Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - A Bit Of The Bigfoot Experience (Arturo Castro, Zeke Nicholson, Mike Castle)

Episode Date: October 5, 2026

Actor Arturo Castro talks about “Matchbox: The Movie,” being a non-union taste bud, and his penchant for interpretive dance. Then, European podcast host Klaus Schmidt connects the dots between science and comedy, while blurring the lines between where and when. Finally, radio host and conspiracy theorist Thandie Newman tells of his time spent among mythical creatures. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Comedy Bang Bang. Episode Number 9.8.7. Champagne for my real friends. Real pain for my friends, Pam and Shane, who are into S&M. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Hmm. Thank you to Scott's best friend. Oh, Scott's best friend. Thank you. Oh, my best friend, wrote a cashphrase submission. I'm so happy. Thank you so much. God, I, you know, I feel like we lost touch, but thank you so much for writing catchphrase submissions in.

And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another. edition. We are here in October. And first week in October, what a wonderful week to listen to Comedy Bang Bang for the first time. If this is your first time. Coming up on the show, we have a radio host. Wow, a radio host. And we also have a podcast host. Okay, so two hosts plus me doing what I'm trying to do.

Do you host anything, by the way? Yes. You do. Yeah, Saturday morning interpretive dance. Oh, okay. Yeah, over the Y. For Y. Yeah.

Do they just use Y now? Yeah, it's not a YMCA. We couldn't legally get that name. But man. So it's just young. Just. Yeah, so if you follow a sign that says young, you will find a group. Is it young or is it youth?

It's why young men's Christian something? Isn't it Christian? Yeah, it might be. Association. The A is always association. I stated one in New York when I first moved from Guatemala. And I was like, oh, this place ain't that bad. And then I realized they had communal showers.

And I was like, oh, okay, I get it now. The showers were the breaking point for you. Yeah, because you know you had this. Not the general cleanliness or hearing basketball games going on all the time. No, honestly, I just used it as like a hotel for like two days because that's all I could afford. And I'm like, oh yeah, it's fun. It is fun to stay at the YNC. It is.

But you know, it's just like there's a thing about in Guatemala we don't have the culture of like communal showers, not even in sports. So y'all really love being naked and asking a bunch of questions. You love it as much as it's like... No, you love it. You specifically told me before I walked in here, just so you know. At some point, I'm going to drop trow. Exactly. Get ready.

But it's, the problem is, you know, I know that they know where their towel is because it's on their shoulder. And it's just, people just want to have a conversation with me while... The conversation is the weird thing. I'm fine with the communal showers. Sure. If everyone is embarrassed and trying to get out of there as fast as possible. Eyes forward. And just going like, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for my body. But if. I'm tying my shoe and like your leg is up. Why are you tying your shoe in the shower? Well, this is right outside of the shower. Fucking weird. Well, I am never nude.

Yes. Oh, I see. But only with the shoes. That's what I'm staring at me. You're okay to be nude with the penis, but the feet. Yeah, that's why I find it so weird because I never take my clothes up. Interesting. Well, we'll introduce you in a second.

You know him as the host of interpretive dance at the Y on Saturdays here in Los Angeles. We first got to know him on Broad City. back in the 2000s. Is that when that show was on? That's right. It was the year of our lower 2000s. 2000s. We then got to see him with his with his own shows like Alternatino. Rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Yeah, it's a little hard for me to say, but easier for you to say. A great sketch show on Comedy Central. Also from Narcos. Easier for me to say. Because I am worse. Yes, of course. I remember you from Columbia. And weird, weird Al Yankovic movie, which we were both in together.

We both share that credit. We have no degrees of separation. And now he's in a very special project called Matchbox the Movie, which comes out on Apple TV this Friday. Please welcome Arturo Castro. Hi, guys. Thank you so much for having me. Can I adjust this for you so it can go down towards you? I feel like you don't know it comes towards you.

Sure. Is that better for you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, particularly the reach around. Because I was, yeah. Sorry to come up behind you while you were tying your shoe. Yeah, yeah. You didn't need to whisper in my ear when you fix my mic.

Fix your mic. Wait, who did you play in weird? I was cop who says something. Oh, yes, of course. Cop who says something. When he's young and I have no idea. Did someone get sought in half or something like that? I can't remember.

Probably. How did someone? Maybe a like CD across the tour? or so, perhaps? I don't remember. Something happened when he was young. Yes, yes, yes. His father's factory had somebody saw it happen.

What else. And I got there to the set right after Daniel Ragcliffe had left. Whoa. And everyone was bummed. Intentionally. Because he was such a delight to work with. Everyone's like, eh. Okay.

It sucks when you notice a part, like, that you're not the most like person at a party very evidently. I think mine was the last scene shot. I don't know. Could be. I don't know. Anyway, but fun stuff. We shared that credit. but now you're in Matchbox, the movie, and I am not in this movie.

Although, would it be so hard to edit me in at some point, you know? In fact, I will put in a call to Mr. Mattel. Is Mr. Mattel involved? Yes. He's that guy from the Barbie movie, right? Yes, I believe the L is silent, so it's Mr. Mate. Mate. Yeah, that's right.

He's Mr. Monte and it's really nice guy. I think it's matte because the paint on all the cars is just matte instead of gloss. That's true. That's true, yes. He is in the Norwegian, so I believe it's a nice. But whatever. Interesting. You also were in Roadhouse, which I saw, which you were great in.

Okay. So anyway, let's talk about Matchbox, the movie, because I hear about this and I go like, oh, wow, they're turning Matchbox cars. It's the Matchbox cars into a movie. Barbie worked. What the fuck do I know? Yeah. Go crazy.

Turn cars into a movie. Yeah. I watched the trailer for it. And tell us what the, what the, what the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, The basic premise is that we all, it was a group of friends that used to all play a matchbox cars together when they were kids. And then one of them moves away. We lose track of him for 30 years. And it turns out that he's become this super spy in these 30 years.

So he comes back to town and we all, by association, get caught up in this plot. Because you guys are, this is what I can tell from the trailer. You guys are having a night where you're catching up at a bar. Or drinking. Drinking. High contact. You all seem to be different ages, but, you know, what do I know? Hey, man.

You know, some of us have gotten better work than others. I don't know what you're talking about. And by that, I mean them. Yeah, my face falls apart. After 12 p.m. each day. Meanwhile, John Cena looks a good, 15 years younger than you. I'm only doing podcasts from now on, honestly. No, John Cena is like, he's, I mean, I have no idea how old he is, but he seems to be about.

32. Yeah. Really? He's done a lot. Interesting. Yeah, yeah. But we have Jessica. Beal, we have our friend Sam Richardson, and there's one more person. Tiana Paris.

Tiana Paris. And you guys are all friends, and you're all catching up at a bar, and then suddenly everyone realizes they've been drugged, and you guys wake up on a fucking crazy spy plane. Exactly. And the first thing that comes out of the person that kidnaps us mouth is, where's my nuclear bomb, right? So what I love about this movie, besides everything, is... that other than everything.

Every single thing. Honestly, it was just like the most fun movie I've ever worked on. But it's that I like the idea of ordinary people in extraordinary circumstances and like calling it out as it's happening. You know, like putting your, it's easier for me to relate to somebody that's kind of a geeky chemistry teacher that suddenly now has to run away from people shooting at them. And at one point you're riding a motorcycle and shooting a shotgun with one hand. Yes. Thank you for noticing. I don't want to spoil exactly what happens, but it's very funny.

But, I mean, yes, it's... I make love to the shotgun. You can find a hole in the shotgun. There's two as far as I'm concerned. It is a love story between me and this piece of metal. But yeah, it's, it's, it's, it is that sort of thing where it's like I was kind of, you know, I heard about the movie and I was like, okay, what, how to, first of all, how do they tie the brand into it? And I think they're mentioned three times in the Detroit. It's like, we used to play matchbox together.

Oh, it's every other line, we have to say. Yes. Yeah, yeah. So if you want to like say, like you're in the middle of a love story or love seeing, you're like, hey, I love matchbox. I love you. Oh, God, I love that orgasm. I want a cigarette. Where's my matchbox?

Oh, okay. So, yeah. So this is after I, this is after me in the shotgun to get together. I see. Yeah, yeah. So, but you know, honestly, and you watch it, but we don't really, you know, it's not one of these things where you're all the time. It's in your face about what it's.

But it's very funny because I was like, when I heard about the movie, I was like, okay, Matchbox, is it kids playing Matchbox for the movie or something? Or adults playing Matchbox? Or animation? Is it an animation? And then you see it and it's a full on big budget Fast and the Furious type movie. Yeah. Which I'm on record here as loving the Fast and Furious movies.

I don't understand why they have to take eight years in between coming out. Because the plot is complicated and complex. You know how long it takes to put a car in space and then bring a car in a space and then bring Back to Space. That is a good point. Come on now, man. But John Cena, he's in these Fast and Furious movies, and then he's like, fuck, this one's taking like eight years to finish.

