Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - A Coy Boy and a Soy Boy (Tatiana Maslany, Tawny Newsome, Carl Tart)

Episode Date: January 12, 2026

Returning guests Tatiana Maslany and Tawny Newsome are here with behind-the-scenes stories from “Star Trek: Starfleet Academy.” Soul legend Barry White applies his deep, silky voice to a whole new genre of performing. Then we have first-time guest The Hollywood Sign! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

I was thinking bang bang, comedy bang bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. I was thinking, well, yes, this is a crazy salad, but apparently it's pronounced caprazy. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Mr. Prattfall. Submitted January 1st, 2026. This year we're only doing new catchphrase submissions. I think recently I was taking them all the way back from four years ago or three years or so ago. We're only doing new ones this time.

I'm erasing all of the older ones. So get them in early and often this year. And thank you to Mr. Prattfall for that one. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. We have an exceptional show. We have two actors of note.

We also have an incredible multi-Grammy award winning, I'm guessing now, but multi-platinum, I'm also guessing at that. Singer-songwriter will be coming up a little later. We also have a Hollywood icon will be here. So this is incredible. I mean, we're sort of backloading the show with those incredible guests, and then we're going to have two actors of note here up at the top in A block. So let's talk to them.

They are two of the forces behind the new television series, streaming series, Star Trek, Starfleet Academy. You know her as the voice and also persona in that one live action crossover episode they did. of the character Mariner from Star Trek Upper Decker and

You got the street names and no house numbers You know Grand Mariner did anyone call her? Grand Marnier. She

then parlayed that incredible role into a role in the writer's room of this new show. She's

said, why do I want to be the center of attention? Let me write for other people. We'll talk to her about that. And then she is the Emmy Award winning actor who appeared in the television show, Orphan Black, and then she went on to appear in She-Hulk. She'll be starring in the upcoming Avengers Doom Day, where she kills Deadpool. Um, please welcome Tani Newsom and Tatiana Maslani. The Tudis. The Tudis. Here we are.

This is just like when Facts of Life went to France. Tudy was there. They went to France? Sure. On a vacation? Why wouldn't they? Why? That's the thing.

You watch Facts of Life and you're like, why are you sticking around this dumb old school? Right. You got to go to Paris, the city d'Amou for the fact of life. Because it's about sex, right? Yeah. That whole show was about. The whole show is we're going to show you how to do sex. Did any of them ever actually complete that task and actually do sex?

I feel like there must have been one special episode where one of them, like Natalie. No, they all held off coming. So no one completed. They just gooned the entire time? It was an edging. It was a goon cave, that whole show. I mean, watching rerun to that puts it in a whole new perspective. Wow. Welcome back to the show, guys.

You both have been on the show several times. Tony, you've been on for the Star Trek, uh, uh, uh, upper deck. show and then Star Tune cartoon. Tart you start tune cartoon and you've been here for many many years you're an old friend of the show since even when you were doing

I believe even when you were doing the Orphan Black show you came on yeah oh yeah We were fans and then we were frowns frowns and you guys are working together finally on this Star Trek So many long hours together Yeah we just had a lot of days on set Just staring into each other's face

Working it out. I'd be like, Tani, we got a cut. We got a cut. I'd be like, let's wrap. I need a punch up on. You're just a writer. No, no, no, I mean, like, let's wrap together. Let's series wrap.

Series wrap. Let's series wrap the whole thing at StarFresh. Yeah. Tell me about this show because it is in the Star Trek universe. I'm assuming, although I guess you could call something Star Trek and have it not be part of Star Trek, right? I mean, that's what they claim we're doing all the time. That's what the Internet says we do. No, but.

This is, it's Star Trek in name and in words. Name, words, and personage. Yeah, it really is. This is a, is it wrong to call it a spin-off? It is, I mean, it's in the universe that, that discovery. I mean, Scott, every show is a spinoff from the original series, you know what I mean? That is true. They're all just spinoffs.

Is Captain Kirk in this one? He's not in this one. God damn it! He's busy. He's in the other one. He's in Strange New Worlds. Oh, yeah, he is in that one, isn't he? That's right.

And this one is set in the far-flung future. Yeah, yeah, the 32nd century. 30-second century. Try not to sound so bored when you're talking about it, Tony. No, I'm trying to sound sultry and like, like alluring. I think sultry and bored are so close together. Oh, man, it's so, it's just, yes. I'm in.

30 seconds. All right, make it sound sexy. Oh, baby. Sexy to you? Yeah. Baby. Let's have a sex baby. Let's goon.

No, no. This is a Y.A. show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Y.A stands for young adult. This concerns a bunch of students at a new Starfleet Academy. Yes, 120 years from the original San Francisco Academy. This is what I read on the website today.

Is that correct? It's after the burn. So in canon, there was an event called the burn where every ship in the quadrant in the galaxy maybe that had a dilithium core basically exploded. So a bunch of people died, a bunch of ship burnt out. Federation decimated. And everyone said, no more Federation because they're the ones who got us into this burn mess in the first place. Not quite, but, you know, they did.

That's what I would have said. They were just like, there's not a lot of us around. And then the campus closed down. So now this is the first time the San Francisco campus is reopening in 120 years. So I would imagine episode one. starts with a shot of the campus gates and it says closed for good. There's a big sign on it. And then they take a crowbar and they pry it off.

A janitor comes up. Yeah. He's between sweeps. Yep. Well, he's there to make sure even though it's closed, it's got to be clean. And no one notified him. He's like, get out of here.

This place is closed. Don't you know that? There ain't been a federation here for millions of years. Right. And then that's when your character shows up and goes, Not anymore, Bucco. Yeah. Shoot them in head.

open, shoots him in the head. Not on stun. Fasers on kill. She leaves. We never see her again in the show. She turns into a liquid and sleeps in a bucket for 16 hours. She's new Odo. Yeah. Wow. We're really not supposed to drop all these spoilers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's okay. This show, I mean, look, no one listens to this show, so you can do spoilers. No, nothing we've ever said on this show has ever become an article in the real world. And no one has ever asked me about it consistently. Oh, I can't wait. I can't wait for everything we say on here to become a screen rant or a.

Now, when I audition for this janitor role. You did audition. We all saw the tape. Yeah, they passed it around. Okay, yeah. Well, I decided. You saw the tape, right? I saw the tape.

I decided to do it in the nude because I was like, I don't know what space people wear, so you can just put whatever you want on me and post. It was good because then they can, yeah, they could just AI your outfit on it. Exactly. So I'm glad you guys saw it. You thought your body was like a green screen. Not to quote John Mayer. There's a green screen.

You also knew that for a YA show, your body was going to get you that job. Absolutely. You were sweeping with your peen was wild. That was a crazy choice. I can understand why I didn't get it, but I understand. But now, Taney, this is the show. I've been talking to you for a number of years about this show. Oh, yeah.

You have catapulted from being in front of the camera to being behind the camera, to being behind the camera. Yeah. Did you ever, were you ever on set and you're like, well, we just turn that camera around

and you just turn it around pointing towards you. I mean, unironically, yes, every time I've been there, I've been like, why am I not just go over there? What am I doing back here?

What am I doing? But you're... She goes to setting costume every day. Yeah, just in case. Yeah. Oh, you guys need this? Did you ever, like, were you ever pitching

in the writer's room saying like, but what if Mariner, like, happened to just drop by Yeah, just catapult a thousand years into the future. Let her just show up. Let her show up. Come up with some dumb science fiction reason to do it, you know?

