Comedy Bang Bang: The Podcast - Bonus Bang: Andy Daly, Paul Rust (Old No-No's)

Episode Date: November 14, 2024

This is episode 2 of our "Old No-No's" series, originally episode #232 titled "LIVE from San Diego Comic-Con." That’s right, it’s a b-b-b-bonus episode of Comedy Bang! Bang! recorded live from San Diego Comic-Con! IT’S BEEN a while since we’ve heard what’s up with Hot Dog and since we heard a couple of New No-No's from CBB favorite Paul Rust! What more can you ask for? Get access to all the podcasts you love, music channels and radio shows with the SiriusXM App! Get 3 months free using this show link: https://siriusxm.com/cbb 

Hey everyone, Scott Aukerman here, and welcome back to another Bonus Bang. That's right, Bonus Bangs are episodes of Comedy Bang Bang that were recorded a while ago that we're re-releasing out from behind the paywall. Now this Bonus Bang series is entitled Old No-Nos. That's right, we're re-releasing episodes featuring Paul Rust's new No-Nos every single Thursday.

Now this week's episode is number 232. re-releasing episodes featuring Paul Rust's new No-Nos every single Thursday. Now this week's episode is number 232. It was released on July 18th, 2013. Oh, so long ago. It's called Live from San Diego Comic-Con. Now as I recall, this was recorded at the House of Blues. That's right, kids. There used to be an entire house devoted to the blues. In San Diego, the guests are Andy Daly and Paul Rust.

Hot Dog makes an appearance, Paul Rust shares his new NoNo books, and we get another game of Would You Rather, all in front of a live audience. Now if you like what you hear and you wanna hear the entire CBB archive, as well as every single live episode, you can become a subscriber at cbbworld.com and you can hear them all there. We're gonna be back Monday with a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang.

Until then, enjoy this bonus bang. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back

Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back, back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back Come on, let's back, back, come on, let's back San Diego, California, how we doing tonight? Yeah. Wow. What an unbelievable welcome. San Diego, maybe one of the best crowds I've ever seen. What an unbelievable welcome! San Diego, maybe one of the best crowds I've ever seen!

My goodness, oh. We're here at the House of Blues. By the way, I am your host, the world famous Scott-a-bot, Hot Saucerman. Had enough? I get it. I want to hear the theme song and I am outta here. We are here at the House of Blues in San Diego, California. We're here for Comic Con. Always a great time of year. And we're having a good time. We all just got into town.

This was our first stop. We decide to come to you first, San Diego! Does that make sense? I just got to San Diego and I decide to come to you first, San Diego? I don't know. I don't know if that makes sense. But it's a pleasure to be here with such a great crowd.

And our first guest here on the show, he's a good friend of mine our first guest here on the show, he's a good friend of mine. The crowd here at San Diego just saw him, not mere moments ago. Let's give a great big warm welcome to our friend Paul Rust. Come on out, Paulie.

There he is. Thank you. Paul, you changed jackets. Yep, I went from the purple to the black. Because things are going to get real dark here, people. Uh oh, wait a minute. Dark, twisted, peeved, pissed, and ornery. Hold on, hold on Paul.

Now, how many of you are familiar with Paul's work on the podcast before? Thank you. Thank you, Scott. Don't thank me, thank them, they applauded you. Do you mean to tell me that you have some things that you're upset about here? I got some things on my chest.

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Well, we all know what you do with things that are on your chest. I gotta get them off. You gotta get them off, don't you? Things on my mind, I gotta get it off.

Things on my ass, I gotta get it off. You know what I like about my fans? Ah! You know what I like about my fans? I have some of the smartest, best educated, well informed, well read fans of any comedian, even if you guys are a bunch of dope smoking maniacs. All right, okay, okay.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, all right. You dropped your paper, Paul. I assume that some of the- You don't think Lenny Bruce ever dropped his paper, man? He's dropping paper all over the place, man. Once in his life he was carrying a piece of paper. He may have dropped it, you're right. We can't say.

We can't say for sure. Was there a camera on him at all times? I wish. You know the thing that cheeses me off about the- You are cheesed by the way. I'm so cheesed somebody should call Sargento. Is Sargento in the house? Oh no no no.

Cause he might want to come up here. Sargento's not here Paul. No no, no. And thank goodness for it. Yeah, you can say I'm cheesed. I happen to have just said that, so it all works out. Start the clock. Wait a minute, what are you doing? Pfft.

It's very anticlimactic when you say that and it doesn't happen. Yeah! Oh, okay. I said start the clock and it started 20 seconds later. That's how long it takes to start a clock these days. No, no, no. Yes. No, no, no. What's with side cars, huh?

You ever been driving down the street, you see that guy in the motorcycle with the side car, huh? I'd like to have a side car. No, no, no, let's make a rule. For every time you're in a side car, I'm in a side car. In my basement. That's right, while you're wheeling around,

I'm sitting all alone in my basement. Sitting in my basement. That's right, while you're wheeling around, I'm sitting all alone in my basement, sitting in my sidecar smiling. Ya asshole. Yeah! No, no, no. What's with these pop-up ads, huh? You go online, Scott, you know what I'm talking about.

You go online, you get on the internet, you got all these pop-up ads, huh? You go online, Scott, you know what I'm talking about. You go online, you get on the internet, you got all these pop-up ads. Hey, I gotta deal with the computer companies out there. You pop up, I shut down. I get a pop-up, I turn my computer down. No, no, no. Each time I get a pop-up, I shut my computer down.

Turn it back up, another pop-up, shut it on down. Turn it back up, another pop-up, shut it on down. It's gonna take me hours to read my email. No, no, no. No, no, no. Who's had enough to hear with all these channels? I gotta turn on my TV, gotta flip through hundreds of channels.

I got an idea. No, no, no. One channel, that's all the channels. And I don't even mean individual squares. I mean all images are played at once and the sound comes together new no no TV's chaos now maybe I'll store some up my butt for later Wow do you want to stop the clock? Yeah. Stop the clock!

