Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2022 Part 3

Episode Date: December 26, 2022

It’s a special Day After Christmas Edition of CBB as Scott and Paul F. Tompkins continue the Best of Comedy Bang! Bang! 2022 countdown with Part 3! On this episode, Scott and Paul talk about the Federal holiday of Christmas before counting down your choices for episodes eight through five. Tune in Thursday to hear which episodes cracked the Top 4!

A-ha-ha-ha-boom. Why don't more songs end with a-ha-ha-boom? I don't know. It sounded so good. It's a perfect button on any song. Welcome to Comedy Band. And the home of the brave. A-ha-ha-boom.

We all. Or don't. Whatever you choose. He's getting fired. Wait, they only play ball because he commands them to? No, well, because he leaves them with no other option. Well, that's, yeah. So they could not play ball unless he commanded them to.

People pay, they bought tickets. And they can do nothing but play ball because he commands them to. Exactly, exactly. People bought tickets. You can't give the players the leave. Of course they'll, wouldn't you? I would, of course.

I wouldn't play fucking baseball. No one wants to play baseball. No one wants to watch it. No one wants to play it. No one wants to look at it. Because at home, the people in the stands, somebody told them, go see baseball. They have no choice.

The umpire went one by one to all their houses. Go see baseball. The umpire. I've shortened it to the umpire. The umpire. The umpire. The umpire. Ah, the umpire.

The umpire. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 2022 part three. Oh yeah. Day after Christmas edition. Christmas was just yesterday. God, how was your Christmas? It was good, I mean.

Bad, bad question. Cause we had a home invasion. Why would you schedule that for Christmas? I know. Someone came down the chimney. It was crazy, anyway. Now, it's impossible to go down a chimney, right? There's no chimney that's wide enough

for a person to go down. Yeah, especially someone of such girth. Don't fat shame Santa. You fat shamed this snowman last episode. He can't hear me. Santa can? Santa has ears. Yeah, but he only sees me when I'm sleeping.

The snowman, he's deaf. Yeah, they never talk about the snowman's ears. Ears made out of beets. Come on. Yes. By Dre, put some headphones on it so at least people won't know that he doesn't have ears. Thank you, beets by Dre, headphones.

My name is Scott Ackerman, I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang, and yeah, this is the day after Christmas, and this is part three of the best of 2022. I, as always, during the best ofs, and joined here by my good friend and collaborator, what was gonna happen? We are collaborators. We are collaborators.

Yes, and... We helped the Nazis take France. Never been caught. Never been caught. Maybe we shouldn't be saying it. Now, surely the statute of limitations has expired on those war crimes? It's our Nazis, yeah, they have to.

But Paul F. Tompkins is with me. Hi, everyone, I wanna say hello to all my fans and all my foes. If you're a hater and a loser, I still say hi to you. Happy Boxing Day to even the haters and losers. Yeah, it's not only Boxing Day, it's Christmas Day substitute. Uh, what?

Well, you see, Christmas is on a Sunday this year. Boo! So, for the actual federal holiday, I believe they use today. On the federal holiday of Christmas. I was thinking about that recently about how Christmas is the only religious holiday that's also a federal holiday.

Well, is it Easter? No, it's not. Good Friday? Easter's always on a Sunday. Good Friday. Yeah, we're closing federal offices because of Good Friday. It's the only one, and so, to me, it's like...

New Year's Eve is religious. Full disclosure, New Year's Eve is not religious, and it is not a federal holiday. Yes, it is religious. New Year's Day is a holiday, and New Year's Eve is not religious. It is too. It is not.

Every year on New Year's Rock and Eve, Dick Clark would pray. He would pray to be immortal, and then look what happened. God struck him down. Just in time, too. God? Because one more year, he would have been immortal. Happy New Year, and once again, God, please grant me eternal life.

We'll see you next year. Please watch America's Funniest Home Videos. This is at 10.30 p.m. You're like, no, Dick, you got to stay on for another hour and a half at least. Nope, rerun it. But, so, oh, full disclosure, I just talked about this in my stand-up set

on December 18th at the Fryotopia show. Fryotopia. Which I think is maybe, it might be up for VOD by now on Vimeo, if you want to check it out. But, when you talk about the war on Christmas, it's already over, dude, because Christmas is a federal holiday, all these people get off.

Christmas won. They don't worship Jesus Christ, and they still get the holiday off. You should be able to take Christmas as a federal holiday if you can prove you worship Jesus Christ. Exactly. Like, you got to have at least a 60-second video of you worshiping Jesus Christ.

Yes. Oh, Jesus, you are so great, oh, mighty Jesus. I'm not just saying that to get the day off. So sorry, gang, it's over. You lost. You lost. You snooze, you know what happens. You lose.

You lose. Fuck around, you lose as well. It's gonna be two hits, you lose. You losing me? Me losing you. All right, on this episode, we're going to be counting down your choices for episodes eight through five.

When Scott says your choices, he's not looking at me specifically because he's trying to communicate that it's you, the audience, and I'm talking to you right now, the audience. That's right, it's your choice. You voted on these. And if you didn't, I don't know why you're listening to this.

Yeah. You obviously don't care. You don't give a shit. If it's not a countdown to how great you are, then you don't fucking care. Oh, Jesus, you're so great. I would listen to that, though. I would listen, yeah.

Countdown to why Jesus is so great. Number 10, no sins. Oh, that's pretty low on the countdown. You know, the closest he came was when he got angry at that fig tree that time. That's number one. Getting angry at the fig tree, yeah. Oh man, Jesus is hungry.

He's like, oh, I'll get some figs. What? No figs. No figs on here? Fuck you. You're dead forever. What a squandering of a miracle. Fucking good, he got angry. You're a gritty little bitch.

Hey, hey. Hey, if you're religious, we apologize. It's not this, this isn't that kind of show. But Bill Maher will be the guest on this. Yes. Talking about cancel culture, of course. God. No, this is the best of Comedy Bang Bang,

which is the podcast that you're listening to, and Comedy Bang Bang is, we've explained it on previous parts of this, but it is the show where I, Scott Ackerman, and the host, and then I sometimes have celebrities on talking to them, and then we also have comedians playing characters or fake people, insane people, and it's an interview show

where we talk to them. Not all of them are insane. That's true, some of them are the most sane. That's scary. Is Batman insane, or is he the most sane of them all? I think he's got mental problems, Batman. Yeah, he too. You know, I'm playing this game called...

Bruce Wayne. I'm playing Bruce Wayne in the Christmas Carol. In the coast of Christmas Gotham. This is a mash-up that I proposed, and I can't believe they went for it, and we got funding. I'm playing a video game called Gotham Knights. Yes, good game from what I hear. Which begins with Batman dying.

Oh. And I started playing it... And you thought you lost immediately. Yeah, I was like, what the fuck, what a short game. I didn't even get to punch anybody. I started it... I think it was like the evening of the day that Kevin Conroy died, who did the voice of Batman in anime shows,

and many of these video games. For some reason, when you said Kevin Conroy, I thought it was Kevin Dillon. Don't ever think of him. I was like, oh, he died. Bro. Baby, I don't know. I just saw him in the blob.

Great movie. I'll take your word for it. It's really good. Sure. Frank Darabont wrote it. Yeah. And the game begins with a scene of a video screen, and Batman, mask off, Bruce Wayne style,

is saying, if you're watching this, that means I'm dead. And I was like, what the fuck? And then it turns out it was not Kevin Conroy doing the voice in this game. Oh. Still like a weird bummer to start out on. You thought it was a weird transmission from the other side. No.

Paul, if you're watching this, that means I'm dead. No, I didn't think that. I'm smart. Paul, are you listening to me? If you're watching this, Paul F. Tompkins. I'm Kevin Conroy. I'm dead. Now, enjoy the game.

And I'll see you in three years. What? In hell. How come if you're a psychic, like a medium or whatever? Yeah. Do you ever tell people, oh no, they're in hell? Oh no, they're being tormented. The person you're trying to contact?

They're in hell. Yeah, every spirit is supposedly just wandering around her. They're like right over there. Like he wants to tell you he's doing fine. He's glad he's at peace. Instead of like, he wants to tell you he's paying for his sins. He wants to tell you, ouch, ouch, please stop pointing me. He's torturing him every day.

Please stop poking me with that pitchfork in the butt. Always in the butt. Always in the butt. Sage loves to stab people in the butt. Why does he have a pitchfork? Because he's bailing hay. Hell hay. Oh no, not hell hay.

I love hell hay. We love it. Century Boulevard in hell. Do you know what I felt? That, of course, the Dodgers would play that song when they win. Yep. And only when they win. And only when they win.

We hate LA when they don't win. Oh no. When they don't win, they play short people. And I just discovered this. My daughter Natalie Walker told me this. That when the Mets, no, the Yankees, when the Yankees win a game, they play New York, New York, the Frank Sinatra version. Of course.

But when they lose, they play the Liza Manelli version. Strange. Yeah. It's throwing a little bit of shade on Liza. Interesting. Oh wait, maybe they play your version. We're going to be hearing your choices for eight through five on the Countdown.

And before we get to those, though, we have a very special guest. She was on the show last year. What was she doing here? Delivering something? Delivering something. Delivery. To us. To us?

I didn't even know a couple of baked goods. Baked goods, I believe. That's right, the baker is back. Hi. The baker, welcome back. Thank you. Hello, Baker. Baker, I think, thank you for having me.

The baker is the only guest we've ever had on the best of, is that true? I know. Did we have Nick and Brad on talk to them, they had to explain something? No, no, I just wanted to talk to them because they wrote so many great things, but they didn't perform them. I mean, Gary songs and stuff like that.

And you felt like things are wearing a little thing with me. Yeah, I was a little bored of this whole thing. It says people who have been talking for hours at this point with each other. But yeah, the baker is here. We don't name her by name. No. She wants to remain anonymous.

Well, you were saying what the show consists of, and it consists of celebrities and comedians playing normal people who are crazy. And I'm a non-celebrity. Normal person. Non-comedian normal person. I'm maybe the first one. Totally normal, boring person.

There was a lawyer that time. I'm the most boring of people. I don't think that's true. Baker. Baker. Thank you, Paul. Are you Jim Baker, by the way? Yes.

We just want to get this out of the way. I'm actually James Baker. Is James Baker the Twitter lawyer? I don't know. Yeah, that's right. You're the Twitter lawyer. Twitter. Stop paying rent, apparently.

God. Do it well. Fucking mess. As of this recording. Now, Baker. Yes. What are you here for? What's your thing?

Oh my God. Baker is bringing out her signature bag. Yeah. It's an igloo bag. It is an igloo bag. I hope they got that zipper sound. Yes. That was doing the bag, not her taking off her clothes.

We're all getting nude. Because we want to have the purest experience of tasting this food, no other senses are involved. Then we have to turn off the lights as well. Yes, we do. That's for us. Well, because I'm shy. Last year, I asked you what you wanted me to bake for you.

I said this? That can't be possible. Because I don't like these. Wow. You don't like them? Is that true? I'm not a huge fan of this style of cooking. Ours.

Look how they look delicious. They look delicious. Ours of work. But describe what they are. They're dirt cookies. Okay. They're made from dirt. Dirt and stars.

These are the French macarons. Macarons? Yeah, there's one O. And then there's two O's. It's a coconut cookie. That's right. Oh, okay. Maybe I don't like the macaroons.

Maybe I like the macarons. How do you not know what you don't like? How do you not know what you don't like? How do you not know what you do like? Do you like coconut? I have come to appreciate coconut a little more, but not in its shredded form. Oh, then that's what those cookies are.

Okay, so I will like these then. Is that what you thought I was bringing? Wait, wait, wait. Are you just cracking open a coconut and just eating the inside? I have. Haven't you? When I was trapped on that island, yes.

Sure. And then I came back. I got rescued. And they had a whole coconut buffet. And I was like, the last thing I want to eat is a coconut. Remember the end of Castaway? No, what's that? Castaway the movie?

Do you like coconut? I do. I do like coconut. I didn't like it when I was a kid, and now I like it. Okay. When you were on the island, that was when you were a kid.

I was trying to realize that I was seven years old. I did pretty well for myself. Yeah, you survived. I did survive. You had a lot of time to practice comedy. Yes. On fish and shells. Speaking into a palm tree.

Yes. Microphone. Speaking to palm tree. All right. So these are macarons. Yes. And what flavor are these? What flavor profiles?

So they're almond flavored. Almond flavored. Interesting. With vanilla buttercream. Sounds delicious. In the middle. Let me tell you something. I love the word buttercream.

It sounds like what it is. But, and it's got the word cream. Oh, come on, Prince. Get on top. All right. These look delicious. These look amazing. You're going to do it like Great British Baking, right?

Like who's the mean one and who's the nice one? I'll be. I already know. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. You're fired. Remember that guy?

He was the president. Crazy. All right. We're going to, we're going to eat these, but not before we listen to a clip. This is your choice for episode number eight. Number eight. Ah, yes. Now, Paul, this is episode seven hundred and thirty nine.

