Cold Case Files - I SURVIVED: I Thought, "My Gosh, I've Killed Myself"

Episode Date: December 21, 2024

When a disgruntled employee with a history of mental illness and drug use takes Maria and a co-worker hostage, the SWAT team is called in to breach. After swerving his car to avoid a deer, Jerry crashed over an embankment impaling his throat with a tree branch. While home alone with her two-year-old Melissa is attacked by a stranger who assaults her before stuffing her in the trunk of her car and going on a joyride. Mint - To get the new customer offer and your new 3-month premium wireless plan for just $15 a month, go to Mintmobile.com/survived Progressive - Multitask right now. Quote your car insurance at Progressive.com to join the over 28 million drivers who trust Progressive. Ro - Go to Ro.co/Survived to start your weight loss journey Today! 

Hi, I Survived listeners. I'm Marissa Pinson. And before we get into this week's episode, I just want to remind you that episodes of I Survived, as well as the A&E Classic podcast, Cold Case Files, City Confidential, and American Justice are all available ad-free on the new A&E Crime and Investigation channel on Apple Podcasts and Apple Plus for just $4.99 a month or $39.99 a year. And now onto the show. This episode contains subject matter that may be disturbing to some listeners. Listener discretion is advised. I can't even scream. Will I ever see my husband again? And this monster is here and he is going to do me in. Real people. I have to do anything in my power to keep my child safe.

And if that means sacrificing myself, that means sacrificing myself. Who faced death. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I thought, my gosh, I've killed myself. And lived to tell how. I vowed that I would not sleep. I was going to remain awake until and if I died. This is I Survived.

It's June 1999 in Norristown, Pennsylvania. Maria is head of nursing at the Norristown State Hospital Mental Institution. She's had trouble with one of her staff, Dennis Joukowsky. I have very, very good instincts, and I just felt in my heart that this man wanted to cause me harm. Joukowsky's behavior towards co-workers and patients alike was very erratic. It was very unpredictable. Staff felt very uneasy. They didn't know from day to day, from minute to minute, how he would be with them. Joukowsky was a paranoid schizophrenic and a heroin user. Joukowsky had me in particular enmeshed in a conspiracy theory. I was part of the CIA. I was part of the FBI.

I was out to get him. They were clearly the ramblings of a drug-impaired lunatic. I had never felt such a feeling of... of fear, of personal fear. And this is when my position of authority had to take over, and we had to start beginning to take action. Joukowsky refused counseling and was fired. I really thought that I had put him away, but I was just praying that he had been removed from my

professional existence. Hospital security was told to keep Joukowsky out. The security staff are unarmed. There are gates that at the time are open. So basically, anybody could walk on to the grounds at any time for any reason whatsoever. Two months later, Joukowsky entered the hospital unchallenged. It was actually a very easygoing day. I had just paged Carol Kepner. She was one of my managers, a lovely woman. So she was just coming in and just getting ready to sit down and I was looking up and

I could see Tchaikovsky coming in. I could see a gun and it was black and shiny and it looked like a toy. It just looked like a toy gun. Tchaikovsky had a loaded Civil War-era pistol. The first thing Tchaikovsky said to me was, are you ready to start telling the truth now? It's time now to start talking. And I said, what are you talking about?

Tchaikovsky was no more than four feet away. That's when he began shooting at me. And he shot me at a very close range. And he just proceeded to shoot both of my wrists, my breast, and my right foot. At this point, my body just felt like it was in a state of explosion. I had no choice at that point but then just to fall back, and I just fell back into my chair. And I began screaming, and he said,

Shut up, shut up or I'm going to kill you. And as much as I did not imagine that I could shut up because I was in such excruciating pain, I shut up. I looked over at Carol just to get grounded, and I could see abject horror. She was looking at me like, oh, dear God. And I was just holding my wrist, my right wrist. I could see bones sticking out. And I thought, Jesus.

I'm not even, I just thought this was it. I was absolutely going to drop dead. And I can't even scream. Will I ever see my husband again? And this monster is here and he is going to do me in. I remember looking up at the clock. I just needed to get grounded. I needed to just know that, first of all, I hadn't died. Maria's colleague, Carol, was in the office.

