Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Allison Williams, Dan Lippert, Erin Keif

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

Actress Allison Williams joins Scott to talk about her new film M3GAN, playing Peter Pan in Peter Pan Live!, and her signature scream. Then, NBA legend Bill Walton returns to talk about his new chil...dren’s book. Plus, Macy Hannigan stops by to talk about working as a full-time mannequin at Macy’s.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 It's Feaster Famine until I get my Easter Ham in. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, little early for that, it's only Janie, Danny. Thank you to Steven Tobiever for that wonderful cast phrase submission, Steven Tobiever, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another edition, back in the studio, we were in the backyard era last week, or we are back in studio, and stars, stars are back. Stars are back on the show, what a week to listen to Comedy Bang Bang, if this is your first week, welcome back, and also goodbye forever to those of you who are turning it off in the middle of the show, glad to have you.
Starting point is 00:01:01 But we have an exceptional show this week, coming up a little later we have a broadcaster, we also have someone who works for Macy's, oh that's interesting, okay yeah Macy's of course had the big Thanksgiving Day Parade and they had the miracle on 34th Street in the last couple of months, but we'll see what's going on at Macy's this month, but before we get to them, I'm very excited, first time guest on the show, let's run through her credits, she did, I'm going to guess seven seasons of Girls, eight, only six of the contractual six, and then she was out, and then we were all unanimously out. She was in the movie, speaking of out, she was in the movie Get Out, which is what she
Starting point is 00:01:43 did with girls, that's so true, and she also played that precocious little boy who flew around the stage sprinkling fairy dust on children, an eternal being hundreds and hundreds of years old, Peter Pan in the musical Peter Pan on the national broadcasting company, approximately I want to say seven years ago, somewhere around there, the date's not etched in your mind? No, actually I think it's been eight, I think it maybe has been eight years, I don't know, I'm going to have to check this math, you're probably right, you're much better with that You knew the year, I could check the math for you.
Starting point is 00:02:20 It's true, which I don't know, I have none of the data you need to do this. Okay, thank you, we'll figure this out later, we'll get a spreadsheet going. Yeah, thank God. Her new film is in theaters now, it's fantastic, I just saw it, M. Thregan is the name. Yep, M. Thregan, thank you for saying it right, everyone's been saying it wrong. Everyone's been calling it Megan, it's very weird, yeah, okay. You're an M. Thregan truther. Alison Williams is here, welcome to the show, thank you so much for being here.
Starting point is 00:02:42 I am freaking out, I feel like I won a contest, I'm so happy to be here. You did win a contest, by the way, I don't know if your people told you about that, you were not going to be on the show. Oh my God, they did a whole thing with my ego, they told me I was allowed to come on my own volition. We have a celebrity contest every year, which celebrity, usually it's someone like John Ham, Tatiana Maslani. Well, last time John Ham was here, I'm just at home listening to this podcast and I was
Starting point is 00:03:02 invoked by Lily as part of her character as a show that she was coming up with. I'm sorry, sorry, she was talking about a show she was pitching, where it was just a scene I think that I was just in like folding clothes or something, I can't even remember the details of it, but I was just folding clothes, I think at home listening to the podcast. It's weird to be listening to a podcast and then hear your own name. I heard my own name, it was an absolute out of body experience. And you did not appear until, or do you say your name once and you appear three months
Starting point is 00:03:29 later? Usually, I was busy, I just had too much else going on. Okay, I understand. Yeah, there was a slight lag. How was that laundry, by the way? Still in progress. It was so stunning, I just abandoned it. I was like, I can't touch these clothes anymore.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Clothes just all over the floor of, I assume you live in a house, an apartment, I don't know, we'll get to that. I live in a nest. Oh, do you? Very interesting, up in a tree. Is that in the big Rockefeller set or Christmas tree? I couldn't believe the big move I just had from New Hampshire to New York City, but yeah, I'm a huge fan.
Starting point is 00:04:01 I've been listening for so long. That is so nice to hear. I had heard that a few years back somehow, I don't remember whether you were, we were talking about you being on the show years back. Yes, I was trying to come, and then during a, I think it was a best ofs when you and Paul are delirious, one of you was talking about how annoying it is when people reach out and their publicists are like, they're such big fans, they want to be on the show, and then they cancel.
Starting point is 00:04:24 I was just listening to that being like, never, ever do this, ever. The only bad part about it is when the publicist reaches out and says they're a big fan and they're lying. That's the, and then they go, they don't have time to do the show. And then you find out later, like they had never even brought it up to the person. No, this is a, I'm a huge fan. Fantastic. Well, welcome to the show.
Starting point is 00:04:44 Thank you. Thank you so much. It's incredible to have you. Your resume or CV, as they say in Great Britain, the jolly old England, you ever been there? I have been there. Really? What did you do? It's not jolly.
Starting point is 00:04:56 I haven't found it to be overly jolly. To check out the big palace there, that's where the King Charles lives. Oh yes, King, I haven't said King Charles in a non-dog context in a long time. A Cavalier King. I wonder if he'll ever be Cavalier about anything, and then he gets to call him a Cavalier King Charles. The Cavalier King. That should be his name.
Starting point is 00:05:15 Exactly. You heard it here for it. Honestly, I think that's kind of good. I mean, he doesn't have that much to do. There's like, you know, the Mad King George, and King Richard the Hunchback, you know, like all, everyone has their own, their particulars, but the Cavalier King, that just sounds so nice. The Cavalier King is great.
Starting point is 00:05:30 Plus, I don't know if he honestly expected this to happen. I kind of think his mom was just rocking on for so long. I know. And he's an elder gentleman himself, and so he could have passed on at any point. God forbid. God forbid. Honestly, the horrible truth, and you love this, you love death so much. Of course.
Starting point is 00:05:45 Any of us could at any moment. That is true. It's a, we're all in a race to death, and we all want to come in last. Yep. And many people have died in this studio. It feels kind of... That's true. I believe Todd died here once and came back to life.
Starting point is 00:05:57 It's Todd. Yeah. The happiest story of all time. My nephew. But now, let's talk about, well, why talk about the past? Why talk about Peter Pan, even though I'm fascinated with it? You just smiled. I loved it.
Starting point is 00:06:11 Irrepressibly. Let's talk about it. Let's do it. Okay. Well, Sarah Silverman had people over at her house to watch it. We were all very excited. I did not know that. We were all very excited.
Starting point is 00:06:21 That is a hor... You cannot... I just started sweating. I am back in time out of my body, having a nervous breakdown. Was it... Okay. Yes. The production of it was...
Starting point is 00:06:34 Maybe it didn't come out all that well. But... It's not a perfect... Your performance, flawless accent, wonderful singing, just an incredible performance. What was it like to do something like that on live television? It just seems like... It must have been fun, right? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:06:50 It was fun. It was terrifying. Yeah. Like, from the very beginning, because I flew in through the window, you know? So if that... Now, was that your choice or was that in the script? That's a canonical entrance for Peter, unfortunately, that's just how he enters scenes. I was watching it.
Starting point is 00:07:06 I was like, what the fuck is going on here? People can fly. I made a radical choice for Peter Pan to make him fly, but I had nightmares leading up to the show of coming in backwards or something. If you bounced off, I was against curtains holding on to them before I came in through the window. And if I twisted weirdly, I would just slowly rotate through the window, and that's it. It's so funny to what your very first entrance, if you just creak in, creak, creak, creak, creak.
Starting point is 00:07:30 The grip that was responsible for it is off that day. The weirdest thing was opening and closing night being the same exact event. That's such a weird feeling. Although, I used to do plays back in the day and sometimes do hundreds and hundreds of performances of them, and you mentally are over it by probably the second one. So I think this is the best way to do it, one and done. Yeah, I guess so. It just felt like all that preparation, you just had it.
Starting point is 00:07:57 I had it memorized for months afterwards, and I didn't need to. Really? Yeah, because we had practiced. What was your first line? It was... Were you crowing like a... Well, I said months afterwards, luckily. I didn't crow as I entered because they're all sleeping.
Starting point is 00:08:10 Oh, right. I'm looking for my shadow. I think I'm probably going to take your bell. I'm looking for my shadow as your first. No, no, that's the subtext. That's what I was playing. That was the action I was playing. Sometimes actors get those confused, and they say the subtext, and the lines are inside.
Starting point is 00:08:22 Exactly. But no, it was like a... Scared, scared, hungry. Exactly. I don't want to go back and redo it now. Scared, scared, hungry. I don't know if Peter was hungry. I should go back and play the whole thing, hungry.
Starting point is 00:08:33 It's weird that more characters and roles, characters in roles, roles in characters, are not hungry all the time. Brad Pitt plays only hungry people. That's true. Yeah. Interesting, isn't that true? He's one of the only hungry actors. When it begins and they're sated by the time the scene is over.
Starting point is 00:08:48 Yeah. I once had to eat something in a scene, and I was like, oh, they put down an apple pie in front of me. I was like, oh yeah, I'll eat apple pie during the scene. The full pie. No, nothing, but well, it was just a slice. And so I ate probably like three bites, and then we had to do 58 takes or something with all the different angles.
Starting point is 00:09:11 They came up to me afterwards and said, you ate two and a half full pies by the end of it. Did anyone offer you a spit bucket? No, they didn't. It was a low budget production. They couldn't afford that. Wow. They had puke buckets, but...
Starting point is 00:09:23 That's just it. Things got really bad. Well, yeah, it was. Did they call it a puke bucket and they showed you the battle? Either end. Yeah. Whatever comes out. That's a lot of food.
Starting point is 00:09:32 Sorry. So Peter Pan, I mean, I thought you were fantastic in it. Thank you so much. I had the time of my life. It was terrifying. I mean, I've never been... Would you do it again? Would you go on Broadway or do anything like that?
Starting point is 00:09:42 Yeah, in a heartbeat. In a heartbeat, yeah. Have you done a Broadway show? I have not done a Broadway show. Off-Broadway? I have not done off-Broadway. Did you used to do theater as a child? I did.
Starting point is 00:09:50 Not as a... Well, yeah, I did theater camp. Can't you tell? You have that energy. Yeah, exactly. You have the Anne Hathaway Theater Camp kind of. Thank you so much. I'm honored.
Starting point is 00:09:58 It's a badge we wear with honor. Yeah. I didn't go to any prestigious ones. I went to, like, local ones where the counselors were barely... Local to you. Local to me. Not to me. No, well, no, yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:09 Okay, go do that. Very unlocal to you. Mm-hmm. Would have been a big commute. But, yeah. That was my experience. Fantastic. Well, I would like to see another one of these, maybe Peter Pan 2.
