Cognitive Dissonance - Episode 96: Six Degrees of Bestiality

Episode Date: April 23, 2013

Want to stream Cognitive Dissonance to your Android or iPhone? Buy the app. Go to DissonancePod.com and click on the link on the right-hand side of the page. Each purchase helps support the show. So there was a problem with the recording last time on Tom's End, and I didn't notice it until Monday morning, so that's why the show's late. Also, we recorded last week, so there is a winner to the call to prayer contest. There were late entries after we wound up recording last week. We will get to those

entries next week, but the winner is still who the winner is. So if you haven't heard your call to prayer entry and you submitted it, say, after Wednesday night of last week, don't worry. We got it. We will probably play it next week. We just didn't have time to fit it in this show. In fact, I had this discussion for some wonderful, caring Democrats earlier this week on the issue of, well, they said, caring Democrats earlier this week on the issue of, well, they said, surely you could agree to limit the number of rounds in a magazine, couldn't you? I mean, how would that be problematic? Well, and I pointed out, well, once you make it 10, then why would you draw the line at 10? What's wrong with 9 or 11? And the problem is once you draw that limit,

it's kind of like marriage. When you say it's not a man and a woman anymore, then why not have three men and one woman or four women and one man? Or why not, you know, somebody has a love for an animal? There is no clear place to draw the line once you eliminate the traditional marriage and it's the same once you remove or you start putting limits on what guns can be used, then it's just really easy to have laws that make them all illegal. There is a law being pushed, as it has for several years, that says that religious institutions should not be exempt from discrimination laws, that it is going to devastate the church, the synagogue, places of worship that hire people,

because ultimately they're saying you have to hire whatever Satan worshiper, whatever cross-dresser you think might be immoral that's against your religious belief. You are going to be forced to abandon your religious beliefs, and we've been seeing that with some of the requirements under Obamacare. Law always reflects someone's morality. So if Christians are not involved in making sure it reflects their morality as a majority, according to polls, then it's going to reflect a lack of morality or some immorality. So the law reflects somebody's and it better be the majorities that believe in God.

Be advised that this show is not for children, the faint of heart, or the easily offended. The explicit tag is there for a reason. This is Cognitive Dissonance. Every episode we blast anyone who gets in our way. We bring critical thinking, skepticism, and irreverence to any topic that makes the news, makes it big, or makes us mad. It's skeptical. It's political. And there is no welcome mat.

This is episode 97 of Cognitive Dissonance, and we are slouching toward the apocalypse at 100 in just three short weeks. And that will be a very big show because it will be 100 it'll have an extra number it'll be a big show it'll be a big show yeah you you know there's nothing for me to fucking say when i'm already talking three shows in advance it'll be one of the plus size numbers right so it'll be it'll be a show, a huskier show. More like us. Yeah. It's a big bump. Yeah. Do you remember like, well, you were skinny when you were a kid, but I was fat my whole

fucking life. I remember like there was a husky section and you had to like shamefacedly walk into it. The husky section? Really? Yeah, dude. Like that's what they used to call it for the fatty fats. Oh, I thought for like the Malamutes, they put like collars on you.

Now it's just America. You have to pull a sled. You have to tow the workers into it. You have to drag them all over the place, eat seal meat. It's just extra denim. Like that's all it is. It's just extra. It's like three extra yards of stonewashed fabric. You know, that's all it is.

My wife has a magnet on the fridge that's like, I guess back in the day they used to call girls that were bigger chubbies. So she has a thing that's like, it's a magnet that shows like an old ad that talks about how you could get free clothes

and it says free for chubbies on it. That's so awesome. That's great. That's wrong in every way. It just shows how fucking insensitive we used to be. They're not even trying. It's like, what do we call the section for the fat boys? We'll call them husky.

Sounds kind of strange, but fair enough. What do we call the fat girls? Call them chubbies. Who fucking cares? They're not goingbies. Call them chubbies. They're not going to have good self-esteem anyway. There's nothing we can do to fix that now. Look, we changed it from fat girls to chubbies, okay? Yeah, you just take a left at the fatty brace puke section.

So this first story comes from right wing watch louis gomer gomer yeah gomer is better opposes gun control because gay marriage leads to bestiality

you know this guy he goes slippery slope fucking crazy. And you know the reason why, Cecil? It's because he's so generously lubed. Yeah. He's just flying. His legs are over his ears, and he's shooting down. Man, it's great.

He's like on a slip and slide of KY when he's on this slippery slope. He says, talking about agreeing to limit the number of rounds in a magazine. Now, I have to point out, too, that we're recording this the same day that the Senate fucking said no to background checks. Like, they voted down background checks today. Like, yeah, we're going to expand background checks. Cause maybe if you're a felon, I don't know, maybe you shouldn't be having a gun and they can't even agree on that. Like, we're just like, Oh, did you see, did you see this week? And this is off the subject of Gohmert and his piles of lube. But, um, but did you see that there was a guy on MSNBC and he was on – he's the Colorado governor I think.

And he was talking about how they instituted background checks in their state. And they stopped – I don't know what the numbers are. I did see that. It's like in the hundreds of people who were felons, like former felons, like hundreds. And you're like, hundreds of people who were former felons fucking had their head clean up their ass. You talk about enough lube, right? You gotta have enough lube to get your head clean up

your ass to walk in and be like, yeah, you know what? I'd like to get a gun. Background check. Sure, here's my real name. Yeah, I know, right? Yeah, it's, well, and that's the thing. It's like, if you go to buy a gun from a gun collector or at a, like a firearm show,

you don't have to, you just be like, oh, I'm, you're not a federally, you're not like a licensed dealer. Oh, no problem. I'll just say that I want it. And you'll say that you want money and then we'll just hand each other the things we each want. Sure. Nobody's going to wait a second for it either. Right.

So, so we can't even agree on that, right? We can't even agree on background checks. That's how fucking mired down in bullshit any attempt at gun control legislation is. But this goober, this gomert. Go get it, gomert. You know, he's talking about limiting the number of rounds in a magazine. And somehow he gets to, like, fucking animals.

It's kind of amazing to see it. In, like, four sentences. Yeah. It's almost like one of those, like, really mind-boggling mathematic proofs. Like, you almost see, like, Good Will Hunting putting, like, the fucking backwards E on a board and being like, see? Sex with animals. Voila! He's like hunting, putting, like, the fucking backwards E on a board and being like, see?

Sex with animals. Voila! He's, like, the, he's, like, playing, like, the Kevin Bacon game, you know? But it's, like, instead of degrees of. Sex with animals. It's, like, it all just, like, okay, so we'll start with limiting the rounds of ammunition in a magazine. And we have to end with, give me something. Someone, come on someone something sex

with animals okay go it's like a bad improv yeah it's it's six degrees of bestiality I love this shit there's a great part here too at the end because then he starts just going off on

talking about he says something about being a Satan worshiper because he's talking about how churches are going to have to be able to hire people. And he says they're saying that you have to hire whatever Satan worshiper, whatever cross-dresser you might think immoral. That's against your religious belief. You're going to be forced to abandon your religious beliefs, and we've been seeing that with some of the requirements under Obamacare. And I think to myself, like, yeah, well, I got that letter last week from the government that said I had to go for my next checkup, and I had to be dressed like a woman and wear devil horns. You got the same one? Same letter. This level of convoluted thinking is fucking olympic oh it really is like you see this you're

like bravo i mean at some point you just have to hats off and that is a level of crazy that's deep and true and should just be applauded you know for me it's what, what it seems like is just he knows he's got to come out against certain things. Like he walks in. It's almost like he's so stupid he could not construct an argument. So what he does is he just thinks. It's like remember when Palin had on her hand, written on her hand, like four or five things. And it's like no taxes. And like, you know, like she just had like the dumbest shit and like freedom or something on her hand.

