Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 871: Scams, Fox News Creepy Stories, and Tiger King

Episode Date: October 9, 2025

This episode of Cognitive Dissinence is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. Recording live from Gloryhole Studios in Chicago and beyond. This is cognitive dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news

makes it big or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome. Matt, today is Friday, Thursday, October 9th. Ooh. Nailed it. Here's the thing. It's fucking like October the third Friday.

We normally record on Thursdays. I just add seven. Yeah. I'm all discombobular. It's not a seven. It's going to be less than that. But this is our funny show, Tom. It's our funny show, my friend.

And we missed when it happened. We didn't talk about it. But we should talk about it now. The rapture came and went. It's not that we missed it. It's that if the rapture, we were just postponing, in case the rapture it happened. In case it happened, we were going to come on with an apology stream. Just to be like, hey, look.

Actually, I would 100% if the rapture happened, come on with that dancing casket scene. Are you kidding me? Please, I don't believe in a Lord. But I am saying, please rapture these people. Here's the thing. If the rapture happens, it solves a lot of problems. God, does it solve so many problems? The real estate problem, hey, oh, there's a shortage of.

Look, there's a lot less. I don't know how many people get voiced. I don't know. Do you know how many people get voiced? I'm guessing, like, I want to go with the, we were corrected on the Jehovah Witness thing because I thought it was only 144,000. That's what I had always heard. I had always heard that.

But I don't know fucking anything about the Jehovah's Witness. And here's the newsflash. I don't fucking care about the Jehovah's Witnesses. But I had remembered heard somebody said something one time and I took, I don't give a shit what they fucking believe. But there's got to be a group out there that's like, we're going. Like you and me are going. But none of the rest of these animals.

You know, like all these cult people, because it's like, it's almost always culty people, right? They're always convinced they're going and I'm like, there's not enough of you. Yeah. There needs to be more of you. Get the fuck out. Get the GtFO, man. What you want to do is right before they go, you want to be like, can you please convince most of our leadership to go to? Right.

Can you convert them today? I'll bring you the bucket you can dip their head in or whatever you do. Like, I'll be, I'll be your like baptism. some fluffer. I'll do what you. Like, I don't know what that means. I'll get you,

but I'll do it. I'll do it. I will do it. I'll lift those roads up. I will fucking go. I will go. You blow that whistle and I will blow something else.

I'll tell you that. Man, I will make it work. I will tell you. Like, there's so many people, I'm just like, oh,

could you imagine how amazing it would be if you woke up in the morning there wasn't a mortuary Taylor Greed? That would be outstanding. Actually, just as soon as you say that, like my first thought was like,

just by virtue of the limited human lifespan and the time continuum, that's a sentence that will someday be true. I know, yeah, it is. I don't know if she's older than me or younger than me or fitter than me or fucking whatever. So there's a possibility I don't live to see it. But what I love knowing is that someone will.

Yeah, somebody's going to enjoy that day. Someone will enjoy that day. Somebody's going to, if I'm not here to do the dancing casket guy, someone else will be. It's like you ever make like a nice food and you're like You know what? I can't wait for someone to try this.

It's how I feel about the demise of some of these assholes. Did you, you know, you just mentioned Marjor, Taylor, Green, and Fit. And so I've got to kind of veer over there. Yeah, yeah. Did you watch Pete Hegseth doing pull-ups for his fit test? It's the fucking creature. It's not even a Kip. It's like him struggling as hard as he can't to get one up.

It's insane. How many does he get? So here's a thing. He might be at the end of a long stream when I saw him trying to get that final one But him getting that final one is real Little rough, little rough It's real funny

It's real funny And especially because he comes in And he tells the generals last week Whip yourself in his shape Put yourself in his shape And he's struggling to pull a pull-up up But I just wanted to mention Tom The tick that the TikToks

And all that stuff Was going crazy with the Rapture Rapture And rapture talk It happened to get The Rapture passed So many people buy again. It only took people

that no one missed. Don't you think that there should be like if there's a rapture, shouldn't there be like a like a post rapture rapture? Yeah. Right? Like if I was God, I'd be like all right, I'm a rapture the ones that knew I was serious. Now I'm going to give you guys all a chance

to like figure this up. I'll have a rapture refractory period. Like it's like like you know renewing your vows. You know like renewing your rapture. There you go. But here's There's a thing, though, you're a shitty, awful, omnipresent or omnipotent being.

Yeah. Who hates the people who live down here enough to inflict what we are currently going through on them. Don't you think that he would or she would or they would? I'm going to say they because it'll probably piss God off to be non-binary. They, don't you think they would look down and say, if you didn't jump on the train early, I don't want you. I don't want you ever. Yeah. Don't you think?