Thank you. New no-nos, wow, okay. I have more, but I didn't want to... You don't want to do them? We'll pull them out later. I do have a new segment. A new segment? You haven't cleared this with me. This is highly unorthodox. If you

wouldn't mind. I mean we have a little bit of time I guess. It's a new segment and it's called um yeah. Okay well. Start the clock. Oh this one starts with the clock too? Um, yeah. Cindy Crawford on a surfboard, eating Skittles, and singing the Beastie Boys. Um, yeah. A bathtub filled with doubloons, and a pool.

Yeah. A bathtub filled with doubloons. And when I scoop out all the doubloons underneath is a little bird. Um, yeah. Yeah, I take it. Um, yeah. Yeah, I take it. One more, um, yeah, Scott. Sure, be my guest.

A nugget of gold? Inside a Fig Newton? Wearing checkerboard shoes? Yeah! Thank you. Stop the clock! I think that clock pre-stopped. It knew, it knew it stop. Thank you though.

Yeah, I'm just, you know, I don't like coloring inside the lines. And I think, I think in a way, man, I felt like when I was doing new no-no, I started painting inside the lines. Oh yeah, you're doing what your audience expected you to, is that what you mean? Yeah.

And I thought to myself, um yeah. You thought that about coloring inside the lines? Yeah. But I thought that you thought that that was not successful. So you said, um yeah, about coloring inside the lines. Um yeah. Hey, you guys like my new shirt? Ricky Gervais gave it to me.

Pfft. He's a fellow, uh, nasty comic like me. We like to get together and get nasty. Wait, are you having a laugh? I'm having a laugh. Are you? During that segment, I looked back because I was laughing and I saw the House of Blues insignia and realized that this was the stupidest thing ever to happen on any House of Blues

stage anywhere. Probably. Although I'm a little disappointed that, you know, Dan Aykroyd obviously started this. Obviously, yeah. In reference to the Blues Brothers. But I personally, I wish he would have chosen some of his other movies. To base a club on? Yeah.

Like who wouldn't like to go to My Grill? Probably Dan Aykroyd's most popular movie is My Girl, and that was a play on it. What about Dr. De Trout? Well, seafood place, huh? That only serves trout? Yeah, the most delicious seafood there is. Oh yeah, mm, trout.

How was your trout today? Mmm, delicious. Mmm. Not a third? No? Oh. Well, I was just coming up, um, ghost burgers. Alright, yeah.

That one makes sense. I actually think that one would be rather popular. Yeah, I guess people tend to like Ghostbusters more than my girl at Dr. Detroit. And the Blues Brothers. That's true too. Is that where you would eat a burger and the very act of eating it would cause there to be a ghost burger inside your stomach? You mean a turd?

Wait, are turds ghost burgers? What's a turd but the ghost of a burger? Right? I never knew you were a philosopher. What's a turd but the ghost of a birder? Right? I never knew you were a philosopher. Yeah, yeah, that was day crap. Boo, boo, boo. That's where I draw the line, Paul. Why, you're booing yourself, how dare you?

Boo to him booing. Boo. Um, Paul. Boo, boo. Wait, you're booing yourself? How dare you? Boo to him booing. Boo. Boo, boo. Yeah. But you do have some new no-nos, the ones that you were coloring inside of the line that you'll do later. Sure.

Your fans love them. Clearly. I do, you know what? I'm realizing, shit, I forgot to say a catchphrase at the top of this show. Oh shit, I forgot to do the catchphrase. Sorry, I had one all lined up. Let me try to find it.

Hold on, fuck. I can't find it. Did somebody send you one? Yeah, I usually get them, but I can't get cell service here. I could do my old one. Just give me one. I don't remember it. My life. That's familiar.

Oh, I remember it. It's, uh... What's up, hot dog? That's right. That's right. People know that. What the? What? What is that? Oh my God. What's going on? It's me, Hot Dog! Hot Dog!

Hey, it's me, Hot Dog! How's it going? Hot Dog! What? Hot... Hot Dog! Hot Dog! That's right! What happened? Where did they go? Where did they go? Oh shit!

It's Hot Dog! happened? Where did they go? Where did they go? Oh shit! Oh! It's Hot Dog! How's it going? Oh my God, Hot Dog! How's it going you guys? How's it going? I heard my name and I says, I better get out there. What's going on?

Please Hot Dog have a seat if you like. What's that? Or not, stand, what do you like to do? I thought I would do the twist and I thought people enjoyed it. Well Hot Dog, is that all it took was I just had to say those words, what's up hot dog, and you would appear?

Well, not exactly, Scott. Funny story. I'm here in town because I heard that there was a big convention going on and a very popular thing that Comic-Con and I said to myself, if that's going on, I know who's going to be there is Sean Anna. That's right. Because if they want this thing to be a success, who do you invite?

You're pointing the mic at me as if I, you want me to say Sha-na-na. That's your only possible answer. And I have my own mic, by the way. I could, you could merely take my arm and lift it up to my mouth if you wanted to. You don't have to put- Do you think that would be easier

than me putting my own mic in your face? I don't know, let's try it. Okay, the glasses have to go okay now you did Mike was easier anyhow so the point is shot on if you want to have a successful event you got to invite shot on up hey it works for Woodstock anyhow I get over there to the convention. That one thing 45 years ago? I don't think your math is that great, but anyways... 50? What am I thinking?

Hot Dog, were you at Woodstock? I was not. I did not have the pleasure. But this was before I discovered Sha Na Na's. Now, they were performing at Woodstock, as you know, Sha Na Na. No, there were no tickets sold for Woodstock. It was a bust. Nobody was going. They announced Sha Na Na. New York State Trueway is closed. It became the biggest thing in the world all because of Sha-na-na. They went out there and they sang Get a Job and At the

Hop. Now, ever since I saw that, I said, that's where I belong on stage with Sha Anna. As you know, Scott, I've auditioned for the band 48 times. And in each case, I have been rejected and humiliated. Wait, humiliated as well? Just for auditioning, it seems like Sean Anna would be a little more polite about this. It seems that way. You would think that, you know here's how it is I've been following them around from State Fair to convention to classic

car show for a long time and they come to think of me as just a yeah you're not late it's just a guy who you know just a guy that they can abuse because I'll always be around and it's true I'm not leaving their side anytime soon. So I go up there and I audition, I do my thing, and a lot of the time they have a laugh with me, they tell me you're hired, and then I, you know, I go on a weekend-long bender, and then they call me and they say I'm not hired.

