Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 86: Clerical Error

Episode Date: February 11, 2013

Cecil’s other podcast - Double Leg Radio:

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. So this week we got an email from Joanne from Australia. The email pointed us to an article that had a list of Ten Commandments for Atheists. And while the story made the initial cut, it didn't make the final cut in our show.

We wound up cutting it and not reviewing it. We want to thank Joanne for the email. But what it did do was spark some conversation between Tom and I about sets of Ten Commandments that are out there. And Tom pointed me to Bertrand Russell. And I was interested in these. I think they're really great.

So we decided that we'd actually open the show with these. So here's Tom reading The Ten Commandments as a Teacher by Bertrand Russell. Number one, do not feel absolutely certain of anything. Two, do not think it worthwhile to proceed by concealing evidence, for the evidence is sure to come to light. 3. Never try to discourage thinking, for you are sure to succeed. 4. When you meet with opposition, even if it should be from your husband or your children, endeavor to overcome it by argument and not by authority,

for a victory dependent on authority is unreal and illusory. 5. Have no respect for the authority of others, for there are always contrary authorities to be found. 6. Do not use power to suppress opinions you think pernicious, for if you do, the opinions will suppress you. 7. Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. 8. Find more pleasure in intelligent dissent than in passive agreement. For if you value intelligence as you should, the former implies a deeper agreement than the latter. 9. Be scrupulously truthful, even if the truth is inconvenient, for it is far more inconvenient when you try to conceal it. 10. Do not feel envious of the happiness of those who live in a fool's paradise, for only a fool will think that it is happiness.

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical, it's political. And there is no welcome at. This is episode 86 of Cognitive Dissonance. And I don't have any pithy or clever introduction to the show.

I've got nothing. 86 is not a number you really. It's just not one of those numbers that generates a lot of discussion. No. Wait, we can 86 it. Yeah. Fucking 86 the show. 86 it did.

The audience is just hoping, like, maybe when they reach that number, they'll fucking quit. They all have their fingers crossed, like, maybe they won't do one this week. This show is like, it's the podcasting equivalent of the, like, Twisted Sisters surrounding, you know, despots in third world tin pot countries being played at volume. You just make people go mad with it? Is that it? It's an interrogation technique.

This is an enhanced interrogation technique. We're banned at Guantanamo. They actually found a way to get us banned there. They're rewriting the Geneva Conventions just so the United States can continue to ignore it. Like, oh, we're going to skip that. The first story we're going to cover comes from, well, it comes from the internet. Ansamed. I don't know.

It comes from somewhere. We'll link to that shit. Tunisia, little girls with Islamic veil revolt in country. None of that matters. I don't care about any of that. You know what I care about in this story, Cecil? You know the heart of this story is? The heart of this story is about a Muslim preacher who does not like Spongebob Squarepants.

It says here in the article, it says, He is also well known for issuing a fatwa against cartoon character Spongebob accused of homosexuality and inducing children to pervert behavior. And you got to wonder to yourself, like, if you were to declare a fatwa on all the effeminate cartoon characters out there, holy shit, would you be a busy dude? Could you imagine? I mean, there's got to be like 20 fatwas against the fucking Teletubbies. Right. Oh, yeah.

I mean, they're basically, they're being burned in effigy as we speak across the Muslim world. It's just big, blown up. When you're upset about SpongeBob, you have to pause and then remember, like, oh, wait, that's just some shit somebody fucking drew. It's a cartoon about a sponge that lives underwater that wears pantaloons, man. It's a panted sponge. I think that there should be, like, I would love to see, like, all the inanimate objects or all the created fictional characters that have fatwas against them.

There should be, like, a Wikipedia article for that. Everything, you know, if you're going to get bent out of shape about Spongebob and you're going to assume Spongebob is gay, that's not how fiction works. Like, he's not real. So either Spongebob does a gay thing on TV or he's not gay. Like, you can't read into the mind of Spongebob because Spongebob doesn't have a fucking mind. mind of Spongebob, because Spongebob doesn't have a fucking mind. And he's not performing any gay acts unless, you know what I mean, like, unless you're looking at the adult Spongebob page.

Right. I mean, you cannot assume that, like, you know, well, you know, I know something about Spongebob you don't know. Really? That's impossible. It's actually impossible. Fictionalized characters aren't fucking real right what what the fuck is and you're here you are a religious leader right i mean you are a a leader for the the moral souls

of men and women and you're spending your time on spongebob your your country just went through a major revolt. You are spending your time on SpongeBob. That is the pressing issue of your day is a square-panted sponge. I think that there's an interesting part of this article where they're actually

upset that the girls covered their hair. Yeah, that's actually an awesome thing. I think that's cool because it's like, hey, well, they don't have to. And they did it to please this guy, but they're basically coming out and saying, hell, no, no, no. You don't have to do that. And I think that that's the uplifting part of the article. I also think that they were probably trying to hide

their Spongebob barrettes, too. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. This story, fuck this story. This story is from digitaljournal.com. Fuck this story. This story is from digitaljournal.com.

Ugh. In the wake of an even more horrifying story this week about a Saudi cleric who was fined, fucking fined, man, for torturing and raping and killing his own daughter. Five-year-old daughter to death. I mean, fucking raped and tortured and killing his own daughter, five-year-old daughter to death. I mean, fucking raped and tortured and killed his daughter in the wake of that fucking horror show of an act. Another Saudi cleric has come out to say that the best way, the best way, this is his solution for his country to prevent sexual molestation of young girls, including babies, is to require them to wear burqas. A five-year-old in a burqa so as not to tempt men like their dad?

Oh, God. How disgusting is that? I want to read from this article. It says, under Saudi Arabia's current Islamic law, a father cannot be executed for murdering his children or murdering his wife. But I don't think that they have any compunction about executing women. No, I'm sure that they don't. The thing is that murdering your wife or your children, that's a property crime. Yeah.

You know, I mean, so you pay a fine for a property crime. I mean, it's like a traffic ticket. I mean, it really is. It's a fucking traffic ticket. The thing is, part of me thinks, like, shouldn't they be executing you for everything? Everything is an execution. I mean, it feels like, you know, like when you're saying they can't execute you for a traffic ticket. Part of me thinks that in Saudi Arabia they should be executing you for a traffic ticket.

Like, you know, you're driving too fast. We're going to execute you. You jaywalked. It's an execution. There's just a guy with a scimitar across the street. You walk across, you kneel down, he lops your head off. End of your day. It's like in Futurama with the suicide booths. It's just like execution booths you're required to go in. Every street corner phone booth is just like, oh, really? I just spit my gum on the sidewalk. No, no, no. Get in the execution booth. I'm sorry.

You know, like you peek out from underneath your burqa and you burst into flames. They're all vampires under there. Saudi Arabia's 50% vampire. That actually makes a lot more sense now that I'm thinking about it. The idea though that you would have to cover up your own child so you don't rape them, like the person obviously doesn't have a grasp on reality because people raping their children is not an epidemic. It's not an epidemic because people don't do that normally. That's not something that a normal person would do.

Normal people have children and then they just don't rape them. They just don't rape and torture their children. You know, I mean, there are very few people that wind up raping and torturing their children. This guy happened to be one of them. I don't think the burqa would have magically protected this child. Unless the burqa was like hiding a suicide bomb underneath it. Then maybe it might have protected the child. But other than that, I literally have no idea.

I mean, unless it's like a fucking weaponized burqa of some sort. You know, the thing is, man, the burqa is already a weapon. You know what I mean, unless it's like a fucking weaponized burqa of some sort weapon. I you know, the thing is, man, the burqa is already a weapon. You know, I mean, it really is. It's a weapon that's that's wielded by men to oppress. Yeah, to oppress and destroy. You know, it is a weapon like this thing is a fucking weapon of mass destruction. It's it's a horrifying weapon. And this, you know, I hate to go back to this, but you read a story like this.

