Cold Case Files - I SURVIVED: He Knew How To Control Us

Episode Date: November 11, 2023

College student Holly and her new boyfriend are walking home from a party when the unthinkable happens. A strange man attacks them in the darkness, and Holly barely makes it out alive. Sponsors: Lily's: Download Lily’s Garden for free today on iOS and Andriod and discover how many mysteries and romance one garden can hold! Huggies: Get your baby’s butt into Huggies best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. We got you, baby.  AMCN: Visit airmedcarenetwork.com and use offer CODE: ISURVIVED when you join 

This episode is brought to you by Huggies Little Movers. Get your baby's butt into Huggies' best-fitting diaper. Huggies Little Movers. We gotcha, baby. Hi, I'm Kaitlin VanMol, host of I Survived. We are so proud of this show. We are relaunching Season 1 so these important stories can reach new audiences. This is Episode 13, Holly. What I loved about Holly's story that we really don't get from a lot of these

is a love story intertwined with the aftermath of her attack. This is the story of how her college boyfriend died, but it's also the story of how she met her husband and how one led to the other. And while I don't mean to diminish the tragedy and the loss of her college boyfriend, Chris, it's also nice to hear a little bit of happiness. This is episode 13, He Knew How to Control Us. That's the worst part about having your mouth wired shut is that you're watching other people eat. And that's, I wouldn't let my family eat in front of me. I would eat by myself and then go to my room so I didn't have to watch anyone eat. And I just wanted a cheeseburger. I just wanted some kind of food. In summer of 1997, Holly Dunn had just finished up her sophomore year at the University of Kentucky.

Instead of heading home to Evansville, Indiana, she rented an apartment in Lexington with some friends and took summer classes. In June, her friend Annie turned 21, and although Holly was still underage, she and her friends wanted to get Annie a celebratory drink. And it was a laundromat and a bar, which I guess was a great idea at the time. And it was called Sudsy's. And we went in, and of course we got in, so that was a good sign. We went up and sat at the bar, and we ordered her a drink, and there were several gentlemen sitting at the bar, and they were all college students, you could tell, and we just started talking to them, and Chris and I ended up, I think we were almost sitting by each other, or at least one away from each other. And we just started talking and hit it off. And it really was just a connection at the first time we met. We noticed that we both

had the same color of toenail polish on, which was silver, which is, you know, just to meet a guy who has some toenail polish on is strange. But I thought, you know, this is something we have in common. It's kind of fun. You know, and you do anything when you're a college kid or try anything. So it just, it meant that he was fun loving. And that's what I started. That's what I loved about him from the beginning was that he was a fun loving, nice guy. Holly invited Chris to the party they were throwing for Annie's birthday the next night. She was thrilled when he showed up. And that's when Chris and I really started talking and we got to know each other a lot better. And we actually talked that whole night and we ended up talking until early, early in the morning and it didn't even matter. We just talked all night

long. And you know, to have that kind of connection where you can talk for that long, I think is what endeared us together. We were kindred souls. Chris went out of town towards the end of summer, but before he left, they made their relationship official. Yes, the next time I saw him was a couple of days before school started. I remember he came to the sorority house where I was living at the time as soon as he got back, and he gave me a plastic ring that he had gotten for me in Maine, which was not the most fancy thing, but it was the sweetest gift to let me know that he was thinking about me while he was there.

Holly was excited about her new relationship, but their last night together would be at a party they attended on August 28th, 1997. This is I Survived, the podcast where we talk to women who have lived through the worst things imaginable and all the tragic, messy, and wonderful things that happen after survival. I'm Caitlin VanMol. Party was rather dull, not a whole lot going on, so we decided to leave, just go take a walk to the railroad tracks that were about two blocks away. And actually two of our other friends came with us. We were planning to go put quarters on the railroad tracks to flatten them. Our friends actually decided to go back to the

party when after about an hour, no trains had come by. And so Chris and I stayed there for a little while and talked. And then when we got up to a leave, that's when a man approached us. And we were actually walking on the railroad tracks and the man came from behind an electrical box like he had been hiding behind an electrical box we never saw a gun um he had some kind of ice pick or screwdriver or something sharp that was his weapon he just automatically you know, was asking for money. When you're confronted with someone that is wanting something from you that you can comply and that you, especially if a weapon is involved, that you just comply and give them what they want and they'll leave you alone. Really the first thing that we said to him was, you know, we don't have money.

And when he started going through the backpack, we said, you know, would you like us to go get money? You can have our credit card. You can have anything you want here. The man forced Holly and Chris to get on their knees and tied Chris's arms behind him. Chris did not fight back. You know, one thing, if I could describe about Chris,

is that I don't know if he had ever killed a fly. I don't think he'd ever been in a fight in his life. And, you know, with Chris feeling threatened and complying, that made me feel afraid. Really, you know, all the time he was controlling Chris. He wasn't really controlling me. I was just following along because I thought, you know, maybe I can stop, you know, you know, stop something from happening here. I just, there was no way I was going to try to run away or, you know, leave Chris there. He tied up Chris's arms first, and he even pulled Chris into the grass beside the railroad tracks.

And, you know, I saw that that was painful, and so I just sort of crawled along and did the same thing. We were on our knees at that point, and he had actually taken my belt and tied up my arms with my belt. You could tell that he had done this before. He knew how to control us. He knew he needed to tie us up.