And it was all a joke. That's too it. So now, to give the people a little background about who you are because you haven't been on since episode 94. We're in the 200s at this point. I just want to refresh everyone's memory of who you happen to be. That's funny. I did not realize that you had continued with the show. You thought we just ended. I thought I figured you were going to call me back the very next week or the very next episode. I never called you the first time. You actually just wandered in from the valleys across the street where we used to take.

Well, the thing of it is that you kept saying, what's up, hot dog? And of course my name is hot dog. And so I like to come over and tell you what's up. Right. And as far as I recall, you never did get to what's up. I keep trying. Look, anyway, long story short,

I get over there to the convention center, no sign of Sha Na Na. Unless they're performing under the name Metallica, they're not performing in town this week. So I came over here to House of Blues thinking maybe they're here, maybe this is the spot of the show. I'm hanging around backstage, I'm looking at all these names of bands that have performed here in the past. No Sha Na Na. Really? In the House of Blues? No Sha Na Na. They got something called Adele, they got a band called Adele,

some band called Lady Gaga. No shanana, no justice. Oh man. No shanana, no justice. We should make a t-shirt with that on it. No shanana, no justice. No cell phone service. I would buy that.

So I'm backstage and I hear what's up hot dog and I says, whew. Gotta get out there. I gotta get out there and tell them what's up. Yeah, yeah. So now, as I recall, your name is hot dog, but it hasn't always been thusly. No, that's true. You changed it.

I changed my name. Back in the 60s. That's right. Well, you remember a lot of things. I was, this was back in the 60s when water skiing was king. A lot of things. I was, this was back in the 60s when water skiing was king. A lot of you... Water skiing was king. Water skiing was king. It deposed surfing. In the great surfing and water skiing wars of the 1960s. As I recall the Beach Boys had

several songs about surfing. Well they were on the side of surfing. But water skiing deposed surfing. We didn't need music. Right. That's right, sweetheart. We won! And water skiing was king and it ruled supreme over aquatic activities out there on the ocean. And you were a water skier? I was a hot dog. I was a water skiing hot dog. You, you decided to,

was hot dog your trick or just you, you hot dogged all the time? No, that's what, yeah, I was hot dogging it all the time out there. That's what you call the guy who is really excellent at water skiing, a real hot dog. Here comes a real hot dog. And I said, soon as somebody told me that, I said, I'm going down to the courthouse, I'm gonna change my name to that. So did nobody else. Hot dog, what were some of your hot dog moves? How'd you get your name? Well, I introduced firearms to water skiing.

Yeah, hot dog. So it wasn't necessarily stunts. You don't think so? You ever try to get out on a pair of water skis with a rifle? No, I haven't. And do some target shooting? You could barely touch my arm, not moments ago,

without doing a wild combination of putting your glasses down and how is it you were able to water ski while holding a rifle? That's that fair. We're going back to the 60s. This was my heyday. There was literally nothing I could not do. Name a thing. Partizzi. I could do that.

I could have done that in my heyday. Can't do it now. But yeah, I would get out there with a rifle and I would shoot targets and I lost three boat captains that way. Wait. Okay okay hold on. Normally water skiing is done while holding onto a rope that's attached to a some sort of speedboat. Buddy that's the only way.

Now your speedboats would have captains. Yeah that's right. That's right. I guess water skiing has really faded from prominence. Nobody knows the various ins and outs of it, but there's a swearing in ceremony at the beginning. Wait, that the water skiers do or that the captain does? Who is doing this? It's when a captain becomes designated in a swearing in ceremony. You need a witness, you need a notary public, and you need a witch or a high priest,

a wiccan priest, anyway. And then you have a ceremony and then that's your captain. And you get out there in the water, there's a benediction. And you smash a bottle of champagne on the boat and you're out there and you go. And in my case, I came out there with a rifle and I tried to shoot some targets in the water and on three occasions, I shot the captain.

Different captains or the same captain. Buddy, I shoot you, you're not gonna survive it. That's your thing, right? That's your trademark. That's one of my trademarks. What I wanna know is, if I shoot you, say goodbye. These shootings are accidental

and yet you are claiming some sort of skill, as in, when I shoot you, you won't survive. As if you were aiming for these people. I don't think that those two things both have to be true. I'm a rifle remarksman of high achievement, and if I accidentally shoot you, you will die. Take it to the bank.

I'd rather not. So that was during the 60s, of course. That's right. And you got your name hot dog, and those were great days. Great days. And then all of a sudden the 70s come around. Yeah, that's right. And a group of young tufts start singing songs from the 50s.

Oh boy, did they. Did they ever. You're talking about shout out loud. Of course, yes. Me too. Good, well that's quite a coincidence. That'll work out. What's going on with your stool there?

What's happening? You might notice that this one doesn't have the thing and I want it like that. Oh There you go so so now They're singing songs about the 50s from the 50s. They're not singing songs about the 50s Are they they're singing songs that were written in the 50s that they were also about the 50s pure coincidence But they're about 50s issues life in the 50s, you know, things of concern to teenagers. Purple people eaters.

Purple people eaters, at the hop, Earth angel, things of that nature. Itsy bitsy. Back in the 50s we had these things, these guys called teenagers. I don't know if they're around today. But they at the time, you know, were ruling the roost, the teenagers. Sure. Right. And everybody was interested in what the teenagers were up to and the Sha Na Na sang songs that captured that time and that feeling and that age of life.

