Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Adam Pally, Jon Gabrus, Ben Rodgers, Lisa Gilroy

Episode Date: July 11, 2022

Adam Pally and Jon Gabrus join Scott to talk all about their new truTV show “101 Places to Party Before You Die.” Then, cameraman Jack Furz returns to talk about the vigilante Nite Wolf’s latest adversary the Cross Puzzler. Later, intern Gino Lombardo stops by before UK bully Bethany Waterbottle arrives on her bullying rampage. Plus, celebrity litigant Johnny Depp drops by to debut his Bummer of the Week feature.

Rub my butt, give me three wishes, I wish my butt had three more kisses. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, thank you to Santa Loves Coke for that catchphrase submission. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition and a little early for Santa, I have to say, because we are deep in July at this point, of course we all know. We are not yet at Hump Week of July, but that will come soon. But welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week, one of our guests is laughing at how little I have to talk about. When you end up doing banking so many episodes before you go on tour, you really are plumbing

the depths of your brain to find anything to talk about. And but speaking of plumbing the depths, let's talk about our guest coming up a little bit later. We have an activist, we also have a photographer, so that's very interesting. And we also have a celebrity litigant, so that'll be coming up a little later. But before we get to them, we got to get to our guests of honor, our A block guests here. They are celebrities. I haven't had a lot of celebrities on the show recently.

We had Kelsey Grammer last week, he was great enough to drop by. But other than that, celebrities have been avoiding this show like a plague, or the plague even. Yeah, I mean. Or like there is a plague. Yes, exactly. I guess that is what was happening because I was doing in the backyard and no one would come there.

But they are truly celebrities now and when I say that, I mean modern celebrities, which means they have a something on 40 to 50 revenue streams between $100 and $1,000. Fifty streaming services participate in the gig economy. But they have a new television show. It's coming up Thursday. And I know you've seen the trailers for it. I know you're all excited for it. Fans of this show love to see these people on their television screens, but we have 101

places to party before you die on true TV this Thursday. Oh my gosh. A seed from a salad I just ate. Disgusting. I wish I had shown the talk about now. Thank God. Horrible. Please, can I eat more seeds from those blueberries?

What kind of seeds are you on your salad? Blueberries, my dear man. Blueberries in a salad. Not blueberries. Sorry, blackberries. Blackberry seeds. Even weirder. A seed from a blackberry.

How sweet is the juice on one of those? Well, the darker. God. What's happening here? Jesus Christ. Please welcome Madam Pallie and John Gabriel. Hey, guys. Hey.

Welcome to the show. This is so great. This is exciting to me. I've heard a lot about you, John. I've heard my name is said a lot in here, and I'm just so excited to finally be of the caliber to be invited on. This is what I know about you. You're a Long Island comedian.

Correct. That's it. Honestly, even generous, I think I'm more of like a Long Island comedic personality. I think the last time Adam was on the show, I mentioned you were a Long Island comedian. He said that he thought I said Long Island medium, which what did you say he's a Long Island extra large? Yeah. Long Island double X.

Double X. Long Island medium is what I call my joke better for you. You said he's a Long Island medium, which means a double XL. Oh, OK. Thanks. You really nailed it. Man, Blackberry Seeds can do wonders. People love that joke.

And I'm setting you up to just slay again. God, sorry. Now the Reddit is really going to be upset. Adam, too early for Santa. You see him as high as I've ever seen you. Is this true? Ridiculously false. First of all, you're wearing an Alvin Brothers tie-dye shirt.

It's the outfit. It's the tie-dye shirt. It's your highs as well. My eyes? He's naturally glassy. He's glassy. I'm glassy. It's our morning radio show.

All right. Gassy and Gassy in the morning. You did walk in with that T-shirt and I looked at it. I was like, what does that say? It says Alvin Brothers. I thought it said Alan Cummings. You thought it said the Alan Cummings band. Which not bad.

I don't want to see that. Yeah, of course. I want to see that. He plays as Nightcrawler. Playing in Berlin. That's pretty good. He's the emcee. That's actually an abandon.

Interesting. He's Scottish, isn't he? I think he is. He may as well be. For as much as we know about him, guys, let's talk about 101 places to party before you die. Now, it's not 101 places to die because that's what we call the freeway out here in Los Angeles. We don't call it the 101 freeway.

We call it the 101. I wouldn't know that. I'm a Long Island comedian. Oh, that's right. If you have a southern state, northern state, we have Meadowbrook Parkway, Wantoa Parkway. We have a train station. Train line. You're going that subway?

I never rode the Long Island Railroad, so I don't know any of the stops. You don't know any of the stops? None of the stops. Yeah. Okay. I drive everywhere. I'm a Long Islander. Yeah.

I think you could do any either or to answer your original question. I think it could be 101 places to party before you die, or I think if you're describing, it's like you watch 101 places. You were so high. But you don't want to. I am not. I am not. I take super, I'm like a little high.

No. Okay. We're getting to it. This is exactly the stages of denial. I didn't do the thing. So what if I did the thing? Okay. I did a little bit of the thing.

I mean, you're high. It's not. It's your recipe. You can tell Scott doesn't smoke a lot of weed, because one of the things you don't want to do to someone who smokes weed is when you invite them on your show, go, hey, are you high? Pull over. Jesus Christ.

Why are you shining a flashlight? Yes, I'm high because I'm here. He's shining a flashlight in my life. Yeah. I'm on a, I feel like a spiritual high being here. This is like where a lot of comedy podcasts are made. That's fucking awesome. No, it's crazy.

Yeah. You never run into each other in our small circles of comedy. No, no. And I was at the Shark Tale premiere trying to meet you and it just didn't work out for me. Well, my father was there too disappointed in my career to really keep people at bay. We actually have a lot in common, I think. I think you and I might connect.

Is it difficult to explain to your father what you do? Well, I thought that the Shark Tale movie would be the time where it was kind of like, hey, here's something you're not ashamed of. And instead it was just like, well, that wasn't very good, was it? Oh, wow, yeah. He's more of a fish guy. And then did you just start immediately going, well, I didn't have much to do with it. I only came on the last 365 days.

It's like not really my thing. It's a three-year process. Well, yeah, it wasn't very good, Dad. Should we bond over that? First four drafts were already written by the time I got there. See, I lucked out my dad is dead, so he's not going to check this show out. Okay. Because he would be let down.

So it's better this way. Oh, which was a Silver Sun Pickup situation here. Oh, not familiar. Somehow tricked you into talking about your dead dad. Tough mid-auts alternative rock. Well, they were on the show right before the pandemic. It was a question I asked the lead singer. Wish you'd had a lot.

Had just happened. Oh, tough. First of all, tough question to get in there with people. It wasn't the worst example of that question. Big fan or music, who hears dad is alive. He loves hearing about himself. He'll be thrilled that we're mentioning. Awesome.

Tell him that I hope he has true TV, I hope he has cable. I hope he does. He's a huge comedy fan. Oh, okay. Sorry, that he loves jokers. I bet he listened to Raised by TV. Oh, excellent. So he's a big fan of me.

Yeah. Yeah, that's right. Oh, I have been here. I have met you before. Really? Were you not a guest on Raised by TV? Oh, that's right. Or were you just blowing up the bathroom all the time here?

That's right. I did meet you. Yeah, we met before. You looked familiar because you looked like, I thought you were Besser at first because you were like tall and very funny. Oh, thank you so much. And so I... Very funny.

I was looking for a man. He ran over my dog. He was tall and very, very funny. So, but okay. So now we got to talk about this show because I'm so excited for it. In our personal lives, you've been telling me about it for a while. It's finally coming out. I mean, the fans are excited.

This is a travel show. At first, I think, Gabriel, you kind of mentioned it was like, oh, yeah, I'm doing this travel show and that's all I knew about it for a while. What is it? Why is it? How is it? Where is it? When is it?

The reporter's questions. A lot of those we can't answer. It starts on Thursday and it's a travel show. It's a comedic travel show kind of based on stuff like The Trip or Action Bronson. Fuck that's delicious. So it's... Bourdain, but with a funnier ending. Hopefully.

Of life. Maybe the same exact thing. Similar. Depending on the length of the window. Well, we'll see what happens in season two. The window shades. I don't know how long they'll be because I'm shorter than Gabriel's. I live.

You joke. And I joke because you can stand. You're like, I thought we agreed to do this in the same way. I got a suite. I don't appreciate this kind of humor, but go ahead. All right. Well, goodbye. Well, then I don't think you should tune in.

Just shut your DVR and let it play. Don't watch it. We did have to set a moratorium on making Bourdain jokes. Yeah, we were asked... We were like several things at the end of... Less Dane. There was like way less Bourdain jokes. Like, we were like...

Like that he's dead. They're like, all of it. Just stop it. Yeah. Why? Even bring his... Well, here's the thing. Keep his name out if you're fucking mouth.

