Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 915: High Dolphins and the Epstein Museum

Episode Date: May 14, 2026

Dolphins 'deliberately get high' on puffer fish nerve toxins by carefully chewing and passing them around | The Independent Televangelist Claims That Trump Officials Have Briefed Pastors On Upcoming Revelation About Aliens Existing - Joe.My.God. A Library Dedicated Solely to the Epstein Files Is Opening in New York | WIRED A new US phone network for Christians aims to block porn and gender-related content | MIT Technology Review Dog shoots owner in the back after jumping on shotgun left on bed: Police - ABC News Florida Taco Bell worker accused of shooting at customers who put soda in water cup

This episode of Cognitive Dissidence is brought to you by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. From Glorhill Studios in Chicago and beyond, this is Cognitive Dissence. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big or makes us mad.

It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome, Matt. Today is Thursday, May the 14th. When you're listening to this, probably. Probably. It's the seventh. It doesn't matter.

We're going to have a little fun today. We're going to have a good time today. It's less urgent. You know, these stories have less. The world needs wackiness, Tom. The world needs something to be like goofy and a funny moment. That's what the world needs right now. What it doesn't need is more talking about horrible shit that just keeps compounding.

I am so glad that we started doing these funny shows. Yeah, me too. I genuinely, like, I like both pieces of our show. I think both pieces of our show are interesting and I think they're both valuable. I truly do like doing this show. I like doing it every time we record it. I never am like, oh, God, I got to do something. Yeah, me too.

I'm always looking forward to it. Absolutely. But, like, I just like the goofy shows, bro. They kind of give me life. Yeah, man. They kind of give me life, man. Do you remember how bleak it was during the pandemic? We were just like, let's just not look at the news.

What do you say? Yeah, man. Like, we're just at some point, it's like, what am I going to do? Yell about vaccines? Somebody else is doing that for it. Yeah, man. You don't need me for that. Hey, my cousin died.

Like, what is that for you? What's so funny is, I remember we did those goofy shows and somebody had sent us a message and was like, hey, man, love what you do. And then because, because. we weren't really talking about any kind of political points at all, when politics came back up a year later, I got a message in that person because they were clearly not into like goofy shit. They were fucking on the rain. They're like, hey, I hate what you do.

And I was like, cool, block. I don't fucking care. I don't know who you are. You're some random idiot. Go to eat my ass. I didn't fucking make this show for you. Fuck yourself. All right.

Well, here's this story. I fucking love this story. stories from the independent. Dolphins deliberately get high on puffer fish nerve toxins by carefully chewing and passing them around. I'm like, man, even the dolphins don't want to try to do this sober. You know? The dolphins are like, no, man, I relapsed with my puffer.

I wonder if they're holding, like, they're holding a crab that's holding the puffer fish that's got to, you know, it's like the roach clip. that you're holding to your lips to try to get that little bit to pass it off to the next guy. They got like a bong full of puffer fish that they're passing around, you know. It's just spinning around and they're all puffed up and just kind of spinning around. They got to like to use their blowhole to actually inhale. It's like a whole thing. It's complicated.

And then they do the thing like where they're blowing out and the other one comes up and sucks the gas. Oh, like shotguning blowhole to blowhole. Yeah, it's like ass to ass but blowhole to shotgun. They call that the Ahab. They don't let you do that anymore. Can you imagine being like some poor fucking puffer fish just swimming along, you know, minding your own fucking business. And you think you're safe, right?

Like you're covered in spikes and poison. And you're just like, you know what, man? Like evolution really hooked me up with some stuff. Oh my God. What are you guys doing? What? And then they're all like fucking, yeah, man. They're treating you like a fucking skull bandit.

They like put it between their lip and gum. And then they pass it. off to their friends when their lips go numb. But like, seriously, they describe these dolphins as getting a narcotic effect when they get just enough of it. And then they just go up and stare at their reflection in the water. I love it so much. I love it so much.

My favorite part of this is the way that they found this out is somebody took a fake turtle and put a camera in it. It's like groaning it around. I'm hanging on dolphins with like fake turtles, dude. Look, this is the kind of research we need to pay for. This is the work. This is it. Yeah.

This is it. I've said for a long time, like I do honestly believe this. I earnestly actually believe this. The U.S. government, somebody, I don't know, like somebody that matters, it's not Tom Curry, we really need to do some heavy pharmaceutical grade research to develop drugs that are fun and not dangerous. Yeah. Because like what we have is a bunch of accidental drugs.

that are fun, but like dangerous. You know, they got all kinds of, because we haven't purposely gone looking for things that are just fun because we're weird about things being fun if they're pharmaceutical or pharmacological. We'll do alcohol. Like, what is that? So we're like, yeah, we're drinking booze.

And like, our body's like, that's just bad. And then we're like, all right, well, I'll do, you know, fucking, I'll go to the fucking dispensary and I'll get things that have like 100 milligrams of TH. seeing a single gummy bear or whatever and people are like, I'm shat myself and went crazy, you know? Like, we just, we like, we need to come

up with something. And maybe it's puffer fish, I guess, you know? Like, maybe we should do something and find soma. Where's our soma? We know that the puffer fish in big quantities is bad. So we know that for sure. The dose makes the poison. Vitamin A is bad if you have a hundred percent. Yeah.

