Cold Case Files - I SURVIVED: I Felt Less than Human

Episode Date: January 6, 2024

Vanessa Gay recounts her escape from Anthony Sowell in Cleveland, Ohio. Her mistrust of the police makes her reluctant to report her attack for many years. But eventually, her testimony would put her attacker behind bars.Sponsors:Progressive: Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive dot com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. 

An A&E original podcast. This episode contains descriptions of sexual assault, violence, and suicidal ideation. Listener discretion is advised. He gave me his name. He gave me his years in the military. He gave me his, you know, when we got to the house, he talked about his family. He didn't try to hide anything. He didn't try and hide anything. He didn't try and pose to be someone who had to hide. It's only after he hit that crack that he changed into something different.

Vanessa Gay grew up in Cleveland, Ohio, and was raised a Jehovah's Witness. I had two brothers and a sister. My brother has sickle cell anemia. It was like a lot on my mom. She was a single parent, and I didn't want to be a burden. So everything that I did, I had to do the best at. In high school, I had to be the best. I couldn't get B's or C's. I would feel

very like I was a failure. And I think that developed into my adult life. I was always an overachiever. I was one of Jehovah's Witnesses. And when you go against what you're taught, sometimes negative things happen. I met my husband, or who came to be my husband, and from then on that's where I started to use drugs. That's where crack entered into my story. He was lacing weed with crack and I didn't know. From that point on my life and my children's life and everything I knew just became a nightmare. Things fell apart instantly, instantly. I no longer felt like myself. I felt like a failure. It was a horrible feeling because I began to let everybody down, including myself. You know,

it starts secluding myself and my room with my husband, whereas myself and my children, we ate dinner every day as a family. We were used to doing things as a family. So my time with them got shorter and shorter and shorter. It was not the foundation that they didn't have a foundation anymore. Vanessa started spending more and more time away from home. I couldn't go home. I felt too ashamed. I felt like I didn't deserve love. And I felt like they wasn't, you know, my family weren't going to love me. So I would not go home.

And I had changed my name in the streets because I was so close to home. So if someone came asking for me or they seen somebody with my description, they wouldn't have the same name. By 2008, Vanessa's addiction had put her at a very low point. My addiction took a hold of me. I gradually started leaving home. And then I didn't want my children or anybody to really see me because I was just not myself. I felt like I don't deserve them.

So I walked away from home. This particular day, in the area that I had start staying or getting high in the Kinsman area, I was fed up with just the drug scene. I was ready to go home. I always been ready to go home, but never knew how to go. I hadn't gotten high that day. Everybody was, I mean, it was just aggravating. The whole process of trying to get some drugs was aggravating. So I was walking past on the phone, you can out loud, he's speaking. And when he walked past, he said, it's my birthday today. And I said, well, I don't celebrate birthdays, but happy birthday. That's how I met a serial killer. This is I Survived, the podcast where we talk to people who've lived through the worst things imaginable and all the tragic, messy, and wonderful things that happen after survival.

I'm Kaitlin VanMol. After he said it was his birthday, he said he had nobody to celebrate his birthday with him. So did I want to celebrate his birthday with him? Again, I've never really celebrated birthdays, but told him, yeah, I'm going to go. Yeah, we can go celebrate your birthday. So on the walk, he talked about his life in the military. We talked about cooking recipes and who could cook,

and we had a very normal conversation. He looked normal. He had much respect in the streets, that people were greeting him, you know, saying hi. The streets would usually let you know if you're in some kind of danger or if that person ain't cool. But everybody was, hey, Mr. Such and Such and so and so, hey, how you doing? So it didn't throw red flags up. Seeing how people treated him as they walked made her feel comfortable with him. But she started to feel uneasy as they approached his house.

The house, it just looked dark, like no life. It was just dark. And opening the door and stepping in, you could feel something ain't right. You could just feel the thickness of dread in the air. You ever seen Silence of the Lamb in that room? And it felt like it's just a horrible, thick presence you could feel. I didn't want to stay. But I walked all the way over there.