Has real Smith with him. Oh, please. Eric Repair slapped me in the face. At the James Beard Awards. Why were we hosting? They shouldn't have at us. We got... The thing is, we're eating at two restaurants a day,

drinking at several bars, doing activities, all half to three quarters in the bag, and we're just supposed to talk in all these places. And they're like eventually like, okay, you guys have been talking too much about Bourdain, too much about January 6th, too much about anti-Semitism in America. It's like, there were certain markers.

They're like, we're not going to put any of this in the show. That's not lead with asking every waiter if they're vaxxed. That's not... So there's certain stuff we had to tone out with. We just tried to like... So the cameras follow you around while you go to these places and you guys just kind of crack jokes and hang out and do scenes.

And we're barely informed on food and alcohol and all that stuff, but we're consuming it at an insane rate. And we have friends that come on the show and family, and then they kind of have to keep up. I guess I'm not in either category. Interesting. Yeah, no.

No, yeah, no. We didn't have many Hollywood acquaintances. I understand. We didn't have a lot of network pals. Yeah, just like friends and family. We said network pals. You don't mean someone on a network with me. No, it was like someone you are pal with

for networking. There wasn't a lot of people that we invited that could like do stuff for us, or we could like help them. Yeah, I got it. It was more like friends and family. So like a guy who's had people like you on his show, you wouldn't return the favor in that case.

Not in this one. Okay, got it, got it, got it. No, because it was friends and family. Got it, got it, got it, got it, got it. So you would have to fall into those two categories. It's always interesting. When you have a show and you put a lot of people on it and then they all get projects.

See, is that a one way thing? Oh, you think my projects came from my appearances here? I do. To be frank. Okay. I do think my bro character. I mean the TV show. I do think the bro character really rocketed me up.

You were a couch guest. I was a couch guest. You know what? That was amazing that I was a couch guest. And was that the same season? Of what? Because I think I shot them on the TV show. No, I know.

Yeah, you haven't given me any more information. Have I? I'm so high, Scott. I got to do a character and myself, which was super cool. Yeah, I feel like it was different seasons, but I also know when you were a couch guest, you were in the middle of pre-production on a project that ended up not happening.

I looked so crazy. I know exactly what you were referring to. I looked insane. Yeah, you had super long, not super long. And it was dyed like jet black. Jet black. I bought the mutton chops and I was like 60 pounds. And you were like, man, I'm so excited about this movie

I'm about to do. It's like I've been starting two weeks. My bio tech never took off before. You started two weeks, I've done all the work. Yeah, it was nobody. So you guys go around and you go to different cities in each episode as a city? Each episode is about 72 hours a weekend in a city,

which is predicated on like, that's the only real party time you have once you're a dad of three or a guy who has a dog. And so you arrive on a Friday and is it a quest to find the best places to party in this place or you're given the places that you go to and you just experience them? It's a great question and it's kind of like the question is just to like have as much fun as possible.

So if something starts to like feel slow, you see us actually go like, let's get out of here. Do you ever go off the script then and just go like, hey, let's go run down this hill? Yes, but it's hard with like shooting permits and stuff. We still are a big production, but there are times when like we'll be... Yeah, we were supposed to do this big nerf battle

and we're with like a local nerf club in Atlanta. Oh, that sounds so fun. And the second they say, yeah, no, it was a nightmare. You would imagine that the people who do it are pretty cool and take it real seriously. And they're dressed normal. And don't appreciate your quips. But the second they called like action, whatever it is,

to start fighting, Pali just took off, ran completely away from the... Like a cameraman on our crew had to chase him and he just kept going. It was just like vaping like a thousand yards away. I was like vaping in the corner behind it. I was like, this is so dumb, I'm hungover. And I'm getting fucking shot in the face

and shit by the biggest fucking doors. A lot of it, yeah, like once you're there, you can do whatever you want. And that's part of the fun of it. And also like our crew was rag tagging and kind of like had that pirate chip like energy, but it was a... I don't know what that means, but go ahead.

You know, like pirate energy. You know, people would walk through the plank, they'd have to swap the decks. It was like kind of all... It was like all hands on and then also everyone was eventually pretty fucking drunk. Okay, that makes sense. Okay, we had a couple amputees with questionable...

Network made us hire them. Parrot on their shoulder. Typical pirate. We had a couple people with relief parrots. Therapy parrots. We had a couple of vets, Afghanistan vets who had therapy parrots to keep them calm. Mostly on sound.

It was a bad job. Hindsight's 20, 20. I worked on a noisy sound guys. I worked on a pile of ones and the sound guy talked the entire time whenever we were rolling and I was like, you are in charge of this. What is happening here? We found it difficult at first

because some of the crew is like reality or documentary. They're not used to real scenes happening. They're used to staging scenes and they're pretending they're reality. They're used to a host talking directly into a camera and being like, we're here at this, whatever. And so John and I would like get into... Early on we would start doing a scene

where we're riffing names for Liam Neeson's leaky penis. And in the background we would hear they're not in my frame. They're not in my frame. We had a camera person who was like, are you getting them? Loudly into the middle of us riffing? It was like...

But she's... They're used to studios. Interesting. But it was fun. I once worked on a project with a sound guy who after it came out he read the AV Club review and commented on how while we were filming it everyone was convinced it was shitty.

And he's surprised that it got such a good grade. And you recognize the name? Yes. Some shit went down after that. Although that is the vibe on a lot of shoots, you cannot say that. Of course, we all know it's shit. We gotta pretend it's exciting for the next eight weeks.

It is fun when you come into a shoot in the middle and you're trying to gauge where everybody's at on it. How does everyone feel about it? Can you make fun of this while it's happening? It's so nice to be here, right? We all like it. It's like, yeah, I guess it's good but the hours are really shitty.

I know what's kind of set we're on. Are you finding that the food sucks around here? I got it. Only a handful of times have I ever asked to guest star on something and I would say 75% of the time it's the last day and last set up of the entire production. And sometimes that's really cool because they have senioritis and there's a lot of food trucks and shit.

But then half the time it's because they're so far behind and they're like, do we really need to do the valet scene? The valet scene is so fucking stupid and I'm standing there with a vest on and a bow tie. We can do whatever. I also could take the vest off and just be a random passerby. Yeah, if someone walks up and is like, Christ, we'll get to you, I guess.

Everything's blowing up and you're like, oh no. I love a stressed AD. God. Stress to tie these two conversations together. Stressed sound guys are the best. They're just talking to you like this fucking mother fuck. Is he fixing your mic? Yeah, nose to nose with them as they put their hand underneath your shirt

and it's sort of in your pants. What's so great on this? This is fucking bullshit. Then he reeks of like a vape cloud. They all look like they played a minor league baseball in the San Diego. And it didn't work out. The cart is covered with billabong stickers. Except the guy wearing the Alvin Brothers shirt. These are different brands.

Different things. So how many episodes did you do? How many can we watch? They're all just once a week. We shot 101. We shot 93 more on spec. It is an aspirational title. It's calling our shot. And that always works.

Well, I mean, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I mean, you know, it's like... No, I think either way it works. Because if we don't get 101, it's funny. Because it's like, we couldn't even do that. How many episodes did you do for this first season? Eight. So on the eighth, did you run down 93 other places as an alt ending? No, but we're consistently picking. All right, we're off to...

And then we just hold our mouths open and then we'll just ADR it. Tokyo. Well, I can't wait for this. Madrid. One more. I'm really... I'm going to five. Go to rule of five.

And then 17. People have been waiting for the show. People want your... Honestly, they wanted to see Adam and Gabriel and their time to shine on TV. They want you back on their TV screens. And the fans of the show are really, really excited about it. And we all watch travel shows. They're such low bar bullshit.

Yeah, just put it on. You turn your brain off. Yeah, we almost called it low hanging fruit. We almost called it binge watch this hung over on New Year's Day. Well, 101 places to party before you die is this Thursday on True TV. Can you guys stick around for... We're on like a crazy press tour. Going from here to Rogan to Delia.

Oh, yeah. We're shifting gears. Okay. So wait, so I'm going to introduce a guest right now. We get to go around for a little bit. You're only going to stay one segment though? Yeah, we can't really stay, because we have to do so much. We have a celebrity litigant coming up a little later in the show.

I don't know what that means. Okay, all right. You better learn. It won't matter. Yeah, fair enough. All right, well, let's get to our next guest. He's been on the show before, unlike you, John. Oh, that's awesome.

But much like you, Adam. So, yeah, we're really seeing the differences between you guys. Now this is a time where you don't even have to inject something when you don't have something to talk about. I know, because I already have someone in the wings, and yet it's just verbal diarrhea where I... It's a pacing thing. Leave all this in, please.

This guy's like, what? I'm working on my type 10. It's not tight, by the way. I've seen it. It's very saggy. Guy works in a podcast company. He doesn't do tight comedy. Oh, that's 10.

10 minutes. Oh, okay. Let's talk to him. He's been on the show before. He's a photographer. Welcome back to the show, Jack Furze. Hey, Scott. Hey.

Thanks so much for having me. Hey, Jack. Great seeing you. Yeah, I'm still... You have a blackberry salad before you came in here by any chance? A lot of seeds in that salad. Is that better? Yeah.