So, I don't know, I'm sure I told you that I had smoked some pot. This was several years ago. This got she's had. This was when I was living my old place in the condo in Chicago. But I had smoked some pot and I had a panic attack when I did it.

I'm sure I told you about this. I don't know if I mentioned it on the air. I'll briefly say like basically what I did was I sort of smoked, actually smoked pot, whatever you call it, cannabis. I don't know what people call it these days.

It called the pot when I was a kid. I believe it's the reefers. Call it the reefers. But anyway, I smoked some of it, and I had a really bad reaction to it. It was super unpleasant. My heart was racing. I couldn't concentrate.

I felt like I needed to get up and do stuff. I really felt, I mean, it genuinely felt like a full-on panic attack for like four straight hours. It was awful. It just genuinely was terrible. I hated it. The next day, I felt like I had an ulcer. It was like, I woke up and was like still had a terrible. I felt awful.

I was like, oh, and it took a couple days to get it out of my system where I felt back to normal again. Yeah. But after I did it, I thought, God, this was terrible. And I, when I was a kid, used to smoke pot all the time. Like, and I fucking loved it. I used to get high with my friends. We watched fucking Renan Stimpy. Like the millennial, like, it's like the millennial, uh, uh, randomness that is from that show.

That's like, that's where that millennial randomness comes from in all of us. And I'm not a millennial. I'm older than you guys. but in any case, I'm like, I hung out with a lot of millennials. But really, that's where all that comes out. I used to fucking watch that show and fucking laugh and just cry laughing and just how, and you'd feel all warm, you'd sit on a couch, you just feel like fucking warm and your body feels good and you're watching and you're laughing.

And then like you eat ice cream. You're like, this is the best ice cream I ever had. It was awesome. I fucking loved it when I was a kid. And then I went away to school and, you know, you lose your dealer and you lose the guy who's selling it to you so you just don't have it. And I didn't do it for many. many, many years. And I did it as an adult, and it was super unpleasant. But I also take stuff to go

to sleep at night. And people had been saying recently, now this is, you know, five or six years after I have a panic attack from smoking weed, I was like, you know, I should try it again, but I should try an edible. And I've been hearing from a lot of people that these edibles make them, they help them go to sleep, they help them sleep through the night, they have all the same effects that you had before. It just, it's better all around. And it's also in a store where you just go by. It's not like a guy who's selling you half oregano and half fucking like kitchen cleanser or whatever. It's, you know, this is an actual place. So I went there and I remember you telling me it's like the Apple store. It's 100% like the Apple store. You walk in,

just press up a button. This lady's helping us and she's tapping on the button. She gets us these edibles that are supposed to help you sleep. Go to sleep, sita asleep, set up, sleep, edibles, whatever. And then she's like, and here's a real relaxing, calming one. So I start trying them. But I don't want to take a bunch because I don't want to have another panic attack. Right. So I'm taking like, I take a corner one day, doesn't do anything. I take a half the next day, doesn't do anything. I take three quarters the next day, doesn't do anything. I take a full one, doesn't do anything. I take two of them, eventually work my way up to two. Still nothing, Tom. I don't feel anything. I'm not feeling anything at all. I'm up to like

20 milligrams of this stuff. I don't feel anything at all is the most 20-26 thing I've ever heard anything and say. I just want to point that out. I wind up, I wind up deciding I'm going to go back to the store and I talk to the guy and I say, look, I took two of these and it didn't do anything. And he's like, well, he's like, those are for like sleeping or whatever. He's like, this is our most popular brand and he calls up his most popular brand. And he's like, and it's a 25 milligram. He's like, why don't you give this one a try? So I buy one. I buy actually buy two. And I go home and I tried one on Friday. I took, I put half of it. I waited for an hour and 15 minutes and nothing was happening.

So I decided to take the other half. I was like, oh, just the other half. It was literally all the worst parts about being high. Oh, no. Every single worst part about being high for the rest of the night. I had, my heart was also racing all night. I couldn't think about a single thing for more than a second. I was constant.

My brain was kind. I wanted to watch the basketball game. I wanted to get high and watch the NBA playoffs. That's what I wanted to do. and it fucking sucked. I felt like I was cold the whole time. I was covered in blankets, couldn't warm up.

I was like constantly, my brain was racing. It was the worst, it was all the worst parts about being high with literally none of the fun parts. None of them. I didn't get a single good part of it.

There wasn't, I could not think in my brain why someone would put that in their, as soon as I took it. I couldn't stand, like when I would stand, I had balance issues. And I'm just like, what, this isn't fun.

Like, I don't drink to fucking trip. I drink so I can have a good time. It was the worst part about being high. And it was a hybrid. He said, this is a hybrid. Everybody loves it. And I'm like, I want to go back there and just slap him. I want to be like, this is the worst thing I ever had.

