Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Adam Scott, James Adomian (Hot 4 Scott)

Episode Date: August 28, 2025

This week, we're turning up the heat with the first in our Bonus Bang series, "Hot 4 Scott", featuring the one and only Adam Scott. Originally titled, "A Worthy Uhhh", Scott is joined by two of the finest actors of our generation, with Independent Spirit Award nominee Adam Scott and Emmy winner Alan Rickman. You can expect the reprise of Guess The Misheard Lyric, and a round of Jukebox Jury, but you cannot possibly guess what will happen when all the fun and games are over. (Originally released as episode 98 on 3/28/11) Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigureseller.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we re-release great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang Out from Behind the Paywall. And this week we are kicking off a new series. That's right. This series, drum roll please. Did anyone order the drum roll? No. Okay, we didn't get a drummer.

Okay, well, it's just me then. This is a new series called Hot for Scott, Hot for Scott. And this features our good buddy, Adam Scott. That's right. You know him as the Emmy nominee for the Apple TV Plus series Severance. He's also my co-host on the You Talk and You Two to Me series, as well as various other shows that we do. And this is exciting. We're going to spend the next four weeks listening to old episodes where Adam dropped by the show.

and this week we're reaching so deep into the archives. Put your ass to sleep. This is an episode when we used to be called Comedy Death Ray Radio in the first couple of years, and it's one of Adam's earliest appearances on the show. This episode is titled A Worthy a, and it was originally released, if you can believe it, March 28th, 2011 as episode 98. The episode also features James Sodomian,

as actor Alan Rickman. We also play some games. Now, if you enjoy this episode and you want to hear other fantastic episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com.

We have all of the previous episodes from the archives, every live show. They're all ad-free. We have ad-free new episodes, and we also have original shows like CBB Presents, Scott hasn't seen.

We're going to be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang-Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. It's a comedy bang bang bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy bang, comedy, bang, comedy. It's a common problem. It's comedy death ray radio. That doesn't make sense. Hey, it's Hot Saucerman, and this is Comedy Death Ray Radio for another week, and the guest is already having problems with his headphones. And that is the sound of America sighing along with you.

What is this show, they ask? Well, it's Comedy Death Ray Radio. I, of course, am Hot Saucerman, and this is a show where we have America's finest comedy minds. and our next guest is also here and that's a little that's classic slam structure let me explain who's here

and what the show is going to be doing today I have from many different projects I have Adam Scott here all our and we are going to really get into his psyche so let me introduce him from Parks and Recreation

from Party Down from film, from television, perhaps the stage? Maybe. In the future, in the past? In the past? Maybe in the future. Hey, certainly not in the present. We're going to get into it, Scott.

I promise you. It's Adam Scott is here. Welcome, Adam. Hi, Scott. Remember the last time you were here, you debuted a new character. Yeah. He had a catchphrase. Yeah.

It was, do you remember? Hey, guys. No, it was not. God, you got to do a little character work before you come in here. It's, it's high bros. Hey, bros. Right, there he is. What was his name? Was it Jerry? Jerry, I think with a G, though. Oh, okay, right, right, right. Jerry. Yeah. What is he? As in Jerry Rafferty.

Yes. Now, uh, uh, and Jerry and the pacemakers. Am I shot? Does it sound like I'm shouting? Does it sound like I'm shouting? No, I'm, I feel, my chest feels like I'm shouting. my, but it doesn't sound like I'm shouting in my headphones. Do you need your headphones louder? Do you need them softer? But does it sound like I'm shouting to you? No, I mean, we are sitting across the table from each other.

Does it, does it? I'm trying to add a little energy to the proceedings. Okay, does it feel like I have energy? It does. I guess that's all we need for a good podcast. Yeah. So start of the beginning. Does it sound like I'm shouting?

No, not the beginning of the program. Oh, sorry. The beginning of your life. Where were you born? On what day, what year, what city? Let's break it down. Okay. I was born in Portland, Oregon.

Home to a lot of artists, a lot of artistic families. No, I was born in Santa Cruz, California. Also home to a lot of artists, a lot of artistic families. That seems like a weird lie. It was a mislead. It wasn't a lie. Just a little bit north. I just wanted to see if there was a spike in Portland Googling for the split second that I let it let it lie.

Horrible. Portland Googling. I love that Jaredi Rafferty song, Portland Googling. I love that one sketch on Portlandia where it's about Portland Googling. So you're born in Santa Cruz, a lot of woods there, an old wooden roller coaster, as I recall. You ever take a little drive around in that roller coaster? I don't think they call it that. I don't think that is what it's referred to at all.

When you ride the roller coaster. You go and buy a ticket and say, I'd like to drive this thing around. I would like to take a drive-around. Two tickets, please. What the fuck is that? I've been on the giant dipper many, many times, but I haven't been in several years. Would you like to take a ride? I would love to take a trip with you.

First, do a drive-diver. up the coast, up PCH. Do you think we could do it as a comedy death rate episode, a video episode, you and I try? I would love it. Just a long, uninterrupted eight-hour take. An eight-hour, because if we leave right now, in seven hours we could be riding the giant dipke. Uh-huh. Let's do it.

But what if we get there and it's closed because it's raining? Then the episode continues with you and I going to my mom's. Even better. We'll do a drive around there. And sharing the loft in the back of her house. I thought you were going to say something different when you said sharing. What did you? Sharing.

Sharing. Sharing. We share lovemaking. I wonder, do they close it when it rains because the wood expands? Jesus Christ. Scott, I have no idea. I would imagine that they close it when it rains because. it's unpleasant to ride a roller coaster when it's raining to drive around it's it's yeah when you

drive around do the do the old drive around on the giant dipper we got to find some of this information out we got to do some santa cruz googling they do close the entire boardwalk when it's raining i used to work at the boardwalks where did you used to work didn't we cover this once did i feel like we did and i worked in the taffy shop i made taffy there laughy taffy right what the what what is laughy taffy you haven't heard that song no can we bring that up engineer doug this is going to be great you are going get okay okay hold on to your asshole okay because this song is amazing and it'll it'll just take you back how old were you when you uh i i was a taffey maker from 12 to about 15 years old they let you have a job when you're 12

yeah and they pay you know what they paid me they paid me below minimum wage well of course you're below the age where you should be working what the like seriously they did i got like a buck seventy five an hour oh my god and and what was minimum wage at the time this is this is a it was a buck 78 an hour i would imagine it was 1980 uh five isish one did it yeah 87 i started okay all right here we go get ready to uh put yourself in 19 it's 1987 uh hip hop was new but uh this will this will bring you right back you you'll license to ill was really hitting and been out for about a year and it finally made its way to Santa Cruz all the jock assholes were playing it how long does it take for music to get to

Santa Cruz it takes a year really it doesn't take the seven hours to drive it up there lady Gaga song born this way it's gonna hit next February in Santa Cruz even with the internet it still takes a while all right so here we go laughy taffy just uh imagine yourself as a as a 12 year old boy getting my bike stolen here we go I got my bike stolen okay here we are Pretty good so far, huh? Really? I wish I could make taffy for you right now, because this is actually great music to make taffy.

Now imagine what if this was the song that was at your taffy dispensary and it just played on a loop all day. It would have been a lot more fun. Really? What kind of music do they play? you were there like carney music no it was well we were next to the arcade so we would hear carny music but the music they actually piped in was like 50s you know doop like you know like shana nah i know one person would be really excited by that someone that would

be really interested in shana you had like a real shana nah person on the show like someone that actually knows the band well i mean i wouldn't yeah he he knows the band i wouldn't say he's a shana nah person i mean we haven't heard how it's a shana nah person i mean we haven't heard how audition went though he may be in shana no right now i mean that that that would be i you know what i have a feeling he's not in shana no i don't think he was on the right track i worry for his safety i feel like anyone that's auditioned for shanana or over seven times they're just not getting that um so you're 12 years old yeah your bike is stolen yeah you're making a dollar 75 an hour yeah how do you buy a new bike. Well, here's the thing, Scott. The original bike I got was purchased for me by my father

as kind of a congratulations on getting a job. You know what? I feel like I was older. I feel like I was 14 when I got a job. Okay. That probably makes more sense. Yeah. 12 is a little young to be down risking your arms getting torn off in the taffy machine. But immediately, it was like immediately my bike got stolen and it was I didn't have the type of family that would teach me a lesson about getting my bike stolen by just immediately replacing it so I had to go without a bike for a while uh yeah happen to me too I remember I uh I bought a some sort of Schwinn I remember uh and I in or maybe it was a huffy I had a huffy at a as a little kid I had a huffy and I tricked it out and I went to

down to the bike shop and got like, you know, amazing handlebars and these red grips for the handlebars. I don't know what the term is. I haven't ridden a bike. Grips is fine. I barely know what a grip does on a film set. Right. And I painted it. I remember yellow and red, and it just looked like an amazing sports bike.

And, you know, back in the 80s, you just kind of left it around and you didn't lock it up or anything. And the guy who lives lived in the house behind. me stole it and told everyone he stole it but really yeah but by the time we tried to investigate like he sold it for parts oh that's fucked yeah so did you that was a weird thing about being a kid too is that something like that would happen and then and then like two weeks later you'd be friends with that kid oh no I was never friends with that kid ever again but yeah I know what you mean then I guess I was a huge pussy because whoever picked on me like a week later I'd be like hi bros hey bros

That's it. Jerry just walked in for a second. Yeah. What a time, though. I mean, driving around on your bike, going to see dollar movies. The cool thing at the boardwalk was everybody that worked at the candy store,

all the taffy makers, there was a little satellite Marine's. Wait, what is Marines? Marines is the name of the candy store. Sorry. So there's the main hub at the foot of the boardwalk at the arcade where we make the candy. And then at the other end of the boardwalk, Marine Satellites.

A little satellite shop where we would have to bring candy all the way down the boardwalk. So every kid that worked at Marines had access to a golf cart that we would load up with candy and drive down to the other end of the boardwalk. That seems less safe than sticking your arm in the thing. I was 14 and they'd be like, okay, here are the keys. just bring, you know, this 50-pound bag of taffy down to the other end, and then I could just do whatever I wanted. Ah. That was kind of awesome.

You, uh, there, real follow-up. There must have been, uh, girls who worked, uh, at Marini's or on the boardwalk. They were, they were, they were, there were, there were, all the, like, hot girls from my high school from Harbor High worked there, but I was like, I was, you know, a chubby kid, so it wasn't really in the cards for me. Now, that doesn't seem, uh, possible, you being chubby. you've always been rail thin as long as I've known you thanks

I mean when I say rail thin I mean actor thin right right you know like you have a I don't mean you mean deathbed thin I mean it's hard to say I mean sometimes people take thin as not as a compliment but I mean as an actor one one wants to be thin

sure well at the time you know you know the awkward stage the kids go through you know post junior high I never had it. Yeah. Well, most of us go through an awkward stage right after junior high school. So. So they didn't give you a second one?

No, not really. But, you know, that's all right. Who was your big crush when you were that age? And would she know about it? And are you Facebook friends with her right now? No. And does your wife know about it? No.

No. God. I wonder if she still exists. That's a really good question. Still existing is tough when you get to be our age. Yeah, I mean, there are a lot of people that don't exist anymore, which is weird. Isn't that strange when you go back to her? Did you go back to your reunion or anything?

I went to the tenure. I haven't had the 20 year. Oh, you achieve tenure? Yeah. I achieved tenure at the tenure. I went to my 20 and 10. You did? Yeah.

What was the 20 like? 20 was weird. It was on the Queen Mary. Well, there you go. It's weird. And it was strange because they had a slideshow of all of us in high school. And then they had some slides from the 10 year. Yeah.

And then they had slides from the 15 year. That you weren't invited to? That only a select few people were invited to. And they bust them out like, hey, look how much fun we had in Vegas at the 15 year. Whoa. To all of us, poor schmucks. And then... So were the people?

people that got invited the 15 year were they like the popular assholes from yeah they were i mean i wouldn't call them assholes because i like everyone yeah but uh but it was a click that you were never a part of i guess not yeah uh what what was funny about it though is uh my my friend i think i believe i've talked to him or about him on the show but my friend was the uh or is the drummer in in no doubt and we went to high school together the same year right but uh i i think he was invited to it Sure, well, of course. Then he, you think that he would be coming to the 20-year reunion, like, you know, on a big high or whatever, you know, like, hey, like, hey, I'm untouchable. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

He was, he set up the whole A-V system for the 20-year reunion. Seriously? That was his job. Yeah. It was really funny. I was like, what are you doing? He was like, oh, I got to set up the slideshow. Wow.

Can't you get people to do that? Doesn't he have, like, a whole AV team just constantly working for him at this point? Well, he probably did a great. great job. He did a great job, but he was one of those people who was invited to the 15, whereas I was not. Did it look like they had a good time at the 15? I guess. I don't know. I will tell you, and if, I doubt anyone from high school listens to the show, but, uh, and if you do, I apologize, but there is a vast difference between the 10 and the 20. Oh, I would imagine. Where, like the 10, everyone still look good. Yeah. And people were hooking up.

Yeah. And the 20, like, everyone's a monster. Yeah. you know everyone's turned into giant beasts and the fact that you and i work in hollywood we're like sort of still we still kind of have to keep looking the way we did like we arrive in cool jackets yeah and man the women of oh and and i i don't mean to say that all of them but uh girls that at the 10 i was like wow she's she's looking good right um yeah it was well i i do one thing about my 10 year reunion is that the venue had to change at the last minute because it was going to be so sparsely attended that they they had to move it from the like elk's lodge to a public park because there were only like 12 people that were oh no why and why is that you're in santa cruz you're it's just not a lot of people there yeah i guess just people didn't give a shit and so it was it was it was for a 10 year i think it was a little depressing.

Did you hook up with anyone in the tenure? No, no, I was spoken for at the time. At the time. But also, you know, it's kind of like with your family, when you get with those same people, you kind of revert back to whatever social position you were in

at the time, and so it wasn't really totally in the cards, even if I could have. Anything weird happen in the reunion? Any like strange stories or usually someone embarrasses themselves? A fight started with a couple of dudes. They got really fucked up and started a fight. Like, guys that were buddies.

Like, at the, like, after party at someone's house, they both took their shirts off and started fighting. And I was like, wow, I got to get out of Santa Cruz, I guess. How long were you there that trip? Did you a couple days? No, I guess that was enough. And your mom still lives there with a loft. My mom.

Yeah, my whole family is there. It's a lovely place. Have you ever been there? I went once. I went to UC Santa Cruz because my... You went there, like, for school? No, no, no, my good friend went there for a year or two, so I went up to visit him. Were you going to say my good friend, Walter Guggins?

I was, as a matter of fact. So weird. No, I saw an interesting Shakespeare production in the woods. Yeah, sure, it's Shakespeare Santa Cruz. Yeah. It's a well-known institution, Scott. You don't, it's not just, you're not the only one that's been to the Shakespeare Santa Cruz.

Okay, this just got weird. Claiming it as your own. I apologize for whatever I did. I'm not sure what I was just. trying to connect with you on a Santa Cruz level. A lot of people have been to Santa Cruz. All right, tell you what, we've stopped at 12 to 16. Okay.

We're going to break down the rest of your life. We're going to get into Parks and Recreation, just picked up for a fourth season, third season. We're going to, sure, you don't have to let me know which. You can just sit there silently. Let's take a break, and we'll be right back with a little comedy death rate radio. This is Hot Sousherman with Adam Scott. Yeah. We're here with Adam Scott, and, okay, we left off when you were 16.

Flash forward to today. What are you up to after the show? Wow, are we going to, we're skipping like 20 years. I'm not really interested in all that bullshit. So what's going on today? What do you got? Well, I'm, actually, I have to thank you for pushing our time up today for the show. Oh, that's right.

We were going to be doing it about an hour and a half from now, but you called and said, hey, I got to do this super early in the morning. Yeah, I have this kind of a, it's not that big of a deal, but kind of a big meeting today. So I had to push it to the morning. That's awesome. So what are you up to tonight after the meeting? Well, or wait, do you want to talk about the meeting? I don't know.

I mean, it's kind of a, I probably shouldn't talk about it. It's not a big deal, but I have a, just this meeting. I'm going to hit up right after this. Got to run over the. to B.H. at Beverly Hills and B.H. So what you call it? Well, if you're in a rush, you just, it's just B.H. So it's not a big deal. Sounds pretty amazing. It sounds like a great meeting. And I wish you well in all of your endeavors. Yeah, it is. It's kind of a big meeting. I mean, it's like, like with a few guys. Sounds big deal. Just from the way that you are talking about

it sounds important to you. And I hope it goes well for you. And I hope that you are successful in all of your endeavors. I mean, the three guys that I'm meeting with are. all they're all kind of big figures in entertainment and it's not I mean I probably shouldn't talk about it so I understand that totally a lot of people don't like to talk about me Spielberg and uh David Geffen and um and uh what's his name fucking Jeffrey Katzenberg so we're like thinking about oh yeah we're thinking about starting just starting something up like getting just putting our heads together and starting up a new company starting of a new company maybe like I don't know I probably shouldn't talk about it but I remember when DreamWorks came

out it was DreamWorks S KG it doesn't have anything to do with that uh so this would be it's totally separate S K no it doesn't have anything to do with that Scott it's a different it's a different wait it doesn't have it doesn't have to do with entertainment or no it doesn't have to do with that other thing they did the dream works I don't even know what that is it we just it's just a new thing that we're I don't know we're just going to get into a room and kind of jazz you know like jazz just throw ideas out there and let them all kind of meld together and see what we come up but well it seems it seems like you four are all in the entertainment industry it seems like the ideas would focus on maybe maybe you know i don't know it's you know to walk in with preconceptions

to to a meeting like that with you know three big head big minds it's it makes i don't know i don't i i just don't want to go in there with any sort of idea of what it's going to be because i could really fuck it up excuse my language i understand that um don't use that kind of language in the meeting. Yeah. No, I'm not going to. But you know what? Those guys, they're so like, what, they're so kind of free.

And that's how they come up with those kinds of ideas. So if they say the F word, then I'm going to throw one in. I don't know. See, again, I don't want to walk in there with any sort of. But you are planning on if they say the F word to say it right back to them. Yeah, I mean, why not? I totally would. So 15 years ago or whenever, they just kind of freeform jazzed.

And they came up with, hey, let's start a studio. together. I don't know. It's nothing to do with that. That's so amazing. I don't know anything about that. I didn't even know that Geffen was even talking to those two, let alone Katzenberg, seems like... We're all talking together in like, you know, 70 minutes, so it's not a big deal. Wow. All right. Well... Anyway, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I probably shouldn't have brought it up anyway.

I look forward to seeing what you guys come up with. Or you probably shouldn't have asked me about it, but... I'm sorry. I was trying to stay away from... Okay, well, that sounds great. Well, let's all say our prayers for Adam, and make sure that, I mean, I guess when you're as successful as Adam Scott, you don't need prayers said about you. What do you think about prayers, people praying for you? I mean, you know what? I'll take any positive energy I can get out there, but, you know, I don't, you know what it is? I don't align myself with any particular religion or, I'm more spiritual than religious.

Do you know what I mean? I've always thought that about you. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's because that's who I am and kind of what I project when I'm out there, kind of just walking through the world. uh-huh so if people see you so if people see you uh out in the world then then one would get that sense about you um that you're i don't know scott i don't walk out into the world planning on what i'm going to project it doesn't it doesn't make any

all right well oh well well well wait oh uh we're in the middle of a show sir i'm afraid the show is going to have to come to a stop for a moment Wow Do you see what I'm seeing Of course Shut up You've got a Glock in your face Scott Ockerman

I am Hello I don't even know what to say I don't know whether I should be talking I have a Glock in my face Can I talk into the microphone As long as you kneel before me Oh my

Maybe you should put the Glock down Yeah can I Listen Mr. Scott Wait who are you talking to me or Adam? I address people by the last names. Everyone was talking to you, Mr. Rockerman, or I'll call you, Mr. Rockerman.

Okay, I'm glad we have that cleared. And you just... I want you both on your knees. For the listener, you move the Glock over to Adam. So, uh... I have to say, I'm just... But now there's another Glock in your face. Oh, he pulled out two Glockes.

My God. Two Glockes. One of them rotterproof and one of them not. You know, you're crossing your arms, uh, pointing your, uh, the Glock in your left hand at Adam and the one in your right hand. Just like the scarecrow. Wizard of Oz. I think it would be easier if you were to uncross your arms and point the opposite Glock at the opposite.

You think I'm stupid? You think I'm a moron? I know it's easier to knock one out of my hands if I'm in the process of untwisting them. I have to say, I think that's a great way of doing it. Well, I arrest them here while I lean into the microphone. It's easiest this way. Let me just explain what's happening to the listener. We have an open-door policy here at CDR Radio.

Explain it to them right now. And I will kneel in one second, but apparently this is backfired, and we are in some sort of hostage situation. That's right. Alan Rickman just walked into the studio. I'm Alan Rickman. And he's... I'm taken comely death by hostage. Alan Rickman walked into the studio with two machine guns and is pointing them at us.

It's Sir Alan Rickman, I believe. They're not machine guns and more, and they're automatic pistols. Yeah, they're glucks, Scott. We got to do some Santa Cruz Googling. Yeah. Were you knighted, sir? I believe you were. I was knighted, but I turned it down.

I chose to become the sheriff of Nottingham. Oh, my God. I'm literally the sheriff of Nottingham. Okay, so Alan Rickman seems to be confused now where he thinks he's the Sheriff of Nottingham. From a movie from 1991. It might be confusing to someone like you, Mr. Rockerman. But I'm afraid that I'm here for a real. reason and you'll play a very

important part. As do you, Mr. Scott. Really? Of course you do. Now, Mr. Rickman, you're the Sheriff of Nottingham, I'm sorry, but you're holding guns that you carried in diehard. Well, I'm not tied to the period of the 1100s.

The Sheriff of Nottingham is a continuous office that people have to fulfill. Oh, I see. You are Alan Rickman... Literally the Sheriff of Notre Dame. Okay, so you're Alan Rickman, who has become the sheriff I'm out of my jurisdiction, of course. Well, what did we do to you, sir, that has made you come over here to point guns at us?

Well, I'm afraid you're a bit of a bystander and you happen to be in the wrong place at just the right time. You see, are you familiar with the Metro Red Line? The subway car running underneath Hollywood? Sure, yeah, it was Well, neither has the Los Angeles Police Department Oh, no And that's how I plan to escape

After I've pulled off my master plan here today Just like Dennis Hopper and Speed Just Which was sort of prescient Because that movie came out before the red line was completed Yeah, there was no subway when that movie came out Yeah But now it looks like, wow, it was like they were telling the future

Yeah Oh yes, but it's been perfectly in operation and it runs right underneath your studio here. Uh-huh. And don't think I'm not going to leave without what I came for. I'm really confused about what you came for. You want us to kneel? Is that all you want?

I wanted you to kneel before me. Well, we haven't done that yet, should we? Yes, kneel before. All right. I mean, I don't mind. I'm a huge fan. Okay, let me take the mic down. There we go.

Okay. All that's more like it. You see, I feel like a proper gay villain as the Sheriff of Nottingham The first rule is you always have The heroes kneel You specialize in playing gay villains

Yes, you might say so You played it in Harry Potter Where you play The gay teacher Who becomes a gay villain Yes, the gay wizard The gay wizard I'm a gay wizard

I'm a gay huntsman In the Lincoln Forest Sherwood Forest Next to Lincoln Forest Lincoln Green Okay. Were you, did you play the Sheriff of Nottingham Gay? Yes, I played the Sheriff of Nottingham Gay.

Okay. And I only wanted to marry Maid Marian. It's out of spite. Oh, I remember that. I remember you wanted to cancel Christmas, too. And I will force, I guess I want to cancel Christmas, and I will force your wives to marry me, both of you. Uh-huh.

But that's not my plan here today. That's a little bit of a day no-mire. You see, I'm here for comedy death race gold. Mr. Rockerman. Comedy Death Rays Gold. I mean, I think you are mistaking the reviews of the show for something physical. I'm not talking about a time life collection of Comedy Death Ray clips. No, of course.

No, I feel like you may have read that in a review that the show is so good that people think it's gold and you think that I have gold. I'm afraid you're not going to get out of it that easy. Oh, you're right. There's no review that says that. You were stupid enough to tweet that you had gold, and I followed you here because I know where you're broadcast from. Handed over, Rockerman. I've got my escape route planned,

and I came here to get your gold, and I want it now. Not only do you have your escape route planned, but you're telling everyone about your escape route. Well, I started with you. You're under the false impression that I have to get out of here with the gold. what if I got all of comedy death rays gold reserves

and I didn't have to escape with them what the fuck are you talking about I understand well see that's where the plan becomes impossible what if the idea wasn't to escape with it at all but simply to get the film rights

and that's where you come in Mr. Scott wait who are you talking about the last name last no this time I was talking to you, Scott. Oh, okay. If I was taught...

Switch it up in the middle. It wasn't as formal, so I went... Okay, now that I've knelt before you, we've gotten to know each other. Yes, I'm now sitting down, and you're kneeling before me, and he's kneeling, and we're on a first name, Mr. Scott Baisers. Okay. So now, you want the film rights in what way? Well, that's where you...

That's where you come in, Mr. Adam. Okay. I want the film rights, and I know you're attending a meeting with Jeffrey Kartzenberg and David Gover and Stephen Spielberg. This is not a... Film meeting, though. This is just kind of a brainstorming session. I want DreamWorks to film my takeover of the Metro Red Line.

Okay, well, Mr. Sheriff of Nottingham, again, my meeting with these three guys who have the biggest brains in Hollywood. By the way, earlier when I said, I slipped at the tongue and I said big heads. I don't think that. I mean big brains. I mean, they do have big heads. You mean as in egos? No, no, I just mean like large. Oh, large craniums?

Yeah, you know. Maybe they do. I don't know, Scott. I don't walk into a room thinking, hey, big craniums, whatever. I don't walk in with preconceived notions. They have big brains. I don't mean they have big heads. That was a slip of the time. So you're saying their brains are larger than another human's brain. Obviously. Okay. But what I'm saying is, what I'm doing today has nothing to do with DreamWorks or whatever that company. I don't even know anything about that. Dreamworks, SKG. Whatever it is. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not walking in there with these ideas. So. You mean my entire plan is ruined because you're not DreamWorks? How did you know about his meeting? Because I was listening on a citizen band radio outside the podcast booth. Wait, hold on.

You're listening to a Citizen Band radio, and then you came up with his plan on the fly. Stand! I'm calling off the operation. Oh, my God. You can't get me, Kassenberg. Unneal. Unneal, now you fucks it up. So stand up, or just kind of return to our seat?

My knees hurt. Sit down Indian style if you want. I'm going to get back in my chair. Can I just get in my chair? All right, fair enough. All right. Now, why don't you sit down since we're all friends and we're on a first name basis? And there's no more plan to take over the comedy gold.

Did you want the gold, by the way? I have a hard time keeping any appointments unless I schedule some sort of takeover or evil plot to get my foot on the door. Well, see, now that's interesting because I had it. invited you on the show. You've had an outstanding invitation for years, and you've always turned it down. I didn't realize about the whole Sheriff of Doningham thing. I just, you know, I'm a big fan of your gay work. And I just, so you scheduled this whole plan just so you could be on the show?

I just was a little bit horny. I woke up with a morning wood and two loaded glocks, and I thought I'd get my rocks on. Are you talking about your balls right now? What did you think I had pointed in your faces? Those are your testicles? Yes! I guess I didn't look at it too close. Me neither.

Feel it, Mr. Scott. Oh, eh. Okay, this is definitely a testicle. How's it feel? It feels like a glock. But you see it pulsing and twisting. And I've got two of them, and they stretch out so I can hold them in my hands and twist them across each other. Wait, so you woke up horny.

And you thought that you would come over here and do what with us? It's hard to get my mind around a fantasy when I've already beaten Robin Hood several times. Now, hold on. You specialize in playing gay villains, but are you an actual gay actor? Well, it doesn't matter, does it? What I do in my private life? I mean, you're the one who came in here waving your testicles around. Well, maybe I'm a man of certain means and certain proclivities at times, you know? Of course I'm married. Of course.

Of course I'm maddy. You're an actor. I'm not going to rule anything out, though. Okay. Do you think I should rule something out just because I'm not sitting with a boyfriend right now? I'm with you, Mr. Wickman. I mean, I think walking into a room with any sort of preconception is a big mistake. So I totally know where you're coming.

As a fellow actor, I totally know where you're coming from. Yes. I walked in the room here, not knowing what it was going to go, but I thought. Exactly. I always have a team of people in a helicopter ready. to take over a building whenever I go in. So I thought I'd give it a try. So you've called off the team though

and now we're... Yeah. All right, well, I'm glad that you made it on the show. It's nice to meet you finally. Have you ever done a movie with Mr. Rickman here? No, I'm sorry, Alan. Mr. Allen. Mr. Allen, it is great to see you again. I don't know if you remember, but we met briefly at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival

back in 1991. Hey, a lot of people have been to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. No, I know, but I actually had an interaction with... Yeah, but a lot of people have been there. It's not that big of it. And it was, it was an interaction about Santa Cruz, believe it. Oh, yes. I remember you, the little worm from Santa Cruz. Well, I don't know about that. I was a, I was a teenage boy. I went to Santa Cruz once, though. I went to the Shakespeare there once. Scott, you know what? God damn it. I was, I was in a booth. I was in a booth doing Shakespeare

monologues, I believe. That's right. And it was absolutely incredible. You would just walk up and you would put like seven pounds into just kind of a slot and then Mr. Rickman would just start doing Shakespeare soliloquies And if I got one word wrong They would dunk me in a whipped cream It was incredible How often did you get a word wrong?

I'm not good at Shakespeare Is that every time? I know, well I know the meter and I know that I know but I don't know the words If I get the words wrong and then I had to dunk me in whipped cream So you know it's an iambic contaminator You would just go da-da-da-da-da-da-da- Sure but the thing is they have to they have to notice

that you've messed it up if you can fake if you fake it they don't dunk I had a friend who talked about that doing Shakespeare if you ever forget the words he would call it bardlibbing where you just kind of throw out a bunch of Shakespearean talk that kind of sounds like it's in and time doth clock at an impossible rate

here we go all right someone get ready to dunk him the funny thing is is at the time I knew Shakespeare quite well because I grew up in Santa Cruz so I went to the Shakespeare festival New Shakespeare. Yeah, and I was one of them, Scott. A lot of people grew up now. So I knew when Mr. Rickman got a word wrong, and I dunked you quite a few times.

You dunked me in whipped cream a few times. Well, maybe it's your time today, Mr. Scott. Stop pointing your testicles as the whipped cream that you're talking about we are not interested in. Oh, I was dunked in whipped cream, and let me tell you, vengeance will be mine. Please don't pull your penis out. Please. No, no, my penis isn't pulled out. the glock balls can come out

on the ronit any time all right this is getting strange I think this is getting strange this is how I get my rocks off how do you think I feel Mr. Rockerman I have no idea you're back to formalities again

yeah okay I'm sorry that our relationship took a dip there well you should apologize you're emotionally distant all right guys it's all about you you you you running your show

Oh boy All right Well it's nice That there could be This reunion Yeah I mean I thought it was It was nice to see you again

I'm just gonna keep it at that It's nice to see you Mr. Scott as well Are you talking to Mr. Adam I should say Okay thank you Oh so you're friendly with him But not with you

All right It's time for Nice to see you too Mr. Alan It's time for Address me formally One of our newest features on the show Nottingham Sheriff of Nurse

Exactly. We played it a little while back. It's time for Guess the Misheard lyrics. All right. It's time for Guess the Misheard lyrics. We all know how this is played. It's barely worth talking about the rules. Well, I would actually like to hear.

the rules. Okay, then. Well, I'll go into it a little bit. I have a series of, you've all heard songs on the radio and you think the lyrics are one thing and then you find out the lyrics or not. I've never heard a song on the radio. Okay, this game is going to be very tough for you then.

But I record live radio and have it, I listen to it seconds afterwards. Oh, on Milwaukee Talk? On my own delay, on a citizen band. But not music, just I'm too busy. When I'm listening to live radio, it's people barking commands and orders taking over one building or another.

All right, well, just try to play along if you can. But what's going to happen is I will say an artist, a band or an artist, and I will say what the incorrect lyric is, and it is your job to tell me what the correct lyric is. I'm sure you've read song lyrics, Alan, over the years, so you're familiar with them. Maybe not as familiar as you are with Shakespeare. Well, no, of course. music is poetry and I'm aware of that Okay good so you will be able to play a lot

I've heard music What do you think I'm some kind of a ludite Okay Your backstory is very confusing You just told us that you don't listen to me It's not a big deal I don't listen to music on the radio I listen to music off the radio

Like on CDs or Anything besides the medium of radio Cets? That's busy yes of course iPod, A-TRAX I prefer it as the IBM one Old 78s Newer ones

What's the... Newer 78? What's the IBM? I go to Ameba when they get the new 78s in. Every Tuesday. Every Tuesday. All right. So here we go.

We will basically, we'll score points and whenever you get one right, and we'll count up the points at the end, and whoever wins wins. All right, so we'll start with Mr. Scott. I'm sorry. Are you talking about yourself? No, I'm sorry. We're on a first name basis. with you, Adam.

Okay. Here we go. All right. The artist is the Bee Gees. And the incorrect lyric is, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, steak and a knife. Steak and a knife. What is the correct lyric? Um, well, uh, uh, uh, uh, staying alive, staying alive.

That is correct. One point for you. Yes. Congratulations. That's, it's as easy as that. So, that was, that was really easy. That was really easy. That was really.

They get a little harder as we go on, so... Especially since that was the unreleased third verse of that song. Okay. All right, so now on to you, Mr. Rickman. The band is Queen, all right? Oh. I did that. No disrespect.

I might be familiar with the work of Queen. All right. The misheard lyric is, The Algebra has a Devil for a Sidekick E. All right. And what is the correct lyric? The devil. Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me.

Correct, yes. You each have a point. Very good. It's that simple. How very apropos. It is that simple. All right, here we go. Turning to Adam now.

Toto. Do you remember the band Toto back from your taffy days? Sure. Here we go. It's pre-taffy, but, yeah. Okay, so we're in the PT era. All right. There's nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever.

do. There's nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever Well, I think that's... Now you're cheating out of a melody to it. I can give a melody. I think that's the actual lyric. That's not the actual lyric.

That is a misheard lyric. Oh. So you've gone your whole life thinking that is the actual lyric. I mean, I'm not saying you think about total. There's nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever do. I thought that was the lyric. That is not the lyric. Oh.

So do you have a guess? What it could be possible? Um, there's nothing that a hundred men on Mars could ever do. That's, that's what I feel the lyric is. The actual lyric, there's nothing that a hundred men on Venus could ever do. That's not true. That is true. I'm sorry, that is the actual lyric.

All right, turning to Mr. Rickman now. Yes. Brian Adams is the artist. Oh, awful. It's a, I mean. But what does just throw cottage cheese on my face? Well, if I remember correctly, he did the, the love ballad from Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.

Yeah, so. I hated, I hated that song. He's the villain of Robin Hood. Why wasn't he singing more stanzas about the sheriff of Nottingham? All this Robin, Robin, Robin, Robin Hood at all times. I'm sick to death of Roman. That was an egregious oversight. All right, so Brian Adams, not a fan.

You may remember this song. Got my first real sex dream. I was five at the time. I've got my first real sex dream I was five But someone of 69 But what is the real lyric there Oh I've got my first six string

And I got my really first six string I got my very first six string No I'm so sorry The actual lyric has got my first real sex dream I was five inches at the time Five inches at the time He's trying to say his cock grew as he grew older Yeah sorry

What if he's not What if it just stayed there That is a great question what if he was just embarrassed and it just stayed at that size the entire time all right turning to adam now uh starship do you remember this is uh possibly the ptie area uh post taffy starship or no that pre taffy no starship might be that's 87 so that that seems like it might be mid taffin no starship their big hit was 85 i believe uh 85 or 86 or 87 okay because it's in the uh let's let's see isn't it in

credits to Manikin? I'm not sure, but here it is. Manikin is like 84, 85. No, no, no, no, no, no. 86? 87. We built this city on logs and coal. That is the incorrect lyric.

What is the actual lyric? Well, the actual lyric is we built this city on rock and roll. No. Very close. The actual lyric is, She Silt Piss Pretty Con Sox Ham Bowl. You have to really Listen to it

What is that? She soks him, smitty on corks and bowl You know that song Yeah, see Man I'm sorry If you would have that one You would have gotten it

She soks best biddy All right Turning to Mr. Rickman now This is traditional This is a traditional Turn slowly if you know It's good for you This is a traditional

Christmas carol The incorrect lyric is Now bring us some friggin' pudding What is the Real lyric? Bring us some figgy pudding. No, again, incorrect. Adam, you probably know this.

The actual lyric is, Yo, Snooki, stop being a grenade and bring us some friggin' pudding. Yeah. Sincerely the situation and Polly D. They signed it at the end of that. I'm so sorry. How old is that song?

That song's only a year old. But this, no, that Christmas... It was written by... Hundreds of years old. No, no, that's... Thousands of years old. You're confusing it with Silent Night. That song was written.

last year at the height of Jersey Shore mania okay see I could have sworn that that song like I grew up with that song Jersey Shore's only been around for like oh holy night that's the one you're thinking of yeah oh holy night

ring tinga ling tinga dinga dinga ding Merry Christmas Turning to you Adam Madonna you be a big Madonna fan Sure can you just tell me the final Just the final stanza of that previous lyric. Sincerely the situation in Polly D. Okay, all right.

You remember it. Okay, you're turning me around on this. All right, so a Madonna Bee? Yeah, sure. All right, here we go. The incorrect lyric is, like a surgeon, cutting for the very first time. Okay, well, I believe that would be like a virgin touched for the very first time. So close.

It's actually eat it, eat it, get yourself in. egg and beat it. Okay. Sorry, sorry, sorry. But I think that's, that's, that's the weird owl lyric for his spoof of beat it by Michael Jackson. That's not what my research here says. Sorry. Everything about Michael Jackson has been whitewashed since his death.

Really? Very hard to get accurate information about him at this point. So everything's just been scrambled. My good friend Jesse Ventura would probably agree with that. He probably would. All right, so... You're going to have to book him once in a while. You guys are tied.

There's one left, and it goes to Mr. Rickman here, and you can win with this, all right? You mean victory is in my grasp? Yes, it is. I like victory to be there, just right out of... Just in my grasp. I don't actually like to win. I'd just like to be on the verge of victory here. All right, so the...

I may as well have won. the incorrect lyric is this is the Rolling Stones by the way are you a fan of the Rolling Stones at all Oh yes of course All right So the incorrect Brian Jones is a wizard

Okay The incorrect lyric is I'll never leave your pizza burn in Okay I'll never leave your pizza burn in What is the actual lyric Uh We'll never

We'll never leave We'll never leave We'll never leave your pizza burning. That's what, that's what it is. No, the, yeah, the actual lyric, what is... Well, this will never leave your pizza burn, because we're experts of making a pizza perfect on time every time, because time is on our side.

The Rolling Stones pizza makes Wolfgang Puck look like Wolfgang Schmuck. Olive are pizzas cost very little dough. That's the Rolling Stones Pisa Company, promise, and every pizza is hand-tossed by Mick and hand-delivered by Keith. Your satisfaction is... guaranteed, or we'll sing satisfaction to your grandma. We're so crazy about pizza, we're considering changing our name from the Rolling Stones to the Rolling Pins, as in rolling our

pizza dough. So what are you waiting for? Call 1,800 Rolling Stones changes their name to rolling pins.com now. That is right. Wow. He got it right. That is amazing. That was incredible. You mean I won. You won. You are the winner. It's not as fulfilling as having victory in your grasp. You've never won before in a movie. I've never won a thing. I've come so close.

Well, this is new territory for you, Alan. You can, I don't know, you can, the world is yours at this point. So I've won. So you might as well hand over the gold then that I came back. Normally in a movie, you're super close, and then it's snatched from you from the hero. Snatched. When it was all, when I literally had. had it at my fingertips.

Exactly. Well, that is, of course, how we play Guess the Misheard lyrics. All right, congratulations to Mr. Rickman. That is... I'm on a party. What do you think you do when you win? You party, motherfucker.

Oh, God. Put them away. Put them away. All right, let's take another break. Here, another song from Heidecker and Wood. This is She Left You on Comedy Death Ray Radio. We'll be right back with Adam Scott and a little more Alan Rickman after this. I'm hot saucerman and I'm here with Adam Scott and the very intriguing yet confusing Alan Rickman, who we made up during the break. It will all make perfect sense soon enough, Scott.

That is the master plan. We made up during break We're now on a first name basis Yes, you're Scott Yes I've come to terms with that I've laid down both of my testicles Disarmed them for the moment

It is weird that you laid them down too I laid them down here on the broadcasting table What else am I going to do with them Put them back in my pants Blow my kneecaps off We wish you would Adam we do want to talk to you And maybe you'll have an opinion on this Alan

um we do want to talk to you about uh parks and rec it's coming back uh we never found out if it's for a third or fourth season but um yeah but um it is coming back and you you're you're on that it's running currently and uh season finale coming up uh well we have nine more episodes nine more new episodes before the season ends so the finale i believe we'll be in may at some point yeah i thought i'd read it was in april or something no unless you can fit um i mean do the math scott you we have nine here we go here the waterworks nine more originals um what is it may uh march well uh today it's march 28th okay so so maybe you have eight more no we have nine more it's march 28th today so you have you probably have eight more

it's march 21st see it's march 28th the first day of yeah i know i was just kidding it's march 28th is that like your portland joke yeah so I want to see how many people Google March 20? I like, what's a big deal? I like, you know, keeping, you know, seeing Google on its toes. Google Spikes. So you have eight more episodes. The one that just aired is the camping episode.

And I think the one after that. So you have one on the 31st, one on the 7th, 14th, 21st, 21st, 28th. Actually, I think one of them is going to be. 12th, 19th. So probably May 19th. Probably something like that. Okay. So, and it's been a great season so far.

The Harvest Festival, we, is up and running. The Harvest Festival, which a lot of people thought was going to be like a season-long arc and the harvest festival would be kind of the last episode, sure. Season finale, we, on the sixth episode, we got right to it. And so the Harvest Festival is in the past, and the rest of the season is just. It was a great success. And how, was it, and this is a technical question, but was it? a lot of CGI on that last big, like, amazing crane shot?

Was that CGI or did you go to an actual festival? Well, there was a little CGI there, but there actually was a real harvest festival up in the valley that we went and shot at. Wait, which valley? The San Fernando Valley in Los Angeles. Have you ever been up there? Were you guys planning? Once or twice.

I mean, I don't want to insult you. On occasion, I've been up there. I don't want to insult you. Always by helicopter. Were you guys planning the whole season? around a harvest festival that was naturally occurring in the San Fernando Valley? I don't know. I'm not the

location scout. I'm not a production designer. I just show up. You don't do that on the show? No, Scott, look. How do you call it your own work of art? I'm ready to put this rumor to rest. I am not a location scout. I am not the production designer. How do you call yourself an artist

then? Listen, Mr. Rickman? You jump in and you take control of the project and you make it yours. I am sorry for dunking you into the whipping cream over and over again, but you could not get it right. You couldn't get it right. Well, you were right. It was, it was, uh, we few, we happy few, we... Okay, look, if there was whipped cream right here, I would dunk you into it right now. Rind of, sister. Out, out, out, down spot. Butchering. Oh, yes, I know that one. Out, out,

out. But you're not supposed to say it. Okay, well, how am I supposed to tell you, which one then? The one where Lady Macbeth talks about a spot? You said it again! You've cursed us. Oh, Macbeth is what we're... Oh, now the third one. All right. So Parks and Rec...

You're okay? What's going on? No, the Scottish play curse really works on me. Wait, Macbeth? I'm so thoroughly an actor that it hurts my heart. But we didn't say it backstage. I mean, I think the rule is that you can't say it backstead. I'm always performing.

What is that rule? You can't say it backstage. The world is a stage. But I guess for Mr. Rickman, it's everywhere. Like, everywhere is fair game. You just do not say the words. How would you ever say that you're going to see... If I were going...

Hold on. I'm sorry, I'm going to take it, Aspen. If I were going to see the Scottish play, I would be very careful about making the arrangements. I would go through a third party. I would go through kayak. Travel planners. Travelosity or something and say,

I want to go see a play. and then narrow it down, you know. I want to see one of the histories. So if you were to buy your tickets online, like, could you even type the name of the play in, or is that... I wouldn't type it, no, because the world, I'm always performing. The world is my stage. Yeah, we get that.

So if I'm typing, there's an audience. If it's not a literal audience of ticket takers, then it's Dionysus himself looking down at whatever I do. Oh, boy. What if you had a sister name? Boy is your eye boy. Maybe if you worshiped at the altar of Dionysus, you'd be more than having a harvest festival and...

All right. Perkoima, Mr. Scott. All right, shut the fuck up for a second. What if you had a sister named Beth, and you were trying to tell her that she should wear a Mac, or buy a Mac, even better? Like, hey, I'm your sister, Beth. What kind of computer should I buy?

There are many ways that I could tell her to do that. There's only one... Would you say go buy a Scottish play? No, no, I said, listen, Beth, why don't you go find a Mac? That's not saying the word. It's playing around with elements of the word. But what if you wanted to say her name as the last element in the sentence? Magic spells don't work if you mix up the word stupid.

I'm sorry, I never took gay wizard school. I don't know these rules. No, no, of course. Why would I point at her and say, Mac, Beth? I've cut! Dabble, dabble, twillardtoyle, and the goat-shod. Speaking in tongues. Gay tongues, blah.

Uh, you've had a few gay tongues in your mouth, haven't you? Well, I told you before, it's all an ambiguous mystery. When you're on the Virgin Islands, you do the Virgin Island thing. All right, so. Where you're in London? Virgin Islands. Of course. horsemen, you know, I have my little parties there.

Okay. Sort of arrangements you make when you're in Miami. Sure. All right, well, we're going to do one of our least loved features on the show now. Great. This is something that's terrible, and, uh, but I am really interested in seeing what Mr. Rickman's opinion is going to be of some of this. Yes, I've got the Holy Spirit of the Gays. This is a terrible, terrible feature called Jukebox jury.

All right, Jukebox jury is here, and engineer Doug grab this mic. That would be a perfect song to play if a hero entered my layer and found me. I think that would be a terrible song for that. No, it would be perfect because it's the counterpoint is there. So basically, Adam, you probably, and of course, Alan, you don't know what this is, but a lot of people, we play comedy songs on the show, and a lot of people say, hey, play my song, so. Oh, I've done this before. Oh, did you do this last one year or here? No, I did this when you were at the other place.

Oh, okay. This is your third appearance on the show. We always love having it. Is it? The third? I believe it's. We'll talk about it after the show. And what season of Parks and Recke?

Yep. You paused. You paused. There was a pregnant pause. when you realized it was the third appearance. Is there something special without the Mr. Scott? Well, the number three has a lot of meanings for me. I don't like to get into this sort of thing.

Yeah, don't like to get into the number three. I have a meeting coming up, three guys. With DreamWorks, all your dreams are coming together. It's not dream. You guys, it's not dream has nothing to do. The third comedy death ray on the threshold of greatness as you join DreamWorks and become their god. Dreamworks is not, I don't even know what that is.

It's not important. You will apotheicize as the god. The deity, Adam Scott. All right. Here we go. So basically we play people's comedy songs and we make fun of them. All right. So, excuse me, Engineer Doug.

What is the first song we're going to play? This is Scotty Matthews with A Woman's Work is Never Done. He's with Scotty Matthews as a company by Samson, his puppet. Okay. A woman's work is never done. Will, if you be so kind? Oh, Jesus. So this is like a YouTube.

A woman's work is never done, and that's why they have so much fun. They got chores to do and kids to raise, and that's how women spend their days, and then men can give them money to buy the things they need. Like what? Well, like mops and good detergents, to keep our clothes real clean. and if there's time left over they can use the restroom but then make it snappy

because a woman's work it's never done and that keeps swimming on the road we can't do it with less than two it's like the nuclear keys two people have to turn it at the same time I put one of my balls in my mouth I'm going to blow my brains out

so are you saying turn it off? Turn it off. We need one more person. Turn it off. Okay, here we go. I didn't know I had the power. Yeah, those are the rules. We need two people.

Two of the three need to come to a consensus. All right, so let's break it down. Adam, what do you got? Are you talking to me? Mm-hmm. I thought it was... Is that an old song that he was kind of... It sounds like it may have been an oldie.

As engineer Doug said, it's his company and he has a puppet or something to that effect. that's all the information we have to go on I thought it was very well recorded I'm gonna leave it at that I mean I just kind of admire the the recording Alan what do you got well I was I was into it at first

when I when I thought that every line rhymed with the next line when they were all couplets like Shakespeare they should have stuck with the cuplets I was scanning it. It was almost perfect diambic pentameter.

You were scanning. I was literally scanning it here on my little note paper. I liked it because I like comedy songs that take a point of view which is opposite to what society should feel and then explores it. So I really enjoy that. You're going to stand up for the men's rights in this case. Yeah, and that's what a good comedy song does to me. takes an extreme point of view and then explores every nook and cranny of it no i never i don't

that's another thing is like once i got into it it's like i don't really care what a woman's places well see now that's your point of view yeah sure at home fine i really only am interested in women for the for the purposes of spitefully getting back at a hero that i'm trying to fight all right like bonnie bedelia in diehart sure sure else yeah exactly yes of course. I married my wife just to spite someone. Wait, who were you spiting? Spiting my cocaine. So do you give it a muster, a mustered or pants? Which one is the worst? It's mustard or pants. Which one do you give it? Oh, boy. I'll give it mustard. All right, Adam.

Pants. And engineer Doug. Mustard. All right, two musters, one pants. What do we have next? We have Mike Vital with Deadass. Oh, this does not sound promising. Here we go. Deadass. Oh Starts good You my car smells like permanent blood Permanent Something permanent something Blood

Hell yeah I need to get paid I'm about to drop this fat ass beat on you Is this Harris Whittles? Come on, get ready Here it comes We were waiting for the fat ass Beats

myself I'm the dumbest shit Alright I'm gonna give it to turn it off We have another one Anyone I want to see I want to make for a moment Okay That's exactly what I needed

That's exactly what you're looking at Perfect timing All right Fucking queer Alan I mean You know what is there That could be sad

Well what could be said It was fantastic I had me It was enthralled at every moment So fantastic, we could not hear another second. No, but I was on the edge of my seat, ready to fall off. You know what, if I could dunk him, I would dunk him. I would dunk him into mustard.

Oh, okay. So a mustard over here? I would dunk him into a vat of pants. Okay. You mentioned Harris Whittles. That reminds me, you probably get to hang out with him a lot on the Parks and Rec set. A lot of people wonder, a lot of people writing. Are they gay?

Are they lovers? Who? You and Harris was... People are not wondering that. That's exactly what everyone's wondering. No one's got. Embrace it. No one's ever...

Be a villain. A lot of people write in to our message boards on your world.com, and they say, Harris is not funny. Harris is... I think Harris had a great new character on your show last week. Jack? Is that the name of the character? Yeah, that was two weeks ago, three weeks ago.

A couple weeks ago. The guy that works at the... Jack at the lumber... The lumberyard. Yeah. That was a hilarious. So that's about as funny as he is on the Parks and Rec set, right? Yeah, pretty much.

I mean, I think that's brilliantly funny. Okay. I actually did. I loved that character. I thought that was awesome. E.D., what do you give it? Mustard or pants? Mustard.

Mustard. Definite mustard for me, too. All right, here we go. The last one. What do we got? We have Ryan Inman with Treasure Trove. Ryan Inman, that sounds like. I'm a treasure trove of bitches.

Oh. I'm a treasure trove of bitches I'm a treasure trove bitches I'm a treasured That's what I said in the first place Oh the wrapping I'm a treasure trove bitches

I'm coming around on it I actually kind of like it now You too Yo Oh the rapping starts Is there a video with this one? No All right, I sort of like this.

Kind of a John Spencer Blue's explosion type of. Sounds like a guitar lesson mixed with a drum lesson. If they were trying to do an animal sacrifice. I'm kind of enjoying it then. URA. I don't like comedy rapping, but turn off.

I have a... No, I'm sorry, keep it going. We need two. I don't... I'm not going to... I'm going to hold out. I'm going to hold out. I'm making a parliamentary move here, Mr. O'German.

I put in my vote for a turn-it-off. We have one hold-out. Call it a filibuster. It's all up to Adam now. What are you going to do, Adam? Are you going to hold out? Okay, yeah, you can turn it off. No!

I was just trying to figure out what he was saying. What is he talking about? Victory was in my grasp. What is it about comedy rapping? We've talked about it on the show, right? Engineer Doug? There's just something about comedy rapping that, uh, but the Lonely Island does it great. Yeah, they do.

They're actually like, they're not, it seems to me like they are not ever making fun of like, oh, isn't it funny that we're rapping? They just do really good. No, it seems like they genuinely love hip-hop. Like, I'm on a boat is actually a pretty great song. Right. That's also hilarious. So what, so, but I'm not saying there was anything wrong with that one, but I wanted to turn it off. I liked the, the whole intro.

Yeah. I like, yes, I like that you're a treasure trove of bitches. I think that's a really witty town of phrase. Okay. I wouldn't mind, I wouldn't mind meeting the treasure trove of bitches and introducing them to my pirate captain. Okay. I'm not sure what that means. When I hear the word treasure trove, I'm immediately get horny, and I feel like stealing someone's gold.

You immediately start calling people on the... Yes, I'm on my CB radio. All right, so what do you give it then? I think I would give it pants, but I would take it down to the tuxedo to get a new pet, measured for a proper pair of pants. All right, and Adam. I think that's a worthy, uh, worthy, uh, worthy, uh, worthy, uh, are you just going to say worthy, uh, a worthy, uh, a worthy, uh, a worthy, uh, a worthy, uh, a worthy, uh, a worthy, uh, I've shut down your Adam's, uh, uh, a robot.

Down your Adam Scott, Mr. Ockerman. A worthy. Are you believing me yet? A worthy. How did you do that? Are you believing me? How did you do that? Neal before me, Mr. Ockerman.

I will kneel. I will deal. He's a robot. Adam Scott is controlled by me, Alan Rickman. And I was only here. The gold is already gone. It's in the red line. I'll give you the gold.

I'll do whatever you want. The gold has been taken. I'll have all my... When I was yelling in that radio, my German slaves were removing it from your earwolf office now suck on my glock

you've such a pretty face you do such an adorable little face Mr. Rockerman I know I know I'm sorry I'm afraid it's time for me to make my

exit from a helicopter waiting on the top of the building oh stop it it wasn't that bad. My cum tastes like strawberry chocolate. I know because I have it all the time. Do whatever.

Just please, leave us alone. I'm going to leave you like this. Oliva! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for whatever I did to Adam. I'm so sorry for whatever I did. Perfect, Mr. Scott. You've played your part.

Like a worthy assistant. A worthy, a worthy, a worthy, a worthy, a worthy, a worthy, a worthy analogy. Oh, you're back. I'm sorry? Nothing. Where'd Alan go? He, I don't know, something fucking crazy just happened. Huh.

Anyway, I thought it was a pretty good analogy. I would also say, go to the Taylor. and get the pants fitted right or whatever. It was pretty good, but not, you know, the rap part wasn't. I wish I had my gold back. What's wrong, Scott? My gold's missing. I don't know what I'm going to do.

Wait a second. Alan's gone. The gold's gone. Wait, what happened? I don't know. We were in the middle of jukebox jury, and then something fucking weird happened. I was sucking on his testicle. I don't want to talk about it.

Look, can we just do plugs? Can we just do plugs? Yeah, let's do plugs. This is the plug section. except no face if it again at the comedy show I find tickets

no matter what it takes I'll leave in sub your dick Fuck noise Um That was by Joey Vosevic Um

In lieu of plugs Can I just If Alan Rickman If you're listening to this on one of your broad CB radios. Could you bring my gold back? I kind of need my gold for later. Is there any way you can bring my gold back?

Adam, do you have anything to plug? Well, look, Scott, I'm really sorry that Mr. Rickman took your gold, and I didn't even realize it was happening. I didn't even see it happen. and I would have tried to stop him, I guess. I know that's why he incapacitated you is you always take out your strongest opponent first. Oh!

Whoa. Hello, Scott. Did you hear what I said about my gold? I was listening on the Citizen Band Radio, of course. I was monitoring all channels. How do you monitor all channels? Well, I have Earwolf on Channel 39. Hmm.

That's where, yeah, that's what... You broadcast from the antenna. Can I my going back? I would be glad to give you your gold back, but you'll have to wait. I've already put it to use in my Ponzi scheme. Oh, boy. But I can get it back?

You know, I can get it back, but I'm going to have to string you along like an investor for a while. All right. As long as I go back. We're in business. You'll get it back by the time you retire, I promise you.

Can I get it by this afternoon? Are you going to retire? Yeah. Do I have your word? Yeah. Shake my hand, then. That's not your hand? That's my hand.

My hand looks like a penis. That's not your hand. That's my hand. I've really sucked on your balls. Scott, just... They looked like guns. You've got to trust me. This isn't...

If you've ever trusted me at all... I've never trusted me. Shake my hand, Mr. Rockerman. Hey! Now stroke it. Just stroke it a little bit. Oh! It's perfect.

I got the golden. and he rubbed me out. I just saw that happen. Victory is all over your face. How am I going? I sold it. It was really fast. I'm sorry.

I'm a sorry. I'm a villain. It's the worst show I've ever done. I'm sorry I did that to you. I want my gold back. I'll, I'll, what if I go steal some gold from another podcast? and give it to you.

Would you do that? Sure. I heard that WTF has a lot of gold. Very well. I'll go visit the garage right now. Mark Marin, I'm coming for you next. Adam. Wow, Marin better watch out.

I'm sorry, but without my gold, I'm not a good host. I can tell. I mean, this is a totally different show without your goal. I want my gold back. So, bye-bye. Okay. Bye-bye. Okay. Bye, Scott. I'm so sorry.

Bye-bye. I want my gold. Bye-bye. When people take your gold, do you start saying bye-bye a lot? Bye-bye, I want my gold. Why did you... I want my gold, bye-bye. Oh, my God. You're shrinking down to the size of a toddler. I want my gold, bye-bye. Oh.

I want my gold. We need smaller headphones. Oh, my God, bye-bye, bye-bye, bye-bye. Oh, my God. Bye-bye, what my-go. He's now, he's almost a zygote, folks. I want to call. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. This is incredible. I want to go, bye-bye. It's perfect. I've turned him into a leprechaun. Oh, my God. That's all I ever wanted.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You called me a madman. Where did that green hat come from? I want my gold. Bye-bye. Bye-bye with me gold. Bye-bye.

You're my... Adam Scott is my slave robot and you're my leprechaun. I want me gold. That was... All come together. That was... Earwolf listeners, I'm talking directly to you.

I want me gold. You have 24 hours to send all of your gold to the Earwolf Studios. Bye-bye. If you don't, I'll blow it up. Bye-bye. I'm watching and I'm listening to all of you on Band 39 on my citizen band radio. That was a... Comedy Death Ray Radio is about to literally get deadly.

I want my goals, Papa.