Yeah, a lot. A lot. Crystal clear. Crystal clear. Great. Hey, great to see you, Jack. This is Adam. This is John.

How's it going? Hey, if you guys ever need a camera person on the show, you know... Yeah, you were talking... You were part-planning about your camera guy. I heard, and I fucking nailed that shit. I mean, that's my job. You're a photographer, but you're a videographer as well, right? That's right.

I do more photojournalism. Oh, nice. Do you do every, like, party photography? Because we're hopefully going to be able to have a premiere party for the show. And could you take some shots of the... That'd be great. Yeah, I could set up some cameras. If it's a high-crime area, you might want to look out...

I don't know where you're throwing this party, but a lot of these parties are in some pretty dicey locations, and I'm sure you guys know what I'm talking about. No, I don't, and I don't want to know. Well, this is a conversation I hear a lot from my uncle, and I'm scared where this is going. I don't know why that has anything to do with photojournalism. Well, I'm just following, you know, stories. If it bleeds, it bleeds, and... You cover the crime beat, mainly, as I think.

I mostly do the crime beat. Yeah, don't read into it too much. Oh, okay, okay. That makes way more sense. It makes way more sense. Usually, I mean... Hey, you guys seem hopped up, and I don't know what, so maybe you're looking into things a little too much.

Adam and I got very high before we... Just a little. I'm wearing a tie-dye T-shirt, so it gives off the impression. Yeah, no, some of the other camera guys are into the tie-dye shit, me not so much. I... Some of the other guys are into tie-dye. Like, wearing it? Wearing it, they just appreciate it.

They wear it, they make it, they love it. They sell it? They sell it. They're doing all sorts of crazy shit. Some of these other fucking whack jobs I run into at the local stations. I don't know how these guys look through a lens finder and find their own fucking feet. Not like you, though. Yeah, you're not a tie-dye guy.

I'm not a tie-dye guy. I don't have time for it. Let's describe what it is for these guys. It is time-consuming to make. To buy. To wear. To buy or wear? To buy or wear?

That's all myself. It's time-consuming to wear. You've been wearing that for about, you know, half an hour. A whole day. Yeah, a whole day. So it's very time-consuming. Half an hour. Half an hour.

We've been talking for 40 minutes. I'm sure you are getting your naked. A little too flashy, too. I came in like Terminator. I came in fully naked and pulled that off a dead hippie. When I shoot your guys' show... Wait, I'm gonna blow you in and thanks for bringing me aboard. I really needed a job.

You have no idea. I have no idea what your skill set is, but you have no idea how you are probably better than the people who are gonna shoot. What? Are you Ayatsi? I'm in multiple unions and if not, I'm in good standing. That's good. I don't know what that means.

The interesting thing about your style is a lot of it, it's sort of, I don't know what you would call a verite or something, but it's normally like, it seems like the camera is affixed to a building and stationary in a way. Yeah, quite often the camera is kind of linked on a rooftop. Right. And we're just catching something in the frame. Catching things that fly by like this guy at Night Wolf. I've talked about him before on this show.

Oh yeah, you've mentioned him on this show a couple of times. Yeah, I won't get into it. I'm not gonna waste everybody's time, but there is a guy kind of cleaning up the streets a little bit called the Night Wolf and he's a bit of a vigilante and I don't know why anybody's not talking to him and it might be cool if he showed up on your show. I've never heard of the Night Wolf. Yeah. Well, he's a Los...

Have you done your Los Angeles episode? We have not done an LA episode. Oh, he would come up on the Los Angeles episode. People would probably be talking about him locally. I had never heard of him. Is he like a super power thing or is he like a Batman? You know what? That's like a vengeance Batman.

Yeah, it's kind of both. Oh yeah. Does he have super powers? I don't know that this has ever come up. I think like magic? As far as like courage goes in a way, that's a bit of a superpower. To me, I think his courageousness and his bravery is... And his intelligence perhaps.

But for sure, that's a good point. He seems smart as hell. Is he like a mutate? Can he like walk through walls or fly or is there any sort of metaphysical? It's a mystery, Adam. We don't really know. You're just guessing at this point because you're in the media and you've caught him on tape a few times.

Yeah. You're one of the only people who has managed to catch my tape. I'm the only guy who's really been able to grab him and that's just so... So a guy named Jack Furr is the only guy who's caught the Night Wolf. Furr is Furr's. Oh Furr's. Never mind then. Well, I'm familiar with the surname Furr's.

Yeah, of course. So yeah, not too many other people... Yeah, does anyone ever seem to catch him on anything? No, even me. I mean, some of my shots can't really get his face too hot. Yeah. And he goes around like solving crimes and stuff? Yeah, yeah.

He travels around in... He's working on some of the bigger crimes, but some of the small ones... He's like a first responder. Yeah. He has a great way to put it out. What's he doing for... He's the first responder. Mm-hmm.

What's he doing for wage then? Maybe even like a negative responder. A negative responder. Yeah. Like negative first. It's like before the first one. He's before the crime? Yeah, before the crime?

Mm-hmm. So is he... Pre-crime? You know, you get pregnant from pre-crime. Oh no. Oh man, I just got a text message. Oh what? Adam, are you okay?

What's going on? My wife is waiting in the car. Are you doing... Why is your wife waiting in the car? Bring her in here. No, we're doing stuff... Do you do unlimited text? She's driving us to Rogan.

She's driving us around. She's driving us around. She's got a lot of stuff to do with it. She's on your family plan? She said that she's... Right now she's downstairs and there's like a madman in the parking lot with a gun threatening everybody. Oh, okay.

I will... I hope you might want to videotape it. Okay, yeah. I got cameras set up outside so we might be able... She says this is a situation that she needs to tell. I should go. Do you... Okay, yeah.

Okay, yeah. Or maybe you should go. I should go or... You know what's good for podcasting is when people leave. Well, I really have to get out of here. If we're late to Delia, he is going to be furious. Okay, maybe we should take a break. Let's take a break.

Everyone can kind of get their shit settled. Do you maybe want to... Do you maybe want to go look at what's going on in the parking lot? I actually really got to take a long shit. A long duration or a length of turd? A quick long... Let me say the other man frequently. Do you know the night hawk?

Night wolf. Night wolf. Can you call him for me, please? Yeah, you know what? I actually do kind of seem to... Well, call him. Yeah, yeah. I will try to get in contact with him.

I've set up like a night wolf flashlight. Flashlight? Flashlight? Yeah, it's flashlight. This is an emergency. And it's the daytime. You'll find it. You'll find it.

Jack, I got this baby Jack. It's like the bat signal, but it's a... I don't have time just to text him or whatever. There's a guy in the parking lot. He's going to find him. Your wife calls someone besides you about the mad man. If you're just going to... She's texting you.

Hold on. Dot, dot, dot. Dot, dot, dot. Oh, no. It's just dot, dot, dots. She called the cops and they said the night wolf will take care of it. What? Oh, shit.

That sounds like the LAPD. It's 2 PM. Okay, look. This is bad. I mean, this is big time. This is bad. Let's take a break. When we come back, you take care of whatever you need to...

I'm going to be gone. You're leaving? Yeah, I got to go do a pot. All right, that's fine. You guys on set. Yeah. Coming up, we have an activist. We also have a celebrity litigant.

One place you step party before you die. Thursday, July 14th, happy best deal day. We're also in the impractical Joker's episode before that. Which was a big deal. Scott, weird. This was awesome. Thank you so much. Yeah, thank you so much for being here.

It's so nice to meet you for the second time. Thank you for having me on panel. Yeah, of course. But we'll be right back. We'll have more. Jack, you can stick around. No, you might have to leave too. I ain't got to step out for a second.

Okay. And then I'll be right back. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I'll do that. Like something I ate. I don't know. Okay. Well, you might want to wash whatever that eyeliner you have on.

Oh, gosh. You have a lot of black eyeliner. Oh, yeah. And yellowish content. Yeah, yeah. I'm just playing softball. It's to get the glare off. Okay.

All right. Look. This is like insulation, some of this fur that's around my, that's coming through my shirt. I got to get this. I just got a hairy chest. All right. Well, we'll be right back with more comedy.

We'll be right back after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back. And boy, we stopped down for a bit, a lot of, a lot of drama out in the parking lot, but returning back with us is Jack Furze, our cameraman, our videographer. You're part of the MSM, the mainstream media, right? Is that a way to describe you? Yeah, I am.

And, um, uh, oh, what is that? Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Just filling up some, I'm dying of thirst. You know, yeah. You're dying of thirst. We are dying of, you're supposed to be pouring water for us.

I'm sorry. I was late. Yeah. I got caught in the parking lot. Some guy with like a furry cape on was beating me since. Wait, that was you? In the parking lot? Yeah.

I saw, I saw, uh, what's your face? The, uh, the lady who's married to the guy from Sonic 2. Uh, I saw, I saw. And Sonic 1. I've only seen Sonic 2. I've only seen Sonic 2. I got Paramount Plus too late. But here's the thing.