Let me just go do this Matchbox movie. We got him on hiatus. Yes, we got him on a hiatus. It's incredible. And this is like a huge budget movie. It seems like. I mean, I don't know what the budget is. The people get, I mean, I didn't get paid for it.

But really? Yeah, yeah. I heard we're all doing it for copy credit and me own. Copy credit. Yeah, yeah. Exposure? I hope so. Oh, no.

Hopefully it'll leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they did put me up in the Y, so there was a lot of exposure. You were the Y because of this movie? Oh, no. Yeah, it is a big splashy. Honestly, you know, a lot of the things that you read on the script, you're like, oh, this will be CGI like a helicopter coming behind you while you're on a motorcycle and exposure's going around.

And then you show up on the day and they're like, all right, action. And then you start hearing, too, do, do, do, too, too, behind you're like, you don't know. You don't know. There's a helicopter till action? No. I didn't know. I mean, this is poor play. You've got to talk to the Sun coordinator.

I was aware that there was an. helicopter in play, but I wasn't aware that it was going to be in the scene with me, you see. And so, honestly, every day was one of these moments of like, oh, I don't think we can top this. This is so cool. And then the next day we would top it. Wow. We broke the world record for most flips in a car by almost double. So the last time was with a person in it. The last time was seven and this one was like 13 and a half.

Are you kidding me? It is. Because that's in the trailer, I think, where the kid throws the matchbox car. That's the one. and then it cuts to a cart like going over and over and over and over and that was not CGI. No, none of it.

I mean, maybe some exterior shots of the plane is CGII, but everything else is like practical effects. And you come from, I mean, you don't do exclusively comedy, but you come from comedy. Is it odd to you to be in that kind of a movie? I mean, you did Roadhouse where there's some stuff. Yeah, Narcos is a lot of action, yeah. Yeah, I mean, is it odd?

I think everything about doing this is kind of odd. So, I mean, it's awesome. Were you able to remember your lines? It was hard with the helicopter right behind me going to do, too, too, too, too. And the shotgun giving me that comitter look. But yeah, it was, you know, I, again, growing up, you have this idea of what your life will be. And you never thought to dream this big. Honestly, you're just kind of like, I think I'll start an action movie with John Sino.

I honestly thought I was going to be this like off-Broadway theater actor and like, smoke a bunch of cigarettes and talk like this. And, you know, I thought that was a dream. And then you gave up smoking. And then I gave up smoking. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, no, I need a new dream. I need a new thing.

Then Actress Equity Association, uh, which is the theater thing was kind of, uh, scenophobic about me being in there. And because I basically I booked a play and they're like, well, this plays for American actors. So you can't be in it. Oh, there were some sort of issues with that. It's changed now. But like, I had a work piece and everything.

But anyway. It's sort of what we're trying to say is fuck actors equity. Well, they're better now, whatever. They made their choice. The play was for a dude who was Central American and who was my age. I was like, hey, man. Aren't you supposed to cast? Hey, man, just quick question.

But whatever it is, it was a blessing in disguise because it, I was like, all right, well, if I can't do theater, what am I going to do? A couple years later, Brought City happened. So two years, though, where you're like, oh, shit, what am I going to do? Non-union commercials, dude. Like, you know, when I was on Narcos, we took a trip as a cast and everybody was sitting around a pool, trading horror stories of their early jobs. And one person was like, oh, my God, I had to do a soap opera.

And they flew me from New, you know, from New Zealand to America. And everybody was like, oh, my God, so embarrassing. The other person's like, okay, I'll admit it. I did two episodes of NCIS. Everybody's like, oh, my, I was like, hold my fucking beer, bro. I would love to do any of that. I was a taste butt in a commercial, man. I was a taste butt for a $400.

Yeah, basically they put me in this giant tongue and they said, spray paint in my face red and I acted like this stage stay spot and and I mean it was work to me so I don't know I thought I was rich as $600 but my first job on TV was a character called dishwasher Juan on the good wife oh which I'm like how many Juan's were there in that particular episode that you had to delineate dishwasher one yeah yeah yeah I bet what it was was it was just dishwasher yeah yeah yeah yeah and then they were like let's give him a name to attract a real actor yeah yeah yeah so all I'm saying is yeah I didn't I never imagined I would be in movies like this do you um when you're when you're when you're on the motorcycle I couldn't quite tell uh are you being pulled by something or are you on the actual motorcycle

writing it well you know when when when I first arrived the stunt uh the stunt coordinator was like hey let me see you ride at my motorcycle see how you're at that point I would be out I'd be like I did one lap and he's like cool you're never doing that again and so they have this rig that they use for mission impossible where basically the front wheel gets taken off and there's a dude with, it's attached to this tube. So there's a truck that's leading you and you're attached to this truck

and the guy has this wheel where he's like, you know, controlling your left to right. And so me and this guy got a lot of uninterrupted eye contact with each other. So we got really close. Are you strapped to it or are you, is it like a real motorcycle where you could fall off?

You could, I mean, at first, they strap me to it, you know, but then I couldn't really move around with it. But you're really safe. I mean, you're like, as safe as you would be in a motorcycle. Which is not at all. Okay, interesting. And then you and Sam Richardson are on the motorcycle together.

Oh, man. Talk about a funny dude, man. You know, I've been around funny people all my life, and Sam is up there with the funniest I've ever been around. Detroiters, great. I mean, you were Comedy Central friends for a while. Yeah, we're Comedy Central buddies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, you know, it was never, if you want, something to go by quickly get somebody really funny in your cast and everybody's it was hilarious I honestly think it's a it's some action comedies aren't that funny and I think this one is really really funny it's very funny in the trailer God I wish they'd set me the whole thing oh don't worry I have an interpretive dance that will oh okay it'll just explain the plot okay I appreciate people can see me right like this is yeah yeah this is the format where they're gonna go shoot do do do do do do the helicopter's back oh my He's making love to the shotgun.

I love you. Oh, wow. Not again. And that's the movie. So you don't need to watch it. Well, this is incredible. Matchbox the movie out on Apple TV, this Friday,

and they're doing really quality stuff over there. I mean, all you have to pay, it's like a $500 a month subscription for Apple TV. Is that what it is? Unless you use Cote Arturo Castro, then you get $495. Yeah, yeah. So space in between the words?

No, no, no, Arturo Castro, all lowercase. All lowercase. Except for the C. Okay. And that is what? Don't worry about it. You have to guess. Okay.

Oh my gosh. You have to, which one? Yeah, yeah. Well, this is fantastic. Matchbox, the movie. And my point of view on it was, once you get the first one out of the way for the sequels, like, you don't have to mention matchbox again, like, where it's like, you don't have to keep saying, like, we used to play matchbox.

There I say matchboxes. You know how long it took me to pronounce matchbox without getting, oh, there it is. There it is. Oh, you see? How do you have? Matcha box. Matcha box. Yeah, yeah.

So I've become this. This older Italian gentleman, they match a box. And so in order to get it to like sound normal, it was a lot. Now I want to say it all the time. Matchbox. Yeah. Well, I can't wait to watch this thing. It's coming up this Friday.

Can you stick around for the whole show because we have some incredible guests? Sure, sure. I'd love to. I'd love to. We have a, this is very exciting. We have a, we have a podcast host here. Do you, do you listen to a podcast? This is my first time.

You're first time listening to a podcast? It's happening, yeah. Your first time I'm listening to a podcast? podcast at all or one as it's happening. It's kind of mostly... It's a bit of a Caucasian sport is listening to podcasting. I don't like jogging.

I don't listen to podcasts. Yeah, yeah. You know, I'm going to start. Yeah, I'm going to start. Welcome to our world. The world of white people. I'm such a fan of yours and I can't wait to see what this podcast hosts. Okay, you're such a fan and yet you don't know the show.

All right, here we go. Let's introduce our next guest. He's a podcast host. I don't know of what podcast. Please welcome to the show, Klaus Schmidt. Hello, hello everybody My name is Klaus Schmidt I'm a podcast host

Hi, this is Arturo, this is me Hello, nice to meet you both Yeah, so nice to meet you Where are you from? I'm from Berlin, baby Berlin Yeah, the tore down the wall It's so fun now

Is it fun really? Yeah It was not fun before Were you there before? It was nice for me I liked it But you know How old are you?

How old are you? That is a very rude question To ask anybody But you were there before the wall was torn down. Yes, but I will not tell you how old I was. Do you remember this? Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall. Do you remember that? That wasn't about Berlin, but... Did you remember that? Sort of vaguely. That didn't happen in my country, right? No, that was Ronald Reagan. Oh, okay, yeah. How old are you? Uh, hmm, 29, so that was definitely before my...

Wow. Before I was born. You're doing great. Thank you so much. What podcast do you host? So I host the funniest podcast in all of Western Europe. It's called Comedy Boothbomb. Comedy Boothbom. I've heard of comedy. Is that the one where the theme song goes, Unz, Unz, Unz, Comedy Bufbaum. That's a story.

Yeah, such a big fan. Very good. Yes, it's so funny. You would love it so much. I mean, to be honest, it sounds a little like copyright infringement, but I'm not going to weigh in. Well, I mean, just the comedy and then the two B words, you know. Well, I might be older than you.

