Cold Case Files - I SURVIVED: I Could Feel Myself Fading

Episode Date: September 30, 2023

Kendra, a single mom, is one year into a new relationship with a Hollywood actor, when his jealous, controlling behavior forces her to end the relationship. Just when she thinks it's finally over, her ex shows up at her house, and this time he's armed.  AMCN: Visit airmedcarenetwork.com and use offer CODE: IS URVIVED when you join

This episode contains descriptions of violence. Listener discretion is advised. They said, you know, Mommy, you know, why do you have these scars? And I said, I had an accident. But, you know, as they got older and they learned about the World Wide Web, I remember the day they came in and said, Mommy, you're famous. You were on TV. Like, they were excited.

Kendra Beebe met her ex-husband on a trip to London. Their relationship was a whirlwind, to say the least. He was from London, England. He seemed very exciting. He claimed to have been a professional dancer. And we started a long distance relationship. And the first time I went back to visit him, he took me on a trip to Amsterdam. And he told me he had owned a business and had sold it and was retired. I ended up pregnant after only knowing him about eight months. So because I was raised in kind of like with a strict Catholic upbringing, I felt like I needed to get married. So we got married in Las Vegas. And in a week later, I found out nearly everything that he had told me was not true. Well, I separated from him and went through the pregnancy alone. And by the time our child was six months old,

he had been contacting me, telling me he was a changed man, that he was 40 years old now and that he had come to his senses and he wanted to have a family. And he had three other children from two other women, but he said this was different. And I guess I just really wanted to believe that all of that was true. And I didn't want to be an unwed mother.

And I wanted to have an intact family so bad. Kendra took him back. And shortly after, she got pregnant with her second child. And after I had our second child, it was just a few months later, we had had the same cell phones and accidentally switched them. And I saw the text from other women and found out he was still cheating on me. So I was no more than a green card and a meal ticket. Her kids were very young at the time, so they didn't really know what

was going on. You know, at this point, they're an infant and two years old. And, you know, I didn't want to cause any damage to them. I really didn't say anything negative about their biological father, but it was really rough because he would tell like my daughter who was just, you know, two, two and a half to say mommy's fat. And he, you know, it's just, I was hoping that if I can just keep a positive environment and not engage in this, hopefully that this will pass and I can raise my kids in a normal, healthy environment. So I did my best to make our environment where the kids were 90% of the time, you know, very structured. Like I only had control over our home.

Kendra was doing her best to rebuild her life and move on. All my energy went into my kids and my business that I owned. So I was busy, but I also felt really sad. Nobody wants to have two little babies and a failed marriage. And at one point I got a nanny to move in with me. She was from Africa and she was a really neat Muslim woman. And she said, you know, she told me, Kendra, you know, quit wearing your bathrobe and moping around. You need to get out there. You need to pick yourself up. And I thought, yeah, maybe she's right. So I actually went on to an online dating thing because, you know, I didn't want to meet somebody out at a bar or something like that.

Kendra did meet someone online. After being in a bad relationship with her ex-husband for so long, it turned out that it was this new man she needed to worry about. This is I Survived, the podcast where we talk to women who've lived through the worst things imaginable and all the tragic, messy, and wonderful things that can happen after survival. I'm Caitlin VanMol. I met Shelly online and I said something like, my kids and my work are my life. You know, I'm not out here'm not out here for a good time. I was just looking for maybe some companionship or probably deep down in my heart, I wished I could have a family. He actually seemed like a very family-oriented person. He had a daughter and was divorced, you know, went to church.

He just seemed like he had shared values. Shelley was an actor. He's probably most recognized for his role in 40-Year-Old Virgin, where he played a co-worker of Steve Carell's character. But just six weeks into their relationship, in the fall of 2007, Shelley Malil became very controlling. I started dating him at the end of August, and by Thanksgiving, that's when I learned he was an alcoholic. I didn't know that. That's particularly when he really started getting controlling about, like, what type of clothing I was wearing,

