Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2025 Pt. 3

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

Merry Best Of’s to all from Comedy Bang! Bang! Join Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they count down numbers 6 through 4 of the best CBB episodes of 2025 as voted on by you, the listeners! Find out how your best-loved characters ranked and maybe discover some new favorites! Tune in Thursday for part 4! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy bang, bang, bang, comedy bang, bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, comedy, bang, comedy, comedy, bang, comedy, comedy, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Bozy, bozy bop. Didibap. Hey, welcome to comedy bang bang. What a crazy time. Best of 2025 part three.

Okay, so David Lee Roth covering I ain't got nobody in the 80s. What would that be equivalent? Who would be the equivalent today and what song would it be? Okay, because that is a Louis Primus song from the fifth. Yes. So a 30-year difference. So it would be someone covering something from 1995. So Pearl Jam. Who were like some, who was like a lighter artist? Yeah, like pop music. Yeah. Meaning in from 1995. Let's look up 95 and pop music. And also look up today. Yes. Okay, look up today. Today is today. today is today and that's the truth yep there's oasis there's uh uh yeah rock set there's yeah you got the look sure all right and so who what artist today wait you got the look

did roxette do you got the look oh no sorry you're thinking of sheena easton i am thinking what's but the rock set no the rock set song was also something about the look. You want it anyway. Nah, na, nah,

na, na, na, she's got the look. Huh. Rexette. Oh, yeah, the look.

That comes up the first. How many songs about having the look are there? Well, there's... You got the look. You got the look.

Slamming. Shlamming. Uh, whoa. Somehow I clicked on the YouTube video. This is the commercial for uh, some sort of escape to calmness app or something like that.

Oh, that's fun. Yeah. So that comes up before. I'm going to skip it now. Skip it real good. This is Roxette's The Look. This is not a music podcast, by the way. This is your first episode you've ever heard.

I should introduce myself. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And with me, co-hosting these best of episodes. He is a comedian. He is an actor. he's a writer, he's an improviser, he is an entertainer all around. Please welcome Paul F. Tompkins.

And we are both DJs and we're bringing you music. And this is new from Roxette. This is called The Look. All right. So then who would be the modern artist? Covering that song? Yes. Um, I guess probably.

somebody somebody from because the genres are so different so different yeah who did wet ass pussy

uh making the stallion and Cardi B yes I guess if they could do it if they did wet ass pussy they can do anything

boy that's true Scott hey if you're out there and you do wet ass pussy you can do anything they were ground beefing artists Jesus This is the start of episode three

Look, sometimes things are ground beefing All right Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang Best of 2025 Part 3, we did part one and part two last week So if you haven't heard those Pause this and go, I guess stop this Because you'd have to stop it in order to play the other ones Only you have two devices.

That's right. And I hope you do. I hope you're doing so well that you have two devices. You have one that your wife sees that you, you know, and you follow all the right people on Instagram and you only text the right people. And then you have a burner where you spend most of your time. Yeah. If you're a logical person, that's what we do is Mary Mann.

And that's where your true self comes out. Have you seen this meme? I really enjoy it. And it's, for some reason, it's just women post this. But it's always funny to me. And it's about like my, my husband thinks he's looking through my phone. He's going to discover secret messages to someone else. But what he's going to find is even worse.

And then it's a screenshot of like the calculator app doing like 15 minus 2. It's really funny. Doesn't the calculator app have you? your previous history, wasn't that? Weren't people posting that for a while? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. When they found out like, oh, this has your, your calculator history, and then people were posting their embarrassing calculator things.

Eight plus nine. It's so good. It brings us together as people. That's right. And that's what the holidays are all about is bringing us together as people. I think a lot of you are out there. A lot of you have flown home where you've grown up. Like E.T.

Uh, sure. Yeah, E.T. What they never said what his home was. Do you think that E.T. brought holiday traditions back to his own planet from, from Earth? Yeah, because, well, he was, he was, Christmas. Well, he was around for Halloween. Yes. Yes. He was around for Halloween. So I bet he brought Halloween back. And he's like, I know we're all naked. Yeah. All the time. But what if we wore clothes. Yeah. On one day a year. And that's what he thought the, he thought the, the, the, the, the, the holiday was about. was just, he didn't realize it was clothes dressing up as something fanciful. Oh, I wear clothes once a year? So he's like, this is a great holiday where people wear clothes.

And now they're wearing like, on his home planet, they wear like cargo shorts and polo shirts. Yeah, it's not, it's not dressing up like a witch or a robot. It's just like wearing clothes. Yep. He's like, Halloween. Halloween. He must have gotten fired, right?

I know, because what was he out there doing? He fucked up. He was, he was some sort of. sort of inspector, or what was he doing? They were collecting samples and shit. They were like taking, he wasn't counting planets. What, counting the planets? Yeah, it's like, okay, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven.

Okay, that one's no longer one. Okay, eight when he got to Earth and then suddenly. So they landed Earth just to count the planet? Yeah, he's like, this is definitely a planet. This is one. You only got to one? Oh, no. But when they came back to get him, it must have been like, hey man.

Dude, we can't. Keep doing this for you. This can't be the first time it ever happened to him. With me. Yeah. Can we have the room? These are things I love to hear on TV shows. On West Wing.

Yeah. I do love on the diplomat this year they brought back. You think? From the Westman. Yeah. Congrats. Diplomat. Ex.

West Wing riders. X wet wing. Wet wing. Oh, from Star Wars, the ex wet wing. Oh, my gosh. Okay, here's how you fly this. You got to get the wings that are in the shape. of an X as wet as they could possibly be. Before you take off, we're going to get the hose out

and we're going to thoroughly wet down your ship. I believe now we're doing stuff that we're going to be hearing later in our countdown. That's scary. Wet. Generally wet. Okay. All right. Okay. Um, we can't wait. This is, we, we've got to stay away from this topic. Yeah. Um, we're not beefing new ground here. So now beefing is, is substituting for breaking. It's been the whole time. But I mean, before it was substituting in the word groundbreaking, now you're just, any time you say breaking. Ground beefing, breaking, breaking, beefing ground.

Look at that dancer over there. He's popping and beefing. He's beef dancing. Wait, what did I say? Did I say grounding new beef? No, no, you said beefing new ground, but I just, every other time we've. we've said it's been ground beefing that's right sorry wait ground yeah ground is beef ground is beef I fucked up no no you didn't fuck up you didn't fuck up I just uh you said beefing new ground

which is correct but but before we had only said it ground beefing right and so I was like oh I thought we were we were just substituting ground beefing for groundbreaking but now we're substituting anytime we say breaking if one is the one the other's the other yeah true It's just the way it goes. This feels like a music man style. That's a good old music, man. Good old music, man. Good old music, man.

We'll talk about that later. Sure we will. What are we doing? In this episode, we are counting down, I mean, in these episodes, we've been counting down your top 14. Your choices, by the way. You all vote. Your choices, your choices. It's not our fault.

Your choices for the top 14 episodes of Comedy Bang Bang throughout the year. And in our previous episodes, we did. episodes 14 through 7. That's right. On this particular episode, we're going to hear your choices for number six, five, and four. That's right.

So, and then we're going to do the top three on Thursday. Do you think people have noticed that the numbers go down? I hope so, but I truly, at this point, I don't know whether. It's a subtle thing, but it's fun if you, if you key into it. It's an Easter egg, definitely. Yeah.

I like that these days. You'll look up, like you'll go see some movie like Fantastic Four or whatever. And then there will be an article saying, top, like all the Easter eggs in Fantastic Four explained. No. And then it's. I disagree with this practice. You don't like even if it were true? Because my point is, is then they list things that anyone would be able to see.

Well, there's that. But I think if you don't find an Easter egg, you don't get these. You don't get it. Yeah. You got to find these things yourself. It stays there and it rots and it stinks until next year. But my point is, is like, okay, yeah, and the first Iron Man. there was, Captain America's shield is in the background.

Yeah, no shit. You know, shit like that where it's like, oh, you blink and you miss it. But then these, lately in these articles, they're just like explaining plot points. Yeah. Like, well, see, the reason that the Fantastic Forward needed to stop Galactus is so that he wouldn't eat the world. That's a funny streak. Like in Fantastic Forward number 49. Now, I, I watched that movie at home.

And I took a little, I took a little video of a certain moment. Okay. When Galactus comes to Earth and he rides his giant chair or whatever. Yeah. By the way, if an alien were to watch us in airplanes, would they be saying, oh, look at all these humans riding their chairs everywhere? I wouldn't blame if they did. It's more comfortable to sit down.

Are you saying that Galactus shouldn't be sitting down as he? I'm saying it was just the ship. But I mean, if we were all flying and there was no plane just chairs, that's what I'm saying. I hopefully someday we'll get there I hope so God willing You just sit down in a chair one day And you go I want to go to Italy Yeah

Italy chair Italy chair Italy chair well you're saying you have a different chair For each No I'm saying that's what you say when you sit in it Oh Italy chair I would be a little more polite to my chair It chair

May I go to Italy please I think you're addressing it as Italy chair Or you're addressing it as Spain chair or whatever But then that's my point about There's a different chair for each But it's the same chair so you're you're giving it a different name everywhere hello italy chair and then you'd say can i go to italy

no you just say italy chair this sounds like an order no the chair's like oh no my home is italy i have to go there i'm in the wrong place this makes this is too rude it makes sense so he gets he he's got his chair ship first of all he doesn't have a ship he's just got the chair yep he gets up to manhattan

yeah he's so close Was it luck that he came to this most densely populated city? Or do you think that he was like, look, it's all going down in New York, New York? Also, how is he going to eat? He was going to just roam the earth eating it piece by piece? I don't understand how he eats here. I don't know. I don't know.

It wasn't really all that clear. Anyway, he gets up to Manhattan. Then rather than step out onto the ground, right. He jumps into the fucking Hudson. Yeah. And then he wades through. What are you doing? I know. If it were me and I was a human riding around in a flying chair and I said, Italy chair. And then I found myself in Venice. Yeah. I wouldn't like step down into the canals. No. I would probably set my foot on solid ground. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. You think? Thank you. Wet wing. Thank you. Wet wing. Thank you. Wet wing. Thank you, wet wing.

we have to get to our countdown we're we're counting down we're look we're cracking the top six and we may as well do it this is your choice for your number six number six okay now paul yeah can you name the one thing that all of our episodes have had in common until now fun times can you name another thing the number nine that's right wait a minute you're not telling me this is episode number 895 holy shit that's right no longer in the nines although it has a nine in it 895 this is in the the i would say the middle late 800s yeah because the late 800s to you are 98 99 99 so this is the middle 899 or the late the late 900 so this is the mid i'd say it's early This is the late 90s. Late middles. Hmm, okay. This is from December 16th of 2024. Now, a, I know what you're saying if you're a new listener.

Wait a minute. This is the best of 2025. What is this episode from 2024 doing on your countdown? Because we need to tabulate the countdown, the eligibility period is from the episode that comes out Thanksgiving week to the episode that comes out Thanksgiving week, or the episode that comes out Thanksgiving week of every year. This one is in our eligibility period. If those people were asking themselves that, they walked right into your trap.

They did. And you know what? They thought I wouldn't have an answer for it. I do. Does it make sense? Come into my parlorist at the spider to the five. How did that end? I think they watch TV.

Oh, cool. Yeah. Cool. What shows are they watching? Amazing race. So this is, you know, what happens in mid-December every single year on comedy bang bang we do our big holiday episodes which are some of the most popular episodes of the year and they're also the ones where we just

invite a lot of people on and they come on and do either fan favorite characters or they sometimes they do new characters and this one is no exception this is Christmas special it's just Christmas special weird I we've tried to say holiday special, but this one was just named Christmas special. I think I was asleep up the switch on that one, just said, yeah, yeah, yeah, sounds fine. But who's in it? We have Jason Manzoukis. We have Paul F. Tompkins returning to the countdown.

That's me, the famous DJ. His second episode on the countdown. We have Lauren Lapkis. Old favorite. Old favorite. She doesn't do a lot of comedy bang bang episodes anymore. But when she does. When she does, she gets on that countdown, baby.

Yeah. We have Lily Sullivan. Shout out. Returning to the countdown. We have Sean Diston returning to the countdown. Chiston. We have Vic Michaelis is on the countdown for the first time. Oh, wow.

Congrats. Congrats. Conviculations. We also have Dan Lippert returning to the countdown. Oh, Jessica McKenna for the first time on the countdown. Oh, boy. Now I remember. Will Hines for the first time on the countdown and Gil Ozeri for the first time on the countdown.

No, really? Yes. You mean for this countdown? For this year. I'm sorry. Jesus Christ. All of these people. God, damn it.

God damn it. You may be conviculate somebody who's been on the countdown before? All of these people have been on the countdown in previous years. I just mean the first time on this year's countdown. I retract my conviculations. Okay. So who do we have? I talked about all of them.

Who are they playing? Jason Mandzukas is, of course, here you know Jason from several shows like Percy Jackson. He's been in John Wick two or three. The Dink, Dink, Dink Man. As the Dink Dink Dink Man. Yeah, plays characters and all those. can't be bothered to do that here. No.

He, from Taskmaster, Series 19, you know I'm from? He's my co-host on this episode. And then we have, Paul, you are playing a newish character, Hoover Personne. That's right. Which is, do you want to talk about Hoover Personne? Yes, Hoover Personne was. It is. Did I do it in the studio for the first time?

I think you did on tour for the first time. He is based on Truman Capote. and he is the he was a writer for the he was I can't remember we'll hear it in the clip yeah yeah yeah I couldn't remember it and so we'll hear it on the clip be right for a grocery store newsletter me trying to guess what you write for in the clip so yes yes yes and it's a fun character it's very fun

I was listening to the clip before we started recording and it was making me laugh really hard we have Lauren Lapkis says Ho-ho the elf. Oh, boy. We're not going to hear Lily, but she played Tony Soney, which is a great character. Sean Disson,

we're not going to hear his clip, but we have him as Tony Nails, aka Room Tone Tony. And then Vic, we will hear Vic doing my lawyer, Terry Allamander. That's right. Dan Lippert is doing

Papa Mia? Is that right? Papa Mia. I don't know. We have a school teacher. I think Will Hines is a schoolteacher Glenn and Gillo Zeri. We're going to hear him doing DeLuca's Chop House, I believe. And then we're also hearing Jess McKenna.

No, we're not going to hear that. That's in the next one. That's right. Okay. I'm trying to remember what's in this clip. It's all good. Too many. It's all good.

Too many people to hear in one. one clip, so we're just going to hear some of the highlights, but here it is. This is your choice for number six. Number six. Please welcome him. Jason Hainong Manzukas is here. Wow, wow, wow. Look at us. It's time to gather loved ones around us and hold them tight and close to our breast. You are chief among them, a good friend to me, a good friend to the show. A good friend to others, I would imagine. I would hope. I really only care about me and the show. Yes, and those are my priorities as well. Everybody else can get fucked as far as I'm concerned, especially during this, the holiday season. Yes, get fucked to this holiday season.

I'm sending out my Merry Christmas cards to you and to the show and my get fucked cards to everyone else. Let's get to our first guest. Please welcome back to the show, Hoover Persona. Hello, Scott. Thank you for having me again. So wonderful to have you back, Hoover. Hello, Jason. Hello, it is an absolute pleasure to meet you.

Oh, the pleasure is mine. Is it really? Yeah. So, but two people can have pleasure. I think at the same time. Ideally. Oh, Hoover, you are a wit.

I have to tell you. Some have said half that much. Oh, Hoover, you are killing me. Fucking shit. That is so funny. Hoover, remind us who you are. I'm a writer. I don't take a sense at that.

You're a writer. Yes, I'm a writer. It doesn't bother me that you don't remember anything about me. I do believe that you are a. a newspaper columnist, are you not? No. Strike one. Let's see how well you do.

You write the insides of greeting cards, do you? No, I don't. Okay, strike two. I have. Do I ever, is there an opportunity to get a ball? What does that mean? In this strikeout scenario that I'm in, I have two strikes currently. Have you ever watched baseball, Hoover?

I mean, it's been on around me. I've never really followed sports. Really? If they had a sport that involved being in the dark drinking and taking pills, I'd be all ears. The closest I could find is darts. I swear to God, I thought you were a newspaper. No. I do have a column, though.

Are you an opinion columnist? No. Well, that's not in the job description, but of course I can't help but my screen from time to time. Are you a critic? No. Not by profession. Some sort of social columnist. Strike three, you're out.

Oh, shit. Bye, everyone. I write the circular for the Garden Grove, organic grocery. Oh, that's right. You write about the employees, I remember. Yes, everyone's mad at me. I'm supposed to be sticking to the new items and the sales and so forth, but I can't help but put in a little drama about the employees.

Oh, you're incorrigible, aren't you? about what they really like and what they don't like. What's been going on there lately that you've spilled the tea over? What's the drama at the Garden Grove Organic Grocery? Jules, who works in the dairy department. He's a cheese monger. Oh, okay. Oh, yeah.

See, you thought it was a small thing, but it's actually a big thing. Because you look down on the little people. Come on now. That's what she said. Okay, damn it, you got me. he's lactose intolerant oh wow and he hid it from the manager what he doesn't know the first thing he's talking about he can't eat any of those things i feel like that's a like a breach of that trust that's a fireable offense between a customer and a cheese monger and he was fired

he was fired and he did seek reprisals on me and then how is he seeking reprisals right now he started his own circular at a rival grocery store what does he work He's dedicated to attacking me. He's doing it pro bono. No. Well, this is terrible. What has he written about you? He said I'm short.

Okay. Near-sighted. And you are wearing glasses. He made fun of the way I speak. It's kind of funny. I mean, everyone speaks in a different timbre. But don't you see? I look in the shadows at Garden Grove, Organic Grocery.

You do? Why? Because I don't want people to make fun of it. of me. Oh, okay. You get it now? Is that why the shadow lurked in the shadows all the time? Yeah. He was a butterface. How many

issues of this paper have come out? 70. 70 issues? In how long? Three weeks. Whoa. I think it's some of them written in advance. That sounds like if you compiled them, that could be novel. I think this is a lot like Kendrick's rap about Drake.

What a weird thing. to say. Really? Yeah. You're weird. I'm weird? You're weird. I don't say this about a lot of my guests.

You're a weirdo. I'm not weird. You talk weird? You're short like a weirdo? It's all slander. This is what drives me to drink in the pills. Oh, no. Drink and pills?

That's a bad combo. Yeah, choose one. Why? Why? Because together that can be lethal. What a maze your mind must be. I imagine wandering in there and getting lost. than just laying down to die.

I love this guy. It is the holidays, of course, and we love to talk to. Yeah. Here they are. You know them as an elf of indeterminate gender. Please welcome back to the show. Candy cane, bitches. If that helps.

Please welcome back, ho-ho. Ho-ho! Hello! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Oh, yeah. They farted out with candy cane dust! Oh, wow. It hurts my butt hole. Crunchy Krispies. Have a lick. Mmm. I love it.

Not of my ass. Whoa. Scott, that was presumption. You picked me up and bit me over, you sick, fuck. Ho-ho gives out... Hello. You give out knives and weapons of all sorts. Yeah, but this year I'm getting a little creative. Like how?

So I've been collecting teeth. I kind of teamed up with the tooth fairy. Smart. And I've been collecting all the teeth that she gets. And I'm making little weapons out of that. Little clappers that'll chump you. I take two wooden planks, make a mouth of teeth, and add a rubber banner on the end and go chump, chump, chump, chump.

You could use that dental impression to frame someone because that dental print would match their teeth. You're on the right track. It's part of the long con. The Christmas con. All the kids will be blamed for things later in life. I love that. Although, I guess as their teeth fall out

and they get new ones, it won't match the dental records. Well, don't you love to poke holes in plans? Oh, well, I'm just saying, like, you should bring me on this because I'll... Boo. I've never been booed on my own show before. I've been booed outside of my own show.

That's hard to believe. You're such a Scrooge. Did you ever know Scrooge? I knew him well. Really? He was my dear, dear friend. When was he around? Like the 1500s or something?

1804. Wow. Yeah. How old are you? Do you think that's crude? I'm a million. Scrooge and the black deaf were contemporary. Oh, no.

Ebenezer was my dear, dear friend, and gay lovers. What? Huge reveal. Ebenezer was on the down low? He was on the DL. I was his sugar baby. He gave me so much money. every day.

Exclusive. Gold coins. Pooosh. Was that? I mean, it seemed like those ghosts should have been talking about that. Like, hey, you're going to regret not being honest with the people in your life. They don't reveal what's going on, but underneath the sheets.

Underneath the sheets, you're here, where you should be. I don't know this song. New Kelly Clark's and Christmas Jam. Whoa. Do you only sing Christmas songs? Yep. Here's my favorite one. God, rusty, merry gentlemen, this earth we all shall claim.

We come with gifts for Jesus and the baby's just the same. In my basket, golden scents and my frankinferts. And when you bend me over and stick the candy cane, it hurts. Hoover, what do we think about it? It's beautiful. What do you look like? I can't see you. What do you look like?

I'm just a little guy. So it's hoho. But you're littler than me. I am the size of a dollar bill. Or $2 bill or $5,700. They should make the bigger denominations bigger. They should. So you need to tell you're rich, you go, when you go to the strip club, you say,

I love it when you call me big papa. And you throw a big blanket. $100 on that. I'm going to visit the strip club after this. Oh, really? Oh, okay. You like going to the strip clubs then? I do. I like to see what's going on lately. Do you make it rain? I make it rain. I make it clap. I make it do all kinds of stuff. I can make it rain right now.

Oh, God. Oh! Candy cane. Come just snow. It's not candy cane flavored. Don't lick it, you sick freak. God, you're obsessed with it. me you're the one who's burning cum on us it wasn't cum it's snow oh okay are you naturally sad your face feels like a hound dog you know i don't i don't think i'm naturally sad what a question to ask no one's ever asked me that before i think it is mostly the the vodka and the pills oh he's

on vodka and pills got any where that we got any where that came from of course i do would you like some Give me a slam. Here you go, honey. Give me a slam. That's right, get it down. You have a little vials. That's not the vodka bottle. What am I sucking then?

Why would you suck a bottle anyway? To get all the liquid out. I have a long tongue like a special lizard. I know people put Hay Nong Man in lots of stuff now. I'd love a Christmas song with Hay Nong Man in it. Yeah, someone should write that. Um, okay. All right, ho-ho.

Here we go. Ho-ho. Let's hear those sleigh bells jingling ring-ting tingling, too. Let's hear them jizzing, splizzing, and gooing all of that goo. Okay, I don't know. Hey, Nong, man, my. Oh, okay, there it is. Hey.

Hang in quite low. Come on, it's stocking weather for our balls to blink into your snow. Giddy fart, giddy fart, gitty fart, gety fart, let's fart. All up in our. ass we're smoking in a wonderland of sass giddy jizz getty jizz let's play it's snowing all day here comes a big blizzard it's coming it's gonna blow you away here's the hang no man song it's a very good song you know

let's sing it all day long until we just have to go blow the end of the song is coming it's coming right now see I'm letting you know the song is ending right now as I pee. Wow. Yellow snow. Oh, wow. Don't eat it. Scott Will.

Please welcome back my lawyer, Terry Allamander. Hello. Hi, Terry. I guess lovely to be here. Yeah, wonderful to have you. This is Jason Manzuka. Great to see you again. Yeah, last year.

And working for you has been lovely. Thank you so much. And you have made my life so much easier. Well, when you respond to you. emails and you sort of take regular meetings. What kind of legal problems are you having this year? They're not legal problems. They're opportunities. Yeah, well, this is my lawyer. My lawyer's making deals for me. We're creating legal solutions. Yes. Okay, great. Well,

yeah, you should do that for me. I would love to do that for you, Scott. You keep saying fax me, and then I show up and all the faxes are going into the garbage can. I mean facts, like F-A-C-T-S. How am I supposed to know that? Like send me facts is what I'm supposed to say. Send you facts? Okay, well, I mean. Well, I got Good news and bad news. What do you want? Can I have both? Yeah, good news. Okay, my daughter, we bought her a horse last year, and her horse had a baby.

Congratulations. A foal? A foal? You've got a foal in the fam? Correct. Bad news, you're being sued a lot. Wow. Uh-oh.

It's the second year in a row and we're getting sued. Who's suing me now? Well, okay, well, let's go ahead and jump in here. January 24th, you had a conversation with Matilda Gravyman. Do you recall this conversation? Not really, to be honest. It was something, if I understand the phone call correctly, about the casting of your life rights, your movie.

You had some input in who you wanted cast as you in your movie. I vaguely remember this. Well, here is the pull quote. The ones I don't want you to get. Kevin Spacey, Jonathan Majors. Matilda then says, well, they're begging to play you, so it's going to be kind of hard. Scott. If the movie is a go, okay.

Matilda. Spacey. Spacey is talented. Scott, the guy, the guy is good. Do you have to put every stammer in there and every repeating? I cut this down a lot. Okay. Yeah, you actually said, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy, the guy is good.

Who would sue me for that? And don't use those in a transcript to this. The production company that had the life rights to your movie, which is Charles E. Entertainment. Oh, no. Productions. And, yeah, so they're suing me because they don't want Spacey in the movie? They're suing you because you said, that and the movie fell apart.

Pardon me. What was the name of that company again? Chelsea. Charlesi Entertainment. Charles. Like Chuckie at cheese? That would be correct. They're sort of moving into a different direction.

They were trying to get some movies off the ground and they're sort of stating that this is the reason why they could get more of their films off the ground. Whoa. I think I can weather the storm with that if that's the only one. So they're looking to settle for $8 million or a heartfelt apology. Oh, well, you can do that right now. Go ahead. No, eight million. Just settle.

Okay, Scott, April 25th, 2024, you were having a conversation with God. Oh, yeah, I remember this, yeah, playing that game. Cloud Slam would be the game. And you were having a conversation with God, Rhee, God, God's son, Jesus. Oh, yeah, that guy, yeah. So God says, he's back now and he's Hillary Duff now. Scott, oh, cool. God, he gets a new chance every once in a while because he's so pissed about that first time.

Scott, oh, yeah, yeah. God, I keep giving him new chances. Scott, I kind of want to kill Hillary Duff. Yeah, I guess I did say that. Scott, what was going through your mind here? Well, I mean, they killed Jesus. You're trying to kill Hillary Duff on air. Yeah, okay.

Okay, Scott, so you're being sued by think before you speak in the Ad Council for homophobia by proxy because Hillary Duff solved homophobia with those commercials that she did. Do you remember that? I was able to talk them down considerably. They are willing to settle for $8 million. or a deeply heartfelt apology. I had to talk them into this,

and they seemed really, really excited about the heartfelt apology. All right, all right, all right. So we're at 16, 16 million. I can do this. That's fine. Okay, perfect. Okay, so June 16th this year,

and this one can't be right, is what I'm thinking. You were having a cover. It's probably not. Okay, well, let's hope so. You were having a conversation with Detective Jack Cates. Oh, Kate's, yeah. about a co-ed prison.

Uh-oh. Do you remember this conversation? Did he ever find Gans? I don't think he found Gans. We all went up to San Francisco together. Well, that's neither here nor there, because this was the quote that I was sent, Scott. This sounds like a dream to me, like being in jail with, you know, dot, dot, dot, dot, thousands of women, dot, dot, dot, dot, one man, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot. I stand behind it.

Okay. So this is, you're in a lot. lucky position here because you're not being sued. Oh, great. It's a restraining order with money attached to it. Okay. So. A restraining order from women in prison?

From women in prison. Just women in all prison? So I can't go to any prison anymore? Any co-ed prison? Any co-ed prison? Anyone where they're doing a pilot program of a co-ed prison, you are not allowed. I can just go to women's prisons? Oh, boy. Hey, I'm fine with this. I'm not, I'm going to take my headphones off. I'm not listening to any of this. I can't be a part

of this. What else you go? I came in here today and said, I quit. And you stuffed a dollar in my mouth and said, technically you're my legal counsel. I've retained you. And you have to continue this conversation. I'm so sorry about that, but that's a loophole. So Scott, it's a restraining order plus $8 million or, and I feel like a broken record at this point, one heartfelt apology. And you don't have to mean it.

It just has to sound heartfelt. Oh, he can't act. So we're up to 24 million. Ah. Man. All right. Well, we're dipping into the, unfortunately, we're dipping into the action figure fund. Oh, fuck.

A heart, just an apology. How about an apology? 24, all right. Tough. Add it to the bill. 24 mill. Scott, September 15th, you were having a conversation

with Seth Berkowitz and the Pinesaw Lady and Matt. It's so funny to hear the descriptions of this show. Just read calmly. Pinesaw Lady, to my recollection, is pitching new flavors. Chicken tica masala was the flavor that sort of this exchange came. came after. You said, I don't know, these all sound disgusting. At first glance, Pinesaw Lady then interjects with, you sound disgusting, at which point you, from an audio medium, sounds like you get in her face and scream, fuck you, Pinesaw Lady, and then a physical fight ensues.

I, so wait, so is the Pinesaw Lady suing me? Oh, okay. This is actually a little bit of good news. The Pinesaw Lady is giving you $400 to take boxing classes because she said your display of athleticism was so pathetic. Oh, this is good news. Yeah, this is the last one. Okay. Well, this is the last one we have time. Oh, I see.

That makes sense. Okay, we'll get to the rest later. Once again, you gave me a really strict 15-minute time frame in order to give you all of this information. That's absurd. And we're running on, because we're 14 minutes right now. All right, what's this last one? Okay. Last but not least, Scott, I know last year you were a little bit upset because I had, there was some

PI that I had hired to sort of make sure that I wasn't missing anything, had gone through your Instagram and sort of went back into your Instagram. Still getting comments about apology accepted. And I hear you. And so I understand that maybe that was a little too much and a little invasive so we did not go through your Instagram this time. Okay, good. Okay, thank you.

All right. Well, it's great to see. On Tumblr in December 22nd, 2016. You posted a selfie of yourself with a blanket and Apple TV and a CISO poster. Sounds like something CISO made me do. And you were doing a smile like this. And you wrote, thanks CISO TV for the free Apple TV. Everyone can watch Bejillion and take my wife on the new app.

Yeah. So C-So pretty quickly after that folded. They're blaming me? They're sort of thinking that this post specifically sort of scared a lot of people away from the platform and said if this is what the platform is doing, I don't want to be a part of it. So that's pretty huge. So there is actually a class action lawsuit of everybody that had a C-Syso account and maybe would have gotten a C-Sos account. I think that's 50, 15 people.

I did get a letter in the mail that said, hey, you might have had a C-Sos account. Yeah. So we're counting like everybody that has ever taken a UCB class or has considered taken a UCB class. So it's a lot of people, unfortunately. Anybody who is there to watch shrink? Yeah, exactly. They've been included in preliminary discussions.

We'll see if that pans out. Anybody named Brian is going to be included in this. So if you own a flannel shirt, you can be compensated. What are they asking for? So I was really able to do some good work on this, and it's either going to be $8 million per person or Scott. And I'm just saying, you really need to consider this a sincere thank you. There is not enough money in the bank. Sorry.

All right. A sincere thank you to me for doing the work and a sincere apology. Two things. They want me to thank you. Well, they think it would be nice if you did every once in a while. They think or you think? Well, I'm just saying a lot of people think it would be nice if you said they're going to be nice. Are you part of this class action lawsuit?

Do you not see the amount of flannel I'm wearing right now? Wow. All right, look, if you're out there listening and you're part of the class action lawsuit, I just want to say, call my accountant, baby. We're dipping into the Creek Slam sit record money. I know that's supposed to be Harris is, but I'm going to pay off everyone with it. Wow. You all get $8 million.

Enjoy it. So if you considered that an apology, please go find Scott's Tumblr. please go down to 2016 December 22nd and re-blog either in a quote re-blog or make other re-block it is as of this morning November 9th go take a look

go ahead and re-blog that let us know whether or not you accept Scott's apology or you will be taking the money they took away all the porn but they said let's leave one disgusting thing up this is exciting I don't believe I've ever spoken to this person

I guess, I'm not quite sure. Please welcome to the show for the first time, DeLuca's Chop House. Hello, and thank you for choosing DeLuca's Chop House. This is an automated call for... Scott Ockerman. Confirming your reservation for... Two people. At 7 p.m.

On Christmas Eve, December 25th. You have selected the... The 90-course dinner. The 90-course dinner. We've made it easier than ever To customize your experience Please answer the following questions Please press one or say wow to begin

Uh Wow Course one, Amoze Bush Please press one for salmon nuggets Press two for corn cobbler Press three for lemon fifers You have selected Partially touched nuggets

Course number two, the tiny meal Press A for salt in a bottle cap Press B for little pushberries And press C for lemon fifers I guess they're all the same one Would you like to know what lemon fifers are? I was going to say, what's a lemon fifers? Yeah, what is a lemon fifers?

We cannot tell you what lemon fifers are I got to have the lemon fifers. This is a pre-recorded message How does the automation know what we're asking? If they're having a conversation with me, it's pure co-wifference. I'm going to press two because that's APNC. You have selected four.

Please select your table. Would you like A, a table that ends in a spike? B, a table that unfolds 200,000 times. Or C, a table so wide everyone's back is to the wall. C. Yeah, C. You have selected being watched while you eat. Would you like to be watched by you?

Would you like to be watched by A, a grown woman. B, 60 grown women Or, E, a man who keeps telling you, I don't mind watching you, I'm a grown woman. You have selected Megan Mulally and her 60 grown women. Would you like to move to the Santa course? Please say, oh my God, please if you'd like to.

Oh my God, please, if I'd like to? You have pressed the number one. Would you like Santa to run up to your table and scare you? Would you like Santa to hide under the table? and feed you from a slit in the tablecloth? Or would you like Santa to turn Jewish? Hanukah Harry and murder you at the table. Definitely that one, yeah.

You have selected Santa scares you at the table. Oh, wow. Please select your horror level. A, jump scare. B, hereditary little girl head off. Or C. Joy Behar in the morning. B. B. You have selected C.

You have selected C, Joy Beha in the morning. Wow, Beha gets a crazy. Would you like a call Joy Beha right now? Joy Beha in the morning. You have selected the pasta colds. Ah, damn it. Would you like ravioli with dimes? Would you like B, bubble gum fucking ravioli?

Or would you like C. Lemon Fifers. Lemon Fipers. Lemon Fipers. You have selected C. Lemon Fipers. Yes. Finally got one.

How would you like your food to be brought to the table, Scott? A, all at once. B, a double order. Or C, the food only comes once you leave, and only then, in your car. B, maybe. Okay. Thank you. Would you like to hear your voicemails that you left on our machine?

A, yes, B, ultra yes. Or C, absolutely please, I want to hear my fucking voicemails. A. A, would you like to hear first the reservation you made, or B, your call to the doctor? Called by doctor? You've selected both. Here's your reservation call. Hello, this message is for DeLuca's Chop House.

I am confirming my reservation for Christmas Eve at 7 p.m. My name is Scott Ackerman. My phone number is 9-7-6 Bush. So, yeah, I'm going to be there. Also, it is my wife's birthday as well on Christmas Eve, and she absolutely loves eggs instead of cake. So if you can bring out an egg with a candle at some point, that would be great. Actually, we'd like it.

We usually have it before the meal, not after. So if you could do that, that would be awesome. Very cool. Anyway, thank you so much, and I will see you on Christmas Eve. Thanks a million. Would you like to, A, hear that again, or B, hear your call to the doctor? Neither is that a possible. You've selected B.

You've hit it 15 times. Hi, Dr. Civio, this is Scott Ombudon. It's Dr. Civio. So, yeah, I started going to nurse about this before, but there's something wrong with my finger. It is really brown, it's really dirty. It stinks like shit And I guess, you know The only thing I really did with it was

Sticking up my ass So I'm just not sure what to do Because it's brown and stinking now And I stuck it up my ass And I'm not sure what to do about it So if you can give me a call back If there's any kind of cure Anything homeopathic I can do

I don't want to stick it back up my ass But I'm not sure So then you call back as soon as you can get that. This is course 95. Oh, cow. We have five courses too far into the meal. Would you like to, A, leave your food there like a pig? Would you like to B, force the waiter to finish it for you like a pig?

Or would you like C to put the food in a backpack and leave it at the airport for a little boy to find? Oh, no, the little boy finds it. What's inside that bag, Scott? What'd you put in there? Lemon bifers. You fucking pig! C, C. You have selected C.

Choose 15 people to make the reservation for you. You could A, choose everyone in this room. B, choose the first names Mike and Jike, and those people will end up at the table. Or C, you can have both Mike and Jike and everybody at this table. C, everyone. You have selected everyone. Congratulations. And because of that, you win, Scott.

How do you spell Lemon Pfeiffer? A, L-E-M-O-A. I'm sorry. I had a stroke. I had a fucking stroke. You had a stroke. How do you spell lemon fiber? L-E-M-O-N-F-I-F-E-R.

L-E-M-O-N-P-H-E-R. Or L-E-M-O-N-E-M-E-M-E-M-E-H-E-E-R. C, C, C. You have selected L-O-O-O-N-S, R-Y-G-O-O-N-N-S. Looney tunes. But why, Scott. Why? What's up, Doc?

Why? Number six. Ah, yes. Fun. This is what we're talking about. Scott, to me, to me, this clip exemplifies what comedy bang man is all about, which is having a good time of being silly. Having a good time being silly with people you enjoy and translating that sense of joy

and fun to the listeners and hopefully brightening their days. Hopefully. And not making it worse. Hopefully. That's what, can you imagine? I listen to show every week and my life is worse for it. Although I understand that some people

were bummed out at me doing RFK Jr. Recently, which I totally understand. I get it. These people are ghouls, but not the people that are upset, but the... Yes, no, you're all fine. But, you know, I mean, sometimes

a voice is too funny not to do. No, that's not why you do it. Who knows? I'm sure that episode, which was not eligible for our best ofs, it won't be eligible until next year. I'm sure it will end up being on the countdown. We'll see. Because that was a great episode.

It was a lot of fun. Okay, so that was our holiday special from last year. If you want to hear this year's holiday special, all you got to do is just go backwards a couple of weeks. We just did it, and Paul was playing that character he just mentioned, and DeLuca's Chop House was back, and Gil did the sequel to DeLuca's Chop House. It was very funny.

and so and Lauren was back doing ho-ho this year as well. You sit in your chair and you say this year's holiday show and then the chair takes you there. Italy chair. Italy chair. This week's holiday show chair.

This week's holiday show chair. He'd kill us if we have a chance. Okay, we need to take a break. We need to take a beef. We need to take a beef. That's right. All right. We're going to brief.

Brief. We're going to be. right now. We're going to beef a brief. We're going to beef a brief. We'll be right back and we'll crack the top five when we come back. This is very exciting. We'll be right back with more Comedy Bang Bang after this.

And we are back. Comedy Bang, Bang Best of 2025. Part three. Yeah. Part three. Part three, bitch. Isn't it wild to have a part three of a best of? Yeah.

Well, you know, when we first started doing these best of, We mentioned, you asked me, was there one in the first year of the show? Yeah, we had just been doing it for seven months, but we had a best of. What inspired you to do that? Well, I felt like we had so many classic moments in that first seven months that it made sense to do a best of. Even the very first year, you were thinking of classic moments. There were, there were, I mean, I don't want anyone to listen to him, but there were great episodes in that first seven. And I remember, I think, Kroll came by the studio.

Like, we, I don't know. I feel like we all, like we had just a lot of our friends came and we listened to the clips and all that. But, but it was only one episode, I think, for the first couple of years. And I was always obsessed with, like, getting these clips down to, like, five minutes in order to make it one episode. And then I think a bunch of fans reached out and said, like, you don't, you know, these clips are too short. You know, what if you, what if you made it a two-parter? So I think it was a two-parter for a little while. And then people were just like, you know what?

I enjoy listening. There's so much downtime during the holidays and so much travel time. I just enjoy having hours and hours of this to listen to. Here's the two kinds of times during the holidays. Travel and down. Travel and down. And so they eventually just morphed into these like four episodes that we do every year. And I was like, is this overkill?

Is this too much? but these are the most popular episodes we do every year. So people love it. People love it. It's fun. If you listen to the show all year long, it's fun to revisit some of these moments. You know, I have not heard. I do the episodes and then I don't listen to them again.

Some people, I would imagine you like to hear an episode if you've been on it. Like you'll hear it when it comes out, right? I used to do that. Well, I used to listen to all the episodes. Now I'm less likely to listen to an episode that I'm on. Really? Oh, okay. I don't know when that changed, but... Interesting.

I used to always listen to the things that I did because I wanted to... Remember whatever. I want to have a sense of it. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I don't do that because for me, there's just not enough hours in the day for me to listen to myself over and over and over again. So listening to these clips in preparation to do these things is always a joy for me because I go, oh, right. Oh, that's what we talked about. And they're really making me laugh this year.

So some really funny stuff. So to that end, why don't we get to your choice? We're cracking the top five. Here we go. This is your choice for number five. Number five. Okay. This is an episode, it's number 923.

It's really early earlys. We're probably in the early, early 900s. It came out on July 7th. Great day. Great day. Approximately, if not exactly five days. after my birthday. Happy birthday.

Thank you so much. Why did you wait so long to tell me that, by the way? I was going for you to bring it up. Oh, okay. Is that how birthday's work? I'm not sure. Forgive me. This is an episode called Waymo Secrets.

This is Waymo Secrets. Who's involved? We have Jason Manzugas is back. We, and then we have four women. Anna Betzaller, Isabella Escalante, Stephanie Bertineau, and My Darmine. The Return of My Darmine. We heard...

The return of my Darmine. We heard her doing Peter Strucel earlier on the countdown. Now, how did all of this come about? Great question. This was a special request episode because Will Hines, who we just heard on... the previous clip Will Hines does a show

at CBB World, which is our Comedy Bang Bang sort of Patreon of subscription site. He has a show called Heinz I'm Prov to Meetsu

where he takes comedians doing characters and teaches them improv. Even though the comedians themselves all know improv really well, the characters that they're doing are often doing

improv for the first time and it's a very funny show. Yes. And he had these particular four women on who are all on a team, an improv team called Shag. If you're looking for information about them, they're at shag.improv on Instagram.

And it's an all-women improv team in L.A. And he had them all on for an episode. And I was recording it. It was here at the studio. And it was really making me laugh. All four of them were really making me laugh. It was a really good episode. And you're talking about Will's podcast.

Yeah, it was so funny. It was really, I was laughing a lot while I was recording it. And then... Oh, that's right. You heard of the roof course. I was recording it, yes. And then Jason Manzukas, who is an avid CBB world subscriber, listens to all the shows on there. He reached out a couple of weeks after it came out and was like, who are these women? I've never heard of them, but that was an incredible episode.

Can I do a comedy bang bang episode with all of them? and so we set it up and then and this is their episode it hit all up to number five on the countdown which is very very exciting for people new people to be that far up the countdown so there you go um and then a little piece of trivia about Isabella you'll hear by the way who are they playing let's just talk about that Jason is himself um and then we have Anna and Isabella are playing the entrepreneurs Austin and Tony and Stephanie is playing the Waymo that you'll hear

we're not going to hear my doing the tourist Rupert McDougall Rupert McDougall because we heard my earlier in the show but that's very funny we all get into the Waymo for C Block and then we do the rest of the show inside the Waymo but that's very funny but so

Isabella who's playing either Austin or Tony I'm not sure Isabella Escalante is the niece of engineer Joe long time listeners is that true wow long time listeners

will know the very reason that we started comedy bang bang wow I call him engineer Joe but he's his name is Joe Escalante um

Joe is an old friend of mine who is in a band called the Vandals that's only one of his many jobs he's a lawyer sometimes judge sometimes talk show host What was the name of his legal show? Legal Joe

What was? God damn, it's We followed it on Indy 1031. The whole reason I got the show is because he recommended me to Indy 1031 as someone who could do a show. I can't believe I can't remember the name. Why can't I remember the name of it? But Joe also, he writes for TV

and he is the current manager of the band Sublime. Got a lot going on. Got a lot going on. But Joe, Joe would do his show, which was a legal advice show at Indy 1031, and then we would follow it, and he would engineer for us. And so he became known on the show as engineer Joe, even though he's like my friend, you know, and had, you know, like way more going on in his life than just engineering my show. But Isabella is his niece. That's wild. Pretty, pretty fun.

So little connections from 16 years prior. So little connection So let's hear it We're going to hear this clip This is a great one This is your choice for number five Number five They are entrepreneurs

So exciting to have entrepreneurs Back on the show Please welcome Austin and Tony Hello, hi hi hi hi boys How's it gone Great to meet you Awesome to meet you guys Great to meet a couple of boys

Yeah we prefer I know you guys are looking at us and you're thinking like, whoa, those guys are like two 17-year-old stoners. I mean, I had downgraded you to 16, so I apologize. Oh, we're, yeah, 17 and a half, really. You should be looking at us as like great, like, um, like, um, financial minds. Oh, wow, cool. Yeah.

What is, what is you, like, in the market? What do you, what do you sell? What is your, what is your business? Or you're young, maybe it's crypto. I don't know. Oh, yeah. Better than that. Better than that.

that allow us to pitch you using the strong method you're going to pitch us your business? Yeah, first of all, okay, so, okay, remember dude? Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, so first we wrote it down. But first we established control. So we set the frame.

Establish control. Yeah, okay, shut up. Get down on the floor. Oh, shut up. Yeah. Okay, okay, how far down do you want me? Just on the ground. Yeah, like, like, lay flat on the ground?

Yeah, like a plank. Oh, do you do it? Do a plank. Do a plank. Okay. Can you, are you strong enough? I can do it for like 45 seconds. How long can you do it? Oh, I can do it for longer, but I mean, like, I'll do it for as long as you can.

You guys should do it for the length that the person who's the weakest does it. So, yeah, 45 seconds. Okay, like 45 seconds. Yeah, okay. All right, we're planking on the ground. Okay, good, we'll do the whole thing. Tell the story. Yeah, tell the story.

Okay. Do you guys have dicks? Okay. Now that's interesting. Yes, yes. Of our own. Of course. Okay.

Okay. So, and then do you have shoes, right? Yeah, I mean, I have several pairs. I don't, I mean, I don't mean to come off like a Hollywood big shop. Do you mean, like, dress shoes or just any kind of shoe? White sneakers. Oh, yeah, yeah. I have some white sneakers.

Okay, perfect. Now we, now we reveal the intrigue. Have you ever wanted a picture of your dick on your shoes? Huh. A picture of my dick on my shoes that I can see? A photograph or a car. For someone that's looking at the shoe or for me to look down and see? For you to look down and see in one section and for someone to see as you walk by and another.

On the side or on the tongue? On the tongue and the side. Oh, tongue and side. You didn't answer my question. Is it a photograph or is it a cartoon? It's a super realistic drawing. Hyper realistic. Okay.

I just want to say that Scott stopped doing the plank a while ago, but I'm still going. Oh, Scott, can you please go back to doing the plank? I have no core. We need the power. He was trembling. so much. Yeah. They're playing games with us.

We can direct you to our website www. We're not cool dick shoes. Why are only two doubles? Yeah, so you got rid of that third W, huh? I mean, waste a lot of time typing in that third one.

I mean, worldwide. It costs a lot of money. That's all we need. That's all we mean. I know it's on the web. I'm on you. I guess it could be wide web. Yeah, that's true. Or world web.

World web, I guess. Yeah. Yeah, what are your Ws? What is the what? What are your Ws? It's what is the what we said. What is the what? What is the what?

We need to listen better. Forget about it. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. Sorry. We got a little rattled. We knew this would happen. That's why we're trying to establish control.

Yeah. Okay. So how do you get these pictures of our penises? You can draw it yourself or send in a picture. And we also have three penises that you can choose from, a la carte. Yeah. If you... That are supposed to look like ours.

Yeah. If you connect with them, you can do it. Do you mind sending me these? Oh, you've already airdrop them to me. Why do you have so many other pictures of dicks on there? I think they must have said that hundreds of times in the past or something. I don't know. Truly check it out.

Truly, truly check it out. Truly, truly check it out. Okay, I mean, I will give you my word. I will check it out. And I mean that truly. Put it on your computer now. Yeah. We have all the power.

Okay, yeah. www. Cooldickshoes.com. It's real. Cool dickshoes.com. It's real. Okay. It actually is.

We made it this morning. And we are really excited about the product. The younger generation is like so cool. Oh, wow. It is real. Here's the thing. The site is live. The site is live.

Okay. Oh, and you can pick your dick. Wait, what are these? Can you read these? Okay. So we have one style is called the mister. Yeah. That's just sort of based on someone that is just everyday man.

Just an everyday man. An everyday uncircumcised short-dict man. It is not based on us. Yes, of course not. And you guys being 16, it would be inappropriate for us to even discuss whether it was based on you. But this is for those of you out there who are short-dick kings. Short-dick kings are a big market we want to get involved. What's interesting is, are you guys looking at the, I guess you have it.

We have it locked and loaded. What's interesting about the Mr. versus the Tony versus the Austin. By the way, your name is your name. are Tony and Austin. Yeah, that's true. It's a coincidence. Yeah, it's not something that we panicked

and couldn't think of a name for and it's based on us. Okay. But what is the difference, Jason? Well, I'm curious about the difference in pubes. Right. Because the mister is short

and curleys and the Tony and the Austin are straight. Okay, thank you for scrolling. Three styles of penises and then pick your shoes. Pick your shoes. So it's on the side.

Okay, so now that's, this is interesting because, because what I like the Tony because the Tony really works well with the shoes line

Yeah the line of the shoe Honestly the Tony looks a little like an emblem or a crest Yes Exactly The mister looks like

Something like felt Like looks like a glob of something on there And that's how some penises look and that's what we want to capture Because sometimes it's a glove On there Yeah and sometimes it is an emblem

And that's powerful I see that down at the bottom here You're requiring everyone to register with the site. Yeah. We would prefer it because we're trying to get analytics.

Yes. Okay. Of course. You got to get the data. I have a feeling our listeners are going to give you a lot of data.

Good. Because we're not just too stoner as came up with this idea this morning. No, we are not. We're serious and we're interested

and we are going to avoid being needy or beta. Yeah. That was something we talked about. So you guys are, so this business is in pursuit of being an alpha. Yes.

Or a Sigma? Yeah. Yes. Yeah, Sigma Cum Laude. Okay, very cool. Yeah. Hey, can I ask guys, are these to scale at all? Or because the Tony seems to be about, you know, judging on a shoe size.

On the shoe, as the crow flies, it looks to be about one inch long. That's correct. And that is to scale. That's to scale based on anybody in the world. Yeah. Okay. We don't look at each other's dicks and sketch them and then run out of places to draw and did it on a shoe. and then never looked back.

Yeah, exactly. That did not happen. No, no, no, no. What did happen? What did happen? Tell your story. Our story. Okay.

We're two young men who met in a karate class. Oh, wow. Two blue belts. Was it a how to do karate or how to protect yourself from karate? It was how to protect yourself from karate. Yes. And what are the basic steps there in order to... First, run.

Second, hide. Smart. Third, second. No karate here. No karate here. Not interested. Yeah. And then you put your finger in an axe.

Yeah. And then cry. That ought to do it. Yeah. Five steps right there. Yeah. And how many classes do you sign? How many classes does it take to master all these techniques?

At least five for the five steps. I would think so. Yeah. There are eight week classes. There's four levels. Yeah. And then you can do advanced. Sure.

Uh-huh. And we both made it into advance at a really early age. Okay. And then how soon after you complete advance can you be on a Herald team? So. Of karate. Of protecting yourself. A dojo team. I'm sorry.

Yeah. The karate Herald team is really hard to get on because there's only two open spots a year usually because, you know, obviously people want to stay in that world as long as possible because it's the mecca and apex of joy. And are the teachers allowed to date the students? Yes. Yeah, it's encouraged.

Great. Yeah. Often that actually... There's a lot of similarities with the improv world here. Impro? Oh, improv. I get it now. I see what you're going.

I haven't, yeah, we don't do improv We're not theater kids No, we smoke and do karate Yeah, you guys are just athletes who met And just came up with a great business idea Yeah, absolutely, yeah How much do these run for? And I don't mean that as a pun

Because they're shoes That's very funny That's good, thank you so much Mr. What's his name? Oh, by the way, the mister is the one I, By the, I, there's another little detail of the site that I'm noticing

The penises have The penis styles have Prices on them The mister is $25 The Tony is $45 and the Austin is $100 I'd love to dig into that price discrepancy Yeah Sure and we have a good

Because it does seem as though All of them are just applying a decal to a sneaker So what is the value attached? Right So the value is the penis that you're investing in I see Um, and what's so incredible is that if you have a bad penis, you can always point to your shoe and say it looks like that if you're interested in sucking it. Now, yeah, and that's going to cost you a little more.

Yeah. And that's like, what will cost you more? Just having a good penis on your shoe so you can do something cool like that. But now, the Austin is the most expensive one. And I would, is that the best one. Uh, I mean, I would say it's definitely the shortest. Yeah. That's what you mean by best.

Yeah, it seems it's the one. The balls are hanging lower than the penis itself. Yes, this is the one where the balls are hanging lower than the shaft. Yeah. I mean, it's flaccid, obviously, so. Yeah, well. It's, it's maybe a grower or not a show. Yeah, or maybe it's neither.

It could be, yeah, I think it's not. I think it's like, this is just what it is all the time. Yeah. And I think it's a really special penis that people should be spending a lot of money to get. It's a $55 markup for this particular penis. That penis is twice as expensive as the other penises. It's the same up or down. By the way, I encourage everyone to go on to cool dickshoes.com for a second screen experience while you're watching this podcast.

Unless you think that somehow this is not a real thing we're looking at, in fact, it's very real. And I hope that you've got it in perpetuity for as long as. We have that domain for three years. Three years. Great. Unless you guys wanted to invest, I think then we could probably bump it up to five. Okay, now I'm clicking on About. Uh-huh.

Yeah. And it's got both of your pictures here. It says who we are. and it just has two bros with the right ideas about dicks and shoes. I mean, hard to argue. Yeah, I don't need any more than that. One of the things I'm curious about,

Tony, like, not that these are your dicks on the screen that I'm looking at, I don't want to be saying that, especially to 16-year-olds. Yeah. Why do you value yourself at $45 the way that, I mean, Austin is $100. Austin is one of the, I mean, that's one of the best dick designs of all time.

No one can argue with that. As CFO of the company Oh wow, you're CFO Oh yeah I forgot to mention Wow Yeah No I read on pitch anything

This morning Um yeah So cool Last week last week Last week Dude yeah last week Yeah last week I would think the shoe style

Wait hang on it Hang on a second Scott I'm so sorry Yeah Why is it important that you read it Last week versus this morning What's the timeline We're not like two stoners

Who like woke up this morning With an idea Yeah no we're prepared We thought about this a long time We did the work and we did the research. By the way, here's the thing.

Our booking process is we just book people without hearing what they have to say. Totally, I get it. So occasionally we'll book people and people at the last minute will try to come up with something to talk about.

This is a great idea that I think we'll make you both rich. Really? I don't think you should build it off of a lie. Did you come up with this this morning? No. No.

Okay. You both look panicked. No. This morning? No. This is. This morning, I was, I was having sex this morning. I wasn't available.

I was having, I was having sex in a 10 foot tall, or sorry, a 10-story skyscraper with the lady in heels. That's not a skyscraper. That's a 10-foot, 10-story building. You said a 10-foot tall, then a 10-story skyscraper? It's a 10-story skyscraper. I was there, too. Yeah. You were there, too?

Oh, yeah. For this sex. Yes. With a lady in high heels. I was doing it. He was giving me tips and watching with a cop. Yes, oh my gosh. I love cocktails. It's crazy. What? Who is the lady? Um, business lady. Oh, business. Were you talking about this business? Yeah. Yeah, it was actually started out. We had a meeting. That's unprofessional. Yeah, you were mixing business with pleasure, it sounds like.

Oh, hey, I have a question. So, um, guys, I have to ask one of these dicks is the Tony and one is the Austin. Who is Mr. Who is Mr? Because this is an uncircumcised person that you guys both know or? And is unquestionably the biggest dick in the group. So, which is not saying anything because it looks about one and a half inches. Well, it's, it's, it's flaccid. Sure, I mean, the mister is aspirational.

Oh. The mister is the every Mr. man. Yeah. And it could be, so that's the platonic ideal of a dick. Exactly. Like, if you're like,

in a cave, like, like Plato's cave, like, that's the dick that every dick was made from. Sure, from Plato's cave. Yeah. Yes. Was Plato in a cave? Oh, yeah, absolutely.

He was in a cave for eight crazy nights. Yep. Exactly. Didn't you know about that's how we get Hanukkah? That's where Honica came from Plato. I had no idea. Well, guys, this is an incredible business opportunity. I assume you're asking us to invest or you just.

Yeah. Yeah, how much? And how can, what do we get out of this? Okay. What you get out of it is, first of all, two shoes of your very own. Okay, wait. Two pair of shoes or just two shoes? Right.

Now we can offer you two shoes. Are they a right and a left? Yes. Okay, great. This is a $100 value if you get the Austin. Oh, yeah. Well, let me be clear. I'm getting the Austin.

Sure, sure. Of course we're getting the Austin. I mean, if you're going to get, I mean, what are you going to get? Are you thinking about getting the Mr? I might get the Mr. It's only $25. Wow, it does allow you to sing Mr. That's a good point.

You can sing Kirillazon, the rest. Well, I mean, of course there's the other hit. Broken wings. Yep, that's the one. Thank you. But, yeah, what? If we were to invest, we get two shoes. What else?

You get a lifetime supply of smoking with us. Yeah. So every time you, if you ever come over, we're in Seal Beach. Anytime you come over, you can smoke, whatever. It's not, it's actually not far as the crow flies. Yeah, but how about as the man drives? Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Wait, did you guys arrive on those bird scooters out there? Yeah. Okay, cool. It only takes seven hours. They look trashed. Yeah. You threw them into my rose bed.

Yeah. Yet another episode where you managed to work in your rose bed. Well, I have a lovely garden. I want to show it off. I don't know, guys. For this reason, I might be out the sealed beach of it all. Really? Here's the thing, guys.

I'm in. Whoa. I'm in all the way. I think this is a home run idea. I have literally never seen anybody prepare for this podcast, period. with the fake website period and not only have you done it you've gone above and beyond so yes i will order these shoes i demand that they arrive they'll arrive okay yeah no that we're really good at follow through and i mean i think i mean i'm gonna i think i'm gonna do the austin yeah i mean it's the most

expensive one the tony is good because it's hard but the austin i just the the others might be hard jacy you keep saying they're not hard well i think they're very much not in what way they're pointed down Some people can be hard and point straight down That's absolutely correct Wait, what? That's absolutely correct Tony, you jumped right on that Yeah, I'm just saying

Tony, you look panicked Dude, dude, dude We call that a tripod of us Tony, you are hard in this one Just want to remind you, you're the hard one And yours is pointing straight up Unless it's upside down And your balls are on top of your penis

That is, now that is absolutely correct I think that's what's happening in the drawing That's correct That's what's happening in the drawing I'm not saying that's any reflection on reality. Are you okay? Am I okay? My mouth's a little dry.

Okay. Do you want to take a water break or something? Tony, I'm not weak, man. I'm not weak. I don't even want to break. Tony, take a deep breath. Okay.

You got this, man. You got this. Tony's in like a defensive karate stand right now. Don't come near me with karate. Don't come near me with karate. Don't come near me with karate. Don't come near me with karate. Okay.

We're not getting near you with karate. Hey, man. Hey, man. Hey man. It's cool. I'm so thirsty. water right next to you. I'm not going to take a drink that's weak. It's not weak. Watch. Look at me. I'm drinking.

Yeah, exactly. You're the beta. You drink water. I hear you're a fucking pussy. They got me, fuck. Invest with us, man. They're going to smoke of me with us. Well, guys, we have to get to our next guest. I mentioned a cars on the show. Please welcome Kayla. Hi. Hi. Hi. So nice to meet you. Oh my gosh. Great to be here. I'm actually, I'm actually not just a car. Oh, wow. I'm a Waymo. Oh, whoa.

Okay, now, this is interesting because I have seen Waymo's driving around. I fucked one up during the protest. Did you really? Someone on fire, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. That was actually, that was a dear friend of mine. Oh, no.

She's okay now. I was just joking. But she's unable to work and actually is having issues getting unemployment from the government. Okay, now hang on. So you are being paid. Yeah. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah.

I'm a business bitch. Okay. Are you okay? You're an entrepreneur. I'm so cute. Oh, another entrepreneur. I like that. Yeah. I mean, I used to, I used to be an Uber, just simply an Uber, but I got sick of having these guys drive me around. I said, I can do this better. Yeah. Wow. That's right, honey. Wow. Heels and dicks on him. Okay, perhaps. Yeah. So, so for those of you who don't know what a waymo is, and I apologize, it is a self-driving car and they seem to have some sort of pinwheels on the sides, which are doing what? I don't even know what they're doing. Those are my gorgeous pinwheels. Yes. That's, um, that's. That's correct. That's the right terminology. And they're actually using scanning technology so that I can drive seamlessly through the streets of Los Angeles. Right.

Yeah. So it's not uncommon in L.A. to see Waymo's driving around driverless but full of people who I think should be screaming in terror. But they, in fact, look bored and listless while they're being driven around by nobody. I'm actually a pretty good driver. Oh, I don't doubt it. I'm not bad. I'm not bad. How many accidents have you been?

Accidents? I don't know. What are we talking? What do we call an accident? Hitting the curb a little bit when you parallel park? No, I don't think that's an accident. Okay. Then I'm good.

Have you... Oh, that's the only thing that's happening. Yeah, I'm clipping curbs, sure, but I'm not like, I'm not hitting, I'm not teaboning anyone. C and C's, of course. Music factory. But, so you've never injured a person, you've never... Never physically. Sometimes I will say, I like to have a little fun.

So sometimes I will say, I like to have a little fun. So sometimes I will kind of psychologically play with the people in my car, sure. Oh, sure. Well, my guess is for you in your position, people must talk so freely because they think no one is listening. That's how I pee. Yeah. Freeling? IP freely?

Yeah, of course. That's a joke. Wow. That's actually one of the best parts of being a Waymo is that I'm getting secrets constantly. Okay. See, this is the thing is like, there's no one in these way. I've never been in one. But I would imagine like, I'll give you a ride.

Oh, yeah. But I didn't know that you talk to the people. people? No, people are talking to each other. They're talking on their phones. Sometimes they're in the Waymo and they're just crying. Wow. And I get to know everything. Yeah. So you're just collecting that information. So now are you able to, I don't know like what your work situation is, are you able to utilize any of that information for blackmail purposes? Um, absolutely. I could. I mean, I could. You could. I'm a smart woman. I could do what I need with it. So that leads me to a follow of question. So you keep saying you're a woman. Are you a sentient woman? Are you a sentient woman?

or are you an AI? Oh, gosh. Do you have sexual organs? You know, I actually, I have... So Scott's asking questions that I just want to distance myself from? No, I'm glad we got to it. Like, is the tailpipe, the pussy?

Now, hang on, man. The tailpipe, it's, um, it's actually more like a cloaca type situation. Sure, sure, sure. This is a, um, this is a, um, um, um, Guillermo del Toro shape of water situation. Absolutely, absolutely. And I do, I mean, I take lovers. You do.

Okay. You take them where for a ride? I take them for a ride. Currently, I'm dating a non-binary segue right now. Okay. We'll throw his handle into the tailpipe and see what happens. Wow. And that's got to be...

You'll throw his handle in? Yeah. The non-binary? Yeah. It's a vague. Any questions? Oh, boy. No, sorry, sorry.

Hey, Austin. I, look, I let you guys hang out and vape here, but don't be confrontational with the guess. You don't have to... You don't have to... Gender gotcha the guests. Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, nice try.

Literally try me. Try me. Try me. Try to gender catch me. Oh, boy. I will. Name anyone else. Name anyone else and say what their gender is. Go.

No, you give me a person. I'll tell you the gender. Okay. Steve Martin. Man. Pronouns? That's too easy. He him.

She's good. That's right. That checks out. Okay. Do you have any tips for like best behavior? behavior in a Waymo? Are there things that people are doing that are bad or that we should steer clear of? I've always wanted tips on how better to behave in a Waymo.

I'm so glad you asked. Thank you for asking. See? So glad I asked. I am so glad you asked. God, that feels good. I've always been like, I'm misbehaving in this waymo. I wish I had tips.

You know what I don't like? It seems like you are misbehaving. Ain't. I like when someone, well, one, I like when people are talking on speakerphone quite loudly about juicy topics. Sure. I don't like when people. people fiddle with the little window thing it hurts oh it hurts to roll down your window so

the little window button very sensitive maybe more sensitive than we would think yeah and so don't press right on it don't press right on it got it not don't fiddle with don't don't fiddle with it unless you're being intentional about it sure sure just just rub around the edge yes please please yeah what if i want the window down if you want the window down ask nicely warm me up for it you know what i mean like it's it's it's not that complicated you don't just just jam the button down, Scott. Do you do the alphabet on the button? That's actually a common misconception.

With your tongue? Yeah. How does ice feel on the button? I actually, you know, I don't mind ice, but it's got hot and cold. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. So you just put a bunch of ice in your mouth do the alphabet.

Okay. Yeah. And then tea after for hot. I don't want you guys in my way, Mo. Yeah, you guys are going to have to find a different way back. I'm so sorry. That's well taken. That's well taken.

You guys should get in a lift and see what's up. Yeah. Lift. Yeah. Why did you both write that down? Number five. Ah, great stuff. Barely legal radio.

That's why I don't remember. Yes, we blocked it out because it's unsavory. With good reason. Yes. Although, you know what, we're going to, in a year and a half, Comedy Bang Bang's going to turn 18 and will be barely legal at that point. Is there a countdown clock to fuck in? Yeah, like Kendall Jenner or whoever else?

Yeah, what the fuck, man. Yeah, come on, guys. Oh, God, what a world. What a world we live in. Well, what a clip that was in that very same world that we're living in. That's a very funny episode. And I'm happy that all of those great funny women got into our top five. And may I say?

Yeah. Conshagulations. Conchagulations to them all. Conshag dot improvulations. All right, we're going to take a break. When we come back... You got to take a beef. We're going to take a beef.

And when we come back, we're going to crack the top beef. I mean, four. It's like becoming smurf. All right. Beef. Beef. We'll be right back.

And we're back. Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 2020, part through. We're best. We're back, besties. Best of's?

Six seven. Six seven. Oh, Nicole Parker. Yes. Friend of the show. My co-host in the neighborhood listen. She's doing a panto right now.

Oh, fun. And so there's an audio. audience of kids range, the age range is like, like four to seven or something. Watching it? Yeah, watching it. And so she says, like when you go out there, you say six, seven. And they'll go crazy. They lose their fucking mind.

So how does she fit it in just to go like, how old is everyone out there? Is anyone six, seven? She says, she says, if you were my child, I would limit your screen. time to six, seven hours and then they go fucking crazy. That's so insane. I'll send you the video. Oh, she made a video of this.

Oh, I got to see this. Somebody sent her the video that they took. That's so funny. These kids are just screaming. Why would you, I mean, that's like, people used to scream at the Beatles or whatever. Yeah, they were entertainers. Now we're screaming at numbers.

What am I doing? I think Nicole will be okay if I share this. Okay, good. Let's listen to it. Because the screaming is unbelievable. Nicole, of course, was on an episode this year with you, Paul, where you were playing the characters from The Neighborhood Listen. Yep, that's right.

Burnt Me a Payday and Joan Pedestrian. Do you think that'll be in our top four? I would love it to be because I love doing that show so much. And we really appreciate our listeners and hopefully being on Comedy Bang Bang as those characters would bring more people to the show, you know, so yeah, I would be, I would be honored if our, if our show made it in your show. Well, I'm not going to say if you are not. Here we go. All right, here's the. Does she say it all right? Yeah.

Maybe. Not even for six or seven months. Wow. So kids that young are into this slang. Wow. What did you care about when you were that age that you would have screamed if you had heard someone mention it? I can't even... I don't know. I can't even imagine something in pop culture.

Like, what music were you into? Like, okay, so my daughter is like into, really into... Cap-pop demon hunters? Like, would you scream if someone were like, who were the people in that, blueie? Who did I dress up as for Halloween? What was his name?

The blue tiger? The dog? Blue-tiger? It's a tiger, isn't it? Bluey? No. What's his name? It's a fucking dog. He's a blue healer.

What? Bluey! No, no, no. In Capop demon hunters? Yeah, the tiger. Then why the fuck am I asking you? I'm sorry. I failed you.

What's his name? Derpy, derpy, derpy, derpy, derpy, derby. Derby, derby, derby. Derby, derby, derby. I made you out of clay. Golem, golem, golem, I made you out of clay. And when I activate you, my enemies, you will slay. That's solid.

That's good shit. I thought you were going with my enemies, they shall pay. But you said they will slay. He will slay. You know, either one is good. Either one is good. Love it. Good shit.

are we back from commercial we are right what do you think we're talking between commercials no i've i sometimes wonder if we're talking at the end of our the last thing or oh i see i see you know what i mean but we came back and we're yeah we've come back we've come back okay and we're we have one more clip to yet to listen to in this episode this is exciting stuff i'm fucking shaking in my boots i'm amped as hell i'm so excited my heart is giving out yeah Do I need to do some sort of CPR on you? I'm dying. Should I call 9-1, and I forget that last digit.

Oh, me too. I hope you remember. Just try them all. I'll try them all starting at zero and counting down. Fucking Mr. Bean. What about Mr. Bean? The phone number, remember? I don't.

We just watched Mr. Bean's holiday for Scott hasn't seen. Paul was playing Santa Claus. The fucking dad has the phone number, but then he. Oh, yeah. God damn it, it made me mad. Made you mad? Yeah, dad, he's a terrible dad. Oh, yeah.

If it were to be real, because movies are based on real life, usually, or at least common human experience. Well, where else would the story come from? Yeah, that's true. Okay, so we need to do our final clip, and you guys voted for it, so let's just hear it. This is your choice for number four. Number four. All right, number four. This is episode number 914.

Oh, so this is solidly in the early earlys. Just like directly right there in the early early. This is the sweet spot. Yep. And this came out on May 5. Do you know what this might be, Paul? I'm going to put down the... That's Cinco de Mayo, I know that.

What's that? Cinco de Mayo, yeah. Yes, but I believe this is also, if the timing is correct in my brain, this is the wet day spectacular no okay then the time he's not correct in my brain and what the fuck am I doing here what's the point of anything

what is the point indeed no the first episode of May is always our anniversary show I didn't know that I didn't know that you don't know what wet day is I forget what we created this we'll talk about it later we'll talk about it later it's too confusing

too confusing you're wet day is too confusing Is it? You're giving up on wet day? Look, okay. Okay, okay. K-Fabe. K-Fabe over. Wet-day's too confusing. I can't follow it. No. But we'll talk about it on our next episode. K-Fabe off.

Okay, so this is the 16th anniversary show. Congrats. Yes. This is the episode that was celebrating 16 years of comedy bang, bang. Hard to believe. Hard to believe, but even easier to listen to. Who's involved? We have Jason Manzoukis is back. Playing himself.

Playing himself. We have Paul F. Tompkins returns to our countdown. Hello. Playing Bing Lujo. That's right. Malt shop owner. Malt shop owner Bing Lujo. We'll hear from him and about him.

And torts him. And this is the first time on this year's countdown. We have Ego Wodem. Ego. Ego, formerly of Saturday Night Live, had a tenure there of how many years did she do? She's on for a while. Seven years, I believe. Dang.

On Saturday Night Live, she just left the show. But she was always good to come back and do as many episodes as she could, as well as toured with us and did touring episodes. Yes, indeed. We will hear Ego doing Pastor Pasta, her original character, Pasta Pasta. We have Edie Patterson playing bean dip. Edie Patterson, people would know from The Righteous Gemstones. She played Judy Gemstone.

the daughter of John Goodman and hilarious on that show she was also a writer on that show and she comes on comedy bang bang to play this character Bean Dip who's an insane person Now Lily and Tim play The Boat Boys again we're not going to hear that

because we already heard from them we are going to hear Dan Lippert return as Russ Swaro then we're going to hear Will Hines I believe as community activist Jim Reese. Gil was there playing Bitsy Bottom.

We're not going to hear that. But then we're going to finish out the clip hearing Jess McKenna as Little Hulk. That's right. A very special moment on the show. I believe I know which moment that is. Yes. So let's hear it. This is your choice for number four.

Number four. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang for another week. And this is a very special week because we are celebrating our 16th. Sweet 16, baby. Can you imagine 16 of anything? You come on like a dream. Oh, who's this? Hey, Shimmy.

Hey, Shimmy. It's me, Shimmy. Hey, Shibby, what's going on? Nothing much. Just want to say happy anniversary. Yeah, happy anniversary. Are you, do you mean our 16th anniversary of the podcast? What?

Is that happening too? That's also at which anniversary? Wow. Were you talking about? Oh, what's an anniversary again? Something that happens every year. Birthday? Happy birthday.

They should call it happy anniversary of your birth. Yeah, that's true. It is not my birth, though. Day. This is not your birth, though? I'm not getting born today. Bye. Hey, Jimmy.

Jeez. Wow, it is good to see him, though, especially on this. I love to see it, especially on an anniversary. It seemed like a bad time. He seemed to have no idea what we were celebrating, but he gave. gave us a nice, uh, warm wishes. 16 years. How, so how old were you when you started this?

Uh, 40? No, well, I was 13, I believe. And, uh, yeah, and now I'm 29 years old. Wow. And, uh, yeah, pretty incredible. And now here we are 16 years later. We, uh, it's, it's, uh, you know, one of the world's biggest podcast. Oh, it is.

It's the world and the animal kingdom's, um, biggest podcast. Also, we have a new, uh, this is very exciting. And we coined this a couple of weeks ago. We have a new tagline, comedy bang, bang, bang, we care. Oh, wow. We care. We care. We care.

That's right. Wow, that is great. It's wonderful to talk to you, but we have so many guests on the show. Let's get to it. We need to get to them. I believe you met this gentleman in Boston. I believe so. And he is, I mean, there's so much to say about him.

He is the owner of a malt shop. called Bing Lujo's Malt Shop. Oh, yeah, we heard all about it on the road. I watched The Music Man with him and another pal. Yep. And that's about all I remember about him. He's a classic. He is a classic.

Please welcome back to the show, Bing Lujo. Hey, happy Iversary to you. That's right. Yeah. I wasn't sure either, and now it's coming back. It's me, Bing Lujo. That's right. Hi, Jason, how are you?

Great to see you, Bing. Good to see you. Wonderful to see you, Bing. How have you been since we watched that music man? Hold on a second. What I got to talk about? What an especial occasion this is. Thank you so much.

And congratulations. 60 years you've been doing this. 16. That's what I said. Oh, you did. Yeah. I just wanted to make sure there was no confusion. I've not been doing this for 16 years.

16 years. That's what I said. 60 years. Okay. Yeah. All right. And I brought you. I hope you don't mind.

I don't mind anyone bringing me anything. Okay. Because here it comes. Okay. It's a special anniversary, Moulton. Oh, my God. I love Multon. As you can see, it's in a container the size of a trash can.

Wow, Oscar the Grouch style. Yeah, I guess, yeah. He lived in a container the size of a trash can. It happened to be a trash can, but it was the size of one. Right. I would not drink a malted out of a trash can. Well, because it's not a trash can. No, what is it?

It's a big malting cup. Is it specially made? I made it specially for you. Wow. I forged it myself in a forge. Really? Yeah. A suitor.

Who? I don't know. Justice David Suter? Sure. Surter, maybe. I don't know. Try to think of an Asgardian myths. Oh, that's made up.

So don't bother. Oh, yeah. Don't worry about that. If you can mispronounce all that shit, no one's going to get mad. If you ever forget a made-up thing, who can't? Exactly. It doesn't matter. Well, thank you so much.

Do you want to, did you bring three straws, I hope? No. Hmm. I brought four straws. Oh, who's the fourth four? Yeah, I need to. Oh. Okay.

I have a problem with suction. Yep. It seems like, yeah, you have the reverse problem as well, where there's a lot of air coming out. What do you mean? What do you mean? You mean, talking? Yeah, I mean, with the way you speak, it just seems like there's a kind of a waste of air. A waste of air.

Oh, it's interesting. So I'm hearing now notes. These are notes on how you talk. That almost sounded rude. Then you said what I'm talking is a waste of air? Thank God it was almost because it was not rude. Okay. So here's how you.

do it. Okay. This is a moulton. Okay. And, of course, it's very thick. It's got chunks. Oh, I love that. Just like the Coonies did. I don't understand the things that you say. I think they just had a singular chunk. We're a different generation, so I understand that. But why do you, why do you say these things? Are you trying to trick me? I'm not sure. No, no, this is not any kind of a game.

I'm an old man, okay? Yeah. And my wife just died yesterday. Wait, you, the last time we talked, your wife had died the day before. Oh, Bing. I'm so sorry. Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. This is terrible. She was an old age.

She had a Google Long Life. She had a Google Long Life? She Googled Long Life and then she had one. Oh, and she Googled Long Life, and yet your name is Bing. I remember what we were sitting on. Wow. We were sitting on the couch. She turned to me and said, I want to live a long time.

And I said, Google it. And she did. In any case, Bing, it's so wonderful to have you. What flavor is this malt? Did you say? It's black and white. It's chocolate and vanilla. I love that.

And there's also some surprises in there. You know how in New Orleans they do the king cake? In New Order, there's what? In New Orleans, they do the king cake. Oh, the king cake. Oh, that's what I've heard about it. I've never seen one. And it's like a little surprise in there.

Oh, right. You get the baby. Oh, yeah. Sometimes people bake a cake. There's a coin in there. Oh, right. Sometimes in certain cultures, they'll put like ground glass. Oh, yeah.

Oh, wow. Sometimes they'll put human blood in a cake. Oh, right. If you can think it, they put it in a cake. And whatever it is, that's the king cake? So is there something in this one that we should be able to look up for? There's nothing dangerous. Okay.

It's fun. So I urge you to start slurping away. All right. Jason, are you ready for this? And I'll join you. Yeah, you got two of these drawn. Yeah, I need two because I got a problem with sucks and because of the chunks. All right, here we go.

Ready? Oh my God, Bing. Are you all right? Do you need the Henderson movement? Bing? Oh, my God. As long as he's coughing, that's good. Okay, you're good, yeah.

All right, do you need any sort of CPR? You got a chunk? You got a chunk? Okay, just let it, just let it melt in there. It wasn't surprised. It was just a chunk. Is it something meltable? If it's meltable.

Have some water. Have some water. Yeah. Well, you know, I don't really drink water that much. Oh, okay, okay. Because water, because the pipes are all rusty and stuff. You know what I mean? Please welcome back to the show, Pastor Pasta. Pasta, pasta. Pasta, pasta.

Pasta, Pasta. How are you, Scott? Pasta. Pasta. I know that's right. That is right. Hello, so great to see you. Halo. Hello. Hello. Hello. Oh, halo. Put a halo on some rigatoni, if you know what I'm saying.

A halo of Parmesan cheese. Does that appeal to you? That is very appealing to me. Congratulations on your anniversary. Thank you so much, past the pasto. Yeah, I'm just so impressed with what you've done here at the Comedy Bang Bang Theater. I think it is awesome. Repertory theater. Oh, wow, repertory, okay. How long have you been doing what you?

Now, for those of you out there who don't know, Pasta Pasta, you are a clergy. Clergy person. Clergy person. Thank you. Right. And you have a special affinity for the food that comes to us from Italy. Yeah. And I'm starting to make some in my backyard, actually.

Backyard pasta? I got a dispensary. I'm getting a dispensary going. Oh, a pasta dispensary? Yeah. Oh, wow. You can dispense things other than pot, right? You can dispense whatever the hell you want.

Napkins. Think about it. Yeah, sure. You can dispense, you can dispense whatever. You can dispense wisdom. You could dispense wisdom. You could input tampons and dispense them as well. Yeah, they go in and out.

Little ball bearings. Whatever you like. So, you know, I'm going to be honest with you. This is Bing Lucio. Bing. Hi. Bing, it is wonderful to meet you. It's wonderful to meet you, Pastor.

Bing, I'm going to be honest, Bing. I am a big fan of yours. Thank you so much, Pastor. And I'm going to ask you something. And I don't hope that you don't take a. to this. I don't hope that you don't take offense to this. You don't hope that I take offense to this. Well, I'm not cool. I assure you I won't take offense to what I'm about to say. If I was going to take offense, I would perhaps not say it. But I hope you don't take offense to what I am about to say. Have you ever thought about invisaline? Because I feel like you have a bit of a lisp. Is that accurate? I have a lot of air coming out. Not much. going in. I got, would it, would it changing the shape of my teeth?

Would that help it? I don't think you need to change the shape of your teeth. I think the shape of your teeth are gorgeous. Yeah, their teeth shape. They're gorgeous. Yeah. What do you want? Like, round?

I just, it's a lot of air. I don't want anything. It's a lot of air and I don't know if you heard about the environment what's going on. Oh, no, what happened? They say it's going down. Oh. They say it's going down. Don't we need it?

We need it to be here. Yeah. Yeah. And I need it to grow my pasta. It just seems like you have a lot of, I'm sorry. You're growing your pasta? What does this mean? How are you growing that pasta?

Where in a house? With pasta seeds. Oh, of course. All you need to do is have faith the size of a pasta seed. And are these from Italy pasta seeds? Yes, they're from Italy. Modena. Oh, really?

Modena. Moldina woman. Moldina woman. Or dinner? Molden a woman to me. Modena woman to me. Modena woman. Yeah, but in the interim, I am selling different pastas out of my backyard.

If anyone is interested. What's in season right now? Right now in season, we've got farfalle. Okay. Linguini. Yeah. Spaghetti. Great.

Always in season. Angel hair, of course. Oh, wow. Always. We're for a planet that's going down. It's good to be in touch with the angels. That's exactly my point. How do you get their hair, though?

How do you get their hair? I could tell you, but then I'm going to. Oh, good. So, so, so, so in Modena. The way Modena got its name is. It's Modin a name. Molden a name. Molden a woman.

Okay. So the legend has it that it was a woman named Mariso. Marisot lived in that region of Italy, right? And every day she would cut her hair. She had beautiful locks. Beautiful locks. And would they all grow back in 24 hours? Quickly less than, even 12 even.

Wow. Like Rapunzel. A little bit like that. A little bit like that, but not quite, because nobody was climbing up her head. Okay, so she would chop off her hair, right, every 12 hours, and it would grow back, luscious, gorgeous locks, and she had a partner. His name was Modena. Oh, his name was Modena.

And what was her name again? Her name was Marisol. Okay, got it. Marisol and Modena. Yep. Okay. Cut to the end quickly. Basically, she passed away.

Passed away? She passed. She went to past away? She went to past away. Oh, no. And passed away. And passed away. Although, I bet everyone is dead from back then anyway.

From back then? Like, how long ago was this? And she died in time, she lived at her average life expectancy. So was it tragic or nothing? Was this hundreds of years ago? This was maybe 2,000 years ago. Yeah, everyone's dead. From there that they all died.

So there's no tragedy. And she lived to be like 95. Yeah. Anyway, pretty good too, right? Yeah, pretty good. Especially for that time? For 2,000 years ago, the average life expectancy was probably like 40. I mean, Methuselah, he like really skewed the numbers.

But that's the thing. Her lover. Is that who I'm talking about? Do you think he was just like 60? And then they were like, I don't know, this guy's got like thousands of years. Look at this guy's gray hair. We've never seen it because everyone else died by 25 back then.

I guess I don't care about the history. Yeah, not really, honestly. Okay. You know her as a local raconteur, the owner of the Los Angeles W Hotel and no other. Just a local raconteur? She likes to keep it within city limits. Does not nationally tell stories.

No, no. If she ever leaves Los Angeles, she shuts the stories down. Please won't go back to the show, Bean Dip. Hey, Scott, I'm going to see you. Hey, Beanie. Hey, hey, Scottie. Hey. Haven't talked to you since that whole flap about love is blind and people slapping titties.

Well, hey, it's been a minute. Where have you been this year? Have you been roaming around? Oh, roaming around so many places. I've been traveled there at the water. Scott, I've been to Tucson, Arizona, Rome, Italy, Belgium, Brussels, I went to Oslo, Norway, Texas, Texas, Houston, Texas. The routing on that is, yeah, it's bad. I mean, all over the place, ping pong, bong, bang bang.

Wow. What have you been doing? What do you do in all these places? Every place, going up, set up a business, make about $1.2 million, get to the next place. On to the next one. On to the next one place I'll set a good thing where I'm like, huh, I bet people here want to buy dish towels with little drawings of themselves on them.

What was that? What was that you said, by the way? Dish towels with drawings of themselves on them. The first word is the one I'm most confused about. What do you use in the kitchen to dry damn dish? I don't know. Dish towels. Oh, dish towels. Oh, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Did you think they said dick towels?

I thought dis child. Oh, boy. Diss child, like what you did in Lennie Kravos, he dissed our child. Yeah, that's true. What child is this? Oh, yeah, what child did this? Well, anyway, people want to buy themselves on dish tiles. That's why I'm going to buy $1.2 million in one city.

How do you customize every dish towel to look like the person who's ordered you? Or do most kids kind of look the same and you can just like sell it as like, oh, yeah, this is a picture of your kid? Don't cut for me this morning. Please. Don't come for me this. morning. It's 5 p.m. I draw a specific and personalized picture of everybody who wants

a desktop with their face on it. So you draw it with what, a marker or? Yeah, Sharpie. Usually what works well on cloth is like a Sharpie or maybe like a Sharpie plus magic marker mashup. A mashup? Uh-huh. A Sharpie plus a magic marker.

Sharpie X magic marker. Yeah, Sharpie X. Magic co-lab. Whoever wins me lose. Yeah, you put the, you put the Sharpie ink thing into the magic marker. The pen. Yeah. You put it inside of there, and then you got a perfect thing to draw porches on dish house. And people walk up, they go like, oh, what is this? This looks like,

because I just call it PD, porters on dishhouse. Do people know what you're talking about? No, that's part of the appeal. They go, what's PD? I love that font that you've got to pee in the there's so many balloons out here. This looks. like pretty much fun so then how many balloons do you normally have out there do at least 3,500 that's that's a lot and do you draw anything on the balloons no the balloons are silent oh they're silent yes so no images and they don't make a sound no images no squeaks you got spare money to make money

now here's what i'm going to say no offense and i don't know how much it sounds like you're pulling down great money i could never take offense for you but silent balloons? Yes. That sounds like a gangbusters idea. This is where you're money. This, you've got to start making me. We hate the squeaking, don't we folks? We hate it. Oh, okay. Well, you heard of here first. Solid balloons.

SB, that's my new, that's going to be my new stand is ketchup. Hey, ketchup right outside the W. Los Angeles. Let's get to our next guest. He was on the show once before a couple of months ago, I believe. Please welcome back to the show, Russ Swarrow. Howdy, Scott? Oh.

Hang on. Is this your voice now? Let me hang on. Howdy. Super quick. Where are you from? I'm from, well, Arizona, mostly, a little bit of Texas. But now I am staying.

Where they cross over, right? Just a little bit of Texas and Arizona overlap. Yes, it's the part of Texas that skips New Mexico. Right. Just skips it. Just skips it. Yeah, it's, you know, it's like taking the low. If you're going from Arizona, you don't want to see.

And you are, you had a bit of a confusing story when you were here before because I hadn't seen the show Landman. I don't think you need to see the show to have a nice time with me, Scott. What was your, what are your details? I do happen to be a water man. Right. I'm in Los Angeles working with their Department of Water and Power. But mostly, I am staying in your ADU, as you know, but I'll remind the audience of course um and just trying to get used to all these modern amenities that you have

in los angeles that are not really for me yeah what are some of the modern amenities because well the current one i am dealing with is still your sling tv scott right yes you were unable to get channels you have a sling box in the ad you yeah well you know we don't want to put actual cable in here i understand we don't want to pay for the hookups i've got no problem with it but i'm trying to watch my world series of poker and every time... How often does that occur, by the way? Because you're always saying I'm trying to watch the World Series of poker. Do they have like

12 a year? It's one a year. It happens in the summer, but thank God. So technology's not all bad. Now we have a network on sling that shows all poker all the time. Oh, wow. You said we have a show on sling. Are you part

of sling? I would love to be. I meant we the people. Oh, I see. We the people. Yes, as our Constitution begin. As the greatest document known to American man has ever been. You pulled out a pocket constitution out of your front pocket. You're waving it in the air right now. Well, I'm constantly waiting to be shot in the chest and hoping that that will protect me.

Yeah, it does not look metallic at all. And now that I'm noticing, you do have a number of other pockets that look like they also have constitutions. I'm pretty well protected. You're also wearing a bulletproof vest, so that'll probably do the trick better than the constitutional. You also have one of those plexiglass drummer cages. And like the Popemobile had around it. That's right. And it appears that every limb is individually miked.

And you're wearing a suit of armor? This is maybe overkill. I happen to disagree. I love my country. He is a community activist. Please welcome Jim Reese. Oh, thank you, Scott. much for having me. Of course. Look, I know

this is a comedy show, right? Yeah, it can be, but so we get serious sometimes? Okay, because I have a serious issue I want to talk about it. Okay, I live in Los Angeles. Hey, at Comedy Bang Bang? We care. I've heard that. Yeah. That's getting around. Uh-huh, yeah. Oh, I think so. I think it's catch on. Yeah. And if you're a community activist, this is, you know, this show goes out to the greater Los Angeles community.

So, I sure it's a good place to get your platform. That's exact. I want to get a message out there and if and if you speak to this is bing lujo by the way yeah hi yeah hi bang nice to meet you nice to meet you too so what were you going to talk about anti littering okay okay there's too much littering in the streets of los angeles so you want people to anti litter you want them to throw away non-litter what no i'm hoping that they pick up the litter so throw things out the window that are just not technically litter no so throw things that are meant to be Out the window? You throw leaves out the window onto the ground.

No, no, no, no. Just the litter. Does it have to be out of a window? Does it throw it out of, maybe a door? No of these. It shouldn't be out a window or a door. It's the litter. What do you want us to throw?

What do you define as non-litter? Like a television set? Well, if it's in a living room and being used, that is not litter. So you throw that out the door. Well, not necessarily. I'm hoping that there's, see, there's a lot. I don't get what you're saying. So let's start by defining litter.

Great question. Great. And who are you? this is jason manzookis nice to meet you a pleasure so a litter of let's say so for example a litter of puppies uh well you know oddly enough that's not the litter that i'm talking about so you're fine with people throwing away like newborn kitten not at all you said you're anti litter so you are anti litters i am anti liars of you can't anti anti anti let you know if it's necessary for the environment then i will be anti litters of going. You're anti-dog, anti-cat, anti-this, anti-that. This guy is gone. He doesn't care if you throw it out the door.

I didn't think I was going to use this drum major stick I brought. Thank you so. So wait, did you pick that off the ground? Yes, this was thrown on the ground. I assume it was thrown away. It's a perfectly good drum major. That's what I'm surprised at. So I picked it up because it was thrown away and that's hurting the environment.

Are you happy that you were. able to pick it. Are you happy that you found the thing and that it was useful here? Yes. Then that's not litter. Did that make you happy? Then that's not a bad thing. Did that make you happy? Yes. So then a good, then litter made you happy. No, but only once it

was no longer litter, right? Turning it from litter to non-litter made me happy. When did that happen? When I, uh, okay, when I found a use for it. When I found a use for the trash, right? One man's trash, as they say. Yes. What did they say? Is bad. Oh, yes.

That's right. Or it's another man's useful item. Okay, right. So I'm saying, look, here's... What do you feel about litter in the word literature? Yeah, that's a good question. Never thought about it. It's a good-ass question.

I've never, I would... Well, I'm pro-literature, certainly. Gakle? What is your favorite book? My... Or, I'm sorry, novel. Okay. I'm not much of a reader.

Okay, I wasn't going to say the Bible. I'm not much of a reader, to be honest. So I'm afraid this question might be... But you can't. read. Yeah, what have you read in your life? List all the books you've read. In order? A Snowy Day. That was the first book you ever read?

I think maybe, yes, a snowy day. The Very Hungry Caterpillar. Pretty advanced. These are kids doing in order. It's fun of the right. Remember, the mouse of the motorcycle. The Lion the Witch in the Wardrobe. I'm skipping some, I'm sure. These are the ones that are coming to mind.

And what's the last book that you read? The most recent book I read. And hopefully it has a creature and an item. It's not my fault that the genre of children's books The Mouse in the Motorcycle The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe That's not So what do you want to talk about?

I'm lost. It's a very simple message I don't like litter Okay? We should pick up litter That's what I'm saying We gotta clean up this town So you're saying you want us all to pick up litter?

Yes. I don't respond well to being yelled out Are we all gonna get one of those polls With the nail on the end? No, this is just a drum major staff That I found on the way And I have to pick up The thing that's not talking about your poll.

Right. I can't get you one of those. Yes, I can't promise one. No, we all want one. Yes. And we want good ones. We don't want shitty ones. There's no shitty ones.

You want us to pick up the litter? I think we should all do our part. Then give us the fucking sticks. You know what we should do is convince people not to litter. Then we won't have to pick up jack shit. That's a great idea. Using our sticks. I don't need you to rubber stamp me.

I'm jack coming. We should use our sharp sticks to threaten people. Yeah. That if you litter, that's not what they're going to stab you. I've got one sharp stick. I have one sharp stick. Here, I'll give it to you, Bing. Thank you.

Okay, so you, you asked for it. Wait a second. That's just a stick with a nail on it. We can make that. Let's make more of those. No, that, well, yeah, that's how I just fashioned that. You didn't invent it, though, did you? Well, I'm not trying to patent it.

Great. We can do it without you. That's fine with me. I don't need to be. We don't need you as part of this process here. It's great. I'm just trying to get the message. Wait a minute, wait a minute. This guy's tricking us into picking up all the list. He's Tom Sawyering us. Absolutely. That's not at all. I don't want to stick.

Yeah, you pick it up. You pick up all the litter and then come back and tell us how it went. I've picked up some of the litter. I've done my part. Some. How much? Which pieces? Yeah. I don't have a list of the, well, let me see. Two plastic from an individually wrapped slice of cheese. Wait a minute, wait a minute, guys. I'm seeing some litter right outside the door here. Yeah. It's a piece of paper that's been crumpled up. Yeah.

Let me undo this. Yeah, I'll crumple it. This is a list of books. And this is a lot like the list of books that you've said you've read. All right. So it's my garbage. What do you want? What do you want?

So you're littering. I littered a little bit. A little bit. A little bit. Yeah, I littered a little bit just to come inside. I didn't want to bring it. My yard is strewn with pieces of paper. I would not say it is strewn, sir.

I think that is an overstatement. We're not at strewn levels. So you're responsible for the rash of littering that this town is seen over the past? The litterat. The literati. I'm not the literati. I'm not the litterat. I leave a few things behind when I go inside people's homes.

Clean up your own mess. Sorry. Have you noticed that there's a big pile of human shit outside the door? Is that you as well? Yes. Are you not litter? Are you not litter? Did you want me to shit inside your house?

I think that would be rude. That's shitter. Are you shittering? Yes. Are you the shittering is not littering because it melts. Not fast enough. It melts. It melts.

It melts like ice cream. Yes. What do you mean? Shit melts. The shit melts. Said a thing that only a childless man could say. I don't know for sure that I'm childless. Please welcome back Bruce Banner, aka Lil Hulk.

Oh, we don't talk about that other side of me. Oh, no, Mr. Ockerman. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. Oh, so quick to talk about my little green guy. I beg your pardon. No, no, it's quite all right. You got to, he really, he took up the lion's share of my time in Manchester. We barely got to talk about my fascinating music career because that little green guy came out.

I don't really recall anything that we talked about other than when he came out. Yeah, that's true because you and me barely discussed anything, Mr. Ockerman. Is that what you're here to talk about today? Yes, I would love to talk about me, Bruce Banner. child prodigy in music oh that's what you're a prodigy what in if you don't know hi jason manzzias great to meet you this is pasta pasta how are you nice to see you nice to see you bing lujo of course being hello child sorry could you say your last name one more time for me i don't i don't call adults by their first name is bing lu joe mr lujio a pleasure and

you can remember this by thinking when the movie kujo came out oh oh i'm gonna bing kujo times to go to the theater or as bing would do it google it Yeah, and then just take the little top part of the seal. You lost me, Mr. Rockerman, and I'm a prodigal. Thank you, because I was going to say the same thing, and I wanted to get him back. I'm sorry, your last name? Pasta. Pasta.

Pasta. Yeah. Reverend Pasta. Pasta. Pasta. That makes a lot of sense. Let's answer your question from a methusel a year's ago. hitting one thing with another thing. That's true, yes.

You can see the Glock and spiel your number one instrument since you mentioned it first. I do keep, well, it's the way I found music. Mr. Cujo, I forgot how I was supposed to remember. Lujo. Yeah, Mr. Lujo. Remember it like somebody said, hi, my name was Bing Lujo. It's like if somebody said poncho, but it was Lujo. Oh, like a pasta, Lujo?

Take the Pasta away. All these mnemonic devices are making me so frustrated. Oh, no, no, no, no, I'm so. I can't contain all these mnemonic. Bruce, Bruce, no, no, no, no, Bruce. Calm down, calm down. What's going on? What's up, everybody?

Oh. Okay, Little Hulk is here. Low Hulk. Oh, no. Hi, Lil Hulk. Hey, remember me? Oh, yeah, you remember me? You remember me, Lil Hulk?

You remember me, Lil Hulk? Yeah, in fact, just said your name. What's up, losers? I'm a little Hulk. Oh, hey. A loser. Hey, Lil' Hulk. We losers.

Yeah. Oh, is that a little jerk out here trying to talk about a dock and spiel? Yeah. Honestly, yeah. So boring. It kind of was, honestly. What are you into, Little Hulk? Oh, Smash.

Yeah. Hell yeah. Purple shorts, Little Hulk. Little Hulk. Yeah, this guy's fucking cool. Are you going to see the musical Smash? Adaptive of the stage? Yeah.

Little Hulk wants to know should Lil Hulk watch the show first? Yeah. Okay, Little Hulk will add to Little Hulk's list. Little Hulk, are you going to go see Death becomes her? Mm-mm. Little Hulk wants to know. Should we just asking? Adaptive for the stage?

Adaptive. for the stage. Little Hulk wants to know. Should a little hook watch the original movie first. Sure. Is there an original movie? There is. Okay, yeah. All right, Little Hulk got it to his list. Lil'all, who's your definitive mama rose? Ah. Little Hulk's got to say, Patty. Patty.

Little Hulk loves Patty. Little Hulk loves Patty. Little Hulk loves when Patty says, turn that fucking cell phone off. Sorry. That's the first time Little Hook shows up. Stupid little Bruce Banner was watching video that Little Hook got so angry. Someone would defy Miss Patty like that. Little Hulk showed up. So, so, so Little Hulk, you share the same obsession with musical things. Oh, sure, sure, sure.

Oh, yeah, but you don't play any of the instruments. Do you like the Glock and Spiel? Smash. Yeah. I think that means yes. Marimba only. Oh, oh. Smash means no.

That's my iPhone, uh, ringtone. Yeah, it's my rimba. I love that. You'll, you'll, I remember marimba. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Little Hulk, do you have hopes and dreams?

I mean, it must be tough sharing a body and, but I mean, do you, do you maybe have things you want to do? Little Hulk and Stupid Nerd Bruce Banner were more like split up 12 hours each day. Right.

What time do you do? Little Hulk would love the night. What do you get? Little Hulk only gets when Bruce Banner gets angry and he's a very polite little nerd

so little Hulk sometimes only gets few moments a day. And I bet he has to be awake as well. Yes. So annoying for the little hook. You're pretty polite as well.

Oh, yeah, you've cussed. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, smash. Back up, back up. Oh, whoa, whoa, no. Little Hulk, no. Oh, pardon me, was the little green guy just here?

Wait a minute. When Little Hulk gets mad. He turns back into Bruce Banner? Yes, I'm able to exert my dominance once I can feel too much of his rage emerging through. That pesky green guy. Oh, great. You seem disappointed to see me, Mr. Ockerman. No, no, just we were having such a good convo with Little Banner.

How do you feel about the Marimba? Oh, I hate the Marimba. Oh, thanks, Jason. Marimba's too big and wooden. Oh, good. Oh, good. Oh, thank God. Little Hulk.

Ooh, do you ask about the Marimba? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He hates it. And how does your mom feel about you being Little Hulk? Loves me the way I am. Aw. That's beautiful. Thank you.

Little Hulk has a question for all these adults. What's going on? When you set an alarm on your phone, like Little Hulk, oh, little Hulk has early flight. Little Hulk going to say several alarms because Little Hulk worried little Hulk's going to sleep in. Right, right. Little Hook was no, do you scroll through and you have a bunch of old alarms that you can choose from? Yes. I probably

have 80 alarms. Same with Little Hulk. I think that's weird as hell. Oh, that's absurd. A friend just showed me that about three weeks ago and I thought, why do you have all these alarms? Little Hulk at this point has most times. Why? And that's what my friend had, whatever time. Every 15 minutes.

Little Hulk, same. Even less incremental than that is what my friend. It was very, I never delete one. Wait, Little Hulk. Little Hulk, I demand that you read in order all of your alarms. You got it, Mr. Manzoukis, and then Little Hulk actually has to go because Bruce Banner has a clock. We do have to take a break. Okay, here I go.

And thank you so much for having me, Little Hook. This has been Little Hulk. These are all of Little Hook's. Real alarms in order. 1 a.m. 245 a.m. 310 a.m. 3.30 a.m. 3.50 a.m. 35.m.m. 5.m.m.5.m.m.m. 5.m.5.m.m.m.m.5.m.m.m.m.m.m.5.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m. 40 AM, 4.45 a.m. 4.50 a.m. 45 a.m. 5. 510 a.m. 515 a. 515 a.m. 515 a. 5.15 a.m. 5.15 a. 5.m. 6.15 a.m. 6.10 a.m. We're not even at noon. 6.20 a.m. 6.30 a.m.m. 6.30 a.m.m. 6.30 a.m.m.m. 6.40 a.m.m.m.m.m.m.5.m.5.m.m.5.m.m.m.m.5.m.m.m.5.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m.m. Jesus correct.

8.30 a.m. 8.40.m. 8. 55 a.m. O. 9.m. 9. 50 a.m. 9. 5.m. 9. 5.m. 0. 5.m. 5.m. 50m. 0.m. 5.15 a.m. 5.m. 15.m.m. 15.m.m. 3.m.m. 5.30.m. 30.m. 3.30. 3.30. 3. 3.30. 4.10. 14. 5.15.m.m.m. 5.5.5.5.5. 5.5. 5.m.5. 5.7. 7.m.7.7. 6. 7.7.m.7.m.m.m. B.m. 7.15 p.m. 7.30 p.m. 8. 8.57. 8.57. 5.15. 9.15. 11.1.15. 11.50 p.m.m.m. Wow. Bravo. Bravo. Thank you. Thank you. That made me a little ho. Oh. Oh, Mr. Hockerman. I'm so delighted. Get the fuck out of you. You got it. Number four. Yes. The alarms. That was a special time. Yep.

Well, no, pun intended, but that was truly a special moment. That was very fun and very relatable to a large section of our listenership, including myself, a person who has as many alarms. I can't have that many. Why? They're free. I know. Are you worried your phone's going to run out of juice? I think I, okay, man, let me tell you something.

I do have a reason that I don't like it. Okay. and it'll be just as stupid as what I said It don't Come on, let's I'm not going to tell you now Let's start

Let's stop breaking My mom used to do that Let's stop breaking I mean beefing Okay I have break with you Because you're mocking me My mom used to

If we were like Interrupting her and like joking around When she started to tell us something She would say Well I'm not going to tell you now Yeah I know I feel like

Like that, the temptation to do that with your kids is ever present. I kind of, you know what? I miss it. I miss it. I used to, now when I think about her doing it, it's very funny. You feel nostalgic? Yeah, I do. I do.

It's very funny to me. The one thing I'll do is like, often my daughter will say, help me with this thing and hand me something. And then I'll start. And then she'll go, no, no, no. And take it away from me. And then she'll need help again and go, here, help again. And I say, if you keep taking it away from me, I'm going to stop helping you.

Like, if you're going to give it to me to help you, let me help you. Yeah. And stop grabbing you out of my hand. What do you think help is, idiot? That's what I would say to my daughter. Yeah, exactly. I'm kind of glad you don't have kids. I've been mean to tell you that.

Me? Yeah. You're glad I don't have kids. Oh, yeah, I've been meaning to say that. I've just, it's something I've been thinking about. You've been thinking about this a lot. I wanted to tell you that. Yeah.

You want to tell me that. I'm so glad you don't have kids. Yeah. I know you don't want them. I'm just, I look, if you had wanted them, I would be glad. I'm going to have them out of spite now. Okay. I'm going to go adopt a bunch of kids.

Okay. Actually, that sounds, I think they'd rather have a home than, even with a dad like you. They think that now. Wait, what the fuck? Oh, here's why I don't like the alarms. I don't like the way that it looks. I don't like the way that it looks. I like the way she moves.

I like the way that she moves. I like read, I like edited. the same one over and over again. That's interesting. I'm an interesting guy. Isn't that more work than just like setting up an accumulation of alarms

over the years? Am I worried I'm going to run out of juice? Well, every human has a finite about of energy. Oh, that is true. That is true that we are born with a finite amount of energy. And I am wasting my precious energy.

Doing this shit. Could you imagine believing that and then saying like, I think my job should be present of the United States. I shouldn't exercise. But I should do be the hardest job in the world, although as proven, it's not so hard. All right, that's going to just about do it for us for this episode, but we have one last

piece of unfinished business. And that is, of course, the snowman game, as heard on our previous episode, neither of us won the snowman game. No. Now, are we, we're not wagering on it? $10,000 bet $10,000 bet to go to Old Lyme, Connecticut

to improve the community And when we say that we're going to toss $10,000 worth of $1 bills onto the community from a helicopter. Exactly.

You know what? Let's make it a hot air balloon. Oh, okay. Because a helicopter will blow the money around too much. That's a good point. Although it would spread it over more of the community,

but it might get into other communities. We don't want that. We don't want that. Hot air balloon. It's just for you, Old Lyme. Okay, so here. All right. So Man Game. The rules and regulations are on the previous episode. And here I go, getting ready to push the fat little hand. Three, two, one. I love that song. He is looking right at the mic. Now he's spinning again, looking directly away from me.

And looking almost at me, at my seven. And here he goes. No, just off my right shoulder. So close. Like as if someone's coming in the door. Oh, my God. And then you would be like, he's right behind me, isn't he? It's right behind me, isn't he?

It's a Scott Ockerman impersonator. No, he's the real one, and I'm the impersonator. Is that true? Yeah. This whole time? The whole time? The whole time? That's right.

Okay, well, he looked at neither of us. We have one more episode to go. Hopefully he looks at one of us, and that means good luck for the rest of the year. Now, the next, so for the final game. The next episode? Do we just keep going until he looks at someone? What?

The next episode, smoke weed every day. Smoke weed every day. All right. Yeah, maybe the next episode we should just go until he looks at one of us. Okay, that's good. Yeah, yeah. Because we got to end on a good now. without it. Yeah, you're right, you're right. We've got to end on a good note. Okay. Well, speaking of any of a good note, let's end this on a great note, which is us saying goodbye to you. When we come back on Thursday, we're going to do the top three episodes of the year. This is exciting. Wow, I can't believe we're going to do it. We'll see you on Thursday. Speaking for Paul F. Tompkins. I'm right here. Go fuck yourselves.