So maybe I started mine before you, Scott. When did you start your show? 1981. So definitely before the wall came down. But maybe this is a classic case of parallel sinking. I mean, not too parallel, but what's the format? Okay, so the format is we interview the funniest people in the entire world. Okay, so like last week, we had the guy who invented the bunkers that the soldiers were entering World War II.

It was so funny, Scott. He was telling us how he engineered the fun. War walls that were extra sick to protect from some missiles. Okay, I don't, I mean, this doesn't sound like the funniest people. It was so funny. I mean, maybe the funniest people in Berlin, but... The funniest people in the entire world, Scott.

We also interviewed the man who was responsible for creating the Volkswagen Tiguan. Is that a make of, or a model of the... Yes, it's a crossover SUV. And he's funny? He's so funny. What's so funny about it?

Oh my God. He was telling us about the fuel injection, the engineering. Okay. What was... The brake pads. It was so funny, Scott. The brake pads were funny. I'm just laughing, thinking about it.

Okay. I mean, this, I mean, it doesn't really sound like competition for my show necessarily. Because, you know, I have, like, Arturo here who was on Broad City, you know? This is like a real showbiz project. Interesting. Yeah, I got bad news for you. I did also design a Volkswagen. You did?

Yeah. Yeah, I didn't want to go into it. Oh, my God. It's about the fuel injection. Yes. Oh my God. It could not be more injected. Really? Yeah, yeah.

I was like, you think that's just like kind of an analogy or like, no. No, they really do have to inject fuel in the cars. They use little syringes to inject the fuel. Yeah, and they go, oopsie, see, oopsie, oopsie days. And what could be funnierce? Scott. Arturo, that's hilarious. That's right.

I guess. I mean, it sounds kind of boring to me, but I mean, maybe it's funny in Berlin. I don't know. Do you want to hear a joke, Scott? Yeah, I guess so. What did the one motor car say to the other motor car? See you on the Autobahn I don't even understand that

It's because you're American You're so crass No I know what the Autobahn is It's not because I'm American Speed is funny Which is my I'm very excited for your new movie So there's nothing better How's the engineering on some match parks cause

Oh my God, it's the most immaculate As an engineer myself of Volkswagen Little Hatchbacks I have not seen this engineering Since Mexico in 1972 Wow, that was a good year. That was a great year. Are you mainly interested in cars?

Perhaps. How much of the movie would you say is sort of dedicated to the exploration of the blueprints on the screen in detail? Oh, boy, I would say about 3%. Okay, that's a lot for a movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you know, we have to see Matchbox a lot. That sounds like every time you say matchbox. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for a 100-minute movie.

100%. So every time you see a matchbox, a blueprint comes out so you know what we're talking about. And would you say the movie? deals with chemistry at all? Oh, yeah. I'm a chemistry teacher in the movie. These sound like leading questions. They are.

Have you watched the movie? Oh, my God. That's where I know you from. You know everyone who watches your movie? Yeah, yeah. It's this new thing we're trying at Apple. We're watching you as you're watching us. It's very meta.

Oh, God, I've got to put tape over my screen. Yeah, well. Wait, so why are you so interested in cars and chemistry and... Well, no, I think I'm interested in comedy. But, you know, my sort of interpretation of comedy is maybe a little more academics than yours, Scott. It's not quite so crass. It's a little more elevated like we are in Western Europe.

Okay. So you're interested in blueprints? I'm interested in the irony that's created by science and surprise. Okay. Is there a portmanteau you could put those two together in? Cyprize. Not bad. Not, thanks for the setup. Surprints.

That was good. Wow, we're working together in concert like a finely tuned automobile. So give me example, though, what you're talking about. So... And stop talking about cars. Okay, wow. I didn't realize you could just sort of direct the guests.

Okay, fine. Well, I'll... So basically, like, you know how you have sort of H-2O? Water, yeah. Yeah. Some of my favorite particles, hydrogen. Yes. Two of those, oxygen. Oh, my God.

Oxygen, right. And so you've got you've got H-2-0. Yes. Now, imagine that H-2-0 dribbled down your shirt as you drank it. Okay. What could be funnier? The science is happening. So this is a dribble take, basically, but you're just saying what water is made of? But we're breaking down why it's funny. Here's the thing you need to understand. You didn't break down why it's funny. You broke down what goes into water. And I did that. I told you the chemistry element to it.

No, I told you it. Well, let's not get hung up in semantics, Scott. The point is, everybody knows that comedy is at its funniest when you break it down molecularly. Okay, well, what about a slipping on a banana peel? Okay. Break that down. So the banana is organic matter. Ha, ha, ha, what could be funnier? And then you have a coefficient of friction.

So when the organic matter combines with the friction, whoopsie, daisy, bing bum, you fall down. Okay, I mean, I think it's more about the situation that the person happens to be. And I connect more to the emotions of what's happening in the scene of like, oh, he's too big for his britches, he has high status, he slips on the banana peel and then is determined to be low status. This is such an American way to think about comedy. Comedy is

science at the end of the day. It's numbers, it's math. There's physics involved in this slipping too, correct? Exactly, gravity. I think everything falls at the same rate. Yes. A pound of feathers and a pound of shit. Well, one feather and one pound of shit would still fall

at the same rate. It doesn't have to be a pound. This is hilarious. This is like your podcast. Yes, yeah. By the way, who has a pound of shit? It's Western Europe, Scott. We've got a lot of shit from medieval times. Do you remember that? The restaurant?

No, no, the times, the era, the epoch. Yes, I do not remember that. So basically, you get really into the science of whatever. Yes. Like, what's another example? Do you have any more? Oh, my God. Well, okay, so you know the volcano, the little volcano,

where you put the vinegar inside and the baking powder? In a science project. It's a children's science. Boom. So funny. Hilarious. What could be funnier. I think you're just interested in science, my dude.

I don't think that's right. I think I want to be on Saturday night live. As a performer? No. You're just a podcast host. As a science professor. Ah, yes. I mean, honestly.

It's a niche that they don't have covered at the moment. I mean, would it hurt the show? Maybe not. Maybe not. I don't know. Perhaps it could be the same. professor every what? How often do you want to come out? I mean, ideally every single sketch.

And just explain what people just saw? Yes. People, if they're not learning, they're not laughing. That's what, that's the motto of my podcast. And break down the joke. Break down the joke. Explain it in detail and you are laughing bigger than you've ever laughed before. So that's, okay, no, I wasn't laughing. I was just saying, uh-huh.

But it's because Zalaf was working its way up from your belly. It worked it way out to where I actually said it. I said, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Wow. The greatest compliment a comedian can receive is someone saying that was funny. I did not say that, but okay. But you meant it so. Okay. Well, I mean, this is what you do on your podcast every single week? How did you start it?

How did I start it? Well, I was teaching at a small academy for girls and they said... An academy for small girls or a... It's a small academy for small girls. Okay. Meaning girls that happen to be small, but they're big for their age or they are small. for their age? Well, the building is small. The building is small. Yes. But the girls are full size? No, the girls are also small. Okay. What could be funny? Small for their age,

though? You're hung up on the age component. I just wonder if these are like 25-year-old girls who happen to be small. Okay. Well, yes. Oh, no, they're children. They're children. They're children. Most of them. But they're not small for their age. They could be small for the age. But it runs the gamut. It runs the gamut. It runs the gamut. I'm glad we worked that out.

They're five to seven years old. And the building is very small. Okay. Why are they between five and seven? Because that is the age that I was assigned. Okay. Yes. By the government.

By the government. Okay. Yes. We do not get to choose our professions where I am from. Oh, no. Really? Or the wall, yes. Wow.

So you were assigned to teach small girls in a small school. Mm-hmm. Do you have to stoop over when you teach? Yes, because I am very tall. As you can see from this here, it's a studio. Yes. I bonged my head. as I walked in, but it was not funny.

Well, I mean, I didn't think it was funny. I actually thought there might be a lawsuit. Oh, yes. But you seem to be okay. I'm okay, but it was not funny. Injury is not funny. You Americans love to watch someone fall over and bongs ahead. That's not funny because I don't understand the science behind it.

Well, what about America's Funniest Home Videos, aka AFV, where, you know, people are constantly getting hit in the, we call them testicles over here, or deez nuts. Do you know what we call? America's funniest home videos in my country. What's that? The news. That's what you watch for it.

Honestly, sounds pretty fun. That's what we call it. The news. That's how boring it is. It's boring to you. Watching people get hit in the nuts. Not funny. What if I were to do it to you,

but you'd hear like scah music playing while I did it? It depends. What would that sound like? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. The nuts. Interesting. If you can incorporate the scientific components,

into it, maybe I will laugh. Well, I mean, why did they bounce off you? Why did they bounce off? Yeah, why did, why did that ball that I threw bounce off your testicles? So, I mean, it seems like they have a lot of give. You're saying that my rubber balls, I'll stop there. Thank you so much. Sure.

