Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2025 Pt. 1

Episode Date: December 22, 2025

Merry Best Of’s to all from Comedy Bang! Bang! Join Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they count down numbers 14 through 11 of the best CBB episodes of 2025 as voted on by you, the listeners! Find out how your best-loved characters ranked and maybe discover some new favorites! Tune in Thursday for part 2! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Comedy bang, bang, bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. Comedy, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. D. D. D. Yeah. Tata-tata-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-a-l-l-d-d-d-d-d-tttoddh-a-l-l-d-l-l-d-d-d...

Doon duke doon duke doonk bocadook da da da da da da da da dao do so wouldn't it be great if in the canteen alongside that devil guy the baba duke was there was a big top hat I would love to have seen him in there I think George Lucas, one last thing before retirement? What do you say? Put him in there. Now, they're re-releasing the original Star Wars cuts in theaters. That should be the one change. The one change is put the Bob Duke in the cantina.

And he should be seated next to the devil. And he should do a big double take. At the devil? The devil? Or at the camera. Why do you have cameras in here? He does a double take at the devil. Then he looks at the camera like, the devil.

Like office style? Jim from the office style. He Jim Halperts after doing a double take at the devil. Hey, everyone. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 2025, part one. That's right. We're doing it.

Incredible. We're back. It's the holiday season. We're about, whoopty do, et cetera. We're about three days out from Christmas. Yeah. Four days out from Kwanza and Boxing Day. Hanukkah is in the rear view.

Goodbye, Hanukkah, goodbye. Hope you had fun, Hanukkah. Oh, Hanukkah's waving. And this is the show where we count down. I mean, it's, I don't know. Comedy Bang, Bang. You're on the right track. I mean, I started to get in my head about it

because Comedy Bang Bang Every Week is not the show where we count down the best episodes of the year. You're sort of making this a separate show. That's true, yes. In a way it is. In a way it is. And in the way it isn't. That's true.

Because it comes to the same feed. So if you're confused at all about what you're listening to, let me explain it. My name is Scott Hawkerman. Oh, boy. Touch and go. I pulled it out, though, at the very last second. This is the very beginning, by the way. Yep.

I realized I have a giant water glass in front of me, and I did not fill it up at all. There's a little bit in there. Oh, okay. Let me have just a little bit. Be positive. Hey, my blood type. Some see that glass is three quarters and point. I see this one quarter full.

This is comedy bang bang, bang. And my name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. I am on every single episode other than a few of the early ones. And when I had to be out of town on business. And. Is this like a jackal situation? Yeah, I was Carlos the jackal.

Do you remember when I was yelling at you and I was like, just admit that you kill people for a living and you wouldn't do it for the longest time? know. And he finally did. And I was lying about it for so long. And then I finally had to come to terms with it. Yeah. I killed people for a living. And our child. Mm-hmm. What are I supposed to tell him or her? I know. I know. We worked it all out, though. Our child knows now. We really did. Followed in my footsteps. It's cool. Yeah. Again, my name is Scott Ackerman. And I need to introduce the person here to my, at my 11, I would say. Finally. Yep. He's been talking. Now you're at my 12. You're at my high noon. That's right. But I'm, I'm looking right at you. I'm looking directly at the wall. Yeah, why are you doing that? I'm here.

Because this is the, this is the way I've arranged my legs. I'm sitting cross-legged and I can't move. What about your neck? What about my back, my pussy, and my crack? Let's get into the neck first. Then we'll investigate the other three. Is there a chiropractor who works on all four of those? Let's do the neck first. We'll take care of your neck. back, your pussy and your crack.

Pussy and crack pain? Come see us. I enjoyed that. Let me introduce the person who's here with me. Now, he is not always the co-host of comedy bang, bang, but he has co-hosted several episodes. And I've hosted a couple of times. You've hosted a couple of times when I was out of town on business.

A jackal. By the way, I heard later on, C.J. is going to do the Jackal. Yes, C.J. will be here to do the Jackal has a special holiday tree for us. I'm very excited. I'm getting popcorn. One of the most embarrassing things ever put to film. And he is not a regular co-host, but he is on as a guest quite often.

The person who has been on the most episodes of Comedy Bang Bang of all time, I would venture to say. And I haven't counted them all, but someday I will. No one should. No one should be able to count that high. How high should anyone be able to count? I mean, they can count anything else as high as they like. But I think the number of appearances that I've made in a comedy bank bank should be unknowable. Yeah.

Do you think it's infinite? I don't want to think like that. Really? I don't want it to be finite. You want it to be finite? You want it to end at some point? I wanted to. At this point, it's infinite because the possibilities of you being on, it could be, you know, go on forever. Are you talking about the eight that fell down?

yeah that's a lot i actually don't know what that is referring to the eight that fell down what is that can you explain you know the number eight yeah imagine it fell oh yes figure eight oh my god haunting haunting haunting song if you can skate a figure eight what were they trying to do to us turn it on its side and it's the symbol of infinity I don't need that bleakness in my fucking Saturday morning cartoons. What was bleak about it? Was it the winter time? It was the winter time.

It was the tune was very haunting and sad. A lot of reverberation in the vocal. And then it ends with infinity. It's like I'm trying to watch Captain Cool and the Kongs. And you succeeded. Yeah. I have to tell you. Yeah.

But at this point, you could be on, your appearances could go on forever. And I would hate to think that it would be finite that at some point it's going to end. like with my death or me ending the show do you think which would be sadder I think my death for me for you yeah you wouldn't be sad you wouldn't know what happened I'd be sad if I knew it was happening oh yeah like as it's happening like oh no if there was a countdown new year's Eve style man I don't like that at all but you know what I like to if I if I were to for reasons of you know quality of life issues if I were to say I want to, I want to conclude my run on this earth.

I think it would be funny. I think it would be funny to do a countdown. Yeah. Yeah. On a special. I bet my wife wouldn't appreciate that. Probably not. I would only do that if my wife had breed deceased me. Would everyone be wearing glasses New Year's Eve style that were like, that's had PFT on them? Yeah. You know, instead of 2027 or what are we up to now in 2026 is next year? What are we releasing this? This is, we're still in 2025. Oh, okay. Um, I, maybe the, it would be, be the year or the hour that I decided. By the way, we recorded this 10 years prior to us releasing it. Yeah, why did we do that? I don't know. Every, every, everything that when we talk about the

clips is all AI. We're just putting, and, and by the way, this is 10 years ago, I don't even know what AI is. Well, I know it's that great movie that I love. Sure. Where the little boy eats spinach and his face gets all fucked up. Sorry, you were going to say about your death. I was going to say, I think it should be the hour that I choose to die. Right. That should be what the glasses are. Oh, I see. So 5 p.m.

Well, it's got to be, I think it's got to be a double digit. Do you want to do it before? I don't want to do military time, though. No, okay. So you want it to either be 10, 11, or 12? I think 10. You want to, that's best for the class. 10 p.m. or 10 a.m.?

10 p.m. Post breakfast? Well, no, I think I'd like to spend the whole day. So it's 10 at night? 10 at night, yeah. 10 at night, sure, yeah, about when you'd go to bed anyway. When you'd be tired anyway. You're like, you know what?

I'm fixing to go to sleep. Why don't I just not wake up? Yeah. And I'll put on a night shirt and nightcap. Sure. And everybody would put their glasses on. 10 p.m. 10 p.m.

10 p.m. and then we'd count down. 10, 9, 8, and then 10 p. Do you want noise makers at all or? After I die. Okay, yeah, okay. I do not want, I don't want to. I don't want that to be the last thing I hear. It's a bunch of fucking noise makers.

Hello, St. Peter. I don't want to be ushered into the afterlife with the sound of braying noise makers. Do you think you'll be ushered? That's so nice. That's such a nice thought. I think usher will be there. Okay.

Good. I imagine usher will pre-decease me. I hope so. I hope everyone pre-deceases you. I hope you're the last man on Earth. Burgess Meredith style? Yep. If only there was something to do.

He could have found other glasses. He could have found other glasses. He could have found books on tape. Fucking. idiot. Isn't it wild to think that they were not invented yet? Books on tape. They had tape and they had books. No one thought. Do you think they had them for blind people? I don't know. I wonder when books on tape are invented. I'd like to think it was sort of like a Reese's peanut butter cup where two people were walking by. Someone with tape. Yeah. And someone with books. Reading out loud. And they got them into the same bowl. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Into the same bowl. I feel like that time

Like the early 60s Like if you propose the idea of a book on tapes I'm saying what? No, that's too much trouble Everything I've noticed this I started thinking about when you go grocery shopping How there are so many things available now And when we were kids You had one of things

Like canned soup There was Campbell's and that was about it And you had like three flavors And Well, you've already negated your idea. And it was because, I think, to your point, that people were like, it's not worth making a ton of these things because no one's going to buy them, right? And it's like, no, who would buy artisanal soup? But who would buy books on tape?

Who would buy artisanal soups? You know, who would buy these specialty crackers? It turns out a lot of people would once they know about them. But at the time, there was a communication issue where no one knew that crackers could be best. better. This is not my point. I said to your point, meaning I was elaborating further. Well, don't involve my point in this. I don't want my point sullied with your point. I'm saying that back then people didn't give a shit about other people at all. I see what you're saying about that. I mean, the ADA had to be the American Disabilities Act, had to be. Not the awesome district

attorney? What about the Shaggy DA? What about him? The SDA. No, but people had to fight tooth and nail for that because... They still do, by the way. They still, yes, yes, of course. But, I mean, no one thought that it, everyone was just like, ah, just suck it up and deal with it. Why don't you look at me? I'm trying.

But look, look, how am I supposed to move to the left? My knee is, is up against the table. But you're, sometimes you are looking at me. Then your eyes look away. Do you want everyone you ever talked to you in your life to be gazing straight into your eyes the entire time? That would be creepy as hell. I have beautiful brown eyes. I'm not, I don't want to get lost.

I have lovely, kind, brown eyes. You do, but I think when people... That's what that drunk lady said about me in. Which drunk lady was this? When we were in London. You went to bed, dear. Oh, yes. But we were after the, um, no, it was, it was the night after we saw the Abba show.

Okay. And we were at the hotel bar. Right. And then... Great hotel bar. This crowd of people came in. This crowd of middle age. I remember these people, yes.

And they were still there in the morning or something? Didn't they all say goodbye to, to... I think somebody did see them the next day. Yeah, yeah. but they had clearly come from the Abba experience because they were all dressed up in weird sparkly disco clothes and that's the only reason that anyone would ever wear

that kind of thing is if they had gone to the Abba show yeah that's exactly right yeah mm-hmm yeah uh-huh yeah I'm agreeing with myself so there was one so they sat with us and we were all drinking a lot and having a wonderful time and there was one lady who took as they say a fancy to me

um Did she think you were unencumbered by meritorily? I think that she did. I don't know that she was, but she insisted that we take a picture in the photo booth together. She went a little strange. She was looking for a little strange. She did ask me if Jessica McKenna was my daughter. Oh, dear.

And in a way, she is. I said, no, but I would be proud to be her father. And then later I was told that she said to her friends that I had such kind eyes. okay well um so file that under what could have been as I've been doing every day since off only sliding doors but that's what happens when you go out on tour hey man get a little road beef turn the page

you know what I mean exactly I'm going to try to look at you more but occasionally I do have to to look off into the in to gather your thoughts to gather my thoughts and think about what I'm thinking about and all that kind of stuff. You did a little boogie wuggy bugle boy finger. A BWBF.

Do you remember when Bugal Boy clothing came out and at first you thought it was Bulge Boy? Me? Yeah, all of us. I think we all did. Bulge Boy.

I don't remember that but I don't even know what bugle boy clothing is. What is it? Bugle Boy was a jeans company and then they branched out into making other clothing as well, denim. And there was a famous commercial. This was their introduction to the United States.

Okay. Oh, they're from somewhere else. There was a commercial where a guy is standing by the road. He's wearing these jeans. He's perhaps hitchhiking. Okay. He's a very attractive young man. Yeah.

A lady driving a convertible car. Okay. She slows down and she asks him. Hey, good looking. Well, that's a statement. she asks him are those bugle boy jeans you're wearing he says yes she drives away and is she talking into the mr microphone or the mr microphone is nowhere in sight but she has one she might or it might be the next car coming along in her glove compartment one would assume at that time yes probably she had a mr microphone

in her glove box right but she doesn't think to trot it out for this i mean no she's only interested in the jeans Seems like a perfect opportunity to use the Mr. Michael. Scott, I couldn't agree more. I want to see if I can find that commercial. Yeah, see if you can find that commercial because I remember that phrase, the phrase the pays, of course. Yeah, anytime you said it, you got $5. Yep.

It was a weird time in America. I said it twice, and I got $10 mailed to me. And then I stopped saying, I don't know why, because I needed money, but I just forgot about it. It's a lot like living in dairy. 1988 1988 okay let me get it

queued up okay yeah see if you can DJ Paul queuing up this commercial here we go okay so it's dark desert highway

no it's not it's desert highway guys in a t-shirt jeans standing by his arms he's not even hitchhiking he's just standing there oh my god

she screeches to a halt reverses puts her thing down flips it and reverses it Are those bugle boy jeans that you're wearing? She's in English lady. English.

They are bugle boy jeans. Oh, he has more to sell. Thank you. So this is like a new twist on the gray Poupon. Yeah. Now, here's what's strange. And I found it strange at the time and I find it strange today. Yeah.

You're trying to sell these jeans. So you start off with, like, hey, you're going to get fucked. Don't you want to look like this hot guy? Yeah. That's number one. one, the car screeches to a halt and reverses, hot lady. You presume it's because, hey, you look so good in those jeans, I want to have sex with you. Yeah.

Now, not a convertible. I misremembered. Okay, that's fine. She rolls the window down. Right. She says, he leans in. Could they not afford a convertible, you think? Or?

I think they wanted the window rolled out. Oh. Yeah. That was in the pre-vis. Because here's what happens. It's tinted window. She rolls the window down. Oh, because you don't know.

it's a hot lady. Yeah, that's a, this is to reveal the hot lady. Could be a businessman. It could be like a miserly old crone. It could be somebody test driving a new car. Sure. So he leans in. She says, excuse me, are those bugle boy jeans you're wearing?

He says, yes, they are bugle boy jeans. She says, thank you. And then she rolls the window back up and speeds away. Yeah. Now, at that point, I'm thinking, oh, wait, so I shouldn't wear these jeans. Yeah, because I don't, you know, instead of getting laid, I'm just going to be answering questions all day about what type of jeans I'm wearing? Yeah.

I'm going to end up drinking my piss like Better Call Saul. And like the Mariner. Of course. Well, but he wasn't in the desert. No, he was, I mean, he was in the opposite of the desert, wasn't he? Very much the opposite of the desert, the ocean. I think we'll be getting to talk you about him a little later

in our countdown. God, I hope so. But yeah, I mean, it just seems like a pain in the ass to have to be fielding questions all day about your outerware. It was, to be fair, just one question. But you're only seeing one slice of life. Are you saying that Jack Bauer doesn't have adventures on the other days that we're not seeing 24? Yeah.

I am. He's out there probably 358 days a year. It takes a week off. Oh, that's nice. And, you know, doing the same kind of thing. We're just seeing one of those days over here. What I think is they have handpicked. We take this 10 years ago, by the way.

I think they're handpicking the most exciting days in Jack Bauer's life. And making that a season of television. Oh, I never thought about it that way. Yeah. So the other days, he's just like going, a Saturday in the park. I think it was the 4th of July. I'm selling ice cream. Just picking up kitty litter.

Yeah, picking up kitty litter. The following. Deem me. It's between 8 a.m. and 9 a.m. Excuse me. How much is this a kitty litter? How much? The price came off.

And I'm going to need that information before I commit to I know you guys are trying to rob me blind. Oh, yeah, I get up to the register. It's $3,000. It's another scam. I hate Catero scams. God, I hate them. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, oh my gosh, it's right. Enjoying myself already, I have to say. So what are people listening to? People are listening to us, Countdown the best episodes of the year. According to them. According to them, as voted on by them, I may disagree. Oh, I disagree.

I think I frequently disagree with them. Oh, sure. I'll sometimes be listening to these clips going, I don't know why anyone would ever listen to this. How many episodes per year do you put out? We take two weeks off, so 50. We do a minimum of 50. So we do the best of us during the other two weeks.

So out of 50, and we're counting down how many total? 14 total. 14 total. Yeah. So not even half. I want to say, this is how often I disagree with the audience as to what are the best, 12 times. Wow.

So you agree with two? Are they always the top two? no really they're always the bottom two sometimes the bottom two sometimes the middle two whatever that's the average the average so you hate most of what we're going to listen to oh yeah i despise it but somehow the listeners like it i'll tell you that much yeah i don't get it um and what we're doing is this is the first of four episodes we're going to be uh the one you're listening to came out today on monday and then we'll be back on tuesday doing part two then following monday part three, and then the following Thursday, which is New Year's Day, we'll be doing part four.

And we're counting down the top 14 episodes as voted on by you, the listeners. You, the listeners. Not you, the Paul. That time you looked at me. I know. I looked away to the listeners every other time that I've been talking. Then when you're actually addressing the listeners. I look right at you and I pointed at you, Uncle Sam style, didn't I?

Oh, you want me? What happened to that dude? I assume he died. I mean, he was an older man. It was, yeah, I mean, he was pretty old in 1940, whatever, yeah. Yeah, yeah, he can't still be alive. Do you think he was alive by D-Day? Oh, I hope he lived to see it.

Yeah, because he was like, I mean, he was a good recruitment. That's what he wanted to happen. I know, yeah. Yeah. I want you to go to D-Day and probably die. But if you don't, please be in Bander Brothers, HBO miniseries. Please cry in a gravestone. Fire, Conraddle.

That's right. And fire, Conradle. So what we're doing today is we're starting in 14 and counting all the way down to 11. We're doing the 14, 13, 12, and 11 today. And again, these are all voted on by you. We opened up the polls right before Thanksgiving and we got a lot of votes. We'll talk about all the stats. We'll get into that.

All later on. But before we do, why don't we just get to it, Paul? because we're about to listen to your choice for episode 14. Number one, four. Let's address the controversy. Let's address this. Okay. Once again, you have failed to remind us to re-record the countdown numbers.

We, I wanted to do this. We both wanted to do this. We both wanted to record this, but I got one message. Do you want me to say which message I got? Sure. Okay. Deandra Noel. The first one?

Appropriate. The first one. Or Deandra Noel. I don't know. She reached out to me on Instagram, commented under a, not even a comedy bang, bang post. A Scott hasn't seen post.

Come on. And says, No. Listening to Best of 2024, this is a late reminder, record new numbers for Beat of 2025. Oh. And this is dated December 8th.

There's so much wrong with this. First of all, it's not a Comedy Bang Bang Post. You shouldn't be commenting on anything. No. That is not related to the post. It should be illegal. Number two. Comment on a post about the post.

Number, yes. With Merrill Street. Yeah. Yeah. If we, if we. December 8th, December 8th, is way too late. Way too late. That's the only message I got.

And then number three, beat. The beat. Of 2025. Come on, Deandra. Deondra. Deandra. Deandra. Let's do all the vowels.

Deondra. Deindra. Did we do it? Deondra. Deandre. Deandra. Diandra. I did this sometimes why. Okay. That's right. Anyway, that's the only message we got about this. We need a reminder and we need it in a timely fashion.

Otherwise, we can't re-record. Now, if you're new to the comedy bang bang best of us, we've been using these numbers ever sent for 16 years now we have uh officially licensed them so we can use these as as often as we like but but paul and i have a dream much like martin had a dream and it is to morrison scorsese that's right he wanted to make the last temptation of christ and he ended up doing it um we want to re-record these numbers with a group of friends and ourselves yeah and yet we the what happens is we do these best of episodes we they take a long time to do we wrap up the and then we promptly forget about it.

But we have implored. We're spent and we're busy people. But we have implored the listeners to remind us in a timely fashion to re-record these, and we promise we will do it. But one reminder on December 8th. With a typo in it? That ain't it? That ain't it, DeAndra, Chief.

That ain't it, Chief DeAndre. But thank you, DeAndra. We do appreciate it. But it's a little late on that. Anyway, so we didn't do it. So sorry, everyone. Yeah. But let's get to the, let's get to our countdown.

What do you say? With that out of the way. With that out of the way. This is episode number 14. It came in at 14 on the countdown, I should say, because it is episode number 928. Oh, so in the early 900s. Definitely within the early 900. Yeah, what I would consider the early 900.

Yeah. And what do you consider the early 900 to be? From 900 up to 980. Those are the early ones And then the mids are 981 Full stop, full stop, okay And then late 982 through 999 Okay, so this is definitely in the

And in fact I would say most of the episodes We're going to hear today Or within the As we're not even on episode 948 yet So they're probably in the early 900s Yeah, most of them That's interesting

With one exception perhaps But this is episode 928 It came out on August 11th Mm. Summer, summertime. And this is an episode entitled 16 Toilets and Another Day Older. Paul, do you remember this episode? No, but I do recognize this as a reference to the Tennessee Ernie Ford song, 16 tons. Mm-hmm. And would it surprise you to learn that you were on this episode, Paul? It would surprise me to learn because that title is not familiar to me in any way. That's right. It's Paul F. Tompkins and Andy Daly. We're my guests on this episode. Now, for those of you who have not heard Comedy Bang Bang or whom are relatively unfamiliar, who refuse to and only listen to these, what is Comedy Bang Bang? Comedy Bang is a fake talk or variety show where I host it as myself and I have comedians on. Sometimes I have celebrities on playing themselves. And then I mostly have comedians on who are improvising.

as characters, as different people. And so we don't ever talk about what we're going to talk about. Everything is improvised. And are you waving at a squirrel? No, my eyes have gone soft. I'm listening, but I'm not focusing my eyes on anything. Did you poach them? What happened? Did I poach my eyes?

Yeah, what happened? Why'd they go soft? I just let them go. Sometimes you let your eyes go soft. Let your eyes go soft. It's very relaxing. Put them on the glass. her eyes go so each week i have comedians on portraying fake people we and we improvise conversations that's what that's what the show is um and this week was no different this was a

week in august where i had paul f tomkins and andy daly on uh paul you were playing my personal physician dr bill blondie sure uh and then andy daly was playing businessman danny mohoney that's right and do you recall anything about this episode I really don't I remember I had a good time this is a very funny episode what I recall about it was

we'll talk about it as we go along but Paul this was an atypical year on comedy bang bang for you you didn't do a lot of episodes in fact you've done the least amount of episodes that you've ever done in a year what happened to me you were on tour most of the year

oh that's probably what happened to me Yeah, you're gone. Every time I reached out to you, you were gone. And you know what? I'm really feeling it, too. Yep. It's here at the end of the year. I'm really feeling it.

We got a refresh in 2026, don't we? But this, I remember just you hadn't been able to be on the show for a while. And so I reached out to you to see when a day you were going to be in town was and free. And you gave me a day. And then I just took a shot at Andy saying, you know what? Andy hasn't been on either in a while. And you both could do it. And I said, we have the makings of a classic here.

Beautiful. A fall classic. It was August 11th. But it still was the makings of a fall classic. Sure, yeah. If I had held on to the episode and waited until after Labor Day, instant fall classic. A fall classic can be made at any time. Sure. It just needs the makings. So you need to listen to it during the fall. Yeah, that's on you. Who cares if I put it out in August? You got to wait. This is a very funny episode. We're going to hear from both Paul playing Dr. Bill Blondie and Andy playing Danny Mahoney.

So let's hear this clip. This is your choice for episode number 14. Number one, four. He's a businessman. So that's very exciting. We're going to bring him out in just a second. And he's got a very interesting business. I believe I've spoken to him once or twice before.

I can't really recall the details. Got him. Sorry, what? Got him. Yes. Is this the, are you the businessman in question? No, no, no. It's me.

Scotty, it's me. Oh, hey, Dr. Blondie. It's me, Dr. Bill Blondie. Hi. So good to see you again. Is everything all right? No, everything's fine. I'm just coming by because I know you're probably wondering why you haven't seen me in a while.

Well, I haven't made an appointment. I'm sorry, for the listener, this is my personal physician, Dr. Bill Blondie. I haven't made an appointment to see you. That's probably why I haven't seen you in a while. You're probably wondering why you haven't done that, though. Well, I feel like the last. time I saw you, we watched the music man. Did we not? Yeah, we did. And that was, uh, in, in January with that weird little guy who runs the ball shot. And, uh, I haven't really felt the need to see you

since then, uh, because you did your, your normal checkup while we were watching. We never talked about that while we were watching the music man for the watchalong podcast. You were examining me the entire time. I'm a little hammer. Yeah. It was so little too. It was the most little hammer it i i i wonder sometimes if that's why nobody seems to have reflexes anymore is because my i thought there was like a sort of epidemic of people not being able to jerk their knee when they get hit with a hammer right but it might be that the hammer's too small it was an epidemic of you picking the wrong hammer yeah yeah that's what i'm saying you don't have to turn around on me like that oh i beg your pardon i'm i'm i'm admitting i'm it takes a big man to admit when they buy a small however big man and

a small hammer that's just what i said yep so hey what about this small hammer and a big man i like it a little new twist yeah i like that's fun yeah in any case uh great to see you dr blondy sorry i've been out of pocket uh you you think you've been out of pocket yeah maybe you mean out of the office oh oh oh i've been ooh and uh i've also been oot ah out of town really where have you been to dr blondie this is the thing i feel bad because uh you know you're a patient of my and I feel like I've been derelicted my duty to you because I've taken this other job.

You're moonlighting? No, not moonlight. This is full time. Oh, this is, okay, so you're moonlighting as a doctor? No, I'm not. You just quit being a doctor? I quit being a doctor, but I'm still working in the health services. Okay, what are you doing if you don't mind me?

I know this is none of my business. It's any, well, I came here to tell you to make it your business. Yeah, I appreciate that. Yeah, well, you're welcome. And business is good. good. I came here to make this your business, and business is good. That's right. So what, what exactly are you doing with your, you can't even call it spare time? You're the majority of your time. This is my job. Yeah. And it's 24 hours a day, baby. 24 hours a day. Oh, yeah,

honey, they got me. They're running me ragged. Are you paid by the hour? No, I'm on a salary. Damn. Yeah. It's good salary, though. It's government work. Coming from work? What'd you say? It's government work. Oh, government work. I was going to say, if your salary comes from work, That's the way to do it. That's a perfect opportunity for you to get paid. It's coming from work. It's government work. It's coming from work. Okay, so what are you doing for the government these days?

I'm working for the Attorney General of the United States. The AG! No, not the Attorney General. What's Surgeon General? Surgeon General. Oh, okay, totally different. The SG. Yeah. You're working for, what's his name, Cheryl Hines' husband? Robert F. Kennedy, Jr.

You're working for him. Well, he's not the Surgeon General. He is the, uh, he's in charge of the, uh, health service, the health czar? What do we call him? Yeah, okay. So who's the surgeon general? Is it still that Coop guy? That guy's poop had the funniest beard.

What are you saying? See every. Yeah. Is he still around? Is he still in the coop? I would love it. He would, he would always be like, welcome to the coop. I think he's, I think he's, I think he's flown said coop.

Don't quote you on that. Don't quote me on that. I'm going to look up though. You know I'm going to look at it. I'm just going by my reaction to that reference. You know, it is, it is interesting when a guy who's in charge of health passes away because it's like, you couldn't see that coming? In any case, what are you doing for the government?

Well, a surgeon general himself. I am, and we'll never know. I am, I'm in charge of, I'm on the committee that decides what shit we're going. going to do and what shit we're not going to do anymore. Okay, as a, as a country, or is this legislatively? Yeah. Okay, so what? It's like what, okay, so like, you know, we're cutting, we're cutting cancer research.

Yeah, I read that the other day, but fruit loops will be healthier now. Because of the color dies are going to be different. That's correct. Okay, I don't know that that's an equitable trade to me. Are you in the business? The business of what? Fruit Loops or cancer? Any of them.

Any of them? Business is bad. I'm not in these, I'm merely... Maybe you should shut your mouth then. Okay. I mean... Well, you're attacking my job. Well, I mean, you're right.

You don't come to my job and show up on Mike unannounced. Oh, wait, no, you did. That's not the same thing. Would you mind if I came to your job and... I'm not telling you how to do your job? Just started to... You could drop by, sure. And, okay.

It would be fun. I'll show you around. Yeah, I would love that. It's all beanbag chairs. Really? It's fun there. It sounds fun. Do you have air hockey tables?

We have 14 air hockey tables. That's too many. Although I guess if there's 28 people who want to play. 14 air hockey tables and 15 rooms. 15, what's the, what's in the 15th room? Or are they all in one room? That's a conference room. Oh, okay.

That means, yes, there's an air hockey table in the bathroom. Didn't the English beat sing about that? I don't know. Refresh my memory. Air hockey table in the bathroom. We'll sing it, though. I kind of just tried. Oh, I didn't realize. Air hockey table in the bathroom.

So what else is happening with the government? What else are you got, like what's coming down the pike? Well, you know, hearing aids? Sure. Yeah, love them. The things you have to pay money for if you want to hear. Yeah, exactly. Are they going to be free now?

Oh, this is great. Not exactly. Oh, okay. What are you doing with hearing aids? hearing aids are now going to be what we consider a health luxury item okay so meaning they're going to be more expensive or not covered by insurance they're going to be more expensive and not covered by insurance oh my god but they're going to look great what are they going to look like they're going to be blinged out like bejewed yes they're going to be dazzled here's the thing everyone loves when they see singers wearing those monitors in-air monitors and they customize them you know what i mean when they put little jewels on them and stuff i love that that's what hearing aids are going to be like now everybody can feel like a rock star for you just $50,000. $50,000 for a hearing aid? For an hearing aid. For a meaning just one side? Yeah. One ear. Yeah. Some people only have one bad ear. I guess, but it's a hundred days. It's wonderful life. Sure. Uh, you know, aspirin? Yeah. Did you know it's poison? It's poisonous? I had

no idea. Aspirin is causing our young man. Who we're going through a loneliness epidemic right now? Young Lonely Men, it is causing them to be ambidextrous. Isn't that a good thing to be ambidextrous? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? I mean, why would that be good? Well, you watch baseball and... I watch baseball.

So the hitters who were able to kind of switch sides or, you know... They used to be illegal. It used to be illegal? You couldn't do that in baseball. Like, you could arrest people for doing it? Yeah, it was a baseball rule that they, the commissioner of baseball, extended to the city and said if you catch one of these guys doing it I want you to march right on the field slapping in cuffs how many people went to jail for this three three three and then they stopped doing

it wow and then when that commissioner died what happened they changed all the shit they changed everything that's when the the pitch clock it was tennessee mountain landis Tennessee mountain land is did he even see every coop die in the same plane crash or no they were there were many years apart Oh, okay, got it. Might not be Tennessee. Mm, Tennessee. That's a development. That one you knew.

That's right. Jeffrey Tambor yelling at everybody. So, I mean, that one, yeah, I don't know. So no more aspirin. No more aspirin. You're welcome. I mean, look, the thing about aspirin I've always wondered is they're always like, take two aspirin. Why don't you make it one aspirin just make it slightly bigger, idiot?

It's, like, if aspirin's so great, why do I have to take two? Honey, do you know what you're saying? No. Because you could take one aspirin for something that's not as severe. Okay, but they never say like, oh, just take one. They're always like... Yeah, because you need two. Yeah, you always need two.

Just make it one. You don't always need to. I think we're saying the same thing. You always need two is what we're saying. You know that I'm saying the exact opposite. I think we're agreeing on this. Sweetheart, you do this to me all the time. All right, so no more aspirin.

No more aspirin, but what's the trade? And now everybody would be the right-handed or left-handed. That's the way nature works. You don't sound healthy. I feel great. Do you really? I mean, you can barely speak. You seem exhausted.

Now that Skittles are no longer a death sentence, I've been eating exclusively Skittles all day long. You should not be doing that. And by the way, I don't think they've even changed the diet. Are you sure about that? They can't do it that quickly. about that i'm pretty sure okay here's why it's hard for me to tell okay is because they have these jars and bowls and dishes of candy all over the place they're at the uh surgeon general's office they're everywhere oh just everywhere in life yeah everywhere in life i don't know everywhere you

go there's like a dish of skittles i'm not sure everywhere you go there's like a bowl of milky way midnights i i can't necessarily co-sign on this because i'm not experiencing okay we'll open your eyes okay if you're not angry you're not paying attention Okay. So they're out there because, you know, we're making these announcements and so we always have to have a picture of the thing that we say, now this is good. Okay. And so I can't, they're not always good with the labeling of what is pre-food coloring

change, post-food coloring change. Exactly. And it doesn't help that both pre-and-posts start with a piece. So even when they label it with just the initials. Also, with something like raisin brand. or what have you, one of those cereals, they're made by Post. So that's confusing already. Yeah.

That's confusing already? Yeah, because you see Post right there on the box. Right. And you're like, oh, this must be Post. The changes you made. So this after Raisin brand, yeah. Like Post Punk. Sure.

Yeah. It's Post Raisin Brand. Can you imagine what Raisin Brand used to taste like? Oh. This is like the, Norm McDonnell better than Desry, Joe. In a post-reasonbrand style. Ezra must really suck.

R-I-P, Norm. R-I-P. All right, we need to get to our next guest. He's a businessman. I believe I've spoken to... I think he's been on the show one time before. You think I've been on the show one time before? I'm sorry.

I've been... I was the first. guest ever on this fucking show the first one of all time in 2009 number one the first show you ever did i don't believe so i believe that was uh rob huble and tom lennon nobody would go on this show are you singing right now i beg your part it sounded like you was singing for a second nobody would go on this show but it's true nobody will because you don't cross cars but i was the first one to say i will go on this fucking show and after that people said well hey if Danny says he's okay

because I said I like this kid and if Danny says he's okay people could come and that's what started the whole fucking thing and now he's sitting here 19 years later whatever it's been 20 30 years later I'm so sorry about this trying to tell me I think maybe we've had

this guy on one time but fucking ridiculous I'm sorry but please welcome Danny Mahoney for the second time I guess you didn't even welcome me you didn't even say my name before I started talking you kind of interrupted everything That's fucking insulting.

Say my name before I start talking. Look, it's not a race to say your name before you start talking because I didn't... Apparently not. I didn't expect you to start talking, honestly. It was a little rude. Well, I didn't expect you to not say my name. Scott, just be a man and apologize. Just be a man and apologize.

Why is this so difficult? I don't think it's a manly trait to apologize. Honey, honey, honey, honey, perhaps. Honey, honey, honey. Just be a man and apologize. Look, Danny is your name? Why is that a question? Why are you putting a question on it?

Because I don't know you. I'm the first guest you ever had and I've been here 30, 40 times since then. I'm a staple of this show. What would this show be without me? I don't know. Let's find out. Do you want to leave or? What?

Why would I leave? Come all the way down here. Oh, where are you from? Come all the way down here. Where are you from that it's taking you such a long time to come all the way down here? I'm living in Torrance. Oh, okay. I apologize.

I'm sorry. I didn't know you were coming in from Torrance. I would have done a little more research as to who you were. But you are a businessman. Is that right? Yeah, of course, I'm a businessman, business man, yes. Would you describe to the fine folks out there who have perhaps never heard one of your, I guess,

one or two appearances on this show? Oh! What kind of business you're in? First of all, I have a new thing I'm doing. But I'll tell you what the original, because I'm still doing that. Life of the Party Incorporated. It's very simple.

You call me up. You're having a party? Doesn't matter what kind of party is. You call me up and I come and I make myself the life of the party. And then party is a fun party. A lot of people's parties are not fun because there's nobody there that knows how to be fun. I show up. I got a boom box. I'm wearing dance pants.

I'm in terrific. The best shape of my life. And we have a good shape of your life right now. What you're a surprise about that? I'm going to the shape of my life right now. I guess I just have not. Take a look to be your doctor, aren't you, doctor? I think it looked terrific.

See that? you do pushups? Nope. No, you kidding me. I don't do one. Never pushups. Never done a push up. What are you to pullups? No, I don't. You got to be kidding me. Nope. Wind sprints. I'd never done a wind sprint. I don't mean. No one is. Suicides. Huh? No. I guess I have attempted suicide multiple times. Oh, that's right. Now it's hard to remember you. Well, I walked into the ocean with the heaviest coat commercially available. That's right. You went down to the mall. That's correct. And you were, and you asked the, I guess the salesperson, what is the heaviest coat you have? Which, by the way, I'm going to tell you now, been through a lot of therapy, better help, been through a lot of therapy.

Now I understand that was a cry for help, but it did not get received. When you, if somebody, look, if you work at a coat store and somebody comes in and they says, give me the heaviest coat you have. That's a cry for help. That should be legally, legally, you should have to report that to the police. Yeah, a mandatory report. Well, I mean, the problem is, I think they probably interpret it as you want to not be cold. Yeah, that may have been an issue with you. Who doesn't want to be cold?

I think you've got to say. The whole code industry would disagree. Who's walking around going, I don't want to be cold. Everyone. Who's doing that? At points in their life, certainly. By the way, you're stripped to the waist right now. You bet I am.

I wanted to mention. So you'd never get cold. Do you ever wear a shirt? Of course, I get cold, but I don't walk around going, I don't want to be cold anymore. When it comes, you're ready for it. You're welcome. It's bracing. Give it to the cold plunge.

Oh, yeah, I've done a cold plunge. Yeah. What's the cold plunge mean to you? It's good to shock your system. A cold plunge is when you don't have the heat on and your toilet gets stopped up and you've got to go in there. And it's cold 68 degrees sometimes. Plunge that toilet. Sure.

Okay. All right. All right. Hey, I do all my own plumbing. Do you understand me? Yes, I do. Okay, because that can be expensive to call someone in. You're expensive and stupid and a waste of fucking time and money?

I could do all my own plumbing. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Why don't you just become a plumber instead of this business, the life of the party? Because this business is a great business, and I'm uniquely qualified to do it, and it's my calling in life. But I have a toilet and every room in my house. Every room. Yes, I do, my friend. So the living room, toilet.

Toilet. The family room, dining room, kitchen. Dining room. which one which one do you want to hear about both I guess dining room yep toilet

kitchen toilet where's the closet closet closet closet is not a room my friend damn it you pass my test hallways

hallways hallways are not rooms but do you have a toilet in them I have one toilet at the end of the hallway at the end air hockey room toilet

here's a surprise bathroom toilet Whoa, huge surprise, huge surprise. Well, you might have thought I don't need one in the bathroom. I could free that space up for other things since I got them all over the rest of the house. That's true. But sometimes you're in the bathroom and you've got to use the toilet.

That's a good point. That's a good point. What was this born out of why did you go so toilet conscious? Because I said to myself, I know how to put in a toilet. I know where to get a lot of toilets for nothing. Oh, so you had a line on toilets. And once you pop, you can't stop. That's exactly right.

And who wants to say, I'm sitting here, I'm happy. I got to go to the toilet. I got to go. What, I got to walk across the road. Yeah, exactly. So you're uniquely qualified to do this business life of the party. You bring a boom box. As I recall, you also had a pillowcase full of batteries just to make sure.

What an asshole. I got a gym bag full of batteries, you asshole. Who would put them in a goddamn pillowcase? You can't walk around with a pillowcase. You can't walk around with a pillowcase. Unless you're at the airport, like a freak. And these are all different... People want to know, what are you trick-or-treating in the 70s?

These were different sizes. Before they had the plastic buckets that looked like pumpkins. All the plastic went into the mask that you couldn't see through. That's right. And these are all different sizes of batteries. Hey, we're all in our 50s, right? Sure. Wait, have you seen the Dred Zeppelin documentary?

Of course I have. What about you, Danny? Dred Zeppelin documentary, I practically financed it. A Song of Hope? Yes. Okay, yeah. Okay, we're all under 50s then. um so these are different size batteries some of them work why would they be different

my boom bucks takes 16 so these are all d batteries in your all d batteries in your gym bag i got a gym bag full of deep batteries but anytime one of them doesn't work you toss it back in the back as i not any time but too many times well um in any case thanks for dropping by it's been great to see you do you imagine that i'm leaving now that sounds like you're saying that I'm leaving. I haven't even told you what I'm here to tell me about your business. I'm here to tell you that I got a new thing going. You got a new job.

Really? To the tune of I want a new drug? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I got a new job. I have what you have. I've always wanted what you have. I mean,

it's a podcast. I got a what? Sorriasis. Do you still have that? are you dealing with the psoriasis what are you doing for it uh you know the normal stuff he used to have it he used to have it it was all around his eyes okay yeah and it made his eyes look further away than they were oh interesting but i was i was constantly wearing used goggles oh do you mean further apart or further away from you really you would look at him and it looked like his eyes were further away than

the rest of him yeah oh shit like they're sunken inside of his head but it didn't look like that. It looked like they were just at a distance. It was like those haunted mansions you know, busts that the eyes always seem to be following you all the time except it made my eyes look like they were further. They were like a mile away or something like that? Are they doing busts a great

great comparison? Occasionally, though. You're doing drunk bus at the haunted mansion? They should. They should. They absolutely should. Yeah, you ever tweaked and gone on the haunted mansion ride? I don't know what you mean by tweaked, my friend. Have I done speed? and done that entire theme park

in less than nine minutes Yes I have Disneyland in nine minutes I've been advocating this for as a health professional I've been advocating this for a long time Disney will not listen to me Have a drug day If you do speed

It makes the rides go faster Yeah Well you don't have to Because you don't got to sit in the little fucking car Like everybody Just run around Yeah

So you're just like knee deep and it's a small world in water. It doesn't go all the way up to it in me, Scott. It looks like it does, but it doesn't really. Yeah, I just run through the ride. And I get to wave it, Peter Pan and everyone. Sure, I'll wave at Peter Pan. You think I won't wave at Peter Pan? I'll wave at Peter Pan.

He appreciates it. Number one for. Ah. Ah, comedy. Comedy. We did it. It is funny. I think, Scott, I couldn't agree more.

I think comedy is so funny. It happens to be funny. That was a very, I enjoyed listening to that clip. Reminded me of how great it is to be with both of you guys. Two of the most classic guests to be on the show. And both of you have been on the show since the very beginning. It's very true. I believe since episode six or so, both of you.

Maybe Andy was eight. I don't know if we've discussed this, but you know that show, it, Oh, two is the magic number, Devin Field and... Yes, the improvise show that Sean Diston and Devin Field do at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles. They are a two-man improv group. They do duo scenes, and then they have two people doing a duo scene right before them to warm up the crowd, I guess. I've done it with Jason Manzoukis, and you did it. I've done it with Lily Sullivan, and then again with Andy Daly.

and after me and Andy did our opening set, they instituted a rule. That's right. I've heard about this rule when I did it. Which is I think that at 25 or 30 minutes, the light just goes off. Yes, because I think they were,

they were looking to you to end the scene. It's 45 minutes, by the way. And that's, well, we did 45 minutes, right? I don't think we were. supposed to do that long. Oh, oh, maybe, maybe it's 25. Yes. Oh, okay, that's right. Okay. Because, and time

gets away from you. Jason and I did 25 minutes, and it felt like about five. It really rushes by. But you guys did 45. We did almost an hour long. And they were looking to you to end the scene or something, and you did not. And then they finally just turned the lights out, Beyonce style. I honestly don't remember

how we ended it. I think they let us end it. Oh, okay. And so now it's if you go up to a certain time, they will just cut the lights on you. Yes, yes. What happened me and it was shocking because I was like, we just started. And they're like, no, you did 20. Because I think we were asked beforehand do you want to call your

own out? And we said, yes, of course. Of course we want to. Yeah. We're responsible that way. Yeah. Yeah. Very fun. Well, that was a great episode. We need to take a break. When we come back, we're going to hear your choice for number 13 and Paul and I will be back to talk about it. Let's take

a break. We'll be right back with more comedy bang, bang, bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang Bang. Coby-Boo-Boo. Best of 2025, Part 1. Have you thought about changing the name to Coo-Boo-Boo-Boo? Yeah, constantly. And I'm too cowardly.

Because it just occurred to me. I'm too chicken. Don't say that. You think you're a cowardly chicken? Yeah. Bok, bach, bach, bach. Yeah. No, I think you're very brave.

I think people will bully me if I do it. No, they love you. I mean, some people, yes, don't like you. Who? Oh. Nobody. Nobody? Nobody? Nobody doesn't like you or Sarah Lee. That's what Sarah Lee and I have in common. We have always had it in common. Is Sarah Lee still a going concern? I think so. I think you can still get a Sarah Lee cake. What happens when, because when I was a kid, I remember seeing Sarah Lee commercials all the time. All the time. Nobody doesn't like Sarah Lee. Boom. But sometimes things stop advertising. Yeah. And you wonder why. We've talked about. CNH pure cane sugar we never hear the ads I think everyone just knows about it yeah did they get to a point we're like look we're there well that was our our co-worker david cross's point about McDonald's was why do they need to still advertise couldn't they donate that money to charity yeah they took one day off of advertising and my point is is like they would they would just keep that money and they all to to give them plausible deniability McDonald's already don't please let's do that a lot to charity just so they can be like hey we're not that greedy they build a whole clown house for messed up kids

hey kids all you messed up kids is you want to go in this clown house i think they still have the ronald mcdonald house even though they phase ronald mcdonald out of everything yeah because he's too creepy and no one wants people are like let's you know what we're more dignified let's definitely keep grimace um but uh yeah You just never hear about certain brands because I think they get so famous, but then they need a, sometimes they go like, okay, we need a new generation to know about us. I wonder if Sarah Lee. Sarah Lee is trying to get the six, seven gang. Sarah Lee Corporation.

Oh, defunct. Defunct. Defunct. What about the noise? Yeah. It was split into two. Two companies, Hillshire Brands, which was acquired by Tyson Foods. Oh, like the face tattoo.

Tyson Foods sold the Sarah Lee brand and product line to private investment firm. Oh, boy, Colberg and company. Blackwater? Oh. Oh, wow. And so, wow, the company went out of business once they were sold. Whoa, what a surprise. Well, anyway.

America's great. It truly is, again. Why do people buy things just to do away with them? I don't understand. It's, yeah. Anyway, welcome back to Comedy Bang Bang, formerly on Earwolf. And R.

IP, Sarah Lee. RIP, Sarah Lee. Um, we loved you. We loved you. We loved you with all our hearts. And you know what it turns out? We could have loved you a little bit more. Yep.

And maybe you'd still be around. I doubt it. I think someone just bought it and said, you know what? Let's put it out to pastor. Despite the love? Despite the love. Wow.

I think people, I have an affinity for like a Sarah Lee. cheesecake? Sure, absolutely. We should get some cheesecakes. I eat that shit right now. Yeah. I'm starving, by the way. Wait, we ordered food. It'll be ready when we conclude with this episode. I was not hungry until we started talking about Sarah Lee, and then I began ravenously hungry. Yes.

He was licking, baby! That's from the movie Ravenous. Well, let's plow through then to our next episode. This is your choice for number 13. Number one, three. All right, number 13. Yeah. Some say I'm lucky. I don't. I think this is a great episode. I just said some. I didn't say you did.

I mean, when you say some say, it usually you're, it's like a backhanded way of saying that I'm the person who's been doing that. And I don't appreciate it. Okay, you caught me. I didn't think you saw it through my little ruse. But yes. Why do you have a giant plug? Electrical plug, by the way. Electrical plug, yes. For my phone. For your phone. That's for your phone?

Because we're going to be here for a long time. Okay. going to be a long time be a long time be a long time right angled plug oh why is it right angled so you don't have to so you don't mess up your plug you don't mess up the cord plug plug plug cord plug cord and who's on your who's the picture of the person my fucking wife it looks like my cousin don't look at my phone i legitimately was like oh he has a picture of my cousin on the why wouldn't that be weird it tricked my eyes into and then i then i think my eyes went soft for a bit see it can happen

And didn't you enjoy it, seeing your cousin again? All right. So this is episode 907. Yeah, it really is. And this is from March 17th. St. Patrick's Day. Is that the actual day? Yes, it is.

Okay. So this was on St. Patrick's Day. We made Neri a mention of it. And Neri did. Instead, we put out an episode called Nasty Boys. Whip, weep, wimp. Nasty. This is with a gentleman named Ossifali.

Sure. A woman named Lily Sullivan. Absolutely. And another gentleman by the name of Dan Lippert. Can I just give a shout out to Lily Sullivan? It's not time for that quite yet. We'll get to that a little later on in our countdown. We're now talking about an episode with her.

Okay. But you will let me know when. I will let you know when. I promise you. You don't need to keep needling me about this. Can I ask, is it even, is the time, does it coincide with an episode? she's on, or does it not? No, it does not.

Okay, so it's an episode has nothing to do with her, but it will be the time to shout out Lily Sullivan there. I'll let you know, and it will be when you least expect it. Do you expect it now? I guess I do.

Yeah, it's not going to happen now. Yeah, because I want to make it when you actually Double bluff. So it's good. Okay, so this was an episode called Nasty Boys. Now, Asafali is a comedian and an actor. I have known about his work for a little while.

A lot of people I know, have worked with him, uh, delightful guy. And he, this year started starring in a television program on, he just began starring in it, on FX called Deli Boys. And he came on to the show to promote it. We're going to hear a little clip of him making a certain promise to us. And then we're going to hear from Lily Sullivan, who plays Miss Lacey. And, uh, then we're going to hear from, from Dan Lippert making his first appearance as someone named Russ Swarrow. So why don't we just hear the clip

and we'll talk about it afterwards. This is your choice for episode number 13. Number one, three. Please welcome Asifali to the show. First time, you know, welcome to the first time. Long time listener. First time guest, yes.

Wonderful. Welcome to the show. Deli Boys is out. I am here to say that I have seen approximately two hours of this four episodes. Whoa. I'm not yet halfway through the season, but I've seen my share. You've seen enough?

My share will be all 10. I imagine I will complete it, but this is as much between the booking and you arriving. Yes, yes, yes, yes. This is as much as I was able to complete. I love that. Also, I'm realizing that Delhi is a play on, of course, the Indian city. The Indian city, but it's spelled D-E-L-I. So if you're trying to look up, I'm like, I can't find Deli, boys.

is take the H out. And it's a great show. Out on Hulu now, I'm going to watch the other six episodes the minute you leave. Wow. And I hope everyone watches all 10. Those computers, they like their completion rate.

Come on. Help me in the Algo, please. And we need them to make the decision on this second season here. So you can get another 50 to 70K. If we get a second season, you'll be the first to know. Really?

Is that true? It'll be a CBB exclusive. A CBB exclusive. Well, you like, here's what I want you to do. If you find out it's a no, it's canceled, or if you find out it to go, just call me up the minute that you get the info and say, schedule the episode today. And I'll corral whoever I can. We'll do an episode. You'll make the announcement before you tell any of your loved ones, anything like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'll do that. That's a verbal commitment. That's a verbal commitment. I'll do it. get to our next guest. This is exciting. We have three people who have never been on the show before joining our first-timers club. Please welcome. She's an entertainer. Please welcome Miss Macy.

Hi, Scott. Sorry, I just have to, I have to read this. I have to start by reading this. Oh, oh. You're taking, okay, your phone out. Scott Ackerman, as you know, I work for the Hollywood Cabal and have been sent to do a routine wellness check. I don't know. What do you mean, as I know, you work for the Hollywood Cabal? Due to the chaotic and active volatile nature of the entertainment industry, most actors choose to live a severed life. A what life? A severed life?

A severed life. With their iny here in Hollywood and their Audi elsewhere. Oh, shit. Today, during our session, I hope to provide you with some helpful information about your Audi. Okay. Scott, I don't know. I mean, I'm terrified. Do you know what this means?

I don't know what this is. And honestly, I've sent in a lot of self-tapes to get into this Hollywood cabal and I've heard nothing back. Is this like a Luminati shit? What are you, what are we talking about here? Scott. Is this like Jay-Z and Puff Diddy

all the the freak-offs? Yeah. Am I invited to these now? Don't act like you've never been invited to a freak-off. Scott, we are all invited to the Hollywood freak-offs. I'm invited to?

Yes, we are all invited when you join the Hollywood Cabal. As our record show, Scott, you have been severed since 2001 when you played Phil Hegel in the Huntress. Yeah, he was a magician. I had to learn a card trick for that. Some of your finest work.

A TV series about the adventures of a mother and daughter bounty hunters. Yes. Scott, I'm excited to provide you with some helpful information about your Audi today. Are you ready to begin our wellness session? I don't know what this means. So your in-y is a person in Hollywood. An actor. You've never seen the show.

What show? Severance. It's an incredible show on Apple TV. I haven't seen that. And so That show with Adam Scott in it? Your good friend Adam Scott Stars Adam Scott

John Torturo and other people Patricia Arquette And so a lot of people have been saying that Patty? Hellie That it mirrors real like the real Hollywood And I didn't think it was true And then now that this is happening

You know it's really shocking me to my core That this is a real thing And you have your in it. Wait, I've done this you're saying? Yes, Scott, you've been severed since 2001 which means you have your iny living here in Hollywood and your Audi living elsewhere. Would you like me to dive in?

Please do. I need to know about this. Why did you have to look down your notes for dive-in? It's my first day. It's your first day. My first day, God. Oh, it's going terribly. You're doing so well.

Am I your first client today or whatever you called? No, I saw the liches earlier. Oh, okay. Nick and Vanessa. Vanessa, yeah. Nick is a little bit different. Vanessa is obviously severed, But Nick is a brain dead robot.

Awesome, if you know that you're also severed. What the fuck? What? Yeah, the moment that you do any part on television, you become severed. So that means my Audi is living in Phoenix, Arizona right now? Not in Phoenix, no. But we'll get to your session soon. Okay, okay.

So wait, even when I was Taft Heartlead for Just Shoot Me? You were severed. Yes, Scott. Wow. Okay. The pain of a life as an actor was too much for you to take. Huh. Wait, so is that, does that apply to podcasts, too?

absolutely really so which part of me is doing the podcast the one of me at home or the iny the any what does that mean the part that's in holly in hollywood in hollywood you need to watch the show why oh gosh i'm messing this up already okay i was supposed to give you your session let's do the session i'm sorry i didn't know any of this oh i'm so bad i'm doing terribly today you're doing great let's do this okay your outy is a ski bomb Vail, Colorado. Your Audi likes to go to local saloon. Oh. Local saloon?

Just one. There's only one. Yeah. There's only one. There's only one in Vail. Okay. Your Audi loves the band of fish. No. That's not possible. Yes, Scott. Take a look at your lower back. Oh, shit.

You have a tramp stamp. I can't see it. It's tray shredding. Trey shredding. On your back. God. It's huge. It's detailed. It's very detailed. Okay. Do you mind if I just keep pointing it at you during the rest of the show? Wow. No, that's really stressing me out. Oh, God. I'm just trying to get through this. I'll pull my pants back up. This has been such a hard week for me. He also has a liquid death tattoo. Yeah. Weird.

Look, I love the brand. That was for me. That was my Audi. That was me. Yeah. Well, why has it been a terrible week? Oh, my God. It's just like I started this new job. working at the cabal, and it's just not going well. Oh, look, nobody offered to take me to lunch. Oh, shit. I thought at least somebody would take me out to lunch in my first week, not one person. You thought it was your first day. Yeah.

So the first week, there's still another six days or four days. Yeah, exactly. But the first day's already gone by, and no one's offered to take me out doing a steak dinner. Okay, it is 10 a.m. right now. Oh, no. I know. It's just so tough. Yeah.

Steak dinner? Yeah. Steak lunch, a steak lunch. No one at the Kval offered to take me to do a steak dinner lunch. Where you eat dinner? Well, maybe it'll happen after you're done at this session. God, I hope so. Yeah, they're just waiting.

They're nervous, probably. Do you think I'm intimidating? Yeah, you have an intimidating part. The way you shake while you're holding your notes is... Oh, my God. Yeah. It looks like you're going to snap mentally. Perhaps physically.

I've got to get through, Scott. I've got to push through. Let's do this. Okay. Your Audi spends his off-season in Costa Rica. That's kind of cool. Off from what? From skiing.

Whoa, you go from cold to warm? Wow. Your Audi brags about his ski day and how the Narnar is the Pow-Pow. Wow. I don't know what these mean, but I guess my Audi knows what Narn-N-R-N-Pau is, I guess. He absolutely knows. Okay. Your Audi is in his 50s, but frequently you use.

is the word steezy. Ew. I don't like that at all. I don't like the saloon? You're dropping steazy at the saloon? At saloon. He goes to saloon and he says steazy. I don't like this guy.

Scott, it's your Audi. We all love our outies. Our outies are us. Does Audi, does Audi have children? No. Audi is single. Oh, that's kind of cool. You're Audi.

Can Audi become any? now he's back on his stees I love that shit wow it's good to see you joke around Scott your Audi spends most of his trust fund on cocaine

I have a trust fund Yeah you're really wealthy Damn I mean veil is really expensive It's very expensive to live there Even as a ski bomb Scott your Audi's name is Dan Peterson but you insist

Everyone calls you Dr. Shred And I insist on this Yeah You insist on this guy It's kind of cool actually Is he related to Jordan Peterson He is

Oh shit They're cousins My Audi is cousins With Jordan Peterson Which means your in he is too Oh god Why do we have different names Is that what it's like on the show to

Yes Scott Okay so I mean this guy Look everything he said before Dr. Shred It was kind of lame, but Dr. Shredd makes him sound cool, so I don't mind this guy at this point. Does he wear sleeves on his jackets? No.

All of your winter coats have the sleeves cut off. Fuck, yeah. That's pretty fucking cool. That's so fucking cool. That liquid death tattoo is popping. Yep. And you also wear shorts on the ski mountain. Oh, not even cold?

Swim shorts. Swim shorts. And you wear fun, loud glasses, Scott, to let everyone know you're silly. Yeah. Do I wear like old New Year's Eve glasses and say like 2004? You do. And you wear both. was.

Oh, I love this guy. Dr. Shredd in the house. You're a personality in Vail. Dr. Shredd has no penis. What? Whoa! I don't know how did this get severed. Dr. Shred lost his penis in a firefighting accident.

Oh, my God. Why do I still have a penis then? Allegedly. Allegedly. I don't know, Scott, take a look. Is it really there? I haven't looked at it In years

I guess I'm realizing now I haven't been awake during past 5 p.m. Wow. Or it looked at my penis in years. And you've never looked better. That's right, so much, awesome. You're looking better.

The cabal is happy. Okay, I'm so glad I'm making the cabal happy. They're very happy with your work on the podcast. Okay, they are all good. That's very flattering. The cabal looks forward to watching you blossom. Okay, I thought I already

blossomed and that's why they were happy. As in like hitting puberty, like a second puberty or something like that? Am I going to get a second penis? I guess it's interesting because you know when your baby teeth fall out you get second teeth. Yeah. But no one has ever thought about if your penis is cut off. Maybe you grow a second penis. Yeah. Or like a, or like a deer in the woods where the antlers fall off and then you get a new pair. Exactly. Yeah. I'm already forgetting how to pronounce his last name, but he's a government employee. Please welcome Russ Suwaro.

You nailed it. Suarro. Oh, shit. Russ Suhara. Hello, Russ. Good evening, sir. Good evening. It is 10.30, but good evening.

It's evening where I come from. Oh, where's that, sir? Well, of course, Texas. It's only two hours ahead. It's a Texas evening. Texas evening, Texas evening, 1230. You're already winding down. Yeah, I'm kicking my feet up.

Hello. How you doing, sir? So nice to see you. So wonderful. to meet you. And likewise. This is Miss Macy. Hello. Greetings. The cabal welcomes you. I don't know what that means. But it's nice to meet you. I don't want to interrupt. No, you're a guest on the show. You're not interrupting. This is our segment for you. That's how I kind of got in here was to say I'm a guest, but I'm renting out that room. Oh, that's right. Yes. I rented the room. Oh, okay. Yeah,

my assistant took care of a lot of it, but yeah. Well, I appreciate that. I'm in L.A. for the, well, I work for the water company. I'm a water man. Yes, that's right. Yes. When you work for the water company, what does that mean? Well, I work for Kolegan solving water-based issues that the normal Hollywood man wouldn't be able to handle.

You know, they need a gritty man with his feet on the ground to deal with water issues. You can't hate us because we're beautiful. You have to give us a chance. It's really not because I was on the huntress back in 2001 playing Phil Hagle, a magician. That's the episode where I stopped watching The Huntress. Wow. In the middle of my scene? If they cannot cast under five well, then what sort of attention would be telling?

This guy had 10 lines at least. Oh, it was a 10 line. I didn't even get to 10. It was a very traumatic for you, Scott. I had a last name and everything. That's huge. First name is big. Last name is huge.

It's my understanding of the industry. Tell us about these water-based problems. Well, I don't like coming out here to California, but the job takes. me where it takes me. I'm a loner and I don't want to be bothered by nobody. Why are you on this show? Well, because I'm having trouble, the sling

I thought had the Johnny Carson network on it and I'm having trouble logging into your sling and getting the Johnny Carson channel which plays every episode and if I'm not mistaken, a sling is the precursor to like those like TV box, like you can, like

a Roku that you can plug in your TV. It used to be something that you could literally sling your cable box too and now it's an app or something I have no idea where I come from we watch the three channels they give you I love that you know but I'm staying here in Hollywood have you met Max Silvestri by the way

he was a big in the Johnny Carson festival out there Nebraska I believe is where is that where Johnny Carson is from I don't know I don't follow where people are from because I'm not all plugged into do moi or whatever The fact that you know Dumois is crazy I don't know what that fancy thing is

It doesn't just say where people are from It usually gossips about That's maybe why they never print my blind items See you're just sending Dumois Biographical information about stars A certain Star Wars star lives In Calabas Dang

It's true Is our water okay? Well it's you know how it's all run there's some big corporate fat cats at the top making all the dwp the department of water and power but but but you know they're paid by the culligans sparklets big water oh really i didn't know this so like arrowhead colligan nestley nestley uh and they make such good chocolate but their water is so shitty well because you're expecting chocolate yeah that's a thing that i'm like give me a hint of chocolate yeah i know i'm expecting chocolate milk

Yeah, a note of dark chalk But even this My social battery is drained I'm a loner I don't need to spend too much time For a loner you've really You're talking a lot And you said doing the law

Which is crazy Me I keep to myself I just have to deal with You asked to be on this show You wrote a letter to Scott Well that was mostly Because I needed to get in contact with him Because I'm having trouble

So I have a YouTube video On my phone but I want to watch it on the TV Okay, so you need some sort of way to cast Yes, it used to be What you're watching is just on the TV But now I'm trying to watch this video Why don't you just watch it on your phone?

Because I want it big What's the video? Gustavo Dudamel conducts Mala At the El Los Angeles Phil Harmonic Right, I love that That's so manly of you I love that. I'm sure if you were to just watch TV,

one of those things would pop up. Either Gustavo, Dutamel, is that who it is? Or a Mahler thing or the L.A. Philharmonic. Well, I tried, and then I get some movie by Louis Mahler. You know, it used to be so easy, but the world you all like is so different from the world we live in time. I'm a loner.

I hate my ex-wife. I hate my beautiful daughter because they sap from me all the time. I see. You know. Do they not talk to you? Oh, my ex-wife, I'm incredibly cruel to her And she's still obsessed with me all the time It is a boomer's dream

She's beautiful, she's 30 years younger than me Oh, how old is your daughter? My daughter is 18 She's going to be Benkingen When did she turn 18? Oh, God Scott again is writing notes down right now The Cabal sends an email

Alerting you when someone has turned 18 Is that where those come from us? well i i i you know so you see your your your wife yeah had your daughter when she was 12 my what did i no no i'm sorry you said she was 30 years younger than you how old are you uh i am whatever let's see 48 so she's 18 and has an 18 year old daughter that's right and they drive me crazy you know women they drive me crazy because i'm just a man in the world and every day a new woman comes along who can't solve our problems and I'm just trying to leave town

but they're asking me to help them figure out how to get their student tickets to a UCB show and I got to say you don't get student tickets for the weekend shows you got to sign up for the website for Harold Night or Mod Night it used to be you could just show up

and wait in line but things are different now Scott I've never said this before but T-M-Hon T-I about IMPRO-V Yeah Yeah. May I

But you get me a water real quick, please. Oh, me? Just for a quick moment. Oh, 10 seconds. Sure. Okay. That's okay.

It's right over there. The kitchen's right over there. Okay. Scott, awesome. Yeah. Yeah. The woman on her way in, she dropped a little remote

that I think if I click it will bring your... My outy? To here. Oh, shit. Click the little thing in your brain. The switch? It'll switch you.

I heard about Dr. Shredd, and I really want to meet... I would love to... I want to click it if you guys want. I mean, my guy's pretty boring, but... I feel like if you click it for both of us, that we're going to... We have these restraining orders against each other. We might hit it off. Do you want some stale trail mix?

Oh, could you... No, not that water. I have this thing called Circle, CIR, K-U-L. I want you to put that in the bottle, and I can change the strength of the flavor. You are very L.A. for a Texas loner. Well, I'm a water, man. I mean, you came in with a tote bag. Oh, yeah.

Well, I subscribed. A Gelson's tote bag. I subscribe to the Gelson's monthly newsletter. Right. Because I want to, I'm trying to get dragon fruit. You also have a K-C-R-W. Oh, yeah. Hey, hi.

Hi. Hi. Hi, sorry. Here's a tremace. Press, press it. All right. A click. Hey!

Dr. Shred here. Dr. Shred, hi. You are in your Audi's podcast room. I figured that the minute I saw what's going on in this place. Oh, no. Oh, God. His outies here. Oh, my God.

He messed up so bad. Did somebody ask for a dirt shirt? Hey. Motherfucker? What are you doing here? Hey, fuck you. I thought I killed you in Coast. Eureka, you dumb bitch.

You couldn't kill me, motherfucker. Oh, round two. Round two. You're cheesy, son of a bitch. Go! Oh, go, go, go. Oh, my God. Everybody stopped fighting.

Oh, shit. That was not. Oh, no. Oh, God. Hey, what are you doing here? Yeah, you want some dirt, you dumb bitch? No, I went some dip. Do you know where some dip is?

Why did all of you lose your necks? No one can see this, but everyone's shoulders got a lot higher. It's a different physicality for Dr. Shred. I'm a method actor. What can I say? Thank God you said, uh, after meth. It looks like you all... Do we make the same jokes, be my other guy?

Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, no. My kids. My kids. I forgot my kids. Oh, thank God I don't have kids. No, actually, right now you do have one.

And you're, if we don't... How do you know anything about me, motherfucker? Yeah, fuck this guy. Why are you all so aggressive? I brought you here. I'm on a, I'm just a simple way. Oh, wait a minute. Can I have some of it?

I see what your character's based on now. Number one, three. There you go. As promised. As promised, you heard it. Now, both Lily and Dan came in with characters based on television shows that I had not seen. That's right. Both severance and Landman.

That's right. And in that, this will happen quite a lot. Whatever is, of course, you know, I'm thinking of Goose Tycoon, where Drew Tarver came in. Roger Peculiar. I hadn't seen whatever that show was. Tiger King. I renounce the Tiger King. This will happen a few times where someone will come in with a character based on a popular television show or movie, and I have no idea what they're talking about, and I have to figure it out in real time.

That's right. Maybe the most famous example was Joe Wengert doing that Duckman, Brad Hammerstone. Brad Hammerstone, who was Scrooge McDuck? He was Launchpad McQuack. Oh, okay. But see, I wouldn't have gotten that either because I never saw Duck Tales. I never saw Duck Tales either. Were they in the WB Water Tower or is that the Animaticx?

That's the Animini X. Okay. So I haven't seen any of that stuff. And then he came in as Launchpad Lou. What's his name? Brad Hammerstone. Right. But who was he trying to?

to be launch pad mac quack okay so he yeah this is this is a classic episode from over a decade ago and in real time i had to figure out what he was trying to do and for him and people in his generation it was obvious but for me i was not getting it and then eventually you did touch on a relative sure yes scrooge mcduck who is his uncle i guess i don't honestly i don't know if all of the ducks in the disney universe are related to each other i assume they are right Except for Daisy, obviously, it would be incest. Yeah. If Donald Duck and Daisy Duck got together?

That's true. That would sicken me if they were brother and sister. What if they were brother and sister and we've just not, we've always assumed, oh, it's a man and a woman. They belong together. In nature, in nature, how often do you think siblings have sex with each other? Probably only 95% of the time. That's what I was thinking to. Just in nature.

Meaning the human and animal kingdom. I know. I was a clue humans. Yeah. Do you think worms ever have sex with each other? Probably, I hope so. How do we get worms? Because they're penis shaped.

That's most of the work. That's 99%. I honestly have no idea how we get worms. I don't know where they come from. I don't know. I don't care either. I don't need to know. Look, I had to dissect one once.

That was all the worms that I needed in my lifetime. this was last week anyway great episode that was a lot of fun and we perhaps will pick back up on Asif's promise a little later in our countdown we will let me tell you so well maybe we will I don't know but you're saying that makes me think we will

I want to say that Deli Boys is a very funny show I'm very excited I got picked up for a second season I look forward to seeing more of it yeah All right. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have your choice for episode number 12. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this. Comedy Bang Bang!

We're back. Paul F. Tompkins is here. Counting down your choices for episodes number 14, 13, 12, and 11 of the best of Comedy Bang Bang, 2025. This is part one. And we've been having a really good time, have. we not? I think so. Now, let me ask you. Yeah, please. Why do you feel the need to do the refresher? Uh, because a lot of times people, first of all, it's just professional, but a lot of

a lot of times, a lot of times we'll have ads and people zone out and forget what they're listening to. And then, now do you have firsthand accounts of this? People have told you. I forgot I was listening. That's all people tell me on the street. Oh, no. Not if they like the show, not what it means to them. They don't even tell you daddy.a. Nope. They just, they just. People in the street come up to me and they just say, by the way, I wanted to tell you about your show. I forgot what I was listening to until you refreshed at the beginning. There was an ad. I zoned out.

I let my mind go soft. And I say, okay, I'd prefer it if people came up and said, you know, compliments or something. And they say, that's all I wanted to tell you, goodbye. Very quickly, I need to point out, when my eyes were going soft earlier, what I was looking at? What were you waving at, by the way? Because you waved like this. And I said, were you waving at a squirrel? And you said, my eyes went soft.

and I realized I never got the answer of what you were waived. The wave was in response to whatever you were saying. I was hearing you, and it's weird like my body was responding, but my eyes were not. Got it. So here's what I was looking at, and that made my eyes go soft. Is that picture, it's a drawing? Yeah. I believe by Jay Chris Wong, who is a wonderful artist who often draws stuff from the podcast.

Right. And so it's a collection of heads of people that have been on the show. And it's right next to my Picasso's. Well, here's the thing. And I'm going to peel back the curtain. Okay. It's leaning up against the wall. Yes, I do not have wall space for it.

I don't think that's true, but... Well, unless I want my walls to be just covered, like, hermit style. You have tons of wall space in here. Yeah, but I also like a more... You like it sparse. Yeah, sparse, austere... Understood, but don't lie. Well, when I say I have no more...

wall space, meaning no more space on the wall in which I would like to put in which you would like to put things. Yes. But so this thing, so this is better, you think? This, no, this is me trying to figure out what to do with this. Okay. I'm trying to get this room in order. Look, now during the pandemic, I'm sorry, before the pandemic, where we are recording was my office and everything was arranged in a way that I like. And it didn't have a giant recording table with several chairs around it, in the middle of it. It now does, because of COVID, all studios shut down. and we had to learn how to record ourselves. And now this room has been a challenge in the seceding four years to try to figure out exactly how to make it look better.

Sure. And I'm on my way. And I feel you on that. You just did this yourself with your own office. Did you not? Nice setup, by the way. No, he knows it my perfect. The thing is, it is not just leaning against the wall.

It's, is it in that frame or is it in front of or behind that? It is in the frame. It is, it has been knocked down. The paper, the artwork within has been knocked down to the bottom left of the frame. Yes. And it's, I've been staring at this thing for a really long time because we've recorded freedom here as well. Yeah. And so I have, I always sit in this seat. Like a book? I would love it if that was not there at all and nothing was there. Nothing. You, you prefer there to not even my office. You just want like a void. I would like you take this whole wall out. Can I put a screen up so the bugs don't get in while we record or... Well, that's not nothing, is it? That's something. Okay. All right. Do you just want like a portal to another dimension there?

Just like a static? Thank you. Okay. All right. Sorry. Yes. Anyway, this is a great picture. I just, I would love to do something with it.

You know what? Maybe in that corner right there? Yeah, that's what I was thinking. That's a perfect space for. I guess so. Let me make sure that I don't have something else. Because I also have a, in my other. room, I have a rack full of posters and pictures and stuff that I've accumulated that I would

love. In my old house, I had way more wall space. This has so many windows that it's out a premium. People don't care about this, do they? No, they don't. I just wanted to let you know and let the listeners know. That you're unhappy. Thank you. And I took a picture of it. I'm going to post it online. Okay. Well, it lasts longer. Online is forever, as they say. Um, let's get to, let's get to our next episode. Hold up the next episode. Yay, hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah. Smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day.

Smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day. every day smoke weed every day

smoke weed every day smoke weed every day smoke weed every day smoke weed every day and smoke weed every day smoke weed every day

smoke weed every day Smoke weed every day Beautiful It's so perfectly fits Oh right? If I have my way Yeah well this This episode came out on 420

No Oh if only Let's hear your choice for episode number 12 Number one two Okay episode number 12 This is your choice for number 12 But this episode came out on February 10th It was episode 902

So this is early 900 In the early 900s Yeah, early in the earlys Absolutely Yeah And February 10th I mentioned that And this was an episode called And it is still an episode called

Gelson's Gans I know at least one person When you hear the word Gans, you know who's going to be in this. Okay, so who do we have? We have our celebrity guest on this episode is a gentleman named Zach Galfinacus. Sure. From the Hangover movies. We also have Lisa Gilroy is on it.

And Charlie McCracken, the person that Paul knew who it was. Charlie is a very funny comedian from the Midwest. And he, has been doing a recurring character for a couple of years on the show named Jack Cates, Inspector Jack Cates. And he's a San Francisco policeman who is searching for a criminal named Gans who stole his gun. That's right. And 3D printed his gun, too, or something? I can't remember.

So in this clip we're going to hear, we're going to hear a couple of clips. We're going to hear Zach and I talking about things and a certain thing that I want to follow up on. Oh, okay. Between him and I. So not just vague things. Not just vague things, although there is a bit of that. But we do get to something that we want to do together, which I would still like to do. And hopefully we'll do for, have sex.

Hopefully we'll do it in 2026. And then we're going to hear Jack Cates come on And we're going to hear the latest in his continuing search for GANS Let's hear it This is your choice for episode number 12 Number one, two Please welcome Zach Allifanak Is back to the show.

Hello, Zach. Thanks, Scott, for having me. Wonderful to have you. You came here with nothing to promote. You have no projects. You have nothing on the horizon you were telling me. You're semi-retired. perhaps i mean i flyer the third street promenade with my headshot every other weekend this is see

this is what i'm talking about old school show business that's what you are these kids want to tweet and instagram their stuff no is that what they do nowadays they call it x x dot com x they're ruining the world all that silicon valley that whole ilk what a unique opinion is it not is it is it is that i don't think people talk about it you don't think people are talking about this do people talk about how they're ruining everything. Hmm, I'll have to check. I don't listen to podcasts, as you know. Mm-hmm.

Especially. But, um, see, this is what I don't like. You come on this show and you say you don't listen to podcasts. You should, you should lie and say, you listen to this podcast. I've never listened to this podcast. Why not? I have other things to do. What do you have to do that's so important?

Errins. What, what are you going to party city? What kind of errands are we talking? Right before I got here, I, uh, I went and got a battery, a fob. It took me 25 minutes to get it out of the package. So that eats up a lot of time. And I can't listen to a podcast where I'm dealing with a battery fob. Yeah.

I mean, we should mention that you are a very low IQ individual. Yeah. Also, low T. Low testosterone. Yeah. Yeah. What is the estrogen? You're working through a lot.

So you don't have time. Low T. My IQ is probably low. I'm not. very educated, but I might have some wisdom. You went to some college, did you not? I was a film minor in an agriculture school, like at a farming school. Right.

But what was your major? You were a film minor. Communications. And then I never graduated. Well, you're talking right now. So you have some sort of a handle. Right now, we're having a dyad. Thank you so much.

If you had to guess, keep in mind this is a scale of 1 to 200. What do you think your IQ is? And then can we get it tested? 200 being the highest? 200 is the highest. 198, I guess. So you're knocking two points off just because you went to film school and agriculture school. For modesty.

Would you ever take one? I would take one. I think you and I should go together. I bet I have more common sense, but I bet your IQ is higher. You think you have more common sense than I do? Yes. In what subject? Life.

Just in life. Okay. Yep. But you think that my. my book smarts probably have a better education than I do where'd you go to school? San Francisco State no I went to acting school

oh then I'm much better than never mind can I really ask you do people really hate Silicon Valley it doesn't show or the no the culture what they're doing the show but what they're doing to the rest of the world do people really like you were

you were being sarcastic but I really do want to know I don't hear people complain about it. You're up in Canada. They don't even have Silicon Valley. Where is Canadian Silicon Valley? No, really, do people really legitimately, like, sit around and go, are their podcasts going, they're ruining everything? Yes.

Oh, they are. Yes. Oh, by who? Because I like to listen to. Everybody! Really? Like, well, give me specifics. I'm not sitting around collecting data on podcasts.

Well, your energy seems like you could come off with one podcast as I rate it. The news. The news.com. The news loves it. The fourth estate, you're right, does tend to prop up these villains. Of course. But, no, there's a very large anti-billioner contingent out there. Okay.

That talks about how social media was a blunder and an oopsie. Yeah. And everybody's been duped. Yes. Okay. So we don't need to... But is it all old people saying it, or are there any young people saying it yet? I think everyone's over 50 saying it.

Yeah, that doesn't count. Everyone under 50 doesn't care. Yeah, that doesn't count. Yeah. Who's going for in the last election? Who? A pro. Zach Galafinacus is here. Pallier.

Pierre Pahlia is who I voted. Did you get to vote up there? That's so fun. No, I don't vote up. I'm not a thing. I'm not a, Canada's strict. Yeah, they're really strict.

They are. Do they, did they give me? I like America's policy with that better. Do they give you trouble when you're, oh, the policy where anyone, even if they're dead can vote? No, just more open arms to immigration. Do they give you a hassle when you go up there? They're like, every single time?

Nope. But the last time I tried to drive in, they flagged me. They flagged you for what? They just said you go in and out a lot. What is your status? Did you high-five them after they said that? I said, I'm single. Hello, sorry to interrupt.

Oh, hey. Relief. I just came. I'm from actually the IQ department. Oh, wait. We were just talking about we both want to take an IQ test. Oh, will you? Well, I heard you talking about.

And so I just wanted to come in and give you a sample question. Oh, okay. And whoever gets it right has the higher IQ. Do we, can we write it, write down our answers or do we need to buzz in and be first? Yeah, is it like a fast thing? Okay. I'm already registering some things about what the IQ might be in the room. Okay.

So high, pretty high at this point. Sure, sure. We ask really good questions. Yes, good questions. Yes, why don't you go ahead and write your answers down? Or at least think, yeah. Yeah, I don't trust, Zach. You should write it down, Zach.

No, I want to hear the question first. Okay. Before you decide on whether you're going to write down the question? And I'll only say it once. Oh, wow. Okay. Okay. Is the test administered orally all the time?

Ainally. Oh, okay, got it. Carpenter, colon. Is two. Is what that means. Furniture, colon, colon, cobbler, colon question mark. A, title, B, pot. C, frame.

D, shoe. I'm locked in pot now you're trying to high five me because you said pot yeah Scott please turn your board over

D shoe the correct answer is shoe goodbye goodbye oh my god wait she just floated up into the air

the clues were what carpenter a cobbler works on shoes yeah yeah a cobbler you didn't say carpenter a carpenter works she's gone

she floated off into the did the British lady say carpenter she did yes Carpenter is to furniture as cobbler is to... Oh, I wasn't... Paying attention? That's going to hurt you during the test.

On paper, I would have gotten that one. We have to do this. Do you know the capital of Canada? Of course you don't. No, why would I know something like that? Do you know the capital? I know... Well, I'm back.

I heard that there was a dispute about the last question. Yes, well, there is some sort of... What is the capital of Canada? First to buzz in gets it. Yes. Ottawa. Correct. Higher IQ established.

Thank you. You can't count Canadian questions. Those don't count? Ask any geographical question. Ask anything worldly. Any geographical question. Yes. Okay.

What? Bhutan. Do they now? You're right. Damn. When he's right, he's right. Thank you. We got to have a face off on this.

We've got to have a showdown on this IQ showdown. Can we make an episode about this? Like, who has the highest IQ? Yeah, yeah. Well, like, say it. South in Santa Monica. As long as we can also match it with like life trivia, like that kind of thing. We can take, we tell you what, why don't we do like a triathlon? We'll do IQ test. We'll do some sort of street smart test. Like we'll go out to the streets of downtown LA and just see like who can handle themselves better. Right. Give me a break on that one. Yeah. You'll win that one. For sure. And then we'll do like some sort of a physical fitness test. How about dropped off in the woods? Yeah. Type test. Okay. Let's do that. I don't think you've ever camped in your life. Which would. are we talking? Any woods.

Hmm. Elijah. We'll save a seat for him. He is a police inspector. Please welcome back to the show Jack Cates. Looking good, partner. But the last couple of times you were here, you were, I'm trying to remember exactly what you're doing.

We're trying to get Gans. That's right, Gans. That's right. And that's what we've got to do now. We've got 48 hours to find Gans. Wait, we didn't find him the last time. We found him twice before. We found Albert Gans and then we found his brother.

We did? William Cherry Gans. We found, okay, so we found the Gans. So which Gans are we looking for now? Both of them. They got away. How did they get away? You were there, don't you remember?

Sloppy work. The details are slipping my mind. I don't got time for your drive. Informs, Zach, how did they get away? Is Gans somebody a person? Yeah, Gans is, I guess the Gans brothers. Albert Gans is a lifelong criminal, a bug-eyed creet. He stole my gun after stealing a payroll.

roll from an armored car. Yes. And then you had my gun and I was out on the street trying to get him. I needed Scott's help because he started a podcast of what his life was like in prison. So I needed a podcaster to help me get close to games. Yeah, it takes a podcaster to catch a podcast. Exactly. We had 48 hours to find him.

Why do we have 48 hours starting now? Well, we're missing the middle part where in between, after Albert Gams got away, his brother, William, Cherry Gans, was hired with his. partner Hickok to kill us. Oh, right. Yes, I forgot about that. Your motorcycle murderers hired by the Iceman to track us down and kill us. Right, right.

Because I shot a bad guy and then my gun disappeared. Right. So both Gans brothers are in the wind. They're together now. They're together, though. We know that for a fact. That's right. Okay.

They've got a copy of my gun. A copy? They're 3D printed a copy of my gun. Why? To freight me And 48 hours from now They're going to go to the Gans family reunion Well, why don't we just go to the Gans family reunion

48 hours from now Okay, wait, what do you need a ride? Why do you need my help all the time? Well, before I needed your help as a podcast Sure And now I need your help as a television creator Why? What does that have to do with the Gans family reunion?

Because there's only one other Gans that I know, Megan Gans. Megan Gans is part of this Right writer American comedy writer From community Correct And always sunny

And modern family I guess Wait you know all of her resume Other than that I know two things Is that her whole resume Anyway She's gonna be there

They're gonna murder their whole family And frame me for it Why murder your whole family Zach would you murder your whole family I wouldn't even think about it No this is not This is not normal behavior Well they're going to free me for it

But that doesn't answer my question about why murder their whole family. These are dirtbag lifelong criminals. So that's in 48 hours. Why did you come here now? Why not just call me 48 hours from now? We got to find where it is. You don't. We don't, okay, so how are we going to find out where you?

You've got TV contacts. You get in touch with Megan Gans. We find out where her family reunion is so we can go there. All right, man, who do I go through to, I don't have Megan. Do you have Megan Gans as his email? Do you know who we're talking about? A writer. She was a writer on a community and what was the other thing you said?

It's always sunny. It's always sunny. But can't you just like hit her up on Twitter? Yeah, she had a bit of... Do you mean X.com? Yeah, I mean X.com. That inspector. Hey, how do you feel about...

Do you think these people, these billionaires are ruining... Yeah, and is anybody talk about that? Everyone's talking about it in San Francisco. Who talks about it? Everyone. No, they don't. He's a police inspector. in San Francisco, so this is where the tech bubble...

That's Silicon Valley! Maybe I could go through Mary Elizabeth Ellis, who's married to Charlie Day. Why didn't they call it? It's always funny in Philadelphia. Then I would know what I'm getting into. Instead, I watch this show, and I'm thinking I'm going to see a lot of sunshine.

Meanwhile, the whole tool takes place inside of a bar. I don't understand. You can't tell if it's sunny outside or not. So that's one way, but I don't know. Let me see if I can type an email here right now, see if I can get a haul. Okay, Mary Elizabeth says, yeah, here's Charlie's contact info, okay. No, it's fast. Dear Charlie, yeah, I mean, we're tight.

Dear Charlie, do you know Megan Gans's email address, stop? It's very important. We need to catch a killer stop. Sincerely, Scott. Okay. She's got to reply to that right away. Yeah, he's got to reply to that right away. To Charlie?

Yeah, that was to Charlie. You changed your sound effects on between the first email and the second one. I thought it was important, you know, just to really establish what we're doing. Oh, well, you've got mail. Nice. I have an AOL account still. God, then those stuff is ruining America. Oh, okay, yeah.

Oh, it's Megan Gans at making Gans.com. Oh, we could have guessed that. We could have guessed that. Oh, okay. Let me write to Megan. dear Megan stop do you know your family stop are you going to that reunion that's in 48 hour stop can a guy named jack kates and myself come with you stop Zach do you want to go is in two days it's in two days yeah I'll be there you'll be there

yeah Zach Galfinacus from the upcoming film Lilo and Stitch which has to to be a hit. Yeah. Make sure you put that parenthetically. Yeah. Yeah. It's a parenthetically. He needs a hit.

Yeah. He needs a hit and he's hoping this will be a hit. Wants to go as well. Stop. Sincerely, Scott Arkman. Okay. Wow, that was even, that was sent even quicker. It sounded like.

All right. Now we just got to sit around and wait. You've got mail. Oh, no. It's spam. What a spam have to say? Maybe they have a clue. Do you want to buy me?

more spam from us? No, I'm, oh, let me write them back. No, sorry. I have way more than enough spam for the year. Thank you so much. Sincerely, Scott, all right. I don't know, you know, I just don't know what to do. Bing! You've got mail. Oh, I got an email. Oh, right, read the email. We only have 48 hours. Oh, it's from... What is the email from Gans? It's from Megan Gans. What does it say? Well, I'm going to read it and we'll hear her voice. Do-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-l-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le-le. Hey, I got your email, Scott. It's been a really long time since you emailed me.

First, I was confused because we had that big fight so many years ago, and I didn't think you ever wanted to speak to me again. Stop. How are you? Stop. Love you, Megan. Huh. Mix messages.

She loves you, stop. She wants to be a stop. Yeah. She doesn't answer my question about going to. to the you've got mail stop i was still sending the email stop i hadn't yes i have a family reunion tonight why did you want to be my date stop whoosh see you later bye hoosh p.s one more for the road whoosh oh wow three whooshes from megan gans this is exciting all right so we're invited where is it you didn't ask me to ask her that that's all we have to find out

I don't know. Where do they have family reunions down here in L.A. with a family that's from San Francisco. There have to be some clues, detective, or Inspector Cates, I'm sorry, to call you a detective. That's a clue that you've not been paying attention. So what are the clues? What clues were left behind of the scene? All right. Family reunions need a few things, right? We need outdoor barbecue pets. We need... Plastic cutlery. Absolutely. Pasta salad. Where do you find pasta salad? salad, pasta salad.

Zach, where do we find pasta salad? Ralph's. Ralph's. Wait a minute. Is anyone in the Gans family named Ralph? Ooh. Like Ralph Gans? Yeah.

Anybody named Gelsons. Gelson's Gans? There's obviously an Albert's Gans. Wait, what about his son? He has a son. Albertans. We need to get to Albertsons right now. They'll be buying all of the stuff for the reunion right now.

Pasta salad. Hot dogs, buns, et cetera. Albertson says right over there. Let's run. Look at them, go. Hey, come on, Kate. Hold on, let me...

Catch up. Hold on, I need my inhaler. Okay. Okay, let's go back to running. All right. Okay, we're here. We're here. Oh, look, there's a greeter here at the door.

Oie, what are you kids doing mucking about? I ain't got time for your drive. Get out of my way, we're looking for Gans! This Albertson's closed. It's been closed for 50 years. Some kids say it's haunted, isn't it? Okay. Have you seen anyone go in to the grocery store at all?

Just Scooby-Doo in the gang. Oh. Gant's isn't part of that, right? Yeah, is Gans part of Scooby-Doo's gang? What's the name of their gang? Okay, you got Thelma. No, Velma. Not the names of the people in the gang.

Don't they have a name for their gang? Well, they write around the mystery machine. The Scooby-Duby-Crooby. That's what they told me. They were in here solving the... the mystery of the something something pasta salad family reunion in it oh my god anyways i got got a got a toilet now foosh she just sent an email in the bathroom okay so uh we're inside now do you see anyone kates what are you doing you're staring off in your space i'm looking for clues

like you're haunted by some sort of past memory what is going on with you yeah i had a traumatic experience in a grocery store like this. Really? A haunted grocery store that was 50 years old that you've had an experience? That's right. Not this one, but a different haunted grocery store that's been closed for 50 years. Up in San Francisco, I would imagine.

That's right. Now it's the headquarters of Uber. Oh, God, don't get me started. But anyway, what happened to you in this? I was left there as a child. Okay, for how long? 18 days. 18 days? That's right.

Anyway, is Gans here? No, but I've reclaimed a memory. Scott, I just remembered that I had a brother named Albert. You didn't remember you had a brother named Albert. And he had a brother named William Cherry. I'm a Gans. What? Oh, my God, you're a Gans?

I'm a Gans. We don't need Megan Gans. So you know where the family reunion is? No, nobody knows I'm a Gens. Okay, well, just tell everyone you're a Gans, and then you'll be invited to the family reunion. I guess I have to tell Megan Gans that I'm a Gans. Okay. Do you want to send an email to her?

Just dictate it to me. All right. Dearest Megan Gans. Hey, how's you going? Okay. We can cut down a little on the chit-chat, I think. I mean, this is a matter of grave importance. This should be dictated not read.

Back to me with criticism. I was just remembering that I'm also a Gans. Do you want me to put in a stage director? that says, talks about your jaunty tone? Well, you can put it in italics. I think that'll come across on the page. All right, all right. Just remembered I'm a game.

I'm also a Gans. I would like to attend the Gans family reunion. Okay. Where is it? Okay, thank you. Good. Specifically. Where is it specifically?

And do you want to sign your name or anything? Signed yours truly best wishes. Signed yours truly best wishes. And all the regards to you. friends and family and may the road rise up to meet you sure okay on your journey

inspector jack john kate's gans okay we sent it uh well uh i mean we're just going to have to wait and see if megans writes me back about the uh or writes you back

you know wait a minute you've got mail jack up jack it okay okay okay okay okay okay okay Okay. Hi, Scott. It's me, Megan, again. The family reunion is tonight at the Denny's behind the Arby's, behind the McDonald's,

and it's a theme party, so make sure you dress up. See you there. Love you. Megan. Wooosh. P.S. Ding, you've got mail. Woosh.

What's the theme? What's the theme? We don't know the theme. We'll be a three-humped camel. That'll be a good idea. That'll work with any theme. Okay, so, first of all, the thing I want to follow up on is Zach Alfenackas and I definitely want, I want him and I to go take IQ tests and figure out who's smarter. and I actually looked up places to do it.

They're all on the west side. You can't just do it online? No, I think it's for it to be an official. Yeah. You wanted it to be official. You want it to be official. I think back in the early days of the internet, like around 2000, I got sucked into one of these websites saying like, take an IQ test online. And then you take the entire test, which is 30 questions.

I think I know where this is at it. And everyone is a different page. and you can and it takes like 25 minutes and then it goes okay to get the results pay this amount of money and you're like you you feel like you have to because you just spend all that time so much time sunk fallacy but I did not so I of course not because you know what happens what they go they just make up a number you put the money and then it's okay here's your result zero idiot okay because you paid us here's the test we asked you for money and you gave it to us I have a perfect docu because I never gave a money That's right. But Zach and I do want to do that. I think that would make for a fun reveal Moripovich style on the actual episode. So I've looked it, I've looked up places to get the official tests. And so, they're all on the west side. They seem to all be on the west side. You would think someone in the east side would be able to administer this test. Do you think there's more white supremacists over there? On the west side? Yeah, probably. To whom the IQ number is very important. Yeah. Also, Huntington Beach, there's a ton over there. That's the west. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, I mean, down south and the West. Idaho. So that's one thing I want to follow up with. And then, of course, Charlie McCracken, we heard Charlie B.

Crack. Gann, or I mean, Jack Cates, rather, very funny. Do you know, I don't think it was the second time he did that character that I made the 48 hours connection. That it was a Nick Nolte impression. Yeah. I thought it was just like a generic, and I thought it was really funny. Yeah. And then the second time I was like, oh, 48 hours.

Right, right. And I think all the The names are the same too Yeah, absolutely Yes But then it made me think Wait, was that the plot of 48 hours? I think so

That this cop got his gun stolen? Maybe I couldn't tell you But it's very, very funny We also heard Lisa in there Doing the voices of the other characters Which was very fun She goes on Later in the episode

To play strunkenheaded baby witch which is very funny so listen to that entire episode but Charlie very funny always enjoy when Jack Kates is on let's take a break when we come back

we're going to hear our final clip of this episode we're going to hear number 11 very exciting Paul are you as excited as I am very exciting very dangerous very exciting very dangerous

we'll be right back with more comedy bang bang after this comedy bang bang bang best of 2025 part one counting down your choices for the best episodes of 2025 and already I mean these top three have been incredible episodes that could be number one two and three as far as I'm concerned I dare anyone to come in here yeah I dare anyone to come in here where my children sleep

where my wife plays with her toys come in here and try to tell us that these are not great episodes you come into my house where my wife plays with her clip to tell me. Oh, my word. Oh, my very word. Godfather would be very different if he said that. The Godfather would be very different if this one key element was changed. We're having, I mean, I defy anyone to say that these episodes are not equally as good as the episodes will get to you later. Yeah. I defy God. I defy God. I defy God all day on. Well, let's get to it. This is your choice for episode number 11.

Number one. Okay, episode number 11 We have not cracked our top 10 No, sorry everybody At this point We have to go in this order Yeah There was a

I think I think maybe it was K Rock here in Los Angeles They would do You know, top 40 stations Would do the top 40 or the top 20 countdown Or whatever every week And they would do a countdown But they did it all out of order

What? No Are you fucking kidding me? Yeah It's just like Do you like number 28th and they do number four? Yeah. It's like listening to the radio. Yeah. Like there's no, there's no order, no structure to it. Why bother?

Why did they do that? I don't know. Just to show us how funny they were. They weren't funny. Really? Who? Kay Rock was funny? Who was the D-Jockey? Who was doing that? I don't remember who did the actual countdown. This is past the point where I had, was a regular listener.

Were Kevin and Bean on K. Rock? They were. Yeah. Really nice guys. Very funny. Very, very great guys. And I, in, I believe, March of 2020, this is after Bean left, and he went to England, Kevin was still hosting. Old Bean. Kevin was. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Bean went to England? Bean went to England.

You don't mean. He's on toast. No, what? Is that how we got Mr. Bean? No, no, no. Unfortunately, he moved to England and everyone was like, oh, Mr. We already have been. We already have been. What are you doing here? So he's never really fit in. But I was, Kevin was going on vacation. And so they asked me to guest host for a day. Very nice. And they said, how would you like to do it? The shift starts. It's like 6 to 10, 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. That's rough. How do you want to do it? Do you want to just like have us do all the work and come in and, you know, we'll give you stuff to say or whatever? And I said, no, I want to do it like it's done every single day.

I want to come in for the morning meeting, talk about news stories. Like every, I want to do, I want to do everything. I want to do, I want the whole experience. Wow. And did I mention this was March of 2020? And then suddenly I got an email, hey, we are shutting down. Radio is canceled. Radio is canceled.

And then everyone was fired the next week. Oh, what the fuck? They took the opportunity of the pandemic to fire all of the DJs. Wow. So I never got to do it. But I used to love going into Kevin and Bean because I was listening to them when I was a young man. And it was always thrilling and they're super, super nice guys. Yeah, I did their show once and they were very nice.

And their listeners or occasional listeners. And Bean especially loved the television show, the comedy bandang television show. Great guys. And I was sad that I never got to. to do what they do. It's sad. And I should offer them to do what we do. You should offer them to do what we do.

And then cancel it. And then cancel it right at the last second. And then fire us. Yes. Okay. So this is episode number 11. I already said that, right? Yeah, you did.

Yeah. Okay, sure. And this is episode 935. And it came out on September 29th. So this is the middle of the earliest. This is like middle of the early 900s. Yeah, definitely. And this is an episode called Bone In Salami Sliders.

Now, the... That sounds disgusting. It sounds disgusting, but is it? We'll find out. The participants involved are Jason Manzoukis, Seth Morris, my Dharman, and Owen Burke. Now, Owen Burke is an old friend of mine. Um, has not been on Comedy Bang Bang until this year. Wow.

I, I, first of all, he was working for, uh, Will Farrell and, and, and, and first of all. And Adam McKay and had a full-time job over there. Yeah. But, um, but, um, come crying. But I, but I asked him to do the show and I, I, this is one of those things. You assume someone is busy and doesn't have time to do something. And then I asked Owen to do it and he was, he was very touched and said, I've never gotten to do it.

I've always wanted to do it. Oh. And I, uh, I was like, oh, you should be on more regularly. Very sweet. And here he is in our countdown. Owen, congrats, Owen. You made it.

Your first year. First year of eligibility. It's never happened before, except for the times that it has. And the first year of the podcast. So we have Jason, Jason Manzukas, of course.

Wait, did you do Bestos the first year of the podcast? We did. In December, we started in May of 2009, and we did some best ofs at the end of 2009.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. That's wild. Weird, wild stuff. I did not know that. I remember doing them in the radio station where we left in May of 2010. So, yes, I do remember.

Weird, wild stuff. Wild stuff. I still can't do Johnny Carson. You can do so many other people. Leave Carson to us. It eludes you. Leave Carson to us. Leave Carson to us.

Okay, so we have Jason Manzuchus, who's, of course, a great. Improvisor, great actor. He appears as himself on this show. You may know him this year. He's gaining a lot of visibility from being on season, series, rather, 18 of Taskmaster? 19. He was on 19. Okay. And a great contestant on Taskmaster. Great season. Really enjoyed him on it. And then we have Seth Morris, who is a great improviser. He has his own show on CBB World, which is College Town. He is one of the most unique improvisers I've ever met. Agreed. He's been on Comedy Bang Bang for the entire 16 years. He started coming on in the early years.

At the time he was doing a character Bob Duka on stage, where he would come out on stage with a big giant mustache and glasses and wearing a neck brace and a lot of like a cast on his leg and arm braces. And I was like, oh, this is so funny. can you do it on comedy bang bang and we somehow I think because I was like I would love if you're going to come in and do this guy maybe it would be good if you had some sort of personal connection to me oh that came about yeah that's how we get and so so Seth hit on like what if he was my ex-stepfather so that became part of Bob Duka lore and he's been doing Bob

Duka on the show for now 16 years and he always comes in with very specific comedic lists which only Seth could ever write because he has such a unique brain and this episode he does it I think this episode was it was September and I was looking

for just occasionally I will feel like doing these classic feeling episodes or something with like old friends Jason wanted to do an episode and he wanted friends of his and he's known Owen and Seth forever but he also

really likes my Darmann who he had done an episode with earlier in the year. She's a newer improviser. She just started doing this is her second episode of Comedy Bang Bang Ever.

So what we're going to hear is we're going to hear Jason Manzoukis and then Bob Duka is going to come in with a series of lists that he's going to do. We're going to hear My Darmin play

Austrian exchange student Peter Strucel and then we're going to hear Owen Burke playing queasy jeans. So this is it. This is your episode number 11. Number one, one. It's wonderful to have you back, Jason.

You're a great friend. We love to have you on this. On this auspicious day. And I think that it is an auspicious day, is it not? Whoa. Holy shit, that scared that hell out of me. Was that you, Jason? No, it was not.

Someone else is here. It's me. He's right there. I'm right here. Oh, my God. I turned my head slightly to the left. Bob. You're two inches away from me.

Sorry. How did you get in here? I zealiged on you guys. You fully zealiged us. What does that mean? I turned into my environment. Oh, I understand. I have such a lack of personality that I become my surroundings.

What's crazy is you're wearing so much, so many like metal apparatus. You're wearing so much noisy stuff, but you yet snuck in here, sat down, put cans on and got all set up at a microphone without us hearing any of it. Yeah. That's right. But hi, Bob. Bob, Bob, for the newer listener, Bob is my ex-stepfather. He was married. Oh, no.

I anticipated what you were going to ask. He's married to my mother for six months. Six glorious months. Back in the-in-old. 90s, I think. And, yeah, anyway. I'm unwell, Scott. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Let me get to it. How are you? Pretty good. No, that's not true. That was a reflex. So, Bob, what's going on with you? Why are you? Well, thanks for asking.

Yeah. I recently went to Dave and Busters and had a horrible, horrible experience. Oh, no, it's such a fun place. That's what I thought. What were the, what context did you go? Yeah, why were you there? You were part of a birthday party? I was looking for a contractor.

And it's not. Wait, and you're not, they don't demo anything. You thought, wait, wait, and you thought, did you think Dave and Busters was someplace? Yeah, someplace where. they would congregate? Yes. Yeah, okay. Yes, I thought it was their shop.

And if one was named Dave, all the better. Sure, sure. Well, I needed specific work done. Which was? Demo, a deconstruction. Busting. Yes. Got it.

And I've never met a Dave that I don't trust. Okay. Trust to bust? You know how pregnant women will get a cast of their tummy? No, I don't know this. You've never heard of that. Now, tell us more about this, Bob. Where did you, where did you hear about this?

Oh, don't get me started about pregnant ladies' tummies. I do happen to notice that you have quite a bit of plaster of paris in your bag. And I can't get it off. I was advised by my life coach to mother myself. I have an inner child, of course. So that means I have an outer mother. Inner child, outer mother. And as you know, I'm dripping with estrogen.

Good Lord. Just a word I would never want you to use. I'm going in male perimenopause. What does that entail, exactly? Well, look at these teeth. You tell me. Put them on the glass. Just so I can see them a little.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You managrams here? Managrams? Managrams. Yes, I'm just making sure. So what, are you trying to, are you saying you're constructing a large? I had my,

I had a cast made of my tummy. Okay. That I would then put up in my home. Okay. To send reverence and to, to my inner child. So you don't wear it. You just made it. into a giant cast of...

You put the plaster on your tummy. Okay. It hardens. And by the way, thank you for using the word tummy. Oh, yes. Rather than any medical terms. Right. Right.

And then you make a statue, like a statue of that. You know when people do that with their faces, they make a thing of their face. I've seen the comedy and drama mask up on the wall of any woman I've ever dated since 1985. Wow. You've been dating since 805? I am. Interesting. Anyway, and I couldn't get this plaster off.

I used the wrong combo. Oh, wow. Oh, no, Bob. And I'm very mad. I got it from a slime YouTuber. I got the recipe from a slime YouTuber. What is the slime YouTuber? They make slime.

Oh, okay. Do they pour it on themselves a la Nickelodeon? No, they just make it. It's slime, you know, slime. It's wrong slime. Oh, okay. Yeah. Good reference, though.

Anyway, I couldn't get it off. So I went to Dave and Busters. turns out it's not a licensed contractor or a demo place. There's not a sledgehammer in sight. Was anyone there close to a contractor? There were some people in MAGA shirts. Okay. That tracks for Dave and Busters.

It's an arcade, games arcade, a game emporium. We know what Dave and Buster. Yes. It's a big place. They have sports TVs. They have bar. They have food. They just have TVs with sports on them.

They're not sports TV. No, I don't think so. What do you mean? Different TVs for different events. No. Yes. Not a movie TV. No, they are the same, Bob.

They are the same. You only need one TV. Wait a minute. Are you switching your TV out anytime you want to watch a different type of program at your house? I'm at Costco every other day. Or are you not watching certain things because you think it won't appear on your TV? The res is bad. Bad res.

Speaking of bad res. I made a bad reservation. Oh, no. Where? At Dave and Buster. Oh, what happened? There was plenty of seats, but they wanted me to make a reservation. There's a matre d there.

So I decided to check it out, even though I knew the menu would not be good for me. I was very, very hungry. Okay. Why is the menu not good for you? Oh, just because of your food intolerances? Yes. What did you end up eating? Thanks for asking.

I ate these foods, and they got me very, very sick. And if I could have just a moment of silence. Sure. When I read these off, I want people to understand that this is a very emotional time for me. And as I read these, I'm letting them go. The following is a list of foods that I recently ate at Dave and Busters. Smash burger. Smoke ass ribs with honey glaze Atari sauce.

Cheese stick stack. Barbacoa cascadia. Loaded barbagoa fried. Liyayakoka onion rings Meat lovers funnel cake Pretzel dog French toast Treffle dusted lost and found salad Loaded nachos

Yoked nachos Buff nachos with Blue Lives Matter dipping sauce Punisher flag nachos with go rock queso and a side of bullets fajitas lamb and pepper chicken wings

with Nintendo dip berry pepper chicken wings Red Bull pancakes with honey barbecue chunks Applewood smoke bartender key card Aoli tasting flight Slurpy Martini

Halapino Ginnis Habanero Smart Water Garlic Parm Banana Bread pan-fried arcade bologna bone-in salami sliders hand-bredded chimp strips with sake of glaze pickle brined crispy pigeon sandwich southwest salmon plate northeast carp platter

four corners diarrhea bone beer battered onion rings and bredded elder abuse matrily sticks all of which left me feeling very, very ill I, yeah, Bob, wow, that's that's, you ate all of that?

Yes. Yeah, aside from the quality I thought it was a game. Yeah. Oh, you thought the menu was a game? I thought everything was a game. Did they give you tickets afterwards? They did. They did give me, they felt bad. They said if I didn't sue, they'd give me tokens.

Oh, tokens to play other games. And it only got. worse from there oh no oh what the following are injuries that I received in the arcade playing the games oh gosh oh god I was playing games but I didn't realize I was playing with my life human claw machine wedge I was roughed up by arcade urchins halotosis dance dance revolution meniscus tear first person shooter cooties fortnight sweats

hell diverticulosis curved spine craft centipediatric diabetes gallagotism the legend of Zika Breath of the Wild tears of the kidney

cysts and it's a me Mercer it's a me Merza so as you can imagine I feel awful Bob I'm so sorry now I'm your problem

because I need solace well Bob I don't know what we can do Bob Edwards sure but you can stick around and do the show with us if that's okay what do I do Leonard Lopate I mean you're just sort of a co-host

sort of like what Jason does you know interrupts all the time okay I'll be I'll be like that the wolf or something you're Scott Ockerman men and the wolf. I don't know that you need to adopt a persona. Hey, let's try it.

My wife made me go buy tampons. Hey, Wolf, you're married? Ah, boy, don't even remind me of it. Boy. Oh, okay. Well, you brought it up. Yeah, yeah.

She cheated on me. Wolf, no. Yeah. What happened? After, before you bought her the tampons. She did. What happened? I bought her the tampons.

Okay. I tried to save money. Oh, no. And what did you do? Yeah, what'd you end up buying? I went to an Army surplus store. I bought her Old World War II gauze. Like a medic supply.

Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah, that's not. You don't want to put that anywhere near a sensitive area. They're called mash pads. Why not just go by tampons, in other words? Hey, man, I'm a guy. I don't want to do that. Classic wolf.

Hey, call in right now if you've ever been in. that situation where your lady says come by your tampons and you're trying to watch the game and she says can you get me? What game are you watching? Ah, the one, um, the guy, oh man, the new, they hire, the Japanese guy came in and they're spending it. He's so expensive. We do need to get to our next guest. Let's see. He's a foreign exchange student. This is fascinating. Every once in a while we bring people on from different cultures, different countries, and we like to talk to them about their lives. And today is no exception. Please welcome to the show for the first time, Peter Strusal. You guys, hi. Hey, Peter. How are you? Oh, I'm amazing. Oh, wow. Oh, that's

awesome. You guys, it's so good to be here. So good to have you. This is The Wolf. Hi. Hold on. If I may speak in my regular voice, I'm actually Bob. Bob. There was a was incredible. Thank you. I couldn't believe how he became the wolf. Right? Oh, wow. I'm Jason. Just so you know. Jason. And also known as Jeffrey Character Wheaties. Oh, yes. Can we hear from Jeffrey? Yeah. And I am Jeffrey Character Wheaties. Yeah. So, yeah, very different. Oh, my God. Yeah. Everyone's so talented here. And Scott, I know you because I've been staying in your guest house. That's right. Yes. I have multiple guest houses on the property and I like to bring people in from various other. culture. It's so generous of you to be hosting people from other cultures. Peter, where

are you, where do you hail from? I'm from Austria. Oh, wow. Austria. Yeah. And I've been having summer here and staying in Scott's guesthouse. I did want to ask summer's over at this point. How much longer are you going to be here? Well, that's the question. It's autumn now. It's so beautiful out. Oh my God. You have to stay here for autumn. It's so great. Oh, California. autumn's. They're so amazing. It's 86 degrees. Nothing changes. The leaves are turning that orange and red, the crisp air. Oh, I can't wait. And that's actually, I'm looking for a place to stay. Sounds like Scott doesn't want me anymore. Oh, yes, he does. No. I could be, I could, I don't know, I could reconsider if you like. What, what do you have plans to do while you're here?

I guess go hiking. Sure. Okay. I guess I meant more a long-term. term, like, why do you want to stay here? Oh, it's so beautiful. And also probably for, like, medical procedure, maybe. Oh, wow. Yeah. You guys. Boy, Bob, I mean, the wolf's ears pricked up.

Is that part of a thing? If you're an exchange student, do you get medical procedures? Well. Did you? Maybe we could swap you for Bob over here. You could go to Austria and get some medical procedures. Well, no, it sounds like a medical exchange. For a medical exchange.

For a medical procedure. But if you swap, maybe you'll get it. If it's an exchange program, maybe you can go and get Austrian medical procedure while Peter's getting American. Are you looking for medical procedure? I want an Austrian colonoscopy. What's the difference between the two? Chocolate. Oh, okay.

Chocolate comes out instead of. I don't think that's chocolate. I don't think that's chocolate. And the same stuff comes out here. Yeah. You want some medical procedures. Yeah. What is it that you want, medically speaking?

Or is this a necessity? It's a necessity. Oh, no. Fortunately, yeah. But it's kind of depressing. We don't even have to talk about it. We can talk about Los Angeles in autumn. So beautiful.

It's gorgeous. It is. It is gorgeous. But, yeah, I do need to get a very serious transplant. Okay. And the fall is the perfect time of year to go for a picnic. Yes. You know, go take a picnic into the park.

Just picnic. My favorite park, Elysian. Sure. It's a good one. I mean, we could name Los Angeles landmarks all day, but it's not. Oh, please. Oh, please. Yeah.

When I said that, I kind of made a fantastic. You started it, Scott, go ahead. Ray's famous pizza. Mm-hmm. The battery. The automotive museum on Wilshire. Johnny's across the street. Nope.

But look. This is the longest Scott has ever talked to me. Oh, wow. Scott, why aren't you talking to Peter? Well, I didn't realize Peter that that was part of the arrangement that we had. I mean, I basically sent someone over there to Austria and someone I was trying to get rid of here. And I didn't realize we had to talk. That was the exchange.

Yes. Yeah. But what's the transplant? Because I know people with extra stuff. And just out of curiosity, only because it's moving into autumn and fall in all that comes with it. Peter, are you a pumpkin eater? What's pumpkin? What?

Do you not have pumpkins in Austria? And we do want to get to whatever transplant you need. That I just want to be clear. But we would love to get to the bottom of this pumpkin situation. Yeah, me too. How does it look? Well, it's, look, I mean, have you ever seen a basketball? The most orange ball?

Yeah. Los Angeles is a good start. Beautiful, so full of basketball courts where I play one-on-one. Really? Against whom? Yeah. In Bellevue Park. in Barnes del Park

Great one All the bees All the bee parks And then I said Illesion is the way You said a leisure Yeah We're going alphabetically

With the parks Yep We're moving backwards So basketball pretty much I'm on the same page You guys Okay so imagine a basketball But then put like a little green

Or kind of off white It's like an orange stem on An orange gourd A gourd Yeah Oh okay That's a better way

That's a much better way You know a pumpkin is a pumpkin is a fruit. Is it really? All gourds are fruits. Great. But not all fruits are gourds. There you go. Thanks, Wolf.

Speaking of Parks, I work out at Venice Beach because I love, it's medically proven in the hot, hot, hot sun, you can lift more weight. Oh, wow. Yeah. You seem to be, since last I saw you, though, have lost quite a bit of weight. I have. Yeah. Are you on the shot?

Are you on a Zempic? Uh-huh. I don't know if it's cool to ask. I have an Ozempic sniper. They don't tell me when it's coming. Yeah. Because I don't, I feel like it's effeminate to take it.

Sure, sure. So I just have, I hire somebody and say, It wouldn't be so bad. It would be sure. Sure, sure. So you just have someone with a tranquilizer gun, but instead of delivering a tranquilizing,

the dark. And they pop out, they do it in the cutest ways. Oh, yeah. Sometimes at 500 yards. Yep. Sometimes they're just in a garbage can and they come up. Boop. He is,

from America's heartland and it's always an exceptional time here on Comedy Bang Bang when we speak to someone who is from the flyover states as we call it. Please welcome to the show for the first time Queasy Jeans. Hey y'all! Hi, Queasy. Hey, y'all. Hey, Queasy. Thanks for having me. Oh, it's great. Wow.

Our pleasure, this is Jason. Hey, I'm Jason. And this is the wolf over here. Oh, what? Sometimes I'm Bob. But right now, I'm the wolf. No, I'm Bob. No, I'm Bob. No, I'm the wolf. No, I'm the wolf. Okay. You're leaking out of your side oh that's a vanity colostomy bag how does it fill up how does it fill up they're stations okay well queasy tell us about yourself it's so wonderful to meet is that a family name queasy queasy well yeah it's it's short for quesadella

which is cassidia well in america we go on quesadella my dad was a big fan of the Quezadella. Got it. And so name me Quezadella and I go by Quizzi, Quizzi, so wonderful to meet you. Tell us about yourself. Where are you from?

You say you're from America's Heartland? I'm from America's Heartland, right in the middle of it. Wow. It's Bruce Springsteen, the president there. Well, I just love, I love him. He's so nice. Sometimes he talks a little too much about politics, but I like him. Otherwise, he looks good in jeans.

A lot of people that age don't look good in jeans. I don't know how he does so much run. He always wears boots. How are you running so much in boots? Yeah. He's a short king, is he not? Oh, yeah, I think he's like four-nine. He's like four-nine.

Yeah, yeah. He's no tall on a corn husk. So queasy, queasy, queasy, queasy, tell us about yourself. Well, you know, I just, I think everyone right now has become like an expert and they're listening to experts so much. Oh, wow. Why is everyone listening to experts so much? Like, what made experts experts? And I just, I just want people to go back to folksy wisdom.

Oh, okay. Are you sort of an expert in folksy wisdom? Well, I'm not an expert. I believe in, like, that there's so much to learn from everyday things. Okay, so, like, what type of folksy wisdom? Give us an example. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just because a corn cob can fit your butt doesn't mean it belongs there.

Oh, interesting. So that is folksy wisdom. That's folksy wisdom. Huh. So, Queasy, are you trying to say, in a larger, more macro sense, are you trying to say, just because something is easy to do doesn't mean exactly it might not be the right choice. No.

What corned off are not easy to do? But it does fit. It digs a little bit of work. Just because it fits, doesn't mean it belongs there. Are you talking really just specifically about a corn dog? No, there's also other things that go up someone's butt. Well, not necessarily just because an ice cream scoop can fade up your butt. Wait a minute.

It doesn't mean it belongs in. The scoop? the handle I would assume but the scooper scooper that fits you gotta work it is it one of these is it one of these you could do both maybe a mini scoop or a sample spoon sample split you can fit 10

but just because you can fit 10 samples spoons in your butt doesn't mean that it belongs well yeah so just because you may know a word doesn't mean you have to say it is that one of the sayings right there No, I was just sort of saying that generally.

So you prefer to use simple plain language. Simple plain language. What do you do for a living, queasy? Well, I sit on the porch, and if anyone passes by my yard, I yell at them. Great. Someone pays you for this? Well, no, I live on, I have a fixed income. Okay, fixed by whom?

Fixed by my brother. Well, when he died, he got run over by a tractor. So you inherited your wealth. Well, what I did was I became a signatory on his life insurance, so I got his money. Queasy, I guess my question is, when you say a porch, you sit on your porch, I imagine just a simple shack or something like that. But you inherited your brother's wealth. Like, what kind of property are we talking about like a, you know, a 172 acre farm and wraparound porch? Is your house in the middle of a roundabout?

Oh, you can yell at people all the time. Oh, I would love that just so I could yell more people. Wait, so it's not. You would love that, but it's not. Because if you could put a roundabout there, you could just yell the lyrics of the yes song Roundabout. Oh. If you know, then.

I don't know that. I don't even know those words, what that means. Well, I mean, some of them are probably something to the effect of, I'll be the roundabout. The words will make you out and out. I spend the day your way, call it morning, driving through the sound, and out the valley. The music dance and sing. They make the children really ring. I spend your day

your way, call it morning, driving through the sound and in and out of the valley. I don't know. I think that's a little complicated. I think you do. You know what I like is I like it just because a light is red doesn't mean you have to stop. It does in fact. It's, I mean, no. If you go by the letter and the law, yes. Well, but it doesn't mean you have to. You do. Listen, just because the light is rare doesn't mean you have to stop. Quisi, what I am sensing from you is you're just like some rich guy who pays for tickets, who doesn't give a shit if you get a ticket going through a red like because... Who said I'm a guy? Oh, a queasy. I'm sorry. I just wear my hair short. Oh, whoa. Okay. That's really short, by the way. This is like the buzz cut. You've got cuts on

your head. You're queasy. I'm going to let it start. I mean, you may want to rewind your microphone and just be correct. Okay, I make your pardon, Quisey. You're a, uh, how should, how should I, how should we refer to you as a woman? Okay, cool. Quizzi, I didn't know. This is us. This is information I need before I introduce someone. This is us trying to be better, Quesedella is a female name. Oh boy. I don't know if that's the case.

So, Quisi, you're just, you're like a rich Karen who just likes to tell everybody what they should be doing. No, I don't. I just don't think that we should just be going to be the world's apologist all the time and be like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I said, you know. Have you ever apologized to anyone in your life? I've never done anything wrong. What wrong have I done? It sounds like you murdered your brother. Yes, it does sound like that.

He died. To inherit his 150-acre ranch. 172 acres. Just because he died and I don't have an alibi doesn't mean. And you fit a corn cob up your butt. I think you're all missing the point about it. It's not about the corn cob. going in your butt is just saying the maximum the idea the colloquialism is that just

because you can pour a corn cup up your butt doesn't mean that it belongs there it's easy sure it doesn't belong there but sometimes i feel like if it is up there it feels so good you might think it does belong there but that is where yeah tell that's your butt yeah it feels good yeah but's gonna be like this thing belongs here yeah queasy tell it to your butt yeah right now i don't talk to my but i don't talk to anything below the below the belly but button because that's so what do you talk to above the belly button yeah what i talk to my left breast a lot we talk a lot about why is blue bloods set in new york oh of course where would you prefer blue bloods to be set where i live in the center of the country oh why do i need to hear about

everything set in new york or well it seems there's there's a lot more crime there yeah the big cities have quite a bit more crime varieties of crime well we have plenty of crime where i live Yeah, it sounds like your brother was murdered. Well, he just died by a tractor rolling over him. Who was driving the tractor, if you don't might be asking? You know what? I wasn't there, so I don't know. You weren't there.

I was not. So how do you know that's how it happened? Because they found him underneath the tractor. Okay, and where were you? I don't, you know what, that's the funny thing. No one knows. That is very funny. It's very weird.

It's humorous. Number one, one. There we go. Now that, now that's what we're talking about. nature is it not isn't it not isn't it comedic don't you think it's a bit comedic that's a great episode um you're welcome and um yeah always a always a pleasure to have people enjoying each other's company on the show and uh uh owen was really making me laugh being queasy jeans By the way, a woman, he never told me that in the intro.

And so I was... I feel like I intuited that when I listened to this episode. I probably should have, but I think I said he's this, you know, he's a small business owner in his intro. I was using the pronouns of he, and he didn't correct me. And then, like, halfway through his interview, I said, you're a gentleman who he's like, wait a minute. I'm a woman. Very funny Anyway, that's

Numbers 14 through 11 I mean Where's the lie? I don't see one at all No So that's the way we do it Can I say good picks everybody Good picks

These are very funny episodes And they even supposedly Get funnier and funnier as we go along Can you imagine it? I can't imagine laughing this much Unless do you think that the audience shows them out of order Like K-Rock star?

I think they may have So we're thinking it's getting better and better, but it might not. No, they're going to get a little worse, and then better on the third episode and then terrible on the fourth episode. It's always darkest before the dawn. It's a good point. Yeah. I hate it when it's dark right before that dawn. Well, because it's the darkest.

Is that true, though? Is it really the darkest before the dawn? It seems like it would be darkest, like, in the middle of the night. Where to go walking in my deep? Oh, my God. That song haunted us on tour. Why? I don't know why we started talking about.

Billy Joel and then oh because one of the musicians does not like Billy Joel never likes his music was he in Billy Joel's band was he what was he in Billy Joel's band he was not he was not a bald man with a goatee just like everybody in Billy Joel's and Billy Joel himself and so we were all naming all the great songs and everything and then in the middle they came up we all started singing over and over again one thing I have to about in the middle of the night, though, is when I heard it, I assumed it was a cover of a classic song. Right.

Because it just seemed like one of those songs you'd known forever. Yeah. And so when I heard it was an original, I was like, no, I must have been hearing that song my entire life. So is that, even though it's an annoying song, is that not the hallmark of a classic song to come out and everyone go like, oh, this is, this is a classic already? I think I know what you're saying. Okay, I hope so.

But also, there's some bad classic songs as well. Like what? My favorite part, oh, the national anthem. What's that one that you hate? Rolling through the country, maybe not you want to go. Fucking knock it off. Stop being that way. But my favorite part of in the middle of the night is the Lou Costello part was like,

In the middle of the, I was walking in the, in the middle of the, in the middle of the, I don't remember this part. In the middle of the, I was walking in the middle of the, I was walking in the, In the middle. Oh, in the middle. I was walking in. Oh, shit. Complete a sentence. Yeah.

But he's too scared because the mummy's there. Oh, that's what's going on. Okay. They should have put that in the liner notes on the CD. Well, hey, we got to get out of here. We have to leave. Can I do a plug? Yeah, please.

I want to say that. This is December 22, I believe. Speaking of refreshing. Oh, December 22nd, we just had the holiday of Rhyotopia show. Last night. You can still, last night, you can. still watch it online, go to Varietopia.com.

But it's ring style, right? Where if you watch it, you die within 24 hours. I'm sorry, I just, I feel like you... You're done within 70 days. You should let... Oh, it's within seven days. Okay, so you'll still celebrate Christmas. Yes, you'll have one final Christmas. But go to varietopia.com.

And then also, speaking of refreshing in the new year, sketch fest, I'll be doing seven shows in three days. Oh, boy. So go to Paul Ftomkins.com. Should we... I've been waiting for you to get off tour and feel more relaxed before we ever talk about what we're going to do on the comedy banging tour.

I mean, you know I'm down to clown till I'm dead in the ground. I know your DTF at all times. At all times. Or DTBF, down to be fucked. Yeah, I guess that's true. If I'm tired. Sure. Just starfish?

Can I just lawyer better? But yeah, so make sure. you check out Varite toopia, the live, Turpia. I almost said Turpia because that's the tour, but this is a local one, so it's Varitopia. And then SketchFest, next one. And then, you know, if you like what you hear right now, go check out CBB World, which is our Patreon. And there you have the entire, all of the past episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, every single live episode we've ever done. That's right.

We have new shows where characters from this show have their own shows. We do that as CBB presents. We have a show called Scott hasn't seen where I watch movies with Sprague the Whisperer. That's Sean Distin playing the character of Sprague that I haven't seen before. So much going on. That's at CBBWorld.com. We're going to be back on Thursday and we're going to finally crack the top 10. Finally.

Oh, God. Jesus Christ. When will these guys crack the top 10? Well, that's going to happen on Thursday. That was you, by the way, listeners. That's what you sound like. That's going to be Christmas Day. So before any, before you do anything else on Thursday,

day listen to two and a half hours of us clowning around before you go to mass make sure you listen to us yes okay so then go to mass and then go to mass and then go to mass and then whisper to your your mass partner what happened on the show until the priest gets mad this reminds me of episode number nine and then it's got so and then and then Paul said okay we're going to see you then and until then goodbye until then goodbye bye