Officer Ferdy, whatever. Yeah. That's shit. I wish I knew that name because that's what would have come in handy weeks ago. Well, the, the, the father of, uh, Fart Bottom Jr. Oh, got it. Okay. I love that song.

Fart Bottom Girls. Oh, I think you're listening to it wrong. See, there's, there's bells. Oh no, that's bicycle. They're back to back on Killer Queen. They are. Yeah. A side B side.

That's a crossword clue. Did you call it like a wolf jitsu? Yeah. It was, he was biting my neck. There was nuzzling. He howled a few times. His lipstick was out. He had like a long red, like tongue.

All right. Well, don't talk about that. The, uh, yeah, I think I know that guy from my dojo. Wait, was it night wolf though? It sounds like if he was cleaning the things up out there, yeah. He knew him from your dojo. I was pretty clear it was night wolf. I had a mask on because of COVID.

I was wearing a luchador mask because of COVID. Oh. And I had my cell phone is in a case that looks like a handgun. So, and I was trying to get service. So I was running around, I was running around the book a lot. And then some, some nice young blonde lady in a BMW starts screaming. It's someone called the police, someone called night wolf. I'll text my husband.

Okay. Okay. But then I got the snot kicked out of me. He's a pretty, he's a pretty tough ombre that night. Wolf. I wouldn't want to roll with that guy. Is he like the guy at your, uh, yeah, I think sounds like sounds like some of the guys at my dojo.

Multiple guys. Oh man. I'll tell you why. Geno. Yeah. Great take. I'm sorry. I'm here. I'm not going to talk for the rest of the episode. Oh, that's all right. No, it's good to have you.

You've been on in a little bit, but. No, I have not been. I've been sitting outside. I'm literally here with an empty glass. Pour me the water. You got it. Geez. Pour me the water.

Was this Jerry Maguire? Huh? I haven't seen it. Do you think it's about a water salesman or a bartender? That's cocktail. Show me the water, Jerry. All right. Thank you so much. Uh, great to have you, Geno.

Uh, are, uh, you're our intern from Long Island. That's correct. You got it right on the first time. Usually guests. Sometimes I think it's New Jersey. And that is infuriating. I know. I'm so sorry. I feel like you've been on so many times though.

Now I've, I sort of. Jesus Christ. This seat is so warm and damp. Who is sitting in here? Uh, Long Island medium. What? The, the Teresa with the blonde hair. Are you making a joke about my favorite comedian?

John Gavress was here. I fucking missed them. Yeah. Yeah. He was here. He gave me a job. I'm, I'm pumped. That's exciting. Yeah. It's nice to see one medium.

John Edwards. Wait, the crossing over guy was here. He was here. He was here. I told him that the guy who fucked his wife. She did on his wife while she was sick. Is that a different John Edwards? Stop this campaign because of that.

Yeah. Remember when standards. How old is Gino Lombardo? It's the title of my memoir. Oh. Well, Gino, great to have you here. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me.

I'm done. And Jack, I'm glad that you took your shit. Is that what happened? Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. I was so crude about it, but. Oh, it's all right. That's just how us industry guys are.

We just talk about that stuff and, and I had to go. So, you know, I was. I understand. Well, I feel like we didn't get a chance to talk to you too much other than about the night wolf, which we always get side track talking about the night wolf. I'm sorry.

I even brought it up. Have you heard about this guy, the cross puzzler? No, the cross puzzle. Yeah, really? What is that? Who is that? He's got me in a bit of trouble, Scott. He, he sent these threatening puzzles to the mayor

and some other city officials. Garcetti? Yeah. Garcetti himself. And they're full of, I guess if you answer these crossword puzzles, it's kind of a challenge to the night wolf. And if they would have answered them correctly, it would have really put the night wolf into the,

you know, the headlines. But some of these questions, it's almost as if the cross puzzler just put it into a computer program and it had multiple options. And they can kind of equal some pretty scary stuff. And these guys thought their lives were threatened. And somehow the federal authorities traced it back to me. Jack first. That's weird.

Yeah. How did they trace it back to you? I mean, God, I don't know. This is some sort of conspiracy. Did the cross puzzler like, oh, this is a level that. My cross puzzler, by the way, is Jesus Christ. Yeah. I hope so.

He's always like, what? I don't think he figured that thing out. How does this thing work? Ouch. So I'm in a promise, believe me. I'm in a bit of a, I kind of came on looking to see if you knew any. Lawyers. Lawyers.

We have a celebrity litigants coming later. That might be a lawyer. I'm not sure. You could ask him for advice. Okay. It is a him. It is a him. Yes.

Okay. Good. Yes. So I assumed it was a guy because it was a lawyer. No, he's a litigant. I don't even know what that is. Okay. Yeah.

We'll figure it out. Well, great to have you, Jack. I'm sorry to hear. They're in your knees and elbows. Oh, yeah. Now I know what you're talking about. Well, it's great to have you, Jack. I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles, but I'm sure the night wolf will take care

of this once he finds the cross puzzler. Yeah. Yeah. If we can find that son of a bitch. Yeah. Well, we'll see. I wish you best of luck, Jack first, with your new gig working on Gabriel and Pallie's new show.

Yeah. I could use getting out of town for a little while. Yeah. All right. Well, look, speaking of coming into town, we need to talk to our next guest, if that's okay. You, Gino, can you get the water ready for... Levels up on guest mic now.

Okay, here we go. Great. Seven, eight. Perfect. Perfect. Let's talk to her. She's an activist. This is exciting.

Look, it's a fraught time in our country right now. You call it America. Yeah. People call it that all the time. Our American country is what I was going to say. But that feels like a book you write when you're 60 right before you start to put politics. Sorry. Sorry.

Were you talking? No. No. Action. Action. Okay, here we go. Where? Let's bring her on.

Where? He's looking for action. Sorry. Sorry. No, I'm just filming stuff. Okay. Let's bring her on. She's an activist.

Please welcome to the show for the first time. Bethany... Sorry. Let's... Oh, stop. I'm Bethany Waterbottle. Waterbottle. Yes.

I thought I said winter bottom and I... You better fill up my water. You got... You didn't bring... Fill it up, pig. Oh, okay. Oh, God. Sorry.

I'll take this cop outfit off. Wait, how did you describe yourself? You're the... What? Slimies. Grimies. Screamies. Screamies.

Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies.

Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. Screamies. I'll sit my fingers up, you bum. Oh.

Wait, you're a bull? I thought you're an activist. Okay, well then I'm having flashbacks to high school where I was bullied every day by a priest. Yeah, the only thing I'm active on is bullying you lot. I'm on a global tour, fists and all that. Okay, so you're a professional bully? Is that what I'm trying to get to?

Guess you could call me a professional. I can't be stopped by the government, can I? Oh, okay. Well, what? I'm an international waters. I'm Bethany Waterbottle. Well, welcome to the show Bethany Waterbottle. Waterbottle.

Okay. What? You're saying bull? Bull like tons of bull on a wall. Okay, got it. Well, welcome to the show. You're a bully, though. That's what you're on to talk about?

Two for flippin'. Don't shake your fist at me. Hey, whoa, Scott, you got hard, right, when Bethany punched you. Try to call the police. I dare any one of you. My family is the water bottle family. I'm protected from all angles. I've got my dad.

In Los Angeles, if you try to call the police, they're going to send two therapists. Yeah. Or the night wolf. The hell if you're lucky, the night wolf might save you, but... If that night wolf tried to walk on me, you know what I'd do? Pull out his head, pull on his teeth and touch his eyeballs. Hey, don't do that. Is bullying different in the UK?

Because, you know, you keep threatening to touch eyeballs and finger assholes. No one likes having their eyeballs touched, did I? Fair enough. The butthole thing I think some people like. I think, honestly, everyone would like it if they tried it. A lot of the people don't like it just are a little frayed. The male G-spot is real. Oh, okay.

So, how old of a person are you? Do you mind me asking because you sound like you could be three or you could be 83? That's disrespectful. You better wash your back or I'll bet you to death. I wash my back? I'll wash your back and touch eyeballs. Stick me fingers up your butt. You're 14, is that what you said?

I'm 14. Are you scared? How old are you? 92. Pull down your trousers. I don't think that's going to tell you how old I am. Are you talking to me or should I pull mine up? You can't say that to someone who already has a job.

Oh, hey, she's 14, she's there. I've got to keep my drawers on. Actually, can we move this mic 200 yards east? Look, Bethany, you're a 14-year-old bully from... It's Bethany. Sorry, Stephanie? Bethany. That's what I said, didn't I?

Like Beth, like Bethlehem. That's what I said, Bethany. Bethany. What am I saying wrong? Bethany water bottles, say it, pig. Bethany water bottle. All right, you got it. Okay.

So you're a 14-year-old bully from the UK? Yeah, from London Town. And who do you bully? Everyone I can get meands on. You know why? As I said before, government can't stop me because I'm from the water bottle family. Me dad, Dasani, me mum, Fuji, me uncle, Avian.