Isn't that what she had on her head? It was like love America, freedom and no taxes? Yeah, taxes and freedom or something. But anyway, like she can't even construct a level of discourse to weave three different things into one narrative. Like she can't – it's impossible for her to do. This guy can't weave in gun control and

he wants to weave, and since he's so against it, he wants to weave in gay marriage and then compare it to bestiality and then talk about religion in the public sphere. He wants to talk about all those things together. But gun control isn't the fucking entry point. Like gun control really doesn't have anything to do with any of those other things.

Well, it's an entry wound. Yeah. At least potentially. Yeah, sure. You know, this guy strikes me as somebody who has a checklist of like seven things. Yeah. You know, and it's like I used to do this thing back in high school in an English class. My buddy and I would say, we'd have to write an English paper.

And I'd give him something ridiculous that he had to weave into his paper. So he'd have to write a paper about the Scarlet Letter. And I would say, okay, you've got to use the phrase, scratch and sniff sticker in your paper. And that was the game. And he would have to use that. And he'd still have to get a good grade on the paper. Sure, yeah, you could just be like, scratch-and-sniff stickers, suck-my-butt teacher or something. And he would do the same thing for me.

He'd be like, you know, like Badger, you know, and I'd have to write a fucking essay about Tortilla Flat, and I'd have to use the word badger. It just had nothing to do with anything. Right. Um, this guy strikes me like he's playing that same game. Like,

okay, here's seven things to say. Yeah. You've got 500 words or less to say them. Yeah. Obamacare, Satan, animal fucking,

gun control. It's just, you know what he is? He's like a mad libs politician. Noun. I need a noun. I need a verb. Ooh, animal fucking. Every verb is donkey fucking.

Every verb is fucking an animal. So you don't think, so not in public schools, you don't think creationism should be taught in don't think so not in public schools you don't think creationism should be taught in public schools well in public schools look it our kids are required in science to learn the same curriculum uh in terms of the the act and other standardized national tests we have what's called the science education act that says if a teacher wants to supplement those materials if the school board's okay with that and if the state school board's okay with that they can supplement those materials bottom if the school board's okay with that, and if the state school board's okay with that, they can supplement those materials. Bottom line, at the

end of the day, we want our kids to be exposed to the best facts. Let's teach them about the big name theory. Let's teach them about evolution. Let's teach them. I've got no problem if a school board, a local school board says, we want to teach our kids about creationism, that people, some people have these beliefs as well. Let's teach them about intelligent design. I think teach them the best science. Let them, give them the tools where they can make up their own mind, not only in science, but as they learn and teach about other controversial issues, whether it's global warming or whether it's climate change, climate change or these other issues. What are we scared of? Let's teach our kids the best facts and information that's out there. Let's

teach them what people believe and let them debate and learn that. So Cecil, this comes from the Raw story. Louisiana governor. Governor. I've got no problem with creationism in public schools. Specifically, he says, bottom line, at the end of the day, we want our kids to be exposed to the best facts. The best ones. The very best facts. The best ones.

The very best facts. The best facts. Let's teach them about the Big Bang Theory. Let's teach them about evolution. Let's teach them. I've got no problem if a school board, a local school board, says, we want to teach our kids about creationism. That people, some people, have these beliefs as well.

Let's teach them about intelligent design. Because those are the best facts. They're the very bestest of the facts. You actually can rate your facts. Yeah, I know. I mean, like, there's a little five-star rating. And, you know, you can put a couple stars by them. It's like a Yelp review for your facts.

And, well, when I buy a fact, I always check the Amazon reviews myself. Just to make sure. Sure. You know, you got to get that. Fact review online. Fact make sure. Sure. You know, you got to get that. FactReview online. FactReview.com. He's talking about this stuff and he's saying that the students should be, you know, free to question things. And he says they should be free to question controversial issues like climate change and other scientific theories, adding, what are we scared of?

theories adding, what are we scared of? And I guess what I think I want to say to that is, you know, I think I'm afraid of, you know, I understand what he's getting at. What he's saying is, is that, you know, if it's true, it's going to win out. But the problem is, is that if you present these things in a credible way to impressionable students from teachers who students get other facts from, then suddenly these things have as much weight as everything else. The students don't have the critical ability to weigh these things out and say, well, the truth will win out whether or not it's creationism is right or evolution is right. The students don't have the critical thought to weigh those issues out without some sort of guidance from the teacher.

And if the teacher is just basically scattering the marbles on the ground and saying all of these marbles are equal, well, now we have a problem, and that's your problem. So your facts, when you say, well, you know, we like the best facts. Well, you're showing us right now that you don't even really know what a fact is. Well, isn't that the problem with this old, you know, tired, exhausted, teach the controversy argument? You know, I think you hit the nail on the head when you're talking about like the kids. But like the kids, if you present all these facts as equivalent, then there's no differentiation as to, yeah, but this one's actually based on the precepts of science and this one is made up from a book. It's not a fact.

Right. Like that's the thing is it doesn't even fall into the fucking – Realm of fact. I mean like the umbrella is fucking across the room, OK? It's not a fact. It's an opinion. And it's not how science works. You know, that's an acceptable thing

to do in an English class. You know, I was just making a joke about, you know, writing a paper. Like, hey, you want to have a conversation about which is the best interpretation of, you know, Huck Finn or The Scarlet Letter? Like, let's have that conversation. You want to sit down and debate with me

about Moby Dick? Like, let's sit down. Let's have that debate. You want to debate with me about Moby Dick? Let's sit down. Let's have that debate. You want to debate with me about scientific fact? No. That's not how we decide what's true. Science isn't decided by committee. It's not decided by everybody gets together and says, well, this is what we hope.

This is how the acceleration due to gravity is you know 9.8 meters per second squared because we all voted on it yeah and so that's how fast shit fall you know like that's not that's not how that works like you don't just decide on equations or scientific facts or physical uh you know decisions about how the world works and how it's worked in the past because we all thought that seems like a pretty good idea. Maybe it'll just be that way now. Yeah. And that's how that's why, you know, computers work and bombs explode.

Like, that's just not how it works. Yeah. We don't we don't take a vote. They single out science class as the only class where there's sort of this, OK, guys, we're going to just sort of, what we're going to do is we're just going to throw these things out there and we're just going to teach you about everything and let you decide what's right. I mean, they're not teaching Holocaust and Holocaust denial in the same class. Right, yes, absolutely not. You know what I mean?

Like they're not saying, here's two viewpoints. They're not teaching 9-11 and 9-11 conspiracy. They're not teaching JFK and JFK conspiracy. There's no alternative history shit that I ever got in high school. I never got a moment of any of that. Of course. I didn't even hear about anything conspiracy theory at all until I was out of high school and college. That was the first time I was ever introduced to the idea of a conspiracy theory was after I was in a college situation because there's just no room for it in

the, in the, in growing up as a, as a kid, when you're learning history, there's no room for it because it's, it's, it's inane garbage that has no basis. Most of it has no basis in any sort of – in any kind of academic setting. And the same thing goes for math. It's not like they're singling out math either, right? They're not saying, well, you know, what we really want to do is just throw out all these different theories on math. It's like, well, some people want this theory and that. There's no alternate theories on math. I don't think, but now we're going to get like five of them, but, um, but there's no alternate theories on math that I'm aware of. So, you know, that doesn't come up.

But the fact is, is that the reason why they do this is because they recognize that if they can get students, children can working in their brain brain their religion, then they've gotten in. And I saw Hitchens' quote today that I thought was really great. He was talking about prayer in school. And he was like, there's a reason why they're not saying we want prayer in restaurants. We want prayer at public games. We want prayer at parades. There's a reason they're saying that.

It's because they want to go for the children. Right. Yeah, I know this quote. They want the children, okay? And I'm paraphrasing this quote, but they want the children. They don't want, they don't care about anything else. And that's the same thing here. They want the children.

