Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2024 Part 2

Episode Date: December 26, 2024

The Best of Comedy Bang! Bang! 2024 continues as Scott and Paul F. Tompkins countdown numbers ten through seven as voted by YOU listeners. Tune in Monday for Part 3! Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

Oh Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. She looked good, she looked fine. Boy, she really blew my mind. Boy, you really blew my mind. There she was just a walking down the street singing do a do-do-do-do-do-do-do. Stripes. Remember Stripes? Sing and do a do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do.

Stripes, remember Stripes. I do, man, when I was a kid, children in the schoolyard would see these movies because they had, I guess, very permissive parents. And you would just hear everything about Stripes. That's the fact, Jack, you hear every single thing about Stripes, so when you finally got to see Stripes, it was an event, you know,

I would sneak over to a friend's, I wouldn't have to sneak over to the friend's house. But while at the friend's house, we would do something illicit, putting on Stripes on video cassette. And boy, it was just such an event to see all these things that were so awfully described by the children.

Ha ha ha! Done pretty well. I remember a kid when I was in eighth grade talking us through Friday the 13th. Okay, so there's Friday the 12th, right? Yeah, just the day, not the movie. Ha ha ha! By the way, Friday the 12th, not Thursday the 12th. So you've heard of Friday the 12th.

Can you imagine? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, let's make every day of the week Friday, we won't have this problem. What problem? I don't know.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a great way to start something off and make people feel like you're in control and say, let's do this or we won't have this problem. You've introduced the idea of a problem. Everyone's too scared. I've solved it. They're too intimidated to say what is the problem in the first place. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, best of 2024, part two.

Part two, I'm gonna take you to part two. And my name is Scott Aukerman, I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And this is the part two. Excuse me. Yeah. I was about to get to you after I tell people what the fuck they're even listening to.

Now, why can't you do that first? Why can't you say who I am first? I've already been talking. Ah. And this asshole next to me. I accept it. I'm just saying by grade. Okay, great. All right.

You know him from BoJack Horseman. You know him from BoJack Horseman. You know him from... Criminal Minds. That's right. Criminal Minds, Criminal Minds. Criminal Minds. What if every episode started with every character singing that?

I would love that. Padgett comes out and goes, Criminal Minds. You see them individually and at the end, they're all together. And then Mandy Patinkin comes back just for this because it's singing. I mean, he's got the best voice. Criminal minds!

Criminal minds! Criminal minds! There are gray skies. Please welcome my co-host for these very special Best of episodes, Paul F. Tompkins. Hello, everyone. It's great to be here. Scott, tell them. Tompkins. Hello everyone, it's great to be here. Scott?

Tell them why we're here. We are here counting down the top episodes of Comedy Bang Bang of 2024. Now, yes, that includes a little bit of 2023. Yeah, what is the voting period? Or what does this period cover? The episode after Thanksgiving is when voting starts. Now, the reasons for this are because we tape these

in advance of the best of us coming out. And so we don't know how you felt about the last couple of weeks. Who knows? Who knows? There isn't time for us to put together clips and stuff. So the voting period is the episode that comes out after Thanksgiving of the previous year to the episode that comes out before Thanksgiving of the previous year to the episode that comes out

before Thanksgiving of the next year. That is very simple and thank you. It couldn't be easier for you morons to understand. And yet, again, coming up with a problem that no one seems to have a problem. I have people stopping me in the supermarket saying, what's the voting period again? I have people pulling up next to me in their cars,

opening my car door and dragging me out of my car. Yeah. And haranguing me. Yeah. And throwing me off the sides of buildings. Yeah. It's this easy. I have people putting dead bodies inside of snowmen.

Was that the snowman? I think so. Killer or was it, what was it called? The snowman or Mr. Snowman? I think it was called the snowman. Just the snowman. Yeah, Mr. Police, I give you all the clues. Do you think there were any kids who went to that thing he was like a frozen kind of thing?

Like it was Olaf. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if they had made the snowman that contained the corpse look like Olaf? I do want to say that this morning I was singing Frosty the Snowman. I know it's the day after Christmas. It's a great song.

But I couldn't help it. I started singing Frosty the Snowman and our daughter, Emmy said, no, Olaf. Oh shit. Wow. She will accept no other snowmen. Do you think Frosty is fucking cooked? Frosty is a dumb whore.

Fucked it. Although I do have to say Hot Frosty has kind of made him have a comeback, so. Whoa, with older people. You know what I mean? But I'm talking about like the generations below us. Hot Frosty is, I don't know older people who watch it. Isn't it a young person's thing? Hot Frosty is, I don't know older people who watch it. Isn't it a young person's thing?

Hot Frosty? Yeah. You know it's about a lady who fucks a snowman. Yeah. So how young are we talking? Oh, no, when you say young people, okay. When you say older people, you mean above the age of 18. Yeah.

I thought you meant our age. Well, and that as well. And to you as well. And to you as well. On frosty to you. On frosty to you and to us all. And many hamburgers to you, of course, many Urkels. To people of all stars and stripes. To all Urkels out there. Is anyone named Urkel out there?

If you're an Urkel, we want to hear from you. But I believe that as these younger generations get older. This generation rules the nation. But I believe that as these younger generations get older. Each generation rules the nation. I think that Frosty is gonna be fucking pushed out by Olaf. He's done for, he's done so. If you're watching Frozen a billion times and Frozen 2 a trillion times. In what universe do you find any charm at all in the Frosty verse?

Here's what I love. Frosty the snowman. There must have been some magic in that hat. Yeah. That's your explanation. A hat? You're saying, well, we did put the hat on. That's the last thing that happened before he came to life.

So there must've been some magic in there. You don't- You sound ridiculous. You sound ridiculous. What the fuck? It's try, ask questions. Maybe ask Frosty. Yeah.

Hey, how did this happen? They never do. No. They're uninterested. No. No, because they're like, we're humans. We have human theories. Yeah.

And you don't think, I hate to say it because it's unpopular these days, you don't think God had a hand in this? Who can bestow life? God. That's true. And Elsa. Is that how Olaf came? I almost said Olga, and I'm the person who brought him up. Is that how Olaf came to life? I think so. I do know this for sure, that Elsa did create two snow giants who were, appeared to be sentient creatures. I was watching part of Frozen yesterday because I guess we just watched that all the time now.

I guess we do. And I love how- By the way, I watch it every time Scott watches it. Yes. He texts me and says, we're doing it again. I sext you to be fair. Yeah, he puts the eggplant emoji and he says, we're watching it again. I say you, to be fair. Yeah, he puts the eggplant emoji and he says, we're watching it again.

I say, all right. And whatever we're watching at home, I say, Janie, I'm so sorry. She is ruining our marriage. That's mine by me. She's furious. But I love when Elsa's out there and she's like blasting people with her hands

and she's doing the Marvel movie thing. Blasting me with her hands. She's finger blasting Olaf. Jesus Christ. No, she's, I'm miming this for the listener. I'm putting my hands out, like spreading my fingers. Yes, like you have powers. Like I have powers.

That's all Marvel movies now is like, that was the Eternals. It's just people like going like, eh, and like shoving their hands towards someone. And then in post they put in these like big, you know lasers or sound waves or whatever. You know who did it really well? Who?

Is. Don Cheadle. Sir Ian, well we'll get to Don Cheadle in just a moment. Sir Ian McKellen, when he was magneto and he would do the thing and then he, but he would also manipulate his hands as if he was manipulating the thing. And it looked, he made it look cool and realistic.

Yeah, but now everyone just kind of like spreads their arms. Yeah. And goes, hey! Do you think they're told, and don't move your arms. Just hold them there because we gotta put the thing in. I think it would be hard not to also make a noise with your mouth while you do it, like,

eeeh! And they have to come over to you and go like, eeeh! It's just not cool. Can you maybe not make that noise? The best is when somebody has mind powers and they have to put their fingers to their temple. Yeah, so the temple go, you may have. Like, I'm doing it.

You, you, you, you, you, you, you. Mind, mind, mind, mind, mind, mind, mind. But then when people don't do it in movies and they just kind of like casually give something a look and the knives are flying all over the room, that rules. Who do we have to thank for the hand thing? Is it the force?

Is it Darth Vader? The emperor. What? The emperor. Well, we saw Darth Vader do it first. Yeah, but he was kind of casually doing it. You know what I mean? When he was choking people?

No, the choking, but I'm talking about the full spread fingers like, eh. Oh, the full spread fingers is the emperor. That's the emperor of Palpatine, of course. But I'm saying doing anything with your hands to signify, I'm making this happen to you. I wonder if like David Prowse is on set and he's not planning on doing anything.

Cause he's like, no, I have telekinesis. Why would I need to move my hands? These are mind powers. How come I can't be the voice of Darth Vader? Well, if I'm in a suit, make me be the voice too. I'd like to be the voice of Darth Vader. I'm Darth Vader. Hello, I'm Darth Vader.

Is that how he talked? Hello. Who, David Prowse? Yeah. Probably not. It's fun to imagine though. Yeah. Because he was upset that he didn't get to do the voice. Yeah, David Prowse? Yeah. Probably not. Probably not. It's fun to imagine though.

Yeah. Because he was upset that he didn't get to do the voice. Yeah, but then you hear. I heard bad things about him. About David Prowse? Yes. I was gonna say, then you hear James Earl Jones's voice. Yes.

But you've heard bad things about David Prowse? I already, yeah. Okay, we'll say that. Just about some of his beliefs. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll leave that for another time. But we love, of course, everyone involved in Star Wars. Yeah, of course we do. Yes.

Everyone. Everyone who's ever been in a war in the stars, we support you. Yeah, that includes the cosmonauts, sorry. Are you watching Skeleton Crew? Too scary. What a frightening concept. What is that again?

It's the new Star Wars. Oh yeah, about teens? Yes, it's very good. Star Wars teens? I have not seen it yet. I enjoy it. But in any case, what the fuck were we talking about? Well, we're talking about Don Cheadle, of course.

Yes. And we have to play a little. We're coming up a little later on the show. We're going to be hearing, of course, another clip from Don Cheadle in Ocean's Eleven. We listened to clips from the best episodes of Comedy Bang Bang of the year that you voted on, as well as one bonus clip of Don Cheadle in Ocean's Eleven.

That's right. And of course, behind the scenes trivia from the film, Regarding Henry. That's right. So we'll be counting all of this down. I believe we're going to crack the top 10 in Comedy Bang Bang clips. I think we're at number three for Don Cheadle clips.

We're number three? Did we hear two in the first episode? No, meaning we were counting them down. Thank you, I understand. Four to one. Yes, number three of Regarding Henry, Behind the Scenes tidbits. Yep.

Now, just so people are clear, Henry, Behind the Scenes, Tidbits. Yep. Now, just so people are clear, when we see the top 10, what we're talking about is the audience, the listeners, voted on what they thought were the best episodes of the year, 14 in total. This is going to be. We put up just a giant, it was the biggest website I'd ever seen.

I've never seen a website that big. It was giant. We had to protect it on the size of buildings. Yeah. It was crazy, but it was just, it included every single episode we put out within the voting period. Yeah. We're talking probably 52 or 53 episodes, I think.

Sound like that. Is that right? Somewhere in there, because we did bonus episodes. So somewhere around, probably somewhere around 52. And the bonus episodes, they're also eligible for consideration. Of course they are.

Elable. Hello! Hey, hey, Elable, get over here. Popular. Popular. But we put them all up and everyone got to vote for their 10 favorites. And so then we are playing the top vote getters,

the top 14 vote getters out of all of those. Yeah. Incredible. This is what people demanded we do. If we ever didn't do it and we said, hey, we want to take a year off, you just imagine what the best episodes were this year. But thankfully you don't have to do that

because we are the resolute stewards of this sacred task. I think if we didn't do it, something terrible, anarchy would break out. It would be the purge. No, not anarchy. You know what I was thinking? Yeah? There should be the purge, but for sex.

Okay. We can do whatever you want. I... Yeah. No, with consent, I mean. Then it's not the purge baby. No, I'm talking the purge in marital. How is it the purge in marital? Meaning like, hey, this one day a year, you're talking about like a free day. Yeah. It's like, yeah, I get to do whatever I want. Let's call it the purge, colon, sex. I feel like that has,

unfortunately a negative connotation. Yeah, probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. All right, we have to, yes, Paul, you gonna say something? I took a breath, god damn it. Can't breathe.

We have to get to it. Let's, we got some great clips this episode. We have great stars who are on these episodes and we have wonderful comedians playing characters. And we're gonna hear- What more could you ask for? We're gonna count down from 10 to seven on this episode. So we're cracking the top 10.

Let's just get to it. This is what you've chosen as your number 10. Number 10. All right, number 10, Paul, number 10. Did you call me a tent pole? I view you as the kind of movie that other lower budget movies can be made because of these huge movies that- I accept. Thank you. can be made because of these huge movies that.

I accept. Thank you. Number 10, why do we use it? Why do we have a number 10? Aren't one through nine good enough? You know what's funny is that you could skip some numbers. Yeah, we don't use like- You can do increments of five. You can go one, five, 10, 15, you know what I mean?

Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, stop. Isn't that from Schoolhouse Rock? Five, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50, 55, 60, stop. There it is or something like that. That sounds familiar. Yeah, what are the least used numbers? 73. I bet four. Yeah. Yeah.

When's the last time you ever said four? Yeah. If you weren't on a golf course. Yeah, I would say rather than four, I'd say three to five days from now. It's confusing to be on a golf course and you're like, okay, so every hole has a par and they're usually like par three to five.

And who decides this? You should be able to get this in three. Yeah, oh, guess what? I can get it in 12. Yeah, you don't know me. Yeah, but it's confusing because everyone, the minute you complete a hole, everyone very loudly starts saying like,

what did you get? Well, I got three, I got five. And then what you're supposed to say when a ball's coming right at people is you're supposed to say four. I wouldn't even look up because I assume that it's someone telling me their golf score.

It should just be for golf. Yes, four should just be for golf. Why, what happened? What's wrong with lookout? You know what I mean? Hey, I know straw is cheaper, grass is free, buy a farm, you get all three. Here's what else is very discombobulating about golf.