And I and one of the first things I thought I thought is that the email we got not too long ago responding to our comments about rape being a crime of power and whatever rather than sexual. It's not a crime of, you know, I want to have sex with something. So it's a fucking fight. Your five year old daughter in this case, like this is just a, a, a horrifying, violent perversion. That's all this is. It's, it's, it's not that these kids are putting a fucking burka on them. Isn't going to protect them. It's not that the five-year-old kid was so fucking sexy walking around that the fucking drooling, leering man that was the, the, the father couldn't restrain his carnal urges and simply had to fuck his daughter.

It's a horror. I mean, it's horrifying. That's not the fucking case. The thing is, the guy is a fucking degenerate. Yeah, he's a terrible subhuman. And he did a horrifying, mean, cruel, perverse, sadistic thing. It has no it didn't. It wouldn't matter if the kid was wearing a fucking suit of armor. It really wouldn't have mattered.

The only thing that would have saved this kid is if it wasn't in his custody. Right. That's the only thing that's going to save it. And, you know, like this burka thing on kids, the only person I agree you should do that to is Honey Boo Boo. Like that's the only one that really needs to wear a burka is Honey Boo Boo. I want to say, too say too though in this article, one of the things they say is they're talking about sort of this epidemic of people that are raping their daughter, that are raping

their children, that are molesting their children. And they're like, where's this epidemic coming from? And one of the things is it says, others believe it is due to the new child protection laws enacted in January of 2011. You think, you think, you don't think that maybe this shit was just thrown under the rug in the past that people didn't talk about it, that it was never brought to light, that nobody got accused of it because you could, there was nothing really that you could do about it anyway, that the people just felt resigned to the fact that, you know what?

The people who are going to do this are just going to get, get away with it anyway. So there's nothing I can do. You don't think that putting laws in place is going to suddenly increase the amount of people who get charged with it. That's what other fucking thing could pause. What do you think? It's in the water.

Do you think somebody is like fucking sprinkling fucking pedophile dust on you? This vitamin water has kitty rape juice in it. What the fucking... Who put this in here? This is the worst vitamin water I've ever had. This is five-year-old flavored. What the hell? Oh, no.

Aged at least five years. Oh, no. That's terrible. That's years. Oh, no. That's terrible. That's it. Yeah, yeah. Notice, too, when you read these stories that everybody is a cleric. Yeah. Everybody's a fucking cleric.

It's never just like some dude is always like, this dude is a cleric. And then there's other clerics that are about the cleric. And then it's like fucking three clerics walk into a bar. Every time I read that, I think everybody's got a D&D character they're playing. They're all chaotic neutral. All right. This story is from Al Arabiya News. Uh, what?

Egyptian preacher Abu Islam says that raping women in Tahrir is not redline, meaning like not verboten. It's not even feminism. At least he didn't say anything crazy. Yeah, no, I mean, yeah, at least he's on the—what the fuck? Seems like a pretty rational, decent human being. Wouldn't his mother be proud? Oh my gosh. Wouldn't you look at this guy and think, God, man, your mom would be so proud to see you right now.

What is spewing hate? Can I read this? Can you just – let's just try to decipher what this means. Because I have a feeling that this is fucking totally translated wrong. Really? Because it makes no fucking sense. Let me read this to you, Tom, and you try to help me understand this. sense. Let me read this to you, Tom, and you try to help me understand this. It says, an Egyptian salafi, that sounds delicious, by the way. I'd love to get a salafi.

It's good with some sopra seta and some nice cheese. A nice salafi sandwich with a little bit of cilantro, minced, they call it coriander, minced coriander on top, and a little pita or maybe a, you know, I don't know, a little naan or something. That sounds delicious. But it says, said raping and sexually harassing women protesters in Cairo's Tahrir Square is justified, calling them crusaders who have no shame, no fear, and not even feminism? I don't know. Are they supposed to have more feminism? not even feminism?

I don't know. Are they supposed to have more feminism? Not even feminism. Like, now with 50% more feminism. Like, wait, what? I'm not sure. Are you rapable? Do you have any feminism? Sorry, you have too much feminism for me to rape.

Oh, I guess I can't do that. I need to rape the low feminism women. Your quotient of feminism is too high. Your feminism meter is nearly full. Wow. Look at that. Somebody's going to charge this one up. Feminism is running out.

I like this too at the bottom. It says, you see a woman with this fuzzy hair. A devil. Devil's called women. Learn from the Muslim women. Learn and be Muslims. There are Muslims and Muslimics. And I keep thinking that Muslimics sounds like a breakfast cereal from Sweden.

Like, try new Muslimics. It's all fucking twigs and dried fruit. It's fucking terrible. It's a terrible point. Like, oh, God, mom, can't we get Cocoa Puffs? I got to eat Muslim mix? It's only like three Weight Watchers points, though. So you're like thinking, man, I could really fucking go for some Muslim mix in the morning.

It's so oppressive to my system. It fills you up, though. Yeah. Yeah. He also says, and by the way, I like this as like an aside, and by the way, 90% of them are crusaders, and the remaining 10% are widows who have no one to control them. You see women talking like monsters. Ah, cookie! What does that mean?

What are you saying, dude? I think you just hit the nail on the head, Tom. Fuzzy-haired monsters. Fuzzy-haired monsters. Fuzzy-haired monsters with nobody to control. Fuzzy-haired monsters. I only know of one blue fuzzy-haired monster, and he is the monster of cookies. That's what's underneath the burka. It's just like, it's just cookie monsters.

It's a whole nation. Because they have that little mesh that's over the ice, and you just see the googly eyes sort of bouncing around back and forth. Everywhere they go, there's like crumbs falling out. They're fucking hands like rattling it. There's crumbs falling out from underneath the burka. This guy, seriously, who's letting him speak in public? They're not saying cookie.

They're just saying equal rights. Equal rights. It's not even equal rights some rights some please just don't actively abuse me

no rape can I just have some like I would like one freedom can I just fucking walk down the street and not get raped? Can I not have the leader of, you know, one of the many fucking clerics that my country produces, one of the fucking millions of clerics, just say, you know what? It's probably not a good thing to be raping women in a fucking town square.

Can we just avoid doing that in the future? Hey, guys, that's Ixnay on the ape ray, okay, guys? Let's not do that anymore. No, no, just fucking rape them. Getting the designation of cleric is like getting a trophy at fat camp. It's like everybody's a winner. Yay! You all tried.

It's like getting a driver's license. You just have to walk in with, like, a birth certificate. And they're like, you want to be a cleric? Yeah, sure. What the hell? Just throw that on there, too. It's like when you donate organs over here. Just like, you want to donate organs?

Yeah, sure. You're at the DMV over there. You want to be a cleric? Yeah, what the fuck? Yeah, cleric me up. Yeah. Just mark me down for cleric. That'd be great.

They have, like, a very small series of questions. It's like the Foyt over here. They're like, do you think women should be raped? Well, hell yeah. Well, you're down for cleric. That'd be great. They have like a very small series of questions. It's like the Freud over here. They're like, do you think women should be raped? Well, hell yeah. Well, you're a cleric now. Cleric. They just have the cleric stamp, like a red cleric. They don't have the alternative stamp, like not a cleric.

It is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior. This story is from Huffington Post. Catholic leader Bill Donahue, gay dog saga proves being gay is a bonus while straights are ignored. This guy is fucking spectacular. My favorite thing about this guy, Cecil, is learning that it's just him and some other dude

as the Catholic League. I fucking love that. That's fucking awesome. I love, too, that he's like, being gay is a bonus. Being gay is a bonus! The idea that it's a bonus. A bonus to get beat up in fucking Southern America? Yeah, being gay has never been a bonus. Like, that's, I can't imagine, like, what part of your life is a bonus?