And I just, I felt like I should turn around and leave. Especially after he put all the locks back on the door. It was just like lock after lock after lock. But I walked all the way over there, and I'm thinking to myself, okay, well, we're here now. You know, what's the worst that could happen? The man walked her up to the third floor. As they went up the stairs, she was struck by a strong stench that filled the house. So he instantly started to explain away the smell.

He said it was a sausage factory across the street that had a horrible smell. You know, people were complaining of it. And as we walked up his stairs, he had boxes of food lined up, going up the stairs, which could account for some of the awful smell. And so as we went and got further and deeper into his house, there was a room that I had passed, and it had like a drop cloth. It wasn't a drop cloth, like plastic. You know, it was taped off like it was working. There was some work being done on that room, and it was down,

so you couldn't see what was in that room. And we walked past that to get to his bedroom, which was junky and, you know, had a big hole in the wall in front of the bed. When I got in there, he was still talking. We were still conversing. And about 15 minutes went past.

And I said, so what's up? We gonna smoke or what? And he asked me, did I have a, he said, do you have a thing, which is, we smoke our love. And I gave it to him. I still have to give it to him. And he turned around, hit something.

I heard the sizzle. And that's when he turned around and punched me in my face. It was all bad after that. All bad. Told me, bitch, take your clothes off, you know. Just all bad. And that's when he, that's, it was like, that's when his eyes turned that color.

That's, I mean, it was just like you seen it in his face that he was not who he was. I didn't have time to do anything because once he started, there was no, you know, there was no time to think. He told me, scream.

Ain't nobody gonna hear you. I wouldn't scream, no. I got beat and raped from the time he punched me in my face until there was no breaks. It was a continual thing. The raping more so than the beating. I wouldn't fight. Had I been...

Had I done anything differently than what I did, I think I would be dead. I would be dead. I would be dead. If you're listening right now, you're probably multitasking. While you're listening to me talk, you're probably also driving, cleaning, exercising, or maybe even grocery shopping. But if you're not in some kind of moving vehicle, there's something else you could be doing right now. Getting an auto quote from Progressive Insurance. It's easy, and you can save money by doing it right from your phone. Drivers who save by switching to

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who saved with Progressive between June 2022 and May 2023. Potential savings will vary. Discounts not available in all states and situations. Vanessa sadly thought she deserved what was happening to her because she willingly walked into the house. I kept thinking to myself, you know, I really had a problem with my addiction because I used to think I'd get what I deserved in anything that would happen wrong. You know, I deserve it. I deserve it. I deserve it. I get what I deserve because I shouldn't even be out here.

Anytime you're out there looking for drugs or to get high and not where you're supposed to be, you put yourself in a dangerous situation. I put myself in dangerous situations before, but it was par for the course. But never in a million years would I have ever imagined

anything like that happening. You know, the streets are dangerous. Streets are very dangerous. To have someone hold you against your will and threaten to take your life and try and take your life. And you know not how you're gonna get out.

You don't know. I kept thinking, is this how I'm gonna die? Is this how I'm gonna die? Was that, that was the first time that that has ever happened. There's danger out there, but I didn't know that danger. And he kept saying, you know, you don't deserve what's about to happen to you.

And I'm thinking, oh my God. And then you kept saying uh you ain't like the others I don't know what that means either and I'm just thinking I am going to die right here And nobody knows where I'm at my family. They won't know But this is what I deserve because I put myself in that situation Until like I'm sitting here talking to this guy. Guy said, you won't, you're not going to die today. And I believed, and all the pain went away, everything. The pain stopped, and I knew I wasn't going to die.

And it was just like, I was singing as I laid there. I was singing, like a caption for a cartoon. Like they have in the comics, and you see the bubble. But I seen my family. I seen in that caption. I seen my family. And it was just all, you know, memories of good things, good things, good things. And the pain was gone.

And he was still doing what he was doing. But I didn't feel anything else after that. She may have known that she wasn't going to die, but she was still being beaten and raped by this man, with no sign of when it would end or how she would escape. You know, he looked me in my eyes, and I never, ever, ever, ever seen eyes like that. They were just black.

And that was the thing that was the hardest after it all was over to get out of my head. And I still don't have them out. You know, I would close my eyes eyes and that's all I seen. They would be right there. Those eyes. The attack continued for hours through the night until the light of the next day. It was starting to get light outside before it stopped.