Now, when you were in the 60s, you claimed to not need music. Right. With your water skiing. Yeah, that's right. And yet the 70s roll around. Yeah, mm-hmm. And Paul, back me up on this. He seems to all of a sudden rejuvenate his love of music. Is that what you're saying? Yeah, it's as if to substitute the water

he put in musical notes to use the old expression. I've never heard that expression before, but I'm gonna use it from now on because that's beautiful. It's very true. I had a terrible circumstance happen on the water. Wait, more terrible than killing three men? That's terrible for them. Yeah, that's right. No, it was far more terrible. This was an incident where I was betrayed by a captain. Oh.

Who cut loose the ropes. And went back to shore. And left me out there on my water skis. Oh. I was out there for five years. What? Can I ask where you were? Out in the water? Just you were out in the water?

Just bobbing around in the water. But what area was it, do you know? This was off the coasts of Los Angeles, my friend. This was in the United States? No, no, no. At that point I would have been in international waters. Oh, okay, great. And I was rescued by a man named The Lizard, who operated a number of businesses out on that boat

that could not be legally conducted on land. Sure. Including, he had a service where if you died, he would turn you into any food that you wanted. Now I remember talking to you a little bit about this. That's right, well listen, I made a covenant with him that when I die, we'll be turned into a hot dog. And I happen to think that you would be turned into many hot dogs like I think they you we could get 25 hot dogs out of

your meat. We've had this argument before I would rather be one giant hot dog. I guess we'll agree to disagree then. Than a box of hot dogs. Because that's not my name. Are hot dogs sold in boxes nowadays? What are my choices? Hot dog, box of hot dogs, what are you saying? Bunch of packages of hot dogs? Package, yeah. Even worse. Turn me into a giant hot dog.

I got a guy in Germany working on a bun that'll fit it. Wait, I hesitate to even ask, what is the bun made out of? Oh, yeah, you should not have asked that. It's part of the reason. You might notice I'm drinking here tonight. I'm celebrating. The bun is going to be made out of my ex-wife. She's just recently passed. Oh, no. That's terrible. No, it isn't. I'm celebrating a little bit tonight

because that horrible woman is gone hot dog she stood by you for years then the peaks in the valleys of your career what do you know about it I mean he's assuming yeah she didn't stand by me for nothing She hated me, and I hated her okay. I just tormented me for years for decades Well, when did the bloom come off the rose? What did the bloom come off the rose? Sure, she started sleeping around with a guy a fucking asshole Who went and changed his fucking name to hamburger?

Yeah, he was a surfer oh fucking asshole who went and changed his fucking name to Hamburger. Oh, okay. He was a surfer. Oh, even worse. That's right. Some say it was him who put my captain up to cutting the ropes. I can't prove it. All I know is that during those five years that I was at sea with the lizard, my wife took up with Hamburger. Wait, so she's been with

hamburger since the 60s that's correct and you stuck by her it sounds like listen it was the 60s you know wait but it seems like it's continued or has it continued five years you were out to sea what Would have been 1964 to 1969, which is why I miss Woodstock. Oh, so you came back out onto shore. And the world had changed. Oh. Was that the first you'd ever heard of Sha Na Na?

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. A thousand times yes? A thousand times yes. I had no opportunity to hear about them before that. Anyhow, I went back with my wife, she's with Hamburger, I understand, I've gone five years, I'm open-minded. The three of us shared a bed. Wait, wait, wait, wait, you're back now. What?

You're back now. I'm talking to you through the 70s. Yeah, but what I'm saying is, is you're back, it seems like I would have said to my wife, Yeah, but what I'm saying is, is you're back. It seems like I would have said to my wife, hey, I'm not dead. Let's, you know, kick hamburger out and maybe you and I get back to being married. But now you, you, the three of you are sharing a bed.

Did you ever see Castaway? Yeah. What's Tom Hanks gonna do? Get the fuck out of here. I'm done with my FedEx commercial. I'm done with my two and a half hour long FedEx commercial get the other guy out of here Helen Hunt no get out Helen Hunt no get out the guy that I'm saying whoever that was time has forgotten that actor well I don't like to think of it that way. There's no way of knowing who that was. Sure he's done good work.

I doubt it. That's a shit roll. The guy that's fucking Helen Hunt when Tom Hanks gets back from 14 years on an island? He'll never work again after that. Are you some sort of like an art critic now? Why not? I know what I like Scott. Anyways, I come back from Lizard's Boat where I practice human taxidermy. That's another story. Wait, wait,

taxidermy performed by humans? That must be what you're talking about. I'm afraid not Scott. Are you trying to tell me that you would? This is one of the Lizard's businesses that he cannot perform on land. He finds people and he stuffs them full of sawdust in a pose that they might have been in in life. Wait, a pose they might have been in in life. Right. Are all of his businesses related to the dead?

That's correct. Yeah, anyway, I don't want to get into the lizard. Yeah, let's not get into it. Let's not get into the 70s, so then. That's correct. Yeah, anyway, I don't want to get into the lizard. Yeah, let's not get into the 70s. So then... That's right. The first part of the 70s was a loss and then I discovered Sha Na Na and bing bang bop. He did it! It's like Cuba saying show me the money, you know? That's called the twist, that dance.

So now you've auditioned for Sean Anon 48 times. That's correct. One for each of the contiguous United States. So if I'm getting this correct, every year they hold open auditions, but they make sure to do it in a different state They're trying to make it difficult for me But I oh I'm always there Scott. I'm always there even in Rhode Island. I made it to Rhode Island Absolutely, I made it to other states as well States such as Maine. Massachusetts.

Delaware. New Jersey. Virginia, West Virginia. Oklahoma. Kansas. Others as well. Oh, what a trip. What a long, strange trip it's been. It sure has been. Yeah, my goodness.

And I have not made it into the band yet. And you're a singer. You want to sing with the group. Is that even a question? I'm a singer. And every year you audition with the exact same song. I don't know if that's true. Well, let's hear some of your selections if you could.

What I do is I go in and I say, guys, thanks a lot. I'm hoping this is the one. and I say, guys, thanks a lot. I'm hoping this is the one. I think I've added a lot to the band. Screamin' Scott, Jocko, Donnie, come on. What does John Bowser Bowman have to say about this? That question is so ignorant that it's offensive. Bowser has not been in the band for a long, long time.