He knew that he needed to disable Chris. And so, you know, everything that he did, you could tell he had done it before. He had a bag with him that I saw that he kept going back to, and he actually went back to that bag, and I heard him ripping a shirt, and that's what he tied up our legs with was with a ripped shirt, and that he gagged us with a ripped shirt. And when he gagged us, I actually stuck my tongue out

so that the gag wouldn't work so I could continue talking to him. And I did. I, you know, was just asking him questions like why he was there. And he was telling crazy stories like he had just broken out of jail and he was waiting on his friend and his friend was going to be coming back with some food for him. And I mean, just not, nothing really made sense. We were sort of on a hill, so we were down kind of at the bottom of the hill, and the railroad tracks were up from where we were laying. So he would go back up to a bag or whatever he had with him, and so anytime he'd go back up,

that's when I would try to untie myself. But he never left our side longer than just a few minutes. So anytime, you know, I was trying to strategize on what we were going to do, it was only a few minutes time before he would come back. Well, I'm not really sure how much time passed before he came with a rock to hit Chris. And it was a 52-pound rock, so he was not carrying it easily. But he hit Chris, you know, on his head. I mean, it was just like a dream.

It was, you know, I didn't know really what was going to happen to me. I actually heard Chris gurgling after he had hit him, so I asked him to go and turn Chris' head to the side because I didn't want him to choke on his own blood. And he actually went and did it. And he said, don't worry about him, he's gone. This episode is brought to you by Huggies Little Movers. Huggies knows that babies come in all shapes and sizes,

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I remember a lot more of talking to him after he had hit Chris because I think that I went into a survival mode after he had hit Chris. At that time, like I asked him what his name was and he asked me what my name was. I was just trying to make him know that I was a person. I was trying to get to it. If he had an emotional side, I was trying to get to it. Holly was trying to befriend her attacker to humanize herself. I had talked to him the entire time. I had, you know, asked him to do things for me and he was doing things for me. And I just believed that I had befriended him and that he

wouldn't hurt me because he had told me that. And I don't know why I thought that a person who had, you know, done these horrible things was telling the truth. The attacker had told Holly and Chris that there was another person out there in the darkness. So when he began to sexually assault her, she thought it had to be the other man. And I tried to fight him. I basically was, you know, screaming and trying to hit him, and he stabbed me in my neck and said, look how easily I could kill you. I felt like I was floating above my body.

I did not feel anything. He had just stabbed me in my neck, and I didn't feel that. I wasn't feeling pain. I wasn't feel anything. He had just stabbed me in my neck, and I didn't feel that. I wasn't feeling pain. I wasn't feeling anything. He took off my pants, but that was all. He didn't completely undress me. Even after he raped me, I asked him to put my pants back on because I thought, you know, if he's going to kill me,

I don't want to be found laying here naked. So he even put my pants back on after he attacked me. So, you know, he was, at that point, he was doing things, and I really thought he was going to let me go. And I was saying, you know, I really want to see my family again. I really want to see my friends. And, you know, I won't turn you in. I'll just, you know, leave, and I won't tell anybody that you did this.

So, you know, my mind was trying to do anything to just make him stop. And I was begging for my life. I was telling him that I wanted to see my friends and family again, that I, you know, did not want to die. You know, the moment before he hit me, I really thought that I had convinced him that he wasn't going to hurt me, that he was going to leave me there. He hit me in my face, and I think what I did was I turned over to stop him from hitting me in the face. And so he hit me about five times in the back of my head.

I thought I remembered him covering me up with, you know, like branches and grass and things. And then I thought I even remember saying, like, thank you, because I knew that I was still alive. And that I was saying thank you for leaving me here alive. But, you know, I don't think he knew that I was still alive. I think he definitely tried to kill me. Really, the next memory that I have was appearing in someone's front yard.

You know, I was covered in blood, and I didn't knock. I didn't ring a doorbell. I just walked into this person's house. I remember saying, you know, I've been hurt. My friend is still out at the railroad tracks. We need help. And I don't really remember exactly, but I said to call 911 and, you know, that I definitely was going into shock. It was now almost 3 a.m. And luckily, another University of Kentucky student who lived in the house was awake watching TV. He quickly called 911 for a blood-soaked Holly. He talked to her to keep her awake until police and EMTs arrived. She was insistent that they go help Chris, not knowing that he was already dead.

I think the first person I said that to was the EMT that was riding on the ambulance with me because I wanted to make sure that they knew where Chris was. And so I was, I don't know if I was saying so much, you know, about me. I was just saying we were attacked. My friend's still out there. I, you know, about me. I was just saying we were attacked. My friend's still out there. I, you know, you need to tell somebody to go find him. Go, you know, I was

trying to make sure that everybody knew that Chris was still out there. And then I told him that I wanted to go get a cheeseburger. And that's the kind of humor that I have that, you know, it's a defense mechanism, but it's like how I protect myself. And so I asked him to stop by McDonald's on the way to the hospital to go get a cheeseburger, which actually we should have done because it's the only thing I craved the entire time that my mouth was wired shut. At the hospital, doctors were able to fully assess her injuries. So I had a broken jaw, a broken eye socket, and a stab wound in my neck. And then I had numerous lacerations in the back of my head. So they had to staple the back of my head shut and I begged them not to shave my head. I don't know why that was so important. And actually now as an older,

