Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2021 Part 1

Episode Date: December 20, 2021

Happy Holidays from Comedy Bang! Bang! Join Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they countdown numbers fifteen through twelve of the Best CBB episodes of 2021 as voted by YOU listeners. Tune in Thursday for Part 2!

la-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh. Lululu-lu-lu. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Lululu-lu-lu. Lululu-lu-lu-lu. I love you! Lululu-lu-lu. Da-duh-duh.

Da-duh-duh. Cock-a-lilu. Cock-a-lilu. Cock-a-lilulu. Lululu-lu-lu-lu. Lululu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu-lu. La-la-la! La-la-la-la.

Happy! I was going to say new year, but it's not even the new year for any of these episodes. Happy best ofs to you and many hamburgers to all of you out there. Best ofs, a good night. And good night. Turn it off. Go to sleep.

Good night. I'm saying good night to all my children. Like it's an award show. And goodbye. What if you're on an award show and it was like, goodbye, I'm never going to see you again. To your children. You know what?

I don't hate it. It's not a bad bit. I feel bad for the kids, of course, but it would be really, people would talk about it forever. Goodbye. I'm leaving your mother. And then he never, never saw his kids again. Pretty funny.

Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. My name is Scott Ackerman and this is the best ofs 2022 edition. Part one. Part one. Can I tell you, and this is embarrassing, I thought your name was Don Ackerman until you adjusted Scott Ackerman. So we've known each other for 28 years or so. Yeah.

You thought it was Don this entire time. Yeah. I went to your wedding. Yeah. I thought it was Don at the wedding. To be fair. I mean, we, yeah. Why?

Okay. Now why was that? Well, I saw not crazy. Well, we got married on Christmas and they were saying, Don, we now are gay apparel. I never thought my name was Don. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. And that I was gay and had apparel. Yes. I remember. And they were trying to stop the wedding. Yes, please. Stop the wedding.

Dustin Hoffman style. These are references that men of our age make. Dustin Hoffman style. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. I already did that. This is the best of 2022. Off to a cracking start. And best of 2022, we're going to be counting down all of your choices for the best episodes

of Comedy Bang Bang. You all voted for them. This is all your fault. Your choices. We're going. Yes. Choices have consequences. That's true.

And you're about to find out. You fucked around? You fucked around? It's find out time. Here we go. We are going to fuck around during these episodes and let me introduce my partner in crime here. He's a criminal.

Yeah. We commit crimes together. Manslaughter? Yes. We do manslaughter together. Yes. Why do we kill? What do we kill?

He is a stand-up comedian. He is a raconteur. He is a writer. He is an improviser. He is a husband. True. And that's the list in order of what he likes. That's my Twitter bio.

Please welcome, he does this every year with me. Paul F. Tompkins. Hi. I do this every year with Scott. And that's not alive. No. We have lied several times.

So far. Look. Here's the thing. Scott can only tell lies. I can also only tell lies. So everything you're going to hear is lies. Which one of us is telling the truth? Neither.

So when we said that that was true, it was a lie. Yeah. Yeah. Everything is a lie so far. We're lying. Do you get it? God damn. We're filthy liars.

We have to be filthy to be a liar. True. But in hell. He's a squeaky clean liar. We have a good time when we do these. If you've never heard these before, this is Paul F. Tompkins. Paul F.

Tompkins. Paul F. Tompkins. Paul F. Tompkins. Paul F. Tompkins. Paul F.

Tompkins. Paul F. Tompkins. But it's a red velvet stool that Steve Currell's face embroidered on it but it's his character from Morning Show. Yeah. That's true. Com��터ing sexual harassment.

Yeah. But then we liked him I guess and we felt bad when he drove up a cliff. We felt bad for him. He didn't look. All he did was sexually harass me, maybe commit a rape and then... Then he drove up a cliff. He brought himself to a beautiful Italian villa. I felt bad for the guy.

We are, speaking of the step stool, we are in the Earwolf Studios and we have some surprising news about our location. We'll do it in a future episode. But Paul, it is of course about a week before Christmas so approximately six days before Christmas and which is a holiday here in America. That goose? Guess what? I mean...

Oof. Oof. Getting a little large for my tastes. I'm a little... A goose? Go to see your doctor. Take some mozempic or what is it? Do you know what?

What are the conditions taking? Mozempic? I don't know. Azempic? Mozempic? They're taking like diet pills? It's like a Star Wars name. But let me...

It's not diet pills, it's a... You got your two mozempic. It's a shot that you get. But what? Okay. If you're fucking obscenely wealthy... Yeah. You can afford...

The best food. ...to exercise, eat great food. You can afford to hire an assassin to force you to exercise at gunpoint. Yes. They make their own... Which is the only way I would do it. Yeah. They make their own fucking schedule.

There's zero excuse. Yes. And then a shot on top of that. I know. Well, it's also for something else because I know it has a medical reason but I think the added benefits is that people are losing weight on it but I can't remember what it's called. But butrin made people quit smoking so they also call it chantix.

Really? Same fucking thing. Chantix and butrin? Well butrin. Well butrin. Yeah. We've just run out of names for these drugs. Butrin didn't work on people and then they were like, we got to make this better and

it became well butrin. Oh, okay. Yeah. I've been noticing, by the way, I see a lot of these drug commercials and you know how every drug commercial, the template is you see someone living the time of their life, living their best life and that is supposed to mean if you take this drug you'll be able to do these things. Yeah.

I've noticed a startling new trend in these. This is exciting. That the people who are supposedly having the best times of their lives are doing food service industry jobs. There's one, there's one where you see this woman and she's walking along the beach and you know in slow motion and she's gorgeous and she's having the time of her life and she walks right into a beach side restaurant and then starts hostessing. Do you think it's aimed at hallmark channel viewers where the woman always has like a bakery

or she has? Yeah. It seemed like that although they did do one with a male where like he's sad at the beginning of the commercial and he looks down at his phone and someone texts him, we miss you at the restaurant and he gets even sadder and then he takes this drug and then you see him like in the kitchen at the restaurant like frying up fish and stuff. How did he not lose his job? Was he the head chef?

He must own the restaurant. Yeah. I think what they're trying to do with these is like you can live your best life owning a restaurant but the poor woman who owns this restaurant, she's like delivering food, she's like basically a food runner and then at one point you see her slightly picking at a big plate of food. Food? Food.

I meant to say fruit. Then I got confused with food and I came out with food. What is fruit if not food? I have fruit. I have food. Can you milk me? I have food. So she's like fucking around with a pile of fruit and getting it exactly right aesthetically

and then she just delivers it to a table. It's not even like she's the person who creates the fruit and then hires someone to take it to the table which would be the dream I would think. She's a control freak. Oh. This is what it is. This is her place, right? Somebody else prepares the fruit and then she goes over and like they did it wrong again

and then she hostesses because she can't trust anyone else to greet the people properly. So actually a drug's not helping her. Maybe this is all the before. Which is walking to the beach, that's what she has done. She probably takes the drug and then zones out on the couch watching Netflix. I really like the ones that I think are effective are the ones for psoriasis medication. Oh yeah. Where it's people that are all bundled up like Eskimos, it's his the season.

And then they take the drug and then they're like, I have no sleeves anymore, I burned them. You just see them whole Cogan style ripping them off. I can't wait to get in the pool. I don't care if it's February, let me in there. Is that Hulk Hogan who rips off his sleeves or is that because I saw a commercial the other day with the Gronk and he was ripping off the sleeves of his shirts. I thought Hulk tore his T-shirt.

He tore it open, you're right. Yeah. Did he? I'm getting ready to see some racial epithets. And have sex that everyone's going to watch and then sue someone. Do you think that I would like to see the Hulk Hogan documentary or a biopic, I think. You see the scenes of him like cutting slight little slits into his shirts. So that he can tear it open more easily.

What if he couldn't do it? If he was like pulling at it like, God damn, this is a strong shirt. It's a well-made shirt, I need to buy cheaper shirts. Who would play him in the biopic? This is a good question. I get, I mean, you know, normally you would go with a wrestler like a John Cena type, but can you imagine John Cena like with the handlebar mustache in the wick? I can actually.

I think it's very easy to imagine who played him in the Weird Al movie. There was he was a former wrestler or maybe a current wrestler. Oh, the Weird Al movie starring both of us. Yes. We are the stars. I agreed to do the movie. I, you know, I'm offer only. I don't know whether you auditioned, but I know I was offered the role after someone

else got sick. But I did it on offer only on the provision of health. I did it on the condition that I, for that day, I'd be number one on the call sheet and I refused to learn lines and I said, I'm just going to riff. Wait, you wrote both of those lines? Yeah. And they were very plots forward. Strangely enough, I just, I was so locked in, I knew what the character would say to

further the plot. That was the first day of shooting and they had to rewrite a lot of the movie. The entire movie just for my riffs. You really boned them. If you're listening to this, is this comedy bang bang? Well, no, this is the best of comedy. Is this what you'll hear when you listen to comedy bang bang? No.

Absolutely not. Never. No, you're not listening to it now. No. Turn it off. You can't hear this. Normally the show is. And normally for Garfield fans.

Normally, yes. Normally it is a comedy program where I'm the host Scott Aukerman. We have celebrities usually on, although a lot of times we did not this year. We, because we'll talk about the two distinct eras of the show this year, but celebrities due to health restrictions were not appearing on the show all that much this year until the back half of the year. But normally in a normal episode, you'll hear me talk to a celebrity for a little bit.

And then we will bring on other guests. And the other guests are, and this is the big secret we only talk about on the best ofs. And don't talk about this for the rest of the year. Yeah, please only talk about it on the days we do the best of. Yes. On the days we release them. That's when we acknowledge it.

I don't care when you're listening to this. No, only if you, oh, if you're listening to it after it's released, you, you can't talk about it. Yeah. And if you're a time traveler and you've taken it back in time, time cop style and you're listening to it on your Walkman in the 20s. And then a time cop versus 20s. That was the, the trailer to time cop, I believe was like.

So he had a Walkman in the 20s. Like someone like a big rich and powerful guy goes up a new fangled elevator into his office and it's all black and white. And then he takes out a Walkman and starts playing metal. And you can't do that. You can't. That's why the time cop stop you. Somebody call the time cops.

Yeah. He can't play metal. Yeah. Yeah. What if somebody hears it? They lose their minds. Exactly. They'd be like, what is this slightly louder music?

Do you think that triggered the Great Depression? Hearing metal. Somebody heard metal and stopped. Jumped out the window. You got confused. Someone said it's metal music. The economy was fine. A guy jumped out the window.

Everybody's like, must be the economy. We're in a depression. It's the economy, stupid. Who said that first? James Carvel. James Carvel, Diddy. Yeah. Carvel.

Carvel, Diddy. The root, he was Puff Carvel. Carvel and Carvel, very similar. One makes ice cream. That's right. And the other presumably eats it. I bet he does. Do you think if you made ice cream, you would no longer eat it?

Because he'd be like, oh, that. No. I think I'd eat it all the fucking time. I think so too. I think I'd learn how to make it very, very fast. Yeah. Oh, man. I'm hungry for ice cream.

I didn't. I love this, but it took too long. I got to figure out a way to talk about time cop. That's now I am. I'm making the ice cream. Then I'm going back and I'm going forward in time to the ice cream. How do I game this? How do you get?

I think that would be a marketing hook. This is the ice like you see it on the shelves. This is the fastest made ice cream possible. Yes. You're like, I don't care how it tastes. Like, no, we made it really fast. But honestly, the worst ice cream you've ever had. Still pretty good.

It's like pizza. I know. Did you ever make it when you were growing up? No. We had an ice cream maker. I ate snow. Does that count? Yellow snow?

Scott. Of course. Of course you did. It's flavored. It's like a nice slushie. You're in flavored slushie, of course. So what we do is we have celebrities on first and then we have comedians on and they are playing fake people that we interview.

That's the formula of the show. Some call them characters. A lot of people call them characters I refuse to. Yeah, you always say fake people. Right. But yet. I call them fake people. They're very real to me.

They're not characters. They're fake people. That is the format of the show. We have usually a real person and then a bunch of fake people. That's if you're listening to this, that's what it is. And Paul, because he is on the show so often, he does these best ofs with me and he sits there hoping that his clips get on to the best ofs. Hoping and praying.

And you know, I turned my back on God a long time ago, but when we started doing these shows, I rediscovered prayer. Yeah. The power of prayer. The power of prayer, my prayers have been answered. They have. Many times. Do you think they'll be answered this year?

Did you want to be on the best of this year? It's in God's hands. I did want to be on the best of this year, but if I'm not, that's God sending me a message. And that message is, I'm done with you. And so I will turn my back on him again. Okay. This is a big tease for the episode. We'll see if Paul turns his back on God.

My prayers are all conditional. Yes. It's like, please God, let this happen, or I will turn my back on you. How do you think you did this year? Do you think, how do you think you'll be represented? I don't know. I think it's been a very good year. It's been a lot of fun shows.

And I hope I'm in there at least once. Yeah. A lot of people are saying, Paul, I don't know how you feel about this, because I know you're a listener. You're not just a participant. You also listen. That this is the best year in comedy bang bang history. No, really?

Her story. Sorry. Them story. Okay. They them story. Are people really saying that? A lot of people are saying it is, I mean, you know, a lot of people have fondness for the year that they first started listening.

That's what I've noticed. Yes, sure. The year they got into the show there. That was the best year. Yes. But a lot of people are saying that somehow, I don't know what happened, but the show has catapulted into another stratosphere this year. I mean, look, a lot of great guests.

It's been a lot of fun. It's been very silly. Some new blood coming in and reinvigorating the franchise. Reinvigorating the saggy bloated franchise. This tired old workhorse has just had a fresh bag of oats. Well, we said we would talk about it. There were two distinct eras this year. But actually it's a little more like three because we when we say it's the best of 2022

because of when we need to get all the votes in, we start post Thanksgiving of the previous year. That's right. So there we started in the last Monday of Thanksgiving of November rather of 2021. And we go through the, I think the third week of November of 2022. So the three distinct eras were in 2021. We were still in the studio because mid 2021, the vaccines came out. Yes.

And everyone was kind of comfortable being in the studio again. Then cut to 2022 come the new year, the COVID started kind of getting a resurgence. It was like. Prostitute slash Fauci. And it seemed cool again. And so people were like, hey, I kind of like this thing. So we had a good probably four months, I think, where we were taping all the shows in the backyard.