Oh, hi. I ate all the cookies. Oh no, you ate a cookie? I ate all of them. These are shaped exactly like your windpipe. That's going to get stuck in there. I'll put all of them in my mouth. All of the cookies?

No, I wanted at least one. A cookie monster. You're a cookie monster. All right. Swallow. Gulp. Good job. This is episode seven hundred and thirty nine from January 10th.

This is the late early mids. Late early mids in the seven hundreds from January hundred club. Welcome to the seven hundred club. That's true. That's a good point. This is episode seven hundred and ninety nine, nine twenty one. In the 10th of twenty twenty two.

This is an episode entitled oi noi baby bridgeers. Oinoi be be bridges. The participants Lily Sullivan, Carl Tartt and ego Wodem. And a little guy named shimmy, I think. Charles. I remember us showing up to the back to the tail end of this. Episode the reason you are there is because we were taping a.

Entrepreneur episode right after this. Yeah, we ego who, by the way, ego is a current cast member of Saturday Night Live and she did this show before she got SNL and she continues to do it while she's on SNL. Yes, indeed. And as a matter of fact, just today she tweeted the picture of the best ofs and said for the first time in her life, she had FOMO because she missed the first time.

Wow, because she missed being here. She, as a matter of fact, on this episode, she was in town just for this week. She came to the backyard. She taped to this comedy bang bang episode and then immediately after we taped an episode of entrepeneur entrepreneur tour. So she did, you know, essentially like three to four hours in a row and she loves doing that's like hey, she loves doing it

and she's happy to do it and it's always a pleasure to have her. I saw her in New York. I was there in November doing Varietopia and she was a guest on one of my shows and it was so much fun to have her. It was so great. I was glad she was so game for it and everything. She's terrific. She's terrific.

And this is the second episode where someone said oh no in a row and that's how this became the year of oh no because the previous episode someone said oh no and then this cemented it. But I mean, did you note? Oh, this is the second time I'm hearing oh no. And then so then we wanted everyone to say it afterwards. That part I remember. Yeah.

So that and it's in the title oi noi because Lily's character is Australian. A lot of people voted for this one late. It rocketed up the chart. It was a little bit higher in the chart, but just in the last week a lot of people voted for it, which usually doesn't happen. Usually there's not a lot of like moving up and down. It's pretty consistent from the first week of voting on to the

end of voting. This one rocketed up the chart to number eight. Speaking of voting, another Georgia runoff. We got to vote again. Again? When? It didn't stick. This one didn't stick.

We're going to have to do it all year long this time. Yeah. Every day? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. All right. It's important.

It's important. It's important. We got to get out the vote. This is a backyard episode. This is the second episode of the year. You'll know it's a backyard episode from the sound of a truck backing up during the entire thing, which we made a big deal out of.

The entire thing. Somehow a huge truck was backing up the entire episode and just going beep, beep, beep. And then the other thing is, is we did the entrepreneur show right afterwards. Yes. And sirens were happening the whole time and they incorporated it into the show where if they didn't buy your

idea, you went to jail. Straight to jail. So this is a really funny, silly episode. It's just, we didn't have a celebrity, so it's everyone just doing characters. So we're going to hear some clips. First, we'll hear Lily Sullivan doing Bickey from the gym who's been on several years in a row.

She's catching up, catching us up on what happened during the pandemic. And then MC Sugarbutt, played by Carl Tartt, tells us about his new job. And then Eggo Wodem playing Pasta Pasta comes in and mentions another guest who has to come in. So let's hear it. This is your choice for episode number eight.

So I'm like, what the heck are you going to do? Even restaurants and gyms. And this guy comes up to me totally random. You're outside at this point. You're not in the snack. I'm inside. He says, I'm an agent. Whoa.

Slish manager. And I don't think you can be both, but okay. I'm an agent. I'm an agent slish manager and you are one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen in my life. So he was saying man or woman or other, just beautiful. Just stunning. Wow.

And I said, oh my gosh, I had no idea. I had absolutely no idea. Wow. And you had no idea that you were so attractive to this guy. Like I know you never met him. How would you know that your attractives is this guy? Well, but I'm attractive on a universal level, Scott. Oh, it's not just to this guy.

I see. You think that everyone finds you attractive, not just this guy. I don't think Scott. I am universally an absolutely good looking person. Oh, okay. So I just didn't know it because I'm humble. Yeah, I didn't know either, I guess, because I'd looked at you. Excuse me?

I mean, you're fine. Okay. So anyway, he says to me, I'm bad to make your life totally different. I said, thank God. Can I go back to this? Because I'm just surprised because you, I like basically when guests come in and this is something I've never admitted on the show, but I sort of mentally put them into like a category.

Sure. Ugo or not Ugo? And you've always been in the Ugo category to be. So it's like, I'm just surprised that you are... Or maybe you need glasses. Oh, okay. Maybe you need goggles. Beer goggles?

No, because your vision is all cloudy and messed up. Oh, okay. I beg your pardon. I don't, again, that, you know, the only reason I say this is not to insult you. It's just merely because I'm surprised because of the category I put you in. Actually, you're not insulting me at all. What it actually opens up for me is sort of there's something wrong with you. Oh, okay.

That could be. Because what this agent agent has done for my agent such manager is that he basically said, let's make you famous. And I said, oh my God, okay. I guess. Okay, fine. Famous for what? As, as, as a beautiful person?

As an actor, slish model. So basically, yes, as a beautiful person. And he says, let's change your name. Oh, for stage name. Because Bikki, you know, it's kind of unusual. Yeah. Well, there's also that, that song about Becky with the good hair and all that kind of stuff.

You don't want those. It's Bikki. Oh, you're Bikki. Yeah, exactly. It's sort of an unusual name. Right. So I said, okay, fine. Um, what should we, what should I go?

But he goes Lily Sullivan. Oh, so he, he's asking you to change your name to this random kind of. What, what's the genealogy of this? It's like Irish, yeah. So I said, okay, let's change it. And turns out there's, there happens to be another Lily Sullivan, but she's a comedian in Los Angeles. She's not at all famous at all.

No, yeah. No, in fact, I know who you're talking about because I've run into her a couple of times here in Los Angeles. She's all about town and all that. Well, I don't know that she's necessarily out in these streets as much as, you know, some, but she, like, I think that she is, you know, I mean, she's, she's, I also categorize, categorize people in like famous or not famous and she's, she's been in the not famous column for a long time.

As long as I've known her pretty well. Okay. Well, so anyway, we're not really talking about her though. We're talking about my Lily Sullivan. Right. So I am like. So your name is Lily Sullivan now? My, my name, my stage name is Lily Sullivan.

Everybody calls me Bicky like behind my back and all that. Behind your back. Well, in my back, I'm still Bicky. But online and in the movies because I've already just newsflash. I've been in a lot of movies already. So in the last year and a half, you've been in movies? I have been in a movies with Daniel Reedcliffe. Really?

I've been in movies with Tony Collette. Tony Collette? I've been in movies with... Phil Ossie. Oh, wait, no, you're not, you're not Australian. No, I'm from Ohio. Right. You just, you traveled there for a month.

I lived abroad with a family. Right. And I... For a month. For a month. 30 days, 31 or 28? Was it February? It was 28.

It was February. Oh, okay. So actually, you bet, you know, to the date of right, you know. Oh, yeah. Basically, you know. Yeah. Well, I mean, how many years ago it obviously couldn't have been two or six or 10 because those would have been leap years. That would have been 29 days.

It was seven. Seven years ago. Yeah. Okay. Wow. So anyway, I've also been in movies with a girl from Game of Thrones. I'm doing really good stuff. The girl from Game of Thrones.

Wow. Yeah, it's not. The one who got sexually assaulted or the other one who got sexually assaulted? Yeah, the one that got double sexually assaulted. Oh, double? Oh, okay. So then basically what has happened to me though, Scott, is I realized I'm taking off. I am doing so 60s today and I'm so young.

Yeah. How, how, I mean, how young are you? I mean... I'm 27. You're 27. So you lived in Australia in 2015 when you were 20. Yes. And you were born in 1995.

These are all your facts? I have, let me pull up my Wikipedia. I'm realizing this is a real person, that you're a real person now. Yeah, no, you're not. Okay. I am real. Okay, because I just looked this up on Wikipedia. Yeah, you, you played choral and mental.

Yes. Okay. And looking at you online, yeah, I mean... I'm hot. You're very beautiful. Weird that you look the way you look in person when your picture's online. Makeup can do incredible things, but I'm also, like I said, Scott, there's something wrong with your eyes. We got to get them checked out.

Yeah. Well, he is a, he's a hip hop superstar, or at least he was until he went into a coma back in, I believe, 1983 or 1984, somewhere around there. And he woke up out of the coma a couple of years ago. Please welcome back to the show MC Sugarbutt. I said I ate your vegetables and drink your milk, or your jeans and a shirt of silk. Hey. What's happening, Scotty D? Hey.

Lay it on me. Oh, jeans and a shit of silk. This is so comfy and nice. The best of both worlds. It's real comfy. Because you got a shirt made of silk. So, and most people don't bother looking below the waist, you know what I mean? Oh, no.

So you look fancy, but then you're so comfy below the waist. You know what it is. It's a nice mix of like a blue collar on the bottom, fancy little bitch up top. Yeah, blue collar on the bottom and a bitch up top. When I want ice cream, I hit the ice cream shop. This is a real glimpse into the creative process here. I mean, you gave her one of those prompts you were talking about. Yeah, it's like, that has been taste checked.

Oh, MC Sugarbutt, it's great to see you. What's happening, Scotty D? Lay it on me. Give me a high F-I-V-E. I will. Here you go. There you go, my man. MC Sugarbutt, now you were in a coma.

That's right. Back in the early 80s, is that right? Let me tell you about me, Scotty D. I went into a coma in 1983. And what put you into the coma? Did something fall in your head? What happened? A woman. A woman put you into that coma?

Yeah, she fell on me at a televangelist event. What? I don't know that we've ever talked about this before. I have to say, it's very much like a man to blame. He's kind of all in a woman. What? Did I blame it all? Well, did someone push her?

No, she just started bleeding the blood of Jesus. Oh, so she was like speaking in tongues and having a moment. And fell backwards on me. She fell backwards on you. Knock me out. So you were in the coma for, God, I feel like the first time you were on the show was like five years or so ago. And so you missed basically all of hip hop. You were one of the forefathers of hip hop.

You were out there in the early days. I was. Much like Cal Solomon. I started it. I started it. I didn't finish it. No, no. I mean, it's not over.

To finish it. So you basically missed all of the updating of the styles of hip hop. Yes, that's correct. Wow. Let me tell you about me, Scotty D. I got a new J-O-B. I don't have a husband, don't have a wife. I came here to sell you some herbal life.

You're an herbal life salesperson now. That's right. I have a quick question. Is your Mule 9 like stalls with a day or something? It actually does, but I don't. What is your Mule 9? David, but I don't know why he calls me Scotty D. Because your middle name is David, Scotty D.

But you didn't know that. I didn't know that. F-I-V-E. All right. Wow. So you keep touching me doing C-O-V. So you sell herbal life now. Congratulations.

That's right. That's right. And I came to bring you in tonight. Wow. So what have you got? I noticed you brought some products. Yes. What do you have?

This is a morning shake. Okay. Oh, morning shake. Yeah. So I wake up in the morning and I down it. Yeah. You're down this in the morning. That's interesting because usually I have an evening shake.

You know what, when I go to the burger store for dinner, I always have my shake as my drink instead of a cola. That's unhealthy. Yeah, it is unhealthy. It is unhealthy. But now you're saying I can have a morning shake. Morning shake, an afternoon shake, and an evening shake. Wait, so I don't get to eat anything other than shakes.

That's all you do. That's all you do. And you lose a pound, maybe one or two. I want to lose more than one or two pounds. Honestly, I couldn't lose another pound if I lost more pounds. Yeah. Everyone would be like, what's going on? She doesn't look.

She looks too skinny. Yeah, too tall, too skinny. Her feet are so long. Too much like a model. So you sell this herbal life and what? Forgive me for the question, the phrase of the question. I just, there's got to be more to this. Oh yeah.

There's a lot more. Okay. There's an afternoon shake. We covered that. We covered that already. What's in the shakes? I do want to know your ingredients. The ingredients?

I'd love to hear. Okay. Vanilla. Okay. Chocolate, strawberry, cookies and cream make you scream. Is this all these flavors in one shake? Nope. They're all separate.

All separate. All separate. So cookies and cream are both separate flavors. I'd love to taste the cream one. I'd love to taste the cookie one. It's a cookie and a cream. And if you sell it, it'll be yours. If you know what I mean.

I don't. We have to sell it? Yes. Oh, I thought I was going to drink it. Oh, you get to drink it too. See, first I sell one to you and then you sell one too. Okay. So this is, I mean, this is a thing where you're trying to recruit people.