So they want to get any way that they can get into that class. They want to get into that class. Sure. And that's the sad part of all this. It's like, you know, you would think that you would be able to when they say we're allowing you to, you know, we're going to let all the facts stand and we're going to see how everything stands on its own merits. Well, why don't we do that? Why don't we let religion play its way out in the private sphere and we let science play its way out in the public school setting and see who wins out? Well, we don't really want to have a contest. Yeah. You know, they're not really asking for a contest of ideas. I mean, that's not

really what they're asking for. They know they're in Louisiana. You know what I mean? Like they know the context of this argument. Sure. They know they're in Louisiana. And if they give educators an opportunity to proselytize at the podium, that educators, some educators, a lot of educators, enough educators will take that opportunity to proselytize the podium and that they'll, you know, reinforce at the very least those ideas that, you know, this group of people is enamored of so well. You know, it's not like, hey, let's have a war of ideas. We have equal numbers, right? Like, they're not saying, like, let's get a group of five representatives of each of the world's major religions and, you know, atheists and agnostics into a room and we'll all sit down and have a debate.

Nobody's asking for that. No. You know, what they're saying is, while we have the majority, let's press the issue. God has no place within these walls, just like facts have no place within organized religion. So this story comes from the Charleston Gazette's website, which is WVGazette.com. GW student asked for injunction against principal over speaker. This story is fucking nuts. George Washington High School recently had a speaker who I seriously they must have found because she was fucking babbling with a sandwich board outside downtown at 3 a.m drunk on her feet

for the crazy ass fucking shit that she said they had a speaker to talk about sex and sexuality told the kids just nutty stuff cecil like condoms aren't safe and that if your mother gives you birth control it's because she hates you i don't want you to get pregnant i'd rather have you live out your life and make good decisions and have opportunity because i hate you right i love that idea well maybe she doesn't like you enough to like your grandkids you know maybe that's what i don't know i babies. So here's birth control. So the student complained about it. And the principal went after her, threatening that if she continued, that he would call her colleges of choice and basically defame her character.

Because, you know, he's keeping it classy. Because he's a godly individual. Right. Who would Jesus defame? I can't believe somebody would. I mean, like, this whole story just reeks of injustice. You know what I mean? Like, there's just this feeling that I get from this person who's just, you know, I mean, you're forced to go to this assembly where you have this raving lunatic who's talking about,

forced to go to this assembly where you have this raving lunatic who's talking about basically, like you said, how condoms don't work and you're 10 times more likely to contract a certain disease or end up sterile or end up dead. And you're going off, I guess she was like slut shaming and she was like really rude to women and basic, I mean, just really just being a horrible person. Like they just found a really horrible person and they gave them, I don't know, a couple hours to talk in front of a bunch of kids. And I remember when I was in high school, the assemblies were really lighthearted, as I can recall. Like they were all just kind of, hey, here's a comedian. Here's Jesse White's tumblr. Jesse White's Tumblr are everywhere all the time. Like, they're just like, okay,

well, they're doing flips. Like, that's awesome. Or we'd have, like, a pep assembly where it's like, hey, guys, our basketball team's playing. Be sure to paint your face and be a goofball tonight or whatever. You know, like, that was the only, I don't remember a single moment where they're like,

okay, we're going to have the fucking Buzz Killington talk about fucking no sex for you. You know, like, I don't remember that at all. This same speaker at one point says something like, she can look anybody in the eye,

any girl in the eyes, and by looking in her eyes, she can see how promiscuous she'll be. This is not a person who should be allowed to speak to kids. You know, this is just, it's so crazy. It's so crazy. That's not her only talent, though.

I know, from what I read, she could also cut a rooster's throat and through the entrails tell your future. So, you know, I mean, she's got a lot of talents. Well, like this woman says, like the girl, you know, from the high school, she says, West Virginia has the ninth highest teen pregnancy rate in the country. The ninth highest. And you're going to have an assembly which promotes like the only thing that doesn't work. Like, seriously, if you're going to sit there and say, all right,

what things work to help? Like pulling out is more effective than abstinence. Because you might actually fucking do it. Yeah. You know what I mean? No, it's so true. You know, if you have an opportunity to have the sexy times and you're in high school, you're going to take the opportunity.

You know, you just need to know how to not get it. It just seems like a great way to make sure your state remains backward. It is altogether right to discriminate against homosexual behavior. I'm arguing that it's time that we as conservatives, that we rehabilitate the word discriminate, that we reclaim it, that we dust it off and that we use it and that we use it unapologetically. And I believe we need to begin to say, look, it is altogether right for a rational culture to discriminate against homosexual behavior. This story is from addictinginfo.org homophobic lawmakers attempt to make sodomy and oral sex illegal fails miserably and boy does he look upset by it oh it's so great so fucking captain crazy decides that he's going to try to reinstate Virginia's crimes against nature's law.

Nature law. Nature's? Nature. How many natures? All of the natures. All of the natures are belong to us. Which would effectively criminalize oral and anal sex. This guy is trying to outlaw blowjobs.

What are you doing? Nobody's going to vote for you. Nobody is going to vote. Nobody is going to be like, I can't even say, nobody's going for this. It is inconceivable that anybody's like, hmm, I do hate Oral Facts. You know what's so funny?

This guy's name is Ken Cuccinelli. This guy is awesome. I love the idea that you're going to be like, oh, you know what we're going to do is we're just going to outlaw oral sex. And you're like, there's some people out there, you know, certainly some women, who the only way they can orgasm is oral sex. Like, that's it. Like, they don't get any other orgasm. You're just like, and how the fuck do you police that shit? I know.

Like, what do you, you walk in in the morning to work and every day they have to swab your mouth? You know, like, what, I don't understand. How the fuck do they handle that shit? Oh, we found a pubic hair in your teeth there, buddy. You're going to jail. It's like they got a breathalyzer test, but you're not allowed to blow. It's the...

We want you to blow at it, not on it. It's a reverse breathalyzer. There's no glory holes in that state. That's all I'm saying. There's no holes in that state. That's all I'm saying. There's no glory in that state. That's all. And I love that the Supreme Court, they wouldn't even pick it up. They're just like, no.

What? What? Yeah. No. Because everybody wants oral sex. Everybody wants. There's nobody who's like, eh, pass. Nope.

The anal sex part is funny too there's a there's a meme that goes around and somebody was like it's like somebody put a question

like what would you ask God and underneath somebody had written why is my G spot up my ass and you gotta think You know like that's the other thing about anal sex too

It's like yeah well It's fulfilling a function bro You know and it's like it's not only Homosexuals that give blowjobs And fuck people in the ass You know there's fucking girls out there The peg dudes You know

Why are we really in in 2013, going to be like, whoa, we got to make sure people in the bedroom do the thing, because my wife won't do either of these things. My wife will not fuck me with a strap on, and I'm very frustrated. I've got to make that shit. I'm very frustrated about it. The only way for me to feel better about this is to make it illegal for everybody. That way all the guys are getting together and we're all talking and I can say, that's illegal, guys.

She won't let me go down on the strap-on and she won't fuck me in the ass with the strap-on. It's the worst sexual experience ever. God, this is a sour grape motherfucker, right? It is. You sour puss motherfucker. It's fucking Debbie Downer. Like, every time he introduces a bill, it should just be like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. He stands up like, ugh, not him again.

Not this fucking guy again. What are you going to make illegal? Smiling next? No more ice cream, Mr. Monday. I now propose we take all the roast beasts from the Who's in Whoville. What the fuck? Your heart is two sizes too small. Oh, man, it's fucking green eggs and ham day, man.

So we're going to take a quick break and give you some information on how to contact us, and we're going to lie to you and say that we post to Google+, and we'll be back in a few minutes and do the rest of the show. Want to contact Cognitive Dissonance? Visit them on Facebook. You can find the link at the website DissonancePod.com or type it in the Facebook search bar. Be sure to follow the guys on Twitter. Their handle is at Dsonance underscore pod. The guys also post to Google Plus now, too, so check them out there.

And if you'd like to email them, you can do so at dissonance.podcast at gmail.com. You can also leave a comment on the blog at their webpage or give them a call at 740-74-DOUBT. That's 740-743-6828. Long distance rates apply. And to everyone who listens, shares, retweets, or rates the show, Cognitive Dissonance would like to cordially thank you for all of your fucking support. So Cecil, this story is from The Telegraph. Teenager exposes India's one one month wives sex tourism um so this is this shit is crazy 17 year old girls expose the scale of islamic sex tourism in india where muslim men

from the middle east and africa are buying one month wives for sex so you know obviously the muslim religion forbids prostitution but you can have a lot of wives and then you can divorce your wives. So the way around that is to get a temporary wife, like a temporary tattoo that you can fuck. That doesn't even make any sense. I know. sense. I know. So campaigners for Muslim women's rights said short term contract marriages are basically what what they're using to assuage their religious guilt. They're illegal. They're supposedly forbidden, but they're still doing it, which is the part of the story that's kind of baffling. It's like it's illegal. OK, so it doesn't circumvent the legal function.

It's forbidden in Islam. It doesn't circumvent the technicalities of your religious function. So why don't you just get a prostitute? I don't know. Well, maybe he wants, I mean, maybe they're just, because that's a lot of money to pay for a prostitute. What is it, 1,200 little L's? 1,200, yeah. 1,200, what is that? I don't even know what that is.

It's bitcoins. It's 1,200 bitcoins. 1,200. What is that? I don't even know what that is. It's bitcoins. It's 1,200 bitcoins. Well, that's a lot less now than it was a couple weeks ago. Right. Or 11 sticks of Big Red. Yeah. It's 1,200 gold shillings. But it's funny.

We didn't get busted on that shillings count last week. Nothing. I totally thought somebody was going to go after it. I made a hey penny joke and nothing. I know. Nothing. I totally thought somebody was going to go after it. I made a hey, penny joke and nothing. I know. Nobody even said anything. But it's 1,200 pounds, I guess, is what he paid for it, which came out to be 100,000 rupees, which is around 1,200 pounds, which is, you know what?

Is that 2,400 plus dollars, something like that? Isn't it two bucks a pound or something like that? I don't know. I think the exchange rate's not very good for us right now. So I think it's more money than it's worth. That's I think exactly what it translates to. Yeah, more money than it's worth. More money than it's worth.

It's like a 3K for a prostitute for a month. That seems like a lot of money. I mean, the idea here is that he buys the woman for a month and then has to persuade her to have sex, though? Like, instead of, like, having a willing participant who's totally willing to trade the dollars for the puss, he's like, well, you know what? I'm going to go out and get this girl. Oh, she's young, evidently.

That's the other thing. She's very young because she's not 18. I don't know how old she is because I couldn't see it in this article, but she's not 18 yet. So he's trying to persuade her to have sex and then she won't. And then her family is like trying to turn her out. Right. Right? Because it's all about exploiting the poor.

I mean that's really what this is. This is about. It's about exploiting the poverty stricken families to to turn their girls into short term brides, long term prostitutes. It's like it. But the whole bride thing is just sort of baffling. It's sort of I don't understand what the point of this unnecessarily complicated relationship is. It seems so convoluted just to get your rocks off. Just this is why I mean, truthfully, this and a hundred other reasons is why we need to everybody collectively as a as a globe. We need to recognize that physical acts will always be traded for resources. recognize that physical acts will always be traded for resources. You know, whether that physical act is, I'll pick up a heavy thing and move it for you,

or I'll have sex with you. You know, people are going to trade what they can do with their body for resources, for money, for whatever. And we need to take this shit out of the black market so that people like this aren't exploited. So you don't have these ridiculous purchasing a girl. I mean, that's really what you're doing. You're renting a girl for a month while her family fucking pimps are out so you can fuck them while you're in town. Like, that's what this shit's about.

This story in here is about a Sudanese executive who comes and gets, like, three teenage girls and, like, marries all of them for a month. So it's clear like he's like, I'm in India for a while. I'm business. I'm going to get myself some short term wives. I mean, if if prostitution were just legalized and regulated, it's safer for everybody. And it's less insane.

It's just less insane. It's just like drugs. I mean, it's just like drugs, right? You take the things off the black market. Then suddenly there's no profit to be made by the people who are going to exploit other people. Exactly. You suddenly take away that profit margin that people put in, and it's gone. And now it's, okay, well, now you want to have sex with somebody?

Okay, fine. Well, it's perfectly legal to pay for sex. And then they have a say and they have protections and they have someone they can go to when something goes wrong. You know what I mean? Like it just makes good sense. I totally agree with you. I think, you know, like there's no way we're going to stop prostitution. It's not like we're going to be like, well, we're done with that.

So we've moved past it as a society. That's not going to happen. It's silly to even say it. We're done with that. Now people won't want to do that anymore. No, the people are going to want to do it. Ridiculous. We just need to make sure that there are safeguards for the people who do do it.

I mean, there's plenty of people in other countries. There's other countries. There's places in our country currently where you can have sex for dollars. Sure. You go somewhere. I can go currently where you can have sex for dollars. Sure. You go somewhere. I can go somewhere. I can get on a plane. Can't do it in our state, but you could do it in, I don't know, other states.

I know Vegas for sure. Not Vegas. Nevada for sure. But Nevada, yeah. Outside of Vegas, I think. And then maybe somewhere else in the United States. I don't know. But Nevada for sure.

You can go, be like, well, time to go get a bang away on the old drum for a couple hundred bucks, 300, 500 bucks, whatever it costs. Get a chance to do it. This guy could easily do it. He's paying a lot more than that. And the world doesn't stop spinning. It's not like you go to Nevada and it's like a lawless land of chaos and wilderness. It's not like it's just like a cesspool of danger and vileness in Nevada because there's certain counties that have legalized prostitution. That's not how it works. It didn't make things worse. Like the world did not rip itself asunder because of that. So

this article was just sort of bafflingly convoluted and bizarre. The religious right that I was part of is fundamentally anti-American. They hate this country. They wrap themselves in the flag, but they hate America as it is. This story is from thinkprogress.org. Congressman says bombings reveal danger of immigration bill because radical Islamists are trained to act Hispanic. This article I want to point out came out on April the 17th.

The bombings were like three days ago. And this guy's already using them to make political hay. Yeah. I mean, it's crazy. You know, if anyone doesn't know what we're talking about, there was a bombing at the end of the Boston Marathon. Three people were killed. Dozens were injured in the bombing. They don't know what we're talking about, there was a bombing at the end of the Boston Marathon. Three people were killed. Dozens were injured in the bombing.

They don't know who did it. This guy is talking about immigration reform relative to this and specifically saying that Islamists are trained to act Hispanic. Hispanic's not even a real thing. It was made up by the Census Bureau. It's not like a nationality oh where are you from i am from the great nation of hispania hispania what are you talking about they're trained what is being trained to act hispanic mean can you imagine being like act more hispanic uh what does that mean am i mexican northern mexican, southern Mexican, Ecuadorian, Argentinian?

Am I from – what does it even fucking mean? Act Hispanic. This is a crazy thing to say. What I see is like a bunch of people in turbans standing right on the Mexican border. And they see the border patrol come by and he's like, quick, act Hispanic. border and they see the border patrol come by and he's like, quick, act Hispanic! And then they all kind of like, what they do is they immediately take their

turbans and lower them a little bit on their eyes. Act Hispanic! What does that mean? Should we work very hard? Should we? This is the same guy, that Gohmert guy that we were talking about earlier. And this is, again,

he's trying to glue shit together that doesn't even fit together. He's using a tragedy. First off, there's no real evidence at all that this is any sort of attack from any other force at all. We don't know who it is. We have no idea at this point who has done anything. They supposedly had a suspect in custody today, and then I found out that that was, you know, because we are in this 24-hour news cycle,

so the moment somebody hears something, it immediately becomes fact. Exactly. And then when they find out that they were wrong, immediately they have to retract it. And this is when all the conspiracy fucktards come up, and they're like, oh, well, they said they had somebody, and then they said they didn't. They don't blame it on bad reporting. They just think automatically whatever is reported is fact. And, you know, the problem is, what this guy's doing is he's basically saying we had this tragedy in the country. It's obviously

someone who is Islamic, right? Somebody who is a Muslim because he's talking about radical Islamists trying to act Hispanic. And then he's going to loop them in to the immigration debate that's currently going on where we're deporting citizens of the United States and illegal immigrants into the United States. We're deporting them out. United States and illegal immigrants into the United States. We're deporting them out. He's trying to link that in so that if there's any immigration reform, this sort of thing gets brought up. This is sort of what we're talking about. He's trying to scare the American people into thinking, oh, well, what we really need is good immigration reform, because if we do, then bombings like this won't happen. Well, you're not even connecting the dots correctly.

They just, there's nothing there. And he says here, I want to quote because I just thought this was hilarious. He says, and I think this is just a typo, right? But I think it's funny. He says, finally, the Israeli people said, this is enough. They built a fence and the rest of the rest is a wall to prevent the snipers from telling their kids. And I'm like, what are they telling your kids? Bang your dead? Like, what are they saying? I wonder what they're telling the kids.

It's funny because I was going to read the same thing. It reminds me of, like, kids, like, walking up to these snipers. The sniper's like, shh, get out of here. I'm sniping. Don't you tell that to my kid. Hey, I got it like they're pulling on the sniper's sleeve. You know, like, hey, do you want to get some candy? I'm busy sniping here.

Quiet. Very busy. Get back to your. Can't you see I'm sniping? You know, he also said that he was worried about people entering the country illegally or posing, posing as undocumented Hispanic immigrants because they could carry out copycat things. Copycat things.

And who would pose as who would pretend to be an undocumented Hispanic immigrant? If I were going to pretend to be something to carry out a copycat thing, I would pretend to be documented. I'd pretend to be an American. While I'm pretending, I'm going to pretend to be a tiger. That's what I'm going to pretend. If you just pretend to be anything, they're posing as an – why would you pose as undocumented? My cover is as an undocumented worker. What? Why wouldn't your cover be as

a documented worker? It's a better cover. It just seems like it would be a better cover. He chose a terrible cover. And then he says, like, we know Al Qaeda has camps on the Mexican border. Well, fucking nobody else knows that. You just made that up. What are you talking about?

Quick, tell the FBI, because this is the first anyone is hearing of it. Like people are sitting up like we do? Fuck, what? Yeah. Somebody should get rid of those. Why are they there? Well, we know they're there because I just said it out loud. And the last thing is the thing that kills me too is he says, you have to understand

that we want America to continue to be a haven for people that want to live free and then i i i sort of can't help but finish that sentence for him unless you're brown unless you're brown yeah absolutely yeah i mean because he's basically saying no like we're only caucasian people only white folk are the ones who are allowed to live free in this country, in this world. Right, right. Yeah, we want it to be a haven for people, people like me. Lucifer ran this world. Yeah, that's exactly correct.

And that is what they're seeking to bring back in the last days. That is the world government. That is the last beast. That is the fourth beast that is coming. It is a resurrection of the pre-flood Luciferian government. And the Illuminati is the bloodline that exists today with the assignment to bring about the resurrection of this pre-flood Luciferian government.

And that's exactly what they're doing now, the New World Order. So the head of the New World Order, there's many organizations, but the head of it is the Illuminati. You're born into the Illuminati. So if you hear these people who claim, well, I joined the Illuminati and blah, blah, blah, well, they're lying. That's just not true. They have delusions of grandeur. Hey, we're down to about 20 seconds.

Do you think Barack Hussein Obama is part of the bloodline? No, he's not. I've asked specifically. He is called the forerunner of the Antichrist. But Hillary is in the Illuminati. This is also from Right Wing Watch. Fucking what? Rick Wiles wonders if Obama is in the Illuminati.

Learns that he's the forerunner of the Antichrist. Rick Wiles is of True News. Which is great because it is not true at all. And he hosted Dr. Preston Bailey of the Spiritual Warfare Center to discuss how the New World

Order is trying to restore the Luciferian government that existed before... Luciferian? Luciferian's not a word! I gotta keep reading it! That existed before Noah's flood and will accelerate the end times. Okay. He says that he doesn't believe that Obama is literally a demon of the Illuminati bloodline because you have to be born into the Illuminati.line because you have to be born

into the Illuminati. Right. No, that's true. He's very clear about that. You can't just join the Illuminati. You don't run out to JCPenney and get Illuminati-only member's jacket. You know? They might let you into one function with that,

but certainly not all of them. You can go to the pancake breakfast. Yeah, absolutely. They have that every week at the Illuminati Lodge. The Illuminati Lodge. The Illuminati fish fry is spectacular. It is. It's really good.

They wear all their big Illuminati hats. They're like pyramids with three eyes. They're all made out of dollar bills. They're made out of dollar bills. A lot of dollar bills, though, because you've got to put it all in the hat thing. No, it's just tiny dollar, tiny little hats. Oh, they're really small. Like origami folded together.

Right, and they meditate right above. They sort of just levitate right above their heads. They just sort of bob up and down. Yeah, those Illuminati, that's a bitch, that Illuminati. Man, I didn't realize that they were so exclusive of a group. No, well, you know, you got to be born into it. And he does say, he says, this is this Bailey guy, and this is the clip we just listened to. It says, you're born into the Illuminati.

So if you hear those people who claim, well, I just joined the Illuminati and blah, blah, blah. Well, they're lying. That's not true. They have to lose just a granture. And then Wick Wiles, of course, says, do you think Barack Hussein Obama is part of the bloodline? And he says, no. No, he's not. I've asked specifically.

He's what they call the forerunner of the Antichrist. And I couldn't help but thinking if Barack Obama, Hussein Obama, if you will, had long dreads and was from Jamaica, he could be the cool runner of the Antichrist. Can you bobsled in hell, mon? Can you bobsled in hell? He finishes this, but Hillary is in the the illuminati hillary is yeah do you have their fucking roster how do you know who's in the illuminati we colleen i was talking to my wife about this and she's like what is the illuminati i'm like it's something crazy people make up yeah it's it's new world order nuts like the new world order nuts are a special kind of crazy yeah oh yeah you know and you like well there's not a new world order yet have you guys not noticed

that that we're still a world of disparate nations we're still really fucking fractured we are so far from a new world order it I mean, we're actually further than we were 20 years ago. You know, like 20 years ago, the world was getting along a little better than it is now. We're getting along pretty poorly at the moment. I don't know if they've noticed. The Koreas can't even get along. It's not even a new peninsula order at this point. I like that Hillary Clinton, though, is part of the Illuminati.

I wonder, is Bill part of the Illuminati by marriage then? How does that work? Do you get in? He's just like, yeah, I just crash the meetings for some Illuminati chicks. That's all I do. I just try to go out and try to bang as many Illuminati chicks as I can. They light up when you fuck them. I love the little hats they wear.

Take them off their head and put them on their nipples. Watch them bounce around. They make great cigar holders. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers. I want the truth. You can't handle the truth.