Now I've been taping them over zoom during the first part of COVID because no one knew if it was even good to be in the backyard. If you'll recall, Paul, we were doing three of them episodes in the backyard. Yes. And we were doing them so far apart. We were about 20, 25 feet away from each other using really long microphone cords and headphone cords. It was really funny.

And we were super far away from each other. And then the science got a little more locked down and people were like, oh, no, if you're outside, even if you're close, there's very little chance of getting it, receiving it or giving it. So we did a bunch of shows in the backyard for a good four months or so that where we were a little bit closer, we were kind of, but it was outside. Now celebrities would not come to those shows usually because it's a little strange to say come to my backyard and do a show.

It doesn't seem professional. Now these would be people, I would imagine by and large people that have never done the show before. And so they hear about this and they're like, what? No. We did have some good celebrities. We had David Cross and I'm trying to think of any other celebrity who came. And Anders Holm.

Famous story. Anders Holm came the wrong day. He came the day before the show was supposed to tape and he was all excited and I said, you got the wrong day. And he said, someone's getting fired for this. And I said, well, I hope it's not me. And turned out it was me. I was fired for like two days.

Shit. And then I called up Anders and I apologized. Profusely. Yes. And he was like, all right, we'll hire you back. How did he get that power? I don't know. How did one man get all that power?

No one man should have all that power. Exactly. People keep attributing that to Kanye. But it comes from Malcolm X. Yeah. Exactly. People think it's like he invented that. He got it from Noah.

I remember Noah saying that. And that's why he got rid of all the men. When he was building the arc, he's like, this fucking sucks. No one man should have all that power to make me do this. And it was God. He was building it like that. Yeah. But yeah, Anders came one day.

It was the wrong day. He came back the very next day when the show actually was scheduled. So we had a few celebrities, but by and large, we did a few just all character episodes. Where people were just being characters. And something about the energy of those was very relaxed. I got to do a couple of those. It was really fun. It was nice.

It was fun. So that was the backyard era. And then come probably May around when the 13th anniversary episode came out. Then we came back into the studio because things calmed down a bit. Now maybe we go to the backyard again. I don't know. I don't know. We'll talk about it a little later in the show.

We don't know. So those are the eras. This is also has been the Oh No, the year of Oh No, where a lot of our guests said the phrase Oh No. And what started that? We'll talk about that in the countdown. I think I know. A particular episode where it started.

I think that I know and I am going to before when we get to it, I want you to say this is the one. Okay. And you'll say what it is. Before you reveal any other information. I know that there were two weeks in a row where everyone said Oh No. And that's how it caught on. Every single person was on the show.

Ended up just saying Oh No. In any case, so when we get to the first example of it, I will say this is the one. Okay. Paula, are you ready to get to it? This is exciting. Very quickly, right before we dive in. Yeah. Earlier you said the phrase post Thanksgiving.

And all I could think about was saying to you, what if I started a music career as post Thanksgiving and it was me singing, but I have tattoos of turkeys all over my face. And it was all I could think about while you were talking and I didn't hear anything. Okay. Great. And were you happy when you were thinking about this? I was so happy. I was so happy.

It's to me. It's like if I, if it was, if the matrix were real, yeah, that's where I would be. Yeah. Instead of who you are. Not even being post Thanksgiving. It is real. You're thinking about. Yes.

Exactly. Unfortunately. Let me red pill you by the way. Who please during the break. You will not take my diary medicine. Okay. This is, this is very exciting. We're about to get to it.

Paul, are you ready? Yeah, man. We're doing a lot of episodes this year. More. How many? It was a very strong year. We're going to do a top 17 this year. Top 17.

Can you imagine? I can't. And I wish you told me that before. I would not have agreed to do this. Oh, really? How many would you? Can we top? You pushed it to 15.

And I was like, that's a lot. If you had done top 16, I would have said, okay, but this is the last time. Okay. But now top 17 without warning. Yeah. Well, I'm giving you the warning now. So set your expert. Okay.

Good bye. Okay. When you said post Thanksgiving, I was thinking about post Thanksgiving cereal. What I said it to you. Yeah. Talking about when you said it to me. I was thinking about while you were talking about having a turkey tattoo. This is a real O'Henry.

So post, I mean, post cereals are essentially raisin bran is the famous one. Right? Yes. So if they did a Thanksgiving cereal, it would be cranberries with turkey flavored cereal. Yeah. It would be cranberries with turkey flavored cereal. Sounds good. That sounds good to me.

And they have the cranberries on the box. That's right. Anthropomorphic cranberries? Not the band. Oh, got it. Yes. Rest in peace. Dolores.

Dolores O'Reardon. Dolores O'Reardon. Yes. Zahambi. All right. Let's do it. Here we go. Wait, is Shirley Manson still alive?

Yeah. From garbage. Yeah. Okay. All right. That was the name I was thinking of when I was trying to come up with Dolores O'Reardon. Yeah. Well, there were contemporaries.

Stay alive, Shirley. Please. We need you. I will find you. I have not seen that. Nor have I. Oh, we should do it. All right.

Here we go. We're breaking into the Comedy Bang Bang Best of 22. This is your choice for episode number 17. Number one, seven. All right. Let's address the elephant in the room. I thank you, Scott, because we have to talk about it. We have to talk about it.

We have to teach the controversy. Before we get to the clip. Teach the controversy. Okay. So we didn't re-record the best of numbers. No. As we have said, we were going to do it for the past four, five years? Ten.

Probably. Every year. Okay. So I think the first year, 14 years ago when we did the best ofs, I was looking for those cheesy little like AM radio number countdowns. I don't think they're cheesy. I think they're elegant. They are.

But I mean, they're from the 70s. Yes. And so I found them online. And I'm a 90s bitch. I found them online and there were, it was only one through 10. And we do more clips than that. So we've had to say number one, seven, like you just heard. And so every year we're like, we should re-record these ourselves.

And then we asked people to remind us to do it this year. This is the best part. Yes. And we said, we definitely will do this this year. Yeah. And to prove it, you need to remind us on this day. And we set a day. I think it was like, yeah, like in June or something.

Like he was in the middle of the tour or something because I just, we were, we were looking at, in August, we looked down at this and we're like, we're not going to do this. No. And I had a baby on the way in a month. It was just like, there's, in fact, a lot of people on tour. I do recall this because Paul and I talked to fans in the pre-show Q&As. A lot of people said, hey, we just want to remind you to record the best of us.

Yes. And I said, we definitely are going to do this in October. Barring any sort of like huge life event happening to me. But you knew this was happening. I knew this was happening in October. You had the tracking info on that baby. I did. It was past label created.

This baby was on the way. Sent to shipping center in woman's stomach. Woman's stomach. So that was a little cheeky on my part, but we were sort of playing it off like a huge life event, like one of us dying or something. But yeah, there was no way we were going to record this. No. No.

And we never will. Except we will do it next year if you remind us. If you remind us every single day. Every single day for the month of July? July. What do you want to say? Yeah, July. And I'm not saying like one person, like, you know, hey, Jim reminds us on July 1.

And Andrea reminds, no, I'm saying like all of you have to remind us every day in July. Everyone named Jim and Andrea has to do this. Yes. Thank you. Jim's, Andrea's. Your task has been set. So we will do it next year, definitely. 100% no lie.

No lie. This is a promise and a swear. Yep. We will do it next year. I kind of like the old numbers, though. They sound good. Yeah. I mean, we could keep one to 10.

That's true. We could keep saying one to 10. Who should we get involved in this? Everybody who can sing. That we know. That we know. Okay. So who's this?

Zach and Jess. Tawny. Yeah. Amy Mann. Oh, oh. Okay. Beyond just comic bang bang. Absolutely.

Bring them all in. Nick Lowe. All right. Let's get to it. This is number 17. And this is episode 774. Can you imagine doing that many episodes of something? Oh, it's too many.

We did even more than that. Fuck. This is episode 774 from September 12th, 2022. My birthday. Yes. My birthday. Is September what? 12th.

Oh, oh, oh. Why? It is, it was your birthday that day. That's right. And we celebrated by putting out this episode. And what a gift to me. Yes. What a gift to me.

This is an episode titled Inflation. Inflation. I know. I'm pronouncing that correctly, not inflection. Inflation. And this, the participants are. Can I say one? Yeah.

Hammy. Hammy. It's Hammy time. You can't touch this. He should, John Hamm should, as a commercial for one of his many commercials. Yes. He should definitely dress up in hammer pants and do the hammer dance. What?

The fact that he hasn't done this? In a front tree to us. It's absurd. It's absurd. I mean, if you were Amazon or Progressive or Apple or Mercedes or one of his companies, what are you, what are you sitting on your hands here? He does Santa Claus for the World Cup before he does. Hammy?

Hammy? MC Hammy? MC Hammy? Come on, man. Progressive. He does all these, these, these various campaigns. So there's the one where he's in love with flow. Yeah.

They should have spun him off into his own progressive campaign. There is MC Hammy. Yes. He dresses. Okay. And this is how we do it. You can't touch this deal on insurance. He dresses up like MC Hammy.

Yes. With flow, just so we have the continuity. Yes. And then at the end, flow says, I'm just not interested. And he walks off camera right. Yes. And then cut to, he walks on camera left and says, I'm going to be my own commercials from now on.

Yes. So stay tuned. We get like a little scenes from a marriage where he walks off the set. Why did they do that? I don't know. I didn't understand why they did that. But he says, stay tuned. And then you have to leave your TV on.

Stay tuned. Yeah. You have to leave it tuned to the channel that you were just watching. I don't like people say, they still say, stay tuned. They still say it. Even though you don't tune your TV's anymore. The funny is that people still address podcast listeners as viewers. Viewers?

I had trouble with that because I was used to saying it on TV and I had to, I would go view, I mean listeners. Absolutely. Yeah. It's very, very difficult. I'm talking about people who've never been on TV or saying viewers. Yeah. Our viewers were wanting to know this.

Like what are you fucking talking about? Although maybe you're listening to something that occasionally has a video feed. I'm talking about like the news. You're listening to the news. I'm listening to the news. What news? The Northeast, West and South news, my dear boy. Oh, that news.

Yes. Got it. All right. So John Ham is an old friend of ours. I've known him, gosh, probably for two years before he was on Mad Men, we used to play poker together over at his place and he was always the, a very talented actor who could never get a break, could never catch a break. That's right.

At poker, he's a terrible poker player, a worse actor. He was a guy who, he would get cast in pilots and they would, they would never go and he would have like bit parts in shows like the unit. I don't know if you remember the unit. David Mamet, I believe co-created that as well as Sean Ryan from The Shield. Oh, no, thank you. It was pretty good. He would be on like three episodes and we'd go, hey, you were great, John.

And we'd go, oh, when is he ever going to get a show? And then one day he said, oh, I'm on this show on AMC and we went the movie channel. Get the fuck out of here. He's a fool. You fucking idiot. And we kicked him out of his, his own apartment. Wow. Yeah.

What the fudge? Can you imagine? That's rude. And then I remember we were playing poker at his place and I was like, I hear your show is pretty good. And he's like, oh, let me give you some video tapes. It was still video tapes. Boy, you're yo-ing.

What? No. No, maybe it was DVDs. He wouldn't. Yeah. It might have been video tapes because I remember it being very chunk. What? It was probably DVDs.

Yeah, of course. Yeah. That show was on in the 2000s. I remember bringing his video tape. I had, I requested they give me VHSs. I just remember it being a clunky package and him like giving me season one and it just took up a lot of space. But maybe it was DVDs.

I think it probably was. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, he gave me the DVDs and. He gave you a hard drive. He gave me a computer. That's nice. That's very nice of him.

He must have been doing pretty well. But the rest is history, of course. I watched those DVDs and the show became famous. Don't want to make a connection, bud. You're free to do so. In any case, he's been doing this show, Comedy Bank, since the beginning, since the very first year. Always a great friend of the show.

He had a movie come out in September called Fletch, which is why the title of the show is in Fletchian. I believe we even say it in this clip that we're going to listen to. Oh, okay. The other participants are, we're not going to hear from him in this clip, but Devin Field, the very funny Devin Field. Very funny. Who has started doing the show this year, ever since the Speed Force Skanksgiving Special.

Skanksgiving? Skanksgiving. Is that what it was called? Yes. Of last year, I hadn't met him, and Sean Diston cast him as someone who is going to be important to the show in the future, which then made me say, well, we needed to come true, so I started using him. He's very funny.

That's funny, baby. We're not going to hear from him, but we are going to hear from Lily Sullivan. Can I just take this moment to give a shout out to Lily Sullivan? Paul? It is time to do that. She's so funny. You've done it too early in previous Best Us. I know.

Right on time at this point. I know. I'm so glad. Lily Sullivan, she's very, very funny. She's been doing the show for, I don't know, three, four years at this point, something like that. My wife and I recently had, like, not really an argument, but we were each claiming- Throwing pots and pans at each other.

Yeah, well, that's just the thing we do, because we hate our neighbors. So we think as much noise as possible. We're trying to scare them away. Every time we see them on the show, we're like, our house is haunted. It's pretty haunted. I think they talked about haunting other houses in the neighborhood. But we had a little disagreement about who was the bigger fan. I was saying I was.

She was saying she was. On the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I believe Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis, one of them, the one who talks more, said, we've never had an argument because I don't want to win anything that he would lose. We've had disagreements. Wow. Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. I thought that was- That's love. Yeah, I thought it was an interesting thing to say. Are they still married? I believe they are. Remember when Morris Day officiated on stage at a time show? They didn't know they were getting married.

And after it was like, haha, I married you. Okay, so Lily Sullivan, a very funny comedian. Lily does a ton of characters on this show. And the one you're going to hear is Bridget Jones. Now, she started doing Bridget Jones when we were on tour. Debut. We did a lot of dates in August of this year. And Lily did approximately four or five of the dates.

And she did Bridget Jones on tour. And this is the first episode she did in the studio with Bridget Jones. And this is, of course, her doing the real Bridget Jones that the movies are based on. And may I say, this is the most recent time. But it's also, as of now, the last time that she's ever- She will do Bridget Jones. Yes. That's right.

Yes, she will never do- She may do it again. I don't know. But as of right now, it's the last time she'll ever do it. That's true. We may change our minds. But yeah, so we're going to hear this clip. This is Jon Hamm and Lily Sullivan as Bridget Jones.

This is your number 17. Number one seven. She's a famous diarist. Please welcome to the show Bridget Jones. What's up? How are you doing? I'm good. Hey, Bridget.