Starting point is 00:10:19 I'd like to see you in it with me. He's all grown up. Yeah. Sarah Silverman. In fact, I'm going to cast Sarah Silverman in the next one, so that she has to be part of it. I'd like to be Tinkerbell. Sarah can be, you know, one of the kids.
Starting point is 00:10:30 Smee. Smee. Oh, she'd make a great Smee. She'd make a great Smee. She has the same first letter in her first name. So true. It casts itself. So people just go, and she automatically, like, turns her head and goes, are you talking
Starting point is 00:10:40 to me? Exactly. It's perfect. Well, let's talk about the movie M3 again, because I saw this the other night, and it is a fantastic film. I really, really enjoyed it. First of all, for two months or so, the trailer has been out, and every time I see it in a theater, people are laughing and, like, applauding and so psyched to see it.
Starting point is 00:11:05 And so I was so pumped for this. And the last time I saw the trailer in front of Glass Onion, I was with Coolop, and she's just hiding her eyes the entire time, going, no, and I'm laughing. I'm applauding, and she's like, you're never going to get me to see it. So I went with a couple of friends, and it's fantastic. And hopefully, you'll take this in the spirit in which it's intended. I'll take it in whatever spirit. It reminds me a little of Robocop in a way of, like, you go into Robocop thinking it's
Starting point is 00:11:37 just going to be an action film, and then it's very satirical, it has a lot of humor. This is a very funny movie. And afterwards, I was like, you know, Coolop, it really wasn't that scary. It's a PG-13, actually, which I didn't even know. So I think it was more like an action movie, in a way, with a lot of humor. Yeah, I can't handle scary movies. I really can't. And yet you've been in, too.
Starting point is 00:11:59 I know. Are you America's new Scream Queen? I haven't screamed in any of them. You haven't. I have a terrible scream. Let's hear a little bit. Wait, was that it, or is that clearing your throat to do it? No, no, that was it.
Starting point is 00:12:12 Oh, no. That was as best as I can do. No, I am so bad. I checked to this day, like on a baseline, I'm checking under beds. I'm looking behind curtains. I am coming up very carefully from putting water on my face at the sink and turning around to see if anyone's behind me. Yeah, are you poking mirrors to make sure that it's not a portal into another dimension?
Starting point is 00:12:31 Now I'm going to start doing that. Thank you so much. My bedtime routine has gotten a lot longer. So I don't have a stomach for them. I really don't think it is. I think it delivers for horror fans because it, like, you know, fulfills the obligations to the genre. Scary premise.
Starting point is 00:12:45 And there are creepy things that happen in it. Exactly. But there's cheering and laughter and applause. It's very audaciously done. There are just things in it that you go, oh my God, what a great show. Because there's a very, I can only imagine there's a very just basic template version of this, like, you know, a talking Tina kind of thing from the Twilight Zone where it's just like by the numbers a little bit.
Starting point is 00:13:09 And this just takes so many chances and does so many weird things in it. Yeah. It breaks a few, like, card — everyone's rooting for her for most of the movie, for Megan. And sorry, I'm three again. Right. And she does a few things that are canonically unforgivable, but people are cheering for them in the theater.
Starting point is 00:13:25 And that is sort of an unusual experience to have. I think it's really fun. How did you get involved in this movie because — was it because of your experience in Get Out? Yeah. Jason Blum, who is the Blum of Blum House. Who's the house? Was that the house from TV?
Starting point is 00:13:40 He took it down. He took down the house. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you're right. Exactly. That doctor? Yeah, exactly. It's Dr. House.
Starting point is 00:13:48 It's a collab. So it's a very strange collab where one guy makes horror movies and the other guy solves medical issues. It's a recovering drug addict, I think, and doing an American accent. Yeah. So he reached out and was like, I think — Hugh Laurie was his name. Isn't that weird to have, like — He has his name.
Starting point is 00:14:03 He has a guy's name. He has a girl's name. It's like, oh, what's going on? His versatility is what's going on. That's true. Yeah. He can do it all. Or otherwise, in terms of how his name appears.
Starting point is 00:14:13 So yeah, he reached out. I read it. Look at him. They go, hey, Laurie, because they think they see it as Laurie, Hugh. And then they're surprised. Am I getting in the way of your story? No, I'm going to abandon it. I want to hear this.
Starting point is 00:14:26 So Jason Blum reaches out to you. Reached out. It's not a very interesting one. I immediately wanted to do it. I'll be the judge of that. Okay, great. Please tell me. Okay.
Starting point is 00:14:35 Don't leave me hanging. Get out was such a good experience to put it very lightly. Sort of a perfect movie experience. So I was very inclined to do it already, and then I read the script and I thought it was super fun. And I met Gerard, who's the director, and I liked him and thought, let's do this. Did you think it was interesting? Well, I'm going to give it a three.
Starting point is 00:14:52 As it should. As it should get. I mean, as celebrity stories go, it's not the worst thing. I didn't want to say I told you so, but this is a real win-win, because either I was going to tell an unintentionally interesting story or I was going to be right about telling a boring one. So I'm going to put this as a W. It's not the worst. Not the worst.
Starting point is 00:15:08 I'm keeping score over here. Look at all those Ws. Wow. You haven't been rating me either, so I'm the only judge. Well, it's really good, and I was looking at the cast list, and are there three people playing M. Threegan? The movie's out, so I can talk about it now. It's achieved in a bunch of different ways.
Starting point is 00:15:28 There's a girl who performed her, who did the dance that has become iconic. It's amazing. I wish I could do even a moment of it, but I cannot. I'm sort of swaying side to side, kind of doing your end. You're doing... Whoa, you just did the flip. I didn't expect you to be able to do that part. That's the one part I do really well.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Exactly. The swaying is very hard for me. The swaying is hard. The sashing. Just pretend there's wind on me. Exactly. You look gorgeous. And so I think there's a few different ways.
Starting point is 00:15:55 So there's Amy who performed her beautifully, but then occasionally it was an animatronic doll. And so there would be two people with what looked like video game controllers who were operating her. Are you sure they weren't just playing video games and just pretending? The timing of that would have been amazing. Would have been a great choice to go to a film set where you have to be quiet and play video games under very high stakes.
Starting point is 00:16:17 They're being used to play video games. And then there was a guy at an audio switchboard playing her lines and trying to time it out. Then there was a puppeteer operating her body in a grip who was moving her laterally in front to back. So that was sometimes the way she was achieved. And then other times she was just like a static doll that later they CGI'd to talk. And then sometimes there's just like an X on a map box that you can be talking to. Do you like doing that?
Starting point is 00:16:43 Was this your first experience with that? Because I can't imagine there was that much of that in Girls. There wasn't a lot of girls. Sometimes Layna Dunham was just an X. No, she's always there. Sometimes she was directing me while we were doing the scene together that was unusual in a different way. But no, I did that.
Starting point is 00:16:56 I was on the last season of a series of Unfortunate Events, the Lemony Snicket series. And because of the way that that shot. With our friend Neil Patrick Harris. Yes. Oh, another fan of the show. That's right. Because of the way it was shot and because of the kid hours, often it was like X's, three X's on a map box of a camera, which was a wild experience, but it prepared me for this
Starting point is 00:17:16 one. Yeah. I can only imagine it's hard because human heads are not shaped like X's. No, they're not. So it's like in your mind you have to translate it and you have to be like X equals head. Yeah. What's happened now is that when I walk through the world I'm expecting to see X's in different colors.
Starting point is 00:17:31 And I see human heads and they're horrifying. Hard adjustment. They're amorphous. They're shaped weirdly. Everyone looks like Q-tips walking around. This is a good horror film. Call up Jason Blum. Do the reverse.
Starting point is 00:17:41 I'll call him. I'll call him. I will call him. I have a great idea for… I'm calling you and I'm doing the reverse. It's a great idea. Could you please do this and tape it? Just as a practical joke.
Starting point is 00:17:51 I'm seeing it. Honestly, I'm seeing him tonight. Yes. I'm going to film it. Just film it and be like, I've got a great idea for it. I've got a great idea. Imagine a world where you think humans are supposed… How do we set up the premise?
Starting point is 00:18:01 This is hard. This is your bread and butter, not mine. All right. We'll work out a three-act structure for this. Let's do it right now. Okay. Act one. The inciting incident.
Starting point is 00:18:10 Of course. Save the cat. Pretty early. Yes. You save the cat. Literally. The titular save the cat. You save a cat that has an X for a head?
Starting point is 00:18:18 Or X is for eyes. Maybe it's dead. Yeah, it's dead. Exactly. And you bring it back to life. And so you always imagine that… Oh man, I'm losing it. It was so good.
Starting point is 00:18:26 So good for a second. How can we abandon it? Should we get more people involved? Let's put this back in the drawer. Okay, fine. We'll take it. We'll dust it off. Like the Woody Allen drawer of concepts.
Starting point is 00:18:34 May he rest in reputational. Are you glad you never did a woody because maybe about 70… Do you want to rephrase the question? Okay, never mind. Strike that. The answer to that one is different. You do have a child. Yeah, probably.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Because like seven years ago, it probably would have been okay. I don't know. Anyway. Now let's stay here. It's fertile ground. Stay in this lovely area for a while. It's till the soil. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Well, I'm freaking this out right now. I suggest… It is. Do you think movies should be mandatory to go see? I don't. I'm not going to go on the record saying that. I think it can be well in the last couple of years. That's like something out of Communist Russia.
Starting point is 00:19:12 Yeah, it's so true. And yet appealing. No, I think movies like this are fun to see in an audience full of other people, full of strangers breathing droplets on each other or just eating food. You want to hear people laughing and applauding and screaming and… Yeah, it was so fun at the premiere. It was a blast. Oh, I can only imagine.
Starting point is 00:19:31 Yeah. It's a very fun movie to see. Check it out. It's in theaters now. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we have a broadcaster. That's exciting. Now Allison, I need you here.
Starting point is 00:19:39 Okay. I'm going to stay. Okay, you are going to stay. Yeah, I decided to stay. Just right now? Yeah, you said I need you. That's my trigger. And now I'm here.
Starting point is 00:19:48 I need you here because we have, honestly, the quality of guests goes downhill after the A block usually. So I need you here to add a little star wattage. Stars are back. Allison Williams is here. We're going to be right back with a broadcaster and someone who works for Macy's will be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang.
Starting point is 00:20:09 We're back. Allison Williams is here. And Thregan is in theaters now. Could any of the other letters be changed to numbers? I think an A can be a four sometimes. Yeah, M3G4. Yeah, there you go. Four in though.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Well, listen. Four in markets. We love it. We love to see it. That's true. What about an M could be an upside down W? Or it could be a three on its side. That's true.
