Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Best of 2025 Pt. 4

Episode Date: January 1, 2026

Merry Best Of’s to all from Comedy Bang! Bang! Join Scott and Paul F. Tompkins as they count down numbers 3 through 1 of the best CBB episodes of 2025 as voted on by you, the listeners! Find out how your best-loved characters ranked and maybe discover some new favorites! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comedy bang, bang, bawdy, bang, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang, comedy, bang. Ah, thank you, Reggie Watts. And welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Best of 2025 part four. Four. Four.

Four, four, four. Oh, I thought I was on a golf course. Oh, because of all the four. Because of the four. Because somebody yelling four all the time. Someone yelling four all the time. What if you were, would golfing be enjoyable if someone was yelling four all the time? Four, four, four, four.

Honestly, for me? It wouldn't be less enjoyable. Because you hate it. I hate it. Why do you hate golf? It's just gross to me. What's gross about it? The fact that there's all this land that has to be watered and maintained.

Yeah. I think it's that. All the golf courses in Palm Springs, aren't they a beautiful place in the desert? Yeah, that's what, definitely you need golf courses in the desert. But it's also, it seems so, there's something about it that seems so idle. Yeah, like, well, but it takes such a long time. We have dominion over the earth and the earth is man's playground. That's true.

And the beasts of the field. I know. And thank you, Father God. Thank you. Father God. Boy, starting episode four off on a religious, before we've even introduced ourselves. I know. I have, look, I have no break with God.

Um, welcome to what some are saying is. the best part four of any best of series I've heard that from so many people yeah people are like hey remember those best multi-part best ofs that we like you know how like normally if you're seeing the top 100 albums of the year on a website it'll just be one page

yeah these guys break something into four things these guys beef something into four things God damn. Oh, hey, what are we doing? We're slowly going insane. Not slowly either. It's happening pretty rapidly. We've been blazing through.

We have been here for hours upon hours doing this. Yes, we have. But who are we? What is this? My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. And you are not Scott Ackerman, the host of Comedy Bang, bang, actually. You are a different person than me.

This is how I find out. We're not in a pluribus situation. Pluribus. I'm so sorry to say. Bluribus. I would love to be in pluribus with you. If we were both, wait, if we were, if we were a hive mind? Yeah, well, either I would love to be in a hive mind with you.

Then we would each know. We would each know each other. Everything about each other. Yeah, like how we, you know, had sex. How we had it. Like, easily? Or does we have to work for it? Me, I had to put in a little elbow grease.

I had a jauntling. But I would also love to be in the show with you playing two. I'd love to be in the show. By the way, and Vince Gillian, I can't say I know him. He was on the Comedy Bang Bang Television show. Yes. He played the commissioner in our Batman episode. That's right.

That's right. And great guy. I don't know whether he's offer only in terms of his acting. I don't know how much acting he's done, but we just offered him the part, and he came down and did it, and it was very funny. But I think, you know, how they talk about in Plurbas, these are spoilers for Pluribus. There are 12 of them or what have you. Have you seen it? Episodes?

No, 12 people in the world who have not been Puribus. Yes, 12 people in the world who have not been Pluribus. They should add a couple. Like every year they go, oh, we just found a couple, and it should be you and me. Yeah. Two best friends. Why don't, what if it's us playing ourselves? Yeah, just two best friends from Los Angeles.

Yeah, we just happen to know each other. And we have conversations like this on the show. Yeah, yeah. Listen, Vince Gilligan, you've worked with two people for Mr. Show. No, three. Because you have Bob, Bob, John Ennis. John Ennis, of course. And somebody was in January 6th.

Disgraced. If you would like to work with two non-insurrectionists from Mr. Show, we are available. Future interactionists, we have no idea. We don't know what the future. Too soon to sell. Yeah. Too soon to say. But here's the thing.

addition. We'll audition. Paul will audition. Um, I'm offer only, but, uh, but, uh, here's the other thing. Our characters can be minor characters. We could be the, the lone gunman or whatever, but. Oh, the lone gunman of Pluribus. But here's what we'll do. We'll have a side podcast, the pluribus podcast. You're always, when you watch Pluribus, they're always talking like, oh, go subscribe to the Pluribus podcast. And I sit there going like, as a professional podcaster, I go like, hey, You know, I don't come down to where you work and slap the dick out of your mouth. You know what I'm saying? Or put it in.

Or put it in or do anything to it, okay? Like, why are you coming over to my side of the street here, Vince Gilligan, with podcasting? If they said, if they were to say, go create the official pluribus podcast, I'd be like, now you're talking. Now you're talking to me. That's language I understand. Yes, exactly. As a professional podcaster, I get that. But I sit there and I say, how good could this fucking thing actually be?

I'm not going to listen to it because I'm not doing it. Like, I should be doing that podcast. You and I should be doing that podcast. Also, you're going to do a podcast about a TV show while the TV show is still in the air? What are you insane? Come on, guys. You wait. You wait 10 years.

You're going to do podcasts about shows that haven't been on yet. Oh, my God. Scott, what a burn. You fucking roasted them to film. I fucking got them. I read them to filth. The library was open. They are gagging for it right now.

Anyway, those are our thoughts on pluribus. That would be. But to do it. a podcast, a companion podcast for a TV show that hasn't even been on yet. Yeah. That's ground beefing. That's ground beefing stuff. Um, okay, what is this?

This is Comedy Bang Bang. The Best Stuff's Part 4. If you need to hear our previous episodes, they came out last week and then Monday of this week, parts one, two, and three. I mean, if you need to hear them. If you need to, but look, if you just cut to number four, I understand it because these are the top three episodes of the year that we're going to be listening to. clips of. Now, the listeners, you all vote on these, uh, and you all do, you all do,

by the way. And we'll talk about how many votes we got. Talk about a plur of us. Yeah, really. Talk about your hive mind. You all vote for the same fucking episodes. Yeah. In the same number of votes for each one. Yeah. So it was hard to figure out which one was predetermined. Yeah, exactly. But, um, uh, we're listening to the top three episodes as chosen by you, the listeners. And this is always a special time. because, you know, the first episode always gets the most listens, and those are the worst ones. Yeah, they stunk.

Yeah, those, I'm listening back to them now. They're terrible episodes. I hate them. Yeah, 14 through 11, P plus U. equals Pue. Mm-hmm. But these, one, two, and three, these are the, now we're talking. These are good episodes.

Now we're fucking talking. If you only listen to three episodes a year of comedy bang, bang, try to listen to the ones that are one, two, and three on the countdown. When I am listening to 14 through 10, I'm like, this sucks. This totally sucks. When I'm listening to even six, five, and four, I'm like, I wish it was better. I wish these were the top ones. Then when I hear 321, I feel like I'm one of the millionaires on Squid Game.

I'm wearing a crazy mask. I'm going, now this is what podcast should be. Can Squid Game get? Get people who can do actual American accents? They came closer in the second season. They came closer, but they're awful. They're awful. And one guy was upset because it's like, I used my voice.

Why did they dub me over? Oh, they dubbed it? Yeah. Oh, Jesus. He's like, what was wrong with what I did? Maybe you sounded too normal? Maybe so, because they are grotesque freaks. Yeah, that's a good point.

If you're enjoying the squid game, you're a monster. We don't mean viewers of the television program. No, we mean in the world of Squid Game. If you like Squid Game, look, to be honest, if Squid Game was happening, I'd watch for a little bit. Oh, yeah, I would too. If I was a crazy millionaire whose money could buy me anything and I'd run out of things to buy, I'd probably watch Squid Game. Look, man, I'd watch it now. I'd probably watch it if I had no money.

If it was just throwing the card down and slapping people, I'd watch that. Yeah, I'd watch that. I'd pay someone to watch it, actually. Oh, that'd be fun. Yeah. Watch this and then act it out for me later. Yeah. I'd give all my money to anyone who wanted to do that. I would bankrupt myself.

All right. So this is Paul F. Tompkins. He is the guestist with the mustest. Yeah. That's hard to describe myself. He's had the most appearances on Comedy Bang Bang. He is the comedian with the most appearances on Comedy Bang, ever. Of all time. What is Comedy Bang Bang? It is a podcast in which I am the host. And occasionally we'll have a celebrity guest on the show Playing themselves

And then we also have improvisers and comedians on Who are playing fake people as guests We don't know what we're going to talk about These are all improvised conversations All I know Before we sit down to have the conversation Is what their character name is And what their job is

That's all I really know Some of them don't even have jobs They don't even have jobs They just say, introduce me as as a, you know, person. Weirdo McGirdo. Yeah. And he's weird.

Not too far off from what we're actually going to hear. Uh-oh. But, um, so that's the format of the show. And we're going to hear the top three episodes. And these are special episodes. They're very special. We have very special episodes. I mentioned celebrity guests.

We're going to have one of these episodes has a celebrity guest on it. Um, I mentioned Paul of Tompkins. Paul of Tompkins. will be on at least one of these episodes. And comedy. Comedy's going to be in these episodes. You're a man of your word. And sounds.

Here's what I like about you. You don't lie. I've never lied. Like everyone else. Yeah. You know, I grew up in a world of liars and a household of liars and I was like, I don't want to be like this. So I made a pact with myself before I could even speak that I was never going to lie.

And I've kept that promise to everyone around me. I have been lied to so much that it's hard to tell what the truth is sometimes. Yeah. Like you think you're married, which is so funny to be. I'm not, right? No, you're not. Yeah, I had a feeling. Yeah.

You've been Truman showed just in your marriage. Oh, no, not Truman showed. Why didn't he fucking, he should have been on to that so much sooner. I know. When they're doing the commercials? He's, it's hard to root for a character who's so fucking dumb. He deserved it. He deserved to be Truman showed.

Yeah. I mean, did they know at birth? Like, oh, this guy's an idiot. Let's do the show around him. Do you, was someone else Truman showed after him? Like, did they, they must have had contingency plans. Yeah. Right?

I honestly don't remember. I don't remember what happens at the end of that movie. I think he just steps out into the Truman show. He discovers Ed Harris. He's like, whoa, Ed Harris. This is his little beret. Yeah. You're wearing a beret.

You're like Ross from France? Hey, we were on a. Break. Juice. Choose. And then I think he, then he leaves. And everyone's saying, like, don't leave because, like, this is... What's his incentive not to leave?

I mean, he goes out into the world where he's just a freak. Like, oh, you were the guy in the TV show. Yeah, you're the most famous guy in the world. It's like he's George Clinton or Jim Carrey. We've watched you live your life. Yeah. In ignorance. It's almost the reverse of, like, the Barbara Streisand thing.

The Streisand effect? No, not the Streisand. effect, but you know how, uh, and I learned about this at Versailles, because, uh, I beg your pardon? At Versailles. The palace of? Yes. Okay.

At the palace of Versailles, uh, they was, was one of the first examples of this, but Barbara Streisand supposedly has a mall in her, uh, underneath her mansion. Yes, yes, yes, yes. That she pays people to, uh, pays people to be the shop people and, and people shopping who are paid to not notice her. to just go about their business so she can pretend she's out shopping without a normal experience like everybody else. And this was very similar to the Queen of Versailles, I believe, who had a, had a village built on Versailles. I never heard this.

Yes. And so she would stock it with normal normies. Normies from France, France Normies, and do something very similar. But the Truman Show is almost the opposite of this where he is going to go out and. suddenly realize he's famous and everyone's staring at him all the time and he'll wish he was back in the Truman show. Yes. Al-A. Barbara Streisand. Yeah. I believe it was Johnny Mitchell who said, you don't know what you got till it's gone.

And I think that applies. Yeah, she talked about paving the parking lot, which I think, um. She talked about raising heaven. Yeah. About attacking and dethroning God. She did. And then making it a parking lot. Yep. I would like to make heaven a parking lot. Yeah. Because honestly, like, there's not enough parking down here. Boy, that's so true. If God really cared about us, he would pave heaven and put up a parking lot and we would all be able to have free parking forever. At the end of the Poseidon Adventure, Gene Hackman, who plays a disillusioned man of the cloth, he is doing that, he makes the sacrifice to rescue everyone.

And while he's doing it. Spoilers, by the way, for Poseidon Adventure. Are you going to run right out and see that fucking movie from 1972? Which Scott has not seen, but go ahead. seen that? Nope. We'll watch it. Sounds exciting. I mean, Poseidon, having an adventure. Guess what? He never appeared. Fuck. But Gene Hackman is yelling at God as he's doing this. That's why he took the role. Oh, I get to yell at God? Yeah. Also money. And that's what I think we should do is yell at God to make there be more parking. There should. Would it have been so hard for God to make Earth like

slightly bigger so there'd be more parking? Why didn't God just make things easier? Why didn't you have to be a fucking hassle? I know. Everything's so hard. But this is God as love, right? I'm supposed to believe that? I don't make things difficult for my loved ones.

Yeah, I try to make everything easy for it. Like, I open all doors. Emmy has never touched the ground. And she never will as far as you have breath in your body. Everywhere on my back. And you always will. I always will. Can you imagine being 80 years old

and you're carrying around your fucking, what, she'll be 10? Fuck you. All right, we gotta get to our top three here. We gotta do it. We gotta do it. Enough freaking balls. You busting my freaking balls here.

It's like we're at the table at the cellar. Busted balls. Is this thing on in theaters now? Let's get to it. Listeners, this is your choice for episode number three. Number three. All right. Coming in at number three, we have...

Give me the lowdown. We have episode 912. This is square in the early earlys. This is very much in the early earlys. Not the earliest earlies. No. But this is very early earlys. This was released on April 21st.

Okay. Now? No. Now, no. Now no? Now no? Now, no? Now, no? No, no. This is an episode called, and I believe I'll answer your question. It's called, Who Done It? Okay. Not what you were thinking of. No, it does answer my question, though. It does answer your question. The participants involved are we have Jacob Wysaki. Number one. Playing Bugs Bunny. We have Lily Sullivan playing Peloton Instructor Crendel, who we first met out on tour. I forget what's, I can picture the theater, but I don't know what state it was. Same. But very, very fun episode.

This is her second appearance as that character. And then our celebrity guest that we have first time on the show, and he's coming in at number three. We have the delightful Wayne Brady. Riyadh Comedy Festival alumnus. Yeah. Yeah. This was before that. This is before.

This is the same amount of money, though. Yes, I did pay him $10 million to be on the show. Yes, this is Wade Brady's first appearance on the podcast. He was promoting his own podcast, which we'll talk about a little bit on this clip. And then we'll hear from Lily playing Crendel, which is very fun. And then we'll hear from Jacob playing Bugs Bunny. We've said it all. So let's hear it.

This is your choice for episode. Number three. Number three. We have Wayne Brady. The podcast is What If? With Jonathan Mangum. Yeah. I'm pronouncing that correctly.

Mangum. Mangum. Because it looks like Magnum, which of course is both a gun and a condom. Right. And he is neither one of those. He's not a condom. We should make that very clear for our listeners. And it's so weird.

How many times I have to clarify that he is a man? Yep. He's a human. He's a human. Who, by the way, has never used condoms, which, uh, Never. So many children. Yep. So many children.

So many diseases. Yep. He has a child for every disease. He brags about that. And he names them according to the disease. The disease that he got. Because he thinks it's cute. Yeah.

So his daughter, Chlamydia, by the way, is gorgeous. Yeah, a little Gus gonorrhea. Because he tries to make it sound cutesy to take away the stigma. Sure. Yeah. But he's a really good guy when he isn't. Great guy. Passing on.