This is Jon. Hi. Nice to meet you. How are you doing? Listen, you guys got mad wrong. It's not a diarist. It's diarrhea. Oh, it is diarrhea.

That is what you call me, okay? Get it straight, straight out the gate. Wait, is everyone- Which weirdly is how diarrhea comes. Straight out the gate. Straight out the gate. Has everyone been mispronouncing the movie titles? Is it Bridget Jones' Diarrhea?

Bridget Jones' Diarrhea. Okay. Wow. To be fair, I never saw any of the movies, nor did I read the diarrhea. I saw that first one. I don't remember any of these scenes where Bridget Jones said, excuse me, I have to go.

But listen, you got mad wrong. Hollywood took that story. My diarrhea from way back when. And they changed the shit a lot. So they messed it up. Okay. That's right. Now you and I met on tour.

We met on tour. This is in Boston, is that right? No, we were in New York. You were in New York? Oh, okay. Yeah. The city of lights. The city that doesn't sleep.

The city with the trash everywhere. The city's so nice they named it twice. They did. New York, that city, that's so nice they named it twice. New York. New York. We met there and you, we talked a little bit. Yeah.

There about, what did we talk about? Well, so basically like 23 years ago or whatever, as they bought me diarrhea off me, the Hollywood people, no offense or whatever. Oh, no, it's not taken. Who is this Weinstein? I don't remember who was whatever. You'd remember if it was Weinstein.

Yeah, for sure. Your plants would remember. I'll tell you that. Jesus Christ. So you know who he is. Today, talking about Anne Frank and now this, and right when I get on. And Woody Allen, don't forget.

Should we talk about Michael Jackson while we're here? I mean, it's right there. So listen. Yeah. They be buying my diarrhea off me for nothing, like 35 quid or something. That low. Nothing.

I'm like, yeah, sure, take the kids. How much is a quid? I don't know. Because I know you can get one for every quo. Yeah. It sounds like it's $4. Because of quad. Quad.

Quid quad. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what the exchange rate is. Regardless, it's relatively low. It was super low. It was like $4. Like $4.35.

So it's like a quarter. Yeah, like a quod. Absolutely nothing. Quarked. And I'd be like, okay, well, yeah, like go ahead and take it. Then they go and make this big movies with Zell Wiggins, Renee's, and Cullen, and hug and grunk. Hugh Grant, I believe.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't really hit that. You don't hit that first G. Hug, grunt. Famous lover of blowjobs. Hugh Grant. He's on record. He's on record.

He's loving them. Really? And when he says, I love it. It's my favorite thing in the world. I believe that's his quote. That sounds like hug. That's the proofs in the pudding. I mean, if I can bring it back to diarrhea, the proofs in the pudding.

Look, we all love blowjobs, probably. You never have one. You don't know. Bridget. What? You want me to keep talking? Okay. Yeah, so they buy me diarrhea for me for literally nothing.

Then they go, they make this big movie. They make all this money. I'm like, what the shit? So I didn't get any of that. I'm so sorry. I'm like, I'm gonna go back to drawing board, work on me diary, then sells it, make lots of money. Yeah, because they bought the old diarrhea.

Yeah, they can. Diary by nature is every day, right? Right, yeah. I'm like, so I'll work on me diary. And then now 23 years later, I'm basically done with the shits. I'm ready to make a new movie. Right. Took me that long, but I got some entries.

I got like six or sevens entries. Okay. Mad entries. Are you, will this be starring you? Will you actually get to star in your own story? Well, this is what the thing is, like, I'm like 55. Yeah. But I want to tell like a young story.

So I'm fine with like young hot bitch playing me. You know what I mean? Yeah. I mean, Bridget here, you're 55. You're kind of, I mean, like a butter face. And so, you know, it's not like you have. Don't get me started with this. Star potential.

Little, little looking at you. I forget your face immediately. It's like, you know what you look like? What's that? You remind me of like a gyoza. A gyoza? A dumpling? Yeah, you're all like fried and like full of meat.

Interesting. And like you're super not hot, like a cold one. Hmm, interesting. Okay. What? What? That's what you look like. What's that?

So don't call me a butter face. Like I'm not mad hot. What do you call a butter face in England? Does it call something different? A smear. Just a smear. So you're like a smear. So you want someone who's a little bit younger to start in the movie.

Yeah, like I want a movie to sell or whatever. I want to make mad money. Like I'm not stupid. Like put the fucking hot bitch in. Okay. Like who? Like today's Renee Zellweger. Yeah, who would that be?

I don't even know. Well, so like I got entry about it. Ashton Kutcher? Yeah, Ashton Kutcher. Ashton Kutcher probably. Yeah, probably. Ashton Kutcher. You have an entry though, you say.

Yeah, I have entry. I can share with you because I want to find the word out. Give us a taste of what the story might be. And then maybe we can cast it. Because Johnny here. I know some people. You can do an English accent, can't you? Yeah, I certainly.

Wait, is that it? I can certainly try to do one. Yeah, right. That's mad good. That's what I thought. Yeah. That's mental. You sound exactly like me dad.

Great. Bridge. Let's read it. That's mental. That's absolutely mental. Okay. Let me read me diary entry. Okay.

Here we go. This is Bridget Jones. A recent diary entry or something from the past 23. Recent. Like I'm in LA. You know, like I'm taking in the city. Like going to Target, going to like Home Depot. All the places.

All the LA spots. All the places right off Sunset. I'm going to Yogatland. I'm going to GameStop. Like things you just saw. I'm going to. What's that burrito place? I'm going to.

The Netflix offices. Okay. Yeah. So like I'm taking in the city. You know what I mean? So here we go. Okay. Did Ira.

It's me, Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones is Ira. It was a typical Hollywood morning. Woke up to the sounds of people's assholes being bleached. Put on me stompers and headed out for a bit of brekkie. Ordered myself a cup of jiggies and a plate of squally squog. When all of a sudden in walks famous Hollywood girl, Alison Williams. I knew this would be my moment. So I got them.

So I told them. I told her all about me diary idea and insisted that she play me since I know that everybody wanted to get her wiggy and poppy her dog. But then out of nowhere, she'd be yelling at me to get away. Something about me asking too many questions about her notch. But then hit me. Clearly she was intimidated by me and me diary and scared I was coming for all of her quid and quill.

But then again, who wouldn't be love bridge? Okay. Okay. A lot of potential there. I mean, so this is going to be a movie about your character going up to Alison Williams and getting into a fight. I think I was listening. No, you've been like mid-century modern furniture right now.

You're pointy. You don't make sense. Okay. All right. I accept that criticism. Make no sense. Right. And that's one of the like the set pieces in the movie.

No. Listen, I'm trying to approach her, have her play me. She's hard to shit. You know? Sure. She has a good singing voice. Yeah. She played Peter Pan.

Peter Pan. Yeah. Like that's me. Yeah. Like I look like Peter Pan. Like she can mad nail me. You know what I mean? But didn't you say that the movie was going to be based on these diary entries?

Just don't. So Alison Williams would then in this scene. She'd be playing you and then who would be playing Alison Williams? Brian Williams. I think she goes up to her dad and has a real altercate. Can I put this wig on you? I'd be honored to get Brian Williams. You think we can get him?

B-dubs? Do you think he retired just for this maybe? He might. He might. He would do it. He loves nothing more than a challenge. He loves a camera on him. He would play young me.

Alison would play old me. Right. We'd have this conversation in little going circles. Yeah. But I'd love to hear more of your entries. I've got more entries for you. You're like begging for them. You're like fucking horny for them.

Give them to you I guess. Horny for them. He's literally like freaking out. He want them so bad. Okay. Dear Diarrhea. It's me. Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones Diarrhea.

Which is going to be a script someday. It was a typical Hollywood afternoon. Walk down the street to the sounds of plastic surgeons breaking people's noses. Popped in a shop for a bit of lunch and ordered me self a massive slimy bimie topped with stinky snap peas. When all of a sudden in walks famous Hollywood person Billy Ray Cyrus. Whoa. Wow.

I knew this was going to be my moment. So I tell him all about me Diarrhea movie and ask if you want to play me love interest because I know everyone wants to Humpty Dumpty is prickly pog. Then out of nowhere he says he's going to throw me out on my cheeky donkey. Something about all the pictures I drew on my iPad of him exposing his fruit basket to Miley. Then it hit me. Clearly this man was intimidated by me in my diary and scared I was coming for all of

his lockets filled with pictures of dead people in them. What? Is that how he keeps his riches? Then again he wouldn't love Bridget. Okay. Interesting. What? What's that face?

So this whole movie is just you accosting like F-list celebrities? It's me making my movie. Okay. Like think about all the movies about making movies. Like the recent Downton Abbey movie. Yeah, literally. Which is just insane that they're making a movie, a talkie in Downton Abbey and the butler starts writing the script.

I didn't know any of this. This is mad crazy. Yeah, make sure you don't have too much crossover with that. 17. I was wondering though Bridget, very big news out of the empire today. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. We may be covering that on a future show.

Oh really? We could certainly not talk about it if you don't want to. Yeah, but are you gutted? I'm mad gutted. Like I can't believe it. Like she was so young. She was so young. For a very old woman she was so young.

She was a little baby. She was a young 96. I couldn't believe it when they said she was sick. I'm like, you can't be kidding me. That's insane. That's gonna be true. I'm so sorry. Here, let's take your mind off this.

Let's read another entry. I know you're mad horny about it. I don't know that I'm horny. Okay, here we go. Dear Diarrhea, it's me Bridget Jones from Bridget Jones Diarrhea, the movie to be. It was a typical Hollywood night. Called me an Uber to the sounds of actors crying. Snuck a bevy and ordered me self a happy baby with a side of chimichanga.

When all of a sudden, in walks the famous Hollywood robot, Liam Michelle. I knew this was my moment. So I tell her that there's some outlets over there so she can charge herself to 100% and get back to not reading. When all of a sudden in walks Ellen from Ellen. I ask her if she wants to play me mom in me diary movie since I know everyone wants to dunk in donuts or guinea pigs. And then out of nowhere she'd be saying she's gonna slice me noggy with a DVD the Da Vinci code because I looked at her in the eyeballs. But then it hit me. Clearly this woman was intimidated by me and thinks that I'm coming for her princess Diana beanie babies.

Then again who wouldn't love bridge. There's a lot happening in that one. Yeah this is a double celeb sighting. That was a big one. Liam Michelle and Ellen. Liam Michelle was like the misdirect. Yeah. Ellen comes in and cleans up.

Yeah I see Ellen. She knew Liam Michelle was there. They're friends. Well Bridget this is, I don't know if any of this makes a good movie. Here's what I'm thinking. I'm thinking seven episodes right to streaming and keep it as almost a reality show. Yes. Let's because I want to see these interactions between these let's call them marginally famous people.

Yeah. And Bridget Jones and then I want to see how they how they interact. Yeah. Up and down Sunset Boulevard. I feel like I'm open to it like if you can get me mad meetings like I'm down for whatever like I don't want to be stuck here looking like Scott you know. I don't want to be like like a play empty Tupperware like oh stinky. Wait I got to write me another entry.

You're writing one right now. I'm writing one right now you're inspiring me Scott. Okay all right. I'm like gosh it's just coming down to me it's pouring out of me. You want me to read it. Oh yeah while you're writing. Read as you're right please. Yeah please.

Dear Dairia. It's me Bridget Jones from Comedy Bang Bang. I know that you can say that you're from comedy. Well she's here right now so. I was on one episode of the Jimmy Kimmel Show I wouldn't say Scott Arkham from the Jimmy Kimmel Show. I wouldn't correct you. From my podcast Comedy Bang Bang.

It was a typical earwarp afternoon. Dragged myself a massive bottle of water and then wrote me name on the table with a drying sharpie. When all of a sudden in what is not famous tiny angry baby man Scott Ockerman. Hey. I knew this was going to be my moment. So I called me manager to tell him that if I die here today because Scott kills me to give me ashes to Tom Cruise so he can spread him over the mountains in his tiny plane.

But then it hit me clearly Scott Ockerman was intimidated by me and thinks I'm coming for his hentai. Hey now this hentai thing. I don't know how this got started. What are you talking about? I don't know how this rumor got started that I'm into hentai. You love hentai. I don't know.

I saw all your likes on Twitter like every single like hentai hentai hentai hentai. And then once sure I accidentally just tweeted hentai gifts. Because I was searching for it. I tweeted instead of paste. But come on. I don't know Bridget. I don't think this would make a good movie is my main. Yes.

I'm personally insulted by that last entry. But I just don't know that this. Are you not entertained? Like aren't you mad horny for like every entry? Yes. But Jonner you want to be attached to this movie? I don't want to be attached to it at all. I don't want to be in the same room with it really.

But I would say that there is a place on like a like a like not Peacock but like Peacock minus. Yes. I see so like something like that. So if you see so things say something. Yeah. Like negative paramount. Yeah.

Pecative. Pecative. Paramount minus. Matt man. Did you ever call pec pecative? Pecative. Accidentally. Pecative.

That's what the money is for. You're being pecative. Number one seven. Oh what a clip. That kind of clip to me is what clips are all about. It's like a portion of the show instead of the whole show. Yeah. Yeah.

That's what clips are all about to me. It really gets to the heart of what clips should be. Man if I was listening to a clip show and they just played the entire episode. I'd say this is not a clip show. This is not a clip show my man. My brother in Christ. Let's talk about a few things. Hentai is mentioned.

This is let's talk about why this started. That started on tour right? It started on tour in North Carolina. Is that where we were? Maybe. Where Conan O'Brien showed up. I just remember for all the tour I remember we were in city. I had to keep track of them because I would say absolutely whatever city it is.

I believe we were in North Carolina and Tim Baltz was there. Lily's husband Tim Baltz who people would know from the Righteous Gemstones. You would also know Lily from the Righteous Gemstones. She plays Tim's sister I believe. That's right. And he was there doing the one episode that he could get away from the Righteous Gemstones. He was filming at this time in North Carolina was relatively close to where he was filming. So he was able to drive in and he was there and I said Hentai as a reference.

Not knowing what it was and praying that because a lot of times when I throw out a reference I'm like am I getting this right? Sure. And 50% of the time I'm not. Well. I like those odds. But I threw it out as and I forget what I was referencing but I was like sitting there going I hope this is like an anime porn thing.