as I'm older, I think that might have been interesting to have my head shaved just to see what it looks like. But, you know, I begged them not to shave my head. So they stapled my head shut on top of my hair. And then I had the broken jaw, broken eye socket. And the stab wound they didn't do anything to because it needed to just drain. And it was a puncture wound more than a stab wound. It was, you know, a small puncture wound. And then my broken eye socket, there's nothing they can do for a broken eye socket. I actually don't know if I was told that, if I told anyone that I was sexually

assaulted. I'm sure I did because they knew that they needed to do a rape kit. But, you know, I was in and out of consciousness once I got to the hospital. So I don't know what I said and what I didn't after that point. So I remember the ambulance ride, but I do not remember getting to the hospital. I remember waking up in the emergency room. Holly wasn't in the hospital long before a detective came to ask her some questions. Detective Sorrell was, I met him in the hospital and I actually met him before my parents even got to the hospital. He was one of the first people I met in the emergency room that, you know, weren't nurses and doctors. So I was

very much still, I thought, I'm not even sure. I don't think my rape kit had been completed yet before when I met him. I think that I met him and I just, I remember him and another guy coming into the room and they were in plain clothes. They weren't police officer clothes. They came into the room and, you know, he came up to my, to the bed and, you know, I was still, I was in pain. I wasn't comfortable. I just remember being kind of antsy and him coming up to my bed and being like, I'm Detective Craig Sorrell and being very professional saying, you know, hello, it's nice to meet you. I'm Detective Craig Sorrell. I'll be handling your case. And as soon as he put his hand out to shake my hand, I threw up on him. And I really think that, I mean, it sounds

silly, but it broke the ice between us. And I think it, and I mean, I think I just threw up on his hand. I don't think it was like in his face. And it helped that he thought nothing of it and that he was, you know, the same guy, very professional, there to help me. And I think I knew that. And so it just it brought us together in a way that, you know, I remembered him and he definitely remembered me. Shortly after her very memorable meeting with Detective Sorrell, her family arrived. So my parents were about three hours away, but they flew. You know, the 911 call was made at like 2.46 a.m. As soon as they called them, they literally went to the airport

and came to Lexington. My dad's a private pilot, so they flew to Lexington to be with me. It's only like a 45-minute flight for them. I believe they got there around five o'clock in the morning, so they got there fast and got to the hospital fast. And, you know, they are the first people I see that I saw that I knew. They, I knew. I saw them and just felt at ease because they were there with me. I really didn't have to talk to them. They had been updated by, I guess, hospital staff, maybe even the police officers. I'm not sure who all they talked to before they actually saw me.

When they saw me, they just held me. They didn't say a whole lot. I didn't say a whole lot. I think it was just a, you know, relationship where you just need to be together and hold each other. And there were no words at that time spoken. It didn't matter. I was alive and I think that they were happy that I was alive. Holly's older sister also came in from Nashville and was her biggest supporter in the hospital. I'd say during my stay at the hospital, it was my sister. I mean, she stayed with me.

She got there the next day after the attack. My dad went and got her in Nashville, and once she got there, she never left my side. She's the one who helped me wash my hair, helped me get the hair out of my staples. She's the one who helped me get up when I needed to or adjust in my bed when I needed to, fluffed my pillow when I needed it fluffed. She was the person that was there for me all the time. Holly was in the hospital for five days and would have to have her jaw wired shut. She also had to miss Chris's funeral. Her injuries were just too much to travel to his hometown of Canton, Ohio. When she returned home

to heal, there was one phone call she absolutely did not want to talk to them, but I wrote them a letter and I remember talking to his sister. So I talked to her and, you know, I couldn't really talk. I had my mouth wired shut. So anytime I talked, I'm talking like this. I remember her saying that she knew about me, that Chris had talked about me, which I remember thinking just like, wow, like I can't believe he mentioned me to anyone, you know? And I think that I just, I enjoyed the conversation. She was concerned and wanted to make sure I was okay. And I just wanted her to let her know that I was and let her know

that I was there for her and that whatever she needed, that if I could do anything, that I was there. And I remember just leaving the phone call saying, I'll talk to you soon kind of thing. It was not anything out of the ordinary. I think it made me happy, actually. It made me feel like I had meant something to him. So I think she helped to, I don't know, validate his feelings for me because, you know, him and I never really got the chance to do that. Holly had to spend a

month at home healing. She felt very isolated after experiencing the freedom of college, but her sorority sister stepped up and came to visit her every weekend. I mean, they would come in groups of four, groups of eight, two cars, three cars. They were coming every single weekend as soon as school got out and would stay all weekend and then leave to go back to school. But they were there for me. That just meant so much to me. And I think that even has meant so much to me as my life has gone on. I've made sure that I'm there for my friends in a way that, you know, maybe others, I just appreciate friendship, I think a little more than others do and think more of it because how much friends meant to me when I really needed them. And so I think it today even

makes my friendships more important and just more special in my life because I know what friends can do for you. But her day-to-day needs were largely met by her mother. My dad would still go to work, but my mom was home with me every day. Kind of, I mean, it was nice having her, you know, fulfill my every need. She was, you know, amazing. It was like I was a kid again and she was taking care of me, but I was afraid of getting a little too used to that. You know, like I was afraid of losing what I had in college. And I think that's why I went back to school one month after the attack, because I was so ready to get back to the normalcy of school and my independence, because I knew my parents wanted to lock me in a room and not let me out again. I knew that they were, it was going to be tough for them to let me go. Um, so I had to kind of rip the bandaid off

and say, I'm going and I'll be home sometimes. I'll see you later. So Holly went back to school and at her family's request, she agreed to start therapy. My sister especially thought I should be going to therapy. So I made the appointment at the school counselor office. And, you know, I didn't expect much of it, which I think my mentality going into it probably wasn't very good. And so I get to the appointment, and the appointment was fine. I just remember thinking, like, you're reading from a book kind of answers that she gave.