You can't mess with us, can you? They work there? They can do all the cash in the water shortage. Their first names are the brands of all the water bottles. My sister, Crystal Geyser. My other sister, Valley Spring. Oh, my God, you're so connected. I know what sister is cheap there.

Excuse me. Excuse me, pull down your trousers. These trousers? Okay. Let me touch the eyeball. And I just use Hansani. Oh! There's a little burn for your pig.

Should I pull up my trousers now? Why haven't you pulled up? And trousers are pants, right? I'm going to stop filming this. So you've come to our country to bully us? What exactly? I'm trying to get a handle on you. What exactly are you here for?

I guess I'm on a bullying rampage because I can't be stopped. And my family don't care, do they? Everybody got a water bottle name except for me, Bethany, adopted. Oh, so you were adopted, really? Oh, I'm so sorry. I was adopted into the water bottle crime family

so they wouldn't have to pay me real wages treatment like a child labor and all that. So your family adopted you so they wouldn't have to pay you? So they needed an employee. They weren't dying for another child. Because they already had your sister's arrowhead in Poland Spring.

Crystal Geyser. Crystal Geyser is one of the only fans accounts I follow. She throws a tarp down and then makes a mess. Excuse me, what do you say about my sister? Put your trousers back on. Okay, put it back on. Jesus Christ.

I'm a little sweaty so it's hard to pull them up and down that much. Pull them up higher. Higher. Okay, how's this? Does it hurt? I feel like a high school offensive line coach with my shorts this high.

I got this foopa going. Keep them up really high and everyone else take your pants completely off and put them in my basket. I'm not putting my pants in your basket. Because I can tell you're going to take me off a couple more times so better spare me, say, and take off your trousers

and just take them off now. All right, here we go. I've got random furry stuff underneath my pockets. I just don't let everybody know. I lost a bet earlier this morning. Oh, I understand. Yeah, all right, let's take our pants. Here we go.

Here you go. In the pants basket they are. All right, there we are. I'm over here touching my own eyes. I learned something I like over here. Oh, these trousers stink tonight. I mean, one of them I think does. Okay.

That could be anybody. I think it's you, Jack. I'm wearing a lot of layers today. I just guessed the weather wrong. LA's crazy like that. It's cold in the morning. That's famous. LA's famous for the weather being hard to nail down.

So are you traveling to other countries to try to get a message out or are you, I mean, what are you doing while you're here? I mean, how long are you here? So many questions. Good question, Scoot. You know what I'm doing. Oh, man, that hurts.

She's a fucking professional bully there. She's got cuts to the core. Fuck. I'm on a bullying rampage. I guess because I've had my feeling to having been really included in my family. So going on a world tour to cause as much pain as I've felt in it.

Years and years working in the factory for my family's and adopted little Bethany. You know, in the top of a water bowl, there's a little white lid on it. Sure. Yeah. Speak when it's poking too big. Here's your trousers back.

Come on. Oh, shit. Okay. I'll put it in your back. Those are Jack's trousers. Oh, yeah. I'll put on the stinky ones. They smell like smoke bombs just in my eye.

Now, Bethany, I had a quick question. You said you work for the crime family in the water bottle factory? The water bottle family is a bit of a crime family because they know the water supply is going to dry up and then they're going to be like the different sections of a mafia. Oh.

But because they haven't given me a proper title, I'm just out here on my own. Like I said, he's a work in the factory putting the little white lids on. But you know the part that's like the little ring around the white lid? Yeah, they connect it. The bed tears away when he's in.

Speak when it's poking. Trousers up round your neck. Oh, shit. Oh, God. Now he's hard again. Well, that was my job as a little one. Can I put my trousers around my neck? No, you may not.

Just the belt? Okay. I'm doing it anyway for kicks. I was the only one in my family with fingers little enough to put the little ring around the top of the water bowl. Oh, this is some snowpiercer shit. Get in there.

Work your bones off. Why don't you, Bethany? Can you blame me when after 10 years of that, all I want to do is, oh, frisky claps and pound on dick slaggers and trousers, huh? You started doing that at the age of four? Hey, is your dad dead? Hey, you shouldn't ask someone that.

Sorry. Nothing you should ask. He just passed. Oh, no. The CBB curse strikes again. Did he kill himself because his name was Fuji and that is in a water bottle? My mom's name's Fuji.

My dad's the sonny. My uncle, Evian. My sister, Crystal Guy. My other sister, Alex, bring me brother Tap. Tap? Oh, man. I'd hate to be Tap. Tap.

You know what's a sad thing about Tap? Stillborn. Oh, but you still bring him up when people ask you about your family? Well, no, he's not dead, is he? Just stillborn. Oh, he still was born. He's not sparkling is what I'm saying.

Oh, I understand now. A sparkling was for the French, isn't it? La Croix, Perrier, dirty French geezers, isn't it? I understand. But my dad's dead. Yes, suicide. Oh, Jesus. Why?

Because it's the sonny. It's filtered water with salt. There's higher powered waters you could be. Okay, sure. How do you go on knowing so much about the Water Bowl family? I'm from Long Island, which is a big deli island. So there's a lot of water bottles and a sort of... You know, unlike our previous guest,

Gino knows everything about it. Yeah, I know everything about it. I can't believe I miss Gabriel, by the way. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Jesus, this chair is still fucking choking with swamp. He said he was going to go take the train for the first time on his way out.

All the way from Jamaica? Yeah, exactly. And then it's like through Rockville Center of America. Oh, yeah, all of it. Belmore, Wanto, Seaford, Mesa Vequa, Mesa Vequa Park. Oh, yeah, all of it. Amityville, Copa, Glintonhurst, and Babylon? Yeah, all of those.

He's going to say all of those for the first time. That's a long train ride. It is very long. Because if you get all the way to the end and you fall asleep or something, you've got to wake up, you've got to take it all the way back. Oh, yeah, exactly, yeah. You've got to go from Babylon to Copa, Glintonhurst,

Amityville. Then you go to Mesa Vequa Park, Mesa Vequa, Seaford, Wanto, Merrick, Belmore, Merrick, Freeport, Baldwin, Rockville Center, Pugardens. Yeah, he didn't know any of that stuff. Oh, thank God. That's my corner. That's kind of my thing, is the railroad.

I don't have big bucks. I don't get driven around like, you know, Mr. Fucking True TV over there, driven around in a Toyota Tercel by Q. And not QAnon Q, Brian Q Quinn, one of the jokers. Oh, OK. I thought you were talking about Q from Star Trek. Oh, I don't even know that one.

Really? Is that the guy who says that Biden's a pedophile? No. I mean, in his off hours when the cameras are not on. So Bethany. Bethany. I keep saying it right. I think Bethany, how did you even get to our country?

I mean. Oh, what? Like a war bull, Eric's can't go and apply like you lot. What? Because I'm British, I gotta take the Titanic, mate. Is that what you're all about? No, I just. Trousers in your mouth, suck on the ankle part.

Oh, Jesus. I just mean, you're just Jack's trousers. Those are particularly weird. Yeah. Oh, God. They're a little bloody down there. I just mean you're an unaccompanied minor. We're on 14.

That's marriage age in England. Is it really? I'm sure. It'll be here soon enough too. Yeah. In America? Yeah. Once the good guys get everything sorted out in the Supreme Court, we should be all

money. Jesus Christ, these freaks. Really? I'm Italian from Long Island and I'm not even that Catholic. Jesus. So anything you want to say? I mean, this is a huge issue. I mean, this is a huge issue.

This is a huge issue. This is a huge issue. This is a huge issue. This is a huge issue. This is a huge issue. This is a huge issue. So anything you want to say? I mean, this is a huge platform.

Anything you want to say to our listeners out here? I mean, you're a bully. What I'm getting is you're a bully from England and you're here. You're just here. Well, I'm here to kick this shit out, you Scott. Am I? That's why you've come to America? I'm going to kick the piss out, you mate.

Okay. And then after that, you know what I'm going to do after I've beat all of America into submission? I'm going to start my own little franchise. It's going to be the only type of water available to all you thirsty little pigs. Okay. What are you going to call it? I mean, your name is Bethany water bottle.

Is it going to be Bethany water or? It's going to be Beth to death. Whoa. Okay. It's going to be like an energy drink too. With blood and piss in it too. And a little bit of spit. Okay.

That's disgusting. That spit crosses my mind. What else are you going to drink? When all the lakes and lagoons get all thropped up in the evolution of the evaporation type? I think it's a myth that all lagoons are going to get flopped up. I'm sorry. I've done my own research and I'm not positive lagoons are going to get as flopped up as everyone says they are.

I mean the oceans, the icebergs. The oceans we know are going to get flopped. The lagoons? That's obvious. But lagoons, come on. Come on. For fuck's sake. Lagoons and lagoons are supposed to be the only things that last through the poppies.

Yeah, exactly. This is your American education showing, in England, why now about all the lagoons? And everything going to get flopped up 2024, the great flopping. 2024? That's too soon. No. I have so much life to live. Sorry, mate.