It's awful. And I seriously have one at home right now. And I'm going to go to my gaming group and give it to him. And be like, whoever wants to have this really awful anxiety in a packet, here you fucking go. But I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I could be that my brain just doesn't like it anymore. Or it could be that I would, I'm just taking the wrong stuff. But at this point, I'm just like, I will just fondly remember my high stories from when I was a kid. And I'll be okay with it.

It's so funny though, because like, Haley has a very similar life trajectory and experience. Like she, when she was younger, she got high all the time, really enjoyed it. You know, it was just like, she and her friends would get high and like, you know, fucking make food and watch movies. just do high stuff. And like it was a fun time. And like now it is a misery. It is completely off the table. It is panic inducing. It is miserable. It's just deeply unpleasant. I wonder, and I don't know anything about it. I don't want to make sure I'm clear. I don't know shit about fuck. But I wonder if there's something about brains that have aged without having had, because like you didn't smoke or have pot for decades. And then you did it again. And Haley's same thing.

Like didn't smoke or have pot for a really long time and tried it again. And it's like a really negative fucking experience. It's bad. And like, but also like the weed or pot or whatever that we had when we were younger was way, way, way weaker than the stuff that they're selling now. The stuff they're selling now is just objectively different. They've cultivated it differently. They've made it differently.

Sure. Yeah. That could be the dish. So I don't know like what makes it. But you're not the only person I know that has had that experience. Yeah. I know another person who has the exact. same experience and I'm just blown away by the fact that like I also know other people who like

eat edibles and then they have a great time. Yeah, I know same man. Literally Noah is talking about how he takes all these people to this restaurant where they lace all the food with like THC and everybody goes there and gets super wasted and I'm just like dude, I would fucking, I'd pull my own skin off my face if I was there. Dude, I would rather eat the puffer fish. I would rather eat the puffer fish. I'd rather fucking snort the dolphin than ate the puffer fish. I'd rather eat the puffer fish. The dolphin while it's eating the puffer fish. Yeah, man. Like, it's so funny because I didn't do drugs, like, hardly at all growing up, like, as a young person.

I had, I tried weed a handful of times, like, in my mid-20s. But, like, very, I didn't. And then as an, as an adult adult, I've tried cocaine and been entirely underwhelmed by it. I just don't understand that appeal of it at all. I tried MDMA, thought it was, like, genuinely wonderful. would do that again in a second. I think that's great. Weed is sort of like,

to me, like, it's actually different than the MDMA. Like, you just have to commit, like, that's my day now. Like, or that's my night, right? I think for me, like, the thing with weed is, like, it hits me like a ton of bricks, and that's also my day or my night. And I just kind of don't want that, you know? Like, there's a level of, like, I'm not,

I just don't want to be higher drunk. Like, I just don't. Like, I just, like, you know what? I got so much stress. Like that actually makes my life more stressful because now I feel like I'm not available in case something happens. I just feel terrible about it.

The worst part about the entire experience too is that it was a shitty night. And then the whole next day, it reminded me of when I used to take a drop acid and the next day you get what they call the acid blas where you just like you feel kind of shitty and you feel I felt the same way the next day. I was like it has a shitty hangover to it.

I was blown away. way by how bad my body reacted to it. Oh my guys. From the Joe My God blog, televangelist claims that Trump officials have briefed pastors on upcoming revelation about aliens existing. That's a sentence. I read that out loud with my face.

With my face. Read the second paragraph time when he says he's not going to go into great detail. With great delight. Quote, I'm not going to go into great detail, but there were a large number of pastors that had been invited to go to a certain state to hear some men in the United States government and others share with them a concern that they had. And some of it had to do with crafts

that have been discovered that are not allegedly a part of our planet and the materials they've made are not a part of our planet. Very... Why would you... Why would you ask a pastor, Tom? What on earth could a pastor do?

What on earth would a pastor be able to offer you? What could they give you that you couldn't get literally anywhere else or just borrow their book for five minutes and find something in there. Well, and Cecil. Cecil, like, we're going to release this information. It's entirely incredibly, like,

it's going to shake the foundations of everybody's belief system and specifically if you are religious, this should shake the foundation of your belief system. The existence of extraterrestrial life is actually entirely. fundamentally, philosophically incompatible with Christianity. And every major, major monotheistic religion

in the world we're going to let the pastors know. And then we're not going to, what? We're not going to make them sign an NDA because they're talking about it. I will push back a little, though, because we covered on the No Rogan experience, Anna Paulina Luna, who believes that the book of Enoch

is actually proof that aliens are. angels. And so the aliens are angels. They're the Nephilim that came down and fucked humans. Gave births of fucking big weird humans who fucking killed a bunch

of humans and then they're like angels or whatever. But they, this is a person who sees these UAPs and UFOs and says they are biblical in nature, not extraterrestrial in nature. How can we...

It's a fucking Recy cup, dude. All right. It's a wreathy cup of the worst two flavors put together. And I guess like I committed the egregious sin of like wanting things to be philosophically and intellectually consistent. Yeah, yeah. That's like no world where if you're a pastor where that's like a fun, like that's like a requirement, right?