They invented their own cars. No other sport has done this. Hey, let's invent basketball cars. There's no basketball cars, there's no hockey cars. I would love to be watching a basketball game and everyone just pulls up and goes screech. And I know somebody singing Zamboni is a hockey car. No, it's not.

No. It's a hockey steamroller. Come on. Steamroller's not a car. Oh, oh wait, so I'm gonna drive my steamroller to work? Honestly, if they invented cars for track and field, it would revolutionize the sport. You could go so much faster.

Ha ha ha ha. Ah. We're having fun. We're having fun. Well, you know what else was fun? Was doing this episode number 10. Absolutely. This was episode number 879.

Dang, we're back high up in the eight hundreds. Pretty high up. Now this was, it was released on August 26th. Summertime. Of this year. And this is an episode called Side Duck. Side, I've heard of front duck. Sure.

Back duck, of course. Sure, of course. Over duck and under duck. Mm-hmm. Side duck. Side duck. Well, we'll, I believe we talk about, you'll find out why it's called Side Duck in these clips.

Um, let me describe who is on this episode. Now we have our good friend, Haley Joel Osment. Hojo, you may know him as H.J. AKA the Handjob Man. You may know him as that. Haley Joel Osment was, you would know him from movies like The Sixth Sense where he played a curious little boy who had mental problems, I think.

Like twice, he does movies with numbers a lot. Yeah, Sixth Sense, blink twice. A1. Yeah, steak sauce. But he's our old friend, he is a listener as well as a client. Shout out. Shout out, he's probably listening right now and thrilled to find out he's cracking the top 10.

He will often text me to talk about an episode of Comedy Bang Bang or Freedom or other show and talk about how much he's enjoying them. Yes, which he sometimes does that with me too. And it's very sweet and very much appreciated. It's very nice. So he's a regular. He was also on the Comedy Bang Bang television show playing Slow Joey. Correct.

Which is where I got to know him. He was also in a production of American Buffalo on Broadway with Cedric with the Entertainer and John Leguizamo. Huh, interesting bit of trivia. I bet I know who he played, the dimwitted kid character, right? Yes. Yeah. Who's in the one with Bob coming up?

You have Ciaran Culkin. Oh, Bill Burr. Bill Burr and- Bob Burr. Oh no, that's, that's Glenn Gary. Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross. Yes, yes, yes. You have Ciaran Culkin. He plays Glenn. Odenkirk.

He plays Gary. Right. And who plays Bob Ross? It is Bob Ross. It's a hologirk. He plays Gary. Right. And who plays Bob Ross? It is Bob Ross. It's a hologram. I love it. Yeah. They finally got the Bob Ross hologram going.

It's like a Bob Ross hologram. But they can only use stuff that he said in real life. We saw those ABBA holograms, by the way, in England when we were on tour this year. And very impressive. Very impressive. That was a fun show. That was a fun show.

So we have Haley Joel Osment. We'll hear a little bit of him. And then you have John Gabras. Mm-hmm. Let me surprise you by letting you know who he's playing. He's playing intern Gino. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Now, John Gabras is a very funny comedian from Long Island who has been playing intern Gino for at least a decade now. Wow. And this is basically just him. So yes, Gino is back on the show. And then we have, this is our first appearance

of Vic McKellis. On the Countdown. On the Countdown, yes. No, we have, this is our first appearance of Vic McKellis. On the countdown. On the countdown, yes. No, we've seen Vic in real life. Oh, we've, yeah. Yeah. Vic exists and we've seen Vic. Vic is corporeal, I believe.

Okay, to all these people saying that Vic doesn't exist, you are the ones who sound crazy. Yes, not us. Cause we've always said Vic exists. Yes. And we've seen said Vic exists. Yes. And we've seen Vic. Yes. So this is Vic's first appearance on the countdown

in episode 10. And so we'll hear a little bit of Hayley Joel, then John Gabers comes in as intern Gino. And then I'm not gonna tell you exactly what you're gonna hear, but Vic comes in and we'll hear it and we'll discuss it afterwards. That's fair. Is that fair? Yeah. All right, let's hear it. This is your episode number 10. Comedy Bang Bang, we're back. Hailey Joel Osmond is here, of course. The 25th anniversary of

the sixth sense. I know that's a lot of math. Some would say, hey, why not do the 24th anniversary? Cause that's four times six cents. But everyone's celebrating the six cents. Of course, this famously within my lore is the first movie date that my wife and I went on. That warms my heart, Scott. And she was- The levels sound great. So whenever you're ready, just hit the record button.

Let's go. Wait, the record button wasn't- Well, did you want me to hit it? Yeah! Sorry I'm sorry I'm late I missed the whole first act. We're gonna have to use the backup recording for the... Yeah use the backup recording for what you did with Hajjo before I got here. Yeah we've all been wearing wires because we're involved in various FBI stings. Yeah I'll talk to the assorted government agencies, assorted three-letter agencies and get all your uh get all your uh audio. Look I'm so sorry I just been caught up

with some law enforcement back on Long Island. Wait, Gino, you... I'm sorry, everyone, Gino, my inter... Have you ever met Gino before? I think we might have crossed over at some point. Yeah, I'm a big fan of yours. Oh, thank you, I'm a fan of yours too. Hell of a fucking yeah.

I love your levels. Yeah, he's my intern on the show occasionally, very occasionally. Yeah, well, I intern on the show occasionally, very occasionally. Yeah, well, I've been trying to really wrap up this degree. If I want to get this associates an audio recording. Then maybe I can hire you for real and actually pay you. Yeah, right. Yeah, I know, I'm not kidding.

Oh, are you fucking kidding? Brett Morris fucking sabotaged my resume last time I tried to apply for a job. That little fucking freak. He wants it all for himself. Yeah, he wants all he wants all the Boku CBB world bucks. He loves putting on those headphones, just sliding the levels up and down. He keeps saying Boku bucks. And then you're like, yeah, I'm going to have Boku partners shipped in from Vietnam.

And I'm like, dude, this is fucking weird. I don't know what you're talking about. What were you saying about the law you've been trying to? I got in some hot water with the law enforcement in Nassau County. Nassau County PD is on my fucking case. Why? I don't know if you saw this recently, but they banned masks in Nassau County. Yeah, I saw it. And 95 masks during a post pandemic. I mean, it's a lot like the plot to that Watchmen HBO show where they were like,

masks are illegal. And I was like, what? Yeah. Okay. It's a big buy, but suddenly it started happening. It's like- And this fucked me because I have one of the largest collections of the movie about Rocky Dennis.

Yeah, right. Mask. Of course, the Eric Stoltz star. Yes, the Cher star. Sorry, in my book. Did she get an Oscar nom for that? I'm talking to a fellow Oscar. You know I'm on text right now.

Okay, yeah. I think Michael Caine beat her out for Cider House Rules. Good night, my princes of industry, you fucking weirdos. Yeah. How's that make you feel to hear those lines again? I just was transported back. Because I'm sure that's the clip they played when you went there as a little boy.

Every single time. Which clip did they play of yours? as a little boy. Every single time. Which clip did they play of yours? Let me guess. I see dead people. Probably, but what I remember is all the Being John Malkovich nominations, they just played her going, I was John Malkovich.

You're like, there's a better clip from that movie than the title of the movie. Yeah. Cameron Diaz. Did they play, did you get to say the title of the Sixth Sense in the movie like, well, I guess this is more like a Sixth Sense. No, no one says those words. Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, it really does. You forget what movie you're watching. Yeah. I like to be constantly reminded. Yeah. Yeah, well, M. Night changed that. And someone gets a titula line in every episode. Oh, and everyone says, holy shit, I'm seems like a trap.

This is like a trap. Lady Raven, my next song is called Trap with Josh Hartnett. So tell me about what happened with the mask. I got arrested trying to leave. I was getting on the Long Island Railroad. I was getting on in Babylon, so I was gonna go like backwards, you know, through Lindenhurst, Amityville, Copaig,

then we had Massapequal Park, Massapequal. It's a little harder to do backwards. Sure. And then there's Seaford, Wantoa, Belmore, Merrick, Freeport, Baldwin, Rockville Center. And then we got Jamaica after that and I got caught at Belmore. Is this the Long Island drunk test, by the way, doing these backwards? Yeah, well, no, the Long Island drunk test. There is no Long Island drunk test.

Honestly, if you get pulled over, the only way you can get a ticket for DWI is if you're drunker than the cop. And it's almost impossible for that to pull off with the amount of fucking... Imagine someone who lives in Nassau County doesn't have what it takes to be the NYPD. Like, those are who we got as our cops, OK? My cop, one of my friends who's a cop, is also my bookie, okay? These guys don't give a fuck about the law.

So tell me, so what happened? I got arrested because I was wearing a mask on the Long Island River, because I was wearing a Richard Nixon mask because I was going to rob a bank. Oh, okay. So this is preemptive almost. No, well, they don't know that.

I guess unless they got a precog working for them That's right a red ball. Oh red ball. So you were about to rob a bank as Richard Nixon I was wearing Richard Nixon because I was going surfing with a couple of freaks These guys these weird guys one guy who kind of like is my guru of sorts and then another guy who played college football For a year before he blew his ACL out But this is all on the Long Island beaches and you know, I get caught up in the scene and the next thing I know, I'm kind of like trapped in a situation in which I need to participate

in this robbery. But I get arrested before I even get there for wearing a fucking mask. The irony is not lost. So they take my Richard Nixon mask off, underneath my face is painted green like the mask. What? Is that illegal too?

That turns out, I was like, this is not a mask. This is face paint, but they're like, it is the mask. Oh, yeah. So in any case, you were arrested, you're back. Everything's good now. How many times have you been arrested? This is the first time I was arrested for the mask shit, but I've been arrested before for public urination,

public defecation, private defecation and private. How were you arrested for private defecation? Well, I guess they called it trespassing because it was a different person's bathroom. And then there was destruction of corporate property. Corporate property? When I defecated in a Home Depot. In one of the toilets, but not in the men's room.

It's so confusing when they're out there. Yeah, no shit. And especially when you're trying to wash your ass and the shower has no water hooked up to it. I honestly think that it must happen more often than we even know about. I feel like there was a kid, someone recently did panel and talked about doing that as a kid.

I think it was Donald Glover and Eric Andre called him out on it. I'm gonna look up how many times do people shit in Home Depot toilets and see what comes up? Famously, it was either in the early Jackass video or the precursor, CKY, why do I know all this? Danger Aaron goes to shit in a Home Depot toilet,

but he's worried that he's not gonna be able to shit when he's under the pressure. So he takes some laxatives and then he shits himself right as they pull up to Home Depot in the car. Yeah, and then they're all throwing up. That one is brutal to watch. There is a Reddit thread devoted to this. Some people say, I can't go on Reddit because when I go on Reddit, everyone's like, this Gino guy fucking sucks. I know it's free that I listen to it, but I hate this guy.

This says our toilet displays are six feet off the ground and angled downward, so it would be difficult to do so. I think Home Depot's have started putting them up. They're putting the toilets higher and higher, making it just more and more of a fucking challenge, if you ask me. Please welcome to the show, for the first time, Ember Chuckett. Geodude, I choose you!

Geodude, come on. Okay, well maybe, okay, we'll maybe popude, come on! Come on, okay. We'll maybe pop out a little bit later. Hey, Scott! Hey! I'm sorry, what were you just saying? Well, I was trying to get Geodude to make an appearance and I think he's gonna take a little bit of time in the ball. That's crazy, we were talking about red balls and white balls.

And you got a red and white ball here. Wait a second. Are you a pre-cop? I choose you thing. I think I know what this is. Is this this is more Pokemon stuff? Oh, more? More Pokemon stuff. Yeah. Well, Dash Grabham, who's on the show a lot is.

Oh, right. And I'm Ember Chucket. Yeah. I know Dash for sure. You know, Dash, you're another Pokemon trainer. I'm Dash for sure. You know Dash? You're another Pokemon trainer? I'm another Pokemon trainer. Scott, I sent you such a long email about this

and you said Pokemon and I said, yeah. Okay. It was like four pages. I confess I don't read these. We had a six email back and forth. Oh no. Okay, so you're Ember Chucket. Yeah.

Okay, and you're a Pokemon trainer. Yeah. All right, tell us about yourself. Tell you about myself. How come Geodude, you said his name was Geodude that's in the ball? Oh, it's Geodude, yeah. That's like a rock with arms, right?

Yeah, it's a rock with arms. And listen, we're becoming quite close friends. And so I'm from the Kanto region and sort of. Oh, so Stash. Wait, you know what region the other guy's from? You didn't even read the email from him. He's been on so many times. He talks about the Kanto region all the time.

What's Stash's thing again? Well, let me read you his bio. He's a 12-year-old Pokemon trainer from the Kanto region. Well, there's the first his bio from the, he's a 12 year old Pokemon trainer from the Kanto region. Well, there's the first difference. I'm 11. Oh, right. A little fresher take.

Yeah. I mean, he's, he's only been on six times. Sir, you are covered in olive oil. Oh yeah, sorry. I had to lube up. That was the only way they could pull me out of the subway. I was trapped in between the two rail cars. Oh, congratulations.

Thank you. It's been great. And now I find that it works wonders on my skin. So I hit myself. And now there's only that's the only thing that's extra virgin about me. But stop deflecting to him. What's your thing? Well, what's Dash's thing? I understand if you have to go. I don't think so, but let's double check.

I mean, I, I, yeah. Well, what's your thing? Yeah, we have the comedy bang bang book over there. He has about six pages devoted to it. Oh, perfect. I love that book. Oh, really? Thanks for reading it. My name is Ember Chuckett. Your name is Ember Chuckett.

Ember Chuckett. Ember Chuckett. I'm 11 years old. I'm from the Kanto region. I'm not going to talk about that at all. Iett. Ember Chuckett. Ember Chuckett. I'm 11 years old. I'm from the Kanto region. I'm not going to talk about that at all. I promise. Okay. All right. So here's the thing is there's a new pilot program that Professor Oak is launching.