You're going to end up suicide like me, dad. Oh, please don't say that. Trust me, I have dealt with a lot of tragedies. In what way? What do you mean, Jack? Several suicides, some fucked up deaths of many of my wives. There was no back half to that sentence. It was just, oh, trust me, I've seen a lot of tragedies.

I thought that was setting up. What do you mean? It's just, holy shit, Jack, I'm not. I'm just trying to get a little empathetic with our 14-year-old guest here. I'm 14, but I'm stronger than you, mate. Your arms look like little wet spaghetti, man. Okay, that's true. Let's take, could we have some sort of strength test between the two of you?

I mean, you claim to go to a dojo? I do, yes. I've learned wolf jitsu at this dojo. Let's try it then. 11 seconds to punch the other in the head as many times as possible. Okay. Are you taking turns or doing something? Bam, he's out cold.

Oh, god. He's out cold. She called her shot. I think you, so you won, 1-0? All right, that's 11 seconds. You won, 1-0. You can let the others in. Let's walk out as you want.

Jack, hey. What the hell happened? She got one shot and you were down. There were two hits actually, her hitting you and you hitting the ground. Man, that one works. It's a 50 years on. It is still good. Are the mics picking up?

I hear like a protest outside. What? I hear a lot of people like chanting and saying go away. I don't. What is happening here? I don't know. I'll ask the front desk person on the next break, but it seems like there's a kind of there's like a celebrity coming in.

There's a limo and there's a bunch of weird. There's a bunch of women banging on the hood of the car. What's going on in the parking lot today? The parking lot's hot, so. TMZ is out there, actually. TMZ is out there? Your buddy, I mean you must know them because there's a plenty of photographer. TMZ will not give me the time thing.

TMZ. They hate that, man. They hate that. I know. Gino, thank you. I'm not the only one who made that joke. They fucking hate that. I got black balled by TMZ.

Just because you went in there singing 1880's TM team. Yeah, what's black? Black listed or black balled? Black balled. Black balled is the same thing. Okay, yeah. Maybe it's like a Hellman's, you know. The black balled is what I'm going to do to you, Scott.

Oh shit, please. Charles is off. Let me pummel him. Okay, we're not going to do an 11 second thing. How? God damn it. Holy shit. Yeah, I guess they are.

Hang pretty low. They're making a low hanging fruit. They make some crazy noises. Paul, you never know. Maybe TMZ's out there for May, because I'm a war-balled Aries. She is from England. She said Zed.

Or Canada. All right, look. It's getting way too loud out there. I don't know what is happening out there in the parking lot. We're going to have to take a break here. Bethany, can you stick around? It's Bethany, you cunt. Jesus Christ.

Jack, I know you can stick around. And Gino. What the fuck does that mean, man? I don't know. Gino, you're cool. I'm supposed to engineer Crystal Lee as podcast later, but I can stick around for a little bit. Appreciate it.

All right, we're going to come back. We're going to have a celebrity litigant when we come back. That's very exciting. We'll find out what a litigant means. That'll be our first question to him. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang, we're back. We have Gino.

Soundspeeds. Action. Scott. Okay, we're recording now. Where the camera is rolling. Please turn the camera off. We have intergenos over here. Jack Furz is with us, the photographer.

He works for the media. Freelance. And available. Okay. And we also have Bethany water bottle. Oh, two for pension. Oh, shit. God damn it.

But okay, so we went down to the parking lot. We found out what was going on. I guess it's our next guest. All I had was celebrity litigant here on my sheet, but apparently it's, when they said celebrity, it is a huge celebrity. Please welcome to the show, Johnny Depp. Thank you, Mr. Aquaman.

Can we okay? Johnny, are you high? Hey, Johnny. No. Johnny. Define high. Intoxicated. Yes.

Oh, okay. Johnny, it's great to have you. Thank you, Mr. Aquaman. When I heard celebrity litigant, and please, our first question, what is a litigant? Explain this to our listeners. It's not a bone, but it's also not.

It's not a bone. Not a bone. Okay. Well, it's a person who's a part of the leg. Wait, you know, when you're asking Johnny, do you quiz him, Johnny Depp? What did you do? This guy's been through so much.

From what I know, it's not a bone. I mean, my pet wolves go crazy for bones, so I know them all. I'm sorry, Jack. You have pet wolves? Yeah, yeah. I also have a pet wolf. A miniature one, tiny pet wolf.

Well, trust me, they start small, they get freaking big, man. My mind went the other way. They started small? Got even smaller? I bought it huge. Oh, shit. I thought I was getting the biggest wolf ever.

Turns out I was from long. Really? How long did it take? Was it like a Benjamin Button of wolves? Six days. It happened very quickly. Six days. Very quickly.

Shit. It became apparent. Like a deflating balloon. I knew I had made a mistake on day two. Why didn't you take it back to who sold you the wolf? I wanted to see where it would end up. Oh. Day two, that's right away.

Right away. Yeah. Wow. Yes, Governor. Well, Johnny, what I'm getting from context clues. The governor is in here. It's a saying. It's a pretty good thing.

Trust me, I don't want Newsom here. He got some weird threats and he's bringing them back on me. I know what it's like to be a threatened man. Well, this is what I'm going to say. From context clues, I'm guessing a litigant is someone who was recently in the court system and you... I tore my anthusiastic, crucery. Right, yeah.

I mean, say what you will about your career, but you've been in the news recently. That's right, Mr. Oakland. And tell us about the... You sound like a Bram Stoker creature. I am from Kentucky. But I mean, obviously you sound... You're Johnny Depp.

You sound exactly like yourself. You sound like yourself. I'm just putting that together. Sometimes you don't, do you, Johnny? Sometimes you sound like Captain Jack Sparrow. There you go. I'll just sign your forehead. Wow, he's big timing you.

No problem. He's just out for you. The bully. No problem. Do we actually find a bigger bully than Bethany Waterbottle? Listen up! Johnny, I'm not just one of your... I'm not a bootstrap bill.

Hold on. I'm texting called Bethany. Shit in his bed. Shit in his bed. You don't know how to act, do you, Bethany? This has never happened to you. Johnny Depp, I'm going to squeeze out a turd on your kneecap.

I can't. I'm too shy. You're too shy. You speedbag boy. You fucking did a punch and drill. You knocked me out cold. This happens all the time. I guess what's actually happening is there's a person

in the room all respect. It's a definite power imbalance here. All right, we got Bethany on the record saying she respects Johnny Depp. Hi, Johnny. That could be used in a litty in the future. Johnny Depp. Yes.

Hi. Hello. I got a black and red. What are you drinking over there? I had stones. Well, I do have a smoothie that's covered in seeds. Yeah. Just to coat my throat for my gig tonight.

Yeah. What are you doing tonight? I'm playing with Slash, Duff McKagan, Joe Perry. Oh, I was going to say you hadn't mentioned anyone first. Joe Perry. So that's Slash. Who is that? Oh, Slash is Snakebill.

Oh, part of them. Okay. Bucket phase. Bucket phase? That's Buckethead's nephew. The buckethead may he rest in peace. Two pieces. The bucket in the head.

May he rest in a two piece bucket? May he rest in a two piece. He was buried in a bikini. Everyone knows that. Oh, yeah, I understand. Fred and Robert Durst. Was it an open casket? Wait, you're still listening to people in the band?

Yeah. Fred Durst and Robert Durst. It's like Arcade Fire. It's like Arcade Fire. A lot of members. Oh, wow. Yes. And we only play in London.

Oh, okay. You have a gig tonight in London? Yeah, tonight. Wow. A real local. A real local. How did you know she was from London? I could tell right away by her accent.

We have similar accents. Oh, yeah. How many bandanas are you wearing? Can you see the stew of your eyes? There's scarves. I have 11 scarves on and two Ascot's I've fashioned as a belt. Oh, wow. I mean, I wouldn't say it's a good look.

It's a very intriguing look. That's all I'm going for. Yeah, wow. Anyway, what are your questions, Mr. Ockerman? Wait, you came on the show. Are you plugging this show at that slaggy snake bit with bucket face? Well, I'm doing a gig tonight and then I was driving around Sunset and I saw a giant poster of a show that intrigued me.

Kind of a travel, hybrid travel comedy show. You're into hybrid shows? I'm into anything that is multi. Oh, they'll love getting a plug from you, Johnny Depp. Sounds like their demo exactly. Well, I noticed that I was good friends with one of the hosts. Really? You don't have to say which one.

Actually, I recognize both of them from parties and get-togethers at my home and hotel rooms. I saw the two guys you're talking about. We're talking about John Gabriel's long-own comedian and his friend Adam Paley. Adam Paley, yes. Yeah, those guys had a lot of skull rings on. I think they've been hanging out. Crazy night with Adam Paley and it was me, Adam Paley, me, Adam Paley, Gary Phoenix. Who's the Phoenix brother that is less talked about?

There's River Wucky with Gary. Oh, right. Sure, Gary. He's a competitive eater. Yes. He's the coolest competitive eater. Those vegan hot dog eating contest. I've never seen anything like it.