This is like. No, don't make it sound like that. Okay. It's not a pyramid. Don't make it sound like this. Don't. Don't you dare. Just like a man.

A man always trying to start a pyramid scheme. Oh, wise. These mean talking a bit. Pyramids. Hey, you know what? The pharaohs who were all men, they created some of the best pyramid schemes. Oh, okay. The slaves did.

If some of them, they're one anyway. I mean, but they were the brains of the operation. Oh, my God. I'm fucking sick over here. I'm sick too. I'm mental. Starring. Coral.

So you, how's the, how have sales been going? I mean, did you see the car that I pulled up into? No, you didn't hear all that beeping? Oh, the way that was you. Yeah. I thought it was still going on when you came in here. Yeah. He was the longest cab ever saying in my life.

That's a stretch. What is that? A stretch 18 wheeler. Whoa. Why do they have to stretch those? You got the 18 wheeler in the back and in the front, it's a stretch little more dragging it. All right. Well, we need to get to our next guest and he's been on the show before.

This is very exciting. He was on the show, I believe last year with Phoebe Bridgers and he is a man of the cloth. Please welcome to the show back for his second appearance, Pastor Pasta. All right. Hello. Yes. I said, what? Hello.

Hello. Can I say, you're not okay, not a church going bunch. Wow. What are we supposed to say? We said hello. Hello, farewell. Our Vita's saying, I do. I do, I do, I do to you and you and you.

Okay. It is a pleasure to be here. Pastor Pasta, pleasure to have you back. Wow. Pastor Pasta, but how you have a certain. Sorry, Pastor Pasta. The little Caesar's pronunciation. Pastor Pasta.

Yeah. Okay. I like what you did. But I hate pizza. You hate pizza? What? Nothing. This is crazy.

Yeah. The second episode of Comedy Bang Bang of 2022, we find out that Pastor Pasta hates pizza. I hate pizza. Oh my God. Oh, it is for, it is for low down dirty people who don't like to eat with your tensils. Whoa. I've never thought about it that way because the crust of the pizza serves as both a serving

dish and a napkin sometimes. Wow. Yeah. And other various things, but we won't get into it on this here podcast. Why? What other, no, please. I want to get into it. What other things?

I've used crust or, excuse me, seen crust used. Okay. It's not just a napkin, if you will, I would like to say less if I can. No, that's exactly what you said before. I want you to be saying more. Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to think about what you could use it for.

Besides a napkin. Yeah. You could put it in a shake. You could put it in a, well, you can shake it in a, you could shake it. You could bake it. Okay. Well, let me tell you what you can't do. You can't fake it unless you made it.

Okay. You find it and you, you might it. Yeah. So you, you hate pizza purely on aesthetic grounds of you. You think it's for lazy people. It pisses me off, frankly. Right. But it tastes good.

Yeah. Right. I've tasted it one time. I mean, it tastes like pasta, your favorite food, essentially. It does not taste like pasta. Italian food has the same kind of flavor profiles across the board, doesn't it? No. Wow.

That's a typical guy. You know, it is clear to me you've never been to, as my friend Italiano Jones will say Italy. Yeah. Your friends with Italiano Jones? Yeah. We go way back. We actually went to seminary school together, but then he dropped out to become a lawyer.

Really? Yeah. Is he here with you? No. He's not. Well, maybe. I don't know. I can't say where he is.

I haven't talked to him in a few weeks. Really? Yeah. Scott, let me in. Oh, my God. This is Italiano. Come on in. Hey, Italiano, come on out.

Hey, we're down here. I rode him when he took him, but in the back of his 18-wheeler. Oh, you were with MC Jiggerbott. Not your friend? No. Pasta? No. Look, it's pasta.

Oh, my. Pasta, pasta from seminary school. From seminary school. It is a pleasure to see you. It's a weird thing. He said that he talked to you two weeks ago. Why are you so surprised? And referring to him as from seminary school.

I'm going to pass the pasta. Okay. All right. Hello. Hello. Hello. Feel well. I'll be the same.

You do. Oh, my God. Yeah. Okay. So, yeah. I don't really like. It's clear this man never been to Italy. And so I was just.

You ain't never been to Italy, Scott. You said you were going to go. I've never been to Italy. I was supposed to. I had a whole trip booked. Let me guess. March 2020. Yeah.

I want to say the recites. I want receipts. There's all my receipts. I have them in this box. You just carry them. Carry them around. This is my Italy receipts box. You see, they're all voided.

All canceled. And condoms. Well, what is a married man doing carrying condoms? I was going to bring them to Italy. You never know what's going to happen over there. This is gross. Have you ever been injured during unprotected sex? Yes, I have, actually.

Injured? Well, I will fight for you. Now, what kind of injuries, though, Italiano, because, uh... Have you ever... What kind of injuries? Have you ever been having unprotected sex when an alligator walks in your room and sees that you haven't unprotected sex, but it happened to be his wife? And so he decides to bite you, right on the tip of your beater?

So somebody... Excuse me. So the alligator married to a human or the alligator's married to another gator girl? Have you ever been having sex with a gator girl? Unprotectedly? I have. I have. I went to Florida State, and I called her a gator girl.

I also had a Hoya chick. And she went to Florida State? The Seminoles? Do you need to wear protection when you're having sex with an animal? University? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Scott, I ain't fucking...

There's no fear of, like, making a baby. I'm so sorry. This is going to be a big problem for me. She went to University of Florida. My pardon. Oh, okay. My pardon. My pardon.

Okay. I never say bad, my bad, because everything with me is all good. And if you hear me... That's right. ...what would God's people say? Can I just address something? Please, yeah. Pass your pasta.

This is your time. We want you to say whatever you want to say. Everybody is coughing, but they claim that they don't have COVID. I don't have COVID. I may. For Christ's sake. Okay, Ethan. You might.

I just came back. I just got back from Italy today. Oh, no. I'm still waiting to tell you my PCR. Well, we're all going to get it then. The results of your PCR. The results of my PCR. Wait, are the results of my PCR?

Is it fast forward or rewind? Be kind. Be kind, rewind. Oh, boy. Oh, by the way, by the way, FC Sugarbump, this is Italiano Jones. Who is this? And who is that? Number eight.

Episode eight. There it was. What can you say about it, except it was fun and good. Now, let's hear these goddamn cookies. I just want to mention that was Lily trying to reconcile that there is a more famous Lily Sullivan out there. That's right. I always forget that part of it.

There's a famous Lily Sullivan actress who has more credits than Lily. And she also played this, that Lily Sullivan is Australian. Lily plays this Australian character, so she merged them into one person at this point. And we mentioned Cal Solomon, who we'll be hearing from very soon. Oh, intriguing. Why don't we taste these macarons? What do you say? Okay.

Three, two, one. Hmm. People love to hear people eating on mic. Omelette. It's delicious. And vanilla. Amazing. Have you ever, Baker, have you ever made macarons before?

No. And there's, I have brought seven with me and I made a lot more than that. Oh, they failed? Macarons failed? Failed. Hashtag macaron fail? Yes. These were the good ones.

Wow. The other ones were a little too wrinkly. Well, thank you so much for wrinkly. It's true they're smooth. Like the California raisins? Yeah. Just throw some sunglasses on them and give them a saxophone. They have to be, yeah, the dome has to be smooth.

The dome. That's what the LL Cool J's had. This is like, it's like a high-end Nilla wafer. Yeah. And then the delicious frosting in between. Mm-mm-mm. These are good. You wish you had some of these, but you're not lucky like Paul and me.

To mention it on mic. And have it happen 365 days later. So true, Bestie. All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we'll be cracking the top seven. Thank you, Baker. Goodbye.

Great to have you. Bye. Yeah. Yeah. Comedy bang bang, we're back. Comedy bang bang, we're back. The Baker just left. The Baker just left.

By the way, the Baker was the person who picked the contest winner. So Eli Schwab, you have heard a thank, although she did it by random, so. And let me tell you something. On the way out, she double-checked. Yes. To make sure you said who the contest was, right? So Eli, she's looking out for you. In a way that we are not inclined to do.

No, we don't give a shit. Eli. Eli, I don't care if you live or die. You can go fuck yourself right now. I would watch. I don't know why I feel compelled to say this, but I do feel like I want to let the audience know I don't care if any of them live or die. They know that.

It's heavily implied. No, but I mean, at Christmas, you tell the truth. That is the thing that love actually always taught us. Yes. That has never been said before or since. But it has remained true to this day. I just saw that saying. He was lying when he said that.

Oh, fuck. Motherfuckers. That just blew my mind. You know at Christmas, we tell the truth. He's lying. I just saw that scene again recently. I haven't seen it in a long time. It was a clip and something else.

And it's even grosser than I remembered. Oh, why? Because he's like, you know, tell him it's Christmas carolers at the door. And then she does. Yeah. Lie. She lies to her husband. Already we have a secret.

Then he's like, by next year, I hope to be dating one of these. Then it's like pictures of supermodels or whatever pasted on to this board. Hot. I wonder if he kept it. You mean the actor? Yeah. Can I take this home? Do you mind?

May I have one prop? Sure. Anyone you want. We don't need to reshoot anything. Can I take this home? This poster board with the supermodels on it. I'd love it. It would just be.

It would be a reminder of a wonderful experience filming this. Oh, I can't. Brilliant. Brilliant. Thank you so much. I can't wait to get home and masturbate. Have a wank. Okay.

Thanks for telling us. Now I want you to keep no props. I mean, you could make one of those yourself. It's really, there's nothing to it. It's just rip pages out of magazine. The internet exists. I don't know if you know that. When was that movie made?

When did it come out? Oh, love, actually. Yeah. I don't know. The internet had to have existed. But I think if you're looking for nude pictures, it flags you and you got on a list. Also, it was kind of a hike. Yeah, I was really in love with it.

You had to go through like 20 websites. You had to get on the Silk Road. So it's just, it was at the end of your love, actually. Well, it's just that it was grosser than I remember. Fuck that movie. And fuck you, by the way. Fuck you, too. It's not Christmas anymore.

We can say that. No, it's not. At Christmas, you can say fuck you after the fact. What? After Christmas, you say fuck you. The day after Christmas, say fuck you. Say fuck you to everyone you know. You do that, boy.

Fuck you. What is big as me? Yes, fuck you. All right. We have to get to it. Let's have to. Let's get to our next episode. This is your choice for episode number seven.

Number seven. Okay. Episode number seven, Paul. This is episode 758. We are in the early late mids. We're in the early late. Yeah. We're in the early mid.

Mid-lates. Mid-mids. We're in the early mid-mids. Early mid-mids, to you. And to you as well. This is an episode from May 23rd of 2022. And this is an episode entitled Previous Partons. Oh boy, oh boy.

Oh boy, oh boy, indeed. I know this one. You're in this one, Paul. This is Paul F. Tompkins, James Mannion, and Lisa Gilroy. We are hearing from again. That's right. That's right. This is a studio episode.

Studio. And I mentioned that we're going to hear about Cal Solomon because we hear about him in this episode here. And we find out something new about him. Oh, that's right. That's right. And then we're going to hear a clip from Lisa Gilroy, who you heard doing Bethany Waterbottle. She does peanut parton, which I don't want to spoil exactly what peanut parton is about,

but we'll talk about it after the clip. Let's hear it. This is your episode number seven. Clip number seven. Aren't you selling your house, or we talked about the museum last time you were on. I was going to make, convert my house into the Sugar Hill Gang Museum. And also Nature Conservatory or something. Yes, there was also going to be Nature Conservatory.

Everyone was as small as a bug. Uh-huh. And this was all canceled due to lack of interest. Oh, no. We tried to still talk about it. I know. I should know. And it didn't drum up any interest.

It actually anti-interest. Oh, no. We're selling these things. You better not do that. Oh, you better not. One guy says you better not. Oh, you're late. Oh, wait.

You don't even own that house. Nope. You said you did. I guess because it feels like my home. It is rent controlled, so that's good. Then you can't do it. Yeah, that was his, that was not just of his argument too. We could have saved so much time talking about this the last time you were on the show.

If you just said, by the way, I don't even own that house. So, I mean, I hope that doesn't mean that everything I've said on the show, if you just pressed a little more, you'd find out that it wasn't what we're talking about. Oh, no, no, no. I think we've pressed certain parts of this story a lot. Was there any more to when you were talking to Big Bank Hank, AKA, or? Wonder Mike. I remember one of them said to me, hey, you got a lot of hot, but I don't think you're

going to make it as a wrap, but you should stick to your day job, which at the time was, I worked for the CIA. What? We have definitely not talked about this. Never? Never. I'm surprised that it hasn't come up. The CIA out there.

The Central Intelligence Agency. That's right. You were thinking, I was going to say a different thing that CIA stood for, but no, it was the one you're thinking of. So, out there in New Jersey, what were you doing for the CIA? I mean, it's been so long. Can you talk about it? I was based in New Jersey.