It's like, hey, everything's going to be just a lot harder for you. Oh, where's the bonus come in exactly? And, you know, what he's referring to in this story is there was a dog that some fucking hillbilly dipshit moron decided was gay. And so this guy brought his dog. Hold on now, Tom. Let me explain really quickly why he thought his dog was gay. He thought his dog was gay because I think he took it to a dog park or whatever, you know, out in the field, wherever he is, you know.

I don't need to take my dog outside. I put my dog in my back of my pickup truck, and then the dog started humping another dog, and it was a male. That's what happened. The dog started humping another dog, and he said, well, that was a male dog that was trying to hump, so therefore the dog's gay. Completely neglecting the fact that this is a pit bull, and pit bulls show dominance by humping the other dog to show that it's dominant over it. Because the other way to show it's dominant is it kills the other dog. Right.

I mean, that's like standard dog behavior. Like the guy doesn't know anything about fucking dogs at all. Yeah. So that's how, that's why, Tom, that's why he thought the dog was gay. And the dog was going to get put, I mean, it took it to a shelter and they don't have fucking infinite capacity for dogs, gay or straight. I love to see the form that he signed though. Reason why you don't have fucking infinite capacity for dogs. Gay or straight. I'd love to see the form that he signed, though.

Reason why you don't want the dog? Fucking gay, man. You know, if you were working there and some fucking knuckle dragging troglodyte staggered low browed into your building with this dog in tow and was like, I'm going to bring you my dog. It's a gay dog. It'd be like, give me the goddamn dog. Yeah. It's better off dead.

This dog is seriously fucking going to live a better life locked in a cage and lethally injected. It's short. Three-day life is better than anything you could provide, Billy Bob. God damn. So obviously the story gets out and people adopt the dog somebody adopted the dog pretty readily like you know it happens anytime there's a like here's a sad dog story like somebody's like i'll take that sad dog that shit fucking happens so somebody took the sad dog and and basically fucking donahue here is saying like well see look this old the dog got rescued and so many other dogs don't so bonus for being gay but what you're missing, look, the dog got rescued and so many other dogs don't. So bonus for being gay.

But what you're missing the part where the dog was on fucking death row for being gay. Yeah. Like he had to be rescued. Right. It's like that's like saying like, you know, it's a great deal. What's a great deal is being a princess and being like fucking trapped in a castle because then somebody will rescue you. It's like, well, but you had to get trapped in the fucking castle first.

Well, it's like him saying, you know, they have these days for the, they have these parades and these things for these gay people who got gay bashed to death.

You don't see any straight people that get those parades. And you're like, yeah, well, they don't get gay bashed. They don't get murdered because of their fucking sexuality, you fucking moron. Of course they don't. And that's the thing he doesn't get murdered because of their fucking sexuality, you fucking moron.

Of course they don't. And that's the thing he doesn't get. It's he's counting only the benefits and he's forgetting all the fucking negative things that go along with being a homosexual in this country. You know, the idea here is that he's saying, you know, like, well, it's beneficial to be a homosexual. It's not beneficial to be a heterosexual. It's beneficial to be a homosexual. It's not beneficial to be a heterosexual. The problem is that you keep on using this logic and people now have another reason to hate homosexuals.

Right, and this is the same guy. I mean I'm just going to read this to you. The moral of the story is being gay is not only a bonus for humans these days. It's a definite plus for dogs as well. Even if that were true, why are you about that like why why do you care like be like oh man i guess that's just like some things are good for people and other things are i mean like it doesn't take anything away from me what do i care but then it goes on as for straights then he lumps in bizarre, the lonely and the disabled. That's another story altogether. As if gay people can't be lonely or disabled?

No, he's talking about the— Underneath it says Donahue also contrasted the Internet's efforts to save Elton to Washington state's euthanasia laws. And I think that's where he's talking about the terminally ill, so the disabled and things. So I think he's lumping things together there that don't make sense. I was going to say, that was the next thing I was going to bring up. I don't understand how he is able to contrast. Like here's a, it's a dog that a hillbilly gave away. How is that in any way?

The reason why he can contrast these things, Tommy, is like a quarter of the synapses normal people have. That's how. Thanks, Tom. He has like a quarter of the synapses normal people have. That's how. At the bottom it says, in January, Donahue was criticized for suggesting President Obama should use a copy of Karl Marx's Das Kapital during his swearing-in ceremony instead of a Bible. Actually, I think it should have been more like Mein Kampf, huh?

Am I right? Am I right? Huh? Huh? No way! You're all sick! Oh, be nice! Oh, my son doesn't stand a chance. The whole world's gone gay!

Oh my God, what's happening now? We work hard. We play hard. Everybody dance now! This story is from care2.com. They will also care. Gays will burn Christians at the stake, says pastor, who evidently does not understand numbers. Because there's about 3% of America that is evidently going to take up arms and burn 90% of America.

We're going to need more wood. You do not want to piss off the gays. That's all I'm saying, because they will not only overpower 90% of the country, because they're also fit. That's how they can do it. They got the cardio to outlast us all. That's the key. The cardio?

That's the key. Nobody understands that shit. Have you ever? I mean, like, look at all the gay men you know. They're all super fit. Try to run away from a gay man. Try to run? I can't run.

Are you kidding me? I can roll very well, though. That's a ridiculous thing to say. Put me on a sled, I will beat them downhill. On a stationary bike, they would catch up to me. Them on a stationary bike or you? Right. Yeah, both of us.

I don't know. They'd be like, fuck, I finished working out and you're still in the same place. Get up, fatty. Get to the steak. This is awesome because I want to read from this article. Christians will burn. Gays will burn Christians at the stake. This article here, it says this guy's name, Swanson, Pastor Kevin Swanson of Generations Radio.

He says this is his little rant. So picture a nice little homeschool family just trying to do the right thing. An anonymous tip comes in. Social services swoops in. They grab the kids in the year 2022 and the kids get remanded to a home with homosexuals and these particular homosexuals happen

to be tied to NAMBLA and other things. You know what's going to happen. There will be proper indoctrination into a certain kind of worldview, shall we say. This guy is a fucking asshole. He completely, 100 percent just equated all homosexuals to fucking pedophiles. In one sentence, he's just like, yeah, they're all pedophiles. Right, right.

Yeah, I mean that's that tired old canard that they keep drawing out, you know, that the homosexuals is out to have sex with your children. It's like, no, that's actually what the pedophiles are out to do. The homosexuals just want to have sex with each other and get married. Like, that's all they want to do. That's it. It's pretty cut and dry. You know, I also like, how does this work? So it's the year 2022.

There's a family homeschooling their kids. An anonymous tip comes in and says what? Like, you have to assume in order for this to work that homeschooling is now illegal? Otherwise, why did the anonymous tip come in and the kids are remanded

into custody? Hold on, though. You don't have to be fucking a genius to figure out that your kids are being homeschooled. They're not in school. Right. You don't need an anonymous tip. The fucking kids being born. So then you're like, oh, well, you got kids. Oh, well, they're fucking five, right?

Well, either DCFS is visiting you or you have filled out your homeschool papers by then. You know, or you're one of those, you did like a home birth. There's no birth certificate. They're like secret kids. They're like, they're hidden kids. Seriously, they're secret people that exist without, like they're fucking so off the grid. They are off the grid, my friend. I love that saying, by the way.

They don't even exist. Like the government doesn't even know who they are. Get the fucking net all over again. They are off the grid, my friend. I love that saying, by the way. They don't even exist. Like, the government doesn't even know who they are. The fucking net all over again. All the kids are Sandra Bullock. He goes on. His crazy gets even weirder. Well, no, hold on. I want to interrupt, though, quickly.