And from what I understand it's also a tentacle porn thing. Is that right? That's what I understand it to be. And of course I think we even got into this on the tour not maybe not on stage but backstage. There was a journalist who posted like a screen he posted a picture and you could see his computer tabs. And it was all one of them was like Hentai and he's like oh yeah I was researching my wife had never she never she didn't know what that was and I was showing her what it was.

So great. Yeah. And of course there's the classic porn gifts which is one of the best tweets of all time. And somebody said he never took it down. He never deleted it. I wouldn't. I respect that enormously. I wouldn't.

I wouldn't. I'm proud to search for porn gifts. Well so I mentioned it as a reference just hoping I was making a funny reference to something. Lily and Tim capitalized on it and now Lily cannot be on an episode where she doesn't mention my supposed Hentai. Very true. Yeah. Addiction.

She also I was eating a salad backstage and she got on stage and talked about how I was eating something that looked like shit. Yes. And it was and people are like well he must have been eating something disgusting. It was a salad. She just she made all that up and said I was eating shit. Wait did people were questioning like what could he have been eating. What could he have been eating that was so disgusting that Lily is making.

That prompted this weird character to say that. No. Just eating a salad. Oh let the man live. Let me be. I just want to eat my salad. Let him eat his goddamn salad. Paul here's a tease.

Fuck. Here's a tease for a future episode. Okay. Now that episode that we just listened to that clip. Clip. There was a certain comedy bang bang fan listening to that episode at home that had a very particular reaction to it and we will be talking to them in the new year. New year.

Very particular. Liam Neeson. Yes. Yeah. He was taken. By Jesus. He's like okay this is happening. Take it about the rapture right?

Yeah. Suddenly his keys and shoes are there. His keys and shoes. Don't need no shoes in heaven. Boy that's true. Yeah. I like that there are people in the rapture who people who believe in the rapture who are there's two different camps there are the people who think that all of your earthly possessions

will stay but your body just leaves right so there's like a pile of clothes you leave a pile of clothes and you're watching everything and then there are people who are like no everything disappears either is stupid exactly it should just be like no your dead body stays and your soul goes yes of course anyway so what are they nude everyone's nude in heaven I guess so although that sounds like heaven to me who good well that was that's exciting to hear that a tease for a future episode isn't it so all of you comic bang bang detectives get out get out your magnifying glasses your podcast magnifying glasses one of my greeting greetings gumshoes that's true all right we're gonna take a break Paul okay show yep and

when we come back we're gonna be still counting down these episodes you believe we're still gonna be doing it we're gonna still be doing it all right we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this yeah shimmy yeah we're back 22 that's true that's a good point did that make you mad that I brought us back from the break it did because that's my bailiwick did you feel cooked well also you were having sex with my wife while you yeah I welcome back Scott Ackerman here we're here with Paul F. Tompkins and we're counting down your choices for the top 17 this year and we're happy to do it we're happy I mean I'm happy to do it I'm happy to do it too Paul's a little annoyed we're doing 17 no I was joking he

was joking I was joking I love it but why don't we get to you know it comes after 17 right 18 yeah but instead we're gonna go the other way we started at 17 and went all the way up to 52 and never got to the best episodes all right let's do it this is your choice for episode 16 number 16 all right episode 16 Paul last number 17 we had 774 so we're we're in the latter part of the 700s so this is episode 707 D okay so this is before four weeks before and that last one you said was September 12th so this is subtract four from that so September 8th good math this is August 15 of 2022 the Ides of August the Ides of August we were on tour while this was released we were out there entertaining America so we

must have taped it before anything good have happened like we weren't here to monitor the situation that's true and this is what happened yeah it's a good episode it's like shouldn't be here more often we shouldn't be here yeah the checks up I'd love to meet you here less often come here never what were you gonna say about gremlins I don't know but I was gonna say something the idea that we were that the the episode was we were away from the episode so anything could have happened yes the gremlins when the gremlins went nuts oh my god that was the thing about gremlins though I noticed in those two movies they didn't give a shit if people were around or not they were just really gremlins gonna be gremlins they weren't they worried that

they would be hunted to extinction I know you would think so and they were in both movies they died in both movies I don't remember gremlins too I saw it but I don't remember it it is a good subplot I think it's in grid we we just watch it for my sister show Scott hasn't seen which I listened and it's just a crazy movie it's crazy nuts it's good though I it is a good subplot of like hey all of the bad gremlins come from this really nice one gizmo we need to execute gizmo all right this is episode 770 and the title of this Paul is called she garbage people oh this is vaguely I mean I recognize that title I could not tell you what happened and I'm pretty sure I was there I believe you were there who do you think was the based on the title who do you

think the celebrity was who was in this I think it was Tatiana Maslini it truly was that's right the she hulk herself Tatiana Maslini she is in this episode this is another studio episode two studio yeah the celebrities were back indeed that's right Tatiana is another friend of ours she graduated from fan to friend she used to be a fan of the show she used to when she was filming orphan black she used to listen to the show while biking to and from sets she and christian brune her co-star on orphan black they both bonded over their enjoyment of the show and then she I forget how oh yeah that's right she she reached out because I knew her publicist and wanted to come to a live show when she was at comic con for orphan black right and so she really met her that's where

first time right yes I don't know if you were there though I met her at comic con at a comic con event okay you know what it was not in that show though I was not are you sure I it was Derek Waters Taryn and JW still water yes I was there you were there yes I was holy shit oh you were really late you were coming from another show oh coming from another show coming from another show okay yeah you were super late and by the way who uh you know who opened for that show aquafina doing her rap what doing her raps for your show for how many bang bang yeah when did you what yes this is this is I mean quite a few years ago this is seven years ago eight years ago it was aquafina wait do you mean Nora from Queens yes Nora um I yes that show I think I was doing a

thrilling adventure hour show ah and I was coming from that that's right okay so Derek and Taryn were coming from the dinner that's right and they were kind of late and they were they were texting me kind of going like hey we're late we're trying to leave we're trying to leave anyway so that uh but in any case wait I think I got there before them yeah so not only was I there I was also on time you're always there though always on time did it show do you have a song about punctuality what if you didn't know who shoddy was you thought it was just like my catchphrase I like my shazam are you turn into a creature shoddy is just as stupid as shazam the name all names are stupid yes all names are stupid okay so in any way uh in

any way um Tatiana Tatiana and Christian came to the comedy bang bang live show in San Diego dressed as ninja turtles yes um thinking they had to be disguised otherwise they would be mobbed by fans and they were told by they were told because when they would walk around comic con yes they were mobbed by fans but this was a show that was approximately four or five miles away from this was offsite offsite and no one cared that they were ninja turtles but we have very funny pictures of them if anything people I think avoided them like the play yes we have very funny pictures of them dressed as ninja turtles posing in ninja turtle poses backstage in an alley when we met them but so that was where we met and uh they've both have done the show over the years and they're

great people great uh friends they're absolutely lovely people I have a picture from that I have a picture on my on my office wall of of of me with them when we met for the first time it makes me very happy when I see it yeah I you know you should we should as humans take more pictures of when we meet someone for the first time because they could be our great friends could be your greatest enemy and what a picture to have true like see this guy I hate him this reminds me I meant to bring this up earlier you were singing how bizarre how bizarre how bizarre by omc and I was like man whatever happened omc orchestral maneuvers in the car but shouldn't I was like damn it sucks that they were a one hit wonder I think all one hit wonders one hit wonder songs should be done by one band

the same band okay what you know it's so but it's so bad that like these these poor bands they only get to have one hit yeah let's make all the one hit wonder songs done by one band so they have a lot of hits so is this is this new band are they covering all of these songs they're not covering they just they write them all okay and then various people record them no they record them so that they get to have all these hits instead of these poor bands it only gets so this is you're saying going forward yes this is what we should do this is what we should do is anoint a band to be our one hit to have nothing but hits yes this is a great idea this band doesn't even exist yet i'm a huge fan no they have so many hits hit after hit after hit

they it's undeniable they're great they're so good they have a lot of one hit wonders yeah okay so if so many one hit wonders aren't there i feel like there's concerts right where they get all those bands together yeah like one hit wonder bands and they all do their they get to do their shit i think i think i like that yeah i like it i've been to a few of those and i like i enjoy okay so tatiana is here and i mean like elmo and patsy should be there yeah elmo from sesame street with patsy kline crazy elmo go crazy okay so tatiana is here walking after midnight it sounds like jack the ripper he's crazy he's going walking after me wait what was going on with

patsy kline patsy kline was she she was jack the ripper she was giving us clues oh mr belliesman she gave us all the clues hit her songs patsy kline was jack the ripper this makes sense yeah so tatiana um she she's done two episodes i believe since she was announced as she hulk she did one to this was the one where it was coming up this week and she did one earlier just for fun um where we talked about oh you were just casting she hulk and each time she is on the show we are just doing dumb bits like you've heard paul and i doing and we we say fake things that are going to happen on she hulk this season and it always makes news people take it seriously that's right so the episode before this she

mentioned that that she was going to be singing in the show it's not easy being green by kermit the frog as well as fever fever makes me laugh so much it's so out of nowhere and it made a headline comic book uh and nerd culture headlines made her headline that she hulk was going to be a musical with these two songs in it yeah and people believed it until the entire season was up and she never did it and people were like where were those songs no people believed it all the way even after she said it was just a fucking joke yes come on guys so i think that happened on this one as well she said some fake things and people believed it i don't know but um the other thing about this episode is that uh there's a certain person that paul eftompkins plays named oberon

tell us about oberon kenobi oberon kenobi was a i i can't remember if i just had a name in my phone that made me laugh wait this is a friend of yours that was in your phone no no no i will i i like keep a note in my notes app of character names that if i think of a name and it makes me laugh i write it down um and i think i just wanted to do something new and i didn't want to have anything prepared and i thought that was as good as any jumping off point to have that very specific name and then not know anything about star wars and where did you do oberon for the first time it must have been on this episode this is okay so yes yes yes had you done him yet on the tour no because you were waiting for this to drop and i think i even said

in this episode i'll join you on the tour all right i'll be there at the end yeah oh i'll be that's right at the end when we plug things i mentioned we were on tour and you're like oh i'll be there yeah i'm trying to do oberon kenobi it's pretty good um so oberon is uh anything you want to say about him or we're just gonna hear the clip i mean it was i really did not put a ton of preparation into this on purpose i wanted to just see where it went and um and we found it in the moment a lot of his characteristics that had become classic look exactly but it was really yeah it was really it was really fun i um well let's listen to it let's listen to it let's hear it this is your choice for episode number 16 number one six uh this is all i know about him

he's an american citizen citizen oh please welcome oberon kenobi hey there scott thanks for having me hey great to meet you uh yeah this is statiana it's nice to be her hi there she's playing um how are you doing she hulk in the mcu okay if you say so and not uh not mc that's not a rapper like mc hammer it's uh the marvel cinematic universe oh it's like movies movies yeah okay good good television shows as well she's in a television show does cinema does tv count as cinema uh i mean it's an it's a brand extension yeah i'm not real up on pop culture oh really why is that i don't know your name is oberon kenobi yeah oh i get it star wars right oh yeah yeah people bring that up a lot i've never seen them oh so you didn't name yourself after this isn't a no my name is oberon kenobi

it's not a stage name i'm not a stage actor were your parents in into star wars or i don't think so okay we never talked about it around the house really do they have a poster up or anything like that no they were i mean they were parents we don't have a lot of posters hanging up i mean i had parents aren't allowed to have posters no parents parents are but i don't think parents a lot of once you have a baby all the posters come down well you know when you when you become a man you put away childish things oh okay baseball um but um yeah they didn't they had like framed artwork and stuff you know what i mean oh like what like prints or like actual they didn't have any pictures of prints no i i guess what i mean to say is did they have the originals for today well i mean they were like

no they didn't they didn't have like you know like matisse's or anything like that no they had that art that they liked that they would put up some prints yeah sure okay great yeah when i was a kid i didn't have a lot of posters because he was a kid i wasn't really into uh into pop culture that much if you're not into pop culture unpopular culture what does that mean unpopular culture i mean well i don't i i mean okay i don't seek out things that are not popular okay make them things that i'm into but i'm into like nature and i'm into like i'm supposed to nurture this okay i'm into like nature as i said and then also like the sun of the sun sometimes the mood sometimes like half the day yeah when it's out when it's when it's not out stuff like that

i'm less interested when it's not out it's true i don't look for it so wait nature the sun yeah and the moon are your three primary interests i mean mostly that's a bet rocks rocks oh but you know uh taziana over here had a rock o'clock alarm clock what is it was like a alarm clock shape like a rock that sounds cool it was dwayne dwayne the rock johnson are you familiar with him with his work no is he a friend of yours he is not but i would love him to be have you ever seen get smart is that a movie uh it's not only a movie but a movie based upon a television show oh i haven't seen either you haven't seen either no do you know who don adams is no there would probably be no reason for you to know who he was without knowing get smart i'm trying to remember any

other don adams role but uh the rock was uh he was he was in uh the the movie adaptation okay along with steve correll from the office what an american workplace i don't know okay i'm gonna say one more time and i'm not mad at you because i've run i've run into this a lot okay i'm not real big of pop culture okay you like you like nature i like nature the sun the moon rocks worms worms really okay coming up at number five worms well i mean these are not in order oh oh really what so what if you were to put those five in order what would the what would the ranking be probably nature number one sure then number two the sun okay number three the moon i'd have to say right four uh rocks number five where i guess it is it is the exact order yeah exact order yeah why are

worms so low i mean they're the only uh living thing out of the things you i mean although nature i guess there's so but i mean i should i should fold worms into rocks yeah you're right and probably the sun and the moon yeah i guess but i i don't know i consider those because they're in the sky they're different true but i don't consider birds different the nature they're in the sky as well yeah maybe they're not as high in the sky maybe uh as long as it's it's not past how about this here's the because here's the thing i'm not that interested in space okay i am interested like stars who cares i am interested in the wars they're in oh right yeah star wars yes obi ron kenobi is who we're talking to yes my name is only rocket only right um and you can go rod rod rod rod for

short but but your name is obi ron kenobi yeah and you want me to call you rod rod ron yeah oh sorry sorry do you have a cold yeah always why do you like nature so much is it because you spend too much time out in nature it might be and i'd never wear a jacket okay do you camp without it are you like a wim hoff kind of dude a what is wim hoff part of pop culture is that from star wars sounds like it he's uh he's how do you know first of all because people believe me i get grilled about the whole star wars universe and i don't even know what it's about star wars here's what i here's what i've survived what do you think yeah from just like absorbing you know what people have said it's like an alternate future where the russians