Love sex. He loves sex so much. Which is kind of our bond Yeah Yeah You bought it because you love sex He loves sex Not necessarily with each other

But you know Not necessarily With over 30 years of friendship You're bound to It's got to happen once Yeah exactly It's got to happen once I can't tell you

When it did But it did Was it yesterday Oh you got me Definitely happened yesterday Well we have a wonderful guest coming up here We first met her

I believe when we were on tour I forget exactly what exact city did we see each other in? I don't really remember but it's wonderful to have her back. Please, she's a Peloton Instructor. Please welcome Crendel. All right, let's get

on those bikes. Go on, get on those bikes right now, boys. I don't know. Get those asses up in the air, get those heads down. Okay. We brought a bike. All right, get on there. Let's go. Come on. We want that cadence up to 85. All right.

85 cadence. We've got that resistance, go ahead and turn that up to 135. Yeah, we're going to hard. That's too much. Is it puff? I think 60 is about the highest that I've ever been. Why are you guys here today?

I want you to think about that right now. I want you to think about that long and hard. What is your motivation today? Because I am going to get you absolutely crumped and cramped. I'm going to get you absolutely crumpled and crammed up. Oh, okay.

We're going to have you busting and bursting. Oh, okay. That's right. I'm going to tell you what my motivation is. I'm going to tell you I have had some stomach issues all year long. I have been having diarrhea multiple times a day. We're talking 15, 16 times a day. How are you walking?

Went to the gastroenterologist. Guess what he said. Oh, it's he. What, uh, you have, uh... He quit his practice after he got my shit delinealsals. delivered to him to do a test on my shit. If you were there in the office, why did it need to be delivered? Did you like pre-sends?

I had to go home. I had to do the shit test at home. He said if I didn't bring it in, I'd have to put it in my fridge. And I thought absolutely not. I'm bringing that in today. Brought it in. He quit practicing medicine after he looked at my shit. I'm trying not to take it personally.

Let's cool it off. Let's cool it off. Okay. Ooh. All right. You can turn that music off. How my boys doing? How are you guys doing?

I'm a little winded, to be honest. I don't think I've ever been winded doing this show. Oh, God. You guys looked so good out there on those bikes. Ass is up. Thank you. Okay. Let's, yeah. God, Wayne, you are a good time.

Thank you. You and I, I can see it working out, but I should let you know. I am in a very serious relationship with my son, Braxton. Oh, okay. We are absolutely head over heels. for each other. So it is very hard for me to think about having another man at home. Is that okay, well, I'll get in where I fit in. And that's just not a t-shirt. It's a way of life. That's right. This is our new slogan. I'll get it in where I fit in.

He's only 24 months old, but you know what he said to me the other day? What? He said, Mom, you miss 100 of the shots you don't take. That is an inspirational kid. That's very advanced for a two-year-old. He is 24 months and 23 days. Oh, that's right. And you know what he said to me the other day when I got out of bed? What? He said, Mom, where? have you been? Because the sun doesn't rise unless you rise with it. I'm going to let you know something super intimate right now. What's that? Crandall. All of my students in that Peloton room are my boys, my sons. I am your boy mom right now. Do you feel that? Yes. Do you feel that? I do.

That is me mothering you. Thank you. I am mother. Say it. You are mother. You are mother. You are mother. That is damn right. Go ahead and pack one of those proteins into your ass. How are your asses? They're up. I mean, they're up. It's about as up as high as I can tell. And I've never had quite as much protein in my ass as I've had like right now. You should be getting 598 grams of protein every meal. Do you know how many meals you should be having? How many? 35 meals. Do you know what time I wake up in the morning? I have no idea. 2 a.m. Do you know how long my day is?

How long? 30 seconds. I go right back to bed. What time do you get up in the morning, Wayne? I get up around six. That is not early enough. I know. You should be getting up.

Sorry, mother. That's right. Say it again. Sorry, mother. That's right. That's right. Say, I am mothering. I am mothering.

Say mama. Mama. Mama. Mama. Say wham, wah, mama. Way, wah. That's right. Wham-wham.

Say, baby need a change. Baby need a change. Baby need a change. Baby needed. Baby made a stinky. Baby made a stinky. I tuned it. That's what I like to hear, Scott. You are my son. Some people pay a lot of money for this, and we get to do it right now for free. Yeah. Wow. I want to let you know how many sons I have out there. How many? 1.5 million sons. What? Tuning in every single day. Only one girl. You know who that is?

Who? My daughter. Oh, you haven't. You've never mentioned her. You've never talked about her. Her name is Paisley Ann. She's fine. But my son, let's go ahead and hit it. Okay. My son motivates me every single day. How old is Paisley Ann? Paisley Ann, I don't, she's a, I mean, she's five.

She's fine. Okay. You don't seem to care as much about her. She's okay. She's like, you know, she's smart and she's nice. Okay. There's a definite lack of enthusiasm. I love her.

No, she's my daughter, and I love her, I guess. But, yeah. Yeah, I got it. She is not like my son, Braxton. Okay. Go ahead. Do you guys want to have sun someday? I want to hear it from you.

Wayne, do you have a son? Yes, I have a son. What is your son's biggest motivation? Mommy's boobies. That's right. Scott, do you want to have a son someday? No. What are you talking?

I'm good. Stop the music. What did you just say? I have the only child I'm going to have. And that's a daughter. I, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, mommy. Scott.

Yes. The world is made up of boys. I realize. Who become men. Who become boys again. It's about 48% of the population, I think. It's true. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. So, what are you going to do? I guess I'm going to... Get your sperm checked. That's already happened in order to get the first one. Get it checked again. I'm going to do sperm on your.

you guys. I'm going to get a sperm check going on you. Right. Go ahead and hit the music. I'm going to get my cast of Peloton instructors in here. Go ahead and get their sperm out of them right now. We are going to do a sperm check up both of you. Is there a private room that we can go to? No, there is no room. Just put in the cup. Yeah, that's right. Go ahead and get that sperm. This is my sperm checker, Dawson. Dawson, how we doing? Hi, Mommy. Yeah, Mommy. Yes, my, Dawson. I feel weird masturbating in front of all of you.

No, go ahead. This is what we do, you're a Peloton. I don't need to masturbate here. I carry this around. Well, thank you so much for that. That was in your wallet. What's a huge jar, this big jar that came out of your wallet. Thank you so much.

Dawson, go ahead and get this in the lap. It's the biggest son I've ever seen. I'll get it right away. I love. This is my son, Dawson. Have you met him, Scott? He's going to go to town on him. Go to town on him.

Oh, so you're going to extract it. That's okay. Sure. Oh, God. I'm going to do it even if he say no. Oh, okay. You see how effective he is? I'm Dawson. You don't need the tweezers, Dawson.

Oh, yeah, I do. I can't find it. I'm going to... Is it cool that I'm videoing this whole thing? That's great. Go ahead and put that online. Tag us at Peloton. We are going to be putting that on the TikTok Army Dawson.

I'm Dawson. Hi, Dawson. Dawson runs our social media. But he also extracts our sperm and also does the test. Don't you, Dawson? You want me to test? you? Hey, Twitch, it's your boy, Wayne. I'm on Twitch. Oh, God. I'm streaming this live. Can you believe this shit? Look at this. I don't think I can perform under these conditions.

Dawson, how much sperm do we have out of our friend Scott here? Scott's getting dusty. I might be dry. I don't know. No, we need to get you. You need to pump him full of something else, don't you? I'm going double time. Dawson, double time. He's going d'clock. Cadens is at 150. That's right. Cadence is at 150. You weren't turn that up. Go ahead, Dawson, turn that up to 492. Oh, no. Look at this.

Look at, look at, we've got it. Resistance at zero. Wow, looks like we got one sperm. Okay, is that enough, Mommy? That'll do, right, Dawson? We can work some magic on this family. All it takes is one from what I heard. Dawson thinks one's enough.

Thanks, Dawson. Thank you, Dawson. All right, goodbye. Bye, Dawson. Can I text you, Dawson? I'm gone. Wow, how did you feel? You must feel so good and relieved.

I mean, I definitely feel like I could use a cigarette. Do you have anything on you? That was quite an experience to watch. Yes. I feel like I witnessed something that I've never seen before. Yes. This is what we do at Peloton. Had both of you continued your training.

But you guys stopped midway through the pandemic and you never came back. Well, I'm coming back now. Yeah, definitely. I'm definitely on board. All it takes is one class to get you back on board. What happened here today? I am on board. This is America's favorite rabbit.

Please welcome Bugs Bunny. Yeah, what's up, Skat? How are we doing today? Doing great. Wow. He him. Unless I'm dressed as your lady, then she has. Okay.

It's such a pleasure to meet you. A real treat to be here, Schatz. Welcome to the one-timers club. And let's hope that I stay. See there. Yep. It's such a pleasure to meet you. We all, of course, know you from the Looney Tunes universe.

Yeah, a bit of an entertainer. Space Jam. Space Jam, yeah, that's right. Sure. Space Jam, too. I'm a bit, you know, I'm making people laugh. I'm being mischievous. I'm being a bit naughty.

Mm-hmm, yeah. Were you always like that, or is that a character? Ever since I can remember, I've been doing little jokes and jumping out of holes. It did develop over time. I had to find my voice. Uh-huh. Yeah, I mean, what were you like as a baby, a child? I was burrowing with all my other sheplings.

Sure. How many siblings do you have? Shevindeen. Did you say 17 or 79? Sheveneen? Sheveneen. Sheveneen? I think it's open for interpretation.

17, scat. It's 17. Can I get deep four seconds, Scott? Yeah, please. Because something that I've always, the reason that rabbits, I have a problem with rabbits, and I'm really trying to get over that right now because I don't want to be disrespectful to you, Bugs, is I read Watership Down.

Yeah, all right. And rabbits are violent. And so I just want to know. It's a cold, cold world out here, Wayne? It's a cold. Have you ever participated in the killing of other rabbits like the rabbits in Watership Down? Well, I'm not familiar with the text material, Watership Down.

It's about a whole bunch of rabbits that fucked each other up. Yeah, would you like to read the clip notes? I have it right here. Yeah, if you could give it. to me a quick and done ding ding ding you are so fast reader you're a speed reader yeah you know if you just look at the words in the middle

you figure out which on the out shine oh context yes it's all about context I've killed a couple rabbits in my younger days it's what you got to do to survive in the hutch boys will be boys as I like to say yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes that's that's why you don't like rabbits is that right wayne you because you read

watershed yeah the book freaked me out couldn't help but notice you were unable to answer to question who's your favorite rabbit Well, I mean, I don't have a favorite rabbit right now, but I'm leaning towards you. You used to be- You're just saying that. No, it's not true. You're just in the womb right now. I used to love rabbits.

I loved all of your early work. Yes. Until I took a course in African-American studies, and I realized how racist a lot of the early Looney Tunes cartoons were. I got nothing to do with that. And you participated in it. I got nothing to do with that. So you had a tacit sort of.

I was just working into you, I was doing what I was told. Every single time that a cigar would explode and you saying, Mammy, I was offended. Sorry about that. I'd like to formally apologize. It feels like the only way through. Well, let's hug. Wow, look at my boys hugging. Thank you.

Look at them. He feels so good. That's real. Oh, my God. This feels... I'm going to tell you something right now. My favorite bunny is the Energizer Bunny. The way that he go, go, good.

You know what that means. What? That means war. Okay. If you like to energize a bunny, then you're not a friend of mine. Whoa. Wow. I like the Easter bunny.

Of course, Easter was yesterday. That means war. Sorry, sorry. If I'm not America's favorite rabbit, I'm out. I'm walking. Look at the glint in his eye. Yeah. What are you going to do to us?

You're not going to make us explode. I'll shoot you with a really big gun. I feel, by the way, you're changing your R's to W's like Elmer Fudd did. And bugs did not. No, I just didn't take my surre-tech today. That's all. Okay. But I need you help, Scott. What's going on? What's going on, bugs? I'm currently being taken advantage of by a very powerful, powerful man. Oh, and he's shreatening my friend, Scott. Oh, no. And I said to him, I said to him, you leave my friend alone. He said, that's not good enough for me. And I said, I want to challenge you to a sketch competition. A sketch competition. And so I found myself in this competition, Scott, and I need

some help from you. I need some of the best. All my friends are in danger. But if we win a sketch competition, he's going to let him go. Okay. I trafficked in sketch comedy occasionally. Scott, you can do this. Yeah, I can do this, right? And Wayne, you're one of the best at company. I didn't even know you was going to be here, Wayne. No, but this is great. And if we could help my new friend that I no longer feared, then I would love to. Sure. And I also write sketches for the Peloton Instagram. There's no bad ideas in a room, right? Who's the powerful guy? His name's Mr. Schmack mallet.

No. And he runs an amusement park. Okay. That's a silly name. It is. It's a sketch jam. It's a sketch jam. He wants to try and take all my friends, and if we lose, we got to work in his amusement park forever.

Well, you know, when we got to do the sketch show that we wrote. Like five times a day? Wayne did this. Five times a day. Yeah. Six days a week. You get meals? That's what happens at Peloton.

We're all stuck there. Oh, really? So, oh, okay. You can't leave, huh? You're like indentured servants? Yeah, exactly. We work for Mr. Pelotan. Here's the thing, though.

All right. We're up against some really, really tough competition, Scott. Okay. You see, the thing is, Mr. Schmack mallet, he possessed a bunch of the best comedy shoals and put him for his team. The shoals? Your shoals.

It's like muscle shoals? No, his shoals, like, what makes you tick? Oh, the thing that weighs seven and a... Oh, your soul. Yeah, your show. Right. Got it, got it. Not the Ching's on your feet.

Chings? My allergies. I can take your Zyrtec next time you're on the show You have to understand the people that were going against Some of the Best in Comedy Okay Which is why I had to go to some of the best in comedy Mr. Schmack Mallet

Yeah He's got Tom Lennon No He's got Tom How do you get Tom Lennon on his side Tom was on the first episode of this show He just shucked his Eshens He didn't even ask for consent

He just shook Tom's Eshens Oh he shucked He shucked Tom's Eschins Shucked Tom's show out his Etchins which hole shoot him out oh okay out the butt

who else does Mr. Smackmail the police don't destroy boys no all three of them how are we gonna beat some of the best guys

right now those are my boys those are my sons those boys they're so cute who else Kenan Thompson Kenan

Kenan not he so many boys Thompson and then they got the piece of resistance to tie it all together who's that David Crosh

David My old compadre and mr show david cross i'm sorry to tell you scott pun intended he's crossed you oh a pun also intended i hate to break the no schott but even your friend is your phone oh no how are we gonna go i mean i've wayne brady that's and i guess crendle we got access to all the looney tunes too okay so who's got daffy we got daffy we got duffy we got mr toots mr way we got we got Sweetie Bird. Hold on, back up.

Mr. Toots. What? He's part of Kushtopia. Yeah, that's the world that I'm trying to shape. You're trying to save Kushtopia? Absolutely. That's where all the Looney Tunes live. We live at the core of Cushtopia.

Sorry, Wayne. Do you know what Cushtopia is? No. Crazy. Cushopia is a alternate universe that's made entirely of weed. Mostly. Mostly everything's made a ganja. There's a train, I believe.

Yes, there's a train. It goes around. Some of it's metal. Some of it's made of nudge. It's an alternate universe. You have to understand, 65 million years ago, a comet hit Earth. It split Earth into two Ursh. Earth and Earth 2.

Earth 2, Chtopia. I didn't know that it was Cushtopia, but I remember as a kid reading my favorite comic book, which was about this kid, an alien, crashed to Earth. He was discovered in a field, and it turned out to be Snoop Dog. So he's from Cushtopia. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Did Snoop come over here from Cushopia? I'm sure Snoke took a portal.

A guy with that. smoke that much weight. He's probably got Cushtopian blood. He has power. Yeah. Okay. Cushtopian. You'll have to forgive me, Bugs, but I'm not a huge fan of Cushtopian. Why? What do you mean? I just, there's been several guests on this show over the years. A bunch of nice guys, I'm sure. I don't know. Who's the motor, the motorcycle? Marty Motorcycle. Marty motorcycle. The guy who always forgets his motherfucking guns? Exactly. Yeah. I'm looking up on Reddit and one of the comments that comes up. Oh, no. Scott's exasperation about Cush.

Well, here's the problem. I have guests on this show. Right. And ostensibly, they're talking about something else, and then they slip in references to Cushtopia, something that I have no personal affinity for. Well, there's people that live there. There's real hot.

Don't you want to shave the Looney Tunes? We don't know people in Custopia. Scott Does, though. I know motorcycle. Motorcycle who? Motorcycle Marty. Mr. Toots. Who else?

The executioner, the supercomputer. We could retcon that the Green Ranger. I did the, I mean, a person did the first episode could be from Cushtopia. Okay. It's a rich world that needs shaving. Do you guys want to save Cushtopia? Yes.

Do we need to go to Custopia? Not at all. We just got to write some sketches, cash the sketches, and then we'll go to do the sketch show. And if we win, Cushtopia's shame. When is the sketch show that we're supposed to do? Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

We got a crunch. We need a writing session right now. That's right. We need to get rammed together. Let's do this. I got some idea. Okay. Let's use the title of Wayne's podcast.

What if? What if? And that's a good way to write sketches. Because you've got an idea. What if, if this is true, what if, what if? So what if the bride of Frankenstein? She's hot and Patty Lepone is playing her, right? Right.

So what if she goes to Cushtopia? And she has a really hot son. Okay. A really super hot son. Yeah. Who is, she's jealous of him. Scott, do you think we should maybe get Jack Alf and Akish? Do you think you could put a call out for Jack?

I don't like to bother him too much. Let's go ahead and call Zach right now. Get that phone out and let's dial that number. I guess I could. Maybe Jack's got a couple of pitches or he's got a character he could play or something like that. Go ahead. Let's pitch it to him. Let me try to call and see what happens here.

See if he picks up. Call failed. That's how quickly he presses no. That's how quickly he presses no. Scott, let's try another selection. Celebrity that you connected with. Look, I don't want to bother. Let's try Rob Hubel.

The other guy who's in the first episode of this show? Rob, yes. Why not Rob? Scott, let's give Rob a call. You want me to call Rob? Rob, he's got the human giant juice behind him. Let's call Rob, please. He's got to have an original school.

Call failed again. What that? You got to work out in your friendship, Scott. This is how much juice I have in Hollywood. Scott, what is going on? People I've known for decades will not pick up the phone for me. And I came here because I said, Scott's got to juice. We need to find you another friend, Scott.

Who else can we call? Tim Baltz, maybe? Yeah, let's give Tim Baltz from the righteous gemstones. He's not as big of a name, but maybe he will pick up for that reason. But he's got a lot of, he's got a lot of juice. He's got so much juice. So much industry juice. Let's see if Tim Baltz will pick up.

We need to give him a ring. And Scott, if we could get an original Lisa Gilroy character in his sketch show, I think it'd be really, really profitable. I'm sure, but, uh, all right. Absolutely. But I hate women. Hello. Hi, Tim. Yeah.

Yeah, this is Scott Ackerman from Comedy Bang Bang. Yeah, why are you bothering me? Why am I bothering you? We're friends, aren't we? Yeah, but you've never called me. Well, you're on the air right now. Is that okay? Oh, God.

I'm here with Bugs Bunny and Wayne Brady and Crendel, who's a Peloton instructor. How are you doing, Tim? I haven't seen you in a bit on that bike. Yeah, what's up, Tim? Yeah. We're doing a big sketch competition tomorrow. Ask him if he can take his wigs out of retirement. Yeah, can you take your wigs out of retirement for us?

Yeah, sure. I mean, I'll do whatever it takes. You know me. I'm a slut. I mean, I get paid and people laughing at me. This gig does not pay. This doesn't pay, yeah. You get paid in exposure.

Is that cool? Can we count on you? Yeah, 100%. I got a ton of wigs. I'll bring them. You're saving the world of Kushtopia. And by the way, we're only asking you to do it because Zach Aliphonakis wouldn't pick up. I should be so lucky. Hopefully most of your roles that will come around

is because Zach won't pick up. That would elevate me big time. All right, thanks. We can count on you. I appreciate it, buddy. Anything you want to say to the Comedy Bang Bang listeners? Yeah. Tweet it, Scott. Tell them to call me as a friend sometimes.

Nope. All right, talk to you later. Bye. Smoochish tan? Well, I think we could probably maybe brainstorm some more sketches, right? Okay. I got a couple. I got a couple. What do you got? Night Lodish. K-N-I-G-H-T. Like the dark night? Yeah, it's like white lotish. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Scott. It's not like that at all, Scott. That man's in the WP universe.

K-N-I-G-T. No, it's like the White-Lodish, but it's in a medieval time. Oh, night-lodish, and it takes place in a castle? Maybe, yes. This is what the, this is what the room's We're brainstormed. It takes place in the castle. Nice. And then a family arrives for a vacation. You're doing the work.

And they're beheaded. What if Merlin's involved and he shows his penis when his bathrobe opens up? Blackout. Don't even need to explain anything else. Oh, that's really funny, Scott. Yeah. Devils in the details. Merlin and Arthur, they kiss.

Yeah. Blackout. She's coming to get a real nice. This is good, right? You're writing this down, right? Oh. Wait, you get it. A huge typewriter

That's going to take forever This is good This is good Do you have any other sketch ideas? I got a ton What about a parody for the audio Slave song Like a Stone Called Like a Stove

Oh Like a Shope Okay, it doesn't rhyme Like a stone Necessarily Like a stove And I don't know What's the melody to that song

It's like In your house Shine long to be Let's see if I Bitch in the room This has subtitles It says crew speaks Okay

Here me Whoa All right Wayne What would you do On top of this It's about a stove Yeah

It's like a stove And like a stove So it's not actually a stove It's not actually a stove But it's akin to a stove It's actually good You don't know the melody Yeah

Yeah Rear Rear Shre So these undistinguishable lyrics, what would you change to make it like a stove? First, I'd make it English. Right. The place in which I would cook my food if I don't cook it the port all the way through trichinosis, it might be dubbed because it's like a stove.

A house is like a stove. A source of heat. Give mind causes it to explode. You've got to preheat your house. Yeah, Scott. Preheat it. Like a stove. Like a stove.

You've got to preheat your house and your bed. bedroom your stuff Doom do Digger digum This is And then I can do a guitar show though Because I can't play guitar

Oh You said lead with that You're just saying Whee whee whee You're just saying we're like a zither Oh hey good note Or Thurman So I'd work on that

Okay yeah yeah Yeah I'll get an actual guitar dish tank Number three Ah Yes Now that's what I call number three Now Jacob of course

You heard it there He's And I think you heard it On his last appearance I can't remember if that was in the clip or not, but always trying to fit Kushtopia into his bits. Cushetopia. And then, of course, you heard Tim Balt at the end. We call him on the phone.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. So that's going to boost his numbers at the end of the countdown. That happened a lot in the live shows when we were on tour. The previous year, we did a big 40-some-od date tour, and Lily did a lot of those dates. Lily, by the way, is married to Tim Bultz in real life. So back off of both of them. Yeah. They're mine.

We're married to them, too. But they're married, and Lily, Tim did a few of the dates, but he was filming Righteous Gemstones. He played Judy's husband on Righteous Gemstones. And so Lily did a lot of the dates, and she would call him from the stage a lot. And would she tell him who he was going to be? I can't remember. I mean, in a very, like, very succinct way. She would, like, text him, you're going to be pick up the phone as this person.

Sometimes, I think she did that a couple of times. Would she? Okay. Or sometimes she would just call and he would just kind of answer and go, hello, and then wait to hear who he was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, she would call Tim on stage a lot. And so, as you heard, I was having trouble getting anyone to answer my calls. but he picked up so that's that was very nice yeah yeah yeah um so that that again is going to juice his

numbers for appearing in episodes i hate when they juice yeah how often you talk on the phone every day uh no it's very rare for me it's rare now yeah i don't like it i don't like even talking on mics for podcasts i'm going to stop oh my god he was so surprised he coughed that made me cough made me cough. But that was a delightful episode. It gave me delight. It's so great to have, you know, Wayne Brady, obviously, a really great improviser.

It's so fun to have a celebrity guest just dive in the way that you... Yes, to be totally game and embrace it and also seem to enjoy it and have fun. Yes, and there was certain... And by the way, then he hung out for half an hour talking to all of us about... I'm not saying like, oh, wow, having a celebrity, he just, like, was interested in what we were all up to. And so, like, hung out for an hour, like asking his questions about our lives. It was very nice.

Wait, from a half hour to an hour? I think I said half hour both times. But if I didn't, I apologize, it was 45 minutes. Now you just said two hours. What's going on? But, uh, but, uh, but listening back to that clip, I'm just reminded of, like, occasionally as a host, you're worried about the celebrity guest of like, is this going to get too weird? Or they are, are the improvisers going to try to involve them in a way that's going to make them

uncomfortable you dealt with that a little bit on or I dealt with that rather on the television show a little bit where sometimes there'd be a celebrity who an improviser comes on and tries to involve them and they they don't like it and they back up and they go like I know you're talking about me yeah it was you um and sorry Zoe Sal Donna no she was very gay she had a lot of fun um but um but uh it's so great hearing like occasionally I'll as a host i'll be like oh no we can't do that trying to protect a celebrity guest right so that they don't have to do what embarrassing thing is and then wayne would be like nope yeah i want to do it and just dive into it it is very fun yeah good clip good clip to you and also with you

what's the fucking sports clips that's the name of the the barbershop oh oh i don't know this this is a barbershop name sports clips i think it's a barber shop and the hook is they have uh sports TV on. What a hook. Sports clips. Wow. Yeah. Now, do you think they came up with the title first, or they were like, look, I just want a barbershop where you can come in and watch sports. I think it was a lot of men were afraid getting their haircoat was gay, and they said, I need to be reminded of man things. Now, the Playboys in here aren't enough.

First of all, can we talk about how insane it was that when you go into a barbershop in the 70s? Yeah. There would be Playboy magazines there. And into the 80s. Like, when I was a kid, I remember our local barbershop, the guy had playboys. Yeah. And the one that my parents took me to had playboys. And they were just sitting there. And you would think that, you know, my parents being religious types. Of course, you didn't know yet that it was all hypocrite behavior.

But anyway. Fairy tale. But you would think that they would be like, oh, no, we can't. But it was the only game in town. Yeah. You know? I mean, the barbershop has a stranglehold on the community. And Playboy magazine

They could do whatever they want That's right But I remember like wanting to Of course I'm not wanting to open it Because that was So impossible for me to think about Right

But just like looking like out of the corner Looking at the corner It's right there It's right there Maybe somebody else will pick it up And open it The gateway into orgiastic pleasure It was right there

Ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh I'm so cool being Hellraiser I wish that I could start Gooning here in the In the barber shop I'm gooning in a barbershop I'm gooning in a barren I'm sorry, I can't stay for my hair,

but I'm gooting. But I guess that the barbershop was a place where, like, you get away from, like, okay, you can't have playboy. Your bitch wife. You can't have Playboys at home. Come to this place where you can finally be away from her. But I needed those guys singing all the time. Oh, yeah, in the quartets that they always had.

I know. Every time you go to a barbershop, first of all, if it was your birthday. Forget about it. And then if your name was Lighter Rose, oh, my God, that would be... If you were a lady and it was nighttime? Good night, lady. I would just walk around, close the door.

I would just turn right around on my heel. Enough. Well, that's a great clip. We need to take a break. When we come back, we're going to crack the top two. Oh, my God, a two cracker. This is a two cracker. We're going to come right back with more Best of Comedy Bank.

Bang Bang 2025, Part 4, after this. Yeah. Comedy Bang Bang, Bang. Best of 2025, part four. These are the best clips. These are the top clips. These are the clips everyone wants to hear. The best, the top.

Everyone wants to hear them. These clips are the Ney Plus Ultra. These clips are the Zenith. Mm-hmm. This is the Acme. The tippity top. Of the flippity pop. Yeah.

of comedy bang bang and if you don't like it why don't you go lie down in your grave that's right because guess what grandpa it's time for you to shuffle off this mortal coil yeah hey man why don't you drop dead occasionally i hear someone go like oh i think i'm i'm aging out of listening to comedy bang bang well good luck dying because that's what that is who's saying this 90 year olds yeah this show is fun for everybody from ages 2 to 200 that's right So maybe you 201-year-olds out there don't like it anymore. Yeah, fuck off, 201-year-olds. If I met somebody who was 201, I'd be so disgusted. I'd be barfing. There's no way they don't look like shit. I mean, I've seen 100-year-olds. They already look like shit as it is.

You ever see a 100-year-old? Think about doubling that. They're actually look pretty good. They look pretty good. Like a George Clooney. Oh, it's in 90. Another disgusting age. Like a George Clooney.

Another. Another disgusting age. When do people get absolutely discussed? I know it varies by human. But at what age is everyone across the board discussing? I'm going to say 201. Yeah. There's no way you make it to 2001.

Without just being. And you look like a fuck ear, you're just a crumpled up piece of paper. Anyway, we love our listeners. As long as they're under 201. That's right. If you're 200 and below, we love all of you out there. And this is a very exciting part of the podcast because we've been saying the word two several times recently.

And we've finally hit what I like to call the number two episode of the year. If you have a countdown, you have to have a number two. Occasionally you'll have a nose. Yeah. That happens. But I mean, it takes two to make a thing go right. That's right. And that's what we're going to do, because we're going to hear it.

This is your choice for number two. Number two. All right, Paul. This is episode number 910. So this is squarely in the early earliest of the 900s. This is two weeks prior to what we just heard, which was episode 912 on April 21, which means this was April 7th. What do you think this is? I think this is the White Day Spectacular.

This is indeed. the Wet Day Special 2025. Coming in at number two, Wet Day Special 2025. Oh, it's not spectacular. I apologize. It is just special.

It's just special. Look, we don't want to oversell this thing. It's not spectacular. Do you know how to say show in Italian? How? So I'm taking Duolingo, Italian.

Spectacolo. Spectacolo. Would you like to go see the spectacolo? See? That makes it sound better than just show. Spectac. What are we doing in English?

Like, oh, you want to see a show? No. I know. I'd rather the my preferred group

of rock. Oh, you prefer in the stadium for an spectacle. You're going to

see a show with rock. Let me see my favorite rock band at the stadium. At the stadium. For a show.

Okay. And what what band is this? The Beatles. E Beatles This is the Wet Day special 2025 What is Wet Day?

You're going to hear all about it In this clip We're going to be sorry you asked Part of Wet Day Is explaining Wet Day And it's one of the traditions It's one of the traditions we do On our Wet Day episodes

Wet Day is a A holiday that Paul and I came up with This is the anniversary of us coming up with it It was four or five years ago We'll say it in the clip Sure And we came up with it on these best of and then we've been celebrating it every year.

This is our 2025 special. Who's involved? We have Paul F. Tompkins. That's me. The co-creator of Wet Day. He and I in this clip will talk about Wet Day and everything Wet Day means. So if you don't know what it means, we're not going to just dump you in in the middle and expect you to swim. We're going to expect.

Wet. We're going to explain what wet day is. We also have Drew Tarver. Now, Paul and Drew then in the clip, we'll be playing Ike and Spike Mink Salmon. two gentlemen with one particular thing that they like to talk about. That's right. Well, it's a dire warning. Sure, yeah, and we'll hear about that.

Then we have making his first appearance on this year's countdown. We have Ryan Gall. There he goes. Here he is, and he's going to be playing Carolyn Parker, dental receptionist. That's right. Hey, if you like the phone calls from previous episodes, you'll enjoy this. Let's get into it. This is a very funny clip.

here, your choice for number two. We all know what week this is. That's right. We'll be talking about it. My name is Scott Ackerman. I am here with my fellow enthusiast of the holiday that we are celebrating today. Co-creator. I mean, you're an enthusiast as well, but... Well, I was so enthusiastic, I co-created it. Let me introduce him. You know him as a comedian of notes. Please, I'll allow you to introduce myself. He is a recanture.

He is an actor. He is a voiceover artist. And I have to say many urcles to him. Please welcome Paul have Tompkins. Many urcles to you. Many urcles to you. Many hamburgles to you is, of course, the wet day greeting. And that is what we're talking about here is we are celebrating here. This is the day we are observing.

Yes, this is wet day observed. Now, we're celebrating. We're as wet as we can possibly be right now. I have wet hair from the shower. That was just the start of it. Oh, wet hair from the shower. What hair from the shower, I know. Right?

That is one of those. Let's take everyone through a little bit about what we're talking about. What is wet day? Yes, if you're new to the holiday. That's right, because I believe this is our, 22, this is our fourth annual wet day special. Feels like more. Feels like we've been doing this for a long, long time. What is wet day?

We created wet day back in 2020. 21 at the end of 2021. And this is a tradition of wet day is to explain the history and the lore. Yes. We created it. And the concept of wet day is wet day is a day where you get as wet as you can possibly be. Because on April 1st, you have gone through so many pranks that people have played on you, getting you wet. Yes.

Squirting flowers, you know, that you were reading. A bottle of a bottle of water over the door. Exactly. Like all of this. You're wet all day. You've had night. Cutting your brakes and you drive near a river. sure you've had nine days to dry off and you want to be wet again and so we celebrate you it's just

thought of you miss it you're like actually that was fun so that's what it is april it's april 10th every year which means it falls on a different day of the week every year that's right um one of those of course some of the things that we do the wet day traditions Poseidon the greek god is the patron of wet day yeah but now erkel is the new patron of wet day uh you to be Jim Belushi, but it is now, I don't know why. It is now Urkel, which is why we say many Urkels to you. And why is it Urkel again? I don't know. Okay. Wet day is the day, of course, to spray Elon Musk with a civil rights grade fire hose. Michael Richards is a wet day thing due to him being sprayed in UHF by the same type of fire hose.

Okay. Waterworld, of course, is the wet day movie. 100% and you have to go to the water world stunt show on wet day of course at universal studios sit in the splash zone make the pilgrimage and if you don't celebrate wet day which for those of you out there I wish you would but if you don't celebrate it go see dune yes the absolute the absolute opposite of water world yeah um weird owl should call himself wet owl on wet day uh wet day is not a religious holiday but I think we should take bids from religious even though it has a patron saint I like the idea of taking bids. Who wants it? Yeah, who wants it enough? Who wants it? It is a global holiday.

Are we including cults? Can cults bid? Sure, any cults, yeah. If you want to revitalize your cult, hey, what was that one? Nixium, Nivium. Nexium. Nexium. Yeah.

Yeah, I almost, I got there. Oh, if people get brands of wet day on their groins. Just like drops of water, brands of drops of water. Yeah, the water emoji, the spreading water emoji. Yeah, put it right next to their private parts. Yeah. Get it. Um, wet day Eve, of course, is celebrated two months before on January 10th in 2020. On wet day Eve, hopefully everyone already did this on January 10th. You should put everything you own in the shower and then get on top of it. That's more than two months before, I would say. Yeah. That's three months before. Probably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Closer to that.

Um, in, uh, 2022, we mentioned you should begin decorating for wet day on St. Patrick's Day. Yes. Um, what you do is. What you do is, you de-moisten all of your things. Demoisten them. You de-moisten things starting October, so you can start being really wet midnight on wet-day Eve. That's right. You should start drying things out. Get your hair dryer. Make sure everything is as dry as it can be. Leave the caps off of stuff. Sure. The decorations, of course, for wet day. We string together popcorn and ice cubes. And we place a wet tree outside our house or a part. apartment, open the window, and then bend it so that it leans inside.

That's right. The primary thing is the tree has to be wet, not the wettest tree of all time. No, no, no, no. Just the wettest tree you can find. I mean, obviously people, like the Great Christmas Light Fight, people will be competing in their neighborhoods to have the wettest tree. Sure. That's just slightly leaning into your window from outside.

All the families, of course, somebody has had cancer. That's what happens on the Great Christmas Light Fight. Because we find out somebody has had cancer. Yes. What do we do on wet day? We take a longer shower than usual. Now, 30 minutes exactly is how we take our showers on non-wet days. Yeah, that's right.

So we extend that to 4. Drought or no? Yeah, we extend that to 45 minutes on red day. We sleep in a full tub. We visit wet places. And we toss water balloons into local businesses at customers. We take the ink out of all of our pens and fill them with water. and put that ink into vaudeville-esque squirting flowers.

Right. So that when you assume it will be a flower that squirts water at you, it squirts ink. Yeah. And you don't know. You have no idea. If you've been hit by it, you have no idea until you look in the mirror. Exactly. Yeah.

Now, on wet day, regardless of your gender identity or your age, you should tell people, I'm an old man because your fingers will be pruning and wrinkled from being wet. It's very important. It's very important. Very important. You should tell the wettest story you have. Yes. That's fun for the family to do,

to gather around and, you know. Of course. You should host wet t-shirt contests. 100%. Yes. You should be doing that anyway, frankly. The official wet day after show is watch wet happens live,

which will be live. regardless of where you are or what time it is. That's right. And on this show, they invite alcoholics of the past president future. Now, here's something very important. Wait a minute. I don't know. This is all in a document.

How do they get the future ones? I don't know. How do they determine that someone is in the future going to... Also, you find, so you're invited on the show and you find out you're going to be an alcoholic? It's a big reveal. Oh, no. There's nothing. you could do about it. This is very important. If you drink something on wet day, it should

not have ice. If you do have to get something on the rocks, wait 30 minutes for the ice to melt and then drink it. Yeah. Because although ice is wet, it's hard. It's not as wet as water. It's not as wet as water. Now, let's talk about the wet day carols, because this is a big part of wet day is to join in with your friends and go traversing through the neighborhood and knocking on doors and singing wet day carols. Yeah. Number one with a bullet, of course, was Wop. Yeah.

Wet-ass Pussy. That's correct. That's the number one wet day. It's the jingle bells of wet day. Yeah. Now, we also mentioned going to make you

sweat by C&C Factory. Mm-hmm. Which, by the way, sweat has wet in it. That's so true. You know what I mean? Like, you can't spell sweat without wet. You can't.

It's very, like, who's like, oh, what's that stuff coming out of our bodies? You also. It's wet. Sweat. You also can't spell sweater without wet. And maybe instead of wet tea, or in addition to wet t-shirt, excuse me, instead of, come on.

In addition, in addition to wet t-shirt contest. Wet sweater contests, yes. We also have Bringing in the Sheaves is a wet-day Carol. Yep. Because even though it's about wheat, you can just pronounce wheat as wet. Yep. Also, Keith Sweat's entire discography. Apparently, we made a rule that you cannot fade songs out on wet day.

No. You have to have a hard stop. Hard stop. And in fact, any wet day carol should have a NASA countdown letting you know it's going to end. The wet day holiday band is wet, wet, wet, wet. What are some gifts you can give people on wet day? Should we? I think we should also include.

Yes. Well, there's a new, there's a new wet day, Carol. That's right. That's right. It's been brought to our attention. Do you want to hear it? Yes, I would like to hear it. I was so excited this came out about two months.

ago. Oh, it's not what I was thinking. Oh, okay. Well, this is one I was very excited by. Hey Bruno. Hey Bruno. Fat, juicy and wet. I don't even gang bang.

Cussie so good, made me throw up a set. I don't even gang bang. Fat, juicy and wet, of course, by Sexy Red and Bruno Mars. When this came out, I was like, come on. Now they're just trolling us. They want us. But look, this is a thing that artists do is they feel like it's a surefire way to make money is release a holiday album. And it'll be played every year on Wednesday, of course.

Everybody's going after Mariah Carey. Does she have any wet day carols? I would love on one of her Christmas albums just to throw a wet day song in there. You know what I mean? We should try to find out what her wettest song is. Yeah, let me look that out. I wonder if AI would help me out with that. Oh, please.

Chat, GPD. What is Mariah Carey's wettest song? All right, let's see. Through the Rain is often cited as one of her most wet or sensual songs. There's another song, though, that many people have brought to our attention. Wet's that. Oh, God, I love this holiday. Bus stop by the Hollies.

What? Bus stop. Yes. Bus stop Hollies. All right, I have this all queued up. We'll see. what no ad no ad can you believe it the hollies are not monetizing their old songs the second thing second thing they say wet day bus stop wet day and i the song goes on to mention

umbrellas many times the one thing i would say is it's not bus stop day hollies you know it's true but maybe they're at the bus stop on wet day to go to the universal studios Waterworld stunts spectacular. Let's talk about wet day gifts. Obviously, the bottled water is traditional. You put that in wet day stockings. But a wet car with a wet bow is a giant wet bow. Giant wet bow.

These are, of course, all of the things we've talked about on previous episodes. By the way, a couple episodes ago, Hannah Einbinder is aware of wet. Day and is taking it up the corporate ladder to help make it an official holiday. So that's very exciting. And then last week, John Hamm added another new wrinkle to it, which is Friday. He is now calling Dry Day, Friday, Dry Day, because that's the day after wet day. That's interesting, but it's not every year.

No, no. Just on the, on the few occasions that Wet Day falls upon a Thursday, Friday then becomes Dry Day. Tomorrow's Dry Day. And you have to act. real sad. Yes, you too. They are a couple of gentlemen, I mentioned, and they've been on the show a few times before, and I believe on Wet Day a few times. Please welcome back to the show. I can spike mink salmon.

I'm going to tell you this once. We're only going to say it once. We're not going to say this again. Stay away from our granddaughter. Okay, this is the only time you're going to say this? We promise you. Okay, you're never going to say it again. We swear. The last thing we're ever going to say again is stay away from our granddaughter. Okay, so starting now, you're not going to say this.

We see your eyes. I know what you want to do. Is she here? Look, look, you're forcing us to say it again. Stay away from our granddaughter. So wait. Don't ask, wait. she is. Don't ask where she is.

Because then you'll walk over and you will not be. So it's a walkable distance? Staying away from our granddaughter. So the last thing you want to do is wonder where she is. Because once you start wondering, you're going to start looking around. And if you spot her, we know you're going to want to walk over and you can't because you have to continue to stay away from our granddaughter. My question is, it's a walkable distance to get to her, you've said.

Why bring her so close to me if you want her to stay away from me? What you're doing right now is you're skating on thin ice. You're counting your steps. How many steps am I from their granddaughter? You're looking at your Fitbit. You're saying, can I get 10,000 steps towards their granddaughter? Could I cross out some of my rings if I walk over to their granddaughter? Can I just put it in the drawing?

try it turn it on and make this Fitbit think that it walked around Don't be tricking your Fitbit while you walk over to our grand door I can't walk over to her? If there's two things you remember number one don't tricking your Fitbit Number two, stay away from our

grand door. Why do you guys come by here to warn me? I feel like I've been getting too close to her or something. Maybe you don't understand the reason we come here is to tell you Stay away from our granddaughter. It makes more sense to tell you far away from her than close to her. So do you go to every podcast? Like, do you go to SmartLists and tell those guys?

Yes. And how is that? They haven't come near our granddaughter. They respect us. Okay. And if we, if they respect us, we respect them. We also go there to promote projects. Like, occasionally we'll promote.

What do you have on the horizon? We're releasing a line of dolls. A line of dolls, wow. Granddaughter decoys. Grand decoys, we call. Okay, so some GDs. And what are, these are basically... We say, get close to our grand decoys.

These are dolls you can leave around the park and places. Everybody wants to get close to a granddaughter. So you can buy a grand decoy to let it out on that grand decoy. You can search all that granddaughter tracking that you want to do. You can do it on the grandee cool. This is your outlet. You can circle it. You pull a string.

It says, get near me. I get how much do these run for? Yeah. We got one for you right now. Oh, MSRP. That's a lot of form. We know what it means. Yeah, okay.

$34,998. That's more than a mid-sized sedan. Let me take the foil off of it and show you. All right. Because we know you want to ask questions. Sure. I'd like to see it without the... Talk to them about their coloring books.

Sure. Why are there so many layers of foil? Because we have a lot of foil. We have so much. This shied is shiny. As you can shine. That shied is not. It's obviously way smaller.

than what you're advertising it as because there are approximately 10 layers of oils. We never talked about the size on smartless. What did you talk about on smartless? We talked about Sean Hayes is Broadway. That's right.

Shouldn't he talk about that? Why would you be talking about it? Foods we can't have in the house or we eat all of them immediately. That's of course Jason Bateman's line of interest. Being wealthy. Yes. All the three of them.

them okay got it uh well look uh okay so now you've you've just peeled back the 11th layer of foil i can see the the doll now the grand decoy okay and grand decoy is spelled the three for the e and a zero with a line through it like what like do you know what megan is oh oh you guys should check out megan i mean it's uh is that someone's grand or because we won't. We won't. Listen to the way. Listen to us.

We won't go near anybody's granddaughter. So anyone who... If you're tricking us into going next to somebody's granddaughter named Megan, we're not going to do it. So anyone who is a granddaughter, you pledge to never even be near them. We pledge. We pledge. We pledge of granddaughter.

And we pledge a granddaughter. We took the granddaughter's pledge. All right. So here's the... Let's recite it right. oh okay yeah i pledge allegiance to my granddaughter i shall have no other granddaughters before me if you are a granddaughter i're back and away one two three steps at least because be near any granddaughter other than my own is a sin and god shall cast me into a lake of fire amen wow

that's that's the granddaughter oath did we say what did you say what did you say Let's get to our next guest. She's a receptionist. Please welcome to the show for the first time. I have September. Please welcome. I have September 3rd at News. Please welcome.

Carolyn Parker is here. If you're willing to do it on your lunch break. Carolyn. I understand lunch can be hard too. I loved it. I had macaroni and manis. this morning for my lunch and I knew I wanted I wanted that for mine so if if lunch is not good I can do 1 p.m. as well Carolyn Parker is here Carolyn that's fine hold on excuse me I sorry yes so 1 p.m. on September 3rd we'll see you with Dr. Beecher see you then I'm so sorry it's quite all right you're you're a receptionist so you're in the middle of work I guess I'm a receptionist for tombs

and beach of dentistry over in burbank oh okay how are you i'm great uh scott ockerman the host of the show welcome to the show welcome to comedy bang bang and thank you for having me this is ike and spike thank you hi hello hi hi hi iken spike what's the name of your dentist office it's tombs and beach your dentistry and we do full service and we once you're a client if you see our granddaughter and you beat you're gonna end up in a tomb oh well he uh I'll tell you this. Every, all, all children, how old is your granddaughter? Granddaughter age.

Granddaughter age, I know that. Yeah, so she would need to, she's probably just losing, just losing molars. Has she lost their molars? She's only lost molars. Everything else is intact. She's got most of her fronts and she's lost only molars. But don't get nearer. Can you give her, can you help her teeth without getting.

of course i'd love to have her coming to meet dr beecher i'll send you the teeth i primarily walk yeah do you ever do that where people mail in their teeth and they and the dentist works on them and sends them back of course we do of course we do we're full service we're full service dentistry so somebody some people will uPS their teeth into us and we will work on them and then we'll send them back what about dhl express oh actually i was wrong and i forgive me we only use dhl express that's good good do you is that what you guys use or no no that's fine but you've been looking to start an account yeah we're waiting to see we like the yellow and the red the yellow and ketchup and mustard and your great what grade is a wonder grand daughter gray and i have

have to assume she's just gorgeous. She's the light of our life. So one of the things I'm doing here today is to find out what your tooth health is. Oh, sure. How do you, how, is there a quiz we can take or, or do you need us to open up our mouths and you take? Why don't you have to, do you know one of the biggest? Why don't they shorten tooth health to tooth? Well, that's a great idea.

I could bring you on with Dr. Beecher and maybe have you talked to him a little bit about that. Make sure it's on the phone because we don't want them near our granddaughter. He's not going to come near your granddaughter. I promise you. That's what all the dentists say. They wear masks. And then all of a sudden, they're putting that little thing on with the chain on our granddaughter, and we're having to get crazy. We'd like to take your word for it, but we've been burned too many times.

Wait a minute. What did you say? They put the what on? The little napkin with the chain. You work in a dentist office. You must see these all the time. I've never been. I've never been back behind into one of the lines.

You've never been back behind into it? Never had a check up in my life. How are you going to check our tooth health? Okay, so one of the, one of the ways we check tooth health is by the stink of your breath. Okay. Do you guys know how your breaths smell? What's the scale, what, on the scale of what to what? Well, I would say number one is beautiful breath.

They call it the horses whisper. Okay. Why? Well, I didn't come up with it. But the horse, the horse is a beautiful. You were never curious? I, I, well, I've learned. It was my first question.

Dr. Beecher does not allow me to ask a lot of questions. What about Dr. Toon? He's, he allows curiosity all day long. Maybe you should ask him, why you're staying away from our granddaughter. It's a great idea. I will ask him. In fact, I'll call him right now. Let me call him.

Oh, yeah. Do you, do you want to put it on the, on the, speaker yeah okay put it on the glass i'll cause doctor you know sir makes a lot doctor he stayed away from our grid oh we did what a nice excuse me is this dr tomb hi girlie hi very unprofessional my that's my nickname is girly everybody around the office calls me girly oh okay yeah why are you telling you that dr tomb why did they call no i'm sorry i'm talking with some other people right now i'm working i'm working remotely today dr tomb maybe there's two dr tombs i'm not abusing it you know i

wouldn't do that do you know why they called good breath the the horses whisper yes okay thank you thank you okay no you were supposed to ask why not if he knew I'll call him back. I didn't, you never said that. Number two. Ah, yes. Now, that's how it's done. That's how you do it.

If you're wondering what comedy is, you just heard it. If you're still wondering, I don't know what to tell you. You poor benighted fool. Go turn 201. That's a lot of fun. Wet day, of course. I agree. Wet day, of course, we talk about it, April 10th.

April 10th, but wet day Eve is months before. January, yes. That's right. We're almost at Wet Day Eve. God, we are. Yeah, just about a month. Shit, I got to get myself together. You have to.

Okay, so Wet Day, obviously Paul and I do it, but then, you know, it's different people each time we've done it because not everyone's available all the time. It's true. It was fun. This is Drew's first appearance on this year's countdown as well. Drew, of course, is on the show Running Point, I believe is what's called, with K. Kate Hudson on Netflix. He plays Kate Hudson's brother, and I think he's always filming that. They have a 52-week filming schedule.

Yes, it's crazy. He must be exhausted. But so he's hardly ever available to do the show anymore. But they've made over 7,000 episodes. Yeah, I mean, look, that's the trade-off when you're in show business. Make 7,000 of something or be available for your family. but yeah Drew and Paul very funny I'm hoping you guys can both do the Wet Day special this year

because you in text form came up with a funny new wrinkle for your character I don't want to say exactly what it is I remember texting you and I don't remember what it was It's uh it made me laugh and I thought okay on wet day we have to get into this But um was it to you and Drew Andrew yes and you were both kind of riffing on it back and forth a little bit And it was really making me laugh so Paul's going to look that up while I talk. And then Ryan,

Ryan took, so the past couple of times Ryan's been on, Ryan, oh, and he was on the long leg special at CBB,

at CBB world recently, where he took, he's taken to, and he would do this on tour a hour. He would take, he would call someone on the phone, much like what Lily was doing.

And it was always a certain person, and everyone wonders who this person is. I'm not at liberty to disclose who this person is. We know. We know. We're not going to tell you. We're not going to tell. And I, there's a lot of speculation. Speculation. I in fact have asked Ryan, do you want to credit this person in the credits? And Ryan has asked me not to. So this person will go anonymous. But on the long leg special, he called this person and had an on-air conversation and then received a call

from someone different. People thought it was the same person. It's two different people on the long-leg special. And the second person who called is a celebrity who didn't know that it was just calling Ryan and then found out that they were on a podcast. Wow. So listen for that. But it's two different people. Everyone thought it was the same person on that. I want to say you were very funny in the long-leg special as Army Hammer. Oh, yes. Yeah, it really made me like. I watched about four clips of Army Hammer to prepare for that. And they paid off. Thank you so much. That was fun to do. Yeah, if you want to hear that, that's over at CBB World. That's Taryn Killam, of course, from Saturday Night Live, who does the show a lot.

Whenever he can, he's in New York a lot in Vancouver a lot. But he does the character Long Legs, and we just did a Halloween special with various comedians playing unsavory types for movies. Savory types. But, yeah, that's Ryan. Ryan's insane. An insane person. Yeah, no, that's fair. Legitimately.

No, he's troubled. The three of you, by the way, Drew, Ryan, and Paul, you were all cast members of the television show, a billion dollar properties. Yes, so you were a guest star. I was a guest star and a producer. And technically your boss, although I never really acted like that. That was a cool boss. You did try to fire me. Yeah, I tried.

Yeah, a few times. But somehow you hypnotized me before the show, so where I couldn't say the actual words. Did you realize that I hypnotized? Yeah, I would say, you're a foolf! Yeah, like Fonzie. Yeah, your Fonzie is what I would say. You'd say your Fonzie. I'd say, thank you very much.

Hey, I'm cool. And I would walk away and go, why can't I say this word? But if you want some laughs, there are four seasons of that that you can buy. It's a very funny show. It's a very funny show. One of my favorite things that I've ever done. Best job I ever had. Yeah, it was so fun to just be there on set watching it.

Much like Murray Head in one night in Bangkok. What does he say? I'm just watching the show, controlling it. I have no fucking idea. I've never seen that. You've never seen, you've heard one night in Bangkok. All I know is one night in Bangkok. I'm going to look up, what does he say?

I know the very first line and that's about it. Bangkok, Oriental City. He says, in a back of my neck getting dirty and gritty. He says, of course, I get my kicks above the waistline sunshine. That's right. Because he's in itself. But then he says, God damn it, where is it? God damn it.

Oh, no. You wrote it. Your ass wrote a check that your mouth can't cash or something. Controlling it. Yeah, exactly what I said. I didn't need to look it up. He's watching the game and controlling it? Yeah.

How does that work? Okay, so he says, I am going to be the witness to the ultimate test of cerebral fitness. Because he's talking about this chess game he's going to play. This is from the musical chess, by the way. This grips me more than would a muddy old river A reclining Buddha And thank God I'm only watching the game Controlling it

I think because he's not I'm trying to remember the plot of chess But he's not playing in it I know the Russian guy is trying to defect to America I don't know Currently it's still on Broadway right Leah Michelle Oh are they doing it on Broadway?

Yeah yeah yeah Wow I'd like to see it if possible Bill and Michelle and two other people Aaron Devite No man No madness That's the song for that

Anthem What I don't know I don't get you Okay Do you Do you understand that other people can have But I was clicking my arm

Paul, sorry Maybe I was clicking mine too Fuck you Fuck you Fuck the fuck out of you It's only taking us Several hours To get to this point

Look, did we take a break? We have to at this time. I don't know. No, we didn't. We didn't. We have to take a break. Okay. When we come back, we have the top episode of the year.

And the conclusion of the snowman game. Of the snowman game. That's right. Do you think it's going to be the neighborhood listed episode? No. I don't either. I'm sorry. I dangled that.

That's mean. All right. We'll be right back. Comedy, bang, bang, bang, best of 2025, part four, and we're here. This is it, baby. It's all led to this moment. It's all led to this moment. A century in the making.

That's right. The past 100 years from 1925 till now, we're leading up to this point. Do you think that podcasts are hereditary in that maybe your great great grandfather had an idea that would eventually be what this show is. I, like, okay, let's say your great, great-grandfather. He's some, I don't know, some fucking hick somewhere. Some fucking Nazi.

He's, some fucking Nazi. He's taking, he's taking a break from being a Nazi. He's smoking a cigarette. And he thinks to himself, I'd love to talk to some weirdos. If only there was a way, technology hasn't gotten up with this yet.

And it gets, it gets fleshed out with each succeeding generation. I wonder about that a little bit because I do think that my father, who was in the military and then worked in the airline industry, making machine parts and stuff like that. I do think he was a bit of a performer in church, and he would sing solos and stuff in church and be in their church plays and stuff. Church plays? Yeah. You never heard of church plays? No.

Like goofers and gallant shit? I was in a few church plays and growing up. What's a church play? What's the play? It's a little presentation that you put on. Like, I think I was in a Jonah one and the whale. Oh, it's all Bible stories? Yeah, but then when I was like, I think when I was in a teenager, there was a Christian comedy group that put out records, like skit records.

Yeah. And we did a bunch of their sketches and I was in one of those. So it was stuff like that. I think it would be great if there was a church soap opera that they would do live. Every week you would come and get a little update on your stories. That's how you get people to come to church. Would it have to be about Bible characters like Joseph and Mary and all that? It would be about like made-up people in the church.

I mean like Romanic. Honestly, like when you leave the church, you find out that a lot of that stuff was going on, all this soap opera stuff. That's right. But it could be like a Romanocleff, you know. Yeah. Like the what's the fucking show called? What is that show called?

Oh, Emily and Perry. No, Zendale. day uh oh euphoria euphoria no euphoria is this fucking play about us it would be like that i don't know what that means well there's a okay in euphoria i watched the first season okay but then i wasn't horny enough to watch the second i understood if you just jerked off like i can't watch the season now um in in the second season uh i think it is uh jodatatatel's daughter puts on a play that dramatizes the lines oh everything this It's been going on.

Yeah. And this is with full cooperation of the school. Sure. And schools never really check that kind of. Although I will say we used to do lip-sing competitions at school. And there was a year where three of the hot girl seniors did Vanity Six. They did nasty girl. And they all dressed up in lingerie.

That's nasty. And they're girls. They basically gyrated around to this song about sex. And it made. the school institute a rule where a teacher who is the advisor had to watch all of the performances before they went on because he's very simple basic I know but but that year they hadn't done it and so these girls just writhed around singing about how they needed seven inches and it was just like why would you ever trust teenagers why would you ever trust teenagers about anything so the

there's people watching the play I don't know why they went But these students go to the play and then one of them is like, wait, this is this fucking play about us? Sometimes when you're watching something about high school, people are so far removed from high school, they don't. Or I know people make concessions

because dramatically you have to get those characters into the theater to watch this. But you cannot drag. Well, I mean, you have to get the characters into the theater. If you are supporting the idea that they would make this play about... Yeah. It's fucking.

But, I mean, sometimes I feel like people making content about high school, just think back about that. They're like, oh, yeah, the plays at school, those were all just mandatory for everyone to go to, right? No, they weren't. They were not. Although we had to do, I remember we would do shows that would be like our preview show would be in front of the school. Oh, really? Like, we would do an afternoon performance. Oh, and everyone had to go to it.

I guess that's one way to kind of. It was like an assembly, you know what I mean? So it's like, look, do you want to. So I was wrong. You have to be here till this. time of gay. Right. You may as well. Wouldn't you like to not do shit and watch your

show? Watch your classmates embarrass themselves? Would people get in trouble if they yelled stuff out during the show? They would, but they were pretty respectful, I have to say. I don't remember. So they wanted to watch your teacher. I mean it's a Catholic school as well. They wanted to watch your teacher kissing that student. Boy, did they ever.

Listen to that tale on an episode of Freedom. Yeah. At least one. Probably 12. Did I share the clip with you? Oh, I think so, yeah, because you were digitizing all, yeah, I watched it, yeah, during quarantine, yeah, chilling. Chilling stuff. Paul's teacher, uh, said, announced to the, to the, to the, to the, his drama students that he was going to play the lead in the play, and that, uh, Manti had a, but hold on a second, he was not, again, remember, he was not even

the drama teacher. Oh, that's right. He was a, he was a Italian teacher. Right. And the drama teacher, a priest told us, this teacher is going to be playing this part. Emil Dubeck in South Pacific. The machinations for that to happen behind the scenes. It's all corrupt. I really want to know about that. And by the way, not the most corrupt thing to happen in the Catholic Church. Number two.

But I think the church soap opera would be the, that would be the dessert for you sticking around for the vegetables of church. Yes. And here's a bunch of juicy tales. Yeah. And it's all morality based. Yeah. You know. And everyone, people that do bad things get.

punished. Yeah. It's not, it's not like steamy. Like they get, and unlike life. Unlike life. Justice is always served.

That's right. Yeah. Well, that's a good idea. Thank you. You know what else is a good idea is taking a break. I agree. We need to take a break.

When we come back, we're going to have the number one. Wait, did we take the break already? I don't even know. I don't fucking know, man. If we did, I apologize,

we're going to, I don't know. Did we take the break? Here's what's going to happen. We're going to stop talking for a second. For just a second. And if there needs to be a break. There will be a break.

If not, we're just going to, like, you'll hear a one second pause. How's that? And if you don't like it, you can fucking lump it. Yeah. Fuck you. We don't give a shit. All right, we're going to take a break or we're just going to pause for a second. We'll either be right back or really right back after this.

And we're back or we just took a one second break. We have no idea. And guess what's going to happen now? And there's nothing you can do about it. we're going to give you the number one episode. This is exciting. Let's do it. This is your choice.

You, the listeners, chose what is your favorite episode of the year? This is your number one. Number one. All right. This, Paul, is episode number. Wait, are we just coming back from a break? No, this definitely, I'm pretty sure we just came back from hearing the singer say number one. Yeah.

Okay. Which I count as a break. It's a break for me. Yeah. Mental break. Yeah. This is episode number. break mental beef um this is he had a psychotic beef he had a psychotic beef he beefed with reality

oh boy he had a full mental beef down all right this is episode number nine zero zero this is squarely in the early early nine hundreds about as early early nine hundreds just about uh i'm just squeaking in there and this is an episode called what's up cool cat oh boy yes oh boy we know who's involved in this this is jason manzukas that's right again we have Andy Daly and we have Mr. Paul F. Tompkins. What a fun time this was.

This was, I got to say, a lot of times the, okay, so we do these special episodes, we do special Christmas episodes. We've heard those clips. We do special anniversary episodes.

These are like big gang episodes. And then ever since the 200, Jason Manzukas and I were having, we'd do an episode with Andy Daly. And now we started doing, Then Paul got involved a few years back and has done, and now we do them once a year on the 50s or 100s.

Sometimes on the 75s or 25. Yeah, but usually when we're like beefing off a new 50. Sure, of course. When we beef off a new 50, we all get together and we do these episodes. And sometimes I think, oh, people just vote for them because of legacy things or whatever. But, yeah, listening to this clip. It's pretty funny. It's really funny shit

I was like I hadn't listened to this since we did it and I was just like oh what did we talk about on this one what do we have we have Jason Madzukas

himself and we talk a little bit about the Dred Zeppelin documentary Of course we do Of course We're over 50 Why wouldn't we

And then Andy comes back as August Lint who is a pretzel maker from Duseldorf And Paul You are doing The return

of a character you'd only done once before, I believe. Mason, I. Klaugge. That's right. You did him on tour. He's a little boy. Little boy. And we hear about his details.

And then I don't want to spoil what happens after that, but we'll hear a big chunk of it. A lot of fun stuff happens. Agreed. It all sort of relates back to lore that we've discussed on previous episodes. Most of these being the hundreds or the 50s, but you don't have to have listened to any of those to know what's going on. In fact, don't. in fact i hope you neuralize yourself so that you'll not know about anything that's ever occurred in your life let's hear it this is your choice for the best episode of the year this is your number one j dog so great to see you what's happening scottie what is happening indeed i i uh now normally you come on the show and you are not uh not promoting really anything nope because i i'm not i'm not here to promote i'm not here to sell my

self or my wares. I'm here for you. That's usually, but you did say that you really wanted to promote a new film that just came out. It's called Dred Zeppelin, a song of hope. And it's a documentary about Dread Zeppelin. Is that right? Well, I'm not going to lie. I have watched all one hour in 22 minutes. Wait, you watched this too? Oh, because I watched it. You watched it too? Oh, yeah. Well, I always watched the movies. I never thought you would have done it. Now, I watched it, And I will say, they cut all my interviews out. You were interviewed for this. I was interviewed at length.

And they cut it all out. I was interviewed for the Sparks movie, the Sparks Brothers, at the same time as they were asking me Dred Zeppelin questions. Wow. So all your answers. And then the director of this movie would ask me a Dred Zeppelin question. Oh, so it was a double interview. Double interview. That's smart.

Yeah. That's smart. So you're wearing the same outfit in both. Exactly. And then they just cut everything out. I don't know. So that's weird. because we're such huge Dread Zeppelin fans.

Massive Dred Zeppelin fans. I mean, we're dreadheads. Of course. Now, if you don't know who we're talking about, who could blame you. Then turn this off because you're not going to enjoy the rest of the show. And turn 50. We urge you audience to enjoy this year of comedy bang bang, bang, turn 50. But this is a movie that I guess we both have watched, even though they did not use our interviews.

And it just tells the incredible. The Chronicles, really, the entire history of Dred Zeppelin. Oh, yes. The band that plays reggae versions of Led Zeppelin songs with an Elvis impersonation to all different cover songs in a slightly reggae heavy metal version. Yes, and it has an Elvis impersonator as the lead singer. Yes, Tortelvis. Tortelis, yes, whose real name is John Tortell. Yes.

We have to get to our next guests. We have a couple coming in here at the first. same time. First of all, he works at a factory at a making some sort of confection or a snack item. Food factory? Some sort of food factory. I can't recall. You really can't remember that's food? Oh, wait. I know that voice. I know the voice. You can't remember the specific kind of food that I've been on. It was like popcorn. No, it's chips. I think it's a chip guy. Oh, my God. Right? I'm not as insulted about chips as I am by popcorn. What is that?

That's the theme to popcorn, which we always sing when you come on the show. No, you couldn't. There's no reason to sing about the popcorn when I am here, because I have nothing to do with popcorn. You have nothing to do with popcorn? Nothing but forever. Don't you do the salt on popcorn? Good Lord. I can't tell you.

Trail mix. I'm going to become so mad in a moment. You're not going to August out, are you? I'm going, yes. And I turn red now. It used to be green. Now it's red. We're not really getting mad.

Well, let me introduce you. August Lint is here. Oh, yes, hello, listeners. Hello, August. August, Lint, it's chocolate. Lint, chocolate. Oh, for Christ, right. Lintz, chocolate, yes, exactly.

For Christ, thanks. Because the chocolate gets stuck in your belly button? What, uh, what? That might be why they called that chocolate, lint, but that's not why I named it. I work at the Schmeiderberg pretzel factory. Oh, right. Right. Shmiderberg.

I knew Smeiderberg. Well, the person, uh, sneezing, we have to introduce them. Oh, yeah. August Lint is here. Let's, uh, introduce him. I first encountered this young man on the Comedy Bang Bang Tour this last year. I can't remember the city. It feels like, essentially, we met in Denver.

Denver, that's right. Yes, Denver. Please welcome. He's a little boy. Mason I, Klaj. Hi, Mason. Hi, sir. Hi.

It's great to see you. It's nice to see you. Thanks for having me on the show. Yeah, it's my pleasure. This is August Lint. He works in a factory. Hello. Hi.

We keep spanking at the same time. You keep spanking? When I see a little more, I think, Dr. Freud. Hi, Dr. Freud. I was thinking of spanking you. But how old are you, Masons? How old are you? Ten.

Ten years old. And, you know, working in a factory is one of the great jobs that you could have. Possibly in your future. Do you put the salt on? I can't. No, you just inspected to make sure. the salt. You inspect the salt to see if it's good or that the right amount has been put on. Oh, my God. It's ridiculous. I try to explain again. The salts come down on a conveyor belt toward me. I

stop the belt. I inspect each salt in front of me. I have a pile of salts that is good enough for pretzels, salts that is not good enough for pretzels. What are those salts doing in the factory? What do you mean? The salts that are not good enough to be? It seems like just bring in salt that's good enough to be on the pretzels. Also, how long is the salt? belt stopped for that like that like negates the point of a conveyor belt i don't think it should be and it didn't used to be a machine that did this at all it was used to be i had a woman who would come with a tray of salts and i would say i'm done with this tray and she would come and take it away but now everything is becoming automated they turned her into a robot belt when they turned her into it they didn't just replace her with it that's how it was explained to me and sometimes i hear the machine crying my dad says that eventually all people are going to be replaced and they'll have other things to do.

Like what? You know, serve their masters. One thing we found out about Mason on tour, who's your dad again? Essentially, my dad is one of the lizard people that lives under the Denver airport. Okay, yeah. And you were lost or orphaned at the airport?

Is that what happened? My dad said he found me. So he's not your biological father. You are not half lizard person. He's the dad who stepped up. You remember your life before. Vaguely, a little bit. Essentially, I remember being in a house and being in a crib.

And then essentially, I remember my dad finding me there. Right. When he found you in a house in a crib? Yeah. And then he took you underneath the Denver airport and raised you. Yeah. Why are the lizards living under the Denver airport? They're lizard people.

Oh, yeah, lizard people, but still why? Half lizard, half people? Because the time isn't right yet. They're planning some sort of a hostile takeover. It wouldn't be so bad. Everybody will have a job to do. Nobody, no more ladies will get turned in a conveyor belts. This is the stressing news to me.

The whole planet's going to be taken over by little people. Is that what you're saying to say? Essentially, yeah. Do the lizard people, do they have a taste for salt? Like, or pretzels even, I guess, but, you know. Essentially, they're more of sweet than savory. Oh, wow. They're more of a sweet, right.

Yeah, so like chocolate? Cool. It's going to be a lot of it. But if you can make chocolate, essentially, you would be viewed as a high value human. In any case, just check the salt before it gets to the step. Oh, for Christ's sakes. The sword comes from the Dona Kill Depression in Ethiopia from the salt bed there. Okay.

Of course. Yeah. And it is chiseled up there by children. Okay. And then it is shipped to Germany and that it is put on a train and then a truck. And then now it is fed into a conveyor belt to get to me. You need to move to Ethiopia. Yes.

So that every piece that's chiseled by children you are signing off for. Even better. So from their tiny little hands, you get to pick what salt is what, and whatever gets sent to the Schmeiderberg, boom, it's on breathless. We're going to run this up the chain. Please don't because I have been there. It's extremely inhospitable. You've been there on vacation?

Yes. Of course, I've taken a vacation to the Dratical Depression. Yes, yes, Mason. Is that the only place to get salt? Well, it's the only place that Schmeidberg pretzel sauce is at salt. we have a special deal there. What's the deal? What's the deal?

The deal with salt. There was a deal that Doolman Schmeidberg made that it specifies there will be children, laborers who can be scalded by geothermal activity at any moment. So he didn't care about the price at all. He just wanted to make sure

it was children. Somehow. Yeah. Well, there is a belief that kids pick the best salt. That's true. The tiny fingers? Exactly. Yes. That's good for picking, but not for inspecting. Okay, well... It is the discernment of an adult. No offense, Mason.

And I'm taken. There was something you came here to talk about, wasn't there, August? Oh, yeah. Do you want me to just quickly tell it? Well, no, I want you to tease it because we're going to take a break. And when we come back, you can tell everyone. I have a dire warning for the people of your country. Oh, no.

We are back here. Jason Mantuckus is here. Wow. Promoting the movie A Song of Hope. Dread Zeppelin. Dread Zeppelin. Yes. Documentary.

Oh. And they're eligible for induction into the rock and roll Hall of Fame. The documentary makes that clear. We've talked about it because one of the guys who comes on the show frequently

is always talking about the rock and roll Hall of Fame and getting that Acapella group that does the Christmas albums these days? Yes. Who are they? Shanada. What's the name of the guy

that talks about them? I remember he's a water skier. Oh, you used to start the song. It would be like, babb-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- And then you would say what would you say what would you use to start the show with before you did

like user submitted catchphrases how's it going cool cats how's it going cool cats how's it going cool cats it was cool cat yeah it was the character cool cat cool cat he's like super obsessed with getting a cappella band into the

pentatonics pentatonic is it pentatonics i think it's the ones that did Carmen San Diego oh yeah rockapella I'm 90% sure it's rock Racapella, Mason. I'm a kid.

Cool cat. Yeah, Mason goes Rockabella. Cool cat's obsessed with a guy. What's up? Cool cat. Well, it's me. Cool cat. I hurt my name.

Oh my God. Cool cat. You're back. You're back, baby. Yeah. I'm trying to get Pentatonic into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Oh, you do. It's pentatonic.

It's not Rockapella. Okay, we were wrong. Great. Okay. It is pentatonics. Are they even eligible? Pentatonics. Yeah.

25 years since their first record. That's all it takes, man. Their origin is 2011. Okay, we have a problem. We have a while. I think it might have been Rockabella. That's what I said, Rockapella. Oh, okay.

Yeah, because that was your thing. You kept saying you're a Rockapella fella. That's right. I mean, they've been around since 1986, so obviously they're eligible. Where in the world am I? Whoa. I'm Ernie Rocks, the lead singer of Rockapella? Ernie, Ernie rocks.

How did I get here? How did you get here? You might have been conjured. We said the word rockapella a bunch of times. Did you say rockabella and the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Yeah. That was it. That's what did it.

Oh, wow. Hey, are you cool cat? Your biggest fan. I'm cool cat, your biggest fan. Oh, man, I'm your biggest fan. Get out of here. It's true. Wow, man.

Cool, kid. I love everything you do. Everything. Now, Cool Cat, by the way, we should describe you. It's so cool to see these two people. You're a 10-foot-tall cat. And you are freezing cold. Your paws are under your armpits.

You're shivering. I like the way your breath comes out in little clouds. Wherever I am, it's cold. I don't know, man. Yeah, the temperature has dropped 30 degrees in the spring. By the way, I don't mind it. I like to chill this day out. Yeah.

It's because I'm so cool. You are cool. I'm trying to be cool. You're succeeding. I mean, you're cool temperature-wise, but you're... I know, but I want to be cool. I think you're cool in all the ways. Thanks, rocks.

But you're wearing glasses. You have a pocket protector. You're wearing high water pants. You're wearing clothes. You are wearing clothes. You have feline acne. First of all. I keep buying sunglasses and the glass falls out and they look like nerd glasses.

Okay, that's what it is. It keeps happening every time I buy a pair of sunglasses. The lenses fall off. Sure, but, you know, you can take care. When did this happen? Just on my way here today. Then why just take the frames off? But then I'm going to lose them.

Okay, well, yeah. I don't want to get the lenses. Do you go to the same place? to buy sunglasses every time. I go to the sunglasses hunt in the beach. Maybe don't go there anymore. I'm down there all the time

because I'm a surfer. You're a surfer, really? But cats hate water. I know. Actually, I'd love to see Cool Cat go up against the Lizard Dad. The Lizard Dad, yeah, or this other guy that I know from, I mean,

Cool Cat, you've been on the show multiple times. Oh, we love Cool Cat. So was another guy, this guy that we used to conjure by saying. I would love a cool cat. Yes. I was saying, we used to conjure him by saying, what's up, hot dog? Oh, you did. Oh, goddammit.

I was trying to force it. Hey, hot dog. Hey, what's going on? Who the fuck is this? Uh-oh. This is, I hate to say about a surfer. Why the fuck would you bring me here when there's a surfer here, man? I'm sorry, man.

The war between the surfers and the water skiers, I totally forgot about it when I conjured you both here. What? And it's hotter than ever. right now. The war is. Sure, but not in this room, because obviously... It's really cold in here, man. Why is it so gold? Interestingly, you guys... Essentially, it's because the 10-foot cat

makes things cold in here. I'm a little kid, hi. Hey, this is Mason. I-clodge. Yeah, Mason Ignatius Clodge. Yeah. Hey, what's going on, Mason? And also, hot dog, this is Ernie Rocks. The lead singer of

Rockabella. Rockabella, at your service. Oh, cool, all right. Rockabelle is a vocal group that's trying to get into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Where in the world do we go to fill out our ballots? Look, the entire Rock and Roll Hall of Fame needs to be shut down

until Shana now gets in there. Nobody else. What? That's it. Shut it down? Shut it down. Shut it down. Even the museum aspect of it?

Even the museum aspect of it? So not just admission. No new members. You're saying shut the whole thing. It's time to take extreme action. because it has been so long that Shanaana has been eligible. They are dying off. They are no longer performing live shows.

We've seen their website. Yeah, it's time to get Shanaanaa into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. No more fucking around, man. Okay, so this sounds like a verbal threat. Who's that threatening? The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. As an entity, I guess. All of the employees.

Until your band gets in, you're going to shut them down. Yes. Oh, my dad. I have some friends who live under the rock and roll Hall of Fame, but I can tell them to stand down and stand by. Yeah, this might be something to... By the way, I'm on shanaana.com,

and it has... It's a four-step process. Let it be known. Seanana will no longer tour as a concert group. This is like the Ringo Star announcement. To our fans, thank you for your support over five decades of rock and roll. To our musicians, thank you for all your talent

and dedication to all good night, sweetheart. Oh, is this how the musicians found out that they were going to be played from

shot in a honey more? The touring band? Okay. The rockabella's still touring, right, man? Oh, yeah, we're going to be on the malt shop memories,

Cruz. What? Meow! Cool cat, we'd be honored if you would join us on the cruise to introduce us. I'll be surfing right behind you.

Ladies and gentlemen Rockella Oh Cool Cat we love you Fuck man Cool Cat was just already invited To join Rockapella And you Hot Dog Spent years trying to get into

Shana only to be Rebuffed Every single time And Cool Cat already on the tour Already on the cruise Well you know look I didn't come here to start any troubles But I would say like

It's not really So excited to get invited into a band like Rockapel I'm talking about Sean on now. That's a whole just to be clear. And insult received, but we did not invite Cool Cat to be a member of the band

just to introduce us on the tour. Cool Cat, I hope that's clear. I'm sorry, Cool Cat. Did you think you were a member of the band? Yeah, I did. But even you said you'd be surfing right behind us. That doesn't help us as a band. It's all right

Cool cat you're licking your paws It got even colder in a circle Cool cat's licking a patch of fur until it's raw Oh no cool cat don't get a hot spot I have a skin allergy to rejection Oh cool cat Listen don't I have a dire warning for your nation All seven of us have forgotten about that dire warning

I don't think I was here Oh, cool cat. Oh, and Hot Dog as well. I don't think you were here either. Maybe Ernie wasn't here either. Don't tell me Petitonics is finally some in the dark lord. Oh, no. Okay, then it's time for me to tell you.

Don't buy Greenland. I have been there on a barefoot walking tour of Greenland. It is ex. A barefoot walking tour. It is so incredibly inhospitable. They call it a Greenland, but there's no green in there. It's one of those ironic titles, right? I guess so.

They was being sarcastic. Who names their country sarcastically? The nicest thing, truly, in the whole land of Greenland, is a prison. They have a beautiful new prison. August, you mentioned a dire warning for us, though. This doesn't sound dire to me. I mean, as far as dire warnings go, this is like a three. Oh.

You teased a dire warning before the break, and honestly, you've come up short. But I could try to come up with another dire warning if you're disappointed by that one. I just, as warnings, I would call it a warning, not a diary. Okay, it's not a dial. I don't want to tell you the other thing. though. The other thing. Okay.

If you don't want to tell it, then we can move on. I guess we can move. Well, to be honest, I'm a little intrigued. I don't know if this even qualifies as a dire warning, but it's just like, every Schmeiderberg pretzel that's been shipped to the United States is poisoned. Every? Yeah, they're all poisoned. By who?

By my previous assault woman. The one who's a machine now? Yeah. From what I understand she was upset about being turned to. Why don't you stop the boat or whatever it's on from coming in rather than just announcing on a podcast? If they are coming on boats, I do think that hot dog and cool cat could be a first line of defense. I'm not working with this guy. Forget about it.

He's trying to get Rockett and the Rockett roll all the fame. You and Coolcat, Hot Dog, need to partner up and stop this boat from poisoning America. Me on water skis and him surfing? Yeah, that's right. What's so bad about it? That's him on water skis. Don't do it, cool cat. Stick to your principles.

Stay out of this, bro. You want to be poisoned? Maybe I do. How do you know? I've never eaten a pretzel in my life, but so maybe I have no skin in the game. You've never eaten one pretzel. Nope. Well, as you can see, I am wearing a vest full of pockets of pretzels all up and down.

This is like a John Popper style vest, but pretzels instead of all pretzels. I can give you one. Stay away for me. I don't want a pretzel. Now at this late date, I just turned 50. It's never too late to get into pretzels. What? Wait, sing that again.

It's never too late to get it to pretzels. One more time? It's never too late to get into pretzels. Oh my God. Hey, August. Yeah? Would you ever consider a change of career? Whoa.

Oh my God. What kind of a career you're talking about? Salt Inspector for something else? The members of Roccapella are dropping like flies. Oh, man. Could you come in and be one of the members of Rockapella? Hot Dog looks so sad. What do you mean?

Why are you offering August later place in the bed when I want to be the band? I've never heard you say, Cool Cat. Meow! It never too late to get into practice! Oh, God. Oh, no. Now I'm worried about the introduction even. Have you heard of catterwalling?

That's really not cool, man. It's not a cool thing to say to a cat. It's based on cats. Yeah. Watch this now? Oh, where am I? I said, cat. What am I doing here?

And Lord Andrew Lloyd Weber. Sculptured. Hello. Oh, my God. Weber. Ale Dubs, what's up? Jason Mantuckus. Great to see you.

Who are these people? Okay, now this is going to kick a minute. Yes, hot dog is here. August Lint. Yes, cool cat. Have you met? I haven't met this gigantic cat. Well, can you see.

Can you see his butthole? Oh, God. Now, you know, I have written a musical that features anthropomorphic cats. And yet here you are, the real article, ten feet tall. Yeah. I got a beef with you. Oh, no. What's this now?

I auditioned for that show. Oh, wow. I auditioned for the touring show. I auditioned for the revival in the western. I auditioned for the movie. I didn't even get a fucking callback one time. Well, well, I'm not in charge of the sort of the casting, you see. I maybe make final decisions, but in the early states,

that is being in charge. But I mean, I mean, I'm not there at the preliminary casting, you see. Well, I'm going to fucking audition right now. Memories all alone. This is beautiful. What will become of that deal with him. Don't make him mad. He's 10 feet tall.

He's towering above you right now. And he is our nation's first line of defense against poison pretzels that are coming from Germany. If I agree. August, are the pretzels going to England by any chance? Well, yeah, if they don't get all eaten up in America. First America, then over to England. What needs to happen as far as I'm concerned is you need to give Cool Cat a callback. and cast him in something in order to placate him

so that he'll be the first line of defense along with hot dog so that these pretzels never reach America and then, with sloppy seconds, to England. Who cared? I like your energy. Thank you. You've impressed me here today.

Your interpretation of the song memory was bold and new. Thank you very much. We'd like to bring you back to see how well you can move. Well, I move like a cat. Well, but that's, we'll have to have you meet with the choreographer and we'll see. Wait a minute.

Is this a co-bank? It is. That's all I wanted. Wow, Cool cat. Cool cat gets the combats. Will you please save his majesty and all of Britain from these poison brittles? So look, I mean, a hot dog, you've gotten what you wanted. And Cool Cat, you've gotten what you wanted.

August? I believe you've gotten what you want. Well, seems like everybody got what they want by me. Mason, what did you want, Mason? I don't know. I don't want much. I guess I just want to meet my real parents. Wow, wow.

Do you know anything about them, any facts? Can you go into your mind palace and tell us what you see when you're in that crib? Yeah, hold on a second. Is there a calendar on the wall? Shish, sure, sure. Okay, I'm back. Oh, wow. Oh, okay.

Essentially, I see a big mobile, and I hear like a nursery rhyme, but just a instrumental version. Oh, okay. So no singing whatsoever. No. Okay. So your parents are people who don't like singing. And I saw a lady leaning over me. Okay.

And she was saying, you're my beautiful boy. That's probably your mother, young child. Then I saw a big lizard knocking her out of the way. Wow. So you're remembering the night it all happens. I guess. Okay. And essentially, the lizard says, I'm going to take you home now.

Was there maybe a checkbook on the desk that had their names on it? Yes. Or I know you were in a crib, but could you read any words? Yeah, I remember seeing a checkbook. Can you read, like, what any of the recent, like, is it, were there carbon copies? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I can see the imprint of the previous check. Good, good, good, good. What did they say?

What do they say? The check says. Mr. and Mrs. David Klaug, 1-2-46, Elmhurst Drive, Denver, Colorado. Okay, so you got to keep your last name. Yeah, I guess so. So David Klaugge is your father? Yeah. We could look up and give him a call right now.

Sure, and they 8-0-014 zip code? Yeah. Okay. I mean, how many clodges could be in the phone book. Yeah. Sure. Okay, let's see. I'm reverse phone booking it here. David Clodge, Denver, 8001. I got a number right here. Great. Call it. Go on it. All right. Here we go. Let's see. Calling. It's ringing. Hello. Hi. Is David Clodge there? Who is this? This is Scott Ackerman, Comedy Bang Bang. Podcast.

That means nothing to me. A cereal. The podcast. Oh, podcast. Yes. Podcasts. Okay. Conan O'Brien. Oh, podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark Merritt. Oh, podcast. Yeah, yeah. Comedy, bang, bang. Dax. They're all colleagues. Podcast. Aren't your expert? They're all colleagues. Called her daddy. Podcast. All colleagues. Comedy bang bang. I'll have to take your word for you. A niche podcast, maybe. Well, let me ask you a prank podcast. No, no. We're not a.

You've got a lot of nerve calling and using that name. No, no, no, no, that's not what we're doing. We're not a crank anchor. We are, this isn't, we are in the rare position right now to be, this is Jason Manzukes. To whom are we speaking? Is this David Klaugge? No, this is Lillian Klaugge. David Klaug was my husband. Was?

Past tense? Are you divorced? Yes, I wish. Oh, no. You wish you were divorced? I'm a widow. Oh, no. Mason, don't listen.

What did you say? Uh, don't listen, Mason. Oh, no, no, no. I wish we'd done this off mic. Yeah, I'm so sorry that you're a widow. You wish, you'd rather be divorced than a widow. Because my husband would still be alive. But you'd hate him.

Not necessarily. People split up for lots of reasons. Like what? Sometimes you just grow apart. You don't have to hate the other person. But usually you do, right? What is your problem? Scott, what are you up to, man?

I'm just, I'm sorry. I, can I ask you a question? question? I guess. A few years back, about 10 years ago, did you have a child with a late child when you were 45? Yes, a miracle baby. With David? Yes, we did have a child. Oh, boy. And can I ask what may seem like an even stranger question than have you ever seen the Dread Zeppelin documentary? Which is a perfectly normal question as far as I'm concerned. That's right. We are over 50. Was your child abducted

by there's no other way to say this, but a lizard person? Yes. Thank God. Thank God what? Thank God he was abducted. Having a child was the worst decision we ever made. Uh-oh. If you remember, the lizard person knocked her out of the

hang up, hang up. It really drove a wedge between us. So you almost got divorced. Mason, why don't you come over here, Mason? We did it because we thought we should, but we weren't cut out to be parents. All right, thank you. It's great. I just want to hear that story. It's great to talk to you.

See you. Bye. Was that my mom? No. No. My mom and dad are still out there somewhere. Well, I think what you should think about, though. Maybe not right here.

Oh, ALW. You're getting this? Maybe somewhere else. There's a mom and dad who. left me on a shelf. Cool, Cat, are you going to let it steal your thunder like this? Maybe they are tall. Maybe they are short.

I have to say, that was beautiful. That was gorgeous. I am. That genuinely brought a tear to my eyes. Can I ask August in Cool Cat? And Hot Dog, why are you wasting your time with these? Other bands. Form a band now.

Form a super group right now. ALW, you produce it. And forget all about rockapella. I think this is a great idea. What does Hot Talk do again? Huh? Are you kidding me? Doop do do do do do do.

Did that answer your question? Ask and answered. I am most gratified. So I think, yeah, there's a great archipela group. And then who cares if Sean and our Rockefeller gets in the rock and roll Hall of Fame. You guys will be there in 25 years. Yes. By the way, who cares about the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Why not instead have an honor that means something? Set some sort

of goal that you can crush. You're right. Let's burn it down. Well, I don't know. Jason's right. Join with the lizard people and burn it down? Yeah, man. I got to warn my uncle Tim because he lives under there. Wait, you guys are aligning yourselves with the lizard people? I'm sorry to throw a wrench in the works, but I'm I've got a co-bag for cats. And if I get the gig, I'm doing it. But Cool Cat, do you see? We could work together in this new venture, something original, something where you'd have a

creative part. And you shall all wear tunics like the sleastack, the one smart sleestack from Land of the Lost. The one who could speak English relatively well. Yes, Enok. Yes, Enok, of course. I wonder if someday. Of course, we're all over 50. We know these.

We know Land of the Lost. My two-wheeled holly on a routine expedition Met the greatest earthquake ever know All about the rabbits It grew their tiny raft And plunge them down ten thousand feet below To the land of the last Yes. Oh, my God.

I wonder if someday someone will make a one hour and 22-minute documentary about this band. Wow. Number one. Yes. Just the stuff. Good shit. Fun times. Great oldies.

The whole office can agree on. You don't think there's somebody in the office that's like, oh, I can't fucking stand these oldies. Generally, I was a bullfrog. Get the fuck out of here. I do remember a certain. doctor's office that I used to go to every time I would go downstairs to get the they had a pharmacy attached. This is your plastic surgeon.

Yes, yes. So anytime I go down to the pharmacy to get the Botox injections, they there would, they had the people who worked at the pharmacy were there and they would have a certain radio station on, L.A. radio station on. You'd say Kagey, a certain radio station. I don't even know what it is.

I don't want to blow up its spot. But anytime a certain song would come on, not a certain song anytime any of the songs they would play would come on they all go like oh i love this one and i do remember doctories i think it's not over came on they were like oh yeah that's adorable so i think i think first of all when you're when you're at a job that allows you to play the radio it's fun to hear songs sure and so they and and then i i think they probably like the minute they got home they turned the radio off and weren't allowed to like their lives were

busy with family. Oh, it's a flip-flop. They're not allowed to listen at home. They can only listen at work. Yeah, so it's like when you're,

so I just really enjoyed that. But do you think you were, you were encountering every time you were encountering them hearing a song

for the second time only? These were all songs that were pretty well known, I thought. But if they're not allowed to listen at home, yeah, that's a good

point. That's a good point. You know? I had to listen to the radio, not had to, I had a job when I was Yeah,

it's a privilege. 23 or 24. at the center theater group here which does the Mark Taper Forum and all that kind of stuff where I was, they were switching warehouses like prop warehouses

and it was our job me and my friends Yeah to like spackle all the peeples that you made in them were the dressing rooms Yes exactly Yeah exactly No it was our job to

to like move everything over into the new space That sounds miserable Clean the old space You know all the old space Yeah I mean you know But the fun party was just me and my friends like goofing off all that

And, you know, it was probably one month of work that we stretched into six or whatever, you know. But we, we listened to the radio for all eight hours that we would be working. And we listened to K rock. And it was a real education in like, oh, wow, they play certain songs every two hours on the two hour mark. Wow. Whatever their biggest, like, these are the songs that are, that ever, like, they want to really make sure. that if you are driving at any point during the day, you're going to hear that song that is the big popular one.

Think about it. When do people drive every two hours? We're going to get them no matter what time they step in the car. So just that summer, I remember like hearing one offspring song so many times that six months. Every two hours it would play. I think it was keeping seven hours. Hey! Come out and play. Um, anyway, fun summer.

Relatively. Thanks for the wrap up. Yep. And fun episode. Gene Shepard over there. Fun episode number 900. That was really fun. Cool cat, obviously, the character was.

Andy was not, again, I want to stress, like, we don't know what we're going to be talking about when we do these episodes. You comedians playing the character, sometimes you'll come in with an idea. I think Andy maybe comes in with one idea of, like, oh, I want to mention this while I'm doing it, usually. But he was not prepared to play Cool Cat. No, no one was. And yet does, like creates this Cool Cat character, which sounds perfect, of course, like Andy. And then doing Andrew Lloyd Weber and Ernie Rocks and everyone, none of that is planned.

All of it is really fun. And those are some, I like that this year we, by the way, also we bookended the count. down with the first episode was you and Andy and then this last episode is you and Andy as well. The symmetry. The symmetry. That's what you want in podcasting is symmetry. Yeah, it's true. And that was just...

That's why the last episode of the Joe Rogan show should be just as stupid as the first one. I think it might be stupider, unfortunately. But that's fun. And episode 950, by the way, is coming up in about a month. It's so true. Yeah, so if you like that, keep listening for a few weeks. Gerd your loins. loins, girders.

Let's talk about the stats. This is what everyone tuned in for. People like the numbers. We got almost 30,000 votes this year. I don't know whether that's a lot or a little. I have stopped comparing it, comparing years, but that feels like a lot. Do you have it recorded somewhere? On all the previous episodes, we talk about it.

I just have never. Oh, I'm not going to do that work for sure. Yeah, definitely not me. We usually talk about the performers who made multiple episodes. Now, Paul, we mentioned this before. But it bears repeating. It bears repeating. You did the least amount of episodes you've ever done this year on Comedy Bang Bang.

You did seven episodes this year, eight if you count the music man watch along, which was something we recorded for. CBB presents over at CBB World that because of the LA fires, we, uh, the only, the only time I think, um, and I mentioned this on CBBFM, uh, another show at CBB World, but, um, the only time in the show's history, I think that the show has been disrupted like that, where we didn't have an episode to put out. Wow. Wow. And so we, we needed to put out the music man watch along. Yeah. Which we had just come out a couple of weeks earlier, which if you haven't heard it, it's very fun. it's um all was born out of uh a disagreement paul and i had about the music man so we watched the movie with paul doing two characters simultaneously um which was very funny but because of the fires suddenly everyone in l.a had packed up and went to different places yeah and no one was had their recording equipment so um we had to put out the music man watch along as an episode but that wasn't

that's not a real episode but you did you did seven actual episodes normally you do at least 12. That's one month. And so it's a little atypical, so that's why the stats are coming out the way they are. Let us talk about who made the countdown this year. There are several people who made two episodes on the countdown. You have Andy Daly, Lisa Gilroy, Charlie McCracken, Seth Morris, Jacob Wysaki, My Darmon, Greg Hess.

Sean Diston, Will Hines, Gil O'Ozary, and a very rare celebrity A-block guest making two episodes on the countdown. Ossivalee made two episodes of the countdown. It's rare. That's very rare, and it's his first times ever doing the show. He's in the two-timers club. Who made three episodes. You have Dan Lippert, and if you count the phone call he took during the Wayne Brady episode, Tim Baltz, made three episodes. I'll count it.

You'll count it. Who has five episodes? You have Jason Manzoukis, Lily Sullivan, and a person named Paul F. Tompkins. Oh. All tied for first in episodes. So five of your seven episodes are in the top.

Wow. The Neighborhood Liston episode just missed. By the way, we did our top 14. It was number 16. Wow, okay. Yeah. Well, that's nice. And for a minute, it was it and the one that

ended up, you and Andy were swapped. Jockeying So for a little bit when I was planning this out, it was like, oh, the neighborhood listen is going to be the first clip that we hear. And then there was a surge in the votes for the one that we heard. Was it surge from Beverly Hills cop?

It was, yeah. And Bronson Pinchot got involved and it was a really fun time. It's always fun when Bronson gets involved. It's always fun when Bronson gets involved. And I'm trying to remember your other episode was, I can't remember. I can't pull it right now.

But, but I mean, those are, that's a good ratio, five of seven. No, I'm, I am most gratified and I thank the listeners. I'm glad I got to be a part of such fun episodes. And, yeah. And yeah. The end. The fuck. Let's talk about the months.

We have December of 2020. Chow, chow, chow. December, 2024 had one episode. Boo. January had one. Fuck that. February had two. Okay.

March had two. All right. April had two. Okay. May had one. Then we skipped to July, which had one. August had one. And September had three.

Yeah. The months where, that are not represented on the countdown are June and October and November. And you know what's interesting. I was looking, I was like, oh, nothing from the last two months got into the countdown. I was looking at it. I think the opposite of recency bias has happened, because those are really strong episodes. Oldency bias. Yeah, where I was kind of like, I think people didn't vote for them because they're like, they're too new.

Right. The ones that from. I'm giving you too much credit because I've only recently enjoyed it. So those, that was my opinion. So you're saying they made a mistake. I think so. The listeners, yeah. Yeah.

The most in a row, 900, 901. and 902, three ups right in a row. And that was January, the last week of January in the first two weeks of February. Wow. So those are the stats. They're good stats. Good stats. Now, I feel like, and I've heard this from some of the fans, I feel like this is one of the best years of comedy bang bang we've ever done.

I feel like we're, we've been on a role this year. I feel like the quality of the show has, you know, show. get worse over time? Very true. What's your favorite show? 60 minutes. And just like that. Just like that got progressively worse over time.

When I think about it, yeah, I guess it did. I feel like we are getting better and better. Yeah, baby, after all this time. After all this time. I'm still having fun. I joke about it, about wanting to quit. But it's just a joke. I'm still here.

Look, and I thought about this about, look, we need a new tagline for the show. Yeah. We were Humanities podcast. That's right. Then we were Humanity and the Animal Kingdoms podcast. Then this last year we hit on, and I think we heard it in the clip, we hit on comedy bang, bang, we care. That's right. And I realized we, this year we, our new tagline, what it was going to be.

And this is January 1st. It's the new year. I mean... I want to debut it. This is it. It's comedy bang bang, unlike other podcasts, we won't quit. Okay. Because other...

It's a little wordy. A little wordy? Okay, how about we won't quit? Comedy bang, bang, bang. We won't quit. Yeah. Because you see these other podcasts like the what the fuck podcast and all these other... What the Fuck podcast wrapped up?

All these others. And they're. cowards and they're quitting. Cowards always quit and quitters always cower. That's right. And at Comedy Bang Bang, bang, we won't quit. So you're saying first proper episode of the year, you're going to say, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang, we don't quit.

No, I won't. But I will say it several times throughout the rest of the year. Why won't you say it on the first one? Because I already recorded it. And I didn't just came up with this. You can't dub it in. Comedy Bang Bang Bang, we won't quit. Yeah, clip that. And put it in the episode.

Can you guys just listen to that clip in the middle of next week's episode, this Monday's episode? I'm telling you, you have to ham-fistedly insert it into this episode you've already recorded. I don't think that I can do it. The people listening to this right now, knowing that's coming up, it's not that they're going to expect it. They want to hear it. They crave it. It's such a good slogan. Comedy Bang Bang, Bang, we won't quit.

Yes. Unlike other shows who just like, oh, I've done 800 episodes, or even 1,500 episodes, I'm going to stop. uh-uh not us baby do you know what i like is when podcasted do like eight episodes and then quit yeah i have a great idea for a new show and then no one listens oh what happened to that show you're doing oh it disappeared i can't find it davy copperfield came in here made it disappear according to Oprah our greatest illusionist the greatest illusionist the right time and Oprah of course we should take her word for a lot of things has given us such wonderful people yeah like Dr. Oz.

Dr. Oz, Dr. Phil, Dr. Victor Frankenstein. Dr. Dictor, Doctor. Dr. Giggles. Oh, Chris was responsible for all the horrible doctors. Remember Dr. Giggles. I'll never forget him.

Played by the L.A. law guy, right? Yeah. Good for him. Good for him! From Dark Man. What was his name? Larry Drake. Larry Drake.

Larry Drake. Larry Drake was named after one of the Great Ducks. Darkman. Yes. One of the great ducks. Larry. Great. There we go.

There we go. Um, all right. I want to thank some people. Uh, I want to thank all the team at serious. Who do we have? We have, uh, serious black. Sirius black. Um, we have, first of all, Kimmy Gregory worked up through the first part of May.

Yeah, Kimmy. producer. Then she moved on to greener pastures. Then Cody Fisher took over for a few months. And now we have a new producer, Jeff Fox, who just started recently. Jafat. Yeah, he's an actual fox. Is his name Jafox, like Jafar? Jafar, yeah. I think it's Jafar actually. It's not Jafox. I'm pretty sure it's Jafar who's just kind of changed his name.

Didn't you have a producer Fraw called Jablomi? Yeah, Henry. No, Haywood. my good friend Haywood Stephen Jablomi Henry Jablomi They call him Henry Jablomi They call him We want to thank all of them over

It's serious for first of all keeping the show going Week by week There's a lot of stuff that goes on behind the scenes Doing the bonus bangs And you know all sorts of stuff happening And then they've been Along with several other people over there at series that I don't even know them.

They've been busy compiling and editing these clips for the past couple of weeks and sending them back and forth to me, so a lot of shit. So thanks to all of them. We also want to thank July Diaz who was with us for forever.

I feel like over a decade at least, right? Oh, for sure. He was let go in January, but we want to honor his service. Thank you for your service. July, thank you for everything, man. Chris Todd, does all of our socials. Thanks, Chris Todd.

And thanks for being. so social. He's very social. Yeah, and he hosts socials every once in a while. A lot of times he posts things like, hey, how are you doing?

Would you like to come over? He's so social about it. It's pretty incredible, yeah. Want to thank Brett Morris, who I work with over at CBB World, and he produces, I mean, he does stuff for the main show as well.

He puts out the free feed version over at CBB World, but he also, he's... Yeah, I'm not going to thank him on this show. I'll thank him on your own show. Yeah, he's on the neighborhood listen, he plays. I'm not going to fucking think him

Yeah. No. But I do want you to thank him once on your own show. No, I'll think him once. Oh, okay. Great. And only once. I want to thank the baker who couldn't be here today. Normally she drops off some things she's baked for us. I'm a little disappointed. We not get a baker. But she was indisposed today doing something else with another part of things that are going on down here. So she couldn't she couldn't drop by. Okay. She's not sick. She's not sick. She was unavailable. She's doing another bit of business for us, unfortunately. But the baker, if you've heard about the baker on previous episode, she often drops by treat she's baked for us, little holiday cookies and stuff like that. And we have none of them today. Thanks for nothing, I guess. I want to thank our guests without whom the show would just be me

and no one wants to hear that, I think. I wouldn't mind hearing one of those. Just me talking for how long do you think I could do it? Just me rambled. How long do I think you could do it? Yeah. 15 hours? How long?

And be entertaining. You can do an episode length of talking. I probably could. Yeah. Just talking about whatever. Yeah, yeah. I think that would have frightened me to death when we first started doing this show. Why don't you do one just to have it as an, you know, in case of emergency break class?

So we don't have to do a music man type episode again? Um, I, you know what? On this show, sometimes we are two months ahead. Yeah. And, and we were like that for the, for the last few months of the year. Like, I'd recorded some of these episodes. so long ago. You never know who's

going to get canceled. That's the thing. You know? You want to release them before people get canceled. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because a lot of things you'll ask, yes, like,

do you think you probably canceled? Any skeletons in your closet? You think you're going to come out? You do like a presidential, you know, campaign. Yeah, everyone used to be properly vetted. Yeah.

I want to thank you, the listeners. There's a lot of you have been listening. Sometimes people write to me and say, like, been a listener since the Indie 103-1 days, which is the, very first year we ever did it. Some people are like, I've been listening since the 10th anniversary, which is like even six, that seems like it's, it was so far long after the show started, but that was, that was six years ago, or 10th anniversary, you know, so it's like, this is,

the show's been going on for over 16 years at this point. And some people have been here for a long time. Some people have been here for a short time. Whatever the case, I appreciate you listening. And hopefully we've brightened your days and sometimes your nights, if you know what I mean. This show, I got to say, the fans are the greatest. People come up to me all over the place. Anywhere I go. It's why you wear that illegal bulletproof fest. It's not illegal.

You're allowed to make your own bulletproof vest. They can't stop you. You're allowed to make it. You're not allowed to wear it in public. I don't wear it. I just have it on my shoulder. Oh, okay. So you're just like transporting it.

Yes. But people come up to me. They're always nice. They're always respectful. I really appreciate it. And it's nice to know that, you know, you're reaching people and that you're entertaining them and that it means something to them is very gratifying and very humbling. And I really appreciate it. It is New Year's Day.

And so I wanted to be the first person to thank you, Paul L. Tompkins, for being on the show. It's wonderful that you're here every, I'm the first person who's thank you in the new year, right? Somebody did beat you too. Fuck who There's Markmanor God damn He has so much time He quit his show

He's just been thanking people Oh man He's been going through And he's finally up to the teeth Going through his Rolodex He has Rolodex His Robolex Thank you

Thank you for having me be A part of the show For so long And Doing these countouts with you Is so silly and fun They're so fun I will say

As I've said before I count the hours That I spend in this room amongst the happiest of my life. And only this room, because before like five years, like 11 years of the show, you hated it. And then we moved in other rooms, yeah.

Yeah, we moved into this studio. No, this room is happy. Yeah. Yeah. Great. That's going to do it for us. But before we go out, we have one, well, we're going to play the snowman game until the snowman looks at us. Yes. At one of us. And whoever that is is going to have a great 2026. That's right.

And whoever it doesn't look at is going to have a terrible 2020. Now, Scott, will you do the honors of pressing the hands? I certainly will, yes. All right, here we go. Here we go. He is just over my shoulder. Now spinning around, hit the chips. Now he's looking off to the right of Paul, spinning around again. He is now directly away from me.

Spinning around again, this is his third time. He's back to looking over my shoulder where he started. And now his fourth and final spin. Nope splitting the difference between us All right Here we go again Fire is so

He's spinning around again And he is winding up Directly opposite of where he was Now he's spinning around again And he is directly opposite of me again He's hitting that area so much Now he's looking pretty much right at me Now he's spinning around again.

Nope. Now he's opposite of where he was the last time he landed. All right. Here we go again. He's dancing in place, spinning around. Now he's a little closer to Paul now. He's inching closer to Paul. Now he's back to where he was at the top.

Now he's spinning around again, and he's, He is back to where he was again. What a strange little guy. Weird. He's kind of inching towards you each time. I feel like he's going to hit you. This guy's weird. This guy's a weirdo.

Okay, spinning around. Spinning around again, he is now kind of over Paul's right shoulder. Spinning around again. He is over, he's in the same place, over Paul's shoulder again. But this time I bet he looks at Paul. No, he's splitting the diff again. Oh, okay.

Here we go. We're keeping on going. Okay, spinning around again, and he's splitting the diff between us. And spinning around again. And now he's back to sort of that area that he loves so much. and spinning around again and kind of looking at neither of us here we go

so close I would have taken it but he's over your shoulder okay here we go he's off of Paul's right shoulder doesn't count okay he's off my right shoulder now now he's looking right at Paul, but he hasn't ended yet.

That's a good omen, though, when he looks at you at number two, because you know he's not going to do it on number three, but he might on number four. Here comes number four. What do you think? Left shoulder? Wow. Here we go. This is the most thrilling 25 minutes in podcasting.

He's looking, is he looking right out you now? He's over your shoulder, Boulder, holder. Okay. Now he's over my shoulder, my right shoulder. Okay, spinning again for the third time of four. He is moved off my shoulder. And now, fourth time. Split in the diff again between us.

This is very close. To have it exact is pretty tough. That's the thing. But that's what makes it so exciting. Oh, he's, no, he's off my left shoulder, I would say. At this point. Spinning around again, he is. is away from us.

This is the third spin, and he is away from us again. Fourth spin is the one that counts. Here we go. Whoa! Right at me! Scott, congratulations. 2026 is going to be...

Hopefully it's going to be as good as my 2025. You're going to have... This is your year. This is your year, baby, and I'm happy for you. Wow. Thank you, Paul. This is incredible. It really is incredible. It feels so good to be looked at. and to be blessed by the snowman

oh my gosh I wish I'd recorded it I'm sorry that I didn't oh that's right we usually video it but uh you can imagine it I was doing a pretty good job doing the play by play yes absolutely um that's going to be it today is January 1st we're going to be back on Monday with a new episode

uh that has Ben Schwartz our friend who's been we'll talk about how long he has been doing the first episode of the year on that episode it will also be the first episode with the new catcher Newcast phrase shoehorned in elegantly clumsily shoehorned into the episode, which is, of course, comedy bang bang, we won't quit or we don't quit. I can't remember which one it is, which is better. We won't or we don't. We won't quit. Unlike other shows, we won't quit. Because we don't quit means we might end up quitting at some point. Yeah, but we're, we're never going to quit. We won't quit. That's my pledge to you. Yeah. We won't quit. We won't quit. We'll be back here on Monday. with a new episode. Paul and I will be back in one calendar year

to do the best of the year that is about to come. And that's going to be it for us. Should old acquaintance be forgot and never brought to mind?

Should old acquaintance be forgot and is of old lang syne. For O'Langine, my dear, for O'Lan, my dear, for O'Lang-Sign, will take a cup of kindness yet, Four. Bye Bye