Professor who now? Oak? Oak. Oh, okay. Did Dash not tell you about Professor Oak? No, I guess he's never mentioned Professor Oak. He was doing things like, I think he captured Andy Richter and turned him into a Pokemon or something like that. Oh, I see, not me, I'd never do that.

Yeah. I'm more of a spokesperson. Do you want to reintroduce me as a spokesperson? Oh yeah, please welcome a spokesperson, Ember Chuckett. Come on, Geodude, get out here. Okay, Geodude just needs a second. I keep thinking you're saying Geno dude and I keep getting ready to do whatever you ask me to do.

Okay, well that would be huge actually because I'm here to sort of tell you about a pilot program that Professor Oak is running. So you've heard of Pokedexes, right? Sure, yes, we talked about these with Dash. Okay, well why don't you get Dash on the phone and maybe Dash can tell you about this program then. No, no, no, he's not here.

I want to hear about this program. They have a new pilot function, which is we can communicate with the Pokemon in the Pokeballs with the Pokedexes, so they can sort of tell us their thoughts and feelings and also there's wireless connection. Oh, that's so cool. I know that Dash, we talked about them

when they're in the Pokedexes and he says they're not sentient, but then I think we figured out they are. So this is good, we can communicate with them now. Okay, so this has been really an interesting thing. So my geodude here is the first one that's been able to have sort of wireless access and sort of communicate back and forth with me

and tell me how he's feeling. How's he feeling then? That's so cool. So it started out sort of kind of fun where of communicate back and forth with me and tell me how he's feeling. How's he feeling then? That's so cool. Um, so it started out sort of kind of fun where I'm like, how are you doing? And and you do would be like, good. And that was really, really fun. And then he sort of was able to get on the internet and then sort of had a couple of questions like, hey, who are you?

And I was like, I'm Amber. And he's like, okay, but why are you? And I was like, oh. That's a heavy question. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sort of like really rapidly sort of gaining existential thoughts. Am I gonna die?

And I sort of was like, oh, probably one day we all die. And then Geodude was like, can I die now? And I was sort of like, oh, I feel maybe a little illiquid, but I can tell you about some of the fun features. We got free Spotify premium accounts for all of the Pokemon. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, I wasn't super interested in talking about that though. And then it sort of got a little bit weird

where Geodude was sort of like, was 9-11 a real thing? Oh no. And I was sort of like, oh. The algorithm is maybe fucking with you. Yeah. Yeah, so, and I was sort of like, oh. The algorithm is maybe fucking with you. Yeah. Yeah, so, and I was sorta, I sorta had to explain like, yes, it was a real thing and it was a tragedy. And then Geodude was sorta like,

I don't think it was a real thing. Okay, so he's falling down a YouTube rabbit hole here. Yeah. He's being radicalized inside his Pokeball. I think so. Amber, is Geodude scheduled to evolve at any point? Well, it doesn't really, does it work like that? It doesn't?

How's it work? Oh, you're asking me. Well, I think sort of in my sense of things. I mean, we talked to Dash about a lot of this, but how's it, what's your understanding of how it works? Hey Scott, why don't you get Dash on the phone? I don't know how to reach Dash. If Dash knows everything about Pokemon,

maybe Dash can sort of figure out what's happening with Geodude right now, because I'm sort of at a loss, you know what I mean? I listen to Ember's WTF episode. You don't hear her bring it up. Mark Marin asked me the same question. That's a good point. Do you mean that?

You listen to that episode? I listen to that episode. You had a brutal childhood that hasn't ended yet. Yeah. My mom said you got to go be a Pokemon trainer for the family. Is that what happens in the Kanto region? Are you raised to be Pokemon trainers?

Well, sort of normally you choose to go be a Pokemon trainer. And my mom sort of said you got to get out of the house now, because I got of normally you choose to go be a Pokemon trainer. And my mom sort of said, you got to get out of the house now because I got a stepdad that's moving in. Pokemon trainer, I choose that. Yeah. What you have to say.

How does that feel to be supplanted by your stepfather? Well, for me, I feel like it sort of gave me a world insight into what the Pokemon are dealing with. They didn't ask to be in the ball. That's a good point. Sort of his Geodude has let me know on several occasions. And Geodude said he'll come out of the ball for an appearance fee.

And so I'm sort of looking for a small part-time job. Oh, okay. Well, this is the wrong place if Geodude is trying to make money. Well, that's, I mean, how much of an appearance fee does, does Geodude, is that his name? Yeah, he keeps saying, I don't get out of the ball for less than 10K, which is like,

yeah, a little bit cheeky. Wow. Holy shit. And at 11, sort that his name? Yeah, he keeps saying I don't get out of the ball for less than 10K, which is like a little bit cheeky. Wow. Holy shit. And at 11, I'm sort of on a work permit. I guess I can make $8 an hour in California. So that's good. Did we just change the laws so you could make that? I don't know, Scott. Maybe get Dash on the phone and ask him. I don't know that he knows about labor laws necessarily.

I mean, so he knows a lot about Pokemon. He said unless I can figure out an appearance fee, he's gonna go on that RFK cruise. Oh, no. But Shazam's gonna be on the cruise. Scott, you're just asking me to go on that. I mean, you know, it's cheaper if we share a cabin. I know.

Way on Marina. He was a big fan of MetaWorld Peace. He was pretty excited about getting a photo with that. He said he's gonna do a Mr. Throwback with Meta World Peace. Oh, man. Another competition. Throw another one in the hopper peacock. But I have their fucking checkbooks ready. Hopefully they have at least 10 K for an appearance.

The other way is never getting out of that ball. So have you tried it on any of the other Pokemon? No, but I'm a little bit scared now. I have a side duck with me and I'm a little bit scared to give him the phone. OK, yeah. A side side duck? What? Side duck. That's a duck you fuck behind your wife's back. I got a side duck. Do you want to try it on the side duck? I guess I'm a little bit frightened. Because we say in our open marriage, we're ENM, so we say, Polly want a quacker?

Is that good? All right. Number 10. There we go. Okay, so obviously Vic was playing, here's the behind the scenes of this episode. Yeah, fun. So if you're new to Comedy Bang Bang and you don't know how everything kind of happens behind the scenes. So it's obviously, it's a collection of real people.

Haley Joel was just himself, but then comedians come in and play fake people. Normally what happens before the show is, it's not really discussed all that much of who people are gonna play or what's gonna happen on the show. It's basically I say, hey, who are you playing today? And they give me a name and then I say,

how would I describe them on the show? And they give me their job title, you know? And that's it. And we find it in the moment. how would I describe them on the show? And they give me their job title, you know? And that's it. And we find it in the moment. And so this time Vic came in and said, my name is Ember Chuckett and I'm playing a trainer. And I said, okay, sounds good.

And this has happened, I believe only once before, but basically Vic came on and revealed themselves to be a Pokemon trainer, which is exactly what a comedian named Zach Reno did years ago. That's right. As Dash Grabham said, I'm going to play a trainer. And then it turned out to be a Pokemon trainer. And I'm trying to remember, Ketchum, what's the name of the actual character? I don't know, but they're both, as you heard in the clip, they're both from the Kanto region.

Um, and, uh, and I was delighted by this, uh, to immediately say to Vic, uh, oh yeah, just like Dash Grabham, as you just heard. And Vic did not know that Zach had done Dash Grabham on the show before, and to hear her struggle with learning that. Ash Ketchum. Ash Ketchum. So you got Ash Ketchum turned into Dash Grabham

and Ember Chuckett. Yes, great. And so to hear Vic struggle with learning this news in real time is very- At the very beginning of the bit. And I keep needling Vic about this as well. At the very beginning of the bit. And I keep needling, Vic, about this as well. It's very funny. Now this has only happened once before, I believe,

and that was the Sully Sullenberger's brother episodes, which you were involved in, Paul. Bergy Sullenberger. Bergy Sullenberger. Now that, so Dan did it first. Yes. Appeared on Comedy Bang Bang as Sully Sullenberger's brother. Who was a bus driver.

Who was a bus driver. Months later, I appeared on the show as Sully Sullenberger's brother, who is a bus pilot. A very important difference. Yeah. And by the way, in real time, I was not clocking it because I could not, I didn't remember that Dan had done this.

It maybe like scratched a little itch of like, oh, this kind of sounds familiar, but doing so many episodes of this, I tend to not remember the details. And I listened to the show, so I heard it for sure. Did not remember it at all. Did not remember doing it. I was trying to think of a way to do,

how can I do a character that's kind of like a real life person or like inspired by a real life person. Because occasionally you do Sully on the show. Yeah, but I've been moving away from real people and just inventing characters. And I thought, oh, a way in sometimes is based it on somebody who's real. So it doesn't matter who the real person is,

but it's a good jumping off point. And so that's why I, that's how I came up with Bergy Sullenberger. And when we- Completely forgetting. When we found out that you had both done it, because I think we released it not knowing, and then immediately the fans were like, Paul's just doing Dan Libbert's character.

We had to schedule an emergency episode where you both came into contact with each other and I think you were both Bergy from different universes. That's right. That's right. Which by the way is maybe our first example of the crisis on Infinite Bang Bangs saga. Which is definitely happening and there's your proof. Yep. And so anyway, this happened with Vic in real time. It was very, very funny.

And we've spoken to Zach since then. And of course, we have to get them both in the same room together. They share the Kanto region. Of course. I liked how Vic kept saying, oh no, I know Dash. Ha ha ha. Very funny.

All right, so that is your episode 10. Let's take a break. When we come back, we're going to get into single digits. Oh, man. This is so fucking exciting. Now, before we go to break, let's hear a little bit of Don Cheadle. All right. As promised, we're counting down. The top four. Top four sound bites of Don Cheadle from Ocean's Eleven.

Okay now Don Cheadle has come back out and he has this, I think it's a magnetic thing that they need for the other heist. Probably, yeah. And loading it up. Did we promise sound clips of Don Cheadle or just clips of Don Cheadle? We need a smaller car back, there's a long and a couple of wires. Where's Linus? I mean, we heard Don Cheadle.

We did hear him. I swear I heard him. Oh, would you look at his donut. All right. Great. There you look at his donut. All right. Great. There we go. Number three. He calls him a donut. He says Nick. This is pure English speaking.

This guy's from England. Nick, no mistake. He's a Londoner. Through and through. All right. Let's go to a break. When we come back, we're going to crack the top 10 with your choice for number nine. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2024, part two after this. Bum-ba- woo. Woboboo. Wee wai woo woo. Woboboo. We've had a lot of fun, Paul.

Yeah. By the way, I wanted to say. Time to go, huh? If you're listening to, if this is your first episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Yes. How, what a weird thing to do. But I guess maybe you're listening to the most recent one.

If, yeah. Like you just got it. You just got it. If you're listening to the Best Of one. If, yeah. Like you just got it. You just got it. If you're listening to the best of part two. Yeah, as your first. Start with that one. It's an odd choice.

Here's what I would say. Wait a week and listen to part four, which has the top three episodes. Mm-hmm. Those are the best ones. So look, even though we are saying these are the top 14 episodes, really the first three are all the time.

First three are all you need. It's so strange to do a best of countdown and the first things you're gonna hear are the worst things you're gonna hear. First equals worst. Except when you're talking about numbers one through three. We should start with number one and hook people and then they get progressively worse as they go.

Absolutely worse. No, these are all good episodes obviously. They're all good, come on. And this one is no exception, Paul. Good, I'm glad. I think you're gonna be very excited by this one. Oh good, good, good, good. Let's do it.

Let's hear your episode number nine. Number nine. All right, episode number nine. This is episode 886. I mean, this is high up in the 800s. This is episode 886. I mean, this is high up in the 800s. This is pretty high in the 800s. This came out October 14th, 2024. And that's high up in the months.

Yeah, that's the 10th month. Yeah, out of 12. And this is the ninth episode. 10th month, ninth episode. Yeah, a lot going on. Number 12? Yeah, exactly. I'm seeing it again.

Now this is an episode called, Fire Can Be Fun. Fire with an F-Y-R-E. Ah, that gives you a clue. Gives you a little bit of a clue. Let me say who's involved. We have our good friend, Christian Brune. Sure, Brunzie.

Christian Brune, you would know from a little show called Orphan Black. That's right. He played one of Tatiana's husbands. I'm not that- One of her clones' husbands. Yes, although who's the clone and who's the real one? Who knows?

Me. But, oh, that's right. But one of the clones that Tatiana played, this is the husband to one of those clones, the suburban one. You also might know him from the artful detective as the famous character, Constable Johnstable. Constable Johnstable, that's right.

Who died off screen. Because he asked for too much money or one plane flight. He agreed to a thing they offered him and they said, no, you failed our test. Now this is Christian. We also have, we heard Vic on the last episode, Vic McKellis is on this episode as well. And a little man making his first appearance on the countdown by the name of Paul F. Tompkins.

That's right, first appearance on the countdown. Do you think my days are over? We'll talk about this a little later. I don't like the sound of that. Now let's do some background to this episode. Yes, where was it born? Now let's do some background to this episode. Yes. Where was it born? It was born in my idea to get Christian,

to basically get stars back on the show. Gotta do it. Because it was very strange this year, there was just a period where it was very difficult to get guests for whatever reason. Then at the end of this year, everyone's things came out somehow. And I had to turn people down, um, because December we have best ofs and the holiday and stuff like that.

So I remember Antonio Banderas wanted to be on the show and he said, sorry. We're all full. Yeah. Hey, call me next time. You're puss in boots. Puss in boots. Puss in boots. your puss in boots. Puss in boots.

Puss in boots. And so, you know, I had my, you know, I returned to the well of, you know, friends of the show. Christian and Tatiana were fans of the show before they were on. And so I asked Christian and Tatiana, hey, do you want to be on the show together? They both agreed.

And Paul, you know these two really well. Really well. So, I mean, you know them intimately about as well as any human being can get to know another human being. Yeah, I think so, yeah. Yeah. We're extensions of each other at this point.

