Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2012 Pt 1

Episode Date: December 24, 2012

Another year has flown by, so what better way to celebrate than to revisit some of the best Comedy Bang Bang moments that YOU voted for! Special guest Paul F. Tompkins makes a rare appearance as he helps Scott Aukerman countdown numbers ten through six of the listener selected episodes of the year and some very special b-b-b-bonus clips. Stay tuned for Pt 2 to see which episodes made it to the top of the list!

This episode of Comedy Bang Bang is brought to you by Squarespace. Listeners, treat yourself to a brand new website with the help of Squarespace. A drag and drop, do-it-yourself site builder with everything you need to create exceptional websites. Go to squarespace.com slash bang bang to start a free trial and use this great offer code Hot Dog. That's right, I said it. When you decide to purchase, you'll receive a 10% discount if you use the offer code HotDog. That's squarespace.com slash bang bang offer code H-O-T-D-O-G. What are the best Comedy Bang Bang clips of 2012 as voted on by you? Well, we'll find out, at least find out five of them here on this very special Best of 2012 episode. All of that and more

all on today's... Comedy Bang Bang... Hey everybody, welcome to the show. This is Comedy Bang Bang, a very special episode of Comedy Bang Bang, part one of our 2012 Best of Spectaculars. And if this is your first time listening to the show, let me imagine what's happening. It's Christmas. You unwrapped your present. Mommy and Daddy, hopefully... I pray that your mommy and daddy are still together, because that's the only way to raise a family, in my opinion. If this is your first time listening to the show, I do not mean that. Maybe mommy and mommy gave you something. Maybe daddy and daddy. I don't know any

combination of two people, but I think two is really important. Single parenting, I'm not a fan of. Again, I don't mean that. But someone gave you a present, be it a new iPad, iPod, I don't know anymore. And you figured out how to... You were like searching around and you said, ooh, podcast. This looks good. And you heard about the show. Maybe you saw our TV show. We have a TV show on IFC, the Comedy Bang Bang TV show, which the first season of which premiered last year. You can check that out on iTunes as well. But you found this. You looked at all the guests on our program and you said, God, look at this. There's 180 some-odd shows. How do I do it? How do I start? I have no idea where to begin. And then all of a sudden, something caught your eye.

Best of? Well, I mean, hey, why not start with the best? Simply the best, as they once said. So I think you are a smart, savvy person knowing exactly which episode to start with. And basically what we're going to do is every year we have our listeners vote on their 10 favorite episodes. We tally up the episodes and we give you the highest ranking. I mean, that's the only way to do it, in my opinion. Give you the highest. So we give you 10. We start off with 10 and we count all the way down to one. And now this particular episode you're going to hear today, we start at 10 and we're going to count down to six along with a few bonus clips in the middle of great moments that didn't quite make the top 10. But that's where you're going to hear today

and next Monday we're going to count down from five to one. So it's going to be a really fun show today. Some great clips. I think this was a great year and you're really going to enjoy this, especially if it's your first time hearing any of these. Now, speaking of the first time hearing any of these, let me introduce a person who has not been on the show the entire year. He hasn't been on since the best of last year. So he has not heard any of these clips, I'm guessing. Please welcome comedian, raconteur on the Esquire best dressed list for this year. I'm imagining if I'm just guessing at what he's wearing right now. He's wearing a knit tie, which I haven't seen one of those since 1986, I believe. You guess, wait till you hear where it's from. 1986?

Well, now you've ruined the surprise. But please welcome Paul F. Tompkins, my special guest. Scott, I am pleased to make, I think is what, my fourth appearance on the show? I think so, yeah. You're hardly ever on, but you're a friend of the show. Yeah, well, I do enjoy the show. I'm a big fan and I'm glad I can always manage to squeeze it into my schedule to visit you at the end of the year. Especially at the end of the year. Yeah, I think you made a mid-year visit one time. That was weird. Never again. I didn't care for it. It felt weird and uncomfortable. A little straight, I mean, especially like it was a hotter month, as I recall. To see you not in your suits was scary to me. You were wearing some sort of a tank top. I was wearing this, it's the shirt

that's great. If you have a wife who doesn't listen, and you need to, you know what I'm saying. I'm on board, yeah. Yeah, this is a shirt that's designed for the active husband. The husband on the go? The active husband with a violent temper. Sure. What exactly does this shirt say? Well, it's a wife beater. Oh, I see. That's the type of shirt that it is. I know a lot about garments and their terms. Okay, I understand. I thought it was a tank top with a lettering on it that said shut up bitch or something. Oh, my word. Well, look, I'm a gentleman. I only beat my wife. I don't use that kind of language. I may be extremely violent, but the language lasts forever. Some scars don't... Bruises fade away. That's right. Paul, welcome to the show. Thank you so much

for being here. Scott, thank you for while you weren't done. Period. Thank you for having me. Full stop. It's a pleasure to be here. As always, I look forward to this, not all year round, but when you remind me that it's time to do the best of, I start looking forward to doing it. Yes, which was about three days ago, as I recall. That's right. I got all excited about it. Yeah, well, this is an exciting time of year. We had a great year, I think. You did, and congratulations on all your successes. Thank you so much, and it's really due to the talent, I think, that you're going to hear on these clips. Oh, definitely. 100%. We have such great people did the show. It is. You can take little to no credit for the success of the show. Oh, yeah. I don't believe

you me. We have great talent. I mean, the stars that are on this episode just today and next week. More stars than there are in the firmament. Or in the firm. I mean, you had Tom Cruise, Wilford Brimley. Yeah, I mean, that cast maxed out at a certain point. I think there's more people that have been on the show than were in the cast of the firm. How many people are in a movie, would you say? Not counting extras. 30? Let's not count extras. Speaking roles, I mean. Speaking roles, I'm going to say 30. 30 people per movie. I think it's a rule. That's right. It's a sag rule. It's a sag rule. Anything more than that in your budget is 200 million more. Scott, for the flyovers, sag stands for screen actor's guiltatory. Oh, it is? Yes. What did you think it stood for?

I just thought it was a sag, you know, like, you know, it's about old actresses, you know. Not these days. No. With all of them going to Dr. 90210 and so forth. Tell me about it. Or Dr. 902101, just in the next zip code over. Oh, yeah. He didn't get a great Beverly Hills address. But he still does good work. Yeah. Yeah. Paul, are you excited to hear what clips we have here for the listeners today? Yeah, of course I am. Why are you questioning me? I mean. Scott, I already told you I was looking forward to this. I know, but there's a difference between looking forward to something and being excited about the clips. I feel like you're trying to catch me out or something. This has got to journalism.

Why are you holding my feet to the fire? You're like Helen Thomas. All right. All right. You passed. You passed. He is excited. Now I'm glad that I passed the test. Well, let's get to it. What do you say? All right. Fucking shit. Oh my gosh. Well, you never heard you use that language movement. This is, of course, number 10. Number 10. All right. Our 10th clip coming at you here is from episode 174. Oh, I think I know this one after you say it. Yeah. At this point, we had already done 173 shows and we said, hey, let's do another one. So you know which one it is. Was that a tough decision? It really was. I'm usually a 173 and out. Yeah. Like, who did you discuss that with? I prayed for a long time. Of course you prayed on it. Of course you prayed

on it. Yes, of course. I discussed it with my family. Your wife Kulap. Yes. And our two children, Amelia and Julia. Julia, of course, we played Erkel on Family Matters. That's right. Yeah, we adopted him when he was 28 years old. That's right. Well, he's an orphan. Yeah, he was. Oh, a dirty, filthy orphan, which is how we ended up on that show. That's right. That's right. Because a TV show took him in. Yes, SAG, as we explained earlier, has all sorts of rules about orphans. If an orphan shows up at a studio, you have to adopt him onto the show. Yeah. But now I know what people in the audience are thinking. Oh, I'll just dress up in rags and tatters, show up there and begin my acting career. You have to be a real orphan and they will know.

They check. Well, you have to have your orphan credentials. Yeah. And not only that, if you're not an orphan, they kill your parents. Yeah. So you will be an orphan. They make you an orphan and then you are cast out into the desert. From the desert. They also blind you. That's right. And like Oedipus, they give you a recipe for locusts and honey. So, you know, don't try to think you're going to get into show business, guys, because we're already here. You can't fake orphan credentials because of the hologram. So this wasn't... You can fake orphan credentials, though. Yes, of course. If you just want to show up and exterminate bugs in people's homes just for the hell of it, it's very easy to fake one. People don't mind, especially

if you don't require payment. It's the most successful impostery of all time. This is from an episode 174 called Series Regulars. Is that ringing any bells for you, Paul F. Tompkins? Ring any bells for me. As a listener of the show. Does it R&Bs? Which is what R&B music, that's how they came up with that title. Because it rang people's bells. And it had so many bells in the songs and also Richard Belzer, the bells himself. Of course. Has many albums. That's right. And he's a prolific R&B producer. That's right. A lot of people don't know about his wall of sound. Yes, he built a wall of sound, W-H-A-L-L. And that's where he did all those

great Keith Sweat albums, Orange Juice Jones. Boys, two men. Oh, yeah. They're called that because there were only two... There were two boys and two men in that group. It was two full-grown adults and then two six-year-old children. Originally, they had a semicolon in their name. Boys colon, two colon, men. Just to fully separate it and let you know what you were in for. The weird thing is that the six-year-old was the bass guy in that. He does the monologue and I'll make love to you. Also an orphan. Yeah, also an orphan, which is how we got in. Anyway, there's so much show business history. I'm neither here nor there. We haven't even gotten to our first clip yet.

Series Regulars. I mean, the title is familiar. This episode starred Lizzie Kaplan. Lizzie Kaplan from Party Down, from so many great movies. She's been a series regular on Party Down. Cloverfield. She used to use a series regular on Cloverfield, the movie. That's right. And this episode also has comedians Nick Kroll, who is upcoming on the Nick Kroll show on Comedy Central, out in a few weeks on Comedy Central. You should check that out. And also John Mulaney, who from Saturday Night Live, he was a writer on that and also on Weekend Update, has a great comedy album that came out last year. Very funny young comedian.

Now, all of a sudden in the middle of the show, those guys left. Those two left. What? Lizzie stuck around. Wait, this sounds familiar now. Yes. And all of a sudden two weirdos came in. Scott, I remember this clear as day now. I was so excited to listen to Lizzie along with two of my favorite comedians. Sure. And then those guys left and I was like, oh, now what? And those weirdos showed up and I was like, these guys are weirdos. If you've never heard the show before. They eat weird things. They like weird things. They eat weird Cheerios. They eat weird Cheerios, which is a reference, I think.

I don't know. That's why it's so familiar to me. I don't know. But yeah, if you've never heard the show before, every once in a while, strange people walk in and we have an open door policy on the show. Scott, I think we've talked about this before. I don't think you should have this open door policy. We've got to lock these doors at some point. You get so many weirdos coming in. Almost four years now and we haven't bought locks. Nevertheless, let's strap yourselves in because you're going to hear,

here's what I think you're going to hear in this best of episode. Okay. And the one to follow. It's a veritable parade of weirdos. Eating weird Cheerios. Weird Cheerios, weird Cheerios. And these are two of the weirdest. These two guys, George St. Gieglund and Gil Faison, they're two older gentlemen from New York, two older Jewish gentlemen walked in and they have a lot of ideas about show business and we're going to hear those here in our number 10 clip. Wow. So what have you been doing while you're in Hollywood? I mean, you're here with a Hollywood star. We went and protested the Chick-fil-A.

Oh, nice. Because they wouldn't give us free nuggets. They wouldn't honor a coupon that I made in the hotel, which is a Ramada. It's a beautiful, what it is, it's a Ramada hotel. And I sat there, you can imagine, you know, forged coupons everywhere drying on a clothesline. Have you seen that album in my shorts? Wet ink, really? Yeah, have you seen that film?

Kitch me if you can. Sure, of course. The Leo, Leo the Caprio phone when he's a forger? Yeah. We haven't seen that, but we want to see it because we're told that we... So I made a fake coupon, one free movie, Ketch if can, and I brought it to the Lemley, which is now Slamdance, and I went in and they said we're not showing that, and I protested them. Okay, how'd that work out for you?

It was, there was an arrest. But you know, the writer, remember who's arrested? You get arrested. It might have been the theater manager. I think it was me. But we were definitely arrested and we got three hot squares and we were excited about that. Three hots and a cot. Yeah, sure. We're used to prison, you know, our good friends in jail.

So, you know, he's a political prisoner. We go and visit him all the time. His name is Lon Gunderweir. Yeah, Lon Gunderweir. He was a Swedish dissident. Who wore pajamas all the time. Yeah, I see. He was protesting against having to wear clothes in public.

He's in that famous foreign group that was just arrested for performing. Yeah, Lon Gunderweir. Lon Gunderweirman? Lon Gunderweirman. Okay, of course. Well, sometimes I space our names and I just hope someone takes the place. This was because we were smoking PCP before it was, you know, we heard that there was a problem. We tricked ourselves into smoking PCP before training day,

before we knew that was an option. Yeah. Okay, it took training day to let you guys know that. Most of America learned about it from training day. That's where I learned about it. Yeah. Yeah. What a great film.