Because he's saying in 2022, the kids will get, you know, basically taken away and given to pedophiles. Well, shit, you could just take them to church nowadays. Yeah, what's the difference? What's the fucking difference? I mean, if you want to, you know, if you're fucking terrified of pedophiles, why don't you get rid of them in the churches when they pop up? You know, if you're so fucking afraid of it and you're like, oh, my God, well, you know, the fucking NAMBLA and, you know, they'll take your kids away and they'll start buttfucking your kids.

Well, hey, guess what? It's happening right now, bro. They'll take your kids away and they'll start butt fucking your kids. Well, hey, guess what? It's happening right now, bro. You know, there's people who have fucking molested children that you have called holy, that people have not you in general have called holy. And I want to point out that I don't think all priests are fucking pedophiles either. I recently read somewhere where someone was criticizing us for like putting all – like basically painting with too broad a brush or whatever. I don't even – I guess I didn't even consider that I should have to mention that people –

that I don't think all priests are evil and that I don't think all priests are pedophiles. But I do want to fucking disclaim that I don't think all priests are pedophiles. But there is clear fucking evidence that there are priests that are pedophiles. Yeah, I mean it's a big goddamn problem. And it's not even so much that – because numerically, there are going to be problem priests, right? Like there's a lot of priests. Sure. Some of them are going to be problems.

That's not even the – the big deal is the way that they're systematically hidden and shuffled about and protected by the organization. I mean, don't get me wrong. It's a big deal when somebody abuses children, no matter who it is. But, you know, it is numerically to be expected when you have an organization the size of the Catholic Church that there are going to be assholes and degenerates within that community. But the problem is the way that they're hidden and moved about and protected by that organization. And then allowed to continue doing it. Right. You're not stopping it.

And that's the thing is like these are the holy institutions. Obviously, you're fucking talking about Christians in general, right? Well, these are your holy institutions. You're allowing these people to get away. They basically get away with it and get to do it again. This guy, I got to talk about the paragraph where he throws in. Just remember about 100 years ago, you had three homosexuals in the world. Oh, my God. As far as anybody really knew.

Oh, there was a Canadian named Robert Ross, an Englishman named Oscar Wilde and an American named Walt Whitman. They had an amazing threesome. They had, yeah, and which one of them gave birth to the gay kids? Like, how does that work? There were only three, and then they propagated and had, well, how? Did they asexually bud into did they lay fucking gay eggs?

Yeah, no, they all came out of Walt Whitman's beard. You know, like, it's that old joke, it's like, what's underneath Chuck Norris' beard old joke. It's like what's underneath Chuck Norris's beard is another fist. Well, what's underneath Walt Whitman's beard? Another gay. Another gay is under there. Just hiding in there. That's what the leaves of

grass are for, is to hide more homosexuals. Get in the leaves! Fuck! This is a ridiculous fucking crazy person thing to say. They really thought that in the 100 years ago there were only three homos. And then why are there more? Like what would prompt more of them to come into existence?

They're aliens. They came from the planet Homo. Bad fashion is their kryptonite. They came in a very fabulous spaceship. I mean, a fabulous spaceship. We're going to take a quick break and give you all the information that you need to contact us by Facebook, email, Twitter. Leave us a voicemail message. We'll return in just a moment for the rest of the show.

Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website dissonancepod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at dissonance underscore pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now, too, so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage

or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show, Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. This story has been blowing up. This is from the Raw story, but I also saw this virtually everywhere today. Pastor apologizes for praying alongside Muslims and Jews at Newtown Vigil.

A Lutheran pastor in Connecticut apologized for taking part in a multi-faith prayer vigil for the victims of the shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School. He apologized because his church evidently doesn't want to extend the fucking olive branch of tolerance and forbids worshiping with other faiths. I think that this is, you know, as much as people are upset by this, I think this is probably one of the most honest representations of like pure religious zealotry that I've seen in a long time. I think that this is an honest way in which for them to come out. I think it's shitty. You know, I mean, don't get me wrong. It's shitty, but it's at least honest. At least it reflects the values. I think that they, that they do preach all the time.

It's a, it's a perfect view into their worldview, which is we don't really tolerate other people. We fucking do a song and dance all the time about how we tolerate other people, but we don't really tolerate other people because here's an example of us not tolerating other people. Well, you know, here's an example of you basically, you know, showing your true colors. So, you know, in a way, I think this is helpful to us to see who these people are for what they are. Yeah. You know, the thing is, man, I think you're, I think you're dead right. These actions shine a light on how shitty these fucking assholes are and what it, what it goes to show it, like it punches holes in that shiny, happy people holding hands bullshit of interfaith fellowship, right?

Because there's no such thing as a monotheistic religion that is truly interfaith. Your faiths are mutually exclusive. Your worldviews exclude each other. You can lie, you can pretend, you can play games, and you can rejuggle the words in your holy book. But at the end of the day, if you're being honest, you've got to renounce the other. You're required to renounce the other. That is why they are the other. That's the only way for you to maintain an insulated in-group, is to constantly point

to those on the outside and contrast the difference between us and them and to point that out. That this guy apologized afterwards. And it's, you know, the article is kind of interesting because he sort of says like, well, you know, I made my own decision. His supervisor had basically told him not to do it. And he made a decision to do it anyway, because he looked at it as like a way to reach out to the community. Community chaplaincy, he calls it. And then he comes back and apologizes because he probably got his ass handed to him by his bosses. He should have said fuck off, right?

Like if this was a man of real integrity and character, he should have said fuck off. No, I did the right thing. I know what the right thing to do here is. The right thing to do is to try to provide comfort and solace to the bereaved. And if the members of my faith tradition can't get behind that, then they can eat a giant bag of dicks. But he didn't do that. Instead, he's like, yeah, I did the right thing, but then I apologized for it. Now it's not the right thing anymore. Yeah, when you waver on your decision, you're basically pointing out the flaws in your logic there.

What I want to say, though, too, is, let's just say I was one of the people that was chosen to be on this stage, and I'm an atheist. I would happily take the stage at a place like this with many faiths without a qualm. I would take the stage and be like, the Muslim people have a reason to be here.

You know, the Hindu people, the Buddhist people, the Christians, you know, be they Protestant or Catholic, the Jehovah's Witness, whoever you are, if you want to be involved in this service and stand on this with me, I will stand with you while we mourn the others. I would absolutely have no qualm about that. I don't think that it should be, see, because I don't have an inherent hatred for religion or other religions where they clearly do. The difference is I would accept anyone else's religion as long as I don't have to deal with it, as long as I don't get forced to it, as long as you don't get laws that favor you and your religion, as long as you don't force your religion onto my children or my friends' children at school, religion onto my children or my friend's children at school. And as long as you don't, as long as you don't abuse your power and abuse your followers, I don't give a shit what you believe.

You know what I mean? Like, like there's a, there's a reason why I, I mean, there's a reason why they're rejecting them and it's because they don't like them. They don't want to have to deal with them. The only people, like you were saying earlier, you know, if you really did follow your religion, you wouldn't, you would, you would do this too. It's true. The only people, like you were saying earlier, you know, if you really did follow your religion, you wouldn't, you would, you would do this too. It's true. The only people that get away with being able to be interfaith, to be multi, multi interreligious or whatever, is the people who will look at their book and say, the parts that are exclusionary, we're going to dismiss and the parts that are inclusionary, we're going to embrace. and the parts that are inclusionary, we're going to embrace.

Those are the only people that do that. They're the only ones that can manipulate their own religion to make it worthwhile for them and other people. The people that embrace the exclusionary parts, those are bad people. They're just people that are choosing. There was a guy I was talking to recently who was saying, why would you choose that? You have to pick and choose a religion, but why would you choose that? And it really does show your character. It shows who you are when you choose to do those things or you indoctrinate others to choose to do those things.