Yeah. I got fired. Well, I'm not fired, but I got as good as fired when they moved me to New Jersey because for a while I worked in Washington, D.C. and I was supposed to watch this couple that live next door to me, and I didn't do a very good job, it turns out, because they turned out to be Russian spies, and they were constantly, I mean, when we finally got into that house, it was full of wigs and glasses. Spirit gum?

Spirit gum. The house reeked of spirit gum. I don't know how they live there. Don't like to imagine that. I think that you were dramatized on the television show, The Americans. What? I think you're that, who's that dude? No, it was called The Russians, right?

Oh, no, it was an ironic title. They were Russians pretending to be Americans. Is that why you never watched it? I forgot you could do that. Yeah. I think that you were like the big beefy blonde guy who befriends them, their neighbor. I did use to have blonde hair. Oh, you did?

What happened? Well, I got older. Oh, I mean, it fell out. No, it's gray. Oh, oh, oh, oh, I see. You worn a hat every single day. You're wearing a hat that just says the word wrap on it. Because I love wrapping.

And by the way, it looks like you took a W off of it. Was this like a green room gift from the show, the wrap? Can I be honest with you? Yeah. And you saw that and said, boy, if I take the W off. Exactly. And so I got a steam ripper and I just went to town and got all those little threads out there.

That's why the wrap is a little off-center. But this is a nice person and we'll find out what they're concerned about. Please welcome to the show, Peanut Parton. Hello, I'm Peanut Parton and I can't stop farting. Oh, gee. And you're wrapping. Are you taunting him? No, it's not funny.

I'm not taunting anybody. I'm not even taunting myself. Oh, is this a real thing? Yes, I can't stop farting. I can't also can't stop getting migraines, doing little heart attacks, falling down, having bad balance, pissing myself, throwing up. I'm in bad shape, Scott. Oh, dear.

Oh, okay. So you're, I'm guessing from your physical appearance in your... I'm from Tennessee, yes. Oh, yes. But you're also... Wow, good eye. You're also an older person? I'm a little bit older, yes, but ageing, nothing but a number, baby.

Yeah, but what is the number? And it's pretty up there, right? Well, no, it's only 82 because, well, are you familiar with the Parton scientific trials of 1946? No, I mean, I haven't been reading the medical journals at all. That's where how come I'm born and why I'm here? And why everything is hurting, Scott. Okay, so you were six years old at the time, if I'm doing my math correctly.

Well... If you're 82. No, because I wasn't the first one that was born. Oh, this makes sense now. So you couldn't have been six years old. Right. Yes. Right.

So because are you familiar with Dolly Parton? Yes, she's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame right there next to whoever we were talking about before. Go find hot chili peppers? Well, she will be. Well, good for her. I hope they don't get them confused at the museum. Well, the other ones, you know, not so lucky because, you know, before Dolly, you know

how she was... Because she was made from the scientists. What? Hold on. Back up a little bit because I haven't heard this story. Dolly Parton. Yes. A writer of both Jolene and I will always love you on the same ass day.

She wrote both of those songs. It wasn't an ass day. It was a Thursday. Oh, okay. Really? A Thursday for all that to happen to her. Her husband leaves her. Well, she's the perfect woman, Scott.

Doesn't she? You've seen her before. Blonde. Big bosom, little waist, big bum, right? Right. Yeah, little in the middle. So she was made by the scientist. Really?

So this is like a weird... Yes, Scott. Unless that could be born of a natural birth note. I guess... I mean, she is gorgeous, right, Cal? I mean... I think she's a beautiful lady. Yeah, so you have heard of her.

You haven't heard of a lot of things about Dolly Parton. I've heard of Dolly Parton, sure. Which song is your favorite? The one about... Have you got some gingerbread? Have you got no candy? Ain't you got no gingerbread? Ain't you got no candy?

Ain't you got no extra bread for me and little Andy? Does that appeal to you because of the sugar hill gang type stuff? You're interested in things about sugar. I never made that connection. That's two things. But before there was Dolly, well obviously they tried a few others, didn't they, Scott? Okay, so if I'm hearing you correctly and I want to not only hear but listen, you are saying the Dolly Parton was born out of scientific experiments in the 40s?

Yes, the scientists, they were all men and they wanted to have the most beautiful woman they could show ingredients of all her characteristics. Where did they get, like a Frankenstein's monster, but where did they get all of these characteristics? How do you grow these in a lab? I don't know, Scott Petrie dish? Petrie dish? Oh, so it's, oh, got it.

Grow it under a light bulb hot one. Okay. And then all the different kinds of girls were born but it took them a few to get Dolly right, didn't they? And so now nobody gives a hell shit about peanut parton and no one's taking care of me. So you are kind of like Dolly Parton's sister, is that what you're saying? We call ourselves the previous partons. Oh, so you're Mach 1 or?

No, I'm number 6 or 7. She wasn't the first one born, remember? No, I was. First one was Gunk. That one didn't live very long. Gunk was mostly blood but we remember Gunk because she was the first. Oh, okay. So Gunk was the first.

Yes. Then there were two through five. Yes, then there was Darlene Parton. Darlene. Darlene. But she didn't have the dimples and they shot her in the head. Oh, God. She didn't have the dimples.

Just because of the dimples? How did they know that they even wanted dimples? I mean, until you see Dolly with the dimples, you don't know what you want. Why is it a perfect woman? That was part of the ingredients. Oh, dimples are part of perfection. Yes. So she didn't have dimples and so they execution style just?

Yes. Darlene came out. They said voice of an angel, big breast, little waist, all that stuff. But when the dimples weren't there, they put a code into the revolver to her forehead. The business end. And they executed her. In front of everyone. Well, I wasn't born yet for the Petri dish.

Well, I guess I don't mean everyone who's ever lived. I just mean in front of everyone who's there in the room. Yes, and then that's right. I wasn't there. Sure. Were you born yet? No. How old are you again?

Oh, I'd rather not say. It would make it easier for some of my opposite numbers in Russia to track me down. It seems like they know where you are. They're sending you these videotapes. Well, those two, sure. You don't think they've told their friends? No. I think they're honorable in certain ways.

Okay. Yeah. That was sort of what the show was about. So then two through five, two had, what was Tuesday again? Darlene. Darlene. Darlene. And then Darlene.

It was a big jump between the first and the second. This one really bad, mostly blood. This one's just blood. Second one, perfect other than the dimples. So trash. Okay. And then what was three and four and five like? Three was hidey-cloom.

Oh, wow. She's out there in the world now. She likes Halloween costumes too much. That was her fault. And then I think number four was McCauley Culkin. Wow. He was too short, of course, and the bosoms weren't big enough. Sure.

But he had those cheeks though. And then by then they weren't doing executions anymore either. Oh, by then, by then. It's actually funny enough the CIA had started watching, keeping an eye on the dumpster and saying, well, where this one come from, that's not right. So just looking at the dumpster. Yeah, because that's where Darlene went.

And when they noticed Darlene show up in there, they said this girl's nearly perfect except for no dimples, so trash. But then three and four didn't end up at the dumpster because we know who they are, hidey-cloom and McCauley Culkin. That's right. And because the CIA was sitting out by the dumpster making sure nobody was getting thrown in there,

so the scientists didn't do executions anymore. So they let them go off and be models and actors. After the CIA, that would be the worst job, to have to watch a dumpster all day. Dumpster all day. Although not as bad as what you did. I mean. I mean, letting two Russian spies steal all of those secrets

and wear all of those wigs. How many wigs did they have? I lost count after like 200. So like an entire wing of their house just devoted to wigs? I don't really want to discuss that. Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry to bring this up. So two was of course Darlene, then we have hidey-cloom,

McCauley Culkin. Who was number five? Well, we were looking at her. Oh, you were five. Peanut Parton. Peanut Parton. And this word, they went sideways, right? Right.

Because they had made McCauley. And they said he don't have the hourglass figure. And as you'd noticed, you've looked at a peanut before, correct? I... Cal, have you looked at a peanut? I've seen tons of peanuts. Still in the shed. What does it remind you of?

Still in the shell. It kind of reminds me of Mr. Peanut. No, it reminds you of a beautiful woman's body. Oh, right. Hourglass figure. They've got the lid of the titties on top, the waist, the buttocks. And all of the indentations. Sort of like pop marks.

And so they thought for they were trying to make their perfect dolly, and so they bred me and the Petri just with most of the peanuts for the shape. No, so they cross-bred your DNA with peanuts? Yes. Yes. Oh. And that's why how come now I'm severely allergic to peanuts and my skin is so crunchy? We're all allergic to the things that we are.

That's right. That's why you must never eat human flesh. That's right. And plus I'm little too. I'm little too, so that's why they would be calling me Peanut Parton. And I was a, you know, all the scientists, they were a fan of me. I'd say, oh, there's Peanut. She's a little cute.

So you still keep up with the scientists? You're still seeing? Ryan. Ryan, no. So you're on a first-name basis, aren't you? Ryan, Kyle, Megan. They must, you're 80-something, supposedly. Actually, you're more like 70-something.

And they must, they must have been at least 20, 25 years. I mean, I can't even imagine being a 20-year-old scientist and working on this. So they're, I mean, they're in their hundreds now. Yes, they are. But they all, did they take some sort of like anti-aging serum or something like that? Thank you. You don't even want to know the stuff they were cooking up in that Petri dish. Impossible combinations.

But they're still around. They're front row at all of McCulley's movies and Heidi's shows. For a row. That's a bad row in the movie theater. Today is good. Can I ask that? She gets there a little earlier. It depends on the theater, right?

Well, sure. Well, I wouldn't want to buy one of those theaters. Premier theaters, that's big, right? What? Let me ask you. What, McCulley, Culkin, and Heidi Klum? Was that always their names? Or did they have names before that?

Well, before that day, we're Hottickly and Parton. And McCulley, Culkin, Parton. Because they ain't name us old will. We're part of the Parton experience. Oh, okay. So, right. The previous Partons. The experience.

The previous Partons. And was Dolly next or...? Dolly was number 82. He took a forever together. Wow. So, what is the difference? I mean, obviously, your voice is terrible. But my singing voice really good.

Oh, really? Oh, let's hear it. Yeah, that's something they nailed on me. Let's hear it. I mean, do you sound just like Dolly Parton? I do. Do-Leen. Do-Leen.

Do-Leen. It's really good. Were you singing Do-Leen? Well, so that's my problem. I got the voice, but I couldn't get the lyrics. Oh. So they nailed the voice, but lyrically... That's lyrically.

I cannot understand a single lyric. I can't memorize them. Don't know what the words mean. As soon as it's in melodic form, I don't understand the language. What about Tiny Dancer? Tiny Dancer, do you want to dance there? So you don't hear Tony Dancer? No, I don't hear anything in that one.

So then, wow, so you were pretty early. And physically, I mean, it's weird that they were able to nail it other than the dimples for number two, and then they got it so far off with you. They were far off with McCully, too, let's be honest. Well, true. But he got the blonde hair. I got the blonde hair, but I only got four or five strands of it. I got the dimples, but they're too deep.

They hurt. They're like someone took a knife to your cheeks. Yes, they're like other little mouths. It's like someone did a joker on you or something like that. Exactly right. Why so serious? People are saying to me, but I didn't get it. You don't get it?

Anytime someone sees you, they say, why so serious? Yes. Like you're doing a fun joker costume? That's right. They just think, oh, that's been important. She's a little clown. She's going to cheer us up. Wow.

So what have you been doing this whole time? I mean, did they let you out of the, I'm assuming this is a secret lab out there? Yes, in Tennessee. In Tennessee. Yes. And you know, they let me out, yeah, because, you know, the CIA was on dumpster watch so they couldn't fold me up and put me in there. Right.

And I was a fan among, you know, Dr. Ryan, Dr. Kyle. They all thought I was a good time. And so they let me out and I've been having a pretty normal life except for now. I can't stop farting and pissing myself and all my organs are feeling because they didn't do a good job. Wait, did this just start happening or has it been happening since you were created? Well, it's just recently. The thing they forgot to give me.

I guess that's what I was asking. Yeah. Or since you were created. It's getting worse lately. Because you see, they forgot to give me on a bum hole. Wait, they forgot to give you an entire. They forgot to give me on a bum hole. They forgot to give you one.

Yes. Would you like me to tear you a new one? Oh. Scott. I would like that very much. You didn't know how to answer, boy. Because I have been eating regular cereal stuff like that. Sure.

But it's not going anywhere. It's all just collected. It's filling me up and I'm full. And that's hurting. Wow. And so now, you know, I'm reaching the stage of my life. That's why I wanted to come on the show, Scott. Ask anybody out there if they got my same blood type, which is peanut butter and blood.

See if I can get a butt hole. Like a transplant? Sure. I need stomach. I need apples. I need tongue. I need everything. Are you sure you're not just getting older?