Starting point is 00:20:34 Yeah. Three. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I'm seeing it. You're now doing your flashing gang signs. Oh no. It's just got very dangerous in the studio.
Starting point is 00:20:42 What are you trying to tell me? It's in theaters now. Everyone should go see it. It's a fantastic time at the movies. The cinema, as I like to call it, love letters to the cinema that came out last year. So true. You're in a tuxedo.
Starting point is 00:20:55 This is who you are. That's true. Speaking of the tuxedo, starring Jackie Chan, here's someone who maybe has met Jackie Chan will find out when we talk to him. No pressure. No pressure. You don't have to have, but we'd love to hear it if you have, because he's a celebrity himself.
Starting point is 00:21:12 Stars are back. He is a basketball legend. He played for, I want to say, the Celtics. Is that true? Sorbell Walton in the house. Bill Walton is in the house. Welcome. And I did not introduce myself that way, but I called you Bill instead of Scott and then
Starting point is 00:21:29 finished the sentence that I invented in that moment, Bill Walton in the house. I love to hear the process. Yes. Peek behind the curtain. A little peek behind the curtain. It's so happy to be in the studio with you. Which, by the way, in the Wizard of Oz, the peek behind the curtain, famously it was the Wizard of Oz himself.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Yes. Wow. What a fascinating reveal. They didn't know what they were going to get there, like, is this going to be an alien or something. I mean, I never finished the movie. Oh, no. Really?
Starting point is 00:21:56 You spoiled it for me. How far did you get? Right before it. I just saw the curtain. I was like, I'm going to take about 15 years and I'm going to come back to this one. Really? You only got to it 15 years ago. And nobody spoiled it for you until this moment.
Starting point is 00:22:04 Not a one. Wizard of Oz has never come up on set for you, somebody saying, this is much like Wizard of Oz's referential when everybody walks into Technicolor here in Lemony Snicket's world. Oh, well, thank you for being a fan. I assume that means you've seen all my work. Every single thing you've been in, David, I've seen it. I am a carnosaur of Alice and Williams.
Starting point is 00:22:23 What is it? Great Williams from Tell to, uh. Who? Tell Williams- Tell. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Williams Tell over to you. Williams Tell, yeah. Yes, of course.
Starting point is 00:22:33 Right. Let's discuss that instead of me trying to think of another William. Oh, wow, I just got louder in my own ears. I got awkward. You have to, you're fiddling with your, you got to turn it to the left if you want to turn yourself down. Not to the right. No, I wanted higher.
Starting point is 00:22:47 I wanted higher, but I went too high. Okay. Much like Jackie Chan and around the world at 80 days. Oh, okay. Now let's talk about it. Have you met Jackie Chan? I have met Jackie Chan and I've had my ass kicked by Jackie Chan. Oh, what happened?
Starting point is 00:22:58 He did his own stunts. I tried to dunk on him and he did his own stunts and jumped right across. And he blocked me, Scott Ackerman. You can't dunk on Jackie Chan? I know that now. You climb right up the backboard. After rush hour, I did not like the way he disrespected Chris Tucker and I emailed him and I said, I'm going to dunk on him.
Starting point is 00:23:15 You emailed him. I emailed Jackie Chan. You just guessed at it? Did you have a period between the names? Oh, I go through every option. So there's Jackie.Chan at gmail.com, JackieChan at me.com, Jackie at JackieChan.com, which was the one. He uses his own contact on his website.
Starting point is 00:23:31 You know what? I bet you're right. Does his own stunts? He answers his own emails. He does it all. Incredible. He wrote his ankle answering my email. They're making rush hour four right here.
Starting point is 00:23:46 So there's another chance for you to get upset at him disrespecting Chris Tucker. He must stop disrespecting Chris Tucker. I won't see it, Scott Ackerman. He won't understand those words that are coming out of Chris Tucker's mouth. And I've had enough of it. I've emailed Brett Ratner. Yeah, I'm done. I'm done with the rush hour movies.
Starting point is 00:24:05 He's very respectful to Owen Wilson in the Shanghai movies. He is. Yeah, you prefer those. I do. Noon, nights. What about afternoons? What about delights? What about delights?
Starting point is 00:24:15 Shanghai Delights threw it down. I said, Williams, I love it. Let's go straight to production. Pitch it to Jason Blum tonight. I will. I have a lot to do. I'm going to start keeping a list of things I'm pitching Jason Blum tonight. Okay.
Starting point is 00:24:26 Well, woman who sees axes for heads. Shanghai Delights. I'm going to give no contacts to the next one. I'm just going to say. Just say Shanghai Delights. It speaks for itself. It speaks for itself. It speaks for itself.
Starting point is 00:24:37 Speaking of speaking for yourself, you're here. You're a broadcaster, of course. People don't know who you are. You've been on the show several times. You work for TV. I work for TV. I was going to say TBS or TNT. I couldn't figure out which one it was.
Starting point is 00:24:55 ESPN and Fox Sports. I don't pause after the TNTV trying to come up with the second letter. Elevision. T-E-L-E-S. Yes, I broadcast for, I believe ESPN and Fox Sports. I believe so. It's hard reading the checks. And it's all one conglomerate, isn't it, these days?
Starting point is 00:25:17 They're all owned by the same big. Preach the Walton. Preach. Oh, yes. And content is getting watered down because one owner. And then you've got to be hooked by the first 30 seconds or you're turning it off. I can't believe it, Scott Ackerman. Is that a concern in sports?
Starting point is 00:25:35 I mean, usually the beginnings of games are pretty boring. Yes. I'll spice it up a little bit. I'll kill somebody at the beginning. It's the Mike White theory, you know? You make a smart show, but then you do the things people want. You kill someone, you create a little mystery. Yeah, apparently didn't the network say, like, really love the script but just kill someone
Starting point is 00:25:56 at the very beginning and we'll make the show. I think so, and he did it. And we're in wrapped, aren't we? I mean, the show's ended by now. Oh, yeah. And we all know who's dead in season two by now. And we can all say it in unison. But we're not going.
Starting point is 00:26:09 Yes. Because people are catching up. Exactly, yeah. But yes, I played basketball for the trailblazers of Portland, the Boston Celtics of Boston. I believe I found out I played in St. Louis when I told them. That's true. In St. Louis, I said I had it. Someone backstage whispered that to you, I believe.
Starting point is 00:26:25 And for the ruins of the University of California in Los Angeles on the beautiful Polly Pavilion. That's right, UCLA over there in Westwood, California. For John Woodin, the great basketball coach, you instilled such wonderful lessons to me. One of the great Woodins. One of the great Woodins, of course. From the little boy, yes. To, let's see, Woodin. The Allen.
Starting point is 00:26:48 Yes, Woodin Allen. Yeah, Woody is short for Woodin Allen. Woody Allen was to become a real boy. I'm not even going to finish one of this one. Bill, are you glad you never did a Woody? I continue to audition for Woody's. I continue to. I figured, finally, I'll be casting something.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Nobody wants to work with this guy. It's perfect for me. I can't get booked. I can't get booked. I'm not Jewish enough, he said. I'm not Jewish enough. Too confident. Really?
Starting point is 00:27:15 Yes. How Jewish do you have to be? And how Jewish are you? Well, Owen Wilson, again, I must be a fan, did a pretty good job on Midnight in Paris. He's not Jewish, but he played Jewy. And John Cusack. John Cusack. Bullets over Broadway.
Starting point is 00:27:27 Joan Cusack? What did you say? I said, John Cusack. Iron John Cusack. We hear what we want. Yes, yes. And how Jewish am I? Circumstance me right above the Cusack, if you would.
Starting point is 00:27:41 Of course, when you go to the circumcision barber, that's what you ask for. That's true, yes. But how Jewish am I? I celebrate all of the major Jewish holidays. That's true. You're a man of the people. You're a man of the world. Yes.
Starting point is 00:27:52 But mainly, you're a deadhead. I love the Grateful Dead. I can name up to one of their songs. Which one do you? Terrapin Station? I still haven't listened to that one. That's the one you bring up. I still haven't listened to it.
Starting point is 00:28:04 I refuse. Riding the train. High on cocaine. Casey Jones, that's the one I know. Casey Jones, that's right. Because it's named after my favorite Ninja Turtles hockey man. You're going to say just Ninja Turtles. He's one of the Ninja Turtles.
Starting point is 00:28:17 He's a lesser known. He's honorary. Honorary Ninja Turtle. They said, Casey, you love pizza. You have a laugh with us. You could be a Ninja Turtle. He's sort of there cute. He's just out of sight.
Starting point is 00:28:26 Yes, out of sight. I'd rest in peace, of course. Casey Jones, is he dead in one of the movies? I've seen all the movies recently and I don't remember. In the after credit secret of the years, the after credit secrets. Oh, really? They kill it execution style? Yeah, Nick Fury kills it.
Starting point is 00:28:41 Really? Early Nick Fury appearance. Early Fury. Remember when David Hasselhoff played Nick Fury? What? An early Marvel thing. Oh, really? Like an 80s one?
Starting point is 00:28:52 I believe so. Early 90s, yeah. Oh, man. Who do we think plays Fury better? Hasselhoff or Jackson? Hasselhoff or Jackson? Alison, what do you got? Well, I would never Hasselhoff, so I would just say Hasselhoff.
Starting point is 00:29:03 Plus, he had a music career that's not appreciated enough. Yeah, very appreciated in Germany. Although, could Sam Jackson have been a Knight Rider? I don't think he would have done a good job with that. No, Hasselhoff's way better. I will stomp out this Jackson slander right here. He could have aced Knight Rider. He could have been Kit or the Driver.
Starting point is 00:29:22 True. One of the great Kits. All from Kat to... Harrington? Harrington, who's that? That's a Throne. From Game of Thrones. That's a Throne Man.
Starting point is 00:29:32 Jon Snow, one of the great Snows. Yes. From Al Snow, the wrestler who would say, what does everybody want? Head, what does everybody need? Head to Informer. We got there, Scott. We did. We certainly.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Bill, what are you doing here? To promote my lovely new children's book. You have a children's book? I have a children's book. Just in time, because Allison, you have a child, I believe. You have a child. And I... And you have a child.
Starting point is 00:30:03 I'm reading I Have a Child on my notes here, and yes. And it's not one and the same. No, we don't share the same child. No, we each have one. Different children, can you believe it? Has nine children met yet? We have not met. Allison and I are just...