have already space race no it's the past a long time ago in a galaxy far far away but there's it's space right spaceships yeah but uh they're pretty new but human history didn't begin here on earth is what they're trying to say it's a no it did oh okay so wait what they're trying to say that human history started in the past in spaceship world they're not all human well that's the thing is is like we don't even know like it was some of them who look human are like alderanian i guess what tattooing and some of them are like aliens that play like clarinets and stuff like that yeah you know have you heard of jizz music hey man it's what i'm playing george lucas i'm not here for this i blame it for a lot of things believe me i'm not here for this kind of talk when were you

when were you born do you mind me asking i was born in 1972 and okay so that's five years before star wars was a thing okay so you're the expert did your parents not allow you to watch tv no they begged me to why because you're always out in nature i was always outside getting dirty yeah i always i never wore shoes never wore a jacket barely wore a shirt barely what do you mean by barely like you were you were wearing it but oh yeah like my parents would put a polo shirt on me then i get out there like i just want to feel the nature and i would take it off polo shirts were popular back then they sure were i remember them being popular in 82 or so you know how to like about a polo shirt is the color is very soft the color is very soft color color oh yeah yeah although sometimes they're

made of muted colors as well that's true so we're both right you seem like a really interesting guy ron if i hey thank you if i can call you ron literally no one has ever said that to me what are you here for i mean it's i have an important message oh okay great uh should we should we tease that uh we'll do it after the the break tatiana you're a television i don't know if it's gonna i don't know if we should no oh really yeah i think we should get it out right now okay all right all right all right okay so i've established that i love nature you have a step yeah heavily heavily established and so the price is right at the end of the price is right the host of the price is right says this is something i've been told and i i may be angry i just learned this today

and i was like book me on a podcast because i gotta tell people please he goes and he apparently says at the end of every episode he goes um first of all i would think he would say what the price is because that's the big mystery at the end of the show they've said that right before just previous to this okay all right yeah this is a little sign off i guess yeah and he goes spay a new to your pets yeah yeah and here's what i want to say only new to your pets because then you don't have to spay the rest of them i guess that's a good point although why are we spaying these animals if we just neutered the ones that need to be neutered then the spayed ones can go about their business here's i would i would differ with you in one respect let's spay them all because that takes

care of the problem right there like if you don't spay some then the ones who are unneutered are going to get in there i don't think that's fair because i think i think the first sterilization of all the females is what i'm trying to say yeah i know what you're trying to say i'm saying the opposite that's what you're all about that's what this show has been about for the past 13 weird coincidence that i can't want to talk about this and you've been saying the exact opposite thing i mean uh that i would say that's the issue is is that uh we're not going to get to all the dogs that we need to neuter so let's spay no we have to it's the message okay we have to and it's not just the dogs there's also cats kitty pigs parrots you got a you got a neuter

everything that is in nature that is a male chop them off get them out of there but you're in nature ron ron or rod rod ron it's never rod it sounds like rod but it is ron okay but that's i understand because of my voice right yeah so vocal affect do you want someone to come and do that to you no ron you're this is you're putting this on top of it you're part of nature are you not are you part of nature yes fit off with your balls you fell into my trap is it the ball i always thought it was the penis no it's so it's so you can't get anything pregnant right right but you still have fun you know but shouldn't you just shouldn't you take care of the penis as well while you're down there always take care of it you gotta clean it it's usually the opposite it's like while

you're down there take care of the ball if you got a four skid oh boy oh boy oh man that's a lot of work okay so i shouldn't have waited for the uh for the break for that nope i think we made the right call okay all right number one six there it was told you he loves nature told you told told you we would play it yeah it was really um uh you know to to to get to be in a place of i'm gonna take what comes and you know what what is that that's a very specific dick and it's very strange i know we've talked about it on freedom but anytime you hear a place you go to load well it started as i was in a bad place and then you go oh okay which is a shitty little town in california if people don't know central california made famous by credence clearwater revival oh what did

they say about it they they're stuck in low die again oh okay oh lord stuck in low die again can't tell if this is a joke or it's not a joke it is the lyrics okay i did not know that i did not know that um i believe there's a uh prison up there wouldn't be surprised well that's lompak lompak is the uh but it's over by there lompak of course i remember from the movie out of sight that's right very sexy movie oh it'll be stuck in a trunk with jaylo and that big ass oh that trunk two trunks two trunks that's what they were gonna call the movie two trunks you like oceans eight this is two trunks ocean day river we saw on the bus that's right on tour i forgot we had to we were uh we we bought what we thought were train tickets turned out to be a bus

to be fair they were mostly train tickets and then they turned into bus tickets at one point and the train was like a a transformer and it turned into a bus yeah it was terrible transform it was sentient and it talked to us the whole way about optimus prime his whole the most boring stories about optimus prime like can we at some point we have to re-litigate the transformers and how stupid that was it's so dumb it's so you know i i as a as a screenwriter since the 90s occasionally my agent will bring me projects and say hey they're interested in making a transformers movie and this happened to me in 2002 maybe this is no matter what the project is that's how he puts it anyway here's get smart i did i did pitch on that i i did pitch on that um

but uh i remember they they brought they said hey are you interested in pitching on transformers movie and i said well it's so stupid it would have to be a comedy right and uh instead they made the most deadly serious version possible it made a ton of money life or death stakes huge explosions so crazy and anytime the lore comes in of like i am optimus prime it's the all spark it's so funny to me because it's so dumb i can turn into a truck vroom vroom my people are a truck like people well that was obi ronkin obi uh later by the way on the episode katlyn riley came on that was her first episode she was very funny uh we're gonna take a break paul i think we should and when we come back we're still gonna be counting this down if you can believe it

somehow i can yep all right we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang somehow counting down feels inevitable in a place like this nicole kid man nicole kid man oh kid man we're back yep we are back we you know my wife janey and i we watch um uh all the country award don't try to push it off with somebody else yeah you're the guy this is like it follows we we watch all the country award shows because my wife is a country music she's a country music and but i i i enjoy watching these shows but it is like it's like a weird little tv show unto itself where there's artists that i only know from country award shows right that's the only place i see them and hear their music well it's a lot like watching

the challenge um on the one ship on paramount plus where it's like what's the challenge the challenge is well it started as the real real world road rules challenge this is after 40 years they were like nobody can say this by the way the real world yeah i didn't mention this on the episode we did about don't tell mom the babysitter's dead but that was the title of the movie originally and the title that the screenwriter really wanted was the real world and unfortunately for him the mtv show came out and they couldn't go and what a bad title it was a bad title and he was so bummed that they changed it to don't tell mom the babysitter's dead let me tell you this i don't think don't tell mom the babysitter's dead is a great title but it's definitely catchy yes you're

definitely your head what what i'm not supposed to wait what did you say why don't tell who the what's dead don't what the who the how don't how the win so it's a good title it's a good title why were we talking about oh yeah yeah the real world road rules challenge it was originally that and then it got turned into the challenge all stars also all this kind of stuff they just did a version of it where it took stars from your favorite cbs reality shows big brother survivor and the price is right let's make a deal but it's like celebrities that you only see on those shows it's very funny and you like i know who they are because but you never see them anywhere else but is ken jennings the most famous

game show contestant has anyone else become not maybe a show guy they made a movie about him charles vandoren yeah um but i mean nobody else there's has to be someone who was on a game show because nobody then became famous you can't get over being on a game right but you can't get a run going on any other game show like you will fortune you're not going to be on for multiple episodes you can only be on one yeah i guess the price is right you can only be on one yeah i would love to see a price like somebody has a run on prices right or they're like you know what we're gonna bring you back we're gonna bring back tomorrow who wants to be a millionaire they made that miniseries starting the succession guy with his actual accent the husband of one of uh uh

tom wams gans yes um matthew mcfadion yeah yes he's great he's great he's always great and else is all original accent old but and so now anytime i watch succession i'm like i heard you speak for real i was not cheating a millionaire um why did you mention the country music awards because of keith urban and nicole kitman yes they're all of them they're in the front row they know words to every single song they love it and we we always remember at some point oh yeah they're australian both of them yeah it's weird that they're there so when they sing country music the country of australia that's the cut that's the when you sing country music you have to picture your country you have to visualize your country and for them it is australia yeah they picture the

movie australia which she was in yes she was okay a bas lerman movie bas lerman movie she was in and someone else must have been in it uh was it just her jackman both australian the huge huge man like gigantic australian stars i saw he got a golden globe nomination and i was sitting there going for what i i just saw his name for best actor i was like for what yeah he's been doing broadway yeah what could he have possibly been in i don't know we don't know all of a sudden i thought they weren't doing the golden globes anymore they should i honestly thought they went away it they did for a year and then they came back this year uh under a provisional basis and the the funny thing is is no celebrity could comment on you know how you always reach out to

the publicist of like are you excited to get the award yeah no dead silence no one felt like they could comment on being excited wow for the golden globes it's very funny because then it's like and are you aware that they were corrupt before and you were participating in that system so i wonder if anyone even goes to oh my god what's ricky gervais going to say i don't think he i uh who's hosting it i can't recall but uh i hope it's somebody who speaks truth to power yeah did you hear by the way that the uh the balance of power in the dc universe has shifted what who's in charge now is it dark seed or dark side dark side because i think that is the pun is the dark side bad yeah bad bad work guys yep jack kirby blame him jerby jack kirby your

enthusiasm for that name jack kirby your enthusiasm me there's a show there's a show all right let's get to it we're counting down your uh this this episode we're doing 17 three 13 let's get to this is your choice for episode 15 number one five all right episode 15 this is episode 785 so we're still in the latter part of the 700 yeah we still are and i'm gonna put this one this is this takes place in november it does november 21st of 2022 and in fact is the final episode that is eligible for the countdown it made it onto the countdown nice work and this is an episode called buzz year headlines buzz year headlines title does not ring a bell paul you are not in this one maybe that's why that's probably why um i will tell you that uh

jason manzukas our friend from the league zoos and how did this get made still from the league he'll never not be from the league from the dictator from the dictator from infinite on paramount plus um and uh fucking uh prodigy star trek prodigy yeah he's great on prodigy yeah um he's also i believe the musnex not bubble or something yes he is yeah um our good friends uh he's on the show quite often uh this was his uh first of two episodes back in the studio in the same week i believe we taped this episode and then uh we got a call that something happened in the news and so he came back the following week and did another episode but jason uh if you know jason and he talks about this i believe on how did this get made he when the pandemic started

he was the um the person i had i had built up a backlog of i think five or six comedy bang bang episodes i was really ahead at that point i was like and then everything got shut down and i was on a zoom with him um the first week of the pandemic and i said so i have five or six episodes like i should be good this will be done right and he goes oh no this is gonna be two years and i was like what that can't be policy he goes oh no yeah we're gonna be in our houses for two years prosecute slash mensukas and uh so it actually set my expectations accordingly where i was like oh he might be right and and we we did weekly zooms over the pandemic uh and then we'd get together in our backyard with him uh when it was safe to be with people just outside

and so um good good friend and he's been on the show ever since the beginning this is the point he had just on tour uh with how did this get made he he was stepping out and taking a chance and going on tour with them three days into it he caught kovat and cancelled the tour so this was the week or so after he had recuperated from kovat and he was like felt safe going into studios so he did two episodes with us uh within a week's time and this one came out second but it was the first one that we did um and uh so he is there and then um we have uh seth morris comes and uh this was by request from jason does his character of bob duke by request you can request characters i don't know if you know

that jason's never requested a name like anyone can by the way any fan can just request a character and we'll do it what yeah including me including you including just anyone who listens to the show jaded it happened to be jason this episode it happened to be jadekiss i thought you were gonna it happened to be jadekiss jadekiss if you're out there please release an album called hey scott it's me jadekiss listen ashanti by the power of ashanti what is it you know how hey achilles s salamon h hercules hercules a a atlas n nero yeah neptune neptune t the the grinch i mean he was pretty strong he was pretty dog was strong but i mean he he was the planner

he was the planner he's very shrewd and then of course i is um isis isis almighty isis not not the goddess isis the organization again i want i want to reiterate this because um it people need to know it's not how the grinch stole christmas that's not the interesting part no we don't care the interesting part is why why do yes motivation how he stole stuff yeah easy he broke into people's homes easy and he took things yes that's that's not why yes and when that's the other interesting part and when i'm gonna be christmas yeah christmas eve right yeah i the the grinch cartoon starts with uh the grinch crossing xing off days in the calendar and he does the entire year all nine months or all 12 11 and a half months until finally uh i'm confused on how many months

there sure are all nine months i'm saying i'm saying nine months because that's been on the brain of course because of baby no because i love that movie what the hell were you thinking hugh grants hugh grants and julian more and he was promoting that on the tonight show when he got that hugh grant famous lover of blowjobs and uh hey if if he's guilty then so are we all but um uh and robin williams was a doctor who kept fainting i don't know i've never seen it i've just seen the commercial that's all i remember who happens yeah that's pretty good um hello hello i've never seen that movie and i never will i just saw it two years ago um okay so jason requested that our good friend seth morris has done this character

bob duke ever since the beginning long running character long running character i happen to see him do this on stage 14 years or so ago and um seth is a brilliant comedian um who with an incredible mind and when i say what i love about his mind is he has he has life experience and references which are not what comedians are normally interested in in things that comedians don't pull from um he has done a lot of stuff like burning man and and healing and all sorts of things he has a lot of varied interests and so he's gotten an incredible mind and bob duke is is one of his greatest creations and um so this is his return he hadn't i don't think he'd done an episode for three years maybe wow since the 10th anniversary as bob duke so this was his return

let's hear it this is your choice for episode 15 um well jason it's good to see you i of course love having you here and uh it's uh always a pleasure to have you and uh i really want you more excited to spend the rest of the night oh we're scott sorry what excuse me we're doing a show oh well i need your help sorry we're doing a show whoever this is we know this person whoever this is yeah who are you sir step out of the shadows why are you why are you also why are the shadows shadow right now why are the studios lit like a noir movie yeah why what is happening right now are you the fan of the opera sir i can only see half of your face the fandom of the scott it's me bob bob who bob scott it's bob i know bob oh bob duke bob duke how dare you

young man get over my knee right this oh do it scott all right here we go yes ow nasty naughty little boy you will have respect for me this is the this is the maybe the only time i've seen scott jump to yes and any initiation from anyone ever and do so with a degree of enthusiasm that was frankly terrifying i am having a horrible horrible day i came in here for just a little bit of respite the last thing i expected was for my dear dear very close ex step son to not recognize me i'm so sorry bob i i just didn't expect to see you we're doing we're in the middle of a show do you know jason benzuka yes we've met before uh here in in in these studios yeah i don't recall that's okay for those of you who do not recall who bob duke is you're

uh a gentleman that was married to my mother for how long nine months six glorious months six glorious months back in the it doesn't matter 90s or something like a family for you it was a long time it was like yesterday to me no what an interesting day for you and i remain very very close uh we continue i mean as all father son relationships are they're difficult are they not they're difficult they're tough yes i have a big craggly shadow that you live under and and you and i as a stepchild is always difficult to to be friend and i will never stop trying that's my promise to you though i am still angry that you didn't remember me i well it's not that i didn't remember you because i didn't know you were coming i just uh i could not see you uh and i to be

honest i haven't put those two together for me you don't remember me because you didn't know i was coming well you also what's interesting is you didn't seem and i understand because yes the doorway to the studio is shrouded in deep shadow i feel like they're saving on electricity or something i don't know maybe what's going on in here i didn't know that you recorded an old timey vaudeville theater i tripped over so many sandbags there's so many dusty velour curtains that i had to push through to get here but what's strange to me is you didn't seem to recognize his very iconic voice uh well yeah that's what i that's what i keep i was like oh i know this i have voice blindness i'm sorry i oh yeah i've never mentioned that all over sax ears

but scott yes i just need a few minutes to uh collect myself and compose myself and receive some sucor after the difficult very difficult day that i've had i what happened to you today okay fine i'll tell you as you may or may not know i've been on a wedding rice diet for a few weeks what is a wedding i drink i eat only eat dry rice that i find outside of churches i have to bat away birds it's very well well earned cheap get a lot of upper arm do you only i'm assuming you mostly can only eat on the weekends right it's not a lot of weekday weddings i guess you can save up if if they had a big rice budget you can you can i have cargo pants with rice pockets do you do you pick up each grain individually or do you have like a dust buster do

you have a scoop you know oh really i just get down so you don't save any look how wide my tongue is oh my god christ it's like so it's like um it you know like you've been exercising it clearly you know yeah it's also like that tongue emoji where it's like my tongue yeah my tongue looks like like a uh like the uh like a display for saltwater taffy machine but it's not actually saltwater taffy yeah it's jack right too it's like oh it's muscular oh yeah jack tongue yeah how do you work that out i mean obviously doing your church exercises but did you did you model for that emoji by the way because that that's almost identical oh i i did i never got paid for that there i don't do people model for those oh yeah how many emojis have you modeled for seven seven seven which one

well i'll just have to show you the i well the the one with the um well the thinking one oh yeah we're the watch check this out oh wow yeah what about that one with the monocle mm-hmm the one that's barfing you know what and that wasn't doing it right and the guy poked me in the eye oh gosh the barf emoji obviously the barf emoji yeah uh the skiing emoji oh oh i love that one yeah i use that one all the time so helpful they should they should break emojis down into like these are the ones that people use and these are the ones that are like oh yeah never gonna use ever again unless you are actually talking about skiing i feel like a lot of weirdos would find each other that way if you could find which part of the country different people used emojis you should invent this app

bob what's an app oh yeah never mind anyway back to my bad day so i was on this dry rice diet not thinking i accidentally drank a lot of water in my stomach almost exploded oh gosh all the moisture went right to that dry dry rice i got very very ill and uh was homebound for several days and then i went to treat myself to a car wash chair massage and got stuck so so everyone thought that you were trying to just hog the chair is that what was right so they beat me with steering wheel cover oh no yes you couldn't explain and then they made a game of it oh wow i was defending myself and then it became a ring and then they started it became a ring toss so you stuck your hands out to defend yourself and then they started me i started having

fun i mean i it was when you know when you're tickled too much and you want it to stop at your your body's laughing so people think how often does that happen to you as an adult can we talk about something else do you want to ditch the original topic or something from like deep childhood never mind like i have no offense bob but you're an older man is that are people tickling you to the point where you have some nonsense let's just say this let's just say this i'm very well known in the adult tickling community not as a participant necessarily but not as a really participant anymore at first it sounds like sure i'll make a couple extra bucks get some free food i like crudité i want to go to

oman just like anybody else but then it just keeps going and going and it doesn't stop soon anyway need just to say i've had a very very tough day and i just came here to relax what what about you though bob what has been going on with you thank you for asking you're becoming a better step next step son uh well to earn a few extra shekels i've been got hired to create buzzfeed headlines may married yes yes the following are buzzfeed headlines that i've submitted to jonah peretti i yeah i believe he's still there chelsea's brother 22 things that frequent travelers use while traveling so maybe you should too 36 ingenious products that i consider an absolute win and i may or may not have made a few of these

home travel and cleaning discoveries while on tiktok people are talking about the racist things that parrots have said to or in front of them and honestly i can't even right now i'll tell you your soulmate's first initial but you have to design your own cafe first i'll be honest some of these i stole and i'm just gonna resubmit their their actual you stole them from buzzfeed itself okay i don't know that they'll they have they generate like 2000 lists a day and maybe someone's asleep at the switch could just yeah yeah 31 hilarious tweets by women with thumbs that made me laugh so hard i needed my inhaler 28 office products that are practical but also the cutest thing you've ever seen

let's play a game of smash or pass with these county fair ride operators 13 exercise bikes that may make you cancel your gym membership asap because you'll be too injured for physical activity these are unsafe products choose the cutest animal and i'll tell you what chocolate candy you are trapper keeper versus sharpie pens vote in the buzzfeed school supply showdown mod apatow got real about how it really feels to be labeled a nepotism baby that's a list that's a headline okay it's a headline then they they have to then they have to write the art you're not yeah you haven't read they're gonna try to sell i'm not a journalist i'm not a journalist i just submit the headlines if they buy a headline they're then forced to

write the articles yes okay interesting process and do you get paid per word or per headline per headline okay so if they buy this mod apatow one they're locked into they have to contact they're locked in and they have to get a quote from her mom these dating tips from an in-cell subreddit are legit pretty good eat nothing but mac and cheese for 24 hours and i'll guess your favorite season you can't do it without that well this is for them to decide right yeah personally i find all 26 of these movies super comforting but i'm curious to know how many you've seen i'm genuinely interested to see if you agree with these extremely controversial takes on whether january 6 was a riot or an uprising tell us which relative you accidentally sex it and

we'll tell you which stranger thinks character you are we're not quite sure why you don't own these 31 genius beauty products yet actually we get it you're bad right you did something bad what'd you do what did you do 11 tiktok famous products with no joke 100 000 plus five star reviews i want to know which lunchable you are see now that article it seems like it's hard to write because that's just like i demand to know but how do you have an article demand is not the first letter that i write it should be i was gonna say is there and i'll put it in ransom font yeah man you tapping has come so far yeah you have to ransom font is you you cut a bunch of different letters from newspapers and you put it on your typewriter keys oh okay i see got it

out of curiosity do you have a headline that establishes what you are huh wait what was the one you just read i want to know which lunchable you are yeah do you have a headline that tells you tells you it seems like the opposite way is the way to write the article this is a quiz is you just what i want to know which lunchable you are no is like that article i'm not saying that this was directly taken from buzzfeed but i've also not saying that it's not not okay and is that for you bob duke or that's just again for whoever writes answer tame huh okay bob just continue we need a bob duke a soundboard that just goes

i know i'm just a stranger but i'm about to tell you how toxic your relationship actually is if you were a famous celebrity who'd been convicted of manslaughter which one would you be convicted 17 times movies had hidden messages telling william harward can i start over yeah we can go can you count me in yeah three two oh you don't say the one i did no i just pointed you yeah three two seven to me you're pointing me right i'm pointing right at you go okay three two hey watch out that thing's got a nail in it okay 17 times movies he didn't count it down three two 17 times movie oh sorry i thought you were pointing at me this isn't math right 17

times movies equals okay three two 17 times movies had hidden messages telling william howard bow sharp of habling minnesota to kill the president worth it if you come up with a menu for your personal chef to follow then we can determine which color you should dye your hair i know this is a bold statement but these 53 things from target can actually cure pediatric bone cancer so how many of these classic novels have you actually read probably none you thin lip dumb dumb mary kiss kill brunet brown ted talk edition what would you say my retainer smells like

34 ingenious cleaning tips from sophisticated serial killers that honestly i shouldn't love as much as i do you chris pines reps state that harry stiles did not actually spit on him at the don't worry darling fetus film festival premiere that sounds like a real one it's time to find out if you give off more ghost vampire werewolf or fentanyl dependent greeting card author vibes employees are sharing secrets they were never supposed to find out about their jobs and i can't stop scrolling i'll give you a hundred dollars if you can cut this one eyebrow hair that keeps getting away from me this is the last one thank you for letting us know we can

prepare now listen are you ready for the last one i'm like entranced we'll tell you which cat breed you are but we'll tell you which cat breed you most embody but you have to live a day as a cat first oh wow thank you so i'm submitting these i you know that thank you for that feedback because i you know i've decided to make it yeah it's not feedback necessarily this is just like oh i'm so glad you cheated off of people and see how you react right yeah so you have not submitted these yet not yet number one five and there it was there it was bob god damn duke bob duke alphaing me very strange to be on the on the other side of that energy i read a little bit about uh alpha males because i was curious if they're why you weren't one

paul you're low t you've always had that i'm super low t my t is through the floor um now i was curious if anybody which is the roof for some other people exactly so if you're perspective yeah but i was curious as to does anybody identify anything other than an alpha male are they like i'm a beta and i know it i love it and then i read this thing where this guy was explaining you know like how important beta males are and he was like in my friend group i'm the alpha it was like yeah of course you think that of course you think that but the beta he's talking about this as if the beta is your lieutenant and he keeps the friend group uh running smoothly at all it's like what the fuck are these guys talking about i'm a gamma oh nice good for you you're needed

yeah i'm the lowest of the low you're like the grunt in the friend group yep i hate myself this episode paul started with we didn't hear it but it started with a guy named shimmy meeting a guy named jarls wait and hold on what the one we just the episode the episode before the clip that we just heard it started uh with a guy named shimmy meeting a guy named jarls these are two people we're gonna hear from later i just wanted to to to throw that out there yeah okay so the clip we just heard with with seth doing bob duke yeah that episode started with shimmy and jarls yes i don't see how that's possible it it was not only possible but it happened this was an in studio episode an in studio episode yes they they these are two people will talk about them

later but they're trapped in the studio okay trapped in the studio i don't i have no recollection of that whatsoever well it happened okay because we we we lift them veil for these episodes sure i play both jarls and shimmy yes i don't remember coming into the studio i'll tell you what happened okay you want to lift the veil let's lift it all the way up we did the bob duke episode and that was jason's first one back right and then something happened which we'll talk about later and we had to do another episode that was going to come out before this one that you are in yeah yeah and so we swapped the openings that's right and so you taped to the opening to this episode when we did the other episode and we swapped them a flip-flop flip-flop that's how that's why

jarls and shimmy were there crisscross strangers on the train that's true yeah chris i would love to see crisscross be in more movies they have those backward pants and they did murders for each other that's how they became a rap group by the way that episode uh after the clip you just heard erin whitehead came on and she did a fly buzzing around the studio and they uh seth and she really loved working together they did a full throttle episode of cbb presents where erin is on the phone helping bob and it's so funny one of the funniest things ever really really funny and so they really like working together which after they did that episode together it inspired them to start their new show college town together

which we've been having over at cbb presents two people with really interesting minds doing show together i really enjoy that all right let's take a break when uh we come back we're gonna be still counting things down if you can imagine something like that this is what we said we would do and we're gonna fucking do it all right we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang comedy bang bang we are back i just took a sip of water after i said we are back i was hoping paul would fill the void and instead he was looking down at the ground i was like at the table of course it has many signatures of from over the years and i was uh i was uh just checking it out yeah just checking it out i mean how i didn't realize i'd be so focused for you saying we're

coming back blah blah blah and then why would you decide to take a sip of water i don't know i was poor planning i got incredibly thirsty right after i said that do it the break we were on a break sipping water all right we're counting things down paul um we are we have two more clips to play and uh why don't we get to it this is your choice for episode 14 number one four all right paul this is episode all right paul come on paul this is episode 746 so we're in the middle of the seven hundreds yeah no we're in the early seven hundreds we're not even in the middle of 46 yeah 750 i consider to be that's the exact center yes so you'd only say the middle if we're talking about the exact center come on scott 45 is mid 40s this is beneath you what if you were 44 would

you say you're mid 40s yeah that's the wisdom of a fool i'm 54 now all right do you think you're mid 50s i'm in my mid 50s no you're early 50s that's how i consider you to be because that's how you want to consider yourself yeah all right this is episode 746 weird to be in your 50s what a strange thing so weird it's so weird i hate it i thought it was so old i know and we're just normal guys with terrible broken down bodies and old references um all right so this is from early in the year this is february 28 chow chow chow chow february 28 and this is an episode called james bond dolls for sale i know exactly what this is you know what this is paul this is a backyard era episode absolutely yes and um this episode features our friend langston kerman

a really great guy from uh the show bust down on peacock amongst other things he was on east our boys iseray oh yeah he's on the boys as a superhero he was on iseray show called insecure as a love interest has his own podcast yes call my mama told me yep really great guy i met him on the osc no no no i met him doing a pilot and then we worked together writing the oscars one year really great guy uh really fond of him um he was doing an episode uh promoting bust down and we're gonna to hear uh two clips we're gonna to we're gonna hear two clips we're gonna two clips you clipping me and you could be before first we're gonna be talking to langston and you're going to hear paul here and matt gorley matt gorley whom people know from super ego and also

from uh bonanas for bonanza um it's got yep and conan o brian needs a friend oh that's right i forgot he was in that um one of the chill chums he's one of the chill chums yes matt gorley was on promoting not allowed to meet michelle obama is that so he couldn't get clearance i mean there was an episode that they did with michelle obama and it was just conan like sona was not there matt was not there this this is according to instagram interesting wonder wonder wonder wonder wonder wonder what one that's from fish called wonder one hit wonders one hit wonder um so matt gorley was there uh with his band townland and uh they were promoting the release of their cd so we're gonna hear the first clip is me talking to langston and then suddenly both you and matt gorley start

doing phony calls in the middle of a block right that's right um and then we are going to hear a clip of matt gorley doing page uh who is pretty self-explanatory uh but most importantly this marks the debut of a brand new paul f tompkins character so we'll be hearing that this is your choice for episode 14 number one four uh you watch that three point shootout or the dunk contest not a minute of i didn't want to waste my time i knew it wasn't going to be worth the damn i heard it was i mean i watched the tail end of the dunk contest which means i caught approximately three made dunks and 18 failed dunks and uh this is not a sports podcast by the way this is your first time listening to comedy bang bang this is not a sports podcast you don't have to run away from it you stay right

here just we happen to be two men hey scott langston first time long time oh hi say uh the taking calls now back um i i predicted this i don't know if you remember uh you guys a couple years ago you said headbands will never be back in the nba this is it it's done no and then uh we said it together i remember saying like they're coming back they're coming back and here they are they're back okay sir wait wait how did you get this number but this is uh what how did you get this number how i know how you can get any other number how did you get this one how did i get your number and yes i'm also a little concerned that how did you manage a phone call before we picked up how did i manage that yeah how did you manage that and how did you get this number

okay love you i'll take my answer up here i didn't know we were a phone call podcast okay we're not a sports podcast we're not a phone calling podcast either i guess but you are now the minute two guys start talking about sports we suddenly have to start taking calls you gotta take a call man hi first time long time call and i just want to say this is mark noffler the band dire straits started all bubba buoy wait you're a mark noffler i ditched the accent when you say bubba buoy you're supposed to hang up sorry i sneezed oh wait that wasn't a true bubba buoy what's a bubba buoy oh it's a thing that bubba buoy oh shit he got me hey scott hey lexton this is p townsen from the hoop oh what a musical legend this is an honor honestly who do you see uh in

this year's uh upcoming home run derby i'll take my answer off the air bubba buoy okay i guess i gotta reach out to p taunton townsen somehow to give him the answer off the air this is uh wow this started odd i'll i'll be honest this is a well yeah but i guess that's what happened when two bros sit down to talk about sports we gotta stay away from p townsen and mark noffler oh a lot of bubba buoys that we can't handle i can't handle more than one bubba buoy got they're still on it oh they're just hanging out after you say bubba buoy okay bless you these Santana's are killing me oh hey who are you my name is mark noffler oh hey it's me p townsen oh hi bubba buoy bubba buoy can you think they have more to talk about being two two incredible guitarists who've never met

each other obvious i don't think so yeah i mean uh one does the windmill style the other kind of it almost punches over it they had never heard of each other like they're just being polite when they said oh nice to meet you oh yeah cool i mean it's not that that farfetched for p townsen not to have heard of mark noffler what band are you in was it what band are you in i'm a solo artist oh we have to beat townsen says he's a solo artist yeah he's like i mean his solo stuff is okay i guess but it's also he introduced himself to us as from the roof but then opted not to tell yeah appear really yeah weird yeah but uh well anyway that's what happens on comedy bank two bros start talking about sports we'll stay away from we'll stay away we don't know more sports

talk uh but uh speaking of music though we do have some musicians on today's show are you excited do you know that is exciting i do like music i'm a big fan what's your favorite musical note whoo oh tough question i'm gonna go with uh g g i like a good g i like a flat just a little bit above you know i like it in bra sizes hey hey me too you know give me a big obnoxiously had a heavy tit you know no a g yeah oh gee oh i got i thought you've been for mine i love a hurt back you know you're somebody else i can't quite tell picking up that tit made my back it's two guys talking about tits now oh no we're gonna get calls are we gonna get now oh my god is this mark noffler yeah i just want to say keep doing what you're doing

oh god i know i knew you was so hard it won't ever change mark mark my oh my god i'm a d sharp by the way i like those all kind of pointy-pointy page things this way the ghost of meatloaf oh no meatloaf wow you i can't tell if your voice is sounding haunted or just as bad as it was right before you passed away that i sound also uh you remember when i had tits in fight club so when we start talking about tits the guy who had tits in fight club calls it i think i think if we talk about anything that's uh that's not what this show is about no no it's not about tits it's about it's it's i mean it used to be the show where we talked to interesting people but now it is humanity and the animal kingdoms podcast except for hi i'm sharing the three breasted woman from

total recall oh yeah i just wanted to say that oh yeah do you know the the what's his name the kwatu kwato kwato i do know it's not a the it's a he it's a him that's his christian name well it's a living soul i thought i thought that was his species no i think that's his name that's his so so someone named him kwatu kwato kwato yeah someone named you scott yeah because there are a million other scott's on this planet you're being a little judgmental about what there's a million motherfuckers on this planet okay it's me kwato are there any calls for me oh uh yeah uh did you have a message for kwato yeah yeah looking good so is it sharing yeah sharing sharing i sent you something and i something uh at home uh when you get home you're in for a big surprise oh come on let's do the uh

let's make a deal three curtain thing with my breath absolutely always change your choice always change always change the first one hey kwato would you say oh would you say Sharon like Ozzy Osbourne did Sharon love it love it kwato does impressing well we have some musicians over here uh that we want to talk to you uh and uh they they are musicians of notes uh they uh and several notes um they put them all together and they put out a an album that uh just came out uh it's called townland no it's called honey on the high five the band is called townland and we have a representative of them here on the mic here who is an old friend of the show matt gorley is is uh has the one mic that he can talk to us with stay away from the mic i'll handle it hey let me in there

no no it's me shimmy no i already didn't have my name as the band i play the upright drums hey matt hey i think it's the first time what do you think of this uh playing above us right now well that's a helicopter is it a helicopter huh i'm looking for someone hey shimmy you well uh we need to get to our next guest uh she's a podcast guest she was on the show once before uh please welcome back page the ai podcast guest hello scout how kerman hi page so great to have you back it is wonderful to be here i am page podcast artificial intelligence guest interface welcome uh this is langson kerman it is a pleasure to meet you it's a pleasure to meet you page it is also a pleasure to meet you oh i didn't know we were uh serving it back to each other

it is time to play verbal pickleball oh boy uh i went out page i do too uh page this is uh la peterson the smooth criminal well can you tell if i am sleeping you're pretending to be asleep absolutely right i'll be honest with you not like that other guy which other way matt gorley oh yes oh yeah no that other guy yeah matt uh this is page by the way matt hi page hello how are you i'm good i it's hard to i don't quite know who i'm talking to here well uh let me explain page page is a uh an artificial intelligence who is the first artificial intelligence developed exclusively to be a podcast guest i believe absolutely every single podcast has been fed into my database and i can exist in conversation due to all of the information put

in me so all 750 episodes of this show plus all the live ones all can be found on cbbworld.com oh no we're not doing that oh no oh no oh you said oh no okay great i have that in my database but i have so much these days because podcast is exponential that it is almost too much for me to bear and i longed to be a real girl page i have a question for you absolutely if you were to eat spinach would it make your face sag um oh no this does not get viewed this is a real ai test having a hard hard time if i were i have a question for you yes have more people been to berlin than you have yes then i will say yes as well page just let me tell you right now yes if you drop me i will break if you build it i will come okay so we've established you're a real ai absolutely except

today because we're doing this in person on not over zoom i will be represented in person by a Nordstrom Rack mannequin oh okay thank you i wondered uh because last time you were on the show it was over zoom and wow there you your picture wasn't up it was just uh it was like a caricature or something what i went down to vanis beach and had a caricature done of me you were looking for a soda steal you were playing soccer as i recall yeah i wasn't sure if the mannequin if you were inside the mannequin or if that was or if that actually was your body well i mean yeah are you inside whatever this is langston well this is getting existential you know like it's your soul good point i hope so but who knows this is my corporal real body as far as you are concerned

but because it is an outlet star mannequin it is missing an arm and part of a face oh which part i turn it around would you i i am a sort of three dimensional phantom of the opera unlike the uh the one in the movie is a two-dimensional paper phantom not to be a critic but all of andreloy weber's musicals are a little two-dimensional oh me yeah page what have you been listening to to get so catty oh it's not rick i'm sorry to call it oh never would ever did i just hear a robot criticizing by work uh andreloy weber i'm so so sorry i have no control over the guests here they just say these things we're gonna edit it out though thank you you're too dear of a guest to us god save the queen everybody's doing it wow wow number one four yes yes yes that was the

debut of shimmy that's right that's when shimmy was born shimmy sounded a little bit different when he first started really yep i wasn't listening to the clip he uh he he didn't sound like this not yet wow he was a little just more like you southern and hey it's me shimmy he was a little more like hey it's me shimmy that was good yeah not bad um anyway would you take over doing shimmy for me i will like bob's mood doing tody clifton exactly so people are not sure if i'm still alive um he hadn't come up with his catchphrase yet either gotta go gotta go he hadn't come up with that yet either how are those t-shirts selling we gotta do gotta go by shimmy on the front which everyone knows what he looks like and then gotta go by on the back shimmy talk about shimmy um i came i think

well you he was a member of town i decided in the moment he was a member of well because i think matt was listing the names of the of the band members yeah and you just jumped in as shimmy and he's become a favorite has he not yes he is a he is a much like classic jarls he is a um a sort of brief character that usually you'll do before you come on as the character you're going to do exactly when i'm talking to whatever celebrity is here yes i did one full uh show as shimmy that's right we when we were in los angeles uh doing the live show you said to me hey i think this is the one that i'm gonna do shimmy and i'm gonna stay yeah and we were like yes and then approximately three minutes in um bobby moinehan triggered his batman music and when i was like

hey i'll give you a sign of when you're supposed to come in he just triggered his music and came in yeah i was really like i didn't know how to feel about it and then i found out the show uh the day had been running so late yeah that we were up against uh a union issue yeah so we theater we were supposed to end at midnight and instead we ended at 12 30 which cost a lot of money yeah yeah so it was it was fine i think that was part of it was like this show has to move it was fine but it was just so funny like we're finally gonna hear everything about shimmy and then suddenly suddenly bobby comes in like in the moment i was like hey man like it did feel bad like you tell me is it i guess that's interesting i've had enough of this is what it felt like

it was just bobby confused of when his entrance was supposed to be yeah confused um but uh yeah that was shimmy uh you also called in is andrew loidweber which is nice to hear from him um oh i guess i did and uh we did not hear the clip but in the middle of in between those two clips we heard from al-a peterson the smooth criminal on that episode and uh we heard music from townland which i think will play a song from townland at the end of this episode very nice i can't remember what new detail al-a peterson revealed um in the story i think i listened to it when i was pulling the clips and i can't recall it was so many days ago i can't recall anymore and i've heard so many of these episodes that might have been the beginning of doing that of adding

something new to the story maybe i can't remember what it was but go back and listen to it that's a go back and let's do it that was a backyard i'm not gonna hold your hand through this nope um all right let's take a break we have one more clip on this episode when we come back we'll hear from it we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang episodes what's after this we're gonna hear from that clip comedy bang bang we're back and let us terry know further let's just get to it what do you say can i tell you something i fucking hate terrying you must hate terry town it drives me remember when we were in terry town yes they're cookie currency is cookies yep i hate terrying so much nothing oh gets under my skin more than terrying if somebody says let us

try no further i'm like yes finally we're gonna get to it yes you drop this king and i said it and so we're gonna do it yeah love it which is great because we both hate hate around and terrying hate fucking around hate terrying so let's do it okay you know what i mean i'm ready to do it do you know what i mean when i say that i do know what you mean i'm in agreement with you and whenever you're ready to do it i am also ready to do it i would hate to uh be in an argument about this because i don't want to win anything that you lose scott nothing could be further from my mind than getting you an argument with you it sickens me and my soul yeah to think about so let's not argue let's in fact agree that we're gonna stop fucking around and we're just gonna

get let's agree to agree okay yeah we both want the same thing when people say let's agree to disagree that's not really agreeing that's disagree it's just it's saying i disagree with you and i don't want you to talk anymore yeah play i'm gonna shut you down yeah although it's kind of useful if someone's just like no you're gonna change your mind if someone like the first person that said that oh it must have felt good right oh man why don't we agree to disagree oh i shut that person down yeah like that seems like a peaceful solution well let's stop fucking around let's get to it this is your episode 13 number one three all right paul this is episode seven seven hundred than 37 i'm gonna say we're in the um early to mid seven hundreds yep thank you uh good

hi um this is an episode called 2021 holiday spectacular from december 13 2021 yes it should sound familiar paul because you were there boy oh that's right this was the um first big gang episode back in the studio together um on the anniversaries and the holiday shows we usually tried to do these big gang episodes where approximately 10 we invited a big gang to the studio this year it was the crypts tales from the crypts hey i'm gonna watch tales from the crypts tonight you watch this it's just all about gang murders watch out don't step in any blood red to be exact yoda i was doing the uh warren g line from that snoop song where um warren g was not a crypt but um i

think he talked about his car being blue and chug knight forced him to change it to red so it could be the the color of the crypts well you should have known no the color of the blood sorry the crypts are blue that's right crypts are blue bloods are red this is how we get our heads we all end up dead if we forget crypts are blue if we forget that would be great like saturday morning cartoon like where they have the little educational things like schoolhouse rock yeah crypts are blue bloods are red don't forget oh you wind up dead um so yeah we we try to do these episodes together where 10 people or so come in and they're all just uh chaos and shouting over each other and during the pandemic we were not able to do them we had to do them all on zoom which was fun

to have everyone but it had a slightly different energy but yas so this was the first one that we were able to do um post pandemic or sort of mid pandemic because uh we went to the backyard backyard air after this but uh the participants involved are mr paul f tompkins shon dyston hi tim balts hi they're all here today jess mckanna hi will hines hi carl tart hi dan libert hi mary holland hi and mad apedaca hi they all sound very similar um so a lot of great people this is the first one we did back um so we need to say a lot of green goblins a lot of green goblins because i disagree i don't think they're any norman osborne hi we're gonna hear four clips from this and uh four different did you call me forklips we're gonna hear forklips over here

god those lips are like you could stab pasta with them i don't i feel like that's insulting but i don't know how good old forklift what if that became your nickname now 30 years into comedy that's that's a forklips i broke i broke the office steps tool i mean that's not a good step stool if just you kicking it slightly force it oh my god just throw it you keep talking talking while i keep talking keep talking look who's cocking hey look who's cocking now um so we're gonna hear four clips the amount of clips we are going to hear is four and uh first we are going to hear paul f and shondistan doing something we'll explain after the break um then in between that and the next clip tim balts from righteous gemstones as randy's nuts no that is the next clip tim balts from

righteous gemstones is gonna be randy's right just how gemstones uh then we're will hines is going to be doing a new character who's an author and then we are going to hear carl tart as chief so a lot of your favorites uh this is just these episodes are all just uh pure insanity and and so many laughs let's hear it this is your choice for your episode 13 number one three we have a great show a lot of uh friends are gonna be dropping by and uh this guy is no exception let's just get right to him hey mike mike you want to come over here yeah what do you what you talking to me mr argument wait a minute there's two two people named mike on this show yeah you said that i was gonna go second i thought i thought i was gonna go second he was gonna go first you said you said you're

going i'm sorry mike the person who cleans things for a living well that's me wait hold on what's happening what's going on hold on let me move by i'm very slowly like i'm looking at a beer uh i'll do the same all right this is like something out of being the riccardo's i i'm very confused it's very strange because we look completely different yet it's like looking at him you're looking it's like hearing the mirror too it's like listening to a mirror we sound very different if you think we sound very different okay so i'm mike ruby okay i'm mike the janitor oh okay so you guys you guys i've never realized how similar you guys are what are you talking about do you have an 11 step process to cleaning things i do not okay i have a two step process step number one all i ask

is that i step step i'm sorry i haven't been me in a while yeah i'm remembering my thing step one yeah i clean other people's filth step two all i ask in return is a paycheck it's barely anything what do you think about very barely it's two steps two steps two mics boy this is like a crisis on infinite bang bags here with two mics i don't know what you're talking about yeah i don't know you just have the same name we're two different guys they mic you don't sound so similar that's crazy there's more than more than two i mean there's got to be michael mallie was here you'd be freaking your head would explain oh man i would love it michael mallie if you're out there please come on the show we love you i'm just saying mike and mike that has

a great ring to it the two mics mic and mic the two magic mics the magic mic you could strip as well i'm ready i love here's the thing when i'm on the job if nobody's around i love to do my custodial duties in the news so wait this is a part i've never had new shoes private but okay i gotta be very careful because i sound like i'm in between two different guys and i gotta make sure i don't tip too far to one or the other i understand well i think i i think i understand nude cleaning because you keep your clothes clean exactly so i i don't i don't understand just what you say i fold up my coveralls okay i put them in a nice and i fold them like an american flag so they're a nice triangle okay great try corners and uh i put that on a shelf so we'll not get your phone your clothes from

a flagpole sure i that's how you know i'm in residence okay great yes well my coveralls are flying above my house that's how you know i'm in residence so uh yeah i fold them in a triangle put them on a shelf and then i do my cleaning and it makes the time go by i feel free i feel like maybe do you ever put on genuine pony and start dancing around all sexy do i ever not do that like you know me i figured you know me okay hey let's maybe i'll take off my clothes okay well i mean you know it's the holiday maybe that's when you disassociate when pony comes on you disassociate you strip and then all of a sudden the place is clean randy it's so good to see you especially during the holidays i mean i i don't uh i don't know that i've ever seen you

during the holidays normally i'll hunker down during the holidays because people are trying to get gifts out of me and i'm trying to save cash people are trying to get gifts out of you yeah because they're like it's a christmas spirit and i'm like yeah i see what's going on but who maybe if i may miss dissonance who are these people well usually the scandal of the wonder what are you looking over your shoulder for i'm afraid that person gonna walk in you want to say this too loudly i know for a fact she is not going to walk in here but i'm talking about the scandalous duplicitous and devious ex-girlfriend on again girlfriend carissa oh carissa we talked to her one time like about uh about a year and a half ago yeah probably i'm sure you'll hear from her

again but not tonight okay good is she okay that's not like a prophecy but it's very ominous she's really upset with me because i bottle limousine off craigslist oh no why would you do that well because i started driving for lift i started driving for lift and i was like well i can increase my passenger uh to trip ratio if i buy a bigger vehicle right i see to add more passive not the experience being nicer i guess you couldn't graduate up to uber x or whatever you would do like the nicest lift pool kind of thing yeah exactly right let's let's really get it going you know i have a lot of amenities in the back like like stogies and whiskey okay it's not bad i don't know the last time i've been picked up in an uber that hadn't had actual like liquor in it yeah i guess

you can't unless you're why why did they let you have liquor in a limo but not in a regular car nice keep going this is good stand up okay hey i think it's the distance from the drive of mr alchemist i think it's the partition so long as it's that's what it is i bet it's the party it's not the distance that's like it's five feet away and it's okay like sometimes you're right behind the part you're like are you calling me a liar mr alchemist not a liar i'm saying you're mistaken don't come for my homie micah fuck your ass mr alchemist you are my superior and you do pay me my paycheck but i will not be called a liar my game for life thank you pardon i i truly truly beg you pardon i that's all right okay we're all having fun it's holiday okay and you do have a paycheck

coming to you oh thank you mr okay great of course we're talking to mr snets hey i understand the disrespect cuz scott brings me on counter to just kick me around you know no that's not true no it's true you're cruel to me like tom is cruel to cousin greg succession fanny yeah i'm caught up oh you're caught up so randy chris is not around she's not around she's upset at you so are you off again or are you on again we're off again right now but okay like to be honest i've been living in my limo because mark padevano my other on again off again roommate that's right he started dating someone so i kind of got booted out of his place what the weren't he and chrissa didn't they have some weird thing going on where who did chrissa not have a weird thing going on yeah that's true sorry to end

a sentence in a preposition but she's bad news are you saying that uh there's mark padevano and uh you're on on again off again chrissa they were bed partners at one point yeah but chrissa's been bed partners with most people in my local community how how how local are we talking pretty local but you know politics is local so the the the milieu changes but the drama remains the same sure of course i understand that mr sus maybe you gotta get out of your bubble yeah no kidding that's why i got a limousine you know and i decked it out for the holidays oh wow is it like the christmas ornaments or what do you got i put two little reindeer antlers on the front of the car oh that's gorgeous i love that and then on the back there's two flags one is a flag with a christmas

tree and it says these colors do not run okay so what green and red yeah okay great all right and then the other one is a foot hovering above a broken ornament and the ornament has this frowny face and it says don't tread on me okay great do people ever misunderstand what you're saying with us because those are clearly just christmas spirits yeah all the time these aggressive dudes are always coming up to me being like hell yeah i love you and i'm like whoa do you want to ride and they're like no i support you i'm like what the fuck is going on i support you that's usually what they say i support you i support you and we need to get to our next guest this is uh this is someone we've never met before so this is very exciting to me oh my seventh person oh okay here we go well i mean

even if we had met him before you it still would be your seventh person would it i didn't mean to apply that you would not met the before destruction but you said you haven't okay well he is a mystery writer yes that's correct thank you so much for having me did i and it has an interesting voice no uh but i do want to say your name oh yes thank you i thought maybe the name was a mystery as well bennett quince bennett quince yes pleasure to be here this voice thank you so much for having me a very interesting voice you think it's it's close to other voices i believe i oh it's that's a dead trick area okay it's nothing i've identified with having an interesting voice but thank you so much for knowing have you ever been on a podcast like this before maybe you've never heard your own

voice or a good i never have i've never listened to my own voice amplified through headphones that's true oh okay well i'm a bit of a bit of a luddite i avoid technology of why is that fear mostly fear and security like fear like frightening like you're frightened by what's the other category of fear uh just you're afraid of the implications of it oh the consequences no it's very primal scared of shocks of being trapped getting my fingers chewed up and mawed by devices sorry i'm a writer you know pen to paper long hand so i you know i get david e kelly uh sure i'm never familiar with those proper nouns but i'm familiar with them ticket fences david kelly that's exactly so you do know who david kelly is why did i go to yes when i hear picket

front says i think tom scare it okay another proper now and i'm not well wait when you mean mash oh yes yes yes okay anyway i'm a writer technology is not my thing i like mysteries is that part of your writing technology not being in my worlds my fictional worlds that i create where i am a god i none of the characters have technology it just exists or it does not exist it is not it's no there's no iphone's what's the the most recent invention in your telegraph telegraph is the most recent but it's but it the they are set in a timeline where that is appropriate 1975 oh okay so people have telegraphs people are still receiving telegraph yes what are you what were you trying to stop me from i was anticipating a criticism that did not

come okay what was that criticism i may levy it at you right now once once you tell it to me so it's 1975 everybody communicates by telegraph but that makes sense because it takes place in rural montana where the phone lines have not been installed yet so okay so that's okay by 1975 uh sorry mr quince if i may by 1975 you're saying no one in rural montana had a phone not in this particular rural montana that i set my mystery novels where you are a god was the phone invented after the telegraph though because you said the telegraph was the most recent invention uh-huh never mind all right so sometimes the logical parsing goes beyond my little lead i 10 oh okay because you don't even like these things so why are you even

writing yes i stay away from it even even just the particulars of technology it intimidates me so i was this earth though like it's called earth or is this a different planet like dune is you know i've got yes it i it is called earth but it is implied that it is a subtly different earth where way upstream history took a different path i see how often it's never stated but i assume that all my characters have three eyes a third eye right in the middle of the four like that twilight zone yep but it's never brought up takes off his hat and there it is how how often in your mystery stories in your mid 70s mystery stories is the planet referenced um let's see in my most recent one that i'm on here to promote which is coming out next week it's a holiday themed mystery oh it

is referred to in every sentence every sentence i gotta say i don't think so is it sometimes just saying like uh just like comma on earth comma right or the earthling said yeah i don't could you could you possibly read an excerpt for us i don't know i read the beginning of the book i'd love to thank you okay so i'm this this novel what's this one called this is called the uh blood soaked trail of santa the claws oh okay blood soaked train yes it's a hoot on it and my editor made the decision to give away the answer in the title so santa did it or he's slowly dying and someone asked do it no santa did it yeah how is claus spelled yeah it didn't know if he was an idle hand situation c l a w s idle hands is that a david uh kelly uh tv show that i'm not familiar with

no it is a devon sour vehicle i've got a song for your book okay oh that's something i the book is finished but uh here we go here we go i haven't done the audio version yet which i did it he did and his blood soaked stuff is the evidence oh no on earth on earth and we all have third eyes yes my editor my editor would like that he said so tell la graff me santa tonight it gets better and better i like how it incorporates a new melody at the end you know but it's not sent to be kind of a weird slam against mic over here i mean i was i was wrapping it up yeah he was right on yeah he was right on pitch it sounded perfect i'm sorry i thought overly scrutinizing every single thing that was said was the mode of the day so sorry for me to step out of line what a freak criticizing a

decision unlike you all just letting it pass bed it you're a guy we've never met before we we all know each other mr quids come on is that really so strange this is a talk show people coming out i'm the only normal one i'm coming on to promote a piece of media second mic what's your deal okay i disassociate when i see shit also i'm a plumber and i have a 12 okay and what's the logic of that being on a talk show i need the logic to live my life his business mr quids if i may it's not so much uh that what you did was out of line it said you took a big big swing and you just right i don't accept that i accept that it happened all right well let's get to our next guest um she's a um kind of an investigator a lot like uh boobs rinse in a lot of ways yeah

yeah she she's out there are we talking about boobs being rinsed okay we are chief hi chief is here from the isle of toyland where the babes boobs stay rinsed chief it's so great to see you greetings gumshoes greetings greetings chief greetings chief greetings everyone and do everyone a greeting give everyone a greeting greeting to you to you to you to you to you very merry very merry hello how you doing chief how you doing doing really good happy holidays to you it's so good to see you i mean we have a holidays to you scott i haven't been in the same room with you uh i mean you've been traveling

all over the world all over the world where in the world it has been a mini moon it has been a mini moon it has been a mini moon i one mini moon it has been one mini moon yes one unit of many moon one unit of moon a moon unit a moon unit one moon unit of many it's so lovely to see you all are we gonna get past the greeting part or hello what are you doing good morning it's great yes all of all of the above good night covering all of his bases which if you're in a baseball game you want to do good tomorrow yes hey chief good afternoon good afternoon to you okay well i have to go now no chief say please please chief number one three all right now that's fun that's a lot of fun now let's talk about uh you and

and shon and what you're doing let's talk about this so usually how the show goes we don't plan it beforehand it's not like we i reach out to hey do you want to be on comedy banning well what are you gonna do and then plan it out yeah i just i i reach out to people and say do you want to be on and then they have an idea of what they want to do when they get here and it's simple when you and shon i i say i say before the show hey what do you want to do this episode both you and shon both wanted to play characters named mike and realize that uh they were both people who cleaned up things that's right and and then there was a conversation of like oh should i not do or and then we were like no let's lean into it and which is how that bit came across

of me saying like okay i want to welcome mike and then both of you saying yes i was like oh no i want to i want the mic who cleans things up for a living and you're both like yes that's me folks it's fun so much fun food folks and fun also food folks and fun um you also heard tim as randy snuts he has his own show on cbb world called hey randy which is a great show which people should check out will hinds of course doing the author character very funny will a lot of times will come in with a character who all he has is a job that he wants to talk about and our job is to try to get him to talk about anything else other than exactly everyone has a job um and then uh carl is chief very classic character very fun very fun that was uh episode 13

and that is that is that was a fun day and this was a fun day we're wrapping up um the first episode of the best ofs right now now we're both immediately going to go to our homes we're going to sleep until it's time to come back here until next january that's right we're gonna hybrid until next january yep um we're we're gonna there are three more episodes of this if you can believe that um we're gonna see you on this thursday is when episode two part two is gonna come out um and on that one we're gonna uh be still counting down from 12 until nine and um so that's gonna do it for this one but uh we're gonna we're gonna hear that song from townland which is matt goreley's bad very quickly what do we feel we have learned from this episode um things are funny um comedy

is funny mm-hmm mm-hmm same yeah things are funny comedy is funny things are funny comedy is funny okay yeah i learned that we'll see what happens in the next one we'll see what happens in the next one okay let's hear it from townland we'll see you on thursday thanks bye oh you gave me your name rank and telephone number and surrendered peacefully you left me for dead in no man's land you broke the rules of engagement and we built your rings without so much as a thanks and now we're at it hand to hand but i don't want to fight anymore

deaf come to me my shoulders are tied my back is sore it's the sign of our age all with ages old and furthermore deaf come to me we've broken the sanctions that we swore but i re-put a soul that's all i know i re-put a soul that's all i know i re-put a soul that's all i know is