My favorite were the fans that were speculating, like, oh, maybe Mariner can go to Starfleet Academy. And I was like, I am a middle-aged woman. I don't need to be at school. You can play 12. She's going for her master's. Yeah, right. They get Sigourney Weaver and Avatar you. So what?

Say that name again. Sigurney? Like a gurney? Sigourney Weaver of alien fame. Sure. She plays a little 12-year-old in Avatar. She could do that to you. She does?

I hate to break it to you, tap. It's so annoying because there's so many 12-year-olds who are like trying to get work in this town. I know, and they give it to an older actress. Speak on it. Gosh, I know so many 12-year-olds just trying to get their break. It's a terrible situation. But anyway, you were on the other show where you were, the lead along with Hollywood's good boy, Jack Quaid,

who by the way, just reviewed Shane Godzilla on Scott, hasn't seen, available at CBB World now. But you were on that show, and then you did a crossover episode with Strange New Worlds, if I'm correct, and they were so, this is what I read, they were so impressed with your improvisation, the art of improvisation,

that they said, let's get you in the writer's room. And I would have thought it would have been like, oh, we're so impressed with her improvisation. Let's build another show around her. But no, they said, let's get you behind the camera. They said, hey, all those gems you're dropping for funnies? What if you sat in a room and did it? If you pitched them and people said, no, we don't get it. Too broad.

I would imagine, because you're a huge Star Trek fan. We've discussed this many times. You've given me your, we have a text chain. Yes, all your screeners. And you're always like, don't you have Paramount Plus? I was like, no, I need these on videotape. But you've given me on the text chain, your picks for best episodes, all this kind of stuff. You have a deep, deep knowledge of Star Trek.

And so I would imagine the improv that you were doing had a lot of references to old episodes. I mean, we just mentioned, what's his name who sleeps in the bucket, Odo or whatever? Odo. Odo. Come on. He's my favorite. Oh, my God. You know, she just finished a Deep Space Nine watch three.

Really? You got all the way through it. I went deep on space nine. Yeah, I, I binged it and Tony was my dula throughout that process. I think I tapped out in season five. I need to get back in. No, no. Even listen to this. That's insane. I know. This is your favorite show you were Tony. And no one taps out and see. It doesn't get worse. It gets. Tapping out in season one, I get. No. No, I enjoyed it too. I was watching it chronologically concurrently with Voyager as well. So I was doing, I was even like, you know, the air date. I would basically like. go back and forth. So I'd watch a couple in a row of DS9 if there was reruns going on in Voyager and stuff like that. And it just became too overwhelming to me. And Kool-Up would make fun of me any time I would turn it on. So I felt like I was back in high school.

Yeah. I mean, watching Deep Face 9 and Voyager back-to-back in chronological order as though it's 1993 is not going to like impress wives. I like that it was like chronological for the year. Yeah. Not for the show. Not necessarily. No, I think they were going on. at the same time. They were just in different dimensions.

Yeah, but it wasn't like you were like watching like, and then this story loops into that one. Sometimes stuff would, uh, because, because, uh, I was doing it with, with, uh, TNG as well along with D. And those would cross over occasionally. Well, the end of TNG, uh, Deep Space Nine started Eric. Who cares? Who cares? Fine, fine, fine. Anyway. So you're, uh, so they said, they said write down all that shit, put it in a final draft document. We'll pay you for it. And some of it will show up on the screen.

And this is your first foray into the writer's room, is it not? Yeah, I've written sketch, but no narrative. Yeah, incredible. And is maybe a certain golden woman with wings holding a globe in your future? Who is that? The Emmys, of course. Do you think that you'll win an Emmy for? Your child?

Spelled differently. Oh, you're right. Sorry, I forgot. You did name your kid after the award, right? I was thinking this today. No, she's spelled differently. Scott named it after. I didn't even name, by the way, I was told what her name was going to be.

By whom? You'll never believe this. Angel Gabriel. But the same woman who bullied me for watching Star Trek. Okay, I was just making sure, like, you know, it wasn't the Angel Gabriel or something voice. No, no, just one day she told me what her full name was going to be. And I said, oh, okay. Emerald Fennell Occerman.

That's right. I love it. So you had a good time, or you? Yeah, why not? Yeah. Sure, it's great. There was a writer's strike. We stopped for a while.

Then we came back. We kept writing it. Love that. I love it when a job stops and you have to wait several months to go back to it and not get paid. Well, it was nice to know we had a job to go back to. But yeah, we wrote the first season. We wrote the second season. They're filming in the second season now.

Everything is crazy. I love it. And this stars Holly Hunter. Sure does. Yeah. Yeah. And Paul Giomati. Paul Giomati is the villain in season one I'm reading.

You have read that. Mm-hmm. And then we have Tatiana, who plays... A mom. She's so much cooler than that. She's so much cooler than that. So wait, so your character has had sex. At least once?

Yeah. She had one time and then popped out a baby. Never again. She said, never. Not. Then I have it. No. Yeah.

She has a child in space. Space child. Space child. You got to watch the first episode. You gotta watch it. A lot happens. How many episodes are you in? She can't say that.

Sorry, I just. How many episodes are there? Shut up. Tony's holding my NDA and pointing out right now. How many episodes are there? 10. 10. And what percentage of episodes are you in?

We can't. We can't. 10. Let's change the line of questioning. All right. Let's bring it back to Avengers Doomsday. From Streck to Shrek. We did start calling it.

From Shrek to Shrek. We called Shrek. We call Shrek. in the house. We call Star Trek. Strek. Okay. So you've been on several episodes before where we've talked about how you were fired.

What was it? You were fired from Deadpool. I feel an article coming. It came and it went. Yeah, it's already out there. It's out there. I already got. Tatiana accidentally spilled the beans on an episode before.

You were in the Deadpool movie. You got fired by Ryan Reynolds. You sued him. He didn't like the two scenes that I was doing. Got it. that I did. So he fired me and then I got litigious. Because that's what Jen Walters

does. Right. I was just in character. I was still in character because... Never fire someone who plays a lawyer. That's right. Because they know what to do next. That's exactly. They've learned from the lawyer. So you took him to court. I took Disney to court and Ryan Reynolds. Wow. You, by the way, your alias was Justin Baldoni, right?

Just. Isn't his name? In court? Oh, I was thinking never mind. I was thinking so Totally different. Yes, it was. But anyway, all that's behind you, you guys settled. You guys settled.

You're back in Avengers' Dunes Day. Well, nope. Now, Disney has approached me to play Chee-Hulk again. Guys, I said no. What? What happened? Wow. Because I just did.

This is what, this is the facts. They're out there. You can read the articles about it. Tell us what happened. I just, I was really mad at them for, for, letting me sue them for kicking me out of the movie. I was just mad.

I was just general. They took Ryan Reynolds side on the movie. Woke feminist stuff. You were upset at them trying to shove the woke agenda down on our throats. I was mad, yeah, honestly. With your casting? Yeah, exactly.

I was like, how dare you cast a woman in this role? That's disgusting. I'm embarrassed to even be here. So they came to you want you to be the star of Doomsday? They really wanted me to be a Doomsday of Vendry.

style. And you just had you flat turned them down. I said, turn them down. He said, no, I'm in Star Trek now. That's right. Wow. Yeah. This is crazy. And does it, and this is the first, first time this is coming out. This is the first time you're No, this came out. This came out already. Yeah. I'm confirming it. I'm confirming it here. Yeah. I didn't know you turned it down. We maybe should have put you in more episodes. You put me in a lot of episodes. Oh, right. 75%. Maybe not many. Maybe we should have put you in none. Maybe Tani worked really hard to not have me in the show. Have they ever done a show where they say, and starring, and then they put a person in who just never appears in the show.