So this story is from emirates247.com, and this is courtesy of one of our listeners. I believe Stu. Yeah, I believe Stu sent this to us. Witch doctor to die for beheading boy. sent this to us. Which doctor to die for beheading boy? Which doctor who beheaded an 11-year-old boy and offered the head as a sacrifice

to a goddess to improve his fortune has been sentenced to death? And all I can think is, well, it didn't work! I mean, you gotta be like, eggs on your face now.

You cut off that kid's head for nothing. For nothing. Your fortunes have not improved. You know, he probably would have had better luck cutting off the head of a goblin for luck. He should have. He should have found a goblin. At least they're filled with coins. You shake them upside down and get all the coins.

Or they blow up and they're full of coins. Or they're coin-creating goblins or whatever. Yeah, the coin-creating. Yeah, man. Isn't that what they did? Look, they're the fortune goblins. And I think that, you know, like really what you need is more goblins and less children getting beheaded. Because I'm for the goblin beheading.

It is hard to get behind the children beheading. I mean, you know, on occasion I'm behind the children beheading. It is hard to get behind the children beheading. I mean, on occasion, I'm behind the children beheading. It just depends on the child, really. But the children beheading is a little more off-putting, I think. Yeah, it does take a certain stomach to tolerate cutting the head off an 11-year-old. This reminds me of when I was a little kid. When I was a kid, did you used to buy the stuff like the capsule toys with a quarter, Cecil, like they had at the grocery store and whatever? So you turn it, it's like a gumball machine?

Yeah, right. There was one near where I lived when I was a kid that had rabbit's feet on a key chain. And I remember thinking, I remember telling my dad I wanted like a quarter or 50 cents or $25 or whatever those cost. And I asked him, you know, what do you want? And he said, well, I want to get one of these lucky rabbit's feet. And he asked me why. And I said, well, I want good luck. And I was a little kid.

And he looked at me and he's like, well, I wasn't so lucky for the rabbit. And you look at this and it's like, well, how are you going to cut off somebody's head for good luck? Maybe he died of old age, Dad. It was attached to the kid and it wasn't good luck. Yeah, no, that's true. That's true. And where do you hang the little keychain? It's like he goes to start his car.

He's got the fucking skull bouncing against his knee the whole time. No, I think this is one of those things you hang from the rearview mirror. It's like a garter. You know what I mean? Like you catch the garter at the wedding. You hang that from the rearview mirror. You cut the kid's head off. You hang it from the rearview mirror.

Does it have to shrink at first? You could also mount it on the hood of your car, too. That's why they get the kid's skull. So they don't have to go through the effort of shrinking them. Right, right. Yeah, no, it's a pre-shrunk skulls, so they don't have to go through the effort of shrinking them. Right, right. Yeah, no, it's a pre-shrunk skull. Pre-shrunk? And I don't know that we have to say this again, but really, you know, let's fucking erase the magical worldview from people.

Right. So that people aren't fucking, I don't know, dabbling in human sacrifice anymore. It's not really dabbling when you just come out and do it. I guess it's true. Like you've gone full. I guess, you know, you've gone full retard at that point. You've taken your hobby all the way. Yeah.

You know, you're like, ah. And there has to be that day where you hadn't cut off some kid's head. And then you woke up and you're like, ma, man, I just can't get a break. I need something to turn my world around. Where can I find an 11 year old boy to cut his fucking head off? I don't even know how that gets

through all the processing that goes through in your brain. Now, Tom, before we end this, can you try to pronounce the place where this happened? Alright, Cecil, I'm giving this hell here. Ch-ch-uh... Chet his girl.

Ah, ah. No, no, no, that was fake. I wasn't even trying. Chet his girl. Raw. Chet his gar? Gar. What the fuck? Buy a fucking vowel, Pat Sajak. There's two H's in a row.

Yeah, because that's the only way you can pronounce ch-ch. The fuck do you have two H's in a row? It's for the ch-ch sound. There's no fucking ch-ch sound. Not unless you're spitting something up. Ch-ch is gar. That's pretty close. That's as good as I can get.

It's like I'm teaching the kiddo to read, and his school tells him, like, chop it out. Like, it's a new way of saying, like, sound it out. You know, like, chop it into pieces. Ch-hat-t-i-s-g-ar. Ch-hat-t-i-s-g-ar. That's why you cut kids' heads off, because you live in Chihate. Well, they had to chop it out. So we got a ton of voicemail this time.

We can't actually play at all. We got voicemails and people who sent in recordings, and we can't play at all. There was so much good stuff. But what we've got to do is we've got to play all the contest entries and then we're going to play all the fast sort of quick email or voicemails that we

got. Anything that was fast we normally play. So if it's nice and fast and you keep it short, Tom and I almost always play it. So we're going to play you just a ton of stuff in a row here. Hi, guys. My name's Tamika.

I've called this show once before about the stupid church signs, but I forgot to say my name, so I'm saying it now. I just had a quick question for you guys. You guys have such a great job interviewing people, and you have such a great dynamic, and the conversations are always interesting. I especially love when you guys talk to that guy from Mercy Side Skeptics.

Would you guys ever interview someone like Richard Dawkins or Daniel Dennett or Sam Harris at all? Would you guys reach out to them if they'd be interested in doing this show? If so, it would be really great to hear one of those episodes. Okay. Thank you interested in doing the show. If so, it would be really great to hear one of those episodes.

Okay. Thank you, guys. Love the show. Bye. Hi. This is Dani from Milwaukee. Just wanted to say, with all the enthusiasm that I can muster, glory. Thanks.

Bye. Cecil, Tom. This is Brian in Finland You know, I used to like you guys And I was going to say glory hole, glory hole, glory hole But I am incredibly offended by your outlook On one of the greatest beverages ever known to exist And that is eggnog

For your utter hatred, I'm going to have to, I don't know Stop listening to you guys or something. Or, maybe I want to pay someone to follow you around at TAM with a glass of eggnog, trying to get you to drink it. Maybe that's going to be the way it goes.

So, I hate your mothers too, because you don't like eggnog. That's just how it is. Sorry, guys. Maybe a glory hole. Maybe no glory hole. Laters.

Glory hole, guys. I am an atheist in Arkansas. Go figure. I just wanted to call and say great job. Love the podcast. Listen every week. I love that we agree on most things and disagree on some. It's an awful conversation.

Anyways, keep it up, guys. Love it. Hello. This is Brian from Philly. I just wanted to make an observation and talk about a bit of a suggestion. First, glory hole. And the observation is glory hole, it's kind of funny that the word that you have to say, you know, I love your show and all that, implies anonymous cocksucking. Just wanted to put that out there.

implies anonymous cocksucking. Just wanted to put that out there. Next, uh, I wanted to say, if you guys are looking for some particularly silly shit, look up Korean Van Death. Anyway, that's just it. Talk to you

later. Well, hey diddly-doo guys! My name is Ben Hammond Young. As an infant, I was a foundling and lone survivor of a home invasion and gangland massacre. My adoptive father was just finishing his mission to the greater Los Angeles area when the sweet love of Whiteyarian baby Jesus brought us together. My father delivered me onto his rural Idaho farm where I was homeschooled and raised as a member of his family.

I had a normal Mormon upbringing, but at the age of 16, I felt a deep burning in my bosom that led me to a cache buried in the floor of our barn. There, I found a Betamax copy of Airplane. copy of Airplane. Upon viewing this film, in secret mind you, not only did I discover two swarthy

gentlemen passengers who looked just like me, but by using Barbara Billingsley as Latter Day Rosetta Stone, I was able to learn the language of my long-lost people and discover

my lost roots. Tom, Cecil, I am Tyrone L. And I speak Jive. Now, allow me to translate the Muslim call to prayer

to the language of my people. Me, me, me, me, me, me. Allow me to translate the Muslim call to prayer to the language of my people. Jive translation Muslim call to prayer. Allah. Akbar. Gotta holla. Ain't no thing but the king. I testify, Jack. Brother Moe spit that shit.

Served up some verbal pimping like Tony Montana. Now, on your knees to please and get your reals copacetic. Time-wise now to bust a move on the butter side. I love poop. I could buy. Cause ain't no cappin' from Big Al Maximus. Give it up, y'all. Shit.

Hello, Tom and Cecil. It has been a while since you have used me in your show, and I just wanted to say that I missed you. It's me, the Google Translate lady. I just wanted to say glory motherfucking whole baby. I had a funny joke for you guys. Okay, here it goes. Why did the priest like 29-year-olds so much? Because there was 20 of them. I know what you're thinking. I am funnier than a squirrel dressed up like a rabbi. Anyways, I was hoping to enter the contest for the Muslim call to prayer, so here it goes.

I hope you are ready. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Hey. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Glory, ho, motherfucker. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar.

Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Allahu Akbar. Fuck dolphins and giant worms. Peace out. Al-a-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la- hard to understand what he's saying, but I think I've got it translated. So here we go, my call to prayer. A long snack bar, a long snack bar, a long snack bar. Anyway, I thought you guys would get a kick out of that. Name's Ryan in Maryland. Catch you later. Bye. F*** Oh, you. I want that shirt.

I want that shirt. I want that shirt. Preferably black women's shirt in large because I'm kind of a fat ass. But it's okay if it's men's. I'll just use it as a painting. Smock. So first we want to talk about Ben the Black Mormon who translated the call to prayer to jive, Tom. I thought that was a very well done call to prayer.

That shit was fucking beautiful. That shit was beautiful. Yeah, the Google translate. Food don't get no help. That's awesome. The Google translate was very good when Translate called us on the phone. Thought that was very funny. We were puzzled and laughed about Chewbacca, we think, calling us. That was great.

We're not sure what that gargling was. Maybe it's a call to prayer from the other side of the glory hole. I don't know. Maybe it's someone drinking eggnog. That would be a sound you would make if one were forced to consume. It sounds like someone drowning in eggs and liquor. So we got a call from Brian from Philly who wanted to make sure that he pointed out that glory hole is a term of endearment for anonymous cock sucking. And I think Tom and I agree that this really does fit our show. out that glory hole is a term of endearment for anonymous cock sucking.

And I think Tom and I agree that this really does fit our show. And it's not just cock sucking. It's getting your cock sucked too anonymously. Whatever floats your boat. Look, that's all I'm saying. There's two parties involved. I'm not here to judge. There's two parties involved. And I think really what it really comes down to is anonymous gratification.

That is the essence of the internet. It's the essence of the show, too. Right. Which you can find on the internet. Yeah, so thank you, Brian from Philly. Brian from Finland was very upset about our talk about that disgusting, nasty, fluid eggnog. And if you're missing out what the eggnog is, at the end of last show, after the Skeptic's Creed, there was a bit that we did that just didn't fit in the show anywhere, where Tom and I just ranted about eggnog for five minutes.

So if you missed it, it's last week. It's after the Skeptic's Creed. It is, as you called it earlier today, Cecil, an Easter eggnog. An Easter eggnog, correct. I thought it was great. It's in the last end of the last show, so if you're not sure what we're talking about, that's where it's from. And on occasion, I'll put those in. We'll just have a funny bit that didn't fit in the show or was a blooper or something, and I'll keep it, and I'll throw one in at the end of the show because it's funny.

It just doesn't fit. in at the end of the show because it's funny, it just doesn't fit. So he's very mad though because we expressed our dislike for eggnog and when we go to Finland I'm sure Brian will throw eggs and liquor at us.

Yeah, when we go to Finland. When I go to Finland, I'll let you know, Brian. And also, yeah, you sound like you're from Finland, bro. Atheist, the atheist. Send me an Aurora Borealis and I'll believe you. Yeah, send me a packaged Aurora Borealis. We got a comment from an atheist in Arkansas who agrees with us sometimes and doesn't agree with us other times.

I kind of wonder what they don't agree with us on, but I can certainly say something about the South right now, but I'm not going to. No, thanks for listening, and we're happy that there's more atheists in Arkansas. We want to thank Shamika for calling in. We think it's Shamika. It kind of garbled when she said her name. We want to thank Ryan from Maryland for calling in and Danny from Milwaukee for calling in.

We also got two contest entries that you heard. The one that has the Macarena part, that was from Meva. And the one that had Frankie Valli, that one was from Declan. I don't know. Yeah, I'm not sure. Declan from, I think he's from Scotland. I don't know. It was in an email.

We also got a contest entry from Hannah there too. Hannah did her rendition of the call to prayer as well. But we want to thank everybody who sent stuff in. We got a bunch of iTunes ratings, and we're very happy whenever anybody rates us on iTunes. So remember that if you rate us on iTunes, it actually boosts our level. Normally more people see us. So if you haven't rated us on iTunes and you like the show, please rate us. If you don't like the show –

Then how did you make it to the end? I don't know. You really have some stick-to-it-iveness to stay all the way to the end and listen to a show you don't like. Man, I listened to an hour of that and it didn't get any better. It never got any better, man. But we want to thank everybody who rates us because that's just – we just think that that's awesome. We also want to thank Paul, Alexander, who gave us some haunted money, Tracy, and Danny. Thank you all for your generosity in spending your hard-earned dollars on us and helping send us the TAM and helping the podcast continue.

We appreciate all your generous donations. And we can't say enough about that. We really do appreciate everybody who gives us any kind of money to make sure that the show keeps going. So thank you very much. Very kind. Thank you. We want to thank John. I'm going to put for one of the to thank John. I'm going to put for

one of the images this week, I'm going to put John's. This is John from Google Plus, who's mad at us because we don't post to Google Plus as much anymore. That's my fault, John. I'm sorry. Google Plus is just a pain in the ass to post to. So if I'm working at work or just feeling particularly lazy, which is likely it just doesn't happen. John posted a bear grills type Muhammad meme, and we're going to put that on the, on this show this time. So if you want to find it, go to dissonance pod.com.

And for this episode, it'll be the image selected for this episode. We got three rapid succession emails from Cecilia who wanted to tell us not only are there hot, like I guess bodyguards at the municipal pool in Spain that are young 20-year-old males, but also that she hasn't found an atheist podcast that she likes and she wanted to gloat

about how awesome Argentina was. I guess that they have marriage equality, and they're the first country in the continent to do that, and they also have state-funded sex change operations. Ooh, look at me. I'm Argentino. I consider getting one just because it's free.

I know, man. Can you get it reversed? Just go in every third week and get your vasectomy reversed. I was going to say, it's like Michael Scott. Yeah, get this vasectomy reversed. Tom, we got some advice about eggnog from Jonathan. Jonathan's advice for eggnog is pretty classic. He basically suggests removing all the cream and whatnot, which I think is great.

Replacing it with ice and then pouring the whiskey on the ice. Yeah. As long as it's not a punch cup is his assertion. Yeah. No, I think that's right. I like that. Yeah. I think while I'm in Vegas, I will be imbibing a lot of eggnog.

Yes. As long as it's that kind of eggnog, I'll be fine. We got an email from Simon who says that he was just listening to our latest episode on the train through Tokyo and someone saying they were the only listeners in Japan and had to say that you actually have two listeners in Japan. So if there's a meetup, they won't be sitting in the bar alone. So there is more than one listener in Japan. It's amazing. Actually, we have like two or three ratings over

there, too. Yeah, that's kind of shocking to me actually. That's awesome. Chris from the Doubtcast emailed us and also was talking about eggnog, too, and how disgusting it is. He says, just this last Christmas the wife and I decided to make eggnog,

which turned out to be the worst decision ever. Neither of us had had it before. And in a moment of poor judgment and a little too many drinks in us, decided to make it. It was the most disgusting food drink ever. She had three sips. I stomached down the top portion, which had all the spices, before dumping the thick egg-like soup down the drain. Rarely would I disregard an alcoholic beverage, but it was terrible. Holy fuck, are you absolutely one million percent correct.

Eggnog is a fucking abomination. It's just the worst thing. It's the worst thing ever. You know, and the thing is, is like, I think it's the nog. I think the problem is, is that they fucking, they spike it. And it just, it's this egg mixed with this. Oh, fuck. Like, like liquor flavor.

And you know, the other thing too that is absolutely disgusting is in the States, and I have no idea if they do this in other places. But around Christmas time, they sell that shit in cartons. I know. And it's the most manufactured garbage-tasting shit you've ever had in your life. So maybe making it on your own, although Chris disagrees that it's a bad idea. Cecil, no. Maybe. No.

Maybe there's something there. No. But getting it out of a carton, how dare you, sir? How dare you? At least if you have it in a carton, how dare you, sir? How dare you? At least if you have it in a carton and the carton is sealed and the carton is detonated by a bomb squad. And the carton is put in one of those holes where they put toxic waste. It can be rendered safe in a carton. Yeah.

It's like the only way to make sure it's safe is under 20 cubic feet of water, and you've got to make sure that it's in a concrete bunker, you know? Look, when the atomic bomb was first detonated, you know, and there's that famous quote, you know, I am the destroyer of worlds. Yeah. Same thing, more true when eggnog was created. More true. I am the regurgitator of worlds. That's a reversal of fortune every time. We want to talk to Harry. Harry sent in a couple weeks ago and said that New Zealand was going to vote on the marriage equality bill. And Harry was

happy to announce to us today that, and a bunch And Harry was happy to announce to us today that, and a bunch of other people too, announced to us today that New Zealand did pass the marriage equality bill. 77 military police voted in favor and seven and 44 military police voted against. Military police. I love that. We can't.

Yeah. We don't have members of parliament over here. We have military police. That's the entire population. That's the whole – everybody is an MP in New Zealand. There's like a bajillion MPs. But anyway, here's the lowdown on it. It takes effect in mid-August.

It allows same-sex and transgender couples to marry, allows both people in a gay relationship to be recognized as a parent of an adopted child, allows religious ministers to choose who they marry, and criticize gay marriage from the pulpit without breaching human rights, which is totally fucking cool. That's absolutely one million percent cool. I mean, it's not cool, but it's fucking fine. Because nobody's going to listen to you anyway. And people getting married will be able to choose whether they are called a bride, bridegroom,

or partner. I think that's great. And also, Harry says that Harry's a girl, and I'm just telling you, Harry is not a girl's name. I love that New Zealand passed gay marriage equality. We can't even do background checks. No, we can't. I'm just saying.

No, God, no. Come on now. Don't be ridiculous. I'm sorry. And we want to talk about Sean, who sent us an email. He says, hello, boys. Super wet, dripping glory hole. And he's like, also, as an uptight, filthy gay male that isn't allowed to get married

but is a legal domestic partnership, I cannot answer all the questions of your survey. You guys should let your hosting company know that not all your listeners are straight and some are domestic partnered. Ask them to add it in the drop down as an option and then I will answer your survey. Thank you, Sean, for letting us know. We will let them know as soon as we sign off tonight. We are sending them an

email message. So thank you, Sean, for that. I want to let people know that the new black shirt, the ARC shirt that says all of the animals were harmed in the making of this story with all the cute little animals on it and the ARC is going to be available in black

hopefully this week. We're going to put it up on the website. It's going to be, again, the same pricing, $30 and $35 for women because it's an American Apparel shirt and they've got a contour for the boobies. Please don't call us and tell us that you want to pay $30 bucks. I'm sorry. We're sorry. That's the cost of

doing business with the boobies. I'm sorry. We are going to put that hopefully up this week. I will post on a Facebook page and also tweet it. If you don't follow us in those ways, now would be the time if you're interested in getting a shirt.

We would be happy to sell some of these before we go to Tam and hopefully we'll see a few there. It'll be fun to see a few there. That would be awesome. Yeah. And each one of these shirts is a big donation to us. It's like 12 bucks. I want to say it's like 12 bucks a shirt or something like that that goes directly to

us. bucks. I want to say it's like 12 bucks a shirt or something like that, that goes directly to us. So it's a big chunk of change that goes straight to us. And it helps our bottom line when it comes to TAM. So we want to thank everybody for donating and everybody for buying shirts. We do have winners in the Islamic call to prayer contest. And so Tom and I could not pick just one. And so Tom and I could not pick just one. We were so, we liked so many of them. But we could, since we do not have unlimited funds, we are only going to, we're going to buy two shirts out of our own pocket. Tom's going to buy one.

I'm going to buy one. And we're going to send them to two winners. And they're going to be the old school cognitive dissonance shirts. So you're going to get a regular cognitive dissonance shirt. But the very first winner is the first one who called in. Eden Prime, we're going to send you the white, extra large shirt that we have. That's all the animals were harmed in the making of this story, the Ark shirt.

So Eden Prime, send us your information on where to send that shirt. We have two other winners, Tom. We do. I love the Jive. Yeah. That shit cracked me up. I love it.

I thought it was crazy clever. It's awesome. I will buy you a shirt, sir. So Jack, who did the Ben Hammond Young skit for the Jive, please send us your information. You send us a shirt size, shirt color, and all the information on where to send it.

And the last one is the Google Translate one, because Tom and I laughed until we cried when we heard the Google Translate. Now, we didn't get, obviously, we didn't get any information from the Google Translate, so the person who called up and did the Google Translate piece, you need to call back from that same phone,

because I can tell from your caller ID who you are, call back from that same phone and leave your information. So you've got to tell us if you want a black shirt or a white shirt, guys or girls, and what size you want, and we will ship that shirt to you. That's the one that I'm going to buy. So do that this week, and we'll send those shirts out. The other people who did really well, and there were so many, especially the people who spliced stuff together, those are honorable mentions, and as time goes on, I'm going to use those on our podcast. So we want to thank everybody who participated.

Like we said, we can't buy shirts for everybody, but we want to thank everybody who participated and who played along because we thought it was really funny

and irreverent and we think that's what this show is all about. Yeah, I love how much participation we got. I thought it was, every time we played

one of these things, I was laughing my ass off and I'm just thrilled to hear them. Yeah, yeah. It was great. I loved it. Thank you guys so much my ass off. And I'm just thrilled to hear them. Yeah, yeah. It was great. I loved it. Thank you guys so much for doing this.

It's my pleasure to buy his shirt. So that's all for this week's episode. We're going to leave you, as usual, with the Skeptic's Creed. Credulity is not a virtue. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. It's fortune cookie cutter, mommy issue, hypno-Babylon bullshit. Couched in scientician, double bubble, toil and trouble, pseudo-quasi-alternative, acupunctuating, pressurized, stereogram, pyramidal, free energy, healing, water downward spiral, brain dead pan, sales pitch, late night info-docutainment. Leo Pisces. Cancer cures. Detox. Reflex.

Foot massage. Death in towers. Tarot cards. Psychic healing. Crystal balls. Bigfoot. Yeti. Aliens.

Churches. Mosques and synagogues. Temples. Dragons. Giant worms. Atlantis. Dolphins. Truthers.

Birthers. Witches. Wizards. Vaccine nuts. Shaman healers. Evangelists. Conspiracy. Double speak. Stigmata, nonsense.

Expose your sides. Thrust your hands. Bloody, evidential, conclusive. Doubt even this. The opinions and views expressed in this show are that of the hosts only. Our poorly formed and expressed notions do not represent those of our wives, employers, friends, families, or of the local dairy council. Outro Music