Great film. So, why come out to Hollywood? I mean, just on vacay art, do you have a goal out here? Or dission. Or dission. Or dissions. We're trying to get out of this. I'm up for the lead in newsroom.

Oh, the newsroom. Yeah, why? As far as I recall, it has a lead in it already, but maybe they're adding another character. But this guy, Gil, do you monologue for newsroom? Who the hell are you? Oh, okay. Look, Bin Laden.

He's everywhere, you know? We got to do the news, Edward Armiro style. Enough fluff. Let's walk down this hallway. Come with me, Emily Murdimer. This is self-written. Yeah, I thought you figured. No, that's part of the script, too.

Oh, we're in the... I thought you said self-written. Okay, sorry to interrupt. Wow, and do you perform it exactly like that? I mean, it's powerful. Yeah, sort of lazy-eyed, staring down at my shoes. That was very natural. Yeah, but then when we run it in the room,

he's kind of doing a jazzy size. He's moving the legs up and down. And what we'll do is he'll hold weights just too canlental. Oh, two ounce canlental in my arms while I'm walking. We go to a vet and use the dog treadmill, because I needed to practice working for these sorghum parts. Sure. Because I'm going to get it.

They're making me sweat. And we're doing it... We should mention we're out in LA doing one of those workathons called working for sorghum. And it's a... Yeah, we're trying to raise money so he can get a bag of crack. He's low. He's low on it?

Yeah, he's low on crack. Yeah, he's in between seasons right now. Yeah, so he's got to stock up so we can write that stock footage. Well, you have a big Hollywood star here who might be able to help you out with... Do you know Aaron Sorghum? I do. I know him very well. Would you help me get the lead that Jeff Daniels has?

Oh, so you do know that Jeff Daniels is currently starring? Well, they shot a season with him to make me sweat. Yeah. They didn't want me to know. I thought everything just kind of made you sweat. Most things do, especially menthol, cigarette on hot morning and car. That's one of the biggies. Yeah.

George's car doesn't work, but it still gets the ideas flowing so it's sitting it. Yeah, I like to sit in it outside, you know, who's ever apartment. George has one of the nicest 1983 mustard yellow vulvas that you'll ever see. Vulvas? A vulva, yeah. A mustard yellow vulva?

Yellow 83 vulva. An 83 vulva. Not the safe Swedish car. This was just a disease-ridden vagina. A disgusting car that I commissioned the one time I had money. God. What was going on in your life back in 83 that you had money? Oh, this was the high times of the 80s.

Yeah, I was betting on Circus of the Stars. Oh, okay. And that Immanuel Lewis came in hot for me. Yeah, you know, by the time they aired them, they had already been taped. Immanuel Lewis, what's he's from? By the time they aired them, they'd been pre-taped. They weren't live events. Why was betting a guy from ABC Network?

So he might have had an inside track, you're saying? He might have, yes. He was the editor. Oh, he worked for ABC as a editor. Yeah, he would edit Circus of the Stars. Oh, okay. Why? You think he had an inside track on me?

You say, and I lost 10 large to a think. He was working with a cold deck. It was five-ish-finkle. Five-ish-finkle. It was never really. Really, that's how it started. I don't know what he did next. Does anyone know?

Did he do a picket? Well, what I'm saying is maybe, what I'm saying is maybe Lizzie could help you with your acting, could maybe give you some pointers. Would you do a scene with me? I don't think they, we do a scene. You see him game. Would you do a scene with me?

I would love to do a scene with you. Yeah, maybe you could improv a scene. Could you improv a scene from the new film Bachelorette? Sure, do you want to? Sure, who should I be? You can be anybody that you want. There's like an, Kirsten plays like an ice queen type. That's me.

Ice queen. You want to be that one? Okay, an ice cream. Now you realize, yeah, you're not someone who makes ice cream. I'm the queen of ice cream. No, no, no, no. Haagen-Dazs. She means, she means characteristically.

She's cold and off-putting. Yeah, she's like an icy presence. The ice cream's unspoken. Yeah, do you want to, do you want to play the other, the other character? The ice cream's unspoken. The ice cream's unspoken. What's that?

Sir, would you like to play the Isla Fisher character? Oh, sure. How would you describe Isla's character? She's a bit of an airhead. Airhead. Okay, that won't be a problem. Okay, everybody ready? Maybe we need some kind of idea.

A suggestion, maybe a line to start? Sure, sure. Okay, I would say you're on Central Park West in 72nd. Nice. Okay. And fine, wait. The line to start would be my ankles have really swollen up and my sock isn't fitting on the way anymore.

Okay, okay. Do you want to know your character names or do you not? Shoot. I'd love to. Okay, you will be playing Katie, the dummy. Okay. And you, sir, your character's name is Regan. Regan, like Ronald Regan.

Oh, what are the great producers of a homosexual? And my name in case you choose to use it. That's fine, we don't need to know. We don't need to know. We're going to talk to each other. Yeah, I figured. And scene. Hey, what's your name?

My name is Jenna. It's not Jenna, I'm a stoop. I'm a real stupid. Hamidat Scooper. No, this is not going to work. It's an unspoken. I didn't even say it yet. I'm gonna.

You're not working in an ice cream place. You're not. I hadn't said it, baby. I hadn't even said it. All right. Okay, sorry, continue. That's my object work. And we're back in scene.

All right. Hamidat Scooper. No, god damn it. All right, all right, all right. No, I have an idea. Okay, I have an idea. Here we go. All right.

Hey, how's it going? It's going all right. How's it going with you? Regan. It's going okay with me, you know? Just putting these in the microwave to let them door. Oh, Jesus. And I'm here.

Katie. Katie, how are you? It's me. It's Katie. What do you guys think about things? Because I don't think about much at all. You're such a dits dunce. You're dunce.

What? Oh, that's funny. Clever, it's clever. I just feel like everybody's breaking character here. And I can't focus. Are you in the scene, though? I'm trying to be in the scene. Were we supposed to be in character?

What? Yeah, that's how it normally is. Why are you getting... Why do you act? That's the whole essence of acting is being a character. He's fake. Why's the other one getting married when the four of us are such a good group of girls?

No, it's three of us and the fourth one's getting married. That's part of the scene. I stood John Hamm last night. What a jerk he was to me. Nice, nice. Where'd you meet him? I met him with that Irish cop. What happened then?

He's my friend. Sweetie. Sweetheart. Yeah. No. Is that... What are you doing? Whip cream on some almonds.

Goddamn whip cream. I didn't say ice cream scene. That's pretty much exactly how it goes in the actual movie. Do you have any tips for... George wants to be an actor. I mean, he's an actor. I thought it was really good. Actor, musician.

I think maybe you should just keep in mind that they usually put the sound effects in later. You don't have to do your own... So when someone says we'll do that in post, stop it. That's what they mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they say knock that hell off. They put the snap crackle pop in post.

The three animated people. Yeah, exactly. Those guys are there, but then they do the sound effect later. Yeah, yeah, exactly. So those guys have to stand on set. And just pretend like they're making those noises. Interesting. Yeah, yeah, exactly.

That's fascinating. But that really is my only note. That's your only note. You were perfect. Oh, thank you. I really... You painted a beautiful picture, both of you. Uh-oh.

Felt like I was back there. You teach acting classes, too, which... And the title of your seminar is That's My Only Note, isn't it? I'm so happy you know that about me. Yeah. Because I don't advertise it. Why do people sign up to... Did people just show up or...?

Yeah, people generally just show up. We work out of that theater that you were discussing before. The Lemley? Yeah, the Lemley, which is now the Slamdance Theater. And really, anybody who wants to come in can come in and... How many people do you usually come in? I don't know. Well, between 13 and 22.

That's good numbers. That's a good number. And it's free. It's free. Why? You're just generously giving your time. And can... It's charitable works.

And do we bring coffee breath? Is that provided there? I think you normally have to bring that kind of thing. Do you mean is the coffee provided there or...? Sure. Number 10. Funny clip. I like...

What hero did I like at the end? She says I hate it here. Everybody's laughing, having a good time. That's a great clip. That's our number 10. And boy, what other clips do we have? I mean, Scott, if that's a great clip and if that's number 10... A lot of people said when it came out, that would be number one.

But we've had such a great year that just other episodes eclipsed it. But it was a very tight race for... Let me tell you, it was very tight for 10, 9 and 8. They were all... No, sorry, 10 and 9. And 11 and 12 and 13. They were all very, very close. Yeah.

But that one took the 10th spot. And tell you what, we're going to take a break. And when we come back, we are going to have clips 9 through 6 along with bonus clips. Straight through? No, no, we'll take a few other breaks. Oh, okay, sure. Anyway, enjoy this one. We'll be right back.

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Comedy bang bang, we are back. Comedy bang bang, we are back. Oh, I'm sorry. Paul? You were taking care of that. Can I talk to you for a second? Can I see you in the kitchen? We're having a good time, and we've heard one clip so far, and we have several more here to get to, and this clip is coming in. I decided that after number 10, we would go straight to number nine. Great decision.

Number nine. Number nine clip, this is coming from episode 180. Do you know what it is, Paul? 180. 180! Did I feel like that must have fallen between 179 and 181? Can you give me a little bit more? Uh-huh, it's also after 178. Oh yeah, I guess it would be, right? Yes.

Where is it in relation to 177? Oh, it's after. Oh, I don't care for this fellow. Or lady, mustn't be sexist. That's true. You could have been doing a lady. I think it would be sexist the opposite way if you heard someone with a high voice and assumed it was a lady. True.

So I think you are actually not being sexist. Congratulations to you. I'm great again. What's the name of the episode? This one is titled Friends Without Words. Oh, I know this one all too well. Yes. I listened to it many, many times.

Friends Without Words, our good friend, speaking of friends, Gillian Jacobs from the TV show Community. Isn't it Gillian Jacobs? Oh, that's right. Yeah, it's a hard J. Yeah. It's a hard J. Gillian Jacobs.

Gillian Jacobs, you know her. She plays Gilly on SNL. And she also plays Britta on Community, which is coming back very soon in February on NBC. We welcome that show back. But she's great. She's a friend of the show. She's been on several times. She played Gacob in Gacob's Ladder.

That's your Gacob's Ladder. And she came by and she's been on the show many times. And I'm not going to play the clip where we talk about our Words With Friends saga. Okay, go and check those episodes back that she's been on to hear the complete saga. If you want to read all about that, you can check it on Deadline Hollywood and Snopes.com. That's right. And Snoops.com, because they were snooping around and they found out that info before anyone else. How do they get their information?

I think that they snoop around people's houses, Paul. Why do we put up with it as a society? You know what? We can't prosecute them. They just, they flash their badge and say snoops.com. That's right. Snooping is not against the law. Yeah, it's true.

And it's sanctioned by the government. So this episode, Gary Marshall also, the creator of Happy Days. Legendary TV producer. He's a big movie director. Yeah, he directed Pretty Woman, possibly one of your favorite movies. I'm not talking to you, Paul. I'm talking to the listener. Yes.

That's got to rank number one on some person's list out there in the world. Their favorite movie of all time. Probably most people's. Probably. So he was here along with us. And right before this clip, Gillian Jacobs, Gillian Jacobs, sorry, had grown very sort of, I guess, enamored of Gary Marshall. Oh, wait, is it Jerry Marshall?

Is that the... It's Jerry. Jerry Jarshall. Is Jerry Jarshall? Probably Jerry Jarshall. Yeah, she seemed to take a shine to him when she realized that he was rich and elderly. Yeah, because Gillian, it was coming off community. It hadn't been airing in a while, needed some of those residual checks.

No, you know what I'm saying? So she was not doing too well. So she basically, before this clip, had convinced Gary Marshall to kill his wife. Yes. Which he did. Yes, he did. He did. So when we come into this now, Gary's killed his wife.

Gillian and Gary are together. And we have a new guest, Tracy. The first time this girl, Tracy, had ever been on the show. Tracy. College student. College student. And she had just taken a trip and she comes on the show and all hell breaks loose. As it is want to do.

That's right. On our number nine clip. Number nine. Comedy bang bang, we're back here with Gillian Jacobs. We have Gary Marshall here on the... Hey, Gary Marshall. Newly married. You guys got married during the break.

That break was a real wife killer. Now I'm on my second marriage with Gillian over here. I got a billion dollars. That's right. You're a Gillianan now, right? How do you like that? That's fun. I still got it.

I started out writing jokes. We have another guest. We are so not proud or but so happy to have in the studio, I guess. We're not proud because you've never been on the show before. Thank you. And I don't know that much about you other than you're a local, it says here? Not really anymore. But I just got back from studying abroad in Italy.

So I kind of think I'm a little bit Italian. Okay. Well, I'm sure we'll talk about that. But Tracy... Yeah. Hi. I don't have a last name on you. It's okay.

I'm trying a new thing. Just being Tracy. Just Tracy? Yeah. Because my last name was really hard to pronounce and it was Polish. So I'd like to just drop that. Just go in one name like Voltaire. Thank you.

Like Molière. Never mind. Hero to play. Oh, are you a lover of the theater? You know, I've definitely seen some and I feel like... All the way through? Yeah, I stay till the end. What's that like?

Well, I like to get the most out of my money and I guess since you're really rich, you probably don't really care about your money. I'm really rich now too. Oh, this opens up a world of not seeing things to the completion. But you know, the other thing is he's really rich and doesn't care, but he sneaks in to the... That's something about Gary Marshall that you sneak into the movie theater through the exit door. That's right.