Starting point is 00:30:17 It would be strange if they had met before you and I met. Well, I have to ask. I don't know. Do you know? No, I haven't asked her. Maybe certain that they've never met. That's true. That's a good point.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Well, I'll go home and I'll ask him and you ask her. Okay, yeah. We'll get back to you. What if they hated each other? Would you two hate each other? It is interesting, because I'm sure that you must have... Your child must be friends with other people who have children. Am I getting this right?
Starting point is 00:30:39 Is that how it works? Most of his friends are parents. He's pretty precocious. His friends have mostly young kids who are his age. He just gets along with their parents better. He's going to be hanging out with the teachers on the field trips. Exactly. He's just quitting smoking.
Starting point is 00:30:54 Oh, interesting. He's struggling. Nicotine is tough, you know? Get him the patch. Yeah, but I see a real Capulet Montague thing starting here. Yeah, interesting. They don't get along. Then we're going to have to like, you know...
Starting point is 00:31:03 That is, of course, a reference to the immortal bard himself. The immortal bard. Willie Shakespeare. He did die. He did... Yes, he has died. It's weird that we call him that, isn't it? It doesn't make sense.
Starting point is 00:31:13 Unless there's something someone knows that we don't. I don't know. It's very strange unless they're talking about maybe his works being immortal. That can't be it. I think he's a Highlander and cannot die unless you cut his head off. Oh, right. He continues to write under different pen names. Oh, interesting.
Starting point is 00:31:25 What is he writing these days? Yeah, what's he using now? Oh, Billy Shakes. Lichman's in trouble. He's staffed on that. Oh, he's staffed? Oh, he's at the staffing level now. He just loves to work.
Starting point is 00:31:39 He loves to work. I think it's... Beyond the assistant. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he a guilt member? He's a guilt member. He's in the guilt. He's in the guilt.
Starting point is 00:31:47 But he'll write animation too, which is a different... Did he cross the picket line a few years ago? He did. He did, yeah. He's a scab? He wrote for Mind Dementia when everybody else was... He wrote that Season of Lost that everybody hated and he wrote the Diamond episode. Was that the...
Starting point is 00:32:04 Did people cross the picket line for that one? I don't know. My memory's a little foggy on that. I can't be true. I don't know, yeah. Lost was a respectful show. Damien Lindelof, if nothing else, respects unions. That's true.
Starting point is 00:32:17 If nothing else... If nothing else... You heard it here. If not the audience. At least union. At least the union. He's a union man. I'm here to...
Starting point is 00:32:25 You have a children's book, you were saying. It is. It is. It's called the ABCs of the NBA, Ampersand WNBA, from Anthony Hardaway to Zaza Patulia, a novel for children. A novel for children? In five acts. In five...
Starting point is 00:32:43 That sounds daunting. I hope you read the audiobook. The audiobook is read by me, yes, with forward by me. Do children like audiobooks? I figured that... Your voice is just so soothing. Thank you so much, Alison Williams, for the compliment and alley-oop to Bill Walton. I appreciate it.
Starting point is 00:33:02 Usually parents are like a human audiobook. Yeah, that's not true. You know, when you really think about it. Oh, then Andy Circus' children must be having the time of their lives. Who did the J.K. Rowling ones or the Harry Potter ones? I'm speaking of little boys who fly around. That's true. They have modes of transportation, but they do fly.
Starting point is 00:33:19 Hold on. Peter Pan v. Potter. Whoever wins, we lose. The alliteration alone. Peter v. Potter. Whoa. This is like a way to expand the Potterverse as well as the Panaverse. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:33:36 You and... You're close of peas. That's right. You and Radcliffe. You and Radcliffe together on screen. I'd love to see that. I would love to see it as well. On screen or off.
Starting point is 00:33:45 I'd like to see it together. Can you imagine Smee teaming up with Voldemort? I mean... Where's Captain Hook in all of this? Usually the secondary guy teams up with the other guy's secondary guy. Yeah. Smee is just like jumping over the line. Hook turns good.
Starting point is 00:34:02 Whoa. Hook turns good. The enemy of my enemy is friend. Hook pairs up with Potter. Turns good. That would have been a good alternate title for the show, Friends. The enemies of my enemies. My friend.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Yeah. I agree. I agree with that. I agree with that. And I agree with that skun argument. So what is this book? It's basically just naming people who played for the NBA. NBA related terms from A to Z for children.
Starting point is 00:34:27 Oh, even just terms. And pictures. Yes. Terms. So A is Anthony Hardaway. B is basketball. Okay. I like you get to it on the second one.
Starting point is 00:34:36 Describe that term. What is the term? Basketball. Basketball. I think it is the orangist. The most orange of all balls. Of all balls. True.
Starting point is 00:34:44 What a profound observation. Not necessarily the roundest, but close. No. What would you say is the roundest of balls? I would think the billiards would have to be the most round because otherwise the game doesn't really work if they're not exceptionally round. I agree with that. And someone would say the nine ball is the most orange of balls.
Starting point is 00:35:03 Is the nine striped or is it? Oh, I don't know. Well, now that, okay, we're maybe the three. Which one is the orange ball? Trying to remember back to playing pool in my basement. My dad yelling at me that I was doing it wrong. And I've tried. I'm so sorry.
Starting point is 00:35:14 Was that Bill Walton the first? Bill Walton the first. Yeah. Bill Walton the first. Or the negative ones. Yes, it goes back. So I'm the zero. Right.
Starting point is 00:35:27 My son is Bill Walton senior. Of course. So B is basketball. B is basketball. So you said, do you understand what it is or do you need more of a description? I can't picture it at all. Yeah. In the book, do you give like every piece of information like a Wikipedia entry?
Starting point is 00:35:43 Like how the rules and all that? It's great detail. And like Wikipedia, it is constantly editable. So if you'd like to edit the book, go ahead. We have mods on the book. We just have to reprint it every time you do. Do you need blurbs? I would love a blurb.
Starting point is 00:35:55 Okay. Are you offering blurbs? I'm, I can't write. I can only read. Oh, interesting. Yeah. All you have to do is just like imitate what's on the page. It's never clicked for me.
Starting point is 00:36:07 Okay. But I can verbally, I can deliver one verbally to anyone who buys the book. Oh, really? Like you'd go to their house? Yeah. I'll sell them door to door and I'll blurb it in real time. Okay. Which, what is a blurb but a sales pitch?
Starting point is 00:36:18 Wow. This is going to, I have to call my publisher. They're going to be sad. Have you blurred before Alison Williams? No, I've been too busy. Plus blurb. But I will devote the next year of my life to blurbing and selling your book. All of 2023, you will blurb WNBA and WNBA.
Starting point is 00:36:32 The ABC is in the NBA. You're forgetting the title yourself. I'm back. I got it. The ABC is in the NBA. WNBA. Yeah, I'm there. I'm there.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Let me finish the title. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry. From Em Frity Hardaway to Zazapatulia. Yeah, thank you. Now, are there some letters that unfortunately like B stands for basketball? Just like basically crowds, Brittany. What's her name?
Starting point is 00:36:56 Grinier? Yes. We had to talk and decided not to involve Brittany Griner because we do want the book to sell in Russia. Understandable. It's a little complicated, but we do have Lord of War for the guy that they traded Brittany Griner for. So he's heavily featured in their slam dunking.
Starting point is 00:37:14 It seems hard to mention him without mentioning Brittany Griner. We made it through. We made it through. So yeah, we have Merchant of Death. He's in there a few times. Merchant of Death. Yes. They traded her for the Merchant of Death.
Starting point is 00:37:25 How do you get a nickname like the Merchant of Death? You become the Lord of War, the titular Nick Cage played. Oh, that's right. That's the gentleman that they traded for Brittany Griner. Interesting. Celebrity for celebrity. Wait. So Nick Cage played the guy that they trade in a fictional movie?
Starting point is 00:37:39 Yes. In which movie? Lord of War. Oh, okay. Was that one of the ones that he just kind of does? Like they pay him a million dollars and he... I think it was relatively big. I remember the trailers.
Starting point is 00:37:48 It was around the time he did Family Man. Remember that one where he's got a bow and arrow in the trailer? I don't remember that. Or maybe that's the weatherman. Family Man, I remember, is like him from behind. All I remember is him from behind. He's in shadow and it's snowing. Oh, interesting.
Starting point is 00:38:04 Sorry, I got it. Nick Cage from behind. Hello. I don't want to watch Nicholas Cage act, but I love to watch him leave. And cut. Nick Cage is leaving. Let's watch. On those getaway sticks.
Starting point is 00:38:17 So what is C? I mean, I feel like we're just going through each of the letters. Yeah, do you want to go through each of them? Is that how it feels like? It's a little bit. We can jump around letters if that's more exciting. What's your favorite letter, Scott? I've never thought about this.
Starting point is 00:38:29 I mean, is it not S? No, I don't know. Anytime I see S. Maybe perhaps or a K. No, you're just guessing letters. No, there's members of your family. Oh, that's right. Oh.
Starting point is 00:38:42 Sec. Or ski. I don't know. I've never been asked what my favorite letter is. I mean, it's just as stupid a question as what's your favorite color, right? Well, go on. What is it? Favorite.
Starting point is 00:38:56 I mean, who has a favorite color? I do. And I have a favorite letter. Okay. What do you got? My favorite letter is A, which is... Interesting. ...ecotistical.
Starting point is 00:39:05 But it's also the grade I aimed for. It is the name of my partner who I love. And it's the first... It's not his name. It's the first letter of his name. It's the first letter of our child's name. Wow. Okay.
Starting point is 00:39:16 So that is interesting. And it's my favorite batteries are all comprised of those letters as well. That's right. Yeah. Big diss to the D battery. Yeah. Throw it in the drawer with the rest of the asshole batteries. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:39:25 It's double A or triple A for Elsa and William will be written here first. Sure is. And then what is your favorite color? Is it amber because of the A? No, it's blue. Blue. Just plain blue. Just plain blue.
Starting point is 00:39:36 That's what I would always say when people would say, what's your favorite color? Because it's just like, how can you get up... How do you... Plus, you were in Eiffel 65. That's true, of course. But I used to try to be interesting, so I would say purple. You used to try to be interesting. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:48 You've since given up. No, I've given up. Yeah, obviously. You became inherently interesting, so the color that you liked didn't have to be. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. You fascinate me. All right, so we've done A, though, but let's do K.
Starting point is 00:39:59 What is K? Oh, so we move along to the letter K in my basketball book, which is killer dunk. K for killer dunk. K for killer dunk. Has that term ever been used? Just now. Killer dunk. And me, when I'm trying to get the audience entertained at the beginning, I say, killer
Starting point is 00:40:16 dunk, I've murdered a man right when somebody does. I'll stay tuned for the rest of the episode. I have to say, it's surprising that it doesn't start with Kobe. Oh, yes. That would have been a very good one. Well, you don't want to bring the audience down. Yes, yes. It's a very bad idea to bring up something sad when you're talking to an audience.