And when it finally stopped, I had to ask, can I go to the bathroom? He walked with me, but he allowed me to go to the bathroom. And when we walked out that room, the plastic tarp had been picked back. And as I'm walking, I see what appears to be a body looking on head, wrapped in tape or wrapped in plastic, sitting, you know, sitting on the floor.

And I'm thinking in my head, you gotta be kidding me. I know that ain't what I'm saying, you know, but I don't make no kind of, because if that's what I'm saying, oh my God, that, nah, that ain't what I'm saying. You know, but I don't make no kind of, because if that's what I'm saying, oh my God, that, nah, that ain't what I'm saying. I know that couldn't be what I'm saying. She was completely freaked out by what she saw, but she had to focus on what to do next. They kept walking to the bathroom.

When I went to the bathroom, there was no door that shut. I don't know if the door was on there or not, but he didn't come in with me. There was no tissue or something, and he gave me a rag and told me to throw it in the corner. I mean, it was a pile of stuff, and I'm thinking, if I throw it in the corner, can someone, will they be able to seep through my DNA? I'm just thinking, I'm thinking all types of things. Like, will I be able to prove it with my DNA?

And I know I didn't put panties back on because I left them there just so when I tell, they can come and they'll come and they'll find him. And then they'll be able to get him. With all the locks on the door inside of the house, some of which needed a key, the only way she was going to get out was if the man let her go. Because this man just raped and beat me. You know, I just seen a body with no head on the floor in the other room. There was no way he was going to let me go after that. He said, I don't know if I should let you go. You're going to tell. Soon as he even entertained that thought,

I said, I ain't gonna tell. I want to come back. And he tried to get my number or give me a number or something and told me to get dressed. We start walking. And as we walked to the door, and I'm thinking, if I fall behind, if I don't stay right next to him, I'm gonna die.

If I get too far ahead, I'm going to die. So I stayed right with him. Every step he took, I took. And we stepped right to the door, and he let me out. The sunlight hit me, you know, and I messed up. I literally didn't need to go to the hospital, you know. And I just wanted to get away from there. I just wanted to get away from there. I just want to get away from there.

Finally freed from the horror of this man and the house, Vanessa was in bad shape. There were plenty of people on the street, and she needed immediate help, but she didn't find any. And nobody helped me. That's another thing that, out of this whole thing, no one helped. Nobody helped. I physically, I should have been taken to the hospital. My body had experienced a lot of damage. Like I said, I got raped. Very, very brutally. I got slapped, punched, beat. And I almost couldn't walk when I got out.

I needed to sit down, but I couldn't sit down because I kept thinking he might come and get me. I got to a pay phone and tried calling the police. And when the police tell me I got to come down to them and they won't come to me, I laid in the bus stop and just laid there. I don't know how long I laid there until someone I knew saw me and I went somewhere else. And I laid. I just, I felt, I couldn't, I can't believe they told me that I had to come to them. I had to come to y'all thinking I can't even walk.

I don't, I never felt that disposable in my life. I never felt that, I felt like less than human at that point. Like if somebody called the dog catchers and said it's a stray dog on loose or it's a dog hurt or wounded, someone would be out in a matter of minutes to come

but they can't come for a human. I know that for black women who were on drugs, the police weren't taking it seriously. It was like we're expendable. We didn't matter. You know, lives didn't count.

There was a very negative attitude which affected how we felt about the police. Or just, first of all, your life is already in chaos. You know, and to be made to feel like you're worth nothing. Somebody was bound to prey on you, you know, because you're treated like you don't deserve anything. Period. Despite her emergency and attempts to get help,

Vanessa didn't go to the police station. She was done. When I knew there was nothing that was going to be done or the police were coming, I went to an abandoned house and laid there. And I think it was about day three before I got up I stayed in an abandoned house by myself just needing to go to the hospital didn't go after I got uh you know was able to go back outside I thought street justice was gonna get him I thought you know, was able to go back outside, I thought street justice was going to get him. I thought, you know, I would tell some people,

and I thought that something was going to happen to him on the streets. Not necessarily, I don't know about who or how or what, but I thought, after I told, the street justice would prevail. And that never happened either. The attack and the continued guilt about her addiction put Vanessa in a very low place. She felt completely alone, and her attacker was still out there. I always thought he would come after me again,

but I had developed an attitude. I had developed a death wish. I wasn't worthy of living. I felt like that what good is it to put justice in the hands of the police when they don't treat you just? I vowed that whatever problems I would have or any, that I shouldn't go to the police because they're not going to do anything.