what I was doing, what I was doing, who I was talking to. And that was obviously very bothersome to me. I didn't ever think he would get violent. At that time, I didn't recognize the emotional abuse as a big red flag. I thought, well, this is really annoying, but shoot, you know, I don't have to be afraid that he'd ever lay a hand on me. He met my kids and I met his daughter and I met his family and they're very, very nice people. And in fact, many of them are highly educated. And I think he struggled with a lot of insecurities because he wasn't a doctor. Their relationship was a little on again, off again. And Kendra says he went into outpatient rehab for his alcoholism that December. We had sort of ended things, but then Christmas rolled around

and the kids were supposed to go with their biological dad. And then he didn't end up showing up. You know, Shelly comes in and saves the day. He took us to like the four seasons for dinner. He came with a car full of presents for the kids. And we had a really nice time. And I was like, wow, you know, maybe he really is like sober. And, and so we get back into our relationship. And then by the time another month or two rolls around, it's the same controlling behavior. And by the summertime, I was like, wow, I can't, the final straw for me was at the end of May and it was a family wedding of his in Los Angeles. He was just really controlling about my clothes. I said, you know what? I've had enough. And I left. And lo and behold, a few weeks later, Shelly calls me and says, you know, I'm sorry.

I fell off the wagon, but I'm going to get better again. And hey, I have this red carpet premiere I'm going to. Would you like to go with me? And in hindsight, I wanted things to work. It wasn't that I really cared about. I could care less about that whole Hollywood lifestyle and red carpet premieres. That was not and is not who I am. But he was appeared to be sober. And anyhow, I agreed to go. And we went to the premiere of Vicky Christina, Barcelona, I think it was, and Penelope Cruz. I remember talking with her in the bathroom. It was just a really, it was a cute film and he was really nice and everything seemed normal and this was great. And I thought, wow, maybe things are going to get better. And

I also really appreciated having companionship and support because I was still terrorized by my ex-husband. And when Shelly was nice and sober, I didn't feel scared and alone. And then he told me like, yes, you know, your ex-husband's been calling me in the middle of the night and I was drinking and I shouldn't have talked to him. But, you know, this won't happen anymore. But it wasn't long before he went back to his old habits. When I left L.A. and I got back home, he started in again calling, what are you doing? What are you. Could I please do that? And so I agreed. I said, look, my cousin's going to be in town this weekend, but you can join us, but just as friends.

I can't be your girlfriend. I will be your friend. So they arranged to meet in San Diego and go to the beach. I wanted to go surf and Shelly wanted to surf And he was somehow frustrated that he was not able to catch a wave. And he started like splashing around. Then he like ran off and grabbed my keys and he left my cousin and I stranded at the beach in our swimsuits. God, my cousin and I, I was apologizing to her. And I said, you know what? This, this is it. I'm never going to talk to this guy again because my phone was ringing and ringing. So I just blocked it and blocked him. We had a nice rest of the day. I felt, you know, kind of embarrassed. Like, how could I go from one bad relationship to another? This is ridiculous. It turns out he thought I was paying more attention to my cousin than him.

And my cousin, she was a young girl, like 20 years old. So he drives my car to my house, which is like five miles away. And I didn't even have a wallet. So we actually had to hitchhike back to my house. And he had locked us out. He had locked every door. We were able to get through a bathroom window or something eventually. Shelly had continued to try and text and call her, but he wasn't able to get her attention.

He started drinking heavily. He said later, I felt powerless, which was, you know, something I was having a real difficult time dealing with. And I felt that I needed, I needed to figure out somehow to have the last word. If this relationship was going to be over, I wanted it to be on my terms. His terms, as it were, involved sending personal photos of Kendra to her co-workers. He also says he talked to Kendra's ex-husband for an hour and a half and tried to find something out from him to use against her. Meanwhile, Kendra's just going about her Sunday, totally unaware of this spiral. You know, the next morning I dropped my cousin off

at the train station and that was August 10th, 2008. I cleaned my house real good. I had groceries. The kids had had a visit with their bio dad and I picked them up at noon and we just had a really nice day together. And it was probably about seven o'clock and a dear friend of mine who I hadn't heard from in like a year, David Maldonado. And he was also like a divorced dad with kids the same age. He texted me probably not until like seven o'clock and he said, hey, you know, can I come by? It was kind of funny. He texted and I thought, oh, it'd be nice to see him. But I'm not, I don't know, I was not really in such the mood for company after everything. But I thought, well, what the heck? Maybe, you know, he could come over, we can have a glass of wine and just catch up. He comes over to my house and

