles? That's what I've always wondered with a dog like that. And every dog I've had has been fucking feral. Like absolutely feral. Exaggerating a little. But close.

Not far off. Like if you put it in a lineup with nine feral dogs, people might not pick your dog. Yeah. They might want a night. They might be like, well, I don't know, man. They all seem a little feral. Yeah.

Like, I've had dogs that I could. They're well feral. I've had dogs that I could walk, but like on a leash and they'd be okay unless they saw something awesome. I remember you had for a single night a bulldog. Was it a good dog? No. That's why I didn't keep it. I know it breathed and snored and farted and whatever wasn't like.

It was terrible. But did it like walk on a leash or any of that stuff? I went to take it for a walk, and this particular dog, like, I was concerned for his health before we made it around the block. Oh, wow. So he was, like, breathing, like, real hard and snorkey and, like, heavy and crazy, making all these distressing sounds. And I was like, I don't think this dog can make it around this block. So I turned around and, like, brought the dog back. But the dog also, like, it hadn't been castrated.

So it was constantly trying to hump me and constantly trying to hump everything. Oh, yes. Because it was just like, let's fuck. And I was like, dude, bro. You need to fucking buy me dinner. This is a lot. This is rub my back or something. Can we just, can we talk?

Jesus. Let's watch, let's watch marriage story a little, you know. Let's watch these people yell at each other for a little while. That'll do it. That'll set the tone. That'll get you in the mood, don't. Oh, my God. Tom, I wanted to talk about this because I was here.

Oh, okay. Let me just read the headline. AP, in a miniature world, climate change and environmental issues loom large. So this place is in Frankfurt. And I just visited Europe. And I was in Frankfurt for a day. And we decided to go to this place. It's called miniature Wunderland. I love it. And inside, like, I don't know if you knew anybody who had like train sets and shit when you were a kid. Yeah. Yeah. My stepdad did. And how intricate, like, how intricate like a little area could be. Imagine if you took like the entire floor of a Walmart and then put it on top of a, another Walmart, and then on top of another Walmart. So there's like four stories of this, and it's an elaborate train set. Whoa. It was intense and crazy and so amazing.

Like, it's, it's, it's something like you can nerd out about for a little bit. So it's kind of fun to just walk around and, like, see the attention to detail that they put into it. But then you get to a place, like Sarah and I were walking by this one place. And they have a giant entire room full of screens on the wall. where there's cameras inside the train. So they know what's happening at any moment all around this entire thing

and there's people who are watching to make sure that something hasn't happened that everything is functioning properly. At a certain point, you're in the floor. And it's this huge, fucking gigantic train set where people are walking in between essentially and it'll just, the lights start to go dim. And it's in a nighttime cycle now.

What? And so everything comes up and like the LEDs all over. What? It was amazing. It was genuinely an outstanding thing to see. And it was so fucking crowded. It was unbelievably crowded because it was 100 degrees that day, Fahrenheit.

I don't know what that is in Celsius in Frankfurt. So it was like really hot day. And we just happened to hit it right as the heat wave hit. And so we went to a, we saw this amazing exhibit earlier in the day on surrealism. And then we went to this place. And this place was like packed because it's a nice cool place. Oh, yeah. There's a million people in there.

And so it was like, they had to let you in in waves. So, like, you have a ticket. And it's like, yeah, you can go in with the 25s. And then you sit and you wait in this area where they give you free soda. And then you wait and then you just go into this place for, they have a fucking fountain thing. That's cool. That doesn't have, like, spit in a bunch of cups all over. It's crazy.