I think that's the whole, like, that's the whole like, inducement for religion, right? Like, it's like, you have to pick. You got to be on the train and be on the right one. And you've got to be on it early. You've got to be on it before there's any reason to get on it. Yeah. Right, right.

You got to get on it before reason tells you to get on. You got to get on vibes. Yeah. If I see one of those eyeball angels that are like 60 eyeballs or whatever, I can't be like, okay, no, I believe in God now. But like, that's the thing. It's like if you read that fucking stupid book, like half the people in it, they had so many things happen. If you were to take it at face value, where you'd be like, well, obviously there's a fucking God.

Like I saw this. I saw all these supernatural events. There's like a, then there's 2,000 plus years of fucking radio silence and everybody's supposed to be like, heard a story once. What? That's it. That's all we get. All those other fucking people, they got to see a fucking floating ball and triple-headed dragon dinosaurs or whatever. fucking a many-horned or less horned than head thing.

Like a one-eyed, one-eared floating, flying purple people eater, you know? Like, yeah. Tom, I have to play this for you. This came out this last week. And the Fox News hosts, I'm not, I mean, I'm just going to let you read the headline here. Oh, God. Oh, God. This is from The Daily Beast.

Fox hosts creepily speculate about whether Baron Trump 19 had sex on his date. real quick, real quick before you play it. Yeah. When you look at Baron Trump, he looks like somebody who has sex on to somebody. Like he looks like somebody would have sex on his date. You know? Not with. Just on.

Just I have honor. Not with. Okay. So I'm going to play this for everybody. All right. So I'm going to put this on the big screen. We're all going to watch it. We're all going to enjoy it.

That's not the big screen. Here we go. Here is Baron Trump. This is the Foxx. news host talking about Baron Trump's date. He brought her back to Trump Tower. He shut the whole floor down at Trump Tower just so he could be alone. One of his classmates said this, he's tall and awkward, but he was the thing, the guy. He had a lot of girls running after him. Another said, he's a ladies man for sure. He's really popular with the ladies. He's tall and handsome. A lot of people

seem to think he's pretty attractive. So imagine a guy brings you back to Trump Tower and the whole floor is shut down. If the guy's a Trump, that I would believe it, and I know a lot of people are probably going to want to criticize him, that he's being a pre-Madonald, no pun intended there. But he obviously did for security reasons. The security needed to sweep the floor. They shut down the floor. But man, this guy's got game.

I mean, six foot seven, and he's got a whole floor at Trump Tower for a freaking date. I hope something good came out of that date. I mean, I'm not going to say one. Something not too good. Like dessert. Not too good. He needs to wait. Formade dessert.

Okay. The Trump cookie. Why? Okay, first of all, this lurched-looking mother, Eddie Munster-looking motherfucker is not some playboy ladies man. And also, it's not a flex to shut down like a floor of the Trump Tower when you own the Trump Tower. Like, that's nothing. Hey, Cecil, I shut down a floor of my house. I close, nothing. I closed the gender

neutral bathroom on the first floor. Yeah. What? Look, it's a flex if I, look, if, if, if, if, if, if, if, I walk into the fucking Ritz Carlton, right? And I, I get the whole floor. That's a flex, bro. That's a hard flex. If I just go home and I'm like, nobody here but me, it's your fucking place, stupid. That's pretty much your house.

What? Okay. Prima Donald, no pun intended, is literally a pun though. Like, you made a pun and then you said no pun intended. I don't understand what you're saying with your mouth right. What she meant to say was no good pun intended. Isn't that the cringiest fucking news story on a fucking news station you've ever seen in your life? It's so awkward, dude.

What's the sweet fuck is happy? I mean, genuinely, we are now in a position in this country where they love the president so much. Yeah. Like this would be, imagine if Rachel Maddo caught on and was talking about the office. fat line of Coke that Hunter Biden did earlier. Like, could you imagine how weird that would be? She'd be like, dude, he had a fucking heater

on that mirror. And he just fucking, he snorted that shit up. And then he fucking lit up a crack pipe right after. You know, what we don't, we shouldn't be doing this. Like, like, no. I realize this is kind of funny but at the same time, it's like, this is also really

alarming. We shouldn't be Kim Jong uning his children. Yeah, man. Do you know what I mean? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. There's a generational sort of like crowning that is happening where we're like getting ready to pass on favor to the next in the line of succession. That's 100% like what this feels like. It's what all this feels like. How do you feel if you're Don Jr. though? Passed over. Look, every day, Don Jr.'s got to wake up. Be fucking Don Jr. Oh, God. Every day. There's no there's no fucking getting over that. Him and Hunter Biden started separate lines like. Coke. And then they meet in the middle, like Lady and the Tramp and their two nostrils