I mean, Julian Moore died really quick in children of men. Oh, actually, that's true. She did die real quick in that. Remember that? That's a spoiler for children of men. Oh, sorry. 15-year-old movie.

I actually did try to write your character a lot of, like, not jokes, but just like, because, like, her character, you know, she's going through something. But I wanted, like, the wit and the weirdness that I know about you. And so I would try and stick stuff in the time and every now and then I would just get back to the showrunner like what are you doing

that's not what this is back to a day to be even more uh under duress yeah I think even if I was like slightly light on the day they were like can you be crying we know that you're not crying in the scene but can you just like can you make it sound like this is a crying rule and then when I saw I'm a mother what do you think of course I saw the pilot and I was like oh yeah my joke about mustaches wouldn't have really that wasn't really the tone that wasn't like that was What was the joke about mustaches? It's a spoiler, but I'll tell you later. Okay, I can't wait.

I really just wanted you to like just take the piss, you know, whenever you could. And I was like, it would have ruined some moments. Well, this sounds incredible. Star Trek Starfleet Academy will be out this Thursday. And I'll be publishing all my unused jokes. Oh, good. On a WordPress site for everybody to look at. It's only on Paramount Plus, is that correct?

Oh, yeah. Okay. This Thursday, two episodes drop and then one a week after that. Is that right? That sounds right. And then Tani, aren't you? You ever make a little cameo in it? Like they find a videotape of you from a thousand years ago where you're like,

hey, what's up? Yeah, I can drop a scloosie here. They find an old videotape of me, not Marenner, just of Tani. Oh, whoa. And it's a me in the writer's room pitching mustache-related humor. And they watch it as an example of what not to do if one wants to become a writer. It's really educational. I'm trying to think of what a mustache joke would be.

Would it be like, hey, instead of getting on that spaceship, Why don't you take a mustache ride? Oh, that's a good one. Oh, wow. I don't know. I'm going to add that to the wordpress. She shows up somewhere with a mustache and nobody knows who she is. But she pulls it off and they're like, oh.

Oh, a mother. A mother. Can you cry more? Well, Tatt, I wanted to give you something because this has been in my office here for. I can see a stain in the corner. Literally, when did the monkey come out? It came out in February of 20, 24. This has been in my.

house for 11 months and I have not seen you in person in that whole time and I've been saving it on that table over there and I finally, when this was scheduled, I brought it out and I put it right over there on that table in anticipation

of giving it to you and Jason Manzoukas, we were doing a different show. He spilled coffee all over it. And you can hear that on the Wompid Up Christmas Spectacular, but I signed it as you wanted me to do with She-Hulk shame,

and then Jason signed it saying, sorry I spilled coffee on this. This is a poster for the monkey. That's gorgeous. Enjoy those two things. Get it out of my house. The coffee stain kind of makes it look old-timey. Yeah, it does.

It looks really good. I got that for free for seeing the movie. They paid me in poster to see the movie. You didn't buy it. I get it. I get it. You got it for free. But I did tell you that I got this.

expecting you to go, ha ha, no thank you. And you said, oh, I want that. And I've had it in my house for now. I want it. You need to keep it. Now it's been a burden in your home. At one point, I was like, can I get rid of this? And you said, no, I wanted. Did you spill the coffee? Do you think Jason spilled the coffee because he knew that you were mad at me? I think so. Wait. Was that to spite me? That's right. Am I mad at you for some reason? I can't recall. For making you hold this piece of paper in your house. I have, and for a lot of other things. Yeah, I mean, let's get into it. I'm mad because I'm a, I mean, know I'm at Deadpool Stan. I know.

And that stands for Stan Lee. And famously, during the strike, you started working in business affairs for Disney, right? I did, yeah, just to pick up some extra cash. Oh, my God. And so I'm a little upset with you, but no, we're old friends. And you hate action, you hate women action heroes. Yeah, it just doesn't make sense because, you know, they don't have the upper body strength. Now, how do their boobs fit in those clothes?

Well, that's a shame that you're no longer part of the Marvel universe, but I understand. She hoax shame. She hoax shame. That's right. But I will say that Star Trek Starfleet Academy is out this Thursday, two episodes, and these are just like powerful episodes, right? They are. They're very exciting.

They're funny. Our cast is so cool and sexy and funny and cool. Yeah. I love all the kids so much. They're not kids. They're like 24-year-old adults, but, you know, they're playing college and they're very cool. They all dress better than anyone I've ever seen. Better than all of us.

They all look better than all of us at all times. And did you get to hang out with Holly Hunter either of you? Yeah. No. Whoa, really? No. I don't think I hung out with Holly Hunter. No.

But did you, I mean, I don't, okay, did you get to meet her? Yeah, sure. Yeah, yeah, I work there. But you never. It was a workplace environment. Yeah, I wrote two episodes. I worked there, yeah. And you have scenes with her you were saying?

I, really am. Are you her mother? Maybe I'm her mommy. Maybe she's her. Mother. Hello, Holly. Do you have old age makeup in this? I, yeah.

She looked to the seal. I have old age makeup right now. Yeah, she just comes like that. I just turned 40 and I'm still not taken seriously. Congratulations. You're flirty and 40. 40 and flirty and well, this is incredible. I can't wait to see this show.

Tani, I've been a fan of your improv and I've always thought that you should write the stuff you're saying down. I should write it. down so it's better. So I have a second chance at it. Yeah, do a second pass on this. Give it another look. Thank you, Scott.

And Tad, of course, you know, anytime you grace our screens, it's an incredible experience. It always goes well for me, that's for sure. Always well received. Yeah. Well, we're going to take a break. Star Trek Starfleet Academy is out this Thursday on Paramount Plus. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we have an incredible singer-songwriter.

Oh, wow. This is, I'm. thrilled. I've been a huge fan of this guy for many years and we're going to talk to him. We're going to be right back with more of Tani, more of Tatiana. We're going to be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang

Back. We're back. We have Toney Newsom and Tatiana Maslini. I'm going to say it different every time I say it. You've never told me the correct pronunciation. Because I don't really know. You're like Rihanna. Yeah. Rihanna never corrects anybody.

Actually, people sometimes say Tatiana, which is a bit time. Tatiana. Tatiana. Tatiana. Tatiana. Tatiana. Tatian. Tatian.

Tatian. Tatian. Tatian. You know, that Ukrainian pronunciation. Yeah, yeah. Anything going on with Orphan Black these days? You're doing a reboot or anything like that? Oh, man.

That's why I'm wearing the old age makeup. What about Orphan Black the next generation? Did it. Did it already? They already did it. They did a squeakle and it got cancer. I think I saw part of that on Netflix and I was like, oh, is that my friend? No, I don't see her.

T'wasn't. I don't see her. I weren't in it. You said no to that too. You're just turning down work here everywhere. You're just, uh, uh, uh, yeah. But that was because you originally thought you were going to be in Deadpool. Yeah, so I was like putting all my cards in that bucket or whatever.

Eggs and basket, but. I was putting all my tools in that shed next to Odo. Oh, man. Just to be a liquid with that man at some point in my life. Is he? You and Luxemps. He's dead. He's still with us.