And I also like the second act plays. I go in, sometimes I see the end, don't see the beginning. Yeah, that's what you do with plays, of course. You sneak in at an intermission and just pretend like you belong there. You've been out having a cigarette. I always get caught because I'm very loud. Hey, I'm just going into the theater here. I have a ticket.

Don't bother to check me. I've been here this whole time. I yell after the curtain rises. After the curtain rises. I let the actors know. Oh, okay. Wait, we're cutting it to this young lady's time.

00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:43,440 It's fine. So sorry. Anyway, Tracy, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for coming. Thank you. What did... What are you here to talk about? I don't have a lot of notes on you.

You know what, like, I just feel like I learned so much in Italy and I feel like really blessed to have the opportunity to share this with you guys on this podcast, which probably reaches like a bunch of people. So I thought I could just share a little bit about what I learned in my travels and just my experience. You know, I'm about to be a senior in college and I had a junior year that was unforgettable. So... So you spent your entire junior year in...

I spent eight months in Italy and I was there, you know, with my school, but I definitely explored a lot of my own and I grew a lot. So, yeah, which I mean, I think anybody would. Like, I'm guessing you guys haven't really traveled much on the country. I personally have not been to Italy. Yeah, I can tell. What about you, Gary? Have you ever been to Italy?

I've been to Italy, yeah. Which is where you're from, supposedly. My ancestors, supposedly. Marshall is an Italian last name. I changed it for show business. What was it? Marcellino did too. It made me angry.

Well, why didn't you guys go the Shirley McLean and what's this for? We're in Beatty Route. Yeah, we're in Beatty Route where you pick different last names. What's this for? I mean, why didn't Penny do that after I already changed my name to Gary Marshall? Yeah. Oh, I'm already sensing some tension. Yeah, what about this Charlie...

Yeah, good, because I'm putting it out there. Charlie Sheen is another one of them. That's right. You know what I mean? Stick with Estevez. He betrayed his family. And his heritage. That's my opinion.

His ethnic heritage. That's right. So have you, you have been to Italy, Gary? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, and Gilly, have you been to Italy? I have. We were robbed on an overnight train from Monaco to Nice. Okay, what I know from Monaco to Venice, sorry.

Okay, whatever. No, wait, Tracy, where in Italy did you go? Because it's a whole big boot full of a country. It sounds like you haven't really been there that much if you're calling it a boot. Because like if you really spend time there, like you won't only use the stereo to aim some of the plays. If he was from Canada, he could call it a boot, though. And it would be, because they're dialect, right?

Well, it's a bully, I guess. Anyone? Anyone? 00:35:51,760 --> 00:35:52,240 Anyone? Any listeners out there? 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:53,360

00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:53,360 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:53,360 00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:53,860 No? Alright. A great silence envelopes the nation. Well, yeah. I forgot what you asked me. Well, like what, what, what, where you been in Italy?

What possibly did you go? Well, I was in a few different parts. I spent a lot of time in Firenze and Venetia, and I was in Milan. So I was in three different areas and jumped in. Frenzo, Venet, Frenzo? Where was this? Frenze, she means Florence. Oh, Frenze, you Americans.

I guess you don't really know. Well, you're an American, though, though. Okay, but I spent a lot of time abroad, so. Eight months. Yeah, it's a long time, so I feel like I changed a lot and I learned a lot about, like, Italians and, like, just, like, that culture, so. Well, what's the main tip that you have for anyone going to Italy? I would say, first of all, like, don't look like a tourist.

Like, I saw so many embarrassing, like, Americans there that I just was, I had to turn my head, because people wear, like, sneakers, which are clearly from America. They wear what? Sneakers. Sneakers? Wait, sneak-hers. Sneakers. A lot of women wearing sneakers.

They're sneakers for women. Sneakers. Duh. And. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're all in on this, uh, uh, business, right? Sneakers?

I think they already existed. Yeah, wait a minute, guys. They're the ones that look like a high heel, but it feels like a sneaker. Yeah, it's about Marant. Sneakers. Yeah, thank you. I guess you do know a little something. Okay.

Um, but yeah, I think these, you know, you see people and they're just looking so lost and confused. And I think one of the things I would say if you're traveling about it, always look like you know what you're doing and always look like you live there. Did you sleep with a lot of Italian men? I did meet a few men that I felt fairly strongly for. Well, what did you do to blend in over there? Because they're not, not for, you know, forgive me, but it's not, you don't exactly look like a native. Oh, thank you.

I spoke Italian the whole time and I think that was something that really helped me. I was put in with a host family and I learned Italian very quickly. So can we hear some? Sure. Um, what would you like me to say? Or do you want to just have a conversation? Let's have a conversation. Okay.

I feel like you just said the same thing twice. Well, yeah, I'm well. How are you? You did understand me. Wow. I guess you did spend a little time there. I didn't really believe you. Oh, thanks.

Yeah. Yeah, it was very traumatic. We were all robbed. Wow. I wish we had time to... This story took a turn. Yeah, I wish we had time to go into that. But Italian train thieves stole my Game Boy games.

Well, no, we, I'm sorry. Sorry, Gilly, but we don't have time to go into it. Somebody else on the train chased down one of the things. We don't have time. Okay, we'll talk to Tracy. We don't have time to discuss how I almost stumbled upon a nest of vampires in Venice. Is that what you call a group? The vampires is a nest?

Yeah, it's a nest. Oh, I didn't know that. Sorry, guys. We got to talk to, we have to talk to Tracy. Sorry, we have to talk to Tracy here. So, I want to have you back on the show just so I can say sorry over and over. See, now we have another basis for our friendship behind words with friend. Wait, did you learn any sexual tricks from Italian men?

Wow, you are really focused on the men. Is that why you went to Italy? I got to keep Gary here happy. I don't know. I don't know the lot over here. Well, there is a lot. It's a different kind of sex that Italians have. That's true.

They don't have sex in the same way Americans do. And I was not a virgin before I went there. So, I did have sex with some American men before I went on my trip. Or I should say time abroad. But I did have sex with them and they like it very differently. And a lot of times they like you to bend over and not speak during it. And most of them didn't kiss me, you know? So, I think that's a local thing.

Oh wait, your parents might hear this. You're not, you know, this is a little... Guys, you're European now. The European sensibility is more open about human sexuality. It's very true. It's very true. It's very true. You know, you don't have to cover your breasts as much in other countries.

Which I found a blessing for me because I'm very well endowed in the breast region. Yeah, I didn't want to say anything. But sometimes I like to paint a picture for our listeners exactly, you know, how endowed the women's guests on the show are. My breasts are humongous. Yeah, I mean, it's really right on the money. And how many of these men were you with? You say that they all treated you like this?

Yeah, well, they were all friends. So, I was with them at five. That was just one occasion. So, yeah, I mean, that was pretty much the only experience I had there sexually. But it was a lot. And it was just... This was one night. Yeah, but it was very overwhelming, you know.

Yeah, as gangbanks usually are. Well, it's not called that there, but I grew a lot of... What do they call it? What's the term? What do they call it? And they call it... I think that means bend over bitch in Italian? Oh my God, well, that's not how I...

This is all very unsavory. I know, I'm so sorry, Gary. This is... I like to read a clean podcast, as you know. That's the reason you're here. Yeah, that's what I know. Well, I'm sorry, but that's just all I know from my experience. So, all you can pass on to me for my now sex life with Gary Marshall is to be quiet and bend over.

Hold on a second. Wait, are you guys gonna... I mean, well, we're gonna get married. We all are married. You got married to your wife. I mean, yeah. I wanna... We're gonna get married on an anniversary.

We're gonna renew our vows. Okay. I just wanna keep you happy, Gary, because you have a lot of money. Oh, look, I'm happy. It's just nice to have a young person in the house and... I can imagine, Gary, at your age. I mean, sex is more of a chore. Theoretical.

Ah, you know, it's a nice memory, right? I had my fun. Yeah. And now it's just... And now it's time for more fun. Now it's just about having some arm candy. Do you think maybe I could kill you? Do you think maybe you would have a heart attack and die

if we attempted to have sex? Oh, probably. Okay, we're having sex in like 10 minutes. 10 minutes? In the middle of the show. Oh, yeah. I need that money real bad. Oh, boy.

I need all of it. Saying it's next year. Community's drying up. I have a billion dollars in gambling debts that I need to pay off. Wow. Oh, my gosh. Next break is gonna be a real widowmaker. I wish we had time to talk about that, but...

But, yes, Tracy, so that's... So any other tips for the listeners out there I mean, endless. You know, I think one of the most important things for Americans is to travel and to leave your comfort zone. And, you know, that was a huge thing for me. And I live with them... Where are you from?

From Modesto. Okay, Modesto, California. Yeah. And you had... Had you ever traveled at all? No, I had not because due to my family's circumstances, I had not traveled. So...

What are your... Is it rude of me to ask what are your family's... We have zero dollars. Very, very little. That's the most little. Yes. And I have to just stay at friends' homes, but now I'm planning to move back to Italy

as soon as I go to college and just kind of, you know, get back to my roots now and just kind of live there because I'm most comfortable there and I really found myself there. How did you get the money to actually get there? I got a scholarship. A what?

A scholarship. Oh, scholarship? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't penetrate it first, but now I understand what you're saying. Yeah, I got a scholarship. So now, it's getting farther and farther away from human speech.

So, how are you going to live over there? Do you have a job set up? You know, as a woman in another country, it's very easy. With very large breasts. Yes, it's very easy to find work. So I'm not wearing a pilot kind of bakery. And I'm really excited.

That's a lot of them over there. Yeah. Italian pastries, one of my favorite breakfasts. Canola, right? You like a canola? Every morning. Every morning. That's not good.

Every morning. I am ballooned up since the TV show. You're very fat. Yeah. I didn't want to say anything, but I like to paint a picture, but you're morbidly obese. Yes, I am.

I think I'm going to die very soon. Oh, and you're rich, right? And I'm rich because of the TV show. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Where is polygamy legal? We need to go to some African country right now because I'm going to marry you. Go back to Africa.

Hey. I feel like I need to marry one of them now because if they're both going to pass, I could use the money as well. Honey, you've got much larger breasts than me. You're going to be fine. 00:44:02,480 --> 00:44:03,040 I need this.

Thank you. Yeah. You're going to be good at your bakery in Italy. Yeah. I don't know why I put that in quotes. I feel like maybe she's saying that she's going to be a prostitute. Oh, my God.

Is that, wait a minute, is that what the whole five guys? That was for free, and that was, I actually paid them. Are you saying the five guys burger chain is a prostitution front? That's what I'm trying to say. I eat that.

And do mommy burger. They're in cahoots. That one I see. Yeah. Oh, mommy. And speaking of mommy, that's what you said to your mom when you told her you were going to Italy, right?

Yes. You said, you said, oh, mommy, I'm going to Italy. Yes. Thank you so much for confirmation on that. Well, gosh, so you're going to go back and what's the timetable? Well, I have to graduate.

Unfortunately, so. What are you studying? Why wait? Go be a prostitute in Italy now. Come on, Gilly. Well, I am dedicated to graduating so that I can also lord that over people. Smart.

Yeah, so I'm studying many different things. I haven't chosen a major yet. You're a senior though, right? Yeah, so the time is of the essence, but I am thinking I'm interested in communications and I'm really interested in performance. In what? Performance.

In performance. Performance and speech and debate. Speech. And communication. What's poor vermin? Poor vermin. So like rats that have been what? Performance, like a performance on the stage of Moliere.

Like what you said. Oh, OK. I don't think that if I were you. Why? Your voice is very grating. Oh, thank you. Until you said that, though, Gilly, I've never noticed how grating your voice is.

Thank you. Excuse me. How about my voice, you guys? Everybody's on board. The dulcet tones of Gary Marshall. We all love you. You're like a morning dove, honey. Oh, I'm doing a bunch of audio books.

Really? Yeah. Which ones? A name one. I'll do it. The whole Harry Potter series. You got it. The Bible.

Oh, I'm going to record it. The Hobbit. Sure. The Da Vinci Code. What's that? The Da Vinci Code. The Da Vinci... What?

The Da Vinci Code. I don't know what you're saying. It's a film with Tommy Haines. The Da Vinci Code. Yes. Sure. OK. You know Tommy Haines.

Of course I do. You know the Da Vinci Code is directed by Ron Howard. That's right. Little Ronnie Howard. He grew up and then he directed that stupid movie. Honey, honey, did you... What's that, dear? Did you create Buzz and Buddies?

Is that one of your shows? No. I wish that I had. But I feel like Tommy Haines shows me a debt of gratitude because I had him guessed on Happy Days one time. Really? I'm not led to... This is after Buzz and Buddies.

So, wait. What kind of famous people am I going to meet now that we're married? Who are you friends with? Joanne Wally. What? Gina Lola Brigida. May not still be with us.

R.I. possible? It's a real head scratcher. That's a real head scratch R.I.P. Number nine. Ah, yes. The head scratch R.I.P. R.I. possible? R.I.P. possible?

R.I.P. possible? Yes. I got several of those after that episode. That was a fun one. Gary Marshall, always great to hear from him. That guy... He's got a joie de vivre that for a guy his age... He's 150, I think.

At least. Yeah, right? He has to be. Yeah. Yeah, he has to be. He looks 100 when he was created Happy Days. He might just have one of those faces, though. You know what I mean?

Yeah, that's true. It's... He's an old soul. An old soul with an old face. Yeah, now his soul and face matches body. That's a great compliment, by the way, if you ever see someone say, hey, by the way, you're an old soul with an old face.

And then you bat down whatever they're holding. You're an old soul with a face, I'll go with it. That was an old-timey insult. You're an old-timey insult with an old soul? Then... Okay. Anyway, so... You're a swiffer.

Do you think somebody would be offended by that if you called him a swiffer? If you walked up to a stranger on the street and said, hey, you're a swiffer and you walked away, people would go, fuck you, wouldn't they? But then... I would. But then they would kind of go, what do I think I'd mean?

It would really mess with your head. You'd really start to think about it like, how am I like a swiffer? You'd start looking up slang dictionaries and go, what am I doing? And then you would start to ascribe its meaning to whatever you're doing, like whatever fault that you find within yourself.

Is this the thing that makes me like a swiffer? Ah, fun. You swifters out there. What's up, swifters? Oh, by the way, all the fans are the comedy bang bangers, swifters, by the way. Yeah, that's the name for them. Henceforth, you're a swiffer.

You're all swifters. Hey, Paul. Scott, hi. You know, we're in the middle of the countdown, but you know what it's time for? We're in the middle of it already. Not really. I know what it's time for, though.

A bonus clip. That's right, it's a bonus clip. We have so many great moments. Some of these clips didn't quite make the cut of favorite episodes, but they have memorable moments within them that people said, hey, you got to at least play that moment in the best.

Yes. Because otherwise, a very arid episode. No laughs. Yes. Thank God for this one moment kept me from driving off the road. This bonus clip comes to us from episode 182, and this episode had Tim Heidecker,

our good friend Tim Heidecker, who is accompanying absolutely, produces the comedy bang bang TV show. Indeed. Tim Heidecker was there. He was talking about his new movie, The Comedy, and we had two new guests walked in. We had someone named Diane,

who was an interesting woman, a divorcee. Divorce? Go on. Are you interested? Was she hot to trot? She was hot to trot. And also, we had a new person who will introduce themselves, a memory expert.

He was a memory expert, and he taught us some things. So let's listen to that bonus clip. Okay, so let's say you have to, you have a meeting with an important client, okay? Oh, that happens to me all the time, so this is right up my alley. You're gonna go have lunch with him, and you meet this guy, and he says,

my name is Bobby, and your first thought is, never gonna remember that. No, how would I? And you gotta be able to remember his name. Because you're having lunch with the guy, just even there, let alone the business you may want to have with him. You don't want to be halfway through the meal

and say, I'm gonna tell you something, I don't know what your name is. Right. That would be embarrassing. It really would. For you, it would be uncomfortable for you. Or the waiter comes to the table and says, you know, pasta visual for Bobby,

is there a Bobby at the table, and you say, God damn it, no, there's no Bobby here, please take that soup that my friend ordered away from this table because his name is not Bobby. Exactly, exactly. Or you go, I don't know whose names are anybody's names at this table, so please don't talk to me anymore,

and then you're both sitting there, and no one gets food. Yeah. And it's a mess. Your corporation is gonna suffer. Yeah, that's true. Because you can't run a corporation on an empty stomach. Well, here's how I'm gonna help you.

I'm gonna give you my system. It's three steps, okay? First step, take a deep breath, okay? Okay, take a deep breath. Can I do it too? Yeah, please do. Tim, do you want to get in on this? I am not good with the breathing.

Oh, okay, yeah. Tim's gonna sit out, is that okay? That's okay, this is optional. I'm not trying to force this on anybody. That's nice, so it's not like the Nazis. Mm-mm, no, we're opposite of the Nazis. Or the Supenazis, another guy who kind of famously tried to force things on people.

I love Seinfeld. Step one, take a deep breath, okay? Step two, break it down, okay? You gotta break down the name of the person that you're meeting. So what's the first letter in the name, Bobby? Oh, God, that's hard for me to remember too. I'm gonna say it's a B.

It is a B, okay? But on my system, you're not gonna use a B, you're gonna take out B, you put in a Z, okay? Oh, why on earth would I want to say Zabi? Because, mm-mm, that's what you'd think if you didn't know that there was more to the system. I didn't know. What you're doing is, in step two,

you break it down to get a keyword, okay? So second letter in the name, Bobby. Oh. Oh, right. But you're not gonna keep an O. No. You're gonna put in an A. Okay, Zabi.

Okay, so we're at Z, I bet there's more to this. There is more to it. Are you sure you haven't done my system? I haven't, but I'd love to hear its completion. Well, B, you've already covered this. So it's Z's again? We're gonna see. Okay.

Two Z's. Okay. And then you take out the Y, you put in a U. Zazu. Zazu. Okay. Oh, my God. So now, you have your keyword, Zazu.

Zazu. And then. Is that the bird and lion king? Also, the little girl, and it's a wonderful life. There you go. Okay, well, don't think about those. Zazu's petals. I'm thinking of Zuzu.

You don't want to confuse this guy with a little girl or a bird. He's an important client. You're taking him out to lunch. That's right, we gotta remember that. You gotta keep him straight. I've never had a job like that, but okay. So I'm sorry, Arthur, in your system, we've replaced it Zazu, right? So is that the end of your system?

No, then you have to repeat your keyword. So let's do a role play. You be Bobby in the situation, I'll be you. Excuse me, I'm meeting you for the first time. My name is Sean Ockerman. Could I shake your hand and you could tell me your name? I'm sorry, Arthur. My name's Scott Ockerman.

Oh, God, I'm sorry. How did you forget that? Well, I should have done this system when I came in. I do mumble a little bit, too. We talked about that earlier. But hi. No, I heard you clearly. I just forgot it.

Oh, okay. Because I have a big doofus and I didn't use my own system. Okay, use your system from now on, though. My name is Scott. Okay, great. Okay. So, but no, but in the scene, I'm Bobby. Hi.

Hello. B, give me a Z. O, give me an A. B, give me a Z. B, give me another Z. Y, give me a U. Your name is Zazu. Well, then what about when you have to say his real name again? I don't think this worked at all.

You clearly just said to me that my name was Zazu, directly contradicting what I just said to you. Zazu is my keyword for your name. Okay, but you said your name is Zazu. This is a wrap. That's how I remember the keyword. Okay. Great bonus clip.

It deserves to be in the bonus clip area. It does. As bonus clips go, one of the most bonus. It was so extraneous and yet enjoyable. I'm trying to take it, like you're doing the sort of stutter on the B. Yeah, let's coordinate. I want to do a stutter on the S afterwards. Bonus clips, you mean?

Or bonus. Oh, I get it. But bonus clips. I'll take care of the S part if you take care of the B part. Okay, so let's practice it for the next time, but let's do it right now. Here we go. Ready?

Bonus clips. Yeah. Okay, good. Work like a charm. Yeah, that's going to be good. Next time we have one. Tell you what, let's take a break. What do you say?

Oh, nice. To say great. And when we come back, we'll count down from eight to six right after this. Hoodies, t-shirts, posters, paper people, digital downloads. What are these crazy, disparate things I'm saying? Well, our holiday store is full of goodies for the earwolf and in your life, which let's face it is probably you since you're listening to this, but we have a ton.

We have 2000 pounds of great new items put to put on your wish list. This holiday season, plus a lot of stuff we're really excited about. We have an earwolf calendar. Each month features graphics and quotes from your favorite earwolf shows, including comedy bang bang. We also have something really cool, which is, hey, turn your friends on to comedy bang bang and your other favorite earwolf podcasts with the gift of laughter this holiday season. We have what we're calling the best of 2012 earwolf gift package,

which is a digital download, which features an e-card and six of the best earwolf episodes handpicked by us, including the Amy Poehler episode of comedy bang bang. And what this is is we all have friends where they say, what's a podcast? What is comedy bang bang? What do I start with? What? Well, shut up, friends. I'm just going to send you this and you'll get the best episodes of all earwolf stuff.

And that's what it is. And it gets a nice card and it's like a stocking stuffer. Digital. So thanks for shopping your earwolf, everyone. Happy holidays. And I'll see you at the movies. Comedy bang bang, we are back here with our best of. And now you're just going crazy with it.

I know any B word from now on. Oh, what fun we're having. We are having fun. So far, we've counted down 10, 9, and then had a bonus. Do you know how much fun it is? Everyone knows how much fun it is to count from 1 to 10. Sure. But going backwards?

If you just go backwards, it's a feast for the senses. I find that if we were to start with number one and count down to 10, people would turn it off right after one. Which is we recorded two episodes that way. Took hours and hours doing it until we realized that the backwards way is the best way. Isn't there a cut of the movie Memento that's forward? I think that if on the DVD, there was a bonus feature where you could play the movie in real time.

Right. And do you think anyone ever watched all of that? I don't know. I wanted to. I watched The Godfather in real time. There was that. Oh, The Godfather Saga. Yeah, The Godfather Saga.

Yes, well, that's enjoyable. I guess. But I feel like if you know. If you like watching The Godfather III. I feel like, oh, well, you can stop it at that point. You know what I mean? Does it all take place? That's what I'm saying.

Yeah. Is that you would start to watch Memento as it goes, proceeds in real time. And then I think you would stop. I don't think you would watch the whole thing. Yeah, that's interesting. How many bonus features have actually been played on DVDs? That the reasons you buy them, do you ever play them? I will say, I think you play them once and then that's it.

Which, you know, that makes sense. I will say that when I got into Freaks and Geeks, because I'd never seen it when it aired, and I watched the whole series in one weekend and I didn't want it to be over. And I watched every, I had that crazy box of that everything on it, all these crazy features. And I listened to every single commentary. Some of those episodes had two separate distinct commentaries. Yeah.

I listened to all of it. I find it hard to watch the commentary. Like I always go, oh, good, there's commentary. And I find it hard to watch because you've watched the movie already. And it's like another two hours or whatever. The worst part is when a director will say, or somebody will say at some point, well, I hope you're not watching this with the commentary first before watching the movie. No one's doing that.

No. Who would do that? Who would do that? Some kind of monster. That's how they think of us, Scott, as monsters. The big wigs in the show biz industry empire. The Hoi Ploi, they think of us as. The cheaply.

The rabble rousers. The navel gazers. The cheaper cedars. The gutter snipers. The popcorn eaters. The ticket rippers. Oh, now all of a sudden, we're not even the audience. We're working in the theater.

We've worked there in the theater. Oh, that's even lower. I, when I first moved to Los Angeles, I applied for a job at the Sunset Five Movie Theater to read some tickets. And I was, I did not get that job. You were rejected. What, what, what about me suggested that I could not handle the responsibilities of that job? I wonder if you tried to get that job now if they would take you.

There's only one way to find out. Let's do it. Road trip. All right, time to get to our number eight clip. And this is a doozy. This comes to us. This is, of course, number eight. And this comes to us from episode 156.

If you were guessing what episode would this be? Divide how many weeks in the year are there? There are 52 weeks in the year. Mm-hmm. Still right. So 52 weeks in the year. What episode would that this be? 156.

How many episodes do you do in a week? Just one. Just one. Just one. Just one. So 52 times three would be 156, which would make this our third anniversary show ball. Happy anniversary! Happy new year, Frosty, the snowman.

Happy Madison. This is, of course, episode 156, our third anniversary episode. Yes. And this had a cavalcade of stars on it. And we had a little later than this clip, we had Cake Boss, who... Have you ever met Cake Boss? I have met him, yes. Yeah, great guy.

He's a good guy. He's a regular on this show. He's very loud. He's on this show. We're not going to play his clip. That would have been fun, but we're not going to play his clip. Would have been fun. Brett Gelman also on this show.

Oh yeah, play his clip. No, we're not playing that clip. Good. At this point in the show, we have Zach Galifianakis. Oh sure, from the Hangover 2. Yes, did you know they made a prequel to that? Oh, did they really? Yeah, yeah.

That sounds interesting. Just like you know how Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom was the prequel to Raiders of the Lost Ark. They made a prequel to the Hangover 2. It's called The Hangover. And what's Raiders of the Lost Ark? The prequel to Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom? No, that's a sequel. That's a sequel to Indiana Jones in the Temple of Doom.

Yeah. You know what? You're right. So this was Zach Galifianakis. We also have El Chupacabra, who is a radio DJ. Did he just walk in here for a second? El Chupacabra is here. He's a radio DJ, old friend of the show.

From back when we were at a radio station, he had the Spanish language radio station next to us. And also Annie Clark from the band St. Vincent. Annie Clark was doing music this entire episode. Isn't she the whole band? She is the whole band, yeah. But it's her stage name, St. Vincent. Why does she do that?

I don't know. It doesn't make any sense to me. Why not pick a nice lady, St.? Yeah. Why not just say, hi, I'm Annie Clark. Right? And that's your band name. Why is she hiding?

I don't get it. But she was nice enough to drop by and do some great songs on that episode. It was really a special episode. So many stars on it. At this point in the show, friend of the show, I think it's safe to say, Parks and Recreation writer Harris Whittles drops in.

Yes. Now, Harris Whittles has a terrible segment on the show. He's a curious customer of this, Harris Whittles. He is. Yes, he does. I know the segment of which you speak. Yes, it's something called foam corner. It's terrible.

It shouldn't happen. It's awful. It started off as Harris's phone corner, which was jokes, terrible jokes, that he would write on his phone. Yes. Somehow it got transmogrified into foam corner. You heard it on our last week's episode,

the Christmas episode. He did terrible, terrible jokes on that. Just in time for the holidays. Yes. Some dreadful jokes from Harris. These are just as bad. And what I like about this clip is Annie from St. Vincent's sheer horror

in listening to these jokes. She didn't know what she was in for. No, when she agreed to do this. No. So let's listen to that. This is number eight. Number eight. Well, we're just going to have special guests dropping by

throughout the entire show. I mean, you never know who's going to walk through this door at any given moment. Wow, speaking of the door, someone just walked through right when I said that. Hello. Oh, no. Who is this?

It's the, it's Foamy. Foamy. Hey, it's Harris Whittles is here. I didn't know. No, it's not a character. Harris Whittles. Hello, fan favorite. Creator of Humble Bragg.

That's right. I don't even have to do this because I created Humble Bragg. Creator of Humble Bragg, writer on Parks and Rec, fan favorite of the show. Welcome to the show. It's been a great three years. It's been a real wild ride. Would you say that you're more popular than ever due to this show?

I'd say the show's more popular than ever due to me. No, I mean, you get, you reverse that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, what I said. How are you doing, buddy? It's so great to see you. Yeah, I'm doing good. I'm getting a little fat again.

Underwear band starting to fold over. You were just on a sitcom. Uh-huh. A sit-down comedy. And you, you lost a lot of weight for it. Yeah, yeah, I did. I trained pretty hard, okay. Just didn't eat Jack in the Box at 3 a.m.

in my bed every night. Still most nights, but just not every one of them. Everything in moderation. By the way, do you know Chupacabra over here? Oh, Kukariku. It's great to meet you. Does Kukariku mean how do you do? It's whatever you wanted to mean.

I actually was in a rap battle with him like a year ago. Oh, that's right. Yeah, coincidentally. And do you know Zach? I'm such a fan. Aw, thanks. And this is Annie from St. Vincent. Such a fan.

Wait, do you still know him? I am, I'm being genuine. What about the before? That was a pleasant tree. Oh, okay. It was a pleasant tree. Harris, you come on the show and you've been a great friend of the show. You've come on several times and describe what it is you do.

Well, okay. So I write jokes in my phone with the intention of doing them a stand-up. And these are the ones that don't make it to the stage because they're too bad. So you write jokes on your phone. And we used to have a feature on the show called Harris' phone corner. Right. And then it somehow transformed into Harris' foam corner. I don't know how.

How did that happen? Like someone misheard someone. And thought it was foam corner. Yeah. A classic game of telephone. Telephone. And it's been called foam corner ever since. Ever since.

And these are terrible jokes that you write. Well, I think they're good. You think they're terrible. And everyone else thinks they're terrible. But you have to love what you do. Yeah, you believe in it. Yeah. You know?

So are we ready to do this? Do you want to do this? I'd love to do some foam. Okay, let's hear the theme song. This is Reggie Watts doing the Harris' foam corner theme song. Thanks for coming out, Reggie. Thank you, Reggie Watts, by the way, for that theme. Harris, you are ready to go into Harris' foam corner.

Let's get right into it. Does anyone want to judge these? Let's do a thumbs up or thumbs down system after one of these shows. Nobody can hear that. Yeah, just do a laugh for another noisy thumb, though. What do you have to do with that thumb? Why is it so noisy? This has been noisy for the last few years.

A couple of loose joints. Noisy. They call me dirty knees or noisy thumb. Are your knees buried there? Yeah, well, it's just an expression. What was your name again? Drupal Cowder. That's very hard to say.

All right, Harris, hit us with it. What do you got? I've decided that I'm not going to get married until gay people can get married, because I'm gay. I like that. I give that a thumbs up. How's your... Creek?

That one... Somebody's not making a noise today. That one worked. That one worked, Annie? 01:07:58,480 --> 01:07:58,960 What do you got? I know, yeah. Thumbs up, definitely.

All right. Supa, how do you say thumbs up in your native tongue? Listen, I've got just fingers in the air. So that's great. Like you just don't care. That got a great response. Yeah, so should we stop? We've never had an addition of Harris' phone corner where you didn't have at least

eight terrible ones. Okay, here it goes. I want to open a Jamaican, Irish, Spanish, small plate breakfast restaurant and call it Top Us the Morning Teja. That got inaudible. Annie, what do you got? She went... She held out her hand as if like, why?

Like... Why would you? Yeah, like she was an English village woman and I pillaged her land. And she's like, why? That's the look she just gave me. Should we go to Annie? How do you like to vote? Thumbs up, thumbs down?

I just... Just two thumbs... Just two hands out. Just two palms... And stretched forward up to the heavens. All right. Zach, what do you got? Oh, better than the first one.

You liked it better! They keep improving. Juba? The baby is here. Why didn't you like that? I didn't understand. Well, you have to grow up a little bit before you can understand humor. I can't even breathe first by myself.

I need a tiny plastic spoon. Well, most people eat breakfast with a spoon of some sort. You shouldn't worry about having to put a spoon in your mouth. It's easier when it's on airplane. Oh, okay. I understand. All right, Harris, you're at... I don't know, you're not 50-50.

I think you're at about like 75-25. All right. About half of us like that one. Great to good. All right. Here's next dosage. I think that instead of them trying to desalinize the ocean, they should just add pepper.

Instead of trying to desalinize the ocean, they should just add pepper. All right. Let's go around the room, Juba. Shouldn't this segment be called Harris's Twitter Drafts? Things that don't make it to Twitter. These have not made it to Twitter, right? That is correct.

These are your... These are deemed not good enough for Twitter. Well, it's just like the movie Synecdoche New York. Too many characters. That is the best joke I've ever heard. Yeah, I like that one, too. Zach, what do you think of that one? Of the Snack-To-Key thing.

Let's ignore the joke and go right to the commentary. I think the joke on it with it just by itself is pretty strong. I think maybe... I don't know if you would have maybe opened with that or enclosed with it. Or do you stand up ever again? Just bookend it. Zach, I feel like you may be leading Harris down the wrong path.

You're trying to sabotage his career. I know what humor is like. Annie, what do you got? Yeah, I would stand behind that one. So, yeah. Which one is this? Synecdoche? Yes, Synecdoche.

Although, I thought that movie was maybe just too long. Not too many characters. That was not the problem. Yeah, not too many characters. No, not too many characters. I thought that maybe that movie was too truthful. It revealed too much about the human condition. Yeah.

Yeah, I understand that. Who is that? Is that David Mimmy? No, no, no. That's Charlie Kaufman. It was Rodin Directis. Oh, sorry. You should see it.

Kaufman. It's interesting. God. All right, Harris. I went to Jack in the Box. It was open 24 hours and I got there on the 26th hour and it was closed. It was open because it's only open. I don't know how to phrase that.

I don't know how to phrase that. But, Zach, you know what I'm going for. Yeah. I'd use somebody besides Jack in the Box. Because they actually are open 26 hours. And so that could confuse people. Yeah. All right.

You know what Keros is? No. Do you know what Keros is? Keros, Denny's. Also Marie Callender's. I'd love to use a Marie Callender's. Yeah. Yeah.

And all right, we'll do it. That's a little pro tip from Zach Galifianakis. Yeah. Mm-hmm. He's a very successful comedian who's toured stadiums? Have you done stadiums? What? No, I haven't.

Not one stadium? What about you? You did that also in that red leather outfit. That was Eddie Murphy. Okay. What about when you did Madison Square Garden in the round? And I played the Houston Sportatorium once. That holds 32,000 people.

I'm from Houston. Yeah. It's the Bojangles Biscuit Sportatorium. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I know it as Bojangles Biscuit. The most racist stadium in that country. More racist than this character. Annie, what did you think of, what do you call that?

That's not even a joke. It's, well, it's foam. What do you think of that foam? Some are just thoughts. Yeah, I'm going to go with Zach. Yeah. Just confusing that it's a jack-in-the-box? Well, no.

Yeah, she's going with me to Marie Callender. Yeah, I'm going to. Yeah. Am I my Marie Callender? Marie Callender is a building that wears a dress. When I hear Marie Callender, I picture a building in a nice, printed, long dress. Huh.

Okay, let's vote on that. You should, yeah. Foamy, you might want to take that one. That's pretty abstract. I don't know. All right, foamy. All right. I think it's weird that, okay, does anyone genuinely know why,

like at a grocery store, they offer a cashback option? Is that just to be nice? Cashback of, how does that work again? No, you just like, you buy food and they go, would you like cash? And then that's like the bank offering you zucchinis. You know what you got to do? You got to follow it up with like, you got to be real confident

in that delivery. No, I can't. And then just use the word like genius, like a way to go genius. Way to go genius. That's like. Yeah, who's the Einstein that thought of this thing? Yeah, thanks a lot, Einstein. Thanks a lot, Amadeus.

Do you think people said that's Einstein? When people genuinely thanked Einstein, did it sound sarcastic? Thanks a lot, Einstein. No, probably not yet. For that cup of milk that I borrowed. Yeah, like, hey thanks, Einstein. Is that going to make it to Twitter, or is that just staying the corner? I don't know if I could get like the tone across on Twitter.

I think you could, if you put an exclamation point after and you were like, thanks a lot, Comma Einstein. Okay, it's going on Twitter. All right, let's do it. In fact, tweet that the day this drops. Okay. Why don't you just do a video of you saying it, and then people could just click it on, right?

That way the inflection's there. That's true. That's a lot of effort for people. Why? The tension spans these days? All right, do you have any more? This is topical. Oh, good.

Well, really topical about Ear Wolf. Okay. Because you know Jeff from Ear Wolf just had a baby. Sure. And then named the baby Arden. Do you think they, before that happened, there was like a, well, what about this song? Let's name her Arden in here.

Oh. Do you think they said that? I guess I'm asking if they actually said that. Oh, I got it. Let's name her Arden in here. And they were in a room when they said this? Yeah. I didn't know we could come on and just read bad jokes.

Why do you have songs for a baby? I don't know. Let's do it. Search through your phone. I usually just go on stage. Zach's home corner. I've always wanted to open a, I mean, have a Greek sitcom called Olive Lucy.

That belongs in the corner. You think Zach is infringing on your phone corner? Sorry. I just, I, I invite, I invite it. It's like capitalism. It keeps me, keeps business good when you have competition. Competition. Annie, what'd you think of that one?

Wait, a couple of jokes back. Wait, which? Yeah. Well, we got the Olive, Olive Lucy. Yeah. No, that's a clear winner. You seemed to be very, you were almost dismayed when I said, let's get, let's name her Arden in here.

Yeah. No, it was just, it was. You seemed unhappy. No, I just had a very visceral sort of painful reaction to it. That's not to mean that you're unhappy with it. Yeah, which does, yeah. It's, I, I enjoyed it. But I'm just trying to get a reaction.

That's all I'm trying. I'm surprised how fast you guys got that. That took me a while to. Well, it was, it was stumbled through for like a whole mint. Like I didn't even get it outright. Let me just be clear that I know the punch line. The reason that tumor is because you're, let's get retarded in here. Yes.

Or get it started in here, which is the, the remake. Yeah, yeah. Oh, is that what you thought it was? Yeah, I was thinking, let's get it started in here. Because I only buy the clean versions of CDs. I don't like that word. Here? That must be a trouble for you when you're buying hip hop CDs.

Just. Oh, yeah. What was it? Yeah, no, I just, if there's that parental guidance sticker. Yeah, you don't want that in your house. Absolutely not. Remember the days when they would bleep out the song, the lyrics in the songs? Now they just like take, take the actual lyric out.

But the days where it was just like, you couldn't listen to an NWR record without hearing beep, beep, beep. They kind of do the scratch it thing. It'll be like, let's get smr-smr in here. Which I like more. Yeah. It's hard to say. Wait, they don't say retarded on the radio?

Well, they, they, that song, if I may talk about the history of it, it started out on the record as let's get retarded in here. And then the NBA wanted to buy it and use it as a theme song. So they re-recorded it. There are so many retarded NBA players, that thing. You think it would have just fit right in? So they changed it to let's get it started in here. Are you, are you still touring the country explaining that song?

It's my one man show. I dress up like Mark Twain and I explain that song. One man show, one man audience. All right, Harris, do you have any more? Do you have one final one? Yeah, I'll close it out with- And then let's get ready to, with that theme for Harris' phone call. This isn't even really a joke, but um...

You could have said that before all of these, by the way. This isn't even an attempt at a joke. I'm just, I just want to talk to you, Scott. I'm pretty sad today. Oh, well, why is that, Harris? I hate to hear that. Well, I just, I had my first unenjoyable goatee listening session. I knew it was coming, but I don't know.

Now it's just, just somebody that I used to know that I used to know. Harris' phone corner. Yeah, come on. Harris' phone corner. What? Yo, come on. Harris' phone on the phone. Give phone, it's a phone corner.

I think it's best we just move on and don't even address that. Oh boy, terrible jokes. She really, she was scarred for life. She was a trooper listening to those. Paul, what time is it, do you think? I think it's time for another... Bonus! Clip.

Brow. The remix. Got to get Casey Wilson to sing over it. All right, this bonus clip is another, a short little funny moment that happened. This is from episode 146 earlier in the year. Now this is going to be a few weeks before the anniversary episode. Sure, now all of a sudden you're on top of your math. It's about 10 weeks before, I would say.

This is, we had a friend of the show, Ben Schwartz was on the show. Ben Schwartz? You know Ben from Parks and Recreation, where he plays Jean Raphael. He's so funny on that. He also has his own TV show on Showtime, of which I do not remember the name. House of Pies. House of Pies. House of Pies.

That's right. Takes place here in Los Angeles. And he was on the show, along with Reggie Watts, who is my sidekick and musical compatriot from the TV show. Band Leader. One man band leader. Band Leader and band. On the comedy bang bang TV show.

Both of them are on the show. And at this point, we also had, speaking of Saint Vincent, we have great musical guests on the show all year. We had so many great musical guests. We had Loud and Wayne Wright III. We had Graham Parker. But in this instance, Bjork was on the show. Oh yeah.

And Bjork and Ben Schwartz did not get along. They sure didn't. No. She did not like him. No. But this... I wonder if her dislike is rooted in something that's very unsavory. Yeah, perhaps something.

Come down a little bit sometimes. A little bit. Well, I didn't want to say. Yeah. But this is B-B-B-B-Bjork. And a little clip from our episode 146. Let's hear it now. Bonus.

Bonus! Clip. Bjork, what else is on going on in the news? Anything going on? Yes. Why would you ask Bjork what's going on in the news? I don't know. You have two Americans next to you.

And one person that's wearing a uniform made of bees and sang a song about fingering her own pussy. This is what, you know, what's going on? I would like to thank Sinead O'Connor. Okay. Have you heard about her? Yeah, she just recently got married and looked for some crack on her honeymoon. Yes, yes. I would like to thank her for being even crazier than I am.

Come on. So I'm not the craziest woman in music. I thought you wanted that distinction to be the crazier. I want to be weird, not crazy. Oh, okay. I just, can I, I just want to ask Bjork two questions. Ready? Just two quick questions. Okay. Two, two off the top.

You go. This is, this is a segment called Two Off the Top. It's called Two Off the Benchworths. Anytime on the show. One, two off the top. Two off the top of Benchworths. As long as I get to conference. No, no, no, no.

You, I've done that enough with you, Bjork. Alrighty. This is what it is. You go into a deli, Bjork. Okay. You go into a deli and it has all the things that a deli has. Oh, Jews. They got, no, not Jews.

I mean, this one does. You got lucky. You're a Jewish deli. It's not a real deli. All right. It is. Fine. There's Jewish people. And they're all eating ham and tash and they'll think, what about us? I have loxies.

Just, am I allowed to do my two? What is this called? Two off the top. Two off the top. You go in there and the guy goes, I guess it's Jewish. He goes, hey, what would you like? What sandwich does Bjork get at a Jewish deli? Pulled Bjork.

Pulled Bjork. I'll go on to my next question, I guess. You're not taking this seriously, Bjork. My next question is as follows. What an asshole. You've never tried, Bobby. No, it's not real. You pulled Bjork.

You just tried to do a pun on pork. And it was the worst thing I've ever heard Bjork. You said it wrong. They should really rescind here. Two off the top. Number two. Reggie, give me number two. You never had Bobby.

Rescind your improv card. For that. Bonus. Clip. Yes, pulled Bjork. Pulled Bjork sandwich. It really happened. Yeah, it really did.

So in case you didn't hear the first time, now you've heard. You've heard us say it. You've had a chance. Yeah, that's right. All right, well, we're still counting them down. Let's follow up that bonus clip with number seven. What do you say? No, I agree.

This is number seven. All right, Paul, number seven. This is from episode 162. 162. So this is going to be 10 weeks after the anniversary show. No, this is approximately six after that. No, I don't understand. And this is an episode called Best Bro Hang.

Yes. Best Bro Hang. Now, this is an unusual episode. Yes. Because you'll have a guest of some prominence, of some note. This particular episode has Andy Samberg from X Saturday Night Live. He had just left the program at this point. That's right.

He's an SNL alumnus. Yes, of course. A Lonely Island star. Everyone has their records and has watched their videos on YouTube. Absolutely. And usually you have a star of his magnitude. And then some weirdo will show up. In this case, a weirdo did show up.

Yes. Named Bro, who was on last year's episode with Andy Samberg, who was my weed dealer. Yes. But then something happens. Something happens with Bro, where it actually, look, let's drop the pretense here for a second. Let's drop the pretense about dropping the pretense. Adam Pally is an actor and a comedian. He's on a show Happy Endings on ABC, one of my favorite shows.

Yes. And he does the Bro character. Yes. At this point in this episode, he barely does the Bro character. And in fact slips out of it and becomes Adam Pally several times. Yes. This is some of the laziest character work you're ever going to see. I don't know how it got on our top 10.

But I think it's the sheer goodwill of the three people involved in a fun conversation. We all had a really good time in this episode. It's so enjoyable. You can just about overlook the extremely lazy character work that Adam Pally is doing. I hope you'll overlook it here, because this is episode number seven with Best Bro Hang. Here we go. Andy, talk about your secret pain. Go.

So much of it, just crying and sad. Yeah, sad stuff. Why? Yeah, sad stuff, man. What's the saddest thing that ever happened to you? Ooh, I got an answer for me locked and loaded. So as soon as you... Do you want me to go to Bro first?

Yeah, have Bro answer first. All right, Bro, go ahead. Well, I had this dream to open up what would be like a Bro's paradise. It would be this like large warehouse space with different places, like one where you could sit and toke and get high. And then there's like another corner where you could sit and watch a movie linked up to a record or something. And then another corner where it would be like all farm to plate food.

And then another corner, I guess there's too many corners. There's a lot of corners. You've only said three corners. Unless it's a pyramid, you are owed one more. Yeah, there would be a fourth corner that would be just like a drawing, like where you could like experiment with art and stuff. And I wanted to kind of build this out and I wanted to do it in Dubai. But it never worked out.

Is it a business or it's just a hang place? It's a business. Yeah, it's a business. What do you sell, the farm food? Well, yeah, it's the people who are hungry. Or you could like come if you're like on a journey and like if you're, if you're... What went wrong with the business end of things? Like who are you talking to about making it?

I think that's what went wrong is that I never really did anything for it. Didn't reach out. Yeah, at all. Why Dubai, if you made no plans at all, was just Dubai in your head? It's a pipe dream. It's like, I just thought that Dubai, they have a lot of... Pipe dream, get it? I do know that sometimes people smoke weed through a pipe.

Well, that's why that's technically very funny. I appreciate you saying that. You know, I'd forget it. That's okay. So it made you sad though. And do you remember your lowest point? It's now. Really?

So this just happened to you? Well, I'm telling you guys what's... It was since Mission Impossible 4 you started having this dream. And then when Goats Protocol came out. Wait, did you say Goats Protocol? It was actually... It was Impossible 5, Goats Protocol. It was Ghost Protocol and it was number four by the way.

He said number five, that's a different one. It's about... Oh, is that coming up? Insider info. Yeah, sorry. No spoilers. Someone's not checking Nicky Fink. Hey, told ya.

Told ya. This thing's coming out. And it will be a red hot trailer when they do post it. Advisory. Advisory. Is Tom Cruise in a goat? Following protocol. All right, Andy, you don't...

You can edit bits out of this, right? Oh, of course. If we ever had need to, but we never do. Andy, you have another movie in the can with Rashida. In the can. And it's a big dramatic movie. You had a crying scene and everything, right? Have you seen it?

No, you were telling me about it. There's a little bit of upset in this in the film, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, she's... Real tears? Well, I mean, I wasn't really crying about something I was sad about in real life. Right. But they're...

Did you work the tears off as well? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good for you. Yeah, good for you. I don't think I really roll any in the movie, but she certainly does. She rolls tears. She rolls them. That's what I call it.

Actually, every other take, I would actually roll one. I go, I rolled one! And they're like, yeah, we're not gonna use it. Nice. We're gonna keep the emotional vibe going. What if your face was just crazy while you were trying to roll tears, and that's why they weren't using it there? Please, stop.

You're just... They had to cut out every crying scene with Andy because he was puking. I'm so sad! And then he would have this weird effeminate scream about how sad he was. At least you don't have to keep talking about how sad you are in the movie. Just say the lines, Andy. It never says I'm so sad. No, but yes, it's coming out in August.

Scott, thank you. What is it called? It's called Celeste and Jesse Forever. It's a Sundance film that got picked up by Sony Pictures Classics, and it's gonna get released. I love Sony Pictures Classics. Don't you? Love them.

Favorite Sony Pictures Classics movie, Go. Oh, they have so many classics. It's hard to choose, but... Ben Hur. Has that gone over into the Sony Pictures Classics? I'm pretty sure, yeah. It's a classic. It is a classic.

Yeah, Battle of Shaker Heights. There you go. That's a great one. Project Greenlight movie. Yeah, man. Yeah, you love Greenlight. That's where The Booth became The Booth. That's right. What do you think about Dice being in Woody Allen's new movie?

Dice Man. Dice Clay? Dice Clay. I think it's a homecoming. I hadn't even heard about that. Yeah, I think it's a homecoming of sorts. That's a total told you that Nikki Fink. Yeah.

Let's pull up... You know what? Let's pull up Nikki Fink right now. Let's take a look. Let's read everything that she's talking about. Let's take a look at the trades. No, yeah, Dice and Louis CK in his next movie. CK, I get.

Dice, I mean, I love it. That's great. I mean, Woody definitely saw his performance on Entourage. I was just going to say, he was pretty good on Entourage. Get me the guy from The Voice from Bananas. Johnny Bananas. Johnny Bananas. Woody loves Entourage.

Loves. He'll sit there with... Who's he married to now? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Gats are both really good at Woody's impressions. Um, uh, uh, uh, oh, yeah.

That's his Gats right? That's the Entourage song. That's the Entourage song. Oh, yeah! That's him watching it. Oh, yeah. That is the worst. I can't believe it took me that long to figure it out, too.

I feel humiliated. That's a great impression. Woody Allen watching Entourage. I like Woody Allen on Entourage. Oh, yeah, that'd be amazing. Mr. Johnny Drama. I just think you should do the show. I think it would be great for your career.

And, guys, just guess what? Vince is doing the movie. Well, what's going on with the Murphy group? Fuck. Everyone watched every episode of that show. Oh, yeah. And we didn't like a single one. Have I ever talked to Scott about my HBO theory about how

they shoot sex scenes? No. Every sex scene on HBO is reverse cowgirl. Because it's like all flawed male protagonists that are kind of ugly and you don't want to look at them, and hot girls with giant titties. So they're like, let's get this frame where it's like, boobs are up and facing camera, and a little bush,

and bouncing up and down. And then down in the corner, right there's someone's head. Steve Buscemi. And it is always jarring in those sex scenes when they wipe across, like they pan across. And then you'll see Paz Della or whatever. Yeah, exactly. And then you'll see Buscemi's eyes, and you're like, whoa!

I imagine he's naked down there. No, none of us need to see it. We just need to see her. Clearly, that's why we subscribed to HBO. They should just have a show where it's just like, hot girls like that just bouncing up and down. And you know what I mean? You don't even need a dude in there.

A show for men. Okay, bro, let's hear about it. A show for men where it was just like chicks bouncing up and down, sports, jokes. Maybe the host are drinking beer. This is perfect. You know what else there should be? It's a fucking award show just for the guys.

Yes! Oh, yeah! Yes! We should do it. We should do it. And we'll hand out like... Best bro hang. I'm sorry that would go to us.

We would win that in a landslide. Especially because we're going to run this show, this fictional show that doesn't exist. Number seven. Great episode. Woody Allen doing entourage. That's right, which that is one of my favorite things that's ever happened.

And it's so enjoyable that I'm able... I'm so able to overlook the lazy character work. Just for that. For that extremely great character work. I feel like I checked into the Overlook Hotel. Do you want to do some Woody Allen as a fan of entourage right now? What do you say?

Johnny Drama, I need you to do the lines exactly as I would say them. You know, Eric, you know what's going on? The Murphy Group. Are you getting back together with... What's her name? Why? What is her name?

I don't remember. Sloan. This is my favorite Woody Allen type of voice is when he gets real whiny. Yes, exactly. It's the two... He's got two speeds. Yeah.

It's the really whiny... He's got, you know... I'm just talking about a thing and then... Look how you know Annie. I saw Sloan. Why won't you call her? She's missing you. She's where I think you guys need to get back together.

Woody Allen giving someone relationship advice. Yeah, boy. If Woody Allen ever gives you relationship advice, refuse it. Adopt some children. Go out with them. See if you like them. I don't know. Come on.

I want him to be on the show. Come on. We shouldn't slam him. Yeah, you know what? Good point. I want him to be a friend of the show. Speaking of friend of the show, let's hear some... Let's hear from some friends of the show,

some of our sponsors. What do you say? Let's take one more break. You fooled me. We'll be right back after this. Hey, everyone. Scott Ackerman here. And I just want to remind you,

if you're new to Comedy Bang Bang, if this is the first one you've ever heard, you know, we are on the Earwolf podcasting network, and we have several great shows over there you're going to enjoy. We have Paul Scheer from the League. You know him as Andre from the League. He has a show where he and Jason Manzuchus, Rafi from the League,

and June Rafael from NTSF. They all break down bad movies. We have Scalarbro Country, of course, with the Scalarbrothers. We also have a new show, Nerdpoker. Nerdpoker is my good old Mr. Show buddy, Brian Posein. Him and all of his funny friends play Dungeons and Dragons for their podcast,

and it's a continuing saga. That drops on Wednesdays. Plus, from the minds of Owen Burke and Adam McKay from Funny or Die comes the monthly Owen and TJ Read the News. New episode of that just dropped. Owen is joined by cell phone case salesman and aspiring hip hop artist TJ, to bring you the skinny.

Raffle Cast is back with John Daly. Plus, you can check out the Comedy Bang Bang Nativity Patch in Special Look. I can tell you about all this stuff forever. Just go to erewolf.com and check out some of our great new shows, and I'll see you at the movies. Hey Comedy Bang Bang, welcome back,

and we are Counting them down. We've counted down starting at 10, all the way down to seven, and we have one more great clip here. This is number six. Number six. Ah, that's right, number six. This is from episode 154, Paul.

154, okay. Two weeks before the anniversary. Two weeks before the anniversary. So what would you... I thought the anniversary was 152. That was 156. 52 times three. You got me.

Yeah, I'm one of the best. You've been had by one of the best. Yeah. I've also been had by the rest. That's true. So you've been had by everyone. Yeah. You're gullible.

I am dumb. Speaking of dumb, this was a great show. This is an episode called Finger Guns. Finger Guns, and this... All right, let me set the stage here for this episode. Please. I, several years ago, the first year that... Back up.

Oh, okay. You're Scott Ockerman, the director of Comedy Bang Bang. No, back up. Oh. The Big Bang. Theory. When the earth began to cool.

Yes, of course. Primordial stage. We raised ourselves up from out of the ooze. That's right. Everybody talked. They said, let's do legs. Sure. And then, fast forward to podcasts.

That's right. Smash cut to Comedy Bang Bang is the podcast. That's right. And we're in our old studio. And I had an intern. A young intern. From the old studio? Yes.

No, this particular clip isn't. But I'm just saying that I'm giving the history of the tale. Back in the old studio, I would have an intern. Yes. Who signed up to be... She was a high school student named Marissa Wampler. Yes. She signed up to be my intern on the show.

An intern is someone who works for free. Yes. It's short for... To learn the business. Yes. Internal slave. Yes. I didn't know that that was what it was short for.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So my intern, basically an intern is supposed to get people coffee, is supposed to sort of, you know, do paperwork for. You make you the star your life easier. Yes. You can just say, I need this done and the intern is supposed to go do it. Yes. Keep your mind focused on the task at hand.

Yes. This intern, she showed up once. And she got there, said, hi, I'm Marissa Wampler, threw on headphones, and immediately when the show started, she just started being my co-host. Yeah. She thought that she was the co-host of the show. That's not what it's about, Marissa Wampler.

It's not. So she, and she's supposed to be here every week. Yeah. But instead, she shows up maybe three times a year. Her interning is sloppier than Adam Pally's character work. And that's saying something. Damn, Adam. Bro, you've been had, bro.

Bro. So this is an episode called Finger Guns, where Marissa dropped by. And her life is really interesting. She's a high school student from Marina Del Rey. That's right. And she, she, this is the first time we ever met her teacher. Oh. Yeah.

Lissler. She has a teacher, Miss Lissler, a.k.a. just Lissler. She wanted to be called Lissler. Yeah, she wanted to be called that. She insisted upon it. Because she called me Aukerman. So she brought her teacher. And it's a strange, strange story, sure as the weird relationship between them.

By the way, well, I'll say that after the clip. But so let's listen to it. This is episode six, your episode six, Finger Guns on Comedy Bang Bang. Number six. Marissa, we should talk about exactly why you're here. Because I think a lot of people maybe have not heard your previous appearances. You were just on one with Andy Richter recently that cracked our top 10. Congratulations.

I don't listen to your podcast, nor do I ever log on to your website. Well, this is a problem because you are my intern. I know. Two years ago, you signed up to be my intern, which in my mind means every single week that you have to be here getting people water. You said you weren't Jewish, but you're giving me a lot of that Jewish guilt right now. Happy Passover next year in Jerusalem. But as far as I know, you've only showed up four days.

Yeah, well, I've been busy. I've been really busy. You know, here's the thing. It was started as a class project, as you know. And then it became a labor. My show did? Yes. I signed on.

I wrote you a letter and you said, come on in. And I threw on the cans. And then it became a labor of love because as I saw things needed to, this was like a page one rewrite situation. Yeah, you weren't supposed to be on mic at all. And from the minute one. That wasn't my understanding. Yeah, you started talking immediately.

That's the same way you did today. Did I? Well, I never know. You don't give me like a, you don't give me like a finger guns like you're on. I just like, I feel it. And when I, you know, maybe one suggestion I could have as a from mentor to mentor is that you really need to go toe to toe with Marissa. Because she's going to bring a hundred percent of her mess to your front door.

Yeah. So what I suggest boundaries, like a rescue dog. No, you can say no, Marissa. Yes. Just slap your nose with a rolled up newspaper. One thing I like to do is just I go to, are you all right? I hit my cans and they actually bent my ear back. Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Yeah, I'm all right. That's called cartilage. All right. Do we need you to leave? No, I'm okay. No, I'm okay, Scott. One thing Mr. Ockerman, I would suggest is that you might just show up. He's coming, Scott.

You know, show up at, at her door, you know, knock, knock, knock, 3 a.m. Hello, I'm Ockerman. And why would I do that? Why would I do that? Why would I do that? This is Sir, why would he do that? Is that what you do? Is that what you're trying to say?

I'm just, I have unorthodox measures in order to really reach a child. And you know what? Well, you know, teaching doesn't have to take a break. It doesn't have to be done. It never takes a break. You know what I mean? 01:41:59,440 --> 01:42:02,000 There can be teachable moments at three in the morning.

And two years ago, you signed up for something, didn't you, when you took on an intern? I did. That said, I don't think it's my purview to go show up to Jessica's house to record the shows. I think she knows. It's not a bad idea. You know that my condo has those walls, because we're very by the airport. So we have those window panes. Like in Elizabeth's smart situation.

John Wayne Airport. We got a, we got a, yeah. You could show up at a window with a full beard on. Say, I'm stealing you away to my cabin. And then when you get her to the studio, you say, surprise, I'm your mentor. What lessons did we learn? Okay. I mean, that's, you're right.

That is unorthodox. That's, but that's worked for you then. Yeah. It seems like you guys have some sort of, dare I say, symbiotic relationship. Yeah. Like a parasitic, it's like, you know, in Africa, those, what are those animals, the wildebeest, and they have tiny birds that live on top of them and they eat off their skin. I would say it's more like the bottom of a dirty pond and a catfish.

Who's the catfish? Who's the dirty pond? Exactly. Oh, wow. Was that a haiku? I'm going to write that down. Write that down. Not on this.

Not on this. Oh, gosh. Yeah, not on that. Yeah. Okay, I'm ready to get down. I'm going to give you a post-it. I'm going to publish this in folio, my literary magazine, that I'm also the editor-in-chief of. So now Charlotte, and I can call you Charlotte, is that...

I prefer Ms. Lissler. Ms. Lissler. Or just Lissler, as I've called you, Aukerman. That seems strange to me, but I'll try to do it. So Lissler. Yes. It seems like I'm teaching PE class or something, and I'm asking you to get on the high bars. When I was in the Marine Corps, that's what they called me.

So I'm very comfortable with that. That explains a lot. Okay. So Lissler, let me ask you, you're the teacher of the STARS program, or the GATE program, I think we called it, Gifted and Talented Education, where I was from, which is not that far away from Marina Del Rey, so I'm surprised that you call it something so different. It's a program. Where are you from?

I'm from Cyprus, California. Really? Yeah, just right down the street. Oh, I would have pegged you to be from a Boston whaling family. Thank you so much. Yeah. This is really changing. Maybe an ex Quaker.

Yeah, like an ex Quaker. Doesn't he have that look to him? I do see you riding the back of an old whale one day. See that deep in you. But okay, so you're the teacher of special students. How many special students are there? We have three. Three?

Only three in the entire pub. Only three tested. We tested the whole school. It's a pretty dumb school. Me? Creatively speaking. Me, Rodney, and Eric Gutterman. So Gutterman's in there as well.

Yeah, he is. And these are special students? Yes. Meaning they're... They've not traditionally done well in a regular school setting. No. In fact, some of us have done very poorly. So I'm getting...

Grade-wise. I'm getting kind of the idea here. You're in a special school... No, don't say it like that. It's a public facility. But you're in a special class where you're away from the rest of the students who might cause distraction to you. Exactly.

Well, some of... Yeah, I have ADD. Rodney wears trench coats. He won't take them off. He wears several trench coats at once. Does he have a base one that he wears in the shower that he puts several on? 01:45:14,720 --> 01:45:16,000 We've never seen his skin.

He's like one of those ghostfish you find in caves. You know that you can see their veins and stuff. We're all just like fish. Yeah. Different kinds of fish. And then Eric Gutterman, you know, you know him. Old gutters. Old gutter balls, huh?

Old gutter balls. Always trying to stick it in somebody will probably be me. Oh, dear. I won't let him. Don't worry. We'll talk about your prom plans soon. But I want to get a sense of your teaching style. So do you have these three children all day or are...

It used to be they were only coming to me for a 60-minute session between social studies or algebra or whatever. And then I requested that they come to me full day just once a week so that I could really get in there with some project-based learning. And then that wasn't really successful. So I asked for them full-time five days a week. And they were happy to give us up. They were, certainly.

There wasn't a fight, right? Yeah. What was your... Within the administration. How long ago did this happen? Was this... About six months ago. About six months ago.

Because I... Yeah. I remember you were quite a handful when I first got to know you. Was I? What was your first impression of me? Well, you were a young, precocious 15-year-old a couple of years ago. Yeah. Yeah.

And you just... Yeah, you were... You were mouthy, if I can say that. Is that it? 01:46:32,160 --> 01:46:34,000 Not a real respect for authority. No, exactly. In fact, you were challenging me quite often.

Yeah. That only got worse. That has only gotten worse in Lister's class, unfortunately. Or fortunately, depending on how you look at it. Well, you're a strong, independent woman. And maybe you shouldn't apologize for that. Ew. See what I mean?

I told you he has a thing for me. You feel it, right? Please, no, no, no, no, no, no. I wouldn't worry about that. I know the last time that you were on, we got very dirty. Yeah, it got weird. And that was mainly Andy Richter. It wasn't.

And then with Todd Glass, it got even weirder. Oh, that's right. That's... Todd was here the last time. It was a reverse-advanced weirdness? Yeah, reversed-advanced weirdness. We can't blame it on Todd, as we all know, if we regular WTF listeners. Yeah, exactly.

I think I had something to do with his coming out. You think so? Yes. It gave him the courage or it made him realize? Yes, it gave him the courage to be in the presence of me. Careful, Marissa. One of the things that we've been working on with Marissa, two-fold, is not being so awesome.

Not exaggerating stories, not taking credit for great events. Like what? What kind of great events? She's taking credit right now for the new HBO show Girls. Oh, in what way? How would you even be tangentially related to that? Well, I think a lot of people were inspired by me on this podcast to really let it all hang out the way Lena Dunham has. So you're saying that Lena Dunham has listened to the podcast,

heard you speaking and said, hey, there's kind of the voice that I want to channel for this show. Yeah, I'm not going to sewer for it, but I'm not going to not talk about it to the press. But that's not true, Marissa. We've talked about that now. Do you think that, and what press are you talking about too? Mostly to the Marina Del Rey Daily Dolphin.

Oh, yeah, yeah. So what? They've done a couple profiles of me. Do you find that any TV show that has? I've written most of them. Do you find that any TV show that has female relationships on it, that you think it's based on your life? Sex in the City?

Sex in the City. I know there's this new show, Best Friends Forever, I think. Oh, God. Those girls are ripping me off every day. You think so? Because I also have a blog. A web blog? Yeah, a web blog.

Well, I haven't, Marissa, I haven't uploaded that though. That's, we've just worked. You haven't, we haven't gone viral with that? Well, my computer doesn't hook up to the internet. So I haven't uploaded it to anywhere. Well, we've got to talk to somebody about that. Where have all my tweets and my blogs been going? Well, I've asked your stepfather, Seth, to come over several times,

but he's ignoring every call. What about gutterballs? How come he can't go in there and does he know anything about computers? Oh, gutterballs is useless. He's useless. We have connection at the school, but I let her do her blogging at my house. Well, what happened to WompUpTheJams.com? Is that still happening?

Here's the thing. Okay, here's the thing. So that was in the works, okay? And then I announced it on your show prematurely, I might add. Oh, you couldn't handle the traffic? No. Well, people started to freak out and I thought to myself, now I knew you were moving to this nice studio, which for the listeners,

they can't see it. But you used to record in a room that smelled like an old submarine sandwich, right? Now you're at this cookie thing. You could have just ended on the old submarine. That would have been accurate. That also would have worked. So I heard, okay, comedy bang, he's getting new songs and he's moving to this new fancy studio. And I didn't want to, honestly, I felt like if I launched my show,

I was going to steal most, if not all of your audience. And I was worried for you. I worry about you at night. Okay, see, now this is. That is true, though. You're a grown man. This is where the weirdness is coming from. That is not on my purple, I have to say.

I worry about you and I journal about it and I worry about the thing. 01:50:03,840 --> 01:50:05,680 We spend a lot of time on optimum. Yeah, sure. That is what's weird. See, you say that it's coming from my end. I can honestly say, I have not thought of you. It's not sexual.

It's not sexual. It's not sexual. I worry, though, that you're putting too much stock in a relationship, which in my mind is facile at best. I have not given you one single thought. Listen to me. You have been trying to impress me with your big words. You used the word facile just recently.

You used another big word earlier. Did you write that down? I didn't. Well, anyway. Aren't you supposed to be writing down every big word that she doesn't know? Do you have a code for that? Some sort of flag? Yeah, just to go, I give her finger guns.

Write it down. You and the finger guns? Yeah, write it down. I wondered. I thought that was really strange that you're giving her. You guys can't see because I'm giving finger guns to my cans right now. What are you asking them to do? I don't know.

Just turn it up. Stop bending your ear back. Turn it up. Oh, boy. So, OK. So you have them for five days a week all day. And what kind of classes do you teach? I mean, do you cover every?

We don't use the word class, first of all. Every subject, every medium. You say a lot of art therapy or? It's not fair. We're not like dogs that need to be like threats. Do you do dog art therapy? Is that how you rehabilitate your dogs? That is something that we did do.

That's what you did to Thorny. Yeah. Who's Thorny? That was her dog that died. A French bulldog that died. What happened? She died of a broken heart. Seth punched him in the face.

What? Which is true, if not both. Miss Lissler, Miss Lissler. What's the truth? Miss Lissler. That's something you came up with. Was that dog already dead when he came to me?

01:51:47,280 --> 01:51:48,720 And then Seth punched him in the face? Or was he dead? He still had a breath of life in him. Here's the thing. And then he punched that dog dead. Miss Lissler asked my stepdad out. Okay, I wondered. Yes.

And he said no because he's very much in love with my mother. Right. And she has had a lot of problems with it going forward. So how does punching a dog in the face tie into that? It didn't happen. That's the point. Marissa, sometimes. I'm going to yes and you because I have to because I care about you.

That's right. You take improv classes at your school. Yes. Are these taught by Lissler here? I teach them. Sorry, sorry. One hour a week, I give the floor to Marissa and she takes over. Okay.

Sometimes it's improv, sometimes it's bossing people around. So I want to hear more about this. First of all, when did you meet Seth? Was this in a parent-teacher conference of some sort? Well, again, I said six months ago, I only have three students. I made a call, Seth answered. I heard his voice, dulcet tones, even though they're not related. Does he have a voice a lot like Marissa's?

Or I don't know how that would be possible since he's a stepdad. He doesn't have as much of a volume control issue, but he does get loud. Is he always loud? He's a very loud man. Yeah, he's got a lot of body. So it fills up. Oh, a lot of body to his voice. No, to his physical voice.

He's a large man. Yeah. Okay, so he has more body than the normal person. That's right. And his voice fills up and echoes in the canyons of his body. Isn't that interesting how a person could be really large or overweight and it makes their voice bigger too? That's right.

Isn't that strange? It's not, it's physics. Really? Because they have more airflow because when they use their voice, they sort of press down on their sides and it's sort of like a... Like a windbag. It forces it out. Yeah.

That's why Patty Lapone has such a thick voice. Yeah. Oh, because she's a thick woman. Yeah. We spent three weeks just watching YouTube videos of Patty Lapone. That was one of our quote-unquote classes. Yeah, that's why Bernadette Peters is such a tinny, high voice. She's a tiny woman.

She's a tiny bird-like woman. With a large bosom, though. So how does that factor into it? I'm sorry to say this. This is the second time we've talked about a woman. You, that's how you size a woman up. That's how you size a woman up. I contend to tell how old a woman is.

It's a lot like the rings on a tree is by how big her boobs are. You cut open her tit. And count the rings. Is that right? That's what they did in Afghanistan. That's what, yeah. That's what they did in American Psycho. He fried them up in a pan as well.

Oh, my God. That's terrible. Is that not on your reading curriculum this year? I don't listen to anything scary or watch anything scary. What about read? Because we're talking about books. What about read? Reading.

Oh, I thought you meant like read, like someone like... Read Richards? Mr. Fantastic. Well, I want to get... So, Seth, you called up Seth. I did. I called him up. That's how we met.

And then I went over there to meet the family so that I could get a background on Marissa, understand the dynamic, the family dynamic. And I ended up spending the night there. That's a little odd. In whose room? Oh, on the couch. On the couch.

Okay, that's okay. There was a dinner, a meatloaf, that just put me right to sleep right after, you know, when Wheel of Fortune also gives me the Z's. So, you were falling asleep around 7.45 or so? Yep. And we didn't want to wake her up. Well, a teacher's life can be exhausting.

Yeah, it is. I mean, you got to get up early, grade those papers. Do you grade papers? Do you ever grade? We don't ever write anything down. There's no real papering. Okay. So, well...

There are grades. I think about grades. Sometimes I'll just sit in the corner and think about what grade I'm going to give each student for weeks at a time. Does that ever come into play, ever? Do you ever actually give those grades? Yes, of course. I have to, legally.

Okay. So, you ended up falling asleep and did anything happen that night between you and Seth, or was there just a lot of... In your mind, what occurred that night? Well, about 2.45, I woke up. You had to use the bathroom. That's right. I also...

Sometimes I get a baloney craving at about 2.45, which will wake me up. This is back from the war. I'm sorry? What war were you in? The Afghanistan War. Oh, okay, yeah. So, in Afghanistan, you would have a lot of baloney cravings.

Right. Well, we would only sleep in several hour increments. So, if I go to bed at 7.45, I wake up about 2.45. That makes sense, right? Sure. I think so. So, I go into the kitchen. It was about seven hours later.

You would only sleep in seven hour increments? That's right. How many of these increments would you get a day? One. So, that's just more like getting a seven hour... That's like a good night's sleep. Right. I had about seven last night and I felt pretty good.

Yeah, yeah. At any point in the day, that's why I'm calling you day. I see, I see. Sometimes it starts at one in the afternoon, some at 7.45. Okay, so at any time during the day... I walked into the kitchen and he was pantsless. And I said, excuse me, turn around. Turn around?

Which way was he facing? He was looking into the refrigerator. And so, you wanted him to turn around to face you? To see what I was dealing with. Why were you dealing with it? This is so embarrassing. What do you mean why was I dealing with it? I'm a woman.

Okay, so you just wanted to kind of size it up. It was obviously an offering, you know? An offering like in church. You put what you're giving your 10% into the plate and pass it over. Yeah, so what 10% did you want to put into that plate? I can't believe this is happening. I wasn't putting anything into the plate. I was waiting for the offering to come to me and he wouldn't turn around.

Because he didn't mean to show you anything. Well, then why was he pantsless in the kitchen? Why were you sleeping on my sofa at 7.45 in the morning? Because your mother made me loaf. And maybe Seth didn't know that you were there? I don't think Seth knew, honestly. He was at dinner. He was at dinner.

He was there. He was at dinner, but then... I fell asleep with my head on his lap. Did he disappear into the basement? Yes, he went up to his office. It's a very small condo. I don't think he assumed you were staying over. Nobody did.

That's the point. When I woke up in the morning and you were still there, that was a shock to me. Now, if you only sleep seven hours a night, what happened at 2.45? Why did you stick around? Were you awake? I went back and I laid down on the couch, but I didn't sleep. Okay. For another four or five hours?

I thought about what grade I was going to give Marissa. That's a little strange to be thinking about grades after you're refused by a man, by Marissa's stepfather. If he doesn't say anything, is it technically a refusal? He didn't say anything. He just stayed there. Frozen. He waited for an hour and a half until I went back. Why were you standing there for an hour and a half?

That's really weird. I said, turn around. When I tell someone to do something, Marissa, I wait for it to happen. Okay. So you gave an order. The order was not complied with? So I laid back down on the pleather couch and I thought about a grade. And then it...

What grade did you decide? B plus. And then at 5.45, we got up and went to school. So five hours later, you just sat there, eyes open. And she's been yapping about it ever since. I don't. You're the one who brought it up. You're the one who brings it up.

So you brought it up. You brought it up. Oh boy. So what I... Do you want me as your mother? What? Wow. What?

Because if that is what is happening, then keep bringing it up. Wait, you're threatening her that if she keeps bringing it up... I don't know what she's saying. Honestly, this was a mistake to bring you here. That's clear. I didn't need all this dirty laundry there in front of... I don't think it's a mistake. I think this is fascinating.

I'm getting kind of a real insight into exactly what is going on with you, Marissa. That is hurtful. This is an unreliable narrator. In six months, you have become a rose that has opened and petals have fallen off and I pick up those petals and I glue them back on. Like a Georgia O'Keefe pet. So you want to tell me that this is a mistake? I'll tell you what's a mistake.

You're 15 years old. What's the mistake there? That's the mistake. I'll tell you what else is a mistake. Still of the night for the theme for the prom. Why is that a mistake? Because it's too sad. Well, you know what?

You had ample time... I brought it up. I wanted it to be whenever there's a night. Oh, shit. This is from Dream a Little Dream. But the movie Dream a Little Dream? Whenever there's a night. Did you go to your prom?

Whenever there's a night. Did you go to your own prom? I chaperoned it. Number six. Yeah, wow, weird, huh? Yeah, very weird. Listler is strange. I don't know about their relationship.

I believe at the end of this episode, I called the cops on Listler and had her arrested. I think you did the right thing. Yeah, and then she went to prison, as Marissa explained in future episodes, and then was looking for me and was hiding underneath cars so she could slash my Achilles tendon.

Yeah, I do recall that now. Did she? She never did. No, she's never caught up with her. No, in fact, we all did a Christmas special, a Womp Up the Jams Christmas special, which you can go get on EarWolf.com. It's Marissa Wompler.

It's her own show that she hosted, and Listler is the sidekick, and I'm a guest on it. And it's a very weird show, but you can go to EarWolf.com or iTunes and get it right now on iTunes. I'm going to do that. On iTunes, look for it under EarWolf Presents.

I believe it's called the Womp Up the Jams Christmas special. And Paul, we've done it. No, it's not time for a bonus clip. You got so excited. I did. My little eyes lit up. My heart grew 10 sizes. Your little beady eyes.

My little beady, piggy eyes. Those ugly colored little eyes. Two little dumb pebbles in my skull. You know what? You're a real swiffer. Have I ever told you that? I dare you. No, Paul, it's time.

It's time for the end of the program. The end of part one. Part one. Yes, W-H-O-N-E. That's the end of part one, and we're going to have part two coming to you next Monday. And if you can't wait that long,

if you're a new listener to the show, then go fuck yourself. No. No. I mean, they could do that, certainly. Who am I to stop them from fucking themselves? I mean, who am I to stop? If you want to go fuck yourself, then be my guest.

Go fuck yourself. I know, you know. I mean, it's something you want to do, you know. Oh, it's so hateful. No, if you're like, oh, that wasn't enough for me, I say go to the 2011 Best ofs. There's four hours of those waiting for you. If you're new to the program,

or just check out some episodes previous to the show. More top-notch clips. If I were you, and I look, I'm a comedy connoisseur, I'm not just a guy who makes the sausages. I eat sausages all day long. You're making them? And then you eat the sausages that you make. I make them and I take them.

I'm a terrible businessman. That's right. So don't get high on your own supply. Keep your eye on the sparrow. I would suggest if you like free entertainment, why don't you download all the existing episodes of the year and listen to them? That's true.

And I have an even better idea. If you like Paul F. Tompkins, he has his own podcast. Scott. The Pod F. Tompcast. There are far fewer episodes, way easy to listen to all of them. Yeah, and it has Paul on the show. And some of the people that you, I think Gary Marshall has been on the show.

He shows up on the show. The aforementioned Cake Boss. Cake Boss. Some people we may hear in the episodes to comment. Our next week's countdown. I wouldn't be surprised. Where can people get that? That is on iTunes.

The Pod F. Tompcast. One of the best podcasts and Tompcasts around. I think it ranks number one on Tompcast. It's pretty high up there. So check that out and check us out next week when we count down from five to one. We will see you next time from Paul F. Tompkins and myself. Don't go to bed with a price on your head.

Don't go to bed angry. Always make up with your wife. Don't go to bed. Go even. Never go to bed. I think that's what we're trying to say. Ah, you fucking assholes. Ah, see you next week.

Thank you. 02:04:04,960 --> 02:04:06,800 This has been an Ewolk Media Production. Executive producers Jeff Ulrich and Scott Ockerman. For more information, visit Ewolk.com. Ewolk Radio. Boom.com. Ew, ew, ew.

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