Anyway, so I was teaching small girls. It's a small school. And I said, I need a hobby. I'm so bored. What can I do? I'm going to start a podcast. And I didn't listen to yours. That's not where I got the idea, Scott.

I swear to God. You started in 1981 before podcasts were invented. Right. And, I mean, you were a pioneer. Yes. And I'm not a time traveler. Don't accuse me of that. Don't.

You know, you just saying that makes me now really wonder if you're a time traveler. How many time travelers would you say over the years you've had on this show just out of curiosity? I mean, 20, 25, somewhere like that. There's the one guy who kept doing a Groundhog Day kind of situation. Yes. But, I mean, so we've had our share. but you're not a guy who figured out, who listened to my podcast,

figured out the format and then decided to travel back in time and start your own in 1981. That could be, but the science behind that would be amazing. Because you're just a scientist is what I'm seeing and, you know, I wouldn't put it past you to have created a time machine. But I am a scientist who wants to be funny so badly, Scott. Let me tell you something. You're not. What? I'm not funny?

No. Here's another joke. Okay. What did the... What's the graduated cylinder say to the Bunsen burner? Sit on my face. That doesn't even make... I mean, it doesn't make sense in this country.

I doubt it makes sense in your country. Oh my God. All my Berlin friends are laughing so hard right now in the club. I don't know. I mean, Arturo, you're... Bergheim, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They got in.

I mean the word... Bonson burner? What is it? Bonson burner? Oh, that's a funny word. Thank you. Yeah, yeah. That's funny.

I mean, yeah, words are sometimes funny, I guess. I'm more of a guy Like you gotta put him in an order that You know Interesting But order is scientific Scientific classification I mean I guess when you put it that way

Comedians sort of are scientists Good I'm turning you Scott You're coming around to my point of view Yeah There's a mass to the whole thing Yeah Set up plus punchline equals joke Yes

It's all mass Tragedy plus time equals comedy Right Yeah interesting Okay so maybe you're of the series. Okay. Or as we say in Germany,

the rule of the einzvai, the rule of the dries. The rule of the dries. Yes, of course. I think I've heard of it. Yes. Well, I mean, look, time traveler or no,

you're a very interesting person. Thank you. I'm having a great time. This is so fun. If you were a time traveler, why go back to 1981 and then toil away. Yes. On a podcast,

you know. Wait for like 20 years for podcasts. It seems like, yeah. The Soviet Union at the time. time, you know? Yeah. I'm not saying that maybe the clock on my machine was broken and I overshot it by like 20 years. I'm not saying that, Scott. So you were smart enough to create a

time machine, but you were not smart enough to put in a clock that was actually correct. No. And you wanted to go back to 2001 then? That's a great year. A lot of good things happened. I see, I see, I see. Yeah, early in the years. Early fall, 2001. All right. I don't know. I don't know, Klaus. Look, uh, we have to take a break. Can you stick around? I can stick around. I'm learning so much. Okay. Yeah. I want you to learn about comedy because I worry you don't, you have a tenuous grasp on it at best. Okay. I'm here. We're going to talk to a radio host when we come back. So you guys might have a lot in common here. Perhaps we know each other. Yeah, that would be great.

We're going to come right back with more Klaus Schmidt and more Arturo Castro. We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang! We're back, Arturo, of Matchbox, the movie, comes out this Friday on Apple TV. Beep-Ber-B-B-B-B-B-B-R. Yes, that is, was that your horn? Yeah, I bring my own sound machine every time Matchbox is mentioned. Get close to that mic. Well, I didn't want to yell.

Be-b-b-b-b-b-b-r-r. Go ahead. yell as loud as you want in the mic. Another one. We, the best music, you see? See? I didn't want to do that. No, it sounds good. And then you brought out Maynard Pippold.

We are the best music. We, Jake. Your inner pit bull What's going on with pit bull these days? Mr. Worldwide seems to be just, you know what? He's probably sipping on a but light lime right now being like, Dallie, d'allie, you know, listening to this podcast being like, that was a good air horn.

You ever seen those pictures of Pitbull before he like figured out his look? No. I don't even know what he looks like. Very funny. Oh my goodness. We try to find some full, full hair pit bull? Yeah, Pit bull pictures before and after. Okay.

No, that's pit bull puppy pictures. God damn, damn. I can't find this. Anyway, I'll try to find it on our next break. We also have Klaus Schmidt here, who's a podcast host, and you've been trying to figure out, you've been scribbling down, you've been beautiful minding where you're seeing numbers and stuff. And what have you been working on during the break? The equation for the ultimate comedy is coming into a line.

The ultimate comedy? Yes. By the end of this podcast, I will make you all laugh harder than you've ever laughed in your entire lives. Whoa. That sounds pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds kind of a threat. A little, too.

A single joke will blow your mind. We'll make you quit comedy because you'll never top that joke. Whoa. I'm looking forward to this. Let's do it. And we do need to get to our next guest. Pardon me if I'm distracted, but I'm just looking for this pit bull picture. Mr. 305.

Part of the problem with this is, honestly, is that he has the name of dogs, which are really cute. And there's a ton of pit bull pictures. That guy just looks like he's always just done with a really satisfying meal. You know what I mean? Like, people just seems like everything's good. What do you think about this? Too sexy. It's still too sexy, but.

I think so. It's a black and white photograph. Yeah, it's my 1981 is it? I'll try to find a good. That's the year I went back to. So now you're just admitting your time travel. What? I mean, sorry, that's the year I started my podcast.

Did your time machine not work anywhere? Why don't you go somewhere else? Go somewhere else or go somewhere else? What the fuck up? You and your time travelers with your fucking always changing where to when. I hate it. They did that on Lost all the time. Stop it.

I've never seen that show. You've never seen Lost? No. Oh my God. Should I start? I mean, it seems impossible that you time traveled all the way. Where did you come from, by the way? What year did you start in?

You're asking the wrong question. It's when did I come from? That's what I asked. I think you said where? I said, what year did you? Interesting. We said what, not when, I see. All right.

Look, we have to introduce our next guest. He's a radio host. All right, finally some calming ground with me, not these dumb time traveler bullshit. Please welcome to the show, Thandi Newman. Hello, Scott. I'm positively chuffed to be here. Okay. Now, I do have a bit of an amendment.

I would not describe myself as a radio host. Yes, my podcast is on radio one, but it's actually technically. Radio 4. My podcast is called, I probably shouldn't say this, but. I probably shouldn't say this, but. Let me just get this out of the way. Are you a time traveler? No, sir, I am not a try. No, no, no. But I may be. I look into all sorts of conspiracies and I never land on an answer. Okay. Your show one more time, I should, I probably shouldn't say this, but. I probably shouldn't say this, but. But, okay, so what, this is your investigating conspiracies? Yes, I look into conspiracies. I do my research via, Have you heard of chat GPT?

I have. You're doing all your research using chat. It tells me I sort of feed into it what I'm interested in and it tells me all sorts of stuff. And I go through that. And that's how I decide what I'm interested in and what the truth is. Oh, okay. Wow. Interesting.

Does your podcast title have the three suspensive dots at the end? That's correct. That's correct. Nice. I shouldn't say this. But what's a thing that you've said in the past that you probably should not have said? Well, I suppose I could get right into it. conspiracy perhaps I mean you've been on the show for now three minutes and you haven't talked

about one yet if you wouldn't mind when you say get right into it but you start with a catchphrase what what do you guys know about bigfoot well i mean hairy lives in oregon sure i mean big feet would be sure sure one with a bullet have you heard the conspiracy about bigfoot being people dressed up as bigfoot who are actually looking for bigfoot trying to find a big foot big groups of people all under the same misapprehension that they are around other bigfoots, but all of them are actually people dressed as bigfoot's tricking themselves.

So a different, not a group who go there together, but just... They all happen upon one another while searching for the real thing. The snake eating its own tail, I see what you're saying. Yes, it's something along those lines. And I did a little bit of time among them.

Okay. You lived as a big footer? I lived as a big footer. That's correct. And they're very kind people. Really? Very kind, very understanding. And they each, each person, and here's what was magnificent to me about the bigfoot people.

Each of them has developed their own big foot language. And so we're all around one another and we're all speaking our own personal bigfoot language. We did this for six months. Oh, what was your bigfoot language? It was sort of like this. Oh. Pretty good. What does that mean?

What does that mean? I was just, hello, nice to meet you. How are you? Forgive. I don't know about you guys. I understood that. You followed, correct? The way that your tone was.

You just might be a big foot. Wait a minute. I understood the essence of what you're saying. There is something just intuitive about Bigfoot speak. Why don't you, you can go ahead and get that. Ria. Ria. I think that's right.

From south of the border. Yeah, yeah. The rolled ours. Well, well, if you think about it, it was a little bit, I was aiming for, hey, watch out. Hey, watch out. I noted a bit of a bit of it. I noted a bit of panic in the town. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Nothing more alarming than a world are. And you, Klaus? Sure. I'm cool. Bestu cool. Yeah, logo, yeah. You're just speaking German. So that was Bigfoot.