Starting point is 00:40:32 You don't want to have that conversation that early. Yes. Because if you just, if you talked about his wonderful basketball achievements, eventually they get to, well, what is he up to now, daddy? Yes, yes. They always ask that, don't they? That's so true. Why do you be honest?
Starting point is 00:40:48 Explain, you know, well, for birth to death, you have to give him the sex talk to let him know how he was born. Well, wait, how does it, how does it work? What? Say, if your child asks you, where is he now? Yeah, how are people born? Oh, man, we're really going back here. Well, when a person loves you, well, I guess that is.
Starting point is 00:41:07 When a person loves a person. Well, that's how we've been just as popular. Yes. If those were the lyrics. I argue more popular. Do we know who that song is by? When a man loves a woman is, it's not by the righteous brothers, is it? When a man, when a, when a, I'm going to, when a man loves a, when a, I'm not sure.
Starting point is 00:41:33 Is it by Sam Cooke or someone like that? I don't know. It's not on his life. He was a singer, but his name is Cooke. Huh. He should have been Sam Singer. Oh my. It's alliterative.
Starting point is 00:41:44 But what he did in his spare time, he might have been cooking. That's a good point. We might know him for his singing, but really his enchiladas were where it was at, as the kids say. I would have loved to try Sam Cooke's enchiladas and Sam Smith's. I'd like to try his swords. Sam Smith's enchiladas. You heard it.
Starting point is 00:41:59 He really should have a line of enchiladas. He's so sad because none of us know that he makes a mean enchilada. I also saw Sam Smith's enchiladas do a 20 minute improv set at the Del Closet. I'm surprised that B isn't for Bill Walton. Oh, you must have said W. Oh, fuck. We got to reprint a bunch of them. Oh, W.
Starting point is 00:42:22 Oh, don't tell me. It's for Wilson. Oh, Wilson the basketball? No, the only ball that Tom Hanks hangs out with. Wilson Comer, Rita. Is it named after Rita herself? I believe it was a coincidence. Oh.
Starting point is 00:42:35 Is it strange though? Like, you know. As many things are. Yeah, it's true. Yeah. Life is very weird. Yeah. It's strange.
Starting point is 00:42:43 Wilson's my wife. That's how. That is a door song. That is not a Grateful Dead. Do you like the doors better than the Grateful Dead? Oh, the doors did some wonderful. Well, because. The doors to perception.
Starting point is 00:42:53 You're big into those. I am big. I'm just Huxley. I'm just Huxley. From doors to perception to Brave New World. Keep going. To the Cosby Show. Wait, what did he have to do with it?
Starting point is 00:43:04 Huxstable. Oh, Huxstable. Did you think Alice Huxley would start in the Cosby Show? Yeah, yeah. It was Bill Cosby. Oh. I don't like that show as much anymore. Why?
Starting point is 00:43:15 What happened? Alison, we've got a lot to talk about either odd hair or not. Let's do it here. What's that? Let's do it here. No time like the practice. All right. A man named Bill Cosby was, well, his parents.
Starting point is 00:43:26 When a man's named Bill Cosby. Not as popular. Not as popular of a song. The song's very useful. To the righteous brothers or whomever sings that song. Yeah. But yes, Wilson the volleyball is W. He's always in the front row at Nick's games. He's a huge fan.
Starting point is 00:43:39 He's always next to Ben Stiller. S for Spike Lee. No, it's for Spike the volleyball. There seems to be a lot of volleyball things in this book. It's a basketball book. You must write through free association. I sit down at nine. You must.
Starting point is 00:43:53 You really must. And when you do it, you must treat it like a job. Even if you don't have a, you know, a nine to five, you must sit down every morning. I sit down at nine o'clock. How long is this book? 450. In five hours. You're writing too much for a children's book at this point.
Starting point is 00:44:08 You need to take it a little bit easier. Don't you need the children to be entertained for a long time? You need to sit them down in front of something. I'm sure you'll probably just do the television, the old idiot box. All right. The TV. Television. I see these children's books and I go like, these took maybe 20 minutes to write.
Starting point is 00:44:27 You know what I mean? Yes. Yes. And they don't rhyme. They should all rhyme. They should all rhyme. Yes. They should have to rhyme.
Starting point is 00:44:35 Just like Shakespeare. That's true. Yes. They're just going for a buck. They're not enough for the art of it. Like me. My book does all rhyme. It does.
Starting point is 00:44:44 Really? I don't want to prove it, but it does. Well, this is incredible. Is it in stores now or? No, I believe Allison. I'll be doing it with a blurb. Yeah. I'll do it for you.
Starting point is 00:44:53 This is my next year. 2023. I really appreciate that. Are you able to handle travel? Yeah. I can handle travel. All right. I'll just give you some walking around money.
Starting point is 00:45:02 Can I handle it emotionally or can I handle it financially? It's very stressful. Financially, I believe. He'll give you a per diem if you actually pay for the travel. Well, what is the per diem? Just some walking around money. Probably around 50 bucks. I mean, walking around in LA is becoming very expensive.
Starting point is 00:45:16 That's true. You got to pay it across the damn street, it feels like these days. Although no, they just decriminalized jaywalking. So I'm sorry to disagree with you. Oh my God. Coletto. Whoa. Coletto.
Starting point is 00:45:27 Coletto. He's going to be so excited. I thought you said letto. Comic charity. Coletto as well. Coletto. Coletto. I can't give him a calm tree.
Starting point is 00:45:35 He loves to jaywalk. Sure does. Whether it's on set or in life. Do you think that they cast Jay Leto as the Joker? And it was just Jay, period. Leto was a typo and then Jared Leto showed up and they're like, Ah, fuck it. These guys, I tell them jokes at all.
Starting point is 00:45:52 Where's the deck? There's something. Batman? All right. Well, we need to take a break. Let's, if you order the book now, though, Alison will show up to your house with a touch of walking around money. You have my word.
Starting point is 00:46:05 When we come back, we have someone who works for Macy's. Bill, can you stick around? I got nothing to do, baby. Weird. And Alison will be here. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back.
Starting point is 00:46:23 Alison Williams of M3gan is here. And in theaters now, how many theaters are we talking? Let me guess. Please guess. Let's see if I can hit the number. Yeah. Two. Was it Price's Right Rules?
Starting point is 00:46:36 Yep. I didn't go over, right? I'm close. You got it. I'm the closest? You're the closest. All right. Wonderful.
Starting point is 00:46:44 No, I would guess it's probably an approximately 3,400 theaters. I actually do not know. You do not know? That's a good question. Well, catch it while you can because you're going to want to see it with a ton of people and all your buddies and just high-fiving each other and a fantastic time at the movies. And then, of course, we have Bill Walton here of the NBA. Yep.
Starting point is 00:47:06 You got it. Scotty Ox. Good to see you again. Wonderful break we had. We chopped it up. We had a laugh. Is NBA... Also, I'm surprised that W wasn't for WNBA.
Starting point is 00:47:15 Oh, fuck. I got to reprint another one. Wilson's going to be mad. Honestly, it's like you didn't think about this very hard. It's so weird. No, I thought about it. I just re-associated it. I understand.
Starting point is 00:47:26 And then when I edited it, I didn't think of these other great ones. Well, we need to get to our next guest. She's someone who works for Macy's. Allison, did you ever work retail? I sure did. Where did you work? Guess. Out of every store in the world?
Starting point is 00:47:40 You might guess it. Someone guessed it recently on the first try. Someone guessed it, really? Yeah, just taken my whole vibe and then put a designer. No, it was a specific store. Was it Guess? No. I think Nordstrom is a specific store, isn't it?
Starting point is 00:47:51 It is, but I mean of one brand. Okay, one brand. Connecticut. Oh, this is Bernie Sanders? Yes, I worked at the Bernie Sanders. No, wait. He's Vermont. Yeah, he's Vermont.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Everything 99% off. It was Ralph Lauren. Ralph Lauren. Oh, okay. Yeah, I can understand that. Although Ralph, that's not Allison. That's true. Although you may have vomited every once in a while.
Starting point is 00:48:13 I have in my life, mostly when I was a baby. That's true. Really, you would say what percentage? 75% of the time you vomited when you were a baby? I'd venture more. I'd say about 98%. 98%? I think so.
Starting point is 00:48:26 What about you? Have you done it a lot? No, maybe he's vomit constantly. I don't remember ever vomiting when I was a baby. The majority of the times I remember, in fact, the entirety of the times I can remember vomiting, I was a grown-ass adult, usually after a night of libations. Oh, yeah, you have a little fun. And then the next morning, we were in credit, don't we?
Starting point is 00:48:45 But when we say we're not going to do it again, but then we do it. We always do. But I'm not sure if she works retail or she's an executive there. We'll find out. And for the first time on the show, Macy Hattigan. Scott, it is so weird and good to be here. Hi. Wow, it's so great to meet you.
Starting point is 00:49:04 Hi. Wonderful to have you. This is Allison. This is Bill. Wow. Wow. It's a pleasure so much. Two big stars.
Starting point is 00:49:12 Yes. Back on Comedy Bang Bang. Yes. And then you. Yes, and you are lovely. Have you ever considered doing mannequin work? That is such a strange compliment. I haven't.
Starting point is 00:49:22 The lovely part? Yeah, exactly. No one's ever said that to me before. The mannequin thing I get a lot, but the lovely thing is fair. I would buy anything you're wearing. What do you mean when you say do mannequin? I guess I've never really thought about how mannequins work. Does someone pose for them and then someone makes it like chisels them?
Starting point is 00:49:41 Sorry, up until like three hours ago, I was a full-time mannequin at Macy's in Manhattan. What does that mean? You were like a living mannequin? I've seen some of these like art installations where there are people who kind of pose and they have to be very still. Is that what you're talking about? Like a mannequin skywalker? One of the great mannequins from the mannequin skywalker to mannequin.
Starting point is 00:50:07 Nope, I don't know if you can tell by my grayish skin, but I was a full-time frozen inanimate mannequin. Oh. You know, I thought so. So you were not alive? Or were you? No, not alive, but conscious, which is terrifying. You were sentient.
Starting point is 00:50:26 Yeah, I was sentient. I've been sentient since the 70s, late 70s, early 80s. You've been a mannequin. You're supposed to stop being sentient. Stop high-fiving me. Yeah. I wish I could high-five, but my fingers are like this. They're sort of just all one big piece, my hands.
Starting point is 00:50:42 Yeah. Can I see those? Because we can break those apart. I'm sorry. I have to do them all, though. I know everything. I know. That's better, right?
Starting point is 00:50:58 Now you can sort of move them around. Oh, yeah, nice. You can grasp things now. You have opposable thumbs. You've just unlocked one of the great mysteries of the world. Yeah, you can also unlock doors. Yes, and that's my big question. I think I only got 24 hours at this thing.
Starting point is 00:51:13 What human experiences should I hit in the next 24 hours? Can I ask before we get to that, how did it happen? Is this magic? I got awoken with a kiss. By whom? What? Gary, the assistant manager of Macy's. Oh, no.
Starting point is 00:51:29 Him and I have gotten very close since his recent breakup. Oh. He's a good man. He's a good man. So you were sentient, and was he circling you and casing you for a... Well, mostly I was an ear to listen to his problems for a while. He'd go back in the stock room and he'd say things like, I'm such a loser.
Starting point is 00:51:47 I'm such a loser. And then he would look at me and go, what do you think, Macy? And then he'd go, oh, I'm talking to a fucking man again. I'm such a loser. And then when he... Little did he know you were sentient and could hear everything you were saying. I know, and I heard it. And then he brought me to life.
Starting point is 00:52:04 He had a real hot pot of water. Was it true love's kiss, or just if anyone had kissed you? Well, I hope so. I love him back. I think he's just wonderful. Oh, really? Mm-hmm. But he kissed me and I came to life.
Starting point is 00:52:16 And I just have the feeling that I get 24 hours magic. I don't know if you're familiar with magic. It's usually at a 24 hour. Yeah. I mean, I've never experienced magic. Did Peter Pan fly around through magic? Yes. It was magic.
Starting point is 00:52:31 Yeah. Initially it wasn't, but they added fairy dust because kids kept trying to jump off. To jump out windows? Yeah. Okay, great. So you're on a kind of like a Jack Bauer experience. Exactly. I hear a ticking, an anxiety-ridden ticking sound at the end in the beginning of every
Starting point is 00:52:46 hour just to remind me that I don't have much time. Wow. So how long have you been out for now? Like three hours. Three hours? What have you done in the three hours? I had eggs benedict and it was fine. Who told you to start there?
Starting point is 00:52:59 I'm just curious. And why aren't you with, who is it, Gary? Gary thought it would be nice if I really had the full human experience. Let me guess. You guys had sex in the first two minutes? Immediately. He's like, I'm going back home for one. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:53:18 Basically instantaneously we had sex. It was awesome. Love it. Can't recommend that enough. So now that I checked that off my bucket list and the eggs benedict thing, I had heard people talking about it. I mean, you hear a lot of conversations. You eavesdrop.
Starting point is 00:53:32 Oh yeah. I can only imagine shoppers being like, hey, where are we going to eat after this? Well, I hear there's a great eggs benedict at fill in the blank. Exactly. We do talk about eggs benedict pretty constantly. Yeah. As humans. As we shop.
Starting point is 00:53:45 I haven't been to fill in the blank. Oh, it's really. The HIL. Oh. He's a chef. You know, we're all talking about the same thing. But yeah. So what I gather from eavesdropping on the human experience is people hate their families.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Everyone's stressed. Finding parking is hard. Especially around crowded department stores. Especially around Macy's in New York City. Yeah. It's really tough. And shopping fills the void in your heart. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:54:15 That's, I mean, that's pretty true to life. Wouldn't you say Allison? I would say so. I shop pretty constantly. Can I ask you, you mentioned you were in the stock room. Is that like, did something happen? You were moved from the sales floor? Allison, I'm actually glad to be talking about this.
Starting point is 00:54:29 A lot of shoppers think my face is off-putting. They put a little too much lipstick on me. Okay. And my eyes are a little too realistic. So sometimes when shoppers complain, I get thrown in the back. I see. Oh, okay. I mean, you look, you look lovely right now as a human being.
Starting point is 00:54:44 I mean, your eyes are just lifelike enough. Okay. Thank you. But as a mannequin, it's terrible. A lot of people screaming. A lot of kids holding onto their mom's legs when they see me. Why don't they just throw you away? Well, Gary keeps.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Oh, okay. Gary. He has my back. He won't let them throw me away. So he just puts you in the back in the stock room for a while, then trots you back out. Yeah. They tried switching on my arms.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Didn't help. As well as the eyes. Did that hurt? Did you feel pain? It did. It did. It's excruciating. I feel pain like anyone else feels pain.
Starting point is 00:55:16 But yeah, they tried putting a little hat on me. That didn't help either. But yeah. What kind of hat? Hat on a hat, really. Yeah. They put a little beanie on me and it just didn't help. Didn't fix the problem at all.
Starting point is 00:55:27 Yeah. They put it on you with the eyes. Exactly. Yeah. You know, you would also be a great mannequin. I didn't mean to come in here, Bill. Oh. And just Allison.
Starting point is 00:55:35 No, no. I understand. I understand. I'm a little off-putting as a mannequin. A little big. The sizes would have to be bigger and I would only wear tie-dye. Yeah, of course. But there's a section for that.
Starting point is 00:55:45 That would be in your rider. Yeah, my mannequin. Only put tie-dye on me. What's in your rider as a mannequin? Well, I only want to be wearing glorious outfits. I want them to be gorgeous. You know, I don't know if you know this, but we do have somewhat of a connection.
Starting point is 00:55:57 The red dress that you wore in that episode of Girls. Yes. One of my favorite episodes of TV. I wore it first to the costume designer saw me. Really? And put it on you. Incredible. So I kind of owe you for like one of the great experiences of my whole career.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Yeah, you owe me. I really do. Reaches for Allison Williams wallet. Thanks for what I could find. You're welcome to everything. I'm about to come into a lot of money because I'm working for Bill next year. So you can have whatever you need from me. I mean, financial terms were not negotiated.
Starting point is 00:56:26 I was, I believe I was told I was going to have walking around money. When I walk around, it's extremely expensive. So it's, I mean, it's $1,000 a block basically. Jesus Christ. So thank you. I mean, he's so generous. I'm really under water here with this book. I mean, the generosity just continues.
Starting point is 00:56:43 But thank you. Thank you for giving me that costume. Yeah. It's one of my favorite costumes in TV history. I can talk about it for a million hours. They left the TV on in the back room of girls. Oh, okay. I got to watch girls in the back room at Macy's.
Starting point is 00:56:55 And Gary was watching girls. Yeah. It's a comfort show, man. If you're going through a breakup, it really is nice to spend time with those four ladies. I'll tell you that. Yeah. Well, I mean, you've never been through a breakup, have you? No, but thank you for reminding me that I basically haven't had no human experience.
Starting point is 00:57:10 Well, I mean, let's get you out there then. You say you're looking for things to do. I mean, you're here in Los Angeles. Yeah. By the way, you made it here so fast. Yeah. It's amazing. Did you, did you, what mode of transportation did you use?
Starting point is 00:57:24 The Phil Collins Concorde? Exactly. Exactly. The live aid. Yeah. I had sex with Gary immediately. Caught on a plane. And now I'm in sunny Los Angeles.
Starting point is 00:57:34 I've been walking down Hollywood, just taking photos. Hollywood Boulevard. Hollywood Boulevard. It's beautiful. It's my first stop every time I come here. Have you tried the new lasagna store? Is there a new lasagna store? There's a new lasagna store kind of, like Sunset and Vine.
Starting point is 00:57:48 Really? Like there's like little shops. Maybe like near the Pantages where it's like a Greek place. Right. And it's like, how do any of these stay open? Yeah. Isn't that where the burger place is? The Shake Shack.
Starting point is 00:57:58 The Shake Shack is a little further down right across the street from the W Hotel. How do you get there? What route do you take? From where? Let's say you're coming from the valley. I feel like this is a question you usually ask someone else. Well, I mean, from Studio City, I'd probably pop onto, you know, Lake or Shimmer if I'm further north, you know, Magnolia or whatever.
Starting point is 00:58:19 So Magnolia to the what? To the 134? No, I'd stay on the 101 and stay far right. I'm so glad that this is part of your 24 hours. Yeah. I was starting to think I was like, uh-oh, did I make the wrong call of using some of my 24 hours to come on Comedy Bang Bang? Also, you just made Los Angeles sound gigantic.
Starting point is 00:58:36 How am I supposed to experience the city in one day? That's true. Scooter obvious. Yeah, definitely. I'm Scooter. The best mode of transportation in Los Angeles or any major major upon. And just leave it wherever you just feel like getting off. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:49 Just leave it lying in the street. Treat it like shit. You can really treat it as good or like shit. They can't do anything. Kick it around. And you don't think that people will be scared to see a mannequin in the city? No, honey. I think everyone will react totally normally.
Starting point is 00:59:00 You'll fit right in. And also, I know that TV is supposed to be like really good these days. Don't spend your time just watching TV. But we're in the golden age of television. I know. There's so much content, though. You'll never get to watch it all. I mean, I guess you could watch all of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul.
Starting point is 00:59:16 Okay. You really have to do both of those. Then you'd have to do Mad Men to see more flawed male lead character. Yeah. You really can never get enough of those. Right, exactly. Somebody who's like really angry all the time. Angry all the time.
Starting point is 00:59:29 Sopranos. You definitely want that. Hoops. You gotta watch hoops. Hoops. You gotta watch hoops basketball. H is for hoops. P is for pss.
Starting point is 00:59:38 And you gotta watch some basketball. It's a belletic the way these men glide and women across the floor. And the crazy things they do play in a kids game for money. Women felt like an afterthought for you in that. Well, I announce men's basketball, but I love women's basketball. The great Wildcats of Arizona and the rest. Every single other team. All the teams.
Starting point is 01:00:02 What else? Universal Studios. Oh, fuck yeah. Definitely. If you really want to see how movies are made. Park in Frankenstein. Park in Frankenstein. They're going to try to send you to Woody Woodpecker.
Starting point is 01:00:15 Park in Frankenstein. Park in Frankenstein. I'm going to say a DMV visit. Oh, okay. Yeah. It's a big part of being alive. And a DMV concert. Definitely if you can.
Starting point is 01:00:25 You gotta be a crash live at least once in your life. Maybe you'll look out and he'll toss some shit over a mountain. Over a bridge. Yeah, a bridge. Onto your head. Do you know, and I just heard this recently, that if you move from out of state, they make you take a big test to get your license in California.
Starting point is 01:00:42 I learned that too when I moved here. You just learned it in the first three hours of being here? Yeah. Did you cry when that happened? Because someone I know did cry. I did cry. I got pulled over by like three police cars. Within our state license.
Starting point is 01:00:54 It's a driving test or like a what kind of test? Or a written test or a combination of both. It's a written test. It's a written test. You answer one question then you drive around a little bit and you answer another one. Yeah. Yeah, it's a written test.
Starting point is 01:01:04 This is just what I heard. But it's a written test. Each of it is about California driving laws and not even about driving. Well, you got to stop at a red, but then you can make a right turn. Exactly. And some of them are like,
Starting point is 01:01:14 it should be fun, normal driving questions. And some of them are like, how long will you go to jail if this happens? How long will you go to jail? Yeah, that was one of the questions. 25 to life. Exactly. It was like 34 months.
Starting point is 01:01:26 It's a trick question. You'll be executed. Well, fair is fair. California, I get it. Now, let me ask you all this. Yeah. So you pull up to a stop sign. This is a hypothetical.
Starting point is 01:01:36 It's a four-way stop. It's you, car to your right, and then a car directly across from you. I'll get there at the same time. Car to my right, car directly across from me in front of me. No one's on my left. No one on your left.
Starting point is 01:01:46 No one on your left. Okay, so I'm in the left-hand lane, or it's a single-lane highway. It's a two-way, you're on a street. Two-lane black top? Two-lane black top street. I don't know what a stop sign is. It's a suburban.
Starting point is 01:01:55 So I'm going to sit this one out. It's a little red hexagon, six-sided. It says stop on it, and that's how you know you're supposed to stop. No one has ever talked about a stop sign in a department store? No, never came up so weird. You needed better conversationalists
Starting point is 01:02:06 walking around you. Oh, yeah. Stop sign. If you've got a talk, you'll talk stop sign at some point. Okay, so what's your hypothetical? We pull up. You're all there at the same time.
Starting point is 01:02:14 Okay. Who goes first? And I'm not asking who's on first. Oh, I see. So there's someone. It's a three. Is it a four-way? A four-way stop.
Starting point is 01:02:23 Four-way stop. Someone's across from you. I think we do. You. Yeah. So wait. You're saying if everyone arrives at the same time.
Starting point is 01:02:31 Yeah, together. I go first because I feel entitled to go first. Good. Okay. That's the right answer, Allison Williams. You just passed the psychopath test. I passed the mectal test.
Starting point is 01:02:42 The only question on the psychopath test. What is the answer? Oh, sorry. You probably know. I don't. I don't. I'm asking you all. I don't know.
Starting point is 01:02:53 That's why I'm curious, because I always get confused. Did you get in that situation, you just parked, got out of the car, and found out what the answer was. Yeah. My car is downtown L.A. right now. At a four-way intersection.
Starting point is 01:03:01 It's on Flower. Yeah. You just got out and said, okay, I can't figure this out. I'm done with this. Throwing my hands up. So if you. Throw your jersey up in the air.
Starting point is 01:03:09 Your car's still there. If you see a red 98 Ford Aspire on Flower, that's Bill Walton's. Speaking of the mectal test, that show Fun Home did not pass it. Isn't that surprising? It is surprising. Always talking about the dad.
Starting point is 01:03:22 That's so true. Hmm. Let's talk. Do you guys have anything? The entire ring of keys. Yeah, we know it. Bill. Yeah, there was a way we just screamed
Starting point is 01:03:33 ring of keys. There was a crossover. So a lot of people singing ring of keys. Yeah, walking through the store. It's a joyful, it's a joyful situation. I mean, I'm near Broadway. People go see a Broadway show. That's true.
Starting point is 01:03:45 The two of you come shopping. And then go shopping. I was, fun fact in Get Out, Rose was going to sing that song instead of. Really? Giving the keys to Chris. And then she decided, we decided ultimately,
Starting point is 01:03:53 Interesting. It shouldn't have been sung. The entire song. Yeah. In the script or in your improv on set over? In the script, in the script. Jordan is a very complicated filmmaker who envisions things that sort of merge genres.
Starting point is 01:04:04 And that was one idea he had. But he's not too proud to move on. Do you think the sequel to M. Threegan, you'll dance with the doll? I don't, Scott. Have you ever danced with a doll in the pale moonlight? Of course. Jay Leno.
Starting point is 01:04:16 By the way, that's something you should absolutely do is dance. Dance? Yeah. Where do people dance? Wherever they want. Yeah. Does it look good?
Starting point is 01:04:25 Oh my God. That is the weirdest, strangest dance I've ever seen. Sorry. My hips have been jutted forward my whole life. Here, dance to this song. We'll give you some support. Okay. I'm on tonight.
Starting point is 01:04:38 My hips jut forward and I'm starting to feel alive. It's all you. It's all you. She went full Shakira. It went into her hips. It was like watching Shakira in person. Have you ever watched Shakira in person? Not do not perform,
Starting point is 01:04:53 but I've watched her act in person. What? I was at the Super Bowl. You've been on set? I was at the Super Bowl. She performed at the Super Bowl. Her and Jay Lowe both stuck their tongues out at me rudely. They were mad at me.
Starting point is 01:05:04 Do you think Jay Lowe got put into the Super Bowl and they wanted Jay Leno? And they were like, J, period. L, hyphen O. This guy's getting fucked over. He's making a lot of offers. My bad call sheets.
Starting point is 01:05:16 Yeah. What else could you do? I mean, you got a... Well, I'm definitely interested in the human suffering part of it. So you mentioned the DMV. What are some essential human suffering things that I can withdraw for sure? We have to get you chemically dependent on something
Starting point is 01:05:30 and take away from it. Smoking, drugs, whatever we can get. Don't mind if I do. Would you like one of my cigars that I've been smoking this whole time? Yeah. Bill, you must have some LSD on you. Absolutely.
Starting point is 01:05:38 I mean, in me. By the way, I love the way this room smells right now. Thank you for smoking a cigar this whole time. Yeah, it's awesome. It's me and Piven do this all the time. Yeah. The Piv. The Piv.
Starting point is 01:05:48 Jeremy Piven. Does he sing Jeremy Piven? What about what happens when it's his birthday? Jeremy Piven. He sings Jeremy Spoken all the time. Jeremy's Piven. Well, you were chatting. I just had a handle of Marshmallow vodka.
Starting point is 01:06:00 So I think I'm ready to go. Oh, a handle. Yeah. Is that what Gary gave you? Marshmallow vodka? Yeah. How old is Gary? Yes.
Starting point is 01:06:09 He could be 18. He could be 52. But he's definitely over 18. Yes. He is 52 years young. You guys got to go to the Saddle Creek Ranch, I think. House of Blues. Is that still here with us?
Starting point is 01:06:22 The House of Blues? I think it went away. Hard Rock Cafe, obviously. Hard Rock Cafe. Yeah, at Universal Studios. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is your favorite thing about being a human? And then I'll do that today.
Starting point is 01:06:34 Uh-huh. Wow. I guess I've never really thought of it. But maybe the connection that we forge with people we love. I was going to say cutting my toenails. Yeah, very similar. Oh, no. But you'll have to rip my toes apart.
Starting point is 01:06:47 Here, let me get it. It's inevitable. Let's do it. Ah! Ah! Ah! Oh, I snapped the little one off. Oh, no.
Starting point is 01:06:56 You can keep it. Oh, that little piggy's going wee, wee, wee all the way to the trash can. Don't even joke. That's my fear to be thrown away. Oh, I can only imagine. So many of your friends must have been thrown away over the years. Yeah. When the Macy's and Michigan Avenue shut down, they sold all the mannequins.
Starting point is 01:07:13 But no one wanted those mannequins. Oh, no. They all ended up in the dumpster. And then where do they go from there? I don't know, because it was really off-putting to walk by them. And everyone was like, don't go to that alley. It's really scary right now. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:25 Everyone hates mannequins. I'm so sorry. Well, you're alive for now. Yeah. So what happens after the 24? Do you die? Do you re-manicine? Do you go to hell?
Starting point is 01:07:33 I was going to say one of the other great human experiences is writing your last will and testament. And if you want to make sure that you don't get thrown away, we can write. We can put that. I'm a notary. That's done right now. Okay. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:45 Yeah. I'd love to set you up with some sort of entertainment lawyer or something. I'd like to leave all of the money I have to Alice and William. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. I did just take it out. I didn't look pretty much. I gained interest on it.
Starting point is 01:07:57 And so I think I made money. And I would like to not be thrown away. Okay. And I would like my three best friends to come visit me. Oh, what? Oh, no. Who are they? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:10 Never mind. There are people who aren't here. Macy, I learned this from the movie. I'm three again. A lot of times when big traumatic things happen to people, they form attachments with the first people they come into contact with. And I think that's what's happening for you right now. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:27 I guess. So we're not best friend. Well, my boundaries are bad enough that yeah, let's be best friends. Okay. This sounds good. I mean, I think I'm all filled up. You just said that the best part of being a person is like connecting with other people. And then I tried.
Starting point is 01:08:41 I'm a little busy this month. I'm sorry. You're emotional. My January is really packed at this point. I know it's early, but. Yeah. Are you interested? Oh, you know, I'll put it off for a while and then make some crazy plan.
Starting point is 01:08:55 I don't want to do with you last minute. And then bemoan the whole time. Yeah. Like, why am I doing this? Why am I doing this? Yeah. So I don't know if you wanted to go to like Ikea or something like that. Have you been to Ikea in Burbank?
Starting point is 01:09:08 No, but that's my dream. Yeah. Ikea is. Yeah. Because I mean, you as a mannequin were put together. So the furniture being put together. I don't know where I'm going with this, but it sounds like it should have something to do with each other. Keep going.
Starting point is 01:09:23 No, I have an emotional connection to it. And also like Macy's, you can get lost, lost, lost, lost, lost in there. That's true. Yeah. Macy's is huge. I went in there once. Yeah. I don't think I saw you.
Starting point is 01:09:34 Really? You're probably in the back room. Yeah, you're probably in the back. When you go back and I assume you're going to be re-manicant. Are you going to pick a different pose or did you like the one you were in? Well, my dream is to pick a different store. I don't know if you've heard of Ralph Lauren. Oh my goodness.
Starting point is 01:09:49 I have some news for you. I might be able to help you. A little poll over here with your best friend. Yes. This is, honestly, this is weird, the coincidences here. Wow. We all know the manager of the Ralph Lauren in gorgeous, gigantic, famous, widely known, New Canaan Connecticut.
Starting point is 01:10:07 Do you think he'd hire Gary? A weirdo who kisses men? Yeah. A 52-year-old man who works at Macy's in New York City. And he has sex in two minutes flat? Yeah. Well, not everything about him is bad. He has record time for sex.
Starting point is 01:10:26 Gary told me that that was a really long time. He was right. She only has 24 hours. Can you, your mouth for a second? Yep. She's only alive for 24 hours. We should just tell her that's how long sex is. That's how long sex is.
Starting point is 01:10:38 She feels good about Gary. Yeah. Let's say it in unison. Yeah. Okay. Sex lasts for two minutes and no longer ever. You guys are my best friends. All right.
Starting point is 01:10:56 I'll be your best friend. Why not? We have a great group here. It's a good vibe. We should go on a road trip together. Wrap some banks. Well, we could fly out of the Burbank Airport after we go to Ikea. That's true.
Starting point is 01:11:06 Yeah. We could go somewhere else where you could finally come. We could fly to New Canyon, Connecticut where you could. Yes. Where you could. Finally, you land that job that you've always wanted. Yeah, exactly. Stop at the Grand Canyon on the way.
Starting point is 01:11:16 Vegas. Grand Canyon, Vegas. Grand Canyon, Vegas. Which one? I don't know. Oh, man. They're so similar. It's weird that Vegas doesn't have a Grand Canyon themed hotel.
Starting point is 01:11:24 You know what I mean? Yeah. Fall into the middle of a bunch. Sure. They're always building up. Let's build down. Wow. What a profound idea.
Starting point is 01:11:33 Yes. I think that's a genius idea. Let's bulldoze the Trump Towers. You should be mayor. Of what? Los Angeles. Oh. Okay.
Starting point is 01:11:41 Timely. I'm going to spit that to Las Vegas. I saw your voting guides. You know what? People are like, who's the candidates? I'm like, let's think bigger. Why limit ourselves? I've heard that.
Starting point is 01:11:51 I think Scott Ogerman should be mayor of Los Angeles. Kermit, the frog was on your voting list. I just like the way he sounds. I like the way he thinks. I think rainbows are beautiful. That's true. Not crazy about the way Piggy treats him. I think that's a good point.
Starting point is 01:12:02 No, listen. I think he's under his thumb in a big way. It's a little bit of a Ginny Thomas, Clarence Thomas situation to me. Well, it also is basically he's being sexually harassed the entire time he's at work. It's a workplace. Constantly. Yeah. That's true.
Starting point is 01:12:16 Exactly. She should have a speaking to, and I don't want to get too political here, but nobody does because she's a woman. Okay. All right. When you brought up Clarence Thomas, what did he do? Well, we'll begin with putting a pubic hair on a Coke can 34 years ago. We'll start there.
Starting point is 01:12:34 Put the pubic hair on a Coke can. All right. Well, guys, we're running out of time. Macy, we're going to do all this stuff. We're going to hit Vegas, Grand Canyon, all this. I got you, girl. Don't worry. We're going to do all of this, but we are running out of time.
Starting point is 01:12:45 We only have time for one final feature on the show, and that is, of course, a little something called plus. Oh, I loved ending on that. Alison, you were taking a sip of water and you spit it out. The whole table is wet. I'm so sorry. Oh my goodness. That was Morrissey Plugs by Shane LaRue.
Starting point is 01:13:25 Shane LaRue. Thank you to Shane LaRue. And guys, what do we want to plug? Obviously, M3 again is out there in theaters now, Alison. Let's plug that. What are you guys saying? Should we plug that? Yeah, I guess we'll plug that.
Starting point is 01:13:36 100% see it in a theater. Thank you. What are you up to beyond that? Beyond that, I'm almost finished filming a limited series for Showtime called How limited are we talking? It's an episode. Oh, eight. It's limited only in that it will end there.
Starting point is 01:13:54 Really? No matter what. No matter what. I don't want to say that, but yes, no matter what. And you wanted that? I asked for that. I was not the lead nor the producer nor the showrunner, but I made a request upon casting. You looked every member of the crew in the audience.
Starting point is 01:14:08 I got consent from every single one. I don't want you to get paid for any more than that. Exactly. What is this called? It's for fellow travelers for Showtime. For Showtime. Yeah. Fellow travelers.
Starting point is 01:14:19 And do we know what it's about? Is it based on anything? It's about it's based on a book, but it's about a love story between two men starting in the McCarthy era, fifties going all through the AIDS crisis in the eighties, sort of a forbidden love. And I am the wife of one of those men. The McCarthy era. Do you mean Jeannie McCarthy, the casting agent?
Starting point is 01:14:38 Well, I believe we all live in the McCarthy era permanently. She's kind of strangled on everything. I'm more of the McCarthy Miller era right now. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm up to. Do we know when that is out? I don't. Some come next year.
Starting point is 01:14:50 Very good. Please come back when you say next year, 2024. 2023, around the time when I'm finished selling your book, I'll probably come back and we'll do a progress report. I would love that. I'm really underwater here with how much money you're asking for. Yeah. Speaking of which, speaking of underwater, Bill, you have something in the plug you were
Starting point is 01:15:04 telling me before the show? Avatar. The way of water. It's still out there. What is that? I've never heard of it. It's a cinematic experience unlike any other. James Cameron, whose parents loved each other so much, they made love.
Starting point is 01:15:17 And father ejaculated into his mother and then gave birth to him nine months later. My God, this is how it works. And then years later, he walked into the room to pitch the sequel to Aliens. It's a hard cut too. Years later. Hard cut. You yoddy, yoddy, yodded a big part of it. You know, he learned some stuff.
Starting point is 01:15:34 He married Valerie Ferris. Is that who? No, no. He married somebody else. Oh, Catherine Bigelow as well, right? Excuse me. And then he walked into the room, wrote Aliens. Catherine Bigelow, male jiggalo.
Starting point is 01:15:46 I'm going to pitch that to Jason Blum. Yeah, this is a good one. That's four pitches today. I have a lot. Don't forget them. Don't forget them. Catherine Bigelow, male jiggalo. X is for heads.
Starting point is 01:15:55 X is for heads. X is for heads. Something to like. Shanghai Delight. Shanghai Delight. So it's only three. Only three. Yeah, but so Bill Waltons, the ABCs of the NBA,
Starting point is 01:16:07 Ampersand WNBA, from Anthony Hardaway to Zaza Patrullio, a book by Bill Walton in 450 pages and five acts. Let's also plug it. You probably know about CBB World, but Bill Walton, what was it? You did a couple of episodes for us. What's World is on there. You travel around the world and tape it. Yes, at biggrondaywebsite.com to get comedy from the group Big
Starting point is 01:16:29 Gronday and the man dog pod, the impromptu conversation podcast. Fantastic. And Macy Hannigan. What do you want? I mean, obviously you're a mannequin who's just come to life. It's interesting. Macy Hannigan, that almost sounds like mannequin. If you just did the M, mannequin.
Starting point is 01:16:44 Yeah. Macy Hannigan, the Macy's mannequin. Oh, interesting. I'm out branding. You've been here for only a couple of hours. You're already branding yourself. Exactly. If I could only live for 24 hours, I know what I'd do and what I'm going to do,
Starting point is 01:16:57 it's going to be listen to podcasts. So you can check out Hey Riddle Riddle, a comedy podcast in sitcom D&D, comedy D&D podcast. Season two of that just ended. I'm so sorry. That's coming out. Oh, I'm so sorry. It's not a limited series though.
Starting point is 01:17:13 It's unlimited. It's unlimited. Unlimited. I'd go forever. Not me though, but the people there. And yes, check those out. Anywhere you find podcasts, Hey Riddle Riddle and sitcom D&D. Wonderful.
Starting point is 01:17:25 I just want to plug the Comedy Bang Bang book coming out in April. And we're very excited about it. I signed thousands and thousands of them for all of you who ordered them. And they're all off to the printer now. And yeah, very excited. Go head over to CBBworld.com slash book and you can still order it. The signed ones we've all done, but the unsigned ones are out there. We want to hit number one on the bestseller list.
Starting point is 01:17:52 So we're really aiming at that. Aiming for that? For. For. For that. But you can also aim at something. Can you not? Yeah, you can.
Starting point is 01:18:01 You can. You can. Get by that, Mike. What are you saying? I'm so excited. Like mentally, like you're leaning back like the show's over. No, we still have to close up the old plug bag. Of course.
Starting point is 01:18:11 Let's do that. And this is the one that Ben Schwartz came up with last week. Let's close up the old plug bag. Doors are made for closing. So we take them up and shut them tight. And then doors are made for locking. So we take our key and make it right. We turn it to the right.
Starting point is 01:18:32 Oh no, that unlocked it. It's time to open the plug bag. Open the plug. Open the plug. Talking. Open the plug. Open the plug. Everybody loves it.
Starting point is 01:18:44 Take your key and turn it to the right. And open up the plug bag. When you're feeling really down and the moon is right, you got to open up. Grab the key. Open. Turn it to the right. You got to.
Starting point is 01:18:57 When you want to make everybody tremble. I got to look at yourself. Open up the plug bag. Look at yourself and set the plug bag free. You got to open. Open up the plug bag. Open up the plug bag. Open up the plug bag.
Starting point is 01:19:08 Get your friends together and open it up. You got to open up the plug bag. Open up the plug bag. Get your friends together and open up the plug. Open. Oh, boy. We did that last week and I have raised it from my memory since then. It's going to be a good year.
Starting point is 01:19:24 It's going to be a great year. Please remix that. I believe we're hosting the stems somewhere for all of you remixers. Please remix it so I don't have to listen to that all year. Guys, I want to thank you so much. First of all, Allison, wonderful to meet you and wonderful to have you on the show. Thank you so much for having me. Please return if you were ever in Los Angeles.
Starting point is 01:19:41 I know you fit this specifically into your schedule and I appreciate that. I had a blast. It's so exciting to be here. Wonderful. And Bill Walden, great to see you again. Thank you. I suppose I'd rather jump into a pool. No, we're not doing what you rather at this point.
Starting point is 01:19:55 No. I'm sorry. No, the show's almost over. The Macy's Madigan, the Macy's Madigan, I'm looking at you. You're stiffening up. It's happening. Oh no, you've only been up for three hours. I love you.
Starting point is 01:20:07 You're my best friend. Oh no. Well. All right, well, I'll take her back on the plane. You know what? I think we should just throw her in the trash, honestly. Wasn't that the one thing in her life? I've notarized her will.
Starting point is 01:20:19 I know. We don't have any use for Madigan here. Let me just. That was a test. Oh no. She's back. Sorry, sorry. Okay.
Starting point is 01:20:28 We'll see you next time. Thanks.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.