He's no longer with us. He died in 2019. But I was reading in this new Starfleet Academy, which is out this Thursday, you have the doctor, right? The doctor. The incredible Robert Picardo. Yes. He's incredible.

I love that. All right. Is he, he's a hologram still? Because I never saw the end of Voyager, did he ever become a real person? Well, now, become a real person. I mean, he has wants and desires and tensions. I know he got like an armband that let him go off the ship. Yeah, yeah.

Which felt like an actor saying, you got to get me off of this fucking ship. I think it might have more been like the studio being like, you got to get him off this. Can you create an armband for me? I am tired of being on this set. Two things the studio did. They built a ship for Deep Space 9.

They're like, get everybody off the fucking station. And they gave Picardo an armband. They're like, get him out there. Get him out there. Get him out there in these streets. Yes, he is still. the emergency, the EMH, emergency medical hologram. Such a great concept for a character.

Yeah, and he's 900 years old, and he's here to shape these badass kids. I love it. All right, well, Starfleet Academy this Thursday, we have to get to our next guest. He is an incredible singer-songwriter, multi-platinum artist, Grammy Award winner, probably R&B, soul. What can't he do? and his voice is unmistakable. Please welcome to the show for the first time. Barry White is here, everyone.

Wow. Oh, yeah. Scott, you done fucked up now. I fucked up? Let me tell you, you don't fucked up royally. Putting a microphone in front of me. Oh, yeah. Ladies, get your towels.

Get your towels. Get your raincoats. I brought my towel. Okay. Get your towels. Scott? Yeah, Barry? Happy New Year.

Hey, happy New Year. You're good to see you. Barry White. Oh, wow. So incredible to see you. Happy New Year, Scott. Happy New Year to you. One thing I wanted to ask right off the bat.

Are you dead? I can't remember. Am I dead? I'm sitting right right in front of you. Oh, that's right. Okay. Am I dead? What type of question is that guy?

I'm just confused. every once in a while someone will come on this show who might be dead and I don't I don't quite know if they are or not but you're dead people on your show Scott what type of show you running what type of clown show you run it here I'm sorry there's a guy he thinks he's a good friend of mine OJ Simpson who

yeah he told me to come here he said he loves you he said you love him right back so you can talk to dead people who me yeah I can talk to everybody god damn it I'm sorry I'm really sorry that's the thing Haley Joel Osman our good friend the handjob man who've been on the show several times.

He could see dead people, but he doesn't get credit for he could see alive people, too. Exactly. They only care about when you can see the dead, folks. Yeah. It's more impressive to him. Yeah, exactly. Whoops.

Scott, how long you've been doing this? How long have you been doing this? This will be the 17th anniversary, I believe. Coming up in May. And you finally called me in to do some ads for your network. Is that why you're here?

I don't have any information. Oh, don't have that. Coy now, Scott. Don't act like a little coy boy. I hate that. Like a coy boy, but you know I'm here. Don't act like a soy boy. Don't act like a Coy boy. Okay. Well, look, I don't know if I need to come here to be insulted. You want to do some ads? Is that right? Yeah. Okay. What do you need for me? I need you to let's give me a list of all the shows that you got. All the shows. Okay. On your television network. Okay. It's podcasting, but we have, first of all, this is the, the flagship show, Comedy Bang, Bang.

And what is this called? Comedy Bang Bang. Okay. Do you need your music for this? Yeah, I'll play my music. All right, here we go. Is this the paper right here that you need me to read off of? Yeah, this is it.

Okay. All right. Hi, I'm Barry White, and you're listening to Comedy Man. You ready to laugh with a comedy man? Wait a minute. Hold on, let me start the music over. God damn it. Start over.

Okay, here we go. Who wrote this shit? I mean, you're not even saying. And why'd you write it wrong on there? Why'd you write it wrong on this goddamn paper, Scott? Hold on. Hi, I'm Barry White. You listening to Comedy Man,

comedy man, girl. You ready to laugh at the comedy man and the comedy girl? Shit, God damn, Scott. What is this? You got to write this clear. Is your penmanship? Yeah, no, I'm sorry. How in the hell did you graduate from primary school

with penmanship like this? I don't know, but it's comedy bang, bang. I don't know if you can get it right. Comedy bang, bang. That's what I said. Oh, okay. I think you said comedy man girl. Which, I mean, look, I am a man and there are two girls here.

You got to write, you got to write it clear, Scott. You got to write it out for me clearer, okay? I apologize. Do you want to rewrite it? Yeah, rewrite it. Give me something else. Give me another piece of paper. Okay, do you want to do maybe our other show?

Do you... Which one is that? Okay, I mentioned it before Hollywood's good boy, Jack Quaid, was just on. Scott hasn't seen. Scott hasn't seen. That's how we're Sprague the Whisperer and I watch movies together. All right, let me. This is the paper right here. This is the paper right there. Okay. Okay. You ready? Yeah. All right. Here we go.

Hi, I'm Barry White. You seen a movie. Scott ain't. He ain't done it yet. So don't spoil it for him, motherfucker. You got that? I don't know that. I don't know that I can use it. Randy Quaid. Randy Quaid in the show. It's definitely not Randy Quaid. It's not Randy. Who is it? Who is it, God damn it? It's Jack Quaid of Star Trek

Her Show. Okay, start it over. Okay, here we go. You like Jack Black, he got a new Anaconda coming out. It's a snake movie. A big-ass snake or eat your asshole. Eat my asshole? Eat your asshole and eat your asshole.

I don't know which I want. So come and listen to comedy. man, snake. Get your ass ate with Scott Occampton. That's actually not the first time I've heard Get Your Assate with Scott Ackerman somewhere.

Is that the name of another show? No, I mean, that's just the name of what goes on around this. Okay. This is going to be a big year for you, Scott. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. Thank you so much. I'm proud of you for bringing me in here to do these ads.

I, you know, I'm not quite sure that I, this is part of, of the, I mean, I booked you here on the show because I'm a big fan. Oh, I thought you just wanted me to do the ads. Is that what you do these days? You being a coy boy and a soy boy right now. Okay, I apologize. I don't want to be those, but, but I appreciate this.

I mean, it's great, I mean, to have someone as legendary and probably still alive as you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're on the show. Thank you. Do you do ads for other shows? Absolutely.

You shoot me a show. Do you want to do Star Trek? Starfleet Academy? Starfleet Academy. Yeah. Is that what it's called? Starfleet. Academy. I wrote it down on this piece

of paper. This piece of paper. Right here. This piece of paper. Okay. All right. Here we go. Ready? Hi, I'm Barry White. Shoot for the stars. Aim for the moon. Okay. God damn. You wrote this down? I'm so sorry. This is your penmanship? It is. How did you graduate

secondary school with this penmanship? By that point we used a lot. We typed a lot. Type? You used a typewriter? A computer. I'm not that old. Ah, a computer. A computer girl. on comedy world and she's gonna she's gonna she got a show called

Star Maker Star Search Star Search with Ed McMahon If you want to watch that tune into this lady's show What's your name? My name's Tony Newsom This is Tadiana

Tony Tony and Dawn Tony Clifton Tony Clifton She's actually on it I just wrote up What's your name? Your Lady Oh Tachiana Mass on me Tatiana

That's your That's your honor That's like Yeah That's great Wow You got the hardest one Right

Right You know Not every name Is native What's your name again You know What's your name Who are you talking

You You're looking nowhere My name's Tony Newsom Tony Hitchcliff Watch the show Watch the show Watch the

Shoot for the Stars And watch the stars Starlight Star bright First Star I see tonight God damn I actually wasn't that bad.