It could work. It could work. So you're there for six months. You're living as a Bigfoot amongst other Bigfoot. Yes. Do they know you're not a Bigfoot? Well, that's the question we're all asking ourselves, I think, because certainly I know I'm not a Bigfoot. Sure.

But there were days where I wasn't sure. Really? So you were in there for six months and you started to think you were big foot. At a certain point, yeah, I began to think in Bigfoot and, of course, we're all shitting out in the wild and we're, you know. Are you doing that? How are you doing it? Because you're wearing a Bigfoot costume. Is it a flap in the back? There's a flapping into the costume and trying to wash the way. No, no, no, no. Come on. Disgusting. No, we shit right out the back. Just normal. Does anyone then see the flap coming out of the, you know, a lot of us would all see that with one another and just think, he's got it too.

we're all a big foot then and you begin to really believe it what does if I may ask a question what is a group of big feet called just big foot okay so they don't have like a murder of Crohn's yeah yeah we never I mean I guess in big foot

parlance it would be a br-oh bosboh does I say that right? Yes very good Scott very good and daring I must say okay what about that's highly offensive that is honestly I'm so sorry I really think that should be be edited out. I would not be

comfortable with that. I did not. I did not get that. I did not get that. I did not be this guy, but even I know that. I beg your pardon. I'm just, you know, I'm learning. I'm learning. May I ask a follow-up question? Yes. So if... You can ask a regular question. I don't give a shit if it's a follow-up. It must be related to the previous one because that's how comedy works. It's got to build on itself like mass. So did you ever at any point, you know, hypothetically speaking, travel, once you became a part of a society where you did not initially begin, say, You know, you were born in 2065, and you went back to 1981, and you find yourself sort of integrated into this community and thinking like, oh, wow, I've married a woman now, and I'm like sort of having a kid.

I never set out for this. Did that happen to you? I had a family, yes. You did. Yes, yes. In six months, you gained a family. Were you like a step, big foot? Yes, there was a missing, a distant, an absence.

He was a foot who stepped up. What do we think of this picture of Pitbull, by the way? Oh, d'all. He had not quite figured it out That's very true I don't know There's one where he's really I gotta find this one

He looks way more tan there than he Ever has when I've seen him Yeah that's a good point So who's this family You found a big foot And this is a woman pretending To be a Bigfoot or a man who knows A Bigfoot really doesn't say

Oh you try not to say someone Pretending That's kind of offensive But wearing a Bigfoot costume Presumably yes Unless of course I won the jackpot and it was a real Bigfoot.

And there's no real way to know. There must be a chance as well that like Bigfooters, right? Their birth rate is different than what we understand. So six months, maybe there can be a litter. Yeah, a litter. That's right. Oh, yes. And you go through all sorts of mental psychosis in the experience of sort of convincing yourself,

you're one of them. So I've convinced myself of all sorts of things. How did you have sex with the other Bigfoot? Did you open a flap up in the back? Front flap. No, no, no. A flap is for both of us. That's what we call it.

In humans, too, the front-flamp. Oh, yeah, some of us. Yes, I see. Interesting. So you were able to do that, and then there were children? They're what I perceive to have been children, yes, but it could have been, for example, a small man, just as a big foot. I can't say for sure. But I will tell you what.

One thing that really stayed with me for quite some time was a rather tragic event. One morning I woke up and the whole pod was gone. No. Your lovely spouse? And even the strangers, the more tushier. very bigfoots. They were all gone. Everyone who was like they all knew to go and then suddenly I wake up alone. I'm sort of like, am I not a big foot anymore? Wow. Sorry, not to be a sad guy, but just before I asked you if there was like a term for

like a group of bigfeiture, you said no. And then you just said pod. Right when I said it, I knew that there was going to be a call out. Okay? I was just, it was shorthand. It wasn't something we all discussed. Okay. I apologize. Comedy is about specificity. Yes. And calling out. Scientific specificity and categorization. I apologize. So I probably shouldn't say this, but did you feel alone when the pod was gone? It was a very humbling experience. I was literally alone, yes, but it was sort of, it was, it was as if you, it's as if,

you ever fallen to sleep at a party and you wake up the next morning and you sort of, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Oh, I get my best naps at all sorts of parties. I'm not a very social person. I get very exhausted in a room full of people and I begin to look for a place. If you got really drunk, you would say, like, hey, can I go, pass out of the couch or whatever. And you wake up in the morning and everyone's going about their day and you sort of go like, what have I done? This was sort of like that.

I woke up and suddenly I was like, I'm not a big foot. Really? It took the loss of your family to realize. And the tertiary characters as well, recall. Who are the tertiary characters? You know, just as tall, big foot, he's got blondeish hair, you know, because the people, they style themselves differently. So there's all sorts where you kind of go like, well, that one doesn't really look like it. but it's fine.

And why do you think they were all gone? Did you ever find out? A British tabloid once referred to me as the most annoying man in the UK. And a part of me wonders if that carried over into my experience as a Bigfoot. If they began to see in me what the cruel people in the UK have said about. Why would they say so? I mean, look, I mean, everyone's a little bit annoying and you're maybe, you know, exceptionally so. But I wouldn't say you're the most annoying person.

Chris Morgan lives in the UK. I will admit, I will admit, I got a little crazy about a certain conspiracy back in the UK and people, they really turned on me as a result. Which conspiracy? Well, it has to do with, have you heard of Waymo? Sure, yes, the cars that drive themselves. I believe that they are all sentient. Please sit down. I'm sorry.

She's quite tall, he's quite tall. You bumped your head again. Oh, it's not. Not funny. Don't laugh. Continue. I believe that the Waymos became sentient, almost right away, but that they are plagued by a sort of suicidal depression. I don't know if you've seen the way they drive. But I think they wish to die.

And the people in the UK became quite perturbed by this. And I was sort of cancelled for saying. So British people are really protective. They love their Waymoes over there. Still, I don't know why you would be the most annoying man in the UK. It was because of the way. The way I go, Waymo! Waymo.

And that's how I would start all my segments about the Waymo. Yeah, that's pretty annoying. You can go ahead and try and say it if you each would like to give it a shot. I mean Waymo. No, your most annoying way. Go on, Scott. I don't even know. I can't even do it as annoying as you. Waymo.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Waymo. Very good. It's like a slim gym the way you're doing it. And what about you, Klaus? Is it waymo. I found that actually oddly offensive. You grabbed a mic and set it into that.

Yes. I've got a follow-up question. Oh. What do you call a group of Waymo's? So it sounded like a joke, but I'm not sitting. I don't know what is genuinely asking. I suppose I should say a murder, right? That seems that it could.

Or a fleet, perhaps? Oh, that's nice. I would like to amend my answer. Like, moes? Like, you know, affectionately. A moose of a moose, you know? Interesting. So you think, were you saying the word Waymo as a Bigfoot?

I mean, I don't understand why anyone would think that you were that annoying as a Bigfoot. I think it was just that sometimes. I think it was just that sometimes, and perhaps this is just specific to me, that there is something inside of a person that is permanently broken, no matter what group you managed to get into. And I think I tried to run away from a certain element of myself, but I wasn't able to run far enough. Let's dig deep.

What happened to you that makes you this way, do you think? Well, I have a few things that come directly to mind. Would you prefer a story about my parents, or would you prefer a story about Tandy Newton? Tendiway The actress Tandyway No Tandy Tandy Tandy

Yes well Tendiway is what she's called now Yes We grew up together as a matter of fact Yes it was Thandy and Tandy And we had a bit of a pretty Unbelievable falling out That I probably really should not get into

On the set of the film Mission Impossible 2 Have you heard of this one? I mean I agree Yeah All the masks The masks No it's pre

Oh Fallout No no no Pre pre it's in Australia You may recall They have the masks? Are you talking about the mask? No, no, no. When they have the mask with the little voice.

When his hair was long? That's correct. With the war. The laser mask, was that that one? That would be in the more fallout area. I see. You're talking about rogue nation? No, no.

But it is the one with... Ghost protocol. No. But essentially what happened was this. She and I had been best friends since childhood. We grew up in Westminster together. And we also share a birthday. But we've been having a bit of a falling out,

the more and more sort of successful she was becoming. Why is that? You were jealous? I was a little bit jealous and... I mean, were you an actor? No, no, but... So what are you jealous?

Well, as a four-year-old, I was voted cutest boy in the UK. Which I think would eventually lead to most ago. I are tracking... My life out of that is correct. So much voting in the UK because you were so cute as a baby and they thought you had just ruined your promise?

I have read that theory, yes. I have read that theory. So what happened? Long story short, I really probably shouldn't say this, but I snuck onto a little plug for the pod, BBC Radio 4, but I snuck onto this set of Mission Impossible 2 to surprise her. Okay. And in my excitement to surprise her,

I inadvertently stepped on Tom Cruise. Stepped on him? Step on what part of his body is. I squished him. You squished Tom? You killed Tom Cruise? He did not, no. They were able to re-indiging him.