You're doing the wrong thing. You are watching the beginning and the birth of the New World Order. And you want to call me crazy? Go to hell. Call me crazy all you want. This is from freethoughtblogs.com. Is David Barton now getting his history from Louis L'Amour novels? This article is spectacular. This was an account that David

Barton told on the Glenn Beck show, January 15th. The great example in the 1850s, you have a high school teacher who's teaching. A guy, he's out in the West. This guy from New England wants to, I love it, this guy from New England, wants to kill him and find him. So he comes into the school with his gun to shoot the teacher. He decides not to shoot the teacher because all the kids pull their guns out and point it at him and say, you killed a teacher and you die. He says, OK, the teacher lives. Real simple stuff.

Save the life of there was no shooting because of all the kids. We're talking elementary school. All the kids pulled their guns out and say, we like our teacher. You shoot our teacher, we'll kill ya. There's so much wrong here. Such as this never happened. Yeah. Who was the author

that they found this in? It's Louis L'Amour. He wrote kind of cheesy westerns. He wrote, like, he was a serial novelist of kind of cheesy, old-timey westerns. I read a couple of them when I was a kid. They're just very basic sort of home-on-the-range bullshit sort of books.

They're old as dirt too. They've been around for fucking ever. That's funny. Yeah, I think that this guy often confuses like Zane Gray with fucking actual history. Like this guy – I mean – and this guy is great at this. Like this guy has mastered this art of being able to look into a camera or look at somebody else and say, here's an anecdote that perfectly matches what I'm talking about, that he may or may not have gotten from this novel. He could have just made it up. But here's this anecdote that has no sources. There's no story. He didn't tell you what school

it is. He didn't tell you what year it was. He didn't tell you what the teacher's name is. He didn't tell you where to find it. None of that stuff. He's not sourced at all, this guy. He didn't tell you what the teacher's name is. He didn't tell you where to find it. None of that stuff. He's not sourced at all, this guy. He consistently goes out of his way to tell anecdotes that are absolutely not true. And he's gotten called on. He's been discredited several times because of it. And yet people still have him talk. What does he have to do to be discredited? Like this, this is so depressing that this guy is still making a career as a sort of historian of the media. Right. Like for the media, rather. People are still paying him to to arrive places and open his fucking gaping mouth. Let's spew this bullshit. Glenn Beck is.

No, I know. It's like no surprise. It's a crazy dude on a crazy show. Okay, well, I mean, yeah, I hear you, man. It's on fucking Glenn Beck. But, you know, at some point, there's sort of proving

the point that there's literally nothing you can do if you are partisan enough on either side. There's nothing you can do to be discredited and be irrelevant. Like, you can just be like, well, that's not true, and we proved it. Want to come on our show? You're free at 7 o'clock on Friday? I need another talking head.

Okay. 7 o'clock on Friday. I need another talking head. Okay. It's funny because imagine if you were, say, a chess player and you were caught cheating many times. You would not have a career

as a chess player anymore. Of course, right? The same thing if you get caught let's just go to professional sports. MMA, for example. You get caught juicing a couple of times, you just don't have a job anymore because you can't pass the tests anymore. And then he will just fucking let you go. You can't work here anymore because you failed your tests too many times.

You know, it's the same thing for everybody. There was a huge scandal about people cheating in baseball. They had fucking Congress weighed in on this shit. They had fucking hearings. They had hearings. They wasted Congress's time to do hearings about baseball. Yet this guy can basically cheat. He is cheating.

He's lying. politically cheat. You know, he is cheating. He's lying, creating up anecdotes and like basically trying to make the stuff he's claiming factual when he's lying about it. I mean, he's, you know, the stuff he's saying, we talked about it last time. We talked about it when George Robb was on the show. We talked about it because this guy was interviewed in Monumental and he's talking about this Bible that Congress printed. And you're like, well, none of the things you said are even true. In this movie, none of the things you said are true. Well, okay.

Well, it doesn't matter. It doesn't seem to matter to anyone. Yeah. The most important part about what's being said is his access to the microphone. Yeah. That's really the most important part. It has nothing to do with if what he's said is his access to the microphone. Yeah. That's really the most important part. It's not, it has nothing to do with what, if what he's saying is, is accurate. But I mean, like even look at the crazy fucking story he's telling too.

Like, what are you suggesting? We should arm elementary school kids? Yeah, and I, and I looked this up today and there was a, I was looking up school shootings on Wikipedia and there's like a big long list of school shootings that go back to the 1700s. And there's several where kids were fiddling around with a gun in class and shot themselves. It's almost like kids shouldn't have guns in schools. All you need is gun safety. That's it.

What you got to do is you you gotta teach the kids how to better handle the gun that's make sure they hit their target more frequently like that's not you want answers i think i'm entitled you want answers i want the truth you can't handle the truth this story is from the telegraph um all aboard the hogwarts expressceress burned alive in Pawpaw, New Guinea. A young mother accused of sorcery was stripped naked, doused with petrol, and burned alive because she was allegedly a sorceress. Now, I think it's important to note that they said allegedly. The Telegraph did not independently verify if she was actually

casting magic spells they didn't they weren't able to do that one would assume she was not actually a sorceress and what's the difference between a sorceress and a witch do we know is there a is there a distinction yeah it's it's the it's the robes they wear i got yeah i mean it's the clothing it's wear. I gotcha. Yeah, I mean, it's the clothing. It's a clothing thing, you know? Is it like wart on the nose, wart off the nose? Yeah, well, it's like, you know, sorceress is sort of sexy. You know, they're the sort of like scantily clad witch. The witch is just nasty.

Like, the witch is not something you want at all. But the sorceress, that's tempting. Although they'll probably wind up killing you and eating your brains raw and making soup from your penises. Oh, wait, no. That is in this. That's actually, no, that's a cult down there that did that last year. Yeah. Do you know where I'm not going to go?

Where I would not feel welcome? Yeah, where's that? Pawpaw fucking New Guinea. You're making a big deal out of this, Tom. Last week I had raw brain foam and deconstructed penis soup at Alenia. So, I mean, that's not a big deal. They do that all the time. Yeah, they don't, actually.

They fucking tricked you, man. You should have gotten a caramel apple helium balloon thing. Yeah, I think that would probably be better for you anyway. That would have been a much better choice. I think that would probably be better for you anyway. That would have been a much better choice. When the chef's choice involves penis soup, that's the wrong restaurant. Speaking of chef's choice, let me read this here for you. It says, there have been several other cases of witchcraft and cannibalism in Papua New Guinea in recent years

with a man reportedly found eating his screaming newborn son during a sorcery initiation ceremony in 2011. And, you know, look, seriously, that's the best way to eat a newborn. I mean, like a baby sashimi is the best way to do this. There's no—I mean, because you do not want to toughen that little critter up by putting it in any kind of cooking at all. You don't want to go through any kind of cooking. You're just going to tighten up those little muscles. Shashimi is the best way to go about that. Dude, it's people veal.

I mean, it would be a real tragedy if you didn't serve it the proper way. You've got to respect your food. Yeah, absolutely. Otherwise, it's just – that's outrageous. I mean, you don't know. A little bit of wasabi on that infant, and it's delicious. It goes right in. But you don't want to use too much of the soy sauce. It's just there as a – yeah. It's an accent. You don't call yourself a foodie unless you... And it's delicious. It goes right in. But you want to use too much of the soy sauce.

It's just there as a... Yeah. It's an accent. You don't dunk it. This... Sorceress, man! Like, Pawpaw New Guinea is a hotbed of crazy. It is seriously a hotbed of crazy.

There are... In 1971, the country introduced a Sorcery Act to criminalize the practice. So prior to 1971, sorcery was not criminalized? Your country's going backward. Like, in 1970, you're like, eh, sorcery's cool. Fucking what? And then in 1971, they're like, ah, sorcery is cool. Fucking what? And then in 1971, they're like, whoa, we got to put an end to all this sorcery. Did we think sorcery was a good idea?