They're not going to do anything for me anyway, which drove me to think about suicide more and more and more. And then to just not care about things anymore. But one chance encounter helped her start to pull herself out of the darkness. This particular day, I was so fed up with myself, so hurt, that I said, I'm going to commit suicide today. I was going to step in front of a bus. And a girl, it was like she read, she seen something was wrong, and she came over and, because I'm standing at the same bus stop

I stood at to get high, and she said, Come on, go with me, I got something for you, blah, blah, blah. So I went with her, and I was about to walk into the, you know, go into the house where they do drugs. While I was in that area, no one knew my name. There was a person who lived next to a drug house who was a witness, a Jehovah's Witness, who never spoke to me, but they would see me all the time.

And a sister stepped on the porch and said, Vanessa. First time I heard my name in about, in over, maybe about two, first time I ever heard my name, she said, you know, Jehovah still love you. God still love you. First time I ever, out of that, out of all the time that I've been over there no one knew my name and no one has ever spoken my name that day when they got me I mean when the girl she said and it's like I don't know how she knew I was coming she just stepped off her back doors and said, first time. She said, he still love you.

And then that's when I just, I had to, I didn't go in. I walked off. By using her real name, this woman made her feel seen for who she used to be, rather than who she had become. This one interaction completely shifted Vanessa's trajectory, and she left the neighborhood. The day that I didn't commit suicide, I left. I started to try and work my way back in to be some type of normalcy.

I tried to be, you know, I was trying to get off of drugs because that was not my life. I didn't want that to be my life. It wasn't, I didn't go back to visit. I didn't do any of those things. So I hadn't heard about any of the other women. While Vanessa was trying to stay away from temptation, shocking news came out of the neighborhood where she was attacked. Police initially executed a search warrant on the home of Anthony Sowell on October 31, 2009, for a reported sexual assault. But what they found upon entering the home was appalling.

Initial press coverage reported six bodies, but by the end of the investigation, the bodies of Tanya Carmichael, Nancy Cobbs, Tashana Culver, Crystal Dozier, Talaysha Forsten, Amedla Hunter, LaShonda Long, Michelle Mason, Kim Yvette Smith, Diane Turner, and Janice Webb, 11 bodies in total, were found on the property. His arrest was all over the news. When I saw this picture in the paper, that was the first time since that day I had seen him again.

And that's the first time that I realized or even knew of what was going on and that I had escaped from a serial killer. I didn't know who he was at first, but I just know my body and mind reacted to the picture. And I found out somebody else had just been killed. Well, she overdosed, and they just sat her out on the lawn or threw her in the garbage. And nothing was done. It just sent me into a tailspin, and I relapsed again. And that's what caused me that just, it was a downward spiral. Back into thinking no one cared about them. Just people's hearts were so callous.

After so many people did nothing about what happened to her, the police, her friends, anyone she would tell her story to. Vanessa finally caught someone to pay attention when she was arrested in February of 2010. When I got arrested and went before Judge McGinty, I finally had an audience where somebody gonna have to listen. Somebody is, it's too many officials here. It's too many police. It's too many, it's too many people who could do something about it for me not to say something. So when I got up to the stand, you know, I had to tell him, Judge, I ain't trying to, did not answer for whatever it is that led me here, but please listen to me. And he listened. And he told him, take those handcuffs, cuffs off of her, you know, let her sit down. You need to sit down. And I started to talk and tell

him. And he said, I'm going to get you some help. And he did. First time anybody told me they were going to give me some help. And he started the process on getting me some help. And I wrote him a letter of thank you because, you know, if I was going to go to jail, I wasn't trying to prevent myself from, I wasn't trying to talk myself out of going to jail because it was just probation violation. I was going to go to a rehab or something. But now somebody's listening.