Yeah. Swallows. Does that give them an advantage to them not being meat? It's beyond. Yes, these swallows. It's beyond or is it impossible? Are we talking meat alternatives or adjectives describing the competition? Honestly, I don't know anymore, Mr. Gabriel.

I think you're drinking too much red wine. Yeah, you've gone through four bottles since you sat down. They're mega-pints, Scott. Mega-pints. No, they're just bottles. Nope, that's what a bottle is also referred to as a mega-pint in England. You should not be drinking this much. And can you stop smoking here, please?

Who's to say, these are clothes. I'm not smoking. That's even worse, yeah. I'm not smoking these clothes. Oh, that's been you? I thought one of my smoke bombs went on. You have smoke bombs on you, Jack? Why do you have smoke bombs?

They're just the haze for my camera filter. Oh, yeah, yeah, get a little depth. Yeah, yeah. I'm looking for new headshots. I'm looking for new headshots. I can hook you up, man. Actually, I'm looking for someone. Can you fight the night wolf?

Because he probably will get a picture of you. I would love to, is there a script? Because I would take a look. Hey, yes. You should play the night wolf. Well, that's a bad idea. I'm pretty hot right now. And plus, I'm getting sued by Kevin Hart

over his night wolf movie, which is coming out, which I have no relation to. Yeah, you've been on the show for years now, doing the night wolf. I thought that came out already. I will see, I mean. I can't believe Kevin Hart is making a movie. That's crazy.

Anyway, my... Seems so unlike him. He's like a family guy. He doesn't seem to be in his interests. My dance card is open. Yeah, I mean, well, look. When he asks if there's a script, just say yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Good idea, Scott. Well, all of you don't know how to act around Johnny. Everyone. Trousers off and let Johnny wear all of them. Here, Johnny, do you want to wear our clothes? Give them over. You can use them as scarves if you want. Here.

CW post, swimming and diving sweatpants. Johnny, now you've got the most amount of trousers on, which means you're my leader. Or do anything for you, Johnny. You want to team up if your dance card's open. Actually... We can make a new top of water together. You could do me a favor and pull...

This sweater vest has, like, 11 ticks on it. Shit, for real? God damn it, I knew that's mine. I knew I was sick with summer. I got friggin' Lyme disease. You want me to knock him out again for you, Johnny? Yes, please. Bam, bam, bam.

Oh, and the ticks. Okay, I got to make an announcement. I just looked up who Johnny Depp was on my phone, because I knew I was mad. Oh, you didn't know? I knew I recognized you from somewhere. A lot of news stories about you lately. I'm in the press.

Yeah, you're doing a fourth Pirates. Yep. It's a lot like a small crew on a travel show. That's how we can understand it. When I said Pirates, I totally understood the reference. It's different than the last couple of Boo Pirates movies. This one's about a small crew on a hybrid travel comedy show. Yeah, I was going to say, I mean, you've been in the news a lot,

and even though you won your case, people... Gold medal. Gold medal. I won the gold. Although now they're saying... And I had it filtered down to a tooth. I read right before you came in here that they may be throwing it out, because one of the jurors is not who they said they were.

Is that so? Yes. You're hearing this for the first time? I have not heard that. That is important news. That is bad news for you. Good news in general for society. I guess so.

I got something to say. That other juror was me. Bethany. I went there and I lied to him. I told him, oh, I'm Bethany Waterbottle. And they believed me. And then I fought for Johnny's freedom because I love him so much. How the hell do you change your voice like that?

That's amazing. I don't know how to do that. Is that skill you need for saying, I can't do that. I gotta say, the night wolf is fun to have. I would like to learn how to do that as well. That is impressive. I would love to learn how to do any voice. The night wolf is one of the few...

I feel trapped sometimes because I really only have this voice. The night wolf is one of the few superheroes who has that gravelly voice in his personal life as well. What are you talking about? I've never met the night wolf in his personal life. I don't know that. I would love to trail him. I would love to do a trail ride along with the night wolf if you could maybe hook me up with him. I'll see what I can do.

Be careful. Ride Along's also a Kevin Hart movie. You're saying, you know, Jack, you're saying that the night wolf isn't getting a lot of traction. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no, Johnny. He's gonna really catapult him into the public. Look, Johnny only has the best fans. So if you get Johnny in your movie, only the best people are gonna...

Here's the pitch. Look at his name online. Here's the pitch. It's me as the night wolf. I drive around in a Honda Civic. Oh, well, he drives a Pontiac Sunfire if you're down with that. And what's it say? It's spray painted on the sides.

I'm not used to throwing things in the trunk of that, but I'll give it a shot. Okay, great. And it's me and Paul Bettany. And we're riding around Hollywood. It's night wolf and Paul Bettany. It's night wolf and Paul Bettany. And Paul Bettany. And Paul Bettany.

And poor Bettany. And poor Bettany. And poor Bettany. It's night wolf. It's me as night wolf. Poor Bettany. And Paul Bettany. Okay, great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we're driving around in a Batmobile like car. A Pontiac Fire? Or like a Wolf... What is it? A Pontiac Sunfire. It says Wolfman Mobile on it. And I think he kind of ran out of space when he was spray painting it.

It gets smaller and smaller. Yeah, yeah. It really squished Mobile on it. They need to put Mobile on it. It kind of turns down to the right. Yeah. It kind of over the bumper a little bit. Maybe they would have known it's a automobile.

Yeah, thank you, Johnny. He could have just said night wolf on it. Thank you, Johnny. It would have been interesting if it's a boat. He should have done that. This is the way that your mind works though, Johnny. I only tell the truth. Yeah.

The truth seeker. So I don't know, I mean, you know. I know, I'm googling him. He's a big deal. He's never... Wait, you didn't even know who he is? How am I the only one who knows who Johnny Depp is? I'm not more of a news guy.

Well, obviously Depp and you do. Yeah, I know him from Depp Walbos. What? That's right. And maybe Savage. He's in Crimes of Grindelwald. All-Savage. You said what?

Crimes of Grindelwald? He falls into... It's called Crimes of Grindelwald. He disappears into the role though. So it's hard because that's the only movie... He disappears from the role too, two movies in. My greatest role. I was nominated for an Academy Award for that part.

I don't think you were. Yes, I was. I don't believe you were. I don't believe I was either. I mean, it's... You know, he's never done a superhero film. He's... That's true.

That's true. There's a lot of superheroes I could play too. Yeah, yeah, I'll hook you up with... Silver Surfer maybe? Silver Surfer. No, no, no. Let's do a night walk. This is good.

Maybe the new Iron Man. No, he's better. No, after that Iron Man 3 with the terrible cast... Mrs. Marvel. Mrs. Marvel. Mrs. Marvel. She marries Miss Marvel? Mrs. Marvel.

The marvelous Mrs. Marvel is married. Ooh, maybe it's like a court movie. Oh. And it's like me and Mrs. Marvel are having a high-profile force. You know? In Ohio. They say right what you know. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, let's not get Marvel involved, because I think they're coming after me. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. Me too. By the way, Johnny, you should not be saying me too. Yeah, you actually... Stay away from that place.

Honestly, you should be. Sorry, you're right. You're right. No, no. Okay, well, gosh. I don't know. I do want to also talk about the bummer of last week. Oh, what happened?

You're doing a bummer of the week feature? Is that new for Comedy Bed Day? It is 13th year. We have Johnny Debs doing bummer of the week. I don't know if this is going to stick. I bet you it won't. All right, but it is. What do you...

I like the idea of pitching it in 2022. Yeah. Here comes Johnny Debs bummer of the week. Rolling. Sound speeds. Action. Even though the American cinema had a comeback with great films like Top Gun and Sonic the Hedgehog and...

Sonic. We have a similar accent. There is an economic downturn coming and I want to warn everybody and say it's going to be a real bummer. So your bummer of the week is something that's coming? Look out for it. Next week it'll be another... I'm pretty bummer.

If you want a bummer in the house, I can give you one. No, no. Please. Put my fingers up your butt. I'll give you the taste. Please, please, Bethany. Don't bully me anymore. Okay, I'm going to cut.

Let me get another take at it. How many takes do you normally do in a movie? Depends. You should have an ear wig. You seem like a one take guy. I'm a one take Johnny. One take Johnny. It's like post...

I did all of Pirates 2 and... I've heard that they ask for more takes. It seems post 95 you're a one take guy. My contract says you get one. One for me and that's it. So you're not even one for me, one for you. One for me, one for Johnny and then we're done. That's a wrap.

Tail lights by what? 2 p.m.? Well, you only have me for two hours door to door. Yep. That's what I thought. And how far away do you live from the set? Four and a half hours. By helicopter.

So an hour in you turn around and just go back home. If I'm shooting on Thursday, I got to start on Monday. All right. Well, Johnny... Four and a half hour helicopter ride. It's like three refuels. Well, I'm very green. Well, good luck to you, Johnny.

