Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2023 Part 4

Episode Date: January 4, 2024

Scott and Paul F. Tompkins talk about Star Wars before cracking the final TOP 4 episodes of the Best of Comedy Bang! Bang! 2023 countdown as voted by you listeners. Plus, the final round of the Snowman Game!

Music Come and see my power. Come and see my power. Oh, January the fourth B with you. Welcome to comedy bang bang. Yeah, baby. Star Wars. Star the wars and the stars. Do you think they'll ever make any more Star Wars movies? I hope so, man. I've been waiting. Remember when it was actually a thing of like, I wonder if they'll ever make any more Star Wars movies.

And now it's like, when aren't they gonna make Star Wars movies? Do you remember when George Lucas said, oh, actually I plan this as a series of nine movies. And everybody was like, sure. Yes, sure you did. No, you did. No, but I do remember, this is not a Star Wars podcast, by the way.

And it never will be. No, in fact, this is maybe the only time we've ever even brought up Star Wars on this show. It feels like it to me, yeah. And we're, I mean, we're casual fans at best. We've been bursting to talk about it though. Yeah. But remember, I remember when he first said that and he was like, Oh, yeah, the first three movies are going to follow the droids before they ever met Luke. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And then he just, Oh, guess what? It wasn't about that. It's all about fucking Darth Vader is a little boy.

Yeah. Who gives even the tiniest of shits. Hardly any droid talk at all. No. And then Darth Vader doesn't recognize the droids later on. Well, Darth Vader is stupid. That's the other part. He is kind of stupid, right?

He's a stupid guy. Look, who's coming in the door. Oh! That's right. A fellow podcaster. He's kind of stupid right a stupid guy look who's coming in the door That's right a fellow podcaster it's potato salad lady That's right. It's it wouldn't be January the fourth without a drop-in from our favorite fellow flying kessers. Hey, Tato and salad, ladies. Potato and salad, ladies here. Just spreading potatoes. Have you heard of the latest,

have you heard the latest potato and salad podcast? No, I haven't. What's going on with it? Oh, is it crazy? Yeah, you gotta listen to it. I love the lore of potato and salad, ladies. Yeah, you should just drop potatoes everywhere she goes in the hopes that more potatoes will sprout up.

Yeah, but instead salad sprouts up. Yeah. That's the thing, a potato can turn into a salad so easily. A potato is essentially a salad seed. That's the thing you put a potato back in the ground? Yeah, it becomes a salad. Yeah. And vice versa.

Yes. That's the most important part. If you put a salad in the ground, that's how we get potatoes. Well, that's why the potato famine, people didn't realize to put your salad in the ground. Yeah. You know, all those people in Ireland, they were eating the kale salads. They're like, oh, I wish we had potatoes. But I'm eating the salad to stay trim. Stee trim. I want to fatten up. Eat those carbs.

Well, potato and salad lady is, uh, uh, uh, apparently, it looks like cake and pear lady is here now. Apparently he came in. Wow. So many special guests. And pear lady cake and pear lady. If you have no idea what we're talking about, I envy you. But I pity you. I also I do believe that no one understands what we're saying or why we're saying it.

What's not to under you don't know what a pear is. Yeah, you know what a cake is? Come on. to under, you don't know what a pair is? Yeah. You don't know what a cake is? Come on. You don't know what a lady is. What is babies? We have to hold their hands for this whole thing.

Exactly. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 2023 Part Four. My name is Scott Ockerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And oh boy. It's pretzel and crap-laid-y. Pretzel and crap-laid-y.

Can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can I say, can you had one of the free samples that were ever you were at because you have a giant piece of food in your teeth and just just smiled at us. May I say crab claw and Danish lady. All right, let's close up all the door. Do you know the free samples they always put drugs in them? Oh really? That's why whenever you go to cross people. They do your high? Yes, they always put drugs in them. Oh really? That's why whenever you go to cross people. They go your high? Yes, they dose people.

Ah, right, interesting. Ah, right. Dores are not being closed. I believe another lady is coming in. Oh no, another lady? Oh, it's mixed fruit and E-clar lady, mixed fruit and E-clar lady. That's sushi or lobster tail lady.

Lobster tail and mixed fruit lady. Wow so many ladies some I love it ladies like Wow, I hope so around these parts. What do you mean? I don't know Yes, it is the more banging the better that let's open all these doors so the acoustics are bad Yes, this is the perfect time to do this This is the best of More exciting Oh, I wish I wish the listeners could see this because it's very this is a parade of

Groceries. Oh, I see a pineapple. Pineapple and more pineapple. Now, this is a box that we can't see what's in it. Oh, it's pineapple and berries. Pineapple and berries lady. Pineapple and berries lady. This is part of the problem with recording at home is we have a spare refrigerator here in the studio. And whenever a big event is coming up,

the excess food that needs to be refrigerated gets put in here. Obviously the big event coming up very soon is January 6th. And Scott and his family loves to celebrate this wonderful day in our nation's history. We have a gallows cake and they march up and down their little streets saying hang Mike Pence and we hang our Pence from the or our pants from our yellows. Pants.

Our pants aka pants. Can you imagine if you're fucking Mike Pence and you heard people saying hang Mike Pence you're like that's me. Oh no, there's hundreds of people saying that about a globe. Me, Mike Pence. I hate to hear that kind of thing. I mean, imagine acting the way you acted afterwards. That's fucking dumb ass.

Yeah, fucking rude is whole life. For what? Although is it fun to be the vice president? That's the thing, I don't even think it would be fun to be vice president. No, I don't think so. You gotta get up early. Especially with this guy that you despise,

that you have to be a todi too. But the best is when he took the nomination and his wife was like, well, I hope you're happy Mike. That's great. It's great. I love it. Hey, this is not a political podcast. No, no, no, this is just this is pop culture now. This is pop culture. Yeah. I mean, Mike Pence is now a pop culture figure. Yeah.

He's no longer a politician. He's just merely a guy who's famous probably will have a podcast very soon. If he doesn't already. Yeah. Um, welcome to the best of 2023 part four. This is the very last episode of our best ofs and my name is Scott Ockermann and a pineapple and mixed berry lady is leaving finally. Goodbye. The other ladies are staying. Yeah, they're all staying. And my name is Scott Ockermann.

I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang with me is the co-host with the co-most. He is of course the person who holds the record for most appearances on Comedy Bang Bang. He does many characters on the show, such as Andrew Lloyd Webber and others. I'm looking over your shoulder at the fish on the TV screen. It's hard not to watch. It's hard not to look at these fish. I mean, this is true AI, is it not? Because those aren't real fish. No, they're not.

It bummed me out when I realized those things weren't real, like early on. When it first... Because you want to eat them. Maybe so hungry. And then I tried to buy the TV. And now you have tooth marks on your TV. Yeah. And electrical damage to my face.

Oh, it looks like your face has electrical damage to my face. It looks like your face has electrical damage. My face is riddled with electrical damage. Paul of Tompkins is with me. Hello. Hi. I love everyone in the world. We get so wrapped up in Talking about things. I don't know that I've introduced you since our first episode, but I I hope you have. Okay. Yeah. But welcome back. Great to have you here with us during these best ofs. We love to count them down. We've been doing this together since early on.

Have we not? Maybe the second year? Definitely since early on. Yeah. I think since... Second year? Yeah. I mean, the first year we'd only been going for seven months or something. So we did it best of and maybe it was just me and we were in the radio station.

I don't recall. But I think since the second year maybe you've been doing it with me. I can't remember. It's wild to think about. It is wild. I wouldn't listen. And to dream about. If I dreamed about it, it'd be wild.

Sure. I wouldn't listen that far back if I were you. Oh no, there he goes. I'm sorry to report that Scott Huckerman has died. What if I would hope that, you know, how Norman Lear when he passes away, passed away. Wait, what do you know? Every, every, you know how every television station, like,

simultaneously did a memorial. I hope every podcast did not know that. Oh yeah. I did not know that happened. Yeah, NBC, ABC, Fox, CBS, CW, I think they all did like a CW. Yeah, they're like, they're like, can we get in on this? Should we do it? Who is here? We don't care. CW do it everyone. But they all they all at the side of cast of arrow bowed their heads at 8 p.m. on the Friday after whatever they all I did not know that I didn't know I would hope that when I pass away every podcast like breaks into a podcast and does a nice little

tribute they should have their break ins ready. Yeah. And they should by the way they should make sure my obituary is pre-written. So you're not writing it on the fly. I can write it right now. What could be worse? Because I saw the Norman Lear one was like, this guy made it all in the family and the other stuff, we'll get back to you.

He has a hat. He loved his hat. He's loved his hat. And look, I'm a hack guy. I get it. I get it, Norman. I get it. I get it Norma But change it change it up Maybe it was a secret to his longevity. Oh

Don't change it up. Where's yours now? Let me out that hat I want that hat. Give it a hat. I was told by the way that he was a fan of the TV show comedy bang Really and yes, and we were going to work together on something. This is a long and false story. I won't talk about now, but we were going to do something in a particular episode of comedy bang bang. And he was game for it. Norman Lear was game for it. And one of the other participants was game for it. And then one of the participants backed out.

So we did not end up doing it, but it turned into an episode about something different, but that was very gratifying to hear that supposedly he had watched the show and thought that it was sort of the successor to Fernwood tonight. And well, well, well, well, that was very cool. That was very nice to hear. And that person had backed out, of course, the PR thing. Yes. Yeah, it's too bad. She had to get another abortion apparently.

She's like, it was so popular the first time. Welcome to the best of 2023. Oh, who couldn't feel welcome after that? That's true. Welcome to the best of 2023. Who couldn't feel welcome after that? That's true. We are counting down the top four episodes of 2023. And these are all voted on by you by the way. So if you don't like them, this is your fault.

It's your fucking fault. I don't give a shit. All I'm just here to report on what's happening. Yeah, you're very impartial. Yeah, I don't care what you vote on, what you don't vote on. You're like a journalist for these best of. I'm a citizen journalist in a lot of ways. The most important kind.

Yeah. Here's what I think happened. Just based on me thinking about it. Thanks for that report. I read a couple of tweets from someone else and Common Sense leads me to believe. So these, we're gonna hear the top four episodes. These are the best episodes of the year.

This is so exciting, Paul. So exciting. And much like Donjor. Donjor, very exciting, very dangerous. Danger. It's exciting. It's exciting. It's exciting. These are our two competing danger, exciting stories.

Forever life, like Ford versus Ferrari. By the way, I watch Ferrari. I watch a Ferrari. I watch a Ferrari, the new movie Ferrari. I'm like, where the fuck is Ford? This is like going to watch Predator versus Aliens. And then saying like, hey, would you like to watch Aliens now? No, not without Predator. You want to Ford gets his own movie too.

And then I watch him simultaneously. Well, in Ford versus Ferrari, presents Ferrari? I hope so. It's like fast and furious. Yeah, presents an opposite. It should be. It should have been quite honestly. Ford versus Ferrari.

Presents Ferrari. And then coming up soon. Ford versus Ferrari. Presents Ford. And then all the little auxiliary characters. They get their own little guys. Yes. Patrick Dempsey with his ridiculous accent.

Oh, is he a Ferrari? Yes. Doing an Italian accent? With totally like sprayed on white hair, going, I'm going to drive in this car. No. Oh, I gotta see this fucking movie. Wow. Wow.

Chaline Woodley barely trying an accent. Wow. It's probably the way to go. I can maybe, I don't know. But no, that would be incredible. This is no after things. No. Ferrari, you're not gonna, you're gonna crash, no.

You're gonna crash, no. Ferrari, this is very dangerous, no? Hey, we're married, no. Check out Ferrari. Check out Ford versus Ferrari presents Ferrari. And please, now, please. And then check out Ferrari versus Ford presents Ford. Hahaha.

Hahaha. By the way, we tape all of these best halves in one day. Why do we do that? And we just get stupid. There was one day we didn't remember. You suddenly looked at how the time we were like, I gotta go. Oh, that's right. In the middle of episode three, I think.

That's right. And we had to reconvene a few days later. We did have to reconvene. We had to go back in session. We had to go back. We bang the gavel. And but we do them all in one day and we get stupider and stupider as we go on. That's your opinion.

That's your opinion. Or more loopy, I should say. Yeah, I'm a looper. That's right. What were the rules of Lupert? Okay, Lupert is a great... I never fall in love, I don't remember. Lupert's a crazy film because it's like, already there's a big ask, which like, okay,

time traveling, you can't loop, there's all this jargon, and then... Then they happen to be driving in a guy, picks up a ball, and is like moving around with his mind, he's like, oh, by the way, I'm a telekinetic. It's like, well, that, oh, also, that's in Looper. Shit, I don't remember that. Yeah, that's like a totally unnecessary thing that just makes you go, I gotta pay attention to telekinesis rule, no.

No. Already, I'm trying to cram in my mind. Okay, Looper means this. Gold bars. Try to cram in my mind. Oh my God, I remember all this. God damn it. It's blocked. Do any way there. There are cats of like. And then it's World War Two. I wouldn't mind if you were seeing a movie and some boy in the audience was like, stop, stop. Hold on. Could you pause it?

Well, how am I going to remember all these shit? Does anybody know what's going on? I remember all these shit. Does anybody know what's going on? I have pitted movies. Where people are like, what is happening? Is there anything, there's nothing better. Honestly, when you are in a movie theater where everyone is on the same page that this movie is not good.

And it's not like you go there knowing it's not good. No. It's like, you, like most people went like thinking, oh, this looks like an interesting movie. And then it kind of dawns on everyone like, this doesn't make any fucking sense. Although I do remember when we saw Batman and Robin together, the shoe mucker movie at the at the Mance Chinese theater. Yeah. And we thought everyone was on the same page because it's

objectively a piece of shit. Yeah. And we were laughing and making jokes and it was so bad. And we had a great time and we thought the entire audience we thought was like having a great time. And then outside, I think about this a lot, a woman confronted us. And she was wearing a Batman shirt. And she was like you ruin the movie. And time man for God, and she was like you ruin the movie. And I'm a man, I forgot all of that. And she was just like a huge Batman fan who had been looking forward to this

and paid for opening day just like we did. And I feel bad for it. But and we kind of were like, the movie kind of came pre ruined a little bit. But anyway, I feel like if you'd like just the idea of Batman of seeing Batman, I think walking around they great It's hard to see him. It is hard to see. Well, he's he's the dark knight detective. He's usually in the shadows He's usually in the shadows, you know, if you do see him if you look away from him for even two seconds

He disappears. Yeah, and me being a cowardly superstitious lot. Oh my god. I don't want to see that guy. Yeah I don't want to see anything. Yeah. So, so to see him, it's kind of thrilling. So, yeah, if you're ever seeing a Batman movie, don't, you know, just shut up. Just focus on Batman. Just focus on Batman and everything's going to be alright. Toon everyone else out, dude.

Just look Batman right in the eyes. Everything will be cool with his big mascara all over his eyes. What point do we stop doing that? When are we like, Hey, this is silly. I don't know. It's I don't know. They kind of call it out in the Batman. Don't they? I don't remember. I lasted one movie length of the Batman.

I did not last the second movie like the way. Well, after 90 minutes, they should, they should stop any movie. It just just the rest wherever it is. Ref should come out and go, tweet the whistle and you know, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no overtime. There should be a big.

There's no overtime in movies. Big buzzer. Just a big buzzer. You're at a time. Tlocks run out. You're right. You're right. That's what I would do if I didn't know how to end my movie.

Right. I was making 91 minutes. Right. And then go, sorry, you'll have to see the other minute down the line on your time. The credits should have been shorter in the front. I'm sorry. All right. Let's get to it, Paul.

We got to get to our top four. Yeah, we do. We do. Let's do it. It's got to be us. It's if not us who? No one. And if not who? How? Who would do it if it wasn't us? I wonder. Like if one year you and I were just like, you know what?

Oh, we're not doing it this year. But somebody else fucking do that. What's someone else do? Would a fan do it? Uch. Would one of the characters do it? Would cockroach Rick do it? Cockroach. Well, cockroach Rick and the pig shit twin.

He's yours doing it. God, can you imagine? All right, let's go to it. This is your choice for episode number four. Number four. All right, this is episode 819. This came out on July 2, 2023. I know what you're saying.

My birthday. No, I'm not. My birthday is September. Oh, no what you're saying. My birthday. No, not my birthday. It's a time. Oh, no, you're saying Scott's birthday. Yeah. Yes. This is an episode called man's laughter in the first degree. Yes. And Paul, you are in this episode. Yes, I am. Are you surprised? That I'm in the episode. Yeah, I am. Are you surprised? That I'm in the episode? Yeah.

Well, no. No, because you remember being in it. I remember being in it. The title jogged my memory. That's right. Now, this is a U-PAL. We have Lisa Gilroy and Neil Campbell. And this was during the strike, I assume.

No celebrity guests. This was an all character episode. And so we're gonna hear one clip from this. Before this clip, we're gonna hear this was your second appearance as Fred Guinness. So since we just heard from Fred Guinness, we're not gonna hear that clip, but you can go back and listen to Fred making his second

appearance on this one. We're going to drop in on Lisa Gilroy as financial advisor Kyle Chutney. This is what you picked. This is your episode number four. Number four. All right. Well, we need to talk to this financial advisor. This is his first time on the show and we can all use some help with money

and how we spend our money. So please welcome to the show for the first time, Kyle Chetney. Scoot, Scotter! What's up, my man? Hi, my name's Kyle Chetney. I'm a financial advisor, analyst, engineer. Finance bro, don't shoot me.

Finance wizard, don't burn me at the stake Fucking with you honestly I'll be honest speaker. Oh, no, you're on speaker. Hi. Oh, hey, who's that? I can't wait we got all the dudes huh? Yeah, well Fucking love being the presence of other guys. Oh, yeah, cool. Yeah, I love it honestly God so consider me, you know, your friend, you know, you can call me Kyle You can call me, you know, chutney can call me what the chat, you can call me Big Chat, Chutter Butter, what the fucking chat, you know, chat, but Chug, Chutney, Chut Fuggery, you can call me Kyle Larker. I can go with Butter Chutter. What about Chutter Bug? Like Chutter Bug?

Yeah, Chutter Bug! Chutterfucking Bug, man, I love that. Chutterfucking Bug! Yeah, fuck Buttony, you know, fuck me, that doesn't even have any Chutter Bug. I May just call you Kyle if that's okay Yeah, come, big fuck. Kyle is good to be. Kyle the big fucking dildo, man. Kyle the big fuck with you guys. Well, hey, that's what happens to me. You guys are awesome. You guys are funny.

Hey, it's great to be with you. Yeah. Fred here is obviously on the phone. He's in Ireland. I don't know if you've ever been. Oh, Irish money is big, man. It is. Yeah, you invest in over there and that's a $200.

In the what? $200, that's the Irish bank of capital. I was bank of capital. You don't know what capital. I don't know what that is. Oh, you got a lot to learn, brother. You looked in the grass for Nichols. Butterchut, I have not.

Hey, please, call me big fucking cheddar butt. Hey, big fucking cheddar butt. I feel like I'm back in my frat. You guys are awesome. I don't know that I mean to cultivate that kind of atmosphere. I love it. I love hang with the boys and I come here to be with the boys. Yeah, that's how he banged it is where the boys hang out. Yeah, I said on the door. It says big fucking fucker butt boys club. I love that. So big fucking butterchut. Yeah, what's up, chud but me. Wait, I'm okay. You guys, you can call me the things that I would call you. Sure, yeah, yeah, I can't.

That's what being brothers and boys is all about. Wait, do me, do me. Uh, well, you could be Scooter Fuck. Fucking Scooter Big Fuck Tip. Fucker Titt Scooter Man. You're still doing him. That's not funny. Okay, I don't know your name.

Oh, hey, it's the third character. Let her show. That's not me. No, I, uh, sorry, I need to put it on Do Not Disturbed. Boy, we got a long, we got a good 35 minutes before someone texted me. That's a record. Do I love texting? The personal record, yeah. Okay. Text from who from a girl? Nipple size or what? Can you weigh in? Nipple size. Can you weigh in, brother? Stand it. Yes, I mean, everyone has nipples. It's only us boys here.

Let's talk about it. Yeah, that's the thing. Yeah, right? I love that movie. And I love the hangover, too. Did you know that you're lip meat and you're nipple meat? There are two different meats. Wow.

I love lips and tits and bullshit and with my brothers. Yeah. Well, hey, Kyle. Yeah. You're a financial advisor. Yeah. What are you here to talk about here? God, finance is, I mean. I mean he's scooter scooter McGavin. That's a funny movie looking around your house I'm like what is this place of velvet a velvet kingdom? You seem rich brother. Am I wrong? You counting pennies?

I mean you're thinking here you got to get the money so you can get the honey's right you got to get the coins You can touch the groin stuff like that. I could collect the crypto so you can touch the nipples You should say that in an awesome power is kind of way. Yeah. Garvey, baby, Gar. Like something like that. Garvey, like Steve Garvey. Yes, I love him.

He's hilarious. I love Garvey. He is funny. I think he's running for governors. Something like that. Is he coming up? Senator. I just know he holds the record for funniest picture.

Come on, big scooter, two to ask. What is the funniest belly at your just know it was a record from funniest picture. Come on big scooter to the ass What is the funniest belly itter stop pictures you guys are hilarious. I love being boys with you I love you boys, so but to be boys move on from the bro talk to now financial Talk the cash so we can grab the ass right so what what should we be doing obviously Inflation is going down Except for wittits had to say it. I'm so sorry, you guys are funny. Yeah, what about inflation's going up with it?

So the girls I'm kissing. Inflation. Oh, I see you. Big water balloons. Shmorgas, Balluza. Right, right. Okay. Kyle, you got to click the bills so you can squeeze the hills, you know what I mean?

I guess so, Kyle. I'm not quite sure. But up. Yeah, let's talk your portfolio. Yeah, yeah. Okay, great. You you gotta have portfolio if you want to lick But Julia What is it my I don't know how to do it but hey

Kyle How about you Kyle hi like high school? Like mile high I was thinking more like mile high but Kyle high club They're like mile high. I was thinking more like mile high, but Kyle high club. Kyle high club! Okay, what about Kyle high memorial school? Kyle high memorial school. How do you know this school? Uh, I just would think it would be cool to have a name of a school named after me because you know, I think memorials more for hospitals. Oh, I mean JFK Memorial High School. I love high school because the team girls are there

And if you don't get that greenie can't get those teams, so let's not money, okay? What we're just being boys. We're being boys. Boys sound off one Don't want it. I said you have your boy. Point the vote. Point the vote. Say to your boy. A two. Okay, I'm pointing at the phone. Three. Yeah, that's the boys. That's the boys. Three boys here on the show. But let's clubhouse rules.

You suck my dick or I'll suck yours. What? Yeah. Give me that phone. What an ultimate. Wait, you're. Kyle sucking the phone right now. What?

Oh my god. Where? Hey, Guinness World Record for fastest phone fuck. That might be true. I love you boys. You guys are funny. So anyways, you're gonna need your money and cash, right? So opposite of liquid or I don't know what liquidation means, but something. You're a financial advisor. Yeah, and you're a radio host. So do you want to suck each other's six? We're just boys. Now look, what I have is the Kyle chutney big butter

fuck fridge, okay? The Kyle chutney big butter fuck fridge. That's right. So it's for the cold hard cash. And what you do is it looks on the outside to be a fridge. So that, you know, thefts predators, rapists won't go for it. Right, because people are always breaking in here saying, where's the safe? Where's the safe? They're not looking for the Kyle chutney big butter fuck cold hard cash money fucking fridge. So it just looks like a fridge. It looks like a fridge brother. Now you're get I can see the wheels turning literally you're like, there's like a drool in your brain or up your ass. I don't judge. And so you're thinking about it. I'm thinking about we're just boys. And if we all got the fridge,

right, you can take your money out of the bank when bank you go boom, boom, and you put that in the fridge. You lock it up. It's bulletproof. It's waterproof. It's all the It's airtight. Is it fireproof? Yeah, and when you lock it All the elements exactly and when you lock it fire Water Yeah, and when you lock it it locks for 60 years on a timer So then when you open it money go free free you go BB suck that DD But I don't think I'm going to be alive in

60 years. I really? Yeah. That sucks. Do you? You're an old boy? I'm not like, I'm not like, I'm not doing any of that kind of stuff. But we have you on track to be alive in 60 years. Really? You know how, how do his papers, they write these obituaries in advance? Right, yeah. We write oldest person records in advance on pretty much everybody. Really? So you have one on me? Yes, in case you become the oldest person. How old do you think I might be? Well, we leave a line for the age. Oh, okay. You know, man's dick has rings in it like a tree, so he said, oh, oldies. So it's choppy dick and have find out how old.

No, thank you. Let me swallow it I like chopping an half, you know just boys for the boys just boys. Yeah I think you're just comedy improv Get the fridge if you're not gonna live it if you're an older boy seeing the boys can get a mini fridge locks for 30 years You think you can make it that far but the fridge is tiny or as well? Oh, I just the lock open for 30 years. You think you can make it that far? But the fridge is tiny as well. It's the mini Kyle Chutterbuck Fucky little tiny buck fritt, funny cold fridge.

I don't know that I have that kind of time to say that every time I want to open it. Okay, the cooler that locks for 10 years. Oh, wait, is it like an open-sus-me situation where you have to say the name of the thing and order it and you have it delivered to your house? It's not a Rumpel Stiltz Fug situation. It doesn't take your baby and you have to say it's name to give it back. have it delivered to your house. It's not a Rumpel Stiltz fuck situation. It doesn't take your baby and you have to say it's made to give it back. It's simply on a timer.

It's a right. Why put it? Why have the why not a combination lock? Because combination someone could guess it. Yeah. 10 years. Who's going to be there when it clicks open? You because you're waiting.

Right. What if someone comes to rob me and I say, I'm sorry. This is one of the Chuckie butters. Fucky nut. And the guy goes, Oh, yeah, I've heard of those. Well, you know, I'm sorry, this is one of the Chuckie butters, fucking nut, and the guy goes, oh yeah, I've heard of those. I'll wait, I'll wait. Yeah, you guys will wait, because you won't be making it.

And then I suddenly have a roommate, and this guy's living with me. No, here's the crazy thing, it looks like a fridge dude. So he's not gonna come in and even ask if it's a cult. But if you sell enough of these, fucking cold hard cash, motherfucking little mini. Sure, but if you sell enough of these, everyone has one and then everyone knows it.

Help me sell enough. Oh, okay. Help me sell enough of these everyone has one and then everyone knows me so enough okay help me so enough what I dare you okay what you want me to do do you want me to read ads or yeah okay I can read that I'm sliding an ad to you right now okay here it is have you ever fucked a butt look I'm not I'm not okay sorry have you ever fucked a butt twice no yeah where are you saying? You haven't or you're saying you're not gonna Read I don't want to read this read it sing it then have you ever fucked about I don't know that so you've sold one of these I've sold about a billion of them

I Think there's only what 12 billion people on the earth or seven day. I can why do you need to help feeling more? I'm just because I'm greedy. I don't know. I my financial institutions are doing really really good I think there's only what 12 billion people on the earth are seven billion. Why do you need to help feel like more? I'm just because I'm greedy. I don't know. My financial institutions are doing really, really good. 7.888 billion, by the way. So you have six billion more that you can sell. I'll make them. Yeah. Let me ask you, is it cheaper to make a tiny motorcycle or a big motorcycle? Depends. Is the fact I can ride it?

The fact I definitely can write it? The fact I was definitely going to write it. Yeah. Maytag makes my fridges. Maytag makes my fridges. Yes, what? Maytag makes my fridges. Yeah, it's not Maytag. It's Maytag. Maytag.

Yeah, they're, um, they're big fucking fridge makers for money. They make your fridges. Yeah. And, and, uh, well, I mean, that's those are quality fridges, right there. I mean, the Maytag repairman, he's the loneliest worker in the world, and I'm surprised that he wasn't laid off. Well, now he now he understands the principles of money, right? If you don't collect that loot, you'll never make a two. You know, if you don't get the, if you don't secure the loan, you'll never make her own. Okay. Yeah. Well, I guess, I mean,

if you don't get that green, you'll never make your scream. Okay I knew it was a third one if you can't become chief and never make her quick Don't know that I want to make anyone say a money word to me and I'll make a rhyme from it Penny if you don't get those pennies, you still you can't call her Hini Give it on the one If you don't get those cents you can't paint her fence Well, you're paying it with jizz. Oh, okay, that's yeah, that's all I think. Fence is legs. That was a close one.

Euros. If you don't get the Euros, you'll never be able to burrow your face in those tittos. Okay. Like Kyle can do it. Yeah, so boy, sound off one. I don't know. It's me.

Yeah, I love you guys. You guys are hilarious. Number four. All right, Kyle chutney. He's a real bros bro. Chutter Butter. Chutter Butter. New Chutter Mothers.

After that clip, Neil Campbell comes in. He does a funny character named Noel, who is smuggling me to the end of the show. He's a smuggler. Right, right. An interesting concept. You need to the end of the show. Yeah, he's trying to get me from the commercial break to the end of the show.

He's trying to smuggle me. Right. And he hopes he doesn't get too personal and care too much. And because the last show he was on the Zubi Contrino podcast, he got too involved with Zubi Contrino and Zubi died. And who would Zubi Konderino? That's my canter, terrible character, Zubi Konderino. And what was his deal again? I don't know. He was all name. He was one of the greatest, greatest character names of all time that did not live up to, did not live up to how great it was. And, and Neil said

that he died. So canonically, he's dead. Wow. And Mike has nothing to say about it. Nope. He has nothing to say about it. Wow. There's nothing he can do. Nothing. I guess he, I guess if John Lennon came back, anyone can. So good point. All right. Let's take a break. When we come back, we're going to crack the top three. Fuck. Oh my god. This is exciting. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang best of 2023 part four after this Comedy bang bang best of 2023 part four, but you were you just booping the snowman The snowman's button a little boop. You're trying to curry favor with the snowman before our final round Maybe I am

Maybe I need a W this year. Did you move, by the way, you moved your body position so that you are directly in the snowman's gaze now? It doesn't count. I'm not, he's actually looking. Oh, he's there. Are you gonna move back to where you were? Or are you, because you can't move to any chair.

I'm gonna move back opposite the guest chair. The audience chair. I'm just saying, like, if you don't like your position, you can move. We are gonna play the snowman game, by the way, the most exciting minutes and podcasts. At the end of this episode, it's the final version of the time to see how long it takes to play the snowman game. Yeah, because I've been saying the final minutes, assuming it's about two minutes. It's less, oh, it's less than that. He doesn't have a single whole song. It might be 90 seconds. It might be

60 seconds. We'll time it this time and then then next year we'll say the most exciting 60 seconds in podcasting arrow. No matter what happens. Yeah. Good. That's that's out of the way. That's settled. All right. Let's get to it. This is we're going to crack the top three Paul. Let's get to it. This is your choice for episode number three. Number three. All right, Paul, this is episode number three. And the number in comedy bang bang numbers, this is episode 799. That's it. It's over here. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It's it. It March 5th, 2023. And this is an episode called, Bruba Godu.

Right. This is 10 days before the I'd of March. That's right. Yes. Very good Paul. So it makes a subtraction that will be Bruba Godu.

Yes. Bruba Godu. This was an episode where we heard from Nick Crow earlier, but Ike Baronholz joined Nick on this episode. Nick and Ike along with Mel Brooks were the N1 to Sykes, I believe, were the creators of History of the World Part 2, which was, of course, a Fortnite event. Of course it was. Of course, you've heard a Fortnite event. Yeah. This is one of the first Fortnite events. Yeah, it was such a pain in the ass to get

my family schedules all coordinated so we could gather for the Fortnite events. That's right, but you did it. We did it, we did it. Essentially, you just had to cancel everything. Everyone had to cancel everything. Yep. Yeah.

Even stuff six months in advance. Yeah. Oh, how the hell? This is exciting. It is not, do not disturb. This is like a celebrity cameo. You've heard it meant it's happening. What is going on?

Here's my, here's my, here's what I wonder. Are there just like certain things that overrides the do not disturb? Like if you get a certain, a text from a certain person. Maybe, yeah. Maybe. Yeah. Oh my God. Anyway, you've heard you've heard the ding of the computer several times here on the on the show. And that was the this text chain that we are all on. Paul, please don't respond to these because it's going to make noise, I guess. I got it too. All right.

Anyway, Ike Baronhold's, Nick Kroll. They are here to promote history of the world part two. So many of our friends were on that show. Yes. Were you on it? No, me neither. Cool, I was on it. I'm glad about that. Yeah, so someone in the family was.

Someone in our household was. My household, of course, we were watching. Yes, for four nights. Um, see now this is from you and you just texted me noise. It now come and check. I don't believe you. It's undue not to stir. How, what is happening here? Just stop it. You just texted me ding at the same time that this text chain we're on someone else texted something. I don't understand what's happening.

I don't understand, but I love it. Wow. All right. So in this particular episode, we're not going to hear them talking about the Fortnite event. You can go back and listen to it if you like. And then we have meiesr Johari. This is another episode that she's on.

We're gonna hear from her. She is playing Andy and aspiring cosmologist. And then we are going to hear Gilles Zerri. He is going to come on as a Ned Bellinella, whom we just heard from on this year's holiday episode, the busiest man in the world. This is the first time we've heard from Ned Bellanella. He came in here with an iPad without telling me. So of course, we didn't have the right hookup for it. And so sounds a little weird in this episode, but it's so popular.

But he did text someone else to tell you. That was a previous episode. Oh, okay. He texted Ben Schwartz to tell me and Ben looked at it and said, Ha, ha, what a funny joke that Gild and then never told me about it. This time, Gild just showed up with an iPad and said, Oh, my God, an iPad. Yeah. And I didn't have the right cord for it to hook it in.

And so we put a mic up next to it. But anyway, you know, come in the wash because people like this episode, this is your choice for number three. Number three. She's a cosmetologist from what I'm told. Please welcome Andy. You know, come out in the wash because people like this episode. This is your choice for number three Cheesay Cosmetologist from what I'm told. Please welcome Andy. Oh, hi. Hi. How are you? Oh really great? So nice to meet you This is Ike this is Nick. Hello. They are They're the I guess the orchestrators of the four-night event orchestra That's why love music. Oh, yeah, me too. Yeah, I do you like music. That's cool. I love music. Oh, yeah, I do you like music. That's cool. That's cool. I love listening to it

I love the people that make it. I love all kinds of elements of it. The instrument you like the music itself the music itself People make it and the instruments and the instruments wow I mean the trifecta right there most of the things that make it yeah, I guess vibrations Yeah, producers producers equipment like the equipment that allows you to hear cables sounds cables. I'm not really into tech Okay, you're not really you're more of an organic. I'm more of a yeah do with your hands body kind of thing Oh really, okay, so you only go see live music is that yeah, okay? It's no touch that you've never heard recorded music That's not what I'm interested in And you're not interested in recording, so lived experience

Yeah, I'm not really interested Also, it sounds like if you don't like tag everything is acoustic or acapella Yeah, well mostly acapella I like and I don't want to do it like in a bag You go to the MTV unplug tapings I would go to the tapings but I wouldn't want there to be a camera there either Okay So mostly what I listened to is like stuff in parks, like stuff in a parking lot

Like stuff that's outside Oh, okay, cool, cool Oh, like a drum parks like stuff in a parking lot like stuff that's outside Oh like a drum circle and Venice you'd be like this is great. I don't really know what Venice is But yeah, probably sounds that sounds nice. Do you have a car? Can you not get to Venice is that? I do have a car. I don't know where it is Oh, I had one of those little Apple tracker things, but then I lost my phone So I don't know where the car is. I don't know where the phone is. Oh God. You need an Apple tracker on your phone I guess that's true. Yeah, different phone to track that one. Yeah, and if you're against tech that would be so maybe so maybe you lost it I'm maybe purposely lost it. You're just trying to get rid of the stuff that you don't

Tech stuff you so far I do. I love people who are on it. If she had these kind of feelings, she would be in touch with them and be able to know that. Have you ever worked with the musicians to do it cosmetology? I'm really trying to break into that field. I'm not. Oh, you're not an actual cosmetologist now. Aspiring.

Aspiring. Inspiring. I would say. Oh, wow. Have you looked into going to like a beauty school or anything? I don't want to do that. Oh, too much tech. I'm looking for a word of mouth thing. I don't like when people tell me what to do. I don't like when people talk down to me. I'm like, Nick.

Um, Nick, cool. If you could, please don't talk down to our guy. Can I just say how cool it is to be a table of all guys? Yeah. It's cool, right? We're all looking at you. It's like you're in a zoo. And one thing's I'm dumb, and that I love. Yeah, yeah. That's cool. You just describe comedy being the thing. We have to get to our next guest.

He's been on the show once before. I think Nick, he might have been on the show when you were. I, it was last time I was on the show and I'm think Nick he might have been on the show when you were I It was last time that's right and I'm shocked that he was able to come back. Yeah, but he is known as the busiest man alive Please welcome back to the show net Bellinella Nice to be back here so wonderful to have you yeah, I'm surprised you could fit it into your busy schedule You know what March is my busiest month is it really it is a March map Well, I have the mode I I feel this Great number of phone calls and emails and text yes. I know, but why because in March because they come in all the time

And that's I feel them because if it pre-taxies and or what is it? What is it about March? I think it's the eyes of March right in the center March 15th everyone celebrating it everyone talking about that Yeah, no, so I'm here. March Madness probably like you said You just you just experience March madness because of a busy oh boy. Thank you. Yes. I do March madness for me is Every basketball game is every phone call that I take and the championship is a big phone call You have your phone calls in brackets? That's right, yes.

That's right, and there's a winner at the end of the month. Okay, yes. I want to hear what this big winning phone call is. I don't think you do. No, you can't go. I'm very busy. I'm glad we caught you in a little. Well, a lot of stuff going on.

A lot of stuff going on. This, by the way, but last time I was on here, my privacy was breached. I'm so sorry. And I would like to ask, well, a lot of my clients were mad because I discussed their business on this podcast. And I like you. I mean, you shouldn't be taking calls during the podcast. Oh, well, don't tell me what to do. Okay. I saw what you did to Andy over there. I'm going to put my foot down right now. Now listen to me. I want you to take an a verbal NDA before we start. Sure. I. Can you be up to me? Yeah, okay.

Yeah, all right. I think I can. Okay, I don't know. All right. If it's complicated, maybe I can. I'm aware of these calls. I'm aware of these calls. I'm aware of that these calls.

May contain. May contain. A violent or sexual nature. I don't know that I want to be saying this. You know, violence and sexual nature. I condone what I hear. I can tell what I hear. And baby, I like it. Baby, I like it. Okay, that baby I like and baby I like it okay

and I will not repeat it to authorities if of course I do if of course I do it will result in the death it will result in the death the weakest member of my family weakest member but that's me yeah okay well I'm sorry that's what I'm lying here those are the stakes oh god I'm getting a phone call. Oh, okay, gotta take this. I just want to be a whisper in the lights. Hello! Oh, it's my contract again. Yes, hi, Gary.

Uh-huh. Okay, so here's what I want to do to the garage bathroom. Okay, I want a non-functioning toilet. That's right. No, it shouldn't flush. It's just the shelf. That's right. Mm-hmm.

And the sink should have no hole, either. That's right. I want everything to just fill up and overflow. That's right. That's the point, that's the way. Mm-hmm and the sink should have no hole either. That's right. I want everything to just fill up and overflow That's right. That's the point extra wet. Mm-hmm. Yep. A drain. Of course we need a drain put on a ceiling. That's right. Okay email a group rinse to my car. Thank you. Bye. I I'm sorry He's still on the line. Sorry about that. I didn't hang up I will say I said you were busy. I thought it was with business. Oh no, it's business. It's a personal thing.

I have businesses. I'm a toy maker. I'm an events planner. You're on a low-way. Obviously. Look at the back of my shirt. Oh, it says toys. Yes, it's toys.

Yes, nids, big fat toys. I make only chubby toys. For chubby people, you just niggas be any size. No, just they look chubby. They're nice and chubby. They look chubby, but they're not chubby. They're not chubby. They're, just they look chubby. They're nice and chubby. They look chubby, but they're not chubby. They're not chubby. They're like plump, fricking optical. No, they're like great foods with little eyes and tiny little hands.

Oh my god, here comes another fork off. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. No, no, no, hold on. Yes. Hi. How are you? Uh-huh. Yes. No, this is sweet green. I also work at sweet green.

Yes, sir. No, I'm just confirming your order for pickup. Uh-huh. Yes Six garbage bags of shroomami. Uh-huh, and you wanted to put long receipts inside the garbage bags under the shroomami Yes, well, I like eating the paper in the ink to sir Oh, you don't eat it today. What do you need it when you're 65 years old? 2029 yes, that's the year I want to die too Okay, well bye-bye. What's that? Shroom Mommy, I'll say it again. Okay. Sorry about that. I'm working in sweet green. You're working in sweet green sweet green. I have you Eat in a sweet green before yeah, I think it's like no book. I thought there was an S rice

I wish I had the time to eat my own food It looks good doesn't it looks amazing. I have it every week. You do. I have salad every week. You have cannabis balls. You like kale? I love kale. So one salad a week, and then what do you eat? That's all that's my Hollywood secret.

What's your role at? What's your role at? I make the salads. Oh, I make the entire thing in as fast as I can. Most of it's like watching Cookie Monster eat a cookie. All the kale goes everywhere. You take calls with them. Do you take calls during work? Oh, yeah, yeah. Watching cookie monster eat a cookie all this the kale goes everywhere You take a cow with you take calls during work. Oh, yeah, yeah, of course I take calls I take texts and I have a huge facts machine that sits on the fucking cherry tomatoes

Okay, my god, hold on This is the Oscar. Yeah, the Oscars are calling the swag bags this year. Oh, yeah How you doing? Okay, so here's which to be in the bag, baby. Wet tiny popcorn. That's right, if you could use a baby corn, that would be ideal. Yes, I need to have drippy lamb shwamma inside.

Everything covered with teedy. A steel wool napkin. And a little plaque that says, I'd rather be home eating my parents out. That's right. Pistachio shells with pecans inside. I don't care how you get them in there. I need three Gucci butt bracelets.

That means it's got a wrap around the ass. Oh, okay, but don't get it caught in the hair. And any picture of your choice of Billy Crustle's Hobbit Fee. That's right, thank you. Okay, so sorry, I'm sorry. Billy Crustle? I was not Billy Crustle. It's not Billy Crustle.

That's the Lord of the Rings. No, Billy Crustle in person. This is Billy Crustle. He has an eye crust all the time. They call him Billy Crustle because he can't crust all the time. They call him Billy crust. Because he can't. I know what's going on. Not telling you to do. If you can make this question quick, I'll answer. I will. I've gotten lots. I think there's don't. Maybe I've gotten lots of give bags before.

Yes, I can't see Kate Blanchett wanting to walk out of there with a big bag of wet swarm. Well, first of all, is Kate Blanchett nominated this year? She is for TAR. I've never seen a movie this year. I don't know. You've never seen a movie? She is for Tar. I've never seen a movie this year. I don't know. You've never seen a movie this year. This year, I've never seen a movie this year. So you've seen a lot of movies other years? I haven't seen a movie any other year. Well, I like to talk about years.

I don't know if you're with anybody, but... Sounds like we have a lot in common. Yeah, love our action. Yeah, I wish I had the time. Are you not at the time? Are you not dating or anything like that? Well, there's problems. Oh, what's going on? Well, I'm very quick had the time. Are you not at the time? Are you not dating or anything like that? Well, there's problems. Oh, what's going on?

Well, I'm very quick in the sack. Well, I have no time. Some people like that. I'm just looking to get seated. You're the seated S-E-E-D-E-D. Oh, wow, Jesus Christ. I don't know if I have time for children. Sorry, you're in a rush, so I just wanted to get

straight to the point. Look at me under a cap. I don't know. Hello, hey, Bluba. Hi, how can I help you? Hi, I don't have Siri. I have a cat. I don't know what I'm gonna say. Hello, hey, Bruva. Hi, how can I help you? I don't have Siri. I have Bruva. I don't know what Bruva is.

Oh, Bruva's like Siri, but she's not nittyy. Oh, hey, Bruva. Hi, how can I help you? I need you to turn all the lights full brightness in my mother's on sweet bathroom. Yes. OK, I need you to do that. Yes.

OK, I want you to do it. Hear me? All right. Now I want you to set my mother's skirm attack. OK. Thermostat. Sorry, to negative 32. OK, sure. OK, you're going to do that. Hear me? All right. Now I want you to set my mother's skirm attack. Okay. Thermostat. Sorry. To negative 32. Okay. Sure. Okay. You're gonna do that?

Ruba go do. Ruba go do. That's right. Ruba go do. Ruba go do. Okay. I want you to set the smart toilet to wild. No. Sometimes she says no, Ruba. No.

You won't do that? No. You won't do it. No. Extra wax. Yes. Extra wax. Okay. Thank you, Ruba. Ruba go do it.

Okay. Ruba's gonna go do it. Okay. I've noticed a lot of things in your life are extra well. Thank you, rubra Okay, rubra's gonna go go do it Notice a lot of things in your life are extra wet. Yes, a lot of things that are slippery and sweaty wet Rubigo So your electric toys different than the toilet you're building with no hole Oh very very very very this is for your mother. This is for my mother. My mother likes it. And her bathroom is, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's on, it's in the bedroom, it's, it's part of the bedroom. That's right, it's right under the bed.

32, it's like a cellar. Yeah, she likes it cold. That's, that's, that's subhuman you. Well, my mother might be a vampire. She's a freezing cold fuck bag. I said fuck bag. I wanted to say fuck bag. And can you just say also sir I know I know you've got a lot of calls and I don't want to interrupt you but you did you say thermatat? I said thermatat and I said

fuck bag. Okay hold on now I'm calling someone. Okay hello. Hi hello is this a restaurant Pinocchio's? No I understand I have to lie. Put it in my order. Okay, so I don't want lasagna Yes, and I do want dirty utensils All right, I know one it undelivered undelivered tomorrow That's the opposite of yesterday is today the opposite of tomorrow. Okay. Yes, and I like the green sauce please And the penny pasta, which is of course honey Yes, okay, thank you. I mean fuck you fuck you fuck you Pinocchio's I don't know that

It's so good. It's a guy are you like maybe? So you hate the space you're still ordering did you notice that was going myself? I work at I didn't hear you answering. Oh, yes, no, I was answering myself. That was me talking in a little bit. Is that what you sound like on the phone? Yes, on the other hand. I sound like a little B.

Oh. You have more calls, or I know you can't predict this, but I have a couple of things up to you. No, I'd like, I mean. You tell me, my friends. We have time. Do you have more? How? Oh, you. No, I think I mean you tell me my friend. I we have time Oh Jesus Christ Was that whole music? Jesus Christ is going crazy

I wish it. Jesus Christ. It's going crazy. Is it Jesus Christ? The other folder is a proof of it. I wish it was Jesus Christ. Hi. Oh, hi. Yes. Hi, proof of it. Yes, Matt. Yes, proof of it.

Are you there? Yes. I want you to add wet gummy worms to my proof of it. Yes, Matt. Yes. Yes. Are you an expert? Extra wet.

Yes. What did you say? Make me feel good. Okay. Say it again. proof of it do. Brooba does not know. What? No, you're gonna do it for me? No. Are you gonna do it? No.

Are you gonna do it? No. Are you gonna do it? Brooba go do it. Thank you, Brooba. Okay, sorry about that. Wow, she puts up a fight. Yeah, she puts up a fight.

That's the way it would like it. Number three. All right, number three. Now, Paul, Ned Bellanella, he says he likes things extra wet. Just like some other guests, we've had that might be coming up after the break. Really? Yes, that's right, and that's a little tease if we come back. You're teasing me.

I am. You little T, little minks. If we come back, we're going to come back and crack the top two with something that's extra wet. We're going to come right back with more comedy bang bang best of 2023, part four after this. Comedy bang bang best of 2023, part four? And... Did you like my little teas before the break? You know what I did, because...

Did you put the pieces together? I put the pieces together, and I hope the audience did too. I bet they did. And so stupid. I mean, that's the problem with podcasting, is that people listen to podcasts are stupid. Yeah. And what are you gonna do about it?

It's a great medium. It's right, it's right. You trying to educate them as much as you can. We go through the ABCs every episode. Oh my God. I'm, I, you know, I had a podcast. It was all the multiplication tables. Conversion tables. Conversion therapy.

Via podcast. We're very interested in that. Yes. By the way, Big gay. Via podcast. Converted you. Why the way, Be gay. Veeapod cast. I've converted you. Why is it, okay.

We don't have to get into conversion therapy necessarily. Yeah, but the use of the term conversion, because they're saying, they're saying you are what you are. We need to convert you back. Yes. But they're also saying homosexuals are a choice. Yeah.

So it's like, Which is a guy, Doesn't make a lick of God damn sin. Doesn't make, check your Bibles. They're, I dare you to find the words conversion or therapy in the Bible. There's no people. Honestly, men would rather be an apostle to Jesus than go to therapy. Everyone in the Bible needs therapy. Every one. Every single one of them. Uh, uh, a job out of anyone he needs to go to therapy. Trauma. He's experiencing trauma. Yes.

As Jamie Lee Curtis. Judas. Judas that guy. If he had gone to therapy, he probably would not have betrayed Jesus. Yeah. He'd be a little less rich with those 30 pieces of silver though. He got admitted. But then he killed himself immediately.

I know. Do you think he put him in his will? Oh, God. I hope so. I bequeath these to Jesus. Sorry. Oh, wait, to Jesus. Sorry. Oh wait, no Jesus is dead.

Did he go before Jesus or after? He went before Jesus, yeah. I feel like that's just them. It's like when you're writers. Yeah, the writers. I feel like it's the writers in a movie like trying to kill off the villain before, you know, the end of, I don't know.

I mean, because you want the hero to kill off the villain. Yeah. But if you know the villain's gonna, if you want the hero to kill off the villain. Yeah. But if you know the villain's gonna, if you know the hero's gonna die. Yeah. I guess, if I were, look, if I were punching it up. Yeah. I'd have Judas die three days later.

They should reboot the Bible. They should. Because right now it's so confusing. That's the thing, reboot the Bible, reboot the Constitution. Judas dies when Jesus comes back. And he's like, he's so frightened, but, but, but, but, but I'm spending my silver. His hair turns white and he has a heart attack. It dies.

This is already better. Yeah. It's already better. It's already. You're well. So many problems. Yeah. Oh my God.

Um, all right. So before the clip, we talked about how Ned, or before the name, we talked about Ned Bady and his famous, by the way, you know the movie Ned Bady was in that was so great called Network. I've seen two things recently, the pilot of Studio 60, and then another thing recently,

I'm trying to remember what it was, where people go off on a rant, on live on television. Right. And the writers respectfully each time said, had a news clip, an anchor saying like, in what people were only describing as a network style rant. Okay, yes, they're pointing out that they're ripping off network,

but here's an idea, don't rip off network. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if you had a sci-fi movie and there was like, you know, spaceships shooting lasers at each other and one of the pilots in this space it was like, this is like something out of Star Wars. Or like someone got a laser sword out.

Yeah. And then it cut to someone on a screen saying, in what could only be described as a Star Wars style sequence of events, a laser sword was brought out. A black, a black elmated man with a laser sword attacked a barrowed older figure. Just don't rip it off. Just how easy is that? Was the other one the morning show?

Yeah, it was, wasn't it? Yeah, because who did it on the morning show? My duplass. Right. Everyone, look, if you're doing a behind the scenes of a TV show, you are going to be tempted. And they didn't don't look up to, you're going to be tempted scenes of a TV show, you are gonna be tempted. And they didn't, don't look up too. You're gonna be tempted to have someone live on television, yelling at the camera.

All of a sudden telling it like it is. You know, and dropping the facade of television, you're gonna be tempted to do it. Guess what? Don't. I don't do it. It sucks. It sucked every single time everyone is trying to do it.

All right, rant over. But if you're gonna do it. All right, rant over. But if you're gonna do it? I have to take the same trajectory then as network. By the way, I think I was ranting just the same way Ned Bady was ranting, or no, whatever's name in there. No, that was closer than Ned Bady's speech because you were saying here's what you should not do.

Right, right, right. But who does it live on the air in Peter Fent Peter fence right. Yeah, but can you imagine if like I'm doing the same thing? That's I'm telling everyone not to do what I want to open windows and yell. Yeah, exactly. Honestly, if you're listening to this podcast, why don't you throw up your windows, throw up your sash. Hey, yeah, you their boy, what day is it? You their boy with days. All right, let's get to, I talked about Ned Bellanella, liking things extra wet. Let's get to your choice for episode number two. Number two.

All right, this is number two. This is episode 804, Paul. It can only be one thing. April 9, 2023, what do you think it is? All that date? It can only be one thing. It can only be one thing. 9, 2023. What do you think it is? It can only be one. It can only be one thing. It's the wet day special. That's right. Wet day special 2023. Couple of guys who like it wet when I was mentioning them. That's you and me baby. That's right baby. Because we like it

We like we like it. We like it wet as hell on one particular day and that day is wet day every year I'm wet as hell and I am gonna take it some more Now we've never talked is wet day every year. I'm wet as hell and I am gonna take it some more. Now, we've never talked about wet day. We've never talked about it. On the best terms. I mean, it originated on the best terms, but what we've never talked about is on days that are not wet day, don't you dare get me wet. Oh, fuck no.

I don't like being wet. Helena, I will, I'll drop you. I'll drop you in the streets. There'll be two drops. You dropping the floor. That's right. And you dropping your keys. There'll be two drops.

Drop, let's getting on me and me dropping you in the street. Oh, we were so scared of droplets. I remember. I remember droplets. Oh, let's go. Oh, let's go. Oh, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, mini. Um, so wet day is a holiday that, uh, not last year,

but the previous year on the best of, we somehow came up with. Yes. I don't remember why. I don't remember why. I remember that we did decide what day it was, and we asked, we asked people to remind us of the time they came through. They came, asked people to remind us that they came through.

They came through and they came through this year again. Honestly, I don't remember when it is for next year, but we'll need some reminders for next year for this year rather than 24. Because it is a fixed date. It's not a one of those like the third Thursday I think it's April 10 or somewhere. I'm not quite sure.

That's why we need reminders. April 12th rings in my mind. Okay, it could be. Yeah. So this was our wet day special. They came out on the ninth, the evening of the ninth, the actual day of the 10th. And so we celebrated for the first time last year.

We had our wet day special and we brought it back again and we have the same participants. And so we're going to hear a few clips from this. Before the clip, you and I were speaking about wet day traditions. The first clip we're going to hear is the Mink salmon brothers. We got the same people back from our first wet day special. The Mink salmon brothers are the two characters I was talking about when I said people talking backstage about hey, we should do this on comedy bang bang bang. That's right. You would never done it together on on stage or anything like that. No, we had I I would do Mike Irman trout around the house.

And Mike Irman trout is a character from breaking bad and better call saw. That's right. Played by Jonathan Banks. Jonathan Lippe. Lippe. Jonathan Lippe. Lippe. The human headway James Brown. Honestly, I would like to hear all of his dialogue from Jerry McGuire, done by Mike Irman

Trout. That would be a good dub. Yeah. Same movie. Same movie. Just, all of the things, he's lines are over, done by Jonathan. And then I heard Drew do it on the Teachers Lounge podcast. Right.

And I texted him and said, we should do it together on comedy. As brothers. Yeah. So you've been on quite a few episodes now as two brothers and they have a particular topic of conversation Do not want anyone to engage in we'll hear about that and then we will hear from our friend Pudge Ryan Gaul at a comedian Ryan Gaul as Pudge Ryan we talked about him earlier in the best ofs. He's the one who gives

his phone number out every episode he does. And Pudge is a character who first came to us in Medford, Massachusetts looking for his dogs. He just started shouting from the back of the theater. Everyone assumed he was a weirdo who was shouting in the theater. And they were right. He was also part of the show. Pudges here looking for his dogs. Let's hear it. This is your choice for number two. Number two.

Welcome back, wet day special, of course, and Paul F. Tomkins had to go, but we have the aforementioned brothers here are here. Very, very exciting. They've been on the show a couple of times before. Please welcome back to the show. I can spike meek salmon. Hello, we're back. How are you? I'm doing really well. Happy wed day to you both. I'm going to cut to the chase you. Oh, we don't want to go too far before we mentioned. Let's stop dancing around it. Okay. You got to look

in your eye. I could tell what you're thinking and you better stop thinking it right now. Stay away from our grand doider. Okay. Yeah. I like how you were going to say that together and one of you didn't realize where you could just, you guys are like both kind of like my, you're sometimes we go, don't go near our grand. Okay.

But instead, yeah. So you thought it was a don't go near. I thought it was maybe start now with a don't go near, but we started out with a stay away from our. You didn't even get it that time. I thought I had it. I tried to try to. I'm five six seven eight.

Stay away from our grand daughter. How young is your granddaughter, by the way? I don't think we've ever asked you. Stay away. Sorry, sorry. It's a topic. Sorry, sorry, sorry. She's got young years though.

We can, that's safe to assume. And you've got a limited amount of time left on this earth. If you don't stop talking about our grand daughter. I mean, we all have a limited amount of time on this earth. Don't we? Because it's very limited. How limited amount of time on this earth. Don't we? Yours is very limited. How limited are we talking? One minute, one minute.

If you look or walk near or even breathe, whoa. Don't breathe out. Granddaughter. Okay, I'm sorry. Here's the things you can't do. Okay. Go near. Talk to. Listen to. Listen to. Be nice to. Be mean to. Be indifferent to. Look at. Talk to. I think we got there. Yeah, we'd smell. talk to. I think we got there. Yeah, we had smell. See taste. Okay. Well, I wasn't planning on doing it here. Touch. See, as a great with pray with, you know, red with. Are you are we running out of things? Which one are you like or spike or I know you know and you'll never know fellowship with study. Ignore. Photograph. Film. Paint. Scalp. Draw. Sketch. Carrier Cature. Not even caricatures because I mean that's so great when you don't care

caricature our grand daughter. But what if she's do not heighten her characteristics in a funny way? Don't portray her doing one of her favorite hobbies. Wouldn't she like it? I mean, no, we people paid good money for that. Yes, she would. And that's what we're worried about. Oh, we don't want our grand daughter to like you more than us. Oh, is that what this is all about? We can't draw. Well, guys, it's easy. You're just, uh, I don't know. You take a look at our drawings. What do you think?

Uh, I mean, they're not museum grade, but, uh, I mean, shit. I know it. Wait, I thought we'd undersell him and then he'd say, he's a museum grade. So wait, but he called it out right away. What is she up to these days? Do you mind just discuss? I mean, she's, she's in school. We're going to tell you this once.

And this is the last time we're going to tell you, don't ask about our granddaughter. Okay, I'm sorry. I just, I will be very vague. Yeah, she's on earth. Okay, let's start. She breathes oxygen. Okay, good. She has to eat to survive. Okay. She must drink water every three days. Pretty, not very often. So don't go hanging around water fountains. You won't see you. Okay. You're not going to see it by a pond in the Serengeti with the other animals. I mean, this is wet day. I hope she's around some water today. I, I'm sent into pain

within you guys. Do you your granddaughter not talk to you anymore? Rephrase the question. So it's about us and not our granddaughter. Are you upset that your granddaughter doesn't speak to you? It seems. Yes. Have you seen our granddaughter? Could you point? I don't know anything. I don't know anything about her. You have some photos. Oh my god. You tell us. These are several granddaughters.

Can you pick out our granddaughter? You've laid out 200 photos on the table? Okay. I don't I don't can you can we do a can I pick one and then you do a let's make a deal kind of thing where you eliminate a hundred and eighty eighties. Yes. Okay. Is this our grand order? I mean, that is obviously a childhood. It's a simple yes or no question. That's a child from India. So I'm going to say no, but I have no idea. Okay. Moving on. Moving on. Is this our grand daughter?

It's Matilda. It's from Matilda. Yeah. Matilda from the movie Matilda. It said her. No, I don't think that, especially since that was the so there goes a hundred of them. Oh, so a lot of these are pictures of a till different angles. All right, let's make a deal. We're shuffling up the remaining picture. Okay, all right. Oh, fanning out the pictures.

Amazing. We're all so magicians. You're magicians? Look in your shirt. Oh my God. It's my body. That's right. Voila. Voila. Voila. Voila. Ta-da. I wonder if there's something we could offer on air right now. They could lure our granddaughter. Some kind of granddaughter reward. What did she like? Maybe you could offer swinging. Swinging.

Swinging. Swings. Swings. Swings. Swings. Swings. Swings. Swings.

Swings. Swings. Sw, well, it's wet day. Of course, it's a slippery room. No man building. Not sex. That's got. She's too young. She's too young. I mean, which is not enough. Not enough. Okay. You're still not emotionally developed enough to have a relationship with the audience. Are you guys are in favor of raging the age? Raging the age of content. Rage the age of congent.

That's my favorite. Did you do? Did you do? Despite all my age, I'm still a rage in the catch. Hey, I'm sorry. Excuse me. I'm sorry. You are not. I'm sorry.

I'm just handing out these flies. Sir, we're in the middle of a show here. Well, I'm sorry. I'm just handing out these five. Sir, we're in the middle of a show here. What? Well, I'm sorry. I'm in the middle of something myself. So take one of these. No, sorry, sorry. We're doing a podcast.

Do you know what a podcast is, sir? We're in the middle of a fight. You're spring seeing an Obama. Have you ever hear them? Yeah, I've heard of them. I don't get it. They don't mean much. Yeah, I'm serious.

Adnan, he just went back to jail. That's it. I don't believe in it. I thought he was guilty. This is a podcast or we're recording. You're ruining the show. I'm sorry. I'll be out of your hair in a couple of seconds. Do I know you? I don't know. If you know me, I'm pudge.

I listen. I'm pudge. I'm looking for my two golden retrieves. Yeah, pudge. Remember me? Scott Ockerman. Remember me? You were out there on the East Coast.

I don't remember you. In Medford? You remember Medford? No. Boston. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of? You, we, you were out there on the East Coast.

I don't remember you. In Medford, you remember Medford? Not Boston. I'm from Medford, so I know that's where my dogs got lost. So that was, that was in August. Yeah. Okay. Great.

Nice math. Okay. Listen, I'm looking. Nice math. Yeah. That was, if you take a look at the flyer. Eighthole minus August equals not today, not interested in being part of this show. Okay, I take a quick look at these. I'm going house

to how these are Matilda. These, no, flip it over. Oh, oh, these are their pictures, but you just drew a stick figure of a dog in the tail stick figure. That's a golden retriever. That's two golden retrievers, sweet Caroline and looks more like a rabbit and they come into America. Those are my two golden retrievers. I haven't seen them in a long time. It's fucking serious business to me. I'm not interested in being party. Did you lose them out here? I mean, the last time I lost I lost them in medford mess Joseph. We would love if you find your dogs to bring them to our granddaughter. I'd like me to like a gift. I like to combine your dogs with our granddaughter and bring the three of them to us. You want me to

combine my dogs with your granddaughter? Not molecularly. Not like a fly. It's about our granddaughter. Track her down and bring her to us. It's funny. You say that. They hear Tendrils of our granddaughters hair clothes and so you know the word tendrils now I haven't found my did Before you were to take a couple tendrils to think about it to think about it. When I learn a word, I use it. I use that shit.

Tendrils. My brother has a passive vocabulary, which means he knows a lot of words, but maybe hasn't said them out loud before. And when I hear them, they stick. They stick. I get that. I understand this is Pudges. I'm fine. I'm just drawn out a new picture.

So this doesn't this. I mean, this has wings. This I mean, yeah, well, in a lot of ways that that's a can't. Oh, it's a red bull. Why are you drawing a red bull with wings on it? I work for a new an agency and I on my spare time. I'm trying to come up with new ads for Red Bull. That's an old hat.

Wait, where do you have that? I already did this. They have Red Bull has, gives you when? Yes. Yes. It's a classic Red Bull. Yes. Are you kidding me?

The one thing I, that's your one idea. How do you get the idea? I saw something on TV. I was like a little cartoon. Something like that. I saw something on TV. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Why are you so itchy? Now I got some sort of bug. A bug on your shoulder? Yeah, you can sit. It's like burrowed in. I sat in it. There's one big bug.

Kind of big scarab beetle. I can see you moving around. Everybody's like, oh, I love you. It looks like I'm a pirate with a parrot, except I'm just a normal guy with a fucking beetle on my shoulder. It looks like a giant tattoo, but it's a real bug. That's a normal guy with a fucking beetle on my like a like a giant tattoo, but it's a real bug. That's a real bug. Yeah. Geez. It's like non away in there too. Well, I'm not gonna what who am I?

You're a chewing. It's like the click click click sound of its jaws. It just burped. Yeah. It said excuse me. It's polite. At the very least, if you got to be that bug was brought up well. Yeah. Yeah. It's been there for a while. So we've had to kind of live.

It's been by the release. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm polite to it. It'll be it. He learns. Man. It's been teaching me. It's like symbiotic relationship. Yeah, so what do you get out of it? I'm polite to it. It'll be it. Manas, he learns manners.

It's been teaching me how to kill. It's like a chimney cricket, but it lives under your skin. It's halfway in. Half-way in and it teaches me manners. It's easy. Like it gets mad. It says I curse too much. So I'm trying to learn how not to curse.

Like watch what happens if I curse. Let's watch what happens live. Oh fuck. Oh, it's a little chunk of flesh just came out of your shoulder. Yeah, it's that it it choose every time I do something wrong bad etiquette, it choose a little piece of flesh and spits it right out in front of me. Yeah, it's bitter and it didn't say excuse me that time. Not well. It's all my floor to teach him.

It's in teacher mode. It's not going to be polite when it's teacher mode engaged. All right, number two. I don't know if I told you this, but I saw Ryan backstage at UCB a few months ago. And I hadn't seen him in a while and he said, Paul, I have to tell you, I'm a piss pig. Wow. Yeah. I he told that to me as well. Oh, I'm glad. Yeah, if you don't know what we're talking about, This has to do with our other show, Freedom. That's right. Uh, Rest Impossible. Rest Impossible. Um, Rest Invisible.

Rest Invisible, yes. Uh, but the, the fans of that, uh, podcast voted. This is so strange and we didn't want them to do this. No, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we're a little uncomfortable with it, but they, they wanted to, they were voting on, what should we be called as fans of freedom? And you would think it would be something like, wedom, you know, or some play on the title of the title of freedom.

Instead, they voted to be called piss pigs. Yes, which is absolutely, is that anything to do with our show? And so now we have people coming up to us saying, I'm a piss pig. It's happened to me at Dodger Stadium, one of the person selling ice cream, said, by the way, I'm a piss pig when he gave me my ice cream.

I've had it so many places, it's so strange. It's very strange. It's what the fans want. So anyway, shit. Oh, you knocked over the snowman. I can get him back in the, I think this was the, this was over the snowman. I can get him back in that. I think this was the pit.

Okay. So now, speaking of wet things, we're going to come back if we come back. And we're going to have our number one episode of the year. Can you believe it? And a guest on our next episode likes wet things as well. This is a theme running through our top three episodes. Freaky, ah. That's right, that's another tease.

When we come back, if we come back, we're gonna hear your choice for number one. This is incredible. We'll be right back with more comedy bang bang best of 2023 part four after this. I love you. I love you. I love you.

Comedy bang bang best of 2023 part four after this. I love you. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm Comedy bang bang best of 2023 part four. Paul's gonna sneeze or yawn one of the two. I did a big yawn. It was a big one. I did a big yawn. I had to close by the like, corb in it off. Yeah. We've been toiling since the early morning in the podcast minds today.

And I have to do a show. Oh, I'm gonna do a show today. I'm gonna see that show. Who is gonna expel more energy? You or me? You. Yeah, cause you're gonna be fighting to stay awake. Get, while getting the babysitter.

You know, like getting dinner reservations. You're gonna be. And then like going through the arduous process at the bar go. These are all things that you're gonna do right now. You have not taken care of any of this before. No, no, yeah. Okay, all right. I hope it works out.

Having to figure out where you're sitting at LARGO? That's more than just performing after is in a chair. Um, yeah, but I hope you guys have been enjoying what we've been doing here for us. Gotta hope so. It takes us a long ass time. Yeah. L-A-T. Yeah.

Doesn't stand for the Los Angeles Times anymore. It stands for the long ass time that we spend doing these best ups. When people are talking about their laps, they're talking about long ass times. Thank you. Um, let's Terry know further. Let's get to it. I hate Terry. I know.

Why do we do it? Why? But we love doing it. I like the dilly dally Sure, I like the lolly gag. Oh my god. What I wouldn't give to lolly gag right now. I like to Terry No, um, let's get to it. This is your choice for episode number one All right number one Paul You have any guesses no No. You don't. I'm gonna say it's in the, it's below a thousand.

And I'm gonna even say it's below 900. I'm curious of you, genuinely, sometimes you keep track of what the episodes are that are in contention. I do not know if you did not this year. You did not this year, so you have no? I have absolutely no idea. Clue as to what this could be. But you said a character likes wet things.

Okay. Now of course I'm very self-absorbed I guess because I have a character who likes wet things. Really. Brock Love it, the underwater treasure hunter. Well what a surprise you to know that this is episode 795, Dr. Skeleton's celebrity toilet.

Oh, oh boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Yes, that's right. Paul, you're in this one as well. This was from February 12th of 2023. And this is a good collection of people. We have John Hodgman. That's right.

Humorist. Yes. Author, John Hodgman. Yes. Despite a superhero who's written by bitten by a radioactive Hodge. That's right. He portrayed the stuffy PC computer. Oh, I hated that guy. As opposed to the Hipper Cooler Mac Mac. Do you know, I auditioned for that commercial? Which for the John Hodgman for the John Hodgman. And I auditioned with Seth Morris.

Interesting. As the cool one. As the cool one. There's an alternate universe somewhere where they picked you two. I prefer it. And then they said, we made a mistake. So John Hodgeman is here. We'll hear a little bit from John. John, always great to have him on the show.

Another story involving another character of mine. Uh, the first time I ever, uh, performed at Santa Claus, was four, one of those commercials, that did not air for a Mac commercial. You were Santa Claus and I was in one of them. With John and Justin Long. Wow. And John's, uh, at the time, very young daughter was on the set. I've met her.

And we got, they took a picture of us together of me as Santa Claus. And it was very strange thing to be Santa Claus with a little child. Right, right. And that's normally when you play Santa Claus, you want to do it with adults everywhere. Yeah, that's all I want to do.

It's just be in a Santa Claus, you want to do it with adults everywhere. Yeah, that's all I want to do. It's just being a Santa Claus costume around adults. And it was, it was my first taste of how much people love Santa Claus because I had to get in the costume and then walk to the set. And then maybe you come down, people are like, yeah! Walking, I was walking past people, people were like, yeah, Santa Claus! Everyone was thrilled to see me. This is like what it's like being Tom Cruise. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like, who's that? Yeah, Tom! There was no bigger syllabus. For Santa Claus. For Stallone in the 80s, something. You'll slide, go get him, slide! People were so delighted to see me.

And then to have her, and we took a picture and everything, and I don't know if they told her, like, he's not the real Santa Claus or whatever, because she was like a little, little kid. But that was kind of my, one of my first times meeting Jon. Oh, interesting. So why didn't they ever use the commercial?

This was, what's his name? Steve Jobs days. Okay. Okay. Steve Jobs. Is this in the movie Steve Jobs, by the way? They don't mention it. Interesting. I this in the movie Steve Jobs, by the way? They don't mention it. Interesting. I am in the movie.

But they, he would just, he would have all the commercials shot and then he would pick the ones that he wanted to use. Weird, weird. So there were many commercials that never saw that day. Bully shot edited, never saw the letter. That is genuinely a weird way to do it. Is it wrong when you have that kind of money?

Maybe it's not. Why bother to put something on if, although maybe you just vet the commercials in the writing process beforehand. Maybe you put it in the look. People got fucking paid. You know what I mean? It's like true. Were you upset that it never got on the air?

Yeah, I would have liked to have gotten on the air. I'd like to see it. I'd like to see it too. I've never seen it. I wonder if it's in our phone somewhere like that, you two album. There might be in the Disney Vault. Yeah, oh, next to the song of the South. Yeah. Maybe they're making the new...

Is there anything else in there? I think that might be it. Because they used to take it away for a while for no reason. I think there was some pretty racist early short cartoons that are in there probably. Yeah, they used to just put stuff in the Disney Vault. This was... Who clocks Willie?

Just see. No, the Disney they used to just put stuff in the Disney vault. This is a clutch. Willie. No, the Disney vault used to, it was what they would call it when they would take a particular movie out of circulation. Yeah, it would go out of print and they'd go, it's going in the vault and that would, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like what they do with diamonds. Diamonds, the world is lousy with diamonds, but they're all locked up in the debirz ball. It's diamonds, yes. It's policy. Oh, diamonds. You became some sort of golem-like creature.

I mentioned diamond. I need a treasure. Gold rubies. But it's to imply some sort of scarcity that doesn't exist in order to have you collecting these things. Also, there's better stones than diamonds. Yeah. Like, these, I'm putting my balls.

Oh, I did it. You know what I'm saying? I can't believe that worked. Hey, my balls are down here. I legit. I legit. Hahaha. Yes.

So John Hodgman is in this, and then your aforementioned character, Brock Love is here. Let's talk about Brock. One of my favorite two. It's about him, yes. Inspired by the character from Titanic, played by the late Bill Paxton, it was a voice that I knew that I could do pretty well and then I realized, oh, hey, I can do this character

because that's not a real person. Yeah, yeah, hey, I can do this character because that's not a real person. Yeah, so I'm doing the character. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is supposedly the man that Bill Paxton based his character on. Yeah. Brock Love it because his character is Brock Love it and his character name is Brock Love it.

So this is the real guy. Now there is no Brock, there's no real Brock Love it. Yeah, this is just like a character James Cameron wrote for Titanic, but this is supposedly the real guy that Bill Paxon based on. He has the exact same voice. I mean, that's Bill Paxon really did it homework.

And we've talked to him a lot about things and we're going to hear a nice clip from it here. Let's hear a nice clip. Yeah, for once. He's a treasure hunter. And he has a new service that he's advertising. And then after that clip we're going to hear Lisa Gilroy again, as Elvis Presley.

Just a bonkers episode with three great people plus me. And all right, four great people. Plus you. This is what you picked, everyone, and I'm happy you did. This is your choice for episode number one. Number one. You currently reside in one of those states,

where you have a kayak. This is what I remember from your book. You have a kayak about my book Vacation Lands. Yes, you have a boat or of some sort. Is it a kayak? We have a robot. A double-edged robot. You walked in and you did not expect to buy this boat, vacation lands. Yes, you have a boat or of some sort. Is it a guy? We have a rowboat, a double landboat. You walked in and you did not expect to buy this boat and then you bought the boat.

Yeah, you can read all about it in my book. This is essentially what I remember from your book. Is it sad that we forget things? Like, I love that book. I've forgotten every part of it. Well, the beauty of it is that I'm sure you still own multiple copies. So you can always revisit those stories. I actually do own two copies. Oh, good. I believe you sent me two and two different trim sizes. It was very confused. I don't know what you prefer. People are very particular.

It's an intimate experience. That's true. But let's not talk about my book. Let's not talk about your book, because you have a TV show. A TV show coming out soon. And it's not, ah, who have the TV show. I'm just a, I'm a participant in this TV show. A bit player treading the boards of another, of another wonderful couples creation.

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow creeps in this petty pace from day to day to the last syllable of recorded time to be or not to be. On Hulu, the answer is yes. The answer is to be because this show is coming out soon. It's called, uh, here. It's, now it's, a lot of people would stop it up and go like, I love that movie. Right. TV version of it. Right. It's going to be very sad for the first 20 minutes.

Right. But I'm in. Nope. But then you adds a word called here. Well, I didn't. It was created by Bobby Lopez and Kristen Anderson Lopez, the songwriting duo responsible for Let It Go. Now that was sung, if I I am correct by the wickedly talented Adele de Zeeam.

Was it not? That's quite correct. That's quite correct. I can't say it without smiling. He doesn't live or reside in the water, I believe, but he spends the majority of his time here. That's the one I was looking for. The one that we're talking about. H.

H2. Two parts of hydrogen, one part of oxygen. That's exactly right. H2. And he loves the stuff. Really? That's right. He is a treasure hunter.

Please welcome back to the show, Brock Love It. Hey Scott, thanks for having me back. Hey, my pleasure. Welcome. One minor correction. Sure, I love it. I love when corrections come in. Usually, I wait until the episode is released, and then I love to see the listeners write to me about everything I said wrong. I can't wait for the release date. I got to correct you now.

Okay, yeah, please. I don't necessarily love water, really, but it is where I find treasure. It's true, although you have found treasure in non-water places and you've thrown it back. Yeah, because I like wet treasure, but that doesn't mean I like water. Okay, got it. Got it. So you do not like water. I'm neutral on it. You're neutral, because well, if you like wet treasure, you prefer treasure that at least has a certain amount of surface moisture on it. Yeah, right.

I mean, we've talked about this before, but I've never found some rubies in a shallow bathtub. Uh-huh. I'll take them. Fair game. Absolutely. Yeah, that's the kind of treasure I like. Yeah, but now, rubies do not retain the moisture.

They don't stay It's where I find them so so if they dry off the minute they come out of the water you're good with it. Yeah Absolutely, what is it about the wetness of the treasure that is so appealing to you? It's harder to get to I feel like you know, I started out You know going down to the bottom of the ocean, old shipwrecks and stuff like that. And then, why did you, the first time you ever went down to a shipwreck,

did you plan on it? Was it, no, I dropped my phone in there. Oh, you dropped your phone where? You were on the pier or something? No, I was on a plane. Oh, and you jumped out of the plane? No, not right away. Oh, I just remembered where we were.

I'm right. I'm really a student. I turned on the tune, latitude. You went to find me and you found out the... I said to the pilot, where are we right now? This is pre-knowledge. So, was it the day before? You could walk right into the cockpit, ask questions,

make requests. So, and he told you the coordinates, and then you, what did you do that? I chart a boat. Never been on one before. Never been even on a boat. That was the first time you'd ever been on a boat. I'd never seen a boat.

Not even in picture books? I'd seen drawings of boats. Like cave drawings or... No. Have I ever seen a cave drawing of a boat? Normally cave drawings are just like people with bows and arrows, people. And then there's like a big thing that they're trying to kill. Yeah, well, you don't see a lot of like people lining up to go in boats, but you you should, right?

No, what do you think the line was invented? The lion? The line. Oh, the line. The line. Oh, the line. The cue. Yeah, the cue. Right. A line up as some people say.

Yeah. I don't know. Like maybe someone, it had to have been someone early. It had to be either Adam Eve or Kane or Abel. You think back that far? Yeah. I think it was just chaos back then. It was just anything good.

Yeah. Everybody's walking around nude. And some might say that we were better off then, because if you ever go to a place like the Hollywood Bull. When it was just anything good. Everybody's walking around nude. And some might say that we were better off then, because if you ever go to a place like the Hollywood Bull. When it was just two people. Yeah. No, when there were no lines. A billion animals and two people.

What are lines even for? You know what I mean? Everyone just crowd around something. We were talking about this line. I mean, he'd like Southwest. Yeah, they're supposed to be a line, but everybody just gets all up in there. And then, come on.

And then people get really mad because they go, I was your first and you have to explain the system to them of, no, no, you have an assigned number and you have to be by your number. I like that. And then, I've seen several fights where people have to like, they're proven wrong and they have to de-escalate themselves,

but they really don't want to because they're so hot. I like it. Well, look, the airport makes beasts of us all. And I like when, like, let's say I'm a A16, that's my position. And then somebody will be like, what number are you? And I say A16, like, okay. And then they're A15 to the get right in front of me.

And it's like, come on man, we're in the same group. Yeah, because it's A11 through 15, is it not on man, we're in the same group. Yeah, because it's a 11 through 15. Is it not actually that's not that's not the same group. I don't know. You'd be in two different groups. I memorize it. I have. And you'd be in two different groups. This is a for instance, I thought you're gonna say that for Rengie. It's a Rengie loves Goldpress Latin. I caught up on Star Trek on my submersible. Really?

In your underwater sphere, what did we call it? Underwater sphere. That's right. Yeah. So you have an entertainment system on it. Oh, absolutely. Well, I get trapped down there a lot. I was like, I better put a DVD player in here.

So you so you charter a boat. You did you find your phone? I did. Really? It was too far gone though. No I was like this thing's gonna be soaked It can only get so wet. Well wait, wait, wait, wait, you chartered you charted a I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's your ship. Go ahead No, I want you you're chartered a boat. Yeah. But then you had to get down into that water. That's right. So did you tow a submersible with you or what? Well, it wasn't that it wasn't like in the Maury on a

trench or anything like, okay. Um, but I did you, could you free dive down? Well, here's the thing I didn't know what to do. And so when I got out there, I asked the captain of the boat, okay, now what? Right. And he said, what do you mean now? What? Sure. And I said, I'm expecting like a, I'm the captain now kind of situation. I bet everyone expects probably every ship cap at this point, every captain is afraid that that's going to happen to them. Yeah, exactly. I do, I do now. And so like anytime anybody says anything to me, I'm like, let me get you the captain now. And that throws them off. And they go, I mean,

no, I was going to be ruined. It ruined it for him. Yeah. Every pie or old's to say that line. It's so good. When I was on be ruined. It ruined it for him. Yeah. Every pirate wants to say that line. It's so good, then. When I was on that cruise and living in the world. He keeps talking about the cruise. Here's the thing, living in the world. You never look at it. Because they always start with look at me. And don't give them the satisfaction.

Now he's like, go wander here. Is somebody talking? I thought I heard something. Drives him crazy. Then they think they're a ghost. Yeah. All right. They go crazy, they jump over the board.

We also have Brock Love it here who is wet treasure hunter, or I guess former wet treasure hunter. No, come on man. You're still gonna hunt for treasure? Once in future wet treasure hunter. You're still gonna hunt for wet treasure. Yeah. Well, you made a promise not to hunt any of the treasure.

Wet treasure hunter. I keep a list. Yeah, but you already said that there's the reason you're doing this is there's not enough wet treasure to find I think it won't Spire other people to die and Drop to do the ocean drown or watery grave with all their pearls and shit. You know that old woman that lives in the shoe No, no, different one. I think her name was Rose, right? And she, oh, no, no. Okay, I hate bringing this up because this is a sword.

But you bring it up every time. This is a star point for you, but. It's a star point. But she technically, you hate that she threw the, well, was it the cordial affair? The cordial affair. The heart of the ocean. You hate that she threw it in the ocean.

But is not what you want her to do? You're not even gonna ask me if I'm ready to go back to Titanic before you bring this up. Are you ready to go back to Titanic? Yeah. Okay, good. But you know what I mean? You wanted her to hand it over to you, dry.

She didn't tell me where she did it was the problem. Oh, I would have been fine. If she said, hey, what do you want this, or do you want me to throw it overboard? You would have said, I would have thrown it overboard. Yeah, I want it wet. Right, I want it wet. I want it wet, this can be.

I wanted to get to peak wetness and no further because that's impossible. Wait, if you had to choose, you would choose everything to be a peak wetness. What? Never mind mind all right. I'm trying to adhere to your rules It's not a personal preference. You don't care how wet it is. Oh listen man It's gonna try to do a call back with you you act like it's my new thought well And it's not it inspires a new thought You're playing mind games with me and I don't appreciate it. I'm not playing mind games

I'm trying to have a fucking conversation with you. I know what you do shut the fuck up. All right, I need to do what? Left lover you are you I thought you said Latin lover by the way first Like hey rock and I are coming to understand All right, we need to get to our next guest. He's a singer, sometimes songwriter, please welcome to the show Elvis Presley. Oh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, done? I could think a little baby mama. Oh, little baby dollahoo. Bubble, bubble. Okay. Hey, Elvis. I heard hubble, bubble. Oh, hey, little baby dollahoo.

Bubble, bubble, bubble. Like the chewing gum? The chewing gum. Oh. The American chewing gum. The American chewing gum. The American chewing gum. Yes, little dollahoo.

Bubble, bubble, bubble. Hey, Elvis. Great to meet you. I'm a little confused about your personal history because as far as I remembered you were, I thought you would pass away in the seventies. Oh, Scott, don't be a hubbub of a fool, little maybe a mama. You really believe that didn't you?

I was only 42 years old, 42 years old, don't die, little baby, baby. 42 years old don't die. Oh, this is good to know. For the else celebrity, you don't die, that young do you? I was only 42 years old, 42 years old. Don't die, little baby, baby. 42 year old don't die. Oh, this is good to know. 42 year celebrity, you don't die that young. Do you, baby, papa? I guess not. So you didn't die on the toilet.

I had heard it was on the toilet. It was on Dr. Skeleton's celebrity toilet. What? What? Wow. You know, I've heard of Dr. Skeleton's celebrity toilet, but I always thought that it was a myth. No, it's real.

So it's the only thing that listens to me. I really don't know what it is. You've never heard of Dr. Skeleton's celebrity toilet? What's the thing? I need to look up. What is it? I honestly can't believe you're actually Google-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing-ing Actually Google it's not on Google's God. I mean it's can I be so no it's it's so it's so excuse I mean it's such a Oh, it's such a myth and a legend. It's I didn't know and even puts it on Google rejects. Okay. All right Just take stand on what tell me about what is Dr. Skeleton?

So it doesn't surprise me little baby Dong Dong that you wouldn't know what it is, little mama, because it's only for A-list celebrities, okay? Oh, I see. I'm a B-list celebrity. You're something like that. What? What it is, little Don, is a Dr. Skeleton comes to your home. If you're A-list only, and he installs a Dr. Skeleton's, so that's what it is.

Now, it goes into upstairs bathroom with secret private quarters. And if you ever get too tired of your famous life Or you wife won't tell you money. You want to do drugs and private you can flush yourself down the Mazzatland So it's like it's it's it's a transportation device. Yes, little mama Did you say to Mass at Lam in Mexico? That's One baby, but sometimes I call it Mass at land by accident Put a D on the end of that. You've been living in Mass at land for That's right one baby, but sometimes I call it Masidland by accident. So you've been living in Masidland for...

That's right, little mama, 45 years old. The doctor's killed in a celebratory, Downflusch goes to Masidland, Upflusch goes to Ohio, and if you've got the buttons on the back, the two one for Poo goes to Prague, and all the more, what's the Paris? This is incredible. I've never heard about this. Of course you have, it's called, because you're not a list.

Oh, God, I want to get there someday though. about this. Of course you have. It's got to be a naughty list. I got to go get there someday though. Say what letter you think you are. I'm being. I'm definitely a little bit more like my mom. For podcast. For podcast. What's a podcast? A little baby, baby, baby. Well, yeah, I think, man, if you would, if you would stay alive and here, you know,

in the popular culture, you would have a podcast now. I know you would. Every celebrity is having podcasts now. Look at me. I'm the captain. Oh a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, you're a cop, cop, you're a cop, cop, you're a cop Dona done on your face. I've had a lot done on my face. Yeah, Dr. Skeleton doing all sorts of face swaps and stuff. I just got it invented in this toilet. And his plastic surgeon? Well, yes, little baby mama. You know, when you get all shot out into mess

and then, oh, I'll probably pass wherever you choose to go to the celebrity center. There's other celebrities there. And, you know, as soon as I got there, I thought, oh, finally, some peace and queues, peace and quiet, a little bit more. But when I'm going to the market, do you think peace and queues stands for peace and quiet?

Quiet. Peace and Quiet? Quiet. Peace and Q's. Peace and Quiet. So that's where Dr. Skillogen comes in. He says, oh, where do you want to do a different face, do a face swap, face off? Like a, you can do a face swap? Like a face off?

Like a cage, a Travolta kind of thing. Wow. A face slash off. But cage and Travolta haven't arrived and most have learned yet. Oh no, they're still with us. Yeah, yes. So that would be fun to get the face off surgeryun Travolta haven't arrived in Muslim yet. Oh no, they're so with us. Yeah, yes. Um, so that would be fun to get the the face off surgery with Travolta though. So he would look like Elvis, you would look like Travolta. No, no, no, you could say stuff like the wickedly talented Adele

disease. And people would love it. Well, I don't remember that happening because I already died. I mean, what we call die in Masalaan is, uh, it's just stand for definitely I exist. Oh, I we call die in Mouselann is, it's just stand for, definitely, I exist. Oh! I didn't die. I died, definitely. You died, but you definitely, you existed. Yes, so I did have a bit of a face transplant, but you know, you can only choose from the small pool

of the young celebrities that were shot down Dr. Skillin's in celebrity. I see, and they have to be celebrities. So who are you exactly? I guess I'm a... I swapped with Benny Murphy. Oh, oh! So she got my face and I've got a little bit of mama.

Oh, but you don't have to promise me because when I go all people, there's Britney Murphy with a new black hair color. That's true, you didn't swap the hair. You still have the pompadouc. I still have the pompadouc. I'm tying all that peanut butter and fried banana. I'm actually here back just for a short amount of time

to see. Yeah, what are you doing? Yeah, you're here to sing. Yeah, I'll do a little bit of singing. I'm running out of funds. So I do need a... Oh, yeah, you're here to sing. Really? Yeah, I'll do a little bit of singing. I do, I'm one run and I have funds. So I do need, oh, yeah, just like rock over it. Reach. Yeah.

Yeah, where do you even make money? I mean, I guess. I went with all of my money, kind of down the tube sort of thing. Oh, wow. I didn't miss a love it, so. Wait, what? Yeah, Dr. Scoutsons patented toilet the shoots you under the ocean for five days, and Spitsy Art Masalant,

you stole the prototype I'm guessing, because your idea was pretty similar. Oh. Is that true, Brocklover? You stole this idea? All right, yes. I stole the prototype of Dr. Skeleton's celebrity toilet. Why would you do such a thing?

Because I need money. So you stole it? Yeah. Who are you, A, will you stole it? Yeah. Who are you, is John Valjean? Yeah, you're gonna chase me through the sewer, your brick, maybe with all my rubies. Is that what you want? Speaking of singing, you know who I love.

What's that? Russell Crowe. Oh, what a voice. What an amazing. I'm going to the world country. When you're Russell Crowe, you're Russell Crowe the one from your From your first throne telephone to your last time But if you're Russell Crowe and they call up and they say hey look we know you're off her only right we're offering you

Ladies rob and you have to sing don't you say like look man? I can't do this Not if you already have a band called 40 out 40 out foot of grunt. That's true You need the singer the crew man actually has a celebrity toilet and he had 40 out foot of grunt. That's true. Did you get the singer? The crewman actually has a celebrity toilet and he had an in place so that if Leme's came out and it wasn't good, he was gonna fush us. Oh, Brandon Lee, you mean the crewman? Ah!

Ah! You mean Ray Bolger? Ha! Ha! Ray Bolger's so alive. All the crewman's got him. Crewman get a 50% off celebrity toilet. Really, if you're a crewman. Oh, yeah. So Adam Duritz, when he passes away, heman get 50% off celebrity toilet. Really if you're a croman. So Adam Duritz when he

passes away he'll get 50% off. You got it. Oh, I heard someone say that earlier. Oh, yes. Dr. Skeleton's celebrity toilet. One of the the biggest laugh of the year on any episode. Yeah, from you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh, was it? Yes. Oh, you, you are, I mean, that's like, it got me real good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And I know that last it rolled for a long minutes and minutes and minutes. I kept thinking about it. Just the combination of the combination of words. Dr. Scalatin. Dr. Skeleton. Celebrity toilet. Yes. It's such a weird combo. It really, really got me.

Yeah. Good stuff. Good stuff. Good countdown this year. It really was good. A lot of really fun year, a lot of fun episodes. Yeah. Do you want to go through some stats?

You know I do, baby. All right. I'm a stats junkie. I bet you are. All right. There were also regular junkie. I'm addicted to heroin.. I bet you are. All right. There were- Also regular junkie. I'm addicted to heroin.

Oh, that's right. And chocolate though. You're a taco ho. How much alcohol I get? That's fun. It is for heroin's left foot. People don't talk about it. Yeah.

It's fun to be a taco ho. I mean, people are mainly concerned about your other thing that you're addicted to. I know, but I'm like, let's also remember I'm a taco ho. What have you got to be an intervention for being a taco ho. That would be a terrible sketch. That would get thrown away immediately. Maybe a good thing to have in real life, though. All right, over 30,000 votes this year. Thank you so much to everyone for voting. And if you didn't like what we voted on then and you didn't vote. You're part of the problem, aren't you? And keep that in mind. This November. Yeah. Yeah.

Let's go month by month. November of 2022, really, there's only one episode, I think, eligible zero episodes taken from that month. December of 2022, two episodes, January of 2023, one episode, February two episodes, March three episodes, April two episodes, May zero episodes. Now part of that is because the anniversary episode, which normally is on May 1st, came on April 30th, June two episodes, July episode August zero September zero and October one and November of 2023 two episodes. The most the two most recent episodes got in. The best runs were 787 788 and 789. Those three in a row. Congrats to those numbers.

And then also 799, 800, and 800 and 101. They all made our top 16 as well. Three in a row. That's why. Three in a row, twice, yeah. Let's go through our performers who made multiple episodes. Ryan Gaul, Neil Campbell,

Vic Mikellis, Nick Kroll, Sean Dixon, Jessica McKenna, Wilhines, Mietra Jahari, and Jason Menzucas all were in two episodes that made our countdown. Congrats. Andy Daley, Gilles Erie, and Carl Tarte were in three episodes that made our countdown. Triple congrats. Drew Tarver and Lily Sullivan were in four episodes that made our countdown. Quadrats.

Now listen to this, Lisa Gilroy. Yeah. One of our newer people who has been doing the show regularly. She made six episodes on the countdown out of six episodes that she was on this year. All six made our top 16. I don't think that's ever been done before. Wow, that's amazing. I don't think that's ever been done before. Wow, that's amazing. Amazing. And Paul, you were on nine of the episodes in our top 16, including six of the top seven.

Wow. That's right. Out of 15 appearances this year, nine of them made the top 16. Wow. Three of those being live episodes and people don't normally vote for those. That's so true.

Yeah, so your stats are really good this year. Well, I mean, I really have fun, and you're nice enough to have me on often. And what can I say? I was glad to be here for those episodes, and glad to listen to them, and glad to celebrate them again now. Well, it's been a great year, and I know 2024 is just really starting because we're in January. But we do want to thank everyone who has contributed to the show this year.

We want to thank everyone at Ear Wolf. A lot of people at Ear Wolf chipped in this year and helped out pulling clips from episodes. So that was really nice. I want to thank our producers, Kimi Gregory and Scott Zone. Kimmy went on maternity leave this year. And we can, by the way, we can reveal. Now it can be revealed. Kimmy dropped this no man. Oh, thank you, Kimmy. Draw 45 minutes here. 45 minutes back to do it. Oh, no. I feel terrible. But thanks to them for producing the show this year, Scott came in when Camus on maternity leave. Thanks to Sam. Thanks to Sam for putting out all the shows together. This is Sam Keifer. Keifer. Yes. K i e f f k i e. Sam, thanks so much

for everything that you do every week. Sometimes it's a lot. Sometimes it's a little, but you always do a great job Whatever it is. I want to thank Brett Morris over at CBB Worlds who puts out the free feed Chris Todd over at the CBB socials. I hardly ever Highlight him, but he runs the Twitter accounts. I'm hearing it. Yeah, I wonder if you ever met him because He's an interesting fellow who was were you on the tour that the birthday boys opened for? So when you went, I, this is the first time hearing of this person. Yeah, I wonder if you ever met him because I wonder if I have. He's an interesting fellow who was, were you on the tour that the birthday boys opened for? Yeah, I think most of that tour.

Yeah, so this is Washington, D.C. he would have been in because he was working for the CIA or something at the time. And we're, yeah, and he came backstage. I don't think he works there anymore, but he runs our socials over there. Probably because he was going around telling people. Yeah, hey, I worked for the CIA. I'm supposed to do that.

I guess what? You're fired. I want to thank all of our guests over the past year. We have great people running through. And, you know, if you, the ones who did not end up on the countdown, their episode, in my opinion, Justice Goat is the one that did end up on the countdown. So go back and listen to the previous episodes because everyone who runs through here is an incredible improviser.

Paul, I want to thank you very much as the person who is on the most episodes and who does these best ups with me. Always a pleasure to do these at the end of the year. I look forward to it. Scott, I want to thank you for having me so often. I really enjoy doing this show still after all these years. I love doing these countdowns with you. And I've said it before and I will say it again. I will count the hours spent in this room among the happiest of my life. Wonderful. I would like to get out of this room I would like to get out of this room and into that pool. What is that?

That's wonderful, ball. And no one's more important, I think, to the show, and to the fans than you. And thank you very much for being on the show. But speaking of the fans, I especially want to thank the fans. This was a big year, I think, for CBB. We put out the book. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that?

It seemed so long ago, but we put out a book this year, which was a massive undertaking. You wrote something in the realm of 12 pieces for it or something like that. That's too many. But the book is out there. It makes a great New Year's gift. I don't know. But it was a big year we put out the book and everyone supported that and bought it and it ended up on the New York Times bestseller list, which was an incredible achievement I think for everyone.

It's nice I'm doing live shows where people come up to me with the book and It's I it's fun to see it every time and sign it and everything I'll sign that book anytime anyone comes up to me with that book. I'll sign it. I'll sign any book other than the Bible I'll only sign the Bible Okay I will sign the comedy bang bang book and the Bible that's two books. Okay, that's it Only if they're together. Well, partly because we're gonna punch up the Bible.

That's what I'm like, it's gonna be so good, guys. Guys, you're gonna love the Bible. You're gonna love the new Bible. All the plot holes. Yeah, everything's gonna be resolved. Do we hate gay people? Do we not? Yeah, we're gonna settle it.

Yeah, we'll take care of it. Don't worry, it's all, it's gonna be settled law. What you can eat, what you can't eat. Yeah. Guess what? You can eat whatever you want. You can guess what? There eat whatever fucking what guess what there are no rules anymore yeah ten commandments they're out kill people it's purged the by the colon the purge uh what do we have coming up this year we have our 15th anniversary is coming up this year,

and I think that's gonna be a big one. We have a show as part of the Netflix is a joke festival here in Los Angeles. We have a live show in May. Tickets are almost gone for that, but. Come on, let's show. Yeah, you weren't. You were talking about it.

Yes, we have. Okay. I certainly highlight of the date and. Let me just check my vocabulary here, big show. Yes, we have. OK. I certainly highlight of the dates. And let me just check my vocabulary here because I'm in there. OK. It is a couple of days after some shows you're doing. Do you want to talk about any of those?

I don't think I can talk about them yet. But I can say that we're doing a bunch of variet topias on the road. That is my variety show that I do here in LA. And we're hitting a bunch of different cities and really looking forward to it. It's comedy, it's music. You know, we got a live band. It's really a lot of fun. That's right. The better than a dead band, I would say. Oh my god. Although the dead of course. Of course. Oh, man. John Mayer. The my God. Well, the dead, of course. Oh, man, John. The magnolia. But yeah, go, you all updates, of course, I'll update on the socials, pf Tomkins, everywhere, and Paul if Tomkins.com slash live.

And speaking of tours, the Netflix is a joke festival, the comedy bang bang show. That's just the first show we're doing next year. We can't talk about it yet, but I believe there's something big coming out that hopefully we will announce either this month or the next month. So just clear your calendar, much like Paul did when the four-night event happens. Just cancel everything. If you're, even if you get fired, it's worth it. It's worth it. Even if like you have to defer school or they think you out even or whatever.

Even if you have to desert the army. Yeah. In fact, special half-off tickets for anyone who deserts the army to be there. You know what, that goes for my shows too. Any disorders? Fresh disorders. It can't be like all the Vietnam war

deserters. We want deserters from the week that the show people that still have their army hair cut. And there's still a mud caked on their bodies when they're doing mud wrestling from stripes. Oh, stripes. Of course, John Lauercat.

Half off. Half off. Did he deserve? He should. He was in the movie. Anybody that within the movie strives, half off cat half off. To need dessert. He should. He was in the movie. Anybody that went in the movie stripes half off. Half off. John Cady, if you come back from the dead, you're in free. You're in free. Definitely. Absolutely.

But that may be coming up. So stay tuned for, it feels weird to say stay tuned these days. It's such an antiquated thing. I know. You know what I mean? although technically you can leave your television on a certain channel past a program. It's tuned. It is tuned to it. I think it is one of those expressions that now even though it doesn't even mean what it meant originally. Yeah. And just knows what it used to mean. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We'll stay tuned for a to this podcast channel. It's comedy. Just let comedy bang bang play and play and play. Just fucking relax.

Just for guys. Come do it or bass. Fuck Jesus. Jesus. What do we have to do everything for you fucking people? But we will get information about that very soon. And Paul, I'm gonna time it here, but it's time for what I'm guessing is the most exciting 60

seconds in podcasting. And of course, don't hit lap. Which we often do all the time. No, I'm going to press start. All right. So I'm a position I'm directly opposite the audience chair. You are at the head of the table. That's right. And I'm going to move to exactly equidistant between you and the audience. Okay, you ready? Three. Okay, you ready? Three.

Okay, here we go. Two, one. It's spinning. No, it's not spinning. It's just spin number one. Spin number one, spinning around. It is facing the audience. That's a good omen, I think, for the audience.

Because when it faced me, it faced me once before. Okay, it's splitting the difference between Paul and I. I brought me something cool. Yeah, now it's spinning again. And it's facing the audience. So, directly again. And so, let it go. There it goes. Oh!

Ah! So close. Almost looking directly at Scott, but looking off to the other side. Blitting the difference between the audience and me. Yeah. I'm so sorry, audience. you're gonna have a terrible 2024. Oh, I don't know that does it automatically mean

it's gonna be terrible? Like, I mean, if it's not gonna be a good one. Well, I mean, this guarantees it's gonna be a good one. Oh, okay, so it's up to you. So now, you, so I think it's a good freedom of choice. Exactly, I think it's a good thing to go out on is the year is what you make it. That's right, so you won't automatically have a good year

like I am. Yes, but the year in cost this year. The year is what you make it. That's right. So you won't automatically have a good year like I am. Yes, but the year in coast this year. The year is what you make it except for, of course, the external forces that are all trying to destroy us. By the way, Paul, that's the most exciting 26 seconds in podcasting. 26 seconds. There you have it. There you have it.

Paul, thank you so much. It's great to be with you and we'll see you the next time that you're on the show, which, if I'm guessing, will be approximately a week and a half from now. Sure. And why not? Let's make a date. Yeah, okay. I just put that May 8 in my calendar. Sure. Why not?

All right, we'll see you next time. Bye! Dear Love!