They can't say they didn't hear me tell them. You know, they can't say I never spoke up. But that was the first opportunity that I felt like somebody would listen, and he did. And I thank him for that. In jail, Vanessa got some of the help she desperately needed. They sent me to a survivor's group in jail, which was one of the best things that happened because I met the lady who ran the survivor's group, Melanie Gia Maria, and she went through the whole Sowell trial with me just as a friend, not as a legal counsel or just for support

because that's the only person who went through that with me. Now that Vanessa was connected to Anthony Sowell's case, she was called to testify in his murder trial. He wasn't being tried for what he did to Vanessa, but she was determined to tell her story in court. They didn't have to talk me into testifying because I felt like it was my obligation to testify, especially knowing now that he killed 11 women, you know. I had to. I had to be a voice for the voiceless.

God saved my life for me not to say anything. Now is the opportunity. Now I have the chance to tell and you know, yeah, there was no choice. He was in the courtroom when I gave my testimony and I could not look his way. I was so just fearful that I was going to see those eyes again. I just, I couldn't look his way. I couldn't. In June of 2011, Anthony Sowell was convicted on dozens of charges,

including 11 counts of murder and three sexual assaults. When I heard that guilty verdict, I was so relieved that he wasn't going to be able to hurt anybody else. And these families were going to get justice. And in the end, God, God, he exacted justice. He let me out of there and allowed me to testify to get this man put away. I mean, the jury, they truly, they truly made me feel like I was valuable. They truly made me feel like that people care, you know, like justice was served and I was aided in it, that I was strong for coming forth and telling my story.

They made me feel, they thanked me. And I didn't think I did anything that needed thanking for, but they truly made me feel like I was strong for doing that. Sowell was sentenced to death on August 12 12, 2011. The same year, the city of Cleveland tore down his so-called House of Horrors. I was there when they tore it down. It made me feel a sense of, it's not going to be that eyesore or that constant reminder of what happened there.

And people can't just come and exploit that spot. You know, I heard of the people coming, you know, taking things and selling them over the Internet. They gave me a lot of relief because that feeling that was in that house is gone. It's gone. On February 8, 2021, 61-year-old Anthony Sowell died of an unspecified illness while still incarcerated.

When I heard he died, I was at home, and it caught me off guard just like it did when he went to jail. I didn't, you know, because again, they don't contact me with any of the updates of anything. That's the first day I felt a sense of relief since it happened, that he would never get out and hurt nobody again. For sure, never get out and hurt anyone again. But right before that, I just talked to a lawyer about bringing charges. We were talking about getting some justice or just bringing charges against him in my case, in my case, because I don't have a case.

And maybe within three or four days is when he died. But, you know, I'm alive. Astonishingly, with all Vanessa has been through, she can still lead her life with gratitude. And there's life after a bad experience. I survived a serial killer. How could you not come away with a grander appreciation for life? It's strengthened my faith in God.

That's what it has done. It has strengthened my faith in God. That's what it has done. It has strengthened my faith in God. Every day is a fight. Fight. Fight. Fight for your life. Fight for, fight for you. Fight. Every day is a fight. And despite whatever, love yourself, you know, love yourself. Know that you are worth it. Know that you are somebody. Know that every day you get up, you can do something different. You might not succeed at it, but fight. I still fight. I fight every day. But I know that God gave me the strength to get out of that situation.

So he gonna continue to give me the strength to get out of that situation. So he's going to continue to give me the strength to fight. Might not get it right the first time, but continue to fight. Know somebody will fight with you, you know, but fight. To speak to someone at the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network, call 1-800-656-HOPE or 1-800-656-4673. You can also live chat with someone at RAINN.org. That's R-A-I-N-N dot O-R-G. To speak to someone at the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, you can now dial 988.

Or you can live chat with someone at 988lifeline.org. I Survived is hosted and produced by Caitlin VanMol and Law and Crime Network. Audio editing by Brad Mabee. For A&E, our senior producer is John Thrasher, and our supervising producer is McKamey Lynn. Our executive producers are Jesse Katz, Sean Gottlieb, and Shelley Tatro. This podcast is based on A&E's Emmy-winning TV series, I Survived. For more I Survived, visit aetv.com. I'm Brett. And I'm Brett.

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