Sure. So I asked you to do this, and then we also got Vic on the show. And so perfect. We're going to have a good time, right? What happens, but maybe 45 minutes before the show, I get a text from Tad. Text. Saying something to the effect of like,

Hey, I have food poisoning or something like that. I forget exactly what it was. I'm not coming. Yeah, just like that. Now in Comedy Bang Bang, you know our policy, cover your own shift. Exactly, that's all, that's not allowed to ask. You can not show up, just cover your shift

with another celebrity. Yes. Tat did not do this. No. Just said, I'm not coming, the end. Yeah. And so it turned out to just be Christian. And we had a lot of fun on this episode,

but, and that turned into a running game. You'll hear it. And then Paul is going to be playing a character called Bing Lujo. That's right. He's a mall shop owner. Mall shop owner.

You'll hear us. There's not a lot of context to Bing Lujo. Do you want to say anything about him? He's a very old man. In this clip, I mean, there's not a lot of context. Okay. Does that change what I'm supposed to say? You're just supposed to tell us who Bing Lujo is.

So when you listen to the clip. That's what I was doing? All you said was he's a very old man. And then you immediately started talking. And then you took that giant pause. You mean a breath? You're podcasting? That's giant.

Yes, he's a very old man who runs a malt shop and he loves to sell people malts and shakes and he doesn't like to sell people egg creams because he finds them disgusting. And did we not speak to him in Boston this year on the tour? I can't remember what city, but yes, we did speak to him. Seems like it was Boston.

Yes. That's a character that came out of the College Town podcast. Oh, good. That's where I did it for the first time. So you brought him onto the College Town podcast and then brought him to Comedy Bang Bang. So you had planned on doing Bingalujo

and we will hear something we'll discuss afterwards. And then we have Vic playing a fire safety officer. And so let's hear these clips and then discuss it afterwards. This is your pick for episode number nine. Number nine. They both met on the set of Orphan Black. She became the green super heroine, the She-Hulk, and I still get hate messages directed at her

via the Instagram posts we've shared whenever she's on the show. She wrote me a message and said she wasn't coming right before the show and he is here. Please welcome. Yeah, I showed up, baby. Please welcome Christian Bruhn. Always here, nothing to do.

Happy to be here, Scott. Hello, buddy. Good to see you. Good to see you. I noticed you didn't say stars are back. You usually do. Would you have said that if Tatt was here? Probably.

Probably. Okay. And then my follow-up question is why aren't you saying that now that Tatt isn't here? Why am I saying that she isn't here? I said it right. No, no. Why aren't you saying that stars are back when it's just little old me here? Should I just say stars aren't back?

Is that what you'd prefer me to say? No, I think you did it the right way. I, you know, honestly, you're the next best thing. Story of my life. I'm sorry, what I meant to say was you're usually next to the best thing. I was in a band once and we had a song called Mr. Next in Line.

And it was one of our hits. How did that song go? I'm your Mr. Next in Line. It's like a funk song. I like it. Just standing here waiting all the time. Girl, you gotta give me some condo sundown cause I'm your Mr. Next in Line. It was a while ago.

You gotta give me some condo sundown? Girl, you got condo sundown. That's a dirty sax line. What is that voice you're doing by the way? Ow, girl. That was my funk, funk voice. Yeah. Yeah. What does that, it's like all vowel choices,

but what is it, what is it all about when you're singing funky, you gotta go, ow, girl. Is that what I sound like? Yeah, a little bit. It's just, you're getting into it. Gotta get that condo sundown. It's girl, you gotta give me some kind of sign now cause I'm your Mr. Next in line.

What band was this? Franklin's Fault. That was the name of our band in college. And then what instrument or what role did you take in the band? Vox. You were on Vox. I don't know if you didn't just hear the gold

that came out of my throat. I assumed that you must have been involved in the maracas or? I was backup trumpet. Backup trumpet. Yeah, I was second trumpet. We had a better top of the player. You're like the understudy? Hey, look, I'm busy singing half the time, okay?

Half the time I'm singing. I want to introduce you, sir. You've been on the show once before. We met in Boston, is that correct? We did. Nice to introduce you, sir. You've been on the show once before. We met in Boston, is that correct? We did. It's nice to see you again. Nice to see you again. He owns a mall shop.

Please welcome back to the show, Bing Lugo. Hello, Bing. Hi, it's Lujo. I'm so sorry. Like Kujo, but with an L. Oh, yes. I'm glad you remember it. You're a slobbering dog with rabies and wants to eat you.

It's not me. Did anyone, when the movie Kujing dog was rabies and what to eat you. It's not me. Did anyone did when the movie Cujo was out starring D Wallace, did you ever see a marquee where someone had taken off the top part of the sea and it said Bing Lujo? Oh no, I guess he would just say Lujo. Because the Bing search engine, I definitely didn't see that. Yeah, it wasn't invented at that point. What a life back then. Oh, I loved it. Everything's so different now.

It's so different now for a toy with buttons. Yeah, fun. Do you remember when they had the game, there was like a little plastic see-through tank with water in it, and then you press the button, you try to get the hoops on the crab or whatever, on his claws. I don't remember this.

I don't think we had enough money to buy one of these. That was the most innovative thing in toys. Yeah. It was so exciting. Used to see so many commercials for toys, and now you don't see them anymore. Yeah, I just see commercials for coffins. I see coffins? But you used to see, like, every show you... And presents for grandchildren.

Every... Prisons for grandchildren? Presence. Oh. I thought that was your new platform. You were... No, I would never throw my child... How many grandchildren do you have? I have 76 grandchildren. As many as...

the music man himself had of trombones. Well, he lied, though. Well, it came true. as many as the music man himself had of trombones. Well, he lied though. Well, it came true. Is it a lie if it eventually comes true? It came true, but it was a lie. He didn't make it come true. Somebody else made that come true.

Who else made it come true? The people that paid for the instruments. He didn't do anything. Yeah, but then he bought the instruments. He didn't do anything. He bought the instruments. He took the money. And then bought the instruments. No, he didn't do anything. Yeah, but then he bought the instruments. He didn't do anything. He bought the instruments. He took the money. And then bought the instruments.

No, he didn't. Yeah, eventually he did. Did he wear that at the play? At the end of the thing, you see everyone with all their trombones? You see everyone with all their trombones. Wait a minute. He sounds like a con man. How do you not know what the sound of music is when you know the music man so well?

The music, because the music, I hear the music man, and I say, I want to know who's this man. Bing the music, because the music, I hear the music man, and I say, I wanna know who's this man. Bing the music man. But so you, so at the end- Where's the scene where he buys the instruments for the people? They cut over it. Where's the scene where he goes to the bathroom?

You don't see everything that happens to a man in a movie. I think they cut out the bathroom part because it's not Geraint's story. But this, your mind automatically goes to, oh my gosh, this experience changed him so much that he went and got the story. But this, your mind automatically goes to, oh my gosh, this experience changed him so much that he went and got the money. They want your mind to go there. How come when they arrest him, he never says,

hey, hey, I bought the instruments. He never says shit. No, because then he does buy the instruments. After he gets arrested? Yeah. So that's the experience that changes him? He does not get arrested. They're about to arrest him.

This is spoilish for the music man, by the way. They put him in handcuffs because he's directing the band with handcuffs on. Not everyone who's put in handcuffs is arrested, dear. Boy, that's a good point. Some people are just kinky. And we don't kink, Sheldon. So he's directing the band.

Yeah. He's not been arrested yet. They're about to. He's directing the band. Yeah. He's not been arrested yet. They put him in, they're about to. He's directing the band and he's, and he's saying think, think, think, because he's been using the think system. That's right. And someone starts playing, one of the little kids starts playing horribly. Yeah.

And the, the, the. Cause he's a kind of man who didn't teach him anything. And the parents, because it's their little child that they love so much, start crying and saying, it's beautiful. And that's my boy. And all the parents are like, what are you talking about this guy's a con man? He taught all these kids how to play these instruments,

which by the way, the instruments were there at the time. You have to admit that. They were there, that's right. So then it does a slow fade, the slower the time, you have to admit that. They were there, that's right. So then it does a slow fade, the slower, the better, as far as I'm concerned with these fades. If you're directing a movie, turn that shit up to 60 seconds. And then it fades into a big parade where all the kids have the instruments and he's not arrested. He hasn't served time or anything.

That's right. You're agreeing with me. No, I'm not. Where do we differ? I'm letting you play this out. And so the mind is then led to believe like, oh, he wasn't arrested. If he's in handcuffs and the children show up

with the instruments, how did that happen? How did what happen? Why did they put him in handcuffs? Because they were about to arrest him for being a con man, but then. Why wouldn't he say, hey, before you put those handcuffs on me, I bought all the instruments with the money you gave me.

Because he only had a few of the instruments at that point. The plan was to abscond with the rest of the money. Wouldn't you say, I do have a few of the instruments, the rest are on their way. That's what he did say, but then his, these people from another town. The guy from the train.

Yes, from another town that recognized him as a con man, shows up to alert the authorities. The authorities say, hey, you're a con man. And he says, no, I'm not. And they say, if you're not, then have these kids that you supposedly have been teaching how to play these instruments. Who now have their They're instruments who now some of them have instruments Some of them let them play and his plans so the guy from the trade explains to them

Here's what he does. He buys a head full of instruments And then his plan is to abscond with the 90% of the money and that's what this guy says That's what this guy says? That's what this guy says. Look at him right now, big it. Bing it. Bing it. Look at who right now? What am I supposed to Bing? Don't Takembe, RIP, me.

No, what? Sir. What? You didn't know Takembe? No, Tommy, that's not true. Takembe, it's past, no. It's unfortunately very true. He passed away a couple of weeks ago, so sorry. They can't pay its past laws. It's unfortunately very true. He passed away a couple of weeks ago. So sorry.

Why can't he do it? No, no, no. To the Grim Reaper. To the Grim Reaper? In any case, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm right about this. It comes true. They never arrest him. It ends up coming true. And you can't think of a way to search for this specific scene in this movie. Look, I didn't have any luck calling Tatiana,

but okay, yeah, let's see. Final scene, music. All machines are the same. Okay, here we go. This is the 76 trombones. Here we go. I have to, You're gonna be an ad before this.

That's gonna be the parade. Here we go. He's in handcuffs. Back it up, baby. That's too soon. That's as early as it goes. I don't have the whole movie, but see, they all have the instruments. Pause that. Yes, sir. This proves nothing. And what you're doing is you're avoiding shooting the part that we're talking about. What are we talking about? We're talking about the men. Shut that shit up. I'm not avoiding shit.

This is the clip that came up. Do you want me to rent the movie? Yeah, I do. And then fast forward to it. I do. Should I go home? I'm sorry, this is our next guest. We're in the middle of an argument, ma'am. We gotta take a break. No, I'm saying if you wanna get into it, I'm fine, this is our next guest. We're in the middle of an argument, ma'am.

We gotta take a break. No, I'm saying if you wanna get into it, I'm fine to go home. No, no, no, I just want you to say I'm right. It sounds like maybe renting the movie sounds like it would be worth it. Do you wanna watch it? Sit together tonight?

I love that movie, I'll watch it anytime. Then why do you not know the plot of it? If you love it so much. I'm saying that I do know the plot of it, and I'm saying you're wrong. What am I wrong about? You've never said that. You've said, oh, they don't have the instruments.

I just proved they have the instruments. You said, I never said they don't have the instruments. Oh, you never said that. I say, why do they have the instruments? That's what I said. And did you answer that, or was it purely just a hypothetical you were throwing at me? If I was asking the question,

why would I have the answer for it? Because some people ask questions they know the answers to, honey. That's called lawyers. We're not in court, baby doll. And I'm telling you right now, you know you're wrong. I know why they have the instruments. It's because- He buys a few.

He buys a few, right? as they were about to doubt him. The Wells Fargo wagon comes. The guy from the train shows up and says, here's what he does. He buys a few instruments and then he runs away with the rest of the money. That's the fucking scene that you want to Google because you're a coward. I said that they do that. I am agreeing with you that they do that. No, I'm saying they don they do that. I'm agreeing with you that they do that. No, I'm saying they don't do that.

He says it off camera, much like Hansel and Johnstable was shot, but we are led to believe. Because we, the audience, already know this information. He was shot on camera, he died off camera. Correct. The audience already know the information, so we don't want to hear it again.

Which information? The information that his plan is to abscond with the rest of the money. When is it established that he buys a handful of instruments? Where do you think the instruments come from? If they don't, if he didn't buy them? They come from nowhere is my point. What? They just show, they come from what their divine

intervention? My point is it's shoddy. My point is not that there's magic in the world where an angel delivers insurance. You're saying it's a plot hole. That's all I've ever been saying. It's not a plot hole. It's just you don't need to be spoon-fed this information because I understand. I think if you're watching a movie about a con man who makes kids play pretend instruments and takes their money for weeks and weeks and then all of a sudden some instruments show up with the guy has made it plain his whole thing is he's never gonna buy these instruments. No. Right as they start to doubt him and go hey I think this guy might be a con man,

he's thought so far ahead, the Wells Fargo wagon comes and delivers some, and they're like, oh, see, he's not a con man. It buys him a little time for him to get more of the money out of them. That's horseshit. You know it. I know it.

You know it. I don't know it. You good luck sleeping tonight. With this on your conscience. You know what? I rescind my formal apology. I didn't even get to talk about how we're going to have a trick-or-treat party at this workshop. I can get out of here.

No, I'm sorry, Hannah. I want you to stay. They're a fire safety officer. Please welcome Hannah to the stage. I can get out of here. No, I'm sorry, Hannah. I want you to stay. They're a fire safety officer. Please welcome Hannah Byrne. Hello, Scott Ackerman. Guess how are we? Guess how are we? Guests. Oh, guests. Yes. I thought you wanted me to guess how I was.

Oh, I'll take it. It's so wonderful to meet you, Hannah. You're a fire safety officer. Yes. And right now I'm on a big tour doing public outreach on fire safety. Okay, now are you pro or confire? Pro or confire? Yeah. I think fire is its own beast.