I apologize, he's the only one I remember. You got Screamin' Scott, Choco, and Donnie, are the only original members still in the band. All I remember is he fit his fist into his mouth, or was that Squiggy? I don't know, I get these all confused. You're making me very angry. That was Bowser, could put his fist in his mouth. A lot of guys have tried to do it since then,

a lot of guys have hurt themselves. One guy died. Anyways, so this is what I do. I go, come on, guys. No more fucking around. Put me in the band. Here we go. Dib-dee-dib-dib-wah. Boom, boom.

Oh! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Now at those auditions you're not giving your own mic, correct?

No that's right. Well at this point they have requested that if I'm gonna pull that shit again I bring my own goddamn mic. So are you buying a new mic every year? At this point I am, yeah. For the first 23 times that I did that, I was damaging Sean Arnaut microphones. Right. And I apologize to the House of Blues.

So now this is getting expensive for you because every year you have to buy a new microphone. It's a bit of a setback and I buy high quality mics because I don't want it to be the mic that cost me the job. Of course. The fact that I scrimped on the mic. So I've generally my lifestyle is I save up all year long for the highest quality microphone available and then I smash it when I audition for Sha Na Na in an act of bravado that one of these

days will get me the fucking job. Wow. Paul, what do you think? I mean, does he have the goods in your opinion? I mean, look at this guy. Be careful, Paul, because I'm very sensitive. Oh, no, he's clearly talented. He's got a clearly doing great life, right? Is that so clear? Well, I mean, your wife just died.

That's true. I don't have her anymore. I got a guy in Germany turning her into a hot dog bun so that's good. Are you seeing anybody new? No I don't have anybody lined up right now. I have a very busy schedule it's difficult for me to get out there. This just happened last week too. This happened last week. She's been my ex-wife for a long time. She was strangled. They think it was somebody did it with their legs. Uh... That's what they think. Now I've noticed you have very powerful legs. Well that is correct. I remember you saying that you used to work out across the street from where we used to record at that Bally's Gym.

Over there at the Bally's, that's right. Yeah, and who's your trainer as I recall? I used to work out with a guy named Bill Carter. Oh, right, right, right, right. Trainer to the stars, seekingstars.org. .org, right, yeah, I remember him. He had really powerful legs, he had a powerful body. For he must be 90 years old right now. Is he still around? I think that's

probably about right. I haven't heard from Bill in a little while, but I think he's still out there, but I saw that. I said, well, I hope to be a star, so why don't I train with the guy who trains stars? And we only worked on my legs. But... No, I'm not putting these two facts together.

I'm just stating them concurrently. Right. Your wife, ex-wife, was strangled. Yes. By someone's legs. They think. And you have very powerful legs. I don't know what your point is, but...

No point, I'm just stating two things. Yeah, they didn't have time to determine anything more about those legs, because her body had to get shipped off to Germany to get turned into a hot dog bun. But anyway, coming up for me is a Sha Na Na audition in Alaska and another one in Hawaii.

Wait, are they doing these all in the same like two day period? What they're trying to do, they're trying to fuck me. They're sending Screamin' Scott and Jocko to Alaska and Donnie York down to Hawaii at the same time. Oh no! How will they ever come to a consensus? Tricksters! Well, they're trying to make sure I can't make it to both. Wait, you really only need to make it to one.

When you think about it and be successful at it. Yeah, but I gotta have the safety of the other one. Okay, sure. And for me to go out knowing that I didn't make it All 50 of the auditions. Oh, they made it very clear. There's gonna be 50 auditions. Yeah, bitter pill and it's over They're ending shot on ah there were no they're ending the audition process They're gonna stop looking for another member of shot on ah well They have not hired one in the entire time that I've been auditioning what?

Yeah So it's an insult, but I gotta figure out a way to get to the Alaska one and the Hawaii one. It's not gonna be easy. What are you gonna do first? Because I'm sure temperature is a thing you're considering. Well, I do have to be protective of my vocal cords,

so I think I'll probably hit Hawaii first and then get up there to Alaska. Warm up. Right, exactly. I get it. What do you mean? Scott, what do you mean? That's a music joke. Yeah, I get it. Well, it. What do you mean? Scott, what do you mean? That's a music joke.

Yeah, I get it. Well, it's also warmer down there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So, but to tell you the truth, I am not feeling all that especially particularly optimistic about these auditions. Because of the other 48. I believe I was feeling very confident and optimistic the other 48 times but this time Yeah, you seem to have a certain sense of ennui I became a little bit Desperate

Recently they were doing a show at a high school in Elba, Alabama and I Showed up there and I thought, I'm never gonna get into this group. I was having a real confidence low. And I kidnapped Screamin' Scott. And I dressed up like him. And I had had a makeup expert

make a Screamin' Scott mask. And I went up on stage to perform, which I don't know, just this one goddamn time. No, hold on, hold on, hold on. Let's back up here. Does Screamin' Scott have a radically different face from you, where a makeup expert... I would say so. I would say so.

A makeup expert couldn't just put on a little makeup. It had to create an entire mask. He had to create a... It covered my entire head, face, down to my shoulders, chest plate, because he and I, our chests could not be more different. It went all the way down, it was a latex rubber piece I had to tuck into my waistband and my pants. And it covered most of my arms, because he's got tattoos. and I went out there to perform a scream and Scott the mask did not have holes nose holes or mouth holes to breathe so I could imagine no one would be able to hear you sing either

well it didn't even get that far because you didn't even get to do your I did not. My signature what? It sounded like. Oh no. Heartbreaking. Yeah and then I collapsed from heat exhaustion and suffocation and they had to rip this thing off my face at which point it was revealed. It was probably a very dramatic reveal but I was out cold. If only you could have seen it I mean that must have been.