I was trapped. Carol was sitting in front of my desk, and she looked as well like a caged animal. I looked down, and I could see... I'm a very vain person and I remember thinking this was a brand new pair of shoes and he shot my shoe and I thought damn that's a brand new pair of shoes shot and yet I'm thinking I'm hurting I'm hurting I don't know what to do I can't speak but yet all this kind of

stuff was going through my mind, and I thought, you've got to just keep thinking, you've got to just keep thinking, you've got to get through it, you've got to get through it. So I just kept thinking all these very odd, unusual things. At this point, Tchaikovsky wanted to scream at me and accuse me of being involved in his conspiracy, knowing what was in his mind, and he was trying to contact the FBI, he was trying to contact the CIA, being involved in his conspiracy, knowing what was in his mind. And he was trying to contact the FBI.

He was trying to contact the CIA. He wanted an investigation into his termination, that it had been unfair, unfounded. He wanted a meeting with all kinds of high officials, and he wanted me present. I mean, the fact that I was there bleeding to death really didn't seem to enter into his mind. A hospital worker had seen Joukowsky and called the police. The building had a lot of reverberation.

It was apparent that there were a lot of police inside, and this really unnerved him. So he would be on the phone and saying, get people out of here, get people out of here. A SWAT team had surrounded the building. was on a bullhorn. And she was trying her best to get Tchaikovsky to listen to reason, release the women. This is no way to resolve anything. He would hear nothing of that. It seemed to, in fact, make him angrier. The hostage standoff enters its sixth hour. I would describe Tchaikovky as growing increasingly strung out. He was becoming more frenetic. He was becoming more possessed about his mission,

as crazy as it was. And he was getting nowhere. Joukowsky demanded the CIA investigate his dismissal from the hospital. I had some very heavy, beautiful statues of cats and dogs that some of my staff and some of my family had given me. And I remember looking over, thinking, boy, it would sure be good to get a couple of those and hit him over the head.

On a normal day, I knew that I could have easily overtaken him. Certainly after being shot four times, I knew that I was no physical match. And feeling very responsible for Carol, being her supervisor, being her friend, I knew that if I made one wrong move and took a chance, I could seriously hurt myself. But more importantly, I could have hurt her. And I knew that ethically, I could not take that chance. As night fell, Joukowsky demanded police leave food outside the office. I remember clearly that there were bologna sandwiches, potato chips, and these little small cartons of iced tea. It was my decision not to eat.

I decided that if that was going to be my last meal, that was not going to be my choice. As darkness fell, I just became more and more frantic. I was so lonely for my family. I had spent so many long hours there on the job, but yet I always knew that the day would end. I always knew that I would go home and see my husband and see my dog and my cat. Maria was suffering from shock and blood loss. I started, like, shaking. I started, like, getting the shakes, the chills.

I was dying for, like, a blanket, and I whispered to Carol, I'm cold. And she knew that I had, like, a little jacket over there. And she said to Tchaikovsky, can she get a jacket? And he said, all right. So at least she was able to get me a light jacket. During the night, Carol and Maria were handcuffed together. Throughout the night, we would be able to squeeze each other's hand, touch each other. That meant the world to me.

To me, that was the human connection. Just to be able to look in her compassionate eyes. I felt like I had a friend. I felt like I had somebody that could try to understand what I was going through. I vowed that I would not sleep. I was going to remain awake until and if I died. I was alive with pain the entire time. I have never felt such excruciating pain. The entire front of my abdomen was blood-stained. My entire lower arm was blood-stained,

and my entire right foot was bloodstained. Carol really used every ounce of her nursing ability to appeal to Tchaikovsky's sense of humanity. She would say to him, can't you see that Maria's hurting? Can't you see that she's bleeding? Can't you see that she's bleeding can't you see that she's in agony this was this was met with cold blank dead stairs on the second night maria and carol were handcuffed together and tied to the gunman he snored a lot throughout the night and that infuriated me i mean i thought you know i'm glad you're sleeping so soundly that you can sleep right through this. My foot fell asleep. And that was a very uncomfortable feeling for me because I was afraid that if I moved it, then he would think that I was trying to get up and escape.