come together. They're snorke in their nostrils up against one another, just like a couple of fucking hoover's in a fight with each other. It's like two Rumba's fighting. Ah, amazing. God. I just thought you'd get an amazing. That's so weird, man. Isn't that the creepiest shit? Tom, this, we got to talk quickly about a story that's not super funny because it's been bouncing around on our notes forever. Yeah. And we got to talk about it. This is from the New York Times. I've written about loads of scams. This one almost got me. The caller ID said, Chase Bank, the man on the line said I might be a victim of fraud, and his supervisor would explain. This is a crazy story because they specifically clone numbers of people that are nearby, banks that are nearby, branches that

are nearby. They know the branch that's nearby. They tell you to go to that branch at certain points. They're like, yeah, I'm at that branch or whatever. They don't tell you to go to that branch. They say, look on the, on the, on the, on the, on the, Google this number. On their website. On their website, you'll see, I am actually calling you from the branch. They don't tell you to go to the branch. Pardon me. Because one guy does go to the branch and they're like, yeah, that's, don't do that. But he, this is a person who literally reports on scams for this paper and he almost got got. Yeah. So, so, so this is like, these scams get more and more and more effective. Yeah. Efficient, sophisticated all the time. And the tools that that these fraudsters are able to

use for these scams are only going to get better and more sophisticated. Deep fakes are going to make this even more impossible and more difficult. I will say, like, I think that the best advice is always the same advice that it always has been, which is like if somebody from, if somebody purports to be from a banking institution or somebody that you do business with, just say, cool, awesome. Thanks for letting me know. I will call you guys back. I'm going to call the bank. Yep. I'm going to call the bank myself. And then don't call the local branch. Look on your, fucking like log into your secure account or look on your actual credit card and get the number. Yeah.

Never Google a phone number. Yeah. I learned that the hard way. I tried to cancel Comcast a long time ago. This was like, I don't know, five, six years ago. And I Googled Comcast and I was just being lazy and I didn't look hard enough and I clicked on like the first thing that appeared and it was not Comcast. It was some other company which sort of is like a sponsored link that runs interference between the customer and Comcast. And I started giving them all of my account information.

And I stopped for a second because something felt just a little hinky. And I looked down at what I had clicked on. And it wasn't Comcast. It was some other company. And they were just, I had just almost given them all of my account information. I'm like, oh, got to go, click. And hung up. Like, you can't Google shit.

Yeah. Because SEO results or search results can be fucking fudged and faked and dumbied up. Absolutely. You can't do any of that shit. Yeah. And this was a Venmo scam. Yeah. So this was somebody said, oh,

you don't have account at Chase or whatever, but that's because, or, you know, something like that, because this is a Venmo thing and they're going to take money, et cetera, et cetera. So they're using two different types of accounts. They're spreading it out across these two different places so it's harder to check up on because they're using multiple accounts. It's, this is nefarious shit and we're letting it happen by not clamping down on a lot of this stuff. And, you know, not having, I think, some really serious safeguards for the consumer. Again, we talked about this the last time we talked about scams, they don't care as much about you. Because if it's, we were talking about those Venmo scams and the, and the wire transfer scams, that money's

gone instantly. Yep. The money gets out of your account. As instant as you do it, it is out of your account and it is out of their hands and they will not help you if they can avoid it. I mean, they will on occasion. Yeah, they, the thing is that like, the oftentimes, like the bank is just a sort of passive send and receive institution. So they don't really have any, like, if something goes wrong, they don't have a lot of skin in the game. So they're not the ones that the consumer typically can like act, can sue and win or pursue.

So if you're the bank, it's like, well, why would I spend money preventing something I'm not losing money on? No reason to do it. Yeah. It's a loss for them. My wife got a call recently from a place that was very similar to this, that tried to talk to her about her Chase account and things that

happened. And about maybe two minutes into the call, she realized it was a scam and someone was trying to get her on it. And so she hung the phone up. But it's easy to fall into these. It's so easy to fall into Yeah. So easy. Yeah. You know, and they're, they're counting on the fact that everybody is so fucking busy. That's exactly it. You're so busy. You're so busy. All the time. You don't have time to think about what you're doing. You want to get it done fast. Something big appears in your, you know, right in front of you. Yep. It's a big obstacle. Somebody's trying to steal money from you.

That's a big, giant obstacle. And if you could clear a lot off your plate as fast as possible, you'll take advantage of it. And they're hoping that you will take advantage of this stuff. So that's a great advice that you give people is don't Google that shit. Don't Google it. That's what this person did. And then they wound up at the bank. And the people at the bank are like, yeah, this happens all the time.

It happens all the time. People come in and they realize that they've been had and there's nothing we can do. That's it. See, so this is a good story. There's a story that doesn't make me want to strangle anybody. It's rare in today's news. Mostly I walk around with like itchy, itchy hands. You know?

Just like constantly. You want to put them on there and then twist. Yes. You know what I mean? Just twist. Just give me one good strangling. I just need to twist someone's head off. I don't think that's too much to ask.