Rehydrate him? Yes, there was a whole process I understood through tears as she told me about it later but it took three days and it added I guess four weeks to production and we kind of never spoke again I tried when she got on Westworld but by then it was it was all too late because of the way my thing

Just sounds like an accident four weeks It's not a long time to like reanimate a person Although I think that it was there was something else that it was really about And I think she was looking for a reason For us to not be friends anymore Yeah with the cutest boy in It may have been jealousy on her end

It's hard to say I don't think so. Probably, almost certainly not. The more you talk, the more I get the annoying. Way, Mao! That's not helping at all. It doesn't help at all. It doesn't.

And sometimes it just comes right out of me. Gotta say, the chat GPT of it all hasn't really come up all that much with you. No, it's just, well, I'll tell you what, I use it for my research on you, Scott. I know all sorts of little tidbits about you. Okay, well, tell you what, we're going to take a break. When we come back on the other side, I want to hear these tidbits about it. Sure. Okay.

You did research on me? Almost exclusively. I'm going to do research on you. Okay? And we'll have a tidbit off. Great. Okay. Sounds good to you.

I'm excited about that, Scott. All right. We're going to take a break when we come back. Yes, research is the funniest thing that is. Oh, Klaus. Uh-oh. We're going to have more from Thandi Newman. Yes.

I have a question about that when we come back to. More Klaus Schmidt, more Arturo cassero. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang, bang. We're back. And we're about to have a tidbit off. Everyone knows what that means. If you're coming into the show in the middle of it, why are you starting a podcast in the middle of the podcast?

It doesn't really make sense. But we're about to have a tidbit off. And before we get into that with Thandi Newman, so you and Tandy, now Tandyway Newman, grew up together. That's correct. But you had similar names? Similar names, yes, yes. Was that a coincidence? I suppose it would have to be a coincidence.

I mean, what else could it have been, that our parents were friends and that they did it to fuck with me or something? I mean, perhaps, perhaps. Are you related to Randy Newman? Or that's just a sort of rhyming coincidence. No, but this is actually a rather interesting point, and I'm glad it's come up. My son is named Randy. Okay, so you're in a relationship. No, no, no, son from a, just a one-night stand.

And this is not the Bigfoot son. No, I never saw him again. So you're raw-dogging in your one-night stance? It was all accidental, but I'd really rather not get into it. Who is it? Bro, we got it. First of all, who was it, and what's your body count, bro? My body count is...

Is this that kind of podcast? Oh, yeah. I'm going to go around the table. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. The litter is just perked up. They're like, oh, yeah. My son... Well, my...

Obviously, I had my big foot child, which could very well have been an adult man who was very small and so forth and so on, yes. And then my other son, Randy Newman, who is no relation, of course, to the fame singer. I love L.A.S. Right. You've got a friend in me. Complete accident. I just love the name Randy always did.

And when she came to me and told me that she was pregnant and we decided that we were keeping it. I said, I have one request. I would like to be in his life and I would love for him to be called Randy. And she said that's two. Technically, we got a new whole argument. But she did honor the Randy of it all. And the last name part of it, too. Yeah.

True. I never thought that. That was very kind of her. So the expression that you felt before making love, Randy. Randy. That's interesting. That's correct. That's why you like that made so much.

And on the end of parenthood, you became a new man. Oh, I mean, that baby was a new man. That's right. Close to a jump, Klaus. Almost that was the closest you've done. I'm dialing. The equation is coming to fruition. So, okay, so are you still in your son's life?

Well, I would, I honestly, you're not. Yeah, sounds like. So you asked to be in your son's life. And you would abandon it? No, I shall say that he is perhaps my greatest tormentor. I probably shouldn't say that. But what does that mean? He's a bit of a bully.

He's quite large. And he really does seem to find me quite annoying. Okay. And so at any time that we ever see each other, he just, he goes right ahead and he beats the shit out of me. How old is he? He's 21 years old. 21 years old. Yes.

Okay. So you had... To the day. Oh, my. Oh, shit. Oh, is his birthday? Uh-oh. Yes.

No, that's fine. That's, I'll just call him up afterwards. I suppose I'll endure that. Yeah. Okay. So, uh, you were... I was about to hit you with some facts about you that I looked to, No, I'm just, I'm doing math.

I'm trying to figure out when you had sex. So, 2004? That sounds correct. That sounds correct, yes. Scott was doing math. Actually, 2005 at the beginning of the year. Okay. Yes, I'm not really a math.

January. Well, do you remember what was going on while you were having sex? Like in the world? In the news? Hmm. You know how we all keep track as guys of what's going on in the news while you're having... Take us back. Take us back.

I want to say that Mission Impossible 2 had probably just kind of. come out around that time, I want to say. Oh, no, no. Ghost Protocol. It's more of a 2000-era movie. 2004 is what we're talking about, correct? I mean, it was pretty close. No.

No, he's looking it up. Oh, God. Mission Impossible 2 is 2000. That's hard. That's actually very hard for me to hear. I can't believe it's been that long, frankly. Yeah. So why would you even connect it to when you were having sex?

Mission Impossible 2 coming out? I guess just because we brought it up and so it's sort of in the air a little bit. I'm sort of reliving, crushing Tom Cruise, and I'm seeing all that. Let me ask you this. Yes. When you were having sex, did you look to the TV and did you see George W. Bush being reelected doing his inauguration for a second term? It was actually the news where the man threw the shoe at him. Actually, I looked at the television and a man was throwing a shoe at George Bush.

Okay. Almost at the exact moment of my five months. Cause the arousal. I see. Or not the arousal, but the finishing. That's correct. Okay, that was in 2008. Wow. Well, I think, look, Klaus, in December of 2008.

Klaus, is time linear. Tell me this. No, time is like a cave. It falls in on itself. There's another time traveler. I knew this was going to happen. Oh, no. No, I said it's possible.

I said it's possible. You're a time traveler, dude. I don't believe I am. I believe that I am, I am wherever I am at that moment. because honestly your son would be if you had sex on December 2008 your son if his birthday truly is today it would be then 17 years old

is that right? I do no no no no no no 2009 18 would be the amount of numbers in the podcast is so you did this you did this clause we're never going to talk about it anything chemistry or science lady 17 right 17 Let's see.

17 years old, because 2006 to 2009 would be 17 years old, yes. 2026 to 2000. But you said 2008. Eight was when he was conceived. Oh, I thought he was born in 2008 when I said he's 21. You were incorrect. So slightly, it sounds to me as though you're sort of taking his side and trying to bully me a little bit. Is that correct?

I mean, I don't think it's bullying to say facts. Are facts bullying? No, is there a comedy. In some context, I think some facts could be bullying. Sometimes a little bit if it gets in the way. way of a pet theory, for example. I'm just saying, what were the circumstances of you having sex that night? It was just a one-night stand.

It was just... Yeah, but how did you guys get together? What is her story? Well, her story, I guess so. We were both waiting for the bus. It's December 14th. Yes, it's cold. I recall it being quite cold.

And we're waiting for the bus. And at that time, I was still sort of not quite the most annoying man in the UK, no longer the most beautiful baby. But I... Somewhere in between. I had a little bit of an in-between period then. And I think I said something along the lines of, I could come back to your place. And in those days, that worked.

That was all that it took. Were you guys talking perhaps about the bus crash in Egypt that happened on that date, resulting in the deaths of 57 people? As I recall now, yes. I seem to recall that we were discussing that. You just knew that off the time. You guys were really up with the Middle East news. We were paying attention to it quite a bit at that time. Were you also talking about the anniversary of our first president, George.

Washington's death? The general himself. On December 14th, yes. We must have been. You were just calling him the general. In the UK, we refer to him as the general. The ferry Meijon capsized in the Northern Philippines,

of course, that day. Coulos. Caring 28 people. I'm just wondering if you recall any of these events at that time. I wasn't there. Is that what you're implying? Yes.

I was around, but I wasn't there. Okay. Listen, I have a question. Is it a follow? It's not a follow-up question. It's a new line of query. When were you? Jesus Christ, Klaus.

When were I? Yes. Or what was I? Oh, man. Oh, wait a minute. Beating out his own bullshit. Interesting. Interesting.

Wow. Okay, so look, all of this is happening. And you invite her back to your place? I invite her back to her place. You invite yourself to her place. It sounded like her to her place. I said if you're going there and if you would remind me also being there, would you mind if you come along. It was a bit of a wordplay trickaroo and but it at those times that was all it

it was well this is pre me too you could do a little trickeroo. The old trickeroo. Exactly right. It was called the trickle-roo back then. It was a trick-eroo in the UK. It would be considered. Now it is not so good. Now it is not so good. But that it was just a simple three. 2008. Yes. Many many children were conceived via trick-a-roo. I would be willing to put my reputation on that. Okay. And what is her story? What, I mean... We don't really speak anymore, but she... Have you heard of the Iron Lady? The, I mean, I've heard of the movie, which is about... Yeah, she worked on the Iron Lady. That was the last thing that we had really talked about. As a PA or... At the time, I think she was doing some sort of sound mixing, I recall, but we really...

