Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: 2024 Tour, New York (Mike Hanford, Paul F. Tompkins, Ego Nwodim, Carl Tart, Lisa Gilroy)

Episode Date: June 18, 2026

This Bonus Bang is live from Brooklyn! Scott welcomes to the stage Beatles icon John Lennon, writer Hoover Personae, New York City tour guide Adrian Brothers, football legend O.J. Simpson, and lost little boy Dickie Donnelly! Originally released June 14, 2024. Special thanks to the Brooklyn Paramount theater! Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here, and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re-releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And, you know, since we're out on the road right now with our 2026 ground beefing tour, we thought this is the perfect time to showcase the fun and excitement of seeing Comedy Bang Bang Live. And so this week's bonus bang is the latest in the series that we're calling Globetrot with Scott, where we're featuring some of our very favorite live shows from past tours. Now, this one is called 2024 tour New York, and it was recorded at the Brooklyn Paramount Theater

on June 14th, 2024, and this was the second city we stopped at. It has Mike Hanford as John Lennon, Paula F. Tompkins as writer Hoover Personae, Ego Wodom, you may know from SNL, as Adrian Brothers. We have Carl Tart as OJ. Simpson and Lisa Gilroy as the perpetually lost boy Dickie Donnelly. Now, as you'll hear, the live shows full of surprises with the funniest guests, the greatest

crowd. So come on out, join us for a one-of-a-kind good time. We're actually going to be back in New York City on June 24th at the Town Hall on West 43rd Street. For those of you outside of the Big Apple, we're still in the early days of the tour, so there's plenty of ground left to beef. So hopefully you can catch me along with PFT and the CBBB All-W. All-Stars as we put on shows in cities near you. You can check out all of the tour dates and buy tickets at CBBworld.com slash tour.

So if you enjoy this show and you want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as shows like CBB Presents and Scott hasn't seen, The Neighborhood Listen, Collegetown, become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the CBB archives, every live episode we've ever done, add-free new episodes, and more original shows. Plus, you'll get all of the live episodes from this tour we're currently on the very next day after the performance. We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Come a deep back by.

Come to be my bye. Come back, my. What's up? I offer you the finger. You give me the fist? Get to your seat.

He literally was like, reaching up. I went down at him and he turned it into you. Hello, Brooklyn. How is everyone? I have to do this.

Hold on. Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your. ears, I promise I'll return them by next Thursday at the latest. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you to J-Men, the Great for that catchphrase submission. I don't think it's going to stick, judging by the reaction in this room.

Oh, welcome to Comedy Bang Bang. This is a beautifully, newly refurbished theater, the Brooklyn Paramount. This place is Gore. Has anyone been to a show here before? Receiving mixed messages here. This gentleman up here has. Thank you very much, sir. One person. This place is doing great. No, this is gorgeous.

This is an amazing place. Thank you so much for coming out. My name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you. We have a fantastic show plan for you here today. And tonight, I guess. What time is it?

We just got here into town. How many people have? I have never seen a Comedy Bang Bang Show before. That's too many. Do any of you have any idea what it is? Okay. All right. All right, not good.

This is a real blow to the ego. For those of you who don't know what's about to happen tonight, it's sort of like a talk show. I'm the host. We'll be welcoming several guests here tonight. These are unplanned conversations, conversations that have never been had before, unless you're Alley Peterson, in which case we'll cover some of the same ground we have before, I'm sure. And we have not discussed what we're going to talk about. In fact, none of us have ever met before, I believe.

And we're just going to have a good time tonight. So we have a great show. We have a musician. We have a writer. We have a New York City tour guy. We have an actor. We have a little boy. So many great... So many... A little tiny boy. Yeah. How many shows have you been to

where there's a little boy on stage? Not too many. I saw the Stones in 67. They brought an eight-year-old boy up. There's a feature we've been doing on the show here. Anytime we do a live show. Some of you know what I'm talking about. to talk about. I call it the most exciting 15 seconds in podcasting. It's a little something we call

the balcony report. I'll just explain briefly what this is, as brief as I can, because it's sort of, it's a complicated concept, but I'm going to try to nutshell it down for you. Essentially, in every venue in which we perform, I will be reporting to the crowd and to anyone listening at home. How many balconies are in said venue? Now this is not to excite the people in those balconies because they're assholes, they didn't pay the money that you guys paid. Real cheapos up there. So this is not a shout out to them at all. This is merely to excite those of you down here saying, I'm glad I'm not up there. Now this is a complicated one, Brooklyn, new venue. I can't quite get a handle on this. I've looked at a seating map. It was not helpful. But I'm hearing woo's from up there.

Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But what's up there? Is that anything? You think it counts? I don't know. You're not in architecture, I believe. That's nothing. Okay. So I am going to go with the Brooklyn Paramount Theater has one balcony. And if you thought that was exciting, there's a new wrinkle for this tour, which is I will be tabulating the balconies for the whole tour.

This is the third night, so this is going to be anticlimactic. The comedy bang bang, bang into your mouth tour 24, has had a total now of three balconies. Number one? You're saying that's the best number? Three is number one. Can you imagine how exciting this is going to be by the end of the tour?

We're doing about 35 dates. It's going to be a lot of balconies. We have a great show for you. Who's ready to start this shit? Why don't we get to our first guest? He is a musician. He lived here in this city. I believe, at a hotel just off of Central Park.

Please welcome John Lennon. Take the microphone from the seat you're going to sit in. Well, where would you like me to sit? Hold on, folks. I got here a little late so we didn't discuss any of this. Where should I sit? Sit. I don't know. All right, we'll figure it out.

Sit here, sit here. Sit here. Right here? All right. And then put this one over there. All right. There we are. There we go. Oh, I should stand and tell you. And then we...

We sit. Give me a hug for crying out loud. I'm sorry. John Lennon, everyone is here. How you doing, folks? Wow! Oh! What a slowdown there I just caused. We gotta get this thing back up.

How are we doing out there, folks? Is anyone alive? Ah yes, John Lennon, your famous stage banter when you would perform at Shea Stadium. Put those devil horns up, I'd say, Shea Stadium. Speaking of which, Scott, I hadn't seen what this comedy tour is called. what it was called. Comedy Bang Bang. Now, what's this? Into your mouth.

What do you, what are we supposed to think of that? I'm sorry, John. I know you're a bit of a prude. Were you... What? I'm changing that, by the way. How are you? Weren't you the guy who famously posed naked on the cover of Rolling Stones magazine? Yeah. I was going for the title of Prude as nude.

Sorry, nude is prude. Hey, there's two of them. There's two. There's two distinctly different titles. Top contenders, right, and I was going for, I was going for nudist prude. Who actually won that? I think Yogo did. God bless her. God bless her little heart. Jesus. Now, you haven't seen her in a while.

By the way, for any of you who don't know what's going on here, John Lennon. For all the partners of people who came with their significant other... Explain, I guess, start at the Beatles or maybe go earlier with rock and roll. Perfect. I can do that, I can do it, I can do my whole backstory, and under, who's got a watch with a stopwatch? I can do it under 35. Or maybe just a phone with a stopwatch. It would be easier.

People are using those now for everything. Not a lot of people are wearing stopwatches on their wrists these days. Well, sure, but then you've got the iPhone and they're making phone calls with them. What? I meant to say I watch. You had a phone, a, you know, it's not even called the Iwatch. What is it called? Apple Watch.

I have a Fitbit. Why? Keep an eye on my steps and keep my help you. How many steps does John Lennon do a day? A day? Yes. I'd say about 35,000. That's too many.

Because I'm moving. Too many. Look at me. Fantastic. You do, but I'm just worried. That's like doing a marathon every day. That's true. Well, not when I do some of it on a bike, you know.

That doesn't count them. You got to, but you got to think, though. That's one, two. This is like stepping. A half. Give me a half for each one. Whoa, my helmet fell off. Your bicycle technique is...

Well, I ride a recumbent, you know, it's up. It's way back. I've got... I'm usually pulling... There's two handles and levers, and I'm... There's no steering on the thing, which is so... God, geez, you spend so much money on a Cannondale bike

and they don't... It's got no... Steering apparatus. So I... I got a little confused, because I thought we were timing this whole thing. No, no. First of all, you only got to,

does anyone have a stopwatch? Right. You haven't set up the parameters of what you want, or... Right. Right. That's on me. I think you were going to say that you can do your backstory

in under some specific amount of time. I was at first going to say four hours, then I thought we don't have that type of time. I could do 25 seconds. 25 seconds. Can anyone... Let me do it, actually. Yeah, we don't.

They came here to relax. It's Friday night. Yeah, why put them on stopwatch duty? Okay. All right, 25 seconds. Yep. And go. Okay, in, I'm going to say, maybe 1942-ish, I was born.

Then, of course, there was a long, a wonderful childhood I had with my family and friends. And then I went to the, well, then I went to school. and I met... Paul McCartney. Paul McCartney. That's time. And the rest is history. The rest is history.

The rest is absolute history. Okay, so, but let's smash cut to... Ooh. That fateful day in December of 1980. Yep. Then it all came crashing down. Yeah. You were...

The weather had gone to shit. Monday night football, I was losing money on the Cowboys. I said, Yoko, let's go out. How much did you bet on the Cowboys? On the Cowboys? Yes. At the time. At the time.

What that amount would be worth now? If I took $1980 and to change the, not $24? We're looking at $15, $16, perhaps. But you know, I'm so crazy. I'm so crazy about gambling that if I lose. I had no idea. You, I keep it from, I keep it from certain people. There are certain friends of mine.

And that's, you know, tonight is a big night of, you know, this is great. We're getting to know each other. Why the hell? You've been on the show for a decade at this point. Can you believe it? Can you believe that? God. The times we've spent, we've traveled the world.

We've spent some time. We have traveled the world together. We spend Christmases together. John, I want to get back to what happened to you in 1980. I told you. I am on something that I had two. You know, I'm doing the do these days. I'm keeping an extreme.

Mountain Dew, really. And that gets me... Cardiologist says, I've got to cut that out. My heart's going to pop. But what would that matter? You would just come back to life, which is what I'm trying to get to. That's right.

I went down, a bullet hole took me down. A lot of that going on now, which I don't appreciate. Yes, that's true. Great thing to bring up. I don't think it is. Host away, my boy, host away. Pull us away from this grim subject. Let's veer right.

Thank you. Stage right. Stage left. But you were, the bullet hole actually took you down, not the bullet itself. That's good point. The bullet is fine.

It's the hole it creates. The bullet, I got in the bullets way. That's how I'm trying to look at it now. I'm doing a lot of therapy work. I'm trying to. Maybe I was in the way. Maybe number Mr. One, number rock and roll guy got in the way.

Yeah, your ego makes it think like, oh, someone shot me. Right. It's all about me. Me, me, me. Yeah. So what are we talking about? I know, it's one of those.

You know, I'll tell you something, and this is the truth. Marijuana is legal in this town, you know? In this town specifically? In Burbank. Brooklyn and New York City property. Thank you. And so are you, I mean, you used to do that back in the day. No, but I'm saying it's on the streets all the time.

You're probably feeling the effects. Oh, that may be it. Yeah, residual eye. It happens to be. And sometimes, Scott, you don't... You don't... You don't need to be on the streets. Whoa.

I don't... Are you sure this is legal? Oh, it's legal. All I'm doing is holding it. I can't hold illegal substance. Now, if I were to light it, Scott, that's what things could really... But I wouldn't have...

I would never. I think there's probably no smoking in the theater. Exactly. I'm not going to do it, because I respect the theater too much. Remember last time I was on this show? Actually, last time we were here in Brooklyn, I was putting together that Tiger Woods musical. God, remember that? I don't, but, uh, what, I wish I could forget it. So you, you were doing a musical about Tiger Woods, and it was covering everything, the car crash, everything else? Right. Well, the car crash, we kind of couldn't get right. Anyway,

We brought a whole car in the thing was a mess. So the first preview, we had the first scene, I think I talked about this last time. It's a bunch of golfers, Tiger Woods right in the middle, and everyone's hitting golf balls into the audience. And my idea was to use fake ones, whiffle ones. They wouldn't get hurt. No one would get hurt. Those still hurt if you get smashed in the face with the one.

Right, but we also were trying to have a little bit of a tactile experience in the theater. That makes sense. It does make sense. Well, I could go on about it. Modern theater. Forever. Please don't. Thank you.

I would get so lost. I'd be making things up at some point. So what happened with the musical though? So previews, opening night, we're shooting last minute. I said, you know what? Put the real golf balls out there. This is the fucking theater.

This is New York City. Well, I got to tell you, right? The first thing, we... So the first preview ends. And we get... We hear the... The words no director, a theater producer ever wants to hear, your show is closed and you're under arrest.

Can you believe that? They had every right to arrest me. Wow. Is this, I mean... Well, you sound like some of the people of the audience, ow, I do what they would say. I think they were saying ow. They were saying ow.

Yeah. But you got to, in the theater, you know, it's such an imagination, mind, space, Sure. Right. So you were arrested, so did you do time? Were you convicted? You think John Lennon is spending a night in jail? No, I got out of it pretty quickly. Pretty quickly. I signed a few autographs and the thing was put to bed. Was anyone seriously injured? Or? You know, I really, I focus on the audience while they're in the theater space. Once they're gone, they're on their own. And I love it that way. That's really the way I love it best.

I think it would be great if you came to a show and the, the creator. and cast checked in with you for weeks and months afterwards. That would be nice. Let's get everyone's phone number here. So I can, I'll do some, roll some calls. It'll make it easy. Why don't I give them your number? And then you can just pass on, just pass the number.

It's probably the best way to do it. No, no, we're not doing that. We're not doing that. So you're out of the theater, but you're back in New York City. Loving it. Are you back at the hotel? Back in the Dakota, yeah. Dakota, right?

I live. I've been spending a lot of time there. I took the, sorry I was late tonight with the rain. Who got douched in the rain today? It's a true wet day miracle. Oh, wet day, right. Right.

You know wet day, of course. Yeah, sure. I know of it. It's been told at me, people. Well, we told, yeah, the apartment's great. Yeah, you were talking about the Dakota, and what are your plans for 2024? We're about halfway through.

About halfway through, I'm looking at the, The summer here, this is summer, the summer months are coming up. I'm getting in the RV and I'm taking, really, just kind of a tour around Manhattan. Because, you know, you live in a spot and you don't see it. I go down to my, you know, corner store. The other day, and I said, the guy behind, you know, making the pinini for me, I said, my God, I've been in here three years straight. Straight?

You'd been coming to this place for three years. Consistently. and I said my God, you know what, man, what is your name? And he said, it was Anthony. I said, can I come around back there and shake your hand? And we did. And one thing led to another, I got into making some of the sandwiches and the pininis. I kind of, I don't really, now I don't really know what were we talking.

What were we talking about? You brought that up as an example of why you wanted to drive around in an RV. You know, you know, the thoughts they start, and then you just got to let them go, and that's how we wrote a lot of the Beatles music. Yeah, the Beatles, of course, yes. What was your favorite Beatles song? What was that one?

No, no, no, hold on, I'd say, okay, you put out, what do we put, eight albums out, you remember all the songs. Sure. I liked, I really liked little piggies. I thought that was a great one. I think that was a George Harrison. Beetle song.

That's my favorite. What did you like about that? The concept of, like, pigs? Kind of, the way I looked at it, Scott. I sort of saw this sort of Orwellian sort of take on things. The piggy's being the rich. I heard a yes out there in the audience. And the pigs were the, you know, the rich people.

I mean, that's a very facile take Right, I agree. Fascinating indeed. No, facile. You know, I don't know what that means. I mean, it's just, it's a pretty obvious metaphor. Right, and I got it right away on the first list, and I got it. So I felt, I felt over the moon, because I know these guys come in, I never know what they're talking about this song.

And I felt great about it. Were you ever there in the studio, like, trying to throw oink-oink noises in there? Yeah, not just for that song. My image of the Yellow Submarine song was, we listened to it, Ringo played a song. Sounds great, sounds great, I kept saying, sounds great. So Ringo would play it for you. Right, I'd say, Ringo, Ringo, Ringo, sounds great, man.

And then I'd go to the other guy and say, we've got to fix this song. This, this, this submarine has to be manned by a group of pig human people. And, you know, the mermaids that they would run into would be pigs as well. I don't remember that verse. No, that's what, no. Of course it happened to old John Lennon. No one listened to him, and we didn't do my ideas.

Ow! Sorry. No, sorry, Scott. I should have told you. I got terrible windburn. How does one get a wind burn on your back? Stand in wind without a shitan. I mean, come on.

It was, I should have known that. I was at the beach. Sun was blazing hot. and I had my shirt off for obvious reasons I was about to go swimming and the wind kicked up and I you know to shield wind in my goggles I usually wear beach goggles

to keep sand under my eyes and the wind's coming at me this way I said not this time and all the sand sort of whipped me in the back right on the shoulders mostly so when you touch me there I forgot to go ah I'm a swimmer am I moving around a lot I'm

God, I've been sitting all day. I've got to get up and do some stuff. You too, get to stretch. Everyone stand up and just move around. If you've worked an office job all day, let's move. Hello, buddy, how you doing out there? Do you write songs at a standing desk now? I do, I try to, but they all end up coming.

You know, it's a lot of songs about wishing, you know, wishing I could be a, wishing I was a lazy boy or wishing you were on a lazy boy? My knees are getting throbbing soul. You know that type of stuff. That's the thing. Most good songs are written when an artist is 20, because after you're 50 or 60,

you're just like talking about how uncomfortable you are all the time. Right. I'm uncomfortable, baby. Don't you want to give me a massage? Maybe that would be the next song or a verse. Well, now I'm tired. It was a long day.

I was at the library all day, sitting down. You were at the library? I needed a big table to spread my workout. In front of me. So you really have nothing to talk about. I haven't even asked me anything. I haven't asked you anything? We've basically talked about my history, which I can't think of a room with less people who would know my history.

I've got a big announcement to make. Okay, this is what I want to get to. You have a big announcement. I want to do it later. Let's just get, I want to... You want to do it later? Let's meet some people. Let's have some fun.

Scott, it's just let's let's, I'll get to it. I'll get to it. All right. So we're teasing a big announcement coming up at the, trust me, Scott, I'll get to it. Okay, John Lennon, everyone. Good night, everyone. Good, no.

I'll stay here. You're staying. In the seat. Yeah. Oh, my God. Scott, you seem tense. Are you okay? I'm great. Good.

Good, good to hear it. Well, why you're looking through that? Who came from the father's away? I'm just looking up our next guest's name. It's not a complicated... That could have been a quick... Bermuda. And then we would have been done with that.

Do you think that's how the Beach Boys wrote Kokomo? Who came from the furthest away? And someone said, Bermuda. And then someone said, Jamaica. They said, well, we can't say those, but they can't be there. But it sounds pretty good. All right, we have to get to our next guest. And I've never met this gentleman before,

but this is very exciting. He's a writer. Oh, paperback writer. That's another one of my faves, you know. Yeah. Right. Usually books start out in a hardcover. Yeah, that's right.

Okay. He's a writer. This is all I know about him. Please welcome to the show Hoover Persona. Been flanked by the best. Thank you, Scott. Thank you for having me on your show. Don't say anything, Scott.

Remember, we're not making fun of people's voices anymore. I'm just, it's always fascinating when you meet a new person and you hear how they sound. I'm reminding you for myself. Isn't that so true? When you meet someone and you think you have an idea of what their voice is going to be, and then they start talking and you think,

oh, I wish I weren't here right now. Yeah, that's my little joke. I'm not speaking of you, of course. It's a pleasure to meet you. Congratulations on all your success. Hoover, you're a writer. Yes, I'm a writer. I understand you right as well.

Have you ever seen a little thing called Shark Tale? It's part of the Shark Tale universe? the only entry so far. Is that a motion picture? One could call it that. Yeah. I was going to ask, what's your last name again? I didn't catch it.

Persona. Right, gotcha. I haven't seen the film in question. I'm sorry. Movies to me are like day old fish, so in a way, I suppose I have seen Charlottel. Don't think about it too much. So what actually do you write, Hoover?

I'm assuming not motion pictures then. No. I'm in the print genre. I haven't read a novel. Of course, I have one in my drawer. The novel? Every writer does. A novel, you say?

That's what I said. What are you reading? What? What's your reading, the novel you read. Oh, I don't have time to read what with my own writing. writing and my drinking. How much of your day is taken up by the writing?

A few hours. So the drinking is the majority of your day? Yes, but you know, it's a tool like any other tool. You have your typewriter, you have your pencil, you have your stenopad, you have your handle of vodka.

Are you looking on anything now? Why? John, come over here, John. Oh, okay. See, Now, this is what I was talking about when I first got out here. I didn't know what I was going to sit.

It's a whole thing with the sitting. I know, it's a big deal. Hoover, are you working on anything now, and what's it about? Well, I have a permanent staff position, and so I write a little column every week. Really? Okay, who's this for? Is it like... The Garden Grove Organic Supermarket.

I write their circular. What are you sort of... a tackle for the circular. What? Okay, I don't know if I'm speaking or the hearing aid is needed. My question was, Hoover, that's, what, uh, what do you write about

in your column in the... Well... I'm just trying to get something going. You're staring. Now you're concerned about this? I didn't... I have a tough time on Fridays. I forgive you.

Thank you. Well, it's simple, really. I write about the specials. I write about new items we've just gotten in. Sometimes I get into the personal lives of the other people on staff. They don't like that too much. So you're writing,

are you naming names? It's sort of a Ramona clef. Oh, yes, a fictionalized account of true details. Exactly. It's like to talk to a fellow writer. Much like what are some famous Romanoclefs? Between us can we name one? Gilgamesh.

So how often do new... How often do new items come in? Oh, almost all the time. I would say twice a month. I mean, that's a lot when you think about it. I mean, for a store. For a store. Because is it...

Do they lose an item when... they get a new one. Yes, they have the same number of items at the store at all time. The store is famous for it. If they ever sell out of something, they have to buy something new. They close the store down.

They hang a sign. They say, we'll be back when things are balanced. You don't see that often with stores. I'll go into stores and everything's... You don't know what's going on. There's no balance there. You feel off kilter. When you go to a store, you don't see it often, do you?

I feel like I'm being harangued for asking a question. No, I'm agreeing with you, of course. I'm putting together the whole thing here. He's hard of hearing with a bad attitude. So what are some of the... See, that one sounded more just like the bad attitude. I think he heard me perfectly. So what are some of the things going on with the employees at the store?

If you don't mind me asking, I mean... I don't mind. I'm an open book. Same question. Some people say, close at Hoover. What? Same question, but for the new products. Go ahead. Scott, I'll take you a question first.

Mr. Lennon, I'll take you a question after. Do you mind alternating? Like, tell us a bit of gossip and then a new product. Oh, that would be fun, especially because there's a special live show. That's a fun bit of business. Because these people could listen to this online or wherever, but this is live. We're going to hear it back and forth. That's fun.

All right. Let's switch places again. Oh, okay. If you could even switch me back to the Dakota. point, I don't even really mind. No, over here. Here. Okay, so, all right.

I don't like you in this chair. That's fine. Do da, do da. Now I've got to get back so I can see you both. Well, now I literally he's going to be confused answering the questions. You're talking more there? My question, though, Scott,

in this situation is if I'm talking, what am I taking something away from who, like, what's important here? What's the information we need to get to? You know what I mean? Yeah, I do. And we've asked him two questions,

and he hasn't even answered them, and you're jumping in. So stop talking. Fella do his little trap. All right, I'll tell you. The employees are man in the cash register is a jolly bunch. But don't you know, they're encouraged to be that way by management. Be friendly, they say, be approachable.

Talk about the items do you like when people are putting their items on the counter. Well, I happen to know that, let's call him Gary. He professes to the customer's faces to love the white chocolate almond clusters. But in the break room, he calls them lumps of chalk. That made me very unpopular with the sound. And Gary as well? Well, it was a scandal, of course. People would come into the supermarket and say,

should I buy the white chocolate almond clusters, Gary? Not his real name, of course. But everyone knew. Everyone knew. They're snickering behind his back, but he could hear them. He could hear the whispers. He could feel the pointing. His face glowing red behind the cash register.

Even ringing the bell when somebody does the thing that triggers ringing the bell wouldn't make him happy. What does trigger that? No one knows. And no one ever sees anyone ring it. Sometimes the bell just rings.

All right, and now a product. Peruvian cabbage. That's actually, you don't see that often. Wouldn't they have to lose to get that? Domestic cabbage. Oh, okay. They try to get as close as possible to whatever's coming in. Sometimes.

There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to it. Scott, you're going to be happy with me. I was just about to launch into a great... No, you know what? A great cold-colle-law. Actually, yeah, go ahead. A great-cold-slaw recipe. Hold on a second.

Can we get a spotlight? Do we do spotlights? We can move because I'm going to probably move around. Let's take all the house lights or, uh, all the rest of the lights down as well. Turn the lights completely off. Yeah, maybe get these screens off, too. Can we do anything about the lights up in the...

I don't even know what you would call that. Can't you switch off that exit word? So what I like to do is I'll start with a white... Why is this happening? You're right, bring the lights up. Sit down. Thank you. Thank you very much.

I implore everyone to find me after the show on the street and we'll talk about it. Yeah, please, yes. Well, fellas, here we are in the twilight. Just three boys shooting the shit. We'll get to tales of ghost inspectors. And we'll see who's brave. Do you have any experience with ghost stories? Yes, they come from a very haunted place.

Really? Where's this? New Orleans. Oh. Sure. where the famous interview with a vampire series takes place. Yes, also a Romano Clef. What was Lestat's real name?

Joseph. It's putting on airs with that whole Lestat thing. Yeah, it was based on a real guy who used to drink blood. He wasn't a vampire. He was just weird. How did you get involved in the supermarket? Were you a person who worked there, or did you shop there a lot?

Well, I'd always been a person who had an eye for supermarket produce and I used to go into supermarkets as a youth and I would compare and contrast the various producers that the markets had on offer.

And sometimes the proprietor of the market would get very angry with me and say, you come in here all the time and never buy anything. And I would say, almost done my studies. All right, that answers my question, I think. No, but how...

Did they offer you this job, or... I submitted a writing packet to the Garden Grove organic grocery. How many of staffed on this secular, the newspaper? What? I must just have a register he can't hear. What was in the submission packet? Here's what you're doing, dear.

You're rushing the first part of the question. And so I hear the second half, don't know where I'm going. Because I can barely hear you, too. I feel like something's going on. I'm looking right at you and I couldn't be talking more slowly. Because I'm barely opening my lips

will issue. No. My question was how many people are on the writing staff of the circular? You're looking at the entire staff. That's impressive. Yeah. Do you write the coupons as well? The coupons

are pre-printed. We did have experiment where I got to write the coupons for a week. Were you just making some crazy deals? People couldn't read what the discount was because there was so much pros packed into the little rectangle. The font had to be very small. That's was, when you write articles about the new products in the store, is it just a list or is it pros as well?

It's pros, dear. It's pros. I just don't know how you could make a list of new things. Oh, I'm so sorry. See, he talks slow, but that time he got to, before I even said my plane, he got it. Usually a clue is when he opens his mouth, he's about to say something. So then that's time for me to take this big mitt of mine and slap right on the mouth. That's right. All right.

Where was I? Yes, I write in prose. I write a paragraph about each item. And then I devote the rest of the column to what the staff is getting up to. and now they've ostracized me and I can't sit with anyone at lunch So you are working there? Yes, of course

I'll never give it up It's the greatest place on earth What do you love about it so much I mean it seems kind of It sounds depressing It's the excitement People need food They come in and buy it

You know that they're going to stain their life for one more day at least. Although I would imagine there have been a few people who have bought their groceries and then they die in a car accident. Seven. Scott, you're so morbid. But morbid, I was right. There's seven people have died on the way home.

Yes, they bought their groceries and they've gotten a horrible accident of the way home. All seven at the same time. At the same time? Was this a final destination kind of? It was the same accident. seven people coming from seven different directions approaching each other at top speed

with their trucks full of groceries. It was a hot summer day and all the eggs made a giant omelet right on the ass phone. It reminded me. It seems in bad taste. I have to say that. Got to get that in.

What seems in bad taste? I thought this was a conversation. What seems in bad taste? taste exactly. I guess eating the omelets off? I never said anyone ate it. You can write fan fiction in your head but try to keep it there.

Turning the microphone off right now. Do you find me a cervic? Am I allowed? Go ahead. Define a serbic. I know when someone's Starlink for time. Wow, so everyone ostracizes you. Yeah, I can't go to any of the

company gatherings. Like, What are the company gatherings? Do they have picnics? They have picnics all the time. I always used to hate that when you work for a place, and then they have, like, a picnic you have to go to, and it's like, I'd rather just be having fun on my own. Well, you know, I used to go to these picnics,

and I'd snidly comment about them to my coworkers, and everyone would laugh and laugh. And I'd say, well, this is ridiculous. Why are we getting in sacks to run around? Why are we tying two of our legs? together. Why are we carrying eggs and spoons? I hope that's not in poor taste. And now what I wouldn't give to be at one of those company picnics? I'm so sorry. Thank you. What was your name again?

Hoover. Hoover Persona. That's right. I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't blame you if you forget me. Soon I'll be forgotten by everyone. Punished for my sins. This is a sad, sad story. I know. All you're doing is putting all of your fellow employees on blast on a weekly basis. And somehow it's come back to bite me. So are you going to remain there much longer, or maybe there are greener pastures out there for you?

I can't leave. I can only hope that one day they'll forgive me. Have you apologized to them, Hoover? No. Some would say that would necessitate. What am I trying to say? But I can't bear it. I can't bear it and see their faces looking at me with such scorn.

Have you tried a blind apology? What does that mean? I'm just, I mean, I'm just making it up, but where you... I'm glad I asked. Where you come in, this is what I'm imagining it is, you put a blindfold on, you come into the break room. You turn around, face the other way

in case the blindfold slips off. I know I'm not supposed to talk. Do you say turn around or churn around? I'm sorry, I heard somebody say, Jesus out there. I just want to be clear, folks. Turn a churn. I think either would work,

but turn is what I actually said. Let's go with turn. Let's go with turn around, so it's a double-blind process. That time you did say turned around. I heard churn there too. But I get, I can't hear a thing. I am saying turn around.

Like the bird song, do everything churn, churn, churn. Churn around bright eyes. All right, we're having a little fun with you, Scott. Go ahead. And then you cast your apology. To the wall. To the window, to the wall. For how long?

And then you don't have to see their faces. But perhaps they will forgive you. you'll cast such a pitiful figure that they'll feel sorry for you. Perhaps, but I feel I've gone too far this time. The damage is done, and I'll never be accepted back into their good graces or invited all the events. What's the main event that you wish you could go to?

It's not an event I wish I could go to, but I wish they would come to. Every year, I hold my famous brown and yellow ball. Can I ask a question? Well, maybe he'll explain it. Maybe he'll explain it. Let him proceed and we'll see if... It's a wonderful party

where all the food is bananas that have just gone off and everyone wears either brown or yellow and masks. Can I ask, can they wear both? It's been done. But after the first person did it, it seemed to have lost a lot of its punch.

You're going to ask about the masks? Go ahead, John. What are the masks like? What's with the masks? Is it a, like, you know, sex thing? What's with the masks? They're just... I mean, anything could be a sex thing. I never thought of it that way.

Start thinking of it that way. It's fun. Hey, Scott, look in your hand. Come on, John. I'm just trying to make our guests feel, uh, uh, say. You're trying to be trying to. make it feel safe. Chad, I say welcome. You know, he's having such a tough time at work,

but I'm going to zip it up. It was comforting. The masks are traditional masquerade ball masks. Sometimes they can have an animal tinge to them if people wish. Much like the wicker man. Exactly. Every once in a while, someone just wears a Freddy Kruger.

Do they come with a glove with the knives and everything? No, just the mask. Do they have the fedora? That's an important part of it. Yeah. Okay. Because if Freddy is coming and he's just got the bald, you know... One, two, Freddy's coming for you.

So you have seen the nightmare on Elm Street series? No, I knew the real Freddy that the movie was based on. Okay, this is what you should have come out talking about. His name was Eddie Kluger. He was a school janitor that all the children were convinced. Vince needed to be burned to death. He went from school to school to school. Eventually, all the kids tried to set his cot on fire.

And did they succeed? Eventually. Children are very determined. And did he come back into people's dreams? No, he just died. Hoover Personne, everyone. Hoover. You know what? Maybe we'll...

Maybe you stay there and... I thought it would make more sense if the guest was closer to you so you could hear them. I believe they turned up the monitor, so are you hearing better? I think I'm hearing a lot better. Yeah, this is a wonderful situation now. All right. Are you sure you want to be that far away from your guest? Do you want to switch spots with me again? Here, tell you what, you move down.

Oh, okay. No, actually, you go all the way down. All the way? You want me to get down. Yeah. Actually, go, like, off... You tell me when to stop, Scott. Stop. Thank you.

Right there. All right. And Hoover, you move. Hoover the mover. Should I go down there? Hoover, you move here. You're sitting here. These episodes don't get edited, do they?

Now, I don't understand what that is. All right, this is like true talk show form. Okay, we all move down one. Oh, okay. I stay here. How's that sound? That sounds good to me. I haven't been fighting you.

this whole time. I've been very frustrated and very confused this whole time. I noticed. I'm not, I'm very, I'm very, I'm very, uh, I'm very flusted and upset. Okay, I'm sorry, John. Anything I can do? That means a lot to me. Okay, you say that. Okay, good. See, this is what I'm

talking about when I talk about apologies. You could do this with all of your coworkers. I wasn't paying attention. Okay. Let's get to our next guest. He is a New York City tour guide. This is, have you, have you toured much of New York City? Of course I have.

Where are you from, Hove? I don't think I got that when you came in. New Orleans. New Orleans. That's right. He is a friendly guide that takes us through New York City, showing us the sights. Please welcome Adrian Brothers. You better ask Scott. It's been a whole thing. You want me to sit here? Sure, yeah. Go ahead. Just sit right there.

I don't care anymore. I don't care anymore. I've folded so quickly, Scott. What a... ...stage. Just fucking Christ. I just wanted to make sure I sat right next to you because I understand that's how you want your show to work. Adrian Brothers.

It's so nice to meet you. Wonderful to meet you, Scott Ockerman. Or as I like to say, Ockerman. Are you from the islands? I want you to guess. I want to cancel you. New York City.

Well, I'm not from New York City, no. You think this is a New York accent? It's an accident I've heard in New York City. Sure, okay. Way to avoid the cancellation. Wonderful to be here. Wonderful to have you.

This is Hoover Personae. Hello. Hi there. It's a pleasure to meet you. Waguan. What did you just say? Waguan. If you make that too much of a thing, you will get cancelled.

Okay, yeah. Greeting where I'm from. Is that where Jar Jar Binks was from? Vultures in the house tonight. The vultures here. This is John Lennon, by the way. John Lennon. Hello, how you doing?

Oh, amazing. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing. I'm doing, I'm hasting. Amazing. Amazing. Amazing.

Amazing, yes. Hadrian. Hadrian brothers. So, yes, I'm a tour guide. I do hail from Kingston, Jamaica. Kingston, Jamaica. That's a wonderful, wonderful city. Okay.

Say more. A lot of. of a deeply enriched culture. Okay. You know, he's shaking up here. He's literally shaking. Oh, he's still nervous about the seating. Everything's okay, man.

We're in New York City. We're New York City. This is the great melting pot. Concrete jungle where dreams are made of. That's right. I'm a tour guide for New York City, yes. Yeah, what area do you cover? All of it. All of it.

All the burrows. So if I were to go on a tour with you. Including Joe. Really? Football player. Right, maybe I can do stand-up. Okay. That was stand-up.

When I'm doing the tours, I try to tell jokes. Oh, really? Oh, wow. Could we pretend we're on a tour maybe? We could... Okay, sure. Okay, here we are. Oh, okay.

Time Square. Are we on the tour as well? Are we on a bus or... We're on the bus, yes. This is a bus. This is a bus. You want me to drive it? Do you drive it?

I don't drive the bus. Then let's make it very real to work. A wonderful woman named Dorita drives the bus. She's amazing. You should see the way she handles that big car. All right. She does an amazing job. She just kind of turns the wheel.

Amazing. It's more than turning the wheel. It's navigating. curves navigating curves and reading lights. All right. Typical driving stuff.

You've never seen Dorita drive a boss. You know nothing is typical about the way Dorita drives the boss. Okay. So we are on the bus. All right. Dorita's driving. Here we, you're on the bus, John.

I'm on the bus too. Yeah, you're on the bus. Is it one of those buses? where it's open on the top. Does it matter? It would be nice to feel the breeze in the summertime. I get... Well, then yes.

It's open on the top for you. Thank you. What's your, your name is Hoover. Say your name. Hoover Personne. Hoover Personne. All right. Can you spell persona?

This is pure curiosity. B-E-R-S-O-N-A-E. Oh, okay. Just like it's spelled, sounds like it. It's spelled, all right. Just like it's spelled, yeah. I'm getting nervous. Okay, up here.

Oh, no, no. I don't usually tour this many people. Yeah, that's right. You know, maybe it's, it's, yeah, this is a lot of people to put on the tour. Just imagine that these people are on the tour, they're on the bus. Imagine they're in their underwear. John, those were the original lyrics, right? What for what, riding the bus?

I'm looking out the audience here. I thought I wasn't about to talk anymore. I don't know why I'm involved. I don't know why either. I thought I was just here to look at the rest of the... I don't know why you're taking time from a Jamaican man. Sorry, I'm so sorry, Adrian. Okay.

All right, so pretend we're on this tour. Okay, we're on the tour. Here we are in Times Square, or as I like to call it, New York City's Matt equation. Okay, that's pretty good. John likes it. No, I like that off-the-wall shit. This is great. Hoover persona is giggling.

I am giggling. I want to be a stand-up, though, you see. That's not my dream. That's not my passion. What is your dream? My dream and my passion. Well, my dream is, my dream is that one day, we can all see each other,

not by the color of our skins, but by the content of our hearts. Passion, right? It's a good dream. Original dream. Original dream, yes. My passion is for the Christ. My dream, that's my passion.

No. My career aspirations. That's something different. Okay, let's get to those. You should have just asked that. Why didn't you just ask that? Maybe because I said, but maybe okay. Yeah, what are your career aspirations?

I want to be a rapper. Really? Yes, so that's why I come to New York City, you see? Because in Jamaica, I tell people I want to do music, they immediately them assume reggae. I don't want to do reggae. I want to rap. Do you know any Jamaican rappers?

Go, quick, hurry. Shaboo, no. Shabarangs. Shabar ranks. Rapper? I don't know. Exactly. Here's the thing, neither do I.

Shaggy. Shaggy, it wasn't him, but wasn't he a singer? It's like I can get you to believe anything. Oh, it's good. All right. So I want to be a rapper. Shinehead. Shinehead?

Is that a racial slur? But you can call me Shinehead. I beg your pardon. That is a musical artist, Shinehead. Shinehead. He's a rapper. I don't know. Exactly.

So I want to be the first Jamaican rapper in Jamaica I'm making music. Everybody think I want to do reggae. I don't. Me don't want to do reggae. Me want to... Hip-hop. Who are some of your influences, if you don't mind me asking?

A sap Rocky. Travis Scott. Jack Harlow. Some real hip-hop there. Real true hip-hop. You know? True hip-hop. We're talking about something, you know?

Yeah, yeah. Well, like, what would you rap about if you... I have a song, actually. Really? I'd love to hear it. Do you mind... Do you want the world's lowest spotlights to come on? Somebody backstage, you know, they say to me, you can get a spotlight if you want.

I'm like, why are you guys pitching the spotlight so hard? I mean, I'll take a spotlight if I must. Be a nerdist. I gotta get out of the spotlight. I need to leave. That's how I respond. When they put the spotlight on me, all my friends left me.

All right. I need you all to remember. this is a rap song it's not a reggae song do reggae what Scott I was just ramping up you were telling us to sing

I was gonna I was just you were able to decipher what I was saying what a miracle I was trying to join in I'm sorry I want to be like

I want to be like Buster rhymes where you can't hear what he's saying I don't like that you can hear what I was saying yeah you want to be so fast

that no one can decipher anything I want to be the first Jamaican mumbo rapper. That is not to call Buster Rhymes and Rambor rapper. That is not to call Buster Rhymes, that is not to call Buster Rambraper. That is to say I want to be the first Jamaican mumbo rapper. Okay. You want another song?

Oh, that was, that was the entirety of one? That was one whole song. That was one whole song beginning, middle, and interlude hook, all of it. Okay, another one. Give me a one word suggestion. Dildo Factory? One word. I'm sorry.

I'll do factory. I'm in the factory. You know that's a factory. You know that's not fiction. No, that's a fact to me. Fuck me, fuck you. I'm finished. I am finished.

New York City. I'm a lot that I can get into the hip-hop industry. And I thought maybe here You people have a connection I came for connections Yeah, do you know any rappers, Hoover? What? I know someone stalling for time when I hear it

Do I know any rapper? Yeah, you heard me Repeat it again, buy some more time Do I know any rapper Any rapper? You need to do one where you hit the word any Do I know it? The cycle's complete

That should be enough time to answer And it's okay if the answers, no. I can't say that I do know if anyone I know is a rapper, but everyone has a private life. Break it down for me now, who've I'm personal now? Some people might be rappers, but I don't know it. That's fair. Because, you know, that makes sense.

Because when I'm doing tours of New York City, people are none the wiser that I'm a rapper. You never do your rapping? You never talk about it. I never do that. I try not to mix business. and pleasure. Yeah, I try not to mix business and pleasure.

Do you mix pleasure with anything? Well, sometimes a little salt or ice cubes. Those can be fun with pleasure. Do you ever mix vodka with Ben's a dream? It sounds fatal. Sounds like a fatal cocktail. It's all in the portions. Well, what's the right portions?

A little bit from column A, a little bit from column B. Okay. Well, I don't do drugs. I don't do drugs. I try not to cuss. You're a religious person. No. So, wait, so your passion is the passion of the Christ, the movie?

The movie. It's cancelled. My favorite white man is Mel Gibson. You want me to walk it back? I can't walk it back. Once I say it's in the eater. All right. Example, we're on the bus again.

Dorita is navigating those curves. Like the queen she is, we happen upon. And yet, actually, I want to walk this one back. We're on a boat. We're on a boat now. Is it one of those buses that turns into a boat at some point? I don't know those type, but yes. Like the duck, the duck boats?

Duck boats. Like a duck, what? Fan of ducks or boats or? Or duck boats? Yeah. Don't shame them. Don't kink shames. All right, so we're on a boat.

We're in the water. You know, New York City is an island. I did not know that. That's the other reason I came up here because I know islands. Is that what you moved to New York City? Well, to be a rapper and because I know islands. You must feel quite at home here.

I do. It's quite like Jamaica. So we're on a boat like we would be in Jamaica. and Scott, why are you smiling at me? I'm, you're very charming. Just so you know I'm straight. You called me Shinehead and you think you have a chance with me? Called me a shine head.

You know, you're going to lose your hair someday too, you know. And bald rappers are cool. Tupac. Very cool. Is he one of your influences, Tupac? I don't really like Tupac. No, no, no. More of a Jack Harlow.

Jack Harlow, A. Sap Rocky, Travis Scott. What's the one designer who did Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda, Panda. Love that one. What's Machine Gun Kelly? What exactly is he? What is he doing? Well, let's use our wits about us. Machine. He's a machine.

Okay. That's good. Okay. He's a gun. Okay. Right. So what machines are guns? What machines are? Well, guns are guns. Guns. Guns. So now we can just say gun. Okay. Cross that machine. And Kelly. Now what Kellys are Kellys?

Kapowski. Roland. Okay. So he's one of those. So he's one of those plus gun. Now who here supports of the three? Three Kelly's supports Gunn and Conway probably. So he's Kelly and Conway. Okay.

Thank you. You can get that in some of his lyric. Kelly and Conway. I would love it if people went up to Kelly and Conway if they were sorry and said, you're wishing a Kelly, aren't you? Just from this show. I hope to God it happens. At least once.

One, just one time. I hope everyone in this room meets Kellyan Conway. It's like he put a curse on them. Oh, no. She could be here. I put her as my plus one if she was going to make it. What? Yeah, we go to the movies all the time,

and I said, why don't you come? You're dating Kelly and Conway. I'm not dating anyone, but I'm going there to watch movies. Okay, big playboy. You are hunched over so far. It's fine. There's nothing wrong with it. Okay.

So we're on a boat. Run a boat. Remember all of us, we're on a boat. Okay, everyone. Everybody's on a boat. We pass upon the empires. No, okay, wait, I'm still learning. Empire State Building is the big, tall one.

I don't want to do that one. I want to do, we pass upon the statue of liberty. Liberty, Bibriety. Liberty, Bibriety. Liberty, Liberty, Liberty. Sorry, we are sponsored by Liberty Mutual, so I'm contractually obliged to say Liberty Bibbriety once per show. I know who I like is that emu.

I just found out his name is Zimu-Emu-Emu. Limu. Libby Mutual, get it. Oh. Limu-emu. I like that name. I'm still looking for a rap name, by the way. You don't have a rap name yet?

The one I'm toying with the most right now is take your time, Adrian. Because I really like A-Sap Rocky, and so I can be the other side. Take your time. I like that. Just take your time. Ty. Tight Adrian. What?

TYT. TYT. TYT. Take your tie. Oh. TYT. He's a writer. I like that a lot.

Tighter. Tight. I don't like that so much. Every time you say tighter, that's why I was tripped up the first time because I go, I don't like tight. I don't like that. Anyway.

Anyway, Anyway, Statue of Liberty. We pass upon her. We come upon her. We come upon her. Didn't say anything. You guys should have seen the way he was looking at me when I said it. He really...

Okay, Scott, sure, we come upon her. Oh, my God. What is a cream pie you're thinking about it so much over there? Before I became an adult, I just always knew, I thought a cream pie was the oatmeal with the Quaker man on the front with the cream in the middle. Scott, you have a chance to see. Are you here to say me too or no, I did not think that?

And I'm going to tell you what I thought cream pie was. When you say cream in the middle. Oh, God. Cream in the middle. But it's got much back? I've seen maybe a duo thing here happening. I would love to hear these two around. I can't rap with a comedian.

I don't want to rap with a comedian. Oh, I could do a feature on one year. Everything is a joke. You would be like McElmore. The funniest rapper, though. You have to agree. My favorite funny rapper, Andy Samburg. Andy Sandberg, so funny, so rapping.

Okay. Okay. So we come upon this statue of liberty. Or if you're Scott Ackerman, with cream pie. Okay. But on my boat, I would say, okay, this is the statue of liberty. As I like to call it, bitch, you need to calm down. Put your hand down.

How does that go over with the crowd, usually? Kind of how it went here. Yeah. and don't really like it, but maybe I'll try cream pie next time, see how it works, because that killed. I think that killed.

That legitimately killed. You were beet red when I said cream pie. Beat red. You know, beats aren't always red. Sometimes they're golden. He's right. Should we start saying that watches as gold as a beat? Yes.

I say yes. Anyway. Anyway, perfect segue. Anyway. I think I could be a talk show host, too, but that's not my career aspiration. I would love that, though. You hosting a talk show? Adrian Brothers Daytime talk show.

Daytime, really? I would like to do daytime so I can rap at night. Rapping is a nighttime activity. It is if you think about, have you ever seen somebody rap during the day? Only at Coachella. Yeah, maybe. I've never seen anybody rap during the day. No.

Have you ever seen Good Morning America? have a rapper. They don't have a rapper. I want to be the first Jamaican rapper on Good Morning America. Mel Gibson. He's still alive, right? We don't know how to say. I mean, I've been checked in with in the last hour. I've been on stage. Just say anything can happen in an hour. Yeah. That's what I tell people when they get on the bus that Dorita is handling like a queen. I never seen a girl drive so good. Oh, wait, you're giving her a lot of credit because it's a woman driving? Well, yes.

Yes. Yes. She's so good. Yeah. She backs into parking spaces. You see, with the big bus. Okay. Bus back into the parking space.

Sure. Sure. What do you mean? Sure. That's a big deal. I drive an obvious, Scott. That's a very big deal. It's a big deal.

Just getting that thing across the street. Who among us can back a bus into a parking? spot. It's hard to do. So, okay, I have a bus outside. I saw two people raise their hand right here. Are we going to go test them? Let's go outside and test. The whole audience, let's go outside.

Let's take those exit lights up. I'm just kidding. That's another one of my jokes. It didn't go over so well. But again, I don't have a career aspiration to be a stand-up comedian. You're doing a lot of jokes for someone who has no aspirations. No, I don't have any aspiration. It's not, people

are laughing too much in my opinion. Oh, don't worry about that. Society's getting to be too goofy for me. It's too goofy. I've said that so often. Society's too goofy. I don't know. For me, the news is too funny these days.

Did you see the roast of Thomas Brady? It's not what I would say is a news program, but it's... I get my news on Netflix. No. Okay, maybe I'll change it. Yeah, if Tom Brady were here, what would you say to him? Okay. I would say there was a lot of jokes about Giselle and the divorce.

And, you know, after the roast, Mr. Thomas, he said that his kids, he didn't like how his kids reacted to it. So I might say something like, Thomas, you're a goat. It's a good thing you're not a chicken. Like something like that. You like that one. I think. Maybe some.

Hoover Personne, I really like you. I like you. Would you like to come on and be my hype man? Maybe we can do a song together. I would love to. And you can be the hype man. You know how the hype man does. Of course.

Should we get another spotlight and see how this would work? Okay. But this time you join me in this spotlight. I will. I will. Okay. That's correct. Me can sing, me can talk, me can rap.

So many things. You have to admire it. Thank you. I think he's got the job. Wonderful, wonderful. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Wonderful.

Thank you so much for the opportunity to be here. All my passengers on the evening tour, they're outside on the bus. They're outside right now? I told them that we're coming to see Brooklyn, and this is an iconic part of Brooklyn, the Brooklyn Paramount. You can tell tourists anything, you know? That's the beauty of the job.

So they're outside on the bus, and Adrian is keeping them inside, like a bus. Adrian is? Oh, I mean, Dorita. My brain just can't... I just can't fathom to see a woman. You can barely even say the words.

A woman, do what she does. She drives that bus, drives that boat like she's licensed. Is the boat outside of the bus? The boat is outside as well underwater. I didn't realize. the boat was real. I thought it was just a scenario.

Sometimes we go on the boat. Oh. Yeah, sometimes we go on the boat. Dorita's not manning the boat, or should I say, woman in props to her for what she does. Props to her.

Dorita's manning. The people on the boat, they're swimming. We told them to swim in the water. The water's beautiful. Beautiful water. Have you ever been to the beaches here, Scott? They're gorgeous.

You get rocks stuck in your skin under your feet. Greece Beach? Oh my God, you must go. Trash, it a washup on shore. Look you in the eye and say, you take issue with me, go to hell. That's Reese Beach for you. Yes.

Wow. Rees Beach is a concrete jungle. I just want to say it. It's a concrete jungle. You should do a rap song about Reese Beach. Reese Beach. Reese Beach, that beach, Mitch Beach, Miss Beach. I'm mumbo rapping.

You must like it. Reese Beach, that bitch, my bitch, your bitch, two bitch, three beach, take me to the water. You heard him. Hoover persona. I really like this guy. And Adrian Brothers, of course. Thank you so much. I'm out of here.

No, please stay. Please stay. Because we have a guest coming up that I think you'll really enjoy. What makes you say as much? I don't know. Not sitting with Scott. You probe one bit more. You find that him don't know what he's talking about.

Just say it with confidence. But he gets to host a show, but I don't. We can switch. It's not my career aspiration, no. I would love it if I could come out last one of these shows. Can I host Scott for the rest of the show? No. Okay.

Now that I've got your attention, can I ask you why there's sunglasses on this speak in front? Who put that there? Okay. That's not Mr. Fingerman? It's like how the trash wash upon the show at Reese Beach. You know, somebody's body's gone missing in the water. It's very bizarre.

You want the sunglasses, Mr. Lennon? I don't want them, but they're taped on there. They're taped on there? Yeah, there's tape on here. Keep you to come on. It's telling the audience, we're watching you. Oh, yeah. It's taped.

You're probably not supposed to draw attention to it. That's the government. I think it's time someone does draw attention to the government. And that's where I'll leave that. I think the government is doing an embarrassing job. In America, the government is doing a hammering job. You know, I have another writing gig. I write text messages for the Democratic Party.

Oh, my God. Did you write that one that's like, if we donate 500K in the next hour, Trump will never recover. Here's some of my favorite ones I've written. Are you serious? You've gotten all of these texts and still haven't committed to vote.

vote for Joe Biden. You know, I got a text message like that and that was after I said stop in all caps. That's how it responded. We're not allowed to stop. You can stop. Once they get the number, they must keep going. If you don't watch the state of the

Union address, Joe Biden will be humiliated. It would make me tune in. I will say I wasn't going to tune in. You don't want that guy to be humiliated. I don't want Joseph Robinette Biden, humiliated. I know my stuff about America, by the way.

You look very impressed that I know his middle name. Ask me any other trivia about America? Any other trivia? What year was it incorporated? That's a trick question for this native Kingstonian. It has never incorporated.

Makes sense. Okay. More questions may pop up as the evening progresses. And I'll be ready. Wonderful. I'll be ready. How many days is February have in America? These are getting to be racist.

All right, we have to get to our next guest. Speaking of racism... I've just got anyway. Anyway, and then, yeah. Yes, all right. But racism played a part in his saga. I mentioned we have an actor here on the show. Please welcome O.J. Simpson.

Giant hands. Giant hands. Giant hands. More better to feel you with, Scott. OJ. OJ. Boy, I tell you, it is good to be back. It's great to have you.

O.J., for those of you who don't know O.J., I mean, some of you may be millennials or something. O.J., some of you may be millennials. And you don't know who I am. Scott, tell them all about me, your best friend. OJ, you played for the Buffalo Bills. Right here in the great state of New York. What year did New York receive its articles of incorporation?

First of all, Hoagie. Hoagie? I haven't been called that since the 80s. I'm just saying. First of all, Hoagie. I would like to... Please call me Horanthal. I'm seeing so many people with the lovely tour t-shirts, though.

I don't have one of those. I gotta get you one, OJ. I would love for you to be reping CBB. And can you please make sure it fits? What were you gonna ask? Thanks. You know, I know I look like the host of the show. Yes.

Because I would be a great host. How would you segue? I would be like, anyway. Wow. Mine. Anyway, you heard the man, get him a blouse that fits. Please get me a blouse that fits. Well, if it doesn't fit, then what?

If it doesn't fit, then you'll have to get me another size. I'm just saying. What's your name, sir? Hoover Personi. Hoover Personi. Take care of, my friend. Are you leaving? I'm out of here.

OJ., it's amazing to see you because there was a rumor going around. I think that you debunked in our L.A. show. My gosh, Scott, let me tell you, with this rumor, I have been to hell and back. Truly, you know, it has been a real debacle, if you will. One of the worst rumors I've ever done.

experienced in my life, honestly. Truly, one of the worst rumors I've ever experienced in my life. People were... Yeah, people were saying that you died. Can you believe it? Can you all see me? Put your hand through me, Scott.

Punch me. Punch me. Punch me. No, you're here. I feel you. Punch me, Scott. This is like the moment in Passion of the Christ where the disciples didn't believe Jesus was back. Yes.

But Horenthal is back. Horenthal, you're here, and it's a pleasure to meet you. It is a pleasure to meet you as well. Oh, wait a minute. Wait a second. Wait, one moment. Is that my old pal from the 1960s and 70s, my old running mate? Mr. John Lennel.

That's right. You're right here. I haven't seen you in a long time, Juice. It has been a while. You look great. I heard the news and I was devastated. I didn't tweet about it, but God, I missed you. Thank you for not tweeting about it.

You threaded about it, though, right? I always thread about it. I threat about every celebrity I know every day. Thank you for not exing about it. But you definitely threaded about it. Understood. It is great to see you. Great to see you.

Hey, we got to play golf again real soon. We have to. We played me and O.J. Just, God, if I'm allowed to tell us really quick story. Me and OJ played a round of golf where you had to take a piece of clothing off every single hole. If you won or lost? What?

Scott, what are you asking? If you won or lost? Usually you take a piece of clothing off if you've lost the hole. You lose the hole, exactly. I think everyone got it. Is that how you play it, freak boy? Boy. We do it a little different.

We just walked out of the locker room completely nude. Yep. And went for it. And you know what? People hated it. 18 holes. Two balls, one strike. We had baseball bats.

Who cares what you do out there? The game's so boring anyway. The game is stupendously boring. Scott, why haven't you been to brunch? I'm sorry, OJay. Are you avoiding me?

I'm not avoiding you. Scott, it feels like you're avoiding me. I have to admit, so, you know, my personal history with you. Wait a second, Scott. There are two people leaving right now. are you guys Hojay's talking, come on now

Horanthal is talking OJ doesn't like Can we get the house lights up to shame them? They don't hear us at all. We see you too. Bye. Bye, you too. You're making OJ mad here. He hates to see two people

leaving a place. They're in the floor and one of them forgot their glasses. Scott, before I go. You just got out. How long has it been, Scott? It's been maybe five minutes. Five minutes?

Yeah. Wow. Wow. Imagine what you can accomplish. Scott, it is honestly an honor to see you. It's an honor to see you. The one thing I wanted to say is, you know, my personal history with you is I was a big fan of you growing up.

And then you segued into acting the Naked Gun franchise. I was acting before that, Scott. Come on. True. Of course, you're in the commercials. First and ten, HBO's hit series. First and ten, where everybody can pick that DVD set up from your local marshals.

T.J. Max. And then you were in Naked Gun 33 and a third, and that's about when I stopped hearing about your exploits. Around 1992 or so. 92. Yeah. Good year. And then this rumor that was going around,

it wasn't the only rumor that I was reading about. I was reading about some crazy stuff. Yeah. You heard I got divorced. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. That was going around.

Was that true? It was true. I got a divorce. I'm sorry to hear that. That's tough from what I understand. Tell me your name one more time, Pam. Adrian brothers. Adrian brothers.

My rap name is take your time. You're a rapper. I am a rapper. Wow. Can we hear a little something? First Jamaican rapper. You can hear a little. The first Jamaican rapper?

The first Jamaican. There hasn't been any of this? Not the one. Try to name a little something. One. Shabaranks. Was he a rapper? Some might say.

But would you say? Perhaps. So can I take that? You're not under oath here. Scott, please. Scott, I also recall sending you multiple invitations to my court cases and you never showed up.

I have a friend that had a one woman show and Scott never showed up to that either. Yeah? He doesn't go to things. He doesn't go to things. Unless it's his thing. Yeah. Only his things does he go to. I barely want to go to my things.

You know, backstage, I want to tell the audience something. Backstage, he was cursing you all for showing up. He said, he said he hopes for the rest of the cities. No one shows up. And he got the ticket list, so he was going name by name. And he cursed you each by name. It took a long time. First, and if he said, plus.

He said you're plus one as well. It's crazy. You would think a man like this would be grateful. The only two people he likes are those two guys. They just left. They have taste. Scott, I got to get out of here. Okay.

I must see the city of New York. I'm scheduled for at 7 a.m. Hoge. Horanthal. Yes. Horanthal. I can show you New York. Yes.

I can, I know New York like the back. Of a bus. Like the back of a bus? I've got a lot of things I want to see here. Like what? Do they still have that pizza place? Oh yeah. They sure do.

Good. They sure do. And they cut the slices like a try. They cut them now. They cut the slices like a try. Things have changed since I was in Buffalo. Well, Buffalo's quite different from New York City. It is?

Sure. Lots of Trump supporters in the city. Well, I mean, let's not go too crazy on them. That's what I say. You know, that's what I say. That's why I like New York City. It's so Republican. Scott, have you seen a rat since you've been here? We got off the train and there were like three just scampering by. I just really felt like, you know, we were here in New York City.

Three blind rats. Wow, Scott. Well, I'd like to thank you for inviting me. You're doing your own wrap-up Is that what's happening? At the end of the day, Scott, when things come to it in, when we reach a natural stopping point,

at the end of a sentence is always a period. It's true. Take care. There's one bottle of water out here that we're supposed to split between us all. I'll take a cap full. The bottle up with that same cap, you put your mouth on,

may as well drink from the bottle. Now he's hungry. I think I was cunalinging the cap. He was, yeah. Cunulinginging the cap. John Lennon. Sorry, I was, I've just been in my own world here. It is so good to see you.

Not a fan. Did you enjoy how I was cunolinging the cap? Remember we used to do what we used to do in the 70s? Right, well, with caps or what else? Back then there was no plastic water bottles. You had to cunerlingi the glass bottles. Right. You and I would end up in the emergency room almost every weekend.

Cut up mouths. of tongues. What a time we had. What a crazy time we had. Are you still wearing fall watches? Yep. Yeah, you look great in those, God. One for London, one for New York,

one for L.A., and one for Dallas, Texas. Scott, before I go, I just want to say it is an honor to be here. Also, everyone who's here, make sure you describe to Scott N.I.' Describe. Make sure you describe the newsletter. Tell everybody what to read.

You want us to describe it? Hey Hoover, that could be a job for you, describing news. Describe the, oh, you could do that. Maybe I could in my own newsletter. You have a newsletter? After a fashion. I write it for someone else, but I like to think I put my own spin on it.

What type of things do you write about? I'm finding myself curious. New canned goods. They're developing every day, aren't it? Every day. Right. I write about people having affairs in the break room. Keep talking.

OJ. is very interested in this subject. Where do you work? I'm sorry that I'm maybe asking something. I work at Garden Grove Organic Grocery. In Garden Grove, California? No, that's just the name of it. Oh, okay. Okay. And you're a bag boy? No, I write the circular.

Okay. You write the circular. Yeah. Maybe graphic design then maybe is your thing? No, I'm literally writing things. Scott, I've got to ask a question before when I was asking questions to our guest here. I was shut down immediately. Yeah, I were going over things that have already been played with.

So my confusion here is, what's the beef with me, man? I've got to ask it, and I hate to do it in front of all these people, but it's always the thing with you, man. Answer him. Answer him, Scott. Tell him what the beef is. Lots of the beef, ma'am. I apologize, John. That's all I need to hear.

It's that simple. It's that simple with me. And Hoover, you could have that same kind of forgiveness. That's gross. I don't know. That's gross. Scott, do you forgive me? Sure, Jus.

Say it out loud, Scott. I, Scott, A, Scott Ackerman. Completely forgive and absolved. I hope to God. I hope to God vultures here. Say it, Scott. Say it, Scott. I, Scott, Ackerman. I, Scott Ackerman.

Completely forgive and absolve. Completely forgive and absolve. Horanthal James Simpson. Horanthal James Simpson. There. You heard it here, folks. Is that to say you think Horenthal did it? And so you're absolved it?

Did what? What do you mean? What are you talking about, you Jamaican man? That's a racial slur. Jamaican man is a racial slur. It was the tone you too. What are you talking about? You took a slurry tone.

I took a slurry tone. My tone was flour mixed with cold water. A flurry tone. What did he do? And if he did it, how? What did he do? Because what did I do, you Jamaican? I'm only calling out your national.

A boo in America because I'm not from America. Taboo the board game. Don't try to distract. distract. Horanthal here seemed to have you damn Jamaican what is it spit it out of your Jamaican mouth that's the slur you said it to the slurry win I didn't say any I didn't say anything spit it out of my Jamaican mouth farted out of your Jamaican asshole Juice, they're not booing. They might be booing.

I see some serious faces. Some people don't like when I joke. That's how I feel. I feel that some people don't like when I joke. Tell me this. Do you think this is funny? We're on a boat. Underwater.

I'm laughing. Already. I might have a... I might have a... I might have... have a career in stand-up, but that's not my career aspiration. No, don't worry, I got you. Every comedian

knows once you get the laugh, retreat. Oh, yes. Immediately stop talking. The job of a comedian is to retreat once you get the laugh. One laugh. That's it. And then you go backstage. Take care. And you wave.

All right, well, let's bring our next guest out here. I hyped this up at the beginning of the show. This show has a little boy on it. He's of medium age. Please welcome to the show, Dickie Donnelly. Hi, Dickie. It's great to see you guys. Hi, Daddy.

No, no, no. No, no, no. Scott Ackerman of Comedy Bang Bang. You were on the show before. I'm Dickie Donald. Those were not the specifics I remember. No Jamaican asshole. No, I haven't said a ting now.

Do you not have to put me in it? Can we agree that was a racial slurry? Hi, little boy. little boy and we don't want to we would like to Hello little boy I little boy Hello little boy Hello little boy

That's amazing Dickie you've been lost for 20 something years Not sure No one ever taught me math That's why I go to Times Square to learn my multiplication And that's why I come You understand Even do you to them understand

This is my friend the tour guide I got here by squeezing my head into the wheel wheel of the bus. Scott, this is your son? Who is this person? Dickie's a lost little boy. He was hugging you a lot when you came out.

When he came out, I should say. Scott wants to be my dad, but he plays hard to get. Dickie, it's great to... Scott, today is... No, not today in America, but coming up soon is Farras Day. Maybe, maybe this can be your son for Farras Day. Maybe you could take Dickie for a picky.

What does that mean to you? A picnic in New York City. Notting Hill. I would have said, Kabul. I barely know you, Dickie. You were on the show one time, as White Clef Johnson once said. And you're the closest I have to a dad. Oh, Dickie.

Oh, that's terrible, Scott. That's the worst thing a human could do. My talent agent, Treby Krizzney, is here. Treby Kritzny is here? Sitting in the back. How did you get? an audition with Trevi Krishney. I mean, they're one of the biggest

names in all of New York City. I don't know. She just said I was the most adorableest little boy in New York. What was that name again? Treby Krasny. The way I pronounce it is Trevor. I wanted to hear it from here. The way I've always noted is

Trevi Kinski. Kierinski. So, if she wants to see some range, I'll tell her I don't have a dad and I'll give her dramatic monologue or I'll, sure, I can dance. little boy

little boy I'm sorry you don't have a father I'm really sorry but you know you can accept Mel Gibson into your heart and then you don't need a daddy you have a heavenly daddy

assuming he's dead assuming he's dead I'd love to accept him will you leave me in a prayer sure okay hands and accept Mel Gibson into our heart This is a church, isn't it?

This is a church. Dear Heavenly Father, boy, oh boy, Mel, it's been some time since we've spoken. We have this little Dickie boy here to ask for our daddy and we would like to accept on behalf of the minor

view into the heart of Little Dickie now. He's in there. He's in dear, amen Hey, Heavenly Father, it's me Yours truly Just wanted to say hello Take care Now why are you making direct

eye contact with me? I'm not God You're possessed Is that prayer going to work because O.J. interrupted it? You already have it, Daddy. Back off. I do have a father. What's his name then? Big O.J.

The original orange? The original orange. I wonder what my dad looks like. Well, he's brunette, right? Getting older, has done some wonderful acting gigs. Oh, like me. I'm an act for every crickney's watching. Maybe I should do a monologue from a movie.

Yeah, sure. Do you need a spotlight? Yeah. Do you have five minutes? Oh, no. What movie should I do? Someone shout out a movie. Good call us.

I heard football. That was a great film. You must do it. I heard Shawshank Redemption. Oh, no. Groundy old, crusty old tunnel on. Oh, here I come out now. I miss prison.

Do I got a big belly, little butt, big dreams, seven dreams, big... Amazing, Dicky. Maybe I'll give a movie to another trial. You go, I wanted to do a thing. Monologue, you are amazing hype man. All right. Should the monologue be from?

name a movie. Jamaica, Jamaica. Jamaica, the movie. Jamaican rain, man. Cool running. Somebody said cool running. Well, well, well, here we are. Once again, fellas.

Getting ready to descend the mountain the only way we know how. In a cool way. Some might say we didn't have it in us to even get to the top of a mountain much, at the bottom. But we did it with grace and determination.

And now it's time to go down to the bottom. Run, run, run, we go in the coolest way possible. Moving. Very well done. Bravo. Hoover, it's safe to say

I am rock hard. What is it not safe to say? You're getting a call? Oh my God, okay. Kirby shooting. He's calling you now. From the back of the theater. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello. Hello, Dickie. Yep. Yes. Dickie. Why did you let that big man upstand you?

I was private. I'm going to take it over here. What did you say, Tribby? Why did you let that big man upstand you? I couldn't help it. He pushed me to the ground. He said, I'm doing a monologue now. So, you go back out there and you show them why Tribby Cricky signed you.

Okay. Um, bye. Did she hang up with that? Whoa. He was hitting. Dickie, no, Dickie. I would have used a different style. I'll teach you later, boy.

Dickie, I think we overheard the call. I'm sorry. It was on speaker, I guess. No? No, we did. Dickie, it's very bad to lie to your father. He will spank you if you don't tell the truth. No, Dad.

Don't, thank you. Scott. Don't eat me. Scott. Scott, a lot of parenting books. Parentsing books will say, to give in to the child's whims every so often. I think...

Okay, we're not going to acknowledge I spoke to you at all. I said your name. Now we're done. You're not going to take advice from the greatest dad who ever lived. Love it. Dickey, I think that your agent, I can't remember her name. Kirby Crickney.

Kirby Jopto. I think your agent was saying, prove, you know... That I can do improv. Do a scene with me, Daddy? All right. Yes. A scene. Okay, what do you want to do?

What should Scott play? Dildo Factory. Let's see a scene in a Dildo Factory. And you guys have just run out of wax. We work together, I guess. Let's give you a lot of space here. Come on. Oh, my God.

Honey. I can't believe it. Wait, it's a mom and pop dildo factory. My business. wet and slimy, purple all over, bumpy, goopy. Yes, this is my wife. The dildo. I'm not in the scene.

We're out of wax. There will never be any more like you. Adopt me. But you're my partner. Yes, whatever. Adopt me. You're holding me so tight. What is...

I'm getting another call from Shrevee Crickney. Oh, all right. Hello? Yes. Whatever. Yes, whatever. That's not the tenet of improv. Yes, and?

Sorry, Treby, but I know you said that tonight I had to... Because if I book the new Twister movie, that I need a legal guardian to sign the paperwork. And I'm trying to score one tonight. If you don't nail it tonight, they're going to make Jojo Seward a new twister go. Get a legal guardian to sign the documents, and I'll play that little tornado better than I ever played.

Anything for my life. That's what I'm talking about. Now show them why you're a star. Okay, I love you. Bye. Boy, I wish I knew what they were talking about. All right, do you want to show them why you're a star? Oh, yeah.

Treby wants me to do a commercial. Does anyone have anything I can sell? Give it to me. You got something in your purse? Oh, oh my God. Someone's offering their... Your phone, wow. Someone's given their phone to a child.

That's weird. Check all the photos on it. What's your code? Actually, I don't need it if I can just get your face. This is a good idea. Sir, I've got to ask you, why would you allow her to, this little boy to do this, sir? This is a podcast.

It's only men up on this stage. Right, oh. I'm just going to show that, um, I, I can show Trevor Crickney that I could lead a tech conference like WWDC. I'm Steve Jobs. Here's my audition. The new iPhone, you can have a group chat with your friends called Piss Kings. That sounds familiar. Features are unlimited. Within that chat, you could even have a friend called Big Black Larry Black Larry.

He also sounds familiar. That sounds like a racial slur. Big Black Larry, Big Black Larry, Big Black, Black, Black Larry. Larry? How many times does Larry have to be black? Just one. You love Big Black Larry, Black Larry. You love shithead Bella, baby. What's up with you? Ooh, uh-oh. Group chat called Esteban's Bachelor Party. Do I dare open it? All right, game.

Are you here with someone, sir? No? Okay. We're good. Continue. You. Uh-oh, gang. Four bedrooms, two guys per room. Come on, man. Spend a little money. To be a bang, Brooklyn stop.

This is really making me want to buy a phone. This is reminiscent of Steve Jobs. Okay, you just said something really nice in the group chat. I understand this chat hasn't been active for a few weeks, but you just said this shit was dope. You guys are my best friends. Hey, that's so nice. Wow.

If that doesn't make you want to buy a phone, I don't know what does. I'm telling this guy. Wait, you're getting a call. Hello, Treby Crickney's a little client. And you think that's going to get you to book Twister? You think you showed Steve Jobs? Did I?

No. No. This is your big break. Scott Ockerman is a big Hollywood director. Having director? I've directed a movie since 2019. But he's the director of the Shark Tales. Or a shark story.

I know. Pitch him, no, Dickie, Dickie, pitch him finding Dickie, please go now. Bye. Bye. Love you. No, bye. For a movie.

Oh, okay, yeah, I mean... Little point tips, because we never... Let me hear you said, Dickie in the city, in the city. Make a friend with John. Chicken juice and eating spaghetti. That's right. That's one of my favorite things is spaghetti.

Say, Dickie in the city. Hi, Dickie. Say, Dickie in this. Fuck this guy. She wanted me to say. And that's Dickie, Dickie, Dickie, Dickie in the city. You dab. A dab.

You can end the show. I thought you were pitching me a movie. Yeah, a movie, but you only get to direct it if you're my dad, tickle, tickle. Dickie, I don't know how to tell you this, but since you were on the show last four years ago, I had my own child. What?

Oh, Dickie! Dickie, come back. Trippy, he's got a baby. Okay, you show him why you should be his baby, and he should ditch the other. Really, you think if I hug him hard enough, he'll change his mind? What did you just say to me?

Are you telling me if I hug him hard enough, he'll change his mind? I want you to hug him so hard. His intestines come out of his asshole. Wow, she's chasing him like she's going to hug him so hard. His intestines are going to come out of his Jamaican asshole. All right, that's our show, everyone. So much. Thank you so much for coming out tonight. Have a good night.

Yeah.