I literally had one sip of wine. He's like, I don't know, Kendra, you know, I just broke up with this girl and she just went crazy. And I, and David is a really nonviolent, gentle soul. I was like, oh my God, I just broke up with someone crazy too. And we literally, he had not been there more than five minutes. And then Shelly walks into my house, no shirt, no shoes, disheveled with his hand behind his back. Genshwin normally would have been inside, up in bed with her kids. So Shelly suddenly appearing was a surprise. Shelly had never met David before, but he knew he was my good friend and was jealous of me having any male friends.

He started walking over towards me, and I thought, Oh my God, he's going to hug me. So I leaned up as to hug him back, and then I thought, Oh no, he's going to hug me. So I leaned up as to hug him back. And then I thought, oh no, he's going to punch me. And then it was in a very instant that I saw the flash of silver. And I felt primal, instinctual fear. Anyone who has ever been in a life or death situation can testify that a lot can happen in an instant. You've listened to their stories here.

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I remember in that split second thinking, oh my God. I mean, it was like a shock and it happened so quick. It was like bang, bang, bang, because it happened that quick. And he stabbed me three times in my side, like one, two, three. And it was with a lot of force and I felt it like cutting my flesh. David yelled out like a scream that I'll never forget. And it was a scream like you hear like an animal get hit by a car. David immediately got up and started fighting to get the knife off of Shelly.

And in the meantime, I was bleeding really profusely, and I could feel it. So much blood was coming out of me. I just had to hold my side, and I thought, what can I do? I felt like I couldn't leave David. It was one of those hot summer nights where you're in one of these track neighborhoods, and you can see all the houses around you, and you can see all the lights on, and you can see all the windows are open, and I called to my neighbors. I said, Chuck Alley, call 911. I was screaming as loud as I could. And David fought off the knife by the blade and threw it over the embankment. So now Shelly had no weapon. David ran to his car to get his cell phone to call the police, leaving a now unarmed Shelly and bleeding Kendra on the back patio. Shelly picked up, I thought it was a wine bottle,

but it was like a wine glass, and he busted it over my back. I remember that hurt. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I've got to get help. I've got to get help quick. I can't get through this gate. So as I'm going back towards the backyard, there's Shelly, and he had gone into my kitchen and got the biggest butcher knife he could

find, and he was just standing there with my butcher knife, so it was sort of like a game of pickle. I was stuck between a jammed gate and Shelly with the knife, and there was no place to go except back to the corner, and he basically corners me with the knife. And at one point, you know, I'm still having to hold my side because I'm bleeding so bad. And I pick up a hoe. There was a little hoe that I used to kind of clean up weeds with. And I'm fending him off just for a little bit, but he gets around me and I'm trying to talk to him in between screaming for help. And I said, Shelly, I love you. I love you. Please don't do this. And he'd say, yeah, right. You love me. And then he'd stab me again. And I'd say, please, I love you. And he would, he just kept stabbing me and I was begging him to stop. Kendra was saying anything she could

think of to get him to stop, but it was to no avail. You know what? Because you're so desperate in that situation. I think anybody, if they were being attacked, you just want to survive, right? You don't want to die. You know, your little kids are upstairs. You don't want to leave them. So you want to pacify this person. I would have done or said anything to get him to stop. And I didn't know what, you know, if I argued with him, he's going to keep attacking me. So your only option is to try and plead with him, right? Every time she said she loved him, he would stop for just a second. And then he'd say, yeah, right, and just plunge it into me harder. He was very calm, very methodical, very matter-of-fact. Like, he was answering me,

yeah, right, you love me. Stab. Like, he wasn't yelling at me. At no point did he ever raise his voice that entire night. He was just very calm, which was very eerie. I couldn't tell you what happened between the fourth time he stabbed me and the 20th time he stabbed me because it was just all so fast. Shelly had already cut my chin and it was actually hanging off my face. And so I was trying to hold my side and get air. And I would have to breathe in and scream out. And I was having to hold my chin. Kendra lived in a neighborhood with houses all around her. She could see lights on in many of the homes.

You know, I start screaming right away. I knew most all my neighbors very well. And it's so interesting on how many neighbors had come to my house, come to my children's parties, come and had dinner at my house. And yet all these people who'd been in and out of my house could not even be bothered to pick up the phone to call 911. Apart from Chuck and Allie. Chuck Lee lived next door and tried to defuse the situation by talking to Shelly.

While Shelly was distracted with Chuck, Kendra ran into the house to try to get to the street. And I thought, I gotta get to the front of the street. All of a sudden I'm thinking, I gotta get help. I gotta get help quick.

And Shelly was behind me and then he was actually chasing me. So he chased me through the house with the knife. Kendra made it outside with Shelly close behind. Chuck had also run around to the front. Chuck was coming to my assistance, but while he was coming to my assistance, Shelly took the knife and he plunged it into me.

I think it was my leg, and I remember being so upset because the stabbing had stopped for a couple minutes, and then I thought, like, I was done, and he did it again. At this point, Chuck was coming to my aid, and he was able to talk down Shelly to put the knife down. He didn't know if Shelly had another knife on him or had a gun on him, so we were all very afraid of what the next move was going to be. So Chuck was really, all his efforts were concentrated on me. I'd been stabbed over 25 times and it was just

blood everywhere. My hair was red. My hands were red. It was warm, sticky blood blood I remember it because it was my chin was hanging off the blood like dripping into my mouth there was so much of it I was stuck to the cushion I just kept thinking oh my god oh my god this isn't really happening I even felt a real sense of shame like how could I have gotten out of such a terrible marriage and then failed so miserably? I felt some responsibility. Like, why is this happening? And in hindsight, I know I did nothing to cause it, but I felt so humiliated to be cut up like this. And I didn't want to go out this way. And I didn't want to fail my kids. When Chuck was holding me, Shelly

was just standing there, standing over us. And he goes, I wouldn't hold her if I were you. And Shelly said, she has AIDS. And I remember Chuck, he just dropped me and he looked at his hands that were covered in blood. He goes, oh my god, Kendra, do you have AIDS? And I said, I don't have AIDS. But I was like, Chuck, you got to hold me

because I had so many open, gaping wounds. I knew I was going to bleed to death and I could feel myself, I could feel myself fading. And Chuck was holding me and I kept saying, Chuck, hold me. He was holding my back and my chin and I was holding my side and we're just trying, and my neck and we were trying to hold me together there were so many parts of me that needed to physically be held together Chuck was focusing all his energy on me but then

Shelly proceeds to take the blanket or towel whatever it was and he covers my nose and mouth so I can't breathe. And he's suffocating me. I thought, he's killing me. He's killing me. And I kind of was like flailing my feet. And Chuck was like, whoa, whoa, get off her. And Chuck pulled him off me when he realized he was really trying to finish me off. And then Shelly's last words were,

David, David, David. And he just walked off into the night. David was waiting for police up the street. They encountered him first, and seeing a man covered in blood, they detained and questioned him, allowing Shelly time to get away. Kendra was rushed to the hospital.

She had been stabbed more than 25 times and had two punctured lungs. I wouldn't say I'm like the most religious person out there, but I definitely believe in a higher power. And I believe that we live on. I don't think I have all the answers, but I felt like I was really close to death and I'm not afraid of dying. I've said before, it felt like I was about to go into a really deep sleep. Like I kind of use the analogy, like I felt like, you know, when you're on a long road trip and it's dark out and the car's warm and you feel like you're dozing off to sleep and hopefully you're not driving, but you want to succumb to that sleep. And that's what it felt like for me. And I felt like, ah, you know, I felt like it was a good place.

I was fighting it all the way because I didn't want to leave my kids. But nobody wants to leave their kids. Kendra didn't receive any stitches for her injuries. She had lost too much blood and they had to act quickly. So they stapled her back together. I mean, these guys were amazing. This trauma team, when I was conscious, when I got to the hospital and I said, would you guys please pray with me?

And they prayed. They prayed. And, you know, it was a number of people that saved my life. I really think, you know, God is my higher power, that he works through people. There is evil on this earth. There is evil. There are evil people, but there are also really good people. And I try and keep that as my focus.

People like David, people like Chuck and Mari, and people like Dr. Velke. God works through these people. And I got a second chance when so many women do not. My chin was open. My neck was open. He cut my breast, my leg, my inner thigh, my outer thigh, my arms, my back, my shoulder. I had to be intubated and the doctors didn't even have to make one cut because he had already made a cut that they could shove the tube in. My injuries, he severed my long thoracic nerve. So I have basically the long thoracic nerve innervates your lower back muscle. So my whole right lower back muscle atrophied and is dead and was removed.

I was only hospitalized for eight days and I had staples from head to toe. To tell you how many staples I had, like when I got them removed, I remember the lady, we were going to count them. But four hours later, she said she'd never removed so many staples out of a person before. Kendra's recovery was hard. Her injuries were obviously very severe, but she was also a single mom to two young children. I remember I could hardly even lift the vacuum. I was so weak. And prior to being attacked, you know, I could run five miles without any problem. I was just lifting the kids was hard.

Six months after my attack, I had a 10-hour surgery that was unsuccessful. I was in a sling for six weeks after that. And I just remember my son got an ear infection in the middle of the night. And I've got this two-year-old and four-year-old, and I've only got one arm. And my son has an ear infection. And he was throwing up everywhere, you know, in the ER in the middle of the night. And I thought, oh, my God, you know, it was just very challenging. Everything was very hard.

I felt very scared every night. I didn't like going to sleep because I was having so many nightmares. My family was very supportive. My family was very supportive. My friends were very supportive. I'm very grateful for all the support I did receive. It's just something that you have to sort of learn to live with. It's not something that ever goes away. But over time, you just have to find your way and you can't change what happened to you, but you can control your outlook. I have a little bookmark and it has a little saying by Maya Angelou. And she says, I can be changed by the things that happened to me, but I don't have

to be reduced by it. And that's something I read very regularly. People think, you know, what could you have done different? You know, what did you do? Oh, what did you do? I remember after my attack, I went to the physical therapist and he said, what'd you do that made him do this? You know, that was a man asking that. Yeah. I, I quit taking his calls. You know, did I say something crazy to him? No. Was I engaging? No. You know, I quit taking his calls. Shelly surrendered to the police the day after the attack. After leaving her house, he had returned to his home in LA and showered. He said he felt vindicated and that there was justice. That's justice for him as a victim that he took by trying to murder her. After he showered, he packed a bag and drove to a motel outside the city. He slept for a while

and then called his agent, who told him the police were looking for him. He found a lawyer in San Diego who worked out his surrender. The story made national news. The DA told me, you know, the first two years, do not talk to any media. You could blow this case. So I didn't want to blow this case. I didn't talk to any media. But what was frustrating is that the Malil's attorney would talk to the media. You know, defense attorneys will say whatever they can to dirty the victim. So, you know, they find some disgruntled former employees of mine. They go to my ex-husband and they say, yeah, this woman's crazy. You know, she makes men do these things. So I really kept my mouth shut. I was just surprised, you know, people just wanting to sell a saucy story. So they're throwing in half-truths and outright

lies presented by the defense attorneys. Malil pled not guilty, and his main defense was that Kendra attacked him, and he was just defending himself. Forensically, if you look at most of my stab wounds are all on my upper right back because I had my hands over my head, I was like almost in a fetal position. So when you're getting stabbed in the back, what does that tell you? You're fleeing your perpetrator, right? And I was actually really trying to protect my head and neck, but you know, it's frustrating the whole legal system and, you know, these defense attorneys and their creative stories. I don't know how people can do that for a living. It's shameful.

Yeah. And the ineptness of many of the detectives, for example, the first three stabs I got, I bled a lot. And apparently the detectives never collected the blood underneath the chair. And so then they tried to say, the defense attorneys then tried to say it was wine that was spilled and that it wasn't my blood. I remember that prior to the trial, I called the DA's office and said, hey, there's a hoe with blood in my yard. Do you guys want this? Oh, no, they don't want it.