And so I didn't really have a good connection with her, and it might have been better with somebody else. Had I known at that time, you know, there's more than one counselor, you can talk to more people. But I didn't know that. So I finished the appointment and made an appointment for the next time, which I think was a week or two weeks later and did what I was supposed to do because everybody was saying, this is what you're supposed to do. And so I did it. And then, you know, that day came that I'm supposed to go back to the, to the therapist. And it was a decision of either going to the Lambda Chi watermelon bust with all my sorority sisters or going to my therapy appointment. So I chose to go to watermelon bust and, you know,

have a great time with watermelon and then never went back to therapy. That was it. I even think they called me and said, you know, you missed your appointment. And I'm like, I'm not coming back. Like, you know, I know it's my choice and I'm not doing it. You know, I had very, I did unconventional healing and that's, I think, what I needed at that time. It's, you know, I had very, I did unconventional healing and that's, I think what I needed at that time. It's, you know, I think it's different for everybody and I needed to be with my friends. I needed to have fun. That's what my healing was at that point.

Um, I did talk to my friends, but I, you know, it was on small, small occasions. I would just mention what I was going through at that moment, and then we would be off to the next event that we were going to, or to the next class. I mean, I was definitely still in school. I was going to graduate. I was determined I was going to graduate. So I was focusing on school and having fun with my friends.

Holly also got a part-time job to help fill the hours. I got a job at an outdoor store because I only had one class and I was bored. And of course, us cashiers, who were all girls, thought that the guys in the ski department were really cute. And Jacob worked in the ski department. And so I would hang around the ski department and talk to him. And although that's the question, is whether he was coming up to the cashier stand to talk to me or if I was going to the ski department more to talk to him. So one of the first times we hung out, he met my dad

and got on the plane and flew to Nashville with me. And we stayed with my sister and then drove back to Lexington. So, you know, I, even our, that was one of our first dates that I think brought us together very much. Um, and from that point on, we were kind of inseparable. We hung out a lot. I mean, we started dating, um, and we were, we would, I mean, very quickly we were boyfriend, girlfriendfriend. So, and I mean, we got very, very close. I think we both wanted a real relationship and had, you know, just, we had decided that that's what we, we were exclusive with each other and that's what we were going to do. What helped Holly date again so quickly was that she never associated her rape with intimacy. me to be able to go into that relationship again quickly. I wanted to know that I could be in another relationship. I mean, I wanted to know that I could trust somebody and have those feelings and feel those, just any kind of feelings toward another person. And so I think I felt, it didn't necessarily, I didn't feel guilty. I just felt, I think I felt cautious at the

beginning because I was afraid. I was afraid, especially of what he knew about my story and then what I was going to have to tell him. Um, my friend had actually talked to him that worked at the store, had actually told him about me and he actually knew about me before I started working at the store. Um, so he knew a lot and, um, I, so I didn't have to tell him a whole lot. I mean, I think for me, because it was a stranger and because it was this horrible thing that happened, I could easily separate it and disassociate it from what a regular relationship was. This is not to say that she just partied her problems away and got a new boyfriend and was just totally fine. I think my emotional healing occurred last,

kind of. I really know that I had to emotionally heal around the one-year anniversary of the attack. I started going through kind of some things that I couldn't really explain. I started to, you know, do poorly in school. I was not getting good grades. I couldn't get out of bed. I was feeling very depressed. And so I didn't know what was happening. And it just made sense to me that there was something else. You know, I was this, and I was seen as this strong person getting through this horrible thing and she's doing so great.

But on the inside, I really wasn't doing that great and I'm thinking I don't want to disappoint anybody like I got to figure out what's going on before anybody notices you know and so I literally went to find some help so I remember searching on the internet for the rape crisis center the local Rape Crisis Center, and they said you should join our support group that's getting ready to start, and I joined a support group. Holly knew she needed to focus on the support group and her healing, and that meant she couldn't focus on Jacob. And I really think that I completely blindsided him when I broke up with him to join the support group. Um, I remember meeting him for yogurt, like at TCBY. Um, and then I told him that, um, I was breaking up with him

and, um, I mean, I, he was absolutely flabbergasted and blindsided. I mean, he had absolutely no idea and I don't think he really understood why I was doing it. I don't think he could understand. I mean, it was, I don't even, I didn't understand it. I mean, I just knew that I needed to be alone and figure this out. I mean, it was emotional to have to grieve and grieve Chris dying. But it was very emotional to have to deal with being raped. And so that's what the support group at the Rape Crisis

Center did for me. The help she got at the support group was a game changer. They taught me that I used humor as a defense mechanism. You know, they told me stop making jokes, like stop trying to make us stop crying. They were like, you're supposed to cry. You know what I needed to know? I needed to know that I didn't have to put on this face with them, that they accepted me for what I was. And I could cry and I could yell and I could scream and I could hit things. I could do whatever I needed to, to heal. And I think that's, you know, I just needed to know that that was okay. I needed them to tell me that I was normal, that I was, what I was doing was normal. Um, how I was feeling was normal. You know, I still do that today. I still feel like I don't, I have less bad days

than I, you know, than I ever did before, but I let myself have those bad days. I let myself feel what I need to be feeling. Like I it's, if I'm feeling bad on a day, I let myself feel bad. It's not, you don't have to fix, and you don't have to change it. It's just a bad day, and we're allowed to have them. We don't want to have very many. You don't want to have a lot of bad days, but you're allowed to have one. You're allowed to cry. You're allowed to scream.