Like we – you guys have done this all wrong. You're going backward in time in Pawpaw, New Guinea. That's not a thing. I think that that 70s date, though, actually corresponds better to the loss of the sorcery lobby. Because the sorcery lobby lost all its funding. And they weren't actually

able to get any more laws in place and that's why they finally cracked down on the sorcery later on. They should have imported a money spinning goblin. They would have been able to better fund their source of receptions. The problem is with those imported goblins, though. We heard last week they'll blow your fucking house up.

That's true. Only if you behead them. Yeah, well, you got to behead them to get the coins, Tom. It's like Mario Brothers. It's like fucking Sonic the Hedgehog. When they die, the coins and the rings just shoot out of them. You know, that story that you were talking about where the alleged cannibals killed and ate people and ate their brains and made soup from their dicks yeah

yeah they people arrest the police arrested quote dozens of people for that dozens of them it's not like four or five guys in the woods like doing some doing some crazy shit. It's like, there's a dozen people. There's no more than that, dozens, multiple dozens. We are pluralizing the word dozen when we're talking about people involved in a cultity penis soup. This place is a hotbed of superstitious madness. There's a reason why a superstitious worldview is not a good idea. And it's called Papa New Guinea. There's another one here. The bottom, it says in 2009, a young woman was stripped

naked, gagged and burnt alive at the stake, also in Mount Hagen. And that was said to be a sorcery related crime. Actually, later on, they found it was a horrible s'mores accident. Sorcery-related crime. Actually, later on they found it was a horrible s'mores accident. S'mores accident? That only came after the forensics came back. A s'mores accident? They're like, they've got her on this stick.

She's like, fuck, she's on fire. I don't like them when they get all on fire like that. Wave her back and forth. Wave her back and forth. Put the fire out. Oh, she's dripping. Really, though, your country is kind of fucked when you are lighting people on fire at the stake. In 2009.

Yeah. There's no coming back from that, right? There's no redemption at that point. You're not like, oh, man, we did light that witch on fire. Oh, yeah, what? Did you witch on fire. Oh, yeah. What? Did you get a fucking time machine and go back to 1694? No? You didn't do that?

No? Because no part of your country can go 88 miles an hour, motherfucker. No kidding. That's why, you backward-ass goddamn people. And, you know, where are the people that say – because there's the people out there that will say – that will do the cultural relativism thing when it comes to the Muslims. They'll be like, oh, well, you know, it's their culture and, you know, who are we to say that our culture is better and yada, yada, yada. Where's your argument for fucking lighting people on fire because they're sorcerers? Where's the argument that, like, this is a fucking – this is something that we shouldn't denounce as a bad thing because we're not in their culture?

No, it's a bad thing. Whether you're in the culture, outside of the culture, whether you're on another fucking planet, it's a bad thing. Well, here, let's test it out. Cecil, imagine for a moment there's life on another planet. And on that planet, they set a witch on fire. You down or not down? I'm going to go with not down. Right.

Right? Well, unless on that other planet there was magic, then maybe. But here's the thing. There's no such thing as magic. So, you know, that's the thing is we have this idea that we think that we shouldn't be able to look at another culture and make judgments based on how our experience is. And I disagree. I think, look, we need to look at it from a rational worldview and be like, when you have a rational worldview, bad things can happen, such as you're eating raw brains and penises in a fucking cannibal cult. Yeah, I guess like if you're looking at a worst case scenario.

Gosh. I mean, I could see, man, I'm stuck on a fucking mountain somewhere. I got to eat my fucking dead friend. Fair enough. But I guess there's probably some lower hanging fruit in Papa New Guinea than fucking penises and raw fucking brains. What's for dinner, Mom? Penises and brains again.

So, Tom, we got a voicemail. The person didn't leave their name, but we are going to play it right now. Hey guys, I caught you. I think you may be a masochist like I am because your music is the exact same music as Cross Examined, which is on American Family Radio. It's a show that is miles, hundreds, thousands of miles different than your show. This asshat on this show earlier today was talking about family equality,

and he says that he wishes that gay people could marry, but it just is not, it's not right or something to that effect. He's just a fucking douche. Anyway, I can't believe it. I mean, your music is the exact same music. I've heard it like five times now, and I'm thinking, holy shit, either these guys are ripping off AFR, or they're ripping you off, which I think you should sue their ass if they are, but I don't know, it just made me laugh, because your show is against everything that this fucking ass hat has as a show. this fucking ass hat has as a show.

Anyway, love the show. I love when you guys, listening to you guys, because you ruin my day. Anyway, see ya. So, Tom, Google Voice thinks that this person said some things that they probably didn't say. Hey, guys, I caught you. I think you may be a message just like Guy because your music is of the exact same music

as Cross-Examined, which is on American Family Radio. It's a show that is miles, hundreds of thousands of miles different than you were show. This asked that on the show earlier today was talking about family, equality, and he said that he wishes that gay people could marry

but it's jess is not it's not right or something to that effect it he's just anyway i can't believe it i mean your music is zeke save music i've heard it like five times now and i'm thinking holy ether these guys are ripping off FR. Or they're ripping you off, which I think you should see whether asked if they are. But I don't know. It just makes you laugh. Because ex-teacher Shelly 60th, everything that this ask that has as a shelf anyway. Love the show.

Love when you guys were listening, you guys. Because you ruined my day. Anyway, see ya. That's great. We're going to actually, we were sort of inspired this week, and we're going to see how long it takes us to construct. It's my hope that I can try to get it done next week sometime. But we're going to put together a FAQ, Frequently Asked Questions, on our website. Because we get asked a lot of times about the clips we play. We get asked a lot of times about our music. We get asked a lot of times about other stuff. So we're going to put together a Frequently Asked Questions. We'll let you guys

know next time if it's up. But I will answer this question now. We don't own the music for the beginning of the show or the end of the show. It's called Adrenaline Electronica. It comes with GarageBand. So all I did was just, I sent Tom, when we started the show, I sent Tom like four songs. I was like, what do you think about these? Because I didn't want to have to go through the problem of trying to create a song in GarageBand because I'm not good with music. In that I have no idea what I'm doing with music. So I was just like, what do you think of these? And Tom and I thought that the Adrenaline Electronica song was good.

We cut a middle piece out of it. So we use Adrenaline Electronica long, they call it. But we cut the middle piece out so ours is a little shorter than other people's. But it's not our song. And I'm used to that anyway. A little shorter than other people. It's a royalty-free song.

So we can't sue anyone and they can't sue us, it turns out. But we're happy that somebody else is using it. You know, it's great to get the contrast too because it seems like only crazy people use it. What does that say about us? I don't know. I'm not sure if that's sending the right message.

If that's good, but there it is. So we got an email, Tom, from Bryant, and Bryant is talking about working in a Christian nonprofit that teaches children some things. And they've been making – that Bryant is making good money there, but they're teaching the children things that he doesn't agree with because he's not a Christian. And what sort of – is there anything that they should do? You know, do we have to go through this every day? At the bottom it says, he says, I'm standing by while it's, and it is the Christianity,

is being fed to the children. I don't know if you guys were in a similar situation, would you stick around for the money? Tom, do you stick around your job for the money? Absolutely. The minute they stop paying me is the minute I walk out the money. Tom, do you stick around your job for the money? Absolutely. The minute they stop paying me is the minute I walk out the door. If ever there was a three-second gap, if my paycheck arrived late, I would walk out the door until it arrived with prorated time back on it. Yeah.

Look, man. I mean, my feeling is you work for money and sometimes you do stuff you don't like. I would say most of the time you do stuff that you don't like. And I mean, if it's truly something that is more than just I don't like this, if it's like, hey, you know, I have a moral issue with what I'm doing or what I'm being asked to do, or if you think that what your involvement in this organization does furthers an agenda that you have a moral difficulty with, then that's a different question. But I don't know, man.

I mean, you're an art teacher for teens. You know what I mean? Like, they need that. Yeah. That's not a bad thing. You're not doing a bad thing in the world. We got a new listener in Marcus. Tom, why don't you read Marcus's email? I like this. Hey, guys, what's up? I'm Marcus. I've only been

listening for a little over a month. I discovered your podcast while trying to vote a fantasy football podcast for a podcast award. Thanks, Marcus. You're the reason we lost, Marcus. Not being religious at all, I found it interesting that there was a show called Cognitive Dissonance in the religious and inspiration category. So I looked you up and subscribed. I can't believe I've lasted this long without this podcast. Neither can we. I was able to listen to most of the shows from last year while I was making my cross-country drive

from Fort Jackson, South Carolina to Fort Hoi An, Arizona. You totally, you nailed it, Tom. You think so? You think I got that one? You nailed it. With the yapping wife and annoying kids. That's the best part of the email. My favorite parts of the show are Hillbilly Jesus and the Muslim call to prayer. My favorite parts of the show are Hillbilly Jesus and the Muslim call to prayer.

I'm an active duty army staff sergeant being deployed to Iraq three times and Kuwait twice. I'd hear that damn song three times a day throughout the city on loudspeakers. They even broadcast it on the radio on all stations, interrupting whatever was playing at the time. I always found it hilarious. Anyway, thank you for what you do, and keep up the good work. P.S., there are atheists in foxholes. That's awesome. Marcus, thank you for listening. We're happy that you voted for a fantasy football podcast. That fantasy football podcast fucking won, by the way, Marcus.

I'm sure you diligently voted for them every day. You know, it's so funny because that fantasy football podcast not only won their category for sports, but they won best overall, too. How does a fantasy football podcast win best overall podcast? And you know who fucking

produced it? ESPN. That's bullshit. Fucking, I hate that fantasy football podcast jerks but Marcus we love you thank you for sending a message thank you very much I can't approve of your taste in other podcasts

but I can at least thank you for your message we got an email Tom from someone hold on let me see if I can pronounce the name a nonny mouse what is it Email Tom from someone. Hold on. Let me see if I can pronounce the name. Anonymous. What is it? Anonymous.

Anonymous. That's it. Anonymous. They sent us an email and talked about AA. And it's a long email. I don't want to read the whole thing. But it talks about the higher power in AA. And this is something that I think a lot of people don't understand is that when they go to Alcoholic Anonymous or any of those anonymous treatments that people go to for addiction, there is that sort of higher power that gets

worked into the rhetoric there. Oh, yeah, for sure. That's an important part from what I've heard of the Alcoholics Anonymous and obviously the Narcotics Anonymous as well. So it's interesting. Your story was very interesting that AA was part of your deconversion. So thank you very much for sharing that with us. We got an email from Andy, and Andy sent us this great thing, and it's Taliban singles online. It's pretty awesome. this great thing and it's Taliban singles online. And I'm going to, I'm going to post a,

a link to this or just a, the picture of this on a, on the, the episode this time. I thought it was great. It's very funny. I don't want to ruin the joke. It's a visual joke,

so I'm not going to ruin the joke, but we'll post it this time on, on this episode of cognitiveognitive Dissonance. Oh, we got an interesting article from Johan that was pretty great. It's an article called Short Skirts, Bad Stars in Chow Mein, Why India's Women Get Raped. And I'm going to quote directly from this article and also from this email. It says, To my understanding, consumption of fast food contributes to such incidences, and this is the rape that happened in India.

Chow mein leads to hormonal imbalance, evoking an urge to indulge in such acts. I love that you can fucking be like, Hey, it wasn't me. I just ate a food, and I had to rape a girl. That curry really gets to me. ate a food and I had to rape a girl. That curry really gets to me.

When you're invoking chow mein for your inability to behave like a human being, you just shouldn't be able to eat. That should be the thing. Okay, well, you've lost food privileges. Food and you don't mix.

So, enjoy. The other thing they say is lack of British rule. Oh, I know. Basically saying like, yeah, when we were under the heel of the British, this sort of shit doesn't happen. Yeah, it's a totally different story. Man, you turn us loose and we're a bunch of

barbaric animals. If we didn't have the Brits to tell us what to do, I'd rape a girl every moment of the day. I'd just constantly be raping someone. God, it's just fucking horrible. I want to thank you, Johan, for sending in your email. We got a bunch of emails and comments about the urban legend of jerking off on something and eating it. We want to thank everybody for telling us about all their specific urban legends about eating ejaculate on food substances.

No, I don't want to thank any of you. We're done talking about it at this point. We are done talking about this. We're done. Although I will say that Gina sent in an image of little food, little pastry savory biscuit things. I would say that those holes would be good for soaking it up. Oh, my God. Why are you doing this? We want to thank everybody for their urban legends to tell us about that.

And I don't think Tom and I either. We didn't believe that they did that. It was a joke. No, of course. Yeah. I mean, but it's so horrifyingly disgusting. It's like eating, like, poo on a cracker. mean, but it's so horrifyingly disgusting. It's like, it's eating like poo on a cracker. Like, it's just so gross.

We got a comment this week from, man, I don't even know. What is that? Chitunguiza. Chitunguiza. That's the name of the city. I don't know. I don't know. That's the name of the city.

Thabazio? No, I don't know. That's the name of the city. Thabasio? No, I don't know. Thabiso? Thabiso. I'm going to say it's Thabiso. You can't know these things. What's up, Thabiso? The comment just says, as a Zimbabwean and an atheist, I absolutely love that story.

It's talking about the goblins. So thank you for listening, whatever I said your name was a few seconds ago. We got a couple emails this week, and these sort of all fall into another thing that we're going to talk about on the FAQ. Zach says that he was basically sending a fake gripe message with tinges of sarcasm in the past. He was just kidding around. We got a couple emails that said, oh, I was just kidding around when I called you guys names. We also got emails from other people that said, hey, you invited us to call you different names back in the day when you first started your show. Somebody said that we used the word fuckers in a bumper.

That's not true. We used the word assholes. But there's a reason why that bumper isn't in anymore. If you listen to the current bumper when we play in the middle of the show, which you heard earlier, it says, want to contact cognitive dissonance. When we first recorded that, we had my wife, because the show was a self-deprecating show. We always kid around with each other about, you know, how much we suck, right? Tom and I would kid around about that all the time. I'm not kidding. We would kid around with each other about, you know, how much we suck, right? Tom and I would kid around about that all the time. I'm not kidding. We would kid around and we would, you know, we said, oh, it would be funny if we said assholes. So my wife started out with, you want to email these

assholes, you can. But then we started getting, it's not just a name either. That's the other thing people don't understand. They're like, oh, you just know that we don't care about that. Somebody just calls us a name. That's okay. But it set the tone for a really shitty email. People would send in emails. They'd be like, hey, you fucking scumbags. You know you fucking couldn't fucking think if you fucking shat your fucking brain out, you fucking retards. I hope you fucking die. Choke on this article.

And then they'd be like, love, Tony. I know. It never made any sense. They'd be like, okay, Tony. I know, it never made any sense. And you'd be like, okay, dude. All right. We got these, they were like vitriol filled. They were vitriol. And the thing is, is it set the tone for people to send us really shitty emails, and they would do it a lot.

So we just stopped doing it. So when you say, oh, well, you invited us to call you names. Yes, we did. 30 episodes ago. We stopped doing it because we don't want to invite people to call us names because then that invites them to, I think, try to be funny, but they're not funny. Yeah. I don't think there was ever malice in it. But in any case, don't send us messages apologizing because you called us a name in the past. We're fucking fine with it.