The SWAT team outside were still waiting to act. I was wondering where help was. I was bleeding to act. I was wondering where help was. I was bleeding to death. I just couldn't understand what would be preventing the police from actually breaking in. I was wondering for 45 hours and 30 minutes where people were. The second morning, which was Friday morning, the bullhorn did wake us up. And that caused

him to untie us. And then shortly after that is when all hell broke loose. It was really hard to tell when the sun came up because the room was so darkened due to the curtains being drawn. I don't know if it was the workers or the police, but they had shut the electricity down. They had shut the lights down. And I think that's what had also made the room feel so much colder. I can remember hearing a very loud crash through the window that was to the right of May.

The SWAT team broke the window to get a better view. Seconds later, they burst through the office door. I could then hear and see a SWAT team coming in. At this point, everything just started happening so quickly. I was sitting in front of Carol and Schakowsky was to my left, crouched in the corner. And as he could hear the window crashing, I could simultaneously feel him turn and shoot me. He shot me two times, quickly and consecutively.

First time, once again, in my chest, breast. The next time, it was in my abdomen, and it lodged in my spine. I just fell over, and I could hear myself saying, you've killed me. I looked up and I could see members of a SWAT team above me and they were like, get out, get out. And I'm like, yeah, no kidding, I will.

And I remember the side stroke from when I was a kid and I just went like, I just got out. I just swam out, crawled out, whatever. I could then hear another gunshot, but I never actually saw. Joukowsky had shot Carol in the head. Seconds later, he was subdued by the SWAT team. That ending was as quick as the incident was long. Boom. Critically injured, Maria was flown to a medical hospital. That ending was as quick as the incident was long.

Boom. Critically injured, Maria was flown to a medical hospital. My dear husband, Jeffrey, was there, and I looked up and I said, where's Carol? Is Carol okay? And he said, I'm sorry, honey, she didn't make it. And I almost knew the answer. I will never forget Carol.

Carol was a wonderful person, and something so awful happened to her that I could just never fathom. Dennis Joukowsky was found guilty of murder and is serving a life sentence in prison. Trauma can either make you a better person or it can devastate you. We have to force ourselves to move on and grow from it. I survived because I have way too much living to do and this entire act was so thoroughly unnecessary.

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$45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three-month plan only. Speed slower above 40 GB on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details. It's October 2006 in Fort Worth, Texas. Jerry, a defense lawyer, is driving home after visiting a client in a county jail.

I remember the World Series was on the radio between the Cardinals and the Tigers, and I'm a big baseball fan. So I was just taking it easy, driving, listening to the World Series, and enjoying the scenery. I stopped. I remember buying a Coke and getting some chips maybe, or some crackers, thinking that I might get a bite to eat, and then head home. Jerry decided to detour along a remote, scenic highway. Well, I knew I needed to

call my wife. The problem was my cell phone wasn't getting a signal. Something came out of the roadway. I mean, it just came out of the roadway in an instant. I believe it was a deer. I couldn't say for sure. I was going fast enough where I got off of the shoulder of the road and onto some gravel. I tapped on my brakes. As I did, the car went into a spin and went over the side of the ravine. And as it did, it hit the tops of the trees and rather than tumbling over and over it whirled around as it hit banging up against the trees windshields busting it's like being on the worst roller coaster ride you could imagine it seemed like I would never hit the bottom of the ravine and as as I was flying down I just I was saying my prayers

because I believed that this was it I wasn't going to survive the impact let alone any type of crash or explosion or anything like that when I woke up I was surprised that I had opened my eyes and I was still alive. I was in the back seat of the car, which initially threw me for a loop. Wow, how did this happen? And then I could see that the back of the seat was just bent backwards.

The car was completely covered. It had knocked some big limbs off of the trees, and they had covered the car up. The windows on the front door and the back door were completely out. Jerry had a punctured lung and four broken ribs. I had sharp pains in my chest. I was achy. Again, my head hurt.

I had hit my head on the top of the car. And as I began to move around, one of the first things I noticed was that I had a limb in my throat. The tree branch had pierced Jerry's windpipe. And I didn't really notice it at first until I began to move about. And you know, when you've got an 18-inch limb sticking out of your throat anytime you turn your head you realize this is attached to me and I thought okay that needs to come out I reached up to feel where it was and certainly it was in my throat and I began to tug on it to get it out but the more that I tugged that the tighter the grip of my flesh was on the stick. And so I remembered that I had a knife in my console.