I mean, when people are, you know, however, you know, I mean, however old you are, it seems more like 76. But, you know, I mean, like, our organs start failing. Oh, okay. I'm sure it's normal like that, Scott. Were you raised in a warm Petri dish? No, you're right. You're right.

I don't know. She's got you there, Scott. Your privilege is showing. I'm sorry. Well, so if anyone out there, I don't think anyone's going to have your particular blood type though. Why? How come?

Cal, you eat peanut butter, don't you? I mean, sometimes with raisins. You put raisins. Yeah. So? But I don't know. Although peanut butter raisins might be good. It's not bad.

I mean, with bananas, it's good. Sure. I don't know if I eat enough peanut butter to meet your needs, but does it need to be a transplant? Can't they just drill one in there? Yeah. They don't need the butter. It's the only thing you can drill into someone that they don't already have.

All right. How can I drill into someone? A what? A stomach, a larynx? These are all things I need. Right. Couldn't they do some sort of like Wiley Coyote Roadrunner thing where they draw one on you and it just, then it works?

Sorry. I'm sure she's heard that before. Pardon me. I'm coming on the show to talk about a series. Pardon you. Pardon you. Parts in the interruption. You just have a show.

Okay. I'll take this one. No. No. Not my well. All right. This is the last one. My first guest is an ignorant man who only watches Looney Tunes.

Hey, everyone. I think that's you. She was taking a dig. Damn. Number seven. Yes. Boy, oh boy. This was when I first met Lisa.

Was this episode? Yeah. The baker's back. And I did not know. The baker. The baker left her phone. You can't bake that. Is it cake?

Is it cake? Are we on? Is it cake right now? Oh, shit. Have you ever watched that show? I watched approximately one cake. I saw that the previews just seemed like so much yelling. Yeah.

I kind of want to see these people yell about if it's cake or not. I know. Have we been yelling this whole time? No. Wow. We're not yelling if it's cake or not, though. Exactly. And that's all.

That's the difference. And that, as Robert Frost said, and that has made all the difference. Thank you, Robert Frost. So I did not know Lisa was going to be on the episode. I never know who's really going to be on the episode. Sometimes you tell me, sometimes you don't. Usually I just book the episodes and everyone involved just shows up. Yes.

And I often think about that. I was mentioning this to someone this year. I was like, I never think about if there are any comedian feuds, which happened occasionally in stand-up when I was working in stand-up. It still does. Oh, yeah. Where you'd get to a show and it's like, oh, shit, this person's on the show. We're in the middle of a huge fight.

We hate each other or whatever. It doesn't really happen on this show. I asked someone about it and they're like, no, I can't think of anyone who doesn't like each other. I remember doing an ear-wolf show where I found out later two people were in a feud. And I was very surprised because it must have been uncomfortable for them. For me? No.

I've imagined like, oh, no, what if two people have dated each other for like three years and just broke up or something? And then this gets them back together and it's a mistake? Yes. Then you're responsible. I was thinking it was romantic. It wasn't a mistake. I'd be credited.

Well, they're bad for each other. They're bad for each other. In any case, yeah, you didn't know who was going to be there. And so you walked in and said, oh, because you had booked her on one of your shows. No, not yet. I think you had booked her and said, hi, I met you and you're going to be on my show. I think you had just emailed her by the blue. I don't believe so.

I think I booked her after that because I think it was not long after that because I did not have any contact information for her or anything. You had a signal that you shined up into the sky. Yeah, at least a gold-ray signal. Yeah, in the shape of her head. Yeah. And I mean, it's good. It cost a lot of money.

But it's like this professional silhouette. Exactly. I remember when my parents had those up of all of us from Disneyland for a long time. I remember when I was in first grade, we did them. Yeah. And I remember hanging in the house for a while. I went to a wedding once where one of those sort of wedding things was, at the reception, they had a silhouette artist.

And boy, oh boy, I was very scared. But we did it. Why were you scared? Well, I was like, how accurate is this going to be? I thought it is. Bad news. Because I thought you were scared because it was like, silhouettes are of the devil. Well, the shadows.

Right. And it's a shadow of me. And it's like, well, what if it comes to life? Right. That's a good point. But no, this person was very kind and did a good job where I was like, yes, that looks like me, but also better. An ideal version of me.

Yes. So in any case, who needs to know when she was booked on a show or not? Anyway, so I walked in and she was one of those people that I see. You and I are both reaching for these cookies because we want to eat another one. Yeah, because it's a fucking cookie. She was one of those people that I thought I felt like I knew already. Yep. Because we know a lot of people in Common and I enjoy her stuff online.

And it just like we had not really had any interaction at all. I think I commented on one of her videos and she commented back and that was that was about it. What did you comment? Oh, you know what it was? It was not a comment. I shared one of her videos and then she commented on that. Okay.

And what if you were, what if you just comment like you're a reply guy? Just like everybody should post. God, where's that? That whole thing is very painful. I find. When you see a reply guy. Oh, you know what? Yeah.

You fucking nailed it. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. Bro. I will paint.

I will paint. It's a slap. We both are, we are holding these cookies so near our mouths. It's like playing chicken. We can just stop talking. Who's going to eat first? Forcing the other one to be talking. You go ahead and enjoy your cookie.

Oh, because you have something to say. I don't, but I'll, I'll figure it out. So anyway, then I did have Lisa on my CVV presents. Big chunky bubbles. I'll cry if I want to. It was her and Vic McHales and Zach Oyama. Three people that I had, I had not really gotten to play with much and really, really enjoyed it.

It was really fun. And Lisa, of course, joined us on tour for a bunch of episodes and she's just demented and I really, I really love what she does. And she, she is Canadian and when we were in the car listening to, at a certain point the Apple CarPlay conked out right as we crossed the border and we had, we were forced to listen to Canadian radio and songs would come on and she'd be like so excited for them and go, you know this song, you know the song and we'd go, no, it's Canadian. We know it's, we can tell it's Canadian because we've never heard it and you love it.

And she goes, this isn't Canadian. This, no, everyone knows this song and we'd look it up and she'd go, no, it's Canadian because in Canada, Canadian content laws, like 10% of everything you play has to be Canadian. Cancon. Cancon. Oriental City. Back of my neck, dirty and critty.

Also on that episode was James Mannion who did a couple of really funny appearances this year and following this during a live show we hit on something we'd never thought about with Cal Solomon. That the, in the song Rapper's Delight, the, you ever go over to a friend's house in the food just ain't no good. That was Cal's barbecue. It was about him. It was a diss track and he didn't know, he had no idea.

We figured that out as we were performing. Where, what city I can't remember. I can't remember. It feels like Toronto or something. But I just remember being in the middle of it. It must have been Toronto because that was, that's when I did Cal. Okay. Just realizing that you're the reason they did, it was a diss track was so funny that

we'd never thought of that. How, how did that come up? Was it you? I don't remember. I remember us like, and I don't even think you realize it in the moment. Like the audience and I kind of realized it. And so, and suddenly I was like, oh, you mean this, I, I like explained, I kind of explained what we had just thought of to you in the moment.

And you had a genuine reaction of like, oh, I guess it was my barbecue. Really funny. All right. Let's take a break. When we come back, we're going to crack the top six. We keep cracking new things every episode we do from here on out. It's all cracks. Six, five, four, three, two, one.

Cracks. Cracks. All of them. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this. Comedy bang bang. We're back. Man. I'm so excited that we're back.

Can you imagine us not being back at this point? What if we said we were going to be back and then we never came back? Just the show ended. You never heard from us ever again. Ever again. What happened to those two guys? I heard they won the lottery. They did the top seven through 17, said they were going to be back.

Never came back. I won the lottery. Legitimately, this is a serious question. If you got suddenly they announced the lottery numbers, you won the billion dollar mega millions or whatever it is. You figure that out in the middle of the show. Would you finish the show? This is, if you found it out right now, would you finish the show?

I'd like to think that I would stay and finish the show, but I might be so distracted that it might as well be worth having me leave. What if you weren't distracted and you were like, oh, shit, I just won and it was not going to distract you. You knew the implications of it and you just looked at this and said, do I even need to do this anymore? Or would you be like, I enjoy doing this. I'm going to stay.

I mean, there's a lot of things that I enjoy doing. I think I would never do it anymore if you won the lottery. Well, yes. There's some things I would continue to do and now I would have, they would have a better budget. Right. But things like this, it's tough because I would think, I mean, obviously after the episode, I would never do it again, but in the moment, I hope my better angels would

prevail and I would say, let me finish this. Let me at least finish part three. If not part four. And then he'd do four on his own, but yeah, I would be long gone. There was one time when we did the best of some, we planned to do all four parts in a row and then halfway through, you said, um, I'm going to go, you just took off and we had to schedule it for the next day or something. Is that how it went down?

I think so. Then I just made it call it audible and said, no, you definitely called an audible, but I can't remember the reasoning whether it was like, this is taking longer than I thought. I need to go. I can't remember if you had something you had to do. I feel like it was almost a physical thing. Like I was. Yeah.

You're like, I'm just too, I'm too tired. I can't continue. Yeah. In any case, that's not the case right now because we are cracking the top six, Paul, with your choice for episode number six. Number six. Sorry, top six. You're getting cracked.

All right. This is episode seven hundred and eighty four. Now this is late seven hundreds. This is prime late seven hundred. There's no argument. This is from November 14th of this year. Late. Damn.

This is the second to last episode eligible. Damn. This is called The Princess Sprite. The Princess Sprite. I'm going to say this sounds familiar to me. Okay. Well, this is a studio episode and the participants are Nick Kroll from Netflix's Big Mouth and Kroll Show.

I think it's Nick Kroll. Isn't it? Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll. It's one word? He's he's a mononym like Cher. Nick Kroll. Nick Kroll.

Nick Kroll. We also have John Gemberling and Gil Ozeri. This is Gil's first time on the countdown. His debut on the countdown. Number six. I think I know which one this is. Do you? Okay.

So this is an episode. This is a studio episode. Nick, our old friend Nick from the early days. He was there. Absolutely. In 21031 radio station. So he's been on the show all 14 years. He's gone on to great success with the show Big Mouth and it's spin off whatever that's

called. And what is it called? Bigger Mouth? I don't know. He always takes time to do the show. One of the busier guys. He also has a newborn out there and really busy guy. He's having to tell darling not to worry.

That's true. Yeah. Spittle residue on him from Harry Styles. He always takes time for the show. He came on to promote Big Mouth and much like you, Paul, he didn't know who was going to be on it, but I booked a couple of his friends and collaborators. And his eyes grew wide and he said, oh no, I can't believe it. I love these boys.

It was a lot like he, all of us walked in at the same time and he was like, I can't believe we're all doing it together. He was very happy. John Gemberling, we're not going to hear, previous to the clip we're going to hear, he was playing a guy who had magic sprite that he'd captured, that he gets wishes from. But the clip we're going to hear, this is Gil Ozeri. This is the third of three episodes he did during the voting period and he brought an iPad to this episode and we all said, oh boy, here we go.

Gil brought another iPad. It was almost the oh boy era. Oh yeah. So let's hear it. This is your episode six. Number six. We have to introduce him. He has a unique aspect to his character and that is, he's the world's busiest man.

Please welcome Ned Bellanella. Hey, Scott, thank you for having me. Hey, Ned. Hey, how you doing? Good to see you. This is Nick Kroll. This is Muddy and this is Mifrin. Hey, Mifrin.

Hi. Yeah. Hi. Not very interesting that she's a little sprite. That's fine. That's not interesting. You know, the guy seems more interesting to me than me. There you go.

Everybody equaled me. Ned, you're already interesting to me. Oh, thank you very much. You know what? I'm a busy guy. You're the world's busiest man, is that true? Yeah, and that's why I'm here to talk to you about how I managed to do it. Yes, I am the world's busiest man.

Is that official or is that just something you call yourself? I'm just always running. That's not answering my question. Yes, I am. It's official. It's official, god damn it. It's official, okay? I'm always running.

I'm always doing errands. I have tons of jobs. I'm a party planner. I'm a toy maker. I'm a chef. I have hundreds of friends. I have a husband. A wife.

I have kids. Wow. Yes, I have tons of... I do tons of things. I am a husband. Did I say I am? You said you have a husband. I am a husband.

Because I was going to say a husband and a wife. Because you could have a husband and wife. That would be very busy. That would be very busy. Yeah, I thought that was part of your busyness. You have a husband and a wife. No, no. It's not just...

We're not going to get stuck up. We're not going to get stuck on things that I say. You know what? I'm not the stuck up girl. No. Now you're doing it. Now you're taking out those drinks. I have done energy railing this whole show.

Listen, I got a lot of stuff going on. November is my busiest month. I was going to say, he's busier than you. So he can't get stuck on things. There's only 30 days in November, though. What's that? There's only 30 days. Right now, I don't know if you know this, but November is the busiest month.

Any month with 31 days in it would have to be busy. Excuse me. I got to take this call, Scott. I got to take this call. Hold on. You have a call? Okay. Hello?