I'm just here to protect people. Okay, so you think the invention of fire, which a lot of people say happened when God basically kicked Adam and Eve out of the kingdom of Eden. Sure. The garden of Eden basically he was like, he was like, okay, a lot of people think the apple is code for sex. Like, hey, don't have sex while you're here.

Do a lot of people think that? A lot of people, yeah, 99% of the people think that. I thought the apple was knowledge of good and evil. That's what they say, but when you're talking about good and evil, you're talking about the old in and out. Sex is knowledge? Urge, not burger. But then the Bible also talks about sex, so why would they in this one part be euphemistic?

See, I love this. Fire safety gets a discourse going, and that's what I appreciate most about it. Do you believe that Prometheus actually stole fire from the gods? Do I believe that Prometheus actually stole fire from the gods? Here's how I likeometheus actually stole fire from the gods? Yeah.

Here's how I like to, here's my relationship to fire. I don't like putting value judgments on fire or people who interact with fire. So it's neither good nor bad. My role is to give tips and rules about being safe if you choose to interact with fire. You dodged my question. What was your question?

Do you believe that Prometheus stole fire from the gods to give to humanity? Again, I'm not putting a value judgment on fire or Prometheus' motives. That's not what I'm asking you to do. Well, because I'm saying you say stole and stole seems to sort of inherently give some sort of a value on what he was doing. The fire belongs to the gods. Why do they want to keep it? I'm just saying can fire really belong to anybody is my question.

I think if it belongs to anybody, gods. Sure, which one? All of them. I'm just saying can fire really belong to anybody is my question. I think if it belongs to anybody, gods. Sure, which one? All of them, they all had the access to fire. But it's sort of like the song Happy Birthday. You got Patty and Mildred thinking they own it. No, it belongs to everyone. If I'm being totally honest,

the San Diego Fire Department hasn't given an official line on this, and so I'm not totally sure how to proceed. I think they need to put it on their website. Yeah, and so maybe you can at San Diego Fire Department, fire can be fun, and you can just go ahead and let them know that, and we can definitely put that on our top of the list.

Is the whole handle. Fire can be fun, is that fire can be fun? San Diego Fire Department. It's at San Diego Fire Department, fire can be fun, but spelled in a little bit of a different way than you think it would be. So, FY, like the Fire Fest? Yes.

Okay. Why are they promoting fun fire, if they're the San Diego Fire Department? Fire, like the Fire Fest? Yes. Okay. Why are they promoting Fun Fire, if they're the San Diego Fire Department? Fire, like the Fire Fest, F-Y-R-E, Fire can be fun. Like Billy, what's his name, Billy with the Fire Fest? We put a lot of money into the new Fire Festival that's gonna be happening. Really?

Yes, the San Diego Fire Department. This one's gonna be great. I think it's gonna be great, the new one. I think so. How's it feel to have three men all just hammering you with questions? I love it, see, great. I think so. How's it feel to have three men all just hammering you with questions? I love it. See, I spend most of my time in a fire department building

and so that's a lot more men. You all are so much smaller than all of the firefighters that I'm normally around. So this has been really great. In width, depth, or? And sort of, yeah, you know, like all around, I'd say an all around smaller circumference in mind and body.

I'm taller than I look, I'm just bent over. Can you stand up? Ugh. Wow. Do you think we could sell calendars? It was like you stretched up rather than stood up. That was incredible. That was the elongated man, Ralph Dibney himself.

Do you think we could sell calendars of the three of us with our shirts on? I think you could. I don't think people will buy them. Hey, I'll take it though. Okay, so hey, that's something. And there's something for everybody. Again, my job is not to put value judgments on anything.

I'm just presenting information. That's your job description. Check for fire hazards. Okay, that's really important. Oh, like what? So we're just looking around. So like, you know, I think like a lot of Americans, I'm in the process of moving. I had a, okay, well, ah, ah, ah.

Oh, you just made that noise again. Be careful. It sounds like you're chugging on your teeth. So here's the thing. I'm like a lot of Americans, I'm going through sort of a life change. So like I'm moving, we got boxes everywhere. I'm sort of like splitting apart my life from my,

you know, whatever. And so, you know, like her stuff is in some boxes and she hasn't come pick them up yet. So there's a, this is a breakup. Huh? This is a breakup of a relationship. I don't wanna talk about my personal life. Oh, sorry.

So it's just sort of like- But you're going through some changes where you're moving- Like most Americans, there's boxes everywhere and sort of like we're rolling up posters of like events that we'd put on together. And so it's like, you know, the- The events put on together.

What kind of events? Well, you know, when she's a firefighter and it's fine. And we just like, we don't want to talk about it. She moved over to the smoke department and our lives sort of changed after the worst. What kind of events would you put on? Well, like fire safety events like this, you know? And I do not want to talk about it. She moved over to the smoke department and our lives sort of changed for the worst. What kind of events would you put on? Well, like fire safety events like this, you know, I do not want to talk about it.

Is it an event? That's sort of like, I'm putting up a boundary. So you used to be like a team? Yeah. So it's like, you know, like, um, uh, uh, smoke and fire. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was us. She was smoke, I was fire.

Um, she was a firefighter turned firefighter turned smoke advocate awareness officer. Can I ask you, your last name is Byrne. Why weren't you like, and it's B-Y-R-N-E, why weren't you like Byrne and like Byrne Cream? Okay, I'm hearing the note and I'm gonna take the note. Thank you, Scott. I appreciate that. Burning cream? I feel like you're asking your own question.

Where is cream supposed to come from? Where would cream have come from? Byrne and butter. Her last name was Carpaccio. Oh. Like the little- The fresh meat. Fresh meat that you would tablescape with?

It's spelled so different, Scott. Oh, like, let me guess, C-A-R-P-A-C-C-I-O? That's exactly it. Okay. Interesting. You're in a bad place right now. You're in a bad place. I would say I'm doing my job

and I'm doing the best I can. What I love about what you do is you have a big smile on your face and you are being very professional. Thank you. But that said, you can drop the act if you need to. I mean, we're all human beings here. I mean, this is the least professional environment.

We've all had breakups. We've all had breakups. I mean, some of the least professional environment. We've all had breakups. We've all had breakups. I mean, some of us more than the others. You must have had so many. You've lived such a long life. I've had three breakups. Is that true? That's it.

That's actually a lot. I've been with my wife for 75 years. Wow, and you just broke up, you were telling me? No, she died a few days ago. Oh, that's right. Oh, Jesus. I'm so sorry, fire-related? No, but she was cremated. Okay, well, hey, again, fire, we don't'm so sorry, fire related? No, but you want to scream at it.

Okay, well, hey, again, fire, we don't put value judgments on fire. We don't put value judgments on fire. I'm sorry to hear that. And also what a beautiful ending. Fire is good because you can make a hamburger or you can burn up your wife. Number nine.

All right, so obviously sometimes in podcasting, there's a little bit of a bit of a remove when someone's playing a character. A bleed, let's say. Yes, and you were playing Bing Lu Zhou. Yes. Who had opinions about the movie and musical. The music.

The music man. And we heard this argument between us. Correct. And sometimes in podcasting, that remove between character and performer can get very thin. Yes. And to where it's almost dropped.

Mm-hmm, it's true. And where we were having a genuine discussion, disagreement perhaps. Yes. Regarding the movie, The Music Man. Yes. And it went on so long that Vic decided to interrupt. Yeah, and asked if they should leave. Yes.

And very funny. I want to put a pin in that discussion. As do I. And return to it another time. How does that sound? That sounds fair. And return to it another time. How does that sound? That sounds fair. Okay, but it is something that happened

and you just heard it. Undeniable. It's undeniable. We're not pretending it didn't happen. It did happen. You just heard it, but I want to- It's real. I want to discuss the ramifications of it perhaps later. Yeah, we do have to talk about the ramifications.

Yes, but that was very funny episode and- And a lot of fun to do. A lot of fun to do. And obviously, Tad never recovered and died. It's really sad. Oh, wait, no, I do think that perhaps we'll discuss what happened to her later. Oh, okay.

That was very funny. Vic is Hannah Byrne and let's go to her later. Oh, okay. That was very funny. Vic is Hannah Byrne. And let's go to a break. When we come back, we're gonna crack the top eight. Wow, that's wild. We just cracked the top nine. MySpace style, we're gonna crack the top eight. Yeah, that's right.

And there's gonna be a song that Otto plays and there's nothing you can do about it. All right. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang, best of 2024, part two after this. Comedy Bang Bang, best of 2024, part two. And this is just thrilling to me because what are the famous octets? You got an octopus's arms.

Yeah. You got the seven dwarves and a friend. Of course. You have the Supreme Court justices, but somebody's just died. So in that in-between thing where the Senate is deciding whether they're gonna approve someone or not. Yes, there's only the eight.

You have the men out. That's them. You have the one that seven did to nine. You have the monkeys, beetles, super team. They played softball together. Yeah, and they battled Hermans, Hermits. Yep. Who were a threat. There were a lot of Hermans. There were so many Hermans, and they battled Hermans Hermits. Yep. Who were a threat.

There were a lot of Hermans. There were so many Hermits and they were a threat to the musical universe. They had to cut half the Hermits just to battle them. And in any case, we're now in another famous octet, which is the top eight episodes of Comedy Bang Bang this year. Now, Scott, that's very exciting.

But before we get to number eight, I do have to tell you this behind the scenes trivia from Regarding Henry. We're cracking the top three regarding Henry factoids. The scene with a group of Japanese clients featured real Japanese businessmen from the Yasuda Life Insurance Company in New York. Interesting, I never would have guessed that.

So when you see them on screen, they're real Japanese businessmen. Interesting. I never would have guessed that. So when you see them on screen, they're real Japanese businessmen. Wow. And then suddenly they're in SAG-AFTRA? Yeah. And now they're leeching off our health insurance. This is why you should never cast like, oh, this is my friend or oh, this is a real guy.

They're gonna get health insurance. They're fucking it up for everybody else. Yes. Anyway. They're gonna get health insurance. They're fucking it up for everybody else. Yes. Anyway, this is, I mean, this is one of the best things that ever happened to me. We've hit number eight. This is... Scott, I'm so, as your friend,

I'm so glad to be here for this. I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much. All right, let's do it. I'm so glad to be here for this. I'm so proud of you and I'm so happy for you. Thank you so much. All right, let's do it. Let's hear it. This is your choice for number eight. Number eight.

All right, episode number eight. This is, let me give you an episode number. Okay. This is episode eight, eight, one. I thought it was gonna be palindromic for a second. I know, but we already heard episode eight88, so it couldn't have been that. Couldn't have been. You can't, they can't be in there twice.

No. Can they? Maybe they should be. You want to hear episode 888 again? This is episode 881 from September 9 of this year, 2024. And this is an episode called, Two Long Legs Up. Two Long Legs Up, who's in this? We have our good buddy, Kumail Nanjiani.

That's right, hasn't been on in a while. Hasn't been on in a while. He, Kumail has been, I mean, he had a podcast before a lot of people had podcasts. He had that one where he played video games and he had the X-Files podcast. I forgot about the X-Files podcast. Yeah, so he's, you know, obviously his profile has risen

over the last few years. He became one of the Eternals where he did the spread fingers blasting. That's right. And he's in a lot of movies. He's on a current standup tour and very funny guy. And we also have Taron Killam, whom people would know. I believe he did four years on SNL, I think.

That's right. And then has been a sitcom star and a Broadway star and very funny guy. This is his first appearance on the countdown this year. And this is an episode where, you know, Kumail was on and we used to do these episodes with Kumail when Silicon Valley was out and, you know, with like less people.

And so I just thought it would be really funny to do. Normally we have like three or four people on the show. I thought it would be really three or four other than me. I thought it would be really funny to do another episode where it was just one character in Kumail the entire time. That was planned? Yes, it was planned. Not an accident.

It was not an accident. We didn't have someone drop out or anything. You did this on purpose. I did it on purpose. And it turned out really well. Let's just hear it and we'll talk about it afterwards. This is your choice for episode number eight. Number eight.

Let's welcome our first guest here to A-Block. He's an old friend of the show. He is an end comedian and a stand-up comedian who brilliantly segued into the acting game. You know, speak the speech I pray you as it comes trippingly off the tongue, the immortal bard, you know all the works of him, obviously.

So you're not speaking until I actually introduce you? Well, I don't know the rules. There are no rules, my friend. Rule number one, there are no rules. Romeo and Juliet. There you go. The star-crossed lovers, of course. Macbeth.

I believe that was Hamlet. Oh. Our other guest is here as well. I'll introduce you in a second. I'll stay out of the hay block, but when you said there were no rules, I thought I'd jump in with a little fact for you. That's a good point.

That's a good point. Our dollmaker guest is here and wants to talk, but. I think dollmakers got some slashes after it, too. He's not just a dollmaker. I guess, although I don't really quite know how to describe. Dollmakers burying the lead, I would say Satan worshiper. Satan worshiper, sure. I don't like to bring in what, you know, people's worship. Satan worshiper, sure, I don't like to bring in what people's worship, who they,

I mean, I guess we could. I worship, but I also work very close in hand with the dark one. Okay, right, right. He's proud of it. He is a part of the new season of Only Murders in the Building season four, which is out now.

A couple episodes have just dropped and he has a new tour called Doing This Again. Please welcome back to the show Kumail Nanjiani. Hi. Thank you for having me. So great to have you. Yeah. Welcome back.

Thank you, man. Welcome home. Can you imagine? If you consider this to be home. I love Scott's podcast studio. Can you imagine if you consider this to be home? I love Scott's podcast studio. I mean, my house is okay, but I really feel like myself only in Scott's. What's strange is it is my home.

Yeah, it is your home. I mean, it's lovely. It's really, really nice. Let's welcome our other guest since he's been talking. He's a doll maker, a slash satan worshiper. I'm into so many things. I'm so happy to be here with the almost birthday boy. I mean, you just missed it. Quite honestly, Long Legs, I don't know about you. Is it your birthday coming up? No, no, he's a birthday-based serial killer.

Well, only one particular birthday too. Yeah, it's like April-based serial killer. Well. Only one particular birthday, too, I believe. Yeah, it's like April 14th or something like that. Yeah, the day before tax day, which is like, I'm too busy, personally. Yeah, we got a lot going on. Prepping my taxes, doing e-files. Yeah, honestly, if you're going to kill me before I get my taxes done, thank you.

Yes, please. Oh, please. I'm doing you a favor. Yes, exactly. Thank you, Long Legs. Yeah, welcome to Long Legs. Hi, Longlegs. Oh, I'm so happy to be here, such a fan of the podcast. Are you really?

I listen all the time when I'm doing my carvings. I don't know if I like that. I hope I'm not inspiring to you. No, certainly. Every time I hear you chuckling away, I know that the corrupt souls that are listening are deserving of the beautiful punishment that's coming on the big day. I guess it's kind of a compliment.

It's not really. He's saying your podcast makes him want to kill people. I guess, but I mean, you know, Ozzy Osbourne was, they talked about how he committed, you know, was the cause of serial killers. I mean, so many of us are completely ineffectual in life. Having any kind of result is great. Thank you, I appreciate that. Bob Legg's welcome to the show. Thank you, so happy to be here.

Sorry, I couldn't wait till B block. That's all right, are you a fan of Kumail's here? I am such a huge fan of Kumail. I have been since brother nature. Oh yeah, Brother Nature. What deep cuts, wow. You don't know Brother Nature? I don't, what was Brother Nature?

Brother Nature was this movie. Maybe you mean Mother Nature? No, that was the joke. Oh what? The joke was Brother. That was the one joke. It was also called Brother-in-Laws. Right, working title.

Yes, that joke was instead of Brothers-in-Law, it's Brother-in-Laws. Okay, I guess that's kind of a joke was instead of brothers in law, it's brother in laws. Okay, I guess. Poor laws. That's kind of a joke. Brother in laws, yeah. Brother in laws, so they broke laws in the, is this a film or is this a TV show?

It's a film. It's a film. It's a family summer romp. Okay, all right. To be honest, Kumail, I missed this one, I'm sorry. You did? I did, yeah. You're the only one who missed it.

Let me bring this up. Huge hit. Massive. What's it called, Brother Nature? Brother Nature. I don't know why this is so hard for you. You know how mother is in relation? I actually think the first time I laid eyes on Kumail

was obviously Portlandia. And I had the good fortune of shaking his hand at the premiere and telling him I thought he was so wonderfully funny. You were at the premiere and telling him I thought he was so wonderfully funny. You were at the premiere of Long Legs? I was. I'm a friend of Fred Armisen's. Did not fit in.

Fred got some... This makes sense. Yeah, exactly. You never know if it's like a band person, you know, like is it a member of the damned or is it Long Legs over here? Yeah, he collects us, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. Yeah, totally. Collects us, he? Yeah, he does. Yeah, totally.

Collects us wandering souls. Yeah, bit right and nobody blinked. So are you the official long legs or were you in the movie? I'm the long legs. The movie's based on my life. I see, so Nick Cage is an actor who played you. He lived with me for a year and a half to study me,

and I think he did a pretty great job. You think he nailed you, got the essence of you? He kept saying, you're kind of just like Michael Jackson with the pink nose. And at first I took offense to that, but then I realized he's comparing me to the King of Pop. That's a good point. What about when he would break out into song

out of nowhere a few times? Is that something that... Yeah, yeah, that's something I do. A little carpool karaoke for sure. What about when he would break out into song out of nowhere a few times? Is that something that you long list? I do a little carpool karaoke. So many gifts. Oh, dear. We built this city. How was Nick Cage as a roommate?

You know, pretty tidy. Really? OK. And how are you? And I'm a huge comic book lover. So there's Superman paraphernalia all over the place. He's got his Superman bed sheets. But he doesn't respect personal space so much. He likes to really inhabit the room.

You know, a lot of people were saying that, you know when you were in the store in that movie Long Legs? Yeah. That you had sort of a JD Vance going to a donut shop thing about you. Okay, sure, that's good. There are a lot of similarities there.

And Kamau, what'd you think? How long have you been working here? Okay, good. Okay, good. I said, whatever makes sense. Yeah, whatever makes sense. Just put in some maple bars and a bear claw and a cream fill, whatever makes sense.

I've never had an issue ordering donuts at a donut shop. I know exactly how to do it. I know exactly what I want. I'll take those. I a donut shop. I know exactly how to do it. I know exactly what I want. I'll take those. I'll take those. Yeah, those look good. I'm going to see him at the fire fighters unionizing.

I haven't seen this. Yeah, they booed him. He gets booed immediately. And he goes, I hear there's all right, a fan, maybe some people who disagree. He calls them haters. Yeah. Some haters. You're more comfortable in your own skin than he is.

How is that, long legs? Where does the name long legs come from? Oh, it has to do with the cinematography framing. Does it really? Is that why you're cut off at the beginning of the film? Yes, yes. Because it's shot, it's low budget, they couldn't afford a higher tripod. They couldn't find sticks, oh no.

They couldn't have very low sticks. Oh. The best they could do was a double apple. Oh my God, by the way, spoilers for Long Legs, we should mention about this movie. I mean, have we spoiled anything, I guess, the Satan thing? I mean, the fact that he's a Satan worshiper.

Yeah. We've spoiled it in the way where it's like those highlights magazines, where all the clues are spread out. Yeah. Like looking at it. It doesn't really make sense. Yeah. ESPN highlights magazines. What do you think about that? Is that true? I don't know. I don't know if it's true or not. I'm just saying it. Find the top, find the difference in these top 10 catches.

Well, doing this again, you're out there, you're doing a bunch of cities, and then I would imagine that once you're done with that, you're never gonna film it, and you're never gonna put it out as a special. No, that's it. I want everyone to forget about it. I just wanna say the words and move the fuck on.

And I had heard that this tour, you're trying to never repeat any word that you say. Yeah, it's very tough because I don't, I mean, I know a lot of words, but not enough to like not repeat them for an hour. It's hard not to say the more than once. Yeah, and so I hold my the. Okay, until the very end then people applaud.

Minute 45 is the. I was gonna say by the time you get to Atlanta, it's gonna be like poetry for Neanderthals. No, I don't mean show to show. Oh. Just within one show. Within one show. It would be impossible to do.

Yeah, buddy, that's stupid. Come on, long legs. That's crazy. Yeah, I just use up words per show. Yeah, easy to do in one show. Yeah, you can do it in one show. Signs, signs, everywhere there's signs, walking on the street, they be bracing my mind.

I love signs. Yeah, he's like. Gah! He's into signs. He's into signs. He just loves all the things. What about the, what was that lyric in that about the crazy long hairs need not apply? Yeah. We all remember that one. Did you take that personally like Michael Jordan said?

Well, and I took that personally. I sent him a doll. Also, Kumail, I wanna talk to you about Only Murders as well, because much like Long Legs, the characters in Only Murders this year are making movies. Yeah, so Zach Alphanacus is playing himself in it. Is it a movie or a TV show? He's making a movie.

It's a movie. Yeah. And Zach, I'm sure, has been on this podcast. Zach, yeah, I've seen him many times, multiple times. Yeah, well, It's a movie. Yeah. And Zack, I'm sure has been on this podcast. Zack, yeah, but many times. Multiple times. Yeah, well, he's playing himself on it. That's right. Are you playing yourself or are you? I'm playing another character.

Another guy. Who's this guy? His name's Rudy. He's a... What's his last name? I believe Thurber. Rudy Thurber. Isn't it odd how last names just are the first thing you

forget about a character? I could not name most of my characters. I couldn't name my guy in brother nature. It's a bit odd how last names just are the first thing you forget about the character. I could not name most of my characters. I couldn't name my guy in brother nature. Can I test you? We've done this on the show before. Yeah, some of them, I bet I'll remember some. Okay.

That script was so thin, there may not have been a certain name to start with. Come on. We're gonna test you, but anyway, continue talking about only murders. So they all go to Hollywood this year. Yeah, well, Hollywood comes to them, so you have- Wait, the whole city moves?

All of it. Tax breaks. Don't you remember that time when it got really cold in the winter here? That's when we were going to New York. Everyone just moved, it's amazing. It's Eugene Levy, he's playing himself. Eva Longoria is playing herself. Zach is playing himself.

And then me and Richard Kind are like new neighbors who are. New to each other or new neighbors to, to whom are you new? New to the people we know. We're friends amongst ourselves. Okay. And we're new suspects. I'm gonna give you a layup here.

Maybe we did. Obi-Wan Kenobi, what's your last name? Haja Estri. Yeah, see that's easy because it's like a weird name. It's a weird name. All right, most of these don't even have it listed. I bet I don't even, yeah, remember first names. You don't even remember first names?

Okay, great, I'll try you on this. Who were you in the short Parking Spot? Oh, that's, I was the guy from Eternalist, so. Oh, you were Kingo. Oh, okay, okay. All right, wait, you were, they allow, oh, that's a Marvel. It was a thing. That's a Marvel short? Oh, I thought someoneingo. Oh, okay. Okay. Wait, you were, they allow, oh, that's a Marvel. It was a thing. That's a Marvel short.

Okay, I thought someone just made a short film and cast you and you decided to play the Eternal's guy. No, it was a spot. Who are you in The Lovebirds? Oh, Gibran. Gibran, do you have a last name? It's not listed. No, I don't think I had a last name.

You never had a last name. Gibran Nee? Gibran Nee? Okay, The Twilight Zone. Of course, the famous first episode. Samir Wassan. No, I don't think I had a last name. You never had a last name. Gibranne? Gibranne? Okay, the Twilight Zone. Of course, the famous first episode. Samir Wasson. Yes, that's right.

Yeah, wow. How do you know this? I do, I do know that one. That's impressive. Wow. Interesting. Okay, Harmonquest. Oh, I have no idea. Eddie Lizard.

Eddie Lizard. Of course. That's right. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, most of these do not have last names, but of course. Try and get them stricken from the script. Yes, of course there's Skip Marooch. Skip Marooch. He's coming back.

Is he coming back? Bob's Burgers, I just did a new episode with Skip Marooch, one of my favorite shows, one of my favorite characters to play. I love that show. That's a great show, of course, Tall John, one of the writers and producers. One of the great guys in our town.

Yes. Just a lovely, lovely man. He's now talking about long legs. All right, long legs. All right, long legs. We'll get to your projects in a second. All right, long legs, what do you have coming up? I'm doing Bob's Burgers.

What? Who are you playing? It's a cutaway, I play it to Who are you playing? It's a cutaway. I play it to play myself. Okay, it's a cutaway. Sure. Sounds more family guy-ish, but okay. Yeah, I watch Bob's Burgers.

Yeah, of course. Yeah, you know all the characters, Bob. I should know. The whole family. The whole family. The sister that's voiced by a male. Yes. Kristen Schaal.

Yes. Of course. All of them. Schaal's. You've worn Schaal's in your life, haven't you? I love a Schaal. Yes. Of course. All of them. Schaal's, you've worn Schaal's in your life, haven't you? I love a Schaal. You feel like a- Around fall weather. You've got a Schaal vibe.

I'll show him Schaal. You have like an- That would be my catchphrase if I have one. You have an autumnal kind of thing to you. I'm the pumpkin spice of spooky Satan worshiping doll making weirdos. But then you strike during April? It doesn't make sense to me. I think it was March, right? Was it March? Oh, okay. Well then you strike during April? It doesn't make sense to me.

I think it was March, right? Was it March? Well, you should know. Well, you know, they take creative liberties. OK. So it's the... I'm the real Long Legs. OK, so what is your day?

So it's either Ides of March or Tax Day. It's Ides of March. I'm a Shakespeare head. That's why I couldn't stay quiet in the A-Block. March 14th. Got it. Where are the Ides of March, which is from? Of course, Gimliere.

Oh, I do know. No, no, Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar. Of course. That's the only one I've read. Okay. That's the only one you've read. It's a good one.

Were you reading it out loud? Yeah. Yeah, just to hear how it sounds. Yeah, I just wanted to get the rhythms of it, you know? Yeah, of course. That's the only way to read Shakespeare. I memorized it. I didn't memorize it. Let's hear how it sounds. Yeah, I just wanted to get the rhythms of it, you know? Yeah, of course. It's the only way to read Shakespeare. I memorized it. I didn't memorize it.

Let's hear it. No. I bet long legs know some. Friends. Oh, the big speech. Romans. Birthday girls. Okay, okay.

This is why you don't get cast more stuff. Birthday dolls, oh God, I wish. What are you doing the rest of the year when you're waiting for March 14th to roll around? Whittling, gluing, screwing, drilling, brewing, chewing. Screwing and brewing. Screwing and brewing, bro. I wanna make a t-shirt now.

That's long legs summertime. Long legs. Long legs in an inner tube. Putting up his river float. With his fingers Richard Nixon style. Just a screwing and brewing. Yeah, impenetrable shirt. Everyone's like, what the fuck is this shirt? Okay, I gotta write this down actually.

Screwing and brewing, long legs. Long legs screwing and brewing. Richard Nixon hands. Yep, all right. I'm actually gonna make this. Please don't alert the long legs people. I mean, it must've been very disappointing for you. You go to this film,

suddenly your first scene on screen, they're cutting your head off. It's so frustrating, you know, not even me, but my likeness obviously. Yeah, exactly. And they had me in this old beat up station wagon, that was insulting. Yeah. I drive a cyber truck. Did you drive a cyber truck? I drive a cyber truck. We

gotta get to this Long Legs because first of all it's maybe the only- I'm not avoiding it. It's it might be the only- I went out of my way to bring it up. Maybe the only car your long legs would fit into. That's exactly right. Maybe the only car your long legs would fit into. That's exactly right. Long legs, we gotta talk about this Cybertruck. Oh, I was gonna suggest it driving out to Phoenix. That's a beautiful drive in a Cybertruck. You ain't know what's gonna make it.

Yeah, there's no, I mean, you put it on autopilot, right? Right, you have to start, we get about 200 miles per charge. Drives you into the ocean instead, doesn't it? I mean... It just sometimes, yeah, sometimes just drives in circles. Sometimes it only will drive in reverse. It'll drive to your ex-girlfriend's house. That truck sucks. I'll tell you what the truck will do. It'll drive you crazy.

Okay, long legs. All right, long legs. Sometimes be crazy. Find your animals fan as well. Like no one else! Actually, the first time I heard that was on Muppets Unplugged. Oh, so you heard the good version. And it's Kermit and Piggy and he goes, She drives me crazy!

And then Piggy goes, These are good impressions, long legs. Yeah, long legs are good at impressions. I have a lot of time on my hands carving dolls and playing topspin. And then Piggy goes, Hrrr, hrrr. These are good impressions, long legs. Yeah, long legs are good at impressions. I have a lot of time on my hands carving dolls and playing top spin. You do Malaney? Huh, that's funny.

Hey, you, what are you doing now? You've gotta be what, 13? Very specific cut from Malaney's latest special. You say you have a lot of time on your hands, but it takes you so long to make a doll. Why don't you just like spend more of your time making these dolls? Huh.

Making a doll should only take a week. Right, right. First of all, you should have the parts already to like the arms and legs. My thinkies get all cut up and splintered if I try to carve and whittle for too long. And then how am I gonna play my top spin? What isspin? Is that even a sport? What is it? Topspin is the type of way you hit the ball. You want to hit a ball with topspin.

I don't care. When it bounces it goes faster. Someone's not watching the US Open. Anti-American! The US Open, that's the one anyone can play in? No. It's open. That means it's hard to get into. Wait, it's harder to get into when it's open? I guess. Yes. Yeah, US closed, anybody could, any of us could walk in. Because it's closed.

It's closed, everyone's welcome. Open? Oh, that's hard. Yes. Number eight. There we go. Episode eight. That's episode eight.

If that's episode eight, then and you're telling me that there are better episodes? This is crazy. You're fucking. You're fucking with me. I hate liars. Stop fucking with me. I hate liars.

Yeah. And that's what people are doing. But no, they're not, Paul. Wait, what? The rest of the episodes are even better. No, but if you're, I'm saying if. Oh yeah, if you're lying, yeah. If you're lying, I hate not, Paul. Wait, what? The rest of the episodes are even better. No, but if you're, I'm saying if. Oh yeah, if you're lying, yeah. If you're lying, I hate you.

Yeah, if you've ever lied, we hate you. I've never told a lie in my life, never. That was really fun. Taron came in, Taron, every once in a while, someone will do this where they'll go. They'll say like, oh, I'll say, who are you playing? And they'll say, oh, I have two thoughts. And then they'll say like, oh, I'll say, who are you playing? And they'll say, oh, I have two thoughts. And then they'll say their two thoughts.

Long legs was one. I can't remember what the other one was. Short legs? And I truly, it does not matter to me. And I just say like, I don't care. And then they just pick whatever I say, whichever one you have more of a connection to or really want to do or whatever.

Yeah, that's nicer than saying I don't care. Oh, I actually think that the other one was someone who had a cyber truck. And so he wove that into long legs. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Yeah, it was very funny. He ended up doing Long Legs on the tour with us in the New Jersey stop. And then he did his own special where Long Legs did his own show where he interviewed other famous movie murderers.

Now Long Legs is of course a movie starring Nicolas Cage as the titular Long Legs. Yes. And I felt a little bit bad about it, the episode coming out so soon after the movie coming out and maybe people hadn't seen it, but I don't think we really spoiled that much that you couldn't just figure out for yourself

about Long Legs, he's a weirdo who murders people. He's a weirdo who murders people. That's every horror movie. Right? Right? You got your Freddy. Michael Myers, the weirdos. Who murder people?

This is a genre. The devil, who's weirder than the devil? He's a weird guy. He's in a lot of these movies. Guy didn't want to be an angel. He could have been in the heavenly band. God, it's so good. Oh, he's like, no, I'd rather be down here.

Yeah. Do you have any forks down here? It sucks. Yeah. Maybe, you know what though? Maybe he just likes fire better than clouds. And it's really, it's really chilly up in heaven. He like invented this whole beef with God just so he could have a big fire palace.

I mean, you're, you're rolling around up in the upper atmosphere where it's very cold, all you have is a robe. Yeah. You want some fire. A lake of it. A giant lake where people burn endlessly. And you want the worst people from earth to be around you. Um, but that was a very fun episode and great to have Kumail back on.

And, um, Terran is, is very funny, obviously. Um, all right, let's take a break. And we have one more clip to play on this episode. Yeah, we've done it. We've also, we've already done our Don Cheadle clip and we've already done our Regarding Henry. So there's one piece of business left to do, which is? Well, two pieces.

Oh, that's right. Of course, we're going to play The Snowman Game. The Snowman Game after this clip. All right, let's take the break. When we come back, we'll have your choice for number seven right after this Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2024, part two. Yeah.

Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2024, part two and Paul. Yeah, man. We're cracking the top seven. I know. It feels good. We're just gonna crack it. Seven is lucky. Yes.

And Jackpot. Jackpot. I remember twin digs. No, what? Wasn't Dougie, didn't he say Jackpot all the time? They called him Mr. Jackpot. Remember Dougie? Shit, I don't remember.

Teach me how to Dougie. I do remember teaching you how to Dougie. I couldn't pick it up for the longest time. I don't remember him saying Jackpot. Yeah, he was in the casino and you go, Jackpot. I was so frustrated by Twin Peaks The Return. I do the, when I rewatch, I fast forward Dougie parts. Cause they ultimately end up not leading, I do the, when I rewatch, I fast forward Dougie parts.

Cause they ultimately end up not leading, they're enjoyable maybe, but they're so inessential. I goofed on it at the time on social media and a lot of people got mad at me, but I don't fault anyone for liking it. Oh no, enjoy yourself. I liked the balance of weird and narrative that the series had. Yes.

And then when it was all weird, I was like, I don't get what's happening. I just wanna know what's happening. Well, we also, we love Agent Cooper, don't we folks? We do love Agent Cooper. And to have him not be part of that for so long. For so long. He's in the, well, you got Evil Agent Cooper,

who's great in the first couple episodes. And then you have Dougie for Really a long time. Eight, 10, I don't know. And then you have Agent Cooper for the last two. Yeah. A little disappointing, but hey, there's still a lot of good stuff, I think,

in the return and I would love to see them return again. I would love to see generations upon generations of Twin Peaks and just like keep coming back to it. Generations upon generations. Yes. Like theaks and just like keep coming back to it. Generations upon generations. Yes. Like the Bible? Yes. You want them to-

I want them to begat each other. You want them to start begatting. Yes. Let's watch someone begat. Well, that's, you know what that means, right? That's just boring. That's just boring. That's just boring. I'm prissy.

All right, let's get to it. This is your choice for episode number seven. Number seven. All right, episode seven. I'm gonna give you an episode number that's probably not gonna tip you off to anything. Okay, man, try your best. Episode 859.

Oh, I know exactly what this is. You do? Let me give you a date and that'll tell you immediately what it is. I'll confirm your suspicions. Okay. April 8th. suspicions. Okay. April 8th. Uh-huh.

Sounds to me like it's an episode with, you know, somebody you're doing an interview in the first block and then some characters show up. Am I wrong? Right on the money. Thank you. But April 8th, you know, obviously, what holiday this falls.

Well, it's so close to wet day. It is the wet day episode. It's the wet day episode. Wet day special 2024. Wet day of course is April 12th. Yes, and this was, or 10th, I think it's 10th. Or 11th. Who cares?

Who cares? This is our wet day special 2024. Now wet day is a holiday invented by Paul and I. That's right. On these very best ofs. On these best ofs three years ago, I believe. And we've celebrated it in Comedy Bang Bang Proper ever since then. And this is, I think, our third wet day special.

And who's in it? But Paul F. Tompkins himself. There we go. As himself for a bit. Very rare. We're gonna first, these clips we're gonna hear, we're gonna first hear Paul and I talking about wet day itself. Part of the fun of these wet day specials is now

listing what we've said on previous- The lore, yes. Yes, the lore. The lore, yes. Yes, the lore. The traditions and customs of Wet Day. Yes, that has become a tradition into itself or unto itself where we list. Unto itself.

Under itself, where we list the previous traditions. So you'll hear us talking about Wet Day. And then I believe the Wet Day episodes before we had Drew Tarver on and you guys would play Mike and Spike or Ike? Ike and Spike. Ike and Spike. Mink salmon. Mink salmon.

Now, Drew, uh, was very, very busy this year filming a lot of stuff. And I reached out to him constantly. He had no time to do episodes. Um, he did do an episode at the end of the previous year, but so he was unavailable. So, but Ryan Gall also does him. Ryan is in this episode, but we have a new addition to Wet Day.

We have Aaron Whitehead. Welcome Aaron to the Wet Day family. That's right. And we were trying to think of what we could do with Wet Day and what characters ever, previous Comedy Bang Bang characters were ever wet. And we reached out to one who couldn't be there, but we'll talk about that a little later.

And then we realized that Aaron had a character, which is very wet, as did you. And so we're going to hear these clips. Let's just hear it and we'll talk about it afterwards. This is your choice for episode number seven. Number seven. It is... Wet day!

Once again! Third annual wet day. Can you believe it? Can you believe it's here? I can't believe it. It came so suddenly this year for me. My favorite't believe it. It came, it came so suddenly this year. My favorite time of year. I was so dry for, for so long and then just suddenly today I woke up, I was wet. I start in October, I start sort of like, I don't know, like. Moistening things.

De-moistening things so that they can be, I can like moisten everything for wet day. Oh god, you want to be as dry as possible. And then what day Eve, of course, of course begins midnight. That's right. Wet day Eve, uh, midnight of wet day Eve. It begins the, or, uh, uh, midnight, midnight on what day Eve. Right. That's when I will turn on the shower full blast, full blast. I'll put all of this stuff I own in there.

And then I climbed on top of it. Everything, absolutely everything. Just a gigantic mountain of things. Yeah, because then I can buy all new electronics. That's what's great, we love to shop. America has a shopping addiction. Well, we hope you're celebrating wet day out there with us. We know you are as a matter of fact.

And I want to introduce my guest. He is here for the third annual wet day celebration. He is the co-creator of wet day. Well, as a holiday, I mean, I don't know if he's the sole creator of it as anything else, but as a holiday, he's the co-creator of wet day. I think that's safe to say. Yeah. And please welcome back to the show, Paul F. Tompkins. Scott, it's great to see you again. So good to see you, Paul. Thank you for having me on the show. I'm the wettest I've ever been right now.

Same. I mean, I thought I couldn't top last year's wet day. I'm sopping wet. I am soaked to the bone. Yeah. I believe I have pneumonia. Yeah, I'm sick. Yeah, we're gonna die from this.

I'm shivering. We're elderly men and we should not be doing this. No, I'm shivering, I'm starting to feel very warm. I just feel cozy and I just want to like rest. For any of you who don't know what we're talking about. And I can't imagine you don't. If you don't celebrate wet day in your own houses for some reason or another. If you're an ET who just got here to planet earth and you need to know about our customs. And you're pretending to be a human trying to acclimate yourself, trying to fit in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you can't because of your weird head and long neck and a little stubby body. Well guess what? This'll help knowing what wet day is. Yeah. Because eating Reese's Pieces isn't going to be enough. What happened was approximately three years and three months or so ago. And months ago. Oh, I said the years, why am I?

Paul and I were on the CBB Best Of episodes. I forget which year, but you can do the math yourself. And we talked about how, how did wet day come to be? Well, wet day came to be because we realized that after April Fool's Day, most people have dried off from the pranks. Yeah. And they need to get wet again. The bucket, the door jam.

The bucket. Yeah. And they need to get wet again. They need to get wet again. And so wet day was born on April 10th. They have enough time to get dry that nine days, nine day period. That's more than enough time. Sure, I hope so.

For the types of April Fool's pranks that involve water or any kind of liquid. Sure. No, I mean, hey, I want to look, sure, we celebrate water on this show. Hey, sure. Of course we do. Water is one of the best things to get wet with. Yes. It's 99.5% of the planet. Hey, sure. Of course we do. Water is one of the best things to get wet with. Yes.

It's 99.5% of the planet. That's right. Our bodies are 99.5% water. That's right. If you touch anyone a little bit hard, they will just go sploosh and dissolve into a puddle of liquid. At the very least, your fingertip will come away damp. That's right.

Depending on where you touch them as well. Hello. Hello. We love water, but we don't want to discount the other liquids out there. No, beer. Liquid soap. Liquid paper. Sure, we'll take a liquid paper.

If you want to douse me in liquid paper today, I love it, it's wet day. Do you think Elmer's glue is not a liquid? You're wrong. That's right. Just pour crazy glue all over your friends. Yes! Gorilla glue! Shout out to Harambe. Oh yes. Harambe. R.I.P. One thing I did want to mention is we had established wet day Eve is celebrated two months before. Yeah, of course. And what I've said can port with that. Oh okay. Oh okay. They fit together. Okay, wonderful. So January 10th is

wet day. Chow, chow, chow, chow, chow. And I have been wet as a judge. Of course, the decorations- I've been wet as a doornail since then. The decorations, we string together popcorn and ice cubes. We have a wet day tree. We get the wettest tree we can find. It doesn't matter. By We, we get the, the wettest tree we can find. By the way, it's just the wettest tree you can find. We're not saying that you have to be out there with sopping wet trees, just the wettest one you can find. Yeah.

Yeah. But it has to be wet. It has to be, well, it has to be somewhat wet, but it's like, if you live in a dry area where trees are only, you know. A dry area. Uh, yeah, exactly. Just nominally wet, then get the wettest one you can find.

Yeah. Um, you put it inside your house and then open the window and bend it so that it leans inside. Yeah, exactly. Just nominally wet, then get the wettest one you can find. You put it inside your house and then open the window and bend it so that it leans inside. That's right. You put it inside your house and then bend it so it leans inside? I don't know. I think you put it outside your house and you bend it. Outside the house. That's right. Bend it so it leans inside. Yes. Because who wants a tree in their house? Not me. Especially a wet one. Not me. Exactly. Even though we love wet day and everything it stands for, we throw in a wet tree in the house. Especially a wet one. Not me. Not me. Exactly. Even though we love wet day and everything it stands for, we still don't want a wet

tree in the house. Jim Belushi, grand marshal of the wet day parade. There are three wet ghosts. Three years running. Three wet ghosts and wet bed sheets who visit us on wet day. That's right, it's disgusting. One is Ted Danson and the lady in Creepshow. And then Leslie Nielsen, also from Creepshow.

That's correct. And then Leslie Nielsen, also from Creepshow. That's correct. Of course, what do we do on wet day? The lady from Creepshow, her name lost to the midst of time. Probably Christine Forrest. But we don't know. You think so? We don't know.

Forrest get wet. Forrest get very, very wet. Yeah, they're standing out there. The rainforest? Ever heard of it? They are the cover for other things. That's right. Yeah, they're the things that let other things be dry. Yeah. What do we do on a wet day? We take a longer shower than usual, 30 minutes exactly to the second, that we're saying. That's right. You have to use an atomic clock.

That's right. You have a big wet meal, mainly soup, but you can squirt some mustard in your mouth. You can squirt some mustard in your mouth. You know what I mean? A sleep in a tub, a full tub, of course, full of water or whatever liquid you choose. Oh, that's right. Visit wet places, toss water balloons into local businesses. That's right. They love it.

They love it. Take the ink out of a pen, fill it with water, and then put that ink into squirting flowers. Just sort of swap them. Just switch them. Yeah, just switch them. We sing wet day carols. We have wet ass pussy, of course, is a very big one. It's like the jingle bells of wet day.

It truly is. And little kids know it, they love to sing it. They love it. Of course, we also have going to make you sweat by CNC Music Factory. That's right. Of course, Keith Sweat, anything by him. Anything by him. Bringing in the sheaves. Even though it's about wheat, you can pronounce wheat as wet. Wet day gifts. A wet car with a wet bow. Water bottled. Yeah.

Of course. Yeah. This is a holiday, an American holiday that- Love it or leave it. I think we've also established it is worldwide, right? I think so, but started in America. It's a global holiday. Much like jazz.

Yeah. Global holiday that started in America, much like jazz. I saw it a lot, though, right? Yeah, of course you did. Yeah. Remember when he loved jazz so much in this musical that he talked about it while jazz was playing? Right. Yeah, I do remember that. It was a musical. It was good. So I think it has the potential, and I think it's not just potential, I think it's on track

to kind of replace Thanksgiving as the premier American holiday. I think so. And honestly, I don't think anyone's going to celebrate Thanksgiving anymore. We don't like it. Why would you? Here's what's dry. Turkey. Oh, God. If I have to eat another dry ass turkey. Oh my Lord. And you know what else is dry? Your elderly parents and their skin. What if we're now to the parody of what's supposed to be called, Dry Ass Turkey? Dry Ass Turkey?

This is actually, do you want to mail that to ourselves? Will he allow himself to say ass? I don't, I think he said it once. He said it once? Maybe he was talking about a donkey though. Weird Al, would you please consider one day a year, calling yourself Wet Al? Just on wet day.

Just on wet day, Wet Al Yankovic. Yeah, he'd love it. Because I'm wet. I'm wet. You know it. You know it. But we do need to get to our first wet, wet guest. He is an underwater treasure hunter. Right.

And I guess famously for people who haven't heard him on the show before, he was on the hunt for a certain... The core de la mer. Certain diamond, the core de la mer. The heart of the ocean. The heart of the ocean, of course. Um, I guess most famously seen in the movie

Titanic, which I know is a sore spot for you. I'm not ready to go back to Titanic. You're not ready. Okay. No. Meaning the movie or would you go back to the actual underwater? Any day of the week, but the movie? No. Yeah, that's right. It's too painful to watch. They made a fool of me in that movie. They did. They did. They did. I mean, we've talked about it about it on This show but she had that necklace the whole time the whole damn time and all she had to do was like rip open her blouse

She was superman or something. Just give it to me. Yeah She threw it in the ocean. Why are you doing that? I was just there. You're like Not even two feet away from it. No the time. You were like almost nose to diamond with it. I didn't get to smoke my cigar. Anything else going on down there or? Well, that kind of a weird encounter. Oh. Up above the, the, the.

No, no, no. Where is this? Under the sea. This is under the sea? Yeah. Really? Under the sea. Okay, what happened if you don't mind me asking?

This is weird, but I met somebody. Oh, like a romantic partner? No, well, it's hard to say, but I don't think so. Okay. I don't know. I have complicated feelings about it. Okay. Meaning you met someone you didn't... It's so interesting because the ocean is so vast. So vast, man. You don't expect to run into anyone down there. No! Here's like the weirdest thing I ever see is like those dumb fish that you can see through or they have a flashlight on their head or whatever. Right, yeah. You know what I mean? The little lantern fisher or whatever they're called, yeah.

Oh, that's a good name for them. Yeah, we should call them that if they're not named. I was calling them flashlight fish. Flashlight fish? Come on, man. You know what I should have called them was book light fish. That's what they look like. Oh yeah, they do.

They look like a little book light. It would be interesting to see a fish in the shape of a flashlight, wouldn't it though? Yeah. Interesting. That'd be a fish you would become very rare, I would imagine. Why?

Because they'd be so sought after. You think that people, rather than using the flashlight Why? Because they'd be, you know, so sought after. You think that people, rather than using the fleshlight they can buy, they would prefer a fish that looks like a fleshlight. Is the appeal that it's alive? I don't know. Or that it's organic? Probably the organic part of it.

Oh, okay, sure. Because a fleshlight, I would imagine, is synthetic material. Yeah. What's more romantic than the smell of a rotting fish? That gets me in the mood. One a day. They don't have to rot. One a day? Plus five days. They're really rare. I'm talking about the fish that are in the deep, deep ocean.

Right. Wonderful. So what happened to you down there? Wonderful. So I met a lady. I mean, she's hard to describe. Oh, okay. Can you try or? Well, you know mermaids? Yeah, I've seen splash once or twice in my life. Which is it? Once. Yeah, I thought so.

I don't remember it. So no, I don't know mermaids. So mermaids are like the top half is a lady and the bottom half is a fish. Oh yeah, that's right. Yeah. So it's like a half and half. It's much like a half and half. Yeah. But this lady that I met, top half lady, kind of. Okay. Bottom half, kind of an octopus. Oh wow. Okay. Interesting.

And what do you mind me asking what, I asked this about anyone in the story, what color was she? Was it, I mean, meaning was it purple like an octopus? Oh yeah, pretty much purple like an octopus, but like also wearing a, like kind of a black dress that covered all of the- The naughty bits?

It must have been bespoke. It's gotta be couture. Did you have any jewelry at all? Yeah, I think like a nice necklace. Yeah, it looks like maybe some sort of a golds- Yeah, like a medallion. Medallion kind of. I mean, that's what caught my eyes. I saw the glint of gold and I was like,

it's time to punch in, Brock. Oh, you don't punch in until you actually see the- No, of course, I don't punch in. I'm on the clock. That's just a thing I say to myself to get myself psyched up. Right. So interesting because I, this is-

Gorgeous head of hair. Yeah, This is ringing some bells to me. Oh really? Yeah, I think I've met this person. She's actually, she's in the car, do you mind? She's in the car? Yeah. Is she wet in there? I hope so, it's wet there. Oh yeah, the car is filled with water.

Okay, good. Do you drive into like a river or something like that and fill it up with water? No, just fill it up with the hose. Oh, okay, great. Yeah, I mean, could she come in? I think that would be great. Yeah, hold on a second.

Oh, okay. Hey, Ursula! Come on in! Well, well, well, well, you finally let me out of the car. Yeah, I did. I understand you've been here before. Oh, does that bother you? I don't know. I don't know how to feel about it.

You know, I don't know why you're still hunting the heart of the ocean when you've got the octopusy of the sea right in front of you. So you, Ursula, of course, we all know you. It's so interesting. You're both real people that movies have been based upon. Oh, thank you. Most people say that The Little Mermaid was based on The Little Mermaid, and I disagree. I consider it to be a biopic about you.

As the antagonist, I absolutely agree. Nothing would have happened without me there. Did you bond over that about having these depictions of you in movies? Yeah, like kind of being portrayed as an anti-hero. Yes, yes, not quite being seen the way we were. Exactly. All I was trying to do was find some treasure.

You know, had I been in your movie, I could have sucked you under the sea, taken your voice and made you a merman. Then you could have gotten that necklace right away. Really? How would that have worked? I take people's voices all the time. No, I understand that.

No, I've seen that part of it. I take their voice out of their lungs. No, I know that part of it. How does he get- Out of their larynx really. How does he get the Cordilla bear from that just by being a mermaid? It's underwater Scott, keep up.

Yeah, but I mean, the ocean is so huge. Well, because I would have been able to swim around. Immediately, immediately. You would have seen where it landed. I could probably swim pretty fast, right? As a merman? Very quickly. How quick? You know those videos where they show a bunch of animals racing each other,

so you know how fast they can go and it's set to the same Katy Perry song? Cheetah is always quite fast. Cheetah is always quite fast, but they did a fish one, but there were no mermaids or mermen in there. So we don't know how fast these things are. Well, let me give you an idea. Sure. You know how fast a shark swims?

Yeah, real fast. Not quite that fast. So mermen and merladies, mermaids, I guess, are unable to outrace sharks. Oh, merladies. Hello 1955. Sorry. Yeah, get modern, Scottlady's, hello 1955. Sorry. Yeah, get modern Scott, they're mermaids.

But sharks can eat merpeople? Jocks can swim faster than a merperson. Why did you jump right to that? Yes. You're talking about speed. Well, I just, if I were a merperson, I would want to be the fastest thing under the ocean so I could outrace anything.

But you know, we don't have any, well, I say we, I'm not a merman yet. Are you considering being a merman? I'm thinking about it. You know, speaking of eating mermaids, if you want to... Okay, Ursula, all right. Plant your poor unfortunate soul patch in my salty garden, I wouldn't have a problem with that.

Number seven. Yes. Thank you. Number seven. This caused a lot of people to ship, pardon the pun, Brock Lovett and Ursula the Sea Witch. That's right. Brock Lovett, of course, we've talked about. This is a character that you do. Maybe my favorite character. Is it really? The most fun to talk to. It's the that you do, maybe my favorite character. Is it really? Or is it the most fun to talk to? It's the one you remember the most, for sure. I just enjoy the hook of this character so much

that the two hooks, and which is perfect for wet day, especially if you're gonna be sitting in the middle of the ocean fishing. That's right. But the first hook of the facts that you are looking for the cord of the bear and, uh, there was a whole movie based on you and the second hook of that you love treasure, but only wet treasure. That's right.

It just seems like there's a lot to talk about every time we talk. Didn't we talk, uh, you, you, you did Brock in Glasgow, I believe this year. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And the wet treasure there was the tap water. The tap water, because they have such good tap water. They're very proud of their tap water. They love it there.

Yeah. Um, so this was great. Yes. Uh, in Ursula, the sea witch, it was great. Uh, when I think when we came up with the idea of like, what if they've met? It, um It delighted us. It was great that Aaron could do that. We didn't hear Ryan.

He came in a little later after this clip as Barbara Bernie Kutch. That's right. But Ryan's very funny. We'll talk about him later. Any other special memes of episode 859, wet day special? Wet Day special. Wet Day is coming up.

Just that I had a wonderful time. Wet Day Eve is in a few weeks. I know. Because it's January something. We talked about it in that clip. That's right. So a lot of preparations are about to happen. I do love the traditions of wet day,

how it is celebrated and adding to that is very funny to me. Yes. And the songs, because we keep remembering new songs that have something to do with being wet. Yes. Yeah, wet day carols, that's right. Very fun, happy to get that episode here in the best ofs. All right, that we're coming up towards the end of this episode.

Dang. We have one piece of business yet to go. Yet to go? Yet to complete. And that is part two of the exciting Snowman games. It's true. Now we described the Snowman game in our previous episode. We're not gonna do it again,

but we're just gonna play it. Do we need to start the snowman in a different place or does he always start? Yeah, I feel like we should place him somewhere different. How about at an angle? Okay, this I fear is going to, he's going to run into the cables. Yes. Oh yeah, the cables.

We're hooked on this little striped candy cane yes all right here we go three two one just dancing in place turning turning two and a quarter turn looking sort of over my shoulder over your shoulder boulder holder turning again now looking nowhere near eye of us. Right at the bathroom door. Right at the bathroom door, like he has to take a dump. Now, kind of at 11 o'clock as it comes to me, and now he's spinning again and he, right on me baby!

Wow! Wow! Yes! Dang, there's no mistaking that. No mistaking it, that's looking right at you. That is exciting. Holy shit. The day after Christmas, Boxing Day?

Holy shit. To have the, oh. Gotta get a pick. POV. Mm-hmm. Hey, we're selling our POV picks. Yeah, is that cool? Yeah.

Do you like that? You fucking pervs. God and I have a joint OnlyFans account. Where we sell our BOV picks. Of the snowman game. All right. That's, oh man. All right.

So we're one and, one and, one and O. One and none. Yeah. Yeah. One to, one to zero. Wow. I love it. Wow.

I hope we don't have to go to a tiebreaker. Yeah, over time? Yeah. Yeah. Add another episode, a fifth episode. All right, that's gonna, yeah, and try to find more better clips. All right, that's gonna, yeah.

That's gonna, yeah. All right, that's gonna do it for this episode. We're gonna be back on Monday with part three where we're going to crack the top six. Yeah, it's exciting. Too exciting for words. Yeah, I's exciting. It's too exciting for words. Yeah, I'm dying. My heart gave out.

Oh, no, I'm going to administer CPR. We'll be back on Monday. We'll see you then. Thanks. Bye. Bye.