It was a lock blade knife, about five inches long. I was able to open it and cut around the base of where the stick was in my throat and as I cut I would pull on the stick but again the flesh wouldn't give the stick wouldn't come out it was very painful I was having to actually cut parts of my skin and each time I did that it seemed like the tighter the flesh would would hold on the stick. And the more that I pulled, the more frustrated I got. I began to panic. I don't know what really happened at that point. I don't know if I had a surge of adrenaline

that made me push the knife in too far, or I don't know if the knife was sharper than what I realized, but I stuck it in. I stuck it in hard, pulled hard, and the stick came out and a stream of blood shot out of my neck right in front of my eyes from the back seat all the way to the dash. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I thought, my gosh, I've killed myself. There's no way I can survive this. I literally just couldn't believe it. And I pulled my T-shirt up and I covered the hole.

And after a few seconds, I just passed out. Jerry's wound had stopped bleeding but was exposed. When I woke up, I felt of my neck, and I began breathing. And after a few breaths, I realized that I was exhaling out of the hole in my throat, and you could hear the skin flapping. I began to smell gasoline in the car, very, very strong smell of gasoline.

And knowing what I know about gasoline, what everybody knows about gasoline, it's not a good place to be around it if it's leaking, especially when you've just been in an accident. The car doors were blocked by trees, but the rear windshield was out. So I hoisted myself up on my legs and slid out on my back onto the rear of the car. I then just fell all the way off the trunk in a backward position and landed on my head. I just laid down on the ground and went to sleep, believing that I would not wake up. And I don't know how long I slept,

but eventually I woke up. As night fell, the smell of gasoline dissipated. I seemed to understand that while I was hurt, I wasn't going to die immediately. And that I needed to avail myself of my senses and do whatever it would take to get through that evening. With all of the blood that was on me, you know, there might be a coyote around or raccoons. Certainly I have a fear of snakes. Considering where I was, I figured the safest place for me to be was back inside the car. Jerry managed to pry open the car door and climb in.

He was out of cell phone range. Now I was beginning to contemplate on what my family might be doing back at the house, and I knew that they would have no idea where I was. If they were searching for me, they would be searching for me 35, 40 miles away on a different road because it wouldn't make sense that I would be on the road that I was on. I needed to relieve myself and as I did I noticed there was blood in my urine. That concerned me greatly having some medical knowledge I knew that I was bleeding internally and I knew I had a long night ahead of me and I didn't feel like I would probably be able to get out of the situation that I was in.

I decided that I would try to get out of the car and get up the ravine. I got out of the car again, very painful, difficult ordeal. This is something that took 35, 40 minutes to push the door open and squeeze my body with the door of the car pushing on my ribs. And for some reason, someone had placed a barbed wire fence at the bottom of this ravine. The only way I could get around this fence or through this fence was to go

completely underneath it. That in and of itself took what seemed to be a long time, an hour, hour and a half. This ravine was covered in loose rock and gravel. I was wearing a pair of loafers, and they had no traction whatsoever. I was weak. I couldn't dig my heels into the, or my toes into the ground, and there was very little to grab hold of. Each time I tried,

I'd just fall back to the bottom of the ravine. And I did this for hours, and I couldn't do it anymore. I started my trek back to the car, and I had to go under the fence again, and it probably took me an hour to go, literally, 60 feet. When I tried to get back in the door, I noticed a Coke bottle that I'd had that I'd bought as I was driving the night before that I hadn't finished drinking. So very carefully took the lid off and took a few sips, was wondering whether or not it would come out the hole in my throat. But fortunately it didn't, and it gave me quite a bit of relief.

I was very careful not to drink all of it at one time just to save it, but again, my throat was so parched I would have given anything for some water. As I leaned back and was beginning to think how long I needed to rest, I looked up in the air and I saw some buzzards. And I thought to myself, my goodness, surely they're not circling for me, and yet what else could have been around? Jerry's only sustenance was half a bottle of soda. As I got out of the car that time, I told myself that the amount of strength it was taking,

that if I couldn't get up the ravine and I came back to the car and got in the car, I didn't know if I would have the strength to get out of it again. I knew that eventually it would be a death trap. I started looking at the lay of the land and I realized that the road itself was going down this way and I was going down this way, and I was going down this way. Perhaps I could meet the road if I could get over these rocks. And when I did, I surprisingly found myself on rather flat land. Then I found the fence again.

And I didn't want to go under the fence. So I began following it. It came to a spot where it wasn't connected to a fence post. I could literally step over it, and when I reached the top of the gully, I realized I was on the shoulder of the road. As I was walking, I began to take an evaluation of my looks, and I realized I was covered in blood and rocks and dirt. My hair was matted, and I thought, my goodness, who's going to pick me up when they see me like this?

Several cars drove past without stopping. A fellow in a pickup truck passed by and slowed down. As he pulled up, he offered me help, and I couldn't talk. A fellow in a pickup truck passed by and slowed down. As he pulled up, he offered me help, and I couldn't talk except in a very small whisper. I believe I just said, wreck. The man drove Jerry to the nearest town. As we were heading into town, I was so relieved that I would be able to communicate with my family, to talk to my wife and talk to my mother. I said my prayers that I was still alive and I thanked God for it.

Jerry spent nine days in the hospital. One of the doctors said it was somewhat of a miracle that I'd placed the knife in the exact spot where you would do that if you were giving a tracheotomy to someone. The branch that Jerry cut out of his throat had narrowly missed his carotid artery. I survived because I knew not to give up, to constantly assess where you are, what your situation is, and make things different. But if you just give up, you'll never make it. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

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dive into random topics I'm obsessed with, like human design. It's a bit all over the place, but that's how I like it. And you will too. Listen to my podcast, Stassi, wherever you get your podcasts. It's August, 1996 in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Melissa's husband had left the house for his night shift job, and Melissa and her two-year-old daughter are home alone.

We were kind of watching a movie together and laying on the couch, and we just decided we'd sleep down there because it was too hot upstairs and we were too tired to go anywhere else. So locked up the house and turned off the TV and laid down with my daughter and went to sleep. I woke up, it was around 2, 2.30. Woke up because I felt something sharp on my neck, felt pressure on my back. Basically felt like someone was laying on top of me. My first thought was my husband had gotten out of work early

and he was just messing with me. And I heard a voice that I didn't recognize, and that's when I realized that it was not my husband. I didn't have my glasses on. I was sleeping when he came in, and I can see about three inches in front of my face without my glasses. It was about five foot ten, probably 160, 170 pounds. Crooked front teeth. He had very disheveled hair. I couldn't tell you if he was on drugs most likely but he was a

scary, crazy-looking person, eyes glazed over, just didn't look like he was all there. When I started screaming my daughter woke up and she started screaming. He told me if I didn't shut her up, he was going to kill her. What was going through my mind is I have to do anything in my power to keep my child safe. And if that means sacrificing myself, that means sacrificing myself. So I looked at my not even two-year-old daughter and told her if it was the only time she ever listened to mommy in her life, that she needed to listen to mommy right now, that she needed to go up to her bedroom and shut her door and not come out until mommy came to get her.

And she did. He had rolled me onto my back and he was laying on my stomach. When I tried to scream, he put his hand over my mouth. I bit him. He slapped me. When he tried to wrestle me down, I tried to wiggle away and he took the knife and cut my arm. He cut my chest, basically just to show me that he would kill me.

I couldn't let him hurt my daughter and I had to do anything I could to keep him happy so that he wouldn't. And he was much stronger than me, larger than me. At that point, I realized fighting wasn't going to do any good. It wasn't going to get me anywhere. He took my clothes off, and he assaulted me in the living room twice, I believe.

And then he grabbed me by my hair, told me to get him a pair of socks to put on his hands because he didn't want to leave fingerprints, and told me to go get him a drink. He drug me into the kitchen by my hair. I walked by a cast iron frying pan, which I seriously considered picking up and hitting him with, but decided not to because I didn't know if I'd hit him hard enough to actually knock him out. And if I didn't, I was just going to make him mad. So he told me to get him a drink, and I did. He drug me back into the living room where he assaulted me again.

He was in the house with me for two hours, assaulting me, forcing me to have oral sex, smacking me around, just basically anything he wanted to do. I offered him all the money I had in the house. I offered him my jewelry. I offered him my car. I just wanted him to leave. And he grabbed an extension cord that was in the living room, unplugged the lamp that it was plugged into, and tied my hands behind my back.

The intruder took Melissa's wedding ring and dragged her out of the house. Basically, you need to shut down. You can't think about what he's doing to you. You have to... It's almost like you're not in your body and you're watching him do this to you, but you're not there. I was begging him to let me go.

My daughter, she can't be home by herself, she's too little. And he said, his only response was, don't ask questions, don't talk, just shut up. When he took me out of the house, I honestly thought I was dead. I figured that I was never gonna see my family again. I was gonna be found in the river. I honestly didn't think he was gonna let me live at that point. He had the knife to my throat.

He told me if I screamed, if I made any noise, he would go back in the house and kill my daughter. My daughter's stroller was in the trunk and he basically picked me up and threw me in on top of it and shot the trunk. And I just kept thinking I have to, I have to make it through this for her. I had maybe six inches that I could move my feet. I couldn't move my arms because they were still tied behind my back. So I sat there, praying, crying, trying to figure out a way out. He drove around town. He picked people up. I could hear them talking through the back seat.

I could hear the radio playing. I could hear laughter. I heard him tell his friends that he had some stupid chick in the trunk. I heard him give my wedding ring to someone. The only question she asked was, is it real? He drove around town some more. He dropped his friends off.

He stopped after a few hours and took me out of the trunk in an abandoned lot. He untied me there and raped me again with a stick. I was just begging him to please let me go. He's like, well I can't let you go. What can I do with you? I think at that point he realized he was in above his head and that he didn't know what to do anymore. He just didn't know how to get rid of me basically. I was begging him you know just leave me somewhere I don't care leave me on a street corner. You know I need to get home to my daughter. She can't be home by herself. I was thinking about her constantly.

Just kept thinking that I had to get home to her because there wouldn't be anyone to take care of her if I didn't. He took me out of the car again. This time we were in a garage. I tried asking him, where are we? And he said, his only response was, don't worry about it. He put me in the front seat, forced me to perform oral sex. At that point, I kept telling him, look, it's 630.

Now my husband's home. He's going to call the police. And I'm still trying to convince him that you know, look, it's 6.30. Now my husband's home. He's going to call the police. And I'm still trying to convince him that, you know, really, he can just let me go. I promise not to say anything. I don't care where you drop me off. He put me back in the trunk and drove around. Finally, the car stopped, and it was running.

It was getting really hot, really, really hot. And I could barely breathe. I couldn't really think straight anymore. I just wanted to be let go. And I basically figured I'm either going to die of suffocation in this trunk or he's going to kill me. But either way way I need to do something. I can't just lay here and die. So I decided I would try and get

away. I kicked and kicked and kicked at the back seat until I broke the latch because it was one of the seats that fold down. I was terrified. I didn't know what I was going to find on the other side. I didn't know if he was going to be in the car. Melissa's attacker had fled the scene. As soon as I saw that there was no one else in the car with me, I knew I had to move quickly.

Climbed into the driver's seat, through the car and drive, and took off. Melissa lost her glasses during the abduction. I am almost legally blind without my glasses. So the fact that I was driving without them was scary. I was literally just driving on instinct. I thought about stopping at the police station when I drove by. I thought about stopping at the hospital when I drove by. But I wanted to see my baby. I just wanted to get home to her.

Melissa's husband had returned home from work to find their daughter had been left alone. I just remember holding her and telling her how much mommy loved her and how proud of her I was that she was such a big girl and that she listened so well to mommy and just hugged her a lot. Melissa was rushed to the hospital. Eight years passed before her abductor, Mark Brown, was caught and convicted on a DNA match. It was a crime that he saw he had the opportunity to commit, and he did. Brown was given multiple life sentences with no chance for parole. I wanted to give up, but I knew I had to get home for my child. What kept me alive through all this is knowing I had a baby at home that I needed to take care of. And I love Jersey Shore. For me, it's The Godfather. SpongeBob SquarePants.

I am Patrick. Patrick is me. Oh, Forrest Gump, come on. Criminal Minds. Solving crime after bedtime. Whatever you love to watch, Pluto TV makes it easy with thousands of free movies and shows. Pluto TV. Stream now.

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