I would have loved to have seen that moment. Oh it's hot dog. Where were you keeping, what's his name, Screamin'? Screamin' Scott was in the trunk of my car. You know I drive classic cars. I did not know that. Why would you assume I would know something like that? Look at me, I drive classic cars, buddy. I go to Bob's Big Boy in Burbank on Classic Car Night on Friday

and we compare classic cars. That's, I got a 1987 Ford Aerostar van. And I had him in the back of that, locked up in a trunk. And anyway, long story short. Yeah, sure, let's shorten this up just a little bit. By the time I came out of this, passed out, I didn't know. I forgot all about Screaming Scott. I didn't know where I was.

Took three days for me to come out of this cloud because of having inhaled all that latex. I'm sure they were searching for Screaming... J? Screaming J? What's the matter with you? It's your own name. Screaming Scott. Screamin' Jay? What's the matter with you? I... It's your own name, Screamin' Scott. So...

Yeah, you probably, everybody here was aware of the National Manhunt for Screamin' Scott from the Sha Na Na. And, uh... Yeah, eventually, uh... I remember where he was and they found him and they got him out of there and he was very angry and did press charges.

I thought, you know, after all this time, but he pressed charges and uh... Wait, you think the three days in the trunk, he's gonna settle down a little bit? Well, I think, yeah, that's right. Initially, if they had found him like three or four hours into his ordeal, he would have been hot. But after three days, you know what I mean? Oh, sure. Have some time to cool down, get a sense of perspective, be glad that he's alive. Not gonna want to throw charges at a guy. I was arrested, spent some time there. But anyway, so that's why I feel like it's

not gonna go so great for me in Hawaii or Alaska. Yeah, especially since screaming Scott, he's in Hawaii you said? Yeah, that's right. Why would you even go to Hawaii? The minute that you walk in, he's gonna have you... I did my time. So you because how much time did you do they had me in that jail for ten days that's it well please yes tell us what happened outrage you think it'd be longer than ten days I should not tell the story because this was this was but anyways I was in there and I started singing and the guards started dancing and they dropped their keys. Oh!

Oh! Very smooth, hot dog, very smooth. And I broke out, so I'm technically a fugitive. And technically you did not do your time. I did what I considered to be my time. My own interpretation of my time. So the minute Screamin' Scott sees you, you're done. Well, it depends how great I sing that day.

You think that the power of music could overcome all of your difficulties with Screamin' Scott? I know for a fact that it can. Look at what the power of music has done in my own life. Yeah, it's really transformed you. It really has. Anyway, that's What's Up. Alright. Alright. Thank you, Hot Dog. If you want to know What's Up, Hot Dog, that's the answer.

So hold a good thought for me. And why were you at San Diego? I was pretty sure Hishana and I were going to perform at Comic Con. Oh, okay, right, right, right. Yeah, I forgot about that, yeah. There's a chance, by the way, that they are performing under, you know, sometimes the Rolling Stones will play a small club under a different name. They could be performing under the name Metallica.

No. Participatory. But there's a chance. There's a chance, yeah. There's a chance that they'd be playing a small club under their own name. I don't know about that. They got some pretty high-profile gigs coming up, Scott. Do you want to hear about them? Oh, sure. Yeah, let me hear. What do they have? Do we do plugs on a live show? Sure, why not? Alright, good. Sure, get the glasses out. How old of a man are you? Had we established that?

What's that? How old of a man are you? You're in your 50s? I think I'm about 60. They're going to be at the Celebrate Erie Festival in Erie, Pennsylvania on August 16th. They're gonna be in Greensburg, Pennsylvania at the Palace Theater October the 4th, Akron, Ohio at the Tangier Restaurant on October the 5th.

The restaurant? Oh, Sean, I don't know. The Tangier Restaurant. That's a busy week for them. They got a gig on the, they got a gig on the fourth and the fifth. December 4th, they're gonna be in Salamanca, New York at the event center at the Seneca, Allegheny Casino and Hotel. So go check them out out there.

Salamanca, New York. Sounds like six gigs till the end of the year. Those are the ones that are listed. They do a lot of secret shows under different names. But I will be at every one of those. So check it out and say hello to me. Have they seen you since you bust out of jail? Not that I'm aware of. Are you wearing some sort of elaborate disguise? I'm through with disguises.

I'm through with disguises. Now it's just all hot dog. It's all hot dog all the time. All right. Paul, did you say you had more new no-nos? New no-nos! Start the clock! Start the clock! Start the clock! I think he means start the music.

New no-no NPR? NPR? NPR? Why don't we call it what it really is? National Public Radio, people. New No No, NPR's National Public Radio now. New No No, who's had it up to here with traffic lights, huh? Green means go, yellow means slow, red means beep bop stop, ah fuck you!

No, no, no, green means stop, red means go, and yellow means slow! No, no, no, just changing two of the colors, not all three. No, no, no, just change in two of the colors, not all three. No, no, no. They keep saying you can't see God with your eyes. God's invisible, he lives in the sky. Oh. No, no, no.

God's in a smile. God is in the face of a child. No, no, no, God is a sunset. No, no, no, God isn't in the sky. He's around all of us. Close it up, stop the clock, shut the bag, put it down. It's a lot of instructions. Those were some of the newest no-nos I've ever heard in my life.

How fresh are those no-nos? Driving down here. No! That's why you might have noticed a few new no-nos about traffic lights and side cars. New no-no, I pull from my world. You guys might, I'm gonna have some merch out there, some of my books.

Oh yeah, that's right, how many books have you written? I have five books,itting myself to five books. Okay, well I would love to hear the title of each and every one. The Snoddy Chronicles. Oh! That was the first one. Come on, Paul! How cheesed were you when you wrote that?

Well I'll tell you, they first started off as just the Chronicles. Oh, okay. But then they got snotty. My second book. My second book. Hey, get outta here, buddy. Was this a book written for one person? Jeff, you know who you are.

He put up his hand. Yeah, he does suck. I got three more books. You sure do. Third book is called, Not So New Nonos. Terrible seller. And I really liked it.

You haven't even written a book at this point called New Nonos. Yeah, they said you should establish the brand before you work against it. So that's why the fourth book was called New Nonos! Yeah! And yellow means slow! The one before that was pre-existing Nonos? What's that? The one before that was pre-existing Nonosnos? What's that? The one before that was pre-existing no-nos?

Not so new no-nos. Okay, alright. Yeah. Were those new, were those no-nos that you had found or you had created them a long time ago? Those were historical new no-nos. I'd love to hear some of those.

Start the clock. New no-no. Abraham, start the clock. No, no, no, Abraham Lincoln's got a big old hat. No, no, no, no, Abraham Lincoln's wearing a black coat. That was just one of them. Yeah, yeah, I can see why that book wasn't all that successful. Yeah, I can see why that book wasn't all that successful.

I think, I talked to some historians and they told me that Abe Lincoln did wear a black coat. And a black hat, yeah. Right. Yeah. So that was more of an in addition to. Yes, sorry. Have you ever thought about doing new in additions to?

Start the clock. Oh boy, here we go. Oh, he's going into the dance. New in addition to, Abraham did wear a black coat. Close it up, knock it down, shut the car off, lock the door, put it to sleep, the kids are home. Kids got home after you? Yeah.

Where I got home after you? Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, I got home around ten. They pulled it around two. How old are your kids? They're older than me. Interesting. Well, I would love to hear the story of that. However, we're out of time. Buh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh-duh do the twist during the would you rather thing? You never have to do the twist. Please do it the entire time then.

This is nothing for me. I once did the twist for nine months. Was this on the water or? Yeah I was doing the water or? Yeah, I was doing the water twist. You were treading water. I was treading water and doing the twist. They're one and the same thing. Water skis attached to my feet. That was before the lizard came along.

This turns out to be the perfect song to twist to. Alright, here we go. Please have a seat. That felt great. I bet it did. Alright, so we all know how this is played. People send me would you rather scenarios to our Twitter, which is CBBYR not, you know, the rest. And this is a special Comic Con, would you rather? This comes to us from OhHiJordan, which when it's one word looks very strange. Ohhi Jordan.

OhHiJordan asks, would you rather have the powers of Superman? That's it, I don't care what the other one is. But, but, have to perform every circumcision on the planet. How is that a but? It's not. It's a penis. Or spend 19 hours of every day on a toilet. Alright, I'm opening the floor for questions. Would you rather have the powers of Superman, but have to perform every circumcision on the planet,

or spend 19 hours of every day on the toilet? These are both totally appealing. Wait, now you find the toilet one very appealing. I don't have anything else to do. How would you ever get to Hawaii? Well, they got toilets on an airplane and that's about a 19 hour flight. To Hawaii?

What route are you taking? Question, Scott. Yes, of course. Are the circumcisions the ones that anybody would have had anyway or Superman performing circumcisions on all men? Grown men. I'm imagining he circum circumcising grown men during this yes not only is he circumcising all babies literally 30 seconds after they're born this lady doesn't want to get her penis circumcised but he's going around and circumcising grown men who are not circumcised and he's doing a second circumcision on men who are circumcised.

It's like being born again in your penis. Yep, so it takes up a lot of time, but he is Superman, he does it very fast. At super speed some might say. What kind of toilet? I don't, what's your favorite kind of toilet, Hot Dog? What's the seat like? There's a lot of different kinds of toilet seats, some are more comfortable than others.

What is the seat like at your house? We've got one of those that's like a carpet. It's like a shag carpet. It's like fuzzy. Is it what? It's not white shag carpet. Sure it is. Oh, God.

What happens on the... Sometimes it's white. Oh, hot dog. What happens during the splash back? Yeah, right. You got to wash it. We wash it every night. Every night? Yeah, that's right. You gotta wash it. We wash it every night. Every night?

Yeah, that's right. Just throw the toilet seat in the washing machine. Who is this wee, by the way? Oh yeah, that's my cook. Why is your cook getting involved? And why is your cook doing other chores involving washing your dirty seat covers? My cook does not have the right to tell me what she does and what she doesn't do,

not after what she did. I don't want to get into it. But. What did she do? Come on, he said he didn't want to get into it, but you know, my dog, I would like to hear. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You know, he said he didn't want to. It's, but you know, my dog, I would like to hear. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. You said you didn't want to.

It's kind of rude, but thank you, Paul. I apologize. She abducted my son. Oh, that's right. This was part of your story. Your son is constantly being abducted. It turned out to be her that was doing it, this woman, just this random woman. Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't ask for an update on that.

No, that's all right. She abducted my son who's now 26 years old. She abducted him, I think it was 90 times. And each time I paid the ransom. And then one of those times, I caught her and I said, you're, that's it, you're coming to work for me, you gotta work off all that money. And so she's- How much money did she get out of you, 90 times? I tell you, to be honest with you, it's incalculable.

Because I had to sell off all my classic cars. But you just were talking about how you're driving around in classic cars. Well, I earned back enough money to buy that Ford Aerostar, which is- Just from having a cook? Yeah. What do you mean? How did you earn money did you earn money back just I got hit by a bus and I sued the city you don't want to know what my whole story I don't know that's my main

source of income is payments from getting hit by that bus hey like I say things are going great and that's the story of why I have a cook and why I can tell her what to do. And she doesn't have the right to tell me I'm not washing that toilet seat again. All right, well, to answer your question, you are allowed to bring your own toilet. If that's what you like,

would you like a different kind of toilet or is that just the best that you could afford? No, that's the perfect kind of toilet. A shag carpet toilet, as long as you got somebody to wash it every night. It seems like it's very rough against your posterior. That's right. Okay.

All right, well I hope that answered your question. It did? All right. Paul, question. What's the thing with the toilet again? You spend 19 hours of the day on the toilet. On the toilet? Yes.