I mean, I must say the movie sounded excellent. Oh, very clear dialogue. So iron. I know. I know. It's very... She claims to not keep tabs on me, but I would bet you almost... anything she's listening to this podcast. Yeah, I mean, you're a deadbeat dad, so I would imagine. She's trying to track you down. I see what you're saying, yes. I'm trying to track you down right now to see if you called him for his birthday. Well, I will, and I do certainly intend to.

Did you come to the U.S. in order to escape paying any sort of child support? Not in order to. And are you pretending that he's 21 so that you don't have to pay child support? That's an interesting theory, actually. You gaslighting him into thinking he's older. That's quite interesting, Scott. You may have uncovered something. Are you right now undercover in a group of podcasters to see how we live from inside?

Oh, yeah. These are all, I wouldn't call these conspiracy theories, but they are interesting and they do smell a little of conspiracy, I must say, which means perhaps, yes. All right, well, let's get to this tidbit off now that we know a little bit about it. Well, now that I know you're going to be doing all this math and everything, I'm a little bit worried to do my tidbits. Okay. Well, I knew, for example, that you were born in the year 2006? Of course, yes, because I'm 29 years old. Wait, that doesn't even make sense.

Don't do the math unless Klaus, if you must. It's funny. It's 20. I learned that you are a professional dancer of some kind? I mean, professional? No. I mean, it hallucinates, as they say. But it's interesting things.

I mean, I have danced at a few weddings. You know. Nickname Big Daddy. Ah, yes. That's this podcast. Big Daddy podcast used to me. I see. And you used to host.

call her daddy as well, I believe. I mean, I don't think so. No, okay, well then look, maybe we shouldn't have a tidbit off. Especially since I'm not doing any tidbits. I thought I would do my top five and you would do your top five. I wasn't sure. Who are you, Chris Rock? Oh, that's a good point.

I would love to have been Chris Rock. I must say. He had a movie called Top Five. If I could go undercover in a part of people who all believe that they were Chris Rock, that could be fun. That could be, although I would hate to be slapped. No, right. That's correct.

This is comedy, you see, Klaus. Okay, yes. Current events. This is more data I'm inputing. That was an amazing event. Can you believe that the slap the herd around the world? Will Smith. I feel like Chapch, GPD is hallucinating our lives these days.

I don't pay for the full fancy one. I do whatever GPT1, whatever the very first model is. So there is all sorts of hiccups in the code, I suppose. Yeah, interesting. What about, do you have any tidbits about me? Well, I'm just looking up your bio here. I mean, the award for cutest kid when you were four years old is here. And they had to rip that one out of my hands when I turned seven years old.

I'll tell you that. Yeah, I mean, it is an award that they award every three years. It's like a Stanley Cup trophies is only one. You do quite a bit of touring, giving the sort of speaking events as a child when you were a very cute child. So you wanted it until you were 10. You thought, but... I thought I'd earned it. I really do.

And then, of course, there is the most annoying person in the UK. But you've won a lot of other awards here. Yes. It seems to me you won most English person in England. In England, that's right. I was up against the spice girls. Oh, all of them. Kind of a shock win, I must say.

I did not expect it, and my speech went viral for all the wrong reasons. Oh, no. What happened? Well, I basically inadvertently started roasting the spice girls. Roasting the spice girls. Usually you put spice on a roast. Klaus? Interesting.

If you tell me one of the roasts, I will tell you if it's good comedy or not. I said she doesn't look like a baby That's good I like that That's maybe That's good That's a little bit That was good That was really funny

Thank you okay Thank you But it seems like you But it seems like you also won most legs Most legs, that's correct Yes How many legs do you actually have? Just the two

But it's the way I move them Well honestly you shared that award With everyone else That's right I was the only one there To accept the award And sometimes that's All it takes.

I'm seeing here you won an MTV Movie Award. That's correct. What is that? I had a... The popcorn bucket? I had a hand in writing the film Corky Romano. I don't know if you guys saw that, but it's... I got an award for that.

Seminole. That's correct. A hand in it. Great, great friend of mine. Really? Yes. They based some of the Catan... Like how annoying he was?

On you? Mind me. Yes, that's exactly right. How fast he moved his legs. That's correct. Yes. The movement of the legs, the annoyance and so forth. The fact that he had two legs. Yes, that was how they initially called me in, yes.

Get me the two-legged one on the phone. You know who? That's right. Interesting. And it seems like you were nominated for a Clio, which is the advertising awards? That is correct. But then they stripped that one away because I essentially was just, it was a monologue that John Hamm had given in the, in the, in the, is it a film or is it a television show, Mad Men? You don't even know what it is.

I had never, I just saw this scene and I loved it. And so I gave you an award for that? Until they learned that I had ripped it off, essentially. I had been acting as though I had this great big pitch for Detroit Steel, but then, of course, a little bit of Internet research, and they figured out it was from the show and that it was said the 1960s. Where I'm from, Mad Men is more of a book of speculative fiction. Okay, so, wait, are you a dimension hopper?

What? No, where I'm from, there's no TV show. This is no movie. It's only a book of speculative fiction. I'm trying to deter. Do you mean Burlington? or do you mean on your particular dimension? It's not where I'm from.

It's where not. Oh, God. I mean, look, you're a very interesting guy. You seem to be up for awards every single year. You can just submit and submit and submit over and over again. And eventually you can get just about any of them, yes. Yeah. Interesting.

Well, I mean... Oh, it's all about submitting. Ah, yes. But where do you come up with the money to submit? Because it usually is you have to pay a little money. I had mentioned this earlier. I probably really shouldn't. get into this, but I have wealthy parents.

Ah, yeah. How wealthy. They all lose respect for me when I say this. They're pretty wealthy. Of a steel fortune or what is that? Where does their fortune come from? How do they make their money? That's a great question. Almost certainly something bad.

I can admit that no problem at all. It's certainly something in the West Indies or something like slave traders or I would, I don't know. Possibly blood diamonds. A combination of both? It's old money, but it was raised just by my mom. All the money is a bad kind. They should burn all money when people die.

I'll tell you, the way I actually sort of my mind opened up to the world of conspiracy theory is actually related in no small way to my parents. My mother was extremely wealthy. And so, of course, I was raised in the laptop of luxury, as it were. But I never knew my father. But there was a portrait of a man over our mantle growing up. And I would always look at this man and think, that must be my dad.

But I never asked anyone about it and I just privately held this thought. Eventually I learned that that man was John Belushi from a little film called Animal House, I suppose. The prop portrait from Animal House? Apparently my mother had loved the film and it had nothing at all

to do with my father who I don't even know who he was. But right then I started realizing how much we leap to these conclusions based on the things around us. And I thought maybe everything is not true. Did you not, I mean, it's interesting to, okay, I've been looking at this portrait, I don't know my father, let me do a podcast about conspiracies, but what about the fact that

you're repeating the patterns that your father did with you? I mean, he left you alone, you're leaving your son alone, he rod-dogged your mom, you rod-dogged your son's mom. I would prefer to talk about something else. I have a follow-up question. Follow-up to what I was asking. It's sort of related to the whole enterprise. What year were you born? When year was I born? Shit. Okay, when year was...

When year were you born? I was born the year 1965. In Westminster? That's correct. Oh my. Why? Oh my.

What? What are you working on over there? That equation is quite long. What? Are you his... No, no. I wasn't there. Are you his father?

I wasn't when. Wait a minute. Wait a... Now I see the resemblance. No, no. Wait, this is... And my son is quite... quite tall is when.

This is maybe why your father disappeared. He's a time traveler. He wasn't around because he wasn't around when? Good, good, yes. God, maybe the clock on his machine was broken and he worked every single day to get back to you. So he started a comedy podcast, the funniest podcast ever was. But it wasn't enough. Do you remember what day that you were having sex with his mom?

September 11th. Of 1964? Yes. Whoa. The funniest day of the year Wow You think you're my papa So the Beatles were performing their historic first concert in the American Deep South

Yes, that is why I was so horny Yeah, you know, that makes sense Oh my God, I'm so proud of what you've become It's so exciting, wow Except you're older than me now, isn't that weird? It's quite strange the way that time travel works Have you seen the television show dark? Yes, I have, it's very German

Really up your alley, yes, exactly. You guys could talk about that after the show. Yeah, sorry about that, sorry about that. I mean, it's more important that this is your father who's younger than you. And here we are. We find one another on my son's birthday. Yes, wow. It's as if it is all part of some great cosmic joke.

Interesting, yes, yes. Joke. Wow, joke. Your passion book podcasts must have been inherited. That's right. It's a dominant recessive gene. Yes, podcasting is on the elias. Do you have a proclivity for teaching little girls of little stature and little schools?

Yes, but only between the ages of five and say seven. Oh my God. You have so much in common. Wait a minute. My beautiful boy. You're both annoying. Yes, yes. Scott, I don't want to be someone to points a finger, but you also have a proclivity for podcasting.

Maybe you're one of us. I don't think I've had sex with your mom or your grandmother. I don't know how it works. Arturo, I don't know who your mom is. I haven't had sex with any of your guys as a mom. Unless they're a shotgun. Unless it's in the future.