Where you're like, hey, first we got to make sure this all makes sense, right? That's not worth they're doing ahead of time. I mean, first of all, none of this ever happened ever. ever, ever, ever. That's number one. Right. So like, this guy is saying something to his flock that is 100% false just trying to make himself look good. But even if you were to believe what he were saying, why would you ask a pastor? That doesn't make any sense. There's another thing that keeps coming up on Joe Rogan shows that he talks about all the time. He interviewed a guy by the name of Hal Putoff. And Howe Putoff is a Scientologist who doesn't tell people as a Scientologist.

and then he comes on and he talks about all the different things that he did with remote viewing. So he's a remote viewer. Oh, my God. And he ran, according to him, a remote viewing thing for the CIA for a long time, right? Because there's also stupid people in our government who think that fucking, like, telepathy is real or whatever. Right. And also there was a, you know, so they spent a lot of money on this and he was part of that project for a long time. And he tells a story to Joe Rogan that says, I was approached by.

someone who said, let's say we had a craft that was from outerworldly, would it be in our best interest as a country to release that information? What's the pros? What's the cons of releasing information based on that? Now, nobody ever told them they had a craft. They said, let's do a thought experiment. And he relays it as such. But Joe didn't hear it like that. And so every subsequent person that he tells the hell put-off story, he tells them very specifically that they did have a craft and they came. to Hal Putoff to decide whether or not they were going to release the information about it. That's the same thing. But it's not. It was a thought experiment and how Putoff even describes it as such. But it doesn't, it's funny because Joe has twisted around and has had to make it seem like that craft really exists. So there are groups of people. I'm a little put off by that story.

I'm knocking on. There's groups of people in our country that think that there are aliens that are visiting us and that are in cahoots with the government. And it's so interesting that this person and Joe Rogan and all those people will say, why don't they just release it to us? And Mars had said this before that essentially if you do that, it wouldn't be a big shock to anybody because people already expect that they exist. There's a majority of people think that aliens are visiting us. So if that's the case, then what would be the big problem?

Like, why would that throw a wrench in things? They already think they're here. It would be a shock to me, but it would be a shock to them. to normal people and science people. Like, here's the thing. It would be a shock to everybody who passed biology in high school, right? Or physics in college, right?

Everybody there would be like, wow, I'm stunned. That doesn't make any sense. There's literally no possibility that that should be able to be true based on numbers, you know, but like, that's fine. You know, these are, like everybody would just be fine. Like the fucking, when I was a kid, we grew up, like you and I both, like, we were a few years apart, but like we both grew up, like during the height of the fucking UFO aliens craze,

X-Files explosion culturally. And man, let's scare. I used to read so much when I was a kid. I read so much. And I loved horror novels. And I read everything from like Robert McCammon to like Stephen King to Clive Barker. I mean, and when I say I read them, like I read every single thing that they wrote. I read a ton of that shit.

And then I stumbled on Whitley Stryber. And Whitley Stryber wrote a series of books. The first one was Communion. And they were written and put in the nonfiction section as like, here is the time I got fucking abducted by aliens. They scared the shit out of me because we were swimming in this soup, right? That like taught us that this was maybe real? I mean, like the whole demon haunted world, half of it is dedicated to debunking aliens. Right.

And it's so weird to me that like we are recycling like fashion from that era as well as like. Is it weird to you, Tom? I mean, it should be weird, you know? It's like, okay. It kind of tracks. I mean, like, yeah, like the things that were popular in the 90s are starting to make a comeback and aliens too. Oh my God. This is so great.

This is from Wired. A library dedicated solely to the Epstein Files is opening in New York. Amazing. This is the Institute for Primary Facts. It has three and a half million pages of the Epstein files for public display at the newly open Donald J. Trump and Jeffrey Epstein Memorial Reading Room. It's so good. Glorious.

It's so good. And the art project part of it is to just show the amount of material that they got, right? The art project part of it is to show that sort of thing. And they have a timeline on the wall of those two together. And it's in New York. And Tom, I know we and another very close friend of ours, we've been friends at this point for 30 years. And we are planning on doing a trip.

We're like, oh, we're going to do a small trip with the three of us, three friends, 30 years. We're going to go on like a 30-year anniversary trip. That's right. And we're going to try to put something together this year to go away for a couple days to like enjoy something, to go somewhere, maybe good food, whatever. If we make it to New York, we have to go to this. This is like, I feel like this is like a draw to go to New York.

It really is. It so is. Like New York was like kind of lower on my list, not because, but I'm like, well, I've been to New York. Yeah, me too. Yeah, I wanted to go to D.C. I was like, D.C. was where I was leaning. Yeah. But now I'm like, I don't know, man.

New York's kind of winning a little. We've been to New York before, but we didn't get a chance to eat at like a couple of places that we want to eat at. And so it might be interesting to go back there and eat at a couple of nice places. But New York has a million things to do. So it would be fun, obviously, to go to New York. But there's that this is one of those things that I'm like, I really want to go. I really want to go. go check this place out and get my photo taken here with a big shit eating grit on my face.

You have to think, like Donald Trump is from New York. Yeah. And fucking New York hates him. Oh, they hate him so much. They hate him so much. Like, when the people that have known you the longest are like, yeah, that dude sucks. That dude sucks. Like, maybe that dude sucks.