You're allowed to be happy. All the feelings, we're allowed to have them. But after the six-week program, she was still thinking about Jacob. When I first joined the support group, even though we were broken up, he would send me flowers and like be all sweet. And I think at that time I'm going, just leave me alone. Like I gotta heal here. Leave me alone, you know. And once I went through the six week program of the support group, I kind of realized like, oh man, I made a really big mistake breaking up with him. Like I should call him and talk to him. And so I try to call him and he hangs up on me. Like at that point he had gotten

through the being sweet broken up part and he had gotten to the anger, broken up part. And so he was very angry with me, and he wouldn't talk to me. I mean, if I would see him out, he would turn the other way. If I called him, he hung up on me. It was absolutely cutting me off. And I thought, well, I ruined that one. You know, like that was a big mistake, and that's done, and I thought well I ruined that one you know like that was a big mistake and um that's done and I totally ruined it I think even at that point I did maybe get a

hold of him once I found out where he was living and like I went to his house um and we talked but he was so angry that I mean he didn't want anything to do with me. So she accepted it and tried to move on. She went on with school and was looking forward to her last year of college. When she was home that summer, an unexpected opportunity presented itself. A woman from her church asked her to speak at a retreat for teens. Holly had actually attended the retreat before, but wasn't so sure about speaking publicly about the attack, especially at a faith retreat when her own feelings about her faith were conflicted.

I definitely went through anger with God. I mean, especially right after the attack. I felt anger toward God, toward my faith. I felt like, why would God let this happen? I mean, I don't think I really voiced it with anybody. I mean, it was inside me. I actually, you know, lived with that silently. And I mean, I still was going to church with my family, but I wasn't, you know, feeling a closeness at all with God. Um, and I really think that's, you know, what faith is, is it's a closeness. And so, um, I'd say that I was, I was losing my faith.

I mean, truly. Um, and you know, then I got asked to do a talk and, you know, I had attended a religious retreat called Chrysalis when I was a senior in high school. And, you know, I had attended a religious retreat called Chrysalis when I was a senior in high school. And, you know, they always ask people to come back and give talks. So the leader of the Chrysalis came to me and said, you know, we want you to give a talk and we want it to be on faith. And I thought, you are crazy. Like you are asking a girl who is completely angry at God, who is losing her faith to give a talk on faith. And I don't know why, but I was like, all right, fine.

I'll do it. You know, like you're going to be sorry you asked me, but I'll do it. So I'm going through the whole retreat with everybody. Just going through the motions is what I was doing. And we get to the point in the top where in the retreat where I'm supposed to talk. And, you know, they go right before it. All the leaders gather around you and pray over you before you give your talk. And I cannot explain to you the feeling that I had when they all prayed over me for me to give my talk.

I mean, it was, I mean, a feeling of, like, strength, like, power over me. And, you know, it was pulling me, and it was pulling me into the room, and it was truly, I mean, I felt like it was God pulling me, and so, you know, I'd planned the talk I was going to give. I was actually just reading an article that somebody had written about me because I couldn't talk about myself, myself, you know? And so I, I read my, the story and I, at the end of it, my, the guy that wrote the story had said, um, and you know, this happened to a friend of mine. I went to school with her and I even had a crush on her all of fifth grade or something, you know? And I was like, and so in the talk, even I just said, and I can't, I had no idea this guy had a crush on me all of fifth grade. And so then they realized

that it's me that I'm talking about and everybody's crying. I'm crying. Um, you know, it was so powerful. And then the words that came out of my mouth were not,. I mean, I did not plan to say them. I mean, then I started talking about how I was so angry at God, and I was so lost. And, I mean, truly, it was, I mean, God sent me the words to say. And, I mean, truly, that's what I was feeling. Like, I was feeling like God was just carrying me to this moment and that that's the reason I survived. And that's the reason why I lived was because he let me, because he held me. Um, and so,

you know, that's when my faith got renewed, obviously. Um, that's when I knew that God was with me. Um, and you know, it's, I think it's, it's amazing. I know that there is something beyond me. I know that there is a higher power and I know that it's the reason I'm here today. And that's, you know, I think that I do that in my daily life that I am, um, I know that I'm alive because of him. And I know that now my work that I do is because it's, it's because of him. So sorry, you can, so, I mean, it's amazing what gets me crying. Like, I mean, it's at every point in my life, it's been a different time, a different thing that gets me crying. And so, yeah, I mean, I knew something would get me there, but I didn't know what it was going to be. So there you go. The speech at Chrysalis led to others. That was the first time I spoke publicly

about it. And then the next time was when I spoke at the University of Kentucky to 700 women going through recruitment at the University of Kentucky. So, you know, it was two years after the attack, I started actually thinking like, I could talk about this and it can make a difference. So when I, when I first started speaking, I, it was very hard for me. I mean, I was emotionally drained after I would do it. I would cry through the entire talk and then I would have to take a nap because I was so drained from the emotional side of it. But, you know, that I think it was healing for me. It was so amazing. The response that I would get, the people that would come up to me and say, thank you so much for telling your story. I had this happen and I've never talked about it or, you know, I, the people, it's the people that were amazing.