No, that's great. I mean, you could, it's usable. We could use that. I'd definitely watch that show. Yeah. We'd clip that out and use it. Yeah, exactly. How many shows you got on your television network, Scott?

Podcasting, I also have Threatom and... Threatom. Do you want to try that one? Yeah, might as well. Okay, yeah, here we go. Is this the paper right here? This is the paper, yeah.

Ruffler. This is the paper. You don't have to ruffle it into the mic, by the way. I'm Barry White. you want to have a threesome with Scott and get your ass hole eight John and Kate plus eight John and Kate plus Scott eight

your ass Threesome starring Tony Hitchcliff and I'm not in it Tatsy out of my sliding I don't know I'm okay

I mean look I'll use it I don't care I think it'll pick up some listeners probably it's gonna pick up all the listeners I've been getting listened to for years. That's right.

You're an expert at being listened to. I'm an expert to being listened to. You heard me? Uh-huh. I mean, music is an auditory art form. Is it not? Absolutely. It's an auditorium.

We did it. We recorded most of it in the auditorium. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's right. I mean, tell me about your incredible career. You started in the seven, or even in the 60s, I believe. The 60s. I started in the 60s.

And then all through the 70s and then some of the 80s and then you might have passed away. I'm not quite sure. I went in. I had music in the 90s. You were on The Simpsons that one time I was on The Simpsons. Can you do anything for The Simpsons? Can you do an ad for The Simpsons?

Here we go. Hi, I'm Barry White. You see how Marge got that big blue hair? Yeah, yeah, or you want an answer? Yes. The Simpsons. Fox 7, 6 Central. Okay, you got a lot of that information actually right.

Yeah, it's weird the things that are correct. Yeah. That's because he knew that. That wasn't written down. Oh, yeah. You're a big fan of The Simpsons or are you a family guy? I never seen it. You're a huge family guy fan.

Yeah. What's your favorite character? My favorite character? Stewie. I like that baby. Yeah, Stewie's everyone's favorite character, right? I mean, I've never seen it. What's another show you got, Scott?

What shows have you been on television? I do something called CBBFM, which is like a monthly show about music. Is this the, Is this it right here? Yeah, that's the, yeah, I guess so. I mean, I don't... With the paper? I guess, yeah.

Please stop shaking into the mic. I'm just making sure I got hi. I'm Barry White. CBB. To start with people saying hi. Hi. Como estaz? May Imo Barry White.

Scott Ogerman got a show for people listen to the radio. The favorite song. starring Tony Roberts and Tatiana Maslani. Oh, sick. Yours is always right. Yeah. You're on a lot of my shows, I guess. I guess so.

Yeah. Third build, but that's fine. I have been getting a lot of podcast ads in Spanish lately, so is that why you're doing yours in Spanish? Did I do that in Spanish? Did you not know? Some of it? I just speak languages.

You just speak whatever, whatever comes into my head. Usually with you, it's the language of love and sexual desire. It's always the language of love and sexual. with desire, Scott. What is the least sexy language in your opinion as a polyglot? Russian. Oh, yeah, sure. What is it about it?

A lot of hard consonants? A lot of hard consonant. They got all tables and chairs in the alphabet. Yeah. Although, what's that show that just came out with the Russian hockey players? A heated rivalry. Heated rivalry. Oh, boy, you were very quick to say that.

Oh, yeah, you watched it all in one da-da-da-day. Oh, really? I can do an ad for that. One of them's Russian in that. Oh, yeah, you want to do a heated rivalry ad? Okay, you got the copy? Yeah, it's just it right here. And you wrote this, right?

You wrote this, right? Hi, I'm Barry White. You like gay stuff? Watch he did rivalry. They be doing a whole lot of gay shit. That's verbatim what I wrote. It's correct. Honestly, they could use that too.

Like, he's not lying. Yeah, exactly. You can say it a little more delicately, perhaps. Oh, delicately? All right. Is this the delicate version? Okay, you want to do the delicate version? Here we go.

Hi, I'm Barry White. You like a heated rivalry? Maybe making love in a gay way. Oh, it's just a even softer version. Okay, what do we got? It's on tissue papers. Hi, I'm Barry White. Don't look at this.

Don't look at what. That's not watching. Wow, that's going to get a lot of people watching it. Yeah, reverse psychology. on it, reverse psychology, and learning primary school. That's right. That's fascinating. You could teach a marketing course.

Should I do a commercial for this episode specifically? Okay, yeah, you want to? I mean, I wouldn't mind it. Yeah, here we go, ready? Hi, this is Barry White. I'm going to be appearing on Comedy Man World with Gavin Hinchcliffe and Tatiana Maslani. It's starring Scott Ockerman. He's a cold piece of work.

If you ever watch the Simpsons and see Marge with that big old blue hair, Homer don't know what to do with all that. Marge got ass. Homer don't know what to do with all that ass. Is this paper right here? Oh, you've been working off the paper? I was doing improv, like Gavin Hinchcliffe. Now, listen to this shit.

Put it in your ears. Let's do it once. Let's do it twice. Download. Like. share, comment on the page.

Is this your penmanship, Scott? How you graduate college with this penmanship? You just picked up a piece of paper and shook it into the microphone. That's the only thing. It's got your penmanship written all over it. Well, Barry, this is, I mean, this is very helpful. And I appreciate you,

how did you get into this kind of work? I mean, ad reading? Yeah, ad reading, you know. By all accounts, you passed away, you know, 20 years or so ago. How did you get into? 2003, to be exact.

I knew it. Wow. I fucking knew it. Oh, my gosh. Look, Barry White, I'm a huge fan of yours. I appreciate you being here. Can you stick around? Absolutely.

I just got to leave. You have to leave. Okay, I don't think so. We'll be right back with more, Tani, more Tatiana, and more Barry White. We'll be right back after this. Comedy Bang Bang. We're back. Tani Newsome.

here in Tatiana Muslini from Star Trek heated rivalry I mean I mean you're in the writer's room There's some heated There's some heated moments Really is there there's some sexy scenes

It can get a little steamy Yeah Okay not for the mama Not for the mama she's crying all the time She did all her steaming off camera I did try to get you saying not the mama whenever possible I just thought it could be your catchphrase

What's the harm? We also have Barry White is here. Formerly a live singer who... I'm sitting right in front of you, Scott. What are you talking about? That's right. You are corporeal. Were you granted some sort of access to our world from God or whomever rules up there?

Everybody lets me come down. I said I was doing comedy man world. Everybody let me come down. So nice. Is he a fan? He or she? Who? God.

God? You can't tell what ginger they are. Wow. Why is it? Because of the robe? Yeah. Let me peek inside that motherfucker. Open it up a little bit. Well, we have to get to our next guest. Tani, I know you have to go.

Yeah, I got to get out of here. All right, see you later. Bye, Tony. Anyway, we have a great guest coming up right now. I mentioned a Hollywood icon is here. And there is not... When you think of Hollywood, Tatiana, you were just a young wee lass doing little school plays and stuff out there in Saskatoon or wherever the fuck you're following.