Yes. Yes. Uh-huh. I told you what I wanted in the painting. Yeah. Two nude ladies. Uh-huh. Completely seductive on the ground.

Yes. Kneel to grass Tyson. That's right. His hand is a wand. Yes. Spread ass. That's right. Yeah.

They're all in a Starbucks. Extra wet. See you on Tuesday. Thank you. So sorry about Scott. They were talking the whole time. He's talking. Sorry about Scott.

So who was that? That was your assistant? No, that was somebody I commissioned for a painting. I apologize. I've got a lot of stuff going on right now. I can't really talk. So problem. Look, I'm a private man.

Okay. So everything. Please try not to ask me any questions about these phone calls. I may get. I will get a lot of them. You're already planning on more phone calls? I just, I don't know. I just like.

The busy man. Yes. Hold on, Scott. I got to get another phone call. All right. Hold on a second. Yes. You can green light it.

My first movie. Excellent. Wow. Okay. My onion. Yes. $300. Okay.

That seems worth it. Let's do it. Total budget and the price of the onion. You got it. Okay. Thank you very much. Oh, sorry about that. Scott.

So yes. So what were you talking about? How about it? Did you money? You just sold a movie? Did a movie just get Greenlit? Yes. It got Greenlit.

But I can't really talk about it. A 300 hour movie? It's called My Onion. It's my favorite onion. It lasts 300 hours? That's the shooting schedule. $300 is the budget? $300.

300 hours. 300 hours. I don't have that. What was that movie? 147 hours? 187 hours. 187. So it would be the sequel to that.

Yes. I've never seen it. I can't sit long enough for a goddamn... It's too long for a movie. Excuse me. That's my other phone. Hold on a second. Why come on a...

Two phones. Yes. Okay. Just take these calls at your own time. All right. I want you to go into my backyard. Okay. You see the fence?

Make a left. Yes. Walk over to the small creek. Now there should be a finger sticking out of the ground. Exactly. You're here. Yes. Uh-huh.

Now I watch you. That's where the bodies are buried. All five dogs. Okay. They should be decaying. What? You know, about as big as a bush. Exactly.

I want you to give them a Viking funeral and see me on Tuesday. Bye-bye. Hi. Sorry. Hi. Why was there a finger? Finger amongst all the dogs. A human finger?

This is client attorney privilege. I can't really talk about that. That was your attorney? No. You're the attorney. I'm also a lawyer on the side. Oh, to someone else. I have tons of jobs.

The dogs are to humans who have killed the dogs. I've never, I've never defended, how would that work? A dog attorney. I don't know. I mean. It's a great movie. Write it down. It's a great movie.

Dogs are supposed to represent themselves in your uniform? What kind of budget? What kind of budget would you need for dog attorney? Dog attorney. Jesus. Are we talking CGI here or real dogs? CGI humans, real dogs. CGI human, real dogs?

$350. Okay. All right. We can't buy the peanut butter. You'd have to make it. I'm sorry. This is my mom's OBGYN. Okay.

I got to take this. Go ahead. Take it. Okay. Hello? I'm sorry. Yes? Your mom's OBGYN.

Wow. Doctor, that pink. Unbelievable. And the medicine goes where? Inside. Uh-huh. I'll make sure to tell her. Well, she'd be wet as hell, Dr. Civillo.

Thank you. Okay. Sorry about that, guys. That was my mom's OBGYN. I don't know that I don't know about that. Can I just call my mom for a second and let her know about it? Yeah, go ahead. She's taking on too many results.

You know what? Okay, she's calling her mom. Yes. Okay. Listen. Let's slip inside. I want you on your back in bed with your feet up in the air towards the ceiling. Put Elsa on.

Just put Elsa on. Who's Elsa? Elsa's her helper. Oh. Yes. Yes. Put her feet in the air. Listen to what she says and I'll give you an Oreo, Elsa.

I'll give you a little fucking Oreo and get your mouth full of chocolatey. Okay. Thank you. Bye. Oh, God. Did you do it? What happened? My mom's in trouble.

Is your mom expecting? My mom is not expecting, no. But she can still carry a child? She has something wrong with her down there. But she's going to the OBGYN. Oh, okay. Yes, and her OBGYN reports to me because she's kind of nuts. So attorney client privilege is important to you.

I don't care. No, no, no, she's an example to us all. I use her to talk about, you know, the disease. Yeah, that's all right. Can we talk about what you're here to talk about? Sure, yes. I'm talking about how to manage your time correctly. Okay.

It doesn't seem like you do it all the way. So anything like that. What do you mean? Well, I mean, you've taken five phone calls since you've been here. I'm sorry. That's my kombucha alarm. I've got to take some kombucha first. Yeah, no problem.

Yeah, go ahead. Kombucha. How much kombucha? Take a sip. Just one sip. Unbelievable. Why do you need an alarm for one sip of kombucha? I just need to remind myself.

I can't. I don't remember. Usually my doctor prescribed me kombucha. Please, please, please. It's okay. It's okay, Ned. Okay. It's okay, Ned.

All right. Let's talk about tips and tricks about how to manage your time. Okay. What's the main tip that we have? The main tip is... I'm sorry. Just give me one second here. Okay.

Hello? Yes. I'm just planning a Thanksgiving party. Yes. Hello. Yes. I'm trying to cater to small Thanksgiving get-together. 60 to 70 people.

Small? Yes. Okay. One classic Thanksgiving sandwich. No turkey. Okay. Limp celery sticks. Make sure they're very limp and wet.

That's right. And pineapple juice. Just a party, please. Yes. Mustard all day. All day long, all the way. Outside the bun, please. Yes.

With Advil. A black olive. Extra whey. That's right. A leaf is fine, sir. A leaf is fine. And olives in a plastic bag with raisins. That's right.

And make sure an old woman with... I was drinking a Dr. Pepper with dirty red nails touches everything. Thank you so much. Okay. Sorry about that. That's okay. That was... Sorry.

I was... No, dude. Thanks, dude. Just one, Sam. The sheer number of phone calls I get. Okay, it's okay. It's okay. Oh, my God.

That's my plumber. Hold on a second. That's all right. Hi, Ivan. Yes. Okay, so here's the deal, Ivan. I cut the turd with a paper plate. Yes.

What? Well, it was huge, but that wasn't the problem. I tried to flush the plate, Ivan. I don't know. I just know that my socks were completely soaked, Ivan. Yes. Okay. Thank you so much.

I'll make sure to tell him. Okay. All right. Bye, then. Did we ever get to that first tip? We got to get to that first tip. Was it your shit? Yes.

It was a very long shit. It was my shit. It was my shit. Well, have you ever tried to take a very long shit? Have you ever tried to take a very long shit? No, I try to get it as short as possible. You got to keep packing it in there. Don't shit.

Don't shit. Don't shit. Okay. And one of those days, you're going to make a little snake. It's going to be like pinkberry in your toilet. Okay. I don't want that. You don't want that.

I don't know. That's something I don't want. Okay. Well, I can handle it. I don't want to add it. I think you should paint the bottom of your toilet to look like a waffle cone. Uh-huh. So that when you make your mess.

Then it's fun when the plumber gets... I love that idea. I love that. What are you doing tomorrow? Well, you want him to paint it? I mean, do you want to follow through on your idea or no? Well, if you want to... I'm sorry.

Hold on a second. That's my bug wrangler. Oh, bug wrangler. Yes, that's him. That's my bug wrangler. Okay. Hello? Joe, how are you?

Yes, I need two large long horn beetles. Of course they do. They need to fit in a woman's throat. What? She's about 55. Five foot four. Yes. Can she sing?

Yeah, she can sing. God damn it. Okay. Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. I will. 30 ounces of coconut oil.

Got it. Okay. Hello. Yes. So what you all do is write things down so you don't forget. Write things down. This is a good tip. So I'll write down that tip right now.

Okay. Number one. Write things down. Okay. Good tip. Okay. And anything... What are the other tips?

Well, what you want to do is... Okay. Why do you need Viagra this early in the morning? I'm trying to stay constantly hard. Why? Why? Because I want to be like a diabetes patient. I want my penis to be always hard.

Okay. I didn't realize that about... No, I didn't know. Well, you'll learn it. Is that sound effect called Oingo Boingo? That is called Oingo Boingo. In the phone. Yeah.

Very fun. Oh, hold on a second. Yes. How did you know your phone was gonna ring? I feel it vibrate before. Before the sound. He's got an explanation for everything. Hello?

Yes. Uh-huh. Scott, it's you. What? Sure. I'll come on the show when I'm already on. What are you talking about? What?

Is this me? I'm getting another phone call on my second phone. Huh? Hello? Nick? Yes? Do you have an ant? Uh-huh.

You have an ant? Sure. I'll be the father, sweetie. It's about three inches. All head, baby. Hold on a second. That's my kombucha alarm. Okay.

Take your kombucha. One more sip. That's it. Oh, no, your Viagra. Yes. It's my mistress, Karina. Hold on a second. Karina.

Oh. Hi, let me ask. Boys, can I ask you for advice? Sure. Sure, yeah. Okay. Is Times Square north or south of Little Italy? It's north.

It's north? Okay. Honey, I want you to go south. Yes. Okay. Bye-bye. You're directing her two times. I want her perpetually lost.

Yeah. Okay, perpetually. Okay. I came on for advice. I didn't get anything. All we did was give her directions. To be fair, we gave you directions back to Ireland. Frankly, it was a supernatural conundrum.

All right. Okay. Wow. Wow. That was a busy 10 minutes. How do you relax? How do you relax? Let's see.

I don't sleep. I barely sleep. I take some Xanax. Sometimes I have to force myself to sleep. Oh, okay. But sex, basically sex. Oh, okay, good. Constance sex.

Hold on. Oh, no problem. Oh, it's my doctor, Dr. Sivio. Hello. It's my cancer results. Oh, are you sure you want to take these on air? Just hold on. Yes.

Uh-huh. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. Oh, no. Oh, no, Dr. Sivio. Oh, no. Dr. Sivio. Say it ain't so.

They didn't get the results back yet. Okay. Apparently a hungry nurse ate some of the wires. Some of the wires? I don't know. What happened there? Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Well, I'm relieved that it wasn't because it seemed like it was bad news. I'm relieved. We don't know what the news is yet. What made you think it was bad news? I don't know. I don't know. What happened there? Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. Well, I'm relieved that it wasn't because it seemed like it was bad news. I'm relieved. No. We don't know what the news is yet. What made you think it was bad news? You said, oh, my God. And I couldn't believe it.

The tone of your voice. The wires. The wires were eaten by a hungry nurse. It's a weird story. I agree. What would you say? Wait. You just react.

All right. Let's role play. A hungry nurse eats the wire. She eats some machines in a hospital. Just react. That's so strange. What would you say? I just did it.

Do you know the nurse? You know the nurse. Oh, okay. You know the nurse? You fear for her life. Okay. Oh, no. Is there a question of me calling her to check in on her?

Yeah, sure. Hello, nurse. I love that. Absolutely. Do you have enough time to love that? Hold on a second. It's my travel agent. Travel agent.

Yes. Yes. I'm flying out of Kansas City on July 4th at 5 in the morning. Why? Yes. Through the fireworks, please. Yes. Arriving downtown Phoenix.

New Year's Eve at 5 a.m. Thank you. You'll be circling. I don't think there'll be fireworks at 5 a.m. on July 4th. But you will circle the U.S. for about six months. From July 4th until you land on New Year's Eve. That's the plan. Refilling the air.

Wow. Stanley Kubrick style. I don't know when he did that, but... He did that in his movie. Yeah, he did it in the film. In the film. Dr. Stranger. Dr. Stranger.

Oh, God. I thought that was part of his weird personality. I mean, what do you think the budget for that movie was? About $3.50, $3.25. I've never seen it, though. I can't see a movie all the way through. Oh, you're so busy. Yeah, I get it.

Imagine taking too many calls. You watch porn on a second. Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry. I have twins. A school? Okay. They're school. My son's school.

Yes, hello. Uh-huh. They are allergic, yes. My girlfriend will handle it. She's in the parking lot. She's sitting in the Nissan Ultima right now. It's black. This is not your mistress.

This is your girlfriend. Extra wet, sweetheart. Okay, sorry about that. Oh, jeez. Was that last part to the school? That was to the school, yes. Are you sleeping with an administrator at the school? I am sleeping with...

Don't wonder you're so busy. I'm so busy. You just cut down and just slept with your wife. Absolutely not. You know what I did? I went to a trainer to come faster. Uh-huh. Yes.

I come so quickly. I come immediately. On touch or on breath. Okay. But it's not... It doesn't feel pre... Pre what? Pre-chaculate?

Absolutely not. Is it even pleasurable? At this point, no. But the pleasure hits me like a flashback in the middle of the night. Sometimes I'm sleepy. God, I'm sweating like a pig right now. Are you really? Yeah.