But in any case, you just, you can drink as much soda as you want. And then you walk through this entire thing. And it was just amazing. Like, this story came up. And it's about how they're using climate change in the, their thing, they're showing like clear-cut forests at certain parts. And they're showing like the way climate change is affecting certain places in this miniature wonderland. They're using it as a reflection. But like I saw this. I was like, fucking how cool is that? Because you were just

there. I was just there. And one of my favorite pieces is this Monaco set. And on the Monaco set, they have everything else is in color. But this entire set is painted in black and white. And it's the picture of Grace Kelly marrying the Prince of Monaco, which is like a famous photo. And it's happening right outside of this church in Monaco. So they've decided to color all that in black and white. It looks cool as shit. Like it's amazing. Like I was fucking blown away by this place. My wife wasn't as interested, but I was

fucking blown away by this place. I was like, this place is dope. I would go back again. I would go walk around through there again. That sounds awesome. It was so cool. And it's such a cool thing to nerd out about. Yeah. People like, there's a whole team of people who every day just are like fucking making little figurines and when you go to the fucking stadium, they have a stadium there. Like they have two or three different stadiums that are inside of there. And they will

like every single person is different in there. And it's fucking crazy. Like the whole thing is, it's insane, dude. It's crazy. That's awesome. It's really neat though. It's actually cool. I want to go there. You got to go to Frankfurt. I'll go to Frankfurt. Frankfurt's pretty solid place actually. I just enjoyed it. But like a field trip.

It was, dude, this was so neat. And I'm, I just, I saw this and I'm like, if you look through the pictures on here too, like if you get a chance, look through some of the pictures on here and you can see how expensive it is. You could see how extensive it. It's enormous. And like little things will happen.

And unlike here when you press a button, stuff actually happens there. So you walk up and you press a button and like a little guy will come out and chop a tree down or something. It's actually really neat. It's actually pretty dope. But it's super intricate. The attention to detail is fucking unbelievable. It's super intricate. The stuff that they do at this place is just insane.

It's a really neat place. It's really cool. I wonder if anybody else has been there. But it's one of those things like when I looked on TripAdvisor. I do this on occasion when I go to a place. I'll look on TripAdvisor to see, like, what the top 10 things are that people do here. And this was number one for Frankfurt.

Really? That's why we went. So you were like, yeah, fuck, yeah, let's go. And it's like, out a million ratings that we're just like, this place is balling, bro. Sarah didn't love it. She was like, she liked it, but it was just so fucking crowded. You couldn't get up to anything.

Right. So you're like, it's so hot outside. It's 100 degrees outside. Right. You walk inside and you're like, oh, it's cool in here. But there's a million people and everybody, and I don't know what it is. I don't know if you experienced this,

But, like, when I go to look at something, like at a viewing of a art exhibit or something like this or whatever, I'll walk up, I'll look at it for a minute. And I'll be like, oh, that's cool, that's cool, that's cool. And then I'll just move on. And I'm not there for more than 40 seconds in one spot. I'm like, you know, like, there's other people around here. Very few things are going to hold my attention for five minutes. I can't imagine just standing there in the same spot staring at the same thing for, you know, an extended period of time. And this is what was happening there.

It was just a million people would just stand there and just be like, and you're like, dude, what are you looking at? Oh, my God. Like, I already looked at it. Like, let's move to the next piece. But there's people who just study the entire thing. And it just gets annoying after a while. So it was a little annoying.

Right. But it was super fun. All right. That's going to be it for a funny show this week. We're going to be back on Monday with another Hellish show. We're going to leave you like we always do with the Skeptics Creed. credulity is not a virtue it's fortune cookie cutter mommy issue hypno-babelon bullshit couched in scientician double bubble toil and trouble pseudo quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized

stereogram pyramidal free energy healing water downward spiral brain dead pan sales pitch late night info docutainment leo pisces cancer cures detox reflex reflex reflex reflexes foot massage Death and Towers, Terro cars, Psychic Healing, Crystal Balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons,

giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak, stigmata, nonsense.

Expose your sides. Thrust your hands, bloody, evidential, conclusive. doubt even this Thanks for tuning in If you enjoyed the show

Consider supporting us on Patreon At patreon.com forward slash dissonance pod Help us spread the word by sharing our content Find us on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook and threads All under the handle at DissinancePod This show is can credentialed Which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm

on their hotline at 617 249-4255, or on their website at creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org.