And is that, are you, the whole time? The full 19 hours are you, I'm trying to say this delicately, pissing and shitting. Whoa! Whoa, Paul! I thought you said you were going to say it delicately! But then I did it! That's right. Yeah, you're actually- What a stinker! While you're on the toilet, you're shitting out of your

penis and pissing out of your butthole. Normal, normal. Yeah, normal for you? Yes, I told you this. Oh, right, that's why I was thinking of it. Puberty, a nightmare for me. Can you take breaks from circumcising for anything to stop a catastrophe?

Can you say, I need a day off, I'll catch up on these tomorrow. Lex Luthor is taking over the planet. The guys from the glass panel are coming back. Do you mean the Phantom Zone villains? I don't know. It's not like this is Comic Con and you're expected to know this bullshit. The guys in the glass panel, the one with the beard. So everyone is rushing to the Daily Planet saying,

hey, Superman, the guys in the glass panel, the one with the beard. Yes, that's right. They're loose. They're loose. They brought that rock you don't like. How many hours of the day does Superman spend on the toilet? right they're loose they're loose they brought that rock you don't like how many hours of the day does Superman spend on the toilet well now Superman takes super shits okay as we all know his he has mighty powerful bowels I do not know that again I'm not one of these comic-con people no well that's

that's one thing that comic-con people know is that he takes mighty shits and he has no control over the force by which he shits them out so it's Superman or Star Wars. Of course. I'm sorry. No I appreciated that. You both said great things just happen to be on top of each other. People listening to the podcast stop it it. Rewind, slow it down, break them into two tracks, and enjoy. So yeah, he's spending the normal amount of time, but he's breaking his toilet, his favorite toilet, every single time.

I'm ready to make a decision. All right, I'm gonna turn over to Paul though, cause Paul I'm sure has a few more questions here, at the very least. Yes. We have of course the performing every circumcision on the planet which must take a long time. Which Superman is it? Which Superman is it? Which am I George Reeves? Oh! Am I Christopher Pareev? Am I Dean Kane? Who did you say? George Reeves. Sure.

Christopher Pareve. Dean Kane, Brandon Rao. Back up just one second though. Did you say Christopher Pareve? Yeah, Christopher Pareve. Do you think his name is Christopher Pareve? Christopher Pareve Superman, yes obviously the look of fear on your face what was your original question oh I, I asked which Superman am I.

Oh, which Superman are you? When I am Superman, which? Are you one of the dead ones, are you one of the alive ones? Yes. Which category is Brandon Ruth in? You call him Ruth? Is he dead or alive?

You call him the female first name, Ruth. How do you say it? I would say Routh. You say it your way, I'll say it my way. Okay, P'Rev, Ruth. You are a combination of Pareev and Ruth. You're half Pareev on the left side and half Ruth on the right side.

So you're not symmetrical, unfortunately. I have my answer. Oh, you have your answer too, so are we ready to vote? Here we go. All right, well I'm closing the floor for questions. We are ready to vote. Okay, I'm gonna turn to you, Paul. How do you like to vote?

Well, I'm on a toilet 19 hours a day anyway, right guys? So, yeah, I'll do that. I sleep for five hours, jump out of bed, run to the toilet, station myself for 19 hours, and watch some HLN. I mean, I get back to bed after the 19 hours are done. What's HLN? HLN? Yeah, what is it?

Headline News. Oh. They broke it down, they shortened it to HLN, though. What do you care what's going on in the news? Oh, it helps me shit. Oh, okay. All right, hot dog. What do you care what's going on in the news? Oh, it helps me shit. Oh, okay. All right, hot dog, how do you like to vote? The advantage I have on Paul is that I am very good

at sleeping on the toilet. I can take care of both of those things at once. You can sleep while you're actually shitting? Absolutely, I've done it many times. So put me on that toilet, let's get some shit coming out of my dick. I'll take that. Alright. Beautiful. Let me tally up the points.

Tough luck Superman. Let me tally up the points, but just for the sentence, put me on that toilet, let's get some shit coming out of my dick. Hot Dog is our winner! And that is of course how we play Would You Rather. Keep going. It's gonna feel weird dancing through all this, but it sounds weird in the podcast if you're not dancing during the song. It sounds better to the podcast audience if I'm dancing during the whole song. Good people are.

Listen, it's not like I need a reason. This is a pleasure. Oh, whoa! I apologize. You did bring your own mic tonight. That's why you dropped it, right? Alright guys, well, we've had a lot of fun on the show. Isn't that right, hot dog? Check, check, good.

I've had a lot of fun, yeah, absolutely. I mean, listen, from now on, everything is easy street for me because my ex-wife is dead. So yes, I've had fun tonight, but it would have anyway. How are they preserving her in the hot as a hot dog bun? That's up to my friend in Germany. I paid him a lot of money to turn my ex-wife into a hot dog. And the thing about it is, I don't know how long I'm gonna live that hot dog I don't know how he's gonna pull it off has to be fresh and ready to go when I am

I mean a bun who's I don't know if we've ever talked about this who's gonna actually eat you if anyone well It's a yeah, I hate to say it out loud in case they hear this But I'm good. I have a whole plan figured out for getting the guys in Shana Na to eat me. What? Yep. How would they ever do that?

Well, they play a lot of state fairs. I'm gonna coordinate it with whatever the state is. I gotta get a state lined up to do this. I hope I live long enough to- Hot dog, remember last time you tried to pull a scheme? Remember when you tried to pull a scheme on the Shana Na? This is not going to involve any kind of a costume or any kind of a latex makeup. This isn't going to involve, it's going to be a state fair where they're going to say, we got the largest hot dog in the world, and

as a special thank you to Shana Na for performing at the state fair, you guys get to eat it. Right? Sounds like something happened at a state fair. I guess so. And then when they're done with it, they're gonna find out that was Hot Dog, who you turned down to be in the band 50 fucking times in every state of the union. And his ex-wife was the bun for reasons that have nothing to do with you. Alright guys, that's been our show. Thank you so much. Come say hi to us, we're going to be at the merch booth saying hi to everyone.

That's right. Thank you very much San Diego. Thank you. Andy Daly, Paul Rust. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Andy Daly, Paul Rust. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Come and see my mind Come and see my mind Come and see my mind Come and see my mind