There couldn't possibly be more calls. Do you know what this... I'm sorry. Hold on a second. I'm sorry. A case. I'm a lawyer too. We know that.

Jacob. Yes. I'm sorry. I lost all the evidence. It was a mistake to take you to the beach, Jacob. I apologize. Yes. It was the windiest day of the year.

Is your lawyer... Is your client... Hold on a second. I'm getting asked a question. No, no, no. What is it? Is Jacob called Jacob the lawyer? Oh, is it Jacob from the accident?

The big, big billboard guy? Sure, that's him. That's him? Yeah. You lost his evidence? Listen, furthermore, I apologize... That's Jacob of Rani. Yeah, I apologize for walking into the ocean

or carrying pills and pills of water and spilling it into my trunk where the documents were. You're a bad lawyer. I'm sorry, Jacob. I have to go. Kombucha time. Okay. Look, Ned.

Ned. I can't say that this appearance was successful. We got the one tip and that was it. I apologize. Number six. That was the busiest man in the world and Gil was basically sitting here. I can't remember if we hooked it into the system

or if we... No, we put a mic next to it. I thought it was a microphone pointed at it, right? Yeah, it was a microphone pointed at it. Gil never brings something we could actually hook into the system. And the story behind that was he told Ben Schwartz... That's coming up, yes. Okay.

That's coming up, yes. Apologies, apologies. This time he brought an iPad and he had these big buttons on it and he was just triggering these phone calls. And he could not lie. A little in the middle. He was just triggering these phone calls and talking to them manually.

It was very funny. We were dying. All right. Let's take a break. When we come back... Oh my God. We're at the final clip of this episode. We're going to crack the top five.

It's got to be cracked. You have to crack it. And we are the crackers. That's right. Oh, we shouldn't say that. All right. We'll be right back. Comedy bang bang.

We're back. And we're cracking the top five. This is... We came back to crack. We had to come back to crack. Because... My pussy on my back. Yeah.

Oh, my pussy on my back. Ah, killing me. Oh, my ink and pussy. Oh, this cat's been barking. Jesus Christ. We're having fun here. I want to check in with the booth. Did you eat cookie?

Did you have cookie? Everyone ate cookie? They had cookie. Did Kimmy have cookie? Oh, okay. Cookie, good. There were exactly three left for the three Boothbees. Ian Boothbees over there?

Do you know I... When I worked on... Kelsey Grammer resents the sketch show in London, England. I believe you dropped the P there. But go ahead. Never mind. You know, one of the cast members was an English comedian named Leemac. And he was telling me a story about a friend of his who's also a comedian.

And the name he used was Boothby Graffo. And I was like, what are you saying? And was it... Did you look them up? Is it a real dude? Boothby Graffo. Oh, my God. Well, speaking of England...

Speaking of England, we need to get to it. Let's go to your choice for episode... To get to England? Yeah. Let's go to your choice for episode number five. Number five. All right. This is episode 750.

Scott? There's no way you're going to tell me. This is not the mid 700s. It is right on the money mid 700. Smack dab in the middle. Running wild looking pretty. There is a song that goes smack dab in the middle, though. That doesn't sound like Hot Child of the City.

I don't know. Yeah, you're probably right. Smack dab in the... Smack, smack, smack dab in the middle. That's a great way to figure out if something is a song that exists. I'll just sing it a bunch of different ways. Smack, smack, smack, smack dab in the middle. This is episode 750 and it is from March 28th of 2022

and is an episode called The Pool Duel Over Part Duel. Oh boy. Oh boy. This is... Oh. Pool Duel Over Part Duel. Part Duel. Part Duel.

So this is a studio episode. This is a backyard episode. This is a backyard episode. This is a backyard episode. This is episode 750. Now, traditionally, for the hundreds and sometimes the fifties, Jason Manzook is an Andy Daly who are in this episode. Yes.

Do those episodes with me together. Yes. And a year ago, a couple of years ago, I can't remember. No, it was during the pandemic. Yes. And I believe it was episode 700 maybe. Or no, it was an anniversary episode. It was a Christmas episode.

It was a Christmas... So one of those, Andy came on and was doing his character Byron Deniston. The Royal Watcher. And along with Jason Manzookus. And Paul, you were on the Zoom silent on mute waiting to come on. And you were going to do the very rude young man character. She look evil.

She look evil. And you were waiting for that. And Jason and Andy and I, as we were talking about Brian Deniston, who was a Royal Watcher. Essentially, he's a person who watches the Royal Family. And there are these Royal Watchers in England who call themselves Royal Watchers, but of course, Andy Daly being demented. He's a person who really watches them and gets involved in their

life and hides in their house and stuff like that. Yeah. In any case, we were talking about Byron Deniston trying to find another member of one of the Royal Families to hook up with so that he could travel with them to outer space on the spacecraft. And he found a really hot princess or queen. I can't remember. Lady Amelia Spencer, I believe.

Lady Amelia Spencer. And from another country, I believe, not England. No, I think she's from England. No, I think there's a lady someone that he was. I can't remember any. Oh, maybe it is Lady Amelia Spencer anyway. There was a queen of some other country that he talked about at one point. In any case, we found out that she has a boyfriend called.

His name escapes me, but his nickname was The Gris. Yeah. And we started making fun of the fact that she's dating someone named The Gris and how easy it would be to take, steal The Gris' girlfriend because he's a water polo instructor. And then Paul in the chat, in the Zoom chat typed, should I play The Gris? And I said, sure, just interrupt us.

And Paul came in and interrupted and it shook Andy. I could not believe the surprise on his face. He couldn't believe someone else was talking because we were locked in and just suddenly you're like, well, well. Like your catchphrases came up. Well, well, well. Bar and Dennis did as I live and breathe. And he was like, and Andy was shaking.

He hardly ever gets thrown and he was thrown. He's like, what? Andy was reacting as if this was a character I had planned on playing for a long time. Right. And we had just. He was like, oh, how fortunate. I was going to play The Gris.

And he was talking about me. We happened to talk about him. And so Byron Deniston became, and The Gris became arch enemies in this. And just incredible happenstance. And what I love about doing the show is stuff in the moment happening like this. And it leads to all of these great connections

and further episodes down the line where we expand on it. Another wonderful bit of trivia is that as I was waiting to come on, even though I was muted, I was still recording. And so the episode originally went out with me practicing for Cineval Voice. Yeah, they didn't mute that part of the episode. And so for about six hours, there was a version up there where you could hear Paul kind of shouting in the background

going, you're a very rude young man. People are just talking. It sounds insane. He's like, why are they acknowledging this guy? Yeah. You're a very rude young man. And the episodes usually go out at like 9pm or something. And this is the Zoom era, which by the way, was so difficult to edit.

And so no one blames the producers and the people involved, although it was their fault. But it was a Herculean task to put these shows together during the Zoom era. So just that one slipped through. And so for about six hours, and they go up at 9 at night. And then basically like I wake up at 5 in the morning with a bunch of messages of like, why are we hearing Paul shouting?

And then I have to text everyone involved hoping they get up early enough where they can fix it. But they eventually did. I got to hear it. I was very glad I got to hear it. It was really funny. So this episode was, is episode 715. We plan on doing another one of these episodes with Andy and Jason.

And I said, hey, can we get the gris involved if he's available? And Paul, you were available, which is really great. This is a backyard episode. And just so you know what was happening in the world when this was released, this was just before the Jubilee and the Queen, Queen Elizabeth, was still with us. Yes. So we talk about what might happen at the Jubilee

and she is still alive at the time. So let's hear it. This is your episode number five. Number five. He's been on the show several times. He is the aforementioned foreigner. And I believe he refers to himself as a royal watcher. And we'll talk to him about what that means.

I believe we've covered it before on the show. But please welcome. It couldn't be easier to understand. It really is right there in the name. Royal watcher. It's just, I watch the royals. Yes. And if you need an infusion of modernity into your show,

you'll come to the right man because we will be talking about the royals, the winzers. I got the Pfizer actually, so I'm good. My goodness. No. Although you know, well, it's funny you should say that because, you know, Queen Elizabeth has recently had a bit of a row. Yes.

I want to talk about that. Let me introduce you. Your name is Byron Tennis. Oh, yes. Thank you. Yes. Wonderful to be here. Hello, gentlemen.

Hello. It's a great to see you, Byron. Yes. Yes. You've flown across what they call the pond. No, no. Lately, I have recently relocated to the grounds of Prince Harry and Meghan's home.

Oh, yeah. Where do they live now? Up in Vancouver or something? No, up in Santa Barbara. They look like you're Montecito or something. Yes, that's right. Like near Oprah kind of. They do.

Montecito, yes. Beautiful country there. Very near to Oprah. As a matter of fact, she has a habit of stopping Byron announced because they did say, please come by any time. And she's really taken it quite seriously. She's just taken advantage of them over. Well, I don't know that she thinks of it that way,

but I'll be quite honest with you. After she leaves, half the time, they say, you know, again, really? What are we supposed to say? You know, she keeps dropping. I can only imagine if you don't, like, buy any groceries, just how tempting that would be. What do you mean? I don't know.

How tempting would be to not buy groceries? To not buy groceries and just go over to your neighbor's house all the time. Oh, you mean, like, for a cup of sugar? Well, you know, like how Kramer used to just, like, come right into the kitchen every time he would come into Harry's house. Sure. Yeah. Do you know what, did you have a Seinfeld or did you have a different show there?

Oh, no. You know, we, you know, Seinfeld was based on a British series. Oh, it was? Yes, of course. Of course, it ran four episodes. Yes, we only did four, four Seinfelds. One cycle, or no, one series. One, no, two series and a Christmas special.

So two, the series were two episodes each. Yes, each series was two episodes, and then the Christmas special was only ten minutes. What was it called? It was called Car. Car. After Jimmy Carr. Oh, so it was Jimmy Carr. He was just called Carr.

Yeah. And what were they, like, who was Kramer, who was Elaine, who was George, and I'm sure they were not Jewish like they were? Uh, certainly not. No, they were British, yes. More British than Jewish. Yes, well, what do you mean who were there? They were sort of the people in Carr's life, and Jimmy Carr.

So they're all just based on his past? Yes, exactly, yes, yes. He had a whimsical neighbor and all that, you know. Yes, and this fellow scientist just sort of adapted it for American television. Wow, and people don't know that. Yeah, I mean, it was like the office, yeah. So many American shows are just, yeah, yeah. All those, everything that was ever on NBC on Thursday nights was adapted from the British, right?

30 Rock, wasn't that 30 Stone? 30 Stone? Yeah, and it was about somebody who weighed 30 Stone. Yes, yes, it's a different show. But, yeah. Yeah, this would be great. And so when you come back on June 6th or whatever, I'm presuming you'll be king at this point.

Can you imagine having a royal on the show? Not just a royal, the king of all England. The king of England. Can you imagine? That would be incredible. That would be so good. I bet that would be the biggest episode you would ever have. Yes, it's going to be.

June 6th is literally a Monday, so I hope you'll be back on then, yes. I shall be back on that very day. And you'll be king of England. Holy shit. I can't believe it's really this simple. Don't second guess this. No, I know. It's just it's all out of the blue.

I never imagined myself. I mean, I imagined myself marrying into royalty. Sure. Of course. By the way, how did you plan? Well, you were at one point engaged. If I'm not mistaken, right? We're tuned to someone.

Princess, nearly. Amelia? Princess Amelia? Well, she's not a princess. But I had my sights set on Lady Amelia Spencer. Lady Amelia. A niece of Diana and, well, there was a duel between me and her intended fellow.

What was her intended's name? It was like... Oh, we looked it up. It was the Gris. Well, yes. Griswold? His last name is Millard or something. I don't know.

But he goes by the Gris. He's known it as the Gris. Greg Millard or something. His friends call him the Gris. But in here, I had a duel with swords. With swords. And I did lose. But you know what?

All this time later, they're still not married. So... You know what I mean? There is something's going on. Interesting. I think, you know, especially if you're king? Yeah. Who could resist marrying a king?

I mean, get that information out there. But I have a thought to challenge him to another duel. Can you do a redo of a duel? A redo? Well, I survived it, barely, but I did. I think I can. And my thought this time, this is a bit wild. If they reboot the Batman all the time, you could do another duel, right?

Absolutely. A duel over? Yeah. A duel over. A duel. I'm a duel. You may not know. The Gris is for a living.

Wow. Look at those birds up there. Oh, yes. Do you have birds like that up in merry old England? Or I bet they're all sad and rained on all the time. So they're just like sopping wet and just like... Sopping wet birds. That means something else in England.

Oh, that's right. Sopping wet birds. That is what one says. That is what one says. That was two crows chasing a falcon, I believe. Why chase a falcon? Well, because the falcon wants their babies. Yeah.

And in England, the falcon just gets what he wants, I think. The ravens yield to the falcon. That was Superbowl last year, I believe. The ravens yield to the falcon? I think so. I think you may be right. Well, it was like, oh, yes, I'm the Gris. Do you know what he does for a living?

I have no clue. It's a laughable and pathetic. What does a guy named the Gris do for a living? He's a water polo instructor. No. What? I'm afraid so. Instructor?

Not even a player. Well, he knows the game inside and out. And my plan is to challenge him to a one-on-one game of water polo. Why challenge him at will? What he does best, precisely, to all the more humiliate him. Have you played water polo at all? Never in my life. Oh, Byron.

No, no, no. Can you imagine? Bad plan. If I were to best him at the thing... I can't imagine. The odds are stacked against you, like, staggeringly so. It's a wonderful underdog story. I mean, I don't know that I have the time now that I'm building a throne.

But this was my plan to train up and get myself ready and take on the Gris. Here's what I say. Yes. I say build the throne, become king. Then you'll have dominion over the Gris, over Lady Amelia. Would he be one of your subjects? Could you put him to death? Well, I don't see why not.

I mean, why not? You could just take care of this without the duel. Although... I would maybe challenge him to the duel first, see how it works out. And then if it doesn't work out, your first act as king is to put the Gris to death. Well, if it does work out, too. If it does, or it doesn't, I think. You know what I mean?

You don't want the Gris sniffing around. No, no. Buckingham Palace. Oh, gentlemen, this is a wonderful plan. This is a great plan. Do you want to put it out there to the Gris that you're ready to duel? Absolutely. Listen to me, you.

He's all the way in England, right? Certainly. So hopefully this podcast will reach his ears. The Gris, you bested me at swords. I give it to you, you did. But this time you're going down. Down into the deep end of the Water Polo Pool. Oh.

I will defeat you in your area of expertise. I hereby challenge you, sir, to a game of water polo for the hand of Lady Amelia Spencer. Wow. Wow. Well, now, Byron, I have a little bit of a surprise for you. Oh. Now, when I said that the Gris is all the way over there across the pond, I was fibbing a little bit because I happen to know the Gris's whereabouts.

Oh, no. And the Gris is actually right here in this very backyard of mine. I feel that this is not quite fair. And I wanted to surprise you with him, but... Is that the Gris' music we hear? Please welcome the Gris. Well, well, well. Byron.

I don't know. I feel I've been rather shabbily treated here. In what way? Well, you lied to me. You lied to me. How did I lie to you other than my admission? No, you told me he was across the pond. This is a variant plan.

This is a man who'd stabbed me in the abdomen with a sword the last time. And I will again. I meant the pond in my backyard, aka my swimming pool. Yes, and he was. He was across there, yes. Do my ears deceive me, or did someone challenge me to a game of water polo? Well, yes, but not today. Give me the old polo instruction of 31 years of age.

Yes, I suppose. You've got a very good shape, yes. Well, isn't it interesting you've been engaged for almost two years now, haven't you? And yet no movement toward a wedding date. What's going on there, the Gris? I does as I please, Byron. I does as I please. Are you sure the lady isn't having second thoughts, cold feet and whatnot?

She's having third thoughts. I'd like to engage him again. What? First, I'd like to engage him. Then, I engaged her. Then, I'd like to engage him again. Then I said, but dear, we're already engaged. Then she forgets and says, I'd like to engage him again.

She remembers the first, forgets the second. Are you quite sure? I think after all this time, she must be thinking, maybe it's not such a great idea. How did you engage, by the way, the first time? I'm sure it was just you. Yeah, well, you know what? I don't know, Gris, have we ever found out your love story with Lady Amelia? How did you meet?

How did you meet? How did you follow? How does a guy named Gris meet Lady Amelia? Thank you for asking. Yes. Lady Amelia, no, I met at the discotheque. Oh, another very modern reference. In Ibiza.

Oh, okay. A discotheque in Ibiza. How long ago was this? You've been engaged two years. How long have you been dating? We've known each other for a long time. Oh, wow. We were best friends, weren't we?

Oh, wow. Like a when Harry met Sally kind of scenario? Friends first? Or school children? No, we don't have Jewish people in England. There's a couple. Do you mean like when Bertram met Beatrice? Yes.

Oh, yeah. The movie that when Harry met Sally. Where did she have that fake orgasm? It couldn't have been it. Cats is deli. It was an errands, I believe. It was an errands. It was an errands.

It was an errands. And when she finished faking the orgasm, an old lady at the counter turned around and said, I say that does look ripping. Oh, wow. How? I should like to be served the same thing that she was served. How? So you were friends and then just one night love bloomed?

One night love bloomed. Wow. We was looking at each other across the pool. I was instructing her to play water polo at the time. How was she as a player? She's all right. Not bad. Not bad.

Yeah. Why did she want to play water polo? I think to get closer to me. Wow. To see me with me shirt off. Yeah. I get it. You're very, like, you know, you're young, you have like an incredible body, a swimmer's

body, I'm assuming. Yeah, you're very wide. Yeah. I'm very wide. Yeah. Yeah. Delts, lats, the whole thing. You got those cum gutters.

Those CG's. You got those UK CG's. We call them sewer. Seamen sewers. Seamen sewers. Seamen sewers. Seamen sewers. Seamen sewers.

Seamen sewers in the UK. You do it. OK. They drain right into the Thames. I heard in Australia they go the opposite way. Oh, yes, I think. It goes up. Goes up.

You know, my mate, the Zurg. The Zurg. We got to get the Zurg on the show. We got to get the Zurg. The Australian version of the Gris. That guy is a lot. You know that everyone in Australia is a mirror version of everyone here. Really?

Yeah. So wait, there's a me there? No, no, no. Everyone in the UK. All the way in the UK. Right? No. Oh, here in.

In this hemisphere. Oh, I see. It's hemisphere. It's mirror images of the whole hemisphere. Exactly. Wow. It's terrifying. Don't ever go.

So were you guys just like in the pool and you kissed? Or where was your first physical? When did you get physical with Lady Amelia? You don't mind me asking. Not until the night of the engagement. Wow. Really? How sweet.

We remained chaste until that moment. But you're supposed to remain chaste until your wedding day, which of course may never come. Spoken like a true non-royal. Wow. No, no. Well, you're not a royal yet, to be fair. Right.

I'm closer than he is. Yeah. Are you though? I'm building a throne. I've built several thrones over my lifetime. My first throne I built, I was five years old. Even before Lady Amelia, you were just building thrones? That's right.

I was just building thrones. Wow. What do you do with them? Mostly I give them to friends. Oh, that's... What a nice gift. What a nice, non-obtrusive gift. Here, I built you a throne.

I built you a throne. Well, if they're all these self-claimed... Would you say now? Oh, no. I would happily take a throne if someone had delivered it to my house. Exactly. So then is it really more of a race at this point? I'm to build a throne, and then he's already got one, and then on the day of Jubilee,

whoever gets into the throne room first is the king. Don't you see? What? If you're not a peer of the realm, it don't matter, do it. What do you mean by that? I'll show you whatever. You're just a nobody. You're one of the rabble, one of the peasants.

Wow. But I'll have built a throne and gotten it to the throne room first, and I will be king, don't you see? Well, if you get into the throne room first, but... Right. There's no chance of that happening, because you're going to drown during our water polo Byron, you look... Byron, I'm just curious, because I don't know if we've ever gotten to this.

How old are you? Oh, yes. 58 years old. 58 years old. That's oldest. Hell. And the Gris is 31, did you say earlier? 31.

Wow. Why take him on in water polo? Why lay down this particular gauntlet? Well, the whole idea was to have a few months' practice at water polo so that I could humiliate him. A few months? Yes. Would you animate a few months?

I was going to work on it every single day for about three months. How many minutes a day? How many minutes? Up to 60. Every day. That's not good. That wouldn't have cut it. Of course it would.

I'm a natural athlete. I really am. Anything I'm trying to take up, I do rather well. Sure. As all the British are. Certainly. Yes. Badminton.

I think your only hope here is to do some sort of like airbud situation where you substitute a dog for you or something. Oh, sorry. That's your answer. There's something in the rule book. There's something in the rule books that says I cannot play war polo. Oh, damn. That's too bad.

And Byron, it's been so nice knowing you and it's been such a pleasure to have you on the show low these many years. Yes, yes. I intend to go to my watery grave as a very British man in a British. I'm going to be British about it. Okay, good. Yeah, you'll have a stiff upper lip. Yes.

You'll be resigned to your fate. Yes, precisely. And you guys go ahead and get into the pool if you don't mind. Come on in, Byron. I'm sort of cold. Me? You're complaining about the cold? Oh, dear.

It's going to be hotter in death. Oh, dear. All right. Let's see. I guess I'll do a little play-by-play here. Now, we all know first goal wins. First goal wins and we're going to flip a, what do you call this coin here? What is this?

A pound note? A pound note. Yeah, we're going to flip a pound note to see who gets the ball first. Byron's got it. Byron, yeah. Call it in the air. All right. It's the queen.

Face of the queen. It is the queen. You get the ball first. Oh, wonderful. All right. Very good. Here I go. Do your worst.

Water polo. Oh, my God. The gris is drowning somehow. The gris. Oh, my God. How did that happen? What happened? Oh, dear God.

He got tangled up in the net. Oh, no. Put the ball in there. Oh, my God. Put the ball in there. Byron, you can do this. You can do this. Just remember that I'm making my way over there.

Byron, hurry. Don't drown your way. Put the ball in there. Put the ball in there. Oh, my God. Put the ball in there. Byron, you can do this. You can do this.

Don't drown yourself. Oh, no. Byron is tangled up in the net. Byron is tangled up in the net. Oh, no. Oh, God. They both drowned. They both drowned.

Jay, we have... The gris is coming back to life. How could I get there? Oh, my God. I was in Australian heaven. Oh, my God. Why am I here? Oh, it's...

What's his name again? It's the anti-gris. No, it's Richard Harrow. Richard Harrow from Boardwalk Empire. Clanking Chains. Number five. A lot of splashing. Now, this is the pool duel over part duel?

Part duel, yes. Was there a part one? No, no. Okay. Okay, good. It's explained in that clip. I thought I was good. I thought I was going crazy.

No, no. This is... Yeah, this was part one, but we... This still might be. Oh, my God. Everyone's a little insane sometimes. No, is that true? Yeah, it's true.

This town needs an enema. Why didn't he say that? Why didn't he say that? He's Jack. He's Jack. I mean, Gotham... Look, Gotham was insane already. It didn't need an enema.

And especially not from the likes of him. Yes. It's like Dr. Enema thyself. It was not like the suburbs. You know what I'm saying? Give yourself an enema before you give this town. Give yourself an enema. That was, first of all, Jason...

We mentioned Jason Manduka's in a previous episode being sort of a hypochondriac a little or, you know, aware of his health and safe. So he was very far away from us. I think you and I were next to each other. And Andy, we were all... I think we were closer. We were all pretty close. And Jason was the furthest away by the pool.

So that's him making all the splashing sounds. Yes. He was, like, putting the mic down next to the pool and doing all the splashing. That was supposed to represent two men in a pool. It sounds great. That sounds great. We also, we mentioned the Zerg in this episode. And that's where that seed was planted.

That's right. That's right. Really fun. It was really fun. So now I've done the Gris a few times with Andy. Yeah. And I've all... And I haven't checked with him.

I don't know if he's 100% on board with it happening. He loves it. Oh, really? No, I said, hey, can we get the Gris involved? And he was like, yes, if he's around. He was, like, very quick to say... I think he loves it. Because what I try to do with that character is I try to do...

I'm trying to communicate in my... Like, everything that Andy says, I feel like my job is to say, you don't know what you're talking about. That's what they want you to believe. But what I want to communicate is I'm not, like, full-on contradicting his world-building or what. No, no. It doesn't sound like that to me.

It's just like me... It's just like this character antagonizing this other character and it could all be bullshit. Well, it's also interesting because Andy has to play lower status to you as well because usually Andy is like a high status character and Jason and I are just like peppering him with questions being a little lower status but suddenly the Gris comes in his higher status and it throws him off to be like, oh, no, because, you know...

He has to be a sniveling worm. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. It's really fun. And we started Twitter accounts. I saw that he did a Byron Denison account. I was like, is there a Gris?

Nope. I'm going to do it. I don't think I follow either. We had, like, four exchanges. We both forgot that we were doing it. I'll call Elon. I'll see if you guys can start his poop again. Yeah.

I want to bring him out of stage with you sometime. God, that was good. Oh, my God. This is Elon Mutt by the time he said M. Just to see that fucking fool wandering around. Wandering around. All right. That's going to do it for us on part three.

Yeah. We... Yeah. I'll tell you what, on Thursday we're going to be back and we're going to crack the top four. These will be the final four cracks. Yeah. Me cracking these four.

Me cracking you. You cracking the floor. The floor cracking open. And the crack of hell swallowing you. And the crack of... Through the floor. At least. Oh, and the crack is in there too.

Release the cracker. Is that from something? That's from Clash of the Titans. There we go. Yep. All right. We'll see you next time. Bye.

I love you. Yeah.