You know? 2015, I think it was, we were walking down the street in New York with E. Eli Bosnick. Was it 20, it was like 2015-ish? 2016. I know for sure it was 2016. It was 2016.

It was 2016. It was like in the early summer or something like that. It was like in spring. We're walking down the street and Eli Bosnick was with us and we're talking about Trump and we're like,

can't believe he's going to be in there. And I say, you know what, it'd be really funny if I just voted for him in the primary. You know, I said something like that to Eli. And this lady who's not, she's just walking in front of us. just a random person, she turns around.

She's like, fuck you if you vote for Trump that she walks away. And then I was like, whatever. Like, it's just some random lady who gives a shit. But Eli's like trying to follow. I'm like, no, no, no. They're kidding. I'm like, you don't even explain yourself to her.

What are you doing? And he's like trying to follow her. And be like, no, no, they were just kidding. They were just like, it's a random New Yorker. I'll never see that person again. Who cares? We live a thousand miles from this person. But it was so funny, though, how much fucking vitriol,

a random person on the road had for Trump at that point. at that point. Can you imagine how bad it is now? Oh my God. Dude, you know what cracks me up to is like the right constantly rail? Like what is one of the central like insults that they've leveled against the left is that it's run by a bunch of out of touch coastal elites? And they're like, like Donald Trump is an out of touch billionaire social elite. Like he's a cost. Like he's a Coastal Elite, rather. Like, there's not what I, I feel like they are reimagining him as having grown up in Montana on a horse or something. I don't.

They took one of his NFTs for real. Yeah. One of those weird like Superman NFTs that he put out a while ago. Baseball card things. Yeah. He's an astronaut. He got up in outer space. You want to talk about coastal elites.

How about one from Miami, Jeffrey Epstein? Yes, right. He's really coastal when he's on his little island. He's pretty much all the coast out here. He'd reach out and touch the coast in any direction. Oh, amazing. Oh, my God, this story I fucking love so much. This story is from MIT Technology Review.

Oh, my God. A new U. I actually double-checked to make sure this wasn't a fake site. I was like, is this a satire? A new U.S. phone network for Christians. aims to block porn and gender-related content. Launching next week on the T-Mobile network, the cell plan takes a nuclear approach to online safety.

Can you imagine being like, I don't want to look at porn so much? But I will. Oh, I will. You can't stop me. Oh, you better not allow that in my house because I'll fucking look at all. Oh, fucking shit.

Like, what a weird thing to admit about yourself? Oh, yeah. Imagine calling this company being like, I do not like pornography so much it has to be unavailable to me. That's how much I don't like it. I don't, it's not like I don't drink alcohol. I haven't had alcohol in like three years. It's not like I'm like, man, I need to buy a house in a dry county.

No, like I don't. Tom's rolling barrels with the axe and he's hitting them and not going to be pouring them into the fucking gutter or whatever. What the fucking. You know, like one of those crazy prohibition people? You know, there's two choices if you're a crazy Christian. You could either buy this network or what you could do is you could talk to your son and you two can check on each other's porn habits. Right.

This happens with people in Congress like the Speaker of the House who shared like this app with his son that's like, it's like, is dad jerking it app? And then like you could look to see if dad is like dad's search history of like cleavid shots of movie stars. or whatever that he's fucking pumping one out to in the Congress bathroom. And then you can see his son is into whatever kind of porn he's into. And they can share back and forth and then scold each other when the other one didn't live up to their godly ideals or whatever. This is just literally just net nanny for your internet service. That's all it is.

It's just you choosing to have a phone with an inbuilt net nanny that literally you're paying extra. for. You're paying $30 extra for. Dude, like, what a strange, like, here's the other thing that occurred to me when I read this. And, like, I will, I have said on the show before, like, I think that the pornography industry has so many ethical challenges that as a consumer, I think it is a very sketchy product to consume. And so I think it's entirely reasonable to have issues on that end of the equation. But that's not the end of the equation that they're approaching it from.

They're approaching it from, if you don't block me from consuming this, I can't control myself. What a weird, weird, weird thing to do. But then the other piece of it, too, is like, I know from being 15 that if you don't have access to, like, porn, you're just going to whack off to the JC Penny catalog or something. Right? Like, you're going to find something. Sure. Like, people are still sexual creatures and they will be titillated by something.

They'll just, like, these. These are people who are like, I have no self-control, control this for me. I promise I won't find some other device that works on Wi-Fi. Because also this is just your cell plan, man. Can you remember, like, I remember back before the internet was like really, really the same as it is today, where if you wanted to take you a half an hour to download a nipple, you know what I mean? I don't remember the days during dial-up where you'd be like, you'd try to go to these sites and be like, okay, there's the top of the boob.

I got to come back. I'm going to go eat dinner and I'll be back and maybe the top half of the nipple will be there. I'm going to be finished before this download. Yeah,

come on. Yeah. It's like, it's like, you got really good at like just the eyes. But in any case, in any case, there was at that point,

there was cartoons of like popular cartoons like a Flintstones or Simpsons or whatever that was depicting them having sex. There were people who would send A-S-C-I-I-I-I- eye art, I forget Aski. I don't know, I don't remember exactly how it's spelled or whatever,

but it's like Aski art where it was like just in, like, it's like printouts of your keyboard just putting P in different areas and stuff and then it would make like a nudie picture and it would be really big and they would send it to you. Like there's all this stuff. There's fucking, like there's cave paintings of fucking boobs, dude. Like people are going to look at this stuff. It's not like you're not going to just, or you're just going to like, think about it.

That's also something that you can do to thwart the internet about it. You can find it somewhere else or watch it on TV and then be like, I got to use the bathroom. There's all these things that people can do. They rely on other systems instead of trying to moderate it on their own.

You know what I mean? Like they have to rely on this other system. Why would you rely on this other system for this? Why wouldn't you try to moderate or talk about it. And the reason is is because talking about them causing so much discomfort

that they can't talk. That's a subject you literally cannot bring up because it's been so demonized and weirded out by that group that there's no way they can have a rational conversation

about it so that they have to resort to these things in order to prevent themselves from doing. I also just want to say it again like, these guys don't have Wi-Fi?

This is just your mobile network. Yeah, I know. Most of my life is on Wi-Fi, 99% of the time. Are these guys like jerking off in their cars a lot or something? What is happening that you're like? My mobile network is definitely there. What the fucking? Your lives are weird.

Your lives are so weird. Speaking of weird, let's talk about Pete Hegseth's creepy shit pastors. Also from Joe My God's blog. Pete Hegseth's far right pastor. Quote, immodestly dressed women are sluts. who just give it away to every slob. You know, it's important if you click on this so you can see what the definition of slob is.

If you get an opportunity to take a look, you'll get a chance to see what this guy looks like. This is a guy who seriously looks like somebody started carving something out of butter and added lard because it wasn't white. Like that's what it looks like. This guy is, this is a guy who just literally wants to attack other people. He's Pete Hagsas fucking pastor or whatever.

Like he talks about immodice sluts and it's all. He's just awful. These people are so bad. Do you remember how much they shit in their hands when Jeremiah Wright gave a, gave a speech. I do remember this. And they were like, look at this thug. And they're like, they go away with crazy about. And then they were saying, this matches Obama's values.

That's why we shouldn't do this. But this guy will say this stuff and they'll be like, ah, whatever. Ah, come on. Well, so many people have started to embrace Doug Wilson and Doug Wilson's teachings in, like, positions of power on the right. And this is a guy who openly is espousing for a Christian nationalist theocracy in America. Does he have a handbook? Right?

I know. Like, he will tell you how to train your child and everything. Oh, gosh. Like, he is openly like, yeah, we should do this. It's so funny to read through this. then we'll do funny thing in a minute. But like he talks too about like goes to these like backflips, mental backflips to be like, well, but now when the Muslim people are degrading and policing the way that women dress themselves,

now that's different because they do it more much different than the way I would do it. I would do it in a way that's good. It's interesting that he recognizes there's cognitive dissonance there. Yeah, but he's just like my way is good. He's hand waving in a way. way, but at least he's recognizing that there's somebody there who could say there's an inconsistency. Often these people won't even acknowledge that. It's like he used to be a salesman.

Like if you sell stuff, right, like one of the things that you learn to do is to anticipate objections, like common objections to your sales pitch, and to proactively address them so that they don't come up later in the conversation, right? So I think that that might be what he's doing here is he's proactively trying to address the counter argument so that you don't make the counter argument. I already addressed that. And it's like, yeah, but like you just said like yours is just different gooder. Like that's not a thing.

You didn't make a sentence work. That's nothing. These guys are the worst though. And it's and it's so obvious. You know, do you remember that story about the guy who spent all that money and time to try to get with Alito while he was a pastor? And he was doing all he could to try to get with Alito. so they could try to overturn Roe v. Wade.

And he basically bought a rented property across the street from where he works or where he lives. So they could go there and like doing all this stuff so they could run it. They could just bump into each other. Oh, fancy to meet you here. Hey, oh, I accidentally dropped my books. Will you hope we pick them off or whatever? Oh, no, my glasses fell. My hair just fell out of its button.

Look at me. But yeah, like so they had this moment. where they, you know, and then, and then of course he whined and died him. And he got to know him and then they changed policy based on their relationship, right? Like, this was a story in I think the New York Times where it's like this whole thing where this guy is explaining how he went about to try to change the mind of the Supreme Court by reaching out to these individuals in the Supreme Court to tweak and change their mind and to appeal to them in the ways in which they were dying to be appealed to. Yep. And I think like these, all these pastors are doing the exact same thing for these guys. They'll come into their church and be like, look at this guy.

So amazing. Look at all the work he does. And then they just get to pour the poison in his ear because he's laid back waiting for it. He's like in the fucking position with his fucking, his knees are by his ears. And he's like, plow me, baby. Give it to me. This story is America to Maze from ABC News. dog shoots owner in the back after jumping on shotgun left on bed.

It's a change from dogs getting shot by police, I guess. Jesus Christ, they're shooting back, Cecil. The dolphins are getting high. The dogs are shooting at us. Approve. I approve. I 100% approve. What I don't want is robot dogs shooting at me.

I'm fine with regular, all-natural dogs. If all-natural dogs happen to have like a little backpack, a cute little backpack, and they happen to have shotguns on the side, I'm fine with it. Fine. It's adorable. 100% fine with it. It's adorable. It's super adorable.

Cecil, you and I both own shotguns. So we have cleaned shotguns many times. This guy is talking about how he was cleaning it. He's cleaning it on his bed. And the dog jumped on the bed and the gun went off. That did not happen. Yeah, important parts of that cleaning process include loading the shotgun. But you, Cecil, it's literally not possible to clean your gun.

while it's loaded. You can finish cleaning it and then load it, but then you weren't cleaning your gun. You improperly stored a loaded gun with the safety off. That's what happened. You're an idiot, and I'm glad the dog shot you. I want to be really clear.

Every time some dumbass gun owner cannot figure out the difference between loaded and unloaded and they get shot, but that's a good thing. Like, that is a high, Every time that happens, we should all celebrate because a good thing just happened in the world. Do you remember when we took our concealed carry class and that guy showed an hour of, he showed a whole hour of clips. We're taking our concealed carry class. Oh my God.

I remember this. He shows an entire hour of clips of near death experiences where people don't realize that their gun is either loaded or there's like a squib round that goes off and they like look. Look at the right guy. And it shoots their hat off their head. Oh, my God. That was unbelievable. They're about to look down. The guy's standing there.

He shooting one, two, nothing, nothing. He pulls the trigger three times. And then he fucking turns the gun to look down the barrel. And I grabbed Tom Zarb. I'm like, I'm going to watch a person die right now. No, man. I was like, oh, God, oh, God, oh God. And it was within like an inch and a half.

This literally shoots it. It shoots the brim of his baseball cap. Yeah. He's pulling it up to look into it and it shoots right here. An eighth of a second longer and that guy would have shot himself right in his own face. He'd have turned his fucking head into a canoe. Are you kidding? Dude, like, here's the thing.

Like, guns, like, don't pay attention to what weird gun people tell you. There's nothing even remotely complicated about a gun. They are in good. They're tubes that have a bullet at them. That's it. That's the whole gun. Sometimes they're bigger tubes. sometimes there's smaller tubes,

but it's just a tube with a bullet in it. It is intensely easy. It's the easiest thing you've ever done. Preheating your oven is actually harder than checking to see if a gun is loaded. There's like, it's getting this wrong, that's your fault every single time. It's your fault.

It's so your fault. There's no, this isn't your fault. It's not complicated shit. It's just not ever. I mean, it's, you have to do the work on the gun. gun. Right? To put the things in the gun.

It's not like a gun just appears in your hand. And then you have to quizzically look at it and be like, is this a dangerous thing or no? I don't know. Is it dangerous? It could be dangerous. I'm not sure. It's not like it's a wandering dog. Right?

Like a wandering dog is like something you could be like, that could be real dangerous. Could be a coyote. Could be full of rabies. Could be the sweetest golden retriever you've ever seen in your life who literally just wants to rub on your legs and spin around you a bunch of times. That could be, wait, it's like two ends of the spectrum. Right. The thing about the gun is, is you need to decide which end of the spectrum it's on.

You have all the power. You get to be like, it is either super dangerous or it's not super dangerous. And look, you can accidentally get shot by a gun all the time, but it's almost always because you didn't, like you thought the safety was on and it isn't or whatever. And I recognize, too, that there's probably some manufacturing problems with guns where certain guns might go off, et cetera, et cetera. There's been some very notable ones recently. Yeah.

Yeah. But a shotgun needs to, if you're just going to lay your shotgun on the bed, maybe you might want to make sure it's 100% not going to fire it to. I'm just going to lay a loaded shotgun with the safety off on my bed. What? And then I'm going to make myself be down fucking range essentially of it. And then I'm going to like go change in front of the barrel. What is happening?

Also, like if you don't know anything about, like shotguns typically don't email me. Typically, but not always, typically have very stiff triggers. They don't actually, they're not a light triggered weapon usually. They have a fairly stiff, like they call like a slap trigger. Like you have to bring a little more juice into it. Usually more energy has to be applied to the trigger of a shotgun than many other guns. So they don't just go off is what I'm saying. It's not you laid it on the bed and then like the dog jumped and the mattress made it go off.

Like it's not that easy. You just have to be stupid and this guy deserve this. Yeah. I mean, 100% like this person did not pay attention, took their gun, finished. And like, having a loaded gun in your house, this is a personal thing that people try to do because they think that they're going to be able to grab the gun in order to prevent someone from entering, breaking and entering. Maybe his dog mistook him as a burglar and that's why he shot him.

I'm not sure. But in any case, people think they're going to be able to grab the gun out of the burglar. from a burglar or whatever. But, and that's a personal preference. Maybe you're going to have a loaded gun in your house. Maybe you're not. I personally have a, I have bullets in a clip in my house. And then I have a gun, but I'm, they're not, it's not a loaded weapon, right?

