Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - 14th Anniversary: Jason Mantzoukas, Andy Daly, Paul F. Tompkins, Jessica McKenna, Shaun Diston, Drew Tarver, Lisa Gilroy, Lily Sullivan, Tim Baltz, Carl Tart, Will Hines, Dan Lippert

Episode Date: May 1, 2023

Scott celebrates the 14th Anniversary of Comedy Bang! Bang! with co-host Jason Mantzoukas, and special guests water skier Hot Dog, Fred Guinness of the Guinness Book of World Records, acrobat Dagmar the Small, Rudi North, the Pig Shit Twins, Bicky from the Gym, podiatrist Harry Footman, the President of Domino’s Snake Eyes, Anniversary Man the Demon, NBA legend Bill Walton, and The Chief. Thanks for listening to CBB for all these years!

🎵 Hop night tab and drink me Vlad, I'm ready to die! Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Not a Vampire. Not a vampire. That's very suspicious. Glad my friend, uh, Dalton Wilcox is not here, uh, to hear something like that. Well, hey, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Very special show today.

The 14th anniversary of this podcast. We have an incredible show coming up. We have guests galore. New guests. Old guests. Something in between. Uh, my name is Scott Ackerman. Nugget? Nugget? Is that... Did I hear you say you're going to have new shimmies? How you doing? How you doing? No, new guests.

Aw, all right. I mean, that's cool too, but... There is a three musketeers here, though. What? Do you want... Where? It's a three musketeers DVD. Mmm. Does that count? Yeah. Okay, here you go.

Thank you. Do you have a DVD? Okay. Gotta go? Yeah, I figured. Gotta go. Uh, speaking of something in between, here's Mr. Inbetween. Uh, he's an old friend of the show, been on ever since the first year. Please welcome back to the show, Jason Manzuchus. Holy cow.

Now, is this... Are we doing viral marketing for Mr. Inbetween, the FX show, and Renfield? Is there a Mr. Inbetween FX show? Absolutely. Really? Mr. Inbetween. Well, I'm 90% sure that's the name of it. I just know it from the song, uh...

Which song? Accentuate the Positive. Yes, thank you. Gotta go. Hey, you pie shimmy. Hey, shimmy. By the time you say hello to him, he's gone. In that split second that he was here, though, so useful.

Incredible. As a fact-checker? If nothing else, Accentuate the Positive. Yes. And when he talks about Mr. Inbetween in that song, it's a code for a penis. Oh, interesting. Yeah.

Because it goes in between? Because it's in between the... Shimmy, you have something to say? Don't mess with him. Okay, bye. Jason, how are you? Great to see you. Scott, let me be the first to say happy anniversary.

Thank you. Oh, you are the first to say it. Thank you so much. What is the 14th year anniversary? Like, what paper, you know, all the... I don't really know. Let's look that up. Yeah, let's look that up.

Because, you know, I feel bad I didn't bring you anything. But, um... I'm on it. Okay, yes. Shimmy, our fact-checker, who... By the way, it would just be easier if you stay. Super quick question. Let it go.

Oh, he's gotta go. Gotta go. Oh, that's too bad. Because I really was like, is today the day that Shimmy stays? I'm back. Okay, what do we have, Shimmy? Uh, first thing comes up is a bunch of elephants. Yeah.

Oh, I would love it if elephants was the... What you give on a 14th. I just looked up 14th anniversary gift. Oh, I know why. Yes. Ivory. That's the tradition of you. Ivory.

That's the tradition of you. As heard in the song, Ebony End. Yes. Wow. That's right. We all know it. Hey, Shimmy, you haven't left yet. What's going on?

No, I'm still... I'm really... He's really drilling down to do it. What's going on? It's wild, man. Is that before... The modern gift is gold. Gold jewelry.

Gold jewelry on the 14th? Yeah. That's a little too rich for the 14th. Is that the same for everything? Is the modern gift gold for... I mean, most... Are we just in a... Oh.

Or is it just to replace Ivory? You should not be. 13th is lace. Modern is textiles. How much lace did you get last year? I didn't get any lace. You didn't get any lace last year? That's on the fans.

15th used to be crystal. Now it's watches. What? Come on. Okay, wait a second. Can I trouble you to go one through 15? Okay. With the...

With the old and the modern. The old and the new. And the modern. You got it. Thank you so much. Now? That might be a separate search. Okay.

Sorry. We can... Yeah, we'll give you some time. You have to go. I've got you on it. But you can go find it and come back. Okay. And he is gone.

Anyway, I'm thrilled to be here. I'm sad that you didn't get any lace last year. I got nothing. I feel like the Comedy Bang Bang fans would be going out of their way to crochet you a lace doily or something. Throw lace on the stage anytime I was on tour or something like that. Yeah. Do you think people are throwing lace on the...

I mean, next year I hope they throw watches at me. Boy, we're going to be on tour. People have already seen us, so they're not going to know. But I would love it if they were just throwing lace up on the stage. Throwing lace? I think throwing lace should be a term for something. It should be. You know, by the way, speaking of which, a couple of weeks ago, we almost did an episode

of Drippin' Milk. I had to curtail it because you weren't there. So... I was just talking about it. Yeah. On the Gino episode, we unfortunately veered perilously close into an episode of Drippin' Milk. God damn it.

Yeah. But throwing lace... We're talking throwing lace here today. That's a side podcast. Oh yeah. That's a sub-podcast of Drippin' Milk. Okay. Throwin' lace.

Drippin' milk and throwing lace. Jimmy, you're back. I'm back, y'all. What's going on? Also, I think throwing lace would be good for strippin'. Okay. I love that. Throwin' lace.

Yeah. I worked for a while throwing lace. Are you... Are you considering being a stripper? Oh, man. Not again. I threw lace. I threw lace for a couple of years at girls, girls, girls.

Put myself through college. Throwin' lace at seventh veil. All right, y'all. Here we go. All right, Jimmy. What do we have? First year, paper, modern, clocks. With clocks.

That's clocks. Paper. Paper turns into clocks. I mean, I understand not wanting to give paper. I mean, what can you give this paper? Origami? What's interesting is paper is open to interpretation. It is not.

It is not. No, it's a grandfather clock. A clock. A rest. It's like a... It's a clock. Yeah. A paper you can interpret so many different ways.

Now, please, if we're on stage, you can throw watches. Please do not throw clocks. You could throw... You could, you know, you could give somebody wood pulp. That's a venture of the paper. Yeah. That's true. Yeah.

That would be great. That's a free paper. That would be what to give them in the lead-up to that first anniversary. Year number two. Used to be cotton. Now it's China. Wow. These are getting too expensive, by the way.

So goodbye fabric of our lives, hello China, fine China, didn't you get that when you registered for your wedding? I believe we got some China. Yeah. Third year, leather, now, crystal-slash glass. What on earth? Crystal slice? What?

Crystal slice. Glass. Oh, slash gas? Yeah. You could give somebody a tank of nitrous oxide. I hear that if you put it in the freezer, it's still happy. I mean, what's really interesting about these is that every one of them, even though antiquated ones that should still remain, they just have modernity.

Now they just change them to something. They just give modern things that are just more gifts. I guess we could use them. This is crazy. Consumerism. I mean, especially with Bidenomics, with gas at $5 a gallon these days. Thanks a lot, Biden. Fourth year, used to be fruit slash flowers.

Now, appliances. Appliances. These get more and more expensive. Fruit slash, fruit slash flowers to like, to be like, here is a fruit. Here's a fruit basket. Not a lateral move. Yeah. Or here's a washer, dryer.

What do we do? You're talking about expensive flowers. Flowers is the biggest racket going. Oh, really? Why do you think that, Jimmy? They're so expensive, all they do is die. Well, I mean, we're expensive. You have a microwave forever.

Yeah. Human deal. Which is going to last longer? A microwave or a bunch of flowers? This is the most you've ever talked about. What's interesting is the microwave. My throat's getting raw. The microwave.

I've never had to do this for so long. It's the most I've ever spoken in my life. It's really, it must be constricting and difficult. Were you ever married, Jimmy? Did you take vows or anything like that? I came close once. Oh, really? There was a girl.

Yeah. Who was this? Her name was Loretta and we went to school together. Okay. Wow. We went to DeVry Institute. Of course. Of course.

What were you studying? What were you studying? Computer technology. Yeah. Air conditioning or repair? Both. I think they're very smart. Air conditioning.

Computers now. What was she studying? She was studying welding. And you got close and you almost married? Yeah. And what happened? Heartbreak? Heartbreak, yeah.

On whose part? Both. Oh, no. You both broke up with each other at the same time? We just realized we had a steamy thing going but it just wasn't good long term. Mutual dumping. That's heartbreaking. Yeah.

We were like the Liz and Dick of DeVry Institute. Anyway, fifth year used to be wood. Silverware. Oh, my God. Silverware. I mean, silverware is a downgrade from appliances to it. Yeah. I don't understand.

It's like the longer you use things. Unless it's expensive. The longer you use things. I don't get y'all's logic sometimes. I mean, I think these should get bigger and bigger to give you an incentive. The longer you use things. Like marriage does. Yeah.

What year is that? Every year, better than the last. Sometimes. What year was that? Silverware? Five. Five. What are you eating with those first five years?

Exactly. Silverware? I guess so. Year stick. I didn't know you cursed. I do sometimes. I don't like to. I think it's common.

I'd rather be well-spoken than thought of that way. You barely want to speak at all usually. Your voice is the way to do it. You're getting larynxitis already. Better to keep your mouth shut and have people wonder if you're a fool than to open it and confirm. I wonder if he's a fool. You wonder?

All right. All right. I cannot believe we're only at six. Year stick. Iron. Okay. Then it changed to wood objects. Wood objects.

What's going on with these? Very late. Object wood. Who decides these two? Like I wasn't consulted. The council? The council. Of course.

The council. I'm just throwing that out there. Yeah. No. No. The marriage council. I guess so. Yeah.

Marriage counselors? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure they have meetings. Maybe they just know what a marriage needs every year. Around year five, they're like, the dishwasher's going to break. Pieces of wood. Yeah.

Like year seven, used to be copper slash wool. Now it's desk sips. It can't be desk sips. That's what it says. It gets worse and worse. These are not romantic. That's bizarrely very specific in a way that I can't imagine people need. His website called the knot.

It's all about marriage and shit. So I guess they know. They're not K-N-O-T. Now I think you do like to curse a lot. You know what? Kind of like it that first time. What's the worst word you've ever said? Hmm.

Penis? I think shit is. But that was in a medical sense. What were you saying? What was it? See my doctor. Yeah. What'd you say?

I said, let's take a look at that penis. Take him? Yeah. About my penis. Okay. Because yeah, the other way around. I got pretty nervous. All right.

You want to see mine? I got to see yours first. It should be like that at the doctor. Okay. Let's both get nude. Yeah. Year eight. Braun slash pottery.

Now it's linen slash lace. Okay. Braun. Yeah. I guess that's better than. Cut to year nine. Smash guts. Willow slash pottery.

Ooh, pottery's still in there. Willow? Willow. Willow. The little person that started. Like Buffy's friend. Okay. Are you a sci-fi fan?

I like witchcraft stuff. Oh yeah. I don't like science. I just like witchcraft. Okay. So spells and stuff. Love spells. Love spells.

What about Harry Potter? You like Harry Potter? Used to. Oh, okay. Somebody spoiled it for me. Someone told you the end. Someone explained the ending? No.

If only. If only before I. I will say there was a twist. I did not see coming that I did not enjoy. Anyway, now that's in lace. Okay. So we're up to 10. And 10 is as far as.

Oh wait. No, we did that. Okay. So Willow and pottery. Now it's leather. Right. 10 is as far as we go. Tim.

This is a big reveal. It used to be aluminum slash tin. Get a load of this upgrade. Diamond jewelry. Jesus. Wow. Do you think they just figured most people aren't going to get to 10? So maybe we incentivize them.

Yeah. This is when the life expects used to be 40 years old. 10 years in, you could be like, of course I need wool. Year 11 are coughing. Got to go. Speaking of. Wait, you're not going to die. Are you shipping?

He's gone. Wow. Well, Jason, we got to get to our holy guest. Our first guest. That's okay. So informative. Yeah. You're going to be here to back me up.

Okay. Let's do it. I'm thrilled to be here celebrating this 14th anniversary. Well, you know, I, by the way, I never credited our, oh no, not a vampire said our catchphrase submission. It's not going to stick, but our old catchphrase. What's up? Hot dog, of course.

Oh no. I realize. Dip, doo, doo, dip, doo, doo, dip, doo, doo, dip, doo, doo, dip. What? No, hot dog. Hey, what's going on you guys? Hey, what's going on? You conjured me.

What's happening? I heard myself. Where were you? I was at the sunglass hut, but I got a five minute break coming to me this afternoon. So it's fine. You're working. You're working. I work at the sunglass hut down in Huntington Beach.

Yeah. Sunglasses hut. Interesting. No. Isn't that the first question you get to every, every person who walks in there? That's not the first question we get. The first question we get is, is this the sunglass hut? And you say yes.

And then the second question is, shouldn't it be sunglasses? So a private rival, most people do want confirmation that this is the sunglass. Yeah. They want to make sure they know where they are. So they're not asking somebody at Kenny's Kettle corn whether it should be sunglass. And Kenny's Kettle corn, I've seen that place. That's all Cays. Yeah.

Yeah. The corn is Cays. What do you mean? They should shut that down. Yeah. Because it's a front. It's really, those, the Cays are all big and red. Yeah.

And other letters are all smaller in a different context. Yeah. And the employee uniform, those books. But they're really nice guys. They really are. Hey, yeah. Kenny's a sweetheart. He really is.

Yeah. Don't get him going. Certain topics don't get him going. But most of the time. So, hot talk. What have you been up to? We haven't seen you in a long time. Man, I've been busy.

You know, I've been water skiing. I've been innovating as always out there on the skis. What are you skiing on nowadays? These days, I've been trying to ski on toothpicks. Oh, like bundled together? No, I've been trying to. You're trying to go smaller and smaller? That's my thing, man.

I'm trying to ski on the small. I'm trying to get into Guinness Book of World Records. And of course, I was always trying to get into the water skiing Hall of Fame, which now, as you know, has changed its name to the Water Board Sports Hall of Fame, which is fucking bullshit. I don't know why we would know. Why don't you know that? Definitely don't.

It's down there in Polk, Florida, the Water Board Sports Hall of Fame. Did you say Polk, Florida? Polk, man. Polk. Like our famous president, James H. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Sure. Now I'm not going to bother them until I'm skiing on toothpicks, but right now I'm working down to it. Yeah, what have you gotten down to with this? Because for a while, you were skiing on meat. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever done chopsticks?

No, I should have done chopsticks. Seems like maybe an in-between spot. Well, no. I was skiing. What? Mr. In-Between? Yeah. Don't mess with that guy.

Okay. All right. Good. Please. I've been skiing on rulers. Just classic wooden rulers. I'm up to that now. One foot inches or with centimeters?

You know what? They have both. Great question. Thank you. One side is inches. The other side is centimeters. Yeah. It's wild.

Why don't we switch over to the metric system? I think we tried. People couldn't handle it. Yeah. There was riding in the streets. Was that what those riots were about a few years back? What are you talking about? The 1994 LA riots?

No, I was thinking of the 2020 riots. Oh, the 2020 riots? Listen, that's one of the topics. You should not get Kenny, Kenny's Kenny's corn going on. He doesn't want to talk about it. Yeah. The Celsius riots of 2021. Yeah, man.

Yeah. So you're on rulers. How's that going? No. Now, rulers was, it was very, very tricky. It was really hard, but I know exactly how big my feet are, but I'm not going to review it. Okay.

I'm not telling you. God, I would love to. I know you would. I almost want to know how long and why they are more than I want to see them. Yeah. No, you want to see my feet, man. What if you tried skiing on one of those things that measures your feet in a shoe store? It's called a Brannock device.

What? What do you know that, man? Why do you do that? Listen, I'll come around. I'll measure feet all day long. I got my own Brannock device and I'm just going around measuring feet. Okay. You do.

Interesting. It's not creepy if you've got a Brannock device. Interesting. Yeah, but Brannock was a creep. Oh, really? Oh, Brannock was. Should we cancel Brannock? Cancel Brannock, man.

What did he do? You know, that's my new private detective TV show. Brannock. Okay. And he just goes around measuring feet. He just put related crimes. It's all, he solves it all. I literally watched a Colombo the other day, which was all about like, this is so weird.

It rained last night. There's no footsteps in the mud over here. This is your Natasha Lyon? Yeah. Do an Colombo. So anyway, my idea, I'm going to be skiing on the smallest water skis of all time and it's going to be toothpicks. What is the smallest currently?

What's the record? Yeah. The smallest currently is just child size. The children have water skied on child size. Commercially available child. The rulers are already smaller. You've done it. Congrats.

You did it. I know. I know. I know. But with the rulers. Why is everybody laughing and hot dog? What do you mean, everybody? It's just us.

I have to get his book on the horn right now. No, no, no, no. Congratulations. Wait, wait, wait. Do not do that. Get his book. Oh, no. I'm listening to the show.

Mr. Guinness. I've been on hold. We have a new world record that was just achieved. Someone water skied on rulers. Wait a minute. Like regular rulers from school? Yeah, exactly. With centimeters on the other side?

And inches. Well, yeah, inches is a given. So are you ready to give him the world record? Let me just check my file. Okay. Looks like the current record is just some kids skiing on water skis. Which are available child side water skis? Who's there?

Oh, hi. Hot dog? Do you know this guy, hot dog? Hot dog? Of course I know hot dog. He calls me morning, noon, and night. He's constantly trying to send water skiing records. Well, he sent one.

I guess he skied on rulers. Well, you guys have a new thing where you don't encourage people to do dangerous things. And so the fact that I am the man who introduced firearms to water skiing and that I am capable of water skiing through lava. These dark records. By the way, have you ever done it? You say you're capable of it. No, I'm capable of it.

And I'm waiting until there's a strong enough incentive to do it. You watched that documentary Fire of Love and you were like, I could totally water ski that magma flow. I can definitely water ski a magma flow. When I see that Revenge of the Sith, all I want to say is Anakin water skied, man. Well, hot dog, I have good news for you. We're putting you at the top of the list for this record, appending our investigations, of course.

For the smallest water skis of our time. Are you usually doing an investigation like this? We sent a field team out to see if it's true. Forensics. Forensics. We totally talked to the locals. We gather anecdotal evidence as well. So you'll be sending a team out to Huntington Beach.

They may already be there. Well, here's my concern. I didn't want to alert to Guinness Book of World Records until I was down to toothpicks because I don't want to do that thing where like somebody breaks the record for the greatest number of cigarettes smoked by like 101 cigarettes and then somebody else goes and smokes 102. Right. And they only had the record for a minute. So I wanted to get down to something unbeatable so as not to draw competition.

We don't want to take a call waiting. We got a call waiting. He's on call waiting? I think he's on call waiting. What happened? I'm back. Bad news. What's going on?

I just sent a record for water skiing on the little like half rule, the six inch one. Oh yeah. You just used the drawing lines. The plastic one. The little plastic one. The plastic one. It's red probably. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Little red rulers? Little red rulers. Oh, hot dog. Have you skied on Little Red Ruler? I've never skied on anything red in my life. What about the boots? I don't want to attract sharks, asshole. So those are like the hot dogs themselves are red.

Those were white meat. You think hot dogs are red? Those were white meat? Are you thinking of cartoon hot dogs? Because they're red as hell. Well, I got to go. Great talking with you guys. What was your name?

My name? Fred Guinness. Fred Guinness. Holy shit. Fred Guinness himself. Fred Guinness. Yeah. Please don't call this number anymore.

I have a feeling we're going to call it. No, you call me. I can't believe this. You just did a record for a rudest guy I've ever spoken to. Oh, am I in the book? Click. Well deserved. Wow.

He clicked you hard. He clicked me so fucking hard. Oh, so hot dog. Yeah. I'm curious too, because I know that people do barefoot water skiing. Yeah. That's nothing. No skiing is whatsoever.

That's right. How is that not more? It has to be something, but it has to. Yeah. Are you saying you need to, the toothpicks are, you know. Skiing on nothing is very different from skiing on the smallest water skis possible. Fair enough. Why don't we glue ski on nothing, just tape toothpicks to the bottom of their feet?

Yeah. Why not? Don't give them any fucking ideas. Okay. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. They're going to be in the book and I won't.

Sorry. Okay. Sorry. And I don't think tape is going to work. That's part of what I'm trying to figure out. I'm thinking you might need to staple them. All right. So what have you been up to?

Well, I got news about Shanna. Shanna news. Shanna news. I want you to experience the news. There it is. There it was. I want you to experience the Shanna news the same way I did. Will you please, on your web computer, login to shannanah.com.

Login to shannanah.com. You have a username and login, right? Your computer is, by the way, it's got, your computer is going to tell you that that website is not secure. It's fine. I did not get a warning, weirdly enough. Okay. I'm on.

Welcome to the official website. Yep. Do you want it? No. This is the top of the page. Let it be known. Shannanah will no longer tour as a concert group to our fans. Thank you for your support for over five decades of rock.

Roll actual quotes. I know just a little one quotes. Yeah, they do it that way. Was that an actual quote from one of the members? Yeah. It was a little Richard who first said rock. Wow. To our musicians.

Thank you for all your talent and dedication to all. That's including the musicians and everyone. Yes. Yes. Good night, sweetheart. And then if you really want to confirm it, go ahead and click on tour dates, man. I know. Okay.

It's disturbing as hell. Yeah, but it's disturbing as hell to see what you're on. It's just a picture of them, but no dates. No dates whatsoever. Okay. So I saw this. That's a true confirmation. That's a true confirmation.

Because you would think to yourself, well, maybe they got one or two more on the books. No. No, man. No. Not only that. That's the amount of tour dates. The least amount of coming dates? No, I got a call for a Guinness.

Go for Guinness. Hey, Fred. Scott Ogerman here. Hi, Scott. Hi, Scott. Hey, you have this number? Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

I clicked you so hard last time. It's okay. Let bygones be bygones. Yeah, I'm just, I'm exhausted. Oh, I understand. But we have a new world record that someone was talking about here on the show. Do we? Because last time we did not.

Well, we did until you received a call waiting call, if you recall. Fair. Oh, please. So please do not take any calls during this call. Yes, please. All right. But I am expecting someone to go with a very important survey that I agreed to do. Like a market research type of survey is about spam risk.

Are they calling it all? They call a lot. Yeah. And you know what? I love the risk. So I always take the call. I love the calls that are 2.5 billion in infrastructure. I'm trying to see one of my home heating bills.

But the magic is always in the middle. And so I miss who it is that I'm supposed to call. All right. So, so new world record. Yeah. Least amount of tour dates. Upcoming. Sha-na-na.

Get on your computer. Get on your computer. Go to Sha-na-na.com. Log into my web computer. Log into the web computer. Sha-na-na.com. Looking for some Sha-na news. Okay.

And there's some news at the top. They're no longer touring as a group. Now click on tour dates for confirmation. Probably one, right? Least amount of tour dates. What? The photo. Just a photo, right?

No tour dates. And you know what? It gets even worse. If you think zero upcoming tour dates is a lot of not as a, the opposite of a lot. It's even worse than that because they recently canceled the mall shop memory screws. So it's like negative one.

Whoa. Crazy. All right. Let me just cross-reference this and make sure there's no other band that has even fewer upcoming live dates than negative one. All right. Do you have a super beautiful cross-referencing? Yes.

I have a cross-reference computer. It's hot as hell. It makes this room. I'm sweating to death. I'm so sorry to make you do this. Where are you located? I'm located in Dublin, Ireland. What was it?

Great. Are the two Guinnesses related? They used to be. Interesting. Then Ross and Norris McQuirter took over the Guinness book. Then they were murdered. Then, of course, the Guinness. They reverted back to Guinness.

Now I'm not related to the Guinness beer people. But I just thought, why not live there? It's fun. Yeah. Oh, so you were not from? Oh, not God. I'm from New England. Oh, okay.

Don't be more specific. Well, I would have blown my own spot. Yeah, exactly. All right. What have you found in your cross-referencing? I have bad news. Oh, no. Or who else?

Who wants the news? A hot dog brought it to our attention. I have bad news for the room. I assume I'm a speaker. Yes. All right. It looks like the surviving members of Hermit's Hermits. Oh, no.

They were going to do a tour. They not only canceled the tour dates, they made the fans who had bought tickets come to their homes. What? And performed for them? Present? Oh, that's a factor of a hundred.

The fans have to perform for the surviving members of Hermits in the Hermits? Did they have to do a Hermit in the Hermits songs? Or did they do, like, trochal heron songs? It was a mix of both. It was a Moody Blues tribute night. At Hermit's Hermits house. Featuring songs by Pocahara or something like this.

Featuring songs by Pocahara. Yeah, Nights and Whitesat. The song of the style of Moody Blues. Tripped the Life Fandango? And everyone. And Tripped the Life Fandango. And then they all had to do an encore of Henry VIII. So this happened in 2004.

Wow. They currently hold the records for a few years. So Shana and I, in order to take over that record, would have to go and perform. Would have to have their fans, like a fan like Hot Dog here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perform at their house. Well, I'm more than happy to do it.

How many dates? How many dates do I have to do? To exceed Herman's Hermits. I think five. Just five? Yes. There are five concerts at Shana and Oz House. I'm going to blow it out of the water and do fucking six.

Are you sure you don't want to do, like, 10 or 15? They even better! Yeah! Yeah, exactly! I'll do 10. What songs are you going to do? Huh? What songs?

Can you sing one right now? Oh, sure. Dip, dip, dip, dip. Wow. That's fucking killer. That's a whole concert. That should count. That right there?

That should count against the... Only if Scream and Scott and Jaco are listening right now. I think they might be regular listeners. Do you think Shana and I will listen to the podcast? I hope so. Out of anyone, I hope so. Do you think? I would say this is the only podcast that ever regularly brings them up.

Hey, I should jump off. What are you talking about? What about talking Shana and I? Sorry. I'm calling from a landline and this is costing me a fortune. Also, it's the middle of the night for you. It is? Well...

Also, I called you. So, it's really... Oh, you called me this time? Yeah, I called you. Hey! I gotta go. No, fuck you! I hate to pull a shimmy on you.

Come on! Man, I clicked him hard. You clicked him so fucking hard. What an idiot. Look, I don't want to leave you guys on a bad note here. So, I just want to let you know that I have a... Are you leaving us? No, I'm not going to leave you.

But I have... I feel myself getting the brush off soon. Yeah. You understand the rhythms of this show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can feel it coming. I see the broom coming. Yeah.

You can see your names about to be crossed off the white board. His hand is hovering over it. Okay. I have a number of different email addresses that I use to get in touch with Scream and Scott so that he doesn't know that it's me because they don't talk to Hot Talk anymore. Right. He blocked all of your previous email addresses. That's correct.

But I chose one and I asked Scream and Scott, what's going on? I'm terrified. And he said, don't worry. There's a plan afoot. Okay. Okay. I mean, how are they going to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame if they don't tour? Well, you asked and here I come answering.

Oh my gosh. They have realized that just like the Beatles, they have been wasting time touring. What they really need to do is focus on the in-studio artistry. They're going to put out new music. Shannana is hard at work right now. I'm their Sergeant Pepper. Whoa. What's it called?

It is called at the hop. At the hop. Okay. Their Sergeant Pepper is called at the hop. Yes. Do you have a song list? Yes, I do. Listen to the songs.

Because this is a whole new direction because they've been just saying like, hey, whatever we've been doing and it has not gotten us into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, despite us having invented it. So now we are changing everything up. The album leads off with at the hop. Then they do Book of Love. Then it's Earth Angel. Then Teenager of Love.

Then Get a Job. These are all old songs. So none of this is new music. So these are their old songs. No, no, no. Just reinterpreted? These are, what do you mean? Re-recordings?

They've never played them in this order before. Oh, in the order, isn't it? Yeah. And so will it bring about a different set of events? Absolutely. I think it's going to blow people's minds. And it's got a concept built around it. Oh, okay.

So some sort of like, do you hear Wolfman Jack like fading in and out of the songs or something? What's the concept? The concept is that an Earth Angel, an angel comes to Earth and goes to the hop. And then all this other stuff happens there. Okay. Wait, what's that other stuff? Like a teenager falls in love and somebody gets a job. So like the job calls them to say, show up tomorrow?

So it's a pretty strict narrative. It's contained in all the signs. Is that what Sergeant Pepper says? It's a concept to have them. Yeah, that's what Sergeant Pepper says. It sounds a little bit more like Tommy. Why don't they do a Mamma Mia style musical? Oh, yeah.

Like a jukebox musical? Yeah, jukebox musical with all these stuff. Because I mean, this sounds like a good storyline. By the way, that would be a homerun. Yeah, yeah. A homerun and a homerun with new baseball rules? Hard to get. The thing is, I brought up that idea many times.

Of course, Jersey Boys comes out. I go, where's the shot? I'm not Jersey Boys. But they get very sensitive about it because the whole thing about Jersey Boys is the songs of whatever that group is performed by different people. Performed by different people. They want to be the people, but they're not performing anymore. Yeah, I know.

That's because they're in the studio crafting a mind melting. What would be incredible is if they could take this new Sergeant Pepper's album, ask album at the hop. Yeah. And do you also like, because right now a lot of people are doing like Beyonce did it like visual albums. Yeah. There's a visual component to the album.

If they could shoot it such that there was a movie element. Maybe a concurrent Netflix special. Oh, shit. Wow. You curse too? Yeah. Oh, sometimes. Yeah.

Netflix would, Netflix would cream their pants to get a chance. Like a jacket. I think Sarandos would cheese his jeans. Yeah. Yeah. If he could. I hope Sarandos is listening to this because. Teddy, get ready to cheese those jeans.

It's going to be Fettuccine Alfredo in there. When you learn you're getting Sean on the hot concept movie. Flip this out and send it to the Netflix Twitter account. Please don't. Please don't do that. I am employed by that network. Well, this, I mean, this sounds great. Hot dog.

Yeah. Well, this is it. This is the thing that's going to finally get him in the rock and roll hall of fame. Yeah. And I'm pretty excited. So it went from like, oh, no, holy shit. Cause you know, I checked the China and our website every night before I go to bed. Oh, just once a day.

It's surprising me in the morning and up to get alerts when things change. Not so sure. Or something. I'd love to get you in an RSS feed on feedly or something like that. Well, I'm into it. But anyways. All righty. Google here.

If you say so, I was, uh, anyways, I was terrified, but now I'm reassured and I'm excited. And I took you guys on that journey too. You certainly did. No one could dispute that. Yeah. Thank you so much. Hot dog. That's incredible.

It's my pleasure. Are you sticking around or do we need to cast you back to the sunglass? I think, well, cast pretty soon back. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Should we say it backwards? How do we say it?

Yeah, I know. Are you helping anyone when you, when we conjured you? I don't know if you'd call it helping. Were you the only one at the store that day? Oh yeah. When I do a shift, no one else will work with me. Yeah. By the time you get back, everyone will have taken all the sunglasses out.

They'll be gone. And some asshole will have written an ES at the end of the word sunglass on the front sign. Is that one of your main duties there is to clean off the ES? Clean off. Oh, so it happens so much. You have to clean them off. I wake up and I go into the sunglasses hut and I turn it back into the sunglass hut.

Wow. Okay. Do you ever change it to H-U-T-T-E as if it's the hut? Jabba hut. Like Jabba the hut? H-U-T-T-E? That's not how Jabba the hut spells his name. There's no E on the end of Jabba the hut.

No, it's H-U-T-T, I believe. Am I wrong? Okay, then that. I thought you were at Star Wars-y. I don't know. You were just guessing. I'm guessing it. You've never seen it in print?

No. Interesting. I don't think so. Someone has never received Jabba the hut's business card. We have to cast you back to me. Just say your name backwards. Yeah, same idea. Okay, God talk.

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What?

What? What? What? Yeah, yeah. Classic hot dog. We do have to get to our next guest. I'd love to. Before we take a break.

Oh yeah, here she is. Doing some acrobatics here. Hello! It's Yakmar the Smoll. Hello Dagmar. Skull, I was waiting at the ceiling. Oh yeah, oh you were all the way up there. Yes, I was waiting at the ceiling to see when you were ready to talk to me.

But I need to say happy birthday Skot. Thanks so much. Skot... Yakmar the Small, everyone, Acrobat to the Star. Oh my gosh, Scott, this is so exciting that you are turning 14. No, I'm not turning 14. And I have brought you a traditional Slovenian circus

14 year old birthday gift. Oh wow, okay, what is it in Slovenia? We've heard about it in America. I was gonna say England for some reason. When you turn 14 and you are a circus performer. Yes. You are given this gift and I'd love to give you one right now, Scott, it is a Moody Rock.

A Moody Rock. No, it is a Moody Rock. Moody Rock. Oh, like a Moody Rock, like, you know, like because of puberty? It's a rock for when you are feeling moody and you put it on, like, say, does your family sit in the same spot every night for dinner?

Or do you move around? When I was growing up, we all sat at the same spots. So if I was feeling moody. In a writer's room, which is my family. Uh-huh. We usually sit in the same spot. When you're there, your family. Yeah.

Right. So like I said, that's the same spot every night for dinner. And if I was feeling moody, I, instead of coming down to have my plate of food, I leave a Moody Rock. So my family says, okay. Oh, I see. So this is a place setter. All right.

And it tells them. It tells them. Yeah. I'm 14, this is my year of Moody Rock. So I am so honored to present you your very own Slovenian circus person from Moody Rock. I'd love to put it here for some of these episodes. Really?

Yeah, not have to be here for some of these. Wow. I have a Moody Rock here. You can't do it indefinitely, Scott. You only get one year. And within the year, you only get 14 times. And we get four. Wow.

You have to choose. Well, I guess once a month plus two extras. Once a month plus two. Yeah, 15. I would take it. Oh, yeah, Scott? Yeah, what? Put a little Moody Rock out to say hello.

Goodbye. Not happening this week. Oh. Yeah. I'm so sorry to hear that. This is so thoughtful of you. Thank you so much. You're so very welcome.

Yes. What happens when you're 15? Your mood improves? We hope so. We only get one year. Wow. And did your mood improve? I mean, you're such a happy...

Oh, yes. That was when I got to leave my family and go on the road with the circus. And so it was... When you were 14? 15. 15. Oh, I see.

Yes, yeah. Big year for me. Look at that. 15 is when you become an adult in Slovenia. In Slovenia, especially Slovenia circus. Right. Did you have to leave a rock on the table when you left for the circus?

Yes, you leave a goodbye rock. And that one works how you think. Hmm. I guess... Oh, it's the rock you leave at the time to say goodbye. Of course. Yeah, of course, of course, of course.

It's hard for me because as you know, I have hollow bird bones to sew. That's right. You have the most hollow bones. Yes. Speaking of most, though. Should we call up Mr. Guinness to see if she has the most hollow bones?

Oh. Is he gonna know? I think we... I don't probably... Are you talking about Fred Guinness? Fred Guinness, yeah. We've spoken. We've spoken.

Oh, really? Let's get him on the horn then. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Remember, that's an international call. You might need two more digits. Yeah. Hi, Claire. Claire, no, Claire, this is not awkward.

Oh, shit, okay. Do you think you were calling? I thought somebody else was calling me, so anyway. Your ring, Meg, mate? She had Claire's. I thought Claire's was calling me. But it's because you guys are so casual, you shorten it to Claire.

Well, her name is Claire. Yeah. Is it Claire or Claire's? Claire's, he's got a store. The name of the store is Claire's. Do they ever take off the S at the end, like they do with sunglasses at the door? No, because it's Claire's store.

No, it's called Claire's. Claire's. We mean, everyone gets it. Yeah. Do they ever take it off just like for shits and gigs? Yeah, you know. It's, that was first thing shits and giggles somehow. Shits and gigs?

You know what? Somebody once said to me goofs and grins. Disgusting. I don't like that. But I've got a tote bag full of shits. What? Hey, do you know Dagmar the Small? She's on the line.

Do I? Oh, hello, Fred. How are you? I'm good. I'm good, Dagsy. How are you? Your mood is so much different talking to Dagmar than talking to Hot Dog.

I love Dagmar. Hot Dog's gone by the way. Hot Dog has left. He, we said his name backwards. He went back to the sunglass. Do you know what? I saw him evaporate through the ceiling. He goes back to a void for two seconds, I think.

Oh, so there's a transitory period. He's in a void for two seconds. I felt like a strong breeze passed me when I was up there. It helped me do four extra flips. I wonder if he could ever stay in the void. Oh yeah. Oh, do you know what?

I think I have a rock for that. Okay, maybe we'll whip it in his pocket next time. Honestly, if we could trap him in the void, that would be amazing. That would be awesome. Phantom Zone or something like that. It would be pretty great for us. Anyway.

Curgatory and Catholic mythology. Yes. We had a question for you about the most hollow bones in the Guinness Book of World Records. Fred and I have spoken before. I'm already in the book for most backwards flips where one is forward. Oh, how many?

Oh, 15 with the 12th. Oh, with the 12th being the forward? Yeah. You just need to believe it. It's print. Do you want me to do it? Yeah, do it. Okay, ready?

Yeah. Oh, wow. Wow. Oh my God, that was it. Even though I knew it was coming, the front one flew by mine. It's weird when it happens, right? You think, oh, I understand how this will work,

but it ends up feeling weird. Yeah, you get lulled into a sense. You get lulled. Yeah, 12 is a good placement. And I'm also in there for most small leather pouches. Yes. How many do you have? Number one with a bullet.

On one thing or? No, just collection. Lifetime. Lifetime collection, the most small leather pouches. How many do you own? Not on one's box. No, no, just owns 6,114. That's a lot.

You got two more? Oh, I forgot to call you friends. We got up to three good. Woo, woo, woo. That's a Rob Liefeld level of small pouches. Yeah. Pretty wide. I get that.

Did you? No one wants to hear us talk about it. Scot, nobody wants to hear us talk about it. Scot, did you know that that is the sound that the field team makes when they arrive at your door? The woo, woo, woo, there? Yes, when the Guinness Field Team arrives, they say woo, woo, woo, at your door.

That's how they reveal themselves. Yes, because they're already there. Wow. Wow. I had no idea you were in the book already, Doug. Well, Doug was in the book so many times. Yeah, I'm in there a couple times. Sometimes it's a team.

You know? Some people, Fred, that are, you know, they're just going to be setting world records all the time so you have a team on them, just observing them. Just saying, yes, absolutely, monitor people. I had that entire year where Kevin followed me. That's right.

So when you were doing your act, was there a guy behind you saying, I'm just chattering? Yeah, it took me a while. I was like, oh, I am feeling my own shadow. Like, I am so sorry, Peter Pan. And then I realized, and then I realized, I said, hey, because it was not my first record. So I said, hey, are you from the field team?

They say yes, because we are checking most consecutive days where you breathe in twice before out once. Oh, and how many did you eventually get up to? I got there 312 days, short of a year. We were aiming for a year, but I started to get very high up there, yes. Kevin set an internal record for most dedicated employee.

We give that one every month. And then he also set one of the dark records for most murderers committed by him. Wait, wait, wait, wait, hold on, there's a dark, oh, this is interesting. There is a dark Guinness book of dark records? We keep it, yes, it's not for the public, but we keep it for the public.

It's like the Justice League dark? I know we're not supposed to have a comic book. I don't know what that should be, but we do. Is this like the dark web? I curse you, by the way. It is somewhat similar to the dark web, except you cannot find it. This is only, this is in a very secret place.

I think it is. Is that your house? Yeah. Oh, in Ireland. In Dublin, Ireland. Yes, of course. But if you hold the most records individually, you get the copy,

because it's sort of like a two key skeleton key situation. Oh, yeah, like a war game thing. Right, so they have to have two keys. So right now, I mean, I am very many record shy, but Scott, if you wanted to see the dark book, you have to have 69 records, right? Yeah, right, right. 69 or 420.

What's ever you meet first? Dagmar, I'm curious. Are you only designing? Wait, Dagmar, what? Because some people could. Sometimes you breeze past, because you have two records you're working on at once. And you're doing 420 all at once,

and they just all happen at the same time. Eustace Tamerlane had the 420 record when he set the Triangle Shirt Waste Factory fire. And it was the most people and shirt waste burned at the same time. Oh, okay, wow. Dagmar, I'm curious. Are you mostly interested in traditional,

or I guess light records, or are you also making dark records? Well, thank you, Jason. That's a good question. I had one dark record, but it was sort of a purgatory of records. It was right in the middle, but it was most snot you allowed to be out there.

Most snot you allowed to be out there. Out there meaning like on your face? Or others like you could signal, but you let it pass right by. Oh, wow. Oh, so you're not telling people you've got a bad record? You have your own snot. You let snot get on the table,

and also Scott, like if you had a... What if you put your snot in someone else's nose? All of this is game, and I used to have the record for most snot. What did I say? Left out there. Left out there. Most snot's left out there,

and we decided we didn't want to encourage, so that's in the dark book. The Guinness book does not encourage dark records. We do condone them. We condone them and we record them. The dark... You did say most number of murders. Is that one of your employees?

My employee, yes. Oh, by Guinness. By Guinness. Not just anybody who has a job. I see, I see. Okay, not by anyone who's ever been an employee. And is there two... No, that's somebody else.

Is it two records? One for if they're from being on the job, and one if they're unrelated? Yes. And which one does Kevin have? Kevin had related, and of course, he used to say unrelated. Right, right, wow.

I wonder if there's any kind of record that is both. Like in dark. Man, I gotta see this book. A truly balanced record. I cannot let you see the book. What if we came by? What if we came by one day? Just came by Dublin, Ireland.

Yeah. To my house. Come on, guys. What are you doing today? We'd love to have access to the book. What are you doing today, guys? I should have told you about the dark record book. Fred, Fred, who has the other key now?

Who has the most individual records? Who is it? Who is it right now? Who's it right now? Have you got the scan? I think I put it in one of my pouches. Let me check my cross-op of the computer. You have so many pouches though.

You have so many at home, but you are wearing many pouches. Well, sometimes when I don't want to accidentally float to the sky, if someone opens a window or a door, or coughs too much. You have hollow bones when you're wearing them. Very light. It helps me be an acrobat, but sometimes it's a hassle. Sometimes I weigh my own pouches down so I can walk.

How many rocks have you got on you right now? Right now I have 52 rocks in 14 pouches. Is that the most rocks ever? It's not. I always check. He's good. This is why he's good. This is why he's the best.

You're always out there looking for him. Wow. All right. Let's see. The current dark record holder for the Gettys book is a woman named Sally Macramant. Macramant? Yes.

Macramant. It sounds ominous. It sounds like a Lord of the Rings in the air or something. And she has baptized the most non-christian graves. Oh. Wow. Yikes. Wow.

And so I'm assuming to do that, you would have to take the entire grave and dip it in holy water? No, no, no, honey, no. You could just spray holy water on it. You could just spray holy water on it. In a wrinkle situation. I can't believe it.

I kept imagining you'd have to like dip the corpse or the skeleton in the water. No, I hear that Sally actually, Sally walked into a graveyard with a super soaker of holy water. That's right. Well, Dagmar, this is a, Dagmar and Fred, of course. This is the travel stuff.

Of course, Fred. Of course, Fred. She still need me by the way or can I jump? I don't think so. I think we're coming up on a break. I am waiting to hear from Claire. Who is Claire again? She owns Claire's.

Oh, okay. So it is Claire's, okay. And what Claire's business do you have? What? That's- My business is Claire is none of yours. My guess is probably most ears pierced. Oh, he's probably.

Now feel, excuse me, click! Oh, jeez, I wanted to do it before he should. Woo! Oh, that clicks in with the ceiling. Hang on, look! Hey, come on, Dagmar. Dagmar, it's great to see you. Especially on the 14th anniversary.

Happy birthday, 14 b-days is a big b-day. I appreciate the booty rise. It's incredible. I'm gonna use this once a month on the show. And then plus two times more. Two times more. And the best ofs probably. Yeah, because those give me a lot.

Maybe save a few extra for the best ofs, I don't know. And then here's a very good bye rock for you. Oh! For me to say goodbye. Oh, she went out the window. Just flipped out the window. Incredible. Well guys, we're gonna have to take a break.

I'm gonna say guys, I mean Jason, because you're the only one here left. But we have stars galore gonna be on the show coming up. Cannot wait. This is incredible. We're gonna take a break. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. I hate you.

I hate you. I hate you. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Jason Manzookis is here. 14th anniversary episode. We are, I don't know if this is closing out our 14th year or starting our 15th. I'm not really sure.

But I guess at the end of this episode, we'll start our 15th, what do you think, that's very exciting, you know, like you are really entering your teenage years, your young adulthood. I'm almost legal. The podcast will be legal in about three years. I'd rather not talk about it like that. I don't want to think about the show that way. Is there a countdown clock like the Olsen Twins? The absolute creepiest thing that existed in history. For Comedy Bang Bang to be 18.

You know what? I wonder how what's the long. When's the pod legal? I wonder what the longest podcast is. We maybe we should call our friend again. You already want to call your friend again? You're not even going to wait a moment ago. We weren't sure if he was going to stay.

And now we've already got him on the horn. Oh, no, I need to have a ring. I don't need to dial it twice. That's I remember you calling Ireland. It sounds different. But it has a sound. Yes, you got it. Click.

It's friend. Hey, friend. Is Jason there? Hey, guys. Did you talk to Blair already? Oh, yes, I did. Your vibe has gotten real cool. Right?

This is the shake of the evening for me. This is when I come alive. Well, yeah, because I mean, he's like nine hours ahead. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hey, you want to know what's happening in the future? Ah. I like this dude's wicks.

Hey, we were wondering what's the longest podcast. I wonder, because Comedy Bambing just turned 14, we're wondering if I have the longest podcast now. Oh, OK. Longest running? Or whatever. Well, subsequent to Conan inventing podcasting. Yeah, exactly.

Like pre-serial podcast. OK, let's see. Longest podcast goes on forever. It's the first 20 minutes of Mark Maron's podcast. What? I wish we could click that. I'm kiddin' around. I'm kiddin' around.

Lock the gates. Unlock the gates. I'm kiddin' around. I'm kiddin' around. Yeah. Hey, look, I don't really need to know the answer. I just wanted to excuse to call you. But look, congratulations.

15 years. Is that what it is? Well, 14 at this point. We're starting our 50s. Oh, you know what my mom used to do? What's that? When you would ask her a reason. I know what her mom used to do.

Hey, don't kill the vibe, man. Or I'll have a good time. Why? Sorry, buddy. We're friends. He's in a great mood. We're not friends. We're being friendly.

Roasting his mom? I mean, I'm roasting him, not his mom. His mom is very loving. How do you know my mom? Yeah, what do you? Do you know what I think? Mrs. Gage? Hey!

The fuck is going on here? I'm friend, get it? Daddy's nothing to me. Did he hang up? No, he never hang up. Oh, no, you and I hang up, you'll know it. Oh, you'll hear the click that went around the world. Anyway, I just wanted to.

Here's what my mom used to do, asshole. I'm kidding her up. My mom used to say, you asked her how old she was, she would say, I'm in my 51st year. And it's like, what does that mean? Are you 51? So she'd say, the year you were born, that's your first year on Earth.

And so. Oh, so you turn right. So that's your zero year. No, that's your first year. That's your first year. And then when you turn one, you're two. When you turn one, that's your second year. Right, yeah.

That you're alive. But that makes her older than she would be. I don't know, man, she was a weird lady. Yeah, what's her story? What does she hope? Any world records, dark or light? Most lovely mom. Oh, wow.

You can really hear the emotion of the phone line. I didn't want to turn this into reminiscing about your, I assume, dead mother. No, she's not dead, she's missing. Oh, no, what happened? What happened? She got picked up by a big bird. No.

Yeah, a big bird flew out and grabbed her. Oh, gosh. A big, like a, what do you mean a big bird? It was probably like a hawk or a falcon. Oh, so like a raptor of some sort, picked her up and carried her off. I don't mean it was like, it wasn't giant size. It was big for a bird.

But still, believable. You weren't like. Can I ask very quickly, how big a woman was she? She was we, as we say here at Ireland. She was, she was, she was five foot one. She was, she was a diminutive lady. Oh, so that actually five foot one though, is not that small to be carried off by a.

She was, she was very thin. 36, 24, 36. She was very, hey man, hey man. What are you talking about? My mom is missing. Five, 36, 24, 36. My mom, I live with a bird right now. I don't know.

Oh, so you think it might have been, she might have wanted to go with the bird? No, Jesus. No, I didn't think about that. But now you got me. You think she was healing the bird? Or maybe she'd like, maybe it was a, maybe it was a romance. Do they have an Uber for birds?

What the fuck? You're worse than him now. Say my mom wanted to fuck a bird. I'm just saying, maybe she found true love. I don't know. But her true love was my father. Wouldn't you want that for her? Well, I want my mom to be happy, of course.

Is your father no longer with us? No, he died. He died. The just this afternoon. Oh, no. No wonder you're wasted. I'm not. And you spent the day.

Is that why Claire was gone? I never said I was wasted. Claire was calling for a specific reason to study your business. So what did you want to know? Very briefly, I will, Scott, just to answer your question. Is there Uber for birds? No.

OK, thank you so much. Hey, do you want to stick around on the line? I mean, I'm paying. Yeah, man. All right. Do you want to die? Yeah. We have a.

You're going to die of my crime. Maybe some. I'm getting around. I'm having fun. You are wasting. I'm not wasted. I mean, I guess dad just died. You think I can't hold my Guinness?

Also, if you're out here, wherever you might be, and you know where Fred Guinness's mother is, she was carried off by a not so big bird. If you've seen a larger than average hawk or falcon and a little old lady, and they seem to be putting on a show for everyone that they're getting along, but secretly in the lady's eyes, there's terror.

I bet that's my mom. You might be right. That hand symbol. If she does that hand symbol, give me some hand. Oh, hand. That hand signal that signifies help. I need help. Oh, right here.

Yeah. Whoa, whoa. She's got a great hand. Hey, come on, man. I'm not talking about your mom. I know. But you sound like Al Pacino. Loved you in heat.

OK, OK. Get that all on. All right, we'll stick around. We need to get to our next guest, if that's all right. All right. He's been on the show many times. He is, I guess, one way to describe him would be Dirtbag. Please welcome back to the show, Rudy North.

Scott, what the fuck is going on with my old pal, Scotty Ockdown? You cursed, too. I like it. I love cursing, Scott. Yeah. You're a dirtbag. Shit, bitch. I'm a dirtbag, Scott.

You know what's funny when you said, he might be described as, I thought you were going to say, professional employee. So when you said Dirtbag, it hurt. Have you ever murdered anyone as an employee? As like a professional? I guess, hey, Fred, was that part of it? They were a hitman when they were an employee murdering people?

Oh, Kevin? Kevin, yeah. Most employee murders? No, I wish he was doing it for a paycheck, but he just got into a phase where he was like, he killed one person, then he was like, I like this. And then he just kept on doing it. Wow.

Just kept on doing it. Sorry, Fred Guinness is on the line, Rudy. Oh, hey, what's up, Fred? How you doing, bro? How are you guys doing? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rudy, do you have any? Do you hold any light and or dark world record?

Yes. Yes, I have the light record for fastest jerking off. And I have the darkest record for fastest jerking off with a belt around my neck. Were they the same experience? I just say a few different books. Yeah, that's my question. It's like, is it the same event?

And it just qualified for both categories? Do you have to do it twice? Yeah, it started with, or if you did it twice. It started without the belt. And I called up my man, I said, hey, Guinness, I don't have a belt on, I'm jerking off, I just finished. He said, you got the record. But I said, hold on, stay on the line.

You didn't send a team out to? No, no, no, no, no. Because we had the previous record. Yeah, we've already done it. And it was held by Rudy. He proves our record. Wow. And I shattered that thing.

He shattered it. Originally, it was four minutes, which I thought. No one has this record. You shattered that record? I shattered that record, which is like a way of shattering. And then, you know, I dropped it from four minutes to 35 seconds. Whoa, incredible.

What were you thinking about? What was I thinking about? Cheese. Oh, fuck, yeah. Like Swiss cheese, it has holes in it. Hell, yeah. Swiss cheese, it's all. The sexiest cheese.

Oh, yeah. Just tear those holes, make them one big hole. And like the millennial say about ass. Yeah, they're gruesome. And like the millennial say about ass, I eat cheese. Sure. I get it. So Scott, what's going on?

Man, I haven't seen you in a while. I know, you haven't been on the show in a long time. Yeah, it's been a while. It's been a while. Of course, we all heard the drop of the Earth Shattering trailer for Crisis on Infinite Bang Bangs. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.

You're involved in that. I'm involved with that, of course. But I'm here today. They've been collecting the team. Yeah, they collected the team. Oh, wait, Scott, you set that record for at least paid-off cheese? Well, that's why I wanted to just say.

So wait, you're bringing it up so that means it's still gunning? Look, here's what's happening. Because it's bold to bring it up, because people have probably forgotten. No, so we're doing it. So everyone, when James Gunn, of course, took the job as the head of the DC Universe, we all know that the power structure of the DC Universe changed.

Of course. And that has changed the week before, as I remember. It changed prior to that. But then it changed again. He didn't announce it, but it changed. And so, of course, the dominoes have trickled down to the CBB world of verse. And yeah, we're waiting on confirmation from the higher

ups that we could do certain things with the story we'd like to do. Right. Do you think it eventually will affect whatever world Richie Rich is in? Oh, yeah, for sure. It's going to be at the Richie Richie. Little Lottie or whoever.

Because that's the Casper verse, right? It's got Casper, Richie Rich. I don't know. Are they in the same universe? And well, I mean, there is a theory that Casper is Richie Rich, but dead. Wow. Hold on, Scott.

I never heard you. I need you to go into this. Now, why? Because they look exactly the same. Do you think the kids were thinking, like, I can only get on? I can only understand this character so much, I need to see the rest of him dead? Yes, exactly.

Well, I mean, people loved Richie Rich, and then they ended those comments. Casper is really an interesting ghost, because it does appear to be a dead child, which is very upsetting. It's a dead Richie Rich. Let's go make some interesting. But the ghost isn't rich. Well, I mean, that's the thing.

Is there going to get through this? If the ghost was, like, investing in Bitcoin and calling his stockbroker and stuff, I might say, yeah, Bitcoin. Yeah, how y'all think? Oh, wow. OK. Interesting to me.

I would be very curious if that's true, and I'm interested in this extended world. Who else is in it? Yeah, I feel like maybe Sand Loss in there, too. Is that what? Yeah, a bunch of kids. Maybe the Exciters. Do you think there's got to have seed?

With the seed of the world crossover with other universes? Yes, yes. As of right now, we're working on something with the Magic Tavern guys. Oh, wow. And, you know, there's a lot going on. But of course, some of our actors have been caught up in some legal culture for a season.

We'll figure out where that all. But right now, as far as the crisis goes, I hope it's that. Cake Boss has recruited you. Cake Boss has recruited Morpheus from Earth One, I believe. That's where we might have left it off. OK, good to know. Hey, look, we're going to be hitting the script hard coming up.

Yeah. And the writing strike is coming up. And we've got WGA doesn't cover. No hell, though. But only two things have happened. Only two things have happened in the last nine months. Jason's strapping because a lot's going to change. But, Scott, I'm not here to talk.

You're not here to talk about that. No, I'm just here to make an announcement. What do you got? That I got a new job. OK, for those of you who have never heard the show before or Rudy on the show, basically your MO, modus operandi, is you throat punch individuals and take over their jobs. That's right, Scott.

And you hand them a card saying you've just been throat punched. I believe we have a copy of the card in the Comedy Bang Bang book. This is a perfect plug. There's a book with my card. That's right. We have a copy of it. So if everyone could read that book, I don't have to hand the card out anymore if I punch people in the neck.

Yeah, you could just give them the book. All right, exactly. Yeah. You got some books for me to give out. You're going to have to buy them, unfortunately. All right, so anyways, what's your new job? Scott, I accidentally punched a computer in the neck. What is the neck of the computer?

Like the stand? I think it's the keyboard. The keyboard is the neck. The mouse is the mouth. The keyboard is the mouth. Well, they sound so similar. M-O-U, M-O-U, yeah. M-O-U-S-E.

And so, Mickey Mouse, right below the mouse mouse? Yes, I punched the space bar and Scott, I'm chat GBT now. What? You are. Yeah, that's right. I've heard about you. I am the rain behind chat. So if you just give me a couple of things,

if we can put a couple of things together. Oh, yeah. Where do we input it into you? You can just say it. Oh, OK. All right. Well, you're looking to put some sort of USB in my nose. Maybe?

I don't know. You're sick. Fun. So what do you want? Jason, what do you want? And Fred, get in on this if you want. We could have him, if we just input the guests and the parameters, he could do the rest of his stuff.

Yeah, OK. So, oh, yeah, yeah. OK, great. We could be out of here. We could be out of here. OK, Scott and Jason, talking about comic books. OK, great, great, great. Hello, Jason.

How are you? Do you like comic books? Jason, yes, I love comic books, especially the one about Spider-Man. Spider-Man, that's really good. Is that the one where he has big adventures and learns a lot along the way? Jason, yes, that is what he does.

I didn't only see Jason's. I think it's because we're looking to recast him. Oh, I understand. Scott Wolf. I think that would still be Scott. Oh, yeah, it would still be Scott. Who's married to Kelly from the real world? Anyway, go ahead.

Go off, Scott. Great, great, whoa. There's one thing we know about. We're looking for the biggest who cares trivia. Are you still trying to book? Are you still trying to book, Fred? Are you still trying to pitch that party of five reboot? Spider-Man.

Oh, yeah, Spider-Man is great. Did you know that Spider-Man beats? Spider-Man is talking now? Spider-Man points at Scott. Scott points at Jason. Jason points at Spider-Man. Oh, it's the meme. So yeah, that's pretty good, right?

No? What do you mean? I thought it was cool. It's natural. I thought it was cool that Spider-Man was hanging out with us. Oh, yeah, hold on, hold on. I'm doing the rest of the show.

We're going to have to take a break. We'll be right back. Jason, I don't want to take a break. Hey, do you think you could stick around? Jason, I got nothing else to do. All right, we'll be right back after this break. I mean, it gets me. I mean, it's Sopha.

That is the regular show. Sopha mattresses are a mattress that you might like. I enjoy it because my name is Scott Alkerman. The bed is off. This is a better ad-lib than you do. The bed is large. Particularly bad. And the bed is cheap.

Go to www.SophaSopha.scot.com and we're back, we're back. And we've got another guest here. And the guest, of course, is Carl Tartt. Carl Tartt, how the hell are you doing? I'm doing good, Scott. How the hell are you? I'm about to do a funny little rap. So Carl's on the episode.

That's cool that we got Carl. I've never been on the show before. And he's not doing a character. He's not doing a character. He's doing it himself. Carl Tartt. Hey, Scott, who are you? I'm going to do the electric boogaloo.

OK, this is falling apart. I disagree. I would love this to keep going. Jason, Jason, I would love for this to keep going. Please pull this section and send it to Carl. He's going to love it. You want me to keep going, Scott? No, I think you're getting worse and worse.

I am? Just like Chad GB. What are you talking about? I feel like a lot of people are fooled by AI. Yeah, I thought it was Al, by the way. Rudy, I will say, I thought that was fascinating. Thank you, Jason. And I would like and subscribe that podcast.

Thank you. Hey, and you know what, Scott? You might be out of a job producing. Really? Why, are you going to punch me? I think I might punch you. And then just like set up by a little AI station and just do your podcast 24 hours a day, every day.

I mean, I wouldn't mind. Honestly, the Moody Rock, you punching me. I'm looking for a maximum point. If you allowed Rudy North to do your job and host the show all day, every day, you will get the record. That's right. For the longest podcast.

Yeah, well, I did a 10 hour show. By the way, Fred, I did that 10 hour episode. I know you were so close. What was the record? What was the record? 10 minutes and one or 10 hours and one second. There was a podcast in, I want to say 2008. It was early days for podcasts.

And it was Tim Curry, not the famous one. The brother of Adam Curry, the creator of the podcast. The creator of the podcast, yeah. From MTV, The Regents. He was television and he had. Weird guy, because his name is Curry. It's like you should be a chef. You know what I mean?

It's like Tim Cook. What, he's working on computers and they're named Apple? Why wouldn't he be a guy that seeks favor with people? Yeah. It's like you should be cooking apples, Tim. Not making computers. You know what? I'm trying to replicate your sense of...

This guy knows what I'm talking about. Scott, I was trying to replicate your sense of... Like randomness. Nobody likes it. The only person giving thumbs up is an idiot. I don't think an AI could capture the instant doubts of the Scott Ock have been great. I don't know.

I think it could. But I mean, it's just as bad as what I do. Well, Tim Curry on a podcast called Listen to Me Sleep. And he was a very heavy sleeper and he recorded himself for... They cut off the recording at 26 hours. Turns out he was in a coma. Oh, no. Did he ever get better?

No, he did not. He's still in the coma to this day. He's still in the coma. Wow. But they cut off the recording. We got the record. He got the record. If he kept recording, he would maintain the record ever you.

Wow. Can I ask you a question? What's the record for Dirt Baggy as a person? Rooney, I think you know the answer. All right. I just have... I'll do that again. Dirt of page 364.

There's your picture. And I wanted it to be 365, but I couldn't get there. Yeah. That's it. I just wanted to... Rooney, great talking to you. Hold on, hold on, hold on. What's up?

You want to stick around? Yeah, I got more announcements. Should we talk about the slap? What? Should we talk about the slap? For sure. The Will Smith slap? For sure.

I just feel like... Let's get into it, baby. I'm waiting to hear Gene's report on it in 2024. I feel like we haven't had an opportunity to talk about it. You and me? Yeah. 14th anniversary. Scott.

What's up? The slap was crazy. Yeah. He could have ripped his head off. Sure. And also, Chris Rock is a bitch. Oh, God. I don't know that I...

According to David Wayes, of course. It holds the record for most talked about slap. Formerly held by the Australian and then the TV show. Holy shit. So, are you guys... You guys are just keeping records on everything over there? Everything. Yeah.

Okay. I heard he changed his name to the slap E professionally. Like, that's what he's known for now. Now, are you asking me? No, I'm saying I heard it. Okay, well, great. I just heard it, too. The slap E.

Scott, he's welcome to slap E. Scott, have you ever slapped anyone? I think that. For real. For real? You've got the comedy bang bang TV show. Yeah. Neil Campbell comes in with some bullshit ass pitch.

Sounds like you are leading this good... This is a leading question. Do you know something? It's October 14th. What? Oh, boy. 2015. You had the show then, right?

I think so. And didn't you slap Neil Campbell really hard? I don't think... Did I? I don't know. That's what he's telling people. That's what he's telling people. He's telling people that?

No, not Neil. He's calling it the slap... Crater of Dickman? Crater of Dickman on Comedy Central at 1030. No. A show I'm very much enjoying? Yeah, it's very funny. You know what?

I'm not on that show. Yeah, neither am I. I need an image off? Yeah, it's interesting that you kind of provided for a lot for him when he's not reciprocated. I don't need to. Same with me. Wait, what did you provide for him?

Yeah, I watched his car every couple of weeks. I thought we were moving on. We were moving on, Scott. And you wanted to stop for this? Scott, can I say something? Why? You wanted to hang out with him for this. Scott, I feel like...

I'm not going to introduce the next guest. No, no, no, Scott. I feel like you've got follow-up questions for everybody. Rudy comes out. You haven't seen Whole Boy in years. And all of a sudden, you want to move on? But you can stick around.

We have other guests here. Do you have something? What do you want to talk about? Hmm. Don't go. Hold on, hold on. I'm moving on. Hold on.

So, hold on. How about this? Hold on. No. We talked about this last... We're getting your next guest. So, hold on. Let's just stick around.

The last movie's coming out soon. Oh, the last movie's here. How do you feel about that, Scott? Uh, I feel... You saw the trailer? Yeah, it looks good, I guess. Right? Wow.

This is riveting podcast. Yeah, come on. All right. We need to get to our next guest. Scott, one follow-up question. Just ask me a follow-up question. Why? Did you see it? No.

Okay, look. Let's get to our next guest. I got Rudy. Just stick around. That was a bad follow-up question. I feel like we didn't get enough out of Rudy. We needed to... We need to...

Squeeze this one dry. We need to end on high note. I'll chat GPT, Scott. That's huge. How about this? Rudy? Yeah. Could we get an outro for record

holding Best Comedy Bang Bang Guest, Rudy North? All right. All right. Plug it in. All right. Well, that was incredibly hilarious. Good stuff. Good stuff.

This is Scott Wolf talking. Good stuff. This is great. Um, look. Hold on. Does chat GPT have some script already written? Yeah. And then just plug some names in?

It does sound like Nathalie. It does. It does sound like Nathalie. The truth is that, of course, I have the powers of the Flash. We remember that. Of course. I move incredibly quickly. These are people who write these scripts.

Real time. Right, yeah. And then... Yeah, you can write them in Millisants. And then you just read them. Yeah. So this is Scott Wolf. So Rudy, do you have anything to plug?

Yes, I have these things to plug by appearance on the television show, Digmin, of course. I do a fun voice. Somebody email Neil Campbell. And let's get to our next guest. These duckleheads have been on the show before. And Rudy, wait. Are you okay, Rudy?

Rudy North, silence. Scott. Rudy, don't do this to me, man. What's happening? Rudy, are you breathing? Fred, is there a world record for most diminishing returns? I think, if I'm not mistaken, I believe that Rudy North might be dying.

Rudy, Rudy. In this episode of the show. Don't do this to me. Scott starts chest compressions. He's pushing. He's pushing. He's pushing. Oh, no.

I don't know. Scott's not strong enough. Now, Scott calls Jason Benzukas. He says, Jason, Rudy's really sick right now. They're doing chest compressions. And then everybody's like... He's just excited. He's ripping off succession.

This is succession? This is succession. Yeah. This has been a succession? Yeah. I mean, not to spoil it. Oh, I'm on episode three. Wait, you just started this?

Yeah. Hey, Fred, how did you get that? Oh, I didn't get on episode three. Oh. Okay, I think we're ready to move on. Are you ready to move on? Thank you, Rudy. Oh, my God.

Worth it, everyone. Worth it. Rudy North, back in the building. Stick around. We love to have you. Do I really have to stick around? I got shit to do. No, you can leave.

She's fucking crazy. All right, let's get to our next guest. Good. They've never been on the show before. I don't know anything about them, but please welcome the Pig Shit twins. Hey. Hello, Scott.

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to us. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you. And Pearl. Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

It's your birthday. It's our anniversary show. I thought you were singing Happy Birthday to me, but it's Happy Birthday to you. It's our 14th birthday, Scott. Oh, congratulations. Oh, these are kids. Yeah.

Oh, no. These are children called the Pig Shits twins. Yeah, kids, we twins. And your names are Clem and Pearl. Clem and Pearl. Clem and Pearl, Pig Shit. How y'all doing? Doing really good.

So you were born on the day of our first episode? Oh, my gosh, you are now. You are dead, Scott. That makes you our daddy. You're our dad. My dad punish us. Oh, why don't you spank our piggy little booty? Oh, no, you better do it.

We need discipline. Oh, oh, thank you, dad. You're welcome. Thank you. I'll wink up another if you have it. Come on, let's go. Now y'all even it up. I got to ask y'all weirdos a question.

Your name is Clem and Pearl. Clem and Pearl. What's the story behind the day? What is it? We named each other. I named him Clem because he looked like Clem. And he named me Pearl because I broke on my teeth on a pearl. You broke your teeth on a pearl?

So I look like a shell and she has no teeth. I got teeth left, Clem. You know that. You didn't have a name until you were old enough to have teeth to break on a pearl. I was born with teeth. I was born in a barn. I was born with teeth. He was born in a barn.

She was born with teeth. Are you trying to find a song? We see these duos that sing sometimes at the Grand Ole Opry. Because we sometimes live in a tuba. Yeah, we sometimes live in a tuba. How big are you guys? We little. But our butts are beating shiny and wet.

Look at our butts. Mine's a little red now. They do have big, wet butts. Red is a hot dog. Red is a hot dog. That's right. Clem's little penis is a corkscrew piggy squeal tail. It's on the front. We don't want to see that.

My little penis is a corkscrew piggy tail. My little penis is a corkscrew piggy tail. Do you live in a tuba and that's giving you an appreciation? Corkscrew piggy tail and my vagina is a hoof. Look. A pig hoof. Yeah, we part pig. Our mom might be a pig, Skye.

That still doesn't explain why you look like a clam. The pig part I get. Look at my snout. I'm going to open up my shell. He looks like a clam because he's a little belly so fat it's bursting at the seams. When I was seen down the middle of my percy poke it. I'm going to poke it. Woohoo!

I got that. Oh, yeah, but some brining water did come out. Squeeze on out his belly button. Feed him something. He's got a dairy. There you go. I love it, Skye. Got one in. Clem hadn't even known the bar before.

Oh my gosh. That's amazing. Nature Valley? Is this the sponsor? Are you guys here for Nature Valley Granola Bar? Oh, hey, Fred. Nature Valley crumbliest granola bar. That's what I was going to say.

That's right. No one else is even close. Nature Valley is redoing their granola bar. They're going to make it stick together now. Oh, really? How do you know this, Clem? I think you're... I have a light sponsor.

Oh, you are? Okay. Are they going to do one of those Domino style apology commercials where they're like, you know we fucked up? That was the best. When Domino's like, look, we hurt you. Our feet sucked out. It is always sucked out.

Guess what? We promised to make it good. Yeah, we all partnered with Nature Valley. They do crumbly before they need a little bit of breaking grease in there. Hold on. It's crumbly so you get it. Squeezy. Squeezy, Scott, squeezy. Is that what you guys say?

They're just grinding on the chair. Ooh, my butt's itchy. Oh, God. My hooves need a pounding. Puts are itchy and your hooves need a pounding? Oh, she said her vagina was a hoof, Scott. Hey, not so fast. My feet are also hooves. My hooves are also hooves.

Okay, which one need the pounding? All of them. Scott, she's 14. Easy, Scott. You can spank, but don't touch. What are you guys here for? We've been being bad around town. We've been being bad around town.

You were bad around town when you ended up here? Yeah, we were. We've been poking people with a stick out in front of Target. Yeah, we've been causing little problems. Yeah. I'm surprised you hadn't seen us around, Scott. We live in the mud underneath your little house. Oh, I thought you lived in a tuba.

That's our old house. Yeah, there's a tuba in your house. By Coastal. Yeah, so every time something bad happened to you, like, oh, you get up and you got a piece of gum on your shoe, that's a pig shit. That happened to me this morning. Yeah, that's a pig shit.

That's ever happened? Yeah, we've been sneaking into movie theaters and making sure to run times over two hours. Yeah, we've been going to McDonald's beating all the straws. That's us. What was this accomplish? That is us.

Slowing down the frame rate. It happens in the movie theater. Movie starts. Every movie has the original editor's cut. Right. You know? Yeah, I follow so far.

So we get access to it and we add it in. How do you gain access to the actual... Well, you see, we leave in a tube and we can crawl inside the fiber tubes and go to the movie theater. We literally take our...

Fiber tubes are the only thing I was listening to. That's all I needed to hear. It's classic fiber tubes stuff. We get a lot of weight in there. We fucking shit up. We shit our beach all over this town. Y'all are weird. No, we ain't weird.

We pig shit. I don't like to say that guests are weird on the show. You guys are fucking weird. You guys are leaving... You're leaving tube of grease all over the shit. Yeah. They need tube of grease, that hoof grease. That's your word.

What is gross about that? What is gross about hoof grease? That's not weird. It's not weird. So your whole thing is hoof grease and clam juice? What is this? You're gross. I don't know what you expected us to say. Knock the thing off.

I don't even want this mic cover. I don't even need it. You can't hear me. Our whole thing is clam juice and tube of grease. Knock, knock, knock. Hello? That's fleshed out. We are fleshed out.

Man, this sounds pretty fleshed out. I'm not saying you're not fleshed out. You've got to be a teacher. Well, you're trying to be like you, daddy. Oh, wait a minute. This is interesting. Is it possible these are your children? I mean, it could be. You never fucked a pig, Scott.

Did you fuck a pig when you were recording the first comedy pageant? Nine months before. You were getting the idea for a podcast and you saw this pig and you were like, you said, look at your shiny booty. Scott, I hate to say this,

but I have in the past punched more povets in the neck. And I do have the power to summon a paternity test at any time. In an envelope? That's right, Scott. This envelope right here. Okay. I'm going to dance if I'm not the father. I think I just have to say, what's a paternity test? And it will be conjured.

What's a paternity test? Paternity test. All right, here we go. Do you need to get a sample of our DNA? Or anything? I know it is. Well, I've got some. It's over there by your feet. Oh, it's already dripping.

And I put my hoof on it. Oh, God. Okay. All right. All right. Here we go. Oh, interesting results. Wait, before you read them, Clem, can I just say you're my brother and I swine you love you squilla forever. I swine he loves you squilla forever too.

No matter what onkin happens to your squilly baby today. Squilly baby today too. So now you guys are doing pig specifics inside your dial. Now this is a new part. It's pretty interesting. I would have loved it if this was part of it from the jump. No, we're adding this on now.

Now the Clem stuff might be going away. We might be sticking to the piggy stuff. Well, when it comes to the paternity of Pearl and Clem Ditches. This is how he does it. That's exactly how he does it.

He does. Scott, you are not the father. Oh, shit. I've never seen Scott dance like this. Scott's doing the dougie. I'm playing a tromb. I used to live in.

Scott, I didn't know you could do the gritty. Then he dabbed. Oh, squilling nose. I'm sorry, guys. I'm not your father. And actually, there's more information here. Apparently you were developed from a single cell organism and you have been growing under Scott's house

for 40 years. Well, what was the organism? Little pig, big pig, round pig, little pig. Is there any pig DNA in there? It was a single cell of a pig. And it had none of Scott Ockerman's seamen jizz in it. That don't make no sense.

Well, did Scott like came on a piece of bacon or something? Let me look. Okay. I got to get consent open. It says yes. You can see through it. Unfortunately, Scott is not your father.

I'm sorry. I guess that means you'll never be on the show again. Don't forget the part where we still live here. I do have another paternity test for Jason. Jason, when it comes to the paternity of me of Earl and Clam, big shit.

Jason. You are the fun. Yes! Jason's doing the gritty. Who's dancing now? I knew you were on the phone for this. Scott and Jason are doing the kid in play dance.

I am thrilled to find that these are my children. I'm delighted. Jason Manzoinkis is our daddy. Jason Manzoinkis. I will change my name to Jason Manzoinkis. No, you got to change it up. Kid Manzoinkis.

Jason Manzoinkis. Can I? I got a picture, guys. Fred Guinness. All in. This is on my dime. Jay Swine. Manzoinkis.

Can I pinch? Sure. No bad ideas. Bacon Manzoinkis? That's good. You're the guy who liked the Tim Cook joke. Oh my god! Why is he...

Was he cooking apples? What is he cook? He cooks apples. He just makes computers. Weird dude. Your job was right there. Let him go make a pie or something. This is good.

Do you want to abandon the pig shit thing and just do that? Can we do that? Let's go. You can have an apple in your mouth if we slowly roost around a little fire. Would you like to do that? Would you guys roast me around a fire?

Sure. But I do want to be able to show up for a regular episode and do a full length bit as this guy. Don't roast me. Please. Why don't we do a roast of you? Oh, I like that. But you don't make jokes about me.

You just cook me to death. Is it possible that clam pig shit my son is immortal? Can't be killed from fire? Let's try to burn him alive. Please don't burn my son alive. If...

Oh, you're starting. Okay, it hurts. He's not immortal. He's not immortal. He can still be immortal. He's just not invulnerable. Am I immortal? Just not invulnerable?

I don't fucking know. Somebody shoot me in the heart. Shoot me in the heart. Clam, no. You're so roasted and hot. Here we go. Protection around the hole. Of course. My son!

My son! You shot my son! You shot my brother! I'm still alive, though! Wait, the bullet hole is healing itself. The grease is away. It's turning into a hoof.

That's how come I got mine. So, so much shot you in the vagina? Yes. Yes. Every gunshot wound produces a hoof. Yeah, you never try to shoot a pig. You squeeze up with a new hoof. That's how it works.

That's how it works. Pigs are born with no hooves. And then they get shot four times, usually. That's where we get that song. Every gunshot wound becomes a hoof. Beautiful. So you've read our piggy Bible. Several times.

Oh, I'm going to bless you. It's also with you. It's religious. I'm here to spread the good news. That's why you're here. Hear ye, hear ye. They're missionaries. My children are religious.

Pig religious missionaries. But I'm also a clam. Are you ridiculous? Like the famous Bill Maher movie that we all love so much? Pig Maher. Look, guys. This is too much to keep track of.

Some people just come on the show with these simple bits where they say they are chat GBT and no one's interested. These fuckers come on and we're asking them a million questions. I mean, you're guilty too. You've been asking them too.

I couldn't help myself. You got swept away in these pig shit twins. This is gold. The whole episode is a snooze until that. I've got to be honest. These guys are great. They're great, but unfortunately we're running out of time. Pig shit.

I love it. Do you guys ever sing more? Do you ever sing full songs? We did at the beginning of this bit. Sing us through a bit. Okay. Two, three, four. Pig shit in the barn.

Pig shit all in the yarn. Pig shit all in your hair. Pig shit don't give a care. That's pig shit. That's pig shit. For the steak. Don't be scared, son. Don't say that.

Sincerely I'm scared to die. I said look on. You're lookingكرving the adder while she sings. I'm scared to dense her while she performs, Inchisly watch her sing just trying to figure out where she's going.

That's not true. Hotel clear thing is he does a rap only in special pig language. I'll lean your hair, pick you to everywhere to glam. Ooh, ooh, ooh, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. All right, well, what do we say? It's what we think of much.

Maybe we should just- Here's what I'll say. If you're listening to this and you're a musician, pull that clip and put music to it. This is a fucking hit. Yeah. Well, guys, we are running out of time on your segment. Are you sticking around or are you leaving?

Oh, we're gonna stick around. You're saying? You're sticking around the whole thing. I gotta go for a sec. Claire's calling me back. Oh, okay, yeah. All right. Thanks, thanks.

What's your name? Fred again! Cliff! Cliff! I got him. I got him. All right, we're gonna take a break. When we come back, we have more guests,

if you can believe it, but we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Comedy bang bang. We are back. Jason Mandu, because this is here of, how did this get made? Fame and fortune.

And an incredible 14th anniversary of it. I mean, this has just been gangbusters. Jam pack. And we have so many more to get to. We've had a number of world record holders. Incredible. And Fred is not on the line. I wonder if I have the world record

for hanging up on clicking him. I can't imagine you do. I can't. I don't know. I suspect that belongs to Claire. I'll call him another time. But we need to get to our next guests. I didn't know they knew each other,

but they're coming on at the same time. They've both been on the show before. Please welcome back to the show, Bikki from the gym and Harry Flipman. Hi, hi, hi. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hi, Scott, how are you? Hi, hi, hi.

Hi. Good to see you. The air is rich with laugh. Such, so funny. We were dying. I was on the floor. People were just firing from their laugh. Absolutely dead.

I was laughing so hard. The smell of sweaty feet is rising up from under the table. We were on the floor looking at everybody's feet. Yeah. Hashtag feet. A picture is still here, I think. We're all at the picture joint. There they are.

Well, so is, what's your name? I believe it's here as well. Pearl? Yeah, Pearl, yeah. Pearl and Queen. You want to say hi to them? They're right over here. He, she, she, she, she.

Good, hi. So, Bikki, we talked to you about a year and a half ago. It was a year long. I think it was that long. Oh, you missed me. Did you miss me? No. But you, you're, you have a stage name now.

Yeah, so during the pandemic, I got discovered. And I was just, because, you know, normally I work at the gym, I wiped in the machines and all that, but then somebody came up to me and they were like, oh my God, you're so drop dead fucking gorgeous. I want to make you a star. Not in camera.

On camera. Yeah. No, no, in person, I'm, I'm a fucking 10. I don't know how many times we have to have this conversation. I'm hot. I think, I think there are certain angles on camera that you need to look me up online. Have you seen me online?

I'm just saying in person, you're not much. Okay, so in thing. Anyways, why are you negging her? I'm just saying. Because he wants to fuck me. It's actually basic science. Science. Well, you said science.

Just earlier, thanks, Thomas Dolby, but earlier he was really going on and on about a 14 year old who was in. Well, yeah, no, that makes sense. Big shit twin over here, Pearl. You know, big shit. Okay, big shit twins. Yeah, we saw you, you were spanking those 14 year olds.

You had a visible erection. We all saw it. We saw that little pants tent. So anyway, you're changing your erection like a key. Well, I'll be honest, I think Pearl, big shit. Pearl, I was just trying to comment that your erection was a little corkscrew pigtail one. Oh, yeah.

You're one of us. You know what? I'm glad they stuck around. That's my daddy's dick. We're the pigs in triplets. You're forgetting your own lord. Look, so do you change your name to Lily Sullivan? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because I really want to talk to this guy. Excuse me. What was your deal? Because I barely remember. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I was your podiatrist. I'm your podiatrist. I look at your stinky little possum feet. That was it.

That was it. You said that like there was more coming. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, there's, you know, there's levels to this shit. And by shit, I mean myself. You had you had one appearance as I recall. You were you were auditioning for SNL or something. You were working on your.

No, boy, 14 years or anything. Fourteen years is absolutely destroyed your brain. So are you like, are you like, Harry, are you super stoked? Because Scott is barefoot. I have attention to wiki feet. I take off my sandals. Those little piggies are raw. They're out today.

You guys. And no, no, different piggies, guys. Sorry, sorry, not you guys off their clothes. When you'd say I'd love to see what the pig shit twins have to say after they sniff your feet. All right. Yeah. You guys want to sniff my feet? Can we live here?

They love it. They love it. No tube of grease in these. What's cooking down here? You know. Hey, do you mind if I shoot you in the heart again? Hi. Another who?

He likes it. Anyways, so I have a big movie coming out. OK, I'm sure you guys have been seeing the advertisements, Evil Dead Rise. Oh, you're in Evil Dead Rise. I'm in it. Oh, wow. Yeah, so I had to hire an agent social manager.

Well, some of your other movies you did. I did Mintel. I did Coral. Yeah, I did Big Nick and Hanging Rock, Big Nick. Yeah, with Tony Collette. Right. I mean, all that. Daniel Ratcliffe, girl from Game of Thrones,

was in one of them. I'm pretty big. I'm like a big star, but I'm exploding right now. I'm in Evil Dead Rise for real. Yes, I know. I saw you. You're also still wiping down machines at the gym? On occasion.

But at this point in my career is fucking booming. Like, I don't know that I'm going to need to go big. It's so great when you can leave behind that day job. It's so nice. Do you wipe down things at home just for fun? Yeah, and I wipe down doors. I wipe down. Me knows I wipe down.

What a cooler. I wipe down my feet after I wash them. I'm sorry. I stepped on that. Sorry. No, you wanted to get in here, Harry Footman. You wiped down your feet. Yeah, I want to get in here like a sock.

It's in between toes. You're a foot guy. Yeah, I'm a podiatrist. Right. This was only a few months ago. Yeah, but oh, wait, wait. I remember you're a podiatrist. How many times have you been turned on by feet?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who isn't turned down by feet? Hashtag feet. That's right. You had your hashtag feet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, hashtag feet. But not to get ahead of myself, Scott. This was only a few months ago.

How many times have you had COVID-19 since then? He's got a bit of a brain fog. I'm just saying your appearance was not all that memorable. Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. But you say that to 80% of the people that come through. I took it as a challenge to show up again. I stood outside. I was looking through the window.

I saw that you were wearing sandals with no socks. Oh, this is the process. This appears situation. I'm coming inside. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, my medical license has been suspended after I posted so many people's pictures on WikiFeed. That's right.

You're the WikiFeed. You're kind of the guy who posts all the, and you take them surreptitiously when they're in your office. That's right. I'm remembering now. So you're uploading the majority of that content. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm voting.

I have a bunch of burner accounts. I vote. You're a foot guy. I mean, your name is Footman, which is a coincidence? Yeah, that's a coincidence. By the first time I became conscious of what my last name was, I thought, I'm going to spin this into a hardcore fetish. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a man. The way you close your eyes to say hardcore fetish is chilling. You should come over sometimes. See how many times I do it at home. I don't know that we're going to make it. My house is a den of fetishism. One fetish though? Voted to one fetish?

No, fetishism. Right, yes. But you don't have other fetishes. So you pluralize fetishism? No, I'm just saying that you say your house is devoted to fetishism. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I'm saying you only have one, though, right? So you would say fetish is.

So you're kind of like a grammar fetishist. Some people like to suck on toes and take pictures of feet, but you're a guy who likes the written word. I'm just saying, do you have other interests other than feet? Right. So you like grammar and fucking 14 year olds? Yeah, I like podiatry. I like science, biology, et cetera.

What kind of science do we say science of feet? Right. I'm saying anything non foot related. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like hands, which are kind of the feet of the upper part of the body. That's a good point. But right now I'm exploring, I've become an agent to the star, specifically this one sitting next to me.

Oh, my, wow. Lily Sullivan, a.k.a. Bickey. Yes. This guy is your agent? Yes. How did this come about? Well, so, you know, I have a wiki fee page. I have a five star rating, 85 votes.

Wow. My feet are. How many of those were yours, by the way, Harry? 95 percent. But still. So 83. So you're on wiki fee right now. I'm just saying that's 95 percent of 85.

Oh, she said 85. He's like really horny for numbers. You like finish all these numbers right now. I'm sorry. I don't count in regular numbers. I counted fives because that's how many toes are on a foot. We were talking earlier about adopting the metric system. Yeah.

And is that a front? Are you against that? Because it would do away with measuring and feet. I'd be I'd be in favor of like half metric system because the metric is based on a system of 10 and five would be great because it's a foot. And that's the number of toes and that's the number of toes on a human being.

If you have as many toes as one is normally born. Right. We're on the set. Now we're on the same page again. Anything to add to your twins? Yeah, we got whoops. Yeah, we got whoops. Yeah, we got some piggies feet.

What about piggies feet? We got whoops. Two or two halves of a whoop makes what? Two, three, four. Two halves of a whoop. Got two halves of a whoop. Wow. Look at my feet.

Then look at my feet. I don't got two halves of a whoop. And ten. See? Wow. Now, this time you just didn't even try and get it. I was going to take a pin and you didn't really sing in that one at all.

You just looked scared at her. Come on, Klam. You got to be kidding. No, I'm adapting. Happy to count her in, but not contributing at all. I am adapting like much how, like my putty has, how after living in the soil underneath this house, I don't need to sing.

It's your time to shine, swine. Come on. Got two halves of a whoop. Got two halves of a whoop. Now I'm going to throw to my brother, piggy, little Klam goat. Hang in. Klam, what has gotten butter into you? I'm sorry.

I'm distracted by Tim Cook. Just a little bit. Klam, I just want to do that. I'm thinking about it. Why isn't he a cook? Yeah, do more. Build on it. Oh, OK.

Let's see. Somebody's last name that's like a verb, like cook. What about Jim Baker? OK, now we're talking. Let me guess. Jim Baker, what does he do? Sell clothes. What are you doing?

Make bread. Please stop it. He's a preacher. Oh. Never mind. All right. Anyway, so you're going to cut that out. Your punishment.

Leave it in. You've got to leave it in. Cut that part and send it to Jim Baker. Anyway, so I obviously am in this big movie and I knew I needed a really good foot manager. So I've hired him. Wait, you only represent her feet? Yeah, since my medical license has been suspended,

I became a foot agent. OK, so what do you do? You get her feet job? I stand by the monitor and I tap the director on the shoulder and I say, can we get a close-up of the foot? And then we just want to make sure that my feet are coming off like top notch because if my Wikifeed page rating goes down, like I'm screwed.

Like my entire career is like down the toilet, like. So, you know, if you see the movie Evil Dead Rise, it's all the kids and the mommy and the mommy goes really scary. She's like a freaky mommy. All of a sudden going to kill him. OK, you're using. I mean, I know the Evil Dead franchise. I've seen the previous movie.

You've seen the previous movie. She gets all spooky. Yeah. She's like, I'm going to kill him. OK, sure. OK, this is not clarifying. So anyway, I'm one of the kids. OK.

Even though I'm an adult. Yeah, you are. And I look like a 45-year-old woman, aren't you? I'm not. I'm 27. What? Yeah, I'm young. How many times?

Maybe. Are you fucking kidding me? I'm literally like one of the hottest people. OK, literally. I look at you. I see butter face. It's because I'm. If I was a pig, you'd want to fuck me like big time.

Is that true? Thanks, you're doing it. It's big. She is. Scott, Scott, I think we need a hard reset. We came on complimenting you saying that you had stinky feet. I'm not a fighter. Reaction.

I'm not a fighter. Reaction, and you had nothing but distasteful and ignorant. All you said is nice things. OK, well. We're wearing basically the same thing, a hoodie with thick strings coming out of it, probably from Buck Mason. And yet we come on and you're like, fuck you.

Why are you here? I am realizing it is the exact same sweatshirt. Just to her. As welcoming as you were to the pig shit twins. I love the pig shit twins. Is how I guys unwelcoming. Yeah, thanks for saying something like this. I forgot we need to talk about Nature Valley more.

Remember that part of it. That's right. What do you have to do with comics now? It's too early for comics. Like, you don't know why to do little things. We need to pace ourselves. Pig, pig, piggy, piggy, piggy. So is he getting you a lot of work?

Honestly, like my feet come off so good in the movie. OK. You're going to be drooling. You're going to be losing it. Yeah, OK. The movie, a lot of it is like the mom is bad. Oh, no, mom's trying to kill us. Hold on a second.

These feet are gorgeous. Oh, my God, look at these feet covered in blood. Wow, look at it. Let's clean them off. Let's maybe take a second because all the blood in our body is flowing to our groin. Oh, oh, mom's evil. Mom's chasing.

Mom's so spooky. Mom's screaming. This is getting into spoiler territory, I feel like. It's all in the trailer. It's all in the trailer. Really, I'm not saying the feet, the feet. You're going to love it when you see the feet. The trailer's mostly feet.

You know, kicking the mommy. My feet goes, kicking mommy. The kick mommy over. I kick mommy on the ground. I come over, kick mommy in the face. So this was just the blocking? These are just the blocking, yeah. You guys will see when you see the movie.

You're going to love it. That was my idea. I mean, why wouldn't you guys? We bought you tickets. We bought you tickets. You bought me tickets? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We bought you, Kulob, and the baby, all tickets.

I don't know, I want to take the baby to this. I think so. The baby to the movie. She needs to be exposed to feet early. Like, she's going to fucking love it. Blood is more. The feet. The feet.

She's got feet. She's got great feet. We should get her on wiki feet. Oh, no, no, please don't. No, no. Scott, have you thought about uploading your baby's feet? No, come on, no, no. Wait, have you thought about getting the baby a foot agent?

Or manager, foot manager. She doesn't even have it. She's my Nepo baby, but she doesn't have a real man. Yeah, yeah, we take Nepo babies. You do? Oh, yeah. They have a leg up in the industry. I love that.

Unintended, I would imagine. Nice. Very good. Yeah, absolutely. Hell, yeah. This guy loves it. He loves it. Clem loves word games.

Well, this is great. Congratulations. I mean, when's this movie over? I think it's out right now. Like, I think you could go right now if you wanted to go. OK, yeah, I don't think so. Why not? Why?

This shirt just, uh, it should look sugar- You know, if you want to date me, like, you can just say. I don't know. I'm happy here at home. I know that you, like, have cool-up and everything, but like, have you guys won a third? Is that what you're angling for? You've been on the show so many times.

Is that what you want? Well, I just want to make sure that you could be nice to me next time I'm on. So if anything involves me getting, you know, into a threesome or whatever, like, I'll do it. Yeah. You're saying, like, are you the agent for that? Yeah, you have to talk to him.

No, I'm looking to be a fourth. I'd love to stand off to the side and grab people's feet while they're making love. That's kind of my bag. Yeah, that's my bag. OK, yeah, sure. All right. Are you sure?

Do you need a snack? You seem tired. Yeah. You need a nature valley, nature valley, crunch, crunch, crunch, run around the mountain, munch, eat up, kick you down and swallow it down, eat your valley around the town. Take a clam. We can lean, we can lean.

Ah! Oh, my God! I can't do it! I can't. Ah! All right. It's over. Well, guys, look, we need to get to our next guest.

Is that all right? Yes, of course. We would love to stick around and watch you get your energy back and be respectful to people. Someone wanted to give me some sort of snack. I would try to nutty on Mike. But yes, I feel like I'm crashing. Let's get to him, though.

But speaking of snacks, I mean, this is a tasty snack for any occasion. Please welcome the president of Domino's, Snake Eyes. Scott. Scott, you ain't going to believe this. Hey, Snake Eyes, what's up? You ain't going to believe this, Scott. First of all, thank you for having me.

Oh, yeah, my pleasure. Hey, Snake Eyes, nice to meet you. Scott, I come on the behalf of Domino's. Domino's the pizza company. Yeah. Yeah, what's up? We messed up, Scott. Oh, no!

Scott, we messed up. No, again? Again? Or? We keep messing up. Because I remember those commercials. Yeah, we were just talking about them. Man, everybody's writing in, emailing us about our pizzas.

Yeah, what are they saying? Nicely nailed them. They all stuck to the box. They stuck to the roof of the box. And then when they pull them down, full of cum. Full of cum? No! Stuck to the top of the box?

I was upset, too. Just like that. That's what's stuffed in the crust, is cum. In the crust, on the cheese, under the cheese, under the marinara. Under the cheese. That's where it's come there? Down where it's dumb there?

I know. I was mad, too. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I ain't got a lot of you, Scott. We messed up. Look, Snake Eyes, it's understandable. Is it one or two pizzas?

For that to happen, I mean, you know. How did so much cum get in the factory? OK. For the first time, once he's engaged, on someone else. He is locked in. Great question, Mr. Pig. Yeah, thank you. I know I look like a clam, but I am a pig.

The only answer I have for you, Mr. Pig, is that we messed up. You ain't going to believe this. If I told you, I'm not even going to tell you, because if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. You messed up again after the cum pizza? Oh, my gosh. So we fixed that. You fixed it.

OK, so no more. So if you get a Domino's pizza now, 0% cum? You're saying here on the show, there will be no cum. 0 to 2%. So 2%? There you go. That's in the margin of error. That's quite a lot of cum.

0 to 2%. OK. And you'll be, it was 70% before. Well, yeah, I mean, that's terrible, because we messed up. That's too much, even for a cum pizza. Cum pizza, Scott, what have you been eating? What have you been ordering? Stuff's crust.

We messed up again since then. Oh, my gosh. What happened? I wouldn't believe it. You wouldn't believe it if I told you. I wouldn't believe it. You wouldn't believe it. I couldn't believe it.

What happened? So I walk into a Domino's, right? I hope so. You're the CEO. Is this like an undercover boss scenario, or? Oh, no, they knew I was there. I was over covered. You looked more like yourself.

I looked good. I shaved. Drip me, were you dressed like that? I had a haircut. You had the same eyes from G.I. Joe? How was your drip? I was wearing a, you know that guy who sells books on TV with all the question marks on his suit?

Sure. I have a suit with a bunch of Domino's on it. Is he selling books or one book specifically? Multiple books. And you had Domino's like the tiles? Yes. OK, got it. But as if somebody had just thrown them.

OK, onto your suit. And they stuck there? They were stuck. How was that conveyed in this suit? You put glue on the suit. OK. You have a bunch of people throw dice at you. So it literally was.

OK, got it. A lot of them fell off. I messed up. Does the story, wait, that's the thing that? No, that's not the only one. OK, oh, I thought the story was over. So I'll walk into my office. I'll open up my computer.

HP laptop. Got the little red ball in the middle of the keyboard. Yeah, love those. Full of email. The red ball is? No, the computer. The computer. I used the red ball to find the email.

Excuse me. I messed up. What else? And if you want to email us, it is dominos.aol.com. Domino's at aol.com. Pretty simple to remember. AOL Keyword Domino's. Keyword Domino's, OK.

So what was the content of these emails? Millions of emails. Millions. I read them all. OK. I hope you got down to inbox zero. I did. I can't stand the red.

I can't stand, like, an email, you know. Stressful. Notifications. Notifications. That's what it's called. Thank you. Big shit to it. Thank you.

Big shit. Oh, look at this. Come Big Shit is 10 times more invested in the show now that he's not the featured guest. Clams all got a whole nother life outside of Pig Shit Farm, huh? Look at you, Mr. Fancy Pig Shit. Hog, doggy with the rest of the big pigs. No, I'm sorry.

I just like asking follow-ups. They're fighting me. Oh, no. Big shit messed up. We're supposed to talk at the same time. You're going up on these Tim Cook ratings. I don't even know what you eat. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I grab a little corks from here and I pull it straight. So what happened? Well, it's funny that he makes that sound. Because most, a lot of the emails would say when they open the box of pizza, it would make that sound because there were live animals in it. No, instead of pizzas? We messed up.

Oh, no. We messed up. Oh, no. This is truly another year of oh, no. Can you say oh, no? Oh, no. I know why. This is terrible.

We got dominoes in Australia. How did, oh, OK. We messed up. We messed up my program there, yeah. How did the animals get in there instead of the pizzas? So apparently, and you're not going to believe this, God, if I told you. At this point, I don't know.

From you, Snake Eyes? I'll believe anything. Me, Snake Eyes, the most trustworthy man on the planet. Forbes Magazine, most trustworthy CEOs. Snake Eyes. Snake Eyes, by the way, is usually on dice, not on dominoes. Yeah, or G.I. Joe. Anyway, go ahead.

I see your point. You can't have my stuff. Yeah. Now I understand why you earlier said people threw dice at the suit covered in glue. You messed up. I messed up by taking a job at dominoes. Did you mean to take a job at dice?

Dice pizza. You should be working at dice pizza, but you love apologizing. But you and your brothers did stand next to each other and fall down in a row, though. As soon as we opened up those emails, we all lined up to say, oh, no. Why not?

And we fell back. Oh, Scott, you wouldn't believe it if I told you. Something else happened? Rats. No. No, where? In the pizza box. In the pizza box?

As soon as people opened them up. Just rats. Talking rats. Talking rats. Ooh, like rats at suit. Like rat, tat, tat to it. Like the pizza rat, like. Like the pizza rat.

The pizza rat loves dominoes. Was this like a promotion with pizza rat? I mean, it's very famous. It was. We messed up. We shouldn't have had pizza rat being the main guy. Because you've seen pizza rat suites, they're not cool. No.

Pizza rat got canceled. Pizza rat is racist. Are we talking about? She's not that bad. Pizza rat is a New York Italian. He is racist. Pizza rat is from one island. Yeah.

Well, this is so, so rats. And that, that must be the end of the story. Because that's the worst thing that could ever happen. What about pigs? You find any pigs in your box? Pigs? Oh, we cut pigs up and put them on pizza on purpose. Wow.

You guys are really fine at the table. We did not make that. You just cut up pigs. People love that. Do you make bacon or you just cut up pigs? You just cut them up, thin of them. Whatever part of the pig that gets on there is what they eat. Well, this guy's invulnerable.

You could cut him up. Is the red sauce pig blood? It is not. Well, you know, you may be snake eyes, but we're pig eyes. Yeah. That's a good point. We'll come for you. Oh, god.

Oh, god. Listen, what's up? I think I offended these pig people. I messed up. I'm sorry, snake eyes. It's all right. You're in a safe space, snake eyes. So did one last bad thing happen?

No. That was it. That was it? Oh, good. Until the next day. Oh, no. What happened? We messed up.

What happened? I get to work undercover ball stuff. Yeah. Oh, so this time. Oh, you say I'm undercover. All disguised. OK, what are you dressed as? OK, I'm going to explain my outfit to you.

OK, good. I have on a long pink wig and a BBL. Long and back or long and front? Long and the back and front. OK. Like a cousin. Like a cousin. OK, but pink.

Yes. And what's a BBL? Yeah. You had a big booty. Brazilian Bartlett? Yeah, a Brazilian Bartlett. But does the pink hair cover the BBL? It does.

But you can still try to tell. But it peeks through. It peeks through. If you look at it, if you're looking like you're supposed to be looking, you can see. It peeks. It's like someone peeking through a curtain to see how the house is.

If it's looking like it's supposed to be looking, it peeks through, Scott. Yeah. If the BBL is done right, it peeks through. I just want to say, Clem is engaged. Clem has come alive. You need a job, Clem? Clem, be careful.

I'll mess up. Snake Eyes and Clem, president and vice president of Dominoes. Wow. Is there anything for Pearl? Pearl, how do you feel about this? Snake Eyes just stealing your guy. I bet they'll sing songs together, sniping.

Yeah, I can do the commercial jingles if you want. Make pig eyes to do it. Yeah. Do you remember the jingle we had in the 90s? Piggy, you're a poor pig. You're looking pig, ducking pig, spilling in the rat. You're just saying pig. Right.

It's gotta be, gotta be Dominoes. What's wrong with you? Why are you pointing at me? You remember that, Jason mentioned? Just because I'm old enough to remember it. You was in one of those commercials. He's just not. Jason, what was your hair like in high school?

Long. Longer than it is now. Yeah. It was like a cousin hit, but in the back. It was. And I had a BBL. Yeah. So what happened when you walked, you walked in?

It was, it was the, the custom was cousin it. Yeah. Cousin it big Nicki Minaj. Oh yeah. Right. And so everybody must have been like, oh, that's totally normal. That's a customer. Right.

And I ordered a pizza. Right. And they brought out the boss is one of the workers, but not. I was a customer. Okay. And I ordered a pizza and I opened up the box. Yeah. The pizza was stuck to the roof of the box.

Got it. I pulled it down. Got it. Nothing but Anton. Nothing but. Did you order it with ants? I did. Now I messed up.

Here's my theory. They saw through your disguise. Only one part you can see through. Right. Yeah. But they realized it was you and they put ants on there in order to, because you ordered it with the ants. Are you ordering cum pizzas and rap pizzas?

Yeah. Like, I didn't come here to talk about my personal business. What did you come here to talk about? I tell you that we as a company messed up. Okay. Apologize to the people who love Domino's pizza. Currently we are ranked the number one pizza out of other pizzas that

people ordered after they ordered through number one to four. Okay. Is that a Guinness ranking or? That's number five. Possibly. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I'm sorry. I accept your apology. You do? Yeah. I mean, coming from you snake eyes. The guy who meant to work at Dice Pizza. 14 years into the podcast.

This is where people come to apologize. Yeah. To apologize and to hear. I expect societal apologies that need to happen. This is bigger than a commercial. I have been making TikToks. Oh, okay. Yeah.

Sneaky TikToks. What's happening? Okay. So in the sneaky TikTok. Yeah. What's a sneaky TikTok? A sneaky TikTok is, is where a woman walks onto the screen and somewhere in this TikTok, her nipple is exposed.

Wow. Okay. You've been making these? I've been making these with my own personal nipple. Oh, with your own? Okay. Nobody else's nipple. I tried to ask some of the employees to do it.

They didn't necessarily want to. Yeah. You messed up. No, that was, I was, I was on purpose. Okay. It's in some sort of like, if they step on a scale and say, oh, I'm about to weigh myself. And then you'll see. What are you talking about?

And then what do you see? You'll see that breast in the scale. Oh, your breast. Oh, like in the reflection of the, of like the number you see, like one boob. Yeah. Is this not on all of y'all's algorithms? Oh, wait, I don't think so. Is this a real thing?

You do not. It's all of my videos. One after the other. Clem is standing up right now. Clem, Clem, the pig child, the 14 year old pig child knows this online meme. Hey, tick tock is for everybody created by China. It's not for people. I think in Montana now, they can't use it no more.

No, I don't think so. I think it's been outlawed, but I don't know how they're going to enforce it. I'll be using, I'll be taking away all my stores in Montana. Oh, really? Sorry, Montana. No more dominoes for you. Because you can't do sneaky tick tocks with your own nipple. Yeah.

You're telling me Montana has no tick tock and no dominoes? Sounds like the best place on earth. Excuse me, Mr. Manzookas. He messed up. I'm sorry. I messed up. I just want to say I messed up. I carry a knife.

What do you do? Wait, that's just a pizza cutter. That's not a sharp knife. It's not that sharp. I'll roll this all over your chest. Wow. It's like a massage. Wow.

He carved me up like a pie. Like a pig. Like a pig. Can I make you suggest a review for dominoes, for the tick tock thing? Why don't you have the gears put a little bit of a little pepperoni on their kitty and then it's a nipple slip and assault. So I'm advertising for the big pizza. This is a good point.

Like a job? Young lady? Me? Pearl pig shit? Yes. Sweet. Chief financial officer of the house. You have a lot of nipples, actually.

Yeah. You could use it. You got like six or seven. Three hooves. Want to put your finger in? Oh boy. I'd love to. Yeah.

You do so many sneaky tick tock. It's actually really warm. Thanks. It's burning hot. I don't like watching this. It's burning hot. But clam is really into it. Oh God.

I love it. The BBL needs to be peeking out. That's how you know it's cooked right. It's still cooked. BBL on the brand. That part of the story. At least he's moved on from Tim Cook. Oh my God.

All right. All right. Well, look. Snake guys. It's great to have you here. Yeah. I'm going to go. Somebody else might show up though.

Oh, okay. We do need to get to our next guest. Hopefully someone will make room for him. But he's a demon. Please welcome a demon. Hello. Hey. Hello.

And welcome. We have a wine. Glissando sound effect. Do we put that in? I don't think we have a sound board. That's an expensive sound effect. It's got to be a glissando. I'm looking at the prices.

Okay. $2.95. No problem. No problem. Is that part of your whole thing? I don't want to take on the effect. I mean, it's not essential. I was sort of hoping.

Would anybody like some modicum of fine cheese? High hat brushes sound effect? That's a cheaper sound effect. Okay. Can you do it? No. I don't want to help the guy out. Would somebody like to just affect the simulated sound of brushes on a high hat?

Yeah. Sure. Jason used to be a drummer. So. Thank you, Mr. Menzuchus. A modicum of cheese that anybody like it. By the way, Harry Footman and Vickier are out the door. They're trying to sneak out.

A huge exodus as I have arrived. Not taking it personally, just making an observation. A lot of those people were hanging out just to watch for a while. But even now they want to. The picture twins still here. Maybe they can provide some of the sound effects too. Well, thank you, picture twins. It's lovely to have you.

But I must warn you. I am here on. You're a demon. I'm a demon and I'm here not with good intentions. Okay. Are there good intended, well intended demons? That's a great question. I suppose most of them do have evil intentions.

It all goes on set. You don't have to say that part of it. Evil is subjective, of course. So somebody's evil intentions may do good in some other way. True. Hard to say. But my intentions are without a doubt evil. I'm here to kill you all.

Okay. Interesting. My brother has a difficult time getting killed. Please take me out. He's invulnerable. Take me out, please. I will find a way to end your existence, pig shit boy. But we the pig shit twins.

We could serve you master please. You're ready to please. Already they have pledged fealty to me. Yeah, we love Satan. All aboard. Well, I'm not Satan. Okay. Let's not go crazy.

I am anniversary man. What? Anniversary man. Anniversary man. You've heard of candy man. Yeah. Okay. He's a demon.

Oh yes. Candy man's a demon. Okay. He's like hot dog where if you say his name. That's correct. That's correct. Be careful on saying what I just said. But if you say my name three times, then I do appear.

Well, we never said your name. Yes, you did. No, I didn't. Well, not altogether, but you said the words. Anniversary man. And you said man. And I sort of just waited. I've said this is our 14th anniversary show.

That's right. That's another one. Congratulations, man. Right. That's one. And then we said pig shit, snake eyes, butt plug, hook. That wasn't part of it. Did we say butt plug?

I said a nail clam. Okay. Oh, now I've gone and said it. Is one going to appear? I hope so. Clams bleeding out. Too many times. That demon will appear.

Okay. Let's say it. Butt plug man. Wait, how many times? Three times. Oh, it's only three. Butt plug man. He's not here.

I thought it was three. I thought it must be more. Give me a bum. Let's say goodbye to butt plug man. Oh no. Goodbye. So anniversary day. I had to kill you.

I hope that character comes back. I hope so. Yeah. You got us on a technicality, but what are you here for? To kill you all. To kill you all. In a moment. In a moment.

First, I look. Well, I, I mean. You look good. Have you been on vacation? I have been on vacation. Some of this is bronzer. Some of this is bronzer. Dynamite.

Thank you so much. Wait, you put on a spray tan for this? It's an audio media. I supplemented it a little bit. Look, it's for me to feel insecure. You're insecure. What? Yeah.

I don't know if I accept that. I don't know if I accept that. You're insecure. No, no, no. You're a big move. You're coming to kill us all on the anniversary of the fight. He puts on bronzer to do it. You get a tan and then you put on makeup.

I put on a little bronzer. Insecure. You're a tan. Yeah. Yeah. If you tan, you ain't shit. You ain't shit. I have a nut.

I was in Belize. I got a nice tan. Oh. Oh God. I was bragging about it. Just go to the Bahamas. Obviously secure. Fine, we'll ask.

I was believed. I was believed. It was great, but I wasn't bragging. You asked how I got the tan. I'm not insecure. I've done a lot of work on myself. Oh. And I'm not.

That's what insecure people say. I've done a lot of work on myself. I am going to kill you all. All right? All right. Are you telling us that for real? Yeah, because I'm saying I'm going to do it. Sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into it.

Don't go to a demon. Does it feel like you can't? This is rude. I was going to offer you a wine. I was going to offer you a modicum of cheese. I was going to offer you some. Why just a modicum? Yeah.

Well, I don't have a ton of cheese to go around. You were just in Belize. It rhymes with cheese. Yeah. Is this Belize cheese? Do you like this clam? I love this. Somebody said cheese was the sexiest cheese

earlier. Swiss cheese. Yeah. That was good. This is not Belize cheese. I got this at the airport. Do you Belize in like that? Airport cheese.

Yeah. Yes, I Belize in cheese. Do you Belize in life after cheese? I Belize in life after cheese. Okay. Kill us or what? Because I don't want to hear this anymore. I know you're tired.

I know this is late in the show. I know you're weary. I know your plans don't include me. You're getting killed. You're all going to get killed. Do you like Domino's cheese? What's up? Do you like Domino's cheese?

Sure. I like Domino's cheese. Hey, you're still here. Who are you? Hey, guys. Are you thinking? Yeah. Okay.

I call the wrong Uber. Wait. I should just take that one. Which Uber did you get? I opened up my Fasten app. That's only a defunct app in Austin, Texas. All right. Hey, Austin is a lot of Austinites laughing hard right now.

High-fiving each other as they listen to the podcast together. Jesus. Let's order a cum pizza. I was just going to say, I hope you are nutting on your Domino's right now. Snake eyes. As long as you have your phone out, you might as well email your relatives your last words because you're going to be dead soon. I don't mind.

Get out of here. What? Hey, stop leaving. He left. He's gone. That is very frustrating. Well anniversary, man. We're running out of time.

Already? Yeah. That's actually just fine. So okay, fine. If I must kill you all, but I insist we have a toast. Everyone take some of this wine. Take some. Just wine.

No. Oh, you are. Furious. Some of this wine, huh? Look, hang on a second. Let me get my jacket back on. Jesus Christ. Let me fix my tie.

Are you happy? Yeah. Do you like this? Is this what you wanted to do with your life when you imagined doing it with your life? Like anniversary, man. Yeah. Is that what you wanted to be? Like was your dad anniversary, man?

Did you take over? Yes. Yes. My dad was anniversary. I enjoy it. Because I can't imagine. I can't imagine this is something that you would choose to do. I used to hear about anniversary, man, and how terrifying he was like 30, 40 years ago.

Okay. And he still is. All right. Yeah. That was my dad. But I also too. Look, you're going to die. Are we though?

Yes. We're drinking with you now. It seems like you just showed up. You just want to hang out. You wanted to hang out. You're lonely. You're a lonely man. That has nothing to do with it.

I like just a fine glass of wine. You're just a lonely, feckless cuck. Feckless. Yep. I may be a cuck. LFC if I've ever seen one. I may be a cuck. Do you live alone with your cat?

I live alone, not with a cat. Two cats. Okay, well. And I have a very fine place. I have a bachelor efficiency in K-town. Oh, God. In K-town. Yes.

Well, I'm not there a lot. I'm on the road. The Isle of K-town. Yes. Now, listen, I may be a cuck, but I'm not feckless. I'm as feckful as they come. All right. I'm full of feck.

In full effect. Yes. In full effect. Yeah. In full effect. And I'm going to kill you. Rex's effect. Woo.

Okay. We're running out of gas. We need so much excitement. Picture twins. Yes. Take a glass of wine. Okay. You're giving wine to a 14-year-old?

Why not? In France, this would be no big deal. We're 68 in P.D. years. Thank you. Thank you, picture girl. It's P.D. sim. Jason or... George, thank you.

Mr. Ackerman. Yeah, thanks. All right. I'll drink with you. We'll hang. But we can lose the pretense of you're going to kill us. I'm going to kill you as brutally as my father did. What kind of wine is this?

I got a Trader Joe's on the way over. Trader Joe's wine and airport cheese? I was in a hurry. You are a bummer guy. What's up? What's up? What's up? What's up?

Let me just say something. You got some real stones, Manzooka. A demon comes to you. And looty stones. What? Never mind. You weren't here. I think he might have been.

Yeah. It's just so long ago. He's been bumped a number of times. And you said you said anniversary, man, not in a row, but earlier in this podcast, I appeared and I was, you know, I came into the door. I said, obtrusively in the corner, waiting. Obtrusively. Obtrusively.

Oh, oh. You know, I really tried to stand back. Yes. Waving my arms. Distracting. Nobody knows. This is how much of a bummer you are. We didn't care you were here.

You got some real stones, you guys. You got some real stones down. I will say you were very interested in talking about Google Reader earlier. Yeah. No, that's the one time. You seemed very upset you weren't on mic at that point. I don't know what that is, but this wine is nasty. And I'm a rotten clam slash pig.

This wine tastes like cheese and the cheese tastes like wine. That's not my fault. Yeah, it's opposite. Pee you. I like it. It tastes like what pigs eat, cream of wheat and other pigs. All right. Prepare to die.

I'm going to kill you already. I'm more than prepared, but I just don't think you're going to do it. Honestly, I wish you'd killed me already. This is infuriating. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you. I'm going to kill you.

I'm going to kill you. Honestly, I wish you'd killed me already. This is insufferable. I do infuriate. You just want people to hang out with you. No. You're dragging it out so that we'll spend more time with you. That is absolutely not true.

Do you mind if we get to other guests while we wait for you to kill us? I don't mind at all. Exactly. Well, we have a couple of guys coming on here. No, sorry. One guy and one woman, I believe. They've been on the show before. Please welcome back to the show Bill Walton in chief.

Greetings, gum shoe. Hey. Whenever there's crime, I'm right on time. Rock up hell. You know what I'm saying. That's right. Hello, everybody. Bill.

Bill Walton. Happy to be here. Yeah. Great to have you. Happy to be here. Yeah. Bill Walton in chief. This is the picture twins.

Hello. You've known Jason, obviously. This is the first time Jason's made it to the end of one of these. To see me. Happy to see you, Jason. Bill thrilled to be here. And then this is anniversary man. Hello.

This is Dean. I have to go. I'm good. No, don't leave me. Don't leave me. Oh, fuck it all. I'm kidding. I'm gonna stay.

Jason and I went to high school together. What? We did. Really? I went to high school with chief. Oh, I had no idea. Where was that? On the aisle of what?

You know, Swamp Scott High School in Swamp Scott, Massachusetts. Oh, wow. Swamp Scott. Swamp Scott. Yes. Wow. Wow. Your name is Scott and you're a swamp.

And you have swamp ants. Yeah. I do. Woohoo. Your ant's cheeks are as wet as the Pacific Ocean. They stay. There is slick and wet as the pig shit twins after a couple of slaps. Hey, well, let's team up on this guy.

Remember when we were making fun of him? I just want to say the Pacific Ocean, that's the wettest ocean. The absolute wettest. We would call Fred Guinness about that, but he's gone, I believe. I believe he's passed out. Okay. Chase everybody out. Yeah.

Bill. You're going to be killed. Just FYI. Sorry to invite you in, but he says he's going to kill you. I'm a demon. Oh, you're that anniversary man. Which other anniversary man is that? Well, no, it's just you look, you're still tan.

You almost look African-American. And I knew anniversary man to be a white man. I'm bronzed up a little bit. Okay. Why you put the bronzer on? Oh, no. I just want to look African-American. We're not American.

No, I'm not soul manning this place. We're not African-American. No, I'm not trying to. Wait, did people say soul man three times? Is that what's happening? Look, I'm not taking that one. I am white. Listen.

Look, I'm a little bronzer. The anniversary man. Anniversary man. This is crazy. You look like the man on the cover of the cream of wheat box. I'm a little afraid we're going to have to take this episode down. Yeah. Because it's the blackface episode.

I got it. I'm attacking. Let's not have this character known as the blackface character. I don't think that's necessary. That's your whole body. Let's not give the Reddit guys any ideas. I have a little bronzer. They're going to love it.

If someone is maintaining the show wiki of character, this is the blackface. That's not first characteristic. The thing that will come up in the first sentence. I don't think that's necessary. I'm a mean person. I got to distance myself from this. I've given several characteristics that would dominate an accidental application of bronzer. I'm a blackface demon is what everybody's going to remember.

That is not what I am. I'm going to get in trouble with the four black people that listen to this show. For not stopping. I'm really going to kill everybody here. I hate to go, but if there's anywhere to go, it is with my best comedy friends. And Scotty, Scotty, Oxenfree. Bill, so great to see you again. Wonderful to have you on it for those of you who don't know who Bill is.

You used to play basketball. It was a surprise to you to know you played in Texas. I remember St. Louis. I believe. Oh, was it St. Louis? Yes, it was at St. Louis. I said, I never played there. And then the tech guy said, you want a championship here when there's a team here.

In college. But I thought it was in Texas. Someone on stage told you that you played for the team. It's very possible. All I remember in Texas is in San Antonio, a drunk fella taking a phone call when I was on stage. But now you're an NBA commentator. You got in trouble yourself recently for saying a word that you shouldn't say. Yes, I referred to little people using the word that you're all imagining multiple times on the air.

And so I'm doing a bit of it. Thank you. That wasn't it. But yes, there's so much more to me, you know, and one of it is my love of comedy bang bang the show. Thank you so much for love and being such a supporter over the years. Yes. One of our greatest supporters. One of your greatest supporters from the bra you wear to the hocus on your feet.

Thank you. You know what I would love? I like how I set you up to clue you into your thing. I would love it if Bill one time came and sat in and just did play by play color commentary on an entire episode. You know what I would love is for you to do like DVD commentary of an episode that already exists where you do play by play of what happened during it. I would happily do that. That would be my dream. Jason Madzoukis and Scott Ackerman sitting and describing the plays and the funny laughs and the alley-oops that people may miss without a lie for comedy.

Describe what the pigs should twins are doing. I'm not bringing anything. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, the pigs should twins are trying to figure out their thing right now. Okay, you sing, you sing, you sing. All right, yes, one of them sings and the other can't figure out how to join in. That was the thing earlier.

Let's see if they can land this one. I was just going, do Tim Apple, do Tim Apple, do Tim Good? I've been wondering how long he has to wait before he shoots the one. Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, my butt cheeks from Scott's hands. Oh, it's Rowan Down, holy shit. Preferring to Scott being a pervert, one of the classic go-tos, whether it's Randy Snutz calling Scott a hentai freak. Hentai freak. Oh, wow.

Yeah, that's right. You are a hentai freak. You do send me a lot of stuff. That is kind. Yes, definitely. Scott, give me your email. Wait, you like hentai cheese? I have some things to show you from the island of Japan.

I also achieve listening to song nine on Pinkerton all the time, also longing for a girl in Japan that's 18 years old, like Reverend Squabbo. Song nine? Across the sea? Yes, that's exactly it. What's happening? How do you know that? Anniversary, man. I love early weezer.

Sorry. All right. That's what I listened to before I got this job. What about song two on Beedlebum? The only song I know is Blur, is that the one you're referencing? Yo, I should get that checked when I am old. Beedlebum's the song one. Beedlebum's the name of the first song?

Now you said Beedlebum three times. You said Beedlebum three times. All right, bye, Beedlebum. No, if someone says bye to me, I have to go. Whoa, he just jumped into my butt. My butt plug man was already in there. There's two men in my butt right now. Oh yeah.

I stuck my butt to the mic so you can all hear Beedlebum say that. Oh, Beedlebum and butt plug man, they sound similar. Do you believe we got it both on the show today? I mean, today, I mean, the wiki is getting a lot of new entries today. Yeah, like demon who likes to kill people. No black man. Really? Not with black people.

No way. That's not, I do not accept you. Let's call him Hal Jolson. Yeah. Great pair. I really love that. The thing that's going to get me canceled is better than the original bit. So how are you celebrating our 14th anniversary?

I'll tell you Scott Ackerman if you'd like to know. Well, you know, you've got the book coming out. Yes, well, it's out already. It's out already and I am an avid reader. What are the things you've read? Well, I have a Goodreads account. And I use it to review books and let people know that books are for reading. Just remind people because a lot of people will pick one up and go,

what do I do with this? And I'll be right behind them. Hopefully say, greed you fool. Read. And I thought I would read some of my Goodreads reviews to let people know you. They should go review this comedy bang bang. The book. Great.

I'll jump into one and you know, I'm a reader. What can I say? Sure. Just and Makeup by Gene Simmons. Wow. A title that has in the steer readers opinion at least three puns. Make this book a must read. Whether he's berating America's sassy sweetheart Terry Gross on fresh air

or objectifying women to get some his words growler. Gene Simmons is constantly testing the limits of how empathetic the collective public can be to a son of a Holocaust survivor. I couldn't help but wonder as I read this autobiography, did he type it with that famous tongue of his? And if so, how did he avoid getting make up all over his typewriter or keyboard? I hope he answers that question in his follow up novel on power. My journey through the corridors of power and how you can get more power.

A book whose title is more of a mouthful than the tremendous tongue of its tittering typist. Five Star. Five Star. Amazing. Wow. And I encourage people to get on the Goodreads and please this is how people learn about books review comedy bang bang. What are the three puns?

And do it on Amazon too. If you're getting the book on Amazon, write those reviews on Amazon. What are the three puns? Kiss, obviously. He's in the band. Kiss. Makeup. They wear makeup.

Then what's the third? Kiss and make up. That's the phrase. Kiss and make up. Yes. So the two puns form a third pun themselves. I sort of super pun like when the power rangers get together. Wow.

Like the Avengers of puns. It is the Avengers of puns. Oh wow. Throw it down. Man, Duke, it's the big help. And not the big help we saw in the Nickelodeon in 1996 when they tried to help their kids. Right. With the presence of the United States of America playing peaches for us all.

My sister's growler is a home. Oh God. What? It's your ease. Clint's not paying attention anymore. He's just dropping bombs. Clint's now turned into, was on board. Agent of chaos.

Unless somebody brings up a BBL, I ain't talking. Chief, what do you got? I got a BBL in Brazil. He did. I thought the island of Brazil. In Brazil. It's so hard to fit in my mustard and ketchup outfit. I can't help but notice, Scott.

Every single person here. Yeah. Still alive. No, you will be dead. I'm gonna get it. No, no, I'm enjoying. You wanna hang out. I am a gentleman killer and I'm simply in no hurry.

You are a stereotype. Not all black people kill. I'm not black. Yes, it's the second one to be canceled for the assumption. I am a white man. Not that it matters. I'm a little bronzer. Oh, you're bragging about your own white man.

Now I am stating a fact. The reddit is going to love this. Demon identifies as a white man. Don't let Menzookas write the headlines. I offered everybody a modicum of cheese and I threatened to kill and the bit bombed, but I did not wear blackface and let's just be cool about it. Hey, Bill Walton, don't you have some screaming to do?

Oh, you're screaming. I have some talking to do. Would you like to hear another good news review? Absolutely. Ten Things I Hate About You, the novelization of the film by David Leviathan. When William Shakespeare wrote Taming of the Shrew, could he have dreamed of the day that his text would be interpreted

into a major motion picture, starring Julia Stiles and the great joker himself, comedian Larry Miller? And if so, could he have dreamed of the day where that film would be immortalized in a novelization, depicting the events of the movie into an easy to digest book? If so, he's smarter than we give him credit for, for the ability to predict not just the advent of cinema, but the advent of monetizing cinema in every way possible.

One wonders if Shakespeare wrote those predictions down using that famous tongue of his, perhaps dipping it in ink and cunnilingusing the words onto the page. Five stars. I have a question. Yes. Well, earlier you said your reviews were to tell people to read the book and what to do with the book

and you don't do that in those reviews, right? If you read that review, would you not be curious about Ten Things I Hate About You, a novelization by David Leviathan? I would be, I would be, and I'm a fan of the movie. If you've ever heard me announce basketball games, I am frustratingly unable to focus on the thing in front of me. I won't describe what's happening. So, you know, that's how I do books too.

And I apologize for those of you out there who won't read because of that. Chief, does that get you interested in the book? Absolutely, Scott. I'm headed to the Los Angeles Public Library right after this to steal the book. Well, you'll be dead. You'll be dead, so you're not going to be able to do that.

Yeah, I'll meet you there. And you will be dead, so no need to make plans together. You'll book in the library. You'll all be dead. You'll all be dead. You'll all be dead. Even the immortal creature over here will be dead. How about this?

My anniversary, man, do you want to go with us to the library? Yeah, sure, I'll go. But I'm going to put it down, right? You just want to hang out. After that, we're going to kill you all. You're going to have to wipe the blackface off. I do not. I'm not going to be cool in public.

Blackface, I have a slight amount of bronzer. Just even things out. Why? That's why. Yes. I don't know. Even things out. What do you mean by even things out?

My tan was even. I fell asleep in my right cheek. I zonked out. Ah, the island of Belize. Speaking of right cheek. My right cheek is full of fixer flat. Absolutely, Scott. As long as it's not concrete.

No, not concrete. Fixer flat and concrete. Oh, that's bad. Not just concrete. Chief has like a nail sticking out of her right cheek there. Grab it and gank it. Billy and Walton. Sheep.

Sheep. Sheep. Sheep. Sheep. Sheep. Sheep. Sheep. Sheep.

Sheep. Sheep. Sheep. Sheep! Oh, my gosh, she totally deflated like a balloon went up to the ceiling. Chief, I'm going to have to get another BB at you. I got no problem with that. Yeah.

Yeah. You like big butts? And I cannot lie. I absolutely do. And I don't just, I know that they're not here anymore, but I want to say to Snake Eyes, I also get those in my algorithm. No one else hasn't saved the video and zoomed

on the stainless steel refrigerator reflection to see if they are showing nude. I know exactly what you're talking about, Billion. You can zoom on a video? I hope so. You got a saved video? Yes. Interesting.

And even better, sometimes the nipple is behind the words. So you hold down the video and click clear mode. Clear mode, clear mode, baby. What the heck? Clear mode, clear mode. Is that the episode? Clear mode, we're going clear mode. We're going clear mode.

We're going clear mode. Me too. Why y'all got to do so much work to see a tittie? Honestly. How come you can't combine it the honest way? Honestly, it's like you're tricking everyone into the world or something. It's like you got a secret.

It's truly just a system. That's terrible. Is it always disappointing? I think it's really lackluster, almost every time. And yet you still want to find it. It's like, oh, where's Waldo? You had just Googled a picture of Waldo. Chief has your pause, James.

Chief is really engaged. Chief is woken up. Chief loves a grainy tittie. Well, guys, I hate to do this. Do you? No. I hate to do this, but. Before you do it, imagine a woman in a field

watering a monstera and a monstera plant. And one of the huge leaves is covered. I like that you keep looking at Bill for corroboration, like you both have seen this together. Is that why you both came on the show together? Are you just putting these out? We know we meet in the TikTok comments. Oh, god.

Makes sense. Well, look, guys, we. Should we just provide links in the show? I guess so, yeah, and the show notes will provide links to these. What are they called again? Always comment, teetings, gum-chew. Oh, boy, oh, whoa.

That's it. Clem just exploded. Yeah! I love it. Well, we are running out of time, unfortunately. We still have. Wait, really? Yeah, three hours for running out of time?

But we do have time for one final feature. That is, of course, a little something called plugs. Plugs. It's time to talk about your plugs. Talk about your plugs. Talk about plugs. It's time to talk about your plugs. Talk about your plugs.

Talk about plugs. You and me, everybody having a party. Talk about your plugs. Talk about your plugs. Talk about plugs. Yeah, that was plugs. Did somebody say plugs? I'm back, baby, but plugs.

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well. Whoa! I'm thinking about. That was plugs psych by Cole Play. Thank you to Cole Play for that wonderful plugs theme submission. If you have one, go to CBBworld.com slash plugs. All right, guys.

What do we plug in? Jason, what do you have to plug? Oh, I'll plug. Of course, the How Did This Get Made podcast. Of course. And I would love for everybody to please watch Star Trek Prodigy. Yes, you're great on that.

You play a skivvy Star Trek person. A skivvy Star Trek person. Yes. Wait, are you in Blackface? Oh, no. Nobody's in Blackface, so it doesn't matter. Yeah, on Paramount Plus, watch it all. Watch every episode or just maybe set it up

so that it auto plays the whole season. Boy, would I love that completion rate. Definitely. All right, Chief, what do you want to do? You have anything to plug? Yes. Download the Peacock app and watch Grand Crew, the full first season

and all of the second season. Yeah, that's right. Show's fantastic. Show is fantastic. Also, listen to XOXO, Gossip Kings. Yeah. Hey, Gossip Girl, watch podcast if you were. Yeah, did you hear that episode?

I did hear that episode. I had no idea what was happening. A woman commented, never have him on again. Oh, cool. You're welcome. Love they cool up. She hated it. I was gone for three hours, and then you were reading the news.

And also the flagrant ones. Oh, the flagrant ones, yeah. Well, hey, it's that important, John Clement. Did they drop the act? I still don't know. OK, good to know. Bill Walton, what do you want to plug? I suppose I'd rather live at the bottom of the ocean.

No, no, we're not doing what you rather. No, no, no. My mistake, I suppose, that you season or whatever it is that we're doing. Eat, Pray, Dunk, we're on the CBB World feed. That's where we just put out an episode a couple of weeks ago. That's right. I went to Spain.

You also did some Walton on Walton episodes where you put out a regular podcast for the NBA app, and then you did a commentary podcast for us, the CBB World. You did an after show, yeah. And also biggrandaywebsite.com, where you can get the new series for Big Grand Day exit 43, a bunch of little scenes in the same location. All right.

And picture twins, what do you want to plug? Big shit. I know there's a TV show on this Friday that people will want to see. Oh, yes, yes. The other two on HBO Max or Simply Max. Yeah, whatever it is now. Simply Max.

Simply Max. Simply Max. Go to your app store and type in Simply Max. Simply Max. Provided by SimplySafe. If you went to a TJ Max, could you see it there? Yes. Great.

Yeah. They're airing them over near like stacked up pans and stuff. Yeah. Just tons of nonstick pans. Yeah. They're not hangers. Yeah. Yeah.

So that's airing and. It's Friday, I believe. Is it this Friday? Yeah. I believe the season start. Does it say it's all going to come out at once or is this a week by week? I don't know a thing.

Wow. What? I think it's maybe two a week. Wow. Yeah, two a week. I will say, it sounds like you're wildly uninformed. I will say, I love this show. Show's fantastic.

Watch seasons one and two if you haven't. Yes. You can watch. So you can roll right. Leave it on auto play. And this is like a whole. Ken Marino. Marino.

Helena York. Brandon Scott Jones. Brandon Scott Jones. No way. Wanda Sykes. That's it. And it ends there. And also go to biggrindingwebsite.com and listen to exit 43.

What about you, Pearl? You want to plug something? Well, you forgot to give a shout out to Pig Carver. A shout out. I'd like to give a shout out to Pig Carver. He's really good in the other two. And you can watch jury duty on Amazon. You thought Max sounded weird.

What about freebie? Freebie. Freebie. So jury duty is the show. It's a real. It's a fake reality show where one person is in a reality show, but the rest of the people are fake. Sue Lee.

Scott. Very funny. Jimmy Marsden. Yeah. We've got a bunch of other people. Yes. Yeah. Ben Schwartz is mentioned.

Oh yeah. Yeah. I believe. Anniversary man. You want to plug something? Yes. Yes. I would like to plug something.

Some of the work of a gentleman I know named Will Hines. I'd like to plug to. Yeah. Everybody hates him. That guy does blackface. No. Will Hines really doesn't. Not even.

Not even mistaken for it. But you do. No. I don't. Neither me. So there's a way to differentiate anniversary man blackface. Will Hines. No.

No. Neither of us. That's like. One difference. There's a lot of differences including our very different vocal cadences. Will Hines. I say watch the Civil War episode of history of the world part two. There's two minds.

And only that. Only that episode. Also I believe grand crew. And grand crew. Yes. Second episode. Second season. You know, watch the whole thing, but really zoom in on that second episode.

Second season. There's all the episodes of both of those shows. Try to catch a nipple. But if you're. Yeah. Big shit twins are in history of the world too. And what are you watching? The same sketchy.

Yeah. Oh great. Let's watch the big shit twins there. And then my final plug would be to watch the Seth Meyers episode of the James Corden show for cameraman number two in the second. I saw this last night. It's good. Here we go.

That's my plugs and you're all going to die. After the library. Scott, anything you'd like to plug? Yeah. Well, look. I think the book came out and the reviews are rolling in and people are talking about how much they like it. And it's very gratifying.

A lot of people who have been on the show have written for the book. So I think people are really, Bill, you wrote an email for it, I believe. I think I wrote the forward for it. Not the forward, but you wrote an email that I put it towards the beginning of the book. Well, let's win for me. Hey, and then Jason, of course, you wrote a whole piece. I wrote the forward for it. No, no.

I put it in the middle of the book. Oh, okay. Cool. So I wrote the middle. Yep. Little in the middle. Little in the middle. What do you got much back?

Will Hines wrote a forward for it. No. No. He didn't? No. He did not. No. That's towards the end.

Oh, okay. Will Hines wrote a forward. But the book's out. You can still, of course, get it anywhere books are sold. Now, how are you feeling? Because this is last week. It came out and we've all been watching. How are you feeling about all the book burnings that are happening?

Great. The organized book burnings to get rid of this book. Yeah. Well, Kid Rock shot a bunch with an ARCT. Yeah, that's right. Grandpa's feeling a little frisky. He shot towards it and someone off camera actually shot the books. Incredible.

I was shot a few times there. Yeah. And you have eight hoofs there. I know. They're coming out all over the place. You'll be destined. I'm glad you all liked the book. And if you don't have it yet, please order it.

You can get it anywhere, but you can also get it at CBBworld.com slash book. And while you're at CBBworld.com, you can hear old episodes of this archived episodes as well as free episodes as well as things like Walton on Walton and the other CBB presents episodes, all sorts of stuff going down there. If you're only listening to CBB, you're only getting half the story. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. Doors are made for closing, so we take them up and shut them tight. And then doors are made for locking, so we take our key and make it right.

We're gonna turn around. We've been here for hours. We've been here for so long. This is your turn. Shut the fuck up. Four more segments and we're out. This song's too young already. What is this guy saying?

Be polite. Now you're like, is this what happened in the end? God. I should have missed. Maybe we can also record... Oh, this is the white lotus theme. Yeah, that was welcome to the white plug us by all pencils down. Thank you so much.

I love it. All pencils in my ear. Guys, I want to thank you so much. It's always great to celebrate anniversary episodes with the likes of you. Jason, so great to have you here. Congratulations, Scott. Thank you so much. And chief look, you know, what more needs to be said between us.

Thank you, Scott. And then of course, Bill Walton. I'm so gratified that you come by here for the special episodes. I really love having you. Scott Ockerman doing the outros. Oh, he's already moved on. And then the picture twins guys. I mean, I know Jason is your true father, but I feel like...

You're an uncle. I'm an uncle. Yes, you are. When we are cooked, come and eat us. I would love to. And then obviously anniversary. Actually, if you don't mind me interrupting it, I'd like to formally request a picture twin CBB world pilot.

I want to know what they're all about. CBB presents where we get it. Really? This never happens in the room. They don't tell you in the room. Thank you. Thank you. We'll do it. We'll do it in our pig language. I want 90 minutes.

Can we get a series order? Can we get a series order? Please, Uncle Pig Slop. I am really regretting this. Give it to him. Give it to us, Pig Slop. I'll give you some of wheat and other pigs. Yes.

I'll give you some other pigs. Thank you. And you can play us income pizza if you want. It's called the pizza. It's called the only snake eyes we're here. Anniversary man. Back. Did you mess up again?

I did. I walked down the block, got into the Uber. Got to say something crazy about Domino's. I choked him out. You killed him? He said, snake eyes is dice. Yeah, I said that too. Don't choke me up.

You did? I forgot. Anyway, I almost said ambassador man. No, anniversary man. Yes, a long time friend of the show. Look, we're going to the library now. Okay, and after that, you're all going to die. I don't look unless you're having dinner

and then we'll all go out for dinner and then maybe catch up on succession Oh wow, this is sad. You're not caught up on succession? I'm only two seasons behind. Why do you already have open table open? Are you making us a reservation? I'm thinking maybe you guys want to go to Jitlata.

Hang on, let me look here. You want to get Thai food? I love Thai food, good idea. They don't take reservations. Chief's already investigated that. Chief's picking. Alright, well we'll see. You'll all be dead, but maybe.

Okay, alright, well we'll see you next week then. Happy anniversary. Say goodbye to ButtCluck, man. Somebody say ButtCluck, man. See you next week. Bye.