I won't need it. I won't need it. I've just been awarded a lot of money. Has anyone ever said bad luck to you as a goodbye to someone? I can tell you right now this character is a good idea. Who I said are you ready right before we started? And I said for the ThunderDome, I think I'll be fine. And how are you feeling now?

Glad it's over. All right. Back with more Johnny after this. Just Johnny. All right. Look, guys, we are running out of time. We're running out of time for one final feature on the show, and that is a little something called plugs.

Oh, it's still going. Yeah. Okay. That was pluggy pluggy. Oh, Beersley by Beersley. God, okay. Yeah. Let's throw it on again.

Yeah. Are you a dancer? You brought out the glow sticks? Yeah. I don't have all these extra glow sticks from shooting a daylight parody. Daylight parody? Do you have a longer version?

Mr. Ockerman. I don't believe I do, Johnny. Why did you want to jam over it? I thought I could. Your rudimentary guitar? Some riffs, maybe an A chord or a D chord. I like how some of the only bands you played with are like Oasis. That's the level you can hang.

Sometimes they lower my guitar. Interesting. All right. What are we plugging? Let's go. First of all, let's go over to Chino. What do you want to plug, guy? I, one of my favorite comedians is shirtless on billboards all around this fucking city.

He's got B cups, funny guy. I think it's called 101 Places to... To party. To party, sorry. Yeah, I think it's to party. Yes, that's where it's to party before you die. I think it's Thursday at 10.30 on true TV. I think even maybe Gabris is in impractical jokers in the episode before with his buddy

Adam Pallett. Interesting. The guy whose wife was texting him when I was out in there. Yeah. Eight episodes of that. Yeah. You're in heaven for the next two months. I'm going ham.

Thursday nights are fucking self-rub and self-tug. That's right. It's finally must-see TV again on Thursdays. You're damn right. More pills than Matthew Perry can handle. Oh, I thought you were talking about Cosby when you said pills. Wait, what's up with this guy now? Thursday is a pill night.

I can't lose another one. What happened with Bill? Oh, no. He signed this table. All over it. Jack first. He was a guest on How Did This Get Made. Jack first, what do you want to talk about?

We're talking about Leonard Part 6. Jack first. Guy with the bee cups. I've been listening to this podcast he's on called Action Boys. It's a Patreon podcast. Pretty damn funny show. But worth it because they put out time, bro. They put out long episodes.

It's a lot of bang for your buck, you know. Good point. Yeah. I mean, once you hit record. That's funny. We both listen to action. I didn't know you were a listener. After the show, let's talk about some of our favorite episodes.

As a matter of fact, after the show, I can't. I kind of got a rush. Yeah, I got to record something myself. Once you hit record, I mean, the costs are sunken at that point. So it's like you may as well go a long time. Yeah, just fucking sit in. Yeah, exactly. And where can people get this?

Patreon.com slash Action Boys with a Z. With a Z. Like Jack first with a Z. That's cool. Yeah, that is cool. Interesting. Bethany Waterbottle, what do you want to plug? I like to plug your mouth with my viscose.

Oh, shit. I knew I shouldn't have said that. But other than that. But for real, the reason I'm here. I guess jury duty is coming out on Amazon Prime. Johnny, you might like that. Jury duty on Amazon, which coincidentally is another river going to get flopped up by the global warming.

But is that the story of you being on Johnny's jury and misrepresenting who you were? Yes, it's the crazy story about this British girl who's pretending to be Bethany Waterbottle. You're going to love it. Unbelievable. And how do people get this? It's on Amazon Prime?

Yeah, it's coming out. Sing, don't you worry. Don't keep your trousers on, Scott. Okay, I wouldn't take it off. That's the first time she's asked you to keep your trousers on. She's flipped a script. You've earned my respect, Scott.

Oh, shit. Thank you, Bethany. Just like Johnny Depp. Oh, please don't say that. Another thing you have in common with Johnny. Oh, no. Johnny, what do you want to say here? Yes, brother.

You want to plug? Oh, no. I'm not a brother. No. What do you want to say, Johnny? When we plug, we look forward. And sometimes it's important to look back. So I would like to plug a 2015 film, Mordecai.

I'm myself and the great Paul Bethany. Trying to get the residuals popping again, Johnny. I just think it kind of flew under the radar. It's one of those films that is appreciated on the second and third viewing. If you're having trouble finding that, there's a new hybrid comedy travel show, a billboard I saw on Sunset, with two of my best friends,

Adam Bailey and John Gabriel. I didn't know those guys were your friends. I knew they famously shit the bed, career-wise and literally. Best friends. They always stay at my house. Oh, dear. Oh, man.

Wait, you guys have all shit the bed, literally? Yeah. Well, I think it was my dog. I think it was a mistake. That was big. It was my dog. You blamed it on her. Never mind.

Well, I want to be honest about this one. This one was definitely the dog. All right. All right. That's 101 places to party before you die. This Thursday on True TV. Let's see. What do I want to plug?

We're going out on tour, everyone. Comedy bang bangs coming to a city near you. All the month of August. Come out and see us. We're going to have so much fun. It's Paul F. Tomkins and myself, along with special guests. And we're putting together the special guests right now. And I think those are going to be really great shows.

I'm going to break some news here about our openers for the Los Angeles show. This is the CBB World Show. This is very special. I mentioned we had three openers to be announced. Three opening podcasts. And they are as follows. Entrepreneurs, entrepreneur tour with Entrepreneur,

Appetizerpreneur and Parents Foster. That's one. That's one of the three opening podcasts. Is that group go by a longer name? We have Hey Randy is going to be opening for us. That's of course with Randy Snuts. That's his show. And we have Bananas for Bananza.

We'll also be opening. So those are our three openers. And then a comedy bang bang. And you want people to tweet at you where you should bring the tour. Yeah. It's certainly all up in the air at this point. And I can go to any city. Okay, great.

Because there's a lot of people who are big fans but don't want to drive more than 90 minutes to see you. Right. So if you can, you know. Why not do it at their houses? But we're going to have a lot of fun on this tour. Have you been to Central Bay? Central Bay?

Johnny, no. I have not been to Central Bay. Very nice. Okay. Yeah. I'm sure it is for a rich dude who spends $80 million on wine every year. If I'm on a good year. Yeah.

A great year for the wine companies. Vineyards. Burn. Sorry. Yeah. You're right. But you know, go buy tickets over at CBBworlds.com slash tour. And while you're there.

And if I'm having any issues with the website, DM Brett Morris about it. Actually, yes. Not so many issues anymore. But yeah, please do. And while you're there, you can find the full archives and ad-free episodes of this show as well as three of them. And then CBB presents and Scott hasn't seen and Benanz for Benanz. All right.

Let's close up the old plug bag. When do we talk about the movie? Do you want me also to watch a movie? Oh, no, no, no, no. What movie did you watch? Ted. Ted. Ted.

We didn't all watch Ted. Weirdly enough, I did watch him. I also weirdly watched Ted. Yeah. I watched Ted. Yeah. All right. Let's get into it.

We're fucking bearish. It's terrible. It's so funny. So funny. Anything from Boston. Yeah. This person put a lot of work into this remix. But yeah, Ted is good.

That makes one of us. They should make a second one. I can't believe they haven't made a second. They did? They did make a second one. I'm doing this afternoon. Fuck. I watched Ted too.

I didn't watch Ted one. I watched Ted two. Oh, also. Woo. Cut. All right. That was motoring up the plug bag. I'm cutting.

Do you have a longer one of those? Everything's long today. Motoring up the plug bag by Tight Ginger. Thanks so much to Tight Ginger. And guys, I want to thank you so much for being here. Gino, obviously. A pleasure. I don't know.

I wasn't just going to thank you. Because it's your job to be here. And you're only on it. Anytime, Scott. For you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you for being here. And you're only on it. Anytime, Scott. For you. Anything. Literally, you should be here every week. Copy that.

All right. You're already vaping. What's going on? I got it from Adam Pelle. I got it. Oh, I understand. All right. And, Jack Furrier, good luck to you, obviously.

Hey, thanks. I am not feeling great. Why? What's going on? I got knocked out twice. I realized I have Lyme disease. We forgot you were knocked out the second night. I don't have clothes on right now.

I was never given my pants back. I think Johnny Depp is wearing them. You have so many scars and bruises all over your body. Yeah. The cameraman business is rocking your body. You have multiple tattoos of wolves on your body. Yeah. Yeah.

These are wolves. And moons. Me too. Me too. We have that in common. Me too. Yeah. Hashtag me too.

Please don't say that, Johnny. Killing that. Johnny, good. I don't even know what to say to you. Good to see you. Good day, brother. No, no, no. You moved for a car accident today, Johnny.

Yeah. And Bethany water bottle. Bethany, say it, bitch. Bethany, Bethany, yes. Bethany. Bethany. Yeah, sorry for bullying you, Scott. I think I got to change your heart, didn't I?

That's so nice. Yeah. Since I watched Ted, I think I'm going to become a screenwriter. Oh, really? It does seem easy once you watch Ted. Like anyone could do it. All right, we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye.

No, no, no.