And so like I got rid of all this stuff. But fortunately, I gave it to some guy who'd moved into a new house and needed some yard tools. And then it turns out the bloody hoe became a big question because they said, I attacked Malil with this bloody hoe. There's no punishment for them lying, right? They're allowed to lie, right? He went on the stand and gave a dog and pony show and said, you know, I was attacking him. And it was just all lies. The defense didn't pull any punches when it came to Kendra's character. The attack on my character at the trial was just as painful as the attack on my body. It's horrible. I understand why women don't testify so many times,

because you have to pull every bit of strength within you to speak up. Even when the defense attorneys tried to make me out to be some carousing around drug addict, even if I was, let's just say I was a prostitute addicted to crack, would that give a man the right to stab me? I don't think so. I think that we have to look at what is our value on women? You know, what is our value on life? What is our value on human beings? You know, this is not acceptable for this to happen to anybody, regardless of your race, gender, creed, whatever.

The important thing is that I know who I am, right? And the people that know me and love me, they know who I am. So I didn't really spend too much time trying to address these salacious news stories. And it was very interesting. There was even one female juror who stepped down because she said she couldn't be impartial because she said that she thought that I got what I deserve because of my immoral lifestyle. The trial lasted three weeks. And on September 17th, 2010, the jury had reached a verdict. It was probably one of the more anxious moments I've ever had in my life when you're waiting for the jury to deliberate. You know, sometimes you might have seen it on a movie, like people are waiting for a verdict.

But until you're really in it, it's really, you have to prepare yourself that maybe he's going to be let off. And I remember when the DA called and they said, we have a verdict. And it was like, whoa, we, there was, my family was there and some friends and we had like, you know, 10 minutes to get to the courthouse. They found him guilty of attempted premeditated murder. He was sentenced to life, which is misleading. You know, at the time, a lot of people, I wasn't aware. And a lot of people are still not aware. They hear a life sentence and you think, oh, they're spending their life in prison. That's not what a life sentence is.

In California, a life sentence means 12 years. And usually you're only going to serve like two thirds of it, right? In January of 2018, Kendra received a notification that Malil was up for parole. You get a letter, so you'd sit through this basically parole board hearing where, you know, they talk about how great they are and how, you know, they're rehabilitated and how, you know, sorry they are. And it's a dog and pony show. They have a lot of time to prepare. And I never went to his prison at any time.

What I would do is I would go to the San Diego courthouse and just appear via video. So I would see him and I would hear him. But I asked that the video not be put on me because I really didn't want him to see me. And actually, I went to every parole hearing and it turns out he'd had an inappropriate relationship with a female staffer who was subsequently fired. So he is actually, he was released for his good behavior. When I don't think having a relationship with a woman who got fired is good behavior. Is it the woman's fault? I guess it's the woman's fault, not the prisoner's fault who cons people. Prior to his release, I got several letters in error

saying he was going to be released very shortly. And I called the Department of Corrections and the lady actually laughed. Oh, yeah. She says, I know him. Yeah. The initial hearing was on January 9th, 2018, and that panel granted Malil parole. From there, it goes to a 120-day review period by the Board of Parole Hearings. And from there, the governor has an additional 30 days to review. Then-California Governor Jerry Brown flagged this decision, saying there wasn't

an explanation for why Shelley's, quote, rage escalated so far out of control and resulted in such a prolonged horror. So then it goes to a panel in Sacramento. It's called En Banque, and it's kind of rare, but it's a 15 judge panel. They say, well, should this case kind of be reheard again? And they agreed, yes, it should be reheard again. So then they had another hearing and the three men and one of them, who was the warden at Malil's prison when Malil was having the relationship with the female staffer, he was part of that group that said, let's let him out. So this is when I'm telling you that

this is laughable, that there's a problem with the institution, with the California Department of Corrections, who's really primarily run by white males. I think we need to get some more representation for minorities and women on these panels because I think there is... Hi, this is Chris Howard, host of Plugged In Chris Howard, and I'm taking Oregon over Colorado in their game Saturday, September 23rd. BetOnline has free odds and lines,

available online or on your mobile device. Visit BetOnline today. A really systemic problem with our legal system. Shelly Malil was released from prison in September of 2018. He served eight years. Yeah, I did not feel safe prior to my attack. And I really struggled with the PTSD for the first few years after the attack. My nightmares were getting more regular and more frequent. At one point, they were every night and I was waking up screaming.

My kids thought I was having a heart attack. They'd say, Mommy, you had a heart attack last night. But it got to the point where I started having night terrors where I was sleepwalking. And at one point, I almost jumped off my third story balcony. I actually came to actually at that point, I had moved out of my house. I was in a condo and some neighbors, actually a few neighbors called the police. And I woke up. I woke up, but I was reliving everything.

And I thought I was going to jump off the balcony for safety. That was really a wake-up call. But moving out of state was very helpful. And I have a lot of serenity where I live. I feel much safer in my environment. But that doesn't mean, of course, I'm always going to watch my back. I'm always going to check my rearview mirror. My life has forever changed in that way. There were a few events after her attack that helped her see how lucky she was. Soon after my attack at the courthouse I used to go to for my family law case with the divorce, there was a nice court reporter who I had seen many, many times, and she probably lived like five miles from my house. And not even a year after my attack,

the court reporter was out with her boyfriend and he wasn't too happy with her. And he slit her neck from ear to ear, almost decapitating her for her teenage children to come home and find her dead. About a year after that, I moved out of my house and I had a very lovely neighbor. She's a beautiful 35-year-old mom with a teenage daughter. And we weren't close friends, but she lived right next to my condo and I'd see her at the pool and with her daughter. And she was just nice and sweet. Right before Thanksgiving, I saw this weird person at the mailbox and I thought it was someone stalking me. I was very afraid. And I chased this person out of the neighborhood. I chased them in my car for three miles and took pictures of them

because I thought it was maybe someone coming for me. Just a few days later, this person returned and it was her ex-boyfriend and he strangled her in her condo. I think at that point I just had enough. What keeps me going is that Kathy didn't get another chance. That court reporter didn't get another chance. I got another chance. And so I have to speak out, and I have to speak up because of all those women who can't, because they're sitting in cemeteries right now. And that might sound a little morbid, but this is what keeps me going. Kendra's kids were very young when she was attacked. But now that they're older, she has to figure out how to explain what happened.

They said, you know, Mommy, you know, why do you have these scars? And I said, I had an accident. But then we had the heart-to-heart that, you know, Mommy didn't have an accident. This happened on purpose, and you don't have to worry, and that this wasn't your fault. This wasn't my fault. Sometimes there's bad people who do bad things. It was really hard for me to have to face that day where they had to learn the truth. But for the most part, we don't watch a lot of TV or when I've done any media, they're not aware of most of it.

They can ask me anything. Like I said, you know, we don't have secrets in our family, but some things are personal. And that just means like, you know, we wouldn't go share this with the next door neighbors or your friends at school. It's kind of personal to mommy. If you have any questions, you can ask me. We can talk about it. But generally, they don't really like to talk about it.

You got to keep things, you know, G rated. And I don't want them to know really how tough it can be out there. So it's hard as a parent. You want to protect them fiercely. You want them to be safe. You don't want them to know how it can be bad, but you want them to know that there can be danger out there. It's a really fine balance. And I think you just have to kind of watch your kid and know them and know what they can handle and not put your own issues on them. It's a kind of a fine dance and you have to kind of just tune in and do what's right. Kendra sought help after

her attack to help with her PTSD. I'm a firm believer in getting it out and I have, I still talk to someone. I think, you know, if you hurt your knee, you'd go to a knee doctor, right? If your heart aches, you know, you got to get it out. And I think it's really important to take care of your own mental health. I didn't want to be on antidepressants or trying to numb myself with drugs or alcohol. That was not an option. I got to be present, you know, for my kids and for myself. So, yeah, I am a firm believer in finding a good person to talk to and get professional help. Just surround yourself with good, positive people and love. I mean, love is really powerful.

Love can help mitigate a lot of tough things in life. To speak to an advocate at the National Domestic Violence. That's T-H-E-H-O-T-L-I-N-E dot O-R-G. They're available 24 hours a day and can help with finding a path to safety. I'm Caitlin VanMol, host and senior producer. Our audio engineer is Kelly Kromerich. Our producer is Scott Brody, and our executive producer is Ted Butler. Special thanks on this episode to McKamey Lynn. I Survived was originally produced by NHNZ. To hear more I Survived, please subscribe, rate, and review us wherever you listen to podcasts. Thank you.