And so I had all these people coming up to me, telling me how awesome it was to hear me. And then I was healing from telling the story because the more times I talked about it, the more, the less control it had over me and the more I had control over it. And I think I realized it after the first time I spoke, I wanted to do it again. I couldn't wait to do it again. Up to this point, there had been little progress in finding Chris's murderer and Holly's rapist. In the year since the attack, they still had no suspect. I knew that he didn't have my name.

My name had never been released and so and I had told him a fake name. So I knew he didn't have my name and I knew that he didn't know where I lived. He didn't take anything from me. So he didn't have an address. He didn't know anything about me. And so I kind of lived scared but not you, so afraid that I couldn't live my life. Holly even lived alone her senior year. I had, you know, done some emotional healing. And so I decided that I needed to gain back my independence and to not be afraid alone. So how else to do that but jump in the fire and get an apartment by myself. Um,

so, and you know, I, I, cause I have always loved being alone. I've always loved my independence, being a strong independent woman who, you know, I, I say I slept with a butcher knife beside my bed. I looked over my shoulder. I locked my door at all times. I took self-defense classes. I, you know, I definitely was an aware person living by myself. And I had friends at my house almost all the time. I had a lot of friends spending the night with me. I had a lot of friends sleeping on the couch. And so I wasn't alone a lot.

I was alone several times, though. And I think that it did help me to feel safe again alone. Holly and Detective Sorrell remained in contact, having lunch every once in a while. One day, in May of 1999, two years after the attack, he showed up at her apartment out of the blue. He had never come to my apartment before, and I was like, something's up. Like, this is weird. And so I answered the door, and he's like, we have a suspect. And, you know, we know it's him. Like, you know, it was, I mean, I just don't even remember exactly what he said

because it was so kind of like, wow. But it was also then scary because we didn't know where he was. They had matched the DNA of Holly's attacker to two crime scenes, the murder of Dr. Claudia Benton outside of Houston, Texas, and the murders of Pastor Norman and Karen Cernick in Weimar, Texas. Every crime that he committed and then every crime he was accused of or charged with started to stack up. And so it was after he was a suspect that we started to realize that we had a serial killer on our hands. Law enforcement in Houston, Kentucky, the FBI, the U.S. Marshals, the Texas Rangers,

they all came together for a joint task force to catch Angel Resendez, the railroad killer. Now that they had a suspect and knew the horrific nature of his crimes, the TV show America's Most Wanted decided to cover the case. As part of the episode, Holly was interviewed and Chris's parents came to Lexington to see where their son had died. His mom and I realized that we had on the same shirt but in a different color and that we had on a ring that came from Vail, Colorado. It was a golden bear ring that, you know, you can only get it in Vail, Colorado, and we both had it on. And so it was, you know, just strange noticing how much his mother and I were alike and that it made us, I think, feel happier.

Like we were, it made us feel good that we were alike and could find commonalities between us. And so I just remember giving him great big hugs and answering any questions that they had for me because they wanted to know some things. They wanted to know what Chris's last words were and how he was before he passed. And I could give them that. And I felt good to be able to tell them because there was a peace that came over Chris and I. I felt a peace and I believe that he did too in his last words where everything's going to be okay. And I mean, those are great last words to say. Like it is, everything can be okay for all of us, even though he's not in the world anymore. It can be okay for

all of us. And I think that that's how I take that meaning of what he said. I think I take it as, yes, and I take it as he wants us to all be okay. That's his wish for all of us. And so I wish that for Chris's family. I wish that for my family and I wish that for all the victims' families. I want everybody to be okay and to live their lives as best they can. And that's, you know, I'm glad that I was able to tell his parents that. Holly's episode of America's Most Wanted aired in mid-June with the news that Resendez had killed 26-year-old Noemi Dominguez and 73-year-old Josephine Convica that month. They lived 70 miles apart, but the same weapon was used in both murders. During the episode's airing, a tip was called in that led police to Resendiz's

sister, who lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico. They made contact with her on June 14th. On June 15th, 80-year-old George Morber and his daughter, 51-year-old Carolyn Frederick, were found murdered in George's home in Gorham, Illinois. Resendiz was added to the FBI's 10 Most Wanted list on June 21st. Three weeks later, on July 13th, 1999, Resendez surrendered himself with the help of his sister and other family members. The murders had taken place all over the country, and rather than drag out trial after trial in all jurisdictions, it was decided Resendez would be prosecuted in Harris County, Texas, for the murder of Dr. Claudia Benton. This meant he would not be prosecuted for Chris's murder or Holly's rape.

And that was the only one that he had a trial for. He was charged with several other crimes at that point. And so what Texas can do, because it did occur in Texas, and what Texas can do is during the penalty phase of the trial, they can bring in all the cases that they're charged with. And so that's when I testified was during the penalty phase. And that's when several families of victims testified during that point too. Dr. Benton's case met the requirements for capital murder because it happened during the commission of another felony, in this case robbery. If convicted, the minimum sentence was life with parole after 40 years. The maximum sentence was death.

Holly was the only survivor of his attacks. She was the only one that could speak to the actual experience when so many others were silenced. It came into mind how many victims there were and how many families were left and, you know, just how big this had gotten gotten I don't think I really let it emotionally take a toll on me until after I had testified at the trial and then I think I did experience a survivor's guilt and I think I mean I don't necessarily experience it today but I do like I don't I don't want them to experience any more sadness, any more hardship in their life. And so I have made it a point with myself to let the survivors, the families of the victims, contact me. So if they want to have contact with me, if they want to talk to me, I'm happy to talk to them.

But I will not seek them out and I won't, you know, shove anything in their face to try to have them contact me because I don't I want them to heal and I want them to speak, I put up pictures of all of Resendez's victims. I keep their memory alive. I don't want them ever to be forgotten. I just love to watch like Dr. Claudia Benton had twins. She had two kids, two daughters that I'm now friends with them on social media and I can watch them, you know, getting married and growing up and having these lives that are, you know, they're living their lives. And yeah, they're doing it without their mom, but they're still living these lives and they're inspiration for me. And so if I can be anything for them, I want to be because they're, you know, they're inspiration for me. Resendez pled not guilty by reason of insanity. His cellmate from a Florida prison stint he did in 1990 testified the pair spent quite a bit of time in the library researching the insanity plea and how it could be used. A victim's advocate also testified that Resendez was selling letters, autographs, and even nail clippings from jail. After 10 hours, the jury found Angel Resendez guilty of capital murder and sentenced him to death.

I mean, I was very happy that he was given the death penalty. I felt like that was justice in my case. I was especially glad that the, I guess the death penalty um him sitting in death and the death row wasn't that long I mean it was about six years after he was put on death row that he was executed and you know truly I was never I never had any feelings toward the death penalty for or against it. But what I felt after he was executed and I was not there, I did not go to the execution. I stayed at home with my family. But what I felt after was a sense of peace, a sense that even, I mean, because always I thought he could break out of jail and come and get me or get out on some kind of appeal, something that happened wrong. And he could come out and get me because I testified against him

because I was the only one that he left alive. Like there was, and it was not maybe rational. It was somewhat irrational to feel these feelings, but I felt them. And so when he was executed, those feelings went away and I no longer felt that he could ever hurt anyone again. And I felt like it was justice. I felt like it was what needed to happen to somebody who created so much evil. Resendiz was executed June 27, 2006. In his last words, he asked for forgiveness from God. As Holly says in her book, Soul Survivor,

if I ponder the possibility that his repentance and remorse were sincere, then, based on the tenets of my Christian faith, I have to also ponder the possibility that I may encounter him in heaven one day, redeemed and restored. Here's how I wrap my head around it, because I believe that God's going to take care of me. And I believe that, you know, even though if we go to the same heaven, we got to think about how big heaven might be. And so it's like, you know, somebody is 8,000 miles away. And I feel like that's how it's going to be in heaven. I feel like, yeah, if we do end up going to the same place, then God, I'll never see him. And God will keep

him away from me. And, or God will put it in my heart and whatever, or my soul, whatever is up in heaven with him, that I won't have the feelings of whatever happened on earth. And that I won't have the feelings of whatever happened on Earth and that I won't know evil. I won't know bad. I won't know. I won't have any of those feelings. In the six years between Resendez's guilty verdict and his execution, Holly focused on living her life. Shortly after the trial, her ex-boyfriend Jacob reached back out to her. He just said, you know, I don't know why I'm calling you. Usually when I write people off, I write them off and I'm done, but there's something about you and I don't know what it is, but you know, I'm calling you and I don't even want a

relationship, but I'm just calling you to let you know I'm throwing out an olive leaf basically is what he was saying. Um, and so I worked for the next five years to get him to see me, to get him to call me, to get, I mean, we dated off and on, but he didn't trust me. And so I was trying to build trust back with him. And, um, we definitely did some hurting of each other and it was a long five years, but he ended up moving to Evansville with me and proposed, um, I guess about two months after we had moved to Evansville and he, um, we were married nine months after he proposed. So he is now my husband. And so obviously that something there was that we were supposed to get married and that we did. And so now we've been married for 13 years and have two beautiful kids. And, you know, you go through all the feelings in the relationship. And, you know, I think we

realize that now that, yeah, we'll go through all those feelings. And even when they're bad, we still want to be together. And so, um, you know think it's now, I can see my life with him forever because we can get through anything. And that's what's amazing. And I think that has endeared our relationship and we will be together. He is my everything. He's my life. Holly never stopped speaking about her attack, and this led to an amazing opportunity in her own community. The idea for Holly's House actually came from a police detective in Evansville, Indiana.

He was a sexual violence detective, and he had attended a class where he learned how to talk to kids. And so it was called at that time Finding Words and it was an educational program that you'd go to to learn how to talk to kids that had been abused. And he found out at that that there were child advocacy centers across the United States that they were popping up in cities across the United States. And so he came back to Evansville and he said, I want to get one started here.

And he knew he couldn't do it alone. So he called me up and he said, and I think he had talked to many other people before he called me. But, you know, in my mind, it was just he got this idea and he calls me. And so he called me and he said, you know, I want to start an advocacy center in Evansville, a child advocacy center. And I want to, we want to name it after you and we want you to be involved. And so I'm like, okay, well, I don't think I can just be, have it named after me. I'm going to have to be a little bit more involved than that. And so at that moment, I was like, well, I Googled what an advocacy center was real quick because I had no idea.

So before Holly's House opened, victims would, child and adult victims, would go to the Evansville Police Department to be interviewed. So they'd go in the same rooms that were meant for perpetrators. They were small closets. They were the size of closets. They were dark. They were dingy. They were ugly. They were meant to make perpetrators feel uncomfortable. And so victims were interviewed in the same rooms. So what we wanted to create at Holly's house was a totally different environment so that victims would be interviewed in a comfortable, safe room with beautiful colors on the walls, with comfortable chairs, and that they would feel safe and comfortable and at home when they were talking about this terrible thing that had happened to them. It's a forensic interview.

It's a one interview process. It's an interview that's done one time. It's recorded. And I mean, it is just a very, makes the victim feel as comfortable as they can use after they report the crime. So even if victims come and don't want to report, we have resources available to them that can help them with legal advocacy, can help them with mental health, can help them with support groups, with whatever they might need in their healing process. It was many tears and much hard work, but it was all worth it. We opened 100% debt-free, and we opened our doors to assist child and adult victims of intimate crimes. And it was amazing. I mean, it is such an amazing resource in our community now. It's been around now for 10 years, going on 11. And that is amazing to me that, you know, we have now become a staple in our community and that we are changing lives and preventing violence and living the mission of Holly's House and our community is

feeling the effects. Holly is now the mother of two boys and she's easing them into understanding what happened to her. I definitely, I actually gave my son a book the other day to take to one of his teachers because she had asked me for it and I put it in his backpack and he, but he, I mean they know that there's a book that has my face on it. But he took the book to her. And so now his friends ask me when I come, they say, you are on a book. And they, you know, that's all they think is like, they don't know what the book is. They just say, you're on a book. Oh my gosh. And you know, that's what I want them to know right now. Like they can learn about the story as they do. I mean, that's, my son's going to find out things as time goes on and he's going to ask me questions and

that's what I want him to do. I want him to ask me the questions and I will give him the developmentally appropriate answers that I can. I'm not planning like there's going to be a sit down moment when I tell them, you know, it's not going to be a one moment. It's going to be a lifetime. And, you know, that's, I think, how you should do a lot of things with kids. Like, it shouldn't be it's one sit-down time. It is a lifetime of talking about whatever those issues are that you want to talk to them about. Holly still has a relationship with Chris's parents. As the person who is with their son in his last moments, she's developed a lifelong bond with them. I'm glad that I was able to tell his parents that, and I'm glad that I'm able to be

there for them. If I can help them at all in their healing, then I will be, and I want to. I love them. They were at my wedding. They were at the opening of Holly's house. They're like my third family. I love them. And you know, not everybody has three families. Like, I mean, how blessed am I to now have three families? Like that, they are, I consider them part of my family. And had this experience not happened with Chris, I probably would have never met them. You know, that's people ask me if I would still be with Chris today, if, if that this, if he had lived and, you know, I'm like, one thing I know for sure is I'd still want to be his friend.

Cause he was such a fun guy. He was such an amazing, fun, loving, just great guy. And he was everybody's friend. And so so I that's one thing I know is that I would want to be his friend I don't know if we'd be together but I'd want to be his friend and so you know but I very much appreciate that my relationship now with his family and to have that I think is healing for both of us. Holly's book, Soul Survivor, the inspiring true story of coming face to face with the infamous railroad killer is available on Amazon. You can learn more about Holly's house at hollyshouse.org. To talk to someone confidentially at the Rape,

Abuse, Incest National Network, call 1-800-656-HOPE or 1-800-656-4673. You can also live chat with someone at rainn.org. That's R-A-I-N-N dot O-R-G. I'm Kaitlin VanMol, host and senior producer. Our producer is McKamey Lynn, and our executive producer is Ted Butler. Our editor and sound designer is Steve Delamater. I Survived was originally produced by NHNZ. To hear more I Survived, please subscribe, rate, and review us

wherever you listen to podcasts. Dive into true crime on Pluto TV. Unravel the mysteries with forensic files and 48 hours. Investigate crimes with Dateline 24-7 and unsolved mysteries. With thousands of free crime movies and TV shows, Pluto TV is the true home of crime. Download the Pluto TV app on all your favorite devices and start streaming true crime on live channels and on demand. Pluto TV, stream now, pay never. I'm Lola Blanc. And I'm Megan Elizabeth. And we're the hosts of Trust Me, the podcast about cults,

extreme belief, and the abuse of power. Now on podcast one. We're real life cult survivors. And we're here to tell you anyone can join a cult. If you've ever dived headfirst into a new self-help program. Or believed wholeheartedly in a spiritual practice. Or even just trusted someone with your life. Guess what? You're just as susceptible as everyone else. No one is safe, especially not Megan. I'm the most susceptible.

We want to debunk the myth that people who join cults are uneducated or naive or broken because anyone can be manipulated by a narcissist or feel good in a new group they've joined. And we should know we both have been. Join us every week as we explore the world of extreme belief, talk to survivors and experts, and share our own experiences with cults and the abuse of power. Don't be fooled. You might be next. Get new episodes of Trust Me every Wednesday on Podcast One, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and anywhere you get your podcasts.