We don't care. We just – there was a reason why we took it out. That's what we were talking about last time. There's a reason why it says want to contact cognitive dissonance now. It's so we're not inviting you to send us emails that purposefully insult us because that tinges the entire email into being vitriolic, which we're not happy with. And crazy, just crazy. We got an email from Mason, and Mason mentions a couple of things. He says that the Muslim call to prayer is a song that calls people to prayer.

It's not a prayer. It's basically saying, hey, come on, guys. It's praying time. He also mentions that the Boy Scouts get quite a lot of their funding from the LDS. And I guess that Tom and I, we had known that, and it makes sense now that they're starting to reconsider the homosexual question because the LDS church recently went back and made that jump too. They said it's okay to be homosexual in their standpoint.

So I think that it makes sense that the Boy Scouts, when they reverse their stance on an issue of bigotry and move in the right direction, we can't continue to penalize them for past indiscretions. That sends the wrong message, I think. It sends a message that says, hey, no matter what you do, fuck off. And that's not useful. a message that says, hey, no matter what you do, fuck off. And that's not useful. What that ensures is that the only people who are going to join the Boy Scouts and Cub Scouts are those same fucking bigoted assholes who joined it before. Once those floodgates open to decent people,

decent people need to reward those organizations for their progressive stance and they need to flood in there and they need to be a part. Like, it's that saying, you know, like, come out if you're homosexual or atheist or whatever marginalized group you are, like, come out to friends and family. People that love you will just realize, oh, I've always loved this person. You know, now I know I love a gay. It's the same thing when you're talking about the Boy just realize, oh, I've always loved this person. You know, now I know I love a game. It's the same thing when you're talking about the Boy Scouts. Like flood the organization with people who are like you. And you will make that organization full of people like you.

I mean, if you are tolerant to them when they are tolerant, then you just spread the message of tolerance. We got an email from Peter. And Peter mentions a couple of things that we talked about a little bit on the show, but I want to read the last thing that Peter says. Peter says, I acted as an expert witness this week when I entered the lectern box sit down thing. Now, Peter, I don't know what, I had no idea they called it in Australia. They called it the lectern box sit down thing because over here we just call it the witness stand. Yeah, no, it's the lectern box sit down thing as opposed to the lectern box stand. It's the proper name for it. That's what it is in proper English, the lectern box sit down thing. He says there was a Koran and a Bible on the table in front of me. I literally

tossed them on the floor behind me, partly out of contempt, partly out of the need of protest, somewhat immaturely. Also, for practical reasons, they took up much of the room I needed to spread out my notes. And he says, we don't have to swear on a Bible, Koran in Australia's civil and administrative courts. They just have them there. Peter, I'll tell you what, if you would do that in the United States, they would hold you in contempt, I bet. I bet you you would be held

in contempt of court if you did that here. But bravo, you know, if you want to throw, I mean, hell yeah, throw them on the ground. Just chucking holy books left and right. That's awesome, man. We got an email from Ripken, and Ripken tells us about his YouTube station. It's

one word, Ripken Rants. We watched a couple of these. I watched one where Ripken isn't even visible. Ripken Rant 2 needs a little better lighting. Lighting on Ripken Rant 2 is, it's like, I don't know, it's like filmed in a bathroom in the tub with the door closed. It's a film noir. It's like a film noir. It's very dark.

No, but it's great. It's great, Ripken, that you're doing this sort of thing, and we're happy that you're doing it. So if you want to check out Ripken's YouTube page, go to Ripken Rants on YouTube. We got an email from Dumbass. Dumbass said that we could upload all our old Everyone's a Critic episodes to

archive.org. I did one today. I'll see if I get around to it. I mean, they're already available. I mean, it's a great suggestion. I just got to do it. I'll see if I'll get around to it, but it's just I've got to do it. And I did one, and I was like, yeah, I guess I could copy and paste some stuff. So I might go in and do more.

But as it stands right now, there's one up there, the third episode. And I listen to like the first five minutes of it. It's awful. God, is it awful. Everyone's a Critic episodes, like the first – how many did we do, 76? No, it was in the 80s, Tom. The first 80 are pretty bad. I think we just, with this episode, beat Everyone's a Critic with a number of episodes.

Did we really? Yeah, I think we just overtook it. Goddamn. Take that. We did that for like five years, man. Yeah, I know. We did it for a long time. So two years worth of time.

Tom, you have a not-so-secret admirer. We got an email from Ginny. I enjoyed your latest podcast, episode 85, as usual. I especially like the discussion of what the Islamic guy is singing. Every time I hear it, I swear he's singing A Long Way Quim. Can't help but think that's why Muslim men are so angry. By the way, Tom, I find your voice very, very sexy. You're always putting yourself down, which I assume is just a self-deprecating habit.

But in case it's not, please I assume is just a self-deprecating habit. But in case it's not, please don't ever post a picture of yourself. Let me keep my fantasies. You wouldn't believe how many times people tell me, don't post a picture of yourself. Actually, Ginny, there is a picture of Tom. It's on About the Hosts. It's on our webpage, so you can go check him out. That's how Tom goes to work every day. That's me at my Sunday best. That's Tom in his business attire. So you can check him out there.

Yeah, it's as underwhelming in person as it is on photo. That's awesome, though. Good for you, Tom. That's awesome. It's true. I do have a very sexy voice. You have a fucking sexy voice, though. Good for you, Tom. That's awesome. It's true. I do have a very sexy voice. You have a fucking sexy voice, man.

That's all I'm saying. This is for people who like MMA. I recently got – I had in the past an MMA podcast with a couple friends. Now we just started up an MMA podcast. A buddy of mine named Circle and another buddy of mine named Vinny. We do a podcast every week now called Double Leg Radio. I'm going to link to it on our site. So if you're an MMA fan, and I'm going to preface it with an MMA fan because, one, Tom's not in it.

because one, Tom's not in it, so you don't have Tom's sexy voice, which is definitely a downfall for a lot of the other show that I do. So you don't have Tom's sexy voice. Tom's hobbit-like sexy voice. You can smell the man stink from my voice. Your voice somehow elicits the smell of hairy feet. I don't understand why this would be body odor. But in any case, we have this other podcast.

So if you're an MMA fan, if you like the UFC and you like that sort of thing and you want to hear people talk about the UFC and other MMA promotions, you can check it out. It's called Double Leg Radio. We're hoping to be on iTunes in the next week. iTunes wasn't accepting RSS feeds this week for some reason. I don't know what the fuck's going on, but they're supposed to have it fixed soon. So I'm going to put it up on iTunes,

but I'm going to put a link to our show directly. If you go to doublelegradio.com, that'll take you to our podcast page. There's two episodes. We just put up episode two earlier this week. We normally post on Tuesdays. It's pretty much a live show, except for it doesn't go live, but we record it live. So there's no editing in it. I mean, it's just guys talking about MMA stuff.

So if you're interested in that, and I know that we have a lot of people that listen to this show because I've seen tweets from people who listen that like MMA. So if you're into that sort of thing and you like that sort of thing, go ahead and listen. If you don't like MMA,

don't fucking listen. You wouldn't like it. You are not going to enjoy the show. It's funny, but it's different funny. And we're also not swearing on it because I want my in-laws to listen to it.

So we're not, I don't swear. So that's another thing too is my language is more guarded on that show than it is here. I didn't even realize that was possible. Yeah, I don't swear around my in-laws. It's hilarious. I know you don't. I swear around your in-laws though. I don't.

I don't at all. It's so funny too because Circle doesn't have that filter. So he's still, even though we're trying to keep it clean, he's still dropping F-thumbs. But anyway, if you want to listen to it, check it out, DoubleLegRadio.com. That wraps it up for this episode of Cognitive Dissonance. Tune in next time when we do all the same stuff we just did this time. Until next time, this is the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue.

It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlantis, dolphins, truthers, birthers, witches, wizards, vaccine nuts, shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense.

Consents. Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody. Evidential. Conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only.

Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. We'll see you next time.