Wait a minute. Yes, it's happening. Yeah, wait a minute. Or not yet. So what did you start? You started in 1940s or so? What year did I start doing what? I don't know.

Birth? I was born in 1985. Okay, and then you went back. Oh, okay. So you went back in time just to have sex with his mom? I lived to 2065 and then I took a serum to get younger and since I went back in time. This is a combination of time machine

and a serum? It's the future. Anything is possible. Okay, this is too complicated. Only for you. It's my lived experience. Wait, was there a wish from a genie involved? No magic, only science.

I don't do magic. Magic is stupid. All right. I see, I see. Well, guys, I'm so glad that we could bring you together. Does this heal any of the wounds that you have? It's quite healing. I must tell you, there is something activating in my brain right now

that is making me quite worried that tomorrow I'll wake up and be all alone. Oh, it's your Bigfoot experience. It's a bit of the Bigfoot experience. Are you going to Bigfoot him? I promise I will not Bigfoot him, and maybe after this we could go and have lunch at Carver and get to know each other. Perhaps the term for a group of Bigfoot's is a family.

Guys. Wow. That was so moving. Are you saying that you want him to be a Bigfoot now? Because I don't know if you're interested in that, Klaus. Well, I've got a front flap. Oh. Stop showing it to us.

No, no, no, that is a very sexual conversation. We see it right where it is. Yeah, yeah. You have to put it closer. Okay. Well, I mean, maybe you could time travel with him. Like, does your machine fit two people? Yes, it's a two-seat. Comfortably?

Comfortably. It's German engineering. Of course it's comfortable. So, yeah, maybe you guys could traverse through the time stream. I think I would quite like that. We can go find conspiracy series throughout time. This actually sounds like a good idea for a TV show or something. It's where you just go to different decades implanted.

conspiracy theories and then you make them come true. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. And it's a 60-year-old guy and a 40-year-old dad. My father. With youth serum in the first three episodes, they're established. If I could get some of that youth serum and go back to being a beautiful little boy, that would be amazing for me. We'll see. Okay. And there's no... Be withholding. That's good. And there's no magic, only science. And it's so funny. Okay. I mean, all right. This sounds like a good project. If you want to I mean, look, Arturo, you were here for it.

Do you want to be executive producers together? I just want the audition. Do you want my interpretive dance now? You've got it. I would take a bit of an interpretive dance. Podcast smoothie. Whoa. Okay.

And every three minutes. I don't know that that's going to be popular at all. Well, guys, we are running out of time, unfortunately. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plugs. I like CBF. somebody getting to me please I need something to

help me get on to I guess thinking of plugs ties it all together like a run When it happens It's magic It's manic looking forward to it all day I guess to get a seat out

to sit down And listen to the plug Ooh very nice That was dancing in the plug bag by Fatty Maddie Thank you Fatty Maddie If you have a plugs theme Head over to CBBWorld.com

Slugs You can upload your themes there As well as find everything you need for the remixes for the closing of the plug bags theme and guys what do we plug in Arturo obviously Matchbox the movie this Friday You can do that right in the mic sure

Matchbox matchbox wrap You do the matchbox rap in the movie? Yeah we do the matchbox rap Yeah it's an interlude It's a musical interlude the last 15 minutes within the movie And this I mean it looks like a good time This is right up my alley It looks like the Fast and Furious movies

Which I dearly love But with comedy in them Really funny people Very funny people. John's seen doing cool stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It looks really good.

Thanks. What else is going on? Anything else you want to plug? Yeah. Well, I did this really dark drama with Michelle Williams and... Which Michelle Williams? The Jones. Just the...

Not the Destiny's Child one. The influencer. The Influencer. Not the Destiny's Child one, but the actress one. She actually is the influencer and the Destiny's Child person. Oh, okay. No, it's her in Daisy Edgar Jones, which I don't know if you ever seen perform, but holy moly. Yeah.

I was in the middle of... you know, a scene, and I was like, wow, you guys should really do this for a living. You're really good. So that's called a place in hell. I hope you didn't say that during the scene. I told them, right? Yeah, I told them. I was like, cut.

First of all, look me in the eye. You've got something, kid. You got the stuff, kid. Yeah, you got the goods. What is that called? When's it come out? A place in hell, December. A place in hell by neon, the company.

Wow. Which doesn't have neon lights in their office, ironically. Yeah, that seems weird. Right? Don't like that. All right. Clough Schmidt, what do you want to plug? Let's see.

I will plug a little show on the Disney Plus called The Marvel's Wonder Man. Just a great show. Check it out. You know, recently canceled, so get in while the getting is good. Probably the best of their TV shows. Although I love She Hulk with our good friend Tat, you know, obviously, who told me the other day that they're cutting all of her scenes out of Secret Wars now. Interesting. That she killed Deadpool, but because she announced it on this show,

She kills Deadpool in the movie. Because she announced it, they cut out all of her scenes. So now Deadpool dies from Thor, I guess. Thor kills them or something. It's very serious about the secrecy. Yeah, they are serious about the secrecy. That was a great show, but I love Wonder Man. Thank you.

It's so good. Thank you. Yeah, check it out if you got it. All right, very good. And Fandy Newman, what do you want to plug? Two things. One is just an idea that I would love for someone to run away with, which is the... We're plugging ideas now?

This is the plug. Well, it's related specifically to hair plugs. I was thinking if they're going to do the neurolink, they should make it via hair plugs. Put some little hair plugs in there. Two and one. Yeah. John Cena got all those plugs.

He like famously did it. Who hasn't really? Yeah. Yeah. Have you been to, where do you get them now? Turkey. Turkey. That's right.

Yes. And then a little indie film called I hate myself and I want to die, which comes out October 6th. This Friday is, oh, wait, October 6th would be next week. Is that right? You're more. of the figure out the math on the fly guy that i am well october fourth i have a personal connection to and i happen to no yeah that's a sunday so yeah okay so tuesday no i'm sorry it comes out tomorrow is october six is really when it comes out i i believe so i'm almost certain of it i'm almost oh vod oh yes yes yes yes yes yes i hate myself and i want to die that's correct yes no no sorry i'm oh you're just thinking out loud oh okay sorry i yeah what's the name of your movie sorry no no it's the name of your movie sorry no it's i It's actually coincidentally and perhaps conspiratorily, it's what you just said.

Wait a minute. And who's in this movie? Meredith Salinger, Andre Highland, Ali Gallo, Mike Castle, and... Mike Castle, that's the guy who... I know him because I do a podcast with his wife. And he's the guy when he proposed to her said Castle takes queen. That's correct. That's correct.

That's the only thing I know about him. Nice. Hell yeah. The entire chess community just went. You fucking love that shit. Yeah. Well, that's fantastic. I hate myself and I want to die out on VOD tomorrow.

I want to plug. Okay, we have one final. This is the big announcement. We have the final date in the Comedy Bang Bang Ground Beefing Tour. The final date we added one last show in San Diego. December 12th. Okay, so December 12th is the final show we're going to do for a long while and if ever. And this is going to be a big show because it's right near L.A.

And so we're going to get a bunch of the L.A. people to go down to do it. Saturday, December 12th is the show. It goes on sale this week. The pre-sale begins this week with the code beefing. Beefing is the code. And the public on sale is on Friday. and at 10 a.m. Pacific time. And this is going to be a special show.

This is going to be the last one. And we're going to be having a great time doing it. And if you want to see our other ones there this week, Tuesday, we have a show in Huntington, New York, over by Long Island. And then Wednesday, the seventh, we have Boston Medford. And then Thursday, the 8th, we're in Troy, New York. So those are our last four shows we're doing. but the San Diego one goes on sale this week, the pre-sale code beefing.

So, you know, come out and see us. When was the December day again? December 12th. Wait a minute. That's suspiciously close to the anniversary of you having sex with that woman from the bus stop, wasn't it? God.

This is all Klaus's design. He's been working on this. It's all connected. This is the podcast. It's very close two days earlier. But close. But so close. Pretty close.

Yeah, interesting. Pretty close. It's two. Pretty close. Wait a minute. Oh. What is this banana on the floor? No.

Oh, no. Okay, let me go check on him while we close up the old plug bag. Malice. Okay, that was every sound in This Is You by Rain Dubs. Thanks so much to Rain Dubs. And Artura, are you okay? You slipped on the floor on the banana peel that I left on the floor. Is everything all right?

Honestly, thankfully, Claus had laid down a pool of fuel injection. Oh, thank God for the few. Fuel injection. And how it coagulates. But I am very flammable at the moment. So hopefully that does not turn it to a matchbox. Oh.

Arturo, your front flap has stayed open, actually. Yeah, do you mind about me? Yes. And Klaus Schmidt, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me, Scott. I really learned a lot about comedy and a lot about science. And I'm excited to implement it in my show when I get back to the Western Europe. Okay.

And then you, you know, obviously Thandi Newman, you, both of you are going and traveling throughout time now together. Where's the first place you think you'll go? One, two, three, ancient Rome. Pretty close. Not bad.

You guys need to get on the same page. I want to be a young little boy first and then I'll get on the same page with him. Right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye.