Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Asif Ali, Lily Sullivan, Dan Lippert

Episode Date: March 17, 2025

This week, Scott welcomes long-time listener and first-time guest Asif Ali to chat about his new show “Deli Boys,” and what it’s like to be first on the call sheet. Then, Miss Lacy drops by to administer wellness checks and gives updates on everyone's “outies.” Finally, government employee Russ Saguaro stops by to talk about his work for the water company. Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang comedy bang bang Life is short, life is cruel, dipped my wang in pudding, but it turned out to be gruel. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to Side of Mcgee, Catchphrase Superstar Side of Mcgee, and welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. I believe it's one day after the Ides of March, and we're dipping into St. Patrick's Day today. Oh. Hope you're wearing into St. Patrick's Day today.

Hope you're wearing your green. I know our guest of honor is. Come on, come on. I don't know why, as we are recording this prior to the day, but I think green is one of those colors that should only be one day. I think every, there should be a color for every day of the year.

Oh, I like this. And everyone has to wear it, or else they get pinched every day. So you wake up and it's like, and it's on the color wheel and it's like 1093 teal blue and everyone has to wear that one or else they get pinched all day. We'll be discussing this a little later. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. We have a great show coming up. We have an entertainer.

We also have a government employee. So this is a packed show. But let me get to our guest of honor, the aforementioned green wearing person. He is a standup comedian and an actor who has appeared on such shows as Wrecked and Wandavision. His breakout role has arrived here. In the new comedy Deli Boys, which is out on Hulu now all episodes I believe currently available to watch all ten all episodes currently we

hope there's more of course I'm knocking this wood I'd like this show to go on till the end of time please welcome Asif Ali to the show first time you're welcome to the first time long time, welcome to the first timer club. Long time listener, first time guest, yes. Wonderful, welcome to the show. Deli Boys is out. I am here to say that I have seen approximately two hours of this, four episodes.

Whoa. I'm not yet halfway through the season, but I've seen my share. You've seen enough? My share will be all 10. I imagine I will complete it, but this is as much between the booking and you arriving. This is as much as I was able to complete.

I love that. Enjoying it a lot. Tell us a little bit about what the plot of this show is, who you play, give me everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, go, go, go, go, go, go. Real fast. Start the clock. Real fast.

Yeah. It's about two trust-fun kids, two little dumb-dums. I play Meir. These kids are dumb. Two South Asian boys, barely legal. I know you're into that, you nasty man. Two barely legal South Asian boys. What are we talking?

We talking like three days after their 18th birthday? Yeah, yeah. Just the idea of drinking gets them so hard. I know you're into that. And on your notes. We talked about this before, yeah. And you flipped through all my notes. Scott has underlined barely legal South Asian

three, four times. He has a globe out and he's circled South Asia broadly. And so we're so... Another guest is so disgusted by this, they are taking off their headphones and walking out of the room. And calling the police. Oh my.

But yeah, two trust fund kids, two idiots. I play Mir and Sager Shake plays Raj. I'm sort of the type A, went to... He by the way, people will know from Ms. Marvel. He's so great as the brother on Ms. Marvel. Yes, and so I played as sort of the type A, went to Drexel, went to business school, want to be my dad.

What is Drexel? Drexel's a business school. Is that a Harry Potter character? Can I tell you something? I was a voice in Hogwarts Legacy, the video game. And are you proud of that now? In hindsight? Ah, we'll save that for later.

Would you like to publicly denounce JK Rowling? For her views about most communities, yes. Okay, okay, we have that on the record. Yes, we have that on the record. However, they made it very clear that the video game has nothing to do with her. And then they also made it clear that I was gonna get paid. But it doesn't have a lot

to do with her views? Yeah, it's just you playing Twitter and you're just jumping from one of her posts to another one of her posts. Notorious turf, JK Rowling. Yes, we do not like that. And so I'm sort of like the type A guy and then he plays sort of the,

he uses his trust fund money to do drugs and be an orgies and be a real nasty guy. And- He's a nasty boy. He's a nasty boy like you. I know you loved it. And so our dad played by Iqbal Theba, who was a principal in Glee, very talented guy.

I don't know why you pointed at me. I've never seen it. You're a huge Glee fan. I know that about you. You're doing jazz hands. They can't see it. That's true. And so we're in his shadow.

He was an immigrant guy, worked at a deli, then eventually owned one. There's a chain of delis. Yeah. He's incredibly successful. He has a career. He was an immigrant guy, worked at a deli, then eventually owned one. There's a chain of delis. He's incredibly successful. He has commercials everywhere. He's a huge, like running a corporation now. Then he dies in a tragic accident.

We don't wanna go into exactly how he dies because- We want you to watch. We want you to watch, but it's a huge, so if you're into death and you watch things like Faces of Death- A lot of blood. There's a scene in this that you're gonna love. Yeah, if you saw war footage in the early 2000s

on the internet and you were up voting it with Scott, you're gonna love the show. And so- One scene at least. Yeah, one scene, one big scene. So he dies and then we find out that all of the money from our family was actually coming from our dad using all of these delis that he owned

as a middleman for cocaine distribution. Yeah, so now here's what I like about the show. Yes. I was watching the first episode and I felt like the premise had been established. Yes. Because it's two idiots and you have your father and he's complaining about you guys are idiots

and you're not ready for responsibility. I'm like, okay, I get this. This is gonna be a show where two idiots work at a deli or a chain of delis or whatever. It's fine. Suddenly he's dead and then it turns into something akin to The Sopranos or Pulp Fiction or something where it's suddenly now it's in the drug trade and people are getting murdered and it's violent and it was very exciting to me. Just the amount of blood in that first episode was just insane, and that's when we knew this is gonna be something special.

Approximately 10 pints, I would estimate it at. Blood estimated. And the PSI was powerful that day. Yeah, the effects guys were really having fun blasting our asses with a Tarantino amount of blood. It's strange because all the spatter was on your asses. It was like, I don't know who murders someone and turns their ass toward the body,

but that was you guys. We knew how the internet worked, and I was like, let's give the fans something, and we turned around and they were like, spray these BBLs, we know what America wants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that is, and you have a An aunt as well. Yes played by porno juggernaut. Yeah, she's great getting a lot of buzz for her her performance

I'm gonna say it here first. She will get nominated for an Emmy and if she doesn't we will riot. Yes When you say we were we talking me you All of the listeners of CBB will gather. That's gonna be a very ineffectual riot. About 13 people, very passionate. No, she's great. She kind of takes over in your father's footsteps and along with, who is also-

Brian George plays Aunt Maduncle. Yeah, incredible. Great cast, very funny show, and goes into, I've, like I say, I've seen approximately two hours of this, four episodes, and goes, and I'm counting the ads that are on Hulu as well. Because you have Hulu with ads. I have Hulu with ads.

God forbid you pay more than $9 a month. I don't know how to get rid of these things other than paying money, which I don't wanna do. But- Certified Fresh, by the way. We're certified fresh on Rotten Tomatoes now. Congratulations. Thank you. What does it take to be certified fresh?

Is it just over the 50% mark or what? I'm not here to question it. All I know is that we have a over 90% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Wow. I think certified fresh is you need to get over a certain amount of positive ratings. That's what I mean, 50% is what I said?

No, I think it's over 50%. 51, what are we? Maybe 60s. 60s? Maybe 60s, 70s, I don't know. Like in school, a 60 gives you a D. So I would say 70s then, it would have to be 70s then, right?

A C? Yeah. Yeah, something's fresh if it's like half bad, right? Okay, this is, hold on, this is a takedown piece. What did I walk myself into, holy shit. I know, it's a very funny show and very exciting and has great guest stars. I know there's this gentleman, Tim Balz,

who plays an FBI agent. And I saw this Australian actress named Lily Sullivan who was in this. A force to be reckoned with, honestly, would not make eye contact with us and was very much doing method. And we kept reminding her this is a comedy show. I'm glad you said ud after doing that.

Yeah. And was very serious and then got us all iPads after her performance. Oh wow. Yeah, yeah, it was very nice. She's a class act though. Great cast and funny writing. How did the show end up coming to be?

Who actually created the show? Abdullah Saeed, this incredible guy. He used to work at Vice. He used to do drugs at Vice. So that tells you where his mind was at. If you're the senior person doing drugs at Vice. That was his role at Vice. Just to do whatever drugs came in that day

and write reviews. He used to have a show called Bong Appetit where he would smoke weed and then cook and taste food that has been infused with weed. Now what came first, the title? We don't know. That's like asking a podcast, like what came first, the name or the idea kind of thing.

But he wrote, he actually, the reason why this show is so interesting is that he wrote it because he just wanted to get staffed in a room. And so, you know, like they just tell you to write the craziest shit you can come up with so they can just get an idea for what your sense of humor is. But then when he was taking it around, they were like, oh, Onyx was like, yeah, we'll make this. And he was like, oh, shit.

Okay. So like that jump from, I was just planning on getting staffed. And then now you're an EP creator writer. That's almost too much responsibility for this guy, I would say. But he did it. But he did it. Yeah. We also have Jenny Connor from Girls. Yes. She was one of the producers. Nora Silver. Michelle Nader was sure enough.

It was a lot of women. He was the only man that was in EP. I also heard a story about how a lot of the characters were men in the original draft. Yes. And then they asked, hey, could you change these women? He went to a panel, like a Gina Davis panel, I think, and she was like, go through his...

One of our great stars. Wouldn't you agree? The fly. God, we love it. Brundle fly. My favorite bug. Eww. Bzzzzzzzzzzzz shit. Blah, blah, blah, blah. We love that for her. And she's actually gonna use this now.

Great. This is going right to her Instagram, getting pinned on her Instagram. But she does a lot of work in that space. I know my wife's film went to her film festival out in, I forget what state it was in, but Tennessee or something like that. But it's very focused on women in the industry.

Yeah, so he went to a panel and they were like, go through his script and find any characters that are men that can be switched to a woman, go ahead and do that. And so he did that with Lucky Auntie and he did that with Agent Mercer. Right, yeah. And it's a great, I mean, you know,

without doing that, Lucky Auntie, which is such a great character, wouldn't exist. Yeah. And it gave her so much more to play with. I'm going to say, reverse the gender of every single character in your script and see what happens. Oh no. So we get picked up for season two and then I'm fired? Yeah. Exactly. Do it for the next season. I do catering now? No, you can play Lucky Auntie now.

Oh. And she plays you. This is very cool. We love, okay. I'm now, I'm back, you can play Lucky Auntie now. Oh. And she plays you. This is very cool. Okay, now I'm back on board. This is very cool. Here's how to fix Hollywood. Yes. Because everyone talks about like,

oh, there aren't enough women roles. And people have been asking you specifically about this. Yes, exactly. Yes. Just take every single script that goes into production, swap the gender of every single role. There. Whoa.

So Reacher is a woman now? Yes. A small woman. Ms. Reacher. Ms. Reacher, I don't mind if I do. Yeah. And yeah, she's very tiny. Tiny lady. With big tits. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa're like, hold on. We were doing some crazy. This is how we cure sexism in Hollywood. Oh my God. So what, Deli Boys, of course, we're talking about on Hulu now, all 10 episodes. All 10 were released at the same time? Same time, yeah. That's like bear tactics, right? And that was a conversation that was happening on set.

And even though I wasn't obviously in a position of power to make that decision were you like I was yelling it a lot overhearing these conversations like trying to sidle up to him going like well here's my opinion I know I they would be like so what do you guys think and I made it I would yell it out I would be like guys remember in between I would be like all right now it needs they all need to drop at the same time same time well it's it's benefiting me because I, of course, had to cram watching these approximately four episodes. You're using a free trial.

Yes, you piece of shit. That's the other part of it. God damn it. The free trial, by the way. And give me ads? Come on, man. Give me a free trial without ads. Hook me.

Maybe I'll pay for the no ads. It's a great show. Deli Boys is out there right now and 10 episodes, you have experience, I mean you were in WandaVision, you're in a lot of stuff, but you started as a stand-up comedian. Yes, yeah. I started in high school in Arizona in Phoenix. That's right, you're from Arizona.

Yeah, and then I moved to Chicago, Chicago great comedy scene, I feel like a lot of people who wanna get into comedy pick New York or LA and don't overlook Chicago. It's an incredible place. Yeah, but everyone in Chicago just goes like, when am I moving to LA or New York? Yeah, but that's after they're already powerhouses of comedy, you know what I mean?

It's a great incubator of comedy. We love our second city, of course. Yeah, our IOS. Our IOS, we love them. IOS doesn't even exist anymore. Whoa, news to me. We love them though, we love them, a great legacy. And you went to Chicago.

Yes. Did you mainly focus on stand-up? I was doing improv and stand-up at the time. But then eventually, when I came to LA, it was like a thing of like, hey, I can't make any money. I'm just actively losing money doing improv. Yeah, that's the thing.

You have to pay approximately like $500 every improv performance you give. Yes. And it's just, it's sunk costs. And as much as I love doing it and, you know, being around a lot of other people who are way too enthusiastic. You love doing it, let me give you a word.

Okay. Bovine. Yes, and milk. Okay, see, he loves it. Come on, put me on a Harold team. He loves it. Did you, so you were doing standup as well at the same time as doing improv?

Yes, yes. And so it's easier to make money doing stand-up because you go out and do clubs. Yes, and frankly I was better at it. I had to sit down and be like, hey, what am I actually better at? And I was better at stand-up. And the improv community was devastated, honestly. A lot of people, Lauren called me. Lauren called me and said, are you sure?

We are looking for a South Asian person in 2078 when we get a lot of pressure on social media and then you will be let go six months later. And so I was like, listen, man, I have a career and I want to pursue this thing. Do you have a do you have any specials out there or I did a Netflix special called Verified? It was like a it was like four people doing 15-minute sets. Oh yeah, one of those 15-minute ones that Max did, right?

No, no, it was on Netflix. No, I mean our good friend Max. Oh yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Of course, from the Nevada Johnny Carson Festival. Yes, it was, yeah, that and- One of these things where it was just like, okay, we don't trust you for half an hour. Which is crazy, because they saw me do an hour

and then they're like, here's 15, and I go, what is this? Yeah. I already showed you- Is it an intention span thing? What do you think it is? I don't know, I think it was a trust thing. They need the computer. It's not human beings trusting me.

They need a computer to trust me, or they need you to show them that you have two million alt-right fans What do you think about computers? Are they good for society or like on the whole? Like we used to have calculators. Yeah, we were like I remember that was a big and when I was in school Uh-huh. That was a big thing. Do we let calculators into the classroom? Yeah, and Nowadays it's like hey we have mean, that's mainly what I use this phone for is just for the calculator app. Yeah. That's calculating that 0% tip

you give at restaurants. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's see. Zero divided by zero. Oh, look at this. Same thing every time. Uh, they hate you at Bucca di Beppo. They hate you. Uh, but yeah, I think that using the algorithm thing, it is kind of crazy because it used to be back then. It feels like there's no one in charge of like just making decisions with your gut. Sure. It's just all the just, you know, you hear about,

oh my God, our good friend Christian Bruhn's show being canceled by Netflix when it has like 800 million viewers and some computer is like, Don't like it. Don't like it, don't know why, it's great of completion. And they all just go like, oh, thank you computer. Oh, we love you computer.

And everyone loves this show. And then suddenly you wake up one day and it's gone. What is going on? I don't know what's going on. But not at Hulu. These people are smart. These people have heart, they have passion and anything else positive I can say

for us to get a second season. Yeah, and when do they decide this? How long is your contract? I don't know how long our contract is, but I would love. When do they have to re-up it? I would love to get my lawyer on the phone. You don't know? I would love.

You know. I think it's like a three-year contract. No, no, no, but when do they have to decide whether they're picking it up? I think they have to tell us by June. No, no, no, but when do they have to decide whether they're picking it up? I think they have to tell us by June. Or what? They have to pay you more money?

Yeah, or if they hold us, they have to pay us more money. Yeah. How much? Which we were very, I think it's like, I think it's at least like 50. 50K? I think it's at least 50 to 70K. 50 to 70K, that's about right.

Just to hold us. Just to hold, yeah. Because like you're a star on the up. Yeah, I'm number one on the call sheet. They got a paper. You're number one on the call sheet? This is what I need to get you, thank you. Thank you, how did you wrangle that?

It's my first time in my entire career being number one on the call sheet. What were you on Wrecked? Probably. Number six. I was number six. You were six. Yeah, I was six, yeah. And then on Wandavision, let me guess Wandavision.

You're probably in the 30s. Yeah, I think six, yeah. And then on Wandavision, let me guess Wandavision. You're probably in the 30s. Yeah, I think it was something, I was probably 20 something. 20 something, okay. Yeah, because I was pretty early on, but I was in a series regularly. Yeah, but you still, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was recurring, yeah.

So you were in the first couple episodes because you're one of the people in the town, right? I was in all, I was in five out of the six, I believe. Wow. Yeah. And I've been in- Those are good odds. And when you're a guest star, you know, shrinking, I was down. I don't know, actually, but go ahead. Don't get a lot of work in these neck of the woods.

Come on, your attitude towards Hollywood, I feel like, would just open doors for you, left and right. Yeah, shrinking, I was pretty low because- Didn't even put myself in my own thing. This is how bad I auditioned for. Because you're an artist, you're an artist. New Girl, I was pretty low because I was like the last season of the actual show.

So I wanna say- But how do you get number one in this Daily Boy show? Like was there a fight between? I don't think- Or was it just decided one day you're number one? I think it was- Did you talk first in the show? Between the two of you?

No, I think our dad talks first, but- He talks first, but he's not gonna be number one on the call sheet. Did you, your scene was first, wasn't it? I think so. I think they established your character first. Maybe, but I don't think that's how it works. I bet it was.

I mean, how the fuck would you know, Scott? We have to ask the computer. The computer's the only one that can tell us. But yeah, it's been- What an honor. Yeah, truly, it's a special thing. But it's an ensemble, so it, you know, we all share. You guys should switch it next season.

Why are you doing this to me? I hate, I hate this. I hate this. I'm just saying, like, you're number one this time, and it makes you feel like a big shot. And I'll be number 37 for season two. Give it to your brother. Give it to Sager?

Yeah, okay, okay, fine. Okay, fine. Why not? You'll be, he's two, probably, right? Yeah, he's two, yeah. Yeah, give it to him. Just switch. And we'll switch for season two? Yeah, that's fun. Okay, yeah, give it to him. Just switch. And we'll switch for season two?

Yeah, that's fun. Okay, yeah, that's cute. It is fun. That is kind of nice. That'd be nice, and you should make a big ceremony out of it where you like, you know, make up a giant call sheet, like it's a giant check or something, you know?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, where a publisher's clearing house, where I hand it over to him. And you cut a ribbon and everything. That would be fun to do on the first day. And then he immediately does a switch where then now he establishes rules that we were trying to avoid where he's like, don't look at me, don't talk to me.

I will have a video village made out of trailers with like six different trailers. A video village made out of trailers. Yeah. I'm trying to imagine this. Yeah, where you just open the window and you can see the monitors through there, yeah. Well, this is a great show, Deli Boys,

number one on the call sheet here. This is an honor for me. And the show takes place, listen, I'm just kidding. It takes place, by the way, it takes place on Earth. In Philly, in Philadelphia, but we shot it in Chicago. That's right, so if you ever see the L train passing by. You're gonna be like, holy shit, this is crazy. Or the lake.

Or you guys walk by Second City or whatever. Yeah, and there's a whole episode where my character drops a character and does two very bad improv scenes at Second City, pitches the show to the audience. Jason Sudeikis does a drop in. We get into, yeah, he looks at me and he's like, I don't know you.

And then we leave and then we get on the train and argue for about three stops. So this is a good show. It's a fun show. We shot next to the bear actually. Did you like, what do you mean next to the bear? Our stages were right next to it was us, the bear, the shot. So if they turn the camera even slightly to the right, you would see Jeremy Allen White, Iowa Debra, Maddie Matheson.

Was that hard to be like trying to act and then the bear is acting right next to you? It was kind of crazy because it's like, you could feel the weight of like, man, there's Emmys right next door to us. Do you think, he's playing Springsteen, right? Yeah. That's gonna seep into his bear performance where he's like, hey, little mama, I'm the bear.

I actually love that. I think him saying, hey, little mama, over a plate of food. And while he's in his own apartment. Does he talk to his food? I've never seen the show. Does he talk to his food? He's gonna this season.

What a fucking weird show. We would do this funny bit where when we were shooting out on location. I talked to his food the entire time. Why the fuck does anyone watch this thing? I love it. When we would shoot on location. You have to say that, you work for it.

No, I love it. I love seasons. This is a show about a guy speaking to his plate. But what's every show? You could dilute any show into that. You know? All right, all right. You know, this show's about-

From what you're saying, I've never seen it. So from what you're saying, this is a show about a guy who talks to his food like he's Bruce Springsteen? Yeah, but he uses like a fuck voice. You know what I mean? All right, all right. Yeah, it's different.

It's different. Maybe it's good. We would do this bit in Chicago where whenever we were outside, we would we would tell people when they'd walk by and be like, what are you shooting? We'd be like, oh, we're shooting the bear. And people would be like, oh, my God. Wow. What's this season about? And be like, this season, Carmi really gets into South Asian food. He's starting a South Asian restaurant.

He's getting into biryani and naan and lentils and curries. And they would legitimately be like, oh shit, really? That's like, that makes sense because the show kind of like breaks boundaries and stuff. That makes perfect sense. And I'm like, yeah, there's an episode where the spice really gets to him and he has to like sit down in the freezer, but like for different reasons. And so there's like about a hundred and maybe twenty people. Does that work? Maybe. There's like a hundred and twenty. I can handle spice, so it's not up to me, but there's about 100 people

in Chicago who believe that season, the new season of The Bear is about him starting a South Asian restaurant. I love that. And they think it's groundbreaking. Yeah, they're like, oh my God, it's gonna be crazy. He's probably gonna call like, he's probably gonna call it like, hurry in a curry or something like that,

and they're gonna be like, cousin, that's a fucked up name, and they're gonna have a whole app, someone's gonna drive their car through the front of it. It's gonna be awesome. You, that's a fucked up name. They're gonna have a whole app. Someone's gonna drive their car through the front of it. It's gonna be awesome. You guys should cross over with a bear. You know how like CSI and Two and a Half Men had a crossover episode? Like you got, like the bear should drop by like one of your delis and someone shoots him in the face.

Well, Abbott Elementary... Stop talking to your food! Abbott Elementary and It's Always Sunny did a Philly crossover. Yeah, that's fun. And so you guys are in Philly too, supposedly. Yeah, so we could pop in there too. Yeah, that would be fun. Just sell the kids coke?

Yeah. Yeah. When you say the kids, you mean the sunny characters, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not intimating that. Of course, of course. Children are doing cocaine. No, no, no, no, no.

That's not the kind of joke we do on the show. No, no, no, not on the show. I just wanna say, I said, it's not the kind of joke we do on the show. And you know, no, not on the show. I just wanna say, awesome, it's not the kind of joke we do on the show. And you know what, I respect you for that, and I respect that you're setting boundaries and letting me know, putting me in my place. Even though I'm number one on the call sheet,

you're putting me in my place. I'm number one on the call sheet in this room. Oh, that's true, that's true. God, and you had a call sheet printed out when I came in here that I had to sign, which was odd, but I respected it. Well, it's a great show. Deli Boys is out there right now.

Also, I'm realizing that Deli is a play on, of course, the Indian city. The Indian city, but we put- But it's spelled D-E-L-I, so if you're trying to look up, I'm like, I can't find Deli Boys! Take the H out. Uh-huh, uh-huh. And it's a great show.

Out on Hulu now. I'm gonna watch the other six episodes the minute you leave. Wow. And I hope everyone watches all 10, those computers, they like their completion rate. Come on, help me in the algo, please. And we need them to make the decision

on this second season here. How about this? So you can get another 50 to 70K. If we get a second season, you'll be the first to know. Really, is that true? Yeah, it'll be a CBB exclusive. The first from you. A CBB exclusive, yeah.

Will you like, here's what I want you to do. If you find out it's a no, it's canceled, or if you find out it's a go, just call me up the minute that you get the info and say, schedule the episode today. And I'll corral whoever I can. We'll do an episode, you'll make the announcement before you tell any of your loved ones, anything like that.

Love that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll do that. That's a verbal commitment. That's a verbal commitment. I'll do it. Deli Boys, out right now on Hulu. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have an entertainer, we're going to have a government employee. This is a great show. Can you stick around?

Are you kidding me? I wouldn't miss it for the world. Fantastic. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang, we are back. Asif Ali from Deli Boys out on Hulu right now. All 10 episodes. Why didn't you make 11? You know what? We had a real conversation about that. I was actually tied up.

I had a stand up gig for free that I was doing. And I was like- Was it a benefit or? It was a benefit for me. All the money was going to me and my bank account. And so I was like, daddy needs some new sneakers. So, and you can do that now. You can start a foundation for anything.

And it's so the foundation of the betterment of my personal style. So instead of doing 11, it just ends at 10 without ever resolving anything. And then there's a there's a there's a Apple Notes, a photo of Apple Notes that says it's an apology. It's an apology. Oh, yeah. For something, something very nasty that someone did on set, but you'll never know.

With like little words underlined that they think you misspelled. Yeah. Yeah. The red lines. I love that when someone releases an Apple Notes apology and there's words underlined, it's like at least take care of that before releasing this publicly. We have to get to our next guest. This is exciting. We have three people who have never been on the show before

joining our first timers club. Please welcome, she's an entertainer. Please welcome Miss Macy. Hi, Scott. Sorry, I just have to, I have to read this. I have to start by reading this. Oh, oh. You're taking, okay, you got your phone out.

Scott Ackerman, as you know, I work for the Hollywood cabal and have been sent to do a routine wellness check. I don't know, what do you mean, as I know, you work for the Hollywood cabal? Due to the chaotic and often volatile nature of the entertainment industry, most actors choose to live a severed life.

A what life? A severed life. A severed life. With their innie here in Hollywood and their outie elsewhere. Oh shit. Today during our session, I hope to provide you with some helpful information

about your outie. Okay, okay. Scott, I mean, I'm terrified. Do you know what this means? I don't know what this is, and honestly, I've sent in a lot of self-tapes to get into this Hollywood cabal and I've heard nothing back. Is this like a luminati shit? What are we talking about here?

Scott. Is this like Jay-Z and Puff Diddy, all the freak-offs? Yeah, Scott. Am I invited to these now? Scott, don't act like you've never been invited to a freak-off. Scott, we are all invited to the Hollywood freak-offs. I'm invited too? Yes, we are all invited when you join the Hollywood cabal.

Holy shit. As our record show, Scott, you have been severed since 2001 when you played Phil Hegel in The Huntress. Yeah, he was a magician. I had to learn a card trick for that. Some of your finest work. A TV series about the adventures of a mother and daughter bounty hunters. Yes. There's nothing like going on a set and feeling like you're doing a terrible job immediately.

Where everyone kind of heavily sighing and coming over to you and going, Okay, this time. And you feel like you're doing it exactly the way you did in the audition. Yeah, when you go on set, it's really testing the reputation of a casting director. They're like, I mean, I tried my best. That must have meant that you did a really good job. I think so. I don't know. Also, it came out and I've never seen it and I've never talked to anyone else who's seen it. Well, I'm happy to provide you with a copy.

As you know, we keep an extensive library of every single film and television created at the Hollywood Cabal. Why do you keep saying as you know? I don't know anything about this. Scott, I'm excited to provide you with some helpful information about your Audi today. Are you ready to begin our wellness session? I don't know what this means. So your Innie is a person in Hollywood. An actor. So you've never seen the show.

What show? Severance. Oh, fuck no. it's an incredible show on Apple TV. I haven't seen that. And so basically- That show with Adam Scott in it? Yes. Starring Adam Scott, John Torturo, and other people. And so a lot of people-

Patricia Arquette. And so a lot of people have been saying that it- Patty? Helly. That it mirrors like the real Hollywood, and I didn't think it was true, and then now that this is happening, you know, it's really shocking me to my core that this is a real thing and you have your. Wait, I've done this.

Yes, Scott, you've been severed since 2001, which means you have your any living here in Hollywood and your Audi living elsewhere. Would you like me to dive in? Please do. I need to know about this. Why did you have to look down at your notes for dive in? Because it's my first day. It's your first day. It's my first day. God, oh, it's going terribly. You're doing so well. Am I your first client today or whatever you call me? No, I saw the laches earlier. Oh, Nick and Vanessa. Vanessa, yeah. Nick is a little bit different.

Vanessa's obviously severed, but Nick is a brain dead robot. Why did he stop saying, and of course, I'm Nick Lachey? Now he just says, and I'm Nick Lachey. We reprogrammed him. OK, thank you. Someone spilled water on him. It really bugged me and a friend of mine. Someone spilled water on him,

and that's why he kept saying that over and over again. I see. Like the aliens in in signs. Got it, got it, got it. Exactly. Asif, you know that you're also severed. What the fuck? What? Yeah, the moment that you do any part on television you become severed. So that means my Audi is living in Phoenix, Arizona right now? Not in Phoenix, no. But we'll get to your session soon. Okay, okay. So wait, even when I was Taft Hartley'd for Just Shoot Me? You were severed. Yes, Scott. Wow.

Okay. The pain of a life as an actor was too much for you to take. Huh, wait, so does that apply to podcasts too? Absolutely. Really, so which part of me is doing the podcast? The one of me at home or? The inny. The inny, what does that mean?

The part that's in Hollywood. You're in Hollywood. In Hollywood. You need to watch the show. Why? So this animal work. You need to watch the show. Why? So this big... Adam of War!

You need to watch the show. Hang out with Adam Scott, I'll tell you what it's like. Anything he's just filmed, he recaps for you. Like verbally. What? The entire time. He's just like, oh yeah, did you see Severance last week? And then he just like takes...

It takes longer than the actual episode to watch. And he'll give you the spoilers? To listen to what he did and he tells, it's not like he's telling behind the scenes stories or whatever, he's just talking about how cool he looked. It's just, yeah, so I don't know. Does he talk about his haircut? And his cool run?

Yeah, what's going on with his haircut? It's very long. Very long. Yeah, yeah. But he cuts it for the flashback, don't worry. Yeah, he does. In season two. So they flashback and he's cutting his hair? Yeah, they have a whole sequence

of him giving himself the Rachel. Mm-hmm. Really? It's cute, it's cute. It's so cute. Yeah. It looks really good on him. Oh gosh, I'm messing this up already, Scott.

I was supposed to give you your session. Let's do the session, I'm sorry. I didn't know any of this. Aw, I'm so bad. I'm doing terribly today. You're doing great, you're doing great. Let's do the session. I'm sorry. I didn't know any of this. I'm so bad. I'm doing terribly today. You're doing great. Let's do this. Okay. Your Audi is a ski bomb in Vail, Colorado. Your Audi likes to go to local saloon. Oh, local saloon? Just one. There's only one. Oh, local salute? Just one, there's only one. Yeah, there's only one.

There's only one in, Bill. Okay. Okay. Your Audi loves the band Fish. No, that's not possible. Yes, Scott, take a look at your lower back. Oh shit, wait, turn around for a second. You have a tramp stamp.

I can't see it. It's Trey shredding. Trey shredding? On your back. Scott, it's detailed. It's very detailed. Okay, do you mind if I just keep pointing it at you during the rest of the show?

No, that's really stressing me out. Oh my god, I'm just trying to get through this. I'll pull my pants back up. God, this has been such a hard week for me. He also has a liquid death tattoo. Yeah. Weird. Look, I love the brand.

That was for me. That was my Audi, that was tattoo. It's weird. Look, I love the brand. That was for me. That was my Audi, that was me. Well, why has it been a terrible week? Oh my God, it's just like, I started this new job working at the cabal and it's just not going well. Nobody offered to take me to lunch. Oh shit.

I thought at least somebody would take me out to lunch in my first week, not one person. You said it's your first day. So the first week, not one person. You thought you'd be like- You said it was your first day. Yeah. So the first week, there's still another six days or four days. Yeah, exactly, but the first day's already gone by and no one's offered to take me out to a steak dinner.

No one's been like, hey, this is a fun new person. Okay, it is 10 a.m. right now. Let's take you to a steak dinner. Oh no. I know, it's just so tough. Yeah. Steak dinner? Yeah, no one-

Steak lunch, a steak lunch. No one at the Gavall offered to take me to a steak dinner lunch. Where you eat dinner. Well, maybe it'll happen after you're done with this session. God, I hope so. Yeah, they're just waiting. They're nervous, probably. Do you think I'm intimidating?

Yeah, you have an intimidating part. The way you shake while you're holding your notes is- Oh my God. Yeah. Ah! It looks like you're gonna snap. Yeah. Mentally. Ah! Perhaps physically. I've gotta get through, Scott. I've gotta push through. to snap. Yeah. Mentally.

Perhaps physically. I've got to get through, Scott. I've got to push through. All right. Let's do this. Okay. Your Audi spends his off season in Costa Rica. That's kind of cool.

Off from what? From skiing? From skiing. Whoa. You go from cold to warm? Wow. Your Audi brags about his ski day and how the gnar gnar is the pow pow. Wow.

I don't know what these mean, but I guess my Audi knows what gnar gnar and pow pow is, I guess. He absolutely knows. Okay. Your Audi is in his 50s, but frequently uses the word steasy. Ew. I don't like that at all. I don't like that. At the saloon, you're dropping steasy? in his 50s, but frequently uses the word Steezy. Eww.

I don't like that at all. I don't like that. At the saloon? You're dropping Steezy at the saloon? At saloon. He goes to saloon and he says Steezy. I don't like this guy. Oh no. Scott, it's your Audi.

We all love our Audis. Our Audis are us. Does Audi have children? No, Audi is single. Oh, that's kinda cool. Does Audi have children? No, Audi is single. Oh, that's kind of cool. You're Audi. Can Audi become any? Yeah, he's back on his steez.

I love that shit. Wow, it's good to see you joke around. Thank you. Scott, your Audi spends most of his trust fund on cocaine. Ooh. I have a trust fund? Yeah, you're really wealthy. Damn, I mean, Vale is really expensive.

It's very expensive to live there, even as a ski bum. Yeah. Scott, your Audi's name is Dan Peterson. But you insist everyone calls you Dr. Shred. And I insist on this. You insist on this, Scott. It's kinda cool, actually. Is he related to Jordan Peterson? But you insist everyone calls you Dr. Shred. And I insist on this. You insist on this, Scott.

It's kinda cool, actually. Is he related to Jordan Peterson? He is. Oh, shit. They're cousins. My Audi is cousins with Jordan Peterson. Which means your Innie is too. Oh, God.

Why do we have different names? Is that what it's like on the show, too? Yes, Scott. Haven't you listened to your friend Adam Scott when he recaps? Not really. I'm playing Snake on my phone usually. You keep a phone just to play Snake on? Yeah. An old Nokia?

Good. You're cutting back on technology, I see. Good for you. So this guy, look, everything he said before, Dr. Shred, was kinda lame, but Dr. Shred makes me sound cool, so I don't mind this guy at this point. Does he wear sleeves on his jackets? No. Yeah. All of your winter coats have the sleeves cut off. Fuck yeah.

That's pretty fucking cool. That's so fucking cool, that liquid death tattoo is poppin'. Yep, and he also wears shorts on the ski mountain. Oh, not even cold? Swim shorts. Swim shorts! And you wear fun, loud glasses, Scott, to let everyone know you're silly. Yeah, do I wear like old New Year's Eve glasses

that say like 2004? You do, and you wear Boas. Oh, I love this guy. Dr. Shred in the house! Dr. Shred in the house! Your personality in Vale. Your Audi, Scott, pronounces salsa like this, salsa. Oh yeah. Oh yeah.

Your Audi pronounces croissant like this, croissant. That's how I do it too, interesting. Oh, that's interesting. Interesting, yeah. Your Audi pronounces fa like this, fo. Fo, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. See Scott, your Audi is a wonderful person.

Yeah. And why are you telling me about this guy? Because this is our wellness check, Scott. Okay. It happens once every few months. Okay. And God, I hope I did a good job. Did I do good?

I guess. I mean, it didn't seem like you checked on my wellness at all as much as you just told me about this other guy. Doesn't that make you feel better learning about your Audi? I guess so. I mean, yeah, I'm glad to hear he's doing great. I mean, to be honest, is there ever like a take your Audi to work day or anything like this where we can switch?

No, Scott. Silly Scott, we can't be reintegrated. Did your friend Adam Scott tell you about that? I'm sure he did, but is this like the substance's one. I have seen where you're both one. No, it's not like the substance Demi Moore also famously severed Yeah, Oh She's Demi Moore was ever to yeah very early. Which one owned the town with Bruce Willis Not the DVD of the movie the Ben Affleck movie. I mean they bought like a whole town Yeah, they bought a whole town.

I think that was Demi. Yeah, I think that was Demi as well. Yeah. But this Audi version of you is cool. Yeah, Scott. He's smashing puss. He's cool as hell. He's smashing puss, he's got no sleeves on,

he's snowboarding, and then he spends his summers in Costa Rica. It's just like me. When I learned about my Audi, I felt so much better about myself, Scott. I mean, to be honest, I'm kind of jealous. I mean, I guess myself, the Innie, I have a pretty boring life where I have to talk to,

I mean, no disrespect. Of course, of course, of course. But, you know, like, and you're number one on the call sheet, certainly, but. Yeah. Hulu. It's a TV thing. TV's not movies.

It's not like you're a movie star or anything like that. Exactly, and I get that, and I get that, yeah. You know, so, I mean, compared to Dr. Shred. That's huge. Does Dr. Shred have an Instagram account that Scott can follow? Yeah, can I check it out? Unfortunately, no, Scott.

We have blocked you from ever following Dr. Shred. No! Because you know those reels would be so good. It would be too much for your brain, Scott. You would get all scrambled and jumbled. Okay, well, I mean, this is kind of disappointing because my life sucks in comparison. Scott, it's gonna be okay.

You're outy. God, am I doing a bad job? No, I just feel like you keep saying you're doing a bad job, but. Oh God, I'm so stressed. It's been what your job is. No one's taking. Can I just tell you my experience of listening to you?

No. What? You came here, told me about a cabal, and said, as you know, a lot, which this is the first time I've ever heard this. As you know, Scott, the cabal loves you. Okay, but, and then you told me about this really cool, shreddin' awesome dude.

That's your outie. Dr. Shred. And then you said it's a wellness check, and I'm just kinda jealous of this guy. Oh my God, I guess I'm doing a really bad job. I guess, what did you intend to do? I intended to make you feel better. You know, I felt so much better when I learned

that my Audi lives in Minnesota. Oh. Why were you shredded? And my Audi? Shredded? I'm shredded. What is this? I'm shredded because I go to the-

Would that show be better if it was called Dr. Shredder? Yeah, yeah, let's be honest. I gotta call Adam. Yeah, Apple TV's new show, Dr. Shredded. Dr. Shredder. So what did you get severed for? I got severed because I'm a commercial actor. Oh, you are?

It was too much on my little brain. What have you been in? I was in a toothpaste commercial where they put the toothpaste in the woman's mouth. And she just gargles it? Yeah, they put a whole tube of toothpaste in her mouth. Oh, wow. And she just sort of.

And that was supposed to be better than brushing? Yeah, it's just sort of an app. Just one tube a day. Yeah, they say one tube a day. And basically I squeeze the whole thing. I put the whole tube in my mouth and I bite down and I pull the whole thing out and then the whole tube in my mouth and I bite down and then I pull the whole thing out

and then my cheeks are full of them. And then you just spit it all out and then you smile. And I spit it out and I smile and I go, Crest, white strips. Oh, it's for Crest. White strips. White strips. Holy shit, okay.

Confusing commercial. That's a nasty commercial. Now this is not you though, this is your Innie. That's my Innie, but my Audi, her name is Janet Smith Scott. She lives in Minnesota. Wait a minute. She has four kids. I thought you were the outie because you're doing a job.

No, Scott, I'm an innie. I work my day job at the cabal. Okay, and then you go on commercial. I'm also a commercial. So then you also have an outie? And then I have my outie, and my outie is named Janet Smith. She lives in Minnesota. She has kids named Huckston, Braxton, Jackson, and Pug. A Pug is a dog or a person named Pug? I feel like I've heard these names before.

No. I feel like someone else I talk to. No, that can't be. That can't be. That feels familiar. Then I am a therapist, part-time therapist. We would have to be part-time. And I have an Instagram account called The Rapist Janet Smith.

Oh no. Why does your Audi also have a job? Is your Audi severed from that job as well? Scott, no. You really have to watch this show. You have to watch the show. It's a Hollywood thing? My Audi lives in... No! Oh God, of course not. You really have to watch this show. You have to watch the show. It's a Hollywood thing? My Audi lives in, no!

Oh God, I got angry. I'm not supposed to get angry. It's okay, it's okay. I'm just, you separated from your job and your home life. But now you're saying it's a Hollywood life and a therapist job? Scott, I have my Audi's life where I also work a job. And then when I work industry jobs, I become my Innie.

It's so obvious and clear. It makes perfect sense. All right. Asif, do you want to hear about your outing? I would love to hear that because this is not what I thought. I thought this was a podcast about like recipes and general wellness and to come here and be- This particular podcast that you're on? Yeah, yeah. I apologize for that. It's bad marketing. Because your assistant emailed me and said, bring your best like chicken pichada recipe. Yeah. And I was like, Okay, the capers are the key. Yeah, the capers are the key. And I was and I had I have

I'm wearing that on the hoodie right now. And but to come here and actually get blindsided with this level of just like deep information is like a lot but I'm ready for it. Well, you're ready. You're you're I mean, look, this is your breakout. This is my breakout roles. You're, I mean, look, this is your breakout. This is my breakout role. So I need to know. Let me see, what was your first credit?

My first credit on TV was, I believe, TV show was Up All Night, which was with, it was a show with Will Arnett, Maya Rudolph, and Christina Applegate. That's right, where they were parents, and in the pilot, they were sitting on the stoop. Something like that. Someone with a doggie walked by,

and they had a poop bag, and they potted them on the poop bag. Yes, yes. Was this you? You were the guy? Was this me? No, no, no, I played like a person interviewing for a job later in the seasons,

and they were so sweet to me Were they they actually were very nice. Were they because after that? No, you got severed. Whoa, that's right. Awesome. You came to us and you had your severed operation. Oh Your Audi awesome Lives in South Carolina not South Carolina. Not South Carolina, not even North Carolina. Why do all the out north live so far away? Not even North Carolina. And who does the traveling? Why are they all connecting flights? This is crazy.

Because I don't remember doing any flights. Scott, everyone, your Audi flies for you and you should be very grateful. Is there an upy? Flying is not an enjoyable experience. Is there an upy for the flights? An upy and a downy? Can we sever?

Yeah. We're working on that technology now. The cabal is working. Okay, so I live in South Carolina. Is it at least like a cool part of South Carolina or kind of boring? You live in Myrtle Beach. Okay.

Okay. You are a salesman. Oh, fuck. You wear salmon colored shorts. What does he sell? And plaid shirts. Okay, what am I selling? And boat shoes.

What am I selling? Like ankles exposed? Ankles exposed, no socks. Oh god. No socks? Not even the ankle socks? No. Just my nasty ass feet. When you wear dress shoes, you don't wear socks. Oh god. Disgusting. Just rank ass feet at a wedding? Oh god. What's he sell? What's he sell? Yeah. He sell soil. Soil sells soil soil fuck. I'm selling dirt Itself, no, it doesn't you make calls like this Y'all need to you. You need to make this sale work for me You need to make it work and I put on this voice much akin to Bobby Jindal in Louisiana the politician That's right. Oh, no Yeah, you talk. And how do I differentiate

different versions of soil to upsell? Well, it depends on how much sand is in the soil. Okay, okay. So cheap soil uses a lot of sand. They cut it down with sand? These are cheap soil. This one has just our sand. 87% sand. 90% sand, 2% soil and a bunch of other rocks And if it had a bunch of other rocks, 90% is just a bunch. A bunch of rocks That's what you say. And I deliver it? You deliver it, hand deliver it in a horse and buggy Oh shit, and that's part of my charm? That's part of your charm. This guy sounds like he sucks. He's no Dr. Shred. Yeah, he sucks. Do I have a catchphrase?

Like, Steez? Yeah. You go, is that a dirt shirt? A dirt shirt? Who do I say that to? Anybody? Is that a dirt shirt? What is a dirt shirt? Is that a dirt, just to anybody wearing a shirt?

Cause I'm gonna throw dirt on them. Anyone wearing a shirt, you say, is that a dirt shirt? It's kind of a funny catchphrase, honestly. Everyone says, what are you talking about? And you say, oh, hi. Hi, I wear in the dirt business. Yeah. 90% sand.

Uh-huh. And a bunch of rocks. And a bunch of rocks. I'm kind of coming around on this guy. I gotta be honest, is that a dirt shirt? A dirt shirt is a pretty cool catchphrase. It's a pretty cool catchphrase. It's a pretty cool catchphrase. Is that a dirt shirt?

It does sound cool coming out of my mouth, yeah. Don't you feel better, Asa, knowing about your Audi? Do I have a family, hopefully? I'm not like Dr. Shred and I have a family. Is he lonely like he is right now? Yeah, am I a single man in real life or do I have a beautiful family that cares for me? That's right. You actually have a huge family that cares for me? That's right.

You actually have a huge family. Oh my God, I love that. How huge are we talking? You have eight kids. Fuck yeah. Eight kids? Yeah. Up top, my man.

Yeah, I agree. Three of them live in the attic. Oh, oh. Two of them live in the basement. Wait, my family's separated? I have joint custody of my own kids in the same house? They've severed their own kids? You're not allowed to go upstairs or downstairs. But you have a few who live in the car who you can see when you go on errands. So like,

a couple are in the attic, a couple are in the basement, a couple are just live... What kind of car do I have? Is it big? Saturn. Oh, that's so small. They're living in a small... But you also have a Mazda. Oh, a Mazda 3? Miata. Oh, Miata, even smaller. It's really small. They're living in a small first. But you also have a Mazda. Oh, a Mazda 3? Miata. Oh, Miata, even smaller. It's really small. That's for like a baby, maybe? Your Audi has a tiny car.

Oh, shit. A Fiat. Oh, god. So I own a Fiat, a Mazda Miata. He has three cars? But that is kinda cool. He can't travel everywhere with all of his kids because he's a single parent.

So like a motorcade. Yeah, a motorcade or like a tandem motorcycle. That would be cool. Like a sidecar, you know? Yeah, a sidecar. You attached them all. That would be cool. You would have to go down freeways all the time

with three lanes. And then all my little kids would be like, is that a dirt shirt? Is that dirt shirt? Well, this is fascinating stuff. I think you're doing okay, depending on what the intended effect is. Oh gosh, I hope so.

I really want to go to a steak brunch. Now it has to be brunch? Yeah, it's a steak brunch. Yeah, I really want to eat steak in the middle of the day. How many ounces? What kind of steak are you eating? Filet. Oh shit, that's so expensive.

This could be a problem. Filet cut porterhouse with a topping of blue cheese. A filet and a porterhouse on top of each other and blue cheese to boot? They stuffed the filet inside of cut porterhouse with a top and a blue cheese. A filet and a porterhouse on top of each other and a blue cheese to boot? They stuffed the filet inside of the porterhouse. I mean, you are a big person, so that does make sense. Thank you, yes. You're like six, two, all muscle.

I'm six, two tall to be an actor. You're like a reacher. Yeah. But my Audi is doing awesome. My Audi talks like this. Oh, okay. Oh my God, what? No, that's crazy, no.

Uh-huh. Yeah, yeah. You need to tell me the recipe for this dip right now. I need to know what is in this dip now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sounds cool. I gotta say, I wanna meet Dr. Shred one of these days. I would love it if Dr. Shred were to take over this podcast

Maybe I could be out there at saloon. That would be does my guy have a nickname or something? Yeah, your nickname is D'art Dart Well, I would love maybe somebody in the future my character would maybe get a weekend off and go to Vale Yeah, our out each hang out that with each other Your outies are not allowed to see each other. What the fuck, why not? Our outies aren't?

Why not? After the huge fight of 2005. We had a fight? Yes. Our outies had a fight in 2005? Your outies both tried to drown each other. What? In Costa Rica?

Yes. So some sort of restraining order? Our outies put out againstining order? That's right. Are our Audis put out against each other? Oh, shit. You're Audis. Some sort of Will Kirby, Mike Boogie type of restraining order? Dang.

I don't understand that reference. You don't know early 2000s Big Brother references? All right, well, this sounds good. To be honest, I wish I could switch places with Dr. Shred. But this innie right now has to take a break. Can you stick around though? Because it would be interesting to hear, you know, you speak to our next guest as well. Absolutely.

All right. Well, we're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have more with Miss Macy, more Ossi Valley, and we're going to have a government employee. This is a pack show, everyone. I hope you're enjoying it. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this Comedy bang bang we're back we have Asaf Ali from deli boys

On Hulu all 10 episodes Don't I mean I know you're gonna want to binge these things but savor them because another 10 aren't coming I know you're gonna wanna binge these things, but savor them because another 10 aren't coming probably for another year and another 50 to 70K in the bank for us. But we also want you to watch so the algo sees it so we can. I know. But what about, I mean, it's not even gonna be back

for another year, what about one every six weeks? I would, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, we can't have that. We need you to watch all of them and then maybe re-watch one every six weeks. The cabal is very happy with your work. Thank you. Oh, wow. Thank you so much. Wow, that's so flattering. I assume you're talking to me. No, she's looking right at me.

The cabal looks forward to what you have in store, Asif. Oh, my God. You think I'll maybe get invited to some of the. Some I don't know what you're pointing out. Some of these events. Some of the. Scott was telling me about. Freak offs. Yes, Scott was telling me about. Did he freak-offs? Yeah, Scott was telling me about these freak-offs

being like, you know, he was like, wait until the, he kept saying, wait until the news dies down and I'll send you an e-vite. Does Dr. Shred have freak-offs? Dr. Shred has no penis. What? Whoa! I don't know how, how did this get severed?

Holy shit! Oh! I don't know how this gets severed. Holy shit! Dr. Shred lost his penis in a firefighting accident. Oh my God, why do I still have a penis then? Allegedly! Allegedly! I don't know, Scott, take a look.

Is it really there? I haven't looked at it. In years. Yeah. I guess I'm realizing now. I haven't been awake during past 5 p.m. Wow. Or looked at my penis in years.

And you've never looked better. That's right, Sean. You're looking better. The cabal is happy. Okay, I'm so glad I'm making the cabal happy. They're very happy with your work on the podcast. Okay, they are, oh good. That's very flattering.

The cabal looks forward to watching you blossom. I thought I already blossomed and that's why they were happy. As in like hitting puberty, like a second puberty or something? Am I gonna get a second penis? Yeah. I guess it's interesting because you know, when your baby teeth fall out, you get second teeth.

Yeah. But no one has ever thought about if your penis is cut off, maybe you grow a second penis. Yeah, or like a deer in the woods where the antlers fall off and then get a new pair. Exactly yeah. The cabal is working on also getting you a donor for a new penis. Oh really? That can be a donor kind of thing. Okay what ethnicity do you want Scott? I mean... Such a great question.

You do have to say. Let's just say it's a network in London. Yeah. Yeah. All right, let's get to our next guest. Move on from that topic. Uh, I'm already forgetting how to pronounce his last name, but he's a government employee.

Please welcome Russ Saguaro. You nailed it, Scott. Saguaro. Russ Saguaro. Hello, Russ, Scott. Saguaro. Russ Saguaro. Hello, Russ. Good evening, sir. Good evening. It is 10.30, but good evening to you.

Oh, good, yeah, good. It's evening where I come from. Oh, where's that, sir? Well, of course, Texas. Wow. It's only two hours ahead. Yeah. It's the afternoon then.

It's a Texas evening. Texas evening, 12.30. You're already winding down. Yeah, I'm kicking my feet up. Hello, how you doing, sir? So nice to see you. So wonderful to meet you. Likewise.

This is Miss Macy. Hello. Greetings. The cabal welcomes you. I don't know what that means, but it sounds Jewish. Oh, oh shit. And that's good. I have no opinion of it. Didn't Madonna get into the cabal?

I guess she did. I swear that string around her. I think Demi Moore, they aforementioned Demi Moore that as well. Oh that's right, she mentioned that on the What the Fuck podcast. But it's nice to meet you, I don't wanna interrupt. No, you're a guest on the show,

you're not interrupting, this is our segment for you. That's how I kinda got in here, was to say I'm a guest, but I'm renting out that room. Oh, that's right, yes, I rented the room. Oh, okay, yeah, my assistant took care of a lot of it, but yeah. Well, I appreciate that. I'm in LA for the, well, I work for the water company, I'm a water man.

Yes, that's right, yes. When you work for the water company, what does that mean? Well, I work for Coligan solving water-based issues that the normal Hollywood man wouldn't be able to handle. They need a gritty man with his feet on the ground to deal with water issues. This feels like we're getting dissed right now.

I mean, try us, just because we've both been number one on the call sheet in various shows that we've done. It's true. You can't hate us because we're beautiful. You one on the call sheet in various shows that we've done. It's true. You can't hate us because we're beautiful. You have to give us a chance. It's really not because I was on The Huntress back in 2001 playing Phil Hagel, a magician. That's the episode where I stopped watching The Huntress.

Wow. In the middle of my scene or? If they cannot cast under five well, then what sort of attention could you tell them? This guy had 10 lines at least. Oh, it was a 10 line, I didn't even get to 10. It was a full scene. I didn't even get to 10.

It was very traumatic for you, Scott. I had a last name and everything. That's huge. Wow. First name is big, last name is huge, my understanding of the industry. Tell us about these water-based... Well, I don't like coming out here to California,

but the job takes me where it takes me. I'm a loner and I don't wanna be bothered by nobody. Okay. Why are you on this show? Well, because I'm having trouble. The sling I thought had the Johnny Carson network on it, and I'm having trouble logging into your sling and getting the Johnny Carson channel,

which plays every episode of Carson. And if I'm not mistaken, a sling is the precursor to like those like tv box like you can like a reku that you can plug in it used to be something that you could uh... literally sling your cable box too and now it's an app or something well i have no idea where i come from yeah we watch the three channels they give ya i love that you know but I'm staying here in Hollywood. Have you met Matt Silvestri, by the way?

He was a big in the Johnny Carson festival out there. Nebraska, I believe, is where Johnny Carson is from? I don't know, I don't follow where people are from because I'm not all plugged into do-mwah or whatever. The fact that you know what do-mwah is. It's crazy. I don't know what that fancy thing is. It doesn't just say where people are from.

It usually gossips about. That's maybe why they never print my blind items. See, you're just sending do-mwah biographical information about stars? A certain Star Wars star lives in Calabasas. Dang. It's true. So is our water okay?

Well, you know how it's all run. There's some big corporate fat cats at the top making all the money. The DWP? The Department of Water and Power. But they're paid by the colegans, sparklets, big water. Oh really? I didn't know that. So like paid by the colegans, sparklets, big water. Oh really? I didn't know this, so like arrowhead, colegans.

Nestle. Nestle. They make such good chocolate, but their water is so shitty. Well, because you're expecting chocolate. Yeah, that's the thing. I'm like, give me a hint of chocolate. Yeah.

I know, I'm expecting chocolate milk. Yeah, a note of dark choc. But even this, my social battery is drained. I'm a loner, I don't need to spend too much time around. For a loner, you've really, you're talking a lot. And you said do your law, which is crazy. Me, I keep to myself, I just have to deal with my damn. You asked to be on this show.

You wrote a letter to Scott. Well, that was mostly because I needed to get in contact with him because I'm having trouble. So I have a YouTube video on my phone, but I want to watch it on the TV. Okay, so you need some sort of way to cast. Yes, it used to be what you're watching is just on the TV. But now I'm trying to watch this video of Gustavo.

Why don't you just watch it on your phone? Because I want it big. What's the video? Gustavo Dudamel Conducts Mahler at the Los Angeles Philharmonic. All right, I love that. That's so manly of you. I love that.

If you were to just watch TV, one of those things would pop up. Either Gustavo Dudamel, is that who it is? Or a Mahler thing, or the L.A. Philharmonic. Well, I tried and then I get some movie by Louis Mahler. You know, it used to be so easy, but the world you all like is so different from the world we live in.

Time alone, I hate my ex-wife, I hate my beautiful daughter because they sap from me all-er. I hate my ex-wife, I hate my beautiful daughter because they sap from me all the time. I see. Do they not talk to you? Oh, my ex-wife, I'm incredibly cruel to her and she's still obsessed with me all the time. It is a boomer's dream.

She's beautiful, she's 30 years younger than me. Oh, how old is your daughter? My daughter is 18. She's gonna be- When did years younger than me. How old is your daughter? My daughter is 18. She's gonna be- When did she turn 18? God. Scott again is writing notes down right now. The cabal sends an email alerting you

when someone has turned 18. Is that where those come from? Yeah. Right. Well, I, you know- So wait, you see, your wife had your daughter when she was 12. My, what did I do? No, no, I'm sorry.

You said she was 30 years younger than you. How old are you? I am whatever. Let's see. 48. So she's 18 and has an 18 year old daughter. That's right. And they drive me crazy.

You know, women, they drive me crazy because I know women, they drive me crazy because I'm just a man in the world and every day a new woman comes along who can't solve her problems. And I'm just trying to leave town but they're asking me to help them figure out how to get their student tickets to a UCB show. And I gotta say, you don't get student tickets

for the weekend shows. You gotta sign up for the website for Harold Night or Mod Night. It used to be you could just show up and wait in line. But things are different now, Scott. I've never said this before, but TMI. Yeah, yeah.

TMI about IMPROV. Yeah. I want you to know that the Cabal did get your application for an IMDB credit. Yeah. Wait, you were in something Well, I have been appearing in the back You know those people who maybe you don't but they show up at La Puebel and they film everyone going in and they say

Apparently you support Danny Masterson I've heard about this. I've appeared in the background of six of those videos because I can't stop getting ice cream from Van These are very specific. LA references. LA references. Well you asked me why I want to be on IMDB I have now been in six videos licking up my Van Lewin ice cream, different one every time. Does Scientology own La Puebel? Yes. I don't think they do. This is all alleged stuff. Yes. No. Yes. Wait, Scott Ackerman is saying, with 100% certainty on the pod that Scientology owns and is working on. Scott Ackerman just said that, yes. They're across the street from each other

and they wrote a letter. You used to know who owned what in my world. You would walk into a store and you knew that, you know. They would have a picture of the owner on the wall. Yes. The employee of the owner on the wall. Yes. The employee of the month right next to him. Now I don't know who owns what. Every company is owned by three companies.

The world, it's no country for water men. Why did La Pobel get rid of the menus? So you've been in recently. Despite their stance on Danny Masterson. The cabal goes and eats there regularly. Oh, okay. Oh, do they have like a discount? They do, but they don't have steak dinner anymore,

which is so frustrating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't have it at the time you're going in? Yeah, they don't have it at 9 a.m. when they wanted it. Oh, 9 a.m., yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually, may I, but you get me a water real quick, please. Oh, me? Just for a quick moment, 10 seconds. quick, please. Oh, me?

Just for a quick moment, 10 seconds. Sure, okay. That's okay, it's right over there, the kitchen's right over there. Okay. Yeah. Scott Ossoff. Yeah, what's up, Russ Saguaro. On her way in, she dropped a little remote

that I think if I click it will bring your in the outies. My bring your Audi to here. Oh shit. It'll click the little thing in your brain. The switch? It'll switch you. I heard about Dr. Shred and I really want to meet the guy. I want to meet Dr. Shred too.

Click it if you guys want. I mean my guy's pretty boring but I'll take it. I feel like if you click it for both of us, that we're gonna, we have these restraining orders against each other. We might hit it off. You want some stale trail mix? Oh, um. Why's everyone talking about my stale trail mix? I didn't know if that was a euphemism.

It's just, could you, no, not that water. I have this thing called Circle, C-I-R-K-U-L. I want you to put that in the bottle and I can change the strength of the flavor. You are very LA for a Texas loner. Well, I'm a water man. I mean, you came in with a tote bag. Oh yeah, well I subscribe.

A Gelson's tote bag. I subscribe to the Gelson's monthly newsletter. Cause I wanna, I'm trying to get dragon fruit. You also have a KCRW hat on. Oh yeah. Hey, hi, how are you? Hi, sorry, here's the trailmaster. I'm trying to get dragon fruit. You have a KCRW hat on? Oh yeah. Hey, hi, how are you? Hi, sorry, here's the trauma.

All right, click. Hey! Dr. Shred here. Dr. Shred, hi, you are in your outies podcast room. I figured that the minute I saw what's going on in this place. Oh no, oh god. Squeezy!

His Audi's here! Oh my god, I messed up so bad! Did somebody ask for a dirt shirt? No! Hey! Motherfucker! What are you doing here? Hey, fuck you!

I thought I killed you in Costa Rica, you dumb bitch! You couldn't kill me, motherfucker! Oh, round two, you squeezy son of a bitch! Go! Go! Hold it back, hold. Oh, round two. Round two. You cheesy son of a bitch. Go, go, go, go. Hold it back, Miss Bessie. Hold it back, Miss Bessie. Everybody stop fighting. Oh, shit.

That was nuts. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, god. Hey, what are you doing here? Yeah, you want some dirt, you dumb bitch? No, I want some dip. Do you know where some dip is?

Why did all of you lose your necks? No one can see this, but everyone's shoulders got a lot higher. It's a different physicality for Dr. Shred. I'm a method actor, what can I say? Thank God you said ud after meth. It looks like you all figured it out. Do we make the same jokes, me and my other guy?

Oh my God. Oh no. My kids. My kids other guy. Yeah! Oh my god. Oh no! My kids! My kids! My kids! I forgot my kids! Oh thank god I don't have kids! No actually right now you do have one and you're- if we don't-

How do you know anything about me, motherfucker? Yeah fuck this guy! Why are you all so aggressive? I brought you here, I'm on a- I'm just a simple landmine. Oh wait a minute. Can I have someone else? I see what your character's based on now. This trail mix is stale.

Yeah, well let me get you a fresh trail mix. I think I played God a little too much. What does this remote do? Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh my god. Oh god. Oh I'm back. Oh my god I messed up so bad.

What happened? I don't know what happened. What happened while we were gone? We got reintegrated. I apologize. You can see that both of your shirts are ripped and your nice little bloody. My shoulders are really far down. My neck feels like, I feel like.

Wow. You'll notice your mouth is a little dry from a stale trail mix. Yeah, I have a really bad taste in my mouth. It went crazy in here. I brought your, I'm really having trouble tracking this, your outies into here. Dr. Shred was here? And he was awesome. I bet.

He was awesome. Rules. The soil guy was here? Yeah, Dirt Shirt. What is his name, by the way? His name is Dirt Shirt. His name is Dirt. His name is his catchphrase.

Dirt. Dirt is his nickname. Oh, like, well, any who. But his real name is Buck Mason. Oh, Buck Mason. I started the T-shirt. Now that's when clothes used to be clothes. Yeah, back then in 2024.

Back then in 2024. Back then when it started on Shark Tank. And so we were changed but obviously Miss Macy here. We got her out as well. Oh no You couldn't hear it on mic, but she immediately put her hand on both of the guys in her thighs Oh no, I didn't suck anyone's dick, did I? In the past every time my outies, it sucked so many dicks. I don't know that I have a dick.

Fair, fair. Oh jeez, God, thank God. I can't afford another kid, so I hope it was just a beech. It was, it was not, I held everybody back from each other. Your Audi was doing the thing dogs do where they keep humping where there's not a dog there but for a blow job, and I didn't know really how to pull her back. Yeah, real pitney behavior.

I wasn't begging for doggy style, was I? Oh gosh, I'm so embarrassed. I wouldn't call that doggy style. I'm so embarrassed. This happens to me all, you guys cannot tell the cabal. This would be so bad for me on my first day. Why do you have that remote anyway? Anyone can press that.

Yeah, what the fuck? It's supposed to, I was supposed to give it to the head honcho But I had honcho. Yeah, the head honcho of the cabal Clooney George Clooney Moon dog Make a lot of pranks at the cabal. He's so silly and funny Yeah, basketball a lot too so much basketball. He can slam dunk on a four-foot rim. No use Richard kind basketball he can slam dunk on a four foot rim. You know he was Richard Kine's roommate.

Really? Yeah he was Richard Kine's roommate. Where? In college or something. New York City. Richard Kine and George Clooney went to college at the same time? And you know that Al Gore was Tommy Lee Jones' roommate. What?

What? Did you know that Opry and Ellen they were roommates for a while they were roommates Yeah, this is you know if we're lucky George Clooney if we become friends with him He'll give us a briefcase of a million dollars on his that's right if we're one of his like top 12 friends or something Yeah, by the way, he's not so much richer now. I know like I think this is the smart thing about George Clooney Oh my god, he realizes he's gonna have hundreds of millions of dollars in the future So he gives all of his friends like a million. A measly million.

That is so funny. Wait, Miss Macy, is that you, still you, or is this, did you press your? Oh my God, no, did I give it away? No, I just wanna suck someone's dick. You didn't change back? You have to click her back out. Please, I just wanna suck someone's dick.

Well, hang on, let's see where this is going. No, hit the button. Hey, come on, man. You live at Scott. Well, hang on, let's see where this is going. No, hit the button. Come on, man. You live at Scott's house. He can't have that kind of nasty shit happening here. In my day, if a lady offered a blow job, they would say, denial tonight. I'll hit it, I'll hit it.

Oh, gosh, oh no. That got close. What just happened? You almost sucked this dude's dick. I couldn't get it hard, I apologize. It was too overwhelming, it was too overwhelming. That's not really what happened. We asked you to hit the button. I didn't realize there hard, I apologize. It was too overwhelming, it was too overwhelming. That's not really what happened. We asked you to hit the button.

I didn't realize there was- Nice cover. That's why I let you as I was embarrassed. Oh my gosh. I could hold a button. That was so bad. You guys, oh God, I'm gonna get fired for sure. It's my symbol, no? No, no. I know it's your first day and you've only been working about two hours a day.

Yeah. And you haven't been invited to a steak brunch yet, but- Yeah, first days at work- You're doing okay. Yeah, they're usually overwhelming the first day and you've only been working about two hours a day. Yeah. This is really bad. And you haven't been invited to a steak brunch yet, but. Yeah, first days at work. You're doing okay. Yeah, they're usually overwhelming the first day at work. They don't track this kind of stuff of when our outies in any switch places or anything. This wasn't recorded or anything, was it?

I mean, this is kind of a podcast that we're gonna release, I think. But those people won't listen. No, no one would listen to it. Okay, few, yeah, no one listens to podcasts in the cabal. Certainly not Dr. Shred. No, no, no, no, no, no. He doesn't have time for stupid podcasts, right?

Buck Mason doesn't have the time between his eight kids to listen to a podcast. Yeah, and his three cars. And his three cars, three small cars. Or he could buy just one giant one. Yeah, or I could just buy a van. Maybe that's for the future, you know? Yeah.

Hey, how come you weren't severed? was oh yeah he was severed yeah switch I haven't told you about you because you were landmen during the turned into landman I guess my Audi is landman and why do you remember what Paramount Plus is landman yeah I I've kind of integrated a little more with my own contrast. Because you're still, you don't have your IMDB page yet. Yeah, I'm not fully there. He's not fully done with his surgeries. How are we on that IMDB page?

We're working on it. And the cabal is welcoming you. Yeah, we will get there. Trying to get you to have fun. I know people who's like funnier die videos from 15 years ago are on the IMDB page. They started putting porn on IMDB. No they didn't.

Really? If you watch it or if you're in it? Oh no. Oh shit. Oh shit. Whoa Scott, you are rising in the ranks. My star meter's through the roof. Well look Russ, did we get to your thing?

I had a blast, I mean really, all I really wanted to do was get Johnny Carson on the slip. I'll see what I can do. I apologize. I apologize for this. It seems like we took a left turn here. But we are running out of time. I apologize. We really, unfortunately, only have time

for one final feature on the show. And that, of course, is a little something called plugs It was a typical English morning woke up to the sounds of plugs. Wow. Wow, that was Love Bridge by Alex Shaddock. Thank you Alex Shaddock. Thank you, Alex Shaddock, for that wonderful plug submission. If you have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com slash plugs and you can be famous for a week. And Alex, you are famous for a week. And speaking of being famous, our guest of honor, of course, is rocketing to fame. Yes.

Number one on the call sheet. What do you want to plug, Asif? OK, so Deli Boys is out on Hulu right now. And if you're in England, it's on Disney Plus. And if you're outside of that internationally, it's on Hotstar. And I'm also gonna go on tour doing stand-up starting April. You can find all the dates on my Instagram page.

That's at Ali Comedy, A-O-I Comedy. All right, and where are you going in your tour? I'm going, we're adding dates as they go along, but this first batch we have San Diego, we have Dallas, we have Philly, we have Charlotte and Chicago. Some great cities, and there's no better time out at the theater than seeing us

if you stand at the comedy. Make sure you check out that and Deli Boys. All right, Miss Macy, what do you plug? My Audi loves to listen to comedy, bang bang world. Oh, I love your Audi. My Audi loves This Book Changed My Life, Hey Randy, and Going Deep. Wow, good shows.

Along with other good shows on said podcast platform. That's right. My Audi loves the Instagram handle at, Oh, okay. I've been there a couple of times wherever I can find it. It's like an escape room trying to find this, this Instagram handle. When you spell it correctly,

an incredible profile will pop up. Yeah, but it's so hard to do. But it's very hard to find this Instagram handle. When you spell it correctly, an incredible profile will pop up. Yeah, but it's so hard to do. But it's very hard to find. And there is another one. There are two Lily Sullivan's. So there's one Lily Sullivan that's really hot and young. What did she do? She's an actor.

Oh, a hot young actor. She was in things like, what was it again? She's actually in an upcoming movie, Megan II. She's in Megan 2. My friend is in Megan 2. Who's your friend? Aristotle Atari. Oh, Aristotle.

He's also in Megan 2. He's a part of the cabal. Oh shit. Wow. He's grandfathered in, yeah. So which one of them is gonna have to change their name? Has that come up yet or? It's probably gonna be the shorter, uglier, older one.

Older 2, I didn't realize. She's all of those things. So when you search in Instagram, the name Lily Sullivan, just go one down and you'll find her. She's shorter, she's smaller. Do you think the comedian one gets a lot of like, wow, what a hot girl to do comedy and then. No.

Disappointed with. I have that with the other Asif Ali. Yeah, there is another actor who's Asif Ali. Same spelling, same everything. Way more famous South Asian actor. You have to really, you have to add comedy to it when you're Googling Asif Ali. So go to the second one. Same thing.

I'm shorter. Wow. That's so exciting for you. Yeah. Are you on IMDB Asif Ali 2? No, he's not in SAG, because he works in India. So I have that. I don't have to change my name. Thank God.

I would have changed it to Buck Mason. I would have done it. The cabal loves you. All right, Russ, what are you plugging here? Well, clear your throat, do whatever you need to do in order to really do it. I smoke my cigarettes and I drink my Tom Holland's non-alcoholic beer-o. So it does. Is that good?

It's incredible. It's beer without the alcohol. Wow. Seems like the only reason people brave the taste of beer is to get a buzz. Not in Texas. In Texas, you just want to have the beer in hand, and we're all grateful for Tom Holland

for creating a non-alcoholic beer that you can drink at concerts. You sound like a drag, by the way. I sound like a drag? Yeah, just like hanging out with you in Texas, but I know you don't even want it, you're a loner. I wouldn't wanna hang, Scott. You have an 18-

I love an 11th hour take down. You have an 18-year-old ex-wife and an 18-year-old daughter, which I don't know how it's possible. 36-year-old ex-wife, 18-year-old daughter. My ex-wife was 18 when we met. No, but you're 48. And you're 30 years older than me. Someone's going to jail. We just don't know who. Not by Texas law. I will plug- The cabal will protect you. I'm in. I'll plug Russ Saguaro Hollywood, that's my Instagram.

That's where you can get all my reviews of. Reviews. Of the houses. And then go check out those La Pubel videos, obviously. Yeah, if you watch. What flavors do you have when you're in the Van Luen. Vegan cookies and crepes. Right, okay, it's disgusting.

No milk. Oh God. So the night out with you. A horrific time. So you just have non-alcoholic drinks. A beer-o and a non-alcoholic, or a beer-o and a vegan cookies and cream is my kind of night.

You seem like a guy who would hate vegan stuff. Oh no, well, I don't like the fake meats. Don't try to trick me. But if I'm somewhere, like, I don't know, let's. Don't try to trick me. But if I'm somewhere like, I don't know, let's say. What if they're not trying to trick you and they're just open and honest about what it is? That's what things used to be like. That's what it used to be like. It's all different

now, Scott. Oh, God. Do you have anything else you want to plug? DanLippertCool is another Instagram go-to, the CBB World, what is it, Presents. CBB Presents, yeah. For Bill Walton's podcast Eat, Pray, Dunk, where him and Mark Rennie are writing a pilot called Entourage, A-U-N-T-O-R-A-G-E, tracking that. And Hey Randy, and then go to biggrandewebsite.com for podcasts or listen to the Mandog pod

for improv and conversation podcasts. Oh, wonderful. These are all good plugs. I want to plug, they mentioned CBB World, go out, head out there for all of your comedy needs. You have every episode of Comedy Bang Bang as well as every live episode we ever did. We also have shows like The Neighborhood Listen,

College Town, Scott Hasn't Seen, we're in the middle of month month right now which is so exciting where every movie is a different has a different month in the title. Oh cool. I believe we just watched what did we just watch April Fool's Day and we have September 5 coming up this Friday. Wow, these sound like great movies. Yeah, we also watched what was Sweet November with Charlize Theron and Keanu Reeves. I don't think I have ever watched a movie with a month in it that I remember liking. Really?

Yeah. So you're not a fan of Born on the Fourth of July, a story about one of our great- I mean, yes. I think that's the only one. Wonderful patriots. That's the only one, I think. Is there another Born on the Fourth of July, a story about one of our great, wonderful patriots. That's the only one, I think. Is there another one you can think of? What about the Hunt for Red October? Okay, okay, fair enough, fair enough.

Okay, I take it back. My whole stance is wrong and I apologize on air. I'd love to have you on next year's Monthly. What about May, December? We unfortunately have seen that. That covers two months. Yeah, that's the ideal month-month movie, but unfortunately I saw it.

But you can check out all those shows over at cbbworld.com. Also, while you're over there, you can get our new action figures, the Randy and Carissa action figures. They're on sale now. They get them to complete your sets. They are available for customers worldwide at figurecollections.com with free shipping

with a US address or in Europe with cheaper import fees at actionfigureseller.com. Also Sprague and Big Sue, I believe are still available and tour exclusives of JW Stillwater and Scott Aukerman are also available. Alrighty, let's close up the old plug bag. Open the plug bag. Open the plug bag with me.

Open up, open up, open up, open up, open up the plug bag. 2025, I'm talking open up the plug bag, and then you are alive. Open the plug back. Open the plug back. Open the plug back. Open the plug back. Open the plug back.

Open the plug back. Open the plug back. Open the plug back. All right. Yes. That was Open Up the Plug Back by Ty Ty. Thank you to Ty Ty. And guys, I want to thank you so much.

Asif, so wonderful to meet you and continue success to you. Thank you so much. And I hope that you never slip down lower than five on any other call sheet you're ever on. I swear to God, if it ever happens to me, you'll see me on the news. And I expect you to call me the minute you hear about your renewal.

Yeah, the exclusive, it will be a CBB exclusive. I will let you know. I love that. Don't clear it through Hulu or anything. Or my lawyers or anything. It'll be a huge legal battle, but it'll be worth it to do it on the show. I love that. Miss Macy, thank you so much for being here.

Scott. Yes. It has been so exciting and pleasurable to talk about your Audi. Thank you so much. I enjoyed hearing about it. I enjoy, I guess I didn't meet him buddy sounds cool, but your Audi Doesn't read Doesn't vote doesn't

Your Audi doesn't vote. Doesn't vote? That makes sense though, that tracks. That makes more sense, yeah. That fully tracks. It's hard to get down to a major town. From Vale all the way to a voting box? I'm more of like a ski to a voting booth. And if you're in Costa Rica,

you gotta go to the US embassy, that makes sense. Your Audi is gluten free. Oh, okay. Okay. Why does he have a body like this then? Yeah. Yeah. Um, and Russ Swarow.

He nailed it. Did we get to your thing? I feel like I. Oh, I had a blast Scott. There's no thing for me. You're basically a landman. Well, I'm a water man. Yeah, but I haven't seen that either.

I'm a man's man. I wish people would stop coming on the show doing parodies of things I haven't seen. Well, you don't need the context. You gotta be like Ossoff over here, like, you know, give me a good two hours between booking and being on the show where I can like catch up on the thing, you know?

You don't need the context to understand me, Scott. I exist on my own. I'm a simple water man. I exist on my own. I'm a simple water man. Okay. Speaking of water, I don't use these newfangled bidets, so I'm gonna uninstall the one in my room and just dip my butt in the toilet water

when I'm done, like I used to do in Texas. Please don't. Please dip your butt wherever you like, just outside of the house. By the way, how much are you paying, Scott, to rent this room? Let's see. of the house. By the way, how much are you paying Scott to rent this room? Let's see. Carry the three.

Yeah, because you said yearly divided by 12. So I just gave him a yearly and then he's dividing. And then I'm going to divvy it up and we'll just see how long you're here. So his YTD is about 140 K. Holy shit. But that's Colligan's money. Sure. Yeah, Colligan's paying for this. You don't mind. You're a simple waterman. I don't need much.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, well, speaking of not needing much, we are out of time. We have to go, but we'll see you next time. Thanks, bye. Adios. Ha ha ha ha. Dirt shirt.

No, no, no, no. Psh, ta, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma.