Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: An Ode to New York! (Andy Samberg, Eddie Pepitone)

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

On this Bonus Bang -- what’s that? How will you deal with your life now that Andy Samberg isn’t live on your TV on Saturday nights anymore? Cheer up because you’ll still be able to see him on Fox’s upcoming “Brooklyn Nine-Nine” and hear him remix the Hollywood Facts theme on today’s Comedy Bing Bong! Andy & Scott have a bro out sesh about DJs & Superbowl commercials before they meet entrepreneur Eddie Floatley who quickly creates panic (it’s his job) in the studio. Originally released as episode 244 on September 16, 2013. Don’t forget to check out the Comedy Bang! Bang! Action Figures at shop.figurecollections.com and go to actionfigurecellar.com for international purchases. If you want more great episodes of Comedy Bang! Bang! become a subscriber at comedybangbangworld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the archives, every live show, ad-free new episodes, and original shows like CBB Presents and Scott Hasn’t Seen. Find more great Comedy Bang! Bang! merch at https://www.podswag.com/collections/comedy-bang-bang Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Hey everyone, Scott Ackerman here and welcome to another bonus bang where we are re-releasing great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang out from behind the paywall. And I am very pleased. In fact, pleased us punch to announce that we are starting a new series this week. This is a series we're calling Mind Your Own Business, which celebrates the entrepreneurial businesses and innovative products that so many of our guests come on the show to promote. Just a wonderful swath of first we have. entrepreneurs and then we stopped having entrepreneurs on the show and we only had small business owners. Now we're back to having both on the show and we want to highlight some of these great, great innovative thinkers. Now, this first episode in a multi-week series is called An Ode to New York. And it's from pretty much the early days of Comedy Bang Bang and it features

our good friend Andy Samberg from the Lonely Island who was this week promoting what at the time was his new show, Brooklyn 9-9, which had not yet premiered at the time we recorded this episode. So this was a while ago. We also have Eddie Pepitone, the great Eddie Pepitone as professional panic inducer Eddie Floatly. One of our great entrepreneurs. This was originally released on September 16, 2013, so 13 years ago, as episode 244. So this is, it's going to be a wild ride over the next few weeks and maybe months as we hear some of our great entrepreneurs. And by the way, we still have some wonderful shows coming up in our 2026 ground beefing tour.

We're coming to Dallas, Denver, San Antonio, and Austin, the second week of September. Then we have our big homecoming L.A. show at the Orphium on September 19th. And then we're going to be an upstate New York and as well as. as sort of Long Island area, Huntington, New York on October 6th, Troy, New York on October 8th. And in between there, we're going to be back in our rescheduled Boston area Medford show on October 7th. And if you enjoyed this episode and want to hear other great episodes of Comedy Bang Bang, as well as shows like CBB Presents. Scott hasn't seen The Neighborhood Listen and College Town become a subscriber at CBBWorld.com. We have all of the past episodes from the CBB archives, every live episode we've ever done,

ad-free new episodes, even more original shows. Plus, we're releasing all of the live episodes we're doing the very next day for all of our Maximus subscribers. You can follow us along on the road. We're going to be back Monday with the new episode of Comedy Bang Bang, but until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Listen, ain't nobody ever been named Ruth. Welcome to Comedy Bang Bang.

What a fantastic catchphrase submission. Thank you, Kevin Zero. Listen, ain't nobody ever been named Ruth. That's true. That's as true. as it is concise. And welcome to the show for another week. And my goodness, we're in the middle of it.

I've been talking about this in previous episodes. We're in the middle of TV premiere season. My favorite time of year. This is when all the TV shows come out. And we're celebrating that this whole month. And we have one of the special stars. I mean, it's safe to call you a TV star at this point. I mean, your show hasn't premiered yet.

It premieres Tuesday, September 17th. Yes. This Tuesday, tomorrow, if you're listening to this, the day it comes out. It's safe to call me a TV actor. But is it not true to say you're one of our brightest stars shining up in heaven? No. What? It's like a wild overstatement.

I don't know. It's what I believe, and you are not going to convince me otherwise. Let me explain his resume. He's a young man. Growing up in Berkeley, California. True. Am I going to make it? Am I going to make something of myself?

Am I going to please my parents? Am I going to have a sense of self-worth? All of a sudden, Saturday Night Live. Bring, bring, bring. Excuse me. That's how they call people on the phone. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Please come to New York because there's a TV show called Saturday Night Live. Confusing. We'll talk about that later. Yep. Like, is it a day? Is it a night? I don't know. Make up your mind.

Just say Saturday Night Live, I think is much more. Saturday Night Live. Saturday Night Live. I've talked about this on the show many times. We don't need to get into it again. Okay. They call up and they're like, hey, knock, knock, knock, excuse me. I'm on the phone.

Would you come and play with us? Yeah. All of a sudden, click, hang up the phone. Mom, dad, fuck you. Yeah. Moving to New York City. Deal with it. Deal with it.

bags. Packing. Takes probably. probably five hours to really figure out what you're going to take what you're not going to take calling up finding an apartment this is going to take a while

episode one Steve Corell is the host Oh He's coming fresh off 408 American Virgin 48 American virgins His monologue was about how he was a movie star now because it had made over 100 million

And I remember thinking like Oh yeah I guess that is a thing That's how green I was Uh-huh, uh-huh. And, uh, episode two. Episode two, I want to say John Heater? Oh, from fresh off Napoleon. Fresh off of it.

He, uh, was delightful. We had a sketch that got on. This is your first time on camera at this point? No, me and Bill. You had the goodbyes, episode one. Episode one, no, I got an update feature on. Oh, what did you do? Me and Bill Hater, my comrade.

We did a thing called The Impression Off where he was really good at impressions and I really sucked at them. Okay. Okay. And fun fact, Tina was out on maternity leave, so Horatio was filling in for her. Tina. Tina. Tina. Oh, I loved her.

From the show 37 Stone. I love her. My favorite TV show and my favorite favorite is how I say it. Normal weekend news. Weekend news date. News date. News date person. So, cut to episode three.

I can't do this. Is it okay? Okay, so let's abandon this. Okay, so he's on the show for 15 years. 17 years. And then now all of the sudden, it's weird because people, they're going to turn on their TVs Saturday night. Again, confusing, 1130, 1030 Central, to their favorite show. And they're going to say, what is happening?

My favorite actor is not on this and instead is on Tuesday nights on a totally different channel on a show called Brooklyn 999. What is my life like? I'm crazy is what they're going to say. All of them. How do you suggest, and we'll get to your introduction in just a second, how do you suggest that they deal with their lives? now? Grief counselors. I mean, that's the only thing I've ever done, so I just try and tell it like I sell it, you know? How often do you go to grief counselors every week? I'd say five times a day. But I have about 20 different ones that I see. Because I find they all are good at different things. Every time someone dies, you find a new grief counselor. And this is not people you know either. This is celebrities.

Oftentimes I will, if I'm having a problem, I'll use the metaphor of a person dying. in order to work through my problems with the grief counselor. So I'll be like, oh, man, like my phone broke. And then I'll go into a grief counselor and be like, hey, my friend, Greg died. Oh, right. And they'll be like, oh, how does that make you feel? And I'll be like, you know, disappointed. I'm just going to get another contract.

Like, I was friends with them for a while. I really enjoyed the QWERTY pad on Greg. But then Greg's SIM card died and I had to move on to a different format of Greg's. And they're like, you're talking about a phone. And I'm like, you know what? Fuck you! Take a shit on their desk. Right.

And roll on out of there. Yeah. How many desks have you shit on, my man? In your life. In my life? Yeah. One. Just one.

That was just the best example of a grief counselor story I had. So I just came with my hottest story. I get it. And we'll introduce you in just one second. Don't rush it. Do not rush it. No. Why would I?

Because people already, in my opinion, they hear your dulcet tones. They know who we're talking. about already. They're like, you know what? I recognize that voice from the lonely planet records. No. What? I've turned on YouTube once. I'm one of his 49 billion subscribers on YouTube. It's a little bit of an overstatement, yeah. Might be. So, Andy's Tamburgers here. Hi. So tell us about this show. First of all, Live from New York, Brooklyn, 99? Are you going to start the show by saying live from New York?

Every week I'm going to do that live, and then we're going to go to a pre-taped episode. Because you didn't get to do it all that much on SNL, like you didn't do it every week. I think I did it a total of two or three times in seven years. Which is crazy. It is a huge rip-off. So now you have your own show, which is set in Brooklyn. Yes. So there you go.

Live from Brooklyn. It's Tuesday night. So this is going to be live, and what time does your show air? 8.30. 8.30, 7.30 Central. And so that'll be 5.30 here on the coast, which is where you're filming now in L.A. So 530 Tuesday, where are you going to be when you do this? I think it'll still be 8.30 on the West Coast, Scott.

Really? Yeah, it's not a live show. Well, what I mean to say is when it airs at 830 in New York City. Oh, I see what you're saying now. Yeah, you're going to do it for every time zone, I'm sure. Oh. So I'm going to satellite in. I'm trying to figure out from what you're saying what I'm going to do.

You're going to say live from New York and then Brooklyn. Live from Brooklyn. Yeah, I'm going to do that from the West Coast via satellite to New York. What do you normally do Tuesday on a 530 where are people going to be catching you? You know, I'm usually just at the raves. So if people are expecting to see me there, they can put that on the shelf because it ain't happening. Sorry, Calvin Harris. That's right.

Featuring Florence in the machine. I just read an article that Calvin Harris made $46 million last year. It's insane. Yeah. How does he do? I mean, yeah, his songs are good, and that's probably a big chunk of it must be record sales. Maybe, I don't know, you have hit records. But the next highest, it's this thing, it's not hard to find.

It was on the front page of Yahoo, but it was an article about how much DJs make. And the next biggest one was still like 38 million or 30-something million. It's just doing gigs. Personal appearances. That's all it is. They just go there and play their records really well. It's great. We should learn how to DJ.

We should. You know what I mean? It's probably pretty easy, right? Probably. What do you do? Press play? Just press play. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. You and I should have a DJ team like Def Punk. We should. Where we, but we wear just metallic robot suits but no helmets. No helmets? No masks or anything? No masks or anything. And then we just kiss the entire DJs.

Wait, wait, right, right. Let me just up the ante a bit. Okay. All white jumpsuits with white capes and white Zoro masks. Okay. And we kissed the whole set. Done. But we play one song.

Just one song. On repeat. And that song is... Oh, I thought you were... Oh, you're asking me. No, we're at the same time. We're going to say the same time. And that song is...

I kissed a bear. Yeah. I kissed a bear. A song which is going to come out by the time. That was our classic characters, Garth and Cat. Do you remember when we used to do that on SNL? We were so good. People loved it.

And I was always like, come on, guys. This is just the same thing over and over. But everyone was like, no. They were like, no, just keep doing it. We love it. Yeah, but so we did. And so we got famous. Andy, describe what it's like.

Would you describe this TV show as an ode to New York City? No. What? But I'm interested in watching a show that's an ode to New York City. You should watch. There's this show, an ode to New York. It's on the New York channel. Oh, wait, NYCC?

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Okay. My question then is, and it just naturally leads from that previous question, why would you get involved in a show if it's not an ode to the place that you spent all these years at? You cut your teeth on the comedy scene. Why then when you're picking through projects, you get projects sent to you and you're like, this script, I don't know, this script, I don't know. Well, what do I do?

call up management, hey, this is Andy, what exactly should I do with my life? Why would you not say one of the qualifications for a show is it needs to be an ode to the place where I cut my comedic teeth? Go. I think the main reason being is that doesn't matter to me in any way, shape, or form. Okay. Yeah. Great. Great.

Yeah. Okay. So tell me about this show. It's on, first of all, Fox. Animal or Network? Both. Both. Correct. Oftentimes when you get notes from Fox, they're just like claw scratches.

Because they forgot and they contacted an actual Fox. You can look up a lot of foxes in the phone book. Yeah, they're all there. People still use the phone book a lot, by the way. I'm glad it still comes. Yeah, they almost called it the Fox Book because of how many foxes are in there. Here's a little impromptu stand up. The phone book should just say fire kindling on it. because that's about how useful it is in this hour digital age. So you got 33 seconds of stand-up. How are you going to build an hour around that? I don't know.

I'm probably just mainly going to sift through this, pick out the best stuff. This podcast right now. Yeah. You are going to be a success, my friend, because this so far is golden. So it's on Fox. And describe, okay, so you've been your meteoric rise to superstardom.

God. Occurred mainly on the National Broadcasting Corporation. Now all of a sudden you're switching teams almost. It's like, hey, I played for the Dodgers, and now I play for the Dodgers, but not the Brooklyn Dodgers, the L.A. Dodgers. So it's like switching teams in a sense. That is a lot more convolutative an analogy than I would use. It's more like I was playing for the Dodgers and now I'm playing for the Yankees. Okay, okay.

That makes a little more sense, sure. Or the Oakland Athletics, my favorite team. Is that really your favorite team? How are they doing? It's September 16th. How are they doing? They're doing well. Yeah.

They just won a game? Yeah! Hey, shout out to all the A's out there. You guys put the athletic in athletics. So just a difference of one letter. So you're at Fox. You're like, hey, you know what? I get it.

I was on Channel 4 in L.A. Now I'm on Channel 11. Add 7. What goes through a person's mind, though, when it's like shit is real slap happy up in here, man. I can't tell if it's because I'm not talking enough or if you're just on fire.

What happens in a person's mind is what I want to know to be like, hey, that's a mental switch for me, adjusted. Here's how went down, Scott. Mike Sher and Dan Gore called me and they're super funny. Yes.

And I said, Yes, and I didn't really think about network or time slot or anything. Were you disappointed then when you found out Fox? Nah, because they were excited about Fox, so I was just like, whatever they want I'm good with. Were you disappointed or pleased to hear 830? As far as I'm concerned, it's halfway through the 8 to 9 p.m. hour. It's a little weird. It feels like a no man's land.

Yeah. It's like, hey, guys, schedule something at 8 or schedule something at 9. You know what I mean? Like, what's this halfway in between? I'm glad we don't have to make an hour long comedy. That's true. You know? How do you, does it take twice as long to make an hour show as it does a half hour show?

Yes, although I've been told sometimes they do it in like seven or eight days instead of. And how long does it take to both make and to watch your show? It takes five days to shoot one, but then, you know, weeks before to write and weeks after to edit. And it takes 30 total minutes to watch an episode. including commercials. That's crazy, isn't it? Which I don't know if you've ever seen the Super Bowl, but the commercials are the best part. They are.

I mean, first of all, you have like those new movies, the summer movies, like teasers. Yeah. And then you got, I mean, they're so funny, like these beer commercials where it's like, hey, shut up. I'm trying to watch the game. Like, why are you bugging me? Like a beer, you know what I mean? Yeah, it's like, go flush your tampons out of your ear. You're...

Go take care of our children. Yeah. The game's on. Beer me. Beer me, bro. Yeah. Yeah, shut up. Let's go take care of our children, bro.

Yeah, bro. I'm in a happy gay marriage. You're my best friend. You don't like football, and I do, and the football game is currently on. Therefore, I should be watching football, and you should be doing the domestic duties, to which we both share whenever football. is not on. Good, longer. Good.

So... Oh, I thought you were going to do it. Oh, oh. I was a challenge. Oh. You, my friend, I know your name, Sir Paul McCartney. Whoa. Are my domestic partner. Yeah.

You are my favorite songwriter, which led me to looking you up on MySpace and asking you on a date you taught me the chords to Blackbird which I appreciate I didn't just break up with you right after as you feared you said if I teach you these codes to Blackbird

you're not going to break up with me after I teach you the secret codes or you spot on I said no and I've stayed with you for 17 years this is a beer commercial this is the beer commercial yeah and then

and then Do do do. La da da da da la bomb bomb. No, no. The Beatles' biggest hit. That's the way off. For a second, I forgot that was the bomb. It sounded a little like Twist and Chowd, which I think how I started.

Yeah. What is your favorite Beatles song and dance? If you had to pick one thing that is both a dance and a Beatles song, what would you pick? Hmm. Probably Helter Skelter. Yeah. That's a great dance. Do you mind doing a little bit of it?

I'll... I mind. You do mind. Okay. Yeah. I don't know. I could sing yelter-skelter. There's so much jizzing involved.

Yeah, I know. Well, we put up the plastic, so... I thought you were going to murder me. Oh, no. That's for... In case you were going to do that dance. Oh. And I just...

I feel so much more relaxed now. Okay, good. Calm down. I was going into this whole thing expecting to be murdered. And yet you're still here. That's a pro. Well, when I say I'm going to do... something, I'd do it.

Mm-hmm. Wow. I wondered why you got that look of wide-eyed panic the minute you walked in here. Well, I also shit my pants. Oh, right. I thought you just had stage fright. Nope. No.

I appreciate it. Tell me about Andy Samberg, the man. Um, really? I mean, I don't know if I can talk about it. I kind of wanted to ask you. I mean, I want to get deep at some point. I just don't know what, I don't know what I answer the question. Well, I just.

people think that this show is like just stupid and like we'd ask dumb questions. The man. I just thought I would ask you like a really personal question. Give me an example of how to answer a question like that. I just, basically because you're the star, you kind of want to seem humble. So you just go, oh, I'm just a man like anyone else. I just put one leg on, pants on one leg at a time. One leg on at a time, yeah.

We all know that you have no legs. Yeah, of course. Okay, I just put my leg of pants on one leg at a time. Yeah, yeah. Okay, break. Okay. So tell me about Andy. I just put on my leg pants one leg at a time.

Great. Great. Chelsea Peretti is on the show. Great. She has legs. She knows how to use them. Mm-hmm. Don't say that to her face, though, because she might kill you.

She almost murdered Zizi Top. Is that true? Yeah, she did. She heard that song and she thought they were singing directly to her. Well, they were, right? Because she's a huge fan. She went to their concert and they brought her up on stage. Yeah.

They did. Yeah. And they pointed at her with that kind of like circular point. Yeah. Swing the point around and then land it. Yeah. When they pointed their famous car, the Excalibur. So Chelsea Peretti, you have...

Did you know that? Sorry to interrupt. You went to... Elementary school together. Yes, I did. You did not. I saw a picture of you guys the other day. On the school bus.

That is crazy. And we've talked about this off air. But I want to continue the conversation here in front of the... front of the Lord and our listeners. Hey, don't Christian bail. That's a little inside joke for it before the show started. Christian bail is when you switch from Christianity to another religion. Judaism. Yeah. Or if you...

I'm going to Christian bail on this religion. Or if you decide not to go to church. Yeah, exactly. You Christian bail. When you heard Chelsea was a comedian, you hadn't kept up with it, right? Is that... No, not a tough. We had a couple of mutual friends in common. but we weren't like talking all the time or anything. And then suddenly I started hearing her name again, I think through Polar, because Polar was really into her and her friends.

A lot of buzz, a lot of like, hey, Chelsea Peretti, she's funny. She's going to be a funny comedian. Yeah. Like she might be a successor to an Andy Samberg type going on Saturday Night Live and might take his place. Nothing like that. In the lonely island. It might become friends with all of his best friends and then kick him out of the

Both friendship and the group. It's, you're making it much more Game of Thronesy. It was really more just like, isn't it good? It's so good. How caught up are you? I've watched half of the first episode. Dude, you're way behind. Really?

Yeah. You have so much fucking in your future. Yeah. I cannot wait. There's some grimy fuck scenes in that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's like the weirdest way that you've ever made whoopey? Do you like to keep this clean?

I can't remember No, no, no Okay, okay, no I mean What's the strangest way I like to make Whoopi? Yeah I feel like I shouldn't say now

because I'm getting married you know? Yeah, no, that's right You're getting married very soon Like, uh, tomorrow Well, you timed it out

with your premiere of your TV show. Yes, on air, maybe. What? So the life from Brooklyn, New York Is going to be at your

wedding for the premiere? It's Tom Green and Drew Barrymore all over again. Oh, this is crazy. How come this is not publicized? Wait, is this exclusive for my show? This is exclusive!

Andy, thank you so much. So extra E.T. Not the Alien, the entertainment program. Entertainment Tonight. Yeah. E.W. Also, not the Alien. E.W.

Yeah, but the Entertainment Weekly. Ew. That's what he says. He's the guy who's disgusted by Elliot. Pick up this story. We want people to know about this. Get married, on air. Yeah.

Great. Can the listeners see that my fingers are crossed? Yeah, of course, yeah. Are you going to do that during the wedding, by the way? During the vows? I'm going to not, no. Great. I'm going to do it for realzies.

I think more people should get married and do their vows while putting their hands in front of their face as to show your spouse that you are not crossing your fingers. Yeah, I think more people should do. Yeah. Think about it. Yeah, I just think it's a good way to show trust. Exactly.

Yeah. It's a matter of trust It's a matter of lust It's a matter of all that we're looking do And is fucking turn into dust That's not a real song You just made that up Depeche Mode, my friends

I know What's the Do not know All right We're going to talk more and more About Brooklyn 999 But we have to take a break If that's okay

It is You're saying it weird But I don't mind Okay great Yeah And we're going to have more Andy Sandberg after this plus a brand new guest who I've never met before. So maybe you haven't met him before. I don't know.

I have not. This is very exciting. So I cannot wait for this. But we will have more Comedy Bang Bang, bang, right after this. Comedy Bang, bang,

we're back here with Andy Samberg. And we were just getting into a serious discussion of Brooklyn, 999. And you were talking about the emotional themes during the break and what kind of hope to achieve. I think, you know, We're going to break down barriers We're going to win a ton of country music awards Great, somehow I don't know how

Best cop show They have a new category Oh well there you go Why was I even worrying about it? No, you're in man God I mean it's best cop comedy right No, it's just show

O N-C-A-S-S-I-N-Y CSI-N-Y We do have another guest on the show and I've never met him before, and all it says is entrepreneur. Hmm. I'm always interested in meeting a fellow entrepreneur, aren't you? You and me both, absolutely, yeah. Some might say that you and I are the original entrepreneurs.

You and I, Scott. Mm-hmm. I would say that, so that counts as some. Okay, great. I'll join you. Yeah, I'll join you. His name is Eddie Floatley. Hello, Mr. Floatley.

Hello, guys. I've really enjoyed the conversation. That's right. You've been sitting quietly, kind of curled up into a little ball there in the corner. Yes. Thank you so much for having me on and letting me promote what I do. It's my pleasure. I mean, this show is nothing if not community service for me. So, you know, part of that is to be informational about what's going on in the community and to help people out. And so that's why you're here.

Yeah. I create panic in people's lives. and it's something that I've been doing now for a little while, and you can reach me at Ed Floatley Panic. Whatever you want there. You have them all covered, really? You have dot com? Netorg.com, dot gov, blah, blah. Anyway, by the way, Andy,

I don't know if you know or not, but your wife is your future wife. is in a state of horrible, horrible anxiety. Is that true? Anyway, about the wedding? That's an example of... Oh, of what you do. Yeah.

Oh, okay. So it's not true. Also, did you know that children now, toddlers are starting to smoke cigars all over the planet? Child, toddlers. That's not right. I got to be honest, that one, I'm not, it doesn't bother me. Really?

You're fine with just like an army of shilts. How about this? How about this, Andy? That one doesn't bother you? Right? Because you don't care about it. How about this? There's a fucking fire that is creeping in on this block.

Have you guys seen the news today? We're in Hollywood, correct? Yeah. There is fire near us. Holy shit. And that's another example. Oh, wait a minute. Just creating panic.

Why do you do this? I don't understand. How is this a business? What are you talking about? The female vaginas. Female vaginas are closing up in the next two to five years. They're going to be sewn by people. They're going to be sewn up by by doctors.

Corporations. What? I hate that. Maybe that'll affect you handy a little more than the, Toddlers smoking cigars. Can I just defend myself? I was just thinking to Roger Abbott and how awesome it was with this baby smoking a cigar. It's a funny image via Hollywood, but I mean if they really were, just think about toddlers smoking cigars when you're trying to get them to bed.

That's another. Get them to bed. Sure, sure, sure, sure. Hollywood is guilty of, you know, body image. What am I trying to say? Of poor body image, you know, standards and practices. Anyway, so tell us... Well, the reason why I started this business is because people tend not to live lives to their fullest unless they're in unless they feel like there's a disaster or things are going to end.

For instance, when 9-11 happened, people really became very gratitude. They were full of gratitude for life. So I'll do things like call up and say, I've got a gun to your wife. In your case, Scott, to whoever's close to you. You know what I mean? I have a wife as well. You have a beautiful dog as well. And guess fucking what, Scott Ockerman?

How do you know I have a dog? Because I do my research. And that is part of the business. Sure, yes. That I will find out important information about you. Only, by the way, to help you get you present. For instance, I know you have loving parents. I do, yeah.

They're dead, Andy. No. No, and I'm kidding about that. But, I mean, if this was. would be an example. Right. Who hires you? Would Andy, in that situation?

People lose lives. No, you guys are doing fine, but people whose lives have become kind of meaningless. Like, let's say you're a person who you're doing, you're doing like mediocrely and you're just kind of smoking pot. You're sitting on your couch for years. I will come into your house with the head of like your grandmother and say, now what? You're going to still smoke pot like a fucking moron. And I either reveal that it's not the grandmother or maybe it is. Some people need drastic.

Some people need to actually. Do you know what I mean? Can I ask like a technical question? Certainly. Would you actually go and decapitate someone's grandmother that's still alive or is like a dig up the grandma's head kind of a thing? Well, we also have prop people. You know what I mean? Hollywood prop houses.

Well, Hollywood prop houses. But as I said before, I may indeed use a real person, the actual grandmother, the head of the... That is a great, actually, digging up... Yeah, the previously deceased. They're called corpses, yeah. Corpses, thank you. That word sometimes alludes me. And I deal with...

But I mean, just throwing at facts, too, I know you guys weren't ruffled because you deal in the absurd or you deal in imagination a lot. But most people don't deal in imagination. Sometimes a lot of times in our respective TV shows we're called upon to be imaginative. And so off air, we sometimes can use those skills in order to imagine things as well. So I know exactly where you're coming from. Right. But I'll say things to people like the banks are close. Your money's not safe right now.

And with Google and the Internet, like I could be here Googling and going, where is your money, Andy? Where is your money? Bank of America? Let's say it's Bank of America. Hypothetically. Hypothetically. Bank of America, guess what, Andy? Bank of America collapsed today. Whoa. It collapsed. Everybody who had their money in Bank of America is now broke. Things like that. Things like that. Who? But I think more visceral is coming in with the head of a loved one.

It depends on where you're at. A lot of people are into finances and I'll head attack them that way. Yeah. No, a severed head versus a. The phone call about the bank's closing. I mean, for some people, yeah, they'd be equal. But my question is, who exactly is hiring you? Is it the person that you're scaring or is it the loved ones of the person? It's usually people who are close to the people who've lost touch. Like an intervention of sorts?

It's an intervention of sorts. Yes. It's a thing to get people to live life to its fullest. So it's usually the people who are closest to the people who aren't living life. Got it. To the fullest. It's like, hey, wake up. This is your life.

Yes. Do something with it. They used to have the show, this is your life to do that for people. But that was canceled. Right. So now this is this. This is this.

Right. Or I'll just run into your house. Uh-huh. I'll run into your house with a hammer. No. Threatened to kill you. Say that the reason why you're being threatened is because you're a piece of shit. Shit.

Oh, okay. Yeah. And I know what we're. Yeah, definitely shit is perfectly apropos for probably the task at hand. Yeah. We're just running up to people with a hypodermic, injecting them with a benign substance and saying that is poison. A placebo. What would have you done differently?

You know, that kind of thing. Blood work, I like to manufacture blood work for people and tell them. So you lure them into a doctor's office, have them take a blood sample. They return a week later when this sample would have been tested. tested, and then you give them the results of that blood work? I cannot do that, Scott. I will only, like, do things like, say, I am a doctor, your blood work. The loved one will tell me that they've just had blood work done.

Oh, okay. And I'll say, hi, this is Dr. Let's say Greenberg. And I come up and I'll tell them that their cholesterol is insane because a lot of people get pat. Or their mitrial heart valve is not working. Things that are, you know, here's a great thing when you're a doctor. you're bleeding out, you're bleeding into your stomach or something like that. Right. And what it does, it makes them reevaluate.

Maybe I'm working too long. Maybe I'm not loving. How long is it before you reveal that this is? Or a head in a duffel bag. I mean, you know. Yeah, you've said, you've said, okay, well, then I'll tell them, well, it's not real. How long does it go? Do you let them believe this for a long time?

until they are taking each moment in their life seriously. And you know what I mean? Not zoning out on Candy Crush. A lot of people were losing to Candy Crush. It's a problem. Candy Crush nowadays, you know? A lot of people just don't pay attention to their lives. Do you understand that?

I do understand. I do understand. Please don't do this to me because I understand that. No, I wouldn't. I mean, you're giving me the. opportunity. I mean, I do have your information now because, you know, we went through a process of, you know. How did you get that? Did one of my loved ones call you? Is that? No. Okay. No. And if they did, I couldn't be. You can say Dr. Client privilege. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But listen, if you do get a call or if someone from my office breaks into your house with a head or whatever, you know, it may be real.

Okay. But so if someone, if I get a call from someone with a heavy New York accent who is claiming to be a doctor, it may be you then. Let me ask you this. Are there people out there that you've never revealed that it's fake? Yes, because those people are the people I would call them the hardcore cases because they-HCCs. Yes. You're very, I don't know. I am very something, yeah.

You're very something. I agree with you there. Yes, there is, for instance, there is one guy right now that we told he is going to going to die as soon as as possible? Things get worse, you know what I mean? As soon as possible. We told a man, you were going to die as soon as possible,

which is an open-ended threat. Do you know what I mean? By the way, if you're going to threaten someone, leave it open-ended. Like, never tell someone I'm going to kill you. On May 17th. Correct. Don't give him an exact day.

Or even a month, I'm going to kill you in May. I'm going to kill you in May. I'm going to kill you in the summer season. So if you're going to tell someone you're going to kill them, you suggest then just say, hey, I'm going to kill you at some point. At some point. As soon as possible. Basically tell them, I am going to kill you. And you could stress you're busy.

Do you know what I mean? So SAP could be a while. It could be a while because, look, I've got a lot going on. Things are taking off for me. Things are taking off for me, so I'm not going to have time to get to you. I'm going to do me for a while as well. But as soon as I get back on track. As soon as possible, I'm going to murder you and everything you love.

You don't have to add that. But that helps. Yeah, it was pretty effective the way you just did it. But that helps. So anyway, I create panic. Wow. That's incredible. How did you get into this business?

I mean, it's not. Everything else hasn't worked. You've tried everything, every other business. I tried to come up with a ball that you rub on your foot to help plant a fashitis. That does not work. Plantaficitis is a strained ligament in the heel. Okay. That does not work.

That did not work. I might have that. Really? Yeah. What happened? My heel's been bothering me. That's plantar fasciitis, but I can't help you. I also used to do carpeting just on people's ceiling carpeting.

Sealing carpeting? I've never seen that. I've seen wall to wall. Right. That's mainly, that's like a one-man market for Lionel Richie. Right. Oh, Jesus Christ. I didn't even think to contact that guy, but I, but the wife.

He danced up there a lot. A lot, man. So he may want to protect that ceiling. He might have the plantrophysitis. Yeah, that's true. Did I say that right? From dancing on the ceiling. Yes, he did.

And you probably have it. So get used to that term. You double down on not being able to help him. Yeah. Planet fasciitis, by the way, can spread into, and if your heel hurts, be careful because that could be indicative of a cancer. And that's what I do for living right now is say to you, Hey, this is Dr. Fukuyama with the heavy New York accent.

You probably have the beginnings of a cancer. Can I ask a question? If you are going to call me and be a fake doctor, this is probably unorthodox. But can you say that you're Dr. Nakatomi because I'm just a big diehard fan? Oh, yeah. Oh, is that from Diehard? Yeah. He's great.

Oh, I thought you were big diehard. Yeah, I could say I'm Dr. Nakatomi. I could even do it. No, he was a tower? Tell me if this is good. Tower. Tell me if this is good. Hello.

This is Dr. Nakatomi. Yippie Kaye, motherfucker. You have cancer of the foot. Is that something you're... Is that what we're talking about? That would be right where I like it. That's right in a sweet spot. You slipped the catchphrase in there pretty unobtrusively, too.

But I've tried so many different things like just keeping people alive in blue liquids. I tried for a while and my wife said, you know, I haven't generated a lot of income. Wait, so are there dead people that you? you were not able to keep them alive? You just put some people who perished. Well, legally, I can't discuss it. Closets. I'm a stickler for the law, so I will ask no further questions regarding that topic.

It sounds like a yes. I don't want to. I will not, you know, really dare to theorize. I can't stop. You're both in the imagination field and you're very perceptive. Corner baseball I've tried, which is where. walls meet, there's corners, and startup games of baseball. That did not work.

So wait, are you meaning on the field whenever you round the base? No, not a field. There's just the corners of where walls meet. Like I'm looking at a corner right now. Oh, sure. And just a baseball game would spring up there. Like you pitch into the corner? Yeah, and you hit in the corner and all the bases that are in a corner.

What I basically wanted to do was make baseball a very confined small sport, and it did not work. America's pastime. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, Mr. October. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah.

So just all kinds of things I've tried, you know, putting bolts, putting bolts into people's cereal, not work, didn't work. And you thought that would be a business. What was the goal on that? Yeah, I didn't think it was just random words. If that's what you mean. It's like people who need more iron. Just like a lot of. Imagination business.

I'll tell you, Andy, where it started is that people love to find things in cereal boxes. Oh, look, it's a very small, it's a very small replica of the Boxer Rebellion or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Like, oh, there's toys and cereal. What about bolts in cereal, I thought? Yeah. Will you guys both do me a favor? Don't tell anyone about my people who need more iron joke.

Okay. Oh, that's yours. Is that going in your stand-up again? No, I just think it was pretty bad. Oh, really? You're ashamed of it? A little bit. Can you say it again?

I was saying you put bolts in people cereal because they need more iron. I don't know. I mean, as jokes go, it's certainly one of them. It's technically a joke, as I like to say. I think it's something to build an hour on. Yeah. For sure. Definitely.

I think you have about 43 seconds of material. What have been like two years you saw an ad for an HBO special of my stand-up called People Who Need More Iron. Hey, you know what? People who need more iron should put bolts in their cereal. Thank you. And then just do the helter-skelter dance for the next 50 minutes. Well, this is fascinating. Do you mind Eddie, you said your name was Eddie.

Eddie Floatly. But your website is Ed Floatly. So there's a little bit of a discrepancy there. Eddie Floatly, yeah. Eddie Floatly was taken already. Yeah, but I would say then introduce yourself as Ed Floatley. I don't know. Why cause confusion in the marketplace? I'm not a good business man.

I've noticed. I've noticed a little bit about that. But Eddie, we have to take a break. Andy, we also have to take a break. You're not bleeding, are you, Scott, because there's blood. What? No, that's just what I do. And now you're here.

Now life is important. Great. Okay, well, let's take a break. When we come back, we'll have more Eddie, more Andy, more comedy bang bang right after this. Comedy Bing Bang, we are back here with our good friend Andy. Samberg of New York live. Nope. And we have Eddie Floatley.

Are you related to Michael Flatley? playing me a chance? No, I am not. Oh, okay. No, I am not. All right, great. Hey, I wanted to play this song before we continue, if that's okay.

Do we have that ready? I want to play this song, and Andy, I want to see if you have any additions to it. First, we'll hear the regular song. Okay. And then we'll see if you want to add anything on top of it. Okay, let's hear the track right now. Nice.

Well, it's Hollywood, facts, and we're going downtown. Going to Inglewood. Now, everybody's doing your facts and know your stars. There's glitz and glamour and lots of bars. Get a drink at a club. Then go walk in front of Chinese theater. Hollywood Facts. Take out your dick.

Check out the Facts. It's the Hollywood Facts. Bro. So that's, we recorded that a couple years ago. Yeah. And it's pretty good. It's pretty good. We don't play the game often.

Why not? With a theme song like that, you think we'd play a, every week. You think. That's airtight. Yeah. Anything you want to add to it? You want to add some...

Sure, yeah. Okay. You want to play that again? Here we go. It's very L.A. centric, which I love. It's very much about L.A. Nice. Well, it's Hollywood.

Fax, and we're going downtown. Should we be doing it over it? Oh, yeah. Did you want just the regular straight line? Oh, you stars. There's glitz and glamour and lots of bars. All right, Sabao, let's play it over. I don't think I have the track without you on it.

Oh, okay. I think you're going to have to find your way in over your... Okay, so this is double layering. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just additions. Yeah, here we go. It's like if I did a guitar solo over stairway to heaven. Exactly.

And after it ends, you can add whatever you want because then... Okay, great. All right, here we go. Here I go. Fine in my spots. Nice. Well, it's Hollywood back. Yeah.

Going to Englewood. Raskos'o's chicken and waffles. And know your stars. There's glitz and glamour end. That old roller derby place. At a club. Yeah. Chateau Marmon.

Hollywood Cityo Hall is back The facts It's the Hollywood facts Bro Wow Oh what is it No

What was that? That's a different track Okay Yeah May I talk over that Last track You want to talk over that Just to promote the business

For a second Can you do that last thing? Here we go Everyone you know is dead Everyone you know is dead Just kidding That's it basically Oh okay

You should. No, no, you. You with the whole thing. Yeah. I mean, I don't have that skill. Any, just a tip for your business. Normally, if you do some kind of commercial like that, I would say the name of the business, how people can contact you. Damn it.

Not just the premise. Damn it. It's like, you know, if you're out there advertising Wendy's hamburgers, you don't just go, hey, are you hungry? Right. So always, yes, I should give my information. I've spent so much money on advertising without saying how to reach me, where to reach me. who I am. How much money do you spend on this? I would say upwards of $750. Oh, wow. I mean, I don't have a lot of money. I mean, that is a lot of money. You're not a wealthy man? No, I've had a lot of

failed businesses. Corner baseball, would you? That's true. Scott, I can't help but notice. You're pretty good at counseling. Hmm. Ever do any grief counseling? I've, I mean, I've thought about, Dwight, do you have any problems? If you have a problem, I feel bad for you, son. That is very good. That's how I start, usually my sessions. You sound exactly like what I need. Great. What's your problem?

Someone I know died. I'm so sorry. How are you dealing with this? You're winking at me a lot, I have to say. I don't mind it at all. By the way, this is the easiest grief counseling session I've sat in on. Really? Yeah, I've sat in on a bunch.

Why do you sit in on so many? Because my wife has access to grief counselors, and she's always inviting me to hear tremendous grief because of the business. I'm in. She says, if I'm creating, this is what I could create. Anyway, this is the easiest going. I haven't gotten into it. Okay. It gets much worse.

Sorry, I spoke too soon. A friend of mine died. Wink. Wink. No wink. He was a car. that I drove around named Dennis. Mm-hmm.

And I'm so sad. Was this your friend Dennis Chevy? Dennis Toyota. Oh. Please stop it. Just stop it. Oh, no. Eddie, you're crying now.

Is everything all right? Well, I'm listening into this. Yeah. This isn't how you act in the grief counseling sessions that you sit in on, is it? I'm behind many plates of glass. More than two? There's, well, if you're sitting in, I'm back now. Oh, hey.

I just snapped out of the grief. By the way, very, very sad. But if you're sitting in on grief counseling sessions, is at least six or seven plates of glass you have to be behind? Really? Legally? I don't know if it's legal, but it's, it's prudent. Yeah.

It's prudent. I had no idea. It's certainly custom made. Are these different rooms as well? or they're just sheets of glass one after another that, you know. Like stacked together. Yeah.

Say if you were playing corner baseball and you hit the baseball into this pane of glass would have then go through the successive six or seven panes of glass or is it stacked up so thick that it wouldn't even be able to break it. God, these are great questions.

Thank you so much. I mean, I am an interviewer and so I take pride in my questions. I work in the imagination business. Sure, of course. All I know is there's a sign that says you are seated behind seven plates of glass, so feel free to yell or cry.

Feel free to vent. Does the fire marshal sign off on that as well? There is a signature under it, but I'm not... You haven't inspected it that close. I'm not sure whose it is. Right. Whose would most surprise you if it were theirs? A signature?

I guess Wayne Gretzky, because I always wanted his autograph. Yeah. It'd be a pleasant surprise. It'd be a pleasant surprise. Here's a question. Would you take that sign off the wall? It's this business is signed. But would you take it off the wall and steal it?

What would you do on ABC Fridays? Nope. Nope. No, don't promote that right, because that goes up against your new show, I'm imagining why. Well, Tuesdays. Well, if someone, though, if they're watching ABC on Fridays, they may not change the channel in time for Tuesdays. It's true. Do you feel like the DVR has changed your life as an actor?

Like, when you're acting, this is just a question that I have watching from home. Are you trying to preemptively stop people from fast forwarding? That's something like that. Like when you're acting, when you're given a script, are you like, well, how is the DVR going to affect me? Great question. While I'm reading a script? Yeah. Don't look that way.

I'm just a layman. I don't need that. Why give him that look? Is this what they mean by Hollywood? Yeah, Hollywood attitude? Do you know your mitriol heart valve isn't working according to paperwork I have from your doctor? Well, you know, I wish I didn't reveal to you who I am. Yeah.

He actually was on board with it. It's one of your things. One of your things. Yeah. No, but the DVR, it doesn't affect a production. Do they, when they film these commercials for your show, are they constantly trying to do them? Quickly. Slower.

No, slower so that if people fast forward through them, they see them at normal speed. I mean, I can only speculate. Why? Because I don't work with the people who make the commercials. Right. You don't care about these people who give money to create. your show. Oh, I care about them so much. Right. But I also don't talk to them or anything. You don't talk to these people you care for so much? I mean, that's no way to treat these people.

Thus, the grief counseling. Oh, yes, I get it. It's about my issues that I deal with with grief. Yeah. And panic. Mm-hmm. They go hand in hand. Panic is my business. I think fortuitous. And business is good. Well, guys. Not really. No. Really? Well, I haven't. But would you include my full name and the, I don't have the email address yet with me. But one of the, you know, how to contact me, which the phone isn't set up yet. I mean, you already gave the website.

I don't know that I'm going to, I don't know. I mean, you already got a free plug? I don't know. Sure. Yeah, I'll do it. Okay, good. It would help. Okay.

Nothing set up, though? I don't have anything set up just yet. But the business is probably, well, we'll see. Okay. I can create panic in your life is what I want to say. Right. So what's the phone number? Ooh.

Let me get back to you on that. Oh, okay. How does this work? Is this a DVR situation? Well, I mean, people can rewind. They can fast forward, sure. I mean, it's a lot like a DVR. All right.

Then I can get back to you on the phone after you've published this. Sure, you can. Definitely. I don't know that it'll be included, but yeah, please do. It doesn't matter. That doesn't matter. That doesn't matter. That doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter to you as long as that the information is in my possession. That'll be okay. Okay. Well, fantastic, guys. Where can I find this? Like when it's posted, is it going to be on the Howard Stern Channel? Yeah, definitely. I mean, that's mainly where we are.

Is the Howard Stern Channel, Howard 101, Likis 101? Is it going to air on the joint, the reggae channel? It's going to err on the side of amusing, definitely. It's going to err on the side of amusing. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. If not actually hilarious. Yeah, definitely.

Fantastic. Yes, of course, guys. Of course. Now, guys, we have something left in the show. It's one of our favorite features on the show. And Andy, I don't know if you've ever played this before. But it's time for a little something that we call Would You Rather? All right.

It's time to play. Would you rather? We all know how this is played. People send me, Would You Rather scenarios to our Twitter account. which is CBBWIR, that is Comedy Bing Bang, Would You Rather? Please don't send them to my Twitter account because, let's take this music down, here we go. Please don't send them to my Twitter account because then, of course, they will be put on the Would You Rather part.

We all know what that means. And great. So we all know how this is played. People send me Would You Rather scenarios of which I have them. And I'll read them out loud. and I'll open the floor for questions. You're free to ask me anything you like about either of these scenarios.

Have you ever played a game, by the way, Eddie? No. You've never played any game. No, I'm thinking of developing a game that people can either use peanut butter in any situation or not. Okay. Now, the fact that you've never played any game,

why are you so interested in creating one? I hear they're popular. I mean, you're doing one now, and I know that my... Monopoly made some people very rich. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Especially the guy who created it.

Baseball is a game? The Brothers Parker. The Brothers Parker? Mm-hmm. Definitely. So you're free to ask me any question about either of the scenarios. Now, as a certain point, I'm going to close the floor for questions. There's not going to be any warning of getting this.

Okay? So may happen in the middle of your question. It may happen after you have no more questions five minutes later. But at some point, it's going to happen. So prepare yourself. Try to get your questions in early and often. We'll then vote. Yes.

You're raising your finger. You may be pointing to God as in like he's my number one dude or you want to ask me a question. I have a quick question. So do I, but you go first. Okay, my question, does homie play this game? My question? Homey don't play that. How we don't play this?

My question, did you fuck my wife? And that's just from a movie. Oh, okay. Okay, great. All right, this comes to us from Leland Volok. I think that's probably his real name. Probably. He or she asks, would you rather only be able to communicate using singing clams you have to dive for?

Or endlessly eat your own Medusa hair to prevent petrification? Okay, would you rather to only be able to communicate using singing clams that you have to die for or endlessly eat your own Medusa hair to prevent petrification? What is the Ducea hair? I have not. open the floor for questions. I'm afraid I'm going to have to dock you one point, so you're at negative one. Jesus Christ. No wonder I don't play games.

I know. This is your first time. I should grant you a little leeway, but I will not because we take, would you rather, very seriously here. So, can we ask a question? That is another question. God, damn it. God, damn it. Negative two.

Negative two. I'm so sorry. Would you rather only be able to communicate using singing clams you have to die for or endlessly eat your own Medusa hair to prevent petrification. Guys? I would rather do... Don't vote early. Oh, that is another mistake.

That is actually going to cost you 500 points. You're at negative 502. Oh, damn it. I like your shirt, Scott. Statement. I love it. Playing the game to perfection. How many games have you played in your life?

So many. Yeah? Yeah. More, like, countless, would you say? At this point, I would say countless, yes. Now, I'm not saying how many games have you played in terms of like, you know, how many, like, if you played Yatsi 500 times, count those. I'm just saying, like, how many different games have you played in your life, would you say? Still countless?

50. 50. Great. I'd love to count those down next time you come on the show. This is not a question, but when do we answer this question that you have posed? This is not a question. Or an interruption. It started with how?

Very clearly a question. Very clearly. I'm sorry. I'm docking you one more point. That's five. Okay. Let me phrase it this way. Okay.

What do I do? That is another question. God, your flagrant disrespect for the rules of would you rather is, I'm sure, inflaming the furor of our listeners right now, Eddie. You have a nice shirt. Thank you. Good. Good.

See, this is how you play the game. This is how you play the game. Oh, my gosh. Was that so hard? You have beautiful eyes. Thank you. See, I'm going to, you know what, you're back up to just negative three. I'm giving you 500 points.

I love. Can I make a statement? You certainly, that was a question. I'm so sorry. Yes. Negative three, you guys are dead heat right now. You said to him was that so hard. Should you be docked a point?

All right, I'm docking myself one point. I've never kept tally of my own points publicly. I've never let anyone know. It cost me a point to get that point off of year. It was worth it. I love your dog. Thank you someone. Negative 2.

I'm giving you one point. Oh, he's beating you out, Andy, at this point. I'm going to suck your dick. Hey. Automatic win. I knew it. I knew it. No, no, of course I'm joking.

Negative 2. You both are at negative 2. You're tied. I have negative 1. Wow. Took his 500 right off. That's how fast 500 come and go. Yep.

Not a question. I enjoy everything about you. Thank you. Doesn't get you any points, but sucking up to the judge. Not worth anything. Sorry. Singing clams would be who I pick on that one. Oh, you voted early.

Another 500. What is early then? What is not early? Because you asked the question. I have not opened the floor for questions. I have not called. close the floor for questions, I've not asked for your vote. You said, welcome to another segment in our show where you choose between scenarios.

The rules are clear. How fucking long do we have to wait? Until I fucking open the floor, the rules are clear. I explain them to you. Just because you've never played one single game in your life. I'm sorry. Apology, accepted. That's 500 points right there.

You're back to negative two. What? Congratulations. You're both tied at negative two. That's all you have to do is apologize. I'm sorry? For what? Come on.

You just ask the question. I'm in negative two now. Oh, man. This is a tight race. I've opened the floor for questions. I've closed the floor for questions. Oh, all right. That was quick.

That's the quickest maybe it's ever been done before. That's crazy. Fast, yeah. Yeah, that was a little too quick. I don't think you guys, neither of you got in there. No. You know, that's, you got to be quick on this game. Oh, hold it.

Hold it. Are you saying that, we didn't get a chance to answer that scenario? I closed the floor for questions, and that was clearly a question. No, but this is not a question. Negative three, my friend. Within the framework of the game, because you closed it. So sorry, I'm going to have to take your vote.

I'm going to have to take your vote. Andy, how do you like to vote? You have no information at this point. You never got a question in other than the original question. Would you rather only be able to communicate using singing clams you have to dive for or endlessly eat your own Medusa hair to prevent petrification? I would choose, since the floor is, open for my answer.

Yes. Diving for clams that help me communicate. And why is that? Because the Medusa hair thing just sounds way, way grosser. Mm-hmm. And, you know, you're constantly eating something you don't like. With the clams, you have to do some diving, but you're still able to communicate once you get them. Mm-hmm.

Or you could remain silent for your whole life. If you prefer that. Just be the weirdo. Yeah. When you're not feeling like diving. Yeah. To me, it seems like the lesser of the two in terms of hassle. All right.

Well, you have no information to back up that claim. other than the original question. So we'll find out when we figure out tally up the votes. Eddie, how do you like to vote? Neither of those choices do I prefer. Whoa! This has never been done before. No one has ever chose neither before.

It's now been done. So you would just choose to remain in your current life? He chose neither. Not neither. Oh, sorry. What did I say? I can't talk today. Neither, neither, neither.

Okay, I'm back. So you would just choose your own life where you have this weird, failed business, another in a long string. Yes, yes. Rather than diving for clams, which sounds like an amazing life. You're out there on the Gulf of Mexico, diving for clams. Not since the BP spill. Oh, that's a good point. That's a good point.

That's a different part. It's a different part of the Gulf. Yeah. Let's tally up the points. Andy, you voted for clams. You voted incorrectly. Of course, eating your Medusa hair was the... correct answer.

We'll never reveal why. So you are docked one point, so you have negative three. Good. Eddie, my friend, you chose neither. You get no points because you chose neither correctly nor incorrectly. But I'm not in a negative. Well, I mean, you started at negative three. But he, Andy, got a negative.

He got a negative. So now you are tied at negative three. Meanwhile, I have negative two. I am clearly the winner of Would You Rather? That's how we play. Would you rather? Oh, man. Great game, guys.

I liked it. Good game. Good game. I'm shaking everyone's hand now. Good game. I felt like that game was bullshit. What? I liked it.

Take the music down. What? The game was bullshit. I liked it. Do you mean BS? I'm talking about straight up BS out of a BM. I thought, I'll tell you what, Andy. I thought the rules were clear as a bell.

What? And I saw it. The scoring system was absolutely fair, and I really liked the game, and I'd love to come back and play it sometime. Games over. There's no way to win at this point. I'm sorry. I... And if I did award you points, that would be taking my victory away from me. Yeah. Still love the game. All right. Thank you so much. That was a good game. I felt really great about it.

Why is the Medusa hair better? That's the first time I've ever won this game. God. I love it. Thank you so much for asking me to Doc publicly talk about my own points. This is a first. You know what I've been doing the show so long? It's great to have a first. You know what I mean? Sure.

You know what? Never mind. I feel happy for you. Thank you so much. You're a good friend. To me. Guys, we're at the end of our show. We only have one last thing on the show,

and that is, of course, a little something we call plugs. All right. That was a plugs theme. That was called a major market, parentheses. near you, in parentheses, by N-8M-K-E-H. I wonder if that stands for something, engineer, Cody. Nate, Nate McKay, maybe? Nate McKay?

Nemiquet? Something like that. Nate McKay? Anyway, thank you so much for that plugs theme. If you have a similar plugs theme, or hey, even if it's dissimilar, I'll take it. Go head on over to Earwolf.com, put it in the appropriate thread, comedy bing-bang message boards, and you can be famous for a week. And what better week to be famous than we have one of the clown princes of pop parody right here in front of us with Andy Sandberg.

How would you rate that song on a level of what you do to what, you know, someone who's a total non-musician? Like, where on the spectrum? That was way, that was right up there. Right up there with what you guys do. Well, I mean, let me put it this way. If you think comedians coming to town is something that's funny, that is for you. It's right in your wheelhouse. Yeah.

I think it's probably based on the two. tour that we're about to go and park on and how we talked about how we're going to major markets. I was, the only disappointment for me from that song is I kind of wanted each one of those guys to sing their line. Yeah. It's a waste opportunity. I was like, I didn't know which one of them that was, if any. Yeah.

It could have been the We Are the world of, you know, plug songs. Yeah. Where each of those guys sings one line out of it. Like, hey, Bester's coming to town. Bester, let me hear what you got. Vocally. There's a choice we're making. It's coming.

to town to a major monarchy near you it's an opportunity to see you thank you for letting me join on that oh it's an opportunity to see the mechanic

uh well right he lost a lot of weight for that movie which is why I I like to it I love movies where actors have lost a lot of weight to do the roles as exemplified by your referencing Raging Bull earlier.

Gained a lot of weight. Do you know why... He gained and lost. Yeah. Within the same shooting frame. Did you put on and lose for Brooklyn 9-9-99? Nope. Right down the...

Not going to watch it. Not going to watch. If you're in Brooklyn and you want to call the police, do you just dial 9-999-999 until the police pick up? No. I can in good faith say yes to that because it will now work. Okay. Great.

The 9-9 is because we're the 99th precinct in Brooklyn. That's very good That's very good I love it I love it That's great The show's pretty good Yeah I bet

I'm enjoying it I bet you I mean we're in the middle of plugs The plug bags open Talk about it It's uh I mean do you like Parks and Rex Same guys

Same guys Yeah Amy Poller Do you talk to the camera Do you talk to the camera Do you talk to the camera Like they do in Parks No that's the difference

There's no documentary vibe to it It's at one point Would you like to maybe Turn to the camera and just go, you know what? And go, you know what? Enough of this. And then shoot a guy.

Yeah. How many times have you fired a gun on this show? So far, zero. But guns hath been drawn. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Okay. They don't take firing a gun lightly because it's actually like a huge deal in real life if a cop fires a gun.

Oh, no. Yeah. I mean, most cops never even discharge their weapon. I find that interesting to know that they won't fire. a gun on your show because they say that that's a big thing in real life? Well, no, I didn't say they won't fire a gun. I'm just saying that it's not

They don't take it lightly. It's not taken lightly. Because in film, they seem to be firing guns every second. I haven't seen a movie that they haven't fired guns constantly. Exactly. You know which movie I thought could have used more guns? Two guns. Exactly. Why just two? Come on. I'm talking about this on the show.

Two gun. You and I agree on this. That was originally titled many guns. It should be like 580 Seven guns. I would go see that movie, but two guns? Two is nothing. Sounds boring. It does.

Come on, guys. Even three guns would be better. What about four guns? Four guns even better than three. Look, in my opinion... I understand now... In my opinion, five guns. How it works.

So tell us about... So Brooklyn Nine-Nine, that is a great example. It's like, look, hey, there's a lot of Brooklyn's. Yeah. You know what I mean? And it's not just like Brooklyn, too. Like, I wouldn't see a show called Brooklyn. Brooklyn, too.

No, Brooklyn 9-9. Exactly. I should also clear up it's not set in 1999. Oh. It's the 99th, get this, precinct in Brooklyn. Uh-huh. Does that have anything to do with the 99%? Like the 1% and the 99% Occupy Wall Street, these kind of issues.

Are you talking about these on the show? Uh, yes. Yeah. Do you like that? Yeah, love it. Then yes. Yeah, that's really current. It's super current.

It's super sexy. Yeah. Would you say you're the newsroom of, comedies that are on Fox at 830 on Tuesday Yeah For sure Great

Either us or New Girl Great Oh are you up against the New Girl No we're preceding them Oh Oh that's right You're the lead in For the new girl

Yeah Fantastic This is a great night To television Hell yeah You know what I mean How many of these you make a year Uh

Well we don't know yet We're good for 13 right now Good to go Yeah. 13 in and done. Then you're like, plane back to Maui. Well, unless it goes good and then we'll do nine more. Okay, but at some point, playing to Maui in your future?

Yeah. Yeah. Were you going to honeymoon? You're getting married there on the show tomorrow night. We're going to honeymoon in Maui at the four seasons room 14-03. Okay. So come by, say hello, pay your respects. That's what you like people to do.

Yeah, if you've got, like, incense you like or like a blanket you've knitted, a quilt of any kind to commemorate the occasion. I'm tired of people getting married and people around them not paying their respects to them. Thank you. You know what I mean? It's like, hey, we just did something special here. Yeah. Pay a little bit of respect. Yeah, we flew to Maui.

The least you can do is fly to Maui. By the way, if I break into your room four seasons, room 1403 in Maui during your honeymoon and I say that your blood work is horrible. As a professional courtesy, I'm telling you now it's because your wife asked me to do it. Okay. Thank you. If that happens, I don't know if it will. Right. It's hard to find me on the internet.

If she has contacted you already, which you cannot disclose, I understand. Yeah. It's very important. Wow. So, Andy, anything else in the, well, the hopper? Well, you know we got that Lonely Island album out. Yes. Incredibad.

Nope, that was the first one. Turtle Neck and Shane. Favorite one. Oh, that doesn't do well for this plug. No, it's a great, it's a great record. I really love this. It's fantastic. I know that you're being serious

because you told me that a week ago. I have told you that, yeah. I love all your records, but this is a great one. Did Edgar write and those guys talk about how they like it? A few weeks back when they were on the show? Wow. Yeah, I mean, off mic. Off mic, they were talking so much about it.

Got it. I should have passed that on to you. I should have recorded it because they said some just glowing things about it. Yeah, they told us they like it. It was like, Not since Tom Lera

has there been. They say been really weird. Bean. Yeah. Has there been such a hilarious songster? It was really interesting.

Edgar definitely talks British like the way you want a British person. Yeah, he's so high class British. Yeah. It's very interesting. So much addiction.

Yes. Yeah. He's great. So go get the Lonely Island record. The Wack album. whack album, of course. Go watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Don't, if you have a Nielsen box, I'd say definitely turn it on. If you don't have one, just turn it on because it's funny. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Sure. You want to tell a friend. Tweet about it? Hell yeah. You know what I mean? If you like it, tell everyone you know about it. Look, I don't want to force this on anyone. Sure, but when you're proud of something, why not? You know what I mean? Totally. Would you say catch up after the pilot airs? Like next week, or do you want people to watch it like the very night that it's on? The first night it airs is pretty cool time to watch. DVR plus seven? Okay, so this is a big important night. Tuesday night, I want everyone to watch Fox and watch it.

I say watch the entire hour, 8 to 9. Do you ever get feedback like people don't like people doing plugs on your show? No. It feels so like not what the show's about. We have a whole section devoted to. I know, but do you think that your listeners would prefer to skip plugs? No, they skip to the plugs. That's how much they like it.

They literally, it is the people, and we've talked about this many times, is the people's favorite part of the show. First, they listen to the plugs. Yeah. Because they want it in their minds of like, oh, what am I listening to? So fascinating. And then they go backwards and they listen. See, I have the exact opposite.

As a listener and or a viewer, I'm always so bored by plugs. No, no, no, no. But then I have to turn around and do them. You know what I mean? Oh, people like to hear what you're up to. What do you mean? And you're not here just because your TV show was on the air. That is absolutely true.

You know, you're a friend of the show. Yeah. You were on my TV show, season premiere. Thank you. And you knocked it out of the park. Is this the third of the fourth time I've done this podcast? This is the fourth. Fourth.

Yeah, four. I mean, come on. How many people have been on four times? None that I can remember. I bet a lot. No. I don't think so. I think you just broke the record for how many times you've been on the show.

No way. Zach's been on more, right? No. I think he was on. two times. Really? Yeah, yeah. Am I the all-time?

You're the all-time champ. Am I? World's greatest. No. Gaudi, come on. So not even close. Well, I mean, I don't know. You've had people on like 20 times.

Paul of Tomkins might have been on 80 times at this point. I'm not really sure. All right, so Brooklyn, 99. That's how you look it up on your DVR. Nope. And really, I bet if you just put BR, it's the first thing that comes up. Without a doubt.

Because Breaking Bad, nope, no one likes that. People do not enjoy it. I do. You know, tell everyone on that show. You're the exception that proves the rule. They should know that I like it, but most people I talk to do not enjoy that.

Very good. I have a hair plug. Great. Let's hear about it. Here it is. Take it. Ew. I don't want that.

Why did you pull that out of your head? That is disgusting. Please take it back. So, Eddie, what do you like to plug? Brooklyn 9-9. Brooklyn 9-9. What? Hey, man, you don't have to do that just because he's

I'm going to be, I also do stand-up comedy. I'm going to be. What? Yes, it's, my wife told me to get into it because this isn't going into the panic thing. Oh, so this is a new business for you, stand-up comedy? Yes, I'm hoping it goes good. Crazy that you're just bringing it up now, seeing us how this is a comedy podcast. Yeah, and we were talking about you doing stand-up comedy and creating a brand-new hour.

So this is, I didn't want to horn in. I didn't want to horn in, but since this is the plug section, I'll be at the link. Lincoln Lodge in Chicago, September 27 and 28th, and the comedy addict in Bloomington, Indiana, October 3rd through 5th. And, and I should have said this earlier, too, I guess, there's a documentary about me called The Bitter Buddha. A documentary about you? Wait a minute. Are you? What?

Is your name Eddie Floatly? No. What? Are you? Because I've seen that documentary, The Bitter Buddha. Yes. All 90 minutes of it. I fast forwarded through the credits.

It's a lot. That's the one with Eddie Murphy and the kid, right? Eddie Murphy and the kid, of course, yes. Where he only has 96 words that he can say? It's the golden child. That's right. I want, I want, I want the knife. Same type of thing.

But to Dr. You're Eddie Petit. Pepitone. You're Eddie Pepitone. Yes. Yes. Yes. And, you know, I'm sorry that I pulled the wool.

over your, both of your guys eyes. That's insane. But I'm a good character guy and I guess I kind of inhabited that guy and you didn't really see him. So, nothing you said was true? This reveal is actually accomplishing what your character was trying to do the whole time, which is shake me to my core. Which is what I try to do with my characters. This is like seven plates of glass anyway.

It's very layered. My material is very layered. You could rent a bitter Buddha on Netflix. Oh my God. You could buy it on iTunes or... Is it just like this? Like if you were to watch The Bitter Buddha, is it just like this where you pretend to be a person other than yourself the entire time?

Now, this is where I draw the line on this kind of conundrumous thinking. Yeah. No, it's just a documentary of... So you're just drawing the line right now and you're refusing to play along with this. The way you drew the line on that fucking game where you kept... That game was bullshit. It was handy. And thank you.

Now that I'm out of... because Floatly was a pussy. I really didn't like it. Pepitone, you're too confrontational. No, I'm just saying the character I created was like, oh, yeah, I love the game. I didn't like the way you ran the game. I want Floatly back. I felt like you were creating a new game every second.

Well, I don't know. I'm sorry. The rules are clearly stated. Scott, yes. Remember when I asked you if homie played the game? That was really funny. Yeah, that's one of my favorite friends. You want that, you want everyone to hear that, right?

I love that game. I love that game. The iron joke. The iron thing, no, we'll cut that out. Yeah. Okay, plugs for me. First of all, thanks to the Frederickson family. Thank you so much for donating $100 to comedy Bing Bong and something special coming to the Fredericks and the whole family.

Thank you so much. Wow. I hope you listen to it at dinner time. And I hope you don't mind Andy Sandberg farting over your. It's a snore fart. I also, hey, thank you. Thanks for watching the first 10 episodes of Comedy Bing Bong. We just had the musical episode last Friday.

I hope you enjoyed that. Thanks so much for all your kind words about it. We're very proud of the season so far. And that was one of my favorite episodes to do. We're going on tour starting on the 28th of this month, hitting 12 cities, doing multiple shows. It is myself, Pallif Tompkins, and special guests, the birthday boys. We'll be out there coming to a city near you. And if we are not coming to your city, or even if we are, you can get the podcast portion

of those live performances in a special tour package for $25 bucks on the Earwolf site, you'll get all of the shows sent to you the next morning after we do them. And you can follow us on tour. So go see us on tour or just listen to the podcast portions of it. And that's it for my plugs. Let's close up the old plug bag. Closing up the plug bag. Yeah.

Ding do mingo. Bluendo. Bluzee. Bluzee. Brow. We've played both songs that Adam Pally has said, bro at the end of. This is the only time we've ever done that on the same show. Wow, amazing.

Guys, this has been a fun show. Thank you so much. How do you feel about your performance and the experience? I regret it. Okay. I give myself a B minus. You know what? I'm going to up that to a B.

Thank you. Above average, my friend. I had a great time. Your friendships mean a lot to me. Likewise. That is very real. That's very real. That's maybe the most real thing I've ever said on this show. I enjoy our friendship. I do. You know what? I've known you both a long time. Eddie, how long have I known you? A few years now.

Probably a decade at least. No, honestly, like 12 years. I think I've known you about 12 years at this point. It goes by so fleetingly. It really does. Time itself, you know, like what have we accomplished? I have not accomplished much. You know what? I think we all have because we are all still in contact with each other. We all still like each other. You know, we haven't gotten out of the business. I've known you five years, Scott. Yeah, five years, as David Bowie said. Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's crazy. That's what I was referring to.

Is he the first one to say that? He was. I've known you five years. You should keep that, man. That's great. Turn that into a song, my friend. Guys, thank you so much. We will see you next week with a very special show about another one of our new season premieres.

That's going to be fun. We've been talking about. There's a little hint if you hear about shows that Andy was talking about. There's a little hint about who will be here next week. We will see you then, and that's been comedy bing bong for another week. Thanks. Bye.