Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 95: Let Me Kiss Your Boo Boo

Episode Date: April 15, 2013

Survey Go To ur website: http://dissonancepod.com to check out the images mentioned in this show.

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app! Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. It returns us to the dark ages of human oppression, which America was founded to remove humanity from, and it is the whole point of the push for homosexual marriage and homosexual rights. The aim is not compassion for homosexuals, respect for homosexuals and all of this.

The aim in the minds of these hard-headed, calculating, leftist, communist totalitarians is to destroy the family and to establish the notion that once you have seized power, there is no limit whatsoever to what you can do. And if you want to tolerate abuses, then those abuses can be imposed upon the people. Once you establish that, the abuses are not going to be confined to egregious outrageous like this. Those abuses are going to be committed against the whole society and they will in the end include the murder of the masses, as occurred in all communist regimes that existed,

and that include as well the expropriation of all property. Since if you don't respect the primordial God-endowed belongings that are associated with family life, why on earth would you be constrained to respect any other form of human property claim? Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This...

Welcome to everyone's... You son of a bitch. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat.

This is episode 95, the inaugural not reading the intro after 95. Yeah, right. You can't prove I read that intro. You can't prove I read that intro. I can't prove you read it off of the internets or not. I can't prove either one. Are they making internets now? Yeah, they do. That's amazing.

It's connected to the interwebs. That's a dump truck, if anyone's wondering. It is. It's a dump truck. It's not a series of tubes. It is definitively a series of tubes. I don't even know who you're listening to. This story comes from CNN. Babies

herpes linked to circumcision practice. And I have to admit, when I first read this, I thought, practice? Shouldn't you know how to do that already? You know, it's like, I always wonder how people that are tattoo artists

get practice. You know what I mean? They have to go out and buy like a pig or something and then they tattoo the pig skin or something. Because you're not going to be like, yeah, I never did a tattoo. You want to tattoo me? Like, who's the guy who's raising his hand and be like, amateur circumcision person? Hook me up, bro. Nobody does that. You know to tattoo me? Like, who's the guy who's raising his hand to be like, amateur circumcision person? Hook me up, bro.

Nobody does that. You know, the tattoo thing, though, I guarantee that if you said, hey, I'm an apprentice tattoo artist. Anyone want a free tattoo? You would get tons of people. No, you wouldn't. You would. You would. People make bad decisions.

I don't think that's real. That's a joke. I don't think that's real. That's a joke. I refuse to believe that's real. Plenty of people would raise their hand. I got to ask a question about this. Now, don't they give the kids a circumcision when they do their bar mitzvah? Isn't that part of the cake? Like the ritual that they do?

Like when you're 13, they're giving you a circumcision? They're 13, they come out, they whip it out, they cut it off. Then they're a man. And you better be a man to party after you had a circumcision. You're a little less of a man, actually. A little less. About a quarter of an inch less of a man. You get a whole quarter inch?

I want my foreskin back. What are you kidding me? Doubled my size overnight. Hey, man. Jesus, I'm fucking long dong silver now. Are you kidding me? That's actually why they break that glass. That's what they use as the scalpel.

Oh, Jesus. It's a broken glass circumcision? Oh. No, no, no. When you say it like that, it sounds barbaric. They use a knife when they slice off a child's penis to sacrifice it to a Bronze Age war god. That's not. Well, it's not just the knife, though.

Then they kiss the boo-boo. They do. Kiss the boo-boo. That's terrible. Yeah, like, what the fuck? You also got to point out from this story before, we haven't even introduced it yet. I mean, I think the title says it all. I know, right?

Babies, herpes linked to circumcision practice. Editors note, the content of this story may disturb some readers. Some? Some? Some? What readers? What readers like, oh, I read that. No effect on me. Slid off my black Teflon sole like nothing.

I like this part because they're talking. I mean, first off, it's herpes simplex one, which I guess is what cold sores are. I mean, it's just like a real simple simplex. It's the simplest of the simplexes. The simple simplex. It's not like one of the complex simplex. Yeah, it's not a complex simplex. It is not a complex simplex.

It's a very simple simplex. But basically, it's transmitted through saliva, and I guess that they nip the old wiener, and then they stick their mouth on it. I don't mean— What the fuck? You were talking earlier, Tom. Who's the first guy who's like, huh, maybe we should, I don't know, put our mouths down there afterwards. How does that get passed by anybody else?

But in any case, the herpes simplex one gets on there and kids can die from it. I'm going to read directly from the article. Since 2000, there have been 13 reports in New York City of infants contracting HSV-1. That's not a Star Trek ship, by the way. That's Herpes Simplex 1. The worst Star Trek ship ever. Everybody's walking around with little dots on their face. The worst.

Bow-legged. Bow-legged. Bow-legged. Two of whom died from the virus. So you can, I guess babies can die from this. Health Department reported that an estimated 20,493 infants in New York City were exposed to the practice in that period. 20,000 infants since 2000, so 13 years, 20,000 babies have had their penises sucked by a fucking moil. Moil? What is it?

Moil? Is that it? I think it's a moil. Yeah. I mean, like, what? You know, this is an ancient ritual. What's the other ancient rituals that we follow? Oh, let's give some honey to the infant.

Why don't we just disinfect that with honey? You know what I mean? There's a rubbotulism in there. Botulism never heard of. You know, what else do they do? Do they trepan the kids too? That's standard. That's actually, it's part of your learning.

Like when they're first teaching a kid to read, first you got to flush out the bad demons. And the way you do that is just by knocking a hole in the old skullet. Whenever you shit out a kid in a cave, you got to crack open their head and cut off their dick. That's what you gotta do.

You know, there's lots of good stuff to take from this time period, such as... And then... No, actually, we take nothing else from it. We take nothing. Nothing. That is the time period where we're like,

whoa, whoa. I'm not saying that was some backward-ass shit, but that shit was backward-ass. Because there was nothing. Like, there's nothing. You're not like, oh, remember that great tech? No, we just rode donkeys and shit. Like, that's it. Dude, man, I totally have to go home and sacrifice a goat.

Right? A bird offering to the Lord. That's that time period. It's like, oh, yeah, we should slit a ram's throat tonight. What? Why? I don't know. I thought the harvest would be better.

Are you going to eat it afterwards? No, man. I was going to burn it. And imagine, like, how would the, yeah, right? I'm just going to set it on fire in my backyard. All the neighbors are like, how'd you even burn that? How'd you even get a ram? How did you do that? And I wonder that. Like, how'd you even burn that? How'd you even get a ram? How did you get a ram?

And I wonder that. Like, how do you set that thing on fire? You've got to want it. You've got to have a bonfire like a goddamn Viking funeral. That's what you've got to have. I mean, can you imagine, like, oh, man, the Dow closed down. Fuck. What do we sacrifice for that?

I don't know. Flip open this book. It doesn't have anything about the Dow. It's not relevant to the rest of your life. I'm going to sacrifice my hedge fund or whatever. You know, like, I don't know. Like you're going to have your certificates of deposit that you're fucking like going to burn a burn offering. I have no idea.

My IRA is losing money. I was thinking about diversifying into capital growth. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You have got this all wrong. See, first we need your best bull. I don't actually have a bull. Whoa, what the fuck? What kind of a, I mean, this is, I mean, at what point are you like, oh, we got to hire the moil that puts the penis in the mouth.

Well, you don't all do that. That's actually just like a bunch of weirdos. Yeah, I want that one. I want to make sure. Honey, can you get the one who put his penis in his mouth on speed dial? Oh, yeah. I got pregnant. I put that shit on my list.

I wonder what, you know, their yellow pages head looks like. They got this like a big pair of lips or something, like around a little baby penis. I mean, like, what are you putting in your Yellow Pages ad? In the name of Jesus, we speak that. So this story comes from Guardian News. Uganda proposes ban on miniskirts in move against women's rights. This is a move against everybody. Like, Uganda Uganda

is really, I mean, their tourism bureau must just be hanging their heads in shame. Like, what are we going to do? Nobody's going to want to come to Uganda on vacation. The guy who wants to do this is Simon Locoto. He's Uganda's ethics and integrity minister.

Yeah. What? That seems right. You have to have an ethics and integrity minister. You know, this Locoto is a former Catholic priest and his he quotes a quote from him here says, you know, one can wear what one wants, but please don't be provocative. We know people who are indecently dressed. They do it provocatively and sometimes they are attacked.

An onlooker is moved to attack when we want to avoid those areas. He's a criminal, but he was also provoked. He was provoked. And enticed. Yeah. I don't know, man. It seems like the Catholic priests are frequently enticed. Yeah, they can't help themselves from being enticed. There's a part of this article where it says, The anti-pornography bill contends that there has been an increase in pornographic materials in the Ugandan mass media and nude dancing in the entertainment world.

It proposes that anyone found guilty of abetting pornography faces a 10 million shillings fine. And I thought, the first thing I thought to myself, I'm like, holy fuck, they have to go back in time and get shillings? Shine your shoes for a half penny. There's another good part of this, too, where he says, we are saying anything that exposes private parts of the human body is pornography. And anything obscene will be outlawed. TV should not broadcast a sexy person. Certain intimate parts of the body cannot be opened except for a spouse in a private place.

And the first thing I think is like, this guy standing there being like, open your anus, woman. Open your breasts. What? They don't open. They don't have, what are you talking about?

That's not how they work. You don't know. He's like, this... What are you talking about? That's not how they work. You don't know. He's like, this is a Catholic priest though. He doesn't know how they work. Right. He just assumes they all open somehow. Close those up. What? It's just a... Are you really not sure how this happens? Like, you've never seen an anatomically correct... Never touched

another person. No. Uganda is not the place to go. I'm just saying. No. And why, see, so I also want to bring up, why did they choose this image on this story? First off, could you get a more dithered image than this image? It's like a fucking, it's like a thumbnail that they stretched over the entire page.

That's so low resolution. And the image is so huge. I know. It's enormous. Because they put it on. It's the way the web page is coded so that no matter what the size of the window is, it fits the size of the window. So if you make the window small, it kind of works. But when you make the window huge, like on a Mac, it's fucking enormous. And you can put all the pixels on fucking Beyonce's boobs.

It's so ridiculous. Oops. It's so ridiculous. And, like, the best part is, like, they chose—like, they chose Beyonce and company. I don't know who the others are. They're not relevant. But they chose them for no apparent reason. They have no relationship to this story except for they happen to be scantily clad. It's Michael Jackson on the right, isn't it?

No, he looks alive. I got to say, as dither as this was, I did not find this picture difficult to masturbate to. I mean, as dither as it was. I got to read this last bit. It says, a lot of photos, television, films will be outlawed, even on the Internet. We are going to put a monitoring system so we can know who has watched which website, and we will know who has watched pornographic material. It's like, thanks, Buzz Killington, you asshole.

You're not allowed to fucking, I mean, you're not allowed to do anything over there. I got to admit, like, my very first thought was like, well, there's like nine people in Uganda with internet. Like, you know, try to do that in a developed nation. Well, we're going to put Net Nanny on 370 million computers in the United States. No, you're not. Just go fucking lay down. Go lay down.

Bad, bad, bad minister. Get out of here. In Uganda? You could do it in an afternoon. We're going to get another email that says we don't know anything about Africa. You guys don't know anything about Uganda? Well, that's because I'm not going to Uganda.

Also, Tom is joking when he's telling you the number of computers in Uganda. We have no fucking idea. It's a joke. We need to do that. From now on, we need to have a sound, like a horn or something that goes off. We're like, joke warning, joke warning.

Yeah, a klaxon. That's what we need is like a klaxon. Yeah. This story is from the Toronto Sun. Toronto dad upset he's not allowed to watch daughter's swim class. Now, that's not a very well-titled. No. No.

And then it's just got a, again, this is another weird picture. It's just got a picture of his saggy butt and a pair of jeans. It doesn't have a picture of a swim class or a person. It's just legs. It could be a mannequin. You have no idea. It's just a pair of legs. When a single dad signed his nine-year-old daughter up for female-only swimming lessons, he didn't realize he, as a a man was going to be banned from watching her practice um basically they wouldn't let this guy practice because there were muslims

evidently also swimming and so he's not allowed to watch his daughter in swim class because he might see a muslim isn't that the muslims problem. In Toronto? I think so. I can't imagine being like, yeah, I'm going to take my daughter to swim class. Like, oh, okay. Well, I'd like to watch and see how she does because I'm an involved parent and I would like to see my child and see if they're enjoying this activity and how they're doing at swimming. And, you know, if the coach is like, I just want to be like interested in seeing your daughter learn to do a new thing. Like, oh, I'm sorry. You might see a Muslim.

But that's not I don't have a problem seeing a Muslim. Yeah, that's it. Yeah. They have a problem being seen. Don't go swimming in a public pool or get a burkini. Right. A burkini would be a great solution. Then fucking get a burkini then.

Then they can still be seen outside. They're just Casper the Muslim. Casper the Muslim is awesome. They're just covered in their little outfit. And this is a public pool. It's not a private pool. It's not like it's in his neighbor's pool and they're like, oh, what are you doing in the pool?

That's sort of weird, dude. It's a public pool. You don't want to be seen. It's like, well, pool. And it's like, you don't want to be seen. It's like, well, you know what, Cecil? I don't want to be seen naked by strangers. You know what I don't do? Walk around naked by strangers and yelling at them when they look at me. Like, don't look at me!

What are you doing? I'm just naked. Masturbating by this pool. The bikini should really be mandatory. If you're going to be a nut job about this shit, you should just have to wear one of those fucking burlap swimming sacks. Absolutely. Here you go. It still says 10 pounds Idaho on it.

What I like about this, too, is the idea is that she needs swimming lessons. is that she needs swimming lessons. You are putting your child in water and they could feasibly drown. You know what I mean? It's not like she's good at swimming because if she was good at swimming, she

wouldn't need swimming lessons. But instead, you're putting your nine-year-old in a swim lesson class. That, to me, says she's probably not all that comfortable around water. Don't you think she'd want her father there? But instead, this guy is like, he goes to the window or whatever to watch her, and somebody slams the blinds down.

I know. And it makes, what it really makes me feel like is that they're almost treating him like a pervert. Yeah, that's almost certainly what it is. That's the tone that I get out of this, is that these little girls don't want to be seen. And you're like, and there's sort of something to

that. It feels like there's something to that, where somebody's saying, these little girls don't want to be watched by you. And it's putting the, this sort of predatory nature on a father just wanting to watch his daughter learn how to do a thing. Well, I mean, that'll teach him for trying to be a good single dad.

You know, I mean, he won't make that mistake again. What he'll do instead is do what the rest of us do, which is to emotionally divorce ourselves from our spouses and children so that we can die lonely and inside introverted on the couch. I mean, that's like, right, right. That's what we're supposed to. But I guess that's more of the American model. This is Toronto. It is. It's a little different.

It's a little different up there. I'll get an email. You don't know anything about Toronto. You guys don't know anything about Muslim only swimming classes. You know what he's going to do, though, and what I would do then is just be like, well, you know what? I'm going co-ed. You know what I mean?

If the girls-only class is run by fucking Muslim people who basically get the lowest common denominator, here has to be, now I have to fucking basically follow your religious principles even though I don't believe in your religion. Well, I'll just go co-ed then. You're not going to go.

There's no danger you're going to go to that class. A-la-le-bo, a-la-le-bo. A-la-le-bo, a-la-le-bo. This story is from News Observer. Where you can see the news. I've never heard this before. News Observer. Dome.

North Carolina lawmaker. That's what it says. It says dome. Dome. Dome. Dome. North Carolina lawmaker equates Islamic prayer with terrorism. A North Carolina House lawmaker is equating any prayer to the Islamic God with terrorism in an email exchange, Cecil, that is spectacular in its ignorance.

I can't believe – you know, it's funny too because it says here in an email exchange with a constituent, Republican State Representative Michelle Presnell of Burnsville was asked whether she was comfortable with prayer to Allah before a legislative meeting. Presnell responded, no, I do not condone terrorism. And it's like, oh, yeah, but Glenn Greenwald, he's going after Sam Harris. You know what I mean? Like, that's who I'm going to go after. Instead, this woman is basically saying, I don't condone terrorism because they're going to read a fucking prayer in Muslim, an Islamic prayer. Well, and I love how she ends her email. The email exchange ends with Presnell telling her constituent, no, you are wrong.

Have a good day. Have a good day. You're wrong. This is not something we, no, you are wrong. Have a good day. Have a good day. Oh, no, you're wrong. This is not something we can, we should, you're just wrong. Like, you're just unequivocally not right about this. It's not something that we should, I'm not even sure why we're having this debate, why we're having a discussion. What are you? Treating me like I'm some kind of representative of the people? How dare you?

You are wrong. I like, too, that she says she equated it with some of the terrorism and added, we just need to start taking a stand on our religious freedom or we'll be whisked away from us. Right. I laughed out loud when I read that. I could not believe someone would say that out loud. Like, that seems so hypocritical because you're basically saying we need to take a stand on our religious freedom or it will be whisked away from us. Okay.

Well, who's religious freedom? Not the Muslims' religious freedom. No, no, no. They're terrorists. We don't. God, when will you learn? Look, if you allow for other people to have their own thoughts, then the terrorists win. Everybody has to think the same thing she thinks or as she will tell you, you are wrong.

You are wrong. Have a good day. But at least you still get to have a good day. No, it's nice that she's, I mean, she definitely cares about your day. That's a consolation. Even though she's clearly not interested in representing her constituent. You know, here's

what I would say. Let's just not have prayer. Oh, wait. That's crazy. How would that work? Would you separate the church from the state? No, no, Tom. I think you would just not fucking have the prayer. Just don't have it. Just don't know, Tom. I think you would just not fucking have the prayer. Just don't have it.

Just don't have it. You know, it would actually be, and I, you know, obviously like I get what this, this constituent is doing, you know, like they're saying like, Hey, you, I'm putting an example out there to try to make you understand how uncomfortable I would feel by choosing a religion you clearly do not belong to and be uncomfortable with. Nobody in their right mind would have assumed that this woman would have been like, nope, that's terrorism. You're wrong. Have a good day. But what it would have been, it may have been more effective to find out, like, which of the 3,000 sects of Christianity she belonged to.

Yeah. And chosen one that was diametrically opposed. Yeah. And chosen one that was diametrically opposed, you know, saying like, you know, would you be OK if she was like, you know, an evangelical fundamentalist? Like, would you be OK with a universalist prayer? Yeah. You know, because then she can't pull the terrorism card. She would then have to be like, well, no.

You see, when I say religious freedom, what I mean is you are wrong. Have a good day. Have a good day. You know, we shouldn't be getting down on her about this because I think she probably typed that in on her phone while she was driving. You know, like you got to be terse when you're texting and driving, and I think that's what she was doing. It was autocorrect. At least I hope she was texting while driving. And I hope she continues that track. Yeah.

That would be great. It was probably autocorrect. What she probably meant to type instead of no, you are wrong was that's a thoughtful position. Damn, you autocorrect. So we're going to take a break and give you all the information that you need to find us on Facebook and to contact us various other ways, including leaving us messages by Esme telephone. If one were so inclined. And we'll be back in just a moment to ruin the rest of the show. Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance?

Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website, dissonancepod.com, or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at dissonance underscore pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now too, so check them out there. And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show, Cognitive Dissonance

would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. See, so this story comes from live Michigan Live. Filthy homosexuals. Michigan GOP leader Dave Ajima's Facebook post sparks furor. Silver-haired fox, Dave Ajima. Whose neck, by the way, looks like a burn victim. It does. It's kind of dangly and like it really looks like, it looks like, have you ever seen Darkman?

He's got Darkman's neck. You could tuck some quarters in there, though, for bus fare. You could. You could. He's like the fucking Phantom of the Opera, this guy. But look at that hair, though. I mean, it's also uniformly perfect. Oh, it's great.

He has some fucking, I mean, a little just for men, and he'd be great. I don't know that I agree with his shade of lipstick, though. I'm not sure that it's his. Anyway, moving on. Former West Michigan State Representative faces calls for his resignation as Republican National Committeeman after he posted a Facebook article that calls homosexuals

filthy. It actually is way worse. Like the article. What is it? Everyone should know these statistics on homosexuals. Everyone should know. Which, if you look at it, what is with the background? Did you click on that link? Yeah.

What's with the background? It's like Cleopatra bracelets. You know, it reminds me of the internet circa 1997. I mean, look at the fucking buttons on this thing. You click on the button, nothing happens. It's not even one of those buttons that presses in. It's just like, here's a link. It's a button.

It's a button. Just a button. You can tell it's a button because you have to mouse over it. And the whole thing is left justified. It's all left justified. It's so crazy looking. But he posts this shit on his Facebook page. Now, to be fair to him, he posted it on what I think he thought was his private page.

Right. Because it does say in the article that the post, which is only viewable to Ajima's Facebook friends, prompted swift blowback. So evidently he thinks that means something. Really, when you post something only to your Facebook friends, nobody will find out. I just shared this with 1,000 of my closest friends. I know. I can't believe it's like some kind of network. How did you get this so fast, news organization?

My God. You betwxt me again. It spreads like a virus on here. Yeah, that's awesome. It's going viral. It's a stupid, stupid article. Oh, it's really bad. It's basically just shitting out stuff that isn't true, statistics on homosexuals, which is just not true.

But he was denounced. So the Republican Party comes back and starts to denounce him. But then they're sort of couching it a little, right? He was denounced. So the Republican Party comes back and starts to denounce him. But then they're sort of couching it a little, right? Some Republicans – so this is – I'm going to read directly from the article. It says, I think the piece was worth sharing given the debate over gay marriage that is happening in the court. Now, this is the guy. This is – what is his name?

Agama? Agama. Adjama. Adjama, whatever. He told, he wound up adding, and then he says, still criticism of the post grew louder Thursday morning. Even Michigan Republican Party Chairman

Bobby Shostak seemed to distance himself from Adjama's post. Our party remains in support of traditional marriage, but that should never be allowed or confused with any

form of hate or discrimination towards anyone. So he's saying that supporting traditional marriage is not discrimination. No, all it does is discriminate between two different – wait a minute. He said that shit out loud.

I couldn't believe. He said discrimination as if it were some sort of buzzword that he's not doing. I know. I know. You're clearly delineating between two kinds of things and deciding one is better than the other. Right. And and and basically not allowing one of those to have the same rights as the other group. Right. I mean, you're you're specifically denying rights, which is the heart of discrimination. That's only when you define. Yeah. Only when you know, bother to define.

You can't get all hung up on what words mean when you use them. Did you see this week? I didn't tweet this, but Glenn Beck actually came out. As gay? Glenn Beck? He came out as gay? No. He came out saying basically the same thing Bill O'Reilly said.

Yeah, I saw. I mean, when Glenn Beck and Bill bill o'reilly are both like we've got no arguments left guys look we just shot our load of crazy discriminatory hateful bullshit and nobody wants any more of it to wipe off of their face like they are fucking done and done with the old pink eye of hate that the republican party has been dishing out. I got to wonder about that, Tom. Like, there's part of me that thinks, like, they are, I mean, there's such, there's a term, fair weather fan, you know? Well, they're shills, man.

And it feels like they're, you know, now they're fair weather fans with homosexuality being, you know, at least accepted enough to accepted enough for them to get married. Like it almost, and it feels cheap. It feels like, you know, you weren't with it before, but now you're with it because there's just going to be so many young people that just tune you out because you sound like a dummy. Yeah. Yeah, well, it's not honest of them.

I mean, right? There's no honesty there. No, no. I mean, I don't know that I expect honesty. But it just feels, and, you know, I mean, right. There's no honesty. No, no. I mean, I don't know that I expect honesty, but, uh, but it just feels, and I, you know, I mean, I, I guess I don't, I guess I have no expectation of honesty from anybody in the media. I guess I, uh, I want to look at all the kids that hear him now that may be like the young Republicans or whatever, and be like, you, you know how they talked about it before, right? I know. They want to be like, you realize that they just are changing their mind.

Now, it's cool that they're changing their mind, but understand, I'm totally down with somebody changing their mind. But it doesn't feel like, you know, you didn't hear Bill O'Reilly say, I used to say this sort of thing or I had this position and I was wrong, and now I could be wrong about Bill O'Reilly's previous position because maybe he just never talked about it. But parts of me think that there's no way he could get around something like that. Yeah, I'm sure that he did. And I don't have any proof that shows me whether or not he's said anything. I haven't bothered to do any of the research here. But part of me would have respected him a lot more. And I didn't hear

Glenn Beck, so I have no idea what he said. But I would respect somebody a lot more if they came forward and said, look, I was wrong about this. I was mistaken about this. I thought about this and changed my mind. That to me is a get out of jail free card. That to me says you are coming out and saying, look, I was wrong about it. I'm 100 percent behind you now. Totally cool. But Bill O'Reilly, look, I was wrong about it. A 100 percent behind you now. Totally cool.

But Bill O'Reilly didn't say that when he did it. He was like the compelling arguments on the side of the of the people who are for homosexual marriage. That's different than saying I was wrong in the past about homosexual marriage and the compelling argument. You know what I mean? Yeah. What it is is just an acknowledgment that the tide has turned against that position. And so better to rise with the tide than to fall behind. Yeah. Yeah.

That's really all they're saying. And Glenn Beck basically said they said almost the same thing. You know, basically said like, hey, you know, they have done a good job. He basically said they beat us, which is what O'Reilly said. Hey, they did a good job making this about freedom. That's why they're winning the argument. And Glenn Beck said the same thing. I mean, he said almost the exact same thing. You know, he's saying like, hey, you know, their campaign was better than our campaign. It was a it was a concession speech is really what it is. It's not a I shouldn't have run. I was wrong. Your platform is better. It's a, I ran against you. You won.

I acknowledge my defeat. It's like reporting the story of your own defeat. You know, it's not, it kind of is. Yeah. You know, which is what I do all the time. It is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior. I'm arguing that it's time that we as conservatives, that we rehabilitate the word discriminate, that we reclaim it, that we dust it off, and that we use it, and that we use it unapologetically. And I believe we need to begin to say, look, it is altogether right for a rational culture to discriminate against homosexual behavior. I fucking love right wing watch, Cecil. It's pretty awesome.

I fucking love it. This this comes from right wing watch dot org. You know, when I'm short of crazy for a week, when I'm looking for stories, I'll swing over here, and there's always a crazy to find. And it always takes me about a second. It's done. Renew America reveals Satan's

Ten Gay Commandments. Alan Keyes, conservative news site. Now, you guys might remember Alan Keyes, who ran against President Obama for the Illinois Senate race in 2004. news site now you guys might remember ellen keys who ran against president obama in the for the illinois senate race um in 2004 his conservative news site renew america is out today with a column from paul kokoski who reveals the 10 commandments that quote satan has thus given the homosexual lobby in order to advance the demonic goal of deceiving mankind and destroying souls.

And then it says it again, deceiving mankind and destroying souls. I think that's a, somebody cut and pasted twice. That's all I'm saying. Somebody was a little control V happy. It looks like it. That's awesome. Unless they just said it twice, unless they're quoting them as saying it twice. Did you hear me the first time?

I said deceiving mankind. These Ten Commandments are – this is – if there's anybody who reads these and is like, oh, yeah, that seems like a true. Yeah. It would be startling that they would be actually literate. What I want to know is how they, you know, because Satan has given the homosexual lobby these Ten Commandments. I wonder how he got them to him. Was, like, a memo typed on human skin? Is that how he did it?

A memo typed on human skin? I mean, like, you know, when you're Satan, you've got to be a little extravagant when you deliver the memos. You know what I mean? It just can't be an email anymore. Well, the typing isn't so bad, but the correction tape hurts like a bitch. Oh, God, it does. It's terrible.

I'm not talking about – What's that? You're talking about people. It's funny because I'm talking about human skin that's off the body, but you're like, no, no, no. It's on a person. Yeah, it's just – that's just what it is. It's just like go up. Fuck.

Are you done typing yet? No. Yeah, get up there. I like – let's read a couple of these. All right. Number two, separate the act of sex from its natural purpose. Now, this is the Ten Commandments that they're giving to the homosexuals. So you got to read this in the sense that these are the things that they're saying the homosexuals believe. Right. OK. Right. And they get this because they raided one of the homosexual headquarters right yeah it's like uh right it's homo gate i don't know they're like poking around poking around in the back alley you know they snuck in the back door separate the act of sex from its natural purpose of procreation by referring to all homosexual relationships as expressed of love rather than lust. And it's like, thank you for cheapening my relationship with my wife saying I don't love my wife because we

decided not to procreate. That's actually true, Cecil. I don't know if you know that, but you just lust your wife. I'm just in lust with my wife. And you've just lusted her for like 14 years. I know. I've been lusted her for so long. My goodness. We are in such lust. Right. Because I accidentally knocked up my wife.

Isn't that funny? It's like, well, if you had a kid, it's love. Like, wait a minute. I've seen Maury Povich. That's not true at all. You are not the father. One of the ones I like on here is number eight. Never lose sight of the fact that God is your ultimate enemy.

I want to have an ultimate enemy. He's got to be your nemesis. I love that they get a nemesis. He's your nemesis. Yeah, that's awesome. Attack God and all religion as something oppressive, hypocritical, and evil. This is easily done by taking biblical quotes out of context to suit your own purpose and

meaning. At the same time, here it comes. Avoid all talk of the murderous regimes of atheists like Hitler and Stalin. Tom, why did you just introduce fucking Hitler and Stalin on this atheist show? I don't know. What the fuck, dude?

Did you not follow Satan's Ten Commandments? God, Tom, I can't fucking trust you to do anything. Oh, and as a side note, we're actually going to have Hitler on next week. He's going to be our very special guest. Stay tuned for the 100th episode when we have Satan on. Satan is actually going to be... I would fucking have Satan on. Satan is actually going to be.

I would fucking have Satan on this show. That would be awesome. That would be great. It would also be a show that wouldn't exist. It would be a show with just you and I and a lot of silence is really what it would be. So Satan. We could EVP him in maybe. I don't know.

It's just garble noise. It's just somebody flushing a toilet in the distance. Here's one. Number four. Use the, and they put in quotes, race card unceasingly against your enemy by equating homosexual behavior, which can change, with a person's color, which one with by one's will alone cannot. Most people don't know the difference. And it's like, okay, well, that's true.

I remember all the times when you guys were hitting puberty and you guys all chose to be heterosexuals. That was all those times. What a lot of them don't understand is that there's a checkbox. You remember that. I think it's around 6th grade. You gotta check that box. Satan puts it yeah, that's right. You got to, you don't, you remember that. Yeah, I know. Like, I think it's around sixth grade, you got to check that box.

Yeah, it's Satan puts it there, it's right behind your ear. Right. It's a switch. It's a switch, it's just on your back in that place you can't scratch. Yeah, right. You're just like, I would switch it to the other one where I don't get beat up all the time, but I can't reach it, it's right back there. The switch is in a hard-to-reach place.

It's right next to the type memo from Satan. I mean, it's in a very difficult-to-reach space. There's one more, too. Number nine. I'm not going to read it all, just a portion of it. It says, Dismiss as silly and unviable any attempt to show that that the pill,

and it puts in quotes the pill, like fucking the pill, dun, dun, dun, which was introduced to separate and tear asunder the act of sex from the gift of life has led to the disintegration of the family. Except for that he actually just writes has led to the disintegrated of the family. I can't even read how they write. I know. It's so poorly written it's impossible to actually read the words.

Can I point out number five real quick before we move away from this ridiculous thing? Only because it's so insulting to everybody. Number five, build yourself up in the eyes of the indifferent masses who are mere sheep by claiming to be a modern person of tolerance and peace, one who is acceptance of all the people will believe you because in today's materialistic world, people are focused primarily on themselves and their own gain, ridicule and undermine the intelligence of your more worthy opponents by resorting to ambiguity and sarcasm. Never resist the chance to claim that they are living in the dark ages.

Like, who wrote this? I don't know. Well, they talk about, I mean, one of the things that they talk about in here, too, is where they talk about how basically, you know, calling people bigots, calling people idiots, calling people names is how you undermine their argument. And that's not true. You didn't have an argument. Like you came out with ideas that are backwards that when you say that homosexuality is a

choice, it's not a fucking choice. And if it was a choice, people would just choose it. But you don't just choose homosexuality. I cannot, no matter what I do, choose homosexuality. I would love to be a fabulous individual. I am definitively unfabulous. I am not fabulous. And that's cool.

I recognize my own limitations. But I could never in my life choose to be a gay person. It's just not who I am. It's cool to be gay. It's fine. It's just not who I am. It's cool to be gay. It's fine. It's just not who I am. And the idea is, is that, is that they're saying, well, you're basically calling me a bigot for bringing out arguments. Well, what you have is not an argument. What you have is there's only

three things. We say this all the time. There's only three things that make you dislike homosexuals. God told you, and that doesn't have any relevance in the public sphere. You can certainly have all the God told me gays are icky stuff at home, and that's totally fine because there's people out there who think blacks are icky, who think Asians are icky, who think whites are icky,

who think, you know, I mean, like, there's a bunch of people who just think people that are different from me are icky, and that's totally fine to think, and you can think that from me are icky. And that's totally fine to think. And you can think that all you want. Actually, it's not totally fine to think. But it's not against the law. Nobody should know what you think.

But the moment you bring that in the public sphere, it's open to criticism. So you got to leave God out of it because it doesn't belong in the books. And also just because you think something is icky, that's not of relevance to anything. We talked earlier about the Muslims, you know, like, well, I want to make sure that nobody sees me. Well, I want to make sure that there's no gays. Well, that sounds a lot like you need to get inside a small room

and not be outside. Right. Sounds a lot like your problem, bro, not mine. And then the other one is of course it makes them hot right yeah it's it's religion icky and hot yeah like that's it that's it that's the only those are the only reasons you would ever right have to be against homosexuality and you know i don't i don't think that there's anything wrong with any of those things as long as you don't try to pass a law based on any of those irresponsible positions to pass a law from.

We don't pass laws on our feelings. We don't do that. That's stupid. Thank you. Thank you, Mr. Chairman. I don't think it's a secret that I'm a proponent and supporter of the Keystone Pipeline. So it's somewhat redundant for me to ask too many questions. I would point out, though, that people like me that support hydrocarbon development don't deny that the climate is changing.

I think you could have an honest difference opinion on what's causing that change without automatically being either all in that it's all's all because of man mankind or it's it's all just natural i think there's a divergence of evidence i would point out that if you're a believer in the bible one would have to say the great flood is an example of climate change and that certainly wasn't because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy. This story comes from BuzzFeed.com. Republican congressman cites a biblical great flood to say climate change isn't man-made. Well, there you have it.

Well, no, it's not man-made. I just want to do this, Cecil. Yeah. K's fucking close. We figured this shit out. And, you know, we played the clip for you, but I'm going to read it. It says, I would point out that if you're a believer of the Bible, one would have to say that the Great Flood is an example of climate change.

And that certainly wasn't because mankind had overdeveloped hydrocarbon energy. And I love how he kind of like snorts at that. He's like, come on now. It's not like, no, I had hydrocarbons, guys. I mean, come on. You know he didn't have a motor on that ship, everyone. I mean, come on. Let's get with the times.

I think he also. He goes water skiing back behind the ark. Could you imagine? It's like lifting the front of the boat up as it's going through. You're doing like jumps over the corpses of the floating everyone. You could like slalom them.

Just like. Because you know that's the thing. They would all float. Yeah. Oh yeah. And you know getting back to that he also went on to say that he doesn't know what the big deal about endangered species is too because God made two of everything and we're fine. It's not like a big deal or anything. You just make two more.

Look, he made two and we were fine. If we get down to it as low as two, we'll still be fine. You just need – that's all that you need. You just need two. And it especially works well if they're all related. Like if they're all related like if they're all from the same family for example you could launch all of mankind from that twice as a matter of fact twice in the same book it's the same book and he does you could do that yeah we could just

it's it's all just brother and sister fucking that's all it is it is. That's the whole of the human experience. The idea, too, that he's like, well, the Great Flood was climate change. Oh. No, the Great Flood wasn't real. Well, it's like, it's not really climate change, is it?

It's not climate change either. It's just a specific event. It's like a flood. It's like, you wouldn't say that, nobody would say that a tsunami is a climate change. They might say that, you know, flooding in areas is due to climate change, but not that the flood is climate change. Every time something happens with the weather, which is actually all of the time, there's something I just run around. I like the idea that he's referring to the Bible, basically giving industry a reason to look to the Bible to continue to innovate. Right. I mean, like, that's basically what he's doing. And I think it's great.

I mean, I think that there should be like, I don't know, Solomon late term abortion clinic. So like when the baby comes out, you could just cut it right in half. Solomon Late Term Abortion Clinic. That's how you handle that sort of thing. And I think a lot of other industries could be revolutionized using the Bible. What about fig production? I mean, it really doesn't change the production of figs, but when the fig tree doesn't produce, you could just curse it.

And actually, that works with what we know about, you know, natural selection, right? Because if you curse all the non-producing fig trees, that will only leave the producers, which will just yield better harvest in years to come. See, I think the Bible's right on there. You know, like, let's say you had 10 fig trees and eight of them didn't produce, right? Only 20% of your fig trees are producing figs. But if you curse eight of them, next year, 100% of your trees, you're growing five times by percentage as many fig trees. It's amazing what you can do when you, when you look

to the Bible as a leader in industry that, you know, forget stem cells, Tom, let's go with rib cells. I already have forgotten. Let's go with rib cells because I mean, you can take a rib and reproduce another human. So obviously rib cells is where we want to be. And if that human is a girl, she doesn't matter. So you could take her parts at will. And, you know, we take a lot of, we have a lot of technological advances. Like we have, you know, iron chariots and donkey carts. I mean, how often have you said to yourself, self, as you are wanted to refer to you, I'm so happy to have this donkey cart today. This donkey cart has changed my life. Well, what about, you know, another thing that we could look to as an indicator that people are using the Bible in industry is I think that maybe Apple Maps works off a Moses-based navigation because you kind of drive around for about 40 years in the desert looking for your destination.

Destination is on the right. Destination is on the right. Hey, there's nothing on the right at all. Moses keeps shaking the damn G. It keeps telling me go to the right. Take a straight at the Red Sea. What? Okay.

Yeah. If you say so. It's Moses inspired deep sea drilling. I don't see a bridge here. He's like Michael Scott. He drove his car right into the water. Right into the water. Yeah.

This guy got elected. I couldn't believe he said it out loud. I love how he sort of chortles about it. Like, oh, come on, believe he said it out loud. Like, it was just like, and I love how he sort of chortles about it. Like, oh, come on, guys. The Bible says this. Let's get real here, folks. Well, and I love how he starts it off.

Like, if you're a believer in the Bible, you know, if you believe in the Bible. And now everybody, if you were to try to refute that, you know, and this dude's from fucking Texas. So if you were to try to refute that, he'd be like, didn't you hear me? I said, if you believe in the Bible, the other thing I said is true. So if you deny the second thing, by extension, you deny the first thing, upon which the second thing relies. Sir, does that mean that you do not believe in the Bible? Like, I mean, you're just stuck. You're like fucking if A then B.

Oh, fuck. You got me there. Your conclusion was so solid. His logic is too sound. I can't pierce the penetrating veil. He's just like, wake up, sheeple, the Bible. Sheeple. Oh, my God. So we got some voicemails this time around.

We're going to play for you. We got a voicemail from Jason, a voicemail that just does a contestant for the call to prayer, let's say. And I'm not going to give away what they say. Then there's Wally Weeksauce, who also has his call to prayer. And Matt, who has his call to prayer and Matt who has his call to prayer who sent us a message he actually sent us didn't send us a voice message he sent us

another message but we're going to play it as a voicemail and then finally we're going to end with Esme who wants to talk to us about our shirts again hey guys my name is Jason I'm from Houston Texas sweaty oily armpit of the U.S. I've been listening to your show for, oh, God, about three months now. I started listening right after you guys appeared on Incredulous.

I listened to all 80 or so episodes up to that point in about a month I'm a bit of a masochist anyway I just wanted to really say that it's great to blog shows because I found out about you guys through Incredulous I found out about Incredulous to Skeptics with a K I found out about Skeptics with a K through the Skeptic Zone and I found out about the Skeptic Zone

through the Skeptic Side to the Universe I wanted to recommend the Gone Was Bitches podcast, which is done by some of the hosts of the Atheist Experience. It's pretty awesome, very feminist,

very cool. So anyway, keep up the good work and glory hole. Glory hole! Well, hey, y'all. It's Hillbilly God here. I heard about y'all's little contest, and I reckon I'll have a go at it.

Hello, Macbuff. Hello, Macbuff. Hello, Macbuff. This is Wally Weeks-Hoss with my rendition of the call to prayer inspired by the jerk. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, just little Allah. Thank you, Chicago. Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar, Allahu Akbar. Hi, people in town. This is Esme, and I just listened to your show, and I was laughing because, one, you are now saved. Am I saying this? No, you're not, but you are.

Your number is saved on my phone, and I realize you do give the number out, but you guys know there's a woman that gives it out, and it's a tape-recorded thing, and I just, my brain just, I don't really listen to her. Because it's the same thing every, and it's the number. I'm really

sorry. And I want a shirt. The whole point of my last message was that I want a shirt because I think I want to promote your guys' show. And I just think, I mean, usually, like, my shirts are much smaller than any boy's shirt. So I just think it should be less expensive but I'm going to spend the $35 and I'm sorry that I've also donated to you guys I think I donated $25 but anyway, love the show, keep it up, bye

I love the Tarzan one so much the Tarzan one, I laughed a lot made me almost spit coffee on my computer today when I listened to it. I thought it was great. The Glory Hole one is very good, and I like Wally Weeksauce's rendition on the jerk version. And I don't remember that, but I just like how you sing it, Wally. It's pretty great. I actually love the movie The Jerk.

And I recognize the tune. I just couldn't place it in the movie at all. But it's very funny. And Esme, the reason why the women's shirts are more is because they're American apparel. And if you don't want to buy one, I just got to ask, why do you hate America? Like, why do you hate America so much? American apparel, almost certainly not made in America. It's the freedom, right?

Like, that's why you hate it. It must be the freedom. It's the freedom. And also, they're contoured for your boobs. So It's the freedom, right? Like, that's why you hate it. It must be the freedom. It's the freedom. And also. Asmodee hates freedom. They're contoured for your boobs. So they're thicker shirts, right? They're thicker American apparel shirts.

Contoured for women. That's why they cost so much money. Yeah. For men, it's not the amount of cloth issue. Yeah, no. It's just that when you're sewing a shirt for an American man, it's a huge tube. It's a barrel. You know what I mean? it's a huge tube. It's a barrel. You know what I mean?

It's a barrel shirt. Anybody could sew it. Literally anybody could sew a shirt. It's just like, how big is he? Which of the extra larges is this one? And we get ours from the finest sweatshop we can. But we want to thank all the people who called in and left voicemails. And we're still working on that call to prayer.

Anybody who wants to send in, we're going to have it up for one more week. If you call in with your rendition of the call to prayer, we're going to throw you in the bucket, and Tom and I are going to choose at random

the winner. Please send in your final call to prayers this week. Next week's show, we're going to have a winner. And we're recording next week probably around Thursday sometime. Thursday-ish? Thursday-ish, we hope. So we'll be recording next Thursday-ish. So if that's the case, make sure you have them in by next Thursday.

We got a couple of donations. We want to thank Nancy Twice. Nancy donated to both of our TAM Fund and our Podcast Maintenance Fund. And we got a donation from Lisa, Cameron, and Paul. We want to thank everyone who donates to both our TAM Fund and our Podcast Maintenance Fund. We are so grateful that people would give their hard-earned money to us for this podcast, and we thank you greatly. And I'm going to drink the proceeds of all of those donations on the plane

in tiny bottles. In tiny little bottles. I'm just... So we got an email from Brett, Tom, and Brett, I'm going to read this email. It just says, Dudes, you need to learn more about what is happening here in Africa. Not going to do the soapbox thing. And he says, anyway, glory hole to the second power.

And then he ends with, I think he donated, I can't really understand the last bit. I think he donated to Apocalypse Outborders, although I'm not really sure what he means by what he says. But I just want to say, we really don't know a lot about Africa, and I understand that you don't want to do the soapbox thing. They don't have soap in Africa, right, Tom? Is that –

They don't even have boxes. They don't have boxes or soap. They haven't invented the square. No, they have the square. They haven't invented those circles. So they're pushing carts around with squares. It's that square wheel thing they got going on. Thump.

Yeah, Brett, we don't know anything about anything. I think we're pretty free to admit that. We're pretty liberal with that idea. You need to learn more about, yes, you can pretty much finish that sentence any way you want. It's totally cool. Yeah, we need to learn more about all of the things. But thanks, Brett, for sending an email. And glory hole

right back at you, bro. Jason sends an email, and Jason was the one who called us. He called us and left us a message, and I just wanted to comment on the end of his email where he says, keep up the great work and remember to move forward, not

backward. Upward, not forward. And always, always twirling, twirling, twirling toward freedom. I love that. It's a Kodos reference. That's great. From the Simpsons, and it made both Tom and I laugh. So thank you, Jason, for brightening our day. Tamwally Weeksauce has a great idea.

Other than his jerk rendition of the call to prayer, he has another great idea. of the call to prayer. He has another great idea. He said, you know, instead of just selling shirts to get to Tam, he said Luluman's product manager was fired after accidentally producing see-through yoga pants accidentally in my ass. Oops. What's that? They're already damn near see-through.

There's got to be warehouses of those things left just sitting there and that product manager's got to have lots of time on his hands just have the guy sew some pouches into the front for the man and buy the whole lot of those see-through yoga pants then you can sell not just a tam shirt but an, gosh. Let me just tell you that if I use myself as a barometer for this, there will be a lot of people throwing up at Tam if that were the case. Gosh. You know, the see-through yoga pants, I mean, really, it doesn't have to be at all. Yoga pants are just seriously one of the greatest inventions in humankind's history.

Spectacular. I mean, things like the microprocessor pale in comparison when we're talking about yoga. Truly humanitarian. I mean, really, it's an amazing thing. It really, truly is one of those things that I think just brings humanity together. Like, the guy who made those really had world peace in mind. The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, good. Okay.

Not great. Not bad. You know. Yeah and Melinda Gates Foundation, good. Okay, not bad. You know, me, Melinda. Yoga pants? Get that man the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm spelling peace a little differently, but you understand what I mean. A dude in yoga pants? They're so tight

like your fucking leg hair is sticking out. Everybody looks like what's his butt from the labyrinth. David Bowie with his magic junk. We got an image from Alex with two L's. He says, he loves the show. He says,

glory hole, thank you. And he says, he sent us this image and I'm going to put it on our site for this particular episode. So I'm not going to ruin it for you, but it's a Mohammed thing, and we're probably going to get yelled at for it, but I'm totally putting it on our website. That's because we're anti-Islamic, Tom. Yeah, we're Islamophobic. Islamophobia. Sam Harris. I'll be in that company.

Liam says, glory hole. Tom, he's got a question for you. He says, I hope you haven't been inundated with questions about the skeptics' creed since I'm down with the whole dolphins thing. He's totally down with it. He's the first person. I know. He's like, the dolphins don't faze them.

But seriously, what's with giant worms? You can't hate David Lynch that much. It's not a David Lynch reference. It's actually from our Everyone's a Critic. Do you remember that story about the Mongolian death worms? Mongolian death worms. Yeah, absolutely. There was a quasi-scientific

expedition into the Gobi Desert, I think, to find Mongolian death worms. And it struck me as dubious that they would find any Mongolian death worms. They're supposed to be like 70 feet long and they spit acid. And they've got like a billion teeth or something. They're like fucking dragons that live in the ground. They're ridiculous.

I know. He says that his name is easy to pronounce in Liam, but we might like the name where he was born, Tittenshaw. I love that name. That's great. David sent us a message. He says, Glory Hole. He sent a letter to Seth over at The Thinking Atheist and got a lot of positive feedback, thought we might like to see it.

We saw it, and it is great uh we welcome you of course to post this on our facebook page uh we will definitely uh um we definitely would look forward to seeing it there so if you feel like you want to post it on our facebook page go right ahead uh we read it we thought it was great you know we think i love it when people write stuff like this i I think it just shows that – I like it when people talk about this sort of conversion or deconversion, so to speak. So I'm happy to see it. And you can use the Facebook page for any of those conversations. We don't moderate it. We don't mind at all.

It's not like, oh, you're hijacking the page. Put it on there. Have a discussion. We just actually hit 4,000 likes. There's evidently some people on there who would be interested in chatting with you. I mean, it's definitely not like the thinking atheist. I don't know if you saw today, Tom, but there was a thing where the American atheist asked on Twitter and Facebook basically, hey, would you like to, you know, what's your favorite podcast?

What's your favorite atheist podcast? And I posted it on our thing, and like two or three people went over to Twitter, and a couple people went over to Facebook and said, hey, it's Cognitive Dissonance. And I was like, oh, that's cool. There was, I'm not fucking kidding you, there was like 109 or 250 comments. I want to say maybe 245 of them were all,

the thinking atheist, the thinking atheist, the thinking atheist, the thinking atheist. And I'm just like, oh, so is it the fucking thinking atheist then, huh? Isists, the thinking atheists, the thinking atheists. And I'm just like, oh, so is it the fucking thinking atheists then, huh? Is that who it is? Is it the fucking thinking atheists? Now props to Seth for that. I do like, what I love though is I found a couple that mentioned us, but they mentioned us in passing as not their favorite show. So they went over there specifically to say, I like this show.

I went over there specifically to say, I like this show. I would say cognitive dissonance, but, and somebody was like, but they laugh at their own jokes too much. But they don't check out their, they don't vet their stories too well, was another one that somebody said. Michael says hello from Japan. He says that he's probably the only person over there who listens. I know for sure that there's a couple people over there that listen. Right. They're all expats, I think. Yeah, so if there's a meetup, let us know and we'll fly over.

I'm there. I'm huge in Japan. Because I'm like the fucking size of Godzilla. I was going to say, but aren't all Americans huge in Japan? Cameron of course says glory hole. Everybody's doing it. I love it. I keep saying it.

I love it. It's a thing now. Remember, if you're new to this, when I say glory hole, what they mean is, and this was brought up by a listener, which I thought was great, when people say glory hole, what they mean to say is, hey, love the show. So if you're going to send us an email, instead of saying blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, you can just say glory hole and get

it out of the way. So he says glory hole. By the way, you guys should you guys should do an extra long show this week because he can't download us for two weeks. I'm sorry, bro, but it's probably only going to be about an hour long. Just play it over and over again. If you play it in reverse, Satan will talk to you. That's true. Actually, if you play this show forward, it's Satan. If you play it backwards, it's Jesus. Because you. That's true. Actually, if you play this show forward, it's Satan.

If you play it backwards, it's Jesus. Because it's an atheist show. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you get it wrong. Or maybe not Jesus. It's Guess Your Deed. Because there's lots of them. We got an email from Frank, who, again, says glory hole,

and then talks a little bit about Mississippi. Tom? He says, and I love this, We can't offer a good education, a healthy diet, rational people, or progressive thinking politicians. But hillbilly God will clear the roads on Sunday morning

like Moses parting the Red Sea. And you can compete against that couple from the movie Tremors for the largest stockpile of weaponry and ammunition. I love it. I love it. We got an email from Harry, who just found our show.

He found us through listening with Skeptics with a K and Incredulous. Those are great shows. You guys should listen to them if you get a chance. He says that he's from New Zealand and they're going to finally make a vote on their marriage equality bill. So good luck, New Zealand.

I hope that works out for you. I hope they actually do that sort of thing. Yeah, both of the people should go out and vote. You didn't get the sheep to vote. You probably— Double the population. Double the population. He does say, and don't listen to anyone who says you're too American, whatever the fuck that means.

We don't listen to anybody anyway, dude. Like, you know what I mean? Like, let's not. Yeah, it doesn't matter our feelings. Like, oh, you're too American. I'm all American. Yeah, I've been here the whole time. I haven't left. Nathan sent us an image of zombie Jesus with our logo on it.

So we're going to post this on the website as well for this issue. And I'll wind up also posting this to Facebook. It's a great image. If you guys like it, go take a look at it on Facebook, like the post, and if you guys are down with this. I think this is a really cool image, though. It's a zombie Jesus and a cognitive dissonance logo. You can't go wrong with that.

I mean, look, we got to insult everybody we can or at least be as offensive as possible, right? Yeah, this is a good one. Yeah, absolutely. a good one. Absolutely. Absolutely. Thank you, Nathan. So Libsyn is our hosting service for the show.

And they obviously, you guys know that we're working with Audible. We're doing ads about once a month or so with Audible. And they asked that we put a survey out there to try to gather some information, some demographics information. And to be honest, we talked about whether or not we were going to do this. They share the information with us, and we're just genuinely curious about it. It's not an invasive survey at all. As surveys go, it'll take you about 10 seconds. We're going to put it up on our website. If you go to our website, dissonancepod.com, you'll find a link to the survey. It is, including email address, a whopping seven questions. Seven questions long.

I mean, it's not a long survey. It's so easy. It's email, gender, age, marital status, ethnicity, education, income. And it's drop-downs. So if you're interested in taking the survey, we kind of like to get to know our audience a little better. And granted, just so fair disclosure, that information would go back to Libsyn. So they would get that information as well. Yeah, they would, they would approach us then probably with advertisers who would be interested

in advertising with the show, which would mean more revenue for the show if that were to happen. who would be interested in advertising with the show, which would mean more revenue for the show if that were to happen. More so, Tom and I are just interested in who's in sort of the demographic of people that are listening to the show. They need 250 people to do it in order for them to give us the information or actually for them to use the information. So if you get a chance this week, we'd appreciate it if you'd go and take this survey

just to show us who's listening to the show more than anything else. We're going to end today's show, Tom, with a skeptics creed that is in Irish hillbilly. This was submitted by Billy, and it's in their dialect of hillbilly in Ireland. It's pretty spectacular. It is pretty spectacular. We're going to leave you this week with the Skeptic's Creed. We'll be back next week. Don't forget to submit your final week to get a T-shirt from us for free.

Submit your call to prayer, your Islamic imitation of the Islamic call to prayer to us either by voice memo or by voicemail so you can be included in the contest. We have, I want to say, six entries so far, but we'd love to get a few more so we can use them. And full disclosure, I'm probably going to use these as Muslim clips in the future. So I'll probably use these as a way to introduce Muslim stories in the future. I know for sure I'm going to use the Tarzan one. I'll probably use the jerk one. So go ahead and send them in so we can have more clips to use because I'm lazy.

Cratchulity is not a word show. It's fortune cookie cutter, mammy issue, hypno babble and bullshit. Couched in scientician double bubble, tile and trouble, pseudo quasi alternative, actual punctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy healing, Thank you. Reflex foot massage, death in towers, tarot cards, psychic healing, crystal balls, bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches, mosques and synagogues, temples, dragons, giant farms, Atlantis, dolphins, throtters, burthers, witchards, wizards, waxy nuts, shaman, healers, evangelists, conspiracy, doublespeak, stigmata, nonsense. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. As long as you don't try to pass a law based on any of those irresponsible positions to pass a law from. We don't pass laws on our feelings. We don't do that.

That's stupid. Well, we should. We should pass laws against eggnog because I don't like it. I hate eggnog too, bro. Seriously, there should be a law that says that eggnog is illegal to manufacture, possess, consume. What the fuck were they thinking when they made that? I don't like it. I don't know, man. What the fuck were they thinking when they made that? Because I don't like it. I don't know, man.

What the fuck were you thinking? You know, you're like. Eggnog is a fucking accident. Oh, God. It's a disgusting, despicable accident. Eggnog is one of those things, honestly, that if it's opened in a room, I will leave the room. It's a gag reflex. It's immediate.

And the texture of it. Oh, God. You see it poured like. Oh, God. It's like. Into a glass. It's horrible. It's immediate. And the texture of it. Oh, God. You see it poured like. Oh, God. It's like. It's like. Into a glass? It's horrible.

It's like snot. It's like one tiny teaspoon of gelatin away from a Jell-O shot. It's Christmas flavored boogers. Oh, that's what it is. It's Christmas boogers. It's awful. That is awesome. It's like drinking a scented candle.

It's like a fucking Yankee candle, you know? I know. I'll tell you, if there is anything that makes me believe in Satan, though, it's eggnog. That shit is not fucking food. I'm like, okay, that's fucking, that's Satan jizz. That's what that is. I can get behind eating fucking almost anything. I know, I'm a fat man. I can get behind eating fucking almost anything. I know. I'm a fat man.

I can eat anything. But eggnog, I honestly, I can't even. Just the idea that somebody in the world is enjoying eggnog right now just repulses me. I actually think less of people individually and personally. I don't like their fucking parents by extension for having them if they express an affinity for eggnog. It's fucking awful. Oh, man. And then the fucking assholes who take out their fucking microplane and grate some nutmeg in there or whatever.

It's like, okay, you really want me to throw up now, don't you? You didn't make that better. You could grate, say, Semtex in there and then blow it up you could grate parmesan cheese on it and put it in a broiler and it wouldn't make any better that's not that should never be considered it should be considered a fucking weapon you could put parmesan cheese on a flywheel gear and i'd eat it yeah at least you hate eggnog the same way that's just fucking disgusting. There's no reason to drink that.

I think that's the worst food. It's like you want a piece of eggnog? Like it's so like quasi liquid. It's disgusting. I would rather eat an entire fruitcake. An entire fruitcake. The whole fruitcake. Right.

Dry without a glass of water. No problem. You know what eggnog is? Eggnog is the batter that you use for bread pudding without cooking it. Oh. Really. I mean, that's kind of what it is. It's a custard, you know?

But it's disgusting. I don't even know all what goes in eggnog. Obviously egg, but I don't know what knocks it. I'm going to look it up now. Yeah, I don't know what knocks it either.'m going to look it up now. I don't know what knocks it either. That's horrible. Look at a picture of it. Look at the Wikipedia picture of it and try to say I would...

I think I'd rather be waterboarded. You'd rather be waterboarded than drink eggnog? Yeah, I know. I mean, it's like fresh eggs, sugar, white rum, milk, whiskey. And what a waste of whiskey. Like, how the fuck can dare you?

I think the reason why I hate it so much is there's whiskey in it. Fucking eggnog. Oh, God. Now I can't even eat anything later. I think of eggnog and vomit. That's so gross. It's the way it doesn't even pour down your throat. It seems to crawl.

It coats everything. It slith way it doesn't even pour down your throat. It seems to crawl. Oh, coats everything. It slithers down your esophagus. It's like the fucking thing in The Matrix when it's going down his throat. And his voice is like. I'm not sure it can be swallowed. It has to be swallowed like a pill. You have to put it in your mouth and quickly gulp that shit down. You have to spit it out like a woman who likes you but doesn't love you.

Doesn't love you. She lusts you. Yeah.