We should all get one. You know what you should do is apply to ice. I think they... No. This story comes to Yahoo Finance. Patagonia founder lived on a dollar a day in cat food before making it. When he had billionaire status, he was so angry, he gave away his $3 billion company. Angry.

So angry. And they talk about his life in this story. about what he had to do to go through all this and how he basically lived a pretty impoverished life leading up to that and then wound up making a ton of money and then essentially giving it all away. Trying to figure out a way to not have it anything. This is a guy who, like, he built a very successful company, realized that he had gotten, you know, very, very wealthy in that process, but thought to, but said, you know, I don't think there should be billionaires. This is just, it's inherently unethical for a single person to have this much capital.

So what's a responsible way for me to redistribute that capital? And I, you know, I don't begrudge people making a good living and becoming comfortable. I really don't. You know, I don't at all. But there is a massive difference between making a good living and being comfortable and being able to retire and providing for your family and those sorts of things. There's a massive difference between that and hoarding wealth like a fucking dragon. Yeah. And at some point, and billion is a good point, you know, like plenty of plenty of money.

Plenty of money under a billion where you're going to be unbelievable fucking rich. You'll be super fine forever. You're going to be totally generationally fine. You're going to be fine forever. Nobody should be a billionaire.

Yeah. It is a level of wealth that you can't even comprehend. It's a level of wealth that when you think about it, you think that seems like a lot of money and then you really start to think about it and think it's an unending amount of money

is essentially what it is. It's an unending amount of money. It's an amount of money. I've talked about this in the show before, but it is actually a kind of fun. to take out your calculator and play with what a billion does. And like put a billion dollars into something like an amortization calculator and see what a billion dollars does over time.

See the time value of money when multiplied by a unit as big as a billion starts to become bonkers. It starts to just not make sense, functionally, not make sense anymore. This story is from the Huffington Post. Bachelor star Madison Pruitt says she's been, Free from masturbation for 10 years. Man, free from it. Free from the shackles.

What was happening before? Like, what is your life like when you're not free from it? Just like, what was shit? Like, I read this and I was like, were you just like running around flicking the bean at Starbucks? Like you just, like, I don't think masturbation is, I mean, you have to be free from. Like, maybe exercise some self-control over time and place.

I can't put my phone anywhere near it. That's what the fuck. As if I get a text, it's going to vibrate the wrong way. What is happening, lady? What is happening in your life? And I think, you know, one of the reasons why I think it's important to talk about stories like this is like there is a weird purity culture that people get dragged into. And I think when we talk about especially the new trad stuff that's making a resurgence, that has deep roots in the purity culture. That has deep roots in that sort of thing.

That's a monogamous wait till you get married type of, you know, relationship. And it doesn't have any opportunities for things like this to happen. And then this may not be directly related to it, but it is related to it in the sense that there's like a cultural thing that is involved when you're talking about the trad stuff. Absolutely. Like unless somebody is really having, and most people are not, right, unless somebody is like really having some kind of actual self-control. problems around this stuff. Like most of this is rooted in a sense of shame around sex. That's exactly it. Shame around sex. Shame around your sexuality. Shame around your own body. None of that's good for you. Yeah. Like I don't give a shit if people masturbate or don't. But like if you are the kind

of person who says I am free from it, I want to tell people what you're doing is saying this is something you should be free from too. It is not necessarily descriptive. When you start giving this as sort of advice, very good point. It is necessarily proscriptive. And And I think there's, that's like, you're teaching people that they too should be ashamed of themselves. Be ashamed of touching yourself. Like, lady, flick your bean. Who cares?

Have a good time or don't. It doesn't matter to anyone. It doesn't matter to me. Right. It shouldn't matter to any way else. I don't care. Yeah. Like, I don't think like, everybody should be like, whoa, is this something I too should be free

from? And that's the thing is, make your own personal choices. Well, and then they do that sort of thing with, you know, months off of masturbation every year for certain groups of men, right? Like, I don't know, no touching November or something. I don't know what it is. But it's like, they'll talk about it, those types of things. And then they'll have very specific Redits for it, where they want to make sure that, like,

they go there for almost like a support group or therapy to not do it. Right. Like, those are people, I think, that maybe might have some issues that probably need to be dealt with with an actual professional rather than go on Reddit and talk to people. I think, you know, that's just me. I would maybe go see somebody. Are you suggesting that an anonymous hive mind is not as good as a medical profession? A comment section on Reddit.

It's probably not a great place to get any kind of information, let alone information about your own psychology. Okay, and this is, maybe this is the opposite end. Cecil. From the BBC, naked and high flight attendant, let himself down. I love that this guy's like, you know what, normally I hold myself to a higher standard. But that day that I found myself naked and fucking. high as a kite. Super fucking high on the plane. The fucking toilet of the airplane while I was working?

Do you to read part of this? I want to read all of it. A British Airways flight attendant was found naked and high on drugs in a plane toilet during a transatlantic flight has been told, has been told by a judge he let himself down. Hayden Pentecost, 41, was given a six-month prison sentence suspended for a year. Judge Hannah Duncan told him, quote, you don't need me to tell you just how serious this offense was. It would have been frightening for any passengers to see you. in that position. You really let yourself down.

He was ordered to complete 80 hours of unpaid work and pay 150 pounds and costs after admitting performing an aviation function while impaired by drugs. Before the journey, he told colleagues he was suffering from stomach cramps

but insisted he was fit for duty. Cabin manager, co-workers later found him at the bottom of the stairs, disheveled, pale, sweaty, and erratic. Aren't there enough people addled on drugs on flights? You don't need to add to this.

Dude, would you have to be? even notice this anymore on a flight? Seriously, if you're flying like fucking Spirit Airlines or something, it'd be like yeah, everything is fine. Just standard flight. Is it happening more? Or are people just in the right place with their camera nowadays?

Because, man, I'm seeing so many of these people be fucking insane on these flights. I don't know which it is either. What I know is like, I'm not super excited about flying right now. You know what I mean? It's like... They're insane on these flights. I mean,

genuinely insane. They're throwing punches of people. Sometimes cops will come in and they'll get into fights with the cops. They're yelling.

They're throwing drinks on each other. They're pulling each other's hair. I've never seen anything like this. I've flown. I don't fly all the time. I fly maybe once a year or something.

Right, right? So I'm not flying all the time. The worst I saw was, the last time I flew, they did ask somebody to leave. But it was super quiet. They just went in the back, got somebody out of the plane.

And I walked out. And that was it. That was the end of it. They were a little too drunk. Dude, if I ever got asked to leave an airplane, my first thought would not be, I will be indignant to make this worse. Oh, 100% get off this plane right now. Like, you've got to understand the authority situation on an airplane. There is a no fucking around and only finding out policy on airpoints.

100% dude. Like, that is not a place. I feel like as soon as you walk down that gangway, you basically are like, I'm going to go ahead and check my rights with my baggage. You are 100%. It's a privilege, dude. They can say no. They could just be like, get the fuck off my fucking. sky bus and I'd be like, yeah, I'm off.

And what you need to do, the moment they start to say, you need to get off and be like, how am I getting home? That's what you need to start thinking, because you're not getting home on this plane. Can I get my baggage? Like, can we work out some of the logistics here together? Let's figure out the logistics right now. But let's do it while I'm off the plane. Because fucking yikes.

Because fucking yikes. And, you know, you could also maybe miss your flight home, but then also spend a lot of time in a not local jail. Yeah, man. Plus you can get on a list called not only just. Did you fly today? You don't fly at all. You never fly again.

Like, they can fucking ruin your shit. Yeah. I don't understand that people are like, I'm going to get all shitty. You have a real tenuous agreement with the airlines. Man, you got to understand, like, the power position does not favor you. No, not at all. Not at all. Fuck it.

This is a weird episode of Naked and Afraid, though. It really is. So weird. It really is. He doesn't even have a fig leaf he can throw on there. He's got to take somebody's tray that's in the upright position and hold it over. Hold it as he walks. The tray isn't the only thing in the upright position.

Hey, hey. He was sick and he took some pills. Yeah. And then he just got fucking loopy. Yeah. And then started like, I don't know. But when you're spinning your fucking top around as you're walking around,

you took some real hard pills. I got a stomach ache. I'm going to drop acid and ketamine it. That'll certainly fix it. And then I'm going to shit like, I'm going to shit the storm out of it. I'm going to shilling a storm in this plane. So a lot of times, Tom,

people talk about criminals. Yeah. But they never talk about the hustle. This story is great. This is from Cleveland 19, I think. Administrator suspended after selling Akron Public Schools lawnmowers on Facebook Marketplace. His scam was kind of complicated.

Yeah, it was actually like a lot of stuff going on. He was selling like lawnmowers for other lawnmowers that he could then sell out the back. It was like a whole thing. He like did a whole like trade in. Upgrades, super scam, flip around, dirty dog dealing, like, ultra scam. Hang on. Here you go. An Akron Public Schools employee was suspended at the school board meeting on Monday after selling the school's lawnmowers on Facebook Marketplace. According to the agenda from the school board meeting, administrator Stephen Keenan traded in 11 APS lawnmowers to a vendor without the board's approval so he could buy new lawnmowers.

Okay. Keenan then bought seven of the traded in lawnmowers under a friends and family. discount with the vendor, according to the agenda. Keenan paid $5,693 for the lawnmowers. The agenda said, Keenan then listed five of the seven lawnmowers for sale on Facebook Marketplace and asked for a total sales price of $14,700. So took the existing lawnmowers, traded them in, got a credit, then bought them back cheaper and flipped them on Marketplace.

And they weren't as to start with. That feels like a lot. It really feels like a lot. It feels like you almost need to be an accountant to follow this. Cecil, do you ever like wake up in the middle of the night with a great idea? Yeah. Don't do it. Don't do it.

I feel like that's what happened. This guy sat bolt up right in bed. He was like, I can make cool 10 grand. And like 20 minutes later, he's got some photos on Facebook marketplace. He fucking takes a league, falls back asleep, wakes up, he's fired. I don't know. I feel kind of bad. I am always surprised at the amount of money someone is,

willing to waste, like willing to get them to sell their integrity. Yeah, it's not enough money. This is not a lot of money. This is, I mean, granted, several thousand dollars is a lot of money. Right. But in the grand scheme of things, when you have a job that almost certainly pays you a lot more than this. Yes. It is not worth this.

Cecil. It's not even $10,000. No, how many times, too? I've thought the same thing. Because, like, I've read, like, complaints where it's like, ah, the FBI, you know, went undercover and somebody was trying to like do a murder for hire thing for five grand. And I'm like, 5,000

you're going to commit murder for five. I will cash out my 401k right now. I have so many people. And I'll give you a list. I have so many people. I'm like fucking Aria Stark over here. I got a whole list. Yeah. NBC News. Poop spray causes

$55,000 in damage at South Carolina school. Teaching assistant arrested and charged. The best part about this, like, is the poop spray pranker wasn't one of the kids. It was a fucking TA. Evidently. Just spraying

dukies everywhere. Evidently, this poop spray stuff is really, really awful. Yeah. It's like gag inducing poop spray. That cannot, that's hard to wash off. It's like the most human beings went into a lab

and they looked these doctors with glass. and a fucking pocket protector and a clipboard. They looked at each other around a fucking boardroom and they're like, what can we make? That's the most disgusting thing. Like, it'd be like spraying. Imagine if you just had like an awful silly string or like creator.

Like I just shot like powdered liver in your face or something. Like you know, like like kidneys come out and shit. There's nothing grosser than what this is. They're shooting shit at people. Essentially, stuff that smells, it's essentially, it's almost, it's almost, it's almost, you can't, you can't distinguish it from real shit. And actually it smells like shit to 10,000. It's not just, it smells a little bit. It smells like this forever and very potent. Dude, somebody who did really well in chemistry. Right. He's like the Walter White of poop. Right. Like, what is your life, man? Who's the guy? So like, who's the guy who's like, all right. So, uh, I think I've got it. I think I've got it. I think. I got the formula. It's the worst. I don't know why I created it.

I would feel ashamed. Somebody went through a lot of trouble to create a stink spray that doesn't wash off it that has all these horrible properties and you can just buy this stuff and then just buy it on fucking Amazon or whatever. Why?

Maybe we shouldn't sell. Aren't we to the point where maybe we shouldn't? Can't we just say out loud? I want to get to that point where we're all just look at all the things that we allow when we do and we say, Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't. I think that should be.

That's our new slogan. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't do that. Here's the thing, though. This stuff can cause $55,000 in damage. This stuff, you could just walk into public buildings with this stuff and cause massive amounts of damage. Crazy damage.

Right? This place had to shut down. You literally have to shut down and get like a hazmat team in there to like spray it, to scrub it off. Dude, you can right now buy a flamethrower attached to a fucking quadcopter. You can just buy it as a person. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't.

That should be the new show. Maybe we shouldn't. Speaking, maybe we shouldn't. It's from the independent. Teenage boy miraculously survives 90-minute flight hiding in planes landing gear. But that's not the story. The real story to me is, boy 13 snuck onto the plane at Kabul Air Force. airport to flee Afghanistan, but was sent back

by Indian authorities just two hours after landing in Delhi. They gave him a regular seat, though, right? They didn't make him... He didn't put him to stuff them back in the gear? Like, you're going to get back in... As you were. Here's your little seat. Get back in there.

Dude, 90 minutes at that height. That's real... That's really something. It's great. Like 75... According to the article, 75% of people who do the stow away in the landing gear thing, die. It is, this is not generally a survivable thing to do.

This is not a thing you should do. No. No. Really terrible idea. People try it like kind of regularly. It's not like something it never happens. Like there were a couple of people that tried it not that long ago. In Miami, they fucking plane landed just a couple of people just dropped out of it.

They were dead as a door and I was, came out of the fucking landing. This is, don't do this. But like, I also feel, and I really believe this, like, if somebody wants it that bad, when they arrive, if I'm India, I'd be like, fucking welcome. You know, it's how I feel about the people are like, you walked a thousand miles to get here. The Dary and Gap. My dude, let me get you something to eat.

Here's what we're going to do. We're going to let you in and I get to high five you. Right. Yeah. Like that's how I don't want anything that bad, Cecil. And also when you're leaving a place like fucking like Afghanistan to get to another place, they should look and say, yeah, man, you can just stay. It's cool.

We're not going to send you home. We're not going to put you back on a plane and send you back. We're just going to figure out all of the logistics to let you stay here. Yeah. I just here you are, man. Like you're here. You're here now. You're here now.

Welcome. This story comes from NGNJ.com. Eminem's spill across New Jersey Highway after a tractor trailer crash. How come I never see these delicious crashes? Like, I get if somebody like it's a fucking fucking hot dogs or whatever, they got to sweep up and break and whatever and like throwing a bunch of water and then boil them up. But like, I get that. I'm like, I don't want to do that one.

But man, I want the one with the coins. Yes. I want the one with the coins. Yes. I want the one. It's almost like I want all the things that you would might put in my trick or treat bag. I want the coin one. I want the M&M one.

Yes. I want. And these are like peanut M&Ms. These are the best M&M. These are, this is the best M&M. I will say the peanut M&M far superior to just the plain chocolate. So much better.

It's not even close. Who likes the regular. Eminem's in comparison. Like, look, I'll eat them, but I won't like it. Yeah, I'll eat them in quantity. Yeah. But I'll grouse about it. But I'll be mad about it. I'll grouse about it. I'll be upset. I'll wish that they were. Do you know what's excellent? It's a peanut butter M&Ms. Those are solid too. So good. And they're good if you warm them up a little. Oh, I bet you that's amazing. Dude, just like, like put them in a little bowl, put them in the microwave for like 10 seconds. Not good. Crispy M&Ms. Oh, yeah. Terrible. That's like, it's like, it tastes like

the worst candies that you used to get that would be like, there'd be three of them in a little cellophane package. Yeah. And they're like, it's like a crispy, but there's a candy outside and it's chocolate and you bite into it and it tastes like wax. Those taste somehow just as bad if not worse. And there's no reason for it. There's no reason to have it. It could be a good candy, but it's terrible. Yeah. It's not good. The regular chocolate ones are mid at best. Yeah. Mid at best. Yep. Peanut M&M's outstanding. 100% solid. it's not an everyday carry for me. Like, I will pick other stuff.

Okay. But if peanut M&Ms are there and there's maybe not anything else that I'm like totally, because I'll watch them a call it, I'd go for in a second. But if it's not there, I'll be like, yeah, I'll eat some peanut lemons. I'll, I'll eat some peanut. I can even convince myself if I'm trying to that the peanut Eminem is the healthier approach because it's got a little bit of protein. Oh, it's got peanuts in it.

Got a little peanut. You know, I never thought about it like that. I didn't realize that. I used to sell myself like on a, I'd be like, oh, that's a little protein. That's a health food. That is a health food. I love it. Put it in here.

I love that idea. Why I'm so healthy, Cecil. We're covering this guy, Paul Saladino, who's a carnivore diet guy for the other show I do. There's people out there, Tom, that will say that not just to eat meat, but that plants are actively bad for you. Jesus Christ. What? There's genuine people in the world who think this stuff. It's insanity.

Are these the phytotoxins people? The plants have like naturally built in like, they have natural toxins. Natural defenses that you don't want to eat them. Right. I've heard that build up and then you get like crazy shit from it and it can kill you. And they're like they bag on broccoli for like half a program. It's amazing. It's amazing.

It is genuinely amazing that these people are like, no man, you should you should fucking hork down some fucking raw liver instead. Jesus Christ. That's the other thing. It's like these people don't even eat like a regular meat food. You know, they're just like, got to eat the fucking eyeballs or whatever. Just like, it's like that. You got to slurp up the gallbladder.

It's like the liver king guy. You're telling me the story of that liver king guy running across the field to like dig his hands in like fucking like Sean of the dead into the. It's exactly what it is. Did you see that documentary? I should watch it because that guy who we cover on the other show is partners with the liver king. The liver king is also like he got caught crazy. He's so crazy. He's so crazy.

And he's also, he's fucking jacked. He's jacked steroids. So what? I mean, like, he's a juicer. Like, sure. I mean, don't get me wrong. You can't just inject that stuff. No, you got to put work in, too.

And expect to look like that. No. You have to do the work. You got to do a lot of work. I understand. I'm not saying that he's tough. But also, if you do some work, it will really, really show. Yeah.

It's like, it's turbocharging the work you do. But like, he lied to everybody. He's like, yeah, I don't fucking juice. This is all natural because I eat fucking giraffe livers or whatever. I bite a giraffe in the neck and then I slurp the rest of it down like a spaghetti noodle the giraffe is just

right into his mouth and then Paul Saladino's on the other end and they kiss right I'd eat a giraffe though I don't think I'd be that different I wonder it'd be interesting like you know how sometimes they'll take like the vertebrae of the animal

and you cook it down how big a pot do you need for a net Like, how big a pot do you need? You need a giant pot. Just a huge fucking neck suit. Like the neck bones are like as big as your house. It's like an old-timey Flintstone thing where the car tips over. You put it on there.

The whole fucking car tips over. Speaking of crazy people. This is from CNN. Tiger kills Oklahoma trainer linked to Tiger King Joe Exotic. Remember Tiger King? I fucking remember Tiger King, man. I remember Tiger King. The whole world.

was cooped up. Yes. We were all stir crazy. And Netflix was like, I'm going to tune them up. Have I got something for you? I'm going to tune you all up. And I'm going to introduce you to Joe Exotic.

My favorite thing about. And the fucking circus performers that do this shit and like torture animals and shit. Like it was just insanity. Yeah, there's the guy who got like a one arm bit off or whatever. He got his shit bit. Yeah. During the whole thing I forgot about that.

Yeah. And then Joe's like, I'll never financially recover. I forgot about that. And then there's the other guy that nobody seems to remember, but it's all I care about. Like they interview some other guy who like also has tigers, but then he also has like a harem of women. He's got the harem of women? That all look exactly the same. Yeah, dude.

And I'm just like, why isn't there every documentary ever about this guy? I know he's weird tiger-filled harem of identical robot women or whatever. Admittedly, admittedly, Joe Exotic was something else. to do a documentary, admittedly. I loved it. Admittedly. I loved it. But there should have been Tiger King 2, Electric Bookaloo. Yeah, whatever, man. Whatever this guy was, because you're absolutely

right. They start showing all of his, like, hair, women, and I feel the same as you. I was like, are they the Stepford wives? It's so weird, man. It's so strange. It's so, like, nothing good is happening in your weird tiger clone compound. Like, something is all. There's a fucking Dean

Kuntz book is happening back there. This is, but it genuinely, it's something I never really thought of is these weird little side side of the road crazy exotic places where they have these these animals just fucking tied up and all fucking fucked up because they just want to show them to people

and make a bunch of money. That's a fucked up thing dude. It's super fucked up. It's super crazy fucked up. And they somehow turn that woman into like a villain? Yeah, she's like just trying to fix the problem. Yeah. Like that lady is legitimately just trying to fix the problem and everyone's like, she doesn't killed her husband. She's the worst. And you're like, you don't know shit about fuck. You know

shit about fuck. It is crazy that they turn that lady into a villain. I know. I know. When I see stories like this and it's like, the tiger ate him. I'm like, you know what? Good. Yeah. Every time I'm like, I feel like there should be a good. There should be a scoreboard where we're like, Tiger won. Yeah, man. Absolutely. This dude, negative one. I am pro. Look,

what are the likelihood, Cecil, that you're going to get eaten by a tiger today? I mean, I feel like it's got to be low. Real low. I don't know what the numbers are. It's real low. But low. Depends on if I go to the Cane County Fairgrounds.

Pretty low. Low. Pretty low. Because I don't fucking do shit with tigers, man. I'm not like, hey, trying to snuggle up to a fucking tiger. I feel like we need to roll it back to the beginning. Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't.

Maybe we shouldn't. Maybe we shouldn't. We shouldn't do that with tigers. And you know, you know, you have, you found out. Is it? You definitely found out you shouldn't do this with tigers. Maybe we shouldn't. Yeah.

All right, let's get to wrap it up for our good piece show this week. We'll be back on Monday with a full show. We're going to leave you like we always do with The Skeptics Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-babelon bullshit. Couched in Scientician, double bubble, toil, and trouble, pseudo-quazi alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, Stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water, downward spiral, brain dead, pan, sales pitch, late night info docutainment.

Leo Pisces, cancer cures, detox, reflex, foot massage, death and towers, tarot cars, psychic healing, crystal balls, Bigfoot, Yeti, aliens, churches, mosques, and synagogues, temples, temples, dragons, giant worms, Atlanta, dolphins, truthers, birthers, wizards, wizards, vaccine nuts. Shaman healers, evangelists, conspiracy, double-speak stigmata nonsense. Expose your signs. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. Thanks for tuning in. If you enjoyed the show, consider supporting us on Patreon at patreon.com forward slash dissonancepod.

Help us spread the word by sharing our content. Find us on TikTok, YouTube, Facebook, and Preds, all under the handle at DissonancePod. This show is CanCredentialed, which means you can report instances of harassment, abuse, or other harm on their hotline at 617-249-4255, or on their website at creatoraccountabilitynetwork.org. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Thank you.