Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2025 Pt. 2

Episode Date: December 25, 2025

Merry Best Of’s to all from Comedy Bang! Bang! Join Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they count down numbers 10 through 7 of the best CBB episodes of 2025 as voted on by you, the listeners! Find out how your best-loved characters ranked and maybe discover some new favorites! Tune in Monday for part 3! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Merry Comedy bang bang, bong, comedy bang bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang. Merry Christmas to you. It came upon a bit night clear. What child is this? Oh, holy dirt. Are you glad that we finally moved on from religious Christmas carols and now we do secular ones?

Do you like the religious one better? one's better. They're more dramatic. They are very dramatic. Like, what child is this? How often have you said that in your own life? What child is this? I mean, I probably said that about a few children.

Yeah. Especially if they're running around. If they're running around and you're like, whose parents, who do you belong to, child? Whose man's is this? That would be a great Christmas carol. Yep. Whose man's is this who laid to rest?

I like the, I like the, oh, holy night is my all-time favorite. That's a good one. Fucking dramatic. When we hear that, my daughter says, is this the carolers? Because when she saw carolers on the streets of Solvang, they sang that. And so now anytime she hears any version of it, she's like, is this the carolers? She thinks that's their song. Yeah, that they came up with it.

They wrote it. I think they'd have to be enormously flattered to hear that. Yeah, I'm sure they would. God resty, merry gentlemen, of course. so great because he mentioned Satan. Yeah. A lot of Christmas carols don't mention Satan. They mention the other guy, Santa. Hey, guess what?

Mix up some of those letters. Yeah. And you'll see what. The whole point that Christ was born was to save us all from Satan's power. And instead we, you should spell that out. Yeah, spell out. S-A-N-T-A. Okay, you're trying to ruin Santa now. Santa is Satan. Satan. I knew you were going to say that.

I knew it. Satan! Remember, church lady? From 1983. No. That old? I think so. Let's see when Dana Carvey's first season on SNL was.

I thought it was closer to the 90s, I thought. He was practically gone by the 90s. Let's see. His first season on Saturday Night Live, oh, 86. But still, split the diff between us. You split the diff. all right diff splitter king solomon that's right someone gave me a baby once and i cut him in half and now everyone calls me king solomon you cut the baby in half before that was even people were even

arguing about the baby oh yeah just someone brought me a baby you sat it on my lap and sat it in your lap and cut it it in a half long ways yeah that's right well i mean that's the only way to do it well that way everybody gets all parts of all parts of the baby yes other than i guess what's only on one side? Somebody gets more of the heart. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.

What, yeah. No, isn't the heart right in the center? The heart's right in the center. It's a little off center. It's a little off center. Okay. But I don't know like the liver where that is exactly. I didn't learn this when I dissected that worm that we talked about on the last episode.

Got to be the easiest thing to dissect, right? Just do it likewise like that baby. Yeah. But then like what was in it? I just remember there being like shit in it. Ew. Worm shit? Yeah, worm shit in it. And the biology teacher saying like, oh, okay, well, it's going to be stinky when you open up the intestine or whatever worms have.

Yeah, I would assume that goes for anything that has intestines. Yeah, exactly. Worm intestines. I don't know. This is, by the way, I believe I am on my 40th anniversary of dissecting that worm. My God, congratulations. Why didn't you say something? Scott!

I should have mentioned it before we got here. Oh, I feel terrible. I should have brought you something. Speaking of what, your present is over there. I got to get it for you. As discussed on today's freedom. In those pink bags? In one of the pink bags.

Oh, that's right. Yeah, your presence over there. So if you have not heard today's freedom episode, that's yours. Yeah. Just stop this and listen to that. And then if you come back to this, great. Stop this and listen to that. We've already got your listener, your listen.

number from this already once you started it. But I got Paul and Lauren a couple of things. And Paul... From, name the store. Pardon My Humor at pardonmyhumor.com. And I got Paul a coffee mug. Yeah. And then I got him also a Star Wars action figure of Werner Herzog.

That's right. As the client. As the client. In a bag, in a pink bag that says, here's that sex toy you wanted. Look at this gorgeous piece. picture of him on the side. I mean, I bet he's very happy with that. It makes him look very He's got to be. He looks fucking terrific. Yeah. Paul does this, by the way, my name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And with me here as my co-host for all of these best of

episodes, this is the best of comedy bang bang, 25 part two is Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. Hello to all lovers. And Paul, I give him a Werner Herzog action figure because he has done Werner Herzog on comedy bang bang several times over the years it's very true and uh the best to ever do it and it was he in fact was played for verner herzog himself that's right um and verner was asked hey what do you think of this um and he was he was positive about it he was positive yeah he said uh that's good stuff and he also he said the accent needs a little work but he but then he concluded with my congratulations to him oh now i still have not listened to this this. Okay. You, oh, you've, and this is several years old. Yes. For some reason, I cannot,

I cannot bring myself to listen to it. Yeah, I understand that. Because what if there's, like, even a tinge of denigration in it or something? You know, you know, I, you know, I, it's just too weird. I like hearing the things that he said. Yeah. Like hearing about the things. You like reading the transcripts. I do like, I love it. First of all, you know, I'm a Burrell's bitch from way back. Of course. I'm always sending away for transcript. Now, you just took the bag that I gave you and you put it on the other side of the table. Yeah. For what purpose?

Because you can reuse it for someone else. Oh, so you're not taking it home with you. No, no. Part of receiving that gift is receiving the bag. Guess what else? Don't be a thunder cunt might not make it out of the door. That's the mug. Now, the mug has, it depicts, the mug is very curious, all right?

So it says, don't be a thunder cunt. It depicts a thunder cloud with light. and rain coming out of it. B and A are both little boxes. It looks like blocks like the ABC blocks. Yeah, but none of the other words are. Yeah, I don't know.

I don't quite understand it, but... Now, I think I've told you about my favorite novelty mug. No. Okay. So there's Janie and her her girl's trip girls. They go on this trip every year. And it lasts for 50 weeks.

Yes, it's a 50 week trip. They were at this store. this gift store, and they had, like, a gigantic mug that says, I'm down to one cup of coffee a day. But they also sell it with the same message in a regular size mug. In a regular size mug. Yes, I enjoy it. It's so funny.

It's just factual. I'm down to one cup of coffee a day. Which is great for the person involved. Yeah, this one. Yeah, yeah. It should have a picture on that mug of the giant mug. And then next to a pencil for scale. Yes.

Oh, pencil. But how do you know it's not a golf pencil? God damn it. That's right. That's why we use coins. Oh, use coins. Oh, use a quarter. Oh, okay.

Good. But what if it's not, it's a 50 cent piece? Have you ever tried to, like on eBay, if you're looking for something and they have for scale a coin, but it's a foreign coin? And you're like, I don't know how big that is. Yeah, that could be baseball sized, could be as big as a big as. a soccer ball. I think of other round things.

A circle? Sure. Could be as big as a circle. Yeah. Or a donut hole. Or somebody that got flat in a cartoon? I was wondering this about donuts the other day. Oh, okay.

Don't I wonder? They have the holes in them. I've seen donuts being made, so I know the process. Yeah, sure. I've seen Mr. Rogers. Does there have to be a hole in it? You know what I mean? Well, no, because there are donuts.

without holes that are filling. So you feel like you're getting ripped off, right? It's like Swiss cheese. Well, I remember when my mother saw the commercial for the Marathon Candy Bar, which is a sort of chain-shaped thing. I remember this. This was in her memoir as well, wasn't it? Chocolate with caramel.

This is in my memoir, the specific time of my life, two years, when I was eight years old. And I thought it looked really cool and, of course, delicious, gooey caramel. And my mother said, it's a rip-off because you're paying for air. Yeah. And now I realize she was right. She was right. Now I heard an apology because I said, shut up, bitch. Well, I was one of those kids who called my mom a bitch.

Sure. Yeah, just in fun. Hopefully this holiday season, you'll go to her gravesite and apologize to her. I'll say I'm sorry, bitch. The pit style. Yes. Did you watch the pit? I believe in life after love.

I don't know. Okay, that's interesting. Yeah, I don't know if I have or not. Now, this is an abrupt subject change. Yeah. Soge change. You got the, we just had lunch. Yeah.

You got these potato chips. I did. I got a couple of bags of potato chips. One is just salt and vinegar. Yeah. And then I got a different bag that you've been fascinated with. The flavor is listed as all mixed up. all mixed up

don't know what to do what you're gonna do when they come for you mixed up mixed up and here's what happens in this bag it's a combination of different flavors barbecue vinegar

just vinegar onion and garlic now does that mean each chip has all of those flavors I don't believe so I think it's a I think it's like scraps of different bags

they just poured a bunch of bags into this one little bit so I don't know the problem To be, to be frank, I've been to the factory and I asked to see the process and they would not let me into the, on to the factory floor. Oh, I don't like that at all. Yeah. Oh, I don't like that. Yeah, they barred me from the floor. Wow. And they, everyone I talked to was on deep background and wouldn't say anything on the record about it. And so, yeah, it's a mystery. Did you get to keep the hard hat? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. That's fun. You just, you know what you do is you just walk out with it and, and then if anyone stops, you. he goes, hey, you forgot to give our hard hat back. You go, oh, I forgot this is on my head. Exactly. But if they don't stop you, you just walk right at you.

One time I got home, I got all the way home with a loveler microphone attached me. How does that happen? Because I wore, hey, look, if you asked me to wear my own fucking clothes, then I'm going to wear that microphone home. That kind of thing you have to give back. I did have to give it back. Yeah, those are two expectations to ever. Do they wonder where it was or did they know you had taken it?

No, I called them. Oh, okay. And said, by the way, I just got home. Was it on my show? This feels familiar. It may have been. Might have been, yeah. No, no, no.

I've never, well, no, I did wear my own costumes, but I don't think I ever walked out of my costume. I think I wore, maybe I wore my law of home once. Yeah, yeah. It's fun. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. It's naughty. Because then, you know, they're taping you the entire time you're at home and you, they're, like, recording the arguments.

I left it on the shower. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you're hearing those rubbing sounds of the soap up against the body. Rubbing sounds. I wash the microphone. clean. This is a company called community chips, community snacks.

They say we're chipping in and giving back. 10% of profits donated to make a difference. This is all very vague. Guess what, by the way, just make your chips 10% cheaper and I'll pocket the diff. Oh, you know, I can pass it on to charity? I have my own charities that I give to. You don't get to choose what charity. I choose what charity I donate that 10% to.

they don't really say what they do. Yeah. Donates 10% of our profits to make a difference in our communities. What if we all chipped in and gave back? How much of a difference could we all make in other people's lives? Every time you buy a bag of community snacks, you're helping us make a difference. To do what? We have to get a spokesperson for these chips on.

Absolutely. And fucking hold their feet to the fire. We need there to be some transparency in this process because right now I'm buying these chips every day going, where's the difference in my community? I look. I go outside every day. and I look around. Communities the same. Yeah.

I look around. I mean, my neighbor is maybe doing some work on his garage. That's the, that's about all that's happening. And I don't know whether community chips are subsidizing that. Oh, guess where they're located? Old Lyme, Connecticut. Oh. So let's help that community out.

Yeah, wonderful. Fucking, I hate these guys. Fuck out of here. I hate these guys. That's a delicious chip. Get the fuck out of here. Hey, should I rewatch heat? I did recently.

It's, Good. Okay. I wasn't really taken with it at the time. I thought it was fine when it, like, it's, it's a sign of how, how the movies have dipped in quality so badly, where like he came out and it was like, oh, yeah, there was some good parts, some bad parts. And now you watch it and go like, man, they don't make them like this anymore. All right. I feel like it's being talked about a lot. Is it some anniversary or something? I don't know, but I know what you mean. It feels like it's one of those movies that has just grown in stature. Also, I think the fact that the sequel is being. made, you know, it's like on everyone's mind. Hotter? Yeah. Ice cold. They're making a fucking sequel to Heat. He too. Well, he wrote the book first

which I've received for Christmas. This is the second anniversary of me receiving in for Christmas. Scott, why did you tell me something? Why did you tell me? First of all, I dissected that work. Oh, I feel like a 40 years ago. I feel like a terrible friend. Now this is

the second, today is the second anniversary of receiving that gift from Kulop along with a Paul Nguyensock, my wife. Yes. Yes.

Okay. Along with a Paul Newman biography, she, I believe Paul Sheer recommended both

of those books for me, and they have sat on my nightstand for now two years and I've not picked them up.

But he wrote the, he wrote this sequel. It's heat too and I believe it has, it's both a prequel and

sequel or something. And so Adam Driver, I believe, is in the is cast in the sequel as young Robert no as young Al Pacino

I don't know come on and he's doing the house of Gucci accent don't worry it would be funny if that one he goes she's got a good ass

in maybe about 10 years she'll have a great ass and then the sequel part she's got the greatest ass um but yeah maybe I'll revisit yeah it's it's also now

that there are no expectations for it you kind of know what's going to happen and the whole thing, it's all just about the ride in a way of like, oh, wow, you know. That's what I'm all about, bro. Yep.

The ride. Speaking of which, we are on a ride to count down your favorite episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from 2025. Yeah. And we are not stopping this ride. No. Until we get to number one.

I don't care if somebody has a heart attack. Nope. Well, just keep going. I don't care if a pregnant woman starts to give birth. I want to be next to a dead person. and a woman giving birth so that the old person and the baby can swap souls.

Oh, wow! And the baby is born and goes, how do I get back here? I'm still on this fucking ride. Mama? Mama? Mama? It's all good to me?

We, Paul and I, I am, of course, the host of Comedy Bang Bang, and Paul is a frequent guest, the most frequent guest. And Comedy Bang Bang, if you've not heard it before is a lot of you have received new iPhones for Christmas. And happy Christmas. Happy Christmas to you.

You are now perusing the podcast app and you have found Comedy Bang Bang and you say Best of. Oh, okay. Let me listen to this. Let me tell you what the show is. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. Every week I play myself. Sometimes we have celebrity guests on in part one of our countdown. We heard Zach Alfenakis was one of the guests.

Asifali from Deli Boys. was another one of the celebrity guest. Jason Manzoukis was one of our celebrity guests. And then we also have a comedians on who are improvisers, improvising characters. When I say improvising, if you don't know what that means, it means they're making it all up as they go along. I am not told anything other than the character name of who they are and how to describe them as I introduce them, aka he is an educator or she is an entrepreneur, stuff like that. So we just improvise these conversations and we learn.

all about the characters and that's what comedy bang bang is and there's i think i covered pretty much everything haven't i pa i think you encapsulated it perfectly wonderful and succinctly thank you so much i appreciate that now what we're doing on this this is of course best of 2025 part two in part one we counted down we're doing the top 14 of the year we counted down 14 13 12 and 11 on this episode we are counting down 10 9 8 and 7 we're cracking the top 10 what is that going on with here i'm trying You need to get the client out of the plastic packaging. There we go. There it is.

I didn't expect it to be so. So Paul has opened this. It could be a collector's idea. It is no longer a collector's level. Articulated ankles. That's really special. I've never seen that on actual. That's incredible.

Do they have to give them the bald spot? Does he have the bald spot in the actual series? I don't know if I ever saw the back of his head, but it's like, come on. You don't have to. Nobody's going to say, where's his bolt spot? There's a guy. Maybe he, that's the one thing he requested. You must be.

Include my bald spot. Indicate my decay. He has several, what do you call that when an action figure comes with little props? Accessories, my dear boy. Yes. Yes. So what is that one that is a dagger or what is that? It's a little square and it's got a handle.

It's a tiny purse. It's a tiny purse. It's a little blush. And then of course he's got these squares. These gray squares. Gray squares, yeah. Yeah, very important for the client to have his gray squares on him at all times. And he's got his bucket.

Yes, that is a, it appears to be some sort of bucket that he relieves himself into. Thankfully, it's empty. Yes, thank God it. It did not come with actual piss in it. But very important things. We all remember the client from the Mandalorian and what he did in his episode. He, what did you see the baby? He wants the baby.

And he wants to put the baby in the bucket, probably, along with his squares and his clutch. We all remember the Mandalorian. We are my squares. And hopefully he'll be back in the Mandalorian and Grogu this May. Oh, really? Is it Grogu's solo adventures? No, it's The Mandalorian and Groguu. So I would imagine they don't split up immediately,

and then there's a split screen following them in the entire movie. The entire movie split screen. Angli Hulk style. Only Hulk style. All right, well, we've got to get to it. We've wasted enough time here. We have to get to our countdown. These are the top 14 episodes of Comedy Bang Bang from 2025.

We're cracking the top 10, Paul. Let's get to it. This is number 10. Number 10. Crack! Ouch, my top 10. Okay. Coming into 10 on the countdown, we have episode 932.

Oh, so we're in the, we're in like, or the mid-earlies. The mid-earleys, yeah. And this comes to us. It was released on September 8th. And this is an episode called Group Soup. Group soup. Group soup.

Now, this is an episode that here are the participants we have. You heard him on The Best of Comedy Bang Bang Part 1, Asifali. That's right. Now, you tease who's going to be coming back. And to come back, he did. And here he is in the top 10. We also have Lily Sullivan and Tim Baltz. are playing the boat boys,

McGarth Darby and Harris Teeter. That's right. And we also have Greg Hess. Greg Hess, I believe, making our top countdown for the first time. Congrats, Greg. Playing folk singer Glenn Plappinger. That's right. All right.

So here's what we're going to hear. If you heard our previous episode of our best ofs, Assevali is on a television show on FX called Deli Boys. Yeah. He made a solemn promise to us to return to that comedy bang bang was going to to be the first people to hear if deli boys got picked up for a second season before any of his loved ones he was going to call me and say schedule an episode immediately and I was going to drop whatever I was doing that day and get some improvisers and get the game back together and do an

episode within the hour and then he would be able to call his loved ones and we were maybe going to I never said this on the episode like to have it on the show would have been ideal yeah we During the show, he would call his, his mama. Everyone, you know, his agent probably would have given him the news. But anyone else in his life, he would have called directly from the show. We're going to find out in this episode if that happened. And then we're going to hear Lily and Tim doing the Boat Boys, which is very funny. And we're going to hear some of Greg Hess doing Glenn Plappinger.

So why don't we hear it? This is your choice for episode number 10. Number 10. It was March of the year 2025. Goddance. The citizens of Los Angeles, still reeling from the Southern California wildfires that had ravaged the state, were tentatively attempting to get back into their normal daily routines. And that included one young comedian whose television program had premiered at the beginning of the month.

Its name was Deli Boys. It was an enjoyable 90 minutes, and in the middle of that, a promise was made. From the comedian to the host. An unshakable pledge that the last. listeners would cling to during this difficult year, giving them a glimmer of hope in what could so often feel like a year of ever expanding despair. But was that promise kept? The answer might surprise you. Let's find out together. Please welcome back to the show and into the two-timers club, Asif Ali. Hi, hi, I thank you so much. And listen, I know the tone of my voice makes it

sound like I'm not taking this seriously, but I do want to formally apologize. Before we get to that let's talk about what the promise was and you know what why don't we just play the clip is there a season two planned for there is okay is a season two planned there's a season two plan there's a season two plan but it hasn't been picked up for a season two no not yet it has not been picked up for a season two but here's the thing can yes if i find out yes you'll be the first to know i'll be the first i'll be the first call you make even before your family even before your agent. You might receive the news through your agent.

All of my side pieces. All of your, really? The roster is going to find out second. I mean, it's not that hard to make a, and you know what? You can give me a heads up. You can text me and say, like, hey, record the call I'm about to call you and we'll play this on Comedy Bang Bang. Totally.

Because we're buddies now. We're buddies. I feel like we're pretty close. And I can make a promise like this and it's not going to like. It's not going to come back and buy you. No, not at all. Because I'm on top of these kinds of things. And I've known to have a really good.

memory. Great. And, you know, people make promises on this show all the time. Adam Scott made the promise. If he ever wins the Oscar, he's going to hold it aloft and say, I'm going to shove this up my butt and walk off the stage. Yes. So now noted, he did not make that promise with the Emmy. Sure. And we'll talk about that on a future show that'll come out, I believe, in August. Okay. Deal, deal, deal. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah. So great. Let's shake on it. All right, great. All right. what a clip that was that was visceral that was a captivating podcasting yeah and there was just a connection that we had back then yeah that I feel like because of what happened has kind of

severed this connection a little bit I feel like there's a lack of trust here now um so I surfed the net a little bit and I went on some of my favorite websites google.com and I looked up deli boys season two what I came upon just hit me like a thunderbolt because I found it was picked up for season two and Fred Armisen is in the cast of season two

I can't help but feel like this is a bit of a betrayal Yeah you feel like some of my side pieces where it seems like it's going great and then you find out oh was this was he just here He's got a second family Exactly

Please welcome McGarth, Darby, and Harris Teeter, aka the Boat Boys. Wow. McGarth, Darby. Harris, Teeter. Name a more iconic duo. We're back.

So confident. Can you name a more iconic duo than them? Not really. Salt and pepper? Salt and pepper, maybe. Salt and pepper. Scott Ockerman. Name a more iconic duo.

That felt good. That felt good, but there are a lot of more iconic duos than the two of us. You two are. icons. Thank you. Thank you so much. You are a duo. Name of our iconic duo.

Being an icon and a duo. Name a more an iconic duo than that. Yeah. Wow. Welcome back. McGarth, which one of you is a guard? You're McGarth and you're Harris. How dare you?

I'm Harris. Clearly. And we spoke to you in May. Can you refresh our memory about what is the nature of your relationship? We're both boys. We're both boys. We both live on. the dock scott on our boats oh okay you live on a boat our boats no they have two separate boats

parked across the dock from each other wow right nearby we're neighbors I thought they were side side by side by side are they nose to nose no they're ass oh yeah now we're talking now we're talking ass to ass two ass queen for a dream style come on I'm unfamiliar with that okay you're just chanting we don't watch TV no neither we don't want movies either that was a movie i believe no we don't watch tv movies either did they make that i know people tv's obsessed with ip

yeah let's see a requiem for a dream limited series yeah prequel do you guys go fishing or what do you guys do yeah what do you primarily do we're professional lay about scott we fish off the dock oh but we don't go into the ocean but you're on your your your your boats are parked on the dock

wait why ward to the dock why don't you fish off the boat McGarth, I just got an email written by AI from Scott Ockerman asking, remind me where y'all are from. Oh, well, Scott, does this answer the question? Up on sham creek, she shams me. If I sham a creek, she shams me. I don't have to creek.

She shams me. Dr. Drink a grave if I ever did shem croix. We're from sham creek. The sham creek. Shem creek. That should be a ringtube. It should be.

That's good. Unfortunately, we don't know how to quite chop that up. You can ring my tone, Scott. Ring! Tone! They seem open, Scott, I'm a more comic duo. Scott, between us, they seem like they're kind of open,

like an open relationship. Well, we talked about their relationship. They're technically not in a relationship, right? No, but we do hook up on the boats. You hook up on the boats. We look at each other from side to side, wobbling back and forth in the waves. Yep.

until that urge hits us hard enough that we race across our boats onto the dock, slam into each other in the heat of sexual Congress. But we love that pussy on sham craig. Oh, boy. Oh, the pussy's wetter than the fucking water. Oh, my God. That's pretty wet to be wet than water? There's Wop on Champ Creek.

Oh. Wop, wop, wop, wop, wop, wop. My God. So, McGarthur and Harris, what have you been up to since May? That's the last time and first time that we spoke. You, by the way, welcome to the two-timers club. Hey, all of us are on the two-times club. This is pretty cool.

Oh, Sifali. McGarth Derby. Harris Tater. My more iconic trio. This is fun. I like this. We've been preparing for a barbecue, Scott. Oh, you're hosting a barbecue?

Absolutely. We do annually. Annual. You co-host it? We co-host it. Annual. On the docks. On the docks and set?

because it would be, to be on one boat or the other would be too difficult to choose. So you do it on the dock. We do it on the dock. It's early September, right? Yes, it is. We're layabouts. We don't really keep track of the Gregorian. I remember you guys.

I remember them. You do. They were the guys on that dock where all the black people had to descend and fight them. That was that you, that video? Wow, racial profiling. Those were people that look exactly like us. We get confused with them all the time. This is like one of those equinox situations

You were talking about Didn't someone reenact that recently For the anniversary of me? Yes, yes A lot of people did We're lovers, not fighters Okay, okay If you see us on a dock, we're copulating

That's right, you don't seem to do a lot On your boats, on your respective boats No, we like to hang out on the dock Unless we're going on the boat And if you know we're going on the boat We're going to be locking eyes with each other Through the backs of our boats But on the dock, you guys hook up

Anything goes on the dock No sex on the boat I think we talked about that No sex, no masturbating on the boat Wow So you guys have never done Like a basketball diaries thing Where you just lay on your back

On the roof I don't know what it is Scott hasn't seen You gotta come back to Scott hasn't seen for that You never seen basketball dogs Never see that was on the list Is that what you say now Instead you went down to

Manchester by the sea Because it's a fun movie Anytime you haven't seen a movie In your life now You just go Scott hasn't seen You don't know me well enough To be that way You must not know about me

You must not know by me. I could watch Manchester, by the sea. And he'll be here in a minute. So you have a big barbecue coming up. When is this barbecue? Oh, that's about three months away on date redacted. Whoa. Christmas Day, perhaps.

Christmas Day barbecue? Nope. Diet redacted. No, it's on date redacted. Three months from September. Okay, this is September 8%. Four months. Four months from September on date redacted.

Date redacted. Okay, so in January 8th or so. Pretty close. January 11th. No, no, wrong. You're getting colder. January 6. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

You win the prize. That's right. Very important anniversary to you both, right? The day that we rekindled our relationship, just like you two right now. Yep, we saw each other. We locked eyes on our nation's capital. Oh, you guys were there. Oh, yeah.

Interesting. And doing what? Tourist stuff. We were just taking pictures. With props. Yeah. Famously wasn't much of a line that day. You could just get right in there.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, definitely not an organized line. Okay, yes, yes, of course, of course. Did you take any souvenirs with you when you came back to the docks? Yeah, I took... Oh, got a pen from Nancy Pelosi's desk. And I took a shit on it.

Oh. Okay, so I know you guys. You may have seen us on some Facebook videos. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And during the hearings, I believe, all the stitched together videos. Oh, sure. Did you make it to those?

We made a couple appearances in those. Yeah, but we've been, so, so we got to start slow cooking our meat for this barbecue. That's happening January date redacted. Yeah, we're slow. How slow are we? Like, what temper we tell? Were we at five degrees or like? Over the course of four months?

We're at 35 degrees to start. Just get things nice and brown. And then you just take it down one degree by one degree every day or so. Slow, slow, slow, slow. We're going down, down, baby. Meat is cooking rarely. Baby, ready to eat some meat. And what kind of sides are we talking about here?

Shimmy, shimmy cocoa puffs. Okay, okay, okay. What kind of sides, what kind of meat? Like, what's the full menu? Yeah, what's going on here? Okay, I can pass it to you now. Bake, well, the beans are going to be baked, my time. Okay.

Come on. There we go. It's a big old hunkin' chunk of ribs, Scott. We got a big old rack of ribs. Baby back? Baby back. So you do want your baby back. I want my baby back.

You need your baby back. So you guys are making ribs and you're making baked beans. Anything else? Chili. Chili. So we got baby back ribs. Barbecue sauce. Chili.

Barbecue sauce And barbecue sauce Barbecue sauce Okay so those My barbecue sauce Wait one of your sides Is barbecue sauce Serve it on the side

Like a soup Oh it's thick You're eating that with a spoon Slurp Slurp Slurp Slarp I'm slurping Yeah Gespacho style There's nothing like a group soup

You ever have a group soup This is like the group burrito That Perry Farrell wanted to make During Wallapalooza The early years And he's doing great He's doing great Lately he's been doing better than ever

We saw him on redacted He was there Yeah This seems like a limited menu Just four items And one is a sauce What about bread

So you want some kind of Spread out genreless menu Yeah Oh I want to be able to order Everything It's a barbecue Give me a turkey sandwich

Oh can I have a sushi roll I'll take a bowl of cereal I don't want to be like Jerry's deli You're sick You're a sick man I don't want just four things One of them being a sauce I want a Bob on Coon roll

You're a sick man. From a Vietnamese restaurant. We got a blue stater on our hands. Oh, please. Can I have a pizzeria? He's eating at Alcove. Oh, yeah. In the outside.

The outside. So who's invited to this? What's the guest list looking at? Oh, who isn't it by? Chuck Dolly. Chuck Dolly. He's going to be there. And a nap.

Yep. Uh, who else? And a nap? Anna nap. And a nap. It's a woman. Oh, okay. But also her, I mean, her fiancee, Amanda Knapp.

A man to nap. And then her cousin, demand to nap. Whoa. And, of course, their father, reprimand a nap. Wow. There's a whole extended family that we could go and do. Basically, the Knapp family is coming. The NAP family will be there.

All right. Benjamin Ravenel, Abernathy Doolittle, all our friends. All your good buddies. Northy, B. hive. And what do you do for a living? I can't recall. Chase Bank. What do we do for a living? Yeah. We're layabouts. We're coming from money.

Oh, yeah. His family owns a Harris-Teter grocery store. Now, if you have never been to a Harris Teeter, you're going to want to go there immediately. You can buy yourself a boogie board. You can buy yourself a pool noodle. Whoa. You can buy yourself a big hat for the summertime. It's like an R-EI?

Produce. R-EI. No, it's a grocery store. Oh. You can buy yourself some Harris Teeter's anti-R-E-I, whatever it means. I never been in one and I'll never walk in one. Okay, fair enough. But my family comes from money, too.

Oh, what did your family do? We have an old ancient home on the land. Like a cave? How ancient are we talking about? How does that make money? A few hundred years old. A few hundred years old. We had tours of the old house. Okay, it's a historical place.

Big old house. It's a historical place. People have weddings there sometimes. Most people walk around it. And this, you were, your family was slave owners. Whoa, no, no. Slave renters. Centuries ago, it was used for activities redacted.

Didn't I read about you, McGarthe, your family was one of the few after slavery was abolished to kind of keep it going for another 150 years? Hey, I'm not going to get into this. So, guys, it's all diaper, redacted stuff. But I will say everyone was very happy. Okay. An agreement was met. Everyone who loved their lives. Let's just say, economically, three minutes later.

So I think you understand. He's been on the show many times. He is a folk singer and has been for quite a long time, haven't you, since then? Hi there, Scott. It's wonderful to be here. quite introduced you. Please welcome Glenn Plaplinger. Hi there, it's Plappinger, Scott. Plopinger. I've been on many times, but you keep adding the L and taking it away, don't you?

Hey, you know. You keep moving out, moving around the L, just like I move around the highways and byways of America. That's right, just like you do in Chicago when you film Dilley Boys. Absolutely. Moving around the L. That's right. It's wonderful to have you back, Glenn. You are a folk singer. I'm a folk singer. You've been that ever since...

I've been that since, well, gosh, since folk... folk came about. That's right. I was down there. I was down there in the Lower East Side with with Bobby D.D.D.D.R. Robert Zee, as we even called him back then. Robert Zaneiro, wow. Robert De Niro was. Robert Zemeckis in the corner, doing what he did. Making back to the future. He was working on that back in the 60s. Well, that's how he came up with the idea, Scott. He popped in and out. He would say, said, I actually built a time machine. That's how I'm here. And then he went forward, made that movie. Went forward, watched his movie. Watched movie, came back, listening to some great folk music.

He's like, let's run it back again. 1958. Fantastic. Well, welcome back to the show. I mean, you're a historic piece of music history. Well, yes. To use history twice as ends. Yes, it's self-referential history, Scott.

And history is a circle, isn't it? It truly is. An auroboros. An oroboros, a snake eating its tail. And in fact, you know, I've been out promoting a new album. Oh, you have a new record? I have a new record. A long player? Sorry? A long player? A long player? It's a longer than an LP. A long even longer. So an ELP? Oh. You have to have a special player to play it, but so I'm out there. Are you selling those? I'm selling the player and it's kind of like. So is Neil Young and his pono? Yes, it's like it's Neil Young's Pono, but for a longer play, a better listen. And it's kind of like one of those flavored straw things that you can get these days. Oh, yeah. Circle.

Circle. Pono, circle. If there isn't something... Name a more iconic duo. Obsolete objects. Laser discs. Tape. Tape?

I used tape the other day. You used tape? I did. Did you really? Probably mouth tape. You have sleep bath now. Scott, you need to type down your mouth. I hate my double chin.

I'm taping my mouth tonight. The science is real. So, Glenn, what is the... Is this a concept album or... Yes, it is, Scott. It's a concept album. Okay. It's a concept album called

The Age of Exponential. The Age of Exponential. This sounds like a flaming lips kind of thing or something. Well, you know, we folk singers, we talk about the present, don't we? We talk about the present and what needs to change. That's right. And we're in an age of growth. And, Scott, I'm here to tell you that we've got a lot of growing to do.

Okay. Well, look, can I... I don't want to necessarily pimp you into this, but would you mind playing one of the songs? Oh, really? What I mind? I'd love to, Scott.

Oh, my God. Which one do you want to hear? Well, I'm not knowing what any of them are. Scott's lately... Why don't you pick that? Let's see. Let's see. Well, we've been talking about,

you know, the boat boys are here, so, you know, I do have a lot of songs about water and nature. Maybe we can play a little song. You guys interested in water or nature? We're all ears, Glenn. My ears are perked. Yeah, here's one.

This is one I call the fish, Scott. The fish. Good name. When I look out on the water, I just have one wish that I'd throw my line in and catch a silver fish. Reel it in up on the dock,

look into its eyes. Have that fish tell me truth and tell me no more. more lies. Take the water, drain it out, and build a gorgeous dam. Have it power, an AI thing that can tell us a what to tell up all the land. Take the land and tear it down, make it nice and flat, and build a parking lot where the fish was wet.

Make sure that nature is under our hand. Grab her by the forelock and make her understand. Nature is ours to take and do all that we can. And that's the story of the fish as it wriggles in my hand. What the fuck is that. I hate to cut you off. I hate to cut you off. I know, I wish it'd cut me off earlier.

I find myself cutting you off usually on the show, yeah, almost as if you don't know the ends of these songs. The songs always have an end, Scott. That's the nature of a song, isn't it? That's the nature of a song, but I end up cutting you off. Which I apologize for, but that one, it seems to be you're advocating for the raising of all of our natural resources in order to power AI. Well, you have to cut it down to build it back again, don't you, Scott? What the fuck are you talking? Are you okay? AI is good.

AI is good. How else will I think of my grocery list? Of course. Of course. I'm back. I'm back. I'm bored. You're right. You're right. That's all it took. There you go. Now you know. You can use AI to put tits on anything, Scott. On your guitar? I put, the first thing I did.

Number 10. Ah, there we go. Do you know where the name Harris Teeter comes from? I don't. Is it from Southern Charm? No. Okay. Then I'm out of guesses. It is a grocery store chain. Oh, they mentioned that in the clip. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's also Publix. Yes, because Harris Teeter is the air to the Harris Teeter grocery chain. That's right. Yes. So, um, oh, they mentioned in the clip. They mentioned it in the clip, which we just listened to, which we just listened to. So, um, I've made my eyes go soft.

And your brain and your ears, apparently. My ears went soft. And your whole fucking thing. Not sure what you mean by that? Uh, very funny clip. Um, great to have Greg Hess being on the show recently. Greg, I've actually known Greg for a while because he was in, well, he was in the improvised Shakespeare company.

Yeah. And I feel like I'm, if I didn't meet him, I may have met him up in Seattle when we were I was, that's where I first saw them. They were so funny, I saw them a couple of different times while we were at that festival. And then I know that we, Greg and I hung out a little at Bonarue when we were both on the Bonarue thing. And so, but then, you know, as with a lot of improvisers, I don't have any of their contact info and never, or want it, or desire it. But no, but then I think I ran into Greg somewhere or whatever and start, oh, he had me on, him and Holly have a podcast called Mega. And I think they reach out to me to be on that.

So I've had them on Comedy Bang Bang since then. But congrats to Greg for cracking our countdown for the first time. One might say congruags. Yeah, I guess so. Mm-hmm. I think that's apt. Congregulations. Mm-hmm.

Sure. All right. Well, that was number 10. Now we're getting into single digits when we come back. This is spooky. This is the rare part of the countdown where we not only crack the top 10, but we also crack the single digits. Yeah. It's a double crack.

It's a double crack. We're going to take a break. When we come back, we're going to have your choice for episode number nine. We'll be right back with more comedy bang, bang, bang after this. Crap! Yeah. And we're back. Comedy Bang Bang,

Scott Ackerman here, along with Paul F. Tompkins. This is Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2025 Part 2. And as promised, we're going to crack this single digits. That's right. We've turned the corner.

We've been seeing double digits for like, there's so many of them. Oh my God. It's too much sometimes with double digits. Like 99 all the way down to 10. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so many for double digits. And then how many single digits we have?

10. Oh, that means zero. It was zero. Yeah. What was the zero song? My hero, zero. What? From our, we were just talking on our last episode about figure eight and my hero zero.

I don't remember the zero one that well. My hero. It was a hero because you could add it to any number and it would like make it bigger. But they didn't do all the numbers, right? Did they? Yeah, they did them all. What were the other songs? I don't remember.

Three is the magic number, the most famous. That's the, that's the hit. That's the hit. That was sampled by De La Sol. Yeah. Number nine, that's the big fat cat. Fuck, yes, in the pool game. Yeah, eight, we sung, we sang.

Seven was, God, I'm going to look all these up while we speak. Oh, my phone's all the way over here. Now, I hope people will be happy to know that I have consolidated, the client's accessories into his bucket. Okay. I think people are happy to know this. So it's fun. I'll have this on display in my office,

and people won't even know that in the bucket are accessories. They won't even know there are squares in that bucket? No, they won't know about squares with a man purse. Wow. Okay, two is elementary, my dear. Elementary, my dear. Yeah, yeah.

Four is the four-legged zoo. Do you remember that? It was like it had bars. It was like a picture of the gate to a zoo. Yeah, then eight guitars at a certain point. I don't remember that. Five was ready or not, here I come. I remember that.

Maybe it wasn't, oh, maybe these are out of order in the album. What is this, K-Rock? Yeah, my hero's zero. Oh, I got six. That's all there is. Lucky seven Samson, that's one that's not coming to mind for me. No. Noddy number nine. Number nine.

Yeah, that was the big cat. Yeah. The good 11. The good 11? Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. Little 12 toes. Do you remember him with the six toes on each foot?

Yeah. And then My Hero Zero. There wasn't a song for one? I think I. What in the fuck is going on? Are we taking off? I hit my remote control on my computer across the room, which has these.

multiplication rock stuff in it and I accidentally clicked on one of the songs so I apologize anyway that's fun I thought the ship was blasting off you thought that we were going to Mars

finally this office was a blasting off ship I wish that would be so fun did you used to think about that shit when you were a kid like you would make a room into like a craft Yeah, I always thought of it as like sets for a film that I would want to make or something. You know what I mean?

So Hollywood. Yeah. Of course, my mother and father, we all know, were Lana Turner and also Bert Convey. And so, you know, I'm a Nepo baby from way back. And that's why I think I put everything in. What an unlikely couple. I know. Lana Turner and Bert Convey.

Some would say it was a made-discipline. reverse, you know, where Bert was so much younger than long. Oh, yeah, because usually May December, the man is old and decrepit. Yeah, exactly. He's disgusting. Yeah. Disgusting. December.

That's how you remember it. Yeah. Remember December. Disgusting. That's how you can get through it from just. May I have sex with this young lady. Yes. Yes, you can't have sex with this young lady.

but yeah but that's why I grew up the way I did but um you know what we should get to our clip right yeah okay because no I was trying to remember if we came back from commercial these we get off on so many tangents I was trying to remember where we were in the thing but yes we have come back from commercial and it's time for us to listen to your choice for number nine number nine Number nine. Noddy number nine. And this is episode number 901. And it's from February three.

This is in the early earliest. This is very early in the early 900s. Almost as early as you can be in the early 900s. So close to the earliest. So close to the earliest. This is an episode called Shout Out Shaboozy. Of course. Of course.

Who is on this episode? Well, we have the comedian and writer and actor, Mo Welch. There you go. Mo was on talking about her stand-up special, which she had just put out. And also was, this was before the paper came out. The paper is the spinoff of the office on Peacock. And Mo is a writer on that as well as an occasional actor. Yes.

He's not to be confused with the Ron Howard movie of the same name. uh mo welch he put out a movie called mo welch about a newspaper it was the daily mo welch so moe was here we also have carl tart carl tart making our countdown for the first time carl tart is playing his character coach prime

um looking for dogs just looking for dogs and we'll hear about that And then we also have Greg Hesse's back. Congregulations. Congregulations. He is playing juvenile bootery. And we're not going to hear from juvenile in this clip because we just heard from Greg. We don't need to hear from him.

Yeah, right? You know what I'm saying? We're going to hear basically the majority of this clip is going to be Carl as Coach Prime. Carl was not a lot of episodes this year because he's working as a writer on SNL. And so he's just not in town. He's not in the country of America. Of America. He's off an S&L land. So we're going to hear a good chunk of Carl doing Coach Prime.

Let's hear it. This is your choice for number nine. We have to get to our next guest. He's a former athlete. I don't believe of basketball, although I can't recall if he played two sports, much like, who are the two sportos? You got Michael Jordan, who played baseball and basketball. you have, who else? Is there another two sports? Deion Sanders? Was that Deion?

Well, here he is. Yeah, let's talk to him. This is Coach Prime. What's going on, Scott? How are you? Scott, what's going on with you, baby? Not a lot going on. Scott, boy, you're looking good.

Thank you so much. Boy, I tell you, Scott, you're looking good, boy. Thank you so much. This is Mo. Mo, what's going on with you, baby? How are you? You're looking good, Mo. Now, Moe was saying that you might have played two sports?

I did. Which one? I did, Scott, playing football and baseball. Football and baseball? So you, why does everyone make baseball their baseball their second sport. Like, you know, is it easier than all of them? You got to hit that day. You got a swing that day. Okay. That makes sense. Scott, I know you'd be swinging

that thing. Scott. Don't you act like you don't swing that things, Scott? I, I, look, I played softball once in a charity game. Softball. Do you like the balls to be as hard as possible? Hell yeah. Ball's going to be hard. How hard is a football? Is it like just a stone, like, granted

or something? A football is about as hard as a church wafer on Sunday. Communion Waifer on Sunday. Imagine a bag of communion waivers getting thrown at you. Oh, God, you'd hate that. In prison, someone comes by with a pillowcase full of communion waivers. And they beat you up with it.

Yeah, exactly. They let you know that you're on a turd. You're in the D block. Now you coach football. The Buffaloes, baby. The Buffaloes is, hey, we're coming. Okay. And let me tell you something right now, Scott, because that's why I'm here.

Because my son, Shadour, is leaving. my best player, Travis Hunter, is leaving. My other son, Shiloh, is leaving. It's God, I need dogs, man. And why are you here then? Because I don't see any dogs here. I see dogs. So why don't you just get a bunch of NFL players?

Because when you get to NFL, you lose your eligibility. Once you become a pro, you're no longer an amateur. Okay, so that answered my question. I have a few years left. You got a few years of liberty? Yeah, I got a good arm. Mo, I need dogs. Okay.

Mo, are you a dog? I'm a dog. Okay. Yeah. You sign up, you come on out. Is there a sign-up sheet? How does one... Is it a sign-up sheet?

I'll be posting a sign-up sheet outside your house on the Cork Bowl. All right. Well, you might be able to get some really interesting players then, you know, Andrew Lloyd-Weber. Name them. Name them, Scott. They're all dogs. I need dogs. Cactus Tony?

Oh, yes, a dog. Do people have to study as well, or can they just take football? Everybody got to study. I don't play around with them books. You got to get your books if you're going to be on my team. I need books smart dogs. Okay, so this is why I don't think I can. could go back to college and play for that's the issue with you guys you don't like to study but

i i would think that you would want people just to take like you know football how many units is this three or four her what how many units is football it's not a class it's a kennel because i need dogs and i got dogs on my teeth all right why are your kids leaving then are they turning pro yeah they turning pro just like old dad so who are they going to play for do you know yet shit i don't know i cuss i don't normally do that i'm a man of god i mean we we have the Super Bowl. Was it yesterday or is it coming up this weekend? I'm not quite sure. Let me look at the schedule here. Yeah, you tell me. We had the Grammys last night. No, Super Bowl is this Sunday. Super Bowl is this Sunday? Yeah. Oh, right. And the Grammys was last night. Yeah,

the Grammys, of course. Shout out to Shibuzi, man. Of course, we got to get that out of the way. First of all, shout out to Shabuzi. A dog. He's a dog on that microphone. Shout out. Who else? Who else won last night, man? I mean, probably Prince was given one of those Lifetime Chiefs. Shut up. man. Yeah. A dead dog. A dead dog. He was a dog, though. He was a dog when he was right. Now he's a dead dog. Yeah. Um, well, I, uh, Mo, do you want to play? I mean, I would love to play. Yeah. I mean, I'm looking to do something new. I'm a mom. I just feel like I need to, like, change things out of bed. You a mom? Yeah. A mom, though. Yeah. I need a mother dog. I need a mother dog. I need a lot of young boys on this team that need mother dog. I'll teach him out of roll around. You need to grab him by the nape of the neck. Yeah. Are you, uh, sort of akin to a papa dog, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, I'm a big dog. You're a big dog. Yeah, I'm a dog, man.

Where's the team located? Colorado, bold to Colorado. This is confusing. Buffalo, Colorado, where are you? Colorado Buffalo. Buffalo's an animal's guy. I know. It ain't just a town in upstate New York.

It's where my friend OJ used to play, though, Buffalo. Oh, yeah. OJ was a dog, man. OJ was a dog. Yeah. I tell you, he's running through the airport. Yeah, with that suitcase. He was running through with the suitcase, with the isotone of gloves.

We're in the Bruno Mali. We're in the Bruno Mollies carrying a cut coat knife. Passed a naked gun, 33, and a third poster. Just get them all in there. So you're gearing up. Gearing up for the next season, baby, and I need those. I'm recruiting. What was your record this year?

Nine and four. Nine and four. That's all you need. Lucky number 13. I mean, anyone can do 13 of anything. Yeah. And speaking of 13, shout out Shabuzzi for winning 13 grandmas last night. Shout out to him.

But you know what I mean? Like, it sounds hard playing football. Like, oh, my God, we can do that. But it's only 13 games. It's not like baseball where they play... We've done 13 shows in a week. I mean, it's not like playing basketball, 82 games. Ugh, God.

You know that basketball has 82 games in season, but you think it's confusing that our mascot is above them. Why didn't you... Did you ever go into broadcasting? I did. How'd you do? Great. We're just still doing it.

Because I coach football now. I need dogs. It wasn't enough dogs in the broadcast booth. Well, it seems to me like you got Chris Collinsworth. Not a dog. Really? Not a dog. Al Michaels, not a dog.

What about Aikman? Troy Aikman, definitely not a dog. And that's my man. We want Super Bowls together. You were on a team together? We were. Which one? So you know that basketball has 82 games.

But you don't know that I was on the Cowboys. You were on the Cowboys? I was. Wow. I won two Super Bowls with the Cowboys. Full of dogs. Wow. Incredible. Was Emmett Smith on that team?

He was. See, I know that. So you know that, but you don't know that I was on that team. Sorry. Scott, when I was walking in here, you know what started barking at me? Dogs. Dogs. What kind of dogs you got up there, Scott?

I think if the question is, do you know what started barking at me? The answer is always going to be dogs. Scott, I started walking out of the stage. You know what started barking at me? A random woman. Oh, okay. She said, get out this young. What were you doing at her yard?

I'm looking for dogs. Oh, okay. That makes sense. they call me the dog catcher do they really now they do add it to the okay we're going to add it neon dion prime time uh coach prime and now the dog catcher yeah the dog catch it so how do you think you're going to do this year i think we're going to do great scott because i'm we got moe coming in uh mo's going to be a starting quarterback yep starting she's taking her for us to do it so so is she do it who do you hope she

do her place for when do we have the draft coming the draft is coming okay so the gramees was last night and the super bowl's this Sunday Rubos this Sunday, the draft will be in April. Okay, so that puts it into perspective. The draft will be in late April. The draft is always approximately two months after the Grammy. Two months out of the Grammy. Yeah, okay.

So that's how we can always calculate it. Night for the dog. Speaking of the Grammy, shout out of Shibuzi. Yes, of course. Speaking of two months. Shibusi, I was jamming Shibuzzi for two months straight. Really? Yeah.

I don't even know what Shibuzi is. That's another lapse. What Shibuzi is? First of all, Shibuzi is a man. Second of all, Shibuzi is a dog. He swept the Grammys last night. He swept him every single one. Every single Grammy.

Wow. Best new artist? Best new artist. Best new artist. Best new artist. Best country artist. Best pop artists. Wow.

Best rap artists. Incredible Shabuzi. Best Gascar artist. To a person that I'm finding out as a man and a dog. Beethoven Lifetime Achievement Award goes in Shibuzi. Beethoven finally got something named after him. Oh, well, one of them Grammy's good last night

They were amazing The performance What was your favorite performance? Shibuzi He swept Not only the awards, but the performances He did all the performances

Yeah He's a dog He is a true dog Well, I have no aptitude For sports in general What would you want to know, Scott? You got an aptitude test to take Yeah, do I

Is there some sort of barrier for entry Do I need to take a test? You got to take a test Okay, can you test me right now? The dog test All right. How many games did Michael Jordan and Chicago Bulls win

1996-97 72 Wow Who did I play for In the NFL Well I know you played for the Cowboys And who else? Buffalo

No All right I failed I failed the test Scott what baseball team Did you grow uproof The L.A. Dodgers The L.A. Dodgers The L.A. Dodgers

The L.A. Dodgers was my own team, yeah. And who was the pitcher The year you graduated high school? The year I graduated high school And how far did they go the year you graduated high school they won the world series the year after so i would imagine they didn't do very well the year before is that how it works actually i was thinking of the year after then i i was aging you down turns out you are older uh they but you look good though thank you so

much yes i do remember uh being in a production of the musical evita and the entire crew was listening to uh the game seven was it of the world series uh backstage and then the the the the show evita was interrupted by a roar of crew members clapping and cheering. And who was the closer on that team? That guy who, you know, the crack of the bat. Well, you think of Kurt Gibson. Is that the guy who did the Grand Slam? Who was the closing pitch on that team?

His name rhymes with his sexual act. Oral? Oral Hershey's. Yeah, there you got it. You got his guy as adult. Am I doing well on the test? That's question one. All of that was question one.

That's question one. Okay. Give me question two. Question number two. How many games in a baseball season? See, now I feel like it's the most out of any sport, right? So it's like 165, I'm going to guess. Close.

Really? Was there? Demerit. 162. Oh, really? Okay, so I was really close. One for two. Okay.

But still, I get no points for being close. Scott, who is the Cincinnati baseball team? Baseball team. I know. It's a color. I don't want to say it. Say it, Scott. It's a color.

I don't, I don't, I mean, is it based, is it like the former Washington team where it's based on a supposed. I shan't say. You shan't. It's the, it's the reds, but. All right. But is it just like the color reds? Yep. Okay.

They were literally known as the Cincinnati. any red stockings. Oh, okay. So like the Red Sox, but stockings. Yes. Like those things that Santa puts coal into. Absolutely, Scott. What you will be getting a lot of up is, see, the Grammys was last night. So in about nine months, you'll be getting a lot of coal in your stock. On Thanksgiving? Yes. You get it early, Scott. Give me question three. All right. You ready for it? Yeah, here we go. What is a baseball made of?

Okay, this is question four, by the way. It's got cork in the middle, right? All right. Then a bunch of string wrapped around it. You got it. You got it, Scott. And then leather all over that. You got it.

Yeah. What does a football feel like with his throne team? Like a sack full of communion wipers. You got it, Scott. Okay. Am I in? You're a damn dogs, guy. Am I on the team?

Did I make the team? You're on the team. What position do I get to play? Well, Mo is a quarterback. Okay. I'll put you at long snapper. Long snap. There's a difference between short snappers and long snappers?

Yes, Scott. See, all right. That was question number six. And you got it wrong. Okay. And that was the one you needed to get back. So I'm off the team now? Off the team, guy.

You cut. Damn it. I need dogs. I guess I didn't want to be long snapper anyway. I feel like the blood must rush to those guys' heads. You know, they're like sitting there with their head between their knees. And then just waiting for a guy to go like, do the right emphasis on hut. What?

Scott. They're dizzy. Here's a better way of doing it. Let the person turn around and just toss it to the guy. Why does it have to go through the legs? This is the weirdest part of football. I actually so agree with it. Why do they have to do it that way?

Because that's cool. It's cool? Yeah. I didn't realize that. Does Shabuzi do stuff like that? Oh, Shabuzzi was a great football player. Shout out Shabuzzi, man. I won 27 Grammys last night.

Scott. Yes. Who is a male man's worst enemy? dogs dogs is that question seven yes you're back on the deep yeah i don't know that i want to play if you'll allow me just to turn around instead of putting my head between my legs nope you got to look at you and just gently toss to the quarterback name five breeds of dogs um pit bull wrong what that wasn't one of them that wasn't one of the ones you're thinking not one of the five uh snickerdoodle that's a cookies guy

all right look i'm sorry i can't be on the team mo i apologize you're i'm not going to be able to snap it to you's going to long snap it to me well mo you won't be catching a long snap that's for the punter yeah well i'll all throw to whoever i want if it's a long snapper out there i'm gonna throw to him well those is against the rules the long snap is the in which we'll receive he has to catch it like he's down there to it that's how he has to get it why does the punner ever catch the ball and instead of kicking it throw a touchdown pass into the end of That happens all the time. That's called a fake punt.

That happens all the time. I would do that every time. You know what, Scott? If it was still football season, I would come over to this house and watch football, which explain the whole thing to you. I would love that, actually. We should get together for the Super Bowl, Scott. We should.

We should. I should have a party. I don't know why the quarterback doesn't do that, too. Just instead of like, you know, oh, they're handing it off to a runner. Just throw into the end zone for a touchdown. That's not that easy. He's trying to do that every day. he's throwing these short passes and stuff

just throw into the end zone every time you gotta march down the field like ants if there was a quarterback who did that every time that's gonna be me that's gonna be moh on the buffalo coach yeah we gotta drop some place I'm into that

uh there we go there we go indeed that's one of those ones where I feel like shout out shibuzi which is something we heard Carl as Coach Prime say was so instantly iconic if you call the episode that a lot of people are going to vote for it because they go like oh yeah shout out shibuzzi because they've been saying shout out shibuzi for months

at this point and now which anytime i hear shibuzi now i wasn't really that familiar with him when we tape the episode now anytime i hear him i go shout out shabuzzi shabuzzi makes me think of one thing shibuzing well to shibuzing of course but he doesn't realize that he stole my guitar play from Varietopia. What? Stole him away to go on the Shibuzi tour. You're kidding me. Who is this?

The guitarist? Yes. His name is Stephen Musselman. So Stephen Musselman. He's not a muscle man. Oh, he's spelled the seafood way. Oh, I see. Muscle.

Oh, so he's a man made out of muscles. Yeah, he's a big man made out of muscles. Okay. Stephen Musselman was your guitar player in Varitopia? Yes, yes. And then got poached? He got poached by Shibuzi, who didn't. realize he was poaching someone from a gig that does not pay that much yeah but that's i mean

that's cool though that i'm happy of course i'm happy for stephen but i will never forgive shibboosie shout out shibuzzi number nine great clip great clip great clip great time listening to great clip great people in great clip great people in great clip mo was a delight uh first time on the show and uh gregg that's his second time in the countdown for the first time in being in the countdown. Good stuff. This Greg kid, he's tearing it up. He's tearing it up. All right.

We're going to tear up a commercial or two. Oh, yeah. Yeah. When we come back, we're going to have your choice for episode number eight. Oh, my God. We're cracking the top eight at this point. This is like a triple crack. Oh, my God, triple crack.

We cracked the top ten. Then we cracked single digits. And now we're cracking the top eight. Did you know triple crack is decimating our streets? Oh, no. Yeah. I prefer to smoke it. It's what?

That way the fence and all burns off. These are drug jokes. Paul and I don't do drugs. No, but we like drugs. We like that they exist. We don't really do them, but we like them. We like that they're out there. It's great.

For people to use it. If they want. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, we're going to have your choice for number eight. We'll be right back with more comedy banging after this. Comedy Bang Bang Bang! Best of 2025, part two, part two, part two, I'm going to take you to part two. I think someone wrote to me to say, was it a friend, I believe, wrote to me to say,

whenever you do part two of the best of comedy bang bang, bangs, you sing a little bit of this song, part two, part two, I'm going to take you to part two. Is that from the extended remix of big audio dynamites, the bottom line? And is it? Of course it is. And well spotted. Can I say I've never noticed that and I don't know that I've ever heard that song. Much less, it's extended remix.

You've heard the bottom line. When you reach the bottom line, the only thing to do is the. The only Big Audio Dynamite song I know is Rush. That's it. Oh, yeah, that's a good one. If I had it, from the way. The only Rush song I know is Big Audio Dynamite. Donutonite.

Isn't that wild? Isn't it crazy how these things get established? The secretary named Kennedy, she has a secretary named Lincoln. Do you mean the Kennedy from the Trump Kennedy Center? We were having such a nice time. Got to make sure I see that one. I'm in New York next. You do have to.

But yes, thank you, listener or friend. I can't remember who it was. I consider all the listeners to be my friend, so it was probably both. I do not consider my friends to be listeners, though. Nope. Although they had to have been because they asked me about something they heard on the show. You don't think they heard about it? Oh, maybe they did.

They heard someone describing me seeing this very specific line from a remix of the big audio dynamics on. Somebody has little birds reporting to them. Tell me what people say on podcasts. Keep my name out of your motherfucking mouth. Slap! Slap! I think we'll get another slap. That should be an annual tradition.

I hope if I ever slap someone across the face, I will have the presence of mine to say while I'm doing it. Slap! Did they do that on the slap, the show, the slap? Did they say slap when they did it? That's about hitting someone else's kid, right? Yes. And in the show, the guy who does it, he gets everyone's attention, says,

hey, I'm going to slap this kid. Watch. Slap! Slap! He slaps the kid. I was in a situation, kin to the slap because I feel like that was a backyard party right yeah so I was at a backyard kids party and there was another kid who was physically like kicking my kid and I was in a

jesus I was in a situation where their parents were not around and I was like I need to separate this kid from my daughter but I don't want to be accused of being a slap and so I was like do I am am I allowed to pick this kid up? Manhandle? Yeah, exactly, you know? So I did it and no one cared. Out of your handler, kicking kid, the man handler. But I got in my head about it because of the show The Slap.

Of course. I mean, a slap is different than, you know, shutting a kid to the ground, which is what you did. Yes, and kicked dirt in his face. And he said, why must you kick dirt in my face? Then he went and took Charles Atlas's. Yes, exactly. Old references. If people don't know, there used to be a soup called...

Group soup. It was Campbell's product called Hungry Man. Yeah. Right? And... But I think it was called the manhandler, wasn't it? Oh, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about.

This was a commercial for this soup. And there was something like lumberjack looking dude, no flannel. Mm-hmm. And he's hungry, right? Sure. And the song... How can you tell he's hungry, or do you hear his tummy rumbling? He's rubbing his tummy going,

which undercut is masculinity. Right, yeah, a little bit. But the jingle went, how do you handle a hungry man? The man handler. Oh, dear. Yeah. I got to look at it while I talk.

Okay, we are counting down your top episodes of the year of 2025, and I said we would do this. We're going to crack the top eight at this point. Let's hear your choice for episode number eight. Number eight. Okay, wow. Number eight. Here we go.

And Paul, you found what you're looking for? Okay. This guy chopping wood. He looks like the guy from Halloween three. I'm a roaring appetite this way. How do you handle a hungry manhandvers? Beef, soup. It's a hearty soup made of beef.

I was thinking about commercials the other day about like if you were a time traveler, commercials were so simple and lame you hear something like that and you go like Jesus Christ how did we ever fall for shit like that but if you were a time traveler and you came back and you shot a commercial like the commercials of today with modern like comedy and modern quick cut editing

and everything that you would do now would people go like I can't pay attention to this would their brains be able to process it or would they just go like oh this is so much better than everything we've ever done. Hold on a second. Yeah.

The time traveler is going back in the past. Into the past. He's a TV ad exec. Like tonight. Like a madman type. Your show of shows kind of thing. He's going to do a commercial on your show of shows. Or maybe even the 70s, which is, is that where?

Oh, sure. Was that the 60s or the 70s or? Well, your show shows like Sid Caesar, that was. I know when that was, but when is that commercial that you just played? 1978. Okay. So say 78. Yeah.

Okay, going to go back in time to 78. And you're going to do a commercial like we have today for this soup. For whatever product. It's got to be for the soup. Okay, for the soup. I'll give you for the soup. Okay. But you would film it using the type of scripts.

I know the cameras are not going to be... No, you're not going to change the technology. You're not going to change the technology, but you're not going to use, like, that type of sound cue or that type of announcer saying this. going to do it like a like a commercial that we would see today yeah would people say like oh this isn't good yes because it's not like they would they would say this is not this is not an effective commercial you failed but when where's the beef starting of course the original piss where's the beef clara peller when that you got you got to get up my clara pellar a press where's the beef where's the beef when that came out it was groundbreaking it was

groundbreaking and everyone said like oh this is so memorable and it changed the way commercials were then seen after that wouldn't someone coming back in time and doing a modern style commercial wouldn't it change wouldn't everyone say this is groundbreaking or would they say this is not effective I would say I would say they would say it's not effective because the where's the beef commercial I don't think was that groundbreaking it was just beefing you have to admit it was ground beefing No, no, no, it was a ground beefing commercial. Probably the stupidest thing we've said in 16 years doing these best of. It was a ground beefing commercial, but I do think that it was still within the character of its time.

Right, yeah. I'm interested. I want to do this. I want to figure out time travel so I can do this. But I, but the problem for me is, is I can't remember any commercial. None? Like any modern commercial, I can't really remember any of them. Trying to think of one right now. I know. I just skipped through them. It's really hard to just think of a commercial. I know. Oh, well. Oh, well. The experiment is a failure. Oh, boy. All right. Well, it's time to crack that. The top eight. We're going to keep cracking. We've said number eight. This is episode number 909. This is not the one after 909, as the Beatles once talked about.

The baby said she's traveling on that. That's right. This is episode 909 itself. This is from March 31st, and this is an episode called Skinny Chess. Skinny Chess. Now, who's involved? This is, hey, we were just talking about Mad Men. Hey, we were.

John Hamm, our old friend John Hammer. Hammy. He's been on since the very beginning. In fact, we talk about it in this clip. We talk about his many appearances, and we go through a chronology of how many episodes he's done. And do you rank them? We do not rank them because I can't remember any of them. But then we also have Seth Morris has returned as Bob Duca.

This is the second Bob Duca episode. A double duca? A double duca? So far. So far. I think this may be his only other. appearance this year, but we'll have to listen to you. We'll have to listen and find out. We also have Sean Diston, who's here as Mike Ruby, the No Stank Plumber. And this was a very

fun episode. John Hamm was coming on to promote your friends and neighbors, his new Apple TV show, and he loves coming on the show. We love having him. He's a very funny guy. And then you have Seth as Bob Duca and John has been on many Bob Duca episodes. So that's a lot of fun. I think maybe was Bob Duka on the episode of the Comedy Bang Bang TV show that John Hamm was on? Hey, man, I don't know. Who knows at this point? That was in the first season.

And then Sean Diston, who is, of course, I consider him to be one of the newer people on Comedy Bang Bang, but I think he's been on for 10 years at this point. It's wild. Shouldn't his name just be Shiston? Yeah. Or Shitson. No. No. I'm sorry, Sean.

Don't listen to this. He was so thrilled to hear himself in the top eight. I know, on a ground beefing episode. Well, this is a ground beefing episode, obviously. We're going to hear the clip from it. This is your number eight. Please welcome back to the show for, I'm going to try and guess how many actual episodes you've done. Your guess is as good as mine.

I'm going to say 12. I think it's at least 12. At least 12. Okay, so 13, maybe. Let's say 13. A baker's dozen. Please welcome back, John Hamm. Bray, the aforementioned Baker, Donald Baker.

Donald Baker. Donald doesn't. Joe Don Baker. Joe Donald Baker. Let me give you your numbers. You did four episodes of our first hundred. Oh, wow. So I was an early adopter.

That's right. You were on episode 12. Holy moly. Was that when they were once a week? They still are once a week, yes. Well, you know, pandemic. I don't know. Are we still in the pandemic?

Planet. Then you did one episode in this in the hundreds. Okay. So I took a little breather. I was probably a little busier than in the hundreds. Well, actually, it wasn't truly a breather as much as, because you did 126. That was number, episode 100. So it was like, you're doing about every 25 episodes.

I got it. Then you didn't come back again until 211. So you went. But I got it. I'm still in the once a hundred. You're still in once a hundred, but it was a couple years before you came back. Then you jump all the way up to. 4994. Oh, I missed the threes.

I missed the threes. That was four years later. I wonder where I was during the threes. We, of course, had our legendary... The terrible threes. Yeah, Scott and I were at Lagerheads. Which is a beautiful camp up in Northern California, by the way. If you ever get a chance to go to Lagerheads, please.

Oh, my God. Gorgeous. Yes. Sponsor of the show, yes. Then you come back about a year later, in fact, under a year later, you're in episode 540. And then you do another episode in the 500s, 599. Well, because I feel like I kind of diss to the threes, so I wanted to get back on that prime

number train. Also, it was our 10th anniversary episode. You came in and did something nice. Oh, that was fun. I remember that one. And then... It was a rainy day in Hollywood. You were on five... Was that a rainy day, really? Yeah, I remember that, yeah. That was five, uh, interesting. So that was 599, which may as well have been the 600s. Close enough. So we'll count it in the 600s. Then you're back up to 774. Dang. That's a, that's, uh, three years later, of course. The pandemic happens.

Yeah, it happens. It happens. I mean, it's almost like it was planned. And then you go to 839, which is a year later. And now you're in 900. This is like 909 or something like that. One after 909. So, wow, an incredible recap of all of your appearances that created about five minutes of content. So much content.

And I think, I'm going to say it, riveting. People were like, I don't know, is he going to make the fours? Is he going to make the fives? What's the $5.99? Is it a six? Well, you're a good friend to the show. I appreciate you being here so often. It's always a fun job.

Hope to have you in the thousands. I hope so, too. John Hamm is here. Your friends and neighbors, which is a TV series, comes out on April 11th on Apple TV Plus. Scott, don't be alarmed. Oh, whoa. What?

Scott, don't be alarmed. John, is that you? No, no, no, that's not me. Look, under the table. oh my god sorry sorry you've been down there a long time hi bob hey john do you know bob ducca my next stepfather place a face to the shoe i do know bob ducca hello hello hi hi bob hi scott what are you doing here under the table it's a it's a very urgent matter i've come to you a desperate man how long have you been here if it's so urgent let's not get bogged down

into detail scott okay did you hear the entire first segment pretty good i thought it was a great segment thanks bob but scott jokes and security breaches aside i have an important question to ask you uh sure bob sorry for the listener by the way this is uh bob duka he was married to my mother for six months back six glorious months back in the 90s was it or again let's not get bogged down into details here just know that this connection can never be unbroken and you are my forever baby boy it's very sweet which is which makes what i'm about to ask you all the more i All right. I was a grown adult when you were married to my mother, but all right.

Always be a baby boy to me. Scott, I've come to ask you for your hand and please adopt me. What? I need you. I've looked into the legalities of this. I need you to adopt me for love, sure, but also for for medical insurance. You want me to adopt you? Bob, first of all, you didn't even adopt me when you were married to my mother. Why then would the shoe be on the other foot? Why would I then? need to adopt you. Thank you so much. You could probably tell from my demeanor that I'm much buffer than I usually am. You do look great. I wouldn't say great necessarily. I wouldn't say bad. Some would say buffer. Some would say lumpier. Scott, I've become fully engrossed in the men's vitality movement and for the last six weeks. Had you been dabbling before, but now you're

fully engrossed? I've dipped a toe in and now I'm deep, deep in it. Okay. I've been a patient a client at the Alpha Dynamics Men TransLongevity Clinic run by Dr. Winona Bambini. What does that entail? I don't know what any of those words. I will tell you what, but I need the insurance to cover. It's longevity. It's male vitality. You know there's a crisis of masculinity in this country

in the world. I hadn't noticed. John? It doesn't feel like it feels like that might be made up. No. Listen, you, my friend, have nothing to worry about. You are dripping with masculinity. But this, this little, little, God bless you, my son. But this little, little puddle. Why are you forcing a communion wafer in my mouth?

It's not a communion wafer. Oh, no. Oh, no. It's a zen. It's a zen. Oh, okay. Well, all right. I guess that's a. You're, in the longevity community, you'd be what's known as a cuck puddle. I don't know why they're branding people that way.

I think that's cruel, but that's what I was, and I don't want to be that anymore. I found out that, you know, I've let people walk all over me too much, and part of that is the physicality, but I need to continue the rigid physical and nutritional program that I'm on. And if it, I'm afraid that if I, if I don't continue this regimen, my health is engraved and is this. This is all covered by insurance? It is. It is. For me, because because of the recent administration, they've, they've allowed certain, if you're diagnosed as a deep beta male, which I have been. And clinically deep, I know what a beta male is. There's a lower level. Is that like dark

mega? There's a lower level. There's a lower level. This is basement level beta. Oh, yeah. Deep beta. Deep beta. And, and clinically unfuckable. You can get insurance to revitalize your manhood. And if I don't continue, I'd love to share with you the regimen there, man. I think we'd all like to hear it just for educational purposes. Okay, now these... Maybe this is a regimen that you and I can... John's probably... If he's not on these, then he's...

God bless him, because he's got this naturally. Well, listen, I think we could all use some help. Sure, sure. Well, the following, again, all prescribed by Dr. Winoto Bambini at the clinic. I start out with Athletic Greens, AG1, of course. Sure. Continue with ultra-vineas vitamin drip. Outrevenous vitamin sploosh.

Testosterone, human growth hormone, Andrew Huberman proprietary metamusole, Scientology-grade niacin, Red Bull Enema, motorcycle vitamins, omega-3 fatty acids, beta 2 chubby bubbles, wet cement capsules,

electricity pellets. I go on a five-hour dopamine gorge cess every day, creatine, protein, nicotine ketamine liquefied weight lifter magazines I do these workouts in physical regimen

every day how long does that take which all of it that's a pretty just the five hour I wake up at 4.30 a.m. to start the regimen right I finish the regimen at midnight

wow so talk about living to work and working to live and somehow I still get eight hours of sleep in there that's because of the incredible amount of efficiency from this program. And you know what helps? The following workout. You have another list of workout? I would call it a sub list. It's called it the same. Bullet point. Hypertext. Hypertext. Is that a question? Are you familiar with hypertext? You like hypertext.

Third base had a hypertext man. Yeah, I did. Cold plunge, hot dip, shake plate. Airbike, alligator wave pool, stair climber, stair fall downer, medicine ball, kettlebells, silver chairs, Nordic track kidnap machine, Kato from Inspector Clousseau robot, David Blaine, Ice Block, escape workout, battle ropes, King Kong shoe laces. These supplements for sexual health and overall vitality. That's why I'm able to. to alpha you. Sure. Okay, this is another sublist, by the way? Sure, yes. Are you going to ask me Hyperlink again?

I think you established you would prefer link. Yeah, I think so. Have you? Well, you might need some of these neurotropics then, because of your memory is that faulty already. Oh, brother. All right, what are you taking Bob? You know what?

You're like me. Your body is going to start on this regiment and your body's going to go, fella, you got a lot of spraining to do. You got a lot of spraining to do. This is the Desi Arnaz. Is that what it is? Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. Okay. Rhino horn. Tiger penis. Griffin Pussy. Snake piss. Baby blood.

Silverback gorilla tummy. Tesla pudding. Jake Paul lozenges. I do Daly Krav Maga with Canadian misogynist Jordan Peterson. Bezos yogurt with over 700 trillion very active probiotics. Dave Portnoy, nipple, chis charge. I take these advanced cognitive functionoids. Yes, this is another sublist.

Wow. This is unprecedented. This is a lot. Listen, my list needs some adderol because it is hyper. Neurogum. True brain. Alpha brain, Omega Brain, Lions Main, Yeti Merkin. Co-enzyme Q-10, co-enzyme Q-15, co-enzyme, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Ashwaganda mushrooms, Ashkenazi Toadstool, salt juice, butter, coffee, donkey, donkey, Bone broth, turtle eggs, antler soup, knife spaghetti, mammoth chili and karate salad. Wow, that is a complete. And then I meditate. Oh, yeah, well, sure, I get. Well, we have to get to get to our next guest. He's the aforementioned person who works in custodial services. let's welcome him back to the show.

It's Mike Ruby, the no stank plumber. How are you doing, Scott? Hi, Mike. It's great to see you. I'm doing good. How are you? Have you ever met to John Hamm? Oh, Mr. Hamm, how are you? We have not met, but it's great not to smell you. I've done some work in your backhouse, of course.

Thank you. We haven't met, but I've met something. And you've seen his ads around the bill was around town. No stank. Oh, yeah, of course. I am, of course, Mike Ruby, the no stank plumber. I guarantee there will be no stank when I come and do plumbing in your house. What about asking?

after you leave. Do you guarantee anything? That I can't be a part. Like I try. That's normally the problem. I talk to some of my lawyers. I talked to some of my lawyers and I said like can I guarantee after. It's the linger. It's the linger. The cranberry rule. But they said no that if it lingers, that's not my problem. If it's lingers, they can't point fingers. It's merely what you do and we, this was all well covered on your first appearance on the show, is when you come. Yeah. As opposed to most of the plumbers that you'll hire to come work on your house, they stink personally. They smell like shit. Because they're always Covered and shit Elbows, they're covered in shit

Their ass cracks are out They're wearing dirty overalls It's nasty But this guy M-O-S No stink Scott but I Scott I As you know

Plummers have been under fire I did not know that Oh you didn't know that No I have not heard about The last plumber I heard about Was that Joe the plumber guy Yeah yeah Yeah but I think Doge was

Really going after the plumbers Yeah oh really I I haven't heard I'm not too worried about Doge They could cut as much funding from the plumbing department as they want, but they're still going to be clogged toilets, they're still going to be shit. That's a great,

that's a great attitude. But no, Scott, there is a serial killer that has been targeting plumbers around the city. Wow. That's right, Scott. I haven't heard about it. You haven't heard about this? It's the number one headline in all the newspapers. How do they rank headlines? Well, I think it's the one that's on the front

page. So whatever makes the front page above the fold. Second page, you're number two. Okay. Well, number two sounds like the guy that you might be looking Is that confusing to people when they're like Those kind of jokes This is a number one headline Scott this is serious

I'm talking about my dead brothers That's fair enough Listen you know sometimes when you get scared You just make me You try to laugh We're nervous right now I know you're nervous for you I'm nervous and you're terrified for you

And you're brethren Hundreds of plumbers have been brutally murdered around the city In what manner Well Scott I can I'm here to raise awareness Scott So we're all we're thinking maybe this is This is all the same person

I think they're all connected Yeah Because there is a note being left at the scene of every girl. Oh, you didn't say that. Oh, I haven't talked about that? No, what's the note? There's a note that says, Death to All Plummers, you started the Los Angeles fires.

Each note is that? Each note. So, Scott, you know, we're under fire right now, Scott. I don't know what to do. This is terrible. Do you think you're next? Well, I know I'm next because I'm the only plumber left in the city of Los Angeles, Scott. Oh, I wondered, because I've had a clogged toilet for like the last three weeks.

Well, Scott, I'm out here. I'm persevering. I'm in the face of fear. I'm continuing to do my job, Scott. And, of course, I'm going through my 11-step process of cleaning anyone's-time. Did you bring another list? The following. Can you, can you, can you, I'll let you read the list.

I don't have to sigh through this one. Okay, this one is not a sad. So this one you can do cheerfully. Can I interject here? Yeah, yeah. If everybody else dead, your business must be booming. It is booming. I'm doing very well, but I'm very-

like to offer the observation that maybe this guy leaving these notes is not is on to something because ever since all these deaths have been happening no fires that's exactly why did they think plumbers caused i think there was something to do with like the water pressure and the palisades i don't remember but it was interesting scott of course i know billy joel he didn't he didn't start the fire and he made that clear years and years ago yeah yeah he got way out ahead of it airtight alibi you know what i'm going to make a song that's like i didn't kill that guy yeah just if oj had done that. Oh, if he had had a like fun disco hit me 80s

pod. I didn't kill a waiter. Well, Scott, you know, of course I have an 11-step process of cleaning anyone's toilet. And I've had to make some changes based on the... That's right. We've read these 11 steps before, but you've made some changes down. Of course, step one, Scott, received the call. That one is not changed. It has changed slightly

because when I pick up the phone call, I pretend to be someone else until I'm sure it's a customer. Oh, okay. And not the murderer. And not murder. Before you used to do it Lady Ghostbusters style, you would answer the call. Answer the call and I'm ready to go. But now I pick up the phone and I'm like, hello, it's me, murder. And I kind of do a whole thing. I wait. This is good. So you do a little character work. I do a little character work. Always fun. They hire me. They tell me that they need to have the toilet clean. Now, of course, step two, I proudly take a shower, Scott. Yes. This is in order to wash off any stank. I don't want to be stinking. My guarantee is very important to me. But now with a Syria kill out there, I do. I do. stand in the shower with a dead man switch and if anyone opens my shower curtain like in the movie Psycho I will let it go and my house will blow up

I mean better safe than sorry I've worked on it I mean it's the best way to take a shower these days so I do have a dead man switch you have a spouse or okay I live alone now of course step three I drive to the house now on my way by the way John

and Bob his 11 steps go very into detail. Okay, so I was like, we're not leaving any step up. This is why I'm- Listen, I'm glad. So, of course, I drive to the house. I make a lot of left turns, right turns. Trying to lose anyone who might be right-shape. And let me tell you what, if you were to, if you were able to like pull me off the road

and try to pull me out of the car, guess what? I'm not in there. I was in another car. You're in a decoy. That's right. So I do send a decoy, and it's a very long part of us. That's not an official step. It's a sub-step.

Is it like a Waymo? It is a Waymo. It's a driverless car. Smart. Waymo, by the way, is doing such wonders for decoys. Oh, yeah. Oh, it's the best. It's Waymo.

You don't have to hire a guy. No, you just put a dummy in the front of a Waymo. Yeah. Waymo easier than it. It's Waymo easy. That's really good. You should do commercial. You got to do a commercial for them, and then you'll get a free ride somewhere.

Now, of course, step four, I get out of the car. Now, this is a big step, Scott. Huge. It's a big step. I didn't hear you park or turn off the car. No, no, no. I get out of the car. You're just jumping up.

You're just jumping up. I slow it down to a roll. That's not a step. Okay, it's not a step. But I tuck and I just jump, I roll out of the car. And then now with the serial kill out there, I get up, I announce myself to the name of hood. I say, hey, it's me. It's Mike Ruby.

I'm here. I'm ready to do some plumbing. I sound off a bear horn a little bit just to get people's attention. And, you know, that step has been, you know, it's similar, but a little bit different. Sure. I don't recall what the other steps were. No, you don't remember. Upon arrival, I ask the people to point me in the direction of the stand guy.

That's right. Okay. I do whatever down. But now, Scott, before I do that, I make sure that they sign an NDA. Okay. So this is what step? This is step five. I'm inside the house. They sign an NDA. Okay. And I say, hey, you can't say anything about the work I'm doing in this house. You can't even say that I did plumbing on your house. Because you don't want anyone tracking your assassination coordinates. I mean, look, I did announce myself outside the house. But now that I'm inside, seems counterintuitive. I don't want anyone to know. What's going on? Got it.

Now, of course, step six, once they've pointed me in the direction of the stank, wait, so you've eliminated that step? No, no, no. That is the step. They sign an NDA, and then they point me in the direction.

This is two steps. And you can't follow your nose to the stank? You need to be. Now, like I said, step six, this has always been the case. I float off the ground like Pepper Lapew, and I do follow my nose to the stick. Oh, that's nice. That's nice.

But before I make my way to the bathroom, I do pull out my gun, and I sweep up, the house going room to room. I'm levitating. And you're sweeping that. I'm holding a gun. I'm peeking around corners. I'm going clear, clear, you know, that kind of thing. I'm shooting out any windows so people can't see any mirrors. This is all Pepe Lepeu style. This is all Pepelepeu style. And it's for my own safety, Scott. Now, since you are levitating, when you shoot the windows out, does that, does the equal and opposite reaction says you've got

I do back. I do a lot of times. I'll shoot and I'll just go whee and just go right out the front door. It's very hard. But I have to do it. It's the only way to keep myself. That's fair. That's fair. Okay. Now, of course, step seven. I'm in the bathroom I will lock myself into the bathroom, Scott. Okay. This is where I close my eyes

and take a load off because I'm safe, Scott. You're finally in your happy place. I can finally relax. Yes. So of course, this is my meditation step. Have you cleared the bathroom though

at this point? No, no, no. I don't even want to see what's in there. So my eyes are closed when I walk in. So someone could be in the bathtub behind the curtain.

This is really good. Let me write this now. That's right. It wouldn't that be where you go I would, here's how I would do it. I would wash my hands because obviously you're getting ready to do something.

Okay, how dare you? And you would look in the bathroom mirror. You would open the mirror just to check and see if there's anything in there. See, it's a false front. You never know. Yeah, there could be like a big, there could be a candy man style hole in, you know, behind the mirror. Exactly. Or the guy, the, yes, exactly.

Yeah, someone hiding in the walls, you know, what's that guy's name? Yeah, well, who hidden the walls in that one movie? Bad Ronald? Bad Ronald, thank you, Bob. I mean, I don't know. Maybe it's Kool-Aid, man. You never know somebody to come through a wall. Exactly.

Boy, when you close. that you close that medicine cabinet mirror watch out because there's usually someone's right the little jump scare this why I don't touch the medicine cabinet mirror gives a killer an opportunity to sneak up behind you jumps scare so I don't do that of course I shoot out the mirror so that there

have no mirrors and I do my meditation now of course step eight classic Scott I will disassociate yes of course because this the the idea of shit and piss is so disgusting to me and in order for me to clean it I have to be in a complete fugue state

sure so I disassociate step nine I hit my head on the sink right before you've cleaned it I can't remember no no no I haven't cleaned anything you're in the few state you hit your head on the same I hit my head on the sink is this because you've lost consciousness or is in some place I have lost consciousness the blood has rushed away from my brain right I hit my head on the sink step 10 I wake up and hope the bathroom is clean right and if it's not if it's not step 11 I burn the house to the ground right yes this is the Mike Ruby promise wait I burn the house to the ground. Maybe I did start the California fires. I was going to say, because you've talked about burning so many houses down to the ground. Yeah, I do a lot of work in the Pacific Palisades and Altadena. Why those two neighborhoods exclusively? They're so far apart.

The pipes are nasty. The pipes are nasty of these places. Oh, they have bad pipes. They have bad pipes. I've heard that about the Palisades. Oh, they got bad pipes. Palisades, rough pipes. Rough pipes.

So I guess I might be responsible for the, huh. So all. Anyways, those are my 11 mistakes. Anyway, wait a minute. This was hundreds of millions of dollars in damage and lives ruined. Don't beat yourself up. Thank you, Bob. Don't be, come on.

I mean, yes, we all make mistakes. We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes. That doesn't mean I should be the target of a serial killer, Scott. It also seems like a lot of your contemporaries are dying when it's your fault. That can't be traced. Well, no, when you think about it. It could be.

You just said it on Mike as well. You admitted it. Oh, my God. He admitted it. did start the fire. Yes. It wasn't always burning. Well, this is really tough.

Every single line in that is the opposite. He did stuff for me. Yeah. So what are the lyrics? It wasn't always burning. I know Marilyn Monroe is in there, but I don't know what the opposite of that is. What's the opposite of Chubby Checker? Skinny Chess.

Oh my God. There's got to be a singer name Skinny Chess. Number eight. Oh yeah There it is Skinny Chess One of the few One of the few clips

That ends on The title of the episode Coming up with The Opposite of Chubby Checker Is Skinny Chess? That's very rare Very rare, yeah Usually we don't even play

Does it ever happen before? I don't think so Very rare has it ever happened? I don't know I don't think so This is the first time in Countdown history That we've ever ended

on a clip of the title being said of the show. Ground beefing. Ground beefing episode. Now, someone was telling me you were in a ground beefing episode of Comedy Bang Dang. Very fun. Love all those guys. That was a great episode. Enjoyed that.

I hope you choke on it. I hope you listeners choke on it. And that clip in particular. We wish the very best for you. We hope you choke on it. All right, let's take a break. When we come back, this is extra special because we're going to crack the top seven when we come back. Okay, let's end.

Oh, by the way, also, everyone was wondering, are you playing the snowman game? Yes, we're going to play it after the next clip. That's right. Friends don't let friends not play the snowman game like you did on our last episode. And you did on our last episode. That's right. We did a double not letting our friends play the snowman game. A double new friends.

Uh-huh. But we're going to play the snowman game. after this next clip so stick around we're going to come right back we'll be right back more comedy bang bang bang after this comedy bang bang best of 2025 part two part two I'm going to take you two part two and uh I'm here with Paul of Tompkins Scott Ackerman here and look we're going to play the snowman game after this so I don't I don't even want to mess around anymore I just want to get to it so I can play the snowman game what is the snowman game We'll take you all through it.

Oh, yeah, don't worry. It's a very special Christmas Day. We'll hold your hand, little baby. Christmas Day edition of the Snowman game. Yeah. Let's get to it. Let's, I mentioned we're going to crack the top seven. Let's just do it.

This is your choice for episode number seven. Number seven. All right, episode number seven. Coming in at seven, this is number 933. Ooh, this is solidly in the early, earlys. That's right. So this is the mid-earleys, I think. You think it's in the early-earleys?

Yeah. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Now, this came out on September 15th, and this is an episode called Pollywally-Cule. Poly-Wolly-Lewil. It's adorable. Now, who's in this? We have Lisa Gilroy is here.

Gelsé. We have making his first appearance, I believe, ever on the countdown, Jacob Waisal. And we have you heard him on our last episode, Charlie McCracken. McCracky. That's right. So Lisa Gilroy is playing L.A. Radio personality, Whizbang. And Jacob Wysaki is playing Rusty Hawkeyes Tutherford. And Charlie McCracken is playing burlesque ives.

So now this is, this is an episode. episode in our, frankly, ground beefing format. Oh, this beef some ground. That, you know, we stumbled upon about a year ago. It's really taking America by storm. What am I talking about? I'm talking about the CBB Roundtable. That's right.

This is where we don't have a celebrity guest a la John Hamm in A Block. Instead, we just, and normally on the show, the characters come out one at a time. In the CBB roundtable, they're all there right from the beginning. And we have a discussion about the issues of the day. That's right. No bullshit. You just get right to it. We cut the bullshit.

And some would say, hey, why do you even have bullshit on the other episodes? It's a great question. Honestly, 95% of podcasting is bullshit. You can't cut the bullshit all the time. It's a great answer. You know, you need some bullshit. I've never done a roundtable. I'd love to do a roundtable.

I would love to. Okay. Next time somebody drops out. That's what it's going to take. By the way, Paul, you've been asked to be on probably every single one of these episodes that we've done. Is that true? And you're too busy. Wow.

I'm sorry. I missed out on a lot of fun. But I was having fun elsewhere. You were, yes, of course. But if you have, we've only heard Paul on one clip so far. And the reason why is because he was not available on any of these episodes. But this is a really fun episode. we're going to hear a good chunk of the beginning of it.

Yeah, good chunk. And so a lot like the movie Goonies, it's got a good chunk in it. So let's let us, now I think I'm calling back jokes from later in our countdown. Are you okay? Yes, I believe so. Okay. All right, let's hear. This is your choice for number seven.

They've never been on the show before, but they're here to talk about what's going on. Um, they are a local Los Angeles disc jockey, uh, at 102.9 here at K-40, which is KFRT, I believe. Please welcome Whizbang. Whoa, what's up, Scott? 102.9, whiz bang and the frizz. Whizbing? Oh, uh, the, where's the frizz today? Do you mind me asking? The frizz has passed away. I'm so smart. Just me today, brother. But hey, happy to be here. Cooking up in the studio with my main man, Scotty Scootman. The Honkman, rat, fratty pants, big dooky donk in those heavy underpants,

King of the North. Thank you so much. May I ask how long ago did the Frizz pass away? Oh, Frizz got hit by a helicopter. A helicopter? This is Dr. Rocket Romano style from E.R. Yeah, yeah. Tuesday night, you went up to have a...

This Tuesday night? Yeah, this Tuesday night, we can freak on diggle pops, we can rank on wriggle. pops. Hey, taking requests all night. Whiz bang and the frizz. So he went up to where you were saying? He went, top of his roof on his building, I guess, smoked a cigarette and got hit square in the jaw by a helicopter. That's what they don't tell you about standing on roofs of buildings is a helicopter will come by and just take you right out. Oh, they'll whiz, bang, and the frizz. Trueer words have never been spoken. And what is your, what time period do you DJ and are you a drive time?

2025. Okay, so you're not a time traveler. No. But what are your hours? Oh, I do the daily commute. You know, someone's got to have someone to listen to drive time, dive time, dive time, fly by time. Time flies by with whiz bang and the fritz.

So what are we talking? 5 a.m. to 9? 5 a.m. to 5 a.m. 24 hours. Plus 1 hour. Extra 5 a.m. So you're just, you're going 25 hours in a row. Yep.

And then do you take a break? And then I get in my helicopter and I cruise. Wait a minute. Were you the person who ran into the frizz? I can't be sure I was asleep at the wheel. Helicopter has a wheel inside. A lot of people don't know that. They have several wheels.

Wheel is one of the greatest inventions ever. Do you agree? I completely agree right after the titty. My man, my main man, Scootie honkers, give it to me here. Okay, I don't know. I don't think I can, uh, it's not really my brand. Honk it, don't squawk it. Exactly.

Okay, I honked it once. But I'm not going to squank it, okay? All right, we'll see. By the end of today, you'll be squanking it all for us. All right. Let's get to our, not our other guest, but another guest. He is a cowboy. And I didn't know that they still had cowboys, but I'm looking forward to talking to him.

Please welcome Rusty Hawkeyes Tufford. I'm a cowboy, baby. Hey, Skar, happy to be here. Mr. Tufferford, so wonderful to have you on the show. What's up, man? I'm doing really well. Howdy. Of course, howdy.

All of the lingo, I'm sure you know all of it. Tell me about being a cowboy. How long have you been a cowboy? And what exactly does a cowboy do these days? Well, I'm a real well-rounded cowboy. I think a cowboy is pretty broad term these days. I've none at all. I've been a hero. I've been a villain. I've been an under five word actor in a film. I've been a sidekick, a main man, a rancher. Did I say a villain already?

You said a villain. The rancher is the first job you've actually said. I've done it all. Scott, I'm a well-rounded cowboy. Are you sitting on a vibrating chair? No, I got a snake in my throat. Oh, no. Are you all right? Do you need assistance or do you call my night? You want to go down in there. Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah, exactly. He might come out, who knows. Okay.

We'll see. I'm used to him. I'd love to, oh, how long has he been there? Many, many years. Okay, and how old of a gentleman are you? You know, I figured out a lot of things about me. Who, what, where, why, and when's a question I was hoping you wouldn't ask? Okay, well.

Well, let's get to our final, the final member of our panel here. And he's a folk singer. He also famously, I believe, portrayed a snowman in Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, I think. Please welcome Burl S. Ives. Oh, the mandacity. Scott, you got my name wrong. I'm so sorry. What part of it did I get wrong?

I understand. It's very understandable. The S is not an initial. It's Esk. My name is Berliske. Burleseis. Oh, I'm sorry. I must have misheard your PR person who brought you.

you over here. Yes. Burl Ives died 30 years ago, Scott. Oh, oh, okay. And who are you? I'm Burlesque Ives. I'm a reimagining of your favorite folk singing, family-friendly, Oscar-winning actor. Okay, so you're like a reboot. Correct. Okay, well, great. Oh, it's wonderful to have you here. Thank you very much. I'm glad to be here. And are you related to the famous Burlives? I'm a reimagining of him. Right. Okay. So it's sort of like, I guess, when comic books reboot, New 52. It's a little like that, yes. Yeah.

Are there parts of your origin story that are a little bit different than the original Burrell Lives? A computer took all of Burr Lives. This is your origin story? That's right. The computer took all of Burr Lives and revamped him for today. Okay. And what is more modern about you than the original Burrell Life? I contain all of modern sexual politics and social liberalism.

Okay. So the George Floyd protests Never mind Why don't you catch him up to speed No, that's okay I really, I don't feel qualified necessarily Then why'd you bring it up? He'd open the door

I just thought I'd walk through Let my love open the door call All day and all night, radio requests Well guys we need to get to Of course the CBB round table We need to get to the issues of the day And talk about what's going on I mean, look, everything is crazy.

It seems like the world can be oppressive these days with everything that's going on in the news. It can seem overwhelming. It can seem like a little bit too much. And that's what the CBB roundtable is here for, is for us to kind of get all these issues out in the open and discuss what's going on. You can't even run a scheme anymore, Scott. Schemes are very difficult, although. You can't even hang out with Morgan the Cheat Lawless. What was Morgan the Cheat Lawless like?

Oh, he was a pool shark. and he'd play these games and rack people's bills up and he'd say pay up and they never had the money and he said we could call it even if you show me your hog oh okay wow and people would take him up on oh you better believe they were flashing hog left and right scott to get out of their debts i guess i didn't really ever think of the old west that way with people just flashing hog all the time we're flashing hog you were flashing i was flashed oh yeah if you got a good one flash it so you have a good one flash it so you have a good one. Oh, it's nice. Whoops. Snake coming out again? Hey, go back. Yeah.

He's got it by the tail. Okay, all right. We're back. We're back. Well, in any case, let's get to the questions of the day. Let's get to the topics of the day. Everyone ready here for the CBB roundtable? Oh, yeah. All right. Here we go. Everyone's been talking about this. What is your most used emoji?

Everybody's been talking about it. Everyone's talking about like, oh, look at all these emojis. Look at all these emojis that are available. What is the one that I use the most? Well, for me, it's the sunset. Because that's what I'm walking off into sky. Oh, that is gorgeous. So when you text people, I would imagine, you don't have an old-timey stopwatch any longer.

No, I have tried to update with the times. Okay. It's hard not to. I've noticed that you have a modern iPhone, but it's connected to a fob chain. It's in your vest. Yeah, yeah. It's like a lighter leash, but for a phone, so it never goes too far. Okay.

So what's the last text that you sent? My last text just says, you want to get some carneasada or Chile Verde? And then does it have the sunset emoji right there? You better believe it. Wow. And that's because you're going to die soon. Well, yeah, soon I'm dying, and I got to be honest. I'm going to be going into retirement soon, Scott.

So you're going to retire and then die? Yeah, I'm going to a retirement community, Scott, and then I'll slowly die. Well, then just don't go into the retirement community. No, I got to go. It's already paid for, Scott. I'm going to Laguna Cush Village. It's a beautiful, beautiful retirement community. This isn't where I think it is.

What do you mean? I mean, I heard Laguna Cush Village What do you mean, Scott? Don't tell me this is in Cushtopia. You know Cushtopia? I, there have been guests on this show I've talked about Custopia.

No way, Scott, I read about it in a brochure. The lore about Cushtopia has accumulated over the episodes. Well, it's a... Tell me. It's another dimension, another dimension. The pamphlets says an alternate planet Earth, but sure. Okay, well, and it's in most everything

is made entirely of Cush. That's what the brochure says. Mostly everything's Cush. Although they do have trains that are made of metal. Yeah, well, what else would have been made out of? It would be hard to run

if it was just Cush. Whizbang, have you heard about Cush Topia at all? Oh, yeah. That's where my ex-wife lives. Your ex-wife lives in Cush-Topia? Oh, okay. What's it like there? Oh, Cush-topia, it's insane.

The trains are made of Cush. No. It's one of the few things that's actually not made of Cush. in Cushtopia mostly According to the brochure Mostly everything's made a cush But the trains have to be metal

In order to work It doesn't make sense A train made a nugs What are you doing? Hollowing it out Burlesque, What is your most used emoji? All right, back to the issues of the day

I only use one emoji I've experimented with it I sign off every text I send with a snowman. Wonderful, because you portrayed the singing snowman, or I guess Burr Alives did, in the Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, it's not really a cartoon, it's a stop motion program. Yes, I suppose that's right. I bet that is why I do that. Oh, you've never thought about it before?

I'm not very introspective. Have you always been fleshed? Well, I know that I'm at one point a floppy, just a floppy dry. I am, as far as I'm. concerned. I am an AI generated IP built off of the chassis of an old retired robot dog from the LAPD. Oh, okay, one of those, like, attack, one of the ones that, like, rears up on its hind legs. That's correct. Okay, so you could attack us at any point. Of course, as could all of you. This is true. It's a good point. I do have guns. Oh, you do. Unlike Marty motorcycle. Well, he's always

forgetting his motherfucking gun. That's right. But now, are you programmed to attack us or other human beings? Oh, no, I'm programmed to entertain. Okay. Well, you have done that today, I have to say. Well, would you like me to leave? No, I would expect you to continue to entertain us if that's all right until the end of the program.

Now, Whizbang, what is your most used emoji? Oh, well, I didn't think of an answer. Well, that's okay. Did you just look through your text? Sure, sure, read us all of your texts. Let me see, let me see. last text I sent was to the Frizz I said I'm coming by in my helicopter

Wait outside, I'll pick you up Oh no, that I message is only one message And it was the helicopter emoji Helicopter emoji Okay Do you talk to anybody outside of the Fris? Fris was my only friend Only one guy, huh?

Fris was my only friend No cunerals for the Fris Oh, the mendacity So sorry you've lost your only friend do you do you have an outlet to get your feelings out are you in therapy it's this show scott really what feeling was that anger that's all i got a bunch of it okay oh we got a color on the line oh bing ding ding ding hello sounds hot oh my god what are you guys talking about uh hi ma'am what is your name ma'am is your name oh okay i got it in one amazing

Um, ma'am, where's my belt? Oh my God. Babe, where's my belt? Sir's home. Um, I have to go. Is there, there's an issue? All right, we, we don't want to cause any trouble at home. Well, sir's looking for his belt and it, it's wrapped around my head.

I'm wearing it as a necklace and sir's going to be mad. Hmm, it's wrapped around your head, but you're wearing it as a necklace. Yeah, that's part of my head, isn't it? Your neck? Oh, yeah, I guess. Okay, well, look, we don't have to get into, uh, you know. Wait, is this the piece? pizza parlor? Who called who? Is this a

prank? Wait, am I on Whizbang in the Frizz? You are on Whizbang and the Fris? You're on Whizbang and the Fris. R-I-P to the Fris, of course. Of course, no funerals except it. That's right. And, sir, sir, did you ever find your belt? What the fuck, babe? What the fuck? Where's my belt?

Sir, you're on the radio right now. I have to go do a tough mutter. I need my belt. Oh, no. Now that we got you guys on the line, what's your favorite Avril Levine song? Found it, babe. Thanks. surround your head I guess technically your neck I haven't heard that one

but it sounds beautiful coming right up after the break we've got Founded Babo's around your neck by Avrilavine stay tuned on whizbang and the phrase well guys let's get back to the issues of the day

everyone's talking about it everyone is out there these days saying like oh my god look at this thing over here but then there's almost an equal amount of people over there going no no look at this thing and I disagree about the first thing

that you said, and I think this thing is more important, and let's fight about it. Let's just hash it all out right here. What do you say? I agree. All right. Here's what people want to know. Who was your childhood actor or actress crush?

I'm going to go, well, I'm going to go to Whizbang first. Childhood actor crush? Actor or actress. God, that's a hard one. And they don't have to be a child. I'm not saying that you now as an

adult have a crush on a child. I'm saying when you were a child, who is your crush? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Could probably an adult actor, or maybe a similarly aged teen actor. Of course, easy. It's the, and this is true, the tree with tits

in The Last Unicorn. What is the Last Unicorn again? The Last Unicorn, an incredible animated feature in which Melvin, I believe, his name is. He's a wizard. He puts some sort of curse on a tree. The tree comes life and a half. has giant tits.

Okay, I'm going to do a Google image search here for this. Last Unicorn, tree with tits. Okay. I just put tree, I didn't put tree with tits. Should I put tree with... Can't leave out the tits! Show the class!

Okay, I guess these are tits here. Yeah, those are the tits. So the tree kind of pulls some magician clothes, some mothers and men are tits. Some plumpers. Some big natties. Look at those. I love them, Natty Scott.

You love a natural? Really? You don't like these fake silicone? I'm tired of all this fake shit. I miss the good old day. Burlesk, what about you? I'm a boob man myself. I've got a song all about it.

Oh, let's hear it. I'm a big cocked Randy Moundsman. Is that just the start of it? Well, that's the title of it. Oh, you want to hear it? Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'd love to hear it. Uh, uh, oh, ho, ho, ho.

Give it up for the beach. Celebrate the C's Double D's are really something Don't care where the lemonade flows Or the fudge out goes I'm a big cocked Randy Mounds man Like that That's a fantastic update of a classic

What were the original lyrics of that? Oh ho ho ho ho The buzzin of the bees and the cigarette trees The soda water fountain Or the lemonade springs And the bluebird sings In the big rock candy mountain That was what people cared about

back in the 50s. Right, they want, what are these hobos doing and what are they dreaming about? Yeah, cigarettes and stuff like that. Nowadays, it's about being a big cocked what now? Randy Moundsman. Oh, boy. Good stuff.

Good stuff. Good stuff. Well, that is how you not only crack the top 10, you crack single digits, then you crack a top eight, and then you crack a top seven. I think we did it in style. With a plumb That's going to

Just about wrap it up For the best of Comedy Bang Bang 2025 Part two We have to First of all We want to wish you all A very happy holiday

As today is Christmas If you're listening to this on Christmas If you're a devout Christian Merry Christmas Of course And if you're a non-devout atheist Enjoy the federal holiday of Christmas Sure

I hope you enjoy not getting your mail No trash collection today. Merry Christmas. But we do have one thing to do, and we forgot to do it on part one, but we have to play the traditional snowman game. Yes. As started by Paul several years ago.

Paul, I'm going to leave it to you to describe what we do in the snowman game. We have a Christmas decoration, which is a little plush snowman. He's holding a candy cane. He's got a top hat on. He's a classic. He has a scarf around his neck.

We should mention that. And that is primarily so his head doesn't fall off. Is that right? Yeah, I mean, it can't be to warm him up because. Because he doesn't want to be warmed up. He's made of cold. Yeah. And if he warms up, he melts.

Yeah. So it must be to hold his head. He shouldn't have a hat on because so much your body, he escapes through your head. That's right. And also the head is what is making is the hat. That is what is making his head lopsided and why he needs the scarf in order to affix his head to his body. So here's what happens. You press his fat little hand and then he starts swaying to and fro singing, let it snow, let us know, let us know.

Yep. He periodically does little spins. He twirls and you don't know where he's going to land. And it's different every time. It's not a preset route. He makes three spins. He makes three spins total while he's singing the song. now the object of the game and there's no way you can affect this outcome because it's random each time

it's random each time although i feel like i i don't like the fact that he's pointed right at me to start i i feel like i should be right we can point him away we can point him away we can point him away from both of us okay because the object of the game because i think it would be too coincidental for him to start looking at me and and just looking at it would be a little too neat yeah okay go ahead the object of the game is to have the snowman at the very end his final rotation wind up staring straight at you that's right because when that happens in your eyes the feeling that you get is like nothing else right and now look this particular snowman because i had one my own personal one i can't find it anywhere yes i i i worried because i in my head um i i've had this for

version of the snowman, which our old producer, or former producer, I should say, Kimmy. Our elderly producer, Kimmy. Kimmy brought, I believe, brought this one over because you couldn't find yours or something. This one was from Earwolf. That's how I first learned about it. And so then I got my own. Then you got your own, but you couldn't find it. So I scrambled and said, Kimmy, can you find the snowman and the one from Earwolf? And she brought it over. So this one has been in my house now for a number of years. But last night, as I turned on the alarm, anyone trying to rob me. That's right. You're not going to be able to.

I turned on the alarm. Easily. Yeah. You'll have about 30 seconds of grace period as you enter, and then it'll go off. But I suddenly as I laid myself down to sleep. And what did you do then? I prayed the Lord, of course, my soul to keep. Yes, that's right.

I said, I just in my head, I was like, oh, yeah, I know where that is. And then right as I went down to sleep, I went. I have no idea where it is. Why would I think I know where it is? And so I, I, and it was my turn to wake up with a baby. So I was just like, just in my head the entire morning about like, I don't know where this is. What if I can't find it? Do I need to reach out to Paul?

Does he know where his is yet? And then I came down in, in here to the studio and I looked around and it wasn't in my eyesight. And I went into the kitchen. I'm like, I don't know where it is. I don't know. know where it is. And I looked everywhere. And then I realized it was right there on the kitchen counter in plain view. And my eyes have just glided over it. Wow. Because I don't, during the year, it has no effect on my life. So I just like, don't pay any attention to it. So I

don't see it. You think it would stick out more. Yeah. But instead, I was like, where is this thing? And I just like naturally glided over it like, oh, there's that thing I don't pay attention to do. Where is it? Where is it? Has it been on the kitchen counter for the whole year? Yes. You've been here all year doing three of them episodes. Oh, you mean in this kitchen counter? Yes. Oh, yeah, I've seen it. I was going to say.

You've seen it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But I, I, in my head, I was like, I haven't seen that thing in a year. Silly, Scott. But it was right here. To me, it's like seeing a friend. Yeah. That's how I should treat it.

All right. So I, so this is, I also want to point out, I think that this particular decoration is no longer available. Oh. I just searched for it the other day. Whoa, because you wanted to buy a new one to replicate it. It is extinct. All right, so here we go. I'm going to press his fat little hand.

Oh, we got a mic. Okay, so Paul is going to press its hand, and it is going to sing to us. We want to make sure the mic is out of the way of its spin. Three, two, one, one, go. Okay, it's in place. Oh, it's doing its first spin,

and it is looking right at Paul. It still feels good, but it's not. That means I'm not going to get the last one. By the way, we never came to, we never talked about should we be wagered on this. This is the, oh, it does four spins. Okay, this is the final spin. It's looking right back where it started, which means that he's a little off central. He's a little off, okay.

I was going to say if it was right, I should have just had it looking at me if it was exactly. But you know how we moved it because I said never. Yeah, that's right. Okay. Now, we'll leave him where he is. We'll leave him where he is from now. Yes. But we should, we should make, of course, a gentleman's bet, $10,000 bet.

Don't a little bit? He says, of course, our Mitt Romney. My favorite meat is hot dog. My favorite meat is hot dog. We're going to do a bet next time for it. I don't like betting on it. You don't? I think it cheap.

But we did it for charity. Sure. Oh, the community. Yes. We'll do a bet for the community. The community of Connecticut. Yes. Of what the fuck name was it?

Old Lyme, Connecticut. Old Lyme, Connecticut. This is for you, Old Lyme. All right, that's going to do it for us. We're going to be back Monday with part three of our best-of-countdown and then the following Thursday, a week from today, for part four. And we're going to be doing the top... Crushing.

We're going to be crushing the top six on our next two episodes, so that's exciting. From all of us here at Comedy Bang Bang, and from Werner Herzog, aka the client, have a happy holiday. Yay!