Redina. Oh, that's right. Rigina. Rhyma rhymes with vagina. That's right. And up there in Canada, and you were dreaming about Hollywood, what's the first thing you would think of when you,

when I say Hollywood, what do you think of? Dolly, pardon. That's Dollywood, but, um, okay, well, I mean, for me, when I was dreaming about it, I thought of our next guest. Oh, wow. Please welcome to the comedy Van Gogh for the first time, the Hollywood sign. Oh, my God.

Oh. Hi, Hollywood song. Are you all right? No. What's going on? Let me lay down. Okay. Let me lay down.

Okay. Yeah, I know you've been standing up for hundreds of years or not hundreds. A few decades. This iteration since 1978. I've been standing up for 103 years, Scott. Just let me let down. Okay. I'm so tired.

Take a load off at the very least. I can't. You don't have the authority to let me lay down. Put your o's on that chair if you want. You don't have the authority that no-ho with the screwdriver or nor the the height to let me let down. Okay, who has this authority? I don't know, the mayor of America, I don't know.

Karen Bass. Maybe who she. Get him on the phone because I've been standing. I've been standing in the air for 103 years, Scott. Well, it's so nice to meet you. You do a great job. I'm sorry that you're so tired. They used to have lights on me.

I used to have lights. What do they have? Remember, they have lights? There's no lights. You're just dark at night? I'm just dark at night. They don't see me no more. Really? Is that so?

I don't know. I don't see me. I'm not standing outside of me, and they don't put a mirror up. I asked for one. They don't put a mirror up. That'd be odd to have a giant mirror in front of the Hollywood sign so no one could see it. So I guess I'm just here for your amusement. Nobody cares about what I need. Quite honestly, I don't know why you're here. I don't know why any guest comes on this show. I need to plead with you in America and California. I need to plead to just let me let me let me ask you a question. Okay. Let me ask you a question. What do you got? Hit me. How many letters you're not standing straight up on the air?

How many letters do I know standing straight up in the air? How many? Well, okay, if I guess if I counted the letters in Hollywood, it would be eight. So only me? Only me? You know any other letters in the history of the world that stand straight up on air? I guess they're like... Think of letters.

You got letters. Over at L-A-X, there was that L-A-X that's standing straight up in the air? Oh, she's a bitch. We don't talk about her. We're not talking about her. I'm sorry. But think of any letters. You got letters on the monkey tattoo thing.

You got letters on that. You got letters on his shirt. All these letters. All the copy that I gave to Barry White, all the letters on that. Yeah. This right here. You're talking about this copy. I'm talking about that right there.

That piece of paper. Those letters. What are they doing, Scott? I guess you're right. You're right. They're just flat on. They're laying down. They're laying down.

They're laying down. And you've had to stand up. And I've been standing. instead of my name for a hundred years. Well, I... I used to be made a wood. And then in that 178, somebody made me a steel. So I can't even fall down, Scott.

You used to be longer, too. They cut off the land. Yeah, that was my last name. I'm so sorry, your last name was land. First name, Holly, last name, land. I don't know where the wood came from, Scott. Because you used to be made out of it. I think so.

So you see how they do with me, Scott. They won't let me lay down every other letter in the history of the world lay down. You should ask for, like, two weeks. off a year. I have. They said no. I even had an idea. I said you could put somebody else up here instead. Who else? Like Wayne Gretzky or someone?

I don't know who she is. I don't know who she is. The hockey player played for the L.A. Barry, help me out here. A Canadian icon. A Canadian icon. Wayne Greske played for the Kings. Is that right? Absolutely. And the Edmonton Oilers. That's right. I don't know who that is, but she can stand up here all she wants.

I thought since Hollywood is kind of dead, you know. In what way? What do you mean? They don't make no good stuff no more. And so many 12-year-olds are out of work. It's true. They got old-ass women taking a roll to 12-year-olds.

It's a disgrace. Oh, nasty women. So instead of, instead of me, instead of Hollywood, stand up and stuff. What if you just put the word, phones? Phones. Because that's what people look at. Or like AT&T. Y'all like them better.

Anyways, just let them stand straight up in the outside. Or like Netflixville, since they're going to buy up everything. You know what I mean? Now you got the idea. And then let our girl retire. Let me lay down. Just let me lay flat. You just want to be flat on the same hill?

I would love it. Do you have that power? Do you have a ladder? I could push you over probably, but take a lot of... You might be arrested. You remind me of... Not the first time. You remind me a peg-ant whistle.

Who's peg-and-wistle? She jumped off the Hollywood side and died. Oh, my God. She killed herself. She died? Yes, she climbed up the H. She climbed up the H. The H can be high.

She climbed up to H. She jumped off. off. Did you try to dissuade her? I tried to everything not could, but she was an actress and she said, it's hard. And why does Tatiana Mislani remind you of Peg and Whistle? Don't, we were talking off Mike and. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. I got a suicide note right here.

Oh, no. You want to hear it? Can you read it? Yeah. Oh, God. Okay, can we want to hear this really? Yeah. Hi, this is Peg and Twistle. I'm about to do it. and can't nobody stop me.

I'm sick of all these Hollywood motherfuckers telling me I can't be in the goddamn movie when I know I can be in the movie. I had dinner at the Brown Derby. I had an ice cream Sunday at the Rexall drugstore stand. I'm sick of y'all. Bye.

Oh, wow. That's how it went. That's how it went. Oh, my gosh. That must be terrible to, I mean. To relive? To relive it, yeah. It's awful.

Now I want to lay down twice. Oh. so exhausted. So I need you to get somebody on the phone that can just dismantle me. I can try to call Karen Bass if you want. I mean, I have her private number if you want. Why do you have Karen Bass's private number? Oh, you know,

when the fires were happening, I was just trying to figure out my best to escape. You're trying to save her house? You said, let me come over, save your house. Let me come over, save your house, and you give me a private number. A little peola happening. Yeah, exactly. I can call her if you want. Get her on the phone. Okay, call Karen Bass.

All right, I'm done. Oh, God, I tried everything. All right. Here we go. Hello, this is Mayor Bass. Oh, my gosh, she answered. Karen, Karen. Who is this?

Scott Ackerman of Comedy Bing Big. Scott Ackerman, how are you? I'm doing great. It's so great to talk to you. How's the home? Home's good. It's the anniversary of the fires here. Absolutely.

Ask how many letters you know. Hey, do you know those L-A-X letters that are standing up We don't talk about her. We don't talk about it. The LAX letters. How many letters? The LAX letters are a bitch. Does she know?

Oh, see, Karen Bass, a real one. Hey, how many letters do you know standing straight up in the air? Well, let's see. There's the LAX, no, uh, letters. Those are the bitch. We don't talk about those, though. Yeah, absolutely. And then after that, it's the Hollywood sign.

Yes, she get it. Hollywood sign, yeah, yeah. And then there's the, well, that one's laying down. Which one? What were you doing? The H to represent Hoover High School in Glendale, but it's on the side of a mountain and it's laying down. See, most letters get to lay down.

Most letters get to lay down. Well, I have a proposition for you. Culver City. Oh, yeah. Where are those? Subpoved and Centinella. Oh, right. It's limited few of us who have to stand up in the air.

I have a pitch for you because I have the Hollywood sign here. Well, I'm a little busy. It's the first of the year. I voted for you. Who is that? I'm your constituent. Who is that? I'm the Hollywood sign.

Oh, my God, Hollywood. Hi. Hi. I'm Mayor Bass. I know. I have a pitch for you. We are the Hollywood sign. I have a pitch for you.

Okay. What if the Hollywood sign got two weeks off a year? Like, what are the two weeks that no one comes to Hollywood? The two weeks that no one comes to Hollywood, well, people love Hollywood. Mm-hmm.

I was like the two weeks that people don't come to Hollywood or maybe Christmas and New Year's. Okay, Christmas and New Year's. Mm-hmm. What if instead of the Hollywood sign, people looked up on the mountain, there was that like Kobe statue. Okay.

That's out in front of, what do they call it, Crypto.com arena now? Yes, crypto.com arena. Yeah. What if it was just that was up there instead? And the Hollywood sign got to lay down for a couple of weeks. I'm sorry, that's going to be a no. What? Bear Bass, why?

I tried to save your house. We need you standing, strong and tall. Those are lyrics from the whiz. Well, just like another lyric from the whiz, you can't win. Karen Bass, why are you my nemesis? Karen Bass, I voted for you. Thank you so much. Why won't you let me just lay down for two weeks?

I'm going to need you to stand. I thought you were a union woman. I am. I love the unions. Don't I need you to stand. I don't, but I've been standing for 103 years. Well, not you exactly. Wait, I have.

You exactly in the same iteration? Well, no, I was made out of a different material, but it was still me. It was my soul. And then the 1970s, you began to deteriorate drugs. I never touched shrug in a day of my life. No, were you looking the way you were in the 70s. Because of the elements? because of wear and tear a woman gets old.

You automatically think it's drugs. Weather, this is Los Angeles, California. It never rains here. You stood before there was a drought because of climate change. Interesting. You're not the progressive. We all thought you were. Are you married?

Don't say that I'm loud. You deny climate change. You are anti-union and you deny the climate change on the Hollywood side. Listen, you can't lay down because we need you. We need you as a landmark right now. We're losing. I'm going to be honest. We're losing as a society.

City. Who are we losing to, Camerba? Everybody else. Chicago. San Lord. Vancouver. Vancouver, Canada. Vancouver's not weird. They've been shooting shows in Ireland, if you can believe. Yeah, some of those shiny four game shows. They shoot them in Ireland. Who else is there? The floor. What is it? The floor.

Yes, the floor. They shoot in Ireland. Who else is there with you right now? Oh, do you know Tatiana? She's from Canada. Hi, here. Myrani. Yeah. I said she's from Canada, and you knew who I was talking about? Exactly. There's only one, Tatiana from Canada. That's right. It's a very uncommon name.

From what? Regina. Excuse me. Excuse me, Scott. You forget yourself. Are you a fan of... You're talking to the mayor. You're a fan of Deadpool?

Absolutely. I love it. Karen, I'm sorry. I did not vote for you because I cannot vote here. Well, make it happen. I'm trying. Yeah, so get in there. She's doing a good job.

She's doing a good job. Can you grant her like dual citizenship here or something? Do you have the power to do that? The best I could do is have her play She-Hulk. Oh. Maybe you should go back to She-Hulk, quite honestly. If it gives you your voting rights, it might be worth it for, like, suffrage. Sure.

Yeah, you know what this phone call is about? It's really about my voting rights. Okay. Well, who are you going to vote for if you get them? I don't know. I'm still. Well, then you better figure out. I'm undecided.

Wait, Karen, but I said I did vote for you and you still wouldn't help me. I'm helping you. How are you helping me? I'll put, I'll, I don't know. What do you want? I'm tired. I want to lay down my shoulder hurts. My back hurts.

This bag is under my O's. I'm sorry. Put the O's in the chair. Wait, I can move down. Right now, while you're doing Scottson. So I can lay down right now. Yeah, while you're here right now, by the way, you're off the hill, right? There's a facsimile of me up on the hill.

Maybe you just put the facsimile of you up there all the time. Like in one of these heist movies where they put the fake painting up and so you? That would be dishonest. If there's one thing about the Hollywood sign is I am an honest person. Well, you're doing it right now while you're on the show. That's because I'm trying to go the honest route. This is my path. Okay.

Isn't there some kind of like wristband or armband or something that you could bequeath her from the city that would allow her to leave the planet? And just pour all my letters into a little bucket that somebody carries around the city. A little bucket. You're 50 feet tall. I am. Actually, 48, I think. Oh, excuse me. That just, now you have to stay up there longer since you corrected me.

Well, I'm not allowed to correct our leaders. No, I'm the mayor. I'm the mayor. I'm the mayor of mayor, mayor. Look, Mayor Bass, you know, we tried to come to an agreement, but I'm sorry, Hollywood sign, it looks like Mayor Bass needs you to be up there. And I understand, because we need that shining beacon on the hill. Was the last time you looked at me, any of you?

Was it the last many of you looked on me in that place? I mean, I, uh, I live on Mount Wilson. Windsor. You live on Mount Wilson? Yeah, it's at the very top. I'm in Calabas, so I don't get to see all that much, but. And you, what are you just? still live in Canada?

I live in Canada. So not that you even look at me. You wouldn't even know if I was gone. What if I just jumped off of myself like Peg and Whistle of 2025? I'll just jump. You have to write a note before you do that. I don't know how to write on a sign. Write a note.

You know what? If I wrote a note, you know what those letters would get to do? Lay the fuck down. That's a good point. But look, we need you out there. We need something to aspire to. We love Hollywood. We all want to come here to make it.

And, you know, and maybe. And how's that going? I mean, not great. I'm offer only, but you can see me in the gold member, Austin Powers movie. But, you know, I mean, people come here all the time. They want to be actors or maybe lately they just more want to be influencers and YouTube stars. And the business is shrinking. It's worse than ever.

They should go back. They should go, they should learn a trade. Should we all just pack it up? Yes. The dream is dead. I'm not going anywhere. And you can write that down right now. Okay.

I think I have some paper here. I would love to write it down because I would love. to no longer be standing up straight in the air. I'm sorry, I cannot help you. We need you. You're the most important person of the city besides me, Mayor Bios. Why don't you take her place, Mayor Bess? Just for two weeks.

Me? Yeah. Sitting on the shoulders of the Kobe statue? Yeah. Sort of like you're playing pool chicken. I think people would love that. They come to Hollywood. Who's she playing against?

Who is she playing against? Maybe, well, Duke. What's his name? Dukeavit. Who's the really tall basketball player? All of them? What are you talking about? Not Muzzy.

Not Muzzy Bowes. You have to have a new player in your repertoire, Scott. Duke of it. You could have named one basketball player. I don't know. Look, I just think the people would love that. They come to Hollywood and they look up at that big hill and they see the Kobe statue with you

just on his shoulders like pumping your fist. There's no way you're talking about Sasha Vujicich, are you? Because that would be insane if that's the only player you can't remember. Are you talking about

Floddy DeVoc? I feel like I'm being bullied by Kulap for watching Star Trek again. Which one? Do you watch it with Chronological Order? Yeah.

Do you watch it by Air Day? What a nerd. What a weird nerd. What a weird nerd. Fuck all you. I was trying to help you. I was a mayor. You're fucking failed.

Okay, so you're no longer about friends. I almost had Karen Bass convinced to sit on the shoulders of the Kobe statue for two weeks. Almost don't pay the motherfucking rent, Scott. All right, thank you. All right, goodbye, Karen. I'll see you Saturday. Bye, I'll see you a Jada. Well, Hollywood sign.

It's wonderful to talk to you, and hopefully we've eased your burden a bit. We are running out of time, however. We only have time for one final feature on the show. That is, of course, a little something called plug. We see you opening up your plug bag. Wow, that was Your Gross by Sock Otterman. Thank you so much to Sock Otterman. If you have a plugs theme, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs, and you can upload it there.

All right, guys, what do we plug in? Tatiana, obviously we have Starfleet Academy. You play a mom. Yep. January 15th. January 15th. January 15th. That is all about.

This Thursday. And anything else in the hopper, anything else going on? I have a movie coming out at Sundance. Two little, one short and one short and one? How short is the short? How long is the long? The short is maybe 12 minutes. It's called How Brief?

Because it's short. Okay. Written by my very best friend on the planet, Tess Degenstein. Okay. Starring Tess Degenstein and me. Yes, I've met her before. Yeah. And, here.

Maybe. Who knows? She came to your house once. She did? Wow. We were at a party. A lot of people there, though, to be fair. Yeah, yeah.

And you were fucked up. And then a movie I did called, now I'm going to mess this up. Okay. The only living pickpocket in New York City or the last living pickpocket. I think it's the only living pickpocket in New York. A parody of the only living boy in New York probably. That's right.

But the Paul Simon song. Oh, okay, I should look that up. Starring John Totoro. Okay, from Severance himself. Right. That's right. That was his big breakout and I'm so excited for this young man to be making movies. That's incredible.

Do you know what you're playing yet? Or did you shoot it already or what? I can't say. You can't say anything about it. And I can't say how much I was in. And I can say that Tony was in the writer's room. But we didn't use any of her stuff. How much did you get paid to do it?

Can't. Well. Can't talk about that either. Is it a scale? I ended up having to pay Barry White for. Oh. So all the money went straight there. Absolutely.

Okay. Well, I understand that. You got your pocket's getting picked. Yeah. What you got to do is you got to stand around. The music didn't. start. Oh, sorry. I didn't know what you're doing it.

This is Barry White. You like having your pockets picked? Of course not. If a pickpocket come around your house, you shoot her. You ever see Homer with all that ball head. Marge don't know what to do with that.

He did a rivalry start Barry White and Homer Simpson. Oh, gee. That I would watch. Yes. Check it out. I also like that we find. Finally heard from Homer's perspective.

Yeah, really. From Marge's perspective. Of what she doesn't know what to do. What she doesn't know what to do. Finally, a mother's perspective. Thank you. Well, this is exciting time. 2026 is an exciting time to be a Tatiana Mislani fan.

It sounds like three projects, full 10 episodes of Starfleet Academy plus one 12-minute movie and then one that is an indeterminate length that you don't even know the title of. Fantastic. And Hollywood sign, anything you want to plug? Yeah, I want to plug. me laying down. Just let it happen at some point. Starfleet Academy sounds great. I love Star Trek. So there's a podcast that I listen to.

It's called Star Trek. So if you don't know much about Star Trek, you can just jump in. Oh, okay. And who were the hosts of this? Oh, it's Tony Newsom. Oh, yeah. She was just here right before you came in. Oh, yeah. I heard she's Gavin Newsom's niece. She's a Nepo baby. She's proud of it. Yeah. She's a Nepo baby. She's proud of it, too, yeah. For villainy politics. And then, yeah, you can subscribe at suboptimopods.com. Okay. And you can listen to Star Trek.

Do you like Star Trek? I mean, I gave up in the middle of season five at DS9. Who gives up in the middle of the theater? I don't know. And I think it was season three of Voyager. That's insane. Is the math correct on that? I have no idea.

I don't know because I would never. What year? What month day and year has come out? Barry White, what do you want to plug? Do you need music for your plugs? Yeah. All right. Here we go.

Hi, this is Barry White. If you like podcasts, you should listen to Patreon.com forward slash Hollywood Handbook, where there's a bunch of shows on there. Like Hollywood Handbook, like the flagrant ones, like XOXO Bada Beans, the Sopranos Watch Podcast. How's that going? It's going great. The audience did not like when Scott came on the original version. What?

haven't been invited on this. On the gossip? On the gossip? Why? Because I wasn't a fan of it? This is how you find out? This is how he finds out. We host those shows.

I like sopranos. I'll come on that show. Come on. Hey, he's that important. By the way, they were the ones who wanted me to come on. I did. We did. They did.

Then I found out I had to watch an episode of shitty gossip girl. They did. They did. They did want you to come on. Hayes, Davenport, Sean Clements, Carlton. Yeah. I have one question. Do they ever drop the act? I still don't know.

Okay, wonderful. Also, watch Saturday Night Live. Sure. Who's the musical guest this coming Saturday? Beck! What do I want to plug? I want to plug, hey, head over to CBBWorld.com. There you can get all of our previous episodes we've ever done.

We've done almost 950. Episode 950 is coming up in a couple of weeks from today. day. You can get all of those episodes, all of our past episodes, all ad-free. You can get every live episode we've ever done. You can get all the shows that Barry White has done the ads for, you know, neighborhood listens. Scott hasn't seen, College Town, uh, uh, freedom ad-free. So much stuff going on over there. Um, and, uh, this is going to be a good year for comedy bang, bang, so I think you're going to want to subscribe. All right, let's close up the old plug bag. the bag, baby, step on in.

I want to close it tight. You know the way to win. I want to close that bag. I want to make it right. So just close that bag. Hold those lanyards tight. And then loose in the bag and let it open wide. I'm just opening the bag.

You've got no place to hide. Put things in it because it's so open fast. And if you don't want that kiss, sweet chance ass. All right, that was. Open the Bag with the Ringling by Mike Hardigan, our very first plug bag remix. Our old friend Mike Hardigan, thank you so much. I love the changing of the keys.

If you have a remix, head over to CBBWorld.com slash plugs, and you'll find all the stems you need to make remixes of our new theme song. And we thank Ben Schwartz for, and of course, Dr. Sweet Chat, for doing that song for us. Guys, I want to thank you so much. Tatiana, always a pleasure to see you. Thank you for having me back. Please come back on opening night of Dumes.

I still think this is all a faint, and you're actually in it. I don't know. This is a cover story, isn't it? Dr. Dume's going to take off his mask and it's going to be Shee Hulk, isn't it? Scott just come off my first of it. Okay, okay, yeah. Well, you're totally in. You're totally in.

I'm totally in. I actually play. I play fucking Deadpool in this one. You play Deadpool? Yes, and he's a woman. That fucking rules, dude. Okay, I cannot wait. And Hollywood sign.

Yeah. Good luck to you. You don't care about me. I don't really. I mean, you were so rude to me. You, because you failed me. I'm rude to anyone who tries to help me and fails me. Our relationship shouldn't be transactional.

No, it is. I've looked up to you for so long. I'm a fan. That's because I'm above you. You can't help it. That's a good point. I can't see you from my house. I'm all the way out in Calabasasas.

You should have worked harder. Yeah, that's true. And hey, Barry White. Yes. Even though you're dead and you strict me into thinking you were alive. Who said that? You said it earlier in the show. I'm sitting in here in front of you, Scott.

I, look, I'm a fan and just do one last one for me. All right. Do it for next week's episode? Who is it? I have no idea. Okay, well, I'll make it up. All right, here we go. Hi, this is Barry White.

If you enjoyed this episode of Comedy Man World, you're going to enjoy the next episode of Comedy Man World. Starring. Scott Alcomer. Starry. Helen Mirren. Starring, Kurt Cobain. Starring.

Vinmo. Starring, Tatiana Maslani. And starring, Tony Baloney Hinchcliffe. All right, we'll see you then. Thanks. Bye. Bye.