I just don't have a loaded, I don't have something you could pull out a drawer and shoot someone with. I just don't have that in my house. But like, some people choose to do that. That's a choice. That's a choice. But man, be real careful if you're doing that. If you're putting those things together and then you're like, be real careful with that. Don't, you know, put it on your bed for fucking Airbud to come shoot your ass.

All right. This is amazing that people are looking through the rulebook and they're like, well, there's no rules against the dog. There's just no rules against them. Nobody put, there's no gold retrievers in trap shooting. Nobody put it in there. That wouldn't that be an amazing Airbud? Airbud trap shooter? Oh, my God.

I watch it all day. I would watch it all day. Airbud Police Academy. Like, there's so many. good versions. Air Bud Fast and the Furious. I mean, come on. Airbud Police Academy, you'd have to get like a little Chihuahua or something to like do all the weird noises like that one guy, police academy, you know. And then there's like one big Rottweiler like a high tower. Yes, yes. Oh, we should remake Police Academy. Remake it with dogs.

Dog Academy. Yes, animal actors are the way to go. That's the way of the future. I would, look, we're remaking everything anyway. Yeah, you might as well make it with dog. Sure. I just think all the remakes should star animal actors. Like every remake. If you're going to remake, like, we're going to remake Goonies, awesome. It's all birds.

I don't know why. Just fucking birds. There's like a penguin, you know, like trying to trundle across that like that log bridge, you know, with slick shoes on. Yes, let's do it. Hey, you guys. All right, this story's from South Florida, who's surprised. More America for everybody. Man, things have gotten weird at the Taco Bell.

Florida Taco Bell worker accused of shooting at customers who put soda in water cup. It's not that. They got into a fight. They got into a fight about it. I love that they phrase this as if this person is trying to protect the soda machine with a pistol. They got into an argument because the guy bought a, he, bought a cup and said, I would like one water, please. He said, sure, here's your clear glass for the water.

And then he went to over and he's filling it with obvious brown liquid. And they're like, hey, you can't do that. And then they got into a fight about it. They started yelling at each other. And the guy didn't pull the gun out because he's like, I'm protecting the assets of Taco Bell here. You just got personally pissed. Like, he started jawing each other and he lost the shit because he's in South Florida. And that's what you do.

Yeah, they probably pulled it out. They probably actually, it might be something that you clean the grill with down there. I don't even know. Look, I just assume that everybody in South Florida 100% of the time is on bath salts. That's just, I just, it's got to be the case. South Florida. What's a town? Is that Miami? Is that Miami's down in South Florida, Fort Lauderdale down there. Yeah. I just like, it's hot. It's miserable. There's probably a mosquito biting you right now. You ever been to Key West?

No, it's so funny you say that because Haley and I were just talking. about we'd like to go to the keys. We're just talking about it yesterday. Go to Key West. Yeah, I'd never been either. I've heard it's interesting, although I've never heard anybody say it's amazing. Yeah, like, she's been there. So she was there when she was a teenager, like a young teenager.

She had family friends that were down there. And she's like, yeah, it's worth seeing. And like, I did that episode of citation needed about the Contra Public. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I want to go see where that's at. And that's in Key West. So I want to go down there and just. You have to drive in, right?

Don't you drive across a bridge? You can fly and then you can take a little hopper plane and fly to some of the keys. And then you got to drive like there's bridges that go from key to key. One of those bridges, I thought for sure one of those bridges was in the movie True Lies. Might be. Very well might be. There's a very famous bridge. It's like a seven mile bridge.

It's the longest bridge in the Keys. Yeah, I vaguely remember there's like a long bridge in that movie. and there's like they like fight there's like a fucking jet that comes over and blows the bridge that's like a whole thing but I remember I remember them talking about that bridge and I thought it was

I thought it went from the keys I always wanted to go there and see what it's like from what I heard it's like a Margaritaville type place that it's like very lots of bars lots of people

yeah so it's like yeah it's like a Margaritaville type I would be interesting to see there's a lot of Caribbean islands that are like that though that are very similar I'm to understand that several of the keys have their own distinct kind of personality. Oh, interesting.

And some of them even have their own distinct specific ecology. So, like, there's a couple of keys, big pine key, and then there's another one I forgot the name of, that they're the only place that this very specific key deer lives. It's like a, think about like a white-tailed deer, the size of a medium-sized dog. Yeah. It's this tiny little deer. And it's exclusive only to like big pine key and another key. There's like there's some keys that have a series of like canals that have been dug out for people to just get out of their house and boat out into the ocean. There's others that have little airport communities.

No kidding. Yeah, they're like these little microcosms from what I've what I've read about it. So they seem like an interesting place to go fuck around for a long weekend. I think after a long weekend I'd be like, all right. that's everything I want to eat I don't know what to do like

Okay Yeah Why are we on the way out Hit key bump Let's hit that Yeah All right All right

That's going to wrap it up For our goofy show this week We'll be back on Monday With a depressing one But we're going to leave like